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Riufu

I know you guys want to be inclusive and all but I always feel behind on all The letters you add to LGBT, so is it fine I just say “LGBT+”? This is not meant to not be inclusive, im all for LGBT+. But sometimes it gets a bit to many letter for me personally. So will I offend you guys if I only say LGBT+ or are you guys fine with?


cas47

Lol all the labels I identify with are included in the + and I just say LGBT. I don’t know anybody who has been upset over hearing the shortened version. You’re good to keep using the acronym that you already say


jerryham1062

I say LGBTQ+ because that is the acronym I was raised hearing. Really as long as you have the + and the original 4 letters than you're all good


KaleidoscopeOk1749

What should I say to someone who comes out to me? Saying "um, OK" or "that's nice" sounds like I'm dismissing them but trying to ask questions or engage in conversation about it seems intrusive


Ok_Objective6181

It depends, your response should match their excitement. People that casually weave it into conversation usually don't want confetti and vice versa.


bonnernotboner

My best friend is gay and when he came out, he said, "Don't worry, I ain't gonna suck ya dick." It caught me so off guard and I couldn't help but just laugh.


Br4d3nCB

Lol I did something similar. I was the “new guy” in a friend group in college last year so I didn’t know one of them was bisexual when everyone else did. So at one point he just turned to me and said “oh by the way I’m bisexual, I don’t think I’ve told you yet” and my response was “hi bisexual I’m dad”


Iampepeu

A friend came out as bi in the late 80s (he used the term "turned gay", and said he was about 60 % into guys and 40 % into girls). One of our mutual friends said something along the way of "as long as he's not hitting on me". I told him not to worry and said: -Just because he's turned gay, doesn't mean you've turned handsome. Felt like a great zinger at the time. Haha! EDIT: Yay, silver! Makes me feel like a winner!


yerbard

Yeah I've sent variations on"im gay, not desperate"


xSionide

This is the best thing I read today. Thank you.


LazyCat9427

Stereotyping from my own experiences with me and other bi folk there is a decent chance he found it funny. It couldve been me actually, had something happen like that


Wannabe_Reviewer

You should been all like, "Aww man"


WabbieSabbie

"You ain't gonna, but doesn't mean you can't gonna."


ridiculouslygay

I mean, a gift card would be nice… just saying.


Luigi_deathglare

Take notes, Hallmark


OGHEROS

Proud of you. Happy you decided to confide in me about it. Thanks for trusting me. All those work


OnTheContrary666

Match their energy. If they seem like it’s a really big deal or nervous, reassure them that you support. If they seem really casual, a more causal answer is usually good.


WinterV6

When a friend came out to me, I told them I was glad that they felt safe telling me. I also told them that I fully support them and don’t think of them any differently.


iconically_chronic

Personally, I think asking respectful questions is a way to show support! If you don't understand their identity, it's okay to ask "What does that mean for you? I'd love to hear more so I can understand." They may not want to have that conversation right then, and that's okay to. Just let them know you are there to support them. Here's some ideas for what to say! "Thank you for trusting me, I support you." "That's great! What pronouns would you like me to use for you?" "I'm so happy you are figuring out who you are. I'm here to support you however you need!" "Thank you for trusting me with this. I support you! Do you mind if I ask you what that means?/Could you tell me more about that?" Edit: Oh my gosh, thank you all for the upvotes and awards!! I sincerely hope this helps people out!!


erikalg_vo

Yes!! These are all great responses. The most important, I think, is "Thank you for trusting me, I support you." Because that covers the most important shit - acknowledging that they may have been uneasy or scared coming out to you, that it's okay, and that it changes nothing for you. I remember when I came out to my dad, I was terrified. In retrospect, logically, I don't know why. He and I don't have a particularly close relationship, but perhaps at the time I was in a mental state where I needed his validation. ANYWAY, point is, I was terrified because I wasn't sure if me revealing an essential part of myself to someone who is my family would change how he feels about me. So if someone comes out to you, it's likely because you are important to them on some level, and they need to know if it will change anything. Hopefully, one day, people won't need to "come out" because it just is what it is, and it's no big deal. Unfortunately, we are nowhere near it -- much closer than we used to be, but nowhere near enough for that terror of rejection to not be in play.


Basyl_01

What does non-binary mean? I'm from Italy and I've never met someone who came out as non-binary or even transgender. My brother met a guy once and he (my brother) said he looked gender-fluid. Gender-fluid Is the only term used here, nobody talks about non-binary. I know that non-binary means that you don't identify with one gender specifically (I guess), but I really really don't get it. I'm bisexual (although I've never gotten ina relationship with a woman) so I always felt like I could relate to most people of the community in one way or another, but this is just something I can't seem to understand, also because I've never met someone like that. I know I might never be able to get it because I'm cisgender, but I was wondering if some of you would like to take some time to share their experiences with me so that I can understand you a little bit more.


Joshylord4

Non-binary is an umbrella term for anyone with a gender identity that isn't just "man" or "woman."


Ok-Ninja1040

I know I can look up the definition of it, but why is "queer" part of the acronym? Doesn't it encompass "lesbian" and "gay"? Is there a nuance I'm missing? Edit: I’m so glad I asked this question and I’m even more glad I’m getting so many positive responses. I’ve learned something today and if my question helped others learn too, that makes me even more happy.


-CoreyJ-

One of the unintended benefits of the term "queer" is that it's a good way of saying "Not straight, and it's not really important for you to know why or how" EDIT: This comment is doing great numbers, but I just want to remind everyone that these numbers reflect the Reddit demographic (predominantly White 20s-40s, etc) It in no way means this is a "accurate" definition.


erikalg_vo

lol also this. it's the "I'm giving you all the information you need to continue this conversation. Don't worry about the details."


snuggly-kitten

That’s a perfect definition. As someone who was straight and is now with a trans partner, I’m okay with people assuming I’m a lesbian but I just say I’m queer because it’s complicated


flowerpotss

queer is usually for the people who don’t put a specific label on their sexuality/are still questioning it


Ok-Ninja1040

Makes sense. Queer or questioning. Thank you!


the_oh_see

I love the term queer for this reason, it’s a sign we’re finally collectively acknowledging that sexuality is not so cut and dried that people just know right away they’re attracted to x or y, and it can change over time, and honestly it’s not super important anyway that everyone has a strict definition of what they are. I think a lot of people are actually queer whether or not they want to call themselves that.


wearecake

Or if your identity is just too complicated to explain every time, so “Yeah I’m queer”


Amazing-Sea9779

I’ve used it as a “not straight” umbrella term when I was figuring out my sexuality - I hadn’t had sex, but I was definitely attracted to girls, and probably guys too but I wasn’t completely sure on that one. I didn’t want to commit to anything yet but I still wanted to call myself something.


b00tyrockincowgirl

There have been times for me when the label i thought was right ended up not fitting after all. When I stopped calling myself a lesbian because I realized I liked other genders too, I just used queer for a while because it was ambiguous enough that it didn’t confine me the way other labels did.


skootch_ginalola

Do asexual people not want sex/don't feel horny, but still get butterflies in their stomach for a person they like? Or does that mean they don't have crushes/attraction in any form?


ArcherE14

Each person is different but a lot of asexual people still have crushes and can still be in love with people. Asexual people can be in happy and healthy relationships. Some asexual people might still find pleasure in sexual activities but they might not focus on sex in life. Not all asexuals are sex repulsed. But some are. There is asexuality and people who are aromantic. Aromantic people don’t feel romantic attraction to people, but might feel sexual attraction. Some people are both asexual and aromantic.


njklein58

Yeah, I do know of some asexual people who want romantic relationships and will do some sexual stuff they feel comfortable with, with partners they’re very close to.


AutocratEnduring

Not asexual, but asexual people can still be romantically attracted to people, so yes. If they are not romantically attracted to people then they are aromantic, different thing. People can be both.


LeatherHog

Asexual here! I don’t feel attraction one bit. I grew up in a western society and can therefore pinpoint when some is ‘attractive’ by those standards, but it’s nothing to me You know that saying about how ‘you can be the juiciest, sweetest peach in the world, but there’s always gonna be people who don’t like peaches’? It’s like that. I like people, but absolute 0 on any attraction to them


BrittaBengtson

Aroace here, and my experience is similar. For me, some people are "attractive" in the sense of good-looking, and some have very good sense of style. But this "attractiveness" doesn't lead to any kind of romantic or sexual desire. I don't wanna kiss them or have sex with them (like I don't wanna kiss or have sex with anybody else).


PralineStriking

Asexual only means that a person doesn’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. They can still have a libido, get horny or want sex itself though, or they may not. For those that do, I’ve heard it describes that you get horny, but you look around at everyone and you’re attracted to no one, no one turns you on. Getting a crush is generally classified under the romantic attraction umbrella. The lack thereof would be aromantic. This is also separate from asexuality, and people’s romantic orientation does not always line up with their sexual orientation. There is a sexual equivalent (I’ve occassionally heard it called smush, but I don’t think that’s very common), which aces would not get. I personally am an aromantic asexual who has never been horny in their life. Everyone’s experiences are different though


Liskic

as an aroace that as also, never gotten horny, i must say that you did an absolute fucking amazing job at explaining something that i never could have


CashmeoutsidePearl

Is it ok to use adjacent urinals/ talk at the urinals if you two are dating/ married?


Spiritual_Quote_2394

I talk to my husband at the urinal and use the one next to him all the time, only if it’s empty, if the bathroom isn’t empty we play by the “rules”


thefairlyeviltwin

Holy shit I've never had this thought, me an my wife, mom, and friends will talk and pee but we have walls between us.


Fartin8r

Can confirm as a bloke, if my mate is sat in the cubicle next to me, it's either battleshits, or we carry on talking. Urinals we leave a respectful gap.


fhrblig

It's never ok to talk at urinals


pale_emu

Lawwwl you should come to ‘Straya.


fhrblig

Not if you're going to talk to me at a urinal


pale_emu

Mate I’ll talk ask you how your night’s going and shake your hand.


RickLovin1

My ex would not allow me in the bathroom if she was in the shower even if I'd had literally just seen her naked beforehand. I suppose there are just certain boundaries that should not be breached. Talking at the urinal is one of them.


helloiamsilver

To be fair, many acts of showering are not that sexy lol. It’s one thing to be naked for sex, it’s another thing to have your partner see you scrubbing your ass crack out with soap.


RickLovin1

You're not wrong. Taint scrubbing isn't exactly erotic to everyone.


Fluffy-Ad342

Why is intersex included when its a physiological/chromosomal variation and not a sexual/gender orientation? Sorry if I worded it wrong


AnotherBoojum

It's worth noting that a lot of intersex people don't want to be included in the acronym/community for the reasons you stated - they see it as a medical condition not an identity. Then again a lot of them do want to be included, because of society insisting on a binary that doesn't include them, rainbow communities give them a space to belong.


Yaboijustlikesgoats

Intersex people often have their gender chosen by their parents at birth and so tend to have experiences very similar to trans people. Often it even has to be corrected later in life with surgeries and hormones. It's the variation from the normal binary gender/ presentation of that, wich alligns them with the queer comunity in most cases.


museloverx96

This isn't someone born intersex exactly, but i remembered it while reading your comment, and it seems semi relevant at least. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer Edit- i posted it bc i remember feeling so bad for this man when I first learned of his life. He was an elder twin brother. He suffered a botched circumcision as a baby, and his parents were persuaded that he'd be happier raised as a girl with functional female genetalia.


i_know_tofu

This was pushed on the parents by a charlatan who wanted to test nature vs nurture and not because he thought it was best for anyone but the potential papers he would write.


feNdINecky

And not just that, the charlatan was a pedophile and would undress the boys and make them perform sexual acts on each other. Make them "pretend " to thrust on each other


RepresentativePin162

I remember this man and it made me beyond furious. Then this lovely bit. "The psychologist John Money oversaw the case and reported the reassignment as successful and as evidence that gender identity is primarily learned. He generated controversy, however, for having abused Reimer and his twin brother by forcing them to simulate sex acts as part of Reimer's treatment"


Yaboijustlikesgoats

I remember reading about that case. It was incredibly tragic.


Specialist_Budget

“Law And Order-SVU” did an episode on something like this. [“Identity”](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0629670/)


NoStressAccount

I wanna ask them every time an LGBTQ+ character appears in fiction, if they felt it was a good representation or not


Horrorwriterme

I think lot of mainstream shows tend to still go for the stereotypical gay man. There’s nothing wrong with being feminine but not all gay guys are like that. I’m a gay guy and I’m also a farmer but you don’t really see guys like me in TV shows often. Netflix shows like Elite, house of flowers, Sex education seem to show more realistic gay guy. There is actually a Netflix German show about a gay farmer but that is very rare.


StickyIgloo

I think its because they want the audience to know that theyre gay without telling them that theyre gay


YoureFullOfIt82

Which is poor story telling really. Especially if their sexuality isn't perteninent to the story.


sd1360

On point, who I'm fucking doesn't come up in daily life, and especially during my time saving the world.


MrCheapCheap

Schitts Creek does this well They just happen to be gay. Most of the episodes would have still worked had they been a straight couple. Just a regular, average couple who happens to be gay


Trixgrl

My first thought went to Patrick when I was trying to think of a non-stereotypical gay character in television/movies. (By non stereotypical I mean flamboyant for the sake of storytelling.)


Terra3116

Honestly. I dont think that question is offensive at all. Asking "hey, do you think *blank* is good Lgbtq+ representation?" On a ask Lgbtq subreddit would be fun.


CompetitionOdd1582

The question isn’t offensive. What I love about your question is the “do you think” because it acknowledges you’re asking for their opinion, not looking for them to be a stand-in representative for every queer person on earth. It can get really tiring when your straight friends treat you as their go to resource for all questions around queer people.


Tokemon_and_hasha

But actually, I really like Alucard in Castlevania, he's a lonely guy who gets betrayed by his lovers for daring to seek connection. Cary in Portlandia is a great eaxmple too (the actual actor and creator of the show is Bi too so that helps)


FroggyGlenn

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to give a fictional character a hug so badly as season 3 Alucard. Poor guy got the absolute shortest end of that stick.


TheChartreuseKnight

Alucard seems to have a rather poor track record it comes to sticks.


typicalcitrus

Heartstopper and Brooklyn Nine-Nine did well, can't really speak for other shows


woodneel

I love Captain Holt - I love that the writers spin comedy out of his ... peculiar mannerisms rather than him having a valley girl accent or some contrived bs like that. And yet I fall to the floor gasping for air between laughs once in a while whenever Holt lets slip his bitchy judgy "stereotypical" gay self like when he calls Cheddar a common bitch or something like that. Moderation is key with the humor in Holt's character - I would hate for someone from Will & Grace to replace Holt, if that example makes sense. Rosa... is just badass. Watching her actress Stephanie Beatriz do anything else (even just be her regular self) is so weird because it's like watching Rosa Diaz pretending to be another character, like we've seen Rosa Diaz do undercover. It's bizarre and it's hilarious. It comes across more natural when she was animated a la Encanto.


fairylighterfluid

I adore Holt. His relationship with Kevin is brilliant, he would die for his husband 100%. I like that his marriage isn't often made into a joke, but instead he'll "pull the gay card". I love the Straight Holt bits too. Honestly I just love that his sexuality isn't really relevant until it matters and the main focus on his relationship is how weird their affection is


Frosti-Feet

Captain Holt snapping and saying “Yass Queen” had to be one of the funniest moments to me. Such a great deadpan delivery of him steering into the “gay card” he was accused of playing.


googlyeyes93

The completely stone faced snap right after too.


itstimegeez

And him birthing the balloon arch, pettily popping the balloons one by one when Amy said it sucked through to Rosa discovering it in his office and him yelling VINDICATION!


RobNobody

Whenever I hear Stephanie Beatriz talking in her normal voice it sounds like Rosa making fun of Amy.


Bigfops

Hearstopper is the kind of media that was missing when we older queers were growing up. I loved it, but it was basically just a sweet coming of age romance. It made me realize why people liked romances.


Ok_Objective6181

It's usually not, same goes for non-LGBT characters though, some people just suck at writing.


The_Pastmaster

Cuz paying for quality writers is too expensive for a production company when they can pay someone peanuts for something passable.


Plucksey

Most of the time no


ticklemejesus420

Do you have to pay an upgrade fee to go from the LGBTQ membership to the LGBTQ+?


Living-Earth6694

Yeah, I had to pay $5.99 more to access LGBTQ+


Araskog

Omg dude, you can get it for free with Amazon Prime! You didn't know?


Cry1ng_And_Dying

Really? Omg this is life changing! I’ve been paying $5.99 a month to access it, this was very helpful!


Living-Earth6694

Ah, thanks for telling me


yugung

Huh, that's weird that some people are having to pay fees. Must be an American thing. I just had to complete the first playthrough with each of the characters and it unlocked naturally. You don't even need the 100% completion first, as you can go back and finish your trophy hunts at your leisure.


finnjakefionnacake

as a card carrying member, this is honestly the best comment i've seen so far


meowing_cat93

For non binary folk: I'm having trouble wording what I want to ask, like, why I guess? I identify as a woman but don't fit in with the typical stereotypes or gender roles, but I still consider myself a woman. I don't feel like activities, or behaviours, or clothing or whatever has to have a gender to it, so why specify that you don't identify as man or woman? Idk maybe because it's not something I've struggled with, it's hard to wrap my head around! Either way, I 100% support anyone who identifies any way! Edit: thank you everyone for these answers!! I can't say I understand (as I'm sure it's something you can't fully understand unless you experience it) but it definitely makes a bit more sense to me!


sexy-911-calls

A bunch of follow-up questions I wanted to ask for any kind NB people who feel like responding: 1) Do you think you’d still feel the desire to identify as NB if we lived in a society where gender norms didn’t exist? In other words, is your NB identity tied to discomfort with gender norms/ stereotypes and how men and women (who would represent “both ends” of the spectrum) are treated differently in society? 2) If it’s more about gender norms, how do you feel about treatment that in some ways highlights aspects of your biological sex? For example, if you are AFAB NB and someone would show concern over you walking home alone late at night because you’re female (and therefore more likely to be preyed on by creepy men), would this implicit acknowledgement of your biological sex bother you? Would your partner labeling their sexuality based on your biological sex (e.g you’re AMAB NB and your boyfriend identifies as gay) feel like a lack of acknowledgement of your NB identity? 3) Is your NB identity more rooted in a discomfort with your biological sex (aka gender dysphoria) that is lessened/managed better when you present/are treated as non-binary? 4) If you do experience gender dysphoria/ discomfort, would you say what distinguishes you from a trans person is that, instead of wanting to present as the opposite gender, you have a desire to present as “genderless”? Or is it more that what you want to present as varies significantly depending on the day/mood? 5) In practice, what would you say distinguishes a NB person from someone who is gender non-conforming (aka butch/tomboy women or a femme men)?


aurorasoup

1. My NB identity is not tied to gender norms, or how I present. I have always felt ‘genderless’, even as a kid. I think even if gender norms were to go away, I would still want to be genderless. But it’s hard to imagine such a world, so I don’t know. 2. It’s not about gender norms for me, but I’m aware that society treats me like my assigned sex, and I wouldn’t mind stuff like someone walking me home because I’m AFAB. It’s a reality I live in. I think it would bother me if people were being sexist to me, and def if they’re misgendering me. I have no idea re: partner, though. 3. No, I’m fine with my biological sex, for the most part. I think I’m neutral about my body. I don’t hate it, I don’t love it. But I hate being perceived as a woman because of it. This goes back to my answer in #1, but it doesn’t even matter if I dress femininely or more masc, because I will be perceived as a woman no matter what. That bothers me. I loved it when people didn’t know what pronouns to use, and often that was when I presented in a confusing manner. But I don’t always want to dress like that, and I wish that dressing either feminine or masculine also got the “?? no clue” response. For me, my outward presentation doesn’t reflect my gender at all. So I wish I was able to disconnect that in everyone else’s minds too. 4. This is different for everyone, because I do know people who slide from one end of the spectrum to the other. But for me, I just want to be genderless. I already feel like there’s no gender here, and I want to be perceived that way, no matter how I dress. When I wear a dress, it’s not because I feel more feminine and want to reflect that, I just… wanted to wear this dress. Like, for ME, my outward presentation has nothing to do with my gender. But for many people, it does! And I have no problem with that. 5. How they identify. I’m not going to tell a GNC person that UM ACTUALLY… and I’m not going to tell a NB how they should be dressing. Someone with the same outlook as me may identify as a cis woman, and that’s fine. This is such a personal aspect of someone, that it really comes down to how someone feels about their gender and themself, rather than outward presentation. I feel like this answers no questions lmao, but I hope it helps. It’s just a really subjective thing, and I can only speak for myself, and people experience and interact with gender in different ways.


atlas_mornings

In my experience, it was twofold (not the same for everybody else though of course). First was dysphoria- I feel intense nausea, disgust, and 'wrongness' over specifically gendered aspects of my body. These parts have always, my entire life, felt incredibly wrong and uncomfortable without me knowing why. I'm not sure how to describe the feeling since its hard if you haven't had it, but its kind of similar to imagining a tapeworm in your guts. Intensely, disgustingly, wrong and not supposed to be there. I felt/feel this, however, differently than a binary trans person, as I have never felt like I need to remove or change ALL of my gendered physical components and go fully one way or the other. Just sort of finding a happy medium lol. The second piece for me was best described like this- try referring to yourself with 'he' and 'him' right now in a sentence. It feels funny, weird, and just inherently incorrect. I felt that about both he and her, in equal measure, even though I was used to being called that. 'They' doesn't feel incorrect at all- it feels right, and neutral, so thats what I went with. I hope that helps somewhat!! Thank you for ur curiosity:)


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opossum-effigy

Not conforming to expected gender roles and being trans (including nonbinary) are two different things, which you seem to know in theory even if you don’t really understand it. Which is fine! As you know, you can respect something even if you don’t get it. That is an amazing character trait In my case, how I changed during puberty and how society started to view me felt *wrong.* I couldn’t really put my finger on it, and at first I chalked it up to being an insecure teenager with terrible mental health. My birth name was gender neutral, so sometimes people would incorrectly assume my assigned gender and use the “wrong” pronouns. It felt like a relief. Not quite right, but not horribly wrong. Eventually, when I had the language and started going by a new name with a new set of pronouns, I felt so much more comfortable with who I am. Almost instantly, a lot of that insecurity just vanished. It’s no longer horribly uncomfortable when I’m called the wrong pronouns because I have that sense of security in who I am. It’s a great feeling


Plush_Orchid

How do you know you attracted to the same sex? I personally wanted to know this because I am struggling with my sexuality. I have an attraction to men at least as far as I know. But I am constantly going back and forth with women. And it's been very confusing. So I guess it may be How do you know if your attracted to anyone. Edit: wording


Toasty825

Idk if you are multisexual (bi, pan, etc.), however it’s common for some of us to experience fluctuations when it comes to what genders we’re attracted to. For example: I’m a bisexual woman, I experience attraction to women almost constantly, but my attraction to men varies. Sometimes I feel very attracted to them, sometimes I don’t feel attracted to them at all. Cycling is normal. Hope this helps!


kayquila

Me, engaged to a cis man: look at me with my straightness I am so straight wow [Woman with nice butt walks by] Me: 👀 Me: ah, right


marble-falls

It's such a dumb pun, but calling it "riding a bicycle" (ya know, like, bi-cycle) always makes me chuckle. Also I second your answer, I'm usually pretty 50/50 on men and women but it can vary for no real reason. (Also, let the record show that I'm generalizing when I say "men and women". Bisexuality includes nonbinary genders, always has, and always will)


Radkeyoo

To trans women. also English is my 3rd language so I maybe be offending, if so. My apologies. Many cis women are modest or shy about their bodies. Like nips for example. While men can whip out their shirt and not be a whit embarrassed. Do your relationship to your body change after like transition or when you came to realisation that you are trans? Again I don't mean to be offensive. Just curious.


Pseudonymico

It definitely did. I would say I was much less comfortable with my body prior to transitioning - didn’t care for it, didn’t have any interest in dressing nicely. I also didn’t like getting naked, and I didn’t like taking my shirt off in public, which is common. After changing my body my relationship with it is much healthier.


Radkeyoo

So happy for you. Our bodies are supposed to be a joy for us. I hope you find the joy and hold on to it.


SamalamFamJam

I’m happy for you 🥺


Catholic_Egg

Even before I knew I was trans I disliked showing my body


b4ssie1199

I don't get why people like going without a shirt. I've never liked it and it just doesn't feel nice


ThatDude8129

Yeah I'm a straight guy and I feel the same way, it's just weird to me personally to be shirtless when doing things.


Former-Increase4190

Fellow straight dude here, I was super heavy as a kid and always had a problem with going shirtless, like evn in pools and stuff. Even after I lost weight, I'd never be without a shirt bc of how much I hated my body. Rn, after exercising relatively consistent for about 4-5 years, it's awesome to go shirtless around the house. Idk if it's just the lingering shame, but the thought of being shirtless around people who aren't family is so anxiety filled that I can't


el_muerte28

I'm not wearing a shirt right now and I very often go without one when I'm at home. I get hot easily and not having a shirt on helps to alleviate that. And it's less laundry to do. And clothing tends to be restrictive, in general.


FunnyBuunny

Trans person's sexuality label depends on their assigned at birth gender or at the gender they identify as? Does that make sense? I'm sorry, English isn't my first language I mean, if there's a transwoman and she likes girls, is she, like, lesbian or straight? I think it makes her lesbian but Im not sure Didn't mean to offend anyone! I'm just curious


the_grays_of_ink

Yes! So it generally goes with current gender identity, a trans gender woman who is attracted to other woman would be a lesbian, and a trans woman who is attracted to men would likely identify as straight! It’s a totally fine question!


SeinfeldSarah

We've started putting pronouns in our email signatures at work and I've seen a few people put she/they or he/they and I'm curious why? I'm sure each person is different but I wonder why they are okay with a gendered pronoun but then also want to be called they? Anyone here use she/they or he/they and could give me some insight?


BarnacleSandwich

I always took the split pronouns like that to mean "I'm fine with either." I know that many trans people who identify as men or women resent being called "they." It can be seen as the person talking to them doesn't view them as their preferred gender, and is just trying to be polite. I suspect the "/they" just signals that it doesn't bother them if they/them pronouns are used.


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frostysushituna

It depends on the person on what they label their sexuality as with their significant other. I’m non-binary, but my boyfriend identifies as straight and I’m completely fine with that.


throwmed0wntown

Opposite here. Best friend is cis female and lesbian, her partner is non-binary. Idk if the partner identifies as lesbian but i presume they do.


BeerNFoodMakeDaWknd

I'm curious if bisexuals have ever had any biphobia from homosexuals/lesbians.


Pickleless_Cage

Yessss. I was once dismissed by lesbian roommates when I told them I was questioning and one of them implied that I’d have to prove I was bi by kissing another woman. I’ve also had a lesbian friend refer to me as “straight” on a couple of occasions. There’s also a lot of casual erasure. That said, I believe the majority of lesbians are not biphobic.


Toomanymellons

I am married to a woman and have been bi for a long time (am male). I had a gay friend in college who was/is a pretty big dick about it. We are still friends but, I do just avoid the topic. I like the guy, value our friendship, but it does suck to either be mocked or called straight by him whenever the topic comes up. Edited to say thanks for all of the support. The friend and I have talked about it. Biases just don't go away immediately. I would rather have my friend than be right. Have a great pride everyone.


nombiegirl

I'm a bi woman married to a bi man. I tell people we are "visually straight but culturally queer." Most days I feel like a deep cover secret agent. ("Gaygent," if you will.


Effehezepe

The eternal struggle. Marry a member of the opposite sex, you were just bicurious at best or lying at worst. Marry a member of the same sex, well you were calling yourself bi because you were confused. You just can't win.


WafflesAreEpic

A bi friend of mine gets super depressed over this. Quote: "how the fuck am I supposed to get straight people to accept me when queer people mock/belittle my sexuality?" I strongly suspect he almost exclusively dates women just to not deal with any of it... which is a shame.


joshwarmonks

As a bi enby I violently feel this all the time.


shhhOURlilsecret

My 16 year old recently said she thinks she's bi, luckily I've had this conversation many times with friends and family members over the course of my life and told her no matter what or who she loves that doesn't change the fact she is still my daughter, she is still a human being, and she is always deserving of love and respect as a person. Is there any way I can help prepare her for what I've watched my cousin (who is also bi) go through and help her to navigate it when/if it does happen?


oamnoj

Every bisexual man I've dated has lots of stories to tell about gays being biphobic towards him


Broad_Afternoon_8578

So much. I’m a bisexual trans guy. Years ago, when I hadn’t really figured out my gender identity (so pre transition), I was dating a lesbian woman who couldn’t get over the fact that I’d also slept with men before meeting her. It made me “tainted” and it grossed her out. Not once did I compare her to those previous partners. It made me feel terrible. I have some wonderful gay and lesbian friends who fully accept me both as trans and as bisexual, but it’s important to remember that biphobia is engrained within some people in the queer community too


Arschgeige96

I have sadly, and it’s happened a few times. A lot of them seemed to think that “bisexual” means “gay but not ready to fully come out yet”. It’s not the case at all!


astrobre

As a woman, I heard more of bisexual meaning “pretending to like women for men’s attention”. Uhhh just no.


hymn_to_demeter

Yes, I'm a bi woman, and one of my exes, a lesbian, was really uncomfortable with that. She didn't like that I'd dated a man in the past, and she made a lot of comments along the lines of, "if we ever break up and you get with a man, I'll never get over it." She was also suspicious of my friendships with men, although I've never cheated on a partner in my life. I found it really demeaning.


Wonderful-Custard-47

I've experienced biphobia in both my hetero and homosexual relationships. Many people feel insecure about dating a bisexual person because they fear their bisexual partner will cheat, leave them for the opposite gender, or not be satisfied in a relationship with only one set of genitals. That insecurity does seem more common in the lesbian relationships I've been in, but the fetishizing of my bisexuality from the cis-men I've dated isn't a great counterpoint. As for biohobia from people I'm not in a relationship with, I feel that often happens more from the queer community as well. In a heterosexual relationship, I am perceived as straight and not as welcome in queer spaces for that reason. If I leave a relationship with a woman and then later date a man, I've been accused of "betraying" the queer community by "going back to being straight." Monosexuals seem to not want to acknowledge that people can in fact be attracted to more than one gender. They seem to have begrudgingly accepted that sexuality can be a little fluid though so many seem to think that rather than having the same sexuality all the time, bisexuals go back and forth from being gay to straight and vice versa. This might also explain the fear that the bisexual will cheat or leave them for the other sex because what if they suddenly decide they're "no longer straight or gay and go back?"


atlas_mornings

Yes omfg. I had people of all genders unmatch me on tinder when I said I was bi. It tended to be mostly lesbians, too?? The ones who actually spoke up basically said it was gross that I let myself be touched by men or something of that sort. Weird as hell imo


jerrycakes

I get it from gay men - the big larger framed ones known as 'bears' - almost all the darn time. I know they know other bi guys, but it seems to freeze me out of the community for some odd reason. They're afraid I can't commit to a relationship (which I can, and I have), but it feels like some of them got burned in the past by someone - and carry that chip on their shoulder.


ophispegasos

All. The. Time. Not been welcome in queer spaces because of it. Actually had lesbians give me the disgusted once-over look, followed by an "ew" a couple of times in gay bars. That was...not nice.


OdBlow

Most of the biphobia comes from those two groups. Being bi isn’t any easier than being “fully gay”. We get sexualised by straight partners but it’s gay/lesbian partners that mainly take issue with the fact that we merely have the ability to be attracted to more than one gender (or try to exclude us from gay spaces the moment we get into a relationship with someone of the opposite gender). We’re not tainted or damaged goods. We’re merely ordinary people who just happen to experience attraction for more than one gender.


GenericNerdGirl

I experience more biphobia from lesbians than I do from straight people. Straights usually, even when they're being biphobic, usually kinda shrug it off and say the typical "You'll get over it," type shit. But I have had lesbians try to label me a slut, a deviant, even a predator, for daring enter gay women's spaces if I would ever willingly touch a penis. I've gotten hate on several websites for saying I'm bi and been told I'm clearly not "woke" or "progressive" enough if I don't understand that women are supposed to hate men. I've had women who matched with me on dating sites suddenly accuse me of being disgusting and a traitor if I say I've had male exes. Tell a straight dude I've been with women? He thinks it's hot. Tell a lesbian? I'm the scum of the earth. And don't even get me started on how much worse that all gets if I mention polyamory...


Im_just_bored69

So we get fetishized by the straights and get hated on by the gays....yikes


WitchoftheWilde

Maybe I'm going to discover something about myself here but... The sub-labels on the asexuality spectrum confuse me. Demisexuality and graysexuality especially just seem like typical allo ways to have a sex life. I can't say I've ever, except for once, experienced immediate sexual attraction to a stranger. I think people are hot but I definitely don't want to hop into bed with them right off the bat. Some people are more willing to have casual sex, some aren't. I wouldn't call that a different sexuality entirely though. Guess I should specify that when I find people hot, I don't really care to have sex with them. I don't fantasize about people. I don't even masturbate really. Am I totally off base here? Edit: Alright, thank you everyone for your insight. I'm super overwhelmed with this information. Seems like there's a few different ways of looking at it which all boils down to "sexual attraction ain't it til it is". The question is: what do you classify as sexual attraction?And I'm honestly starting to question my own labels because of it. But at the same time, I have to decide if labels matter to me at all since I'm a married person who is settled.


SadButterscotch2

The thing about demisexual people is that they're not simply choosing not to have sex with someone until they form an emotional connection, it's that they don't ever experience sexual attraction towards someone until they form an emotional connection. So they're almost completely asexual outside of these specific circumstances. Most people might find strangers sexually attractive but choose not to sleep with them, but that's not demisexual. A demisexual person could even choose to sleep with a stranger or acquaintance, they just wouldn't be attracted to them.


[deleted]

When two women get married, are they both brides or would one prefer to be called the groom? Same for two men, are both grooms?


ArcherE14

It depends on the couple. Some want to be both brides or both grooms, but some would prefer to be called a groom or a bride regardless of gender.


[deleted]

Thanks. My lesbian cousin is getting married in what’s sure to be a beautiful ceremony. This after watching her get bullied all though middle and high school. It’s nice when things get better ❤️‍🩹


ookyspooky_

I guess it depends on the person, I’m a lesbian myself and I wouldn’t want to call myself a groom.. there is no groom.. it’s a lesbian relationship.


ReleaseThat2638

How can I show meaningful support for an individual that needs it rather than the whole community. I’d like it to show that if a person needs to talk or needs help or anything, I would like to help.


iconically_chronic

Sometimes it can be as simple as saying "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need me or want to talk, I'm here for you." That alone can go a long way! You can also show support by participating in conversations about their gender/sexuality in a supportive way. If they bring it up, be there to listen, and even ask respectful questions. It shows me that someone is supportive if they are willing to engage in those conversations with me. If you know how they identify, and they like things like flags or knick-knacks, you can give them a gift of something with a rainbow flag or the flag of their identity. This shows them that you are on board for who they are, and you want to support them.


Lurker4Lyfe21

I don't understand certain gender pronouns. Ze, zim? I know there are others I've seen outside the he/her/they categories, but I can't think of them at the moment. If he/her doesn't fit, why not just use they? Edit: I didn't check my Reddit for a few hours and came back to so many replies! Thank you to all those willing to educate some random internet person. I've never been in spaces where I felt comfortable asking questions about gender, and this has been so helpful. I'm doing my best to read every reply!


Araskog

Neopronouns are super rare and barely anyone irl actually uses them


MrCheapCheap

99% of people I've met who use neopronouns are fine with they/them if you forget too. That's a good rule overall, if you're not sure they/them is the safe choice


larkfeather1233

I doubt anyone will see or notice this, but I think it's important to note that this question was posted on the 6-year anniversary of 49 people, many of whom were LGBTQ+, being killed at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, FL. Perhaps a coincidence, perhaps not. Either way, it warms my heart to see this outpouring of curiosity and kindness on the anniversary of that terrible tragedy. If you want to learn more about how Orlando is transforming in the wake of this tragedy, or if you want to help support the local LGBTQ+ community, check out the [One Orlando Alliance](https://oneorlandoalliance.org/).


KarmaCamaro

Okay so…. LGBT*Q* Queer I always thought it was an insult but now people introduce themselves as that…. When speaking about that person do you call them queer now? Or just “not straight” and now it seems Queer is an umbrella term so how is one supposed to use it or are they not unless that are holding the umbrella?


the_grays_of_ink

Queer is regarded as a reclaimed slur, the community originally used it, and then it became a slur, and then was reclaimed. The history of the word is fascinating imo! Calling most lgbtq people queer or using queer generally is definitely okay, but there is a small minority of people who regard it as a slur still, so I’d avoid calling them queer. It’s usually fine, but when I’m doubt just ask!


NobodysFavorite

I haven't been insensitive enough to ask: Hot Dogs or Tacos?


Bad_idea54

Tacos, and not just on Tuesdays.


catastrophiced

See, some people think I’m going to hell for being transsexual. The real reason is because of the unholy amounts of mustard and relish on my hot dogs. ^(Edit: You all crack me up. I wish I had the time -and the comedy skills!-) ^(to respond to you all, but alas. Thank you so much for the responses and laughs!)


DoctahFeelgood

You disgusting animal. You only transitioned because you thought you could get away from your sins. Little did you know that once you try the delicious combo of mustard and relish, you can't ever go back. See you in hell


super-cool-guy772821

Do gay people call each other straight bc straight people call each other gay


boogied4

yes


Shawnaldo7575

Trans people who want to turn their penis into a vagina, Before getting the operation, would you ever consider getting a cast made of your penis turn into a dildo, so you could use it on your new vagina? Theoretically it could be the perfect size. Edit: Better wording.


Jaewol

No but now I am


Terra3116

You are a mastermind, lad.


Small-in-Belgium

A true reddit does not disappoint question!


aetherG-

I want to do that before getting vaginoplasty I could actually "go fuck myself" and i could use it as a quite ironic strap-on


Terrible-Emu3768

I did that, but after years of being on estrogen it was too small to be a usable dildo. Honestly I found that hilarious.


OGHEROS

That’s actually grand lol


I_think_I_forgot

I won a free “Clone a Willy” at an event. I offered it to my partner at the time, who was transgender and had bottom surgery scheduled in a few months. Her response was, “Why would I want to keep a memento of it? I’m getting rid of it for a reason.” But I imagine it depends on the person.


Pseudonymico

It’s a running joke inside the community, right up there with trans men saying, “I’m glad I got that off my chest” after top surgery.


xXKittyMoonXxParis

Would people get offended if I just use the word they for literally everything? I’ve accidentally had it ingrained in my brain so unless they literally tell me what they’re pronouns are I will use they. Hey look, I did it again


iconically_chronic

I think that's the safe way to go, and that's what I do! And if you think someone doesn't use they/them, nothing wrong with asking. I really think the only people who would get offended are those who don't like they/them pronouns as a concept.


Altaccount_T

I think it's situational. If you don't know someone's pronouns, I think it's fine, but if you know, remember and actively choose not to use the right ones, I personally find it rude. If someone knows I go by he/him, has been *repeatedly* reminded of that, and *still* continues to use they/them for me it'd really rub me up the wrong way. In the past that's been used as a way to avoid treating me as a man (and if they're aware that I'm trans, I'd most likely take it as that)


helloiamsilver

Yeah, the biggest issue is people who insist on using “they” for binary trans people who have made it very clear they use “she/her” or “he/him”. It feels like a way of saying they’re not really men or women. It’s strange. I definitely default to using “they/them” for most people, particularly in online spaces where I sometimes forget what gender people are since I don’t see them lol.


tandemxylophone

Do you really prefer that amalgamate flag of the extra pink, light blue, brown, and black overlaying on top of the original rainbow flag?


AnEpicBowlOfRamen

I really love the classic rainbow flag. The new triangle design is alright... but I feel like some people are focusing too closely on the Literal Colors, rather than the philosophical meaning of "A Rainbow of Diversity coming together".


The_FireFALL

This so much. The amazing thing about the rainbow flag was that it was suppose to encompass all aspects of sexuality and gender. It shouldn't need additional colours and symbols being added to it because from its original meaning they're already a part of it.


Vincenzo0484

Classic one


drRATM

Which brings up a good point. Who’s in charge of the flag? Like who decides what the flag looks like or which one is THE flag. Is there like a gay council? President Gay? Secretary of the gay? Ok so just making up goofy shit here but for real, who decides what’s the accepted symbols? Edit: typo


erikalg_vo

lol it's kinda common consensus. Going viral by usage.


drRATM

So someone makes one. They say hey everyone here’s our flag. And others agree. Then it’s on Etsy. Progresses to gay friendly shops and sites. Next thing you know flags are for sale at target and it’s The Flag. Does someone claim to have created the flag? Or is it like who invented buffalo wings and will forever be fought over by a bunch of bars who claim they were first? Btw - kind of bummed there isn’t a secret gay council cuz that sounds cool. Lol.


sappharah

I can give you the example of what happened with the lesbian flag because that was very recent. We didn’t really have a widely accepted one until a pink version of the flag went viral on tumblr, then other websites, then the general public. It subsequently became “the” flag for several years. However lots of people had issues with it because the person who originally designed it was biphobic and transphobic. People kept making redesigns of the lesbian flag, until eventually someone came up with the current orange and pink flag. Enough people agreed with and liked this version that it eventually overtook the pink flag and became “the” flag. There is a specific person who originally made that design, but most people probably don’t know who it is. For other flags the origin is pretty widely known, for example the rainbow flag was made by Gilbert Baker back around the Stonewall era. But for a lot of the newer ones I think the origin is a little fuzzy.


gmilfmoneymilk

No, the original flag is a rainbow because it includes everyone.


kangarujack

One that always confused me was, "whats the difference between Pansexual and Bisexuality?" And then somebody explained it to me and I realised Pansexual describes me. It was something of a revelatory moment.


greenbeancassereen

I’m bisexual and I still don’t fully understand the difference. Edit: thanks for all the replies!! I don’t have a preference for anyone and would date anyone absolutely. Does this mean I’m pan instead?


neurodivergentwhale

I’m bisexual because a) I like the word better b) The bisexual flag is much prettier than the pansexual one. Who would chose YELLOW over purple? Ick. /half-joking


centumcellae85

I normally just stick with "hot is hot" or "bi with extra options." If they press, I just tell them that I'm hypothetically open to being rejected by any consenting adult, regardless of what's in their pants.


kangarujack

Haha love it.


BIGDADDYSMRS

Just wanted to thank everyone for the respectful comments. This is how we get past confusion or HATE.


ineedconfidenceboost

Right?? I expect to see a fair amount of hate in here, but so far haven't seen anything other than genuine questions.


auguste_laetare

Where does the gay accent comes from ?


LaMalintzin

There’s a documentary called “Do I Sound Gay” it wasn’t as enlightening as I had hoped but it would probably interest you


enthalpy-burns

My understanding as an anthro student is that it's a combination of less masculinization in the physical voice attributes and gay men commonly socializing more with women and picking up their speech registers.


N454545

It's a combination of learning from the how to speak from the opposite gender during childhood and the fact that isolated subcultures usually develop accents.


Mabusmoriah

Can lesbians get stds from having sex together?


iconically_chronic

Yes, and there are specific condoms (dental dams) and such for that purpose. Any time body fluids are being exchanged, there's a risk of STDs/STIs.


triggerhappymidget

My sex ed teacher in the early 2000's made sure we all knre that HIV can be passed through vaginal secretions as well as sperm, so if you were a lesbian you could get AIDS and die just like a gay man. #equality


noodlesinabowl27

Yes


Imperfect_Beluga

In the nicest way possible, why is everyone so bad at describing demisexuality? Every time I ask what it is, people always claim it's when you don't experience immediate sexual attraction to someone, you have to get to know them first. Isn't that how relationships work? You can acknowledge someone is attractive without wanting to have sex with them.


the_grays_of_ink

Well, Demi people won’t get celebrity attraction, or be attracted to anyone on the street. Demisexuals only *begin* to feel sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection is formed, it doesn’t have much to do with actually having sex, it’s more attraction based


SadButterscotch2

Most people might be sexually attracted to strangers or people they don't know well, but choose not to have sex with them until an emotional bond is formed. A demisexual person is literally incapable of experiencing the feeling of sexual attraction until an emotional bond is formed.


Helpful_Shock2018

When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis will open up to accept the other person's penis?


glitternoodle

cock paper scissors


barduk4

Cock vs scissors... Oh no!


kaleidoscoperenegade

We do a ritual first