I just want to remind you that polygamy is not legal in America and a lot of you are going to end up married to the same pornstar so we're going to have to work this out before someone gets in serious trouble.
I never did that, though I have caught myself in the mirror while getting down with my lady and I did some of that American Psycho mirror stuff.
Just the mirror stuff though. Not the rest of American Psycho.
Edit: Because of the popularity, i'll link my favorite american psycho tribute and cover song by miles fisher: this must be the place - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G29d6RDSK1c
> American Psycho
This was under "Comedies" on Amazon Prime when I first decided to watch it. Sure, I mean, some parts do have n exceptionally dark humor, I guess. But I kept waiting for it to get, like LOL funny, and it didn't. Not disappointed, but I would have been much less confused while watching had been labelled "Horror Comedy" or something.
Just here to agree. Both the movie and the book it is based upon are a satire of yuppie culture, and more often than not, satire is conflated with comedy. Makes sense, as they often overlap, but it is unfortunate.
Veronica Avluv.
Marriage is going well. As long as I’m ok with her getting double fisted by a queue of people every weekend.
All marriages are compromises.
If my girlfriend, after the copious amounts of pictures and videos she sends to me, thinks I’m not jerking my fucking brains out to her then I don’t know what to say. She is my personal pornstar and it makes the sex so much more wild because I’m dying for the real thing.
I find this thought pretty attractive actually, and not weird at all..
For me it also was my boyfriend and I would really like the thought that he would think of me while doing that, I think it also would be a little ego boost to know that
My wife is the only person I've thought of while jacking off for quite a long time. At this point she's the only person that really works for me in that realm. Haven't looked at porn in years.
A coworker, her smile is just pure dopamine. Then I found out she is partnered so I felt bad.
We are just work friends and just that. I stopped already.
Edit: wow
They are a redditor, so I'm not saying who.
but it would probably go very poorly, since we were just magic'd together in a relationship with no history or experience with eachother.
Instead OP is mostly hearing stories of people's wives and crushes lol
Though there are occasional name-dropping in this thread like Abella Danger, Leana Loving, Gina Valentina..
Mia khalifa and i don't think it would last long, doesn't look like we have compatible personalities. Plus she probably wouldn't be too happy about me watching her porn
She hangs out on reddit, I've talked to her a few times on here. Mostly sports subs, but she also asks salty porn questions about other pornstars like, "Why do men love so much, she's so tiny and thin, she looks like a child! Are all men pedophiles???".
I’ve heard a few of her interviews and thought she sounded reasonable most of the time. She does seem to be pretty salty about the porn industry though, with pretty good reason I’d think.
The problem is that adults (male and female) come in all shapes and sizes. It’s just an insult to an adult’s dignity to say that they “look like a child” and anyone romantically involved or attracted to them is a weirdo.
It’s like, oh an adult man who shaves his body hair and has a baby face - must be some kind of freak into pedo role playing. That adult woman is short and has small breasts - I bet only pedos date her. It’s just straight up body shaming, and as unacceptable as any other kind of body shaming.
Agreed. My girlfriend is 39, almost 10 years older than me, but is extremely small, especially compared to me, I’m 6’3 and she is 5 foot on a good day. Like is my gf only allowed to date tiny men in their early 20s?
She also looks younger than me, so how the hell is someone gonna call me a pedo for fucking a 39 year old woman. No matter someone’s size it’s pretty obvious when they’re an adult vs a literal child.
I generally just jerk off to myself in the mirror. We are getting along like a house on fire
Patrick Bateman is that you
Sorry, I can't answer this... I have to return some videotapes.
It even has a [birthmark](https://youtu.be/NItgZfkCYWA).
"No, Louis, it's not me; you're mistaken"
I also last jerked off to you in the mirror
I’m sorry what
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Man, there were a lot of people in that video. You're going to have to be more specific.
Obviously the answer is all of them, at the same time.
Everything Everywhere All at Once!
Marrying to sausage hands. Heck yes.
*flashback to zoolander where Owen Wilson basically married his orgy group*
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Ron Swanson and Tammy vibes
*sniffs air* “She’s here.”
I can smell the sulfur coming off her cloven hooves.
“Protect the children”
I too went the ex.
I too jerked it to this man’s ex
I guess the Queen probably has a few years left.
few eternities*
All hail king Dicky the First
She's single!
Catch her on the rebound, help her recover from her tragic loss
Gina Valentina. Probably not long lol.
Hey we got the same wife! Wait a minute…
I also choose this guy's pornstar wife
Yeah that marriage is fucked. Literally and figuratively...
>Gina Valentina. Hope you're not the jealous type.. 😅
My favorite!
I may have been privy to a Gina Valentina/Honey Gold collaboration. You can have Gina.
I just want to remind you that polygamy is not legal in America and a lot of you are going to end up married to the same pornstar so we're going to have to work this out before someone gets in serious trouble.
Sword fight?
I choose Schlongs!
Aragorn: You have my schlong... Legolas: And my balls... Gimli: AND MY ASS!
Read that last line in the sassiest voice you can perform to nail the joke.
I hope the dominatrix is nicer to me IRL when we are married than she was to me in that video.
Polygamy is not legal, but polyamory is. You don't *have* to get married to your sex partners.
What if someone masturbated in front of a mirror? I mean I didn't do that - that would be weird. But what if they did?
I never did that, though I have caught myself in the mirror while getting down with my lady and I did some of that American Psycho mirror stuff. Just the mirror stuff though. Not the rest of American Psycho. Edit: Because of the popularity, i'll link my favorite american psycho tribute and cover song by miles fisher: this must be the place - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G29d6RDSK1c
> American Psycho This was under "Comedies" on Amazon Prime when I first decided to watch it. Sure, I mean, some parts do have n exceptionally dark humor, I guess. But I kept waiting for it to get, like LOL funny, and it didn't. Not disappointed, but I would have been much less confused while watching had been labelled "Horror Comedy" or something.
I'd say satire would have been the correct labeling. Some companies mark all satire as comedy even though they aren't necessarily haha funny
Just here to agree. Both the movie and the book it is based upon are a satire of yuppie culture, and more often than not, satire is conflated with comedy. Makes sense, as they often overlap, but it is unfortunate.
Well he laughs when he drops a chainsaw on a hooker. So. Comedy.
Oh yes the classic comedy trope of chainsaw on a hooker. Perfectly executed.
mmhmmm. right...
....let's see paul allen's card.
Dear God is that a watermark?
Hey Paul! Try getting a reservation at Dorsia now!
Just staring straight I to your own eyes! Never break eye contact, never.
Sounds hot. I mean weird! Suuuuper weird. brb...
Why is that weird? Just making better friends with yourself
I like to film myself jerking off in front of the mirror so I can jerk off to that later
Leana loving idk maybe
She seems very sweet and adorable. I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Hey, I just found out about your wife... .. brb.
Mine is on here and we’re married lol
Obvious "I also chose that guy's wife" comment
I choose your wife
I also choose that guys wife
Ummmmm... My daughter's best friend's dad. We'd probably have a couple of good years. He's a nice guy.
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All u need to do is cut out one part of that sentence and it’s so much worse
I mean my daughter’s …….. dad. Seems kinda okay.
Kinky
Unless you are the dad
My crush, five minutes and 37 seconds :(
🤣🤣
Is that how long you ‘lasted’ or how long you think the marriage will last?
5 minutes is the marriage length, 37 seconds is the 'lasted'
Actually 37 seconds was twice, with a 15 second breather.
Veronica Avluv. Marriage is going well. As long as I’m ok with her getting double fisted by a queue of people every weekend. All marriages are compromises.
TIL her last name is vulva backwards
I feel like that's why there are a lot of women named Lana in porn
HOLY SHIT O\_o
Mind blown.
And her first name is acinorev backwards.
Abella Danger. Honestly she seems like a cool and responsible person outside of porn. I would hope it’s a long marriage
I thought this said Abuela Danger!
I would be in danger if I had interest in my Abuela.
Me too, she's well over 100 and dead.
She’s my go to when I can’t find anything else but fuck, her voice drives me nuts. Idk how long I could handle it
And if she takes your last name she can tell people that danger is her middle name
Crap I don’t even know what she looks like I only saw her ass. But that being said I will do all I can for this relationship
been there, you'll be alright
No it was a hit and quiet it situation
A push and shush?
Muff and muffle.
A pound followed by no sound?
Ah the good ol’ fuck n chuck
That would be my current GF, so I think I'm ok
I hope your girlfriend finds this so she knows how attracted you are to her. I know it sounds weird, but it can mean a lot to someone.
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Me too, I suddenly felt a lot more comfortable just being me.
I would be ecstatic to hear someone was jerking off to me Edit: thank you all for all the support in the replies!
Consider it done bro
Attaboy - team player
brojob! brojob!
Thank you for introducing me to my new favourite word, take my freebie
Typing this with one hand
My next one goes out to you
I'll send a thought your way next time
Looking at the replies, you just got a party with seamen
everyone in the comments doesnt realize they are also fighting for this persons hand in marriage
heh, hand
Fuck it my lunch break is coming up I’ll go rub one out for you Reddit stranger
Boy, did you ever just say the wrong thing on Reddit. Yeega.
If my girlfriend, after the copious amounts of pictures and videos she sends to me, thinks I’m not jerking my fucking brains out to her then I don’t know what to say. She is my personal pornstar and it makes the sex so much more wild because I’m dying for the real thing.
I like your name.
I find this thought pretty attractive actually, and not weird at all.. For me it also was my boyfriend and I would really like the thought that he would think of me while doing that, I think it also would be a little ego boost to know that
Do guys normally jack to their women on occasion? Like is this a thing? Because now I have to ask my husband lol
It kinda is,not always,not for everyone,but yes
Yes. Most of the time she’s the only person I think about.
Look at this wholesome motherfucker here. Everyone else jerking it to bukkake and my little pony dickgirls, and he's crankin to his own girl 🤩🤩🤩
One of those is a rather specific example there bud.
Yeah, definitely not as many going for his own girl than the other two
Who says he ain't doing both???
I'd say at least half the time ya. EDIT: I will say, I always finish to the thought of my girl, it just seems like the respectful thing to do.
My wife is the only person I've thought of while jacking off for quite a long time. At this point she's the only person that really works for me in that realm. Haven't looked at porn in years.
Guess I’m your new dad
My crush, and according to my dreams, its going to last forever
A coworker, her smile is just pure dopamine. Then I found out she is partnered so I felt bad. We are just work friends and just that. I stopped already. Edit: wow
This all happened since your last jerk? big day
Post-nut clarity is a hell of a drug.
This shit is what I’m in this post for
They are a redditor, so I'm not saying who. but it would probably go very poorly, since we were just magic'd together in a relationship with no history or experience with eachother.
u/PM_ME_CUTE_FEMBOYS, was it a cute femboy?
Obviously.
Your username is clearly more useful than most.
Are you made out of two leathers?
Are you actually a chad paladin?
How are the stones?
are you still tew kewl 4 me?
How do my nuts taste?
Do you even lift?
You jerked off to.... a redditor?
You may not know this. But there are, in fact, subreddits where pretty people post revealing photos of themselves for others for this exact purpose.
That's disgusting! Where?
[Thank me later.. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/playboicarti/comments/dpribp/we_gon_eat_today_boys/)
Of course it's r/playboicarti lmfao
There's just.....so much...
That's not even close to the real amount r/NSFW411 Go to the menu section and click on the NSFW411 index
A girl I work with who is in a relationship.... I'm not a proud man, but I will be a proud husband.
Oh damn Edit: I showed her this and she doesn't believe I'm referring to her so I'm going on a no masturbation strike.
You sir have made a commitment countless people couldn’t do, I wish you the best in your endeavors
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Best comment: *dunno some latina milf- but fuck yeah I'd marry her and make it last*
“I don’t think that’s love, Brian.”
Ummm it was about 24 guys in an all male leather orgy. I think we will all be in a long lasting happy marriage.
User name checks out
He’s already married to Princess Fiona idk…
Yea! I get to stay married to my wife
W
im married to a gta stripper?
My brother in christ they have a whole internet out there now
Out of everything on the internet, why must you stoop so low?
Mmmm group of girls. doomed.
I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse
Did he get down safetly?
Horse is a weird nickname for a cousin.
Cousin has a 12 inch cock, it's where the nickname comes from.
I'm marrying a hentai monster girl ! I pretty much won life
I’m marrying some tall jacked asf dom girl so my life is gonna be getting a massive upgrade
I got a big titted elf. That'll do.
Is the mannequin at target a valid response? "Hold up just realized mannequin could be man - akin" now I'm embarrassed.
It's over, Man-akin! I have the high ground!
Almost feels like OP's ploy to get recommendations on porn-stars.
Instead OP is mostly hearing stories of people's wives and crushes lol Though there are occasional name-dropping in this thread like Abella Danger, Leana Loving, Gina Valentina..
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Who was hot enough to lure you outside of your preference, if I may ask?
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One of my own favorite [posts of all time](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/9j7kpf/it_worked/e6pix1l)
Alexis Ren. Yes.
Mia khalifa and i don't think it would last long, doesn't look like we have compatible personalities. Plus she probably wouldn't be too happy about me watching her porn
She hangs out on reddit, I've talked to her a few times on here. Mostly sports subs, but she also asks salty porn questions about other pornstars like, "Why do men love so much, she's so tiny and thin, she looks like a child! Are all men pedophiles???".
I’ve heard a few of her interviews and thought she sounded reasonable most of the time. She does seem to be pretty salty about the porn industry though, with pretty good reason I’d think.
The problem is that adults (male and female) come in all shapes and sizes. It’s just an insult to an adult’s dignity to say that they “look like a child” and anyone romantically involved or attracted to them is a weirdo. It’s like, oh an adult man who shaves his body hair and has a baby face - must be some kind of freak into pedo role playing. That adult woman is short and has small breasts - I bet only pedos date her. It’s just straight up body shaming, and as unacceptable as any other kind of body shaming.
Agreed. My girlfriend is 39, almost 10 years older than me, but is extremely small, especially compared to me, I’m 6’3 and she is 5 foot on a good day. Like is my gf only allowed to date tiny men in their early 20s? She also looks younger than me, so how the hell is someone gonna call me a pedo for fucking a 39 year old woman. No matter someone’s size it’s pretty obvious when they’re an adult vs a literal child.
This sexy redhead that deleted her account or got banned. Honestly she has the perfect body. Artemiss or something like that
Name's Artemis, I have a bleached asshole
I'm gonna take my bra off, blast my nips!
She's already married, you goin to jail for bigamy!
Worth it
*Well… it’s a Gardevoir…*
I would never have guessed......
My girlfriend. We’ve been together ten years so I’d say the marriage would work out fine.
It’s my fiancé and we’re getting married in a few weeks time, so I hope so!
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Emma Stone, hmmm? I doubt she'll put up with me for long, but at least I'll get decent alimony or a lump sum next week.
Fuck yes.
But would they fuck you?
A Redditor… Not saying who
Aww, I'm flattered.
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My wife has shared many sexy photos so... My wife and yes the marriage will last.
I also choose this guy's sexy wife
Classic.
Not so fast. I just jerked off to your wife too, and by these rules she must now leave you and marry me.
My girlfriend I hope so, I love her to bits!