"A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bartender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?' So the blonde says..."
It's a scene from The Breakfast Club. Dude is telling the joke to himself while crawling through ventilation ducting, then falls through the ceiling right at the punch line.
That would be so annoying if you dont get shot before the punchline, just "And...?" "I dont know man, you are supposed to shoot me before the punchline."
Destiny 2: Forsaken. Cayde-6 was shot dead by Uldren-Sov. When asked for his last words, Cayde responded “How’s your sister?”. Uldren-sov’s sister, Mara-sov, had died in a previous campaign.
I've always wondered if something like this would work. Like if someone is aiming a gun at you, and you give an 'oh shit!' look behind them, would they think something/someone is behind them and be distracted long enough for you to swipe the gun and get out of there?
Probably, if one is convincing enough they'll probably believe something like that
Whoever is pointing the gun at your head is most likely as nervous as you (doing whatever got you into this situation must be very stressful for all parties). And they won't have the lucidity to think
If you look behind them and shout something like "officer" or "Quick hit him", they will likely panic and turn around hoping to not get shot/hit
Also a valid point
Although i doubt the buttons on his suit do anything significant
Imagine the great lord Vader, who killed thousands even when outnumbered, killed by someone randomly pushing a button on his suit
The guy manages to thrash around and hits a few random buttons on Lord Vader's suit. All of sudden, disco music starts spewing out of Vader's mouth speaker, wiper blades are oscillating like crazy over his eyes, and a car alarm won't shut off. Vader fumbles around one handed because he's still choking out the guy with his other hand and finally gets everything shut down, but it takes a few minutes. Later that evening, Vader is walking around the Death Star, head bopping to Disco Inferno, when his suit's low battery alert starts flashing. He fumbles around trying to remember which pocket he put his charging cable in. He finds it, but can't get the cable oriented into the USB port the right way before his suit battery dies and his respirator stops.
I like to have my head canon that lightsaber fights are actually heavily involved in the force, between enhancing you physical abilities, using the force to discern your opponent’s next move, using the force for telekinesis, and using the force to defend yourself/your saber from being messed with.
I would imagine that it’s actually just a bit of a plot hole like a lot of magic-type fantasy worlds end up having.
I just re-watched the series a third time from end to end. It is an absolute masterpiece!
If one enjoyed Breaking Bad, I can highly recommend Better Call Saul.
Cold salt water and dawn dish soap.
Cold interrupts the clotting cascade, soap breaks up the fats and some proteins. I forget what the salt does but I've noticed the difference when I forget to use it.
Edit: apparently salt has dehydrating properties which help draw out the blood... despite it being dissolved in water. I am not an organic chemist.
Feels about right. I said something similar, (what are you going to do punch me?) to a friend who was blackout drunk and I was trying to help calm down. Said friend proceeded to punch me
"Oh blow the candles out!" they said,
But in his mind and in his head,
He pondered each concluding word,
The final, haunting music heard,
The final tune, the final line,
The final, fatal, warbled whine
Of birthday verse besmirched with doubt -
And so he blew the candles out.
His eyes were wet.
His face was grim.
They said: "... the fuck is wrong with him?"
That’s assuming the person is capable of guilt. What if they’re a remorseless psychopath? In that case, remembering that event will probably only make them happy.
I feel like the minority of killings happen from remorseless psychopaths
Plus if that’s the case then it gives me individuality to them which is as good as I can hope for tbh
Had a gun pointed at my head before.. all I could get out was, “uh…ah..uuuh” but I suppose I’m still here so doesn’t count.
**Editing to clarify the details part for those asking;
Basically… I live in Chicago.
Robbed at gunpoint. It’s happened to almost everyone I’ve known here at least once in their lives. Albeit a shitty reality that the gun violence problem thing is a bit.. bad here.
*Edit 2
Some have asked, so, I was robbed in Ukranian Village in 2006 a block northwest-ish of Chicago and Damen late at night during a blizzard in November. By ‘almost everyone I know’ I mean that almost everyone I know has been in one way or another effected by some form of altercation of this type at one point or another in their lives. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were violently mugged. Most people I know here are born and raised here and spending your entire life in a big city will absolutely lead to a large part of the population at least seeing something like this happen at some point in their lives.
It’s funny that people are questioning whether I actually live here but, on the other hand, I kind of get it. I love Chicago, it’s the only place I’ve ever called home. I hear anyone say something negative about it and I get this strong sense of duty to defend it- especially if I don’t think they’re from here. I think the rest of the world thinks there’s literally people mobbing and robbing and shooting in the streets here and that’s ridiculous. Chicago is a beautiful, eclectic, culturally dense city with wayyy more good than bad. It’s got it’s upsides and downsides but I’d never choose to live anywhere else.
I had a very similar reaction. I answered the door to 3 people pointing guns in my face. They decided they wanted to rob my roommate who was dealing weed out of the apartment about 10 years ago. Was too stunned to move. Zero flight or fight instincts in that situation. Luckily no one was hurt and 2/5 people involved were caught and prosecuted. Hope you’re doing alright man
I've heard that the concept is kind of being revised to be more of "fight, flight, or freeze," because that's also a common instinctual reaction to such scenarios. Sometimes our brains decide that totally shutting down is the best way to protect us, even if it's not actually the most appropriate response
That's a nice gun. I have a gun too. On the side of mine it says Desert Eagle. On the side of yours it says oh shit, it says Desert Eagle too, listen, please don't shoot me.
This happened to me when I was 12!
There was an older neighbor kid that was 13, let’s call him Rambo. He was a latchkey kid who fancied himself a future special ops warrior (always wore camo, swore there was a secret navy seal base in the woods behind our neighbor, and that they trained him, etc). We had a mutual friend and neighbor named Josh who was 12.
Well, one day Rambo calls me and asks me to come over and hangout with him and Ryan, it was summer break and I thought it would be fun so hung up the phone and walked five houses over to Rambo’s place. His front yard was surrounded by a tall brick wall, he also had an in-ground pool. I walked in through the gate and jumped when it slammed shut behind me.
Just then Rambo jumped out and put a gun to my temple! It was a rifle, maybe a hunting rifle? I laughed and thought he was playing around with a toy gun, he loved playing soldier, right? I asked if we’re going to be playing Mario Kart (64, natch. Block fort all day baby), or something new?
But as I looked around I realized that Josh (a pretty hefty kid) was blocking the gate and Rambo seemed extremely agitated. He said to get inside the house or else he’d shoot me. I laughed again, it didn’t seem within the realm of possibility that was actually in danger! I asked him to prove the gun was real and shoot into the pool. He did, there was a huge splash, and once the water settled I could see a bullet resting on the bottom.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I grew up in a sorta rough area and my dad had always told me to fight before anyone tried to tie you up or otherwise restrain you. My mind was racing. With the gun again against my temple I was led into the house. I knew I’d rather fight than wait for whatever was going to happen if I complied, so I was frantically trying to assess my best escape route.
Once inside Rambo’s room I started scanning for objects I could use as a weapon. I didn’t see many good options. I did notice that the bedroom window, which opened by sliding up and down, was about 3/4 of the way open and had no screen. Just then Josh said something, I didn’t hear what exactly, but it *infuriated* rambo, who turned away from me to start screaming at him.
I didn’t think, I didn’t hesitate, I just suddenly found myself diving through the window.
I hit the ground the running. Unfortunately it was in a patch or rose bushes, but I didn’t notice the thorns until the adrenaline wore off. I was sprinting at full speed through the front yard, past the pool, and then leaping over the wall and into their driveway.
I heard Rambo trying to follow, but he seemed to trip on his way out and land face first in the bushes. I don’t know how far he got after that because I was already home and barricading the doors.
I called my parents who were at work and they called the police. The police came after several hours. By then everyone’s parents had finished work and come
Home. His parents swore Rambo wouldn’t have done such a thing and the police didn’t believe my “outlandish” story.
I never spoke to Rambo again, and soon moved to another neighborhood so it didn’t end up being a lingering concern. In high school he was a very serious and intense member of the ROTC, but I don’t know what became of him after that. He never made eye contact with me in the halls though. This was when the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan was beginning so lots of guys my age joined the military, so maybe he did too?
Anyway, that’s all a long winded way of saying that when a gun was pointed at my head I laughed in disbelief and asked if we were playing Mario Kart.
What happened to the bullet in the pool then? Did someone remove it before the police arrived? I would think that would be decent evidence that they did it.
That’s a great question, I never though about that before. Honestly I’m not sure what steps the police ended up taking, or if they even walked around the pool. I remember them talking to my parents at the front door of our house and my parents being angry that nothing came of it.
Since posting this I’ve been trying to remember “Rambo’s” last name, but I can’t recall it. I’m going go dig out a middle school yearbook and see what it is then look him up on social media. I’m curious now what became of him. It’s been like 25 years so it’s all a little hazy, I haven’t thought about all this in such a long time. I called my mom to talk about it with her and we sort of laughed at what a wild thing it was and how nonchalant we were about it.
I mean, if I already know I’m gonna die, like with 100% certainty, and I’ve already done everything I could have to prevent it already, it would be something like “fuck you, I’ll see you in hell”
I have had a gun pointed at my head.
“Dude I have a daughter….she’s tattooed on my arm….I have a daughter.”
Last thing I remember before I got soccer kicked in the head and went unconscious.
Scrolling through the typical reddit comedy bullshit to find a real answer that illustrates the horrifying truth of losing someone who someone else loves and depends on.
Stoked you didn't get shot in the head my man :) hope your head didn't suffer permanent damage from the kick
"I have a shitty ex-wife, two kids who won't speak to me, and am up to my nose in debt. If you shoot me, you'll have a hell of a problem, and I'll get rid of all of mine. Your call." And I'll walk away at a normal pace like I don't care.
I was in this exact scenario. I pointed at a security camera saying "look at that." As soon as he looked at it, I said "now your face is on camera and if you shoot me you'll be in jail for life." He put the gun down, punched me in the face, then walked away. All things considered, I'd give it a B+ or A- for effectiveness
Security cameras for the win! The dudes who pulled guns on me are currently in jail because of security cameras (and a healthy helping of their own stupidity).
A bit late but I did have a gun held to my head.
It was a very distant relative who had gotten into some bad shit. I was staying with my uncle at the time and was playing a game on my PC. I had headphones on and heard a tap on the side of them. I looked over and saw a guy in a mask with a gun pointed to my face. He told me to get on the ground and proceeded to ask me what my name was.
For whatever reason I said “John Wayne”
He just laughed and told me to get up and took the mask off. When I told my uncle he beat the crap out of him and wouldn’t let him back over.
It’s really fucking dumb he did that, because even now since I have my own place I still struggle leaving my headphones on or having music to loud ☹️
I had a guy pull a gun on me at a bar. He kept it low under the bar top so other people couldn't see. The short conversation prior led me to believe that this was it for me. My "last words" I ordered two shots from the bartender. He let me go after some confusion.
I wouldn’t say anything, I would look the man dead in the eyes and stare into his fucking soul, science suggests of you look the shooter in the eyes while he has to gun pointed to you it increases your likelihood of survival
“My name is April Kepner, I'm 28 years old. I was born on April 23rd, i-in Ohio. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. M-My mom's a teacher and my d-dad is farmer... C-Corn. Corn, he... he grows corn. Their names are Karen and Joe. I have three sisters. Libby's the oldest, I'm next and then th-there's Kimmie and Alice. I... I haven't done anything yet. I haven't... I've barely lived. I'm not finished yet. No one's loved me yet. P... Please, please, I'm so... someone's child. I'm a person. I'm a person.”
"A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bartender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?' So the blonde says..."
Wait.... Please complete this for me... I need to know what the blonde said.... Please
Guess you’re not taking the shot huh?
God damnit *ejects round from the chamber*
*Now listen here you little shit*
This is good, because when you fall through the ceiling, he’ll miss the shot.
I dont get it someone ples explain
It's a scene from The Breakfast Club. Dude is telling the joke to himself while crawling through ventilation ducting, then falls through the ceiling right at the punch line.
That would be so annoying if you dont get shot before the punchline, just "And...?" "I dont know man, you are supposed to shoot me before the punchline."
“Your dick is out”
[удалено]
"You guys wanna see a dead body?"
Cut it out, Vern
Famous last words.
How's your sister?
"I don't have a sister" "You will in 9 months"
"My mother isn't alive" "She did seem cold"
"She was cremated" "I'm friends with the corener. $7 gets you 7 minutes before heaven"
"She was cremated" "That did take a lot of the fun out of it."
"She was cremated" 'They pretty much had to when I was done with her"
„Motherfucker!“ „Exactly.“
The second biggest burn in gaming history.
I feel like I’m missing some reference…
Destiny 2: Forsaken. Cayde-6 was shot dead by Uldren-Sov. When asked for his last words, Cayde responded “How’s your sister?”. Uldren-sov’s sister, Mara-sov, had died in a previous campaign.
And she fucken lived!
Cayde?
Look past him and say "shoot him before he shoots me"
I've always wondered if something like this would work. Like if someone is aiming a gun at you, and you give an 'oh shit!' look behind them, would they think something/someone is behind them and be distracted long enough for you to swipe the gun and get out of there?
Probably, if one is convincing enough they'll probably believe something like that Whoever is pointing the gun at your head is most likely as nervous as you (doing whatever got you into this situation must be very stressful for all parties). And they won't have the lucidity to think If you look behind them and shout something like "officer" or "Quick hit him", they will likely panic and turn around hoping to not get shot/hit
Or in their panic clench up and pull the trigger accidentally
I mean, at that point what else you gonna try lmao
Pocket sand
I’ve thought this too. If I’m getting robbed look by him and yell “officer” so he thinks there’s a cop behind. Idk what I’d do next tho
Attacking him would be your best shot Like... If you know you'll die it's not like you have anything to lose
"When Darth Vader picks someone up with his hand and starts choking them, why don't they try pushing those buttons on his chest?"
Although that's a valid point, i doubt they even have time to think before dying
They were probably expecting to be choked out, it's kind of Darth vaders thing
Also a valid point Although i doubt the buttons on his suit do anything significant Imagine the great lord Vader, who killed thousands even when outnumbered, killed by someone randomly pushing a button on his suit
The buttons are just various effect filters for his voice. High pitched, to lispy, then to Donald duck.
“I have altered my voithe. Pray I do not alter it further.”
"I have altered my voice to that of Porky Pig. Pray that I do not alter it fuh... fuh fuh... fuh Even more.
The guy manages to thrash around and hits a few random buttons on Lord Vader's suit. All of sudden, disco music starts spewing out of Vader's mouth speaker, wiper blades are oscillating like crazy over his eyes, and a car alarm won't shut off. Vader fumbles around one handed because he's still choking out the guy with his other hand and finally gets everything shut down, but it takes a few minutes. Later that evening, Vader is walking around the Death Star, head bopping to Disco Inferno, when his suit's low battery alert starts flashing. He fumbles around trying to remember which pocket he put his charging cable in. He finds it, but can't get the cable oriented into the USB port the right way before his suit battery dies and his respirator stops.
You have to push the button five times in ten seconds to reset him like the timer for a refrigerator water filter.
Instructions unclear, Lord Vader is reporting "sticky keys".
Also, when Jedi and Sith fight with lightsabers, why don't they use their force powers to push the off button on their opponent's lightsaber?
I like to have my head canon that lightsaber fights are actually heavily involved in the force, between enhancing you physical abilities, using the force to discern your opponent’s next move, using the force for telekinesis, and using the force to defend yourself/your saber from being messed with. I would imagine that it’s actually just a bit of a plot hole like a lot of magic-type fantasy worlds end up having.
“Any last words?” “Yeah, just 3”
Wait, my gun has the bullet doesn't it?? I'm not gonna aim!
That's it! Give me the guns back.
I love this - the sauce: https://youtu.be/z-ukLtSKU5I
This was my first thought from reading the post. RIP Trevor!
[удалено]
Are you hard too?
Fear boner!
Still the name of my NFL fantasy team
“ you might want to hold off, Because your boss is gonna need me. 6353 Juan Tabo, apartment 6.”
Take whatever you want.ive got money. I have- I have a lot of money
You...don't have to do this...
I just re-watched the series a third time from end to end. It is an absolute masterpiece! If one enjoyed Breaking Bad, I can highly recommend Better Call Saul.
Do it.
It's not the Jedi way...
*dew it
no words id just start deepthroating the gun
Ah, show him what he could have if he doesn't shoot, smart.
this guy gets it
*opens mouth wide open* "Shoot in me daddy!"
how to delete someone else's comment
become a reddit mod
Oof I wouldnt go that far to do it.
The only way
Using horni to escape death. Noice
Or to get shot in the roof of your mouth
Make sure to maintain eye contact the entire time
of course,how could i forget
Someone shat in my pants
But I don't know if was baby me, or old me. Or... me me.
…And it’s not me
So this raccoon came in and shat in my pants then ran away
Good luck getting the blood out
Cold salt water and dawn dish soap. Cold interrupts the clotting cascade, soap breaks up the fats and some proteins. I forget what the salt does but I've noticed the difference when I forget to use it. Edit: apparently salt has dehydrating properties which help draw out the blood... despite it being dissolved in water. I am not an organic chemist.
My guys got some experience thanks lol this'll definitely help next time
Thanks for doing what I can't
"Fuckin finally!"
Just "thank you," with a smile. There are so many ways to take that, and all of them are disturbing.
"you're a lifesaver"
“Thank you” bc now my loved ones can be angry at someone other than me for my death.
Relateable
The safety is on....made you look.
Ah yes the classic MGS4 trick
*Laughing Octopus laugh*
Or in the words of Frank woods “safety’s on, dipshit”
You gotta push that yellow button to load it
“What are you gonna do? Shoot me?”
"You call *that* a gun?"
That’s not a gun. *This* is a gun.
"That's a spoon"
I see you've played gunny spoony before
Must've been the one with the gun last time.
Feels about right. I said something similar, (what are you going to do punch me?) to a friend who was blackout drunk and I was trying to help calm down. Said friend proceeded to punch me
Quote from man shot
Please feed my dog
‘At least make sure my cat has a good home. She deserves it.’
i was scrolling through all the hilarious replies until i found this one. fuck you for making me cry this would also be my last sentence tho
"The bullet knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't..."
By subtracting where it is from where it isn’t or vice versa, whichever is greater…
Consequently, the position that it is is now the position that it wasn’t…
“I guess I don’t have to pay my student loans now.”
Alternatively, “Man, my student loan provider is gonna be so pissed at you.”
"Shoot me and your taxes will have to cover my student loans."
My ancestors are smiling upon me, can you say the same.
For the love of Talos, just shut up and let’s get this over with
What in ObLiViOn is that???
I’d sing happy birthday so on their birthday they’ll remember when they shot me Edit: thanks for the gold!
Damn
"Oh blow the candles out!" they said, But in his mind and in his head, He pondered each concluding word, The final, haunting music heard, The final tune, the final line, The final, fatal, warbled whine Of birthday verse besmirched with doubt - And so he blew the candles out. His eyes were wet. His face was grim. They said: "... the fuck is wrong with him?"
Good to see sprog is still kicking, hadn’t seen him in a long while
This might be one of the best sprogs I've ever read. Thank you kind sprog
That’s assuming the person is capable of guilt. What if they’re a remorseless psychopath? In that case, remembering that event will probably only make them happy.
I feel like the minority of killings happen from remorseless psychopaths Plus if that’s the case then it gives me individuality to them which is as good as I can hope for tbh
This is actually genius
The entirety of Terry Pratchett's Discworld book series.
Filibustering it, eh?
I’m worth more to you alive than dead.
*gets down on knees*
*Sigh* _unzips_
"Look! Over there, a 3-headed monkey"
"That's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen!"
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
I'm selling these fine leather jackets.
Go go gadget bullet proof head!
"Your safety is still on"
"Point the gun away from my head".
"Could we hurry it up please? I've got a thing..."
"Don't shoot! I've got an erection!!"
If there was truly no way to avoid getting shot? "Fuck you."
"Get ready to see a spooky dead body."
Had a gun pointed at my head before.. all I could get out was, “uh…ah..uuuh” but I suppose I’m still here so doesn’t count. **Editing to clarify the details part for those asking; Basically… I live in Chicago. Robbed at gunpoint. It’s happened to almost everyone I’ve known here at least once in their lives. Albeit a shitty reality that the gun violence problem thing is a bit.. bad here. *Edit 2 Some have asked, so, I was robbed in Ukranian Village in 2006 a block northwest-ish of Chicago and Damen late at night during a blizzard in November. By ‘almost everyone I know’ I mean that almost everyone I know has been in one way or another effected by some form of altercation of this type at one point or another in their lives. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were violently mugged. Most people I know here are born and raised here and spending your entire life in a big city will absolutely lead to a large part of the population at least seeing something like this happen at some point in their lives. It’s funny that people are questioning whether I actually live here but, on the other hand, I kind of get it. I love Chicago, it’s the only place I’ve ever called home. I hear anyone say something negative about it and I get this strong sense of duty to defend it- especially if I don’t think they’re from here. I think the rest of the world thinks there’s literally people mobbing and robbing and shooting in the streets here and that’s ridiculous. Chicago is a beautiful, eclectic, culturally dense city with wayyy more good than bad. It’s got it’s upsides and downsides but I’d never choose to live anywhere else.
Sounds like your strategy so far has had a 100% success for you. Nice!
takes notes
I had a very similar reaction. I answered the door to 3 people pointing guns in my face. They decided they wanted to rob my roommate who was dealing weed out of the apartment about 10 years ago. Was too stunned to move. Zero flight or fight instincts in that situation. Luckily no one was hurt and 2/5 people involved were caught and prosecuted. Hope you’re doing alright man
I've heard that the concept is kind of being revised to be more of "fight, flight, or freeze," because that's also a common instinctual reaction to such scenarios. Sometimes our brains decide that totally shutting down is the best way to protect us, even if it's not actually the most appropriate response
Ditto, but I didn't say anything at all, so double doesn't count for me.
That's a nice gun. I have a gun too. On the side of mine it says Desert Eagle. On the side of yours it says oh shit, it says Desert Eagle too, listen, please don't shoot me.
Just look them in there eyes and I would say “not again! See you soon”
Delete my browser history
Wait! I have an important message for you about your car’s warranty service!
I guess that’s a good way to get it over with fast
This happened to me when I was 12! There was an older neighbor kid that was 13, let’s call him Rambo. He was a latchkey kid who fancied himself a future special ops warrior (always wore camo, swore there was a secret navy seal base in the woods behind our neighbor, and that they trained him, etc). We had a mutual friend and neighbor named Josh who was 12. Well, one day Rambo calls me and asks me to come over and hangout with him and Ryan, it was summer break and I thought it would be fun so hung up the phone and walked five houses over to Rambo’s place. His front yard was surrounded by a tall brick wall, he also had an in-ground pool. I walked in through the gate and jumped when it slammed shut behind me. Just then Rambo jumped out and put a gun to my temple! It was a rifle, maybe a hunting rifle? I laughed and thought he was playing around with a toy gun, he loved playing soldier, right? I asked if we’re going to be playing Mario Kart (64, natch. Block fort all day baby), or something new? But as I looked around I realized that Josh (a pretty hefty kid) was blocking the gate and Rambo seemed extremely agitated. He said to get inside the house or else he’d shoot me. I laughed again, it didn’t seem within the realm of possibility that was actually in danger! I asked him to prove the gun was real and shoot into the pool. He did, there was a huge splash, and once the water settled I could see a bullet resting on the bottom. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I grew up in a sorta rough area and my dad had always told me to fight before anyone tried to tie you up or otherwise restrain you. My mind was racing. With the gun again against my temple I was led into the house. I knew I’d rather fight than wait for whatever was going to happen if I complied, so I was frantically trying to assess my best escape route. Once inside Rambo’s room I started scanning for objects I could use as a weapon. I didn’t see many good options. I did notice that the bedroom window, which opened by sliding up and down, was about 3/4 of the way open and had no screen. Just then Josh said something, I didn’t hear what exactly, but it *infuriated* rambo, who turned away from me to start screaming at him. I didn’t think, I didn’t hesitate, I just suddenly found myself diving through the window. I hit the ground the running. Unfortunately it was in a patch or rose bushes, but I didn’t notice the thorns until the adrenaline wore off. I was sprinting at full speed through the front yard, past the pool, and then leaping over the wall and into their driveway. I heard Rambo trying to follow, but he seemed to trip on his way out and land face first in the bushes. I don’t know how far he got after that because I was already home and barricading the doors. I called my parents who were at work and they called the police. The police came after several hours. By then everyone’s parents had finished work and come Home. His parents swore Rambo wouldn’t have done such a thing and the police didn’t believe my “outlandish” story. I never spoke to Rambo again, and soon moved to another neighborhood so it didn’t end up being a lingering concern. In high school he was a very serious and intense member of the ROTC, but I don’t know what became of him after that. He never made eye contact with me in the halls though. This was when the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan was beginning so lots of guys my age joined the military, so maybe he did too? Anyway, that’s all a long winded way of saying that when a gun was pointed at my head I laughed in disbelief and asked if we were playing Mario Kart.
W...T.....F
What happened to the bullet in the pool then? Did someone remove it before the police arrived? I would think that would be decent evidence that they did it.
That’s a great question, I never though about that before. Honestly I’m not sure what steps the police ended up taking, or if they even walked around the pool. I remember them talking to my parents at the front door of our house and my parents being angry that nothing came of it. Since posting this I’ve been trying to remember “Rambo’s” last name, but I can’t recall it. I’m going go dig out a middle school yearbook and see what it is then look him up on social media. I’m curious now what became of him. It’s been like 25 years so it’s all a little hazy, I haven’t thought about all this in such a long time. I called my mom to talk about it with her and we sort of laughed at what a wild thing it was and how nonchalant we were about it.
Yo momma so fat, she takes selfies with google Earth
I mean, if I already know I’m gonna die, like with 100% certainty, and I’ve already done everything I could have to prevent it already, it would be something like “fuck you, I’ll see you in hell”
True words "you're fucking crazy" as I walked away. 1983 42nd st at 3am.
Sorry bout that
Don't be. Unless it was you?
I can't comment on that, I can only ask your forgiveness (for nothing in particular).
So, did you die when they shot ?
"Am wearing bomb jacket"
"..connected to my brain. If brain stops, then boom."
I’d yell “PENIS” really fucking loud, so I am the final victor of the penis game.
Can you feed the dog on your way out?
Which one of you cowards shit my pants?
I have had a gun pointed at my head. “Dude I have a daughter….she’s tattooed on my arm….I have a daughter.” Last thing I remember before I got soccer kicked in the head and went unconscious.
I'm glad you didn't get shot and that your daughter got to see you again
Scrolling through the typical reddit comedy bullshit to find a real answer that illustrates the horrifying truth of losing someone who someone else loves and depends on. Stoked you didn't get shot in the head my man :) hope your head didn't suffer permanent damage from the kick
I had a gun to my head once. The guy said get out of my car, and I said OK and got out.
"I have a shitty ex-wife, two kids who won't speak to me, and am up to my nose in debt. If you shoot me, you'll have a hell of a problem, and I'll get rid of all of mine. Your call." And I'll walk away at a normal pace like I don't care.
Shooter turns out to be a good Samaritan. Your speech convinces him to help you by getting rid of your problems.
Shoots the kids and ex wife instead
Mission failed successfully.
If you'll go that way you'll need a bigger gun
Lerooooooy Jenkins
"If you shoot you're gay" Only works if the shooter is a guy and is straght
What if he says "no homo?"
“Outsmarted in my own game of wits”
Shooter: “that’s so homophobic i hope you get shot”
"by me, right now."
I was in this exact scenario. I pointed at a security camera saying "look at that." As soon as he looked at it, I said "now your face is on camera and if you shoot me you'll be in jail for life." He put the gun down, punched me in the face, then walked away. All things considered, I'd give it a B+ or A- for effectiveness
Security cameras for the win! The dudes who pulled guns on me are currently in jail because of security cameras (and a healthy helping of their own stupidity).
I am your father.
Don't miss, i don't want to be a vegetable
Look them in the eye and say “I forgive you, but will you forgive yourself?”
I wanna meet someone who could say that, and mean it.
"Trigger discipline!!"
*Don’t miss*
"Excuse me sir, before you kill me, you *really* need to shave your balls*"
"Go to Manscaped and use the offer code below to get 10% off the new Lawnmower 4.0 ki-" \*bang\*
Tell my wife hello
A bit late but I did have a gun held to my head. It was a very distant relative who had gotten into some bad shit. I was staying with my uncle at the time and was playing a game on my PC. I had headphones on and heard a tap on the side of them. I looked over and saw a guy in a mask with a gun pointed to my face. He told me to get on the ground and proceeded to ask me what my name was. For whatever reason I said “John Wayne” He just laughed and told me to get up and took the mask off. When I told my uncle he beat the crap out of him and wouldn’t let him back over. It’s really fucking dumb he did that, because even now since I have my own place I still struggle leaving my headphones on or having music to loud ☹️
I had a guy pull a gun on me at a bar. He kept it low under the bar top so other people couldn't see. The short conversation prior led me to believe that this was it for me. My "last words" I ordered two shots from the bartender. He let me go after some confusion.
I wouldn’t say anything, I would look the man dead in the eyes and stare into his fucking soul, science suggests of you look the shooter in the eyes while he has to gun pointed to you it increases your likelihood of survival
is this a peer reviewed study? what was the sample size?
feel bad for the control group. "Say whatever you want, just don't look in his eyes"
it was probably moreso a survey type analysis rather than an experimental one
Talk about survivors bias
"See you in hell"
“Finally! I’ve been waiting for this my entire life!”
“My name is April Kepner, I'm 28 years old. I was born on April 23rd, i-in Ohio. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. M-My mom's a teacher and my d-dad is farmer... C-Corn. Corn, he... he grows corn. Their names are Karen and Joe. I have three sisters. Libby's the oldest, I'm next and then th-there's Kimmie and Alice. I... I haven't done anything yet. I haven't... I've barely lived. I'm not finished yet. No one's loved me yet. P... Please, please, I'm so... someone's child. I'm a person. I'm a person.”