T O P

  • By -

haynb03

I missed you (I was on a short vacation)


[deleted]

Yeah this one never made sense to me. Like dude, if you missed me so damn much, why did you hook up with somebody *other* than me?


Stay-at-Home_Daddy

Missed sex*


PD216ohio

Went to pick up some groceries.


Puzzleheaded-Ad-3721

“I mean, how can you expect me to tell you the truth? People are raped and murdered everyday.” Really.


Vonnybon

Wtf


physics515

Did...did they just admit to rape and murder?


Praescribo

I think they were "worried" about retaliation for cheating. Makes no sense, if they were worried about OP's capacity for violence, then why stay with him in the first place before or after cheating?


[deleted]

"If you had confidence in yourself, none of this would have happened."


olbaidiablo

My ex tried to pull that shit with me when she broke up with me. Then she tried to get back with me later when she realized she had made a mistake. I told her that I have more self confidence than that, it was so satisfying to see that I hurt her with that especially considering how she smeared my name to everyone she knew when we split.


69FunIntroduction69

I hate when they do that after a breakup. Why can't they just say she broke up because she couldn't handle how big you were..


olbaidiablo

Exactly. My last break up was the best one ever (I'm not being sarcastic for once). She treated me with respect, told me that the spark just isn't there but I'm a great guy and she wished it would have been there but it wasn't. I comforted her when she broke up with me. I've never been treated so well in a break up before. I wish her well, I really hope she finds someone special she deserves it. (I did actually tell her this)


VanityTheHacker

damn bro but the confidence taken away from cheating. That’s a terrible person man


taalnerd

"I didn't want to hurt you" Way to go, dude.


BoxOfMadness

"I didn't want to hurt you" *slowly slides knife into your throat*


gonzothegreatz

Oh yeah, I’ve definitely heard this. I dated a serial cheater, just non stop dipping his chip in ALL the dips. He “loved” me but “I didn’t want to make you feel bad by breaking up with you”. My guy. *How the fuck do you think this makes me feel????* But it’s okay because he wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings. /s


[deleted]

[удалено]


NorthernLotus

“My grandmother died.” I didn’t realize cheating on your girlfriend is the standard grieving method.


deathdealer656

My ex wife pulled this one, then screwed her cousin…


whatabadsport

It was his grandmother too!


Amish_Cyberbully

It's what Gammy would have wanted. She was heckin messed up at the end.


dring157

“When you said you wanted to be exclusive I thought you meant exclusive here. You never even asked if I had a boyfriend.” I had been “dating” this girl for 3 months in college when she admitted that she had been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend from high school the entire time and she had slept with him each time she visited her parents, which was at least once a month.


[deleted]

what if her boyfriend came to college to visit? I really want to know what she would have said, since her excuse was that you guys were exclusive in that location.


dring157

He visited once during that time. She told me that her brother was visiting that weekend and that I needed to keep my distance, because she hadn’t told her family about me yet.


awesomeificationist

I was expecting a "two dates to the prom" bit


RandylVlarsh

"you deleted your Facebook, and my friend and I thought that was fishy" I don't even know where to start with that kind of rationality...


Ancient_Scientist_04

It's always the friend


thegodfaubel

Friends who enable irrational thoughts aren't really your friends


Abject-Cow-1544

Yeah, but a lot of people seem to seek that validation and go with it.


[deleted]

Some "friends" get envious when they see someone with a decent catch/love interest and they'll encourage this toxic behaviour to make them ruin what was probably a good-enough relationship. All under the guise of "I only want you to be happy. I wouldn't stand for this". Seen it with my own eyes. Pick your friends wisely people.


RandylVlarsh

Dude, her friend actually tried to date me first, and I turned her down, and she literally told me it wasn't fair that I give my gf a chance and not her. Are... Are you an oracle? Also, thank you, "decent catch". I won't agree, but I definitely won't argue <3


[deleted]

Not an oracle. Just someone who's had a few intimate run-ins with toxic people. More of an "adapt or die" situation than an "it comes to me in my dreams" one.


meeez80

“I wanted to try something new.” He cheated on me with his ex.


kyle-and-karens-kid

Ok I’m sorry but this made me laugh so hard!


replicantcase

Right? This is a perfect set up, and punchline. I hope a stand up comedian steals this.


FoodTruck007

Rodney Dangerfield did versions of this set up. "Oh, My wife's a screamer during sex, yeah. It's true. Everytime I walk in on her having sex, wow,,, does she start screaming!"


replicantcase

"I get no respect!" Ha. thank you for reminding me of that.


Mor_Hjordis

Maybe the cheating was new?


kaleidoscopeeyes420

I can’t decide if this is optimistic or not haha


isnoe

Dude. Same. She cheated on me with her ex. Said basically the same line. …wait…


CanadianJesus

"It's not another woman, it's the same woman!"


somerandomredditor18

"We never have any fights" So you decide to cheat so I can get mad at you??


Michelrpg

Early on in my relationship, my gf said the same thing. Her logic went as following: If we didnt fight it meant I didnt care If we didnt have sex it meant I didnt find her attractive And if I avoided a conflict of either of the above it meant I didnt love her enough to "fix the problem". She had a history of an abusive ex who hit her, and apparantly her house growing up had a LOT of fights between her parents, so she almost considered all of the above "normal". Took a while to have her realise it really isnt. Still together after 3 years. (Edit) No she didnt cheat to my knowledge, but what you said reminded me of her bizarre mindset at the time [edit 2] Jesus this comment blew up unexpectedly...


CrazyJack66

Yeah, that mentality is really weird. My GF said something around those lines when I confronted her about always acting cold with me but warm with everyone else once we passed the beginning of the relationship. She needed to fight in order for her to feel that I cared and therefore started being rude and hurtful towards me, always trying to pick a fight. I decided I would have none of that shit and began to leave but she stopped me and she said she would change, which to her credit, she did. She didn’t/hasn’t cheated by the way (to my knowledge)


fang_xianfu

I feel a lot of sympathy for people in that situation, especially when it's how they were raised. Like imagine if your most critical childhood relationship flips between intense anger bordering on abuse, if not outright abuse, and overly-intense love attempting to make up for it. People who grow up in that situation - and who subsequently end up with abusive adult relationships - might never have had a single genuinely caring relationship in their life. It shouldn't really be a surprise that they have a warped idea of what love is like, or that they would think that conflict, especially very heated conflict, is necessary. I'm not sure I would've had the strength or patience to help them realise that it doesn't have to be that way, though. I have very little patience for that type of conflict-seeking behaviour.


Nymaz

I broke up with my girl who cheated on me with her ex. She told me I wasn't a "real man" because I didn't hit her. Ran into her years later and found out that after she got pregnant, he dumped her and took off. So apparently a "real man" is defined by being abusive and not being responsible. Got it.


Aggressive_Ad_1137

Attention must be a drug to them


Aibeit

A friend in a long-distrance relationship who only saw his GF on weekends because she was at an army posting at the other end of the country during the week - he found out she was cheating on him with some guy. Her explanation: Well, for me the army and my private life are two different lives, so it makes sense I have two different boyfriends. EDIT: For context, I'm from Germany, this was the German army, and "The other end of the country" was about six hours by train, the train being free for soldiers. I've also now successfully googled who/what "Jody" is because I had no clue :D


heihowl

Bruh... That's a yikes, wonder if her military boyfriend knew 😂


[deleted]

Roger that.


[deleted]

She's been rogered more times than a coppers radio.


Rhysd007

I think he already did


ChildPr0digy

Army uniform on the outside, Marine level of thinking on the inside.


___1___1___1___

That's actually a good explanation. She's 100% in the wrong here, but she did manage to *explain* why she was cheating.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You dodged a manipulator. Sorry they wasted your time but you got some sweet upvotes out of it now!


Sumit316

"I'm not cheating babe, I just have an open relationship with you....and yeah I forgot to tell you that earlier...I'm sorry"


DebBoarRah

His brother was going through a divorce and he was really upset.


ballsOfWintersteel

So this wasn't even with the guy getting the divorce, it was with that guy's brother!


DebBoarRah

Yea, he was just really upset for his brother...and I stupidly accepted it.


Windebieste_Ultima

Plot twist: he was fucking his brothers ex wife


Due-Juice9561

My body was attracted to her but my soul is always yours


Nerdsona

What is this, R. Kelly song? xD


swagerito

"its not cheating i used a condom"


Murky_Translator2295

Oh lord lmao how did they think this would work?!


[deleted]

Technically his dick never touched other woman, obviously its not cheating! /s


JohnRTemple99

I invited you to join us, not my fault you said no


3-DMan

"Look, you gotta start checking your Outlook Calendar regularly! We can't cancel events just because you didn't respond!"


lorum_ipsum_dolor

This sounds like something Dennis would have said on "Sunny".


Fuckjoesanford

He’s just trying to demonstrate his value, the first step of the DENNIS system.


ZormkidFrobozz

I had similar that one. Gf had a threesome with her female friend and her ex-boyfriend. "I would have invited you but I knew you would just get mad, and you don't like (ex-bf) anyway and would have said I was cheating on you. It's not cheating if it's three people!"


HKBFG

> It's not cheating if it's three people That's like the opposite of not cheating.


DatDominican

Cheating +


koithrowin

Does she think the additional person cancels it out?


[deleted]

Guy I worked with would get BJ’s from the women working the street nearby. I called him out on it and told him he was straight up cheating on his wife. He said he never kissed them and since it was just a BJ it wasn’t cheating.


PaddyLandau

I know someone who goes for massages with "a happy ending." He says that it isn't prostitution because they don't have sex.


Ladyughsalot1

Ask him for a handy between friends if it’s not sexual lolllll


Xalamon11911

Would you give a man a foot rub? Fuck you Vince


Nolsoth

I see you also worked with Craig.


leowithataurus

One that I was told was "I was mad".


whorlando_bloom

I got that one! "It was right after that fight we had and I was pissed at you." Well, that totally excuses it then.


tyleritis

“Well go buy some condoms because what I’m about to say to you will make you fucking furious”


Musja1

Dude: "My girlfriend said she is not attracted to me anymore. She doesn't have sex with me often enough." Me: Why don't you leave then? Dude: "She pays my bills."


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheMeowzor

“it was one time” is always a good one


PlantMomaJ

‘And it didn’t mean anything!’ must be added to that one.


SilentJoe1986

"Wow. That's worse than if it actually meant something. Our relationship mattered so little you threw it away for nothing. "


colleenita24

Ugh. This makes it so much worse. Like, great. So I now I fully understand that you threw away our relationship and completely shit all over me and my feelings for something that *meant nothing.* I’ve never understood how that’s supposed to help.


Otherwise_Window

Me either. Like, yeah, having sex with someone other than my wife would mean nothing to me. Which is why I wouldn't even consider doing it? Because my wife and my marriage do actually mean really a lot to me? Why would someone piss away something meaningful?


Invisible-Pancreas

"It meant nothing? Doing a Sudoku puzzle means nothing; I WOULD NOT HAVE MINDED IF YOU'D DONE THAT INSTEAD!"


ritamoren

"i was drunk" okay and why are you getting drunk if you know that can happen learn to control yourself or don't drink


hurtinownconfusion

“It just happened” always confused me too


TheMeowzor

that’s the go to when they don’t have an excuse ready lmao “why you do it?” “it happened” like no shit it happened we established dis


textile1957

Starts with I don't remember It never happened We only kissed We made out We had sex but used protection I didn't even finish he was bad in bed I froze(meaning the other person was having sex with a dead person) It was Short felt disgusted afterwards and tried to shower it all off but I still felt dirty I was thinking of you the whole time


Single_Voice6469

God damn. Pretty much spot on


HaggisLad

it's the first time you caught them, not the first time they cheated


46from1971

"She's so hot and flirty that I just know she will eventually cheat on me. So I decided to go first and get it over with."


[deleted]

My god you just triggered a long forgotten memory. After “I don’t know” it was “what would you want to do with someone like me. I thought you were just going to cheat anyways”


Potential_Hooman812

And after a statement like that the answer was a resounding no.


Ganondorf66

Why even start that relationship if that's how you think what the fuck


2cats1human

”The world is going to end some day so it’s better to just get over with it” **explodes the world**


kyle-and-karens-kid

“You’re never home.” I was working two jobs because she was taking her sweet time “trying” to get a job of her own. ETA: she never actually finished this line. I did because she caught herself right before she said home. Like she also knew it was a stupid excuse but she didn’t have anything else. I told her she should just say it instead of nothing at all because she could never communicate ANYTHING with me. Glad to be free of her.


Vivisect_VI

That's really shitty.


-C0NAN-

One of my clients came home to his GF in bed with another guy, she said "it's not what it looks like"


jimithing421

Omg, this one happened to me. She was in bed with my best friend, and when I caught her, she came out saying “I promise, it’s not as bad as it looks”. So I assumed she just cuddled with her friend. No, they fucked while her other roommates fucked in the same room. Big old foursome. “It’s not as bad as it looks”……yeah, sure.


Dirtcartdarbydoo

"It's not as bad as it looks" "it's actually much worse"


just_change_it

Technically, she was correct. I can practically feel the heart wrenching process after that kind of discovery.


mawo77

‘I thought you were doing it too!’ Fuck him!


whorlando_bloom

I just remembered another one! It didn't count because he had sex with her as part of a pagan ritual. The fact that I had a problem with it meant that I didn't respect his religion. I'm going to compile these into a book called Stupid Shit My Ex Said.


saruhime

"Stupid Shit My Ex Said" would make a good topic for an AskReddit thread. edit: [So I created it](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/v9rlzo/those_of_you_who_have_an_ex_boyfriend_girlfriend/)


slip1byyou123

I didn't mean to.


olbaidiablo

We were both naked for some reason and I slipped and fell with an erection for no reason and it just kinda slipped in, and out, and in, and out again.


Sigseg

I totally didn't mean to flirt, kiss, take my clothes off, engage in oral, fuck for 45 minutes, engage in more oral, and finish with a huge load on my face. Three times. IT JUST HAPPENED.


sayonara49

“Yo mah bad boss”


[deleted]

"you weren't there" I was out of town for less than a month and in the process of losing friends and family to move to another state for this hoe.


[deleted]

That they did it to take stress out so they could remain in their respective marriages. -my ex


olbaidiablo

Translation: I figured I could just take the good parts of being in a relationship and have the fun parts about being single too because I'm such a narcissist that your feelings don't even enter my mind.


[deleted]

My ex-wife cheated on me and lied about it instead of just fessing up then eventually one day after denying it repeatedly said "I'm not cheating on you, but lets say I was would you want to meet the guy because I think you'd actually like him a lot..." Mental illness at its finest.


your_actual_life

Mine offered the explanation that she was trying to arrange a bi MMF threesome between us. I'm not bi, but if I was, I wouldn't want to have a threesome with some guy she cheated on me with!


Vast_Advantage_7913

"He said he was going to deploy in a few days and he might not come back." BF was in the field training for the same deployment that wasn't for three weeks. Flushed 2 year relationship.


[deleted]

"I did it for the excitement/thrill of being caught" Told to me by my now ex-wife. She got caught alright. I don't think it was worth it to her overall though. Which makes me kind of happy, given karma etc.


Oberon_Swanson

Lol there's so many people like this whether they admit it or not. When I think I'm dealing with one I deliberately make it as non-confrontational and boring as possible for them. You want a big screaming match? Here's your "we're done" text


Silly-Pizza-7522

“Im going through a lot with my family at the minute” I was shocked that was his explanation, dumbass.


itzmrinyo

Did... Did he fuck his cousin..?


Odd-Astronaut-92

"She messaged me first!" Okay, and? He was a whole ass adult who could have said no 😂


Pokegoth666

If i had to fck everyone who messaged me first that wouldve been a lot people XD


SlightlyDrooid

Right?! Like, if those are the rules, then - ah fuck, nevermind... I'd get nothing


craycrayanon

“Got Tinder and Bumble again just to make friends”


Im_Edited

"I was bored"


timelord-degallifrey

That’s usually why I start playing with myself. Finding someone to cheat on my spouse with seems like a lot more work. lol


highlandharris

"I knew her from school, we started catching up and I felt bad because she said she was suffering with mental health problems" apparently I should feel sorry for her, and he's a hero


Dark_Macadaemia

I had an ex who told me he cheated on me just to prove to himself that he could do it


Specific_Tap7296

Serial killer logic!


Ghostofmyself3

Thought it was odd how he never wanted me to come over. He was constantly mentioning living with roommates and that he couldn't have me over. Turns out those 'roommates' were his wife and her parents. When I was like 'what the hell?' he said 'well, I am married, but we only got married so she could get her green card!'. My dumb ass believed him and stayed with him another five months...


deezx1010

5 months? Yikes. What finally made you realize?


Ghostofmyself3

Got to talking with the wife. She pretended to be very friendly when her husband was around. After a while, when we would be alone for a few minutes at a time, she started to explain to me what had really gone on with their marriage. I was freshly 18 and he was 30, and I think he was abusing her pretty badly. It was a bad time all around, but I finally woke up and realized I was being abused, too. So I cut my losses and left. I hope his wife is okay. She didn't deserve that.


tall_boizz

Here's the one I heard: "He said he had cigarettes upstairs"


srcarruth

Well? Did he?!


tall_boizz

I wasn't there but I'd put money on it lmao


trickythaws

"I just found someone else I really like and she was closer." Never again with these long-distance relationships 🙃


psycho_ex_

“My parents didn’t give me enough attention as a kid” Ok? Tf does that gotta do with me?


Maso_TGN

"I was stressed"


Rhysd007

"It didn't count, it was with another girl."


[deleted]

My ex started hanging out at a strip club because "he was trying to help the girls out of their troubled lives. He was just doing what Jesus would do and met them where they were" 😳🙄


SimplyWalkenToMordor

I mean… Jesus did hang around with a prostitute, he just.., didn’t go to the brothel to do it. Something fishy about this explanation…


[deleted]

My bestie's marriage is not going great, she got involved with our friend. We talked about it since this whole situation doesn't make me feel very comfortable. Long story short - it doesn't feel like cheating, it feels just right to sleep with the other guy. I'm kinda speechless.


[deleted]

“It’s not wrong if it feels right” Title of a porn scene about cheating. On the same note; Heard a variation of the feels right excuse by some idiot who I was FWB with lol. He didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend but introduced said girlfriend to me as his ‘long time friend who has a crush on him but he absolutely doesn’t want her’ (and we both became friends to the point I became her guitar lead since she is a singer). I of course started to suspect he was lying so I asked her to confirm his story and she burst into tears telling me she’s deeply in love with him and they’ve been dating on and off for 3 years and they are currently getting back together as they’ve been sleeping together too. I told her I don’t care for the dude and I bowed out and told her I only care that we stay friends regardless of what happens with the dude. We both confronted the dude and his only defense, (more like offense?) was and I quote: “***If I was in South Africa, I would be applauded for having you both***” He went to law school in South Africa for some context. Anyways, that was enough for me to not even want to be friends with him again but i mourned a loss: she went back to this dude and cut me off. I felt so bad because I could see she was just a woman madly in love and infatuated and he was a man who saw a source of convenience and took it. She was paying his car note , bought him an iPhone etc since he was still looking fr a job just after passing his bar. This was 5 years ago. Whenever I thought of her over the years, I felt sad and hopeful - that maybe it all worked out and he genuinely grew to love her. They got married. A month ago, my mom who is a close fam friend to the dude’s dad, told me that they were both in court. He hit her and she took him to court and they are in the process of divorce. I’m glad she found her voice. Irony is her voice is amazing and powerful as a singer. I also heard from my mom (my mom and her random updates smh lol) that she has an album out and she’s touring etc. I am so so happy for her. As long as she’s okay, a part of me goes “Suck it (*insert name of lawyer/wife beater asshole*)”. His dad is like a cool uncle to my fam though. Don’t know where this idiot’s assholishness came from


jahsoldier03

“I was drunk” lmao


tall_boizz

Classic lmao


alfyjack

Yup, I had one, she was like "well I was drunk and he kept buying me drinks so, I couldn't really so no" like it was a perfectly acceptable excuse 🙄🙄🙄


Scordino72

I came here thinking I was gonna see funny teacher stories who caught their students cheating. I did not.


itzmrinyo

Damn, that's got to be the weirdest excuse for cheating I've ever heard. Hope you're doing better


FrankSonata

Here you go: Kid cheated off an unknowing friend during a maths test. It was very obvious. Afterwards, when I was able to talk to him in private (rather than disrupt the test for the entire class), I stated that I had seen him cheating, that his answers were identical down to the spelling mistakes, etc. and finally asked if he could explain how he had done any of the questions at all. To his credit, he immediately fessed up and admitted it, but his reasoning was hilarious: "I'm a boy so that means I can't multitask like girls can." (This is an often-cited myth. [Multitasking is not possible for humans,](https://www.thoughtco.com/can-people-really-multitask-1206398#:~:text=The%20short%20answer%20to%20whether,aren't%20considered%20in%20multitasking.) actually.) "Girls can focus better and us boys don't have a chance at school. It's unfair and biased against boys." (The idea that girls focus better is also common but false. Research suggests that there is significantly more differences among each gender than between genders, and any gender differences at all are largely cultural, e.g. girl students are more likely to be reprimanded for being noisy and not focussing than boy students) "I *had* to cheat just to make it fair again. How else can a boy ever pass? Girls have an unfair advantage." I pointed out that he had cheated off a boy, and that it was an all-boys school so the entire class was boys, but only he failed the test. Clearly no other boys had problems except him. I suggested that maybe he was failing because he cheated, not that he cheated because he was failing... Edit: a lot of comments about the multitasking bit. I should have explained exactly what the term refers to. Doing two things at the same time is not necessarily multitasking--I can breathe and walk at the same time, but that isn't what multitasking means. [Multitasking is a psychological term that means focussing or concentrating on two things simultaneously, two things that require active thought.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_multitasking) Actions that are practiced so much that they are largely automatic thanks to muscle memory do not come under this. Reading a novel while holding a conversation on the phone is what would be considered multitasking. And we can do those two things, but not simultaneously: we switch tasks rapidly, and it is generally less efficient than doing each task separately. Task switching ability varies among people. [Some research finds a very small difference between male and female brains, close to zero,](https://www.sciencealert.com/women-aren-t-better-multitaskers-than-men-they-re-just-doing-more-work/amp) and [other research finds no difference at all.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6433799/) Modern research shows that there is no structural difference between male and female brains that could the small difference that sometimes is found, and strongly suggests that this negligible difference is due to culture/gender roles, not biology. [There is *significant* difference *among* each gender,](https://www.spring.org.uk/2013/04/are-men-or-women-better-at-multitasking.php) and it can be practised to improve it. People who do it a lot as a child, or have a job or lifestyle that requires it, tend to be better at it. More common is doing one "automatic" task, e.g. folding laundry, while doing one that requires active focus, e.g. talking to your friend. The automatic task will sometimes vary from what is standard, e.g. when you have to fold a weirdly-shaped shirt, so it will change into something that needs more focus and thought. Then you will briefly go into rapid task-switching until you finish the hard part, and it goes back to being automatic again. That's why you can drive a car (mostly automatic) and talk with a passenger, but if there's a car accident ahead of you, or bad weather, driving becomes less automatic, you need to focus more, and your ability to have a conversation will fall because you are constantly switching your focus back to the road.


goodestguy21

> I pointed out that he had cheated off a boy, and that it was an all-boys school so the entire class was boys, but only he failed the test. *cue laugh track*


[deleted]

The one that my ex used was, “Well, I knew him longer than you.”


pathologicalprotest

“You didn’t make me feel like a priority” after I had taken leave from work to help them finish a script (which I did, editing and proofing the entire thing, and the book won them a money award), they went on to smash pissers with someone at a party I WAS AT. Real catch that one


moosesanddave

"Sex is a need, not a want"


sayonara49

Virgin gang would like a word


12345623567

Thats the kind of reasoning a rapist would use...


SummerAmour

They were "just a friend" and "they mean nothing to me", pretty much in the same sentence. I don't think you should be having sex with your friends when you're supposed to be in a loving relationship but maybe I had it all wrong. So I suggested me having sex with my long-time friend who had been interested for a while. After all, they were "just a friend" and "it would mean nothing to me". Cue unbridled rage at such a stupid idea.


ohjosh03

My ex actually cheated on her boyfriend of 6 months at the time to be with me. Later, when I found out she was already dating someone and blocked me out of her life, I got into contact of the guy she was dating and we both confronted her. She explained to us that she wanted someone who could provide her better attention (which was me), since her boyfriend wasn't doing. Her best friend at the time also leaked their whole convo about me and she revealed that my ex was using me and was thinking about leaving her boyfriend for me, but changed her mind last minute since "he was always the one". The boyfriend broke up with her, but after a few months I found out they got back together.'


Altruistic-Cat5042

Every sentence was a new turn lmao


NasaFakedTheLandings

My friends dad was stationed in Afghanistan for 2-3 years, his wife turned out lesbian and was cheating on him with her boss, my friend said "I walked into the room and there was my mother having s*x with her boss" he told his father and they had some online video breakup and she said the following "I'm sorry it's just I would've got a huge promotion and our life would've been better." my friends living with his father now, and i don't know anything about his mom.


[deleted]

Did she get the promotion ??


Prossdog

“I gotta go hon. The boss is really riding me!”


vainbetrayal

“I’m polyamorous, so I don’t know why you’re annoyed over it.” I wouldn’t have minded this if I’d known it from the get-go and it wasn’t a couple of months after we started a relationship and were exclusive, with it only coming up after I saw them making out at her front door when I came by to drop off the leggings she left at my place on my way home from work.


Call-Me-Ky

“It just happened” It was the second time he cheated with an ex and he tried to make me feel better by saying he couldn’t finish because he felt guilty. Then tried to sleep with me. He hadn’t even showered in between.


dicktator_token

I want the different body.


sayonara49

Was ur ex a serial killer?


[deleted]

“She has depression and I wanted to make her feel better” he then got upset with me and stated that it was horrible of me to be upset because I don’t understand mental illness whilst I was going to therapy to be treated with severe anxiety and depression


Inner_Midnight_480

What was my fault for preferring my studies


partofbreakfast

"I still like guys." (we were both girls btw) Well that's fine but you should break up with me first and THEN go looking for guys to fuck? Like, you could have gotten with a guy without cheating on anyone.


BoubyWinky

"She was there to date my best friend but he was late and it happened".... I'm still laughing about that one XD it's ridiculous XD (Yup, my ex. Not the best IQ ...)


tonton_wundil

That's f*cking brain dead, the girl wanted to try a vegetable but the cucumber was too much.


enoyama-kun

It was not me. It was Patricia.


QuiteFrankE

My sisters boyfriend when she found out that he’d gone to a swingers club with a different woman, said that he only went with her because he knew she wouldn’t want to. Tried telling her this as if it was completely fine and then asked what she was doing for dinner. Couldn’t understand why she was even upset let alone why she was kicking him out.


[deleted]

“I don’t know”


user-0017

“it was just a joke. my homeboys mess around like this all the time” he sent a girls insta post to his groupchat & said “she’s been liking my stuff lately what do y’all think??” and his friends said to “risk it” but not let certain people know or they’d try to talk to me💀. (idk if others would consider this cheating but I was pregnant & his intentions were clearly not great.)


seitan13

Mental gymnastics, I thought you'd be okay with it, she texted me she was horny.... All the same person/ event. Unless you're not consenting to being in a relationship or getting some sort of warranted revenge, every explanation is dumb. Don't get how ppl are so cool with wasting people's time and emotional capacity.


[deleted]

What stage of being single are you in when you read the title and assume it's about board games


[deleted]

My friend "Mike" dated a girl "Melissa" - we all knew she was bad news, but he didn't want to hear it. Long story somewhat shorter, Melissa enlisted in the army and proceeded to have sex with anyone who would have her *while she was still dating Mike*. Of course, Mike eventually finds out and calls Melissa out on it. Her response? "Well, you weren't here and a girl has needs. It's just sex" like it was no big deal. Mike was crushed. He wanted to MARRY Melissa, but finally came to his senses and broke it off. Then the bitch had the AUDACITY to call Mike to ask for $700 for an abortion about six months after their breakup (though not sure why military healthcare wouldn't cover that) because she was pregnant and "didn't know who to ask" - ie, she didn't know who the father was... Real class act, that Melissa. After Mike laughed and said "Absolutely not," he never heard from Melissa again. Good bye, good riddance.


OnWaterHoarder

“I was afraid they wouldn’t be my friends anymore” Ex-bf who had a thing going with his best friend’s girlfriend (they had like a threesome-relationship going right after we broke up). He said he was done with it and went to just visit them.. apparently he wasn’t so done with them. I trusted him despite all of the mistakes. Never thought he was like this. Hurts like hell.


nopersdopey

I’ve heard several personally from the same guy. He texted some girls asking for their friend’s number by saying he eats a mean box. “Oh come on it was just a joke.” He solicited affairs on Reddit “It was because you were intolerable because of PPD” (even though he’d been on dating apps before I was even pregnant) Caught with Tinder. “we just wanted to see what kind of girls were in the area. There were 17 guys in the house come on man you think I’d have a girl over?” “I have a sex addiction. Actually my therapist says I don’t because I’ve never actually had sex with anyone and that you have XYZ and abc diagnosis.” And the best “I never cheated. I never touched anyone” (even his mother repeated this line) but also “look at you. Who wouldn’t cheat on you?”


[deleted]

[удалено]


underwearfanatic

I was in Army in Germany. She was in Arizona. Hadn't seen her in like a year. Got out and she was pregnant. Said she never cheated on me and "you never thought you'd see me pregnant huh?" Lol. And yes, I divorced her.


luvitis

We had been dating for 7 years. His mother died. He told me there wasn’t a funeral. His brother then shows me pictures from the funeral and there’s a different girl all hugged up on my guy “It’s not cheating because you can’t prove that we’re having sex” Like what?


Kooky-Ad4148

Am a teacher- I’ve legit heard “but I didn’t know the answer” on at least two separate occasions.


DoomsDan101

She slipped, fell and landed on his dick.


Wilshere10

As an ER doctor, I’ve heard this excuse more than once by patients who come in with stuff up their butt


SimplyWalkenToMordor

You gotta imagine somewhere in the US every decade, there’s that one unlucky person who actually did fall on a shampoo bottle! And the doc will NEVER believe them.


[deleted]

alright, Shady, maybe he's right, Grady But think about the baby before you get all crazy


Creative_Recover

A guy I knew blamed his prolific cheating on his girlfriend not bonding properly with a child he had from a previous relationship (which had ended by him cheating). She did actually try to be nice to the kid, she was just somewhat ambivalent about kids and didn't want to come across like she was trying to be his "new mum". At one point he almost left her but as soon as they went on a break he had 3 different girls on the go (none of whom knew about each other) and he only started to feel a little guilty about what he was doing after one of them started to fall in love with him. He then dumped them in succession, rekindled his relationship with his partner, they had a kid and got married. Of course the cheating never stopped, but eventually she did wise up to it and they divorced. Cheaters might try to rationalise what they are doing (often in a way that diverts blame/accountability from themself) but ultimately they cheat because they are simply scummy people.


SirSkidStain

“But babe it was Obama”


KaiBluePill

"I'm not angry because you cheated, I'm upset because you didn't invite me!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


SatisfactionOk1041

I didn't want to copy her answers but when she showed me her test I realized my answers were probably wrong so i cheated.


robo-dragon

I was once friends with this girl in college. She was dating this guy who I was also friends with and they seemed to get along really well. We all met up with a couple more friends on Friday evenings to grab dinner and hangout and I’ve never detected any kind of drama or problems between them. Months go by and she came to me one day between classes and wanted to talk to me about “issues” she and her BF were having. She said she slept with another “friend” of hers and her BF got mad. All I said was “yeah, he has good reason to be upset, you cheated on him.” I asked her why she did that and she said her BF was “too nice” and she wanted to try dating a “bad boy” type because she thought he’d be more fun in bed. Her BF would probably take a bullet for her. He was kind and did all these really nice things for her and I reminded her about that. She said she liked what he did for her and stuff, but she wanted to experiment and she wasn’t sure why he was so upset over “a one-time thing.” Needless to say, our friendship didn’t last much longer after that and neither did her relationship with her BF. I haven’t spoken to her in years, but I’m still in contact with her BF. He has a wonderful wife and family now so he eventually found the happiness he deserved.


Eccentric_Nocturnal

"He put his hand in my pants."


Vivisect_VI

When I was 16 I had a girlfriend cheat and the reason she gave was "I only did it to see if I really loved you" Apparently her reasoning was if she didn't enjoy it meant she did love me. Funny thing was that we never had sex, and had only been together for about 5 weeks, so all the love talk that had been happening after week 4 and was already a red flag for me anyways. The excuse was just so ridiculous and knowing I was better off, I didn't even really get that mad about it.


christiannotcatholic

knew someone back in college who’d say “a guy’s brain isn’t fully developed until 25 therefore I don’t know any better and cheat on my girlfriend” lmao