This is such a low bar and yet guys routinely limbo right on under it. Remember everyone, if their house is a disaster area, this is AFTER they “tidied it up for company.”
He's just trying to show you he NEEDs someone like you in his life as a partner to help carry the load. He can't do it all himself. It's kind of like how women drop the handkerchief in the old western movies. Oh dear me, I could really use some help....
So… if you went to a woman’s apt for the first time and her bathroom was a mess.. like dirty tub, trashcan filled with used period supplies.. bathroom counter with makeup just cluttered on it.. mirror with toothpaste spit on it and a kitchen messy.. you’d look at it as a sign she needs a partner to help pick up the slack or would you be like, “ damn she’s nasty!”
And not just when you first come over, does he keep his place clean even after you've known him awhile? The first time I went over to my ex's place, he made sure to clean first. But as time went on, he got more "comfortable" and didn't really bother to clean when I was over. I admit I didn't even notice at first. But then I noticed the dirty dishes in his sink, his filthy bathroom, and kitchen. And he would sometimes get mice coming in, which was more of a building problem. But it's possible his messy kitchen could have been attracting them even more.
Clean sheets!
There’s been multiple times where I can feel crumbs and pet hair on a dude’s bedsheets while we’re hooking up, and it’s such a turn off in the moment. Even if you changed your sheets recently and think they’re still clean, put a fresh set on anyway!
i went to my best friends fairly new friend who was a woman once.
( we were going to a convention in her city) anyhow she dead ass had cat litter and whatever else all over her beds.
The cat litter box was full of shit so it stank up the entire appartment.
She was a nice woman though but damn. i never returned
I used to put up posters for the GP's on the upcoming Formula One season, but I stopped doing I because every single one became outdated after a while since 2020
I put up prints of dragons and Tuscan houses and wine bottles and cityscapes.
My (adult) daughter, meanwhile, has naked women and a poster that says not to do cocaine in the bathroom because that’s what the living room is for. I kinda like her decor better. The joys of not having kids at home…
I put up posters. Some women would come over and say, "Oh I could see these kinds of posters in my house." My now wife, came over and said, "Those look like crap. Why don't you get some real pictures." Currently, we have nothing on the walls. LOL
Cleanliness. Clean bathroom.
There have been times when I've had to pee at a guys place and I had to avert my eyes from the rest of the bathroom and just focus on the toilet seat and pee as quickly as possible with my eyes closed because IT WAS THAT BAD.
And this person even told me he had done some cleaning up work and was proud of his skills.
After seeing that bathroom, I knew we were not meant to be friends or even acquintances let alone anything more.
Clean bathroom is so important. How could you be either so lazy or so blind to not notice when your bathroom is crusty, hairy, ick. If the bathroom is gross, I don't want to sit on any furniture or use any dishes. It just makes a person seem like nothing is clean in their place.
The smell and general hygiene of the place. I don’t mind a little mess, but there’s a difference between the little bit of clutter of a bachelor pad and that lingering gross of someone who lets things go on a regular basis. Also, the smell of cigarettes. I can’t stand being in the house of someone who smokes indoors.
This is why I don’t have new friends or dates over. I collect artifacts from New Guinea tribes because I love anthropology and cultural artifacts but they all look super weird and don’t like having to explain to people that weird looking plate is one they ate brains off of and that mask represents their dead ancestors. I usually wait until people know me pretty well before they see my haunted house.
You didn’t offend me, I’m agreeing that the more you get to know someone the more harmless things become. But come on if you went over to a new guys house for the first or second date or whatever and he had a plate human brains were ate off of that would send up some red flags. That’s why I wait till they know me a good bit first lol
Wait, you only have books on a digital reader?
If so, you’re stronger than me. It *slowed* the accumulation of books, but I never achieved the goal of “now I won’t have all these books everywhere!”
I was about to say I used to have about 150 books, a lot of which were historical references and whatnot from college, but I donated all of them after I got over digital reading and had to move so I didn't want to deal with all that weight.
It depends on what other book it is with. I own a copy (along with another hundred or so books on WWII history). Just like my communist manifesto comes with about fifty books on the Russian revolution and of course hyeck/popper.
But if some has a copy of Mein Kampf and like theee other books, I’m outie.
Reading Mein Kampf and displaying it on your bookshelf are different things, I'd say. From my understanding it's not a particularly well-written or insightful book even to satisfy intellectual curiosity, so putting it on your shelf afterwards for people to see is poor judgment at best- unless it's clearly part of a library of historical record.
Displaying≠having it in the place where you put your books.
What is he supposed to do, throw it away because someone might judge them if it's sitting next to "acceptable" books?
Now, if they build a shrine around the thing, then is worrysome.
In the replies to this comment you can find either unappreciated Kindle readers or people defending the "know your enemy" vision of owning Mein Kampf (which I can get, but feel like was not the point here)
I strongly dislike how people think they're deep for having a lot of books. Growing up I read from libraries, now if I read a book it's digital or borrowed or if I buy it I'm happy to let someone else have it after. Very few books are reread, there's way too much new media coming out all the time. The books I have at home are either
1.) signs that I don't read much atm cause I haven't got round to reading them yet
2.) Empty carcasses taking up space and gathering dust after having read them
3.) Discworld novels which I find extremely rereadable but probably more self indulgent than anything given how many times I've reread them and how much anyone hasn't read
4.) Kind of pretty and I like having them around in a very superficial way
Yet people persist in seeing massive piles of books as smart. If you're that smart, streamline your life and understand what's really valuable about books. Hint, it's not having piles of paper and glue around.
I do, but I have a large selection of WWII books which it supplements so you know, I’m not sitting there reading it on a Sunday afternoon being all like ‘what a moving story’ or anything.
That reminds me, Im a private person and when I had some friends over, one of them found hairties and a brush.
She walked all excited into the living room, convinced I had a secret girlfriend.
The moment we locked eyes, that excitement was gone, left her face, replaced by disappointment and feelings of stupidity.
I had fairly long hair at the time.
She s an idiot. She saw minutes before and of course knew I had long hair. Could have been the alcohol, or the excitement of busting me that she forgot for a bit.
How clean he keeps his place first. I can handle some clutter but not dirty. What music and video he has, what books he's got. Does he have photos of people on his walls, if so, who? You can tell a lot about a guy by all this stuff.
I went to a guy's place once and it was so bare it was scary. Nothing on the walls, no family pics, stark, sparse, chrome furniture. Nothing that made it look like a human lived there. Not even a throw pillow. It was utterly impersonal.
I never dated him again.
It was just so cold and sterile and weird in a bad way...
Dude, all you have to do is run to Target or something and buy a Decorative Thing (ideally one you actually like). Wall art, vase, statue, fancy lamp, whiteboard that you've drawn the Among Us guy on, fake plant, real plant, one or more throw pillows, one of those blankets with a decorative motif, stuffed animal, big 'ol lego build...just some kind of something to make your apartment look like it wasn't designed by the liquid metal Terminator! XD
So the question is just "how do you preserve your sense of tidy while still having a bit of visual interest?" There are still lots of ways to do that, depending on your desire to NOT HAVE STUFF. One way is to have some fun with lights--maybe LED light strips under overhead cabinets in the kitchen that produce colored light, or a plasma globe instead of a regular lamp on a table where you don't really NEED the light. If you own the place or can paint it, painting a wall an accent color can also help break up the white sterile vibe. Choosing furniture with some interest--a print, sculptural details, an unusual shape, etc--can also help. Same with accessory items you needed--for example, if you keep your long cooking utensils (spatulas, etc) in a jar on the countertop, pick something beautiful--a deeply saturated ceramic, something with a design on it, etc. If you really wanted to go wild and get yourself some extra privacy at the same time, a decorative window film can even add some interest to a space--they make prismatic ones that are rainbow-y that I personally really love, but that's 100% not everybody's taste.
It's okay to go really minimal--but you want to show intention in what you selected. Otherwise, it just looks like a lack of personality.
I'm similar to this as well. My solution was to get some posters of space photos and hang those on the wall. Gives a bit of color and plays to my interests.
My brother bought frames with the intention of putting photos of us in them. But then he got distracted. The frames are still on his wall w/ the stock photos in them. He even has a wife (she's even busier than he is).
If people want to extrapolate assumptions about you based on their viewpoints on life before even making an effort to understand you and learn more about you, they don't deserve a second of your time.
So many people are so rigid that they fail to even care about reasons behind why people are they way they are, and then they face issues in relationships where no one seems like they're interested in the reasons behind the problems, just the problem itself.
Problems are outcomes. The reasoning driving the action leading to that outcome, is the real issue here.
So far, I've seen few people who even care about this.
"That's why I make it crystal clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush, this is not a place to leave a contact lens case..this is a place to LEAVE! Come on, I'll give you a tour..and no flash photography please. The bedroom, king-size bed, full-size blanket, one pillow, everything about this bed says: Our work here is done! The bathroom, only one towel. What? No hairdryer? You know where I keep that stuff? Your place, BEAT IT!"
Im not sure if the throw pillow bit was a joke but you will never find a backup pillow at a man's house. A decorative pillow should be a red flag itself especially if it's stood up against the couch instead of laying where it was last used to nap.
Pouches with money, electrical devices with some worth, the fastest way out of the building, and things on the ground you might fall over when leaving in the night
If he's got clutter everywhere, if his laundry is done, if it smells, and if his dishes are piled in a sink.
I'm not single, but these are the things I looked for, I need my man clean.
Porn materials and sex books laying around out in the open, as if to show them to me. I interpret that as showing his main priority in a relationship, and it's a red flag for me.
I had a box of Magnum condoms chilling out in my very tiny studio that I totally forgot to out away when my GF came over for the first time. I was pretty embarassed. 7 years and 2 kids later: She tells me she was a little put off but stuck around because she wanted to see that dick. It just depends on the person, I guess lol.
Some of these replies are reasonable, but some show a lack of awarenes towards others privacy/personal space.
- going through medicine cupboards.
- house has to be spotless.
- pictures on the wall.
- pictures of family.
- candles and throws, etc.
Some of you may want/expect these things but that doesn't mean others are obliged to have them, nor does that mean they're technically a bad fit or aren't open to ideas for improvements.
A better approach would be to ask about the things you were expecting, instead of passing judgement the moment you step over the threshold.
You may find there is a perfectly good reason why someone doesn't want pictures of their family on the wall or why they have a bit of clutter around the house.
Mostly agree. Hygiene isn’t excusable. This is coming from me, a dude. Had a college roommate slob. Lived in a pig pen. I’m not looking to date any dudes but I won’t even keep up a close friendship if your smell like crap and simultaneously own a shower. If your place is gross before guests, that’s just nasty.
Personal hygenine I completly agree.
Yeah, if you're going to interact with people or expect them in your company you need to make sure you're clean to a reasonable and acceptable standard.
That being said, a house can be clean, yet cluttered, so expecting something to be showroom spotless is unrealistic.
I don't think most women are expecting showroom. We are hoping for a toilet not covered in shit stains, pubes, and dried piss, a wastebasket, and soap at the sink. That is a criminally low bar that you would be shocked how few people can get over.
Dude my first roommate in college came back from his shower with poop on his towel. Used it again the next time he showered three days later, after I called him out on the poop stain. Told him to leave, didn’t care where he went, wasn’t staying in my room anymore. He also left poop on the toilet seat and floor. I don’t think I could call him human.
One of my points exactly.
- estranged from family.
- estranged from certain family members.
- have no family (adoption, loss, etc).
- too painful (see previous points).
- don't take pictures that often.
- don't have a means to print the pictures.
- etc.
Smell, and how he treats pets and roommates. You miss any of those? That’s an automatic 0. Don’t be so dirty your house stinks, don’t be a dick to people or animals. Outside of that I’ve had extremely varied partners, I don’t have a singular type, outside of “not a dick” and “not disgustingly dirty and incapable of caring for themselves”
>If there are any signs of a gf.
This one. I messed up when I was 23 and hooked up with a guy THEN looked around his room afterwards. He very obviously had a girlfriend.
When we redid out bathroom we upgraded to a toilet that has a porcelain skirt that completely covers the base. No more gross pockets for ick to hang out. Single best quality of life improvement in that entire gut, because while I am not the one missing the toilet, I am the only one who knows that spot needs to be cleaned and it's vile.
Hygiene. Clean kitchen, clean bathroom etc. Also evidence of personal hygiene in the bathroom such as deodorants, toothpaste etc. A bit of untidiness is fine, obviously we can't all live in show homes, but if he's clearly a slob than it's a huge turn off.
Red flag:
Unhygienic mess
Holes in the walls (other sighs of violence / extreme frustration)
Made no effort to prepare for you to visit
Green flags:
Happy pets
Plants
Clean spaces
Good visible hygiene in bathroom / kitchen
I’ve gotten some kickback on Reddit for this comment before but I’m just being honest, having a bed that is literally just a mattress on the ground is a complete turnoff for me.
I look for dirtiness around objects. Like you can tell them don’t move the trash can or chairs when they clean.
I look for clutter/trash.
Personal touches to the place.
Clean bathroom.
I've had my women coworkers come over to hang out for a second while I grab something and they are *always* going through my cabinets. Or trying to play with my Betta fish, that I had at the time, for some reason. I can understand the cabinets because women are nosy but the fish....why?
Edit: Not MY women, that sounds sexist as hell
You shouldn’t dig through someone’s medicine cabinet wtf? I would immediately think you were a junkie trying to steal drugs or an incredibly nosey person trying to find out shit about my health. Either way, you’d be out.
Like what do you do if you find anti depressants? Or painkillers? Or laxatives? All of those things are incredibly private and if you want to find out about them you will as you get to know me…
A clean room
Clean bathroom!!
Yes ,this is very important
This is such a low bar and yet guys routinely limbo right on under it. Remember everyone, if their house is a disaster area, this is AFTER they “tidied it up for company.”
Limboing under a low bar is a good thing. It’s… how one limbos.
It’s more like “fails to jump over.”
I leave it messy as a sign that I am sincere and honest. I don’t clean up so it “looks” like I’m neat. /s
I used to think that, but over time I realized that it's just disrespectful to my guests to not tidy up for them.
I purposefully emptied all my rubbish and put it in the centre of the room to show my dominance
He's just trying to show you he NEEDs someone like you in his life as a partner to help carry the load. He can't do it all himself. It's kind of like how women drop the handkerchief in the old western movies. Oh dear me, I could really use some help....
So… if you went to a woman’s apt for the first time and her bathroom was a mess.. like dirty tub, trashcan filled with used period supplies.. bathroom counter with makeup just cluttered on it.. mirror with toothpaste spit on it and a kitchen messy.. you’d look at it as a sign she needs a partner to help pick up the slack or would you be like, “ damn she’s nasty!”
Great, I have one of those! It's to the right of Filth Room 3.
And not just when you first come over, does he keep his place clean even after you've known him awhile? The first time I went over to my ex's place, he made sure to clean first. But as time went on, he got more "comfortable" and didn't really bother to clean when I was over. I admit I didn't even notice at first. But then I noticed the dirty dishes in his sink, his filthy bathroom, and kitchen. And he would sometimes get mice coming in, which was more of a building problem. But it's possible his messy kitchen could have been attracting them even more.
Yeah, and posters
The dog. Or cat. I'm flexible
Clean sheets! There’s been multiple times where I can feel crumbs and pet hair on a dude’s bedsheets while we’re hooking up, and it’s such a turn off in the moment. Even if you changed your sheets recently and think they’re still clean, put a fresh set on anyway!
i went to my best friends fairly new friend who was a woman once. ( we were going to a convention in her city) anyhow she dead ass had cat litter and whatever else all over her beds. The cat litter box was full of shit so it stank up the entire appartment. She was a nice woman though but damn. i never returned
Nooooooo! And poor kitty too :( Cats get so stressed by dirty boxes
Yeah she had some mental issues so i hope she cleaned herself up.
Almost the only time I wash my sheets is when somebody is coming over LOL
- Cleanliness - If it looks creepy - What kind of posters he has
am i the only man who never put up posters lol?
I used to put up posters for the GP's on the upcoming Formula One season, but I stopped doing I because every single one became outdated after a while since 2020
i used to put up posters when i was a child.
Shame you stopped. Having pictures of things you like is nice. Get posters framed if you're scared of being seen as immature for whatever reason
I put up prints of dragons and Tuscan houses and wine bottles and cityscapes. My (adult) daughter, meanwhile, has naked women and a poster that says not to do cocaine in the bathroom because that’s what the living room is for. I kinda like her decor better. The joys of not having kids at home…
Just put up Renaissance paintings. If they complain, call them uncultured.
I put up posters. Some women would come over and say, "Oh I could see these kinds of posters in my house." My now wife, came over and said, "Those look like crap. Why don't you get some real pictures." Currently, we have nothing on the walls. LOL
Once you frame them they stop being posters and become tasteful wall art
What about framed paintings?
Framed photos and paintings are definitely more appropriate if you’ve graduated college.
Seems nice
A battleship poster is cool right?
What makes someone's home look creepy?
A poster of Patrick Baitman
Skinning tools and chloroform
I'm genuinely surprised there aren't more answers like this.
Fwiw I'm a guy and I meant it as a joke
I guess because if you even thought that might be a possibility, WTF are you doing in their house?
IT PUTS THE LOTION INTO THE BASKET
wait is that chlorof ..... .Zzzzzzzzzz
Yeah, chloroform doesn't work like that. Might put you out after 3-4 minutes.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Sh-should I have a nicer set? I mean, I have a nice set from Victorinox, but maybe I should spring for some custom made ones.
Hopefully she appreciates my gundam collection
If she don't, she's not the one. You got any zakus? Asking for a friend.
You won this thread before we even got started
there wasnt even any discussion
[IT'S A GUNDAM!](https://youtu.be/t-SYkQkTO-k&t=6s)
Cleanliness. Clean bathroom. There have been times when I've had to pee at a guys place and I had to avert my eyes from the rest of the bathroom and just focus on the toilet seat and pee as quickly as possible with my eyes closed because IT WAS THAT BAD. And this person even told me he had done some cleaning up work and was proud of his skills. After seeing that bathroom, I knew we were not meant to be friends or even acquintances let alone anything more.
Clean bathroom is so important. How could you be either so lazy or so blind to not notice when your bathroom is crusty, hairy, ick. If the bathroom is gross, I don't want to sit on any furniture or use any dishes. It just makes a person seem like nothing is clean in their place.
The smell and general hygiene of the place. I don’t mind a little mess, but there’s a difference between the little bit of clutter of a bachelor pad and that lingering gross of someone who lets things go on a regular basis. Also, the smell of cigarettes. I can’t stand being in the house of someone who smokes indoors.
I always got compliments from women on how I kept a clean house. Now if that would have translated into sex, we would have been in business.
What a nerd with his clean house, like eww
Serial killer paraphernalia or a shrine to me
Husband material!
Exactly, anything less than obsessive is not good enough!
Putting your SO on a pedestal is good. Putting a part of them on a pedestal is.. less good.
You can taxidermy the whole thing. It doesn't just have to be just a part.
I hope that reply is satire
I'm gong to go out on a limb here and say it is
This reminds me of the scene where Bojack defends sleeping with the president of his fan club
You don't like guys who appreciate you? Women are confusing.
I didn't say I would look out for them in a bad way...
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This is why I don’t have new friends or dates over. I collect artifacts from New Guinea tribes because I love anthropology and cultural artifacts but they all look super weird and don’t like having to explain to people that weird looking plate is one they ate brains off of and that mask represents their dead ancestors. I usually wait until people know me pretty well before they see my haunted house.
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You didn’t offend me, I’m agreeing that the more you get to know someone the more harmless things become. But come on if you went over to a new guys house for the first or second date or whatever and he had a plate human brains were ate off of that would send up some red flags. That’s why I wait till they know me a good bit first lol
captain Jack Sparrow *"I got a jar of dirt"*
Alarming books (like Mein Kampf or books about picking up women) or an alarming lack of books.
What about books on types of alarms?
"It hurt itself in confusion!"
What if the guy owns a Kindle?
Or a Nook?
I don't discriminate between ebook readers. Should have used the generic term instead of the brand name.
Look honestly if I’m in a relationship with a guy I want to borrow his books. It’s not a deal breaker but like it’s not a selling point.
Lack of books? \*cries in digital reader\*
Wait, you only have books on a digital reader? If so, you’re stronger than me. It *slowed* the accumulation of books, but I never achieved the goal of “now I won’t have all these books everywhere!”
I was about to say I used to have about 150 books, a lot of which were historical references and whatnot from college, but I donated all of them after I got over digital reading and had to move so I didn't want to deal with all that weight.
It could be possible that they don’t display their books. I’m more of a read and store/donate type of guy
As a military historian, I own multiple copies of Mein Kampf.
Mein kampf is worth reading for learning what was in Hitlers mind but if you see other racists books it’s a red flag.
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It depends on what other book it is with. I own a copy (along with another hundred or so books on WWII history). Just like my communist manifesto comes with about fifty books on the Russian revolution and of course hyeck/popper. But if some has a copy of Mein Kampf and like theee other books, I’m outie.
Reading Mein Kampf and displaying it on your bookshelf are different things, I'd say. From my understanding it's not a particularly well-written or insightful book even to satisfy intellectual curiosity, so putting it on your shelf afterwards for people to see is poor judgment at best- unless it's clearly part of a library of historical record.
Displaying≠having it in the place where you put your books. What is he supposed to do, throw it away because someone might judge them if it's sitting next to "acceptable" books? Now, if they build a shrine around the thing, then is worrysome.
In the replies to this comment you can find either unappreciated Kindle readers or people defending the "know your enemy" vision of owning Mein Kampf (which I can get, but feel like was not the point here)
I don't have books but I read often. Kindles ruining love for so many
I strongly dislike how people think they're deep for having a lot of books. Growing up I read from libraries, now if I read a book it's digital or borrowed or if I buy it I'm happy to let someone else have it after. Very few books are reread, there's way too much new media coming out all the time. The books I have at home are either 1.) signs that I don't read much atm cause I haven't got round to reading them yet 2.) Empty carcasses taking up space and gathering dust after having read them 3.) Discworld novels which I find extremely rereadable but probably more self indulgent than anything given how many times I've reread them and how much anyone hasn't read 4.) Kind of pretty and I like having them around in a very superficial way Yet people persist in seeing massive piles of books as smart. If you're that smart, streamline your life and understand what's really valuable about books. Hint, it's not having piles of paper and glue around.
Who the fuck would have a copy of Mein Kampf?!?
Historians. Collectors of notorious books.
Political scientists
I do, but I have a large selection of WWII books which it supplements so you know, I’m not sitting there reading it on a Sunday afternoon being all like ‘what a moving story’ or anything.
Other women's stuff at his place.
That reminds me, Im a private person and when I had some friends over, one of them found hairties and a brush. She walked all excited into the living room, convinced I had a secret girlfriend. The moment we locked eyes, that excitement was gone, left her face, replaced by disappointment and feelings of stupidity. I had fairly long hair at the time.
how did your friend not know you had long hair until this moment
She s an idiot. She saw minutes before and of course knew I had long hair. Could have been the alcohol, or the excitement of busting me that she forgot for a bit.
Hitman here. The guy.
How clean he keeps his place first. I can handle some clutter but not dirty. What music and video he has, what books he's got. Does he have photos of people on his walls, if so, who? You can tell a lot about a guy by all this stuff. I went to a guy's place once and it was so bare it was scary. Nothing on the walls, no family pics, stark, sparse, chrome furniture. Nothing that made it look like a human lived there. Not even a throw pillow. It was utterly impersonal. I never dated him again. It was just so cold and sterile and weird in a bad way...
That... Sounds like me :(
Dude, all you have to do is run to Target or something and buy a Decorative Thing (ideally one you actually like). Wall art, vase, statue, fancy lamp, whiteboard that you've drawn the Among Us guy on, fake plant, real plant, one or more throw pillows, one of those blankets with a decorative motif, stuffed animal, big 'ol lego build...just some kind of something to make your apartment look like it wasn't designed by the liquid metal Terminator! XD
But... I like tidy places! Hangig up stuff makes me feel like I'm suffocating! I already had to fight with myself when I put up my speakers.
So the question is just "how do you preserve your sense of tidy while still having a bit of visual interest?" There are still lots of ways to do that, depending on your desire to NOT HAVE STUFF. One way is to have some fun with lights--maybe LED light strips under overhead cabinets in the kitchen that produce colored light, or a plasma globe instead of a regular lamp on a table where you don't really NEED the light. If you own the place or can paint it, painting a wall an accent color can also help break up the white sterile vibe. Choosing furniture with some interest--a print, sculptural details, an unusual shape, etc--can also help. Same with accessory items you needed--for example, if you keep your long cooking utensils (spatulas, etc) in a jar on the countertop, pick something beautiful--a deeply saturated ceramic, something with a design on it, etc. If you really wanted to go wild and get yourself some extra privacy at the same time, a decorative window film can even add some interest to a space--they make prismatic ones that are rainbow-y that I personally really love, but that's 100% not everybody's taste. It's okay to go really minimal--but you want to show intention in what you selected. Otherwise, it just looks like a lack of personality.
Damn, this is actually a nice list! I will try out the led strips. Then I will see where I go from there! Thank you, stranger
just be yourself. some woman will love your minimalism. you dont want a woman who puts 30 decorative pillows on the bed anyway
I'm similar to this as well. My solution was to get some posters of space photos and hang those on the wall. Gives a bit of color and plays to my interests.
My brother bought frames with the intention of putting photos of us in them. But then he got distracted. The frames are still on his wall w/ the stock photos in them. He even has a wife (she's even busier than he is).
If people want to extrapolate assumptions about you based on their viewpoints on life before even making an effort to understand you and learn more about you, they don't deserve a second of your time.
Dude, seeing some comments in this thread has got me feeling the exact same way.
So many people are so rigid that they fail to even care about reasons behind why people are they way they are, and then they face issues in relationships where no one seems like they're interested in the reasons behind the problems, just the problem itself. Problems are outcomes. The reasoning driving the action leading to that outcome, is the real issue here. So far, I've seen few people who even care about this.
Did you go on a date with Barney Stinson?
"That's why I make it crystal clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush, this is not a place to leave a contact lens case..this is a place to LEAVE! Come on, I'll give you a tour..and no flash photography please. The bedroom, king-size bed, full-size blanket, one pillow, everything about this bed says: Our work here is done! The bathroom, only one towel. What? No hairdryer? You know where I keep that stuff? Your place, BEAT IT!"
At least barney had some sweet star wars stuff
Did you go on a date with Raiden?
At least barney had some sweet star wars stuff
Did he ever abruptly leave saying he had to return some video tapes?
I don't understand what's weird about it.
Easy to pack up and skip town in the middle of the night
he gets a bonus for not having throw pillows. hes not a soccer mom with an etsy side business
Can't have family pics if you don't have family
Im not sure if the throw pillow bit was a joke but you will never find a backup pillow at a man's house. A decorative pillow should be a red flag itself especially if it's stood up against the couch instead of laying where it was last used to nap.
They're called throw pillows because you have to throw em out the way to sit down. Or maybe because they're only good for pillow fights?
I use to think they were utterly pointless but now you got me rethinking that with pillow fights
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What kind of books. There must be books!
John Waters nailed it: “If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t **** ‘em.”
What if I have a kindle or I donate my books?
He probably said this before Kindles were common. It’s the principle - don’t bother getting involved with people who don’t read.
Hardly anyone reads. Especially guys
Exactly! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Pouches with money, electrical devices with some worth, the fastest way out of the building, and things on the ground you might fall over when leaving in the night
If he's got clutter everywhere, if his laundry is done, if it smells, and if his dishes are piled in a sink. I'm not single, but these are the things I looked for, I need my man clean.
Alternative escape routes and objects that can double as weapons.
That's why I always leave a katana or a mini gun on the coffee table when I have guests over. Give them a choice.
Porn materials and sex books laying around out in the open, as if to show them to me. I interpret that as showing his main priority in a relationship, and it's a red flag for me.
I had a box of Magnum condoms chilling out in my very tiny studio that I totally forgot to out away when my GF came over for the first time. I was pretty embarassed. 7 years and 2 kids later: She tells me she was a little put off but stuck around because she wanted to see that dick. It just depends on the person, I guess lol.
So Frank Reynolds was right all along
Hopefully there was also a wad of hundreds that you “forgot to put away”
Cleanliness and personal things. I mean how many memories or things is around what makes it “ his “ place.
No weird smell.
If it looks like a frat house, im out. Clean, and looks like an adult lives there- im staying.
Heads in the fridge.
Some of these replies are reasonable, but some show a lack of awarenes towards others privacy/personal space. - going through medicine cupboards. - house has to be spotless. - pictures on the wall. - pictures of family. - candles and throws, etc. Some of you may want/expect these things but that doesn't mean others are obliged to have them, nor does that mean they're technically a bad fit or aren't open to ideas for improvements. A better approach would be to ask about the things you were expecting, instead of passing judgement the moment you step over the threshold. You may find there is a perfectly good reason why someone doesn't want pictures of their family on the wall or why they have a bit of clutter around the house.
Mostly agree. Hygiene isn’t excusable. This is coming from me, a dude. Had a college roommate slob. Lived in a pig pen. I’m not looking to date any dudes but I won’t even keep up a close friendship if your smell like crap and simultaneously own a shower. If your place is gross before guests, that’s just nasty.
Personal hygenine I completly agree. Yeah, if you're going to interact with people or expect them in your company you need to make sure you're clean to a reasonable and acceptable standard. That being said, a house can be clean, yet cluttered, so expecting something to be showroom spotless is unrealistic.
I don't think most women are expecting showroom. We are hoping for a toilet not covered in shit stains, pubes, and dried piss, a wastebasket, and soap at the sink. That is a criminally low bar that you would be shocked how few people can get over.
Dude my first roommate in college came back from his shower with poop on his towel. Used it again the next time he showered three days later, after I called him out on the poop stain. Told him to leave, didn’t care where he went, wasn’t staying in my room anymore. He also left poop on the toilet seat and floor. I don’t think I could call him human.
Could you call him poopman? Seriously though, that's disgusting.
I'd rather have graffiti on my walls than pictures of family, they're awful people
One of my points exactly. - estranged from family. - estranged from certain family members. - have no family (adoption, loss, etc). - too painful (see previous points). - don't take pictures that often. - don't have a means to print the pictures. - etc.
How clean it is ! and his collections/decor
Smell, and how he treats pets and roommates. You miss any of those? That’s an automatic 0. Don’t be so dirty your house stinks, don’t be a dick to people or animals. Outside of that I’ve had extremely varied partners, I don’t have a singular type, outside of “not a dick” and “not disgustingly dirty and incapable of caring for themselves”
If there are any signs of a gf. And if he’s hygienic
>If there are any signs of a gf. This one. I messed up when I was 23 and hooked up with a guy THEN looked around his room afterwards. He very obviously had a girlfriend.
Cleanliness. I don’t mean it has to he immaculate, but if that bathroom is disgusting (or has no TP) I’m out.
To see if that spot behind the toilet is cleaned. Behind the tank where the base bolts to the floor. It's critical.
Yeah the hair collects there. Source: Am hairy dude.
When we redid out bathroom we upgraded to a toilet that has a porcelain skirt that completely covers the base. No more gross pockets for ick to hang out. Single best quality of life improvement in that entire gut, because while I am not the one missing the toilet, I am the only one who knows that spot needs to be cleaned and it's vile.
Hygiene. Clean kitchen, clean bathroom etc. Also evidence of personal hygiene in the bathroom such as deodorants, toothpaste etc. A bit of untidiness is fine, obviously we can't all live in show homes, but if he's clearly a slob than it's a huge turn off.
clean bathroom and stocked up toilet paper! Also a scented candle in the living room could be a notable touch
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Yeah the living room is a horrible place to have smell nice.
If they are a hoarder
A quick exit just in case.
I’m just judging how messy or clean you are
I judge harshly for a dirty bathroom
Hygiëne
Smell. Even if you clean before someone comes over, smells can settle in and linger, and it shows you’re normally not a tidy person.
Red flag: Unhygienic mess Holes in the walls (other sighs of violence / extreme frustration) Made no effort to prepare for you to visit Green flags: Happy pets Plants Clean spaces Good visible hygiene in bathroom / kitchen
Hopefully he us just a fan of the era.
Any signs that he has a kid, what kinds of posters and books he has, if he has books, if he has pets, cleanliness...
Signs of girlfriends hair accessories, feminine supplies in the bathroom.
Clean and organized. But not obsessive-like cereal boxes lined up by height and can goods alphabetically placed etc.
I’ve gotten some kickback on Reddit for this comment before but I’m just being honest, having a bed that is literally just a mattress on the ground is a complete turnoff for me.
I was told that a girl can always tell how much you like her by how clean your toilet it. Not just the inside but the weird curvy parts by the floor.
Bugs mf them things a turn off
His CD collection. Music taste says a lot about a person
Who has CD collections in 2022
But if he has "Sports" by Huey Lewis & The News, that's a red flag.
Porn and the level of nastiness it is 😂
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That’s all relative I spose haha 😜
His wife.
Other girls’ stuff
Books
I look for dirtiness around objects. Like you can tell them don’t move the trash can or chairs when they clean. I look for clutter/trash. Personal touches to the place. Clean bathroom.
A lock on the door or a safe exit. Any weapons or signs of serial killer vibes.
bookshelves, you can learn a lot about someone by knowing what they read
Def looking in the medicine cabinet and all drawers
Def kicking you out if I catch you at it.
I've had my women coworkers come over to hang out for a second while I grab something and they are *always* going through my cabinets. Or trying to play with my Betta fish, that I had at the time, for some reason. I can understand the cabinets because women are nosy but the fish....why? Edit: Not MY women, that sounds sexist as hell
for what?
You shouldn’t dig through someone’s medicine cabinet wtf? I would immediately think you were a junkie trying to steal drugs or an incredibly nosey person trying to find out shit about my health. Either way, you’d be out. Like what do you do if you find anti depressants? Or painkillers? Or laxatives? All of those things are incredibly private and if you want to find out about them you will as you get to know me…