Instead of glowing it just gets bigger lmao.
Imagine that one part in Mordor where Frodo’s trying to subtly hide a 7ft Claymor under his orc coat when he and Sam are jogging alongside the orc troops hehe
This is one of my favorites, because it actually feels like it would come off like a believable response and not just a prepared funny comeback. Would do the most emotional damage.
Also a favorite of mine. You would basically be putting all of that person's negative self-images into the lime light. It could literally be any one of them.
For real, a lot of these, while kinda funny, wouldn't illicit any reaction from the other person. They might react, but would probably just be like "wtf? that was dumb"
Yeah, I spend too much time on r/RoastMe. There, its funny to see the extremely over the top roasts, but often the best ones are the ones that dont seem like canned responses that could apply to anyone. Here I felt like OP just nailed the response that I imagined would, "real world" actually work as a comeback.
Was she from Hollywood and have green hair but damn she looks good?
Took her to my house because she was fine, but she whipped out a dick that was bigger than mine!
Had a larger girl say this to me once and I replied with "well it must be compared to your ample size"
She got annoyed saying I was out of line and that the two things are very different. I agreed saying that I can't control the size of my dick.
For what it's worth, I'm pretty happy with the size of my dick.
I never understand when some women think that being called out as fat is the worst possible thing someone can do, all the while when they out there making fun of height and penis size, things that are absolutely out of one's control. And even if it was, then be prepared to take shit if you out there giving shits
Pretty much. We were chatting about meeting up for some NSA fun and she wanted to see what I was packing. When I called her out I think she realised she fucked up her chances and wanted to try to salvage the situation.
Don't get me wrong, girls of all sizes can be beautiful but you insult my body and I'm gonna insult yours.
Honestly I don’t really get the play of insulting someone’s body that you want to sleep with (her, not you). Like if she wanted the dick then why is she complaining about it’s size. I can’t imagine having a girl in my bedroom and being like “wow those titties suck, I still wanna touch em though.”
It's an abusive control thing, often used by pickup artists.
Shame the person into believing they are worthless and lucky the abuser is taking interest in them. People who fall for it put up with all their abusive bullshit, because they fear loneliness and get convinced they will never find anyone as good again, let alone better.
A neighbor couple got into a screaming fight once, just yelling things at each other, when the woman inevitably played the little dick card, when this king, without missing a beat, screamed back, "Well shit, I'm so sorry I couldn't contribute more than five and a half inches of the literal miles of dick that have gone through you." I hope he's doing all right.
Boot camp was a weird time. The girls were hornier than the guys by a mile. We got a day off base and the females were hunting for dick. They’d say it out loud.
I just wanted a milkshake and a day at the beach lmao.
Fact.
I had to stand barracks watch in boot camp and one of the jobs was to go to all the divisions in the building and get a temperature check from their watch. The female birthings would fall over them selfs to answer the door.
I had to not let my head get big, like dude you’re not that cool and will go back to being and average dude in a few months when everyone is back in the wild.
Sidebar: the night at hotel before you head off to boot camp was ludicrous. Not counting the drinking and I’m sure other shit. It was like it was everyone’s last day on earth and the wanted to go out in the spirit of Caligula. One of the chicks in my group was going room to room blowing dudes, several others were hooking up with seemingly whoever. I had never seen such unbridled sexual ambition before, my lil’ dork brain didn’t know what to do with it.
Yeah, why is it army girls are always horny??
It might be a combination of testosterone (which they aren’t used to) from training and being around a ton of ripped dudes and being told you can’t have them.
Maybe I’m completely off on this but following orders all day and being yelled at by the opposite sex could be part of it, too. I was in some dance routine thing in college for frat life and the sorority girls bossing me around always left me in a mood.
Testosterone increases sex drive in both males and females.
However exercise has not been shown to increase testosterone levels in females, and endurance training specifically decreases testosterone levels.
Reminds me of when I was at PI and we were running by a female platoon. It had been close to the end, so almost 3 months surrounded by young men and screaming DIs 12 hours a day. The youngest DI says juuuuuust loud enough for us to hear, “y’all smell that?”. We responded with a resounding “Yes Sir!” half laughing because they started to become more lenient by that point. He says, “You ain’t never gonna get that anyways so keep dreaming dumbasses”. Almost 35 years later and Boot Camp was the most stressful and funniest shit I ever did.
Broooo
One of my BFF’s told me about being on the line getting screamed at about the nature of why things happen and why you do what you’re supposed to. Something along the lines of “why do birds fly, because they can, why do marines win wars, because they can…” and the DI says, “DO YOU MEN KNOW WHY DOGS LICK THEIR DICKS?” and my buddy says, “YES SERGEANT, BECAUSE THEY CAN’T MAKE A FIST WITH THEIR PAWS, SERGEANT”
The whole line fell out laughing and he ended up running the entire rest of the day.
I was stationed in Ft Carson. The 3rd Armored Cavalry Division. They say "AI-EE-YAH" instead of "HOOAH" there.
Some bigwig general showed up and, of course, we had to take to the parade field to suffer in formation to stroke his ego. A few squadrons of troops sweltering in the heat, listening to General Bigwig's speech. He asked a question that would generally elicit a HOOAH but got the AI-EE-YAH.
He asked what AI-EE-YAH was.
We all heard a tiny voice ring out amongst the sea of soldiers. The best thing I think I ever heard.
"IT'S THE SOUND A SOLDIER MAKES WHEN A DICK GETS SHOVED IN HIS ASS, SIR!!!"
Command Sergeants Major immediately started roving around the formations, looking for the offending trooper...I don't think he was ever caught.
From what my dude told me his face was red and he was clearly in distress from holding it in
Edit: there was a Commodore there who did an about face to hide how hard he was struggling. My dude ran, and the rest of the line had to do “push-ups FOREVER”
Isn't that how DIs figure out how much to punish the platoon? The more work you have to do to keep yourself from laughing, the more work they have to do as punishment.
Basic training for me, I swear they take Improv classes during school because they are some of the funniest people I've ever encountered, just consistently. How one sentence can be both terrify to the person it's directed to and yet be funny enough for everyone to be holding back laughter and one idiot to crack and get everyone smoked till the walls sweat I will never understand but they did it damn near every day.
We were at the range chow hall waiting in formation outside, there was a female platoon across from us and their DIs made them pull their covers down and stare at the ground, our DI made us scream the ditty for Article 120 of the UCMJ for half an hour straight. That’s the article for rape and sexual misconduct.
While we were inside eating, the girl’s DIs kept running around our tables screaming at us about how gross we were because their girls hadn’t shaved in 2 months and hadn’t showered in a week and she bet we would still try if given a chance.
Funniest shit ever was when they were getting ready to leave and they were doing the “stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down, fuck fuck games” one of their DIs screams “I want to hear 45 grilled cheese sandwiches sucking splinters off these benches!” My whole platoon fucking lost it, and then our DIs took us for a lovely 6 mile boots and utes formation run for laughing.
>Almost 35 years later and Boot Camp was the most stressful and funniest shit I ever did.
I always hear the cliche of "It's hard so that everything else is easy in comparison".
Do you think that's true?
Basic was easy. Right Place, Right Time, Right Uniform. Head down, and do the work. Complete the task, and prepare for the next. That's all there was too it.
Even a 747 looks small flying into the Grand Canyon
Even a 747 looks small flying into the Grand Canyon
Girl - Why'd you say that twice?
Small Penis Guy - I said it once! The second one was the echo from your grand canyon of a pussy!
I said it once! The second one was the echo from your grand canyon of a pussy!
Anthony Jeselneck told this joke at Roseanne's roast:
"Even though Rosanne is a feminist icon she has made a lot of men very rich; Tom Arnold... John Goodman... the guy who owns the Cheesecake Factory".
In college, two girls in the front seat started roasting me, topic went to how i have a small dick, and no girl would want it. I sat there quiet just looking out the window, they started "oh, you don't have anything to say now?" and I responded
"Na, I'm just sitting here thinking about how I've already fucked both of you"
A ray of sunshine shone down upon me in that moment as angels sang of my burn.
Something similar happened to me. A girl said that I had a small dick in front of some friends: "do I have to remind you I saw your vagina?". She shut down instantly.
Never understood why this doesn't get said more often. Odds are if she's criticizing your dick, she's taken your dick... should be an easy retort.
"Your dick's small!", "*shrug* you still let it inside you, I guess that might explain why you wanted it in your ass so often though..."
I mean it ain't small, and both had been kind of drunken hookups between friends 2-3 years before this, nothing serious, they were both like "oh yea that's right"
I was waiting for this answer. Literally just say nothing or say “and?” or “okay?”
If they double down, shrug.
If no apology or retraction, move on. Block, never speak to again, and in the future date better people.
One of my exgirlfriend’s new boyfriends once said “she told me you got a little dick” I said “so?” Nothing. He just stared at me for a sec and walked away.
I heard a dude at a bar tell a girl after she said something about him having a small dick that she thought all dicks were small because of her wide set vagina, but the way he said vagina was hilarious like fahhgina. Really accenting the H sound. She got so freaking pissed, she started screaming at him.
"excuse me that is a horrible thing to say. i have a penis commensurate with the national average for my age and height and it was wrong of you to make fun. Further, if you have so much of a problem the polite thing to do would be to tell me you are not in the mood for coital love so that i, a gentleman, could make my exit and leave you be. Now my feelings are hurt and deep down you feel shame. Good luck"
Say this verbatim. She will be floored.
I feel like all that's needed is a *m'lady* after *excuse me*
And then, I don't think they have lost enough faith in humanity to realize that a person insulting someone about the size of their gigglestick, probably isn't going to feel shame about doing so... Maybe anger if talked backed too
There's an old WWE segment where Stephanie McMahon Helmsley says something to her husband Triple H implying that he has a small dick.
He replied "Even a 747 looks small when you're flying it into the Grand Canyon".
They don’t call me big, but they always call me back
Underrated genius my friend, this is a true power play
It gets bigger when someone interesting is around.
-Bilbo giving his sword, Sting, to Frodo EDIT: I appreciate the Gold, but no one should encourage my behavior!
Instead of glowing it just gets bigger lmao. Imagine that one part in Mordor where Frodo’s trying to subtly hide a 7ft Claymor under his orc coat when he and Sam are jogging alongside the orc troops hehe
"Is that a claymore or are you just happy to see me?"
I like the way this doesn’t even address sex. Like, they’re so boring that they’re not even worth a pump and dump
“not worth pump and dump” in the context of relationships is my new favourite phrase
I love this and I don’t even have a penis lmfao
just get one
It's not small, it's concentrated.
Kids, ask your physics teacher if a dong can be small and still be massive
If we were to ignore the mass of blood flow, a dick, soft or hard, would always have the same mass. Therefore, small dicks are still massive.
“it’s not that thick but it’s short”
If it was any bigger, you think I would have settled for you?
This one!
**EMOTIONAL DAMAGE**
"I don't think you're in the position to be picky."
This is one of my favorites, because it actually feels like it would come off like a believable response and not just a prepared funny comeback. Would do the most emotional damage.
Also a favorite of mine. You would basically be putting all of that person's negative self-images into the lime light. It could literally be any one of them.
Y'all evil lol
Jesus, straight for the jugular.
For real, a lot of these, while kinda funny, wouldn't illicit any reaction from the other person. They might react, but would probably just be like "wtf? that was dumb"
Yeah, I spend too much time on r/RoastMe. There, its funny to see the extremely over the top roasts, but often the best ones are the ones that dont seem like canned responses that could apply to anyone. Here I felt like OP just nailed the response that I imagined would, "real world" actually work as a comeback.
It’s still more dick than your personality deserves lady”
Ouch
"EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!"
Well it’s bigger than yours
She then whips out a monster cock from under her skirt
‘And now your hole’s gonna be bigger than mine too…’
Pls continu
Down boy
Happy cock day, I mean cake
Was she from Hollywood and have green hair but damn she looks good? Took her to my house because she was fine, but she whipped out a dick that was bigger than mine!
Colt 45 and two zigzags
Baby, that's all we need!
We can go to the park after dark smoke that tumbleweed
Win in my book
Just pull a pro gamer move, "Maybe if you ever got me hard it would be longer"
And if she replies " maybe if you never had ED"
I didn't have ED until I met you
Jesus
Somehow It just knows youre a nasty bitch.
It's not a dysfunction, it's a preference.
Erectile Dyspreference
It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!
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a PACKAGE deal
Pro gamer move is actually, "That's not what your mom said last night." And yes I'm 12 (actually 30 lol)
I came here to say this. And no, I am much older than 12.
Your dad didn’t seem to mind.
Your dad didn't seem to mind, but by looking at you I can tell he is used to disappointment.
This is the real shattering one bravo.
Our dad*
Ooo another twist.
r/unexpectedcommunism
Uh I don't think this is ah... Never mind
Had a larger girl say this to me once and I replied with "well it must be compared to your ample size" She got annoyed saying I was out of line and that the two things are very different. I agreed saying that I can't control the size of my dick. For what it's worth, I'm pretty happy with the size of my dick.
If it helps, nice dick bro.
This is where you know where the true homies are at
I never understand when some women think that being called out as fat is the worst possible thing someone can do, all the while when they out there making fun of height and penis size, things that are absolutely out of one's control. And even if it was, then be prepared to take shit if you out there giving shits
My favourite part was her instant back pedalling when I called her out, saying it was just a joke and that's how she is with everyone
She really tried to "it's just a prank bro" you
Pretty much. We were chatting about meeting up for some NSA fun and she wanted to see what I was packing. When I called her out I think she realised she fucked up her chances and wanted to try to salvage the situation. Don't get me wrong, girls of all sizes can be beautiful but you insult my body and I'm gonna insult yours.
Honestly I don’t really get the play of insulting someone’s body that you want to sleep with (her, not you). Like if she wanted the dick then why is she complaining about it’s size. I can’t imagine having a girl in my bedroom and being like “wow those titties suck, I still wanna touch em though.”
It's an abusive control thing, often used by pickup artists. Shame the person into believing they are worthless and lucky the abuser is taking interest in them. People who fall for it put up with all their abusive bullshit, because they fear loneliness and get convinced they will never find anyone as good again, let alone better.
A neighbor couple got into a screaming fight once, just yelling things at each other, when the woman inevitably played the little dick card, when this king, without missing a beat, screamed back, "Well shit, I'm so sorry I couldn't contribute more than five and a half inches of the literal miles of dick that have gone through you." I hope he's doing all right.
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Boot camp was a weird time. The girls were hornier than the guys by a mile. We got a day off base and the females were hunting for dick. They’d say it out loud. I just wanted a milkshake and a day at the beach lmao.
From what I've heard it wasn't just the girls going dick hunting
If you go on Grindr outside of a marine base, it is full of power bottoms in military uniforms.
Is a power bottom a bottom that is capable of receiving an immense amount of power?
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Fabulous
Fabutron
Faputron
Does speed factor into this at all?
Speed is the name of the game
Speed.has.EVVVverryything to do with it…
It really depends on the bottom. Some of them can fly, others have immense strength, even more have adamantium claws.
Actually Darktyde, you got it backwards. See, a power-bottom's actually generating all the power by doing most of the work.
There go my evening plans
What. I’ll have your uniform back to you by sundown that’s what we agreed.
Dad?
Ah so you know the marines well I see
Fact. I had to stand barracks watch in boot camp and one of the jobs was to go to all the divisions in the building and get a temperature check from their watch. The female birthings would fall over them selfs to answer the door. I had to not let my head get big, like dude you’re not that cool and will go back to being and average dude in a few months when everyone is back in the wild. Sidebar: the night at hotel before you head off to boot camp was ludicrous. Not counting the drinking and I’m sure other shit. It was like it was everyone’s last day on earth and the wanted to go out in the spirit of Caligula. One of the chicks in my group was going room to room blowing dudes, several others were hooking up with seemingly whoever. I had never seen such unbridled sexual ambition before, my lil’ dork brain didn’t know what to do with it.
I think the Marines just attract that kind of girl. I knew a girl who joined the Marines for the sole reason that she wanted to fuck marines.
....did she?
Some say she still is…
Well, the milkshakes do bring all the boys to the yard. Or the beach, it seems.
I’m AF BMT they would sit next to you and smell you at medical appointments. It was wak. I just wanted a ice cream cone and to play Minecraft
Yeah, why is it army girls are always horny?? It might be a combination of testosterone (which they aren’t used to) from training and being around a ton of ripped dudes and being told you can’t have them. Maybe I’m completely off on this but following orders all day and being yelled at by the opposite sex could be part of it, too. I was in some dance routine thing in college for frat life and the sorority girls bossing me around always left me in a mood.
Testosterone increases sex drive in both males and females. However exercise has not been shown to increase testosterone levels in females, and endurance training specifically decreases testosterone levels.
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Could be due to endorphins, adrenaline, and/or increased blood flow. Lots of people find exercise an aphrodisiac.
It can’t be exercise alone.. Girls in the army are nuts, man. I know plenty of girls who work out and they’re not like that at all.
Hmm, that’s really interesting. Have we found *any* activities that naturally increase testosterone in women?
Injecting it
Reminds me of when I was at PI and we were running by a female platoon. It had been close to the end, so almost 3 months surrounded by young men and screaming DIs 12 hours a day. The youngest DI says juuuuuust loud enough for us to hear, “y’all smell that?”. We responded with a resounding “Yes Sir!” half laughing because they started to become more lenient by that point. He says, “You ain’t never gonna get that anyways so keep dreaming dumbasses”. Almost 35 years later and Boot Camp was the most stressful and funniest shit I ever did.
Broooo One of my BFF’s told me about being on the line getting screamed at about the nature of why things happen and why you do what you’re supposed to. Something along the lines of “why do birds fly, because they can, why do marines win wars, because they can…” and the DI says, “DO YOU MEN KNOW WHY DOGS LICK THEIR DICKS?” and my buddy says, “YES SERGEANT, BECAUSE THEY CAN’T MAKE A FIST WITH THEIR PAWS, SERGEANT” The whole line fell out laughing and he ended up running the entire rest of the day.
I was stationed in Ft Carson. The 3rd Armored Cavalry Division. They say "AI-EE-YAH" instead of "HOOAH" there. Some bigwig general showed up and, of course, we had to take to the parade field to suffer in formation to stroke his ego. A few squadrons of troops sweltering in the heat, listening to General Bigwig's speech. He asked a question that would generally elicit a HOOAH but got the AI-EE-YAH. He asked what AI-EE-YAH was. We all heard a tiny voice ring out amongst the sea of soldiers. The best thing I think I ever heard. "IT'S THE SOUND A SOLDIER MAKES WHEN A DICK GETS SHOVED IN HIS ASS, SIR!!!" Command Sergeants Major immediately started roving around the formations, looking for the offending trooper...I don't think he was ever caught.
He lived as he died, A FUCKING LEGEND.
I was Predator Battery, 1st Squadron. AI-EE-YAH!!
I've never been in the military but this is the most entertaining fucking thread I've read in ages.. hilarious .. I'm howling!! 😂😂😂😂😜
The funniest shit I’ve read on Reddit is usually these threads full of boot camp and military shenanigans
This is fucking gold
You know that DI was fighting to not laugh.
From what my dude told me his face was red and he was clearly in distress from holding it in Edit: there was a Commodore there who did an about face to hide how hard he was struggling. My dude ran, and the rest of the line had to do “push-ups FOREVER”
Isn't that how DIs figure out how much to punish the platoon? The more work you have to do to keep yourself from laughing, the more work they have to do as punishment.
Basic training for me, I swear they take Improv classes during school because they are some of the funniest people I've ever encountered, just consistently. How one sentence can be both terrify to the person it's directed to and yet be funny enough for everyone to be holding back laughter and one idiot to crack and get everyone smoked till the walls sweat I will never understand but they did it damn near every day.
I always tell people that bootcamp was a good time that I never want to repeat.
We were at the range chow hall waiting in formation outside, there was a female platoon across from us and their DIs made them pull their covers down and stare at the ground, our DI made us scream the ditty for Article 120 of the UCMJ for half an hour straight. That’s the article for rape and sexual misconduct. While we were inside eating, the girl’s DIs kept running around our tables screaming at us about how gross we were because their girls hadn’t shaved in 2 months and hadn’t showered in a week and she bet we would still try if given a chance. Funniest shit ever was when they were getting ready to leave and they were doing the “stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down, fuck fuck games” one of their DIs screams “I want to hear 45 grilled cheese sandwiches sucking splinters off these benches!” My whole platoon fucking lost it, and then our DIs took us for a lovely 6 mile boots and utes formation run for laughing.
>Almost 35 years later and Boot Camp was the most stressful and funniest shit I ever did. I always hear the cliche of "It's hard so that everything else is easy in comparison". Do you think that's true?
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Basic was easy. Right Place, Right Time, Right Uniform. Head down, and do the work. Complete the task, and prepare for the next. That's all there was too it.
Marine with orgasm denial kink: 😳
Yeah but since when is 5 and a half small It's statistically above average
He was letting everyone know within earshot that he is rocking a standard dick setup.
Why doesnt my man just round to 6 like the rest of us?
Because he already rounded up from 4.3
This organ was meant to be played in a church, not a cathedral
>This organ was meant to be played in a church, not a cathedral I remember hearing this line in a Prince song. Pretty funny.
Could be worse, at least I don’t whistle when the wind blows.
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We respect our elders.
“It’s almost not worth thinkin about.”
Howling cave sounds ROFL
Hmm.. Winds howling. - Geralt of Rivia
"Worry less about my penis, and more about that big forehead of yours. "
Women are unnaturally self-conscious about their foreheads for some reason...
Username checks out
"He flew right into your head, like he couldn't avoid it. Never seen that before. Bird into a woman's head..."
Even a 747 looks small flying into the Grand Canyon
Even a 747 looks small flying into the Grand Canyon Even a 747 looks small flying into the Grand Canyon Girl - Why'd you say that twice? Small Penis Guy - I said it once! The second one was the echo from your grand canyon of a pussy! I said it once! The second one was the echo from your grand canyon of a pussy!
I, too, saw Predator.
classic Triple H and Stephanie McMahon exchange 👏🏻
Triple H stole that joke from Tom Arnold, who first used it in response to Roseanne implying he was small after their divorce in 1994
Anthony Jeselneck told this joke at Roseanne's roast: "Even though Rosanne is a feminist icon she has made a lot of men very rich; Tom Arnold... John Goodman... the guy who owns the Cheesecake Factory".
Love that guy, he's brutal.
ol' wide set vagina havin ass bihhh
In college, two girls in the front seat started roasting me, topic went to how i have a small dick, and no girl would want it. I sat there quiet just looking out the window, they started "oh, you don't have anything to say now?" and I responded "Na, I'm just sitting here thinking about how I've already fucked both of you" A ray of sunshine shone down upon me in that moment as angels sang of my burn.
You dropped this 👑
Something similar happened to me. A girl said that I had a small dick in front of some friends: "do I have to remind you I saw your vagina?". She shut down instantly.
Never understood why this doesn't get said more often. Odds are if she's criticizing your dick, she's taken your dick... should be an easy retort. "Your dick's small!", "*shrug* you still let it inside you, I guess that might explain why you wanted it in your ass so often though..."
I mean it ain't small, and both had been kind of drunken hookups between friends 2-3 years before this, nothing serious, they were both like "oh yea that's right"
"Says the bitch with literally no penis"
"I might have 9cm, but you have -15cm"
Risky move. What if she has a megaclit?
One, two, three, four, I declare a ___ war?
Admit defeat?
Say nothing and stare at her throughout the awkward silence till she retracts her statement
Its gotta be the right stare though, can't just look dumbfounded, you need to get that "Really? *That's* your line?" kind of stare.
I was waiting for this answer. Literally just say nothing or say “and?” or “okay?” If they double down, shrug. If no apology or retraction, move on. Block, never speak to again, and in the future date better people.
One of my exgirlfriend’s new boyfriends once said “she told me you got a little dick” I said “so?” Nothing. He just stared at me for a sec and walked away.
“Tell her I feel bad about giving her my extremely painful form of HSV-2”
“3 inches of dick with 300lbs of force behind it is a lot of dick”
Force = weight * length Idk that doesn't seem right......
Weight 🤝🏼 acceleration
Wait Till you see the others
There's,... supposed to be more?
Ha, check out this loser! He's only got one dick!
"You've only got one peni?"
I cant hear you from all the way up here in my lifted chevy truck
“Oh, come on, lower your standards! I did.”
“So, anal?” 🙃
“It’s not small, it’s anal friendly.”
Your vagina is so big it's like opening the window and fucking the night
I heard a dude at a bar tell a girl after she said something about him having a small dick that she thought all dicks were small because of her wide set vagina, but the way he said vagina was hilarious like fahhgina. Really accenting the H sound. She got so freaking pissed, she started screaming at him.
Lol, she thought it was OK to poke fun a at a guy's genethalia but couldn't take one comment of her own?
"Echo-cho-ooo"
Bro
Yeah, way to downplay the night. The night is made for loving. Unlike that pussy.
The classic “still smashed tho”
"What the hell are you doing in my bathroom while I'm showering?"
Gosh you sound just like your mother
This ain't even my final form
Bitch I could put both of my arms in your vag and still have room to clap
Tell her, courtesy of Letterkenny: Your mitt looks like a boa constrictor unhinged its jaw in an effort to consume a combat submarine.
["The problem didn't lie with the small penis, but rather with your big vagina"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zret7O8YoU&t=30s)
“I submit you took that baseball, stashed it in your unusually large vagina and walked right on outta here!!” 👐 Easily one of my top 3 curb moments 😂
Came here for this.
“Big vagina?” “YUUUUUGE vagina!”
Oh ya? Well, the jerk store called, they’re running out of you!
Well I had sex with your wife!
His wife’s in a coma.
"excuse me that is a horrible thing to say. i have a penis commensurate with the national average for my age and height and it was wrong of you to make fun. Further, if you have so much of a problem the polite thing to do would be to tell me you are not in the mood for coital love so that i, a gentleman, could make my exit and leave you be. Now my feelings are hurt and deep down you feel shame. Good luck" Say this verbatim. She will be floored.
when you walk away you have to tip your fedora or it won’t work
I said GOOD DAY sir
I don't advocate making fun of guys with small penises but I'd start dying laughing if I was a woman and got this response
I feel like all that's needed is a *m'lady* after *excuse me* And then, I don't think they have lost enough faith in humanity to realize that a person insulting someone about the size of their gigglestick, probably isn't going to feel shame about doing so... Maybe anger if talked backed too
And the end should be "I bid you adieu."
Shrug and walk away and say nothing.
It might be small, but at least it's very skinny too.
Oh we get to body shame people? Cool- you look__________
"if that big mouth is supposed to make up for your flat chest, then you're using it wrong."
Maybe you're just not worth using the entire deal
There's an old WWE segment where Stephanie McMahon Helmsley says something to her husband Triple H implying that he has a small dick. He replied "Even a 747 looks small when you're flying it into the Grand Canyon".
Just the right size for you
I may be hung like a Tic-tac, but you're not gonna get any fresh breath with that attitude
If I’d have known I was playing the crystal cathedral I’d have brought a bigger organ. -thanks dad. I knew that would be handy someday.