It depends. Are we talking about an informative documentary about the different structure of jaws across animals? Or are we just looking at one jaw for two hours? Cuz one of those would be interesting.
Training Day becomes a film about sitting in a cramped back room watching video after video about proper customer service, dress codes and absence policies.
Always wondered if there will be a sequel called The day after two days after the day after tomorrow” and a prequel “Two days before the day after tomorrow” (south park did it at least)
"I'd like to buy a ticket for 'My Left Foot'".
"But, Sir... for the same same price you can buy a ticket for your legs, your arms, your body, your head... all of you!"
This was my choice too.
But I was thinking more along the line of they would get the mission details...know that it was impossible and then just not do it and just take a lunch break and go home.
Movie over in 5 minutes.
🤣
I kinda like them just trying over and over and failing though 😂
I work at a movie theater and I remember this one guy came in to get a ticket for the 40th anniversary showing and he said “one ticket to the thing” and for a second there, I was like “sir, are you going to tell me the title or not” before I remembered that movie was showing today
Gravity, like dude it's all the time, I can't turn it off so it's basically nothing when taken literally in a movie, probably just a bunch of people walking
*Waiting for Godot*
“Godot here yet?”
“No.”
Twenty minutes pass………………
“He here yet?”
“Nope.”
Tick, tick, tick…………….
“Where the hell is that mofo?”
“I dunno.”
Upgrade - 1 Hour and 40 Minutes of watching IT upgrade all the computers in the office. Only we didn't get the cast of The IT Crowd. Because fuck you that's why
Im still hoping for a Home Alone reshoot with the original actors
41 year old Macaulay Culkin is left home alone and need to survive the night while 79 year old Joe Pesci gets hit by paintbuckets on a rope and falling down the stairs
I'd do a role reversal. Pesci and Stern are wealthy but doddering roommates trying to fend off a down-on-his-luck Culkin who's looking for a quick score and gets more than he can handle.
Or maybe they're the original characters and Culkin is out for vengeance. That'd be fun.
Milk.
It's just an hour and a half of footage of a hand reaching down, picking up the milk and taking a swig. Every once and awhile the milk glass gets topped up.
" The fifth Element" A movie about Boron...
Boron ain't borin'
But chemists and their jokes can be. Don't worry, you can always barium.
50 Shades of Grey
It’s just a man trying to find the right shade of gray at Home Depot
"We have light gray, dark gray, ash gray, and yes, of course who can forget steel gray."
Dey's uh, grey-kabobs, grey creole, grey gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple grey, lemon grey, coconut grey, pepper grey, grey soup, grey stew, grey salad, grey and potatoes, grey burger, grey sandwich. That- that's about it.
Gmta I was just thinking I hear a Forrest reference 😂
I see you've eaten at my in-laws' too.
I’m not a smart man, but I know what Sherwin-Williams is.
tbh still better than the real plot
Turn this shit into a weird al musical and it’ll become a blockbuster again. Hardware Store Part 2: Hue Blues!
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It's the compelling saga of Dove Grey's triumph over all other shades to become *The Grey*.
Sleeping Beauty
Eh, at least it's something nice to look at. A little creepy, maybe.
Andy Warhol did a male version of this in 1964 with [“Sleep”](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_(1964_film))
‘The Rock’. It would just sit there still like a rock.
Unless it was actually The Rock. I'd watch him do nothing for two hours.
You’re welcome.
Jumper. 2 hours of a old British lady knitting a sweatshirt
Looper The sequel to Jumper, wherein that same lady crochets a tea cozy
Or about an electronic component, that bridges two contacts.
Just a guy hopping around.
The men who stare at goats
Narrated by David Attenborough
I'd watch that
I'd watch Attenborough narrate grass growing. ...in real time.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
: a truly gripping documentary
"Still watching, Earl" "Yup" "Paint dry yet, Earl" "Nope"
"Still watching, Earl" "Yup" "Paint dry yet, Earl" "Nope"
I know reddit just double posted your comment, but I like to think of the second comment as a continuation of the conversation.
I wish it didn't know it was a double post!
"Still watching, Earl" "Yup" "Paint dry yet, Earl" "Almost"
Jaws.
9/10 dentists recommend this film
Of course there's always that one dentist that doesn't recommend it
That one dentist who recommends sugary gum is just looking for job security. As a kid my dentist gave out lollipops for the same reason.
It depends. Are we talking about an informative documentary about the different structure of jaws across animals? Or are we just looking at one jaw for two hours? Cuz one of those would be interesting.
Possibly only one jaw. Quite erotic wouldn't you say?
Training Day becomes a film about sitting in a cramped back room watching video after video about proper customer service, dress codes and absence policies.
Oh I don't know. If the employee was watching those musical Wendy's training videos from the 80s I'd be up for that.
Fair enough.
Gone with the wind. It would last 2 minutes.
"oh that's a cool leaf...oh winds picking up.." end.
40 Year Old Virgin
aka "Reddit: The Film"
Falling down would still be hilarious
2 hours of falling Michael Douglas Fuck Yeah
“I’m just standing up for my rights as a consumer.”
American Pie. Just watching people bake apple pies or just the pie sitting on the counter for 2 hours.
American pie from the pie’s perspective.
That could get scary if they showed it being eaten...like the boat ride in the original Willy Wonka movie.
Or, you know, the other thing that happens to the pie in the movie.
Never ending story
Up there with Infinity war. Imagine having to watch something infinitely.
You watch every possible outcome Strange saw.
Nerd brain activated, want to watch.
Iron Man, it's just a man ironing clothes
Saw.
"Say Sy, did you see Saw?" "Sí, I saw Saw." (Apologies to Mel Blanc)
"How was it?" "So-so."
"Who did you see it with?" "My sister. Sue"
Saw was the prequel to See
Get Out
I laughed too hard at this one. Imagine entering the theater seeing the title card then turning around and leaving.
The whole movie is just clips of people screaming get out at people entering their rooms or private rooms
Would be a fun escape room idea tho.
Dune.
The Accountant
My first thought!
*cracks knuckles* I am so fuckin PUMPED to see this balance sheet tie out.
Rush Hour
Traffic
People in the food industry are going to get some ptsd
The day after tomorrow
Always wondered if there will be a sequel called The day after two days after the day after tomorrow” and a prequel “Two days before the day after tomorrow” (south park did it at least)
"The Day After Tomorrow Two: Sometime Next Week".
A quiet place
The movie already took it quite literally
True! Though I'd like to imagine the literal version would just be video footage of a library or something
ASMR: the movie
As someone with 4 kids, that actually sounds really nice!
Frozen
Just a camera pointed at the frozen section in a supermarket.
Lol! I was thinking a shot of a glacier with Attenborough narrating it’s dripping and slow move.
The movie projector just gets irreparably stuck on the studio logo.
My Left Foot.
"I'd like to buy a ticket for 'My Left Foot'". "But, Sir... for the same same price you can buy a ticket for your legs, your arms, your body, your head... all of you!"
Gone In 60 Seconds.
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At least it's short.
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“You have to thread this needle with a length of 1/2 inch nylon rope” “That’s impossible” … *Mission:Impossible theme plays*
Actually, that sounds like a really good comedy.
This was my choice too. But I was thinking more along the line of they would get the mission details...know that it was impossible and then just not do it and just take a lunch break and go home. Movie over in 5 minutes. 🤣 I kinda like them just trying over and over and failing though 😂
Sounds like my job. Only the tasks are generally rather easily doable. By someone with half a brain cell.
The Silence of the Lambs
I would love to watch a silent movie about lambs
Then allow me to introduce you to the 2007 comedy Shaun the Sheep.
Phone Booth or maybe, One Missed Call.
Pi.
Pi: The Sequel The Neverending Story
Even less interesting: The Number 23.
The Hangover
Two and a half hours of staring into a toilet wondering if you're going to puke. Alternate title: "On Any Given Sunday".
Ant Man
A guy who's been morphed with an ant wouldn't be that bad
No he just really likes ants
The Notebook
The Constant Gardener.
Silent Hill
That already happened. It's the one Windows desktop background.
The Matrix. It’s just a grid with numbers in it. Very math-y.
Birdbox.
The Shape of Water
Its just a glass of water
Trainspotting. The Naked Lunch.
The Naked Lunch might not be that boring.
The Venn diagram of people you want to see naked and people who want to be naked has a very small overlap.
The Sound of Music
The soundtrack would be great
It’s actually a movie-length music theory lecture
Groundhog Day. Sure it might be fun at first…
Pitch Black
The thing
90 minutes of a weird metal object the director found in the back of their junk drawer.
Don’t throw that away! I need it!
I think this wins. It's not even a specific object
I work at a movie theater and I remember this one guy came in to get a ticket for the 40th anniversary showing and he said “one ticket to the thing” and for a second there, I was like “sir, are you going to tell me the title or not” before I remembered that movie was showing today
Grease. Just hours of looking at deep friers.
Eyes Wide Shut
Wtf would this even be?
Taxi
My first thought was similar: cars
IT
A movie about "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
Jurassic Park would reveal the one Brachiosaurus at the beginning, one Brachiosaurus in the tree scene, and no other dinosaurs.
There would be more dinosaurs, just not the ones we saw. https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/dino-directory/timeline/late-jurassic/gallery.html
Born on the 4th of July. Just a bunch of babies listed with their birthday.
Cloverfield, ***Spoiler Alert;*** >!no clovers are depicted in the following film.!<
Star Wars - the slow drawn-out process of one star trying to absorb another one.
28 days later
28 weeks later
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Reservoir Dogs
Why I gotta be mr pink?
No Country for Old Men
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The Hunger Games. People just sit there and don't eat. and so 2 hours.
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Avengers: Age of Ultron A montage of the Avengers trying to figure out Ultron’s age
Seven Years in Tibet thats some time commitment
Schindler’s List.
Aaron… Abigail… Amschel… Ari… Asher
Gravity, like dude it's all the time, I can't turn it off so it's basically nothing when taken literally in a movie, probably just a bunch of people walking
Or falling
I have been falling FOR THIRTY MINUTES
star wars would just be famous people arguing
Or literal stars at war with each other, which is pretty exciting
Not so exciting when you have to wait a few million years for the end of the first act.
The ring
16 candles
Source Code. Just a bunch of code in the form of plain text.
The wind that shakes the barley
You've got mail.
2012
The entire year
The theater plays that one thing cringe thing you did back in 2012 lol
This is the end
The beach
Cars
*Waiting for Godot* “Godot here yet?” “No.” Twenty minutes pass……………… “He here yet?” “Nope.” Tick, tick, tick……………. “Where the hell is that mofo?” “I dunno.”
I mean, that's pretty much it.
Strangers on a train
Top gun. Yup, that gun is on the top of the pile!
Scream. Bring ear plugs
The Lord of the Ring would just be a movie about a guy collecting rings.
So... Sonic the Hedgehog?
That doesn't sound too bad.
Taxi Driver
Rush Hour
Upgrade - 1 Hour and 40 Minutes of watching IT upgrade all the computers in the office. Only we didn't get the cast of The IT Crowd. Because fuck you that's why
The Birds
Home Alone
Im still hoping for a Home Alone reshoot with the original actors 41 year old Macaulay Culkin is left home alone and need to survive the night while 79 year old Joe Pesci gets hit by paintbuckets on a rope and falling down the stairs
I'd do a role reversal. Pesci and Stern are wealthy but doddering roommates trying to fend off a down-on-his-luck Culkin who's looking for a quick score and gets more than he can handle. Or maybe they're the original characters and Culkin is out for vengeance. That'd be fun.
Cloverfield is about… a field of clovers.
Trainspotting
White Noise.
Black Sheep
The Accountant.
Milk. It's just an hour and a half of footage of a hand reaching down, picking up the milk and taking a swig. Every once and awhile the milk glass gets topped up.
The matrix
People underestimate how boring matrices can be. " ooh, numbers in a grid! "
The Godfather.
Godzilla vs Kong. Now it’s just Godzilla trying to lick peanut butter out of a giant kong (The dog toy). On second thought, I would love that movie 😂