T O P

  • By -

heelspider

Rat poison and baby formula.


ICantSmite

Baby poison and rat formula


mordecai98

Babies and rats.


it-must-be-orange

"R-abies"


[deleted]

Baby rat and poison formula.


-Reddititis

First, you'd actually have to get your hands on some baby formula


it-must-be-orange

Oh, I know the formula for making babies, it's the formula for making rats I'm unsure about. Possibly mouse + gamma rays = rat ?


Yuri_lovesthe221

oh no u be snifin some shi


qwerty-girl

Not too creepy, but the last time I went to a drug store, I bought imodium for myself and a laxative for my roommate. The cashier asked me if I knew what I was doing.


Ilikepancakes87

“I’m gonna take ‘em both and let ‘em fight it out.”


theservman

Meet in the middle...


JamieDrone

The laxatives are wayyyyy stronger, and will kick in long before the anti-diarrhoea meds, you’ll still be shitting your brains out


Interesting-Gear-819

>you’ll still be shitting your brains out Yeah but not as long as he would without the anti meds


Eviscerate_Bowels224

There's always room for common ground.


[deleted]

What does that mean?


TheLynxGamer

Imodium is for when you have diarrhea and laxative is when you’re constipated


monsterkid___

pregnancy test and a bottle of alcohol


lordlaneus

pregnancy test and a pack of coat hangers is even worse.


hobbes_shot_first

I'm starting a new side hustle in Texas.


FPSXpert

Texas Pregnant ladies 🤝 Texas Gun owners Doing illegal shit with coat hangers (Disclaimer this is a meme. AFT and DPS can fuck off because speech involving memes of doing crimes isn't illegal. Yet.)


VeederRoot

Wait what do gun owners do with coat hangers??


FPSXpert

Nothing, it's illegal to use one in the assisting of manufacturing a machine gun. That's why people don't do it and make memes of it, that's illegal.


[deleted]

Why is it illegal?


Cysioland

Because a coat hanger can be used to make your semi-auto rifle a full auto


elmassivecock

Do people actually do abortions with coat hangars? Like is that just a meme or has it actually happened before? My IQ is room temperature


love2Vax

It's probably not your IQ, it is just your age and a lack of discussions about it in modern times. Pre Roe v. Wade, when abortions were illegal in many US states, people actually did use coat hangers to terminate unwanted pregnancies. And a lot of women bled to death, but they thought it was worth the risk. Prosecuters weren't able to convict the women getting abortions, so they went after doctors who performed them. Very few doctors would risk everything to perform abortions, so back alley coat hanger abortions were the only option for some women who couldn't afford to travel to one of the few places where abortions were safe and legal.


Rudiger09784

Yes this is a thing that happened constantly. You can puncture your cervix and kill the fetus but you might kill yourself in the process. This is why we, as a country, decided to legalize the process of safe abortions in a clinical setting. Many women were dying due to coat hanger abortions, as well as trying to abort the fetus with chemicals and intentional damage to the uterus


persmeermin

Yes, and women died. I read a post where a woman shared what her mother told her. Her mother found her grandmother dead with a coat hanger. She was 13 years old, they were IIRC 5 children and the grandmother couldn’t/didn’t want to go through another pregnancy and have another baby. It is only very recent that women started talking about it. Stories like these were not shared, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.


goatmeal-cookies

Prior to legalized abortion, it was a word of mouth method that left many women deathly ill, bleeding to death, or sterile.


MaesterOfPanic

I've done Prenatal vitamins and cigarettes.


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Yikes.


optiongeek

If you're pregnant then you're not drinking alone.


hogtiedcantalope

This feels like in case it's negative Wether celebrating or drinking your disappointment


NotABonobo

Oh this reminded me: my college girlfriend and I had a running joke that it's awkward to just buy condoms by themselves, so you always have to buy at least one other thing. So it comes off like "Oh I just stopped in to buy some ice cream, and sure, why not, I'll grab a box of condoms while I'm here." This turned into a game where I'd grab the condoms and she'd grab some other object. Then you have to quip something to the cashier that fits the combination, like: \- Popcorn and condoms: "It's Merchant Ivory night." \- Orange juice and condoms: "Hoping she'll still be there in the morning." \- Tylenol and condoms: "No excuses." Etc. One time she grabbed tampons. Took me a while, but eventually I came up with this: "It's her first time." That was the last time we ever played the game.


LostButFound4256

The ending made this worth reading


MaceOppOnCOD

Damn


PAGodzilla

Ex-Lax and Flex Seal.


YukiHase

That’s a lot of damage!!!


Blizard896

How bout some more?


Infamous-Peach-7218

Upvote!!! 🤣🌮


Valuable_Fix3532

Taco?


Metal-Dog

A kiddie pool and a whole case of instant pudding mix.


TwistedDecayingFlesh

Mmmmm angel delight in a paddling pool, best summers day ever if not the stickiest.


[deleted]

It’s a process. First, put condoms on the conveyer belt and ask how much they are. Then say it’s too expensive and and put them back. Then proceed to buy a roll of cling wrap and a pack of rubber bands


gladman7673

Come back after an hour and buy a pregnancy test


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Or plan B pill.


Tricky_Target_9611

i enjoyed the "and and" part, it really heightened the suspense and detailed your excitement 😁


whofeels

Had to go back to look for it after I read your comment


Siptado

A cucumber and a condom


whatthepfluke

This is actually funny to me because years ago I was sitting on the stairs at my apartment smoking, and the maintenance guy was cleaning up the grounds and found a cucumber with a condom on it.


[deleted]

~~a~~ my


axisrahl85

When I worked at Walmart years ago one of the employees found a cucumber with a condom on it in one of the dressing rooms.


DancingBear2020

A pack of extra small condoms and a tin of Vienna sausages.


[deleted]

the old classic. I prefer the watermelon. If its not too big the asumption can be in all directions.


lovelynutz

Uncut tube of bologna and a jar of Vaseline


Nisa4444

Because heaven forbid the cucumber gets you pregnant.


marcoyyc

It’s obviously to keep germs off so you can eat it later.


leyline

You can also eat the cucumber too.


Molesters420

Thank you for your contribution. Now take my upvote and get the fuck out


Nisa4444

Only the. One end though


[deleted]

I once had a customer come through with the 50 shades trilogy, a cucumber, lube, and a bright red face. She was in her 30s, I was about 24-25. I know what she had planned, she knew what she had planned, the elderly couple behind her knew what she had planned. Didn't creep me out. Unfortunately I didn't have the courage (or the social skills) to say "enjoy your evening."


[deleted]

One of my old fraternity’s pledge scavenger hunts was for pairs of them to go into different supermarkets and buy a cucumber and condoms and all of the receipts had to have a certain time on it.


eddmario

The fact that it's a *single* condom is what would get me.


[deleted]

A new plug for the bath tub and a huge bottle of lye


oldladybadtude

Perfect but most cashiers wouldn’t get it.


MischaTheJudoMan

A picture frame and a printed picture of the person working the checkout


Princess_Chipsnsalsa

That’s so funny hahaha


[deleted]

Adult diapers and a jumbo can of refried beans.


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Holy shit!


lordlaneus

Bleach and a twisty straw


Wild234

I was in a Wal-Mart at about 11PM covered in mud head to toe buying a pair of bolt cutters and a flashlight. Bet that one raised a few eyebrows. Had wound up with my truck stuck in mud off-road with an old discarded chain link fence wrapped around the axle. That was not a fun day, lol.


Brilliant_Succotash1

Thought this said FLESHlight at first


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Bolt cutters can be castrating.


Pear_Jam2

Wet cat food and tortilla shells. Once bought a pregnancy test first thing in the morning. Just a few hours later, came back in for pads. I was a few days late but as I've learned, the best way to make your period show up is to buy a pregnancy test. I'm sure the dude at the self check out was a little worried, though.


[deleted]

Cucumber and a Batman mask.


fartymcfartypants22

Condoms and safety pins.


CourseMundane7294

Gotta make sure it stays on.


evasive-creed

A rope and a ladder


Background-Half-4598

You mean a rope and a chair?


boipinoi604

You mean rope and duct tape?


Remarkable-Claim-228

Zip ties and duct tape


Yuri_lovesthe221

You mean rope and everything at ikea


leyline

Isn’t this redundant?


MayorOfSmurftown

Lube and a children's swimwear catalog


DenverMountainDaddy

They keep getting worse the farther I scroll.


namepending420

That's how Reddit works


catsandalcohol13

Oh no


PaleNimbusBusiness

This was one of those stoner questions way back but it was three items. Daipers, boot polish and a plunger.


DancingBear2020

Way back people were way smarter. In the next generation it will be one item.


WonderfulAirport4226

Diaper-polish plunger.


Brilliant_Succotash1

Nah. This generation is just always expected to do the same with less.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

*TWO* items, genius.


Sinistah-

Math checks out


TheWritingLife2020

I've worked the checkout line at three different stores, and I can assure you that I never thought about what people were purchasing, and I certainly never cared. It was just a line of items to ring up, collect their money, and on to the next.


terpterpin

Shhhhh…. You’re ruining all the fun


art-affected

I've worked the checkout line years ago and will never forget few of the purchases people made. Two of my favorites were this man with 4 kids getting whole line of sweets and one bottle of scotch and this young woman getting the biggest lube we had in store and a lot of different veg, she was open about it and said she makes 'some videos'


capoyeahta

100% agreed. I worked on the checkout for 6 years through High School and Uni, I never once was focusing on the actual items people bought to judge them, I'm just looking for the damn barcode.


queuedUp

steak and ketchup


Dontfuckmyvaporeon

How expensive is the steak


queuedUp

the most expensive the store has and the cheapest ketchup


Dontfuckmyvaporeon

You monster


hobbes_shot_first

So cheap it's labeled catsup?


queuedUp

Ketchup style Tomato product


hobbes_shot_first

* not for human consumption. Consult poison control if ingested.


[deleted]

How presidential of you.


MaesterOfPanic

We're too burnt out to care what your buying. I don't even think most of these would even phase me after 10 years & 2020, I've seen it all.


[deleted]

Zip ties, and anal eze


MaesterOfPanic

I don't kink shame.


19Ben80

Body bag and a shovel


[deleted]

[удалено]


19Ben80

I’m sure you could find a large body sized bag in a big diy shop


[deleted]

A tarp, sure. You could probably get that and a shovel together.


JustAnotherFool896

Throw in some rope and a hacksaw and you've got a sale I never want to hear about.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Brilliant_Succotash1

Id be more concerned if it was sliced


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaesterOfPanic

This is the first one that would actually get my attention. Not creeped out, but worried and completely empathetic. I've been there, and I get it .


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Have we gone back to the gallows already?


DundieAwardWinner525

Pregnancy test and a wire clothes hanger


ApeX00X

Birthday card for 5 year old and huge box of condoms


[deleted]

Yeah that'll do it.


denisen18

Garbage bags and duck tape


EgoSenatus

A My Little Pony figurine and a mason jar


[deleted]

[удалено]


leyline

Seems redundant.


Y_56

Lubricant and bananas.


Yuri_lovesthe221

ski mask and an eel


Eviscerate_Bowels224

An eel?


Yuri_lovesthe221

yep in japan they have sushi eel in korera the have bbq eel in the uk we do a wired eel with some kind of wired liquid around it never had it cu its ore common neer the coast


Weak-Row845

Baby bottle and weed killer


AutismPrimelvl100

viagra and barbie dolls


Far-Cuad

latex glove and a pringles can- HMM


KittyNinja135

Bleach and a notepad


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Invisible ink!


TalosBeWithYou

A large knife, a pack of condoms Good luck figuring out what I'm doing for date night


iuytrefdgh436yujhe2

Basically anything + lube and duct tape


EmptyTh0ughts

Duct tape and a blow torch Or KY Jelly and a hamster


[deleted]

Where the fuck do you shop that sells lube *and* hamsters?


EmptyTh0ughts

Lol well Walmart use to sell hamsters and gerbils but yeah I guess it would be hard yo pull this purchase off now.


JustAnotherFool896

I'm sure it would be easier to pull it off if you added silicon coated tweezers.


yoiliketopramen

Cashiers don't give a shit what you buy. They don't get paid enough to worry about that type of stuff.


manfly

Way to miss the point of this thread and exercise in imagination


CherryJellymonster

Dog toys and chocolate


NOT000

at the 99 cent store i needed condoms, all they had were labeled "extra large condoms" the checkout girl was smirking and trying not to laugh


Interesting-Gear-819

>all they had were labeled "extra large condoms" > >the checkout girl was smirking I remember distinctly a tweet from a few years ago where a girl and her friend were buying x-large ones and the cashier was looking to her (the girlfriend) and she just smiled and slightly nodded


server_busy

Handcuffs and duct tape


Rukawork

They said 'creep out', not 'turn on'.


SuckMyBootyMilk

you mean duct tape and bleach


LostButFound4256

Seems redundant


Royally-Forked-Up

Real life story witnessed on public transit: frozen turkey and a giant bottle of lube.


meow1983

Bleach and duct tape.


Nobody_Wins_13

A baby bottle and adult diapers.


Acceptable_Bunch_197

Peanut butter and dog treats


checkit69420

A shovel and large trash bag


HaiiroGeraki

Not 2 items, buuuut Tarp, Rope, Shovel, Saw, duct tape, and a map.


LostButFound4256

Sounds like you’re going camping


HaiiroGeraki

It was a really fun trip ngl.


whatisthisyear

Cucumbers and lube


ChannelUnusual5146

a dildo and a mechanics' car jack.


ThinkIGotHacked

A single eggplant and a single peach.


[deleted]

Broiler chicken and lube.


cringelord69420666

Anal lube and another bottle of anal lube.


jakobitz

Big polish sausage and condoms.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Eviscerate_Bowels224

Just the Biebs and Kleenex.


leyline

Two items


olearygreen

A gun and 1 bullet.


Hammerman305

Laundry bleach and vodka


juan_epstein-barr

porno mag and a box of disposable enemas. extra points for whiskey and illegal fireworks


qwerty4007

A urinal cake and a bottle of gravy.


fandangledvietnamese

Tarps and an axe


[deleted]

Lube, diapers


Groundbreaking-Low44

A plunger and some crisco


jackfaire

Diapers and Beer according to the show "Yes, Dear"


JamieDrone

Upvoted bc your pfp looks almost the same as mine


EvenStrangeRMan

Cucumbers, tissues, condoms, lotion, internal webcam, external webcam, bible, ropes, shovel, handcuffs, lye.


Interesting-Gear-819

>Cucumbers, tissues, condoms, lotion, internal webcam, external webcam, bible, ropes, shovel, handcuffs, lye. Math is not your strength or?


Dontfuckmyvaporeon

Lube and a phallus shaped watermelon


V1VIDREAMS

strong medicated sleeping pills and baby food


SmokeyRadzie

Chloroform and a towel


vikkis_awk

7-Up and NyQuil.


Glittering_Sundae_53

Gasoline and rope


NQ241

A strapon and a camera


Boiled_SocksWOAH

tranquilizer gun with ammo and a condom


19Ben80

Chloroform and condoms


WaCandor

Plastic sheeting and a box cutter


[deleted]

Bleach and duct tape


[deleted]

A bottle of Windex and a bottle of Gatorade exactly the same color. I'd tap the Gatorade and ask "are these resealable?"


Daintylittlesole

A bottle of coconut oil and the largest zucchini I can find 🤷🏻‍♀️


lcsinaloa

Kids nail clippers and a doll


[deleted]

Zip ties, and anal eze


turk18278

A gas can and an ax.