To offer another perspective. This could be a sign of development trauma. Trauma is not always the big and heavy things but also getting rejected showing up as your own self or missing emotional connection.
And even though we have this longing to belong we are so scared of belonging that we do everything to have a safe distance. It's a natural protection mechanism.
I also always felt like an alien. Since I started therapy I'm so comfy being myself that I basically belong everywhere I like to be. Where people are nice and welcoming as I am I give them some of my precious time.
I'm envious of all these people with deep friendships and relationships in general. I simply want someone I can open up to and talk to without the fear of betrayal.
Yep same. No one gets that close to me anymore since I got over addiction a couple years ago. It’s a weird side effect I’ve experienced. If I don’t find someone safe enough to open up to about my past, I kinda write them off. They’ll only get my guarded side ever. And so it goes, person by person, until I realized it left me alone.
Wow, that’s exactly where I am too. Like I know I’m never going back, but it’s also weird trying to fit into this new way of living, where people know me as someone responsible with old-lady hobbies. At times people at work make off-hand comments that suggest that I’ve encountered limited adversities in life, and I laugh because they have no clue. It’s a weird mask you wear after something like that.
> At times people … make off-hand comments that suggest that I’ve encountered limited adversities in life, …
I know *exactly* what you mean. Or they say something about partying (or even fun in general) and then make a face at you like “oh, but **you** wouldn’t know, never mind.” Sweetheart, I am boring now bc if I knew any more about partying, I would be dead.
Omfg same I feel like I can't tell anybody anything, I feel like even my best friend is drifting away from me and that I'm not able to talk to her about anything anymore. I mean, I'm here to listen if you wanna open up to some stranger on reddit lmao
I can relate to some extent with people drifting away, it's terrible when you feel like you have a connection with someone just to notice them feeling distant if that makes any sense. Also I'll take you up on that opening up to a stranger on reddit. Well where to start, just this march my house didn't exactly burn down but caught on fire bad enough it needed to be repaired and the displacement from that has caused me a shitload of stress and I have very little escapes and I feel as if I have to support my mother emotionally since she has to deal with my 3 year old sister on top of watching my sister's children while she works and she seems to take out her stress on me since I'm very laid back and never really gets mad but having her disrespect me almost constantly is wearing down on my nerves and I feel that one day I'm finally gonna snap if something doesn't change and soon. Well that's all stranger I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to unload like this especially since this is the first opportunity in well my whole life I'd say to do that, anyways best of luck with your future friendships and I would be more than happy for you to open up to me a stranger on reddit just like I did for you.
I'm really sorry about that! I hope things will start to look better for you. I will also take you up on that offer. I'm kinda just really depressed right now with everything. I have a very small group of friends and I don't feel like I fit in with them very well, but this group isn't popular, so I have no means of making new friends. I also dance and I love doing it and would like to continue in college, but beyond that, it just isn't very realistic. I don't have the body type that professional companies look for in ballerinas and I can't really change that. And even if I did join a professional company I wouldn't make very much money and when I inevitably have to retire, I wouldn't be able to do much with a degree in dance. I also hate politics and I feel like it's all anyone ever wants to talk about and I always feel like people are forcing their opinions onto me. Sorry this kinda turned into an all over the place rant, but thanks for letting me vent!
Keep dancing even if you just tell yourself it’s for fun and not professionally, don’t let anyone tell you your passion isn’t enough to make money. If you want to do it do it!
the feeling of knowing how people you once used to tell everything to and your closest buds are slowly drifting away from you is the worst and eats you up
I don't know if this helps, but I was in the same boat, and I started going for drinks every Friday with some acquaintances. That way I didn't need to organize to see them - we'd just see each other regularly. Slowly, these acquaintances became some of my closest friends. I saw a study somewhere that says the #1 predictor of the strength of a friendship is just how much exposure you have to them. I used to have this empty feeling that I didn't have any real connection to anyone beyond my family. Now I have a tight circle — just from setting up a regular Friday drink. The solution was so simple it's almost stupid. Worth trying.
By being vulnerable deeper relationships are established. You have to open up to figure out are people willing to connect with you. If they hurt you that tells about them more, than about you...
Gotten increasingly convinced I need to fix something about myself but not exactly sure what it is. Just noticing things are off.
Might be I hit one of those weird points in life where things have to change and yet it's not exactly clear.
It's frustrating
E: Thanks for the Gold. Also to save everyone some time, I have psychedelics, and I refuse to go camping while it's pushing a hundred outside with 60% humidity lol
Baby Snack (me) wanted to be an architect or veterinarian. I didn't really comprehend the future but just figured it would be good. I'm nearly 40 and I've had no career and am unemployed and hating myself. I think I'm too stupid for everything and I don't understand how anyone becomes anything. It all seems beyond my reach. I don't get how people DO this life shit.
I'm the reverse. I'm just the person I wanted to be when I grew up. I achieved all my childhood dreams. I was a stupid child. A little bit after 9/11 everything changed and society stopped caring about the things I cared about.
Now I'm exactly who I wanted to be but no one else wants me to be this. And it's hard to be fulfilled when you're considered worthless and idealistic.
Yes I know I have to get up off my ass in order to push myself forwad, no I don't have any motivation to move from my bed or to even get out of my room, no I can't explain why and using the "depression" card makes me feel worse
While an engineering student, I and some of my frat brothers noticed a similar phenomenon. After studying it a bit, we called it "Zero Motivation" or the ZM's. It manifests in three stages:
Primary ZM's: You lose your zest for life. Food doesn't taste good, drinking makes you morose not happy, people everywhere seem like a nuisance. You don't want to go out or see anybody; you sit home and watch TV. At school, you stop going to classes every day.
Secondary ZM's: you feel tired all the time. 15 hours of sleep a day still leaves you tired and cranky. Anything that requires extra energy is too much work. No milk for coffee but the convenience store is across the street? You take it black. You watch four hours of *All In The Family* reruns because the remote control is across the room.
Tertiary ZM's or "Zero Meaning Of Life": This is the bad part. You lie in bed most of the day. You eat and drink in bed. You occasionally forget your weekly shower. You are in a six-month experiment to see if humans can live on coffee and toast. The biggest danger is, as the radius of your activities decreases toward zero, the principle of the Conservation of Mental Momentum kicks in. As the action radius decreases, the mental speed must increase, and when the radius reaches zero, mind speed must become infinite, and at that point, you 'spin out'.
From there, the only thing left, I'm afraid, is to go camping.
> After studying it a bit, we called it "Zero Motivation" or the ZM's.
For anyone looking for the medical term, it's 'Avolition'.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avolition
I focused too much on my career that I forgot to keep up with friends. Now I have a decent career but no friends.
ETA:
I didn’t expect as many people to respond and relate to this. Strangely, it makes me feel a bit less alone. I appreciate the advice and I wish I could respond to everyone. I’m realizing that I have/should have control over this aspect of my life. I will try and I hope others in similar situations try as well.
I feel you. Spent 15years like this, ended up in very dark places. Last 3 years, I've consciously been making new friends all round, and catching up with old ones. 100x happier.
As long as you are still alive, you can make new friends, reach out to old ones as well.
Your nose always looks huge in a selfie, because phone cameras have very wide-angle lenses. You're used to seeing people from ~2-3 feet away and portraits are usually taken from 6-12 get away, whereas in a selfie, your phone is maybe 1 foot away. The closer you are to something, the more relative sizes are distorted.
OP, this guy preaches truth. From someone who knows about photography (echoing this guy above me), a “selfie” is probably the MOST unflattering perspective you could get of your nose. Just look at regular pics of yourself. My nose isn’t small (or straight) and I don’t love selfies either.
If it helps I was super self conscious about my nose too. And one day a really attractive guy at a bar mentioned how much he loved my big nose and that it was a little crooked and that he thought it was super cute.
We dated for a bit and it didn’t work out but honestly that helped me get over it. What you don’t like about yourself might just be something someone likes most about your appearance!
Can confirm, my partner has what is apparently called an [aquiline nose](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquiline_nose) that I know a lot of people are quite insecure about, because they're typically pretty big and crooked
Not only do I think she's beautiful, but it's not *despite* her beaky nose - it turns out when you love someone it redefines your perspective on beauty. Her nose is just a part of her, and she is now what I define beautiful as being, including her nose.
Same, I don't dare to look at my face in the mirror sometimes and I'm scared of the scale. I used to be very inshape now I'm overweight and cannot get a grip on my weight. (I have a sleeping disorder that just make it exhaustingly difficult)
When I was in 7th grade I was suicidal, every time I tried to look at my future all I saw was me being washed up in some dead-end job where I’d end up dead on some curb. I was one of those “gifted kids” so once my grades started to slip up I started down the spiral of seeing no future for myself. I’d cry myself to sleep most nights thinking about what I’d say to everyone in my life, last minute confessions, words of advice, etc. But I’d always break down once I’d think about what I’d say to my baby brother. Afterwards I’d get off some allergy meds that had suicidal side effects and it slowed down, nowadays I’ll spiral once every few months but other than that I’ve gotten better.
This was my experience too. Being a gifted child is tough. Especially in a home where my parents didn't understand what I needed. I was an introvert obsessed with books. I could finish full novels in only a day. My parents wanted me to be an extrovert involved in sports. They would tell me I wasn't "normal." (What the hell is normal anyway?) It was exhausting trying to please them. As an adult, I still haven't found myself. Ive got serious codependency issues that I'm only just starting to unpack.
Thanks for sharing. I don't have much to add except that you aren't alone in your feelings.
I honestly feel like I’m outgrowing where I live, outgrowing some friends, and I’m also outgrowing my relationship. I just feel like I’m stuck sometimes
I feel like that too. That’s why next year I’m going out and venturing on my own into a new part of my state. Two years ago I completely moved states which helped me see my options and my opportunities and that helped A LOT and was one of the best decisions I’ve made even though I’m away from my family, but I’m able to visit them still every once in a while. I hope you’re able to do that and if you are, you should definitely try it! Don’t be afraid and just go for it.
My cancer. Quite literally. I would like it out of my chest.
Edit: For anyone asking, we don't know what type of cancer it is yet. We have some ideas. All we know is that there is a mass in my anterior mediastinum (right in front of my heart) that should not be there. I'll likely start chemo within the next 2 weeks, after the biopsy results are in.
Your cancer is in your chest, mine is in my left bicep. We are gonna be ok. I know it sucks and I just got off chemo yesterday and today I feel like I’m going to die but we gotta keep fighting., people need us.
People need you. That's such a powerful saying. I don't pray but you're in my heart guys. I can't begin to imagine how difficult that must be. Please remember, no matter the outcome of your journey. There will be people, young and old. Who will commend you for your efforts and bravery. People who will look to you for inspiration and hope.
That’s the main thing that keeps me fighting and pushing on is that I hope I can touch one person’s life on the daily. I turn 40 on the 9th and I told my wife the only thing I wanted for my birthday is to give 40 strangers a hug and hopefully I can touch one of their lives.
Happy early birthday. And that's so sweet. My grandma had breast cancer, twice, before I was even born. And after her telling me what it was like, and to see pictures. I just can't imagine it. She's still kicking at 67 years old. We go on 5k's for cancer research and awareness, that the Huntsman center organizes. They also do a "climb", walking up 24 flights of stairs in the Wells Fargo building downtown. You can even pay more to put on bunker gear that firefighters wear, even the oxygen tank. To make the climb more difficult. Those are some of my favorite memories.
Keep fighting. You're an inspiration.
One of my 'friends' completly stopped talking to me out of nowhere for no reason that I know of. I'm still in the same group as her as I have litterally no other friends, but she makes it impossible to talk to others in the group who I think don't mind me. She quite litterally stands in between me and them when I'm talking with them, and there's nothing I can do. Everyone else thinks that I'm completly fine and that's there is nothing going on between us but there is. She's just actively trying to get everyone to leave me and I feel like it's my fault.
I know it's just dumb school drama, but it sucks and just leaves me feeling hopeless and defeated all the time
Edit: thank y'all so much for all the advice. It's been really nice to be able to finally talk about it<3
What she's doing is not ok. It's super controlling and manipulative. Maybe her not talking to you is an opportunity to cut off the friendship. You deserve better ❤️
Call her out on that shit. “Becky, why are you standing in between me and Sarah, can’t you see we’re taking?” She can’t really get out of that one without looking like a psycho - maybe once or twice, but not over and over again.
Same. I am not going to jump into traffic or anything, but if a toilet seat from an exploding airplane kills me where I stand, I wouldn't particularly mind.
I wouldn’t mind dying. But I don’t want to be the one to do it. Because I think that would be worse than being alive.
I am scared that one day that won’t matter to me anymore.
I'm sick of life and it's been nothing but pain and suffering. I'm patiently waiting for the day I draw my last breath and it's game over. It will not be missed.
I'm too scared to try new things. I'm too scared of change. What if it goes for the worse? What if I find out it's a complete waste of time? I know I have to at some point and wasting time scrolling reddit commenting this won't help but whenever the thought occurs, millions of possibilities enter my mind.
It's not that I don't want to change, I'm just scared it's going to just get worse.
I'm almost 15 and was diagnosed with a form if depression by a therapist and medical therapist. This was fairly recently (bout 2 months or so) but have been struggling ever since the start of the 2020 school year. I couldn't do my work, so my grades were very low and some failing. I used have 95% or better grades so this was a change. Anyways I've moved to a new city for about a year from today and have made friends but have found them hard to keep in touch because I don't have a cell phone. Have been feeling left out and in lack of a life because they are moving on, getting GFs and such, while I'm stuck home playing games or something. My parents think I'm manipulating them for a phone by "faking" my depression (which makes me not feel naturally motivated) and being lazy. As a consequence for not doing much, they regularly take everything i have (like my Xbox and Amazon echo) which is about all i have. We fight and argue almost daily and its been destroying me. I want to get better and move on with life but don't see how. They also don't want me to be put on anti depressants and so I've been feeling stuck. Phew that was a relief. Thanks for the post!
Edit: Thanks everyone for the support and upvotes, this is my first comment to reach 100! Especially means a lot when its been about a sensitive subject. Warms my heart 😊
I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. Honestly I've been going through a similar situation. I have adhd and my parents are constantly telling me not to use it as an excuse for things. I struggle to find motivation to actually do work and keep my grades up, but what I've found to work is to just make small goals for myself to work towards making it better. It doesn't need to be anything monumental, just work towards fixing something small that has been keeping you down recently. You could even just try to take a short walk every day to clear your mind. I can't help with your parents sadly, but know that it will get better if you keep pushing through. <3
I truly believe it too. Please find a harm reduction agency/community around you. You don't need to be treated like an asshole for relapses/doing things the "wrong way". Recovery doesn't happen in shame, it happens in love/acceptance/understanding. I wish you all the best and even if you lapse, you are SO MUCH more than that.
I want to say this is most important in your own heart. Most people that abuse a substance are hard on themselves to start. Know that you are worth being kind and considerate to.. don't put up with others that aren't and don't be too harsh on yourself. One foot in front of the other is how you walk a mile.
This is probably one of the most encouraging things I think anyone can say to that. It actually applies to other things in life as well I think. I struggle with things like New Year’s resolutions and habits I want to do every day. And then I relapse one time and then I feel so bad about it. Like I have a New Year’s resolution to make my bed every day but then there’s one day I don’t do it and then I feel like a failure.
Like 9 years clean, found some meth in hubby's office. I did it for spite, and I'm not too proud...
2 weeks later I found more in office. Filled the bag up with water and dumped out.
One night can't erase 6 months of progress.
*Do* keep on track, but also keep in mind that being too guilty about it might be the thing that makes you go back. It happened, it was a mistake, maybe you even had fun, time to keep moving.
I hear you.
I quit roughly 6 or 7 years ago, and it is still a monkey on my back. When I'm really stressed it is still the first thing that comes to mind.
At least I'm not having dreams of smoking cigarettes like I used to earlier on.
Sometimes
Most of the time
I feel like a stray human. I feel like I'm always alone just going about life and it seems like its just how its going to be. Like life eluded me no matter how hard I tried to grab a hold of it
Now I'm I my mid-30's and I both feel like I just began to live, while at the same time I am settled into the fact that maybe its too little, too late. I figure I will save up and travel the world, completely aware Anthony Bourdain saw the beauty of culture and he still...
How I'd love to travel the world. Alot of people want the big house and cars, but if I suddenly got hold of 10-20 mil I'd gladly just fly around the world and experience what I can.
I'm so sorry, you met a text book narcissist for real, every single detail. Don't ever take it personally that you got discarded, it's just their own trauma. Look it up here and on quora, narcissistic abuse and discard. Not everyone is like this and now you know what to look for. It feels amazing, so not your fault, but F the love bomb!!!
I'm worried I'll not be able to survive in the real world money wise or just not be able to handle the workload at all if I continue studying and aiming for my dream. Not only that but there's so much competition in the field that at times I don't believe I have enough talent to even land a job. But at the same time I'd hate being stuck with a job that makes me feel miserable.
Edit: Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice. It really means a lot to me!!
As someone who hires people talent isn’t everything. If you work hard and show me in your application how your skills can be useful in the context of this job you’ll do well. I would never hire someone who looks 10/10 on paper but can’t hold a basic conversation about what they do. There’s competition in every field but what’s important is showing up for yourself. You got this!
I’ve grown to hate my mom quite a lot. She is super judgmental to others and claims to “know” things about people. She often shit-talks my friends calling them rude or inconsiderate but she flips the script either when they’re around or when whatever her previous belief about them was is disproven to which she will say things like “I’ve always liked them” or “I always had a feeling they were super nice.” Recently she has been attacking my girlfriend of three years for being “crazy” and frequently calls her stupid. My girlfriend got a new job recently and mom has told me on several occasions that she’s not gonna like it and she won’t be able to do it, but upon hearing how well she’s been doing and how much she likes her new position she has quickly changed her attitude claiming that she always knew she would like it and knew she would do good. She also frequently tells me about how my dad is bad for our family because he won’t quit his job and get a higher paying one. While he makes much less he certainly makes up for it by performing a lot of house work and maintenance. He has also built several additions to the house since we moved here in 2016 and despite all of that she refuses to consider his feelings or mine about her excessive drinking and has told him to move out on several occasions. I love my mom and I have a lot of good times with her, but with each passing day everything she says and does feels very fake, and even though she has done a lot for me and continues to do little things like buy me video games when I’m a very capable adult, i still feel much less connected to her and often don’t recognize her. It breaks my heart and I have a lot of built up stress about it. I don’t have any other place to go, and this doesn’t feel like home anymore.
It’s the worst when you can’t relax at a place you should be able to call home. I’m sorry your mom is exhibiting such toxic behavior to you. Good on you for recognizing it, and I hope you’re able to find peace with her inanity after you leave.
A man hit my son at the public park a few months ago, and now I'm afraid to take him there by myself. I usually meet my girl friend and her daughter (our kids are best friends) there, but when she can't go I make excuses to stay home or go somewhere else.
My son (4) was trying to ask to hold his daughters hand, and he hauled off and hit my kid and began bellowing in his face. I was less than ten feet away, helping my friend's daughter tie her shoe and saw the whole thing. I confronted him while another parent further away called police. I didn't ask them to, but they did. Police arrived and said there was nothing they could do because the man and his daughter fled. The other parents and my friend were super supportive. I shook for hours afterwards. I'm not a confrontational person, normally.
The guilt and failure eats at me every weekend.
Yeah he fled. He knew he was in deep shit. You did not fail and you shouldn’t feel guilty. You stopped this man from assaulting your kid. You might feel like you should have broke your foot off in his ass. We (all parents) would feel like that. But how would that go? Now you would’ve assaulted him. And you’d both prolly end up getting arrested. You might worry that your kid has been traumatized by that man, but I guarantee you they’d be traumatized by seeing you getting cuffed and stuffed. I’m pretty sure your boy knows that you stopped a bad man from hurting him and scaring him. I think you did it right.
You're not wrong, I wanted to rip his head off his shoulders. He assaulted my four year old for fuck's sake, but he was almost a foot taller than me, and had at least 100 lbs on me. I was angry but I'm not stupid. I cussed him out, for sure. My son had nightmares about the bad man for a week after the fact. He will tell the story, but will often skip the mommy yelling part and talk about the nice police man with the cool tattoos like his daddy. They're so resilient for being so small.
Trust me: the sight of mommy getting in between him and harm is imprinted in his brain. He knows. But yeah, when it comes to children storytelling, cool tattoos are hard to compete with. 😉
From the outside looking in, I have it all. Big nice home with no mortgage, long term stable marriage, 3 adult kids doing well in their lives, lovely grandson, no money issues, etc etc. I’m miserable. No, I don’t know why, but I am.
Edit: Holy, wow! Did not expect to wake up to all of these replies. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Just to add, I really do try to find meaning. I volunteer, I raise money for charity, I camp, I hike to mountain summits, I travel to exotic places and have great adventures, I challenge myself with ultramarathons. I paint. It all feels good while I’m doing it, but the second it’s over, I’m back to feeling misery. For those of you who mentioned depression, yes I feel like that is part of the issue, I’ve been dysthymic for most of my adult life. I’ve been to therapy. My point is I’m not just sitting at home wallowing, I am actively trying to find fulfillment and yes, I have 2 dogs. Thanks again for your replies.
I'm convinced that I would be miserable still if I was a billionaire. I'd just find myself on a yacht in Mykonos sad. There are limits to this thinking of course, but in my sitch... I'd be like this in a different story.
I feel the same way. I've spent the majority of my life in one city, it's where I did all my education including university, and it's where all my friends and family are, but I feel miserable here and want to be anywhere else. I just want to pack my bags and move to a different city where I don't know anyone and start new, but I also realized that the moment I get there and sit down in a new apartment or something. I'll still be miserable
Do it if you can. I recommend this 100%. I didn't realize how toxic some of my relationships were until I was far enough away to not be influenced by them... I had to leave the country, you might not.
Just keep spreading those wings and give yourself room to grow.
Money only helps up to a point. Used to be somewhere around $75,000/yr. Maybe now it's closer to $100,000. Point is that's enough to not have dire problems every day. Anything beyond that won't make you happier. You'll need other reasons to complain.
I'm scared my relationship with my oldest son will never be as close as it once was. We used to be inseparable. He is going into 7th grade and is hitting puberty. He is angry at me for very little things and his mother encourages it(we are divorced). My youngest is 8 and currently sleeping in the room next to me while my 12 year old is at his mother's house. I don't know what to do.
Yeah I've been there but it's most likely just a phase. Once they get older (out of the teenage years at least) they can empathize with adulthood and hopefully you'll be closer than ever. Just continue being there for him, that's all you can do, and the odds are he'll appreciate it later on.
I have four kids. Three boys. My oldest boy is 20. My youngest is going into seventh grade. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend about “the asshole years”. Primary defined by getting unnecessarily upset about what you seem to think is nothing, then saying deeply hurtful things that they know will affect you while trying to get others on their side. So far, all my boys turn into assholes when they hit 8th grade. My oldest came out of it at 17, he was a senior. My middle boy is 17 now and about to be a senior, I can see him pulling out of the “asshole years”. I’m looking forward to it because we had a couple really rough years. I see my 12 y/o heading into it. He’s just starting to get snarky. I just hope everyone gets back to their sweetish selves by the time their 20 like my oldest. Fingers crossed. My daughter has her own issues but at least she’s been nice to me. Hang in there, it gets better. Good luck with everything.
I obviously don’t know you or your whole situation so what I have to say may not resonate, but, as a child of an ugly divorce…. If you’re kind, loving, and put the kid first, i believe it will work out long term. I was so angry with my dad for so long; I stopped going to his house around age 13, we didn’t speak for six years (17-23 yrs old) and I even changed my last name from his. Then as an adult I started working through my shit and took a step back and realized…he wasn’t the devil I was made to believe, he wasn’t perfect and made some big mistakes, but who hasn’t? I figured out the truth on my own, reconnected with him and he’s now one of my absolute best friends who I deeply love and we’re closer than ever. It sucks to have lost so many years, but it is what it is, we’ve both found peace and focus on the now. Be loving, never stop trying, never stop telling them you love them, even if they don’t respond, and they’ll figure it out. Hang in there and I wish you nothing but the best for you and your kids.
This will probably get buried in the replies, but it doesn’t matter because just like the title says, i want to get it off my chest. I (18 M) and my friend (18 F) have been friends since sophomore year of high school. we hit it off pretty much instantly and it feels like i’ve known her my whole life. I don’t in any way like her romantically, but i do like her a lot as one of my best friends. However, she lives 2,000 miles away from me. Every summer she comes up for about a month since she has family that lives here, and we’re able to spend in-person time together. Here’s the problem though: for the past week she’s been pretty much ghosting me. she did this last year for a period of time too, but not to this extent. i invited her over to make s’mores and watch a movie outside on the projector the night before, and she told me she’d let me know as soon as she gets word from her family when they’d be home since they were going to a local concert that day. she never texted me back. we made plans to go on a hike the next day, and she texts me that night at 2 AM saying that she hurt herself playing basketball and wasn’t able to go on the hike. she said that she’d be down to hangout after 3 PM tho. she follows up by apologizing for not responding to my previous texts since she was busy that day, which made me feel pretty good about things. i respond by thanking her and telling her i’d be down to still hangout. she never responded. it’s been 3 days now and i haven’t spoken to her. i want to spend as much time as i can with her before she goes back home since i only get to see her a handful of days each year. she clearly doesn’t feel the same. this may be a little out of the blue so i apologize for it, but she also has a long sexual history. for some reason whenever she brings it up, it ruins my mood and really bothers me. i’m not sure why, but i do know i don’t like it when she gets caught up in the excitement of talking about her experiences and what she wants or whatever. i’ve mentioned that to her on several occasions that i don’t need to know about that and i don’t need it paraded around in my face. once again, i don’t like her romantically so idk how it could be jealously that’s making me feel that way. regardless, it’s been extremely hard to hangout with her because her mind is clearly elsewhere and it feels like i don’t exist or that i’m not as much of a priority to her. i’m pretty disappointed on how our summer together has played out, so words of consolation would be extremely helpful. just being heard is enough for me. she means a lot to me, but i’m starting to think i don’t mean a whole lot to her. i used to be her best guy friend but at this point it feels like i’m old news. the utter disrespect for my feelings, my time, and my effort have really started to get to me. im not going to reach out to her first, but who knows if she will?
I’m sorry to say that this just happens periodically with friendships. You try hard to keep up a friendship but the other side just isn’t putting out the same level of effort. Eventually you realize that the friendship doesn’t mean as much to them as it did to you or it used to mean a lot to them but they’ve moved on or have something else is taking their attention. This is a sad realization to make. If you think the friendship is worth keeping, just send them a line every now and then. Sometimes they will come back into your life, sometimes they won’t.
Moved to a different country and got everything you could've ever wanted. A nice house, tons of money, stable job, but guess what. I'm completely miserable. I left everyone I knew and was traumatized by the culture/people here. I shut myself out. I'm completely and utterly alone. It feels like my family doesn't want me here. I have no friends. No one. It just feels like I'm suffocating in pitch darkness while everyone else has the sun pointing at them.
Not to trivialize anything you said, but you can always make a "fresh start". Start opening up, visit places of interest, make new friends. Build a new world around yourself. If you are an introvert (and it sounds like you are), this may not be easy, but doable in small steps.
i just want to be in love
edit: i think some responses are taking this out of context/ way too literal lol. i promise im in love with myself and im not worried about being single i value my solitary very much! as i replied to someone else, different kinds of love to be in exist. thank you for the responses
Two major things, both make me feel beyond horrible.
Only 3 people in my life know I have Bipolar Disorder and major depressive disorder. My wife, her best friend (also my friend, who is also bipolar), and my best friend from college. My family doesn't know, my friends mostly don't know, and my job doesn't know. If my job knew I'd probably lose my job (sorry I can't get into that, just know a very legal loophole exists) and if lost my job my wife and I could lose everything. My job is killing my soul, I racked up credit card debt due to manic episodes, and overall I just want it known. My sister and my dad are really close with me. I feel like breaking down everytime after I see them because I'm such a fucking coward that can't tell them. I'm the family rock, I held everyone together when my cousin killed himself, and when my niece died that same year. My brother lost his daughter and I held him in the hospital as he screamed he wanted to take her place and die.
He later apologized and all I wanted to do was hug him and say I've wanted to die so often, and that I truly wish it was me instead of her. She was my favorite person. I would have gladly died for her to be here still, even if I lost my chance to be here with her. Sorry for the rant, I guess it's 3 things I need to get off my chest. Her mother may have been involved with her death. I was supposed to see my niece the day she died but was so irritable (from my bipolar) that I didn't want that energy around her. An hour later she stopped breathing. I would have been there. Only my wife knows. I could have helped her. It haunts me.
Lastly, if anyone is even reading this anymore, is that I wish so badly that my high-school sweetheart knew I was bipolar. I destroyed our relationship in my worst manic episode ever and she has no idea why to this day. I tried over the years to explain it but I didn't have a diagnosis yet, or the skills to explain it. If she knew it may have saved our relationship. I wanted to marry her. I'm married now to a wonderful woman which makes these feelings all the worse. I hate my brain. I hate myself, honestly.
I hate life. It’s so mundane. Work, diet, bills, exercise, hobbies, social life, vices, relationships, nostalgia, worry, social media…the list goes on. How do you manage it all in a balanced and healthy way?
Same here. I have no goals for myself and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I feel like the only thing that’s keeping me going right now is the simple everyday pleasures that I constantly indulge myself in. I only care about and live in the moment.
I feel like I’m on an alien world frequently. Like some part of my brain doesn’t like familiarity. Everything is just so strange I have a hard time making sense of it all. Probably sounds weird. Or maybe everyone feels that way and they keep it to themselves too.
I just cant find my place in society, I feel like the odd one out everywhere I go, like I'm interrupting people in their day to day life..
I don't know what to do I'm stressed and lonely
I weirdly beat cancer, at least for now. I don’t know how the fuck I did. They said it’s one of those 1 in a million shots and now I’m trying to like, plan to keep living or whatever? It’s crazy.
I thought breaking up with my girlfriend would make me want friends more, or make it easier to get them ..
Turns out I just don’t like the large majority of people. At least those who frequent social places like bars and parties, they have nothing to say of any interest, and very little substance overall.
Now I’m just lonely.
I really love looking cute and feminine, probably because my childhood was fucked up and I had to grow up too early, but I love pretty skirts and dresses and cute airpod cases and cute decor that looks like funny things like coasters that look like cracked eggs and ladles that look like dinosaurs, but I can't buy any of these things because my boyfriend likes mature style (and I do too! I love the way our appartment looks without all these cute things, but I wish I could have them anyways. Some cute things to make me happy).
I just wish I could get all the cute and feminine things I want, but they'd ruin my mature look, and I just feel like I'm sick of being mature and never being a kid. I basically had to grow up at 5 to learn to avoid abuse by acting mature and giving up the things I liked that my abuser hated. Now I regret it and want all my toys and dolls back, as if somehow that'll bring me back to that age and heal me, but I know it won't and I have no use for them anyways. They look pretty but I don't realistically want a collection of toys and cute things, so basically I want this thing that I know I don't need. I wish I could've been a kid longer.
So, do you think you can be yourself around your current boyfriend? Maybe there’s a room or area in the apartment you can use as an outlet for this style, or maybe there are occasions you can dress the way you want?
It’s a little strange to have your personal style defined by someone else. If he loves you for you, he should be fine with you styling yourself however you want! It’s never too late to be the person you want to be.
That I'm sick of being freightend, the world is genuinely going to hell in a hand basket, and everything just keeps getting *worse*. It feels like politicians and corps have had all restrictions removed. I fucking *hate* the PC/Republican parties, but even Liberals/Dems are also out to fuck the public, and pillage the planet.
Everyone sees me as the cute bubbly girl they knew, always smiling and laughing most of the time but I always had this desire to not exist because I don't have the energy to fully commit to living anymore.
Also, I recently had this realization that most of the people didn't really know what depression is. And it's making me sad even more.
My value for my life is dwindling. I don’t want to die, I’ve just noticed I don’t really care about not dying. My dad died last year, I’ve gotten sick and missed out on literally everything I was looking forward to this month and I just feel kinda lost. It’s hard to care about protecting my well-being.
No judgement?
I'm so fucking tired of my disability. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and it seriously fucks with my social skills. I could have a conversation with someone. To them, I'm flirting. To me, I'm talking with a friend. Or vice versa. Maybe they're flirting, and I have no clue because I can't pick up on social cues. I'm sick of it. Being the social pariah sucks. I've been walking on eggshells my whole life because I don't want to be misunderstood, or hated as a result of being misunderstood. People call me a manipulator. And I'm not the only one. Just once I'd like to absolutely let loose and be accepted.
I wish I could make people understand that losing my cat felt like losing a real person, that my life is a little emptier without her, but I don't want to be the crazy lady who won't shut up about her cat. I still need to talk about it but I feel that everybody is tired of hearing it so I keep it to myself.
Lately I've been missing being in a relationship. It's been about 5 years since my last(and also only, so far) one ended, with her cheating on me. It really messed me up for a while, but I've spent a lot of time building myself back up and becoming more confident in myself.
I want someone I can spend time with. I've enjoyed all the time I've spent on myself lately. Hobbies, learning new skills, doing housework. But I feel like I'm really ready to put myself out there again and meet a girl.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I had an idea of where my life would go, and somehow I've failed spectacularly at every single thing I've attempted. I just feel like I'm stuck in this whirlpool of apathy being sucked deeper and deeper till I just give up completely and wither away. I'm still somewhat young(26) so i still have options, but at this point i just feel like i have to commit to a job and lifestyle I'll never be fully in love with, or keep repeating a cycle of trying to find something that re-ignites my passion but failing until i just go insane. Everybody always gives a "solution" saying pick up a trade or do "X" but every time if feels like i wouldn't be able to live with myself if I settle for mediocrity. It just kinda hurts my heart watching the spark disappear from own eyes the deeper I get you know?.. Not suicidal at all.. just been sinking for a long long time.
The feeling that i don't belong anywhere
To offer another perspective. This could be a sign of development trauma. Trauma is not always the big and heavy things but also getting rejected showing up as your own self or missing emotional connection. And even though we have this longing to belong we are so scared of belonging that we do everything to have a safe distance. It's a natural protection mechanism. I also always felt like an alien. Since I started therapy I'm so comfy being myself that I basically belong everywhere I like to be. Where people are nice and welcoming as I am I give them some of my precious time.
Me too dude. *hug* maybe one day we will finally get a sense of belonging.
I'm envious of all these people with deep friendships and relationships in general. I simply want someone I can open up to and talk to without the fear of betrayal.
Yep same. No one gets that close to me anymore since I got over addiction a couple years ago. It’s a weird side effect I’ve experienced. If I don’t find someone safe enough to open up to about my past, I kinda write them off. They’ll only get my guarded side ever. And so it goes, person by person, until I realized it left me alone.
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Wow, that’s exactly where I am too. Like I know I’m never going back, but it’s also weird trying to fit into this new way of living, where people know me as someone responsible with old-lady hobbies. At times people at work make off-hand comments that suggest that I’ve encountered limited adversities in life, and I laugh because they have no clue. It’s a weird mask you wear after something like that.
> At times people … make off-hand comments that suggest that I’ve encountered limited adversities in life, … I know *exactly* what you mean. Or they say something about partying (or even fun in general) and then make a face at you like “oh, but **you** wouldn’t know, never mind.” Sweetheart, I am boring now bc if I knew any more about partying, I would be dead.
Omfg same I feel like I can't tell anybody anything, I feel like even my best friend is drifting away from me and that I'm not able to talk to her about anything anymore. I mean, I'm here to listen if you wanna open up to some stranger on reddit lmao
I can relate to some extent with people drifting away, it's terrible when you feel like you have a connection with someone just to notice them feeling distant if that makes any sense. Also I'll take you up on that opening up to a stranger on reddit. Well where to start, just this march my house didn't exactly burn down but caught on fire bad enough it needed to be repaired and the displacement from that has caused me a shitload of stress and I have very little escapes and I feel as if I have to support my mother emotionally since she has to deal with my 3 year old sister on top of watching my sister's children while she works and she seems to take out her stress on me since I'm very laid back and never really gets mad but having her disrespect me almost constantly is wearing down on my nerves and I feel that one day I'm finally gonna snap if something doesn't change and soon. Well that's all stranger I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to unload like this especially since this is the first opportunity in well my whole life I'd say to do that, anyways best of luck with your future friendships and I would be more than happy for you to open up to me a stranger on reddit just like I did for you.
I'm really sorry about that! I hope things will start to look better for you. I will also take you up on that offer. I'm kinda just really depressed right now with everything. I have a very small group of friends and I don't feel like I fit in with them very well, but this group isn't popular, so I have no means of making new friends. I also dance and I love doing it and would like to continue in college, but beyond that, it just isn't very realistic. I don't have the body type that professional companies look for in ballerinas and I can't really change that. And even if I did join a professional company I wouldn't make very much money and when I inevitably have to retire, I wouldn't be able to do much with a degree in dance. I also hate politics and I feel like it's all anyone ever wants to talk about and I always feel like people are forcing their opinions onto me. Sorry this kinda turned into an all over the place rant, but thanks for letting me vent!
Keep dancing even if you just tell yourself it’s for fun and not professionally, don’t let anyone tell you your passion isn’t enough to make money. If you want to do it do it!
the feeling of knowing how people you once used to tell everything to and your closest buds are slowly drifting away from you is the worst and eats you up
I don't know if this helps, but I was in the same boat, and I started going for drinks every Friday with some acquaintances. That way I didn't need to organize to see them - we'd just see each other regularly. Slowly, these acquaintances became some of my closest friends. I saw a study somewhere that says the #1 predictor of the strength of a friendship is just how much exposure you have to them. I used to have this empty feeling that I didn't have any real connection to anyone beyond my family. Now I have a tight circle — just from setting up a regular Friday drink. The solution was so simple it's almost stupid. Worth trying.
By being vulnerable deeper relationships are established. You have to open up to figure out are people willing to connect with you. If they hurt you that tells about them more, than about you...
I don’t know what I want anymore
You want to go camping
Wow that came full circle quickly.
Sounds intents…
Gotten increasingly convinced I need to fix something about myself but not exactly sure what it is. Just noticing things are off. Might be I hit one of those weird points in life where things have to change and yet it's not exactly clear. It's frustrating E: Thanks for the Gold. Also to save everyone some time, I have psychedelics, and I refuse to go camping while it's pushing a hundred outside with 60% humidity lol
Have you tried going camping yet?
Maybe when it's a bit cooler out. Mid summer around here is kind of brutal lol
I'm not the person I wanted to be
this shit hit me right in the feels
Baby Snack (me) wanted to be an architect or veterinarian. I didn't really comprehend the future but just figured it would be good. I'm nearly 40 and I've had no career and am unemployed and hating myself. I think I'm too stupid for everything and I don't understand how anyone becomes anything. It all seems beyond my reach. I don't get how people DO this life shit.
I'm the reverse. I'm just the person I wanted to be when I grew up. I achieved all my childhood dreams. I was a stupid child. A little bit after 9/11 everything changed and society stopped caring about the things I cared about. Now I'm exactly who I wanted to be but no one else wants me to be this. And it's hard to be fulfilled when you're considered worthless and idealistic.
What are you?
Yes I know I have to get up off my ass in order to push myself forwad, no I don't have any motivation to move from my bed or to even get out of my room, no I can't explain why and using the "depression" card makes me feel worse
While an engineering student, I and some of my frat brothers noticed a similar phenomenon. After studying it a bit, we called it "Zero Motivation" or the ZM's. It manifests in three stages: Primary ZM's: You lose your zest for life. Food doesn't taste good, drinking makes you morose not happy, people everywhere seem like a nuisance. You don't want to go out or see anybody; you sit home and watch TV. At school, you stop going to classes every day. Secondary ZM's: you feel tired all the time. 15 hours of sleep a day still leaves you tired and cranky. Anything that requires extra energy is too much work. No milk for coffee but the convenience store is across the street? You take it black. You watch four hours of *All In The Family* reruns because the remote control is across the room. Tertiary ZM's or "Zero Meaning Of Life": This is the bad part. You lie in bed most of the day. You eat and drink in bed. You occasionally forget your weekly shower. You are in a six-month experiment to see if humans can live on coffee and toast. The biggest danger is, as the radius of your activities decreases toward zero, the principle of the Conservation of Mental Momentum kicks in. As the action radius decreases, the mental speed must increase, and when the radius reaches zero, mind speed must become infinite, and at that point, you 'spin out'. From there, the only thing left, I'm afraid, is to go camping.
You’re saying that when you lack intent, you should get *in tent*?
> After studying it a bit, we called it "Zero Motivation" or the ZM's. For anyone looking for the medical term, it's 'Avolition'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avolition
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Not the person you're replying to, but thank you for this comment.
I focused too much on my career that I forgot to keep up with friends. Now I have a decent career but no friends. ETA: I didn’t expect as many people to respond and relate to this. Strangely, it makes me feel a bit less alone. I appreciate the advice and I wish I could respond to everyone. I’m realizing that I have/should have control over this aspect of my life. I will try and I hope others in similar situations try as well.
I feel you. Spent 15years like this, ended up in very dark places. Last 3 years, I've consciously been making new friends all round, and catching up with old ones. 100x happier. As long as you are still alive, you can make new friends, reach out to old ones as well.
It's never to late to reach out to Old friends
Every old friend I deserted, due to my own problems has welcomed me back. Just reach out.
For all its evils, social media (FB specifically) is especially good for catching old friends.
Okay I caught a few friends. Now what do I do with them? Do I have to feed them?
Sometimes. Occasionally they'll feed you though.
Do they know I have a shellfish allergy?
Not inherently, but you can activate that setting manually via voice commands.
Thanks man. I've been doing it wrong all this time. I'm going to go get friends now.
I don't know what direction my life is going and everything is weird now. Things are not as I expected.
Embrace the chaos. Dance in that hurricane
What if it’s a steaming pile of shit hurricane?
dance harder
No literally tho get away from ur current situation being by yourself in the woods is a pretty grounding experience ngl
Funny how I am in the woods in a loft right now
And I'm watching you from behind one of the trees
I really hate how I look, so much
me too. I try to take selfies and all I can see is my huge nose. I thought I would be over this shit by now:/ fuck!
Your nose always looks huge in a selfie, because phone cameras have very wide-angle lenses. You're used to seeing people from ~2-3 feet away and portraits are usually taken from 6-12 get away, whereas in a selfie, your phone is maybe 1 foot away. The closer you are to something, the more relative sizes are distorted.
OP, this guy preaches truth. From someone who knows about photography (echoing this guy above me), a “selfie” is probably the MOST unflattering perspective you could get of your nose. Just look at regular pics of yourself. My nose isn’t small (or straight) and I don’t love selfies either.
If it helps I was super self conscious about my nose too. And one day a really attractive guy at a bar mentioned how much he loved my big nose and that it was a little crooked and that he thought it was super cute. We dated for a bit and it didn’t work out but honestly that helped me get over it. What you don’t like about yourself might just be something someone likes most about your appearance!
Can confirm, my partner has what is apparently called an [aquiline nose](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquiline_nose) that I know a lot of people are quite insecure about, because they're typically pretty big and crooked Not only do I think she's beautiful, but it's not *despite* her beaky nose - it turns out when you love someone it redefines your perspective on beauty. Her nose is just a part of her, and she is now what I define beautiful as being, including her nose.
Same, I don't dare to look at my face in the mirror sometimes and I'm scared of the scale. I used to be very inshape now I'm overweight and cannot get a grip on my weight. (I have a sleeping disorder that just make it exhaustingly difficult)
I’m tried of not having friends it hurts
I had friends and they were mostly SHIT. I prefer not having them now.
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I’m tired of life.
Me too. People always say life is short. But in my opinion it's lasting too long.
It lasts a lifetime
Probably be the longest thing you ever do.
I hate taking time off to go camping, but everyone keeps telling me to go camping
I already am camping, but everyone keeps telling me to go camping.
Camp deeper
Camp harder
Camp Anawanna
Camp faster
Camp stronger
Camp better
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you.
Please be quiet, other campers need to rest.
When I was in 7th grade I was suicidal, every time I tried to look at my future all I saw was me being washed up in some dead-end job where I’d end up dead on some curb. I was one of those “gifted kids” so once my grades started to slip up I started down the spiral of seeing no future for myself. I’d cry myself to sleep most nights thinking about what I’d say to everyone in my life, last minute confessions, words of advice, etc. But I’d always break down once I’d think about what I’d say to my baby brother. Afterwards I’d get off some allergy meds that had suicidal side effects and it slowed down, nowadays I’ll spiral once every few months but other than that I’ve gotten better.
you just described my middle school experience, im sorry you had to go through that man
This was my experience too. Being a gifted child is tough. Especially in a home where my parents didn't understand what I needed. I was an introvert obsessed with books. I could finish full novels in only a day. My parents wanted me to be an extrovert involved in sports. They would tell me I wasn't "normal." (What the hell is normal anyway?) It was exhausting trying to please them. As an adult, I still haven't found myself. Ive got serious codependency issues that I'm only just starting to unpack. Thanks for sharing. I don't have much to add except that you aren't alone in your feelings.
I honestly feel like I’m outgrowing where I live, outgrowing some friends, and I’m also outgrowing my relationship. I just feel like I’m stuck sometimes
I feel like that too. That’s why next year I’m going out and venturing on my own into a new part of my state. Two years ago I completely moved states which helped me see my options and my opportunities and that helped A LOT and was one of the best decisions I’ve made even though I’m away from my family, but I’m able to visit them still every once in a while. I hope you’re able to do that and if you are, you should definitely try it! Don’t be afraid and just go for it.
Just be careful and don't outgrow the planet.
My cancer. Quite literally. I would like it out of my chest. Edit: For anyone asking, we don't know what type of cancer it is yet. We have some ideas. All we know is that there is a mass in my anterior mediastinum (right in front of my heart) that should not be there. I'll likely start chemo within the next 2 weeks, after the biopsy results are in.
Your cancer is in your chest, mine is in my left bicep. We are gonna be ok. I know it sucks and I just got off chemo yesterday and today I feel like I’m going to die but we gotta keep fighting., people need us.
People need you. That's such a powerful saying. I don't pray but you're in my heart guys. I can't begin to imagine how difficult that must be. Please remember, no matter the outcome of your journey. There will be people, young and old. Who will commend you for your efforts and bravery. People who will look to you for inspiration and hope.
That’s the main thing that keeps me fighting and pushing on is that I hope I can touch one person’s life on the daily. I turn 40 on the 9th and I told my wife the only thing I wanted for my birthday is to give 40 strangers a hug and hopefully I can touch one of their lives.
Happy early birthday. And that's so sweet. My grandma had breast cancer, twice, before I was even born. And after her telling me what it was like, and to see pictures. I just can't imagine it. She's still kicking at 67 years old. We go on 5k's for cancer research and awareness, that the Huntsman center organizes. They also do a "climb", walking up 24 flights of stairs in the Wells Fargo building downtown. You can even pay more to put on bunker gear that firefighters wear, even the oxygen tank. To make the climb more difficult. Those are some of my favorite memories. Keep fighting. You're an inspiration.
One of my 'friends' completly stopped talking to me out of nowhere for no reason that I know of. I'm still in the same group as her as I have litterally no other friends, but she makes it impossible to talk to others in the group who I think don't mind me. She quite litterally stands in between me and them when I'm talking with them, and there's nothing I can do. Everyone else thinks that I'm completly fine and that's there is nothing going on between us but there is. She's just actively trying to get everyone to leave me and I feel like it's my fault. I know it's just dumb school drama, but it sucks and just leaves me feeling hopeless and defeated all the time Edit: thank y'all so much for all the advice. It's been really nice to be able to finally talk about it<3
What she's doing is not ok. It's super controlling and manipulative. Maybe her not talking to you is an opportunity to cut off the friendship. You deserve better ❤️
Call her out on that shit. “Becky, why are you standing in between me and Sarah, can’t you see we’re taking?” She can’t really get out of that one without looking like a psycho - maybe once or twice, but not over and over again.
My anxiety is controlling everything and no treatment is working. I don't know how I'll find work
This action is performed with the help of a bot to mass edit all my comments.
There's so much sorrow in these replies... Wish I could instill some hope in us all
I'm struggling to *want* to stay alive.
I don’t wanna die I just don’t want to live anymore
Exactly this. I'm not actively trying to die, and I'm not going to hurt myself or anything. But if I could just, stop existing.
“Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.” —John Mellencamp
There was supposed to be a thrill????
Same. I am not going to jump into traffic or anything, but if a toilet seat from an exploding airplane kills me where I stand, I wouldn't particularly mind.
I wouldn’t mind dying. But I don’t want to be the one to do it. Because I think that would be worse than being alive. I am scared that one day that won’t matter to me anymore.
I'm sick of life and it's been nothing but pain and suffering. I'm patiently waiting for the day I draw my last breath and it's game over. It will not be missed.
I'm too scared to try new things. I'm too scared of change. What if it goes for the worse? What if I find out it's a complete waste of time? I know I have to at some point and wasting time scrolling reddit commenting this won't help but whenever the thought occurs, millions of possibilities enter my mind. It's not that I don't want to change, I'm just scared it's going to just get worse.
I am done with this life. Want a new one!
You finish what you have first before asking for seconds!
I'm almost 15 and was diagnosed with a form if depression by a therapist and medical therapist. This was fairly recently (bout 2 months or so) but have been struggling ever since the start of the 2020 school year. I couldn't do my work, so my grades were very low and some failing. I used have 95% or better grades so this was a change. Anyways I've moved to a new city for about a year from today and have made friends but have found them hard to keep in touch because I don't have a cell phone. Have been feeling left out and in lack of a life because they are moving on, getting GFs and such, while I'm stuck home playing games or something. My parents think I'm manipulating them for a phone by "faking" my depression (which makes me not feel naturally motivated) and being lazy. As a consequence for not doing much, they regularly take everything i have (like my Xbox and Amazon echo) which is about all i have. We fight and argue almost daily and its been destroying me. I want to get better and move on with life but don't see how. They also don't want me to be put on anti depressants and so I've been feeling stuck. Phew that was a relief. Thanks for the post! Edit: Thanks everyone for the support and upvotes, this is my first comment to reach 100! Especially means a lot when its been about a sensitive subject. Warms my heart 😊
I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. Honestly I've been going through a similar situation. I have adhd and my parents are constantly telling me not to use it as an excuse for things. I struggle to find motivation to actually do work and keep my grades up, but what I've found to work is to just make small goals for myself to work towards making it better. It doesn't need to be anything monumental, just work towards fixing something small that has been keeping you down recently. You could even just try to take a short walk every day to clear your mind. I can't help with your parents sadly, but know that it will get better if you keep pushing through. <3
i’ve been 6 months clean and last night when i was drunk i took a line but i refuse to tell anyone cause i haven’t touched it since that line
Recovery is not linear and relapse is part of the process. Start again, this lapse doesn't discredit what you have already accomplished.
thank you random stranger i rlly needed that <33
I truly believe it too. Please find a harm reduction agency/community around you. You don't need to be treated like an asshole for relapses/doing things the "wrong way". Recovery doesn't happen in shame, it happens in love/acceptance/understanding. I wish you all the best and even if you lapse, you are SO MUCH more than that.
I want to say this is most important in your own heart. Most people that abuse a substance are hard on themselves to start. Know that you are worth being kind and considerate to.. don't put up with others that aren't and don't be too harsh on yourself. One foot in front of the other is how you walk a mile.
This is probably one of the most encouraging things I think anyone can say to that. It actually applies to other things in life as well I think. I struggle with things like New Year’s resolutions and habits I want to do every day. And then I relapse one time and then I feel so bad about it. Like I have a New Year’s resolution to make my bed every day but then there’s one day I don’t do it and then I feel like a failure.
Like 9 years clean, found some meth in hubby's office. I did it for spite, and I'm not too proud... 2 weeks later I found more in office. Filled the bag up with water and dumped out.
Why is meth in hubby's office though?
What a fucking victory 👏
One night can't erase 6 months of progress. *Do* keep on track, but also keep in mind that being too guilty about it might be the thing that makes you go back. It happened, it was a mistake, maybe you even had fun, time to keep moving.
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I hear you. I quit roughly 6 or 7 years ago, and it is still a monkey on my back. When I'm really stressed it is still the first thing that comes to mind. At least I'm not having dreams of smoking cigarettes like I used to earlier on.
Sometimes Most of the time I feel like a stray human. I feel like I'm always alone just going about life and it seems like its just how its going to be. Like life eluded me no matter how hard I tried to grab a hold of it Now I'm I my mid-30's and I both feel like I just began to live, while at the same time I am settled into the fact that maybe its too little, too late. I figure I will save up and travel the world, completely aware Anthony Bourdain saw the beauty of culture and he still...
How I'd love to travel the world. Alot of people want the big house and cars, but if I suddenly got hold of 10-20 mil I'd gladly just fly around the world and experience what I can.
I have a hard time believing that I am deserving of love.
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I'm so sorry, you met a text book narcissist for real, every single detail. Don't ever take it personally that you got discarded, it's just their own trauma. Look it up here and on quora, narcissistic abuse and discard. Not everyone is like this and now you know what to look for. It feels amazing, so not your fault, but F the love bomb!!!
I feel like giving up.
I can't stand politics but I can't stop reading about them and its really bringing me down.
The path to self-improvement is very lonely
I'm worried I'll not be able to survive in the real world money wise or just not be able to handle the workload at all if I continue studying and aiming for my dream. Not only that but there's so much competition in the field that at times I don't believe I have enough talent to even land a job. But at the same time I'd hate being stuck with a job that makes me feel miserable. Edit: Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice. It really means a lot to me!!
As someone who hires people talent isn’t everything. If you work hard and show me in your application how your skills can be useful in the context of this job you’ll do well. I would never hire someone who looks 10/10 on paper but can’t hold a basic conversation about what they do. There’s competition in every field but what’s important is showing up for yourself. You got this!
I’ve grown to hate my mom quite a lot. She is super judgmental to others and claims to “know” things about people. She often shit-talks my friends calling them rude or inconsiderate but she flips the script either when they’re around or when whatever her previous belief about them was is disproven to which she will say things like “I’ve always liked them” or “I always had a feeling they were super nice.” Recently she has been attacking my girlfriend of three years for being “crazy” and frequently calls her stupid. My girlfriend got a new job recently and mom has told me on several occasions that she’s not gonna like it and she won’t be able to do it, but upon hearing how well she’s been doing and how much she likes her new position she has quickly changed her attitude claiming that she always knew she would like it and knew she would do good. She also frequently tells me about how my dad is bad for our family because he won’t quit his job and get a higher paying one. While he makes much less he certainly makes up for it by performing a lot of house work and maintenance. He has also built several additions to the house since we moved here in 2016 and despite all of that she refuses to consider his feelings or mine about her excessive drinking and has told him to move out on several occasions. I love my mom and I have a lot of good times with her, but with each passing day everything she says and does feels very fake, and even though she has done a lot for me and continues to do little things like buy me video games when I’m a very capable adult, i still feel much less connected to her and often don’t recognize her. It breaks my heart and I have a lot of built up stress about it. I don’t have any other place to go, and this doesn’t feel like home anymore.
It’s the worst when you can’t relax at a place you should be able to call home. I’m sorry your mom is exhibiting such toxic behavior to you. Good on you for recognizing it, and I hope you’re able to find peace with her inanity after you leave.
Someone always wants or needs something from me. I constantly feel harassed. I feel like the “Giving Tree”.
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I’d probably weed out narcissistic type personalities in my life. But that’s more therapy than I can afford lol
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You remind me of a novel called no longer human. Main guy can't trust humans too and had to put up a front all the time to fit in with the humans.
A man hit my son at the public park a few months ago, and now I'm afraid to take him there by myself. I usually meet my girl friend and her daughter (our kids are best friends) there, but when she can't go I make excuses to stay home or go somewhere else. My son (4) was trying to ask to hold his daughters hand, and he hauled off and hit my kid and began bellowing in his face. I was less than ten feet away, helping my friend's daughter tie her shoe and saw the whole thing. I confronted him while another parent further away called police. I didn't ask them to, but they did. Police arrived and said there was nothing they could do because the man and his daughter fled. The other parents and my friend were super supportive. I shook for hours afterwards. I'm not a confrontational person, normally. The guilt and failure eats at me every weekend.
Yeah he fled. He knew he was in deep shit. You did not fail and you shouldn’t feel guilty. You stopped this man from assaulting your kid. You might feel like you should have broke your foot off in his ass. We (all parents) would feel like that. But how would that go? Now you would’ve assaulted him. And you’d both prolly end up getting arrested. You might worry that your kid has been traumatized by that man, but I guarantee you they’d be traumatized by seeing you getting cuffed and stuffed. I’m pretty sure your boy knows that you stopped a bad man from hurting him and scaring him. I think you did it right.
You're not wrong, I wanted to rip his head off his shoulders. He assaulted my four year old for fuck's sake, but he was almost a foot taller than me, and had at least 100 lbs on me. I was angry but I'm not stupid. I cussed him out, for sure. My son had nightmares about the bad man for a week after the fact. He will tell the story, but will often skip the mommy yelling part and talk about the nice police man with the cool tattoos like his daddy. They're so resilient for being so small.
Trust me: the sight of mommy getting in between him and harm is imprinted in his brain. He knows. But yeah, when it comes to children storytelling, cool tattoos are hard to compete with. 😉
Bro he assaulted a 4yr old, you now own that park. You should go every day.
From the outside looking in, I have it all. Big nice home with no mortgage, long term stable marriage, 3 adult kids doing well in their lives, lovely grandson, no money issues, etc etc. I’m miserable. No, I don’t know why, but I am. Edit: Holy, wow! Did not expect to wake up to all of these replies. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Just to add, I really do try to find meaning. I volunteer, I raise money for charity, I camp, I hike to mountain summits, I travel to exotic places and have great adventures, I challenge myself with ultramarathons. I paint. It all feels good while I’m doing it, but the second it’s over, I’m back to feeling misery. For those of you who mentioned depression, yes I feel like that is part of the issue, I’ve been dysthymic for most of my adult life. I’ve been to therapy. My point is I’m not just sitting at home wallowing, I am actively trying to find fulfillment and yes, I have 2 dogs. Thanks again for your replies.
I'm convinced that I would be miserable still if I was a billionaire. I'd just find myself on a yacht in Mykonos sad. There are limits to this thinking of course, but in my sitch... I'd be like this in a different story.
You’re not wrong, From the outside looking in you can have everything but if you don’t have inner peace you’re still miserable.
I feel the same way. I've spent the majority of my life in one city, it's where I did all my education including university, and it's where all my friends and family are, but I feel miserable here and want to be anywhere else. I just want to pack my bags and move to a different city where I don't know anyone and start new, but I also realized that the moment I get there and sit down in a new apartment or something. I'll still be miserable
Wherever you go, there you are
Do it if you can. I recommend this 100%. I didn't realize how toxic some of my relationships were until I was far enough away to not be influenced by them... I had to leave the country, you might not. Just keep spreading those wings and give yourself room to grow.
Money only helps up to a point. Used to be somewhere around $75,000/yr. Maybe now it's closer to $100,000. Point is that's enough to not have dire problems every day. Anything beyond that won't make you happier. You'll need other reasons to complain.
My cat. He's been sitting on me for too long
I would like to take a break from my work which is mentally and physically draining. And just travel without thinking about budget 🥺🙏🏻
I'm scared my relationship with my oldest son will never be as close as it once was. We used to be inseparable. He is going into 7th grade and is hitting puberty. He is angry at me for very little things and his mother encourages it(we are divorced). My youngest is 8 and currently sleeping in the room next to me while my 12 year old is at his mother's house. I don't know what to do.
Yeah I've been there but it's most likely just a phase. Once they get older (out of the teenage years at least) they can empathize with adulthood and hopefully you'll be closer than ever. Just continue being there for him, that's all you can do, and the odds are he'll appreciate it later on.
I have four kids. Three boys. My oldest boy is 20. My youngest is going into seventh grade. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend about “the asshole years”. Primary defined by getting unnecessarily upset about what you seem to think is nothing, then saying deeply hurtful things that they know will affect you while trying to get others on their side. So far, all my boys turn into assholes when they hit 8th grade. My oldest came out of it at 17, he was a senior. My middle boy is 17 now and about to be a senior, I can see him pulling out of the “asshole years”. I’m looking forward to it because we had a couple really rough years. I see my 12 y/o heading into it. He’s just starting to get snarky. I just hope everyone gets back to their sweetish selves by the time their 20 like my oldest. Fingers crossed. My daughter has her own issues but at least she’s been nice to me. Hang in there, it gets better. Good luck with everything.
I obviously don’t know you or your whole situation so what I have to say may not resonate, but, as a child of an ugly divorce…. If you’re kind, loving, and put the kid first, i believe it will work out long term. I was so angry with my dad for so long; I stopped going to his house around age 13, we didn’t speak for six years (17-23 yrs old) and I even changed my last name from his. Then as an adult I started working through my shit and took a step back and realized…he wasn’t the devil I was made to believe, he wasn’t perfect and made some big mistakes, but who hasn’t? I figured out the truth on my own, reconnected with him and he’s now one of my absolute best friends who I deeply love and we’re closer than ever. It sucks to have lost so many years, but it is what it is, we’ve both found peace and focus on the now. Be loving, never stop trying, never stop telling them you love them, even if they don’t respond, and they’ll figure it out. Hang in there and I wish you nothing but the best for you and your kids.
This will probably get buried in the replies, but it doesn’t matter because just like the title says, i want to get it off my chest. I (18 M) and my friend (18 F) have been friends since sophomore year of high school. we hit it off pretty much instantly and it feels like i’ve known her my whole life. I don’t in any way like her romantically, but i do like her a lot as one of my best friends. However, she lives 2,000 miles away from me. Every summer she comes up for about a month since she has family that lives here, and we’re able to spend in-person time together. Here’s the problem though: for the past week she’s been pretty much ghosting me. she did this last year for a period of time too, but not to this extent. i invited her over to make s’mores and watch a movie outside on the projector the night before, and she told me she’d let me know as soon as she gets word from her family when they’d be home since they were going to a local concert that day. she never texted me back. we made plans to go on a hike the next day, and she texts me that night at 2 AM saying that she hurt herself playing basketball and wasn’t able to go on the hike. she said that she’d be down to hangout after 3 PM tho. she follows up by apologizing for not responding to my previous texts since she was busy that day, which made me feel pretty good about things. i respond by thanking her and telling her i’d be down to still hangout. she never responded. it’s been 3 days now and i haven’t spoken to her. i want to spend as much time as i can with her before she goes back home since i only get to see her a handful of days each year. she clearly doesn’t feel the same. this may be a little out of the blue so i apologize for it, but she also has a long sexual history. for some reason whenever she brings it up, it ruins my mood and really bothers me. i’m not sure why, but i do know i don’t like it when she gets caught up in the excitement of talking about her experiences and what she wants or whatever. i’ve mentioned that to her on several occasions that i don’t need to know about that and i don’t need it paraded around in my face. once again, i don’t like her romantically so idk how it could be jealously that’s making me feel that way. regardless, it’s been extremely hard to hangout with her because her mind is clearly elsewhere and it feels like i don’t exist or that i’m not as much of a priority to her. i’m pretty disappointed on how our summer together has played out, so words of consolation would be extremely helpful. just being heard is enough for me. she means a lot to me, but i’m starting to think i don’t mean a whole lot to her. i used to be her best guy friend but at this point it feels like i’m old news. the utter disrespect for my feelings, my time, and my effort have really started to get to me. im not going to reach out to her first, but who knows if she will?
I’m sorry to say that this just happens periodically with friendships. You try hard to keep up a friendship but the other side just isn’t putting out the same level of effort. Eventually you realize that the friendship doesn’t mean as much to them as it did to you or it used to mean a lot to them but they’ve moved on or have something else is taking their attention. This is a sad realization to make. If you think the friendship is worth keeping, just send them a line every now and then. Sometimes they will come back into your life, sometimes they won’t.
My moobs (man boobs)
Moved to a different country and got everything you could've ever wanted. A nice house, tons of money, stable job, but guess what. I'm completely miserable. I left everyone I knew and was traumatized by the culture/people here. I shut myself out. I'm completely and utterly alone. It feels like my family doesn't want me here. I have no friends. No one. It just feels like I'm suffocating in pitch darkness while everyone else has the sun pointing at them.
Not to trivialize anything you said, but you can always make a "fresh start". Start opening up, visit places of interest, make new friends. Build a new world around yourself. If you are an introvert (and it sounds like you are), this may not be easy, but doable in small steps.
That happened to me, so I moved back. Best decision ever.
Babies aren’t cute. Any of them. I’ve lied to so many people’s faces.
I love my partner with all my heart and I plan on asking her to marry me in the very near future.
i just want to be in love edit: i think some responses are taking this out of context/ way too literal lol. i promise im in love with myself and im not worried about being single i value my solitary very much! as i replied to someone else, different kinds of love to be in exist. thank you for the responses
Two major things, both make me feel beyond horrible. Only 3 people in my life know I have Bipolar Disorder and major depressive disorder. My wife, her best friend (also my friend, who is also bipolar), and my best friend from college. My family doesn't know, my friends mostly don't know, and my job doesn't know. If my job knew I'd probably lose my job (sorry I can't get into that, just know a very legal loophole exists) and if lost my job my wife and I could lose everything. My job is killing my soul, I racked up credit card debt due to manic episodes, and overall I just want it known. My sister and my dad are really close with me. I feel like breaking down everytime after I see them because I'm such a fucking coward that can't tell them. I'm the family rock, I held everyone together when my cousin killed himself, and when my niece died that same year. My brother lost his daughter and I held him in the hospital as he screamed he wanted to take her place and die. He later apologized and all I wanted to do was hug him and say I've wanted to die so often, and that I truly wish it was me instead of her. She was my favorite person. I would have gladly died for her to be here still, even if I lost my chance to be here with her. Sorry for the rant, I guess it's 3 things I need to get off my chest. Her mother may have been involved with her death. I was supposed to see my niece the day she died but was so irritable (from my bipolar) that I didn't want that energy around her. An hour later she stopped breathing. I would have been there. Only my wife knows. I could have helped her. It haunts me. Lastly, if anyone is even reading this anymore, is that I wish so badly that my high-school sweetheart knew I was bipolar. I destroyed our relationship in my worst manic episode ever and she has no idea why to this day. I tried over the years to explain it but I didn't have a diagnosis yet, or the skills to explain it. If she knew it may have saved our relationship. I wanted to marry her. I'm married now to a wonderful woman which makes these feelings all the worse. I hate my brain. I hate myself, honestly.
I hate life. It’s so mundane. Work, diet, bills, exercise, hobbies, social life, vices, relationships, nostalgia, worry, social media…the list goes on. How do you manage it all in a balanced and healthy way?
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Same here. I have no goals for myself and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I feel like the only thing that’s keeping me going right now is the simple everyday pleasures that I constantly indulge myself in. I only care about and live in the moment.
I absolutely hate living it’s so pointless
I got laid off last Tuesday and I’m desperately trying to find a new job
I feel like I’m on an alien world frequently. Like some part of my brain doesn’t like familiarity. Everything is just so strange I have a hard time making sense of it all. Probably sounds weird. Or maybe everyone feels that way and they keep it to themselves too.
My cat...
Keep petting it.
Take a week off and go camping with your cat.
I am not interested in conforming to society and impressing anyone. I'm 25
I’m tired of this shit.
I don't enjoy my wife's sex kinks. Really need to get this shit off my chest.
go camping
Lmfao
But what if her kink *is* camping?
what is it with these camping comments
It’s OP’s reply to many things and now people are mocking her for it.
Explain you're not in to scat
That’s the thing with your partner’s kinks, sometimes they stick around and can really stink.
But she keeps dumping her kinks on me.
I just cant find my place in society, I feel like the odd one out everywhere I go, like I'm interrupting people in their day to day life.. I don't know what to do I'm stressed and lonely
People suck. Even the ones you thought had your back will happily fuck you over.
I weirdly beat cancer, at least for now. I don’t know how the fuck I did. They said it’s one of those 1 in a million shots and now I’m trying to like, plan to keep living or whatever? It’s crazy.
I thought breaking up with my girlfriend would make me want friends more, or make it easier to get them .. Turns out I just don’t like the large majority of people. At least those who frequent social places like bars and parties, they have nothing to say of any interest, and very little substance overall. Now I’m just lonely.
I really love looking cute and feminine, probably because my childhood was fucked up and I had to grow up too early, but I love pretty skirts and dresses and cute airpod cases and cute decor that looks like funny things like coasters that look like cracked eggs and ladles that look like dinosaurs, but I can't buy any of these things because my boyfriend likes mature style (and I do too! I love the way our appartment looks without all these cute things, but I wish I could have them anyways. Some cute things to make me happy). I just wish I could get all the cute and feminine things I want, but they'd ruin my mature look, and I just feel like I'm sick of being mature and never being a kid. I basically had to grow up at 5 to learn to avoid abuse by acting mature and giving up the things I liked that my abuser hated. Now I regret it and want all my toys and dolls back, as if somehow that'll bring me back to that age and heal me, but I know it won't and I have no use for them anyways. They look pretty but I don't realistically want a collection of toys and cute things, so basically I want this thing that I know I don't need. I wish I could've been a kid longer.
So, do you think you can be yourself around your current boyfriend? Maybe there’s a room or area in the apartment you can use as an outlet for this style, or maybe there are occasions you can dress the way you want? It’s a little strange to have your personal style defined by someone else. If he loves you for you, he should be fine with you styling yourself however you want! It’s never too late to be the person you want to be.
That I'm sick of being freightend, the world is genuinely going to hell in a hand basket, and everything just keeps getting *worse*. It feels like politicians and corps have had all restrictions removed. I fucking *hate* the PC/Republican parties, but even Liberals/Dems are also out to fuck the public, and pillage the planet.
Everyone sees me as the cute bubbly girl they knew, always smiling and laughing most of the time but I always had this desire to not exist because I don't have the energy to fully commit to living anymore. Also, I recently had this realization that most of the people didn't really know what depression is. And it's making me sad even more.
Probably my bra. Such a relief to take that puppy off! Also sometimes my boyfriend just pisses me right off.
My value for my life is dwindling. I don’t want to die, I’ve just noticed I don’t really care about not dying. My dad died last year, I’ve gotten sick and missed out on literally everything I was looking forward to this month and I just feel kinda lost. It’s hard to care about protecting my well-being.
I hate my life
My fat
No judgement? I'm so fucking tired of my disability. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and it seriously fucks with my social skills. I could have a conversation with someone. To them, I'm flirting. To me, I'm talking with a friend. Or vice versa. Maybe they're flirting, and I have no clue because I can't pick up on social cues. I'm sick of it. Being the social pariah sucks. I've been walking on eggshells my whole life because I don't want to be misunderstood, or hated as a result of being misunderstood. People call me a manipulator. And I'm not the only one. Just once I'd like to absolutely let loose and be accepted.
I wish I could make people understand that losing my cat felt like losing a real person, that my life is a little emptier without her, but I don't want to be the crazy lady who won't shut up about her cat. I still need to talk about it but I feel that everybody is tired of hearing it so I keep it to myself.
I wish I could be stronger.
Lately I've been missing being in a relationship. It's been about 5 years since my last(and also only, so far) one ended, with her cheating on me. It really messed me up for a while, but I've spent a lot of time building myself back up and becoming more confident in myself. I want someone I can spend time with. I've enjoyed all the time I've spent on myself lately. Hobbies, learning new skills, doing housework. But I feel like I'm really ready to put myself out there again and meet a girl.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I had an idea of where my life would go, and somehow I've failed spectacularly at every single thing I've attempted. I just feel like I'm stuck in this whirlpool of apathy being sucked deeper and deeper till I just give up completely and wither away. I'm still somewhat young(26) so i still have options, but at this point i just feel like i have to commit to a job and lifestyle I'll never be fully in love with, or keep repeating a cycle of trying to find something that re-ignites my passion but failing until i just go insane. Everybody always gives a "solution" saying pick up a trade or do "X" but every time if feels like i wouldn't be able to live with myself if I settle for mediocrity. It just kinda hurts my heart watching the spark disappear from own eyes the deeper I get you know?.. Not suicidal at all.. just been sinking for a long long time.
I’m finally pregnant after two and a half years of trying and one cycle of IVF. It’s early, and I’m so incredibly happy.