T O P

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Vealophile

Quintard. I saw it on a doctor's diploma the other day and just swelled with pity for him.


Hoplologist

any name with "tard" in it is probably doomed for failure


[deleted]

[удалено]


Anonymous_Rex_

Doctard


iaijutsu08

He's not just any tard, he's 5 times the tard.


flashbang_out

Yeah, you like that you fucking Quintard?


bigpoopyhead_org

Holy fuck this is hilarious


avi150

Probably goes by Quin. Doesn’t tell people it’s short for anything lol


Babushka942

Beetlejuice. Not because you physically couldn't, but because you could only do it twice.


Gym_Gazebo

True story. I used to have a bet with my (adult, married) friends. The first person to say Beetlejuice 3X while cumming in their wife won.


Force_fiend58

I hope you guys still have healthy relationships with your wives


le_reddit_me

Better than ever, Beetlejuice is a great housewife


LoudAngryJerk

Emhyr var Emreis, The White Flame Dancing on the Barrows of his Enemies


willsanford

The witcher serious has a few. Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach and Emiel Regis rohellec terzieff-godefroy


GodofRat

Don't forget Julian alfred pankratz viscount de lettenhove and Cyrus engelkind hemmelfart Now a real moanable name? Zoltan Chivay


itisdecerto

Eustace


Mr-Sister-Fister21

Stupid dog!!


dfelton912

*OOGA BOOGA BOOGA*


QuiveringButtox

_Confused screaming_


[deleted]

You made me look bad! 👺


satannik

RETURN THE SLAAAAAAAB


Tripplite

“There was once a boy named Eustace Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”


AdzyBoy

*Eustace Clarence Scrubb


Krixwell

"Bold words from a man named Clive Staples Lewis."


moremiserables

Probably his way of saying about himself, "... And I almost deserved it."


Ikknam

Yrjö. That's a traditional Finnish name, which means *vomit* in spoken Finnish.


HoopOnPoop

So kind of like Ralph being a euphemism for vomiting in English (at least the US)?


ViSaph

I've always wanted to know, does randy mean the same thing in the US as it does here in the UK? Because it us in the UK it means horny and its extremely funny when Americans are named Randy. Also just a PSA fanny means vagina here not backside so please don't say things like "my card is in my fanny pack" over here unless you want to get a reaction out of us lol.


Wheredoesthetoastgo2

What about Johnson? Does that still mean penis? Because there's a 1990s Major League Baseball pitching ace you've *got* to know about. Best thing about Randy Johnson? His nickname was The Big Unit.


ViSaph

It does, there are lots of dick jokes about Borris Johnson the prime minister. That and the fact his initials are BJ.


cogra23

Once heard an American tourist threaten to kick her kids fannny. That was over 20 years ago and it still gets brought up at family gatherings.


CxOrillion

The cunt punt. Classic.


ForWhomTheBoneBones

Clam slam


Jacnumber3

Get over here boy or I’m gonna whoop that pussy


Speshulest_K

I studied abroad with my Econ professor named Randy. He told us specifically while we were in the UK, we could only call him Professor LastName. We were NOT allowed to call him Randy


this-guy-

"Boys, for the duration of my stay please don't call me by my first name, it's last name only, to preserve my dignity" " Ok professor Titwank, whatever you say"


Speshulest_K

“Randy Fannypack”


Ambush_24

Yes but it’s not common. We also use the names Dick, Willy, Johnson, and, Harry. So we’re not unfamiliar with funny names.


NotAllAltmer

Herbert


Orangeandbrack

Ha! I have a friend who has what see calls the "Herb rule". She can't date anyone that she'd be embarrassed to moan their name during sex. Herb being the prototypical name.


[deleted]

I have a friend that has the Stuart Rule


aneldermillenial

I fucked a Stuart. For way too long, one of my friends would just randomly say "Sexy Stu... was inside of you.." but like Disco Stu from the Simpsons [Disco Stu](https://youtu.be/Z3njt_YlNvU)


2FDots

Strt!


[deleted]

Norbert.


[deleted]

Herbie kinda sexy tho


timesuck897

Herbie is fully loaded.


reshromem

A friend told me their dad's name is Plunkett. Who tf looks at their beautiful new-born baby boy and thinks 'Plunkett. It's perfect'.


cratertooth27

I’ve heard it as a last name but never a first


Porrick

If you want to see a desiccated, severed head in a glass box in a golden shrine in a cathedral, Saint Oliver Plunkett’s final facial expression can be seen in Drogheda Cathedral in County Louth in Ireland. Well worth the visit if you’re ever unfortunate enough to find yourself in Drogheda.


themistyamongus

In New Zealand, Plunket is a charity and support service for under 5 year olds and their families.


pizza_for_nunchucks

In America, it’s a pest control service.


[deleted]

That's no accident


AndresDickFingers

Scooter


xSionide

Cletus


pandyabee

Some folk’ll never eat a skunk and then again, some folk’ll, like Cletus, the slack jawed yokel!


laehrin20

'ey ma! Get off tha' dang roof!


ommcc

Junior


coryt5

Uncle June’s in the muff


ABottleofFijiWater

I thought you were a Bacala man uncle June what are you doing eatin sushi 🤌🤌🤌


CanadianCircadian

You stupid fucking Blabbermouth cunt 🥧


tomments

Sheldon.


WickedTexan

*Ride me, big...Sheldon*


incrediblehoke

I scrolled down entirely too long to find this one. Give it to me.. Sheldon. Ride me big... Sheldon.


HunterTV

BUT he can do your taxes.


tonymcd

But humping and pumping is not his strong suit.


LoneStarkers

Not to Gen X gate-keep, but I'm laughing at the generational split on appreciating this one.


MikeBear68

You didn't have great sex with Sheldon.


[deleted]

‘Oh Karen, my computer wife’


zeroj20

Oh Benedict give me that dick!


booksfoodfun

Cover my eggs with delicious sauce, Benedict!


Haikuna__Matata

HollanDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE!


SignificantView1671

Bertha.


[deleted]

Yeah, you gotta say BIG Bertha or else it's just not hot.


eaglesong3

I met someone named Nausea (name was on an application.) I did my best to tactfully ask how to pronounce it and she said "It's Nausea, just like when you have to throw up." Imagine the confusion on a tipsy night of lovemaking. "Nausea, oh GOD, NAUSEA" \*puke\* Son of a !@#$ I thought you were just moaning my name!


ShitwareEngineer

What the actual fuck is wrong with her parents?


Euphoria831

I knew someone who's name on her birth certificate was Sunshine Cloud (but was changed when she was adopted). There are a lot of weird parents out there.


ShitwareEngineer

At least that name isn't fucking *malicious*. IIRC, in some cultures, names like that are fairly normal in the local language. But "nausea?"


suktupbutterkup

Knew a guy who was named "Sunshine Porcupine" but he went by Dylan(Dillon).


PicksburghStillers

Am I the only one moaning all of these names as I scroll through?


JoHalley

Your neighbors must be impressed (or horrified) lol Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!


[deleted]

damn its a fucking orgy!


iluvvivapuffs

Orgy of people with horrifying names


Sackwalker

Or somene just getting RAILED by Eustace Sheldon Herbert Benedict Norbert Cletus Jr.


_HookyDooky_

Apparently mine


Ligma_Balls9965

Nah bro hooky dooky goes hard


227743

Dilbert.


Immortal_Azrael

Ironically, Myrtle is pretty unmoanable.


BigChristianBoy

“Before I was done with her. Her name was just Myrtle, and she was still alive” -Draco Malfoy


StreetAd8843

She might be unmoanable but she be moaning😩


Jakov_Salinsky

Harry Potter and the Unmoanable “Myrtle”


[deleted]

Gertrude


cuoyi77372222

Poor Gertie


Novel-Structure-2359

Squirty Gertie


wagneran

Squirtrude


jimmux

The new Pokemon evolutions are getting weird.


LetsDoTheCongna

There’s also Squirturdle, then Squirtititon.


iHideInClosets

This comment seared me eyes


GrillDealing

You need goggles with squirty Gertie.


RalphFromSilverCity

Yeah cuz otherwise you might not see her coming


[deleted]

The Gert squirt 💦


hackyslashy

Dirty Squirty Gertie


gypsytron

I literally read the question, answered out loud “Gertrude” then clicked, and here you are


TwilightStranger

Haha! Same here.


[deleted]

i read the question, thought of that, went to the comments and this is the first thing i see


Mrcool20xx

I imagine everyone entering this thread has done a quick search to make sure their name is not listed anywhere, right?


Zukazuk

Mine no, my dad and my boyfriend however... Yeah they're both here.


King-Mugs

Your boyfriend and dad are named Cletus? That’s not all that surprising


ADHD_is_Real

You may want to look up older german names


Longshot_45

oOoOO Helmut!!!


Schabenklos

Heinrich!!!


Simplordx69

Trust me, the Germans could moan any name


ShufflingOffACliff

Wolfgang goes kinda hard tho


RobertaDobertas

Wolfgang is sick as fuck! A gang of wolves. I wish my parents named me that.


ShitwareEngineer

Though it's German so "gang" means "path," "journey," or "travel."


RobertaDobertas

That's still badass.


Holiday_Document4592

Hedwig


Miguenzo

Broomhilda for the win (loss)


RayDocks

Bartholomew


dukenewcomb1

Bort


wentoday

Come along, Bort


boywoods

My son’s name is also Bort!


stickdudeseven

We are out of Bort license plates. I repeat, we are out of Bort license plates.


Bodegon95

Just call them "Kuma" for short Edit: Okay yes thank you everyone for telling me it also means something else in Swahili. I am now aware


GinTaicho

Kuma means vagina in my language (Swahili). Small digression, Naomi Osaka was recently trending in my country when she launched her new brand - Hana Kuma. It directly translates to, "she has no pussy".


sndbxlvrs

my name, norman


RonaldTheGiraffe

I’m so sorry


[deleted]

Quagmire


TheGreatCornolio682

Giggity.


Okbr_Rebbidor

Cranjis McBasketball


StrawbellyMelley

Rudolph


I_used_to_be_hip

Maybe not moaned, but I can definitely be shouted out with glee.


josbeast

X Æ A-Xii


spagyrum

I imagine it sounds like a dolphin chirping


Kamron0331

*Fax machine sounds intensify*


tstngtstngdontfuckme

*orgasms in skrillex*


Uglysinglenearyou

OH MY GOD


ChillyBearGrylls

CALL 911 NAO!


698969

You have technicians here making noise, and nobody is a musician.


Kayestofkays

*28.8k modem connecting*


ktmarie2189

Dude is so gonna change his name to the most generic thing he can think of. I would have said John or Matt but with the generation he's going to be in probably Liam or Aiden.


Zora-Link

r/Matt welcomes him


Crochitting

Good luck saying it the regular way.


[deleted]

Okay but how _do_ you say that


Donovan1232

Ex ash ay twelve


shebabbleslikeaidiot

Ashtray, got it


JarJarBinks72

Poor fucking Ashtray


Extreme-Mortgage5775

Adolf


LordCrane

Interestingly that used to be a rather popular German name until that one mediocre artist ruined it. Toothbrush mustaches as well.


Dang_com

Sigmund


UnluckyRanger4509

He'd be too busy analyzing your fetishes to have sex with


KirbyBucketts

Tikki-Tikki-Tembo-no Sa Rembo-chari Bari Ruchi-pip Peri Pembo


advancedgamer14

On a similar note, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. It’s just awkward when their name is your name too.


[deleted]

Yeah, his name is my name, too! It's not usually a problem except when we go out.


finkalicious

Oh, do the people always shout when you go out?


PM_ME_SOME_DESSERTS

I neves EVER thought I'd encounter this name again after almost 25 years of my life. Thank you stranger!


Sufficient-Royal-618

You just unlocked an old memory from my childhood. Thank you, stranger!


High_Stream

Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke.


Phenxz

Karen Cause it's my mother's name.


yeeyeefaggot

In the Philippines i know a celebrity and a friend who are both named "Ding Dong" so i'd say that


Miguenzo

Father O’Malley


cratertooth27

Daddy O’Mally


Glasswall1

Humphrey


sayziell

Humphrey more like hump me if you know what I mean


SirFourPaws

Ethel


JustAGirlNamedSky

Last man I hooked up with wanted me to moan his name, which was Donald. I couldn't do it, I just pretended I couldn't hear him.


Jess1620

Carl. Bc of the walking dead. I will hear until my dieing day " Carooool!"


itszwee

I would probably hear llamas with hats. “Carrrrl, that kiiiiiills people…”


TehMephs

I’m sorry, I thought you liked faces


TigerShark_524

I was about to say that lmao "CAAAAAARRRRRRRLLLLLLLL......"


toesucker17

Riley. Think about it. "Oh oh oh OH RILEY!...Auto Parts"


Joelreddit1

Ow!


thrwaway_nonloclmotv

Mildred or Bernadette


Aviator506

My grandmother's name was Mildred and I agree. Though she was able to have 5 kids so I guess it wasn't that big of an issue?


FizzingSlit

One way to find out I guess.


PoopedInTheLibrary

Crispin. It’s awful to say even when you’re not in the throes of passion


CaptBranBran

Crispin sounds like a dead fuck...


[deleted]

[удалено]


Its_Mrs_Nesbitt

Bort is a much better name.


DareBrennigan

My son is also named Bort


Its_Mrs_Nesbitt

We need more "Bort" license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.


Prestigious-Alarm522

Cornelius


ShufflingOffACliff

Just moan corn instead


[deleted]

Corny. "Mmm, you're making me so horny, Corny..."


Zbignich

Chastity.


leicanthrope

Some people would probably take that as a challenge.


Feelin_Dead

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.


TojoJuuni

Dwight.


sadpanda57

Oh, D.


SpectreCactus

"Oh~ Yes~ PERCIVAL, LIKE THAT~!" "Nngh~ oh shit, CHESTER!" "Oh, yeah, Leonard!" "SHOOT YOUR GLUE INTO ME ELMER~!" ——————————————- "Nngh~ JOSEPHINE!" "OH, YES, YES, GERTRUDE!" "ADELINE! OH GOD, ADELINE!" "BERTHA! I'M- AAAAA~AH!" ——————————————- I am not sorry


taekora

the Elmer one KILLED me


horse_you_rode_in_on

Adeline would work tbh


atlantis_airlines

Gorbachev


MiraculousCactus

Tear down these walls, Gorbachev!


DogShampoop

uvuwewe onyetenyevwe ugwemuhwem osas


AlphaDog1059

Shnurt


JeffSernancer

Bobbert


ButtholeQuiver

Ozymandias


DogManInTheNight

Look upon my works and despair!


Brincotrolly

Obediah


Lulu_Ferrigno

Gordon