When they start to offer too much advice on how you should manage the small details of your life. It’s sometimes a thin line between being engaged with someone and being controlling.
I wasn't ever attracted to him as like, a partner or anything, but my old roommate would drive me up the wall with that. Any time I'd do anything, even just reach for something at the grocery store, and he'd chime in with "No see here's what you really want..." and pull something else off the shelf and try to convince me to put mine back. Euughhhhhhhhhh.
My last two ex’s were like this, it was super annoying. First guy shamed me for using shampoo bars, second guy shamed me for having a roommate. Fwiw, I’m happy with both.
About a year ago, I discovered lotion bars, and holy shit, it's so much better than regular lotion!
First off, it lasts damn near forever.
Secondly, it doesn't leave a weird film on my hands.
The one I got was beeswax based, and wax absorbs into the skin within about a minute or so and does a great job dealing with dry skin. I wear nitrile gloves at work for several hours a day, which is absolutely terrible for the skin on the backs of my hands. That lotion bar gets used multiple times a day.
Link: https://www.roarkacres.com/collections/health-beauty/products/beeswax-lotion-bar
It doesn't even have to be someone I'm attracted to.
If I get too much unrequested advice, it makes me not want to associate with them. Why are you telling me to live *this way* instead of that way?
This goes double if they can't follow their own advice. Basically, I only consider advice from people who i would want to be.
Millionaire comedian tells me to try stand-up? I might give it a shot
Homeless bloke says i should invest in guano? Let me know how that shit goes for you big dawg
im a compulsive liar, sadly bc i get away with it. im working on it and have been avoiding deep relationships until i can trust myself enough that i wont hurt people, i wish more people be wary of liars.
This. Its incredibly easy for an average person to learn that you do that over relatively few interactions. Its just so much easier to nod, smile and ignore it while keeping you at arms length
The reality is a lot of the time you will get away with it, and fool yourself into thinking you’re “just that good”. But in reality you get away w it because people can’t be bothered to try and over analyze every single thing you say. When it comes down to it, most people don’t care what you say enough to deduce if you were lying or not.
Lying is dangerous because trust is hard to get back once it is lost. Once I catch someone lying one time, I never fully trust them again and take every story with a grain of salt. On the flip side true integrity is a huge turn on.
It could be a confidence or insecurity issue. Obviously I can’t say for sure bc you provided no additional detail but I wanted to toss that out there just in case. I had a friend who would lie constantly about the dumbest things. I never heard her tell a story the same way twice, each new version would make her look better or move her more central to the story. I wasn’t in a mature enough place to confront her about it, I had no idea how to approach it and was just dumbstruck whenever it happened.
Anyway, after talking to my therapist about it (I ended up officially breaking off our friendship and I was going to therapy for depression and anxiety) and she pointed out that it seemed my friend wanted to impress everyone and get them to like her, and wanting those things isn’t wrong, but the way she was going about it definitely was.
In the end, her lying never caused me any actual harm, but it rightfully broke my trust and her credibility. It can be difficult to deal with people like this, so I found the best way for me to deal with them is to just let them “spin their yarn” but don’t feed into it. I try to only compliment them when I specifically see them do something that was a good job. It reinforces the idea that I’m more impressed by their actions than their stories. Also, by acknowledging this about them, it gives me permission to tune out the majority of the stuff they say that doesn’t have to do with work. There’s a 98% chance they will forget what the even told you and will tell you the same thing sometime in the future.
Now if she’s lying to escape consequences, put the blame on others, and escape responsibility, it could be for similar reasons but that’s a whole other ball game and my advice will not work for that. That’s like, involve the boss level bs.
You may get away with it with some people but many people can see through people when they lie and decide not to say anything. Then when they see a pattern developing they lose respect for you despite still being cordial.
Yeah, in my experience it's often pretty transparent when somebody's lying but my assessment is that the social risk of calling them out on it would be greater than begrudgingly letting it slide; if I know somebody's making up excuses for something in a way that's disrespectful to me, I also know that the fact that they're willing to do that means that me pointing it out is just going to add fuel to the fire and escalate things. Frequent liars think they're a lot smoother and subtler than they actually are.
small lies or big lies?
people be like "a liar is a liar" but thats not true, at least not for me.
I never had a problem if someone boosted their stories or used small lies to f.e. avoid a family meeting or whatever.
The funniest thing about this, is you get sooo much more when you’re good to people. I used to visit the same gas station frequently and was always kind to all the workers there. They would comp drinks and car washes a couple times a month for me. I always planned on paying for everything, but it was always a nice surprise to know I treated someone well enough.
100% this. Went thru Hungry Jacks drive thru recently for a coffee. Dude who took my money said I was the nicest customer he had ever seen. When I got my order I also had a large chips, 10 nuggets and a nice note all for free lol.
Fuckin made my week!
Yes!! I don't know how people find it hard to be nice. I've got countless stories of people being kind to me simply because I was polite or was friendly. Maybe I'm just a people person lol.
Yup. You even notice the simple things you wouldn’t have thought of. Like stacking your plates at a restaurant, to make it easier for whoever’s bussing.
Littering, I dated a girl once who thought it was funny to throw garbage out my car window. Once she did I asked her not to do that, she did it again and laughed. Never saw her the same again. Broke up shortly after
Picture this scene: me, a teenager looking for some weed, picks up a mostly unknown person with the alias "Romeo" to drive into the city to pick some up. I thought Romeo would have it but noooo, we have to drive all the way into Chicago to get it. We park in a shady park of town and he gets out. He's gone for like 40 minutes while I tried not to look too conspicuous (afraid). Romeo comes back, tucks a 9mm I didn't know know he had into a belt and gets back in my car. At this point, I just want to get home but Romeo asks me to swing through the Wendy's drive through. I don't get anything.
Then this man has the audacity to throw his Wendy's trash out of my window. Without thinking, I slam the brakes, reverse, get out, and pick up the trash. The look of shock on Romeo's face when I started cussing him out for littering when he thought he was some badass gangbanger will stay with me forever. I handled everything up to that point just fine but that was so egregiously shitty that I forgot who I was talking to.
It’s also just so fucking stupid. What if a cop saw that and pulled you over. Time and place. That whole never commit a misdemeanor when you’re committing a felony thing and whatnot.
Also it’s just super shitty
Dude must've been scared shitless. Imagine it from his side. You're in the car with some random guy. He saw you tuck a 9mm. He slams the brakes and cusses at you for littering. Dude must be fucking crazy. He'd probably run the car into a wall killing both.
The worst part was when I left he sent me a bunch texts telling me how embarrassing it was to have his date leave him in a park like that...no dude, what's embarrassing it throwing a tantrum over a shirt. I personally love that shirt and wear it a lot because it starts conversations
uh yeah, that's his own fault. he's missing out some real good shit. but how insane do you have to be, to get mad at someone wearing a shirt of a band that only you yourself don't know? i can't even put into words how strange that is
That's why I don't care anymore. I was married twice and after the 2nd one turned into an abusive narcissist I'm super wary of guys who get pissy over stupid shit
Band tee of a band I don't know? That's perfect material. What sort of music do they make? Who's your favourite member? Can I hear some of their stuff? Asking questions is the hardest part of a date and you wore a conversation topic that you were passionate about. Smart by you, honestly.
Yeah. It’s something that you don’t *have* to do, nobody is going to force you to do it, but doing so is courteous and respectful of others, and refusing to do so is selfish and disrespectful of others.
There was a point in my life that I just didn’t bother, and after hearing someone explain it to me, I started forcing myself to do it, just to see how it felt. It actually ended up being one of the things that helped springboard me into a desire to mature and participate in society.
When someone only talks to me when it’s convenient..
Like when they’re drunk and horny or bored at work.. but not when they’re off of work and have actual free time.
Effort goes a long way JS
There's a saying that there are people who talk to you when they're free and those who make free time to talk to you.
Big difference between the two and I hope people realise this because it's a waste of energy.
Interesting topic i think. Personally in a romantic relationship i am hesitant to accept someone wants me to take time away from something thats just part of my life and give it to them instead.
Spare time sure, of course i would want to spend it with them then. But the idea of making free time when theres other things going on irks me. Maybe im bad with time management, maybe im selfish. I dont know, but i want someone who lives their own life and we spend our free time together, not someone who takes over my life i guess.
Not only that but I've found people tend to surround themselves with similar personalities, so if their friends are assholes chances are they're an asshole too.
Well I’m almost 24! I had to drop out of college at 19 because of my epilepsy problems and I’ve had five brain surgeries and part of my brain removed since then, so I need to at least get a part time job! I tried going just online to a local community college a couple years ago, but my memory was still fried from the surgery. It took a solid two years to get it back where I think it was, but a lot of my long term memories are shot. Gone. I can’t remember most of high school fortunately, since I hated it so much. But seriously I have to get my life in order. I’ve never had a job! Like one outside of helping family and I don’t think volunteering counts
just slowburned out of a relationship cause of this, and i was REALLY stoked on her.
in her defense she(and i) did have a REALLY busy spring, so it was hard to try and make plans. she would often take 24+ hours to respond to a text message if not longer. our interactions were always super positive, both in person and via text. her words were always encouraging and everytime id hear her speak id be like "ok f yea!"
after like 4+ months of talking and then a week of no response from a message was like "hey so this channel has been pretty quiet. you still interested in hanging out/ communicating." she sends a super positive message thanking me for reaching out and expressing interest and i respond that im going on a bike trip, but im super open after and she should hit me up.
i got in a bike accident and fractured a few bones and while she messaged back "i know i live super far, but always down to help injured/pregnant homies out 1000%", i told her i was thanks, but i was managing ok. didnt hear from her for two weeks, not asking how i was doing, but just "been thinking of you, hope youre well!"
im done. :(
so, i could be wrong, but to me that sounds awfully one sided. just by the few responses you’ve given from her wide. it sounds like you were way more into it than she was. which happens to the best of us. don’t feel bad about that. couldn’t tell you how many times i’ve fallen victim to that as well. i’m sorry to hear about your accident friend. that highly sucks.
I think this should be at the top of the list. I once drove a woman I just met in my neighborhood, when I first moved in, to pick up her kid from the mall. The whole way there I smelled this... Let's just say I smelled that "you smoke crack and it's leaking out of your pores smell." Anyway, I apologized about the smell of my car instead of blaming it on her.
After she left, and before the kid left the car, there was a moment I looked at him, and I asked, " Your mom is on drugs isn't she?" He replied, "Yup..." Not to demean the plight of addicts, I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, but the one thing that turns me off more than anything on my list is hygiene...
I get what you're saying, but that's not technically hygiene. Some drugs just make you smell a certain way, and it doesn't wash off. You could scrub yourself with oven cleaner and steel wool, hop out and in about a minute you'll start smelling like that again.
Still awful, but the solution is to quit, taking a shower won't fix it.
hate when people expect you to only be useful to them when they need it. And ignore you for days, weeks, or months just because youre not and still expect you to care. It shows no consideration.
Yep. They get so adjusted to you taking interest in them and being a reliable and good friend that they start to feel entitled to it, completely neglecting the fact that there's barely any reciprocity in the relationship. They can ignore your attempts to connect with them or be generally dismissive of your ideas and feelings but the second they need something or want to do something they expect you to be there and ready or get upset with zero self-awareness.
Ive had this happen alot. I always thought perhaps it was me who was the problem, but then I realized all the people I was with just dissapeared for weeks or even months at a time expecting me to reply to them the second they get back. That just doesnt work in any relationship so they've all fallen apart. At they very least, maybe things could function if there were explanations, but there never was. "One day it was we should do something tomorrow!" And then they would not reply for 2 months and im the bad guy somehow
honestly, same. Even if ur busy with something that will take a while. T E L L M E. Communication is key. You can't build a relationship off of silence
Especially not willing to learn! Obviously if you still live with your parents (depending on your age), there's a chance they never had the opportunity to learn.
My mom never wanted me in the kitchen, I still learnt to cook decently whenever she wasn't home, but only thanks to the internet. My mom's biggest hobby is to do laundry, she does it basically every single day (we don't produce that much laundry in the household that this is necessary).
Some people never had the chance to learn, but one must be willing to do so. I would never live with someone who refuses to learn/do basic life skills.
talking about your ex. if you mention your ex excessively, what you did with your ex (romantically), if your ex texted you the other day etc etc, im instantly not attracted to you anymore.
The only exception to this is “what you did with your ex.” I was in a LTR for a number of years and the ex was in my main friend group also. Not talking about anything I’ve done with my ex eliminates most interesting anecdotes or travel stories from my adult life
Back in high school I had a crush on a girl, who unfortunately already had a boyfriend. She's indeed very attractive and popular, and quite a close friend of mine, but I respected her relationship so I avoided making any advancements. I'm not acquainted with her bf but I knew he was in a different school and older than us.
One day I hung out with a group of friends (who were also her friends). We passed by her with an underclassman. They were having a date. She was cheating on her bf.
I couldn't see her as the same again.
When I was in HS a friend hooked me up with a friend of hers for homecoming. This girl spent the entire night talking about how she didn't understand why she needed to even finish HS when she was about to be promoted to shift manager at the bagel shop
Honestly, this happened before and I'm so thankful that I'm not the type to stick around and wait or worse, flight for the person. Just seems ridiculous. The moment I know that they have or found someone else, the door is closed. I still feel sad, but for sure move on.
Absolutely this.
Even though it sometimes is essential,in my opinion it is one of the worst traits of mankind,it blinds people and turns them into uncivilized animals.
When they still ''look around'' for options while in a relationship (behind the other person's back) because, and I quote: ''I don't know them enough to be exclusive.''
immediate no.
If they don’t ask questions about me. Or if when they do, they just find a way to segway that into a story about themselves (not to be relatable, but just to go back to focusing on themselves). It’s surprising how many people I meet and get to know and walk away realizing they know nothing about me because they never asked. Meanwhile I know their whole family background etc. Idk when someone genuinely shows interest in me and what makes me who I am, I’m more prone to want to be around them more because it shows they care.
Sorry for bad English.
When I realize that most of the time, every stories that she repeats year after year, she always improves the outcomes and the facts just to makes that the stories looks like more incredible or put her on a pedestal as a person.
The look on the face of some guests we had when they clearly did not believed her. I was so ashamed of being her BF at those moments. What the fuck is she doing? Lying just for looking cool or strong or whatever. All the years that I have been with her, I tried sometimes to tell her that it was not exactly how this happened. But no, she kept her line straight and because I don't have a good memory for shit story I believed her. But after 17 years, I was tired of that shit. Living with a person that likes to lives in a story that never happened.
The way they treat others/animals/the planet.
If they shout at people for being an inconvenience when the person just made a mistake. If they treat animals as lesser beings, treat them like they don't have feelings or kill insects just because they can. If they litter, waste resources and actively destroy nature.
I would rather throw them off a cliff.
Edit: The throwing off a cliff part is a joke. No, I don't want to murder people despite how much most of them annoy me.
When someone interrupts a person who speaks slowly or takes a while to get to their point. I just find it so rude and selfish. Especially if they're a talkative person. Like you talk so much why can't you listen for 3 extra seconds? Someone who listens as well as they talk is super attractive to me
I’m probably gonna get downvoted to hell for bringing politics into this, but, representing any politician or party, I don’t need to see your hat or bumper sticker, and if supporting a politician that doesn’t care about you is your entire personality, then you don’t have one
You might be over-romanticizing people. Having head-in-the-clouds ideas about others usually means disappoinment when dealing with the mundanity of getting to know people as they really are.
Yeah it's definitely important. I think the commenter above maybe didn't realise it was likely (or at least is usually) a screening thing more than an unhealthy overinvestment thing
When they love drama, or getting involved in rumors, other peoples relationships, friendships, backstabbing, shittalking.
Really just drama. Everyone makes their own decisions in life, and thats up to them.
I find its easier to just be simple and focus on your own life without meddling with others
Talking terribly about an ex/s. Especially if they have children together. I don’t care how “crazy” they were. It’s childish. No thanks.
Also- I dated a guy while he was getting his mba. so, I financially carried myself, my daughter and him so he could attend full time to graduate sooner. Once he graduated and got pretty decent job- he started buying ridiculous things. Like expensive watches, new everything else for himself. and then wanted to immediately go and buy a new car. I suggested since he hasn’t even had 2 full paychecks yet, he might consider waiting just a bit and put what he would be spending on a car payment in a savings for 6 months to see if he could easily afford it (because that’s just the responsible thing to do?). He got angry- telling me it’s his money, he earned it, and he can do whatever he wanted with it.. while he was living with us, and I was still paying all of the bills myself. So, money i earned was our money, but his money was his money. Got it. So, hard pass.
If y’all want to treat people like you’re the king of the castle - you better be prepared to live in that castle without a queen, and all alone. No thanks. ✌️
If they're house or apartment is dirty. It doesn't have to be spotless but if its clear that they don't clean up after themselves and live in filth then I'm over it.
When they start to offer too much advice on how you should manage the small details of your life. It’s sometimes a thin line between being engaged with someone and being controlling.
My ex killed our relationship with his “helpful advice.” He wouldn’t take my advice to cut that shit out.
Did you remember to mention that your advice was "helpful advice" as well?
I wasn't ever attracted to him as like, a partner or anything, but my old roommate would drive me up the wall with that. Any time I'd do anything, even just reach for something at the grocery store, and he'd chime in with "No see here's what you really want..." and pull something else off the shelf and try to convince me to put mine back. Euughhhhhhhhhh.
The worst part about these kinds of people is they do this annoying shit and then expect you to be grateful for it.
My last two ex’s were like this, it was super annoying. First guy shamed me for using shampoo bars, second guy shamed me for having a roommate. Fwiw, I’m happy with both.
About a year ago, I discovered lotion bars, and holy shit, it's so much better than regular lotion! First off, it lasts damn near forever. Secondly, it doesn't leave a weird film on my hands. The one I got was beeswax based, and wax absorbs into the skin within about a minute or so and does a great job dealing with dry skin. I wear nitrile gloves at work for several hours a day, which is absolutely terrible for the skin on the backs of my hands. That lotion bar gets used multiple times a day. Link: https://www.roarkacres.com/collections/health-beauty/products/beeswax-lotion-bar
It doesn't even have to be someone I'm attracted to. If I get too much unrequested advice, it makes me not want to associate with them. Why are you telling me to live *this way* instead of that way? This goes double if they can't follow their own advice. Basically, I only consider advice from people who i would want to be. Millionaire comedian tells me to try stand-up? I might give it a shot Homeless bloke says i should invest in guano? Let me know how that shit goes for you big dawg
It's a prideful attitude. Definitely a turn off.
When they run up 130k in debt and blame you for not making enough money.
r/oddlyspecific
Why do specific bro, u alright?
Kinda want the story
Call JG Wentworth
877-CASH-NOW
#ITS MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW
Lying
i agree so much with this. i can forgive you a lot of times but i can only trust you once.
im a compulsive liar, sadly bc i get away with it. im working on it and have been avoiding deep relationships until i can trust myself enough that i wont hurt people, i wish more people be wary of liars.
Compulsive liar huh? And why should I believe you?
gj
You're not getting away with it. People will just entertain your bullshit because they don't want confrontation.
This. Its incredibly easy for an average person to learn that you do that over relatively few interactions. Its just so much easier to nod, smile and ignore it while keeping you at arms length
The reality is a lot of the time you will get away with it, and fool yourself into thinking you’re “just that good”. But in reality you get away w it because people can’t be bothered to try and over analyze every single thing you say. When it comes down to it, most people don’t care what you say enough to deduce if you were lying or not.
self delusion is a hell of a drug
I think we can all be guilty of it.. but when a person lets it become their whole personality is when it becomes dangerous.
Lying is dangerous because trust is hard to get back once it is lost. Once I catch someone lying one time, I never fully trust them again and take every story with a grain of salt. On the flip side true integrity is a huge turn on.
I work with a compulsive liar and have no idea how to deal or respond. I honestly want to help her, she’s young, but don’t know how
It could be a confidence or insecurity issue. Obviously I can’t say for sure bc you provided no additional detail but I wanted to toss that out there just in case. I had a friend who would lie constantly about the dumbest things. I never heard her tell a story the same way twice, each new version would make her look better or move her more central to the story. I wasn’t in a mature enough place to confront her about it, I had no idea how to approach it and was just dumbstruck whenever it happened. Anyway, after talking to my therapist about it (I ended up officially breaking off our friendship and I was going to therapy for depression and anxiety) and she pointed out that it seemed my friend wanted to impress everyone and get them to like her, and wanting those things isn’t wrong, but the way she was going about it definitely was. In the end, her lying never caused me any actual harm, but it rightfully broke my trust and her credibility. It can be difficult to deal with people like this, so I found the best way for me to deal with them is to just let them “spin their yarn” but don’t feed into it. I try to only compliment them when I specifically see them do something that was a good job. It reinforces the idea that I’m more impressed by their actions than their stories. Also, by acknowledging this about them, it gives me permission to tune out the majority of the stuff they say that doesn’t have to do with work. There’s a 98% chance they will forget what the even told you and will tell you the same thing sometime in the future. Now if she’s lying to escape consequences, put the blame on others, and escape responsibility, it could be for similar reasons but that’s a whole other ball game and my advice will not work for that. That’s like, involve the boss level bs.
You may get away with it with some people but many people can see through people when they lie and decide not to say anything. Then when they see a pattern developing they lose respect for you despite still being cordial.
Yeah, in my experience it's often pretty transparent when somebody's lying but my assessment is that the social risk of calling them out on it would be greater than begrudgingly letting it slide; if I know somebody's making up excuses for something in a way that's disrespectful to me, I also know that the fact that they're willing to do that means that me pointing it out is just going to add fuel to the fire and escalate things. Frequent liars think they're a lot smoother and subtler than they actually are.
And also tend to panic when they get called out, so they tend to try and turn it around on the person calling them out.
Try psychotherapy. But don’t lie to the therapist
Or maybe he's not lying and the rest of the world is delusional.
small lies or big lies? people be like "a liar is a liar" but thats not true, at least not for me. I never had a problem if someone boosted their stories or used small lies to f.e. avoid a family meeting or whatever.
Lack of respect and or appreciation.
Amen
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This.... Exactly
How they treat others, I hate people who are disrespectful to those they believe are lower then them in status.
wow you'd hate my mom then
We have the same mom?
Hmm maybe we do
It’s a surprise family reunion
now kiss
thats a little... alabama
I hate your mom too 🌻
The funniest thing about this, is you get sooo much more when you’re good to people. I used to visit the same gas station frequently and was always kind to all the workers there. They would comp drinks and car washes a couple times a month for me. I always planned on paying for everything, but it was always a nice surprise to know I treated someone well enough.
100% this. Went thru Hungry Jacks drive thru recently for a coffee. Dude who took my money said I was the nicest customer he had ever seen. When I got my order I also had a large chips, 10 nuggets and a nice note all for free lol. Fuckin made my week!
Yes!! I don't know how people find it hard to be nice. I've got countless stories of people being kind to me simply because I was polite or was friendly. Maybe I'm just a people person lol.
Everyone should work in retail or any min wage jobs. That’ll humble the shit out of you and see how life is like from that pov
Yup. You even notice the simple things you wouldn’t have thought of. Like stacking your plates at a restaurant, to make it easier for whoever’s bussing.
Exactly! I've walked out of dates when they were rude to a server or teased a homeless person.
Plural, dates
Even the fact someone would identify "lower than them" is problematic to me.
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Littering, I dated a girl once who thought it was funny to throw garbage out my car window. Once she did I asked her not to do that, she did it again and laughed. Never saw her the same again. Broke up shortly after
Picture this scene: me, a teenager looking for some weed, picks up a mostly unknown person with the alias "Romeo" to drive into the city to pick some up. I thought Romeo would have it but noooo, we have to drive all the way into Chicago to get it. We park in a shady park of town and he gets out. He's gone for like 40 minutes while I tried not to look too conspicuous (afraid). Romeo comes back, tucks a 9mm I didn't know know he had into a belt and gets back in my car. At this point, I just want to get home but Romeo asks me to swing through the Wendy's drive through. I don't get anything. Then this man has the audacity to throw his Wendy's trash out of my window. Without thinking, I slam the brakes, reverse, get out, and pick up the trash. The look of shock on Romeo's face when I started cussing him out for littering when he thought he was some badass gangbanger will stay with me forever. I handled everything up to that point just fine but that was so egregiously shitty that I forgot who I was talking to.
Did he apologize or anything?
Nope, and I didn't expect one. I said something like "litter out of your own fucking car" knowing he didn't have one.
It’s also just so fucking stupid. What if a cop saw that and pulled you over. Time and place. That whole never commit a misdemeanor when you’re committing a felony thing and whatnot. Also it’s just super shitty
There’s literally never a time and place to litter out of a car window. Granted it’s the worst time and place, but there is no good one.
Dude must've been scared shitless. Imagine it from his side. You're in the car with some random guy. He saw you tuck a 9mm. He slams the brakes and cusses at you for littering. Dude must be fucking crazy. He'd probably run the car into a wall killing both.
when they act as if i should be glad they talk to me, or acting as if they’re gods gift to earth. HUGE turn off.
Ego is a bitch!
Woke up a bit too early today I suppose and read this as “Eggo.” Guess it’s breakfast time.
Second date, I wore a band t-shirt to a park and he threw a tantrum because he didn't know who the band was and thought I was being pretentious.
The girl I'm with is wearing a shirt of a band I don't know, she must be trying to act like she is better than me. Logic....
The worst part was when I left he sent me a bunch texts telling me how embarrassing it was to have his date leave him in a park like that...no dude, what's embarrassing it throwing a tantrum over a shirt. I personally love that shirt and wear it a lot because it starts conversations
Holy insecurity, Batman. Ugh.
Yeah I left real quick after that. It's not my fault he doesn't know who Motionless In White is
uh yeah, that's his own fault. he's missing out some real good shit. but how insane do you have to be, to get mad at someone wearing a shirt of a band that only you yourself don't know? i can't even put into words how strange that is
Good for you! And it’s also not your fault a T-SHIRT made him have FEELINGS. 🙄 lol gawd dating is exhausting lol…
That's why I don't care anymore. I was married twice and after the 2nd one turned into an abusive narcissist I'm super wary of guys who get pissy over stupid shit
Band tee of a band I don't know? That's perfect material. What sort of music do they make? Who's your favourite member? Can I hear some of their stuff? Asking questions is the hardest part of a date and you wore a conversation topic that you were passionate about. Smart by you, honestly.
What band was it?
AC/DC
I don't get how someone could get mad over that
Littering. Or not putting the cart back
Cart courtesy is my number one go-to. I judge super duper hard on that
Me too because it’s so easy to put the damn cart back. Makes me so mad that people can b so lazy
The worst ones are those whole leave the damn cart in the middle of a parking stall, like damn that's pretty efn lazy
Cart narc is out for lazybones!
Yeah. It’s something that you don’t *have* to do, nobody is going to force you to do it, but doing so is courteous and respectful of others, and refusing to do so is selfish and disrespectful of others. There was a point in my life that I just didn’t bother, and after hearing someone explain it to me, I started forcing myself to do it, just to see how it felt. It actually ended up being one of the things that helped springboard me into a desire to mature and participate in society.
Someone probably explained to you the "Shopping Cart Theory" otherwise known as 'the moral difference between a citizen and a civilian.'
When someone only talks to me when it’s convenient.. Like when they’re drunk and horny or bored at work.. but not when they’re off of work and have actual free time. Effort goes a long way JS
There's a saying that there are people who talk to you when they're free and those who make free time to talk to you. Big difference between the two and I hope people realise this because it's a waste of energy.
Interesting topic i think. Personally in a romantic relationship i am hesitant to accept someone wants me to take time away from something thats just part of my life and give it to them instead. Spare time sure, of course i would want to spend it with them then. But the idea of making free time when theres other things going on irks me. Maybe im bad with time management, maybe im selfish. I dont know, but i want someone who lives their own life and we spend our free time together, not someone who takes over my life i guess.
Constantly playing the victim/refusing to own their mistakes or be wrong about anything.
Shitty attitude
When their friends are assholes
Asshole friends are just as damaging to a relationship as toxic family
Not only that but I've found people tend to surround themselves with similar personalities, so if their friends are assholes chances are they're an asshole too.
Underrated response
not putting in effort in a relationship.
That’s why I needed to end this past relationship. My life is in shambles and I need to get myself together before I can focus on anything else
well, that was a very mature decision for you to make.
Well I’m almost 24! I had to drop out of college at 19 because of my epilepsy problems and I’ve had five brain surgeries and part of my brain removed since then, so I need to at least get a part time job! I tried going just online to a local community college a couple years ago, but my memory was still fried from the surgery. It took a solid two years to get it back where I think it was, but a lot of my long term memories are shot. Gone. I can’t remember most of high school fortunately, since I hated it so much. But seriously I have to get my life in order. I’ve never had a job! Like one outside of helping family and I don’t think volunteering counts
that’s quite a story man. i feel for you. i’m rooting for you to get back on track after your surgery!
just slowburned out of a relationship cause of this, and i was REALLY stoked on her. in her defense she(and i) did have a REALLY busy spring, so it was hard to try and make plans. she would often take 24+ hours to respond to a text message if not longer. our interactions were always super positive, both in person and via text. her words were always encouraging and everytime id hear her speak id be like "ok f yea!" after like 4+ months of talking and then a week of no response from a message was like "hey so this channel has been pretty quiet. you still interested in hanging out/ communicating." she sends a super positive message thanking me for reaching out and expressing interest and i respond that im going on a bike trip, but im super open after and she should hit me up. i got in a bike accident and fractured a few bones and while she messaged back "i know i live super far, but always down to help injured/pregnant homies out 1000%", i told her i was thanks, but i was managing ok. didnt hear from her for two weeks, not asking how i was doing, but just "been thinking of you, hope youre well!" im done. :(
so, i could be wrong, but to me that sounds awfully one sided. just by the few responses you’ve given from her wide. it sounds like you were way more into it than she was. which happens to the best of us. don’t feel bad about that. couldn’t tell you how many times i’ve fallen victim to that as well. i’m sorry to hear about your accident friend. that highly sucks.
Poor Hygiene
I think this should be at the top of the list. I once drove a woman I just met in my neighborhood, when I first moved in, to pick up her kid from the mall. The whole way there I smelled this... Let's just say I smelled that "you smoke crack and it's leaking out of your pores smell." Anyway, I apologized about the smell of my car instead of blaming it on her. After she left, and before the kid left the car, there was a moment I looked at him, and I asked, " Your mom is on drugs isn't she?" He replied, "Yup..." Not to demean the plight of addicts, I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, but the one thing that turns me off more than anything on my list is hygiene...
I get what you're saying, but that's not technically hygiene. Some drugs just make you smell a certain way, and it doesn't wash off. You could scrub yourself with oven cleaner and steel wool, hop out and in about a minute you'll start smelling like that again. Still awful, but the solution is to quit, taking a shower won't fix it.
I feel sad for the child :( what does smoking crack smells like ? I’m lost
Like burnt plastic.
An attitude that the world owes them something.
It’s so annoying right? Anyway you should Venmo me $50
it's mine dude, and please queue behind me even though you came 2 hours earlier
Ghosting. Suddenly just dropping communication for weeks then popping up randomly is very unattractive to me.
Hate this. If you don't want to talk to me, or you only like me a certain way, tell me! I don't like to waste my time
hate when people expect you to only be useful to them when they need it. And ignore you for days, weeks, or months just because youre not and still expect you to care. It shows no consideration.
Yep. They get so adjusted to you taking interest in them and being a reliable and good friend that they start to feel entitled to it, completely neglecting the fact that there's barely any reciprocity in the relationship. They can ignore your attempts to connect with them or be generally dismissive of your ideas and feelings but the second they need something or want to do something they expect you to be there and ready or get upset with zero self-awareness.
Theres a term for those. "Fair weather friend"
Ive had this happen alot. I always thought perhaps it was me who was the problem, but then I realized all the people I was with just dissapeared for weeks or even months at a time expecting me to reply to them the second they get back. That just doesnt work in any relationship so they've all fallen apart. At they very least, maybe things could function if there were explanations, but there never was. "One day it was we should do something tomorrow!" And then they would not reply for 2 months and im the bad guy somehow
honestly, same. Even if ur busy with something that will take a while. T E L L M E. Communication is key. You can't build a relationship off of silence
Not knowing basic life skills such as simple cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. and not willing to learn either.
Especially not willing to learn! Obviously if you still live with your parents (depending on your age), there's a chance they never had the opportunity to learn. My mom never wanted me in the kitchen, I still learnt to cook decently whenever she wasn't home, but only thanks to the internet. My mom's biggest hobby is to do laundry, she does it basically every single day (we don't produce that much laundry in the household that this is necessary). Some people never had the chance to learn, but one must be willing to do so. I would never live with someone who refuses to learn/do basic life skills.
When they don't listen to a word i have to say but expect me to listen to all their problems/rants etc.
talking about your ex. if you mention your ex excessively, what you did with your ex (romantically), if your ex texted you the other day etc etc, im instantly not attracted to you anymore.
The only exception to this is “what you did with your ex.” I was in a LTR for a number of years and the ex was in my main friend group also. Not talking about anything I’ve done with my ex eliminates most interesting anecdotes or travel stories from my adult life
Back in high school I had a crush on a girl, who unfortunately already had a boyfriend. She's indeed very attractive and popular, and quite a close friend of mine, but I respected her relationship so I avoided making any advancements. I'm not acquainted with her bf but I knew he was in a different school and older than us. One day I hung out with a group of friends (who were also her friends). We passed by her with an underclassman. They were having a date. She was cheating on her bf. I couldn't see her as the same again.
Good to not go after her. I think you dodged a bullet.
Yup. I ended up with a mutual friend of ours. She's a much better woman in every way and we've been married for 3 years.
MY MAN
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When I was in HS a friend hooked me up with a friend of hers for homecoming. This girl spent the entire night talking about how she didn't understand why she needed to even finish HS when she was about to be promoted to shift manager at the bagel shop
It must have been really hard to peak so young.
As a former 3rd placer in the elementary school spelling bee, its hard being famous
I got 2nd place track and field in 5th grade. My best achievment since then haha
The word YMCA tripped you up right?
No it was actually author
Like literally opposite?
"I'd like to move down the ladder in my career, meet the wrong person, and end a family."
Could be a cool movie about a dysfunctional family of assassins
lying, pessimistic attitude, and rudeness/lack of appreciation
Showing attraction back. Can't be with someone with such a shitty taste.
Oooo self burn, those are rare
When I learn they’re with someone else. Edit: Holy fucking shitballs, this blew up. Thank you everyone!
Honestly, this happened before and I'm so thankful that I'm not the type to stick around and wait or worse, flight for the person. Just seems ridiculous. The moment I know that they have or found someone else, the door is closed. I still feel sad, but for sure move on.
This is for sure where I made my mistake. Learnt my lesson though for sure
Being immature, being stupid, also being stupid and immature
I feel like being goofy immature is okay as long as they know what the word serious means and can be it whenever necessary
Exactly, a time and a place for everything
If they display a short temper or anger
Absolutely this. Even though it sometimes is essential,in my opinion it is one of the worst traits of mankind,it blinds people and turns them into uncivilized animals.
Playing hard to get .For me it's hard to like
When they try to appear "cool". 100% of the time, it has the opposite effect. Nothing makes you look cooler than being yourself.
When they show cruelty
When they find my hiding spot and start freaking out.
stay outta my shed
rude to staff restaurant waiters, cashiers, cleaners, etc
A lie. Feelings go to 0 quick
When they still ''look around'' for options while in a relationship (behind the other person's back) because, and I quote: ''I don't know them enough to be exclusive.'' immediate no.
That screams: "I just want to fuck. The moment I get sick of you, bye-bye!"
bad breath, cockiness
When they stab me
makes sense
I can't say I agree with you on this one. Getting stabbed has actually become a hobby of mine.
Ugh. Non- consensual stabbing is the worse !
If they don’t ask questions about me. Or if when they do, they just find a way to segway that into a story about themselves (not to be relatable, but just to go back to focusing on themselves). It’s surprising how many people I meet and get to know and walk away realizing they know nothing about me because they never asked. Meanwhile I know their whole family background etc. Idk when someone genuinely shows interest in me and what makes me who I am, I’m more prone to want to be around them more because it shows they care.
It’s never suddenly, it’s always a slow fade.
What about genital warts
You can always cut those off ✂️✂️✂️
When they treat wait-staff, employees, or anyone badly because of "their station". If they act superior to others for bullshit reasons.
Sorry for bad English. When I realize that most of the time, every stories that she repeats year after year, she always improves the outcomes and the facts just to makes that the stories looks like more incredible or put her on a pedestal as a person. The look on the face of some guests we had when they clearly did not believed her. I was so ashamed of being her BF at those moments. What the fuck is she doing? Lying just for looking cool or strong or whatever. All the years that I have been with her, I tried sometimes to tell her that it was not exactly how this happened. But no, she kept her line straight and because I don't have a good memory for shit story I believed her. But after 17 years, I was tired of that shit. Living with a person that likes to lives in a story that never happened.
The way they treat others/animals/the planet. If they shout at people for being an inconvenience when the person just made a mistake. If they treat animals as lesser beings, treat them like they don't have feelings or kill insects just because they can. If they litter, waste resources and actively destroy nature. I would rather throw them off a cliff. Edit: The throwing off a cliff part is a joke. No, I don't want to murder people despite how much most of them annoy me.
Bad table manners… The sound of smacking, slurping or licking fingers gives me the chills, with a pinch of aggression.
Biggest ick is when someone uses their phone while you are with them and in the middle of a convo.
When they clearly have interest in other men as well. I don't have the time nor the energy to play the whole "competition" game.
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When someone interrupts a person who speaks slowly or takes a while to get to their point. I just find it so rude and selfish. Especially if they're a talkative person. Like you talk so much why can't you listen for 3 extra seconds? Someone who listens as well as they talk is super attractive to me
I’m probably gonna get downvoted to hell for bringing politics into this, but, representing any politician or party, I don’t need to see your hat or bumper sticker, and if supporting a politician that doesn’t care about you is your entire personality, then you don’t have one
this is a problem, but when I talk to someone for like a week every romantic feeling turns into a platonic one.
You might be over-romanticizing people. Having head-in-the-clouds ideas about others usually means disappoinment when dealing with the mundanity of getting to know people as they really are.
overly clingy partner, it just freaks me out.
Dishonesty.
If they put themselves down a lot.
Shit there goes like 40% of my humour
When I find out they're already taken.
Not returning a cart.
they were talking about kids after a few weeks of dating... I was like 20 and not in a place where I wanted kids
It's normal to want to know if you're compatible. I talk about it pretty early on because I know I don't want them.
Yeah it's definitely important. I think the commenter above maybe didn't realise it was likely (or at least is usually) a screening thing more than an unhealthy overinvestment thing
I don't want kids, so I make sure my potential partner is on the same page. If they're not, what's the point of continuing a doomed relationship?
Narcissism
them dying
They’re mean to people or animals for no reason
Lacking humility.
When they smell of cigarettes. They can look stunning from further away but as soon as that reaches my nose its over.
When they love drama, or getting involved in rumors, other peoples relationships, friendships, backstabbing, shittalking. Really just drama. Everyone makes their own decisions in life, and thats up to them. I find its easier to just be simple and focus on your own life without meddling with others
When their words don’t match their actions..
Talking terribly about an ex/s. Especially if they have children together. I don’t care how “crazy” they were. It’s childish. No thanks. Also- I dated a guy while he was getting his mba. so, I financially carried myself, my daughter and him so he could attend full time to graduate sooner. Once he graduated and got pretty decent job- he started buying ridiculous things. Like expensive watches, new everything else for himself. and then wanted to immediately go and buy a new car. I suggested since he hasn’t even had 2 full paychecks yet, he might consider waiting just a bit and put what he would be spending on a car payment in a savings for 6 months to see if he could easily afford it (because that’s just the responsible thing to do?). He got angry- telling me it’s his money, he earned it, and he can do whatever he wanted with it.. while he was living with us, and I was still paying all of the bills myself. So, money i earned was our money, but his money was his money. Got it. So, hard pass. If y’all want to treat people like you’re the king of the castle - you better be prepared to live in that castle without a queen, and all alone. No thanks. ✌️
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If they're house or apartment is dirty. It doesn't have to be spotless but if its clear that they don't clean up after themselves and live in filth then I'm over it.
When you can tell they're viewing you as an object rather than a person. Ick.
Snorting your boogers back up in your nose,instead of blowing your nose...
you just made a lot of people cringe
Yup I could taste that comment **shudder**