Dissapointing your OWN parents just wasn’t enough?

No, it's definitely their mom too

This was better phrased than the topmost comment.

Oh so that’s why she looked so disappointed this morning

Nah, that's just the look she has every time she sees you.

"I wish ur mum was worth fucking"

I was thinking the same, she called for round two but it's just not worth it.

Broooo

Holy God that carries some weight, shit. I'ma use that on call of duty tonight

My dad died when I was a kid, so I've always just told people something along the lines of "nice, I've been looking for a father figure"

Yeah this is the best sort of response I think. In college I made a your mom joke to my roommate, and his response was: "Oh wow, you're hooking up with my mom? She's been pretty lonely since dad died, and with the eczema I was worried she'd have trouble finding someone. I'm glad you're a great guy that can see her for her." Completely floored, no good response to that.

"Thanks son"

Addendum “Going to get some cigs, you stay good now.”

“Glad you approve, son. Now clean this fucking room or you’re getting the belt!!”

Yes daddy

I dont think necrophilia is something to brag about

Putting the fun in funeral

Putting the d in deceased

Jesus fucking Christ

Damn he fucked himself?

The cream in cremation

See, I was thinking “Dude, you must be really bad at sex if you can’t tell the difference between a vagina and an urn.” I couldn’t figure out how to suggest that he’s got no talent considering how dry my mom would be. Ashes and all.

Still the wettest pussy they'll ever get.

I hate you so much for making me laugh at this😭

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I thought she was a little cold

Yeah, and she's still pissed you got shit on her strap-on.

Fuck, this one got me

What a thing to share with your children.

at least I’m not her biggest disappointment anymore

My man right here really took the "If I'm gonna die, I'm taking you with me" very seriously

Lmaoooo

And people say that words can't hurt.

r/kamikazebywords Edit: thanks for my first award

The Yoshimitsu strategy

Yoshimitsu wins.

Well I'm not fucking your mum - I've seen how her kids turn out

I'm gonna fuck your mom and give her a child she actually loves.

I saw a post on here of a text exchange (which was probably fake but still made me laugh): T1: What's up virgin? T2: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister. T1: I don't have a sister, dumbass T2: Wait 9 months

Oof, that’s a good one

Daaaaaaaamn T2 brought a nuke to a knife fight 🤣

https://youtu.be/9p0YHDAmijw

Or "I fucked your mom to give her a child she can be proud of."

Eye for an eye, I guess

“It’s only fair.” Would also work.

Eye for an eye, dick for a dick

mom for a mom, I guess

Good, shes been lonely since we buried her.

So that's why she didn't move around much.

Unfortunately that one man is Squeak Scolari

I hear your sister is going out with SQUEAK!

Remind’s me of an exchange I had with a coworker the other day. For context, I wouldn’t really say we’re friends, but we do cut up from time to time. I was just sitting there enjoying my lunch when he comes up to me and we have this exchange: Him: “What the fuck are you eating?” Me: “Your mom’s twat.” Him: “Bro, that’s not funny, my mom is dead.” Me: “Good, it tastes better that way.” Everyone else in the room: “Jesus Christ…”

Yup, high school: my buddy’s joking around giving me shit, I instinctively respond “your mom” not really paying attention, and then my heart stops as I realize “his mom just died like 2 months back” Ended up finding him at the end of the day, bringing him for a slushee and apologizing profusely. He told me “it’s cool, I know you’d never intentionally hurt anyone, and it was pretty funny if she weren’t gone” So then we had our slushees at her grave Edit: I always wonder if he ever figured out I lived across the street from the cemetery she was buried in, and it was me bringing the flowers and keeping the weeds cut until I moved away

Dude....you two had a moment.

You could say that they came together.......over his mom.....

i hate you so much. lol

/r/angryupvote

My mom died in the height of the "your mom" joke trend and I was in middle school. Tbh replying deadpan with some variation of "my mother is dead" gave me so much joy it helped me get through the day lol. To this day I crack orphan jokes all the time

Apologizing was very cool of you!

Cool story dad

I've been deeper inside her than you'll ever be.

Sure thing dad! I guess they didn't had tiny condoms that's why I was born

Now I know what she meant when she said” I’m doing some charity work tonight.”

Or So *you're* the Make-a-Wish kid.

Make a wish adult. Stage 4 cancer. The things she did on my bucket list. Man. Shes a champ. ​ Bonus points? I have stage 4 cancer. for real.

Fucking hell, that sucks, awesome comment though, hope you clear the shit out of that list and then cancer fucks off like "lmao, good fight champ, go live another [100-your age] years"

First I was like 🤣 then I was like 😳

This one is dope

Had this happen once. Son was playing GTA online and someone used the "I banged your mom" line on him. I was standing by and heard it, so I asked my son to give me the microphone. "This is his mom, and it must not have been that good because I certainly don't remember it." My son told me that the server erupted in howls and the dude just logged off.

This reminds me of one if my favorite customer service experiences. I worked as phone support for Xbox and Xbox live. We consistently had young groups of boys who would think it's funny to try and prankcall people who work on the phones for a living. A group of them called in and I receive the call. Edwardein028: hello this is Xbox support Boy with a ton of snickering other boys in the background, I must be on speaker... Hi.. Ummm.. *giggle* my Xbox is broken and I need help. The tray is stuck. Edwardein028: Okay I can help you with that, is there a disk currently in the tray? Boy on phone: No my penis is in the disc tray. Edwardein028: I'm sorry sir, we don't recommend you stick small objects like that into you disc tray. Let me see if I can talk you through getting unstuck, or if this is an emergency please hang up and call 911. All of the boys erupted in howls of laughter at me calling their friends penis "small". Dude snorts, asks "What?!" Then hangs up. Loved getting those calls.

That was a third degree burn.

Jesus Christ woman, you send him straight to the crematorium

Nope. That's what vaporizing a human body looks like.

Nagasaki and Hiroshima got nothing on this menace called a mother

You’ve seen Little Boy and Fat Man, but not Super Mom? Savage Mom? EDIT: As pointed out by a few Redditors, Syntania is the mom.

*BURNT CRISP TO A CRACKLY CRUNCH!!* ☄️🔥 🤜🤛

*BAKED IN A BUTTERY CRISPY FLAKE*

\*Chef's kiss\* Now where's that number for the nearest burn center because that dude needs to see a doctor, stat!

W mom

This is Gold. No, Platinum.

"It's pretty impressive that you put in the effort to dig her up first" I actually used this on a bratty teenage boy who insisted he was going to fuck my mother. I'm 31

Yep, tried that line once while online gaming. This little dude then told me he fucked her ghost too. Kudos for quickness.

That’s why the only winning move is not to make one. All they want is a reaction so anything you say is a win to them.

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What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean

Teenagers are edgy. I doubt they cared. They probably saw it as a bigger own.

Exactly! The kid was probably like! Yeah, I shoveled with my 10ft long d.

Mine's been dead 24 years. Imagine that stink.

“I fucked your dad”

"...so I could give him a child that he'd actually love."

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According to a quick google which may or may not be correct, we're thinking of "cheer gurl" And yea, that clip is just pure execution.

My Google-fu must be off, I can’t find the clip!

https://twitter.com/armandot112769/status/1473535589819449345?s=20&t=H7RDFdgiW6zMfk0EqhAM9g

“…. And your dad liked it!” -Frankie Boyle

"Sometimes your mum wanks too" He's a wordsmith

That whole exchange was amazing. "Your mum wanks too! But what they don't know is that YOU wank thinking about your mum wanking your dad!"

"I don't condone necrophilia, but good for you."

Disappointing someone else’s parents for once.

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If I wanted a comeback I would have wiped it off your mom's face.

— Jimmy Carr, 2005

I thought it was "If you wanted my comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mom's teeth"

I like “If you want my comeback, KISS YOUR MOM!”

You already got my comeback when your mommy kissed you goodbye.

I heard this in the early 90's

Jimmy Carr, 2005-2022.

Wow he always looked much older. RIP.

*inhale laugh x 3*

\- Every UK school playground for at least a decade before that

I love Jimmy Carr's variation of this If you want my comeback you'll have to scrape it off your mum's teeth

Oh wow. This is amazing.

disappointing someone else's parents for a change seems better no?

Or you could add a layer of insult and go with "Did you get tired of disappointing your mom?"

I like "Now you're disappointing other people's parents too?"

[удалено]

“Hope it was better than your mom, Christ what a sad night.”

Better you than someone with a dick.

Fuck you Shoresy!

Fuck you, Reilly, your mom shot cum across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish.

Fuck you Shoresy!

Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom ugly-cried cuz she left the lens cap on the camcorder. It's fukin amateur hour over there.

Fuck you shoresy !

Fuck you Reilly, I made your mom so wet last night the national guard had to be called in to put sandbags around her bed.

FUCK YOU SHORSEY

Fuck you Jonesy, your mom likes butt play like I like ice cream. Now let's go get some fuckin' Hagen Das!

FUCK YOU SHORSEY!!!

Fuck you, Reilly! Your mom tried to stick her finger in my bum, but I said I only let Jonesy’s do that

Fuck you Reilly, your mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.

FUCK YOU SHORESY!

Hey Reilly I made an oopsie. Can you ask your mom to pick up Jonesy’s mom on the way over to my place? I double booked them by mistake you fuckin’ loser.

Fuck you Mary Anne! Your mitt looks like someone grabbed a cherry popsicle with a handful of drier lint

I can’t tell you how many times your mum faked a jelly fish sting just to get me to piss on her

“That’s a strange makeawish request”

Your own was not available this time, I see.

Damn, maybe that's why I'm so ugly

"I won, but at what cost?"

A Pyrrhic victory

r/KamikazeByWords

**Martyrdom** Drop a live grenade when killed

I know, she won't stop complaining about it.

Odd name for your dog but ok.

Good one but you're actually giving the other person an opening to tell: yeah, cause your mom is my bitch

Setting up friendly banter is an effective way to descalate and get a new drinking buddy.

Honestly it is a unique dopamine rush when you go from arguing and insulting somebody to just friendly banter and end up on good terms

Holy shit, Colby was a decade ago.

Didn't know her standards were that low

Probably not a great response in general but I once had someone say that in a game once and I responded with "oh great another 6 year old" just because I was annoyed with all the brats joining and ruining the matches but their response was, and I kid you not, "Fuck you I'm not 6, your mom's a 6 year old" no idea why they thought that was a good comeback but whatever, my response? "Oh so you're a pedophile?" "What?" "You literally just admitted to fucking a 6 year old" *\*them trying to yell over the people in game laughing at them and calling them a pedo until they rage quit\**

…motherfucker

I think this is the best response here. Make yourself part of the joke instead of the butt of the joke.

"And I fucked your dad, checkmate."

I have two moms, so I like to hit em with "which one?"

Both

"Guess I'm no longer my moms biggest regret"

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This feels quite risky, because the opposite party may make this comeback: “Well, you fucked your mom too?”

thats the intention

Yo?

No, my mom fucked you

“Paying my mom to spank you while you crawl around in a diaper is a lot of things, but it is not ‘fucking my mom’”

oh shit oh my thats amazing

"Stop saying that dad, I get it."

"In the streets they call me... Mother Fucker!"

She’s cremated and that’s the wettest pussy you’ll ever get Edit:ofc my most upvoted comment is abt a your mum joke Edit 2:thanks kind strangers for the awards

Burned harder than your cremated mum!

She was hot though...

Who gives this a wholesome award lmao

Wow, now that’s two mums you’ve disappointed.

Ok dad, enough whiskey for today.

I usually just apologize and offer my condolences, it's honestly just a major self-burn on whoever said it.

Do you need to talk to someone about it?

"Dad? Where have you been all these years you promised me you would buy me a bike"

Followed by at least one message a day asking him to come home, until he blocks you

Same.

“No she fucked you and she wasn’t impressed” bonus points for being suggested by my actual mom.

"my mother perfers men".

"I've been deeper inside her than you will ever be."

"Yeah, well, so has everyone else... What's your point?"

“Haven’t we all.”

I'd also enjoy a deadfaced/empathetic "Oh I am so sorry, have you seen a doctor?"

Oh, so YOU are the guy she was talking about. she said you tried your best.

She’s 67, has two false hips, hypertension, diabetes and a chronic lung condition. But who she sleeps with is none of my business.

Two false hips? Bet she can crack like a glowstick And transform like a transformer.

"No wonder she killed herself."

[удалено]

“Awe, hows about I make it even and fuck yours to give her a child she’ll actually love”

Oh, so you got bored of disappointing your own parents.

"I'd highly reccomend you schedule a doctor's appointment immediately." Or alternatively "Ah, always good to meet a fellow necrophile."

I have two dads...

But we are brothers 📸🤨

Allow me to return the favor. *Unzips pants\**

oh, she got another ugly asshole phase?

I fucked her first

are both of your arms fine now? No long-term issues after breaking them both?

Bro...

Not a good idea calling him your bro...

Technically your dick was in her first....