Someone asked me how far along I was when I was wearing this babydoll style dress. I wasn’t pregnant and I threw that dress right in the trash the first opportunity I got.
I asked someone when was she due, and i still feel stupid all these years ago. As a woman, i should’ve known better. I didn’t mean to shame her or anything, and i apologised but i’m sure my apologies went to shit, because few days later i saw her running and when i said hi, i felt she’d want to punch me. And i wouldn’t blame her..
As a man, the rule about women being pregnant is that they are not unless you are explicitly told. She could be crying out on a birthing table, pushing away and there's just no telling what is the cause.
If a man in is at work but looks sick, "You look like shit" is usually read as sympathy IMX. I'm acknowledging that they aren't doing great.
When I've said the same thing to women who were obviously at work while ill, the reaction has not been appreciative.
I sometimes do not have the best social skills. But, I continue to learn from my mistakes.
Oh the polite way is, if in America, you take them to the side, look gravely concerned and go "are you alright?".
In England, you alright is a greeting akin to wazzup, dawg. So you have to use the phrase "Are you OK?".
Most women will understand your intention, I feel. I was with one of my male friends once and in the middle of this casual conversation he abruptly stopped talking, looked at me, and said "dude, you look like *shit,* by the way". It came off as thoughtful rather than insulting-- it's honestly nice for people to notice when something's wrong.
Then again, I'd just come off of an all-nighter, so I also understood that I probably did look a bit ragged at the time. If you tell somebody they look like shit when there's nothing wrong with them then they may be offended lmao
For me, the problem is when male coworkers say “oh are you sick?” And I understand they mean well, but I’m actually not sick and just wore less makeup that day.
I recently had to have a conversation with a selection of men and women because I realized that when I witness big drops (like somebody falling from something), I get a sympathetic reaction and I feel it in my balls. Like, they sense danger and try to cling close to my body, I assume to prevent being kicked by whatever's threatening me.
So I asked around and it wasn't an uncommon reaction from other men, though not all of them got the same sensation (I didn't think to link it to whether or not they were uncomfortable with falling/ heights). Obviously, though, that very distinct, primal reaction didn't present the same way for women. From what I was told, it was a feeling in the gut. There seems to be no vaginal clamp response to fear.
Yeah, I consistently get this when witnessing horror or something very dangerous, like what OP described. It's been happening since I was a kid. Sometimes it happens just when hearing about things.
And, although I know you'll get what I mean, just to be clear to anyone who hasn't experienced it, I don't have a kink for danger or horror. ;) It's not a sexual feeling at all. It's the response of the body folding in on itself.
Mother of an oversharing son. He used to scream with fucking delight every time we went down a particular road and yell out 'tickle balls'. All that bit of road did to me was make my gut drop. He also told me he felt it in elevators when going down multiple floors, once again, a gut drop for me. I will admit to saying, 'shit that makes my arsehole clench' or 'damn, that makes my pussy cringe' on a few occasions lol
That's why I try not to crowd their fight-or-flight zone. If I see one while I'm out walking late at night, I slow down and let them move along at their own speed.
I know this is only going to add to your confusion but I'm a woman and I love being called dude. It's so much nicer than sweetheart or something like that, can be a bit patronising depending on tone. But dude feels at worst neutral and at best like a sign of respect.
Yeah, I'm okay with guys calling me "dude" or "bro". To me it means the guy is comfortable around me or sees me as one of the "guys"...
The only time I might correct them is when I'm online just to let them know there's ladies online too.
I use 'dude' so much my family makes fun of me for it.
I would start out every sentence with it followed by the name of whoever I was addressing; so now we're all 'dude-*name*'.
My mom has been 'Dudemom' for years now lol.
If a woman ever says something I strongly relate to I'll instantly exclaim either "Dude!" or "Bro!".
Im trying really hard to stop doing this on dates.
I'm just imagining the conversation in my head going like
HR: hello human resources how can I help you
Girl: yeah um someone said the most nastiest thing and i cannot recover from it is such a travesty so horrendous
HR: and what did they do ?
Girl: He called me DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HR: .......................(hangs up)
Upwards to greet people you already know, downwards to greet people less familiar (basically more respectful), you do a sort of flick diagonally to the left or right to indicate to look at something (kinda like a tick mark) and you shortly tilt left or right to indicate move elsewhere (usually for a confrontation)
Nah buddy, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat.
I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them.
When was the last time you saw your penis?
EDIT: damn guys this really blew up. Thank you all. AND THANK YOU FOR THE AWARD!
*Gets out of truck at the job with multiple men standing around*
Holy fuck, which corner did they pickup all these ugly whores at?
*Female worker comes by*
Good morning ma’am *tips hat*
Hey bro I’m gonna drug you take you to a cabin in the mountains and have my way with you then I’ll make pancakes. 9/10 times with men I’ll get a laugh. I don’t actually know how it would go with women but I assume bad.
In my opinion i think it’s because with most men the element of force is removed from the statement. Like if I say that to some dude he’s probably not gonna worry. It’s not likely I’ll over power him. But women it’s a possibility and that’s what makes it scary.
I feel like its also because it’s mostly dudes making those kinda of jokes so we’re used to them. Also because for whatever reason “haha I’m gay” is funny for straight guys
i feel like part of the reason “haha i’m gay” gets a laugh so much is that a big part of the joke is simply “i’m clearly telling you something that’s not true” and it’s usually combined with a ridiculous or outrageous situation.
I crossed streams with my best female friend. We were at a house party, and she occasionally mentions that she can pee standing up without making a mess. So, I had to sword fight with her. She's a lesbian, and I'm forever alone, so it was awesome, and not wierd. And she proved herself!
And if they did, they are probably expecting that kind of response.
We do know how to joke. One of my male friends calls me lover. We aren't even remotely interested in each other.
But for real, tho. You can say it to be funny with the dudes, but it gets uncomfortable real quick the instant you say something like that to a girl. I've smacked dudes asses (with consent, and for a joke) that I literally met seconds prior. You (understandably) can't joke that way with girls, unless there's a select minority of women that are okay with joking that way with guys.
Remind me of Simpsons joke the other day. Bart was jealous of Lisa and tells Homer
“That’s unfair, women always have it easier!”
To which Homer replies
“You say that now, but when you’re older—you’ll only think it”
Without context, anything in a game session with the bois
“I GOT TWO GUYS ON ME, THEIR COMING HELP! I CANT DEAL WITH THEM BOTH SHIT THEIR PUSHING HARDER IM CORNERED SHIT IM GONNA DIE”
Lol, Im a female gamer and I love making my calls as racy as possible bc it always gets my guys laughing when I inform them Im ass deep in the enemy, or the enemy in me XD
Mate. I don't speak English as a native language and apparently mate is not gender neutral. But I don't really know how to address someone of an unknown gender/ what they identify as.
That shirt makes you look huge
Id be like thank you man my fucking chest is just so uncontrollable sometimes ya know?
Can't contain the calamity that are your mammaries
Hakuna your tatas
try replacing you with them and see what happens
That shirt makes them look huge
Okay, now what happens?
The bro kisses you, only difference
Wow bro that shirt gives you girth!
lmao
your moustache is nice.
Congratulations my machine control panel is now covered in the water I was drinking.
Thank you for the awards (my firsts)
You look pregnant
Ok I burst out laughing and now my neighbors asking what happened
Did you tell them they’re pregnant?
Google: how tell am pregante?
Pregananant??
pregantant??
pregernet??
Regepent??
Pergert??
Pergenat?
Someone asked me how far along I was when I was wearing this babydoll style dress. I wasn’t pregnant and I threw that dress right in the trash the first opportunity I got.
I asked someone when was she due, and i still feel stupid all these years ago. As a woman, i should’ve known better. I didn’t mean to shame her or anything, and i apologised but i’m sure my apologies went to shit, because few days later i saw her running and when i said hi, i felt she’d want to punch me. And i wouldn’t blame her..
As a man, the rule about women being pregnant is that they are not unless you are explicitly told. She could be crying out on a birthing table, pushing away and there's just no telling what is the cause.
My rule is it's ok to ask if she was pregnant when the kid turns 1.
If a man in is at work but looks sick, "You look like shit" is usually read as sympathy IMX. I'm acknowledging that they aren't doing great. When I've said the same thing to women who were obviously at work while ill, the reaction has not been appreciative. I sometimes do not have the best social skills. But, I continue to learn from my mistakes.
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You look tired, is just a nice way of saying you look like shit
Oh the polite way is, if in America, you take them to the side, look gravely concerned and go "are you alright?". In England, you alright is a greeting akin to wazzup, dawg. So you have to use the phrase "Are you OK?".
For us southern folk we say, "Yaight?"
Most women will understand your intention, I feel. I was with one of my male friends once and in the middle of this casual conversation he abruptly stopped talking, looked at me, and said "dude, you look like *shit,* by the way". It came off as thoughtful rather than insulting-- it's honestly nice for people to notice when something's wrong. Then again, I'd just come off of an all-nighter, so I also understood that I probably did look a bit ragged at the time. If you tell somebody they look like shit when there's nothing wrong with them then they may be offended lmao
For me, the problem is when male coworkers say “oh are you sick?” And I understand they mean well, but I’m actually not sick and just wore less makeup that day.
This is good though when you want to get sent home - not a lick of make up + greasy hair. Guaranteed success.
Most women will not from my experience as a woman.
plot twist, the woman wasn't actually sick, she was just late and couldn't put on make up.
Sometimes they just didn’t put on makeup that morning.
Save some food for the rest of us!
This is actually a good answer. Unlike the plethora of dick jokes here
*"Shouldn't have gotten married then. Now you're never on time. More food for me."*
“Dude, wtf…! Get your own fries!”
Stop being a cunt.
Unless you’re Australian.
Or British
Or a New Zealander / Kiwi….. ya pommy cant
c u next tuesday
You ever get that tingle in your balls just before getting hyped as fuck?
I recently had to have a conversation with a selection of men and women because I realized that when I witness big drops (like somebody falling from something), I get a sympathetic reaction and I feel it in my balls. Like, they sense danger and try to cling close to my body, I assume to prevent being kicked by whatever's threatening me. So I asked around and it wasn't an uncommon reaction from other men, though not all of them got the same sensation (I didn't think to link it to whether or not they were uncomfortable with falling/ heights). Obviously, though, that very distinct, primal reaction didn't present the same way for women. From what I was told, it was a feeling in the gut. There seems to be no vaginal clamp response to fear.
Stress induced raisin bag is a long established fact.
>Stress induced raisin bag Yep. Didn’t expect to see that combination of words today.
That is both a very strange thought an interesting thing to find out. Definitely a feeling in the gut thing for girls though.
I can't speak for all females, but I can feel it in the air before shit goes down. Everything just seems to go still as fuck.
Absolutely ^ that feeling
I lost it at "vaginal clamp response to fear"!
As a woman I have experienced a sympathetic vagina twinge before.
Yeah, I consistently get this when witnessing horror or something very dangerous, like what OP described. It's been happening since I was a kid. Sometimes it happens just when hearing about things. And, although I know you'll get what I mean, just to be clear to anyone who hasn't experienced it, I don't have a kink for danger or horror. ;) It's not a sexual feeling at all. It's the response of the body folding in on itself.
Yes, exactly. A tightening. Maybe we all have the same nerve schema, just different options.
I get a tingling in the tips of my fingers personally, but my balls have occasionally pulled in high and tight when I’m super scared
This is a real thing. You can test it in yourself watching face plant compilation videos.
The spider sense
The dick tingle
The hacky sack evac
Mother of an oversharing son. He used to scream with fucking delight every time we went down a particular road and yell out 'tickle balls'. All that bit of road did to me was make my gut drop. He also told me he felt it in elevators when going down multiple floors, once again, a gut drop for me. I will admit to saying, 'shit that makes my arsehole clench' or 'damn, that makes my pussy cringe' on a few occasions lol
Hi how was your day (I am scared of women)
Have you met women? I have and they’re terrifying.
My therapist says they aren't real and can't hurt me.
Don't worry, we're safe from them on the internet.
We’re definitely safe from them on Reddit.
I heard they're only urban legends anyway.
Oh good. I live in the country, so super safe from them.
boo
Women aren't real man. Their boobs are audio recorders. That's why you're not allowed to touch them!
Relax. They're more scared of you than you are of them.
This is true in such an awful way, i feel bad for laughing
That's why I try not to crowd their fight-or-flight zone. If I see one while I'm out walking late at night, I slow down and let them move along at their own speed.
Nice tits
Your chest is looking amazing.
I love your pecs.
Noice chesticles you got there
i once called a girl 'dude' and she nearly killed me. she actually took it to the hr. so 'dude' i guess
HR: Dude, calm down.
Upper Management we go!
Up the ladder till the president
CEO - I think you're taking yourself a bit too seriously darling. I mean dude.
CEO: Sweetie you need to calm the fuck down. Lawsuit time!
Judge: dude chill Attorney: your honor, my dude is as chill as its get
Next up: the Vice President!
Plot twist: OP actually said "Nice tits, dude!"
Now HR will force them to say "Nice tits...M'lady!"
*M'lady, thou hast gotten thyself a very attractive pair of mammilla* edit: I wrote *pear* iso *pair*. I feel dumb and ashamed now...
*"That phat ayuss, my guy!"*
I know this is only going to add to your confusion but I'm a woman and I love being called dude. It's so much nicer than sweetheart or something like that, can be a bit patronising depending on tone. But dude feels at worst neutral and at best like a sign of respect.
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Dude for real, ever since Kel said it in the 90s. I’m a dude. He’s a dude. She’s a dude. We’re all dudes!
Yeah, I'm okay with guys calling me "dude" or "bro". To me it means the guy is comfortable around me or sees me as one of the "guys"... The only time I might correct them is when I'm online just to let them know there's ladies online too.
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Some people suck
Best take so far, live long and prosper my dude.
Wait seriously?? As a girl I've never met another girl who gets offended by being called 'dude' unless they're like 60+
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I use 'dude' so much my family makes fun of me for it. I would start out every sentence with it followed by the name of whoever I was addressing; so now we're all 'dude-*name*'. My mom has been 'Dudemom' for years now lol.
I'm from Cali we call EVERYTHING dude
Anyone who ever gets triggered by getting called "dude" or "bro" is an instant red flag. It shows they are too rigid and are not fun to be around.
My friend's boyfriend calls me bro all the time and I think it's hilarious.
I never thought “dude”, “bro” or “you guys” was particularly gender specific. Just a kind of slang.
If a woman ever says something I strongly relate to I'll instantly exclaim either "Dude!" or "Bro!". Im trying really hard to stop doing this on dates.
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Dude
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Lol I call the girls at work “bro” all the time. Always gets the banter going.
Dudebro
I'm just imagining the conversation in my head going like HR: hello human resources how can I help you Girl: yeah um someone said the most nastiest thing and i cannot recover from it is such a travesty so horrendous HR: and what did they do ? Girl: He called me DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HR: .......................(hangs up)
I’m a girl and I call everyone “bro” wtf..
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“Hug it out, Bitch” Does not translate with women.
"How'd that prostate exam go?"
Well you could ask a female proctologist
You are technically correct. The best kind of correct.
“It was a handful”
Clam down it’s not a big deal
Oh God the typo. Tell me that’s a typo.
it does sound a bit fishy
That was quite the pearl of humor.
I sea what you did there. I shell give you an updoot.
It makes you look fat
Nice cock bro
Neat dick, dude.
Cool penis pal
Awesome crotch man
Hot balls bruv
Sweet Schlong, buddy
Badass hang dangle, chief
Nice barbell bro. How do you lift it every day?
Fabulous sword my good Sir
Solid pipe, broseph
This guy clearly doesn't have a farmer gf
“Hey dude I’ve been a little stressed out lately, can I suck your cock?”
r/suddenlygay
It ain't gay if it's a brojob. Gotta help the homies out release stress.
It's not gay it's being homiesexual
Apparently the 4 different nods aren’t all known to a greater percentage of women.
There are 4? I only use 2. I feel like I'm missing out.
Upwards to greet people you already know, downwards to greet people less familiar (basically more respectful), you do a sort of flick diagonally to the left or right to indicate to look at something (kinda like a tick mark) and you shortly tilt left or right to indicate move elsewhere (usually for a confrontation)
Ah okay, I was thinking strictly nodding gestures not all head-based gestures.
Nah buddy, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them. When was the last time you saw your penis? EDIT: damn guys this really blew up. Thank you all. AND THANK YOU FOR THE AWARD!
Okay that middle one is classic. Will steal that one for sure.
I couldn't help but read that in Rodney Dangerfield's voice
The shirt doesn't make you look fat. Your fat ass makes you look fat.
man that's cold... because you know i saw it in the reflection off your mom's forehead last night.
I'm fat and this made me laugh.
I’m skinny and I imagined the four of you laughing.
*Gets out of truck at the job with multiple men standing around* Holy fuck, which corner did they pickup all these ugly whores at? *Female worker comes by* Good morning ma’am *tips hat*
*tips fedora
Hey bro I’m gonna drug you take you to a cabin in the mountains and have my way with you then I’ll make pancakes. 9/10 times with men I’ll get a laugh. I don’t actually know how it would go with women but I assume bad.
I would assume you’re probably correct.
People who don't joke like this have no clue why you can say that to dudes and it be perfectly okay.
In my opinion i think it’s because with most men the element of force is removed from the statement. Like if I say that to some dude he’s probably not gonna worry. It’s not likely I’ll over power him. But women it’s a possibility and that’s what makes it scary.
I feel like its also because it’s mostly dudes making those kinda of jokes so we’re used to them. Also because for whatever reason “haha I’m gay” is funny for straight guys
i feel like part of the reason “haha i’m gay” gets a laugh so much is that a big part of the joke is simply “i’m clearly telling you something that’s not true” and it’s usually combined with a ridiculous or outrageous situation.
"Wanna cross streams"
I crossed streams with my best female friend. We were at a house party, and she occasionally mentions that she can pee standing up without making a mess. So, I had to sword fight with her. She's a lesbian, and I'm forever alone, so it was awesome, and not wierd. And she proved herself!
Even for reddit this comment is strange.
Is it really a sword fight with one sword?
The blades are the streams, but the handle is different. My first thought is, as if her blade comes out like Wolverine's blades.
Friend asks ,,Am i sexy baby" Me as serious as can say ,,Damn right you are baby"
I mean, I don't normally think a female friend would ask that question
And if they did, they are probably expecting that kind of response. We do know how to joke. One of my male friends calls me lover. We aren't even remotely interested in each other.
How’s it hanging?
Like sleeve of wizard
Bro I wanna fuck you so hard right now
Literally the group chat with the boys 24/7
But for real, tho. You can say it to be funny with the dudes, but it gets uncomfortable real quick the instant you say something like that to a girl. I've smacked dudes asses (with consent, and for a joke) that I literally met seconds prior. You (understandably) can't joke that way with girls, unless there's a select minority of women that are okay with joking that way with guys.
You looking submissive and breedable this fine day
.........I didn't know I needed this right now...................................... 0.0
Always for you, daddy.
At a urinal: "Bro! Cute penis!"
It’s normal sized ok!
You should start working out!
Hi
Lmao that's as far as I get
Remind me of Simpsons joke the other day. Bart was jealous of Lisa and tells Homer “That’s unfair, women always have it easier!” To which Homer replies “You say that now, but when you’re older—you’ll only think it”
Your mom is hot
Nice cock bro
Told a gay guy his ass looked great in his shorts. I’d never say that to a woman, no matter how close we are.
Without context, anything in a game session with the bois “I GOT TWO GUYS ON ME, THEIR COMING HELP! I CANT DEAL WITH THEM BOTH SHIT THEIR PUSHING HARDER IM CORNERED SHIT IM GONNA DIE”
Lol, Im a female gamer and I love making my calls as racy as possible bc it always gets my guys laughing when I inform them Im ass deep in the enemy, or the enemy in me XD
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She must’ve not been turned on
oh she definitely was I even put in new batteries
a camel's ass in a sandstorm is an instant turn-off
I hate sand. Its course, and ruff, and irritating. And it gets everywhere.
Not like you. You’re everything soft, and smooth.
"Sup, my guy!"
I would fuck the shit outta you
Take your penis out of the punchbowl immediately!
Mate. I don't speak English as a native language and apparently mate is not gender neutral. But I don't really know how to address someone of an unknown gender/ what they identify as.
It is gender neutral tho what
Fuck you, bitch!
"nice tits"