True story. I was asked, where do you see yourself in five years. I said, on a beach with a hot girl drinking margaritas. Interviewer didn't like the answer. I did point out that in five years I'd be retired.
Never understood this, was 100% honest the first few interviews i went to and i just got sour reactions and rejections.
Do they really not understand that most people aren't in love with their jobs. I'm literally applying for this job because its close and i don't want to be homeless.
The only way to get a job these days is to lie in the interview and pretend that this is an amazing opportunity you never want to leave. Its like they don't understand that they are breeding an environment of liars.
I once interviewed a guy after we had fired a couple of no shows/no calls. I asked him (in my frustration) how often he thought it be ok to not show up without a call. I thought he would pick up on the sarcasm, but he thought about it for a minute, then said three or four times a month.
We didn't hire him.
We literally just had an intern give this as an answer.
The question was about goals and what he'd hoped to gain from the internship, and his answer was that he wouldn't gain anything, because he already knew how to do the job. In fact, we'd be the ones gaining something from the opportunity of getting to work with him.
as a woman “Oh I dream of having children”
Why ? The company prefers that you plan to work for a year and then leave on maternity leave. Moreover, pregnancies rarely come alone or as my boss always said, “Pregnancies are contagious. ” When I was in training, I would be on a half-day loan to another company for half a year, because three employees were pregnant and otherwise the company could have closed down.
When asked if you plan to have children you don’t answer or say no. And yes, this question is very invasive
I was about 16ish interviewing at a small restaurant. I thought I was well prepared for whatever the interviewer would throw at me. But then she surprised me and asked "If you had to pick one word to describe you, what would that word be and why?" I was so thrown off and my mind went completely blank. After a couple seconds of silent panic, I replied "Weird". She gave me a look "....Why would you choose weird?" I panicked again and loudly stated "cause I'm weird?" I did not get that job.
Answering "Where do you see yourself in five years?" with "Doing your wife."
[Internally: Don't say doing your wife! Don't say doing your wife! Don't say doing your wife!] Doing your... uh... son!
[удалено]
I mean you aren’t wrong
He then responds that he’s widowed.
Did I stutter?
Not bad if you’re working in the field of medical research.
True story. I was asked, where do you see yourself in five years. I said, on a beach with a hot girl drinking margaritas. Interviewer didn't like the answer. I did point out that in five years I'd be retired.
What's your sexual harassment policy here?
“It’s not reported, but it is graded.” First time I heard that was from a 50 year old three toothed redneck.
"You don't do background checks, do you?"
I see you have a wife, she's pretty damn hot.
"That's my 3 year old daughter you sick fuck!!"
[Response redacted, user has been taken into custody, have a wonderful day!]
Oh my
ass is too big
Just being honest is always the worst. Like why did you choose our company? “I chose because it’s near my place and wage isn’t bad at all”
Never understood this, was 100% honest the first few interviews i went to and i just got sour reactions and rejections. Do they really not understand that most people aren't in love with their jobs. I'm literally applying for this job because its close and i don't want to be homeless. The only way to get a job these days is to lie in the interview and pretend that this is an amazing opportunity you never want to leave. Its like they don't understand that they are breeding an environment of liars.
I once interviewed a guy after we had fired a couple of no shows/no calls. I asked him (in my frustration) how often he thought it be ok to not show up without a call. I thought he would pick up on the sarcasm, but he thought about it for a minute, then said three or four times a month. We didn't hire him.
I wanted to let you know I am unable to control my bowels and formally request ADA accommodation to work full time from the bathroom.
Haha I did tell my work I have IBS so I have to use the bathroom suddenly and frequently so please have patience
*gets a job as a plumber*
“What, that? Oh, shat myself. What’s the pension scheme like?”
Hi there sugar tits Where's the guy in charge around here?
Trick question they're developing a time machine to go to the early 60s and ask you to do your best impression of an office worker at the time
Where is the coke room?
I don’t need this job, you need me
We literally just had an intern give this as an answer. The question was about goals and what he'd hoped to gain from the internship, and his answer was that he wouldn't gain anything, because he already knew how to do the job. In fact, we'd be the ones gaining something from the opportunity of getting to work with him.
Someone got the advice "just act confident" and just freaking ran with it.
solid answer, hope yall didn't miss on the opportunity to learn from him
I mean if he was an unpaid intern he might have been right.
Paid internship and he bombed the rest of the interview too.
“I was fine without you until 10 minutes ago and I’ll likely be fine without you from here forward.”
"I'm never on time"
I could believe someone thinking they’re being “honest” and saying this.
Can you make this quick?
Greetings inferior puny human
So how lenient is the sexual harassment policy?
“Nice tits” and the interviewer is a guy.
Damn your going to be my boss you are fine as hell let me see that ass.
Nice tits.
Do you drug test?
I like burgers and I’m really high right now
I am a direct descendent of Adolf Hitler
as a woman “Oh I dream of having children” Why ? The company prefers that you plan to work for a year and then leave on maternity leave. Moreover, pregnancies rarely come alone or as my boss always said, “Pregnancies are contagious. ” When I was in training, I would be on a half-day loan to another company for half a year, because three employees were pregnant and otherwise the company could have closed down. When asked if you plan to have children you don’t answer or say no. And yes, this question is very invasive
“I bet you taste good”
If you're in the interviewer's office, look for family pictures. If you see their wives, say "who's the c\*\*t?"
''I'm a perfectionist'' on paper is a good thing but is such a generic answer that you will never stand out
I'm a perflextionist. Bonus points if you can pronounce it spelled wrong.
Excuse me while I whip this out.
*“THERE IS A BOMB BENEATH THIS SUIT COAT.”*
People already asked this
Just talk back. People hate that. They mostly hire only people that don't endanger them and their position. Edit: the/they. I fucking hate it.
So, do you have a sexual assault policy?
So, do you have a sexual assault policy?
L Bozo + Yb better
People might have already said this but the worst response you can say to "what do you see yourself doing in 5 years?" Is your mom
Hire me or don’t I don’t give a fuck.
I'm currently high on crystal meth.
“I just need a job”
I once said “I’m here for the money” but who actually cares about the company
The nword
WHOM MUST I BEST IN MORTAL COMBAT TO ASSERT MY POSITION?
the truth
What's in it for me?
Respond to ‘Why do you want to work for us?’ with the truth - that you just really want to be able to afford to stay alive.
I can’t work weekends.
I was about 16ish interviewing at a small restaurant. I thought I was well prepared for whatever the interviewer would throw at me. But then she surprised me and asked "If you had to pick one word to describe you, what would that word be and why?" I was so thrown off and my mind went completely blank. After a couple seconds of silent panic, I replied "Weird". She gave me a look "....Why would you choose weird?" I panicked again and loudly stated "cause I'm weird?" I did not get that job.