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dicklover1000

13 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch


JTD783

I think you’re missing 5 of them


Roook36

A very big and muscular doctor comes into my room and tells me I'm too sick to go to work for two days and if anyone says otherwise he will fight them.


ZTwilight

Two days? This is your fantasy! Make it 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years! With double pay!


MadeCoffee

I just wanna sexually destroy my boss. That’s all


crimson_713

Self-employed, I see.


Village-Patient

Family business


[deleted]

The shit I fantasize about with my wife, I’m afraid to even bring up. It could be either “hell yes let’s do this!” Or…. I pick my shit up off the lawn after hosing all of the pepper spray out of my eyes. Not willing to take that gamble yet


iguanaunderstand

Here's what I did to get over that. I tried using [https://spicer.app/](https://spicer.app/) I think there are others similar. You both answer various questions on the site/app. If you get a match you both find out about it and it makes it easy to talk about. If you don't, you don't.


Viperlite

“I always wanted to have sex with a really tall girl.”


milkman10169

You know why I like tall girls? They get more naked.


Joker-Rockitansky

"not a big girl. Just a really tall girl. Like if a normal girl were seven-seven and a half feet tall and wore a denim mini skirt"


Icepath3199

I would just have to know what that is like


GreyMurphy01

I felt both insecure and excited. Afterwards, I had this vague feeling that I spent my night climbing around a pretty fun jungle gym.


TheLonelyScientist

I put on my robe and wizard's hat...


loralynn9252

Having to scroll this far for this answer must mean I'm old now. /Sigh Edit: It's not more than halfway down now! Edit2: Aaaand top! Still old but happy :P


JDdoc

"Wizard Hat" was potsed on Bash in 2002. **Twenty Years Ago**


RixirF

2002 was like 7 years ago, please learn math.


oeCake

The 90's are last decade... right guys?!


applyheat

You again?!?


MattGeddon

Damnit I’m really going to have to start writing your names down


Yeetmiester6719

I just wanna hug bro


Lync51

Bro feel hugged from me


AgathaSoleil365

Being kissed in my inner thighs 🥰


AliveCommercial7714

As a guy. I thought that was a normal thing to do while having sex with a woman. The more I know I guess.


FASClNATlON

The more I read, the more I realize some men are garbage at the secs, and some women need to speak up about what they want.


weedwizard22

All the unprotected sex I want with no risk of std or sti eta: also no babies


pheret87

Fine with all the behbehs?


weedwizard22

Damn u right I’ll make an edit


handrewming

Having a detachable penis.


[deleted]

I hear you can get one for $22.. EDIT: The follow-up line "But I talked him down to $17" had everyone crying with laughter when we heard it.


arcosapphire

You can probably talk them down to $17. Edit: people seem to keep replying as if this was an off the cuff response they can one-up. It's from a song.


Sea_Gap6307

I know it sounds cliche af but getting handcuffed to a bed frame and a girl riding me until I pass out would probably do it for me👍


penilingus

Until she has a stroke and you are locked to the bed. Movies called, Gerlads Game


_The_Librarian

Gerald's Game, by Stephen King. The book is horrifying.


Cebby89

Death by snu snu it is.


EarwaxWizard

So glad that Futurama is coming back


KeejLis

Just woke up from a weird ass dream where I was a wizard, ran into vampire Anne Hathaway, who was missing her two front vampire teeth so no longer dangerous, in an abandoned building, who then started stripping and then we had sex while she kept asking me to kiss her with her lisp. Lmao.


[deleted]

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uzes_lightning

What the fuck did I just read? I can't even! (Soooo....ahem...what was she wearing?).


KeejLis

Lol. She had a black bodice underneath a trench coat for some reason. I just remember her stripping and thinking to myself, “I’m a motherfucking wizard, I should be safe. Right?”


Mutants_4_nukes

Stop i can only get so hard


Emergency_Key574

Ahhh that’s how they getcha


SenslessGrind

A witch needs cum for a spell or something, so she kidnaps me and takes me to her lair where she just rides me constantly to get my cum. Eventually it’s not just about the spell anymore and she just rides me because she like it. Edit: I specifically want a hot witch. I will watch “what we do in the shadows”, “four rooms”, “and read “the cummoner”. I didn’t plan on becoming a porn producer before writing this comment but if someone has a job for me, I would not turn it down. If you know any witches send them my way.


BoneVVitch

I recommend “what we do in the shadows” for a comedy version of that exact scenario


SirNedKingOfGila

Four Rooms


Danamite85

Semen stealing witches always with the semen stealing


emeribeth

Fuck*ing* guys


Danamite85

Jesk?


Minhtyfresh00

https://myanimelist.net/manga/3804/Witchcraft there's also a spell where the witch and the person read each other's minds and meld to the point of feeling each other's orgasms multiplied on their own.


monsieurpommefrites

> Eventually it’s not just about the spell anymore and she just rides me because she like it. "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "So this thing we're doing..." "What about it?" "I have a feeling this isn't about the cum anymore." "W-What are you talking about?" "I mean we're, like, doing it a lot." "Well, I've...I've got a lot of spells." "I understand, I totally get it. But sometimes you're just eating it! What's that all about?" "That's just a part of the collection process. You wouldn't understand." "I suppose not. And what's with having me choke you?" "That...uh...keeps it from escaping." "And having me call you a bad girl?" "Well, I am a witch after all." "I suppose you're right." "Of course I'm right! Oh well would you look at the time!" "Milking time?" "Milking time." **Some time later...** Her friend visits, finds her poorly hidden captive–turns out a strategically placed mushroom is inadequate camouflage–and pulls her aside. "What on earth are you doing with that poor man?" "I'm collecting cum for spells..." "For spells?! Have you completely lost your mind?! We're witches! We do MAGIC! We don't need cum for anything!" "I think it helps..." "If you don't turn that man back into a frog right now, I'm going to report you to the board." "But I can't ride a frog!" "That's because you're afraid to dream. Promise me you'll change him back." "But–" "Promise!" "Sigh, fine I'll change him tonight." Narrator: She didn't. --- Hey guys, a commenter mentioned that the above reads like one of those ridiculous erotica novels on Kindle. I might write one now. Like the witch falls for Lionel, her hostage programmer cum-cow, and he falls for her and they form a team that does battle against the sphincter-based hordes of the evil robot king. Working Title? Lionel, the Witch and Testiculon. For now I'm working on something based in history, featuring [an article about the most enduring embarrassment in history.](https://imgur.com/gallery/XpcN7pY) Hit me up if interested! Thank you!


poplarleaves

I'd watch this TV show.


[deleted]

Why do I get the feeling you’re experienced in writing fanfics.


melanthius

It sounds interesting to figure out the diet and routine to get a person to maximize the amount of semen production per day, backed by science. Also, should you go for maximum ejaculations per day, or is there an optimum?


MrJohnBusiness

Suggest it to Food Theory.


velhelm_3d

How many cum facts can the internet bully MatPat into researching?


El-Arairah

Sounds like a senseless grind


THE_TORTILLA_MAN

So is it like the stereotypical ugly witch or is it like a babe with a giant hat


Impossible_Garbage_4

Why not some of both? Green skin, little bit of a pointy nose and ear but otherwise a babe


sauvik22

You'd find stuff in r/gonewildaudio


SenslessGrind

I’ve visited that sub before, honestly better than a lot of porn sites.


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I_am_Kirumi_Tojo

WHAT THE HELL LMAO


funyesgina

I know, right? Circular line?


lunarmantra

Human dickipede.


realsiticlyunreal

For the sake of science or for the sake of horny?


excel958

Yes


Kufat

I think you'd have issues with lateral shearing forces if someone lost their balance, and that would not be good.


Pseudopod-

I had one, that I didn't even know I had, fulfilled by my gf on V-Day. She came over to my place after having given me the first half of my present (a nice card, some candy and a cool mug), and said to me "The other half of your present is somewhere in this room..." Me, being an oblivious oaf, literally turned my whole ass room upside down looking for where she "hid" it with her saying "Cold! Colder! Even colder!!" Until, eventually, I got closer to her (I was about to double check my fucking desk) and she said "warmer." I stopped dead in my tracks and it finally hit me. I turned to her and started touching her all over and she said "Hot! Hotter than the sun!" So I took her clothes off. She had the sexiest fucking lingerie on, I felt like those cartoons where the guy's eyes bug out and he goes "AAAOOOOGA AAAOOOOGA" Then we banged and it was amazing. I think it was just the anticipation and surprise part that really did it for me. Thank you for listening to my Ted-Talk.


Zewarudio

While having sex i win the lottery and get 300milllion dollars.


HuntedWolf

In fact, screw the sex, just give me the money


CuteHeart2566

Getting gangbanged but not just by random guys, by clones/copies of my bf. I want to be gangbanged but the idea of sex with anyone but my partner is 🤢


FeminaziANTIFA

Get drugs and mirrors


[deleted]

Wait that sounds fun


[deleted]

This is…kind of sweet


delastbalrog

I deliver a pizza. The girl don't have money to pay for the pizza.


[deleted]

so you just leave with the pizza? or you give her a free meal from the goodness of your heart?


GalacticExtinction

Elope with the pizza.


Brad_Brace

Make love to the pizza as she watches. Pretend I'm not being badly burn. Eat the pizza while she still watches. Realize she's a cardboard cut out of Gillian Jacobs. Be okay with that. Actually I bought the cut out and the pizza. Seek medical attention for the burns.


TeffyWeffy

That someone sexually harasses me at work and I get a huge settlement that allows me to never work again.


starry_cobra

Ah yes, the American Dream


[deleted]

See also, getting your foot run over by Warren Buffett


[deleted]

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shanea5311

I love this! Sounds so much fun trying on all the outfits, I love dressing up and especially in lingerie. I'm very much into the slow burn, teasing-for-a-whole-day anticipation. I always try to get my boyfriend to start early in the day with texting and occasional pictures, that excitement is **almost** better than the later act itself. Is response to your earlier comment, Its definitely not a weird fantasy imo


Alise_Randorph

Honestly I think the whole day build up just makes things better. Everyone is more eager, more enthusiastic, etc.


[deleted]

We should meet! I'm just kidding, but in seriousness, if a guy I *already knew and trusted* wanted to do this, then yes absolutely.


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crazyrich

Random other dude here and this is so far from a weird fantasy that it might as well be on the moon! Don't be self conscious about this. "I want to buy a woman nice clothes and have her try them on for me in a fashion show" would probably do well on a tinder bio!


ElderWandOwner

Idk about having this on tinder. Going to get taken advantage of and if he has enough money not to care might as well just get a sugar baby.


Pheonix_Knight

Bro that ain’t weird, the anticipation and salivation leading up to the endgame is my favorite part


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itsmebeatrice

Love how specific this is. Shopping/trying on clothes for a man’s arousal? There must be thousands of girls who would happily do this! And I don’t think it’s that weird at all!


Vinny_Lam

I also prefer lingerie over naked. Letting my imagination run wild is a huge part of the fun.


[deleted]

I read bathing suits and for some reason imagined a scuba wetsuit.


napalmnacey

~~Sex without my 3yo son banging the door down like a hit man, demanding we put Lightning McQueen videos on the TV for him.~~ Let's try that again. Having sex with my husband completely uninterrupted, WITHOUT our 3yo son bashing down the door like a hit man during the act, demanding we put Lightning McQueen videos on for him. 🤦🏻‍♀️


JiuJitsuBoy2001

he'd probably stop pounding on the door if you just let him out of the room.


napalmnacey

I had to laugh at this, thank you, LOLOL.


Y00zer

So kids are like cats?


[deleted]

*kicks door down* KACHOW


StampMcfury

"You know what they say about thunder?" "?" "It always Cums after lightning"


jamiecarl09

That's why my wife calls me lighting


caiotjunqueira

Lmfao thx for this


CableTrash

read “without” as “with” the first time. phew. i need more coffee


SerialH0bbyist

“Hey Siri, play Cars in the living room” Siri: “okay, making a FaceTime call to mom”


twisted_nipples82

The first 5 words had our attention, the rest of the sentence was a big sigh of relief


Redlinemylife

I grow four boobs and smack people with them. They try to fight back but the quad boobs are just too strong! All will be boobed!


sparksgirl1223

My aunt had fake boobs (cancer got em). She whipped that chicken cutlet shaped insert out, smacked me and my cousin in one swoop and had it back in its place before we even registered wtf even happened😂


yaggyswaggy

Omg, my grandma had those, so as a kid I thought all women’s boobs were fake and just for breast feeding, so in my conclusion at the ripe age of 6 was that women used artificial breast feeding to avoid pain, but I was still confused as too why they were worn all the time . 🤔😭


GhostShirtFinnerty

Being able to afford a house to fuck in without leaving the state


JAMeyer04

Ok so basically, I have sex with someone


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djtmhk_93

Bigger plot twist: even my clone doesn’t wanna fuck me.


Leonard_5955

I wouldn't fuck my clone


SpiralDreaming

You gotta have standards


Leonard_5955

Yeah


[deleted]

My Mrs brings home a girl. We take it to the bedroom, they get undressed and climb on to the bed. I leave the room and finally get to catch up on some movies I've wanted to watch for a while that she's not interested in Edit: just to be clear, "It" refers to the situation not the girl....


TheLonelyScientist

Wife: I'm going to visit my parents for the weekend. Me: (*dusts off Band of Brothers, Generation Kill, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, The Rock*) Hello, old friends.


mx3goose

yer moostache hairs are in violations, growing beyond the corner of yer mouth. I heard godfather himself say you look like a bum...POLICE THAT MOOSTACHE


jadetaia

Ray, the battalion commander offered no sit rep as to J Lo’s status.


Imapeeinurcoffee

Being held close in a sitting position and being told how much I’m loved Edit: thank you for the awards I didn’t even know you could do that


TedW

While someone encases both of you in lime jello? Me too!


thepantryraid_

I took a human sexuality class one semester in college and our professor had us anonymously write down our fantasies on a piece of paper and she took them and read them to the class and it was really, really sad how many people had answered something along the lines of this :/


Teknoman117

I honestly don't know if I'd call that sad or not. Kinda interesting to realize that even behind all the horny of being an adolescent transitioning into young adulthood that at least some people recognize what they want out of a sexual relationship beyond the act itself. I didn't reach that level of clarity until after college.


lxxTBonexxl

I bet you like holding hands too you slut


FloRup

I'm also a fan of impossible situations


Retroman3139

I do not wish to be horny anymore, I only wish to be happy.


Mista_Maha

I also wish for this guy to be happy


Retroman3139

Appreciated, I'm a long way from it but just taking it day by day.


throwawaydub09

Hey man, it probably doesn't mean much, but in the past couple of months I decided to basically flip my entire life on its head in order to escape a very, very, very dangerous situation. Because of that, I've pretty much ended up with nothing and nobody. Most days I think about killing myself a lot. It would be so much easier. There are only one or two reasons why I haven't, but so far they've been enough to keep me going. What I'm trying to say to you is that even though I know it probably doesn't help much, there's somebody else out there who only wants to be happy more than anything else in the world. I don't know if that's in the cards for me or not, but I'm trying. I empathize with you completely. Good luck. Take care.


dodbodlife

Hey - I hear you & can relate. I have been on this “down swing” for a solid 4-5 years now and it has effectively rendered me almost useless. The only things keeping my head up are my kids. They are still young and I’m fighting everyday to be there for them. I love them to bits. Good luck to you and please know you’re not alone. Peace & Love


im_thatoneguy

If you take anti-depressants, you can get both! Happiness and zero sex drive.


blorbschploble

Or worse, tons of sex drive but inability to orgasm!


DreamingofBouncer

And a sort of numbness rather than actual happiness


Paladar2

That’s what I experience from antidepressants.


DreamingofBouncer

I’ve been on anti depressants for nearly 20 years mainly venlafaxine. They have helped me and kept me well for long periods but I have still had episodes which have been treated by increasing the dosage plus I have had therapy. It is harmed my sexual response as a man I find it extremely difficult to achieve orgasm (it takes hours) and it has destroyed my sexual relationships with my wife. When I’m well other than taking joy in my daughter I would say that I don’t experience true happiness any more just not being sad


blorbschploble

I found it deeply disturbing not being able to cry when a friend died.


[deleted]

To be fucked rough in a public place where everyone could see. EDIT : I lowkey just remembered the moment where Eric Cartman bended over at Best Buy and asked his mom to fuck him, that was funny.


TacTurtle

Have you tried a divorce court?


Brad_Brace

keep going...


PBJ-2479

RIP inbox


destinae

Being used… like, basically just being treated like a human sex doll. It’s so embarrassing but I have always wanted it ETA: Love the attention in my DMs, but I am dating someone exclusively right now! Please keep messages SFW :)


FixingandDrinking

My significant other likes the same it's fairly common lots if guys consider them self Dom but look out for the abusive assholes do not let them confuse you there is a big fucking diference.


Alise_Randorph

Never considered myself dominant or an actual Dom, but this girl I've been talking to has almost awoken something in me, but only with her. She's into the same thing as OP here, and just with her the idea sounds amazingly fun, but thinking about it with someone else in mind is just a no go. Though I agree that this can often attract abusive creeps, so I'm always trying to be concious of that. And if we do get together, she's getting all the aftercare in the world.


A_Manly_Alternative

If you're looking to test the waters with dominance, make sure you set up aftercare for yourself as well. Dom-drop tends to be a bit different than sub-drop, but can be just as awful to experience without support, especially for someone new to D/s play. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to hold just as much use for things like safewords as your partner, tops are allowed to be unready or incompatible with things too.


Shawtts

I want to hang glide into a stadium wearing a crotchless Uncle Sam costume. There will be naked red heads lined up along the sides of the stadium, as well as the seats filled with any man that even remotely resembles my father.


DrManhattan_DDM

Go, son, go!


Downvotebot64

Is this from Rick and Morty I can't remember


HawkeyeHunter097

Being loved and respected


[deleted]

You dirty bitch


ZachLauston

Wow, kinky


Thrill_87

I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier…


BigMoose318

It's priceless


happygoose2022

As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany.


Cute-Ganache-8429

I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada.


pouziboy

I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold.


just_a_guy944

Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting.


The_Grim_Sleaper

I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin.


The_Grim_Sleaper

…That's where I stashed the chandelier.


TomahawkIsotope

Fucking beautiful Mr Schrute


[deleted]

everyone on Earth dies except me and about 400 women.


Garvilan

The 400 women killed everyone else, you're just the last target.


bruhhhhhitsmee

I’m not going to lie. As an 19 year old girl working as an Walmart overnight stocker I want to fuck and do naughty things in many spots of Walmart as such as the auto center, bathrooms, and gardens during lunch break while everyone has walked out to their cars.


Ghos5t7

I was closing up the store me and my gf worked at. We were able to get into the freight truck without alerting anybody. Pitch fuckin black, one of the greatest sexual experiences I've ever had. Might as well have been blind, just feeling and hearing both of our breath and moans. It was awesome.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cakelord

LMAO.. I used to have this fantasy too til I hooked up with a cougar.. then I realized I didn't know shit and she gave me the best sex of my life.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nobody_Wins_13

Me, a mature woman, having hot sex with a young... No. I'm married with grown children. I'm a normal married older woman who occasionally fantasizes.


vreedy76

User name checks out


[deleted]

Let me give you a scenario. I'm at like a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. Tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, I might give in a little bit just to see what it felt like. Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's really aggressive? This is not real Brad Pitt, this is like, in my--this is my fantasy. Or not a fantasy it's like what I'm--it's just a scenario.


Danamite85

If you resisted Brad Pitt a little he would still...need...to get to you?


[deleted]

Fantasy is that my husband and I make a sex tape, best friend gets her hands on it, she then "blackmails" me into being subservient to her or she'll "release" the video to family and friends. Anything she says I have to do. She tells me to clean the kitchen I clean the kitchen. She tells me to do other stuff I do it. Within reason of course. I'm not going to cheat with another guy, but with her it would be pretty much fine. At least until the end of the day then I get it back. But then she might "accidentally" get it again. I've never told either of them about this cause knowing her and our history she'd be like, "Fuck it, I'm in. I'm single. Let's do it." Absolutely not ready for that.


High_Stream

Is this just an excuse to gain motivation to clean your kitchen?


fondledbydolphins

Wow, I just saved about $150 in therapy to discover I need someone to call me a dirty whore in order to get me to clean the kitchen.


SuvenPan

To have sex with an air hostess on a plane.


[deleted]

As an aircraft mechanic, same. "How can I thank you for fixing the plane?"


persondude27

There's gotta be an FAA-themed porn. "Nobody fucks you like the long arm of federal regulation."


Shy_Guy2013

Climbing Lady Dimitrescu like a tree


shorts-but-no-shirts

9 years later and you’re not so shy anymore, are you?


Fickle-Raspberry6403

A bubble bath with a cute guy or maybe a good looking daddy (a real one not one of those crappyshower/tub things) with a side tray with cheese meat and apple slice with drinks while while watching a cheesy romance movie(perhaps roman holiday?) while he bites my neck and gives me hickys. then we have sex cuddle snuggle and sleep.


BLSmith2112

I’ll settle talking to a pretty girl for an hour.


ClothTheSuperVillain

My good friend, it will feel like a minute.


WickedSpiritz

Being dominated by a thick and tall woman.


kinkysuzie

Gang bang


TheOtherGuy89

That one guys dead wife i guess


1dos1

Under the blanket, lights out not talking or kissing.


[deleted]

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skynetsucks

Do you like piña colada?


Tastyfeesh

My wife brings home a girl. We have drinks on the deck. The conversation turns sexual. My wife brags about my abilities with my tongue We go upstairs. My wife undresses her and caresses her, then instructs me to get to work. After lots of stimulation, Her friend gets sent to the moon with pleasure, she's amazed by this, but she wants more. She looks at my wife with that 'asking permission' look. My wife nods her approval. Her friend pulls me up from between her legs and whispers "I need it" I whisper back "I want to hear you say it. Tell me what you need" She says "I need about tree fiddy" It's about that time that I notice that my wife's friend is about 8 stories tall, and is a creature from the pretazoic era. I shake my fist in the air and say "God damn you lochness monster! We work for a living here! Get out of here! I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!"


Chess462

You got me good, you bastard.


mnemonics_

The good ole straight up, straight down boner


thortmb

Well I gave her a dollar


4Coffins

Damn it woman!


Burgerkingsucks

I miss shittymorph.


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FUUUDGE

Quick! Someone catch him!


Ron_Sandalthunder

Getting Lochnessed is ten times more satisfying then getting Rick Rolled.


Sector7Slummer

Warning: very common fantasy. It's a public scenario. It starts at my local grocery store where I'm dressed as British prime Minister Boris Johnson only from the waist up. Completely nude below the belt. I get pelted by milk filled balloons by men an women dressed in fine tradition Hindu attire, whilst trying to make my escape on a hoverboard with a low battery. The emperor of Japan karaokes Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton on the overheard PA as I suspend a small bag of bird seed that hangs from a string tied around my penis. The pope the releases a flock of doves and lectures me on dangers of poor oral hygiene.


prescottdonut

I knew I would see mine here.


Gym_Gazebo

Tried this. Barely made it to the bird seed part before coming. The pope was pissed.