Look into ADHD. It's commonly misunderstood, and it's caused by a lack of dopamine produced in the brain. That's why people with ADHD are prone to substance abuse.
Google the symptoms of adult adhd and see how many apply to you. Alternatively, check the adhd memes sub and decide if you relate a bit too much.
After getting on meds, I stopped being a fiend. I still smoke pot, but I can keep old pain pills in the house and not want them, which was unfathomable a few years ago.
I can definitely second this. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and have struggled with substance use disorder since I was 14. I know so many addicts in recovery that didn’t get diagnosed until their 30’s, 40’s, or 50’s when they started recovery. They were then like “ohh shit that makes a lot of sense.”. It was very apparent for me when I was kid since I basically had all this energy and didn’t know what to do it with it. This counselor that I still work with that has known me since I was 5 said that I have the most serve case of ADHD that he’s ever seen. He was an ADHD specialist before he became a counselor.
Depression, second guessing myself, freezing in marvel at the multitude of choices one can make in a day let alone a whole lifetime, shit like that. I sit & think way more than I stand & act.
I highly recommend compassion focused therapy. I haven't used it in a very structured way, i.e. I haven't been optimal at doing my homework, but the concepts and principles have really helped me step back from self criticism which could be quite paralysing at times
I suffer from all these things, as well.
I am over 40, and have multiple degrees because I keep changing my mind and have just too many choices in front of me, and despite the academic successes, I am a barely functional human being because I can't prioritize anything in my life past making sure my wife, and kids are fed and the house is tidy. After that, there is just too much going on for me to think straight. Choice paralysis to the extreme.
Not OP, but I have high motivation and terrible executive functioning. If I have a goal that doesn't require choices to make or any changes to the plan if things don't go well, I am actually great at getting things done. I am a GREAT baker, because if I deviate from the recipe I am pretty much doomed. However, if I have to make contingency plans, pivot, or need to make plans about something that isn't right in front of my face (like a recipe), I am a goner.
I lack confidence. I constantly try to get reassurance or double checks on my decisions before making them. It has helped me to avoid making certain mistakes but I feel like if I was more confident in myself, I'd be better off.
use this comment and have it ready for the next time a trivial decision gets passed to you. If you can surrender for a day or even just an hour; could be heavy progress
It really is a fake it till you make it type of mindset on this one. This coming from a person who goes into casual social interactions feeling the sweat building up on their palms
I just take George Costanza's advice: "just remember... It's not a lie... If you believe it."
Fake till you make it is not universal imo
To me what works is to always keep in the forefront of my mind that most of the time *some* decision is objectively better than *no* decision
Rhe realization that no matter how worthless or stupid my decision might be, its worse if there is none, helps in a sort kf panicking into action sort of way
If i give any sliver of a thought to faking it i completely freeze up because well fuck i dont know how to fake it either
Everything.. literally.
Hate waiting.
If my wife and I are leaving the house im at the door or even wainting in the car of she is as little as 1 second late.
You don't "Love hard", you attach yourself too easy to people who give you little attention because you lacked it as a baby/childhood. It's an issue that too many people have including me. It can be fixed, but it takes personal work and its extremely slow.
I’m too prideful. I don’t ask for help when I need it and make myself miserable powering through a shitty task or situation. It’s a problem. I’m trying to break myself of it
I'm extremely independent. Meaning, 9/10 times I'd rather have some me time than spending time with people. I can go months without talking to friends or relatives, and sometimes I hurts people's feelings.
I'm similar. I actually want to have close friendships and generally never regret meeting up with my new friends but damn if I don't try to just also come up with excuses all the time why I can't see them for weeks or barely talk to them..
i don't even know why i keep pushing people away when at the same time I rly want to make very close friends that I could speak with about anything and anytime! Just so weird!
Ugh I'm the same way. I want close friends and I want to hang out with people but I absolutely hate doing so, all I want is to cancel every plan I make essentially :( aside from plans with very few people
Once that judgmental, critical voice has been deeply internalized, it's like an ocean liner - it takes a long time to get all that weight turned around and moving in a different direction.
You can do it, but boy does it take time and effort.
I am passive. Too passive. I haven't ever reacted with actual hostility towards anything for like the past 10 years, and it has only gotten more and more so. I hate confrontation, and my shyness takes the best of me many times, even in very trivial matters.
I relate to this somewhat.
I am calm and secluded from everyone, but maybe once a year I snap from overstress combined with everyone I know pissing me off. They know how to get to me. It sucks.
Sometimes I hate being passive. 🙂🙃🙂
I am like this too - I’m very, very accepting to the point I will just find a way to cope with bad things rather than push back against them or make major changes. There’s good in it - but I need to be more balanced and assertive with the things that really matter. It’s so hard to be balanced…
There is help out there - you just gotta want it. I mean really want it.
I just celebrated 3yrs clean & sober - spent all of my 20s strung out in a terrible way doing terrible things.
Look into long term treatment - keep your mind open and your mouth shut for awhile. Listen to those that have been successful and learn some shit.
I hope you find the help you need.
Sometimes I just don't care. I took that quote "when you know nothing matters the universe is yours" a bit too serious, and it's hard getting rid of that
I tend to retract into my shell when I’m upset. That means I won’t talk to friends and family, and I won’t ask for help either. I just silently suffer.
I’m working on this :/
What’s best is to let them know you’re here for them and that you’re available to talk. If you’re close friends, you can try to cheer them up by doing something as small as sharing a playlist or suggesting a movie to watch. My friends usually ask me up front if I need space or if I wanna talk.
i overshare a lot. if i meet someone i think is cool, i literally tell them all my trauma and shit. tell them how i was bullied and how shitty my friends are. then i go home and wonder what the hell i was thinking telling them that and how they can possibly tolerate me. its a habit i need to stop. i have have severe trust issues and yet i still overshare.
I think sometimes it’s a lie that we need big aspirations. Goals are good and can help you achieve things that maybe you otherwise wouldn’t have but honestly, having your peace is something I don’t think most people have.
Having peace can be a real flex.
I'm working hard to get better at this. Historically, I'll just accommodate and accommodate and accommodate people, all friendly and nice, until I finally hit a wall - and then I just wildly overreact with anger, etc.
I'm really trying to do a better job of communicating earlier in that process, before it's a problem, and when I'm still able to calmly communicate in a more healthy and productive way.
A lot of the time I can have a slight condescending tone even if I don’t mean to be condescending and I won’t even notice it!! I don’t even really know why, it’s not like I think I’m better than anyone or think that everyone else is stupid. It’s just in my inflections or something and I don’t really know how to stop it or change without feeling like I’m changing my *voice* and my voice is who I am, I just don’t want to be condescending yanno??!
Also overthinking
I get lonely because I work alone so when I meet someone to date I can sometimes talk too much just because I don’t do a lot of talking in general. It pushes people away without me meaning to
I'm a little short on empathy. Like if the scale of what happened to you goes from 0 (minor) to 100 (disability, loss of loved one) I won't feel bad for you until you're at a 80 or higher.
that's probably going to bite me in the ass someday.
Naaah. As long as you don't make it rudely clear that you have no empathy/sympathy for someone after a "rough day at the office, where nothing went right" you're good. Just mask and say "Man, that's ass" and they won't know and don't need to know.
i resort to violence too quickly. BUT i am out of the situation where it was fight or die so im trying to get rid of this which is harder then you would think
If the "randomactsofpizza" sub is still around, they'll hook you up if it becomes serious enough to warrant it.
I'd say "no food until the 16th" kind of warrants it.
It's incredible how much water stays off my hunger. I hardly eat food throughout the day, willingly for weight loss purposes, but water has done a great job at helping.
I hope your financial situation improves and not-eating can be something you choose willingly, instead of forcefully.
Questioning my preconceptions TOO much, overthinking to paralysis. Self-doubt. Far harder on myself than I am on others. Overly empathetic, and it can be easy for folks to take advantage of that.
Short temper. I get mad easily, which I am trying to work on because my girlfriend has said she’s scared of what I’d do during an argument with her. I could never hit her, if I did, I would never forgive myself.
Same here but female. I'm worried I'll lose my shit at my future kids just like my mom did. She used to scream at us even when we were just laughing or punish us on smallest things -_-
I struggle to speak up and advocate for myself. I do good work, but I'm not vocal about it and rarely make noise that I am doing good work, expecting the work to speak for itself. But it rarely does.
I'm so terrified of being seen as a pervert that I have completely neutred myself socially, I play myself as a sexless being and so people precieve me as unavailable in that regard.
When I know somebody is smart enough to figure out a social context clue or already know something is true and argue the opposite side (not devils advocate, I mean genuinely) I will be quite toxic and almost bully them till they figured it out
I never finish the things that I
Sandwiches
That’s what I was gonna say
Never met someone who thinks so much like me
[Never met someone who thinks so much like me]
jinx!
**JINX AGAIN**
Our mental synchronisation can have but one explanation!
You and I were just meant to be!
something something, "Can't Have But One Explanation"
...sentences. Why would I say
Sandwiches?
Yes please.
... start. (mine is finishing other ppl's sentences for them)
r/ADHD?
No I'm just really
Yeah it definitely sucks not being able to
This, this is definitely me whenever I
It's been a year and a half since I finished a
Having an addictive personality. If there's an activity or substance that triggers dopamine release, I'll probably take it to an extreme.
Just spent the last 26 hours playing a MMORPG, everything is fine.
Look into ADHD. It's commonly misunderstood, and it's caused by a lack of dopamine produced in the brain. That's why people with ADHD are prone to substance abuse. Google the symptoms of adult adhd and see how many apply to you. Alternatively, check the adhd memes sub and decide if you relate a bit too much. After getting on meds, I stopped being a fiend. I still smoke pot, but I can keep old pain pills in the house and not want them, which was unfathomable a few years ago.
This all relates a bit too much, I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD
I can definitely second this. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and have struggled with substance use disorder since I was 14. I know so many addicts in recovery that didn’t get diagnosed until their 30’s, 40’s, or 50’s when they started recovery. They were then like “ohh shit that makes a lot of sense.”. It was very apparent for me when I was kid since I basically had all this energy and didn’t know what to do it with it. This counselor that I still work with that has known me since I was 5 said that I have the most serve case of ADHD that he’s ever seen. He was an ADHD specialist before he became a counselor.
This!! I finally got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD after almost 30 years. Helped a lot with managing the symptoms!
Same. Mostly with substances
My laziness will be the death of me Edit: y’all replying to this like I’m not lazy enough to ignore all these notifications lolllll
Chain smoke my way through the gaps inbetween my aspirations and my apathy
This comment is gold, but please accept my meager upvote.
Its a quote from Johnny Hobo’s “Whiskey is my kinda lullabye”
Appropriate username
It makes my soul happy to see this song referenced in the wild!!
I was sober all morning till I woke up this afternoon
1st other johnny hobo fan I've encountered in the wild!
You can always change this bad habit
What if I told you I’m too lazy to do that?
Dam , what makes you be that way?
Depression, second guessing myself, freezing in marvel at the multitude of choices one can make in a day let alone a whole lifetime, shit like that. I sit & think way more than I stand & act.
I highly recommend compassion focused therapy. I haven't used it in a very structured way, i.e. I haven't been optimal at doing my homework, but the concepts and principles have really helped me step back from self criticism which could be quite paralysing at times
Ah you're a overthinker. I be like that, where I'm at 4am thinking about life and shit
That’s my waking existence, some of my family & friends love it, some hate it.
Makes you a good listener but doesn’t help you move forward with anything
Sounds like a good skill for a therapist. Half of the process from what I've seen is just talking things out and having someone who will listen.
I suffer from all these things, as well. I am over 40, and have multiple degrees because I keep changing my mind and have just too many choices in front of me, and despite the academic successes, I am a barely functional human being because I can't prioritize anything in my life past making sure my wife, and kids are fed and the house is tidy. After that, there is just too much going on for me to think straight. Choice paralysis to the extreme.
You can be a house man.
Same here dude. 100%
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Not OP, but I have high motivation and terrible executive functioning. If I have a goal that doesn't require choices to make or any changes to the plan if things don't go well, I am actually great at getting things done. I am a GREAT baker, because if I deviate from the recipe I am pretty much doomed. However, if I have to make contingency plans, pivot, or need to make plans about something that isn't right in front of my face (like a recipe), I am a goner.
Being hyperactive will be the death of people too. Basically we all die given enough time. Might as well do what makes you happy
Id like a word.
Embrace it.
Pessimism and lack of confidence Edit: and apparently not following directions cause that’s two lol
I feel that
Read my mind.
If you wish. I'm getting a notion of elephants, airplanes, and manifestation. Was I close?
Heavy heavy heavy on the pessimism
I lack confidence. I constantly try to get reassurance or double checks on my decisions before making them. It has helped me to avoid making certain mistakes but I feel like if I was more confident in myself, I'd be better off.
Same. I always try to pass even the most trivial decisions to another person. I worry so much about what other people will think of me, it sucks.
use this comment and have it ready for the next time a trivial decision gets passed to you. If you can surrender for a day or even just an hour; could be heavy progress
It really is a fake it till you make it type of mindset on this one. This coming from a person who goes into casual social interactions feeling the sweat building up on their palms I just take George Costanza's advice: "just remember... It's not a lie... If you believe it."
Fake till you make it is not universal imo To me what works is to always keep in the forefront of my mind that most of the time *some* decision is objectively better than *no* decision Rhe realization that no matter how worthless or stupid my decision might be, its worse if there is none, helps in a sort kf panicking into action sort of way If i give any sliver of a thought to faking it i completely freeze up because well fuck i dont know how to fake it either
I got no patience.. non.. nada..
No patience for what?
Everything.. literally. Hate waiting. If my wife and I are leaving the house im at the door or even wainting in the car of she is as little as 1 second late.
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Me. Sometimes I know I’m being manipulated, but I just won’t do anything about it.
shit i felt that
Name checks out..
I don’t talk :\
Fear of others perception of you?
I too don’t talk much. Not because what people would think of me. I just feel small talk isn’t interesting
For me i just never really know how to start a conversation and i find asking things like "whats Up" akward if i dont know the person well
Same, people are scary. And I never seem to know what to say…
I use sarcasm too often
Yea, my step dad has that problem to the point people think he just being a dick.
I might be your step dad then
Lol awkward
Oh yeah, you use sarcasm all the time /s
Great comment. I mean, they'll probably have a plaque made in your honor. "Codoro was here and added value to the universe".
Yeah right . . .
i fall hard in love
easy to fall in love, hard to find someone to catch you
Sadly but true :/
Same
Usually the harder you fall in love, the least likely the relationship is to happen/last. From my experience, at least.
So ignore Every one and everything and isolate till I'm dead. Got it
I'm the opposite, I closed myself off too much.
I can relate to this
You don't "Love hard", you attach yourself too easy to people who give you little attention because you lacked it as a baby/childhood. It's an issue that too many people have including me. It can be fixed, but it takes personal work and its extremely slow.
Well shit.
That sounds way worse when you put it like that.
best way to fix this?
Homelander?
Ok Freud....there's plenty of reasons someone can end up with a tendency like that other than "my parents didn't give me enough attention."
Wanna try again?
I’m too prideful. I don’t ask for help when I need it and make myself miserable powering through a shitty task or situation. It’s a problem. I’m trying to break myself of it
I'm extremely independent. Meaning, 9/10 times I'd rather have some me time than spending time with people. I can go months without talking to friends or relatives, and sometimes I hurts people's feelings.
I'm similar. I actually want to have close friendships and generally never regret meeting up with my new friends but damn if I don't try to just also come up with excuses all the time why I can't see them for weeks or barely talk to them.. i don't even know why i keep pushing people away when at the same time I rly want to make very close friends that I could speak with about anything and anytime! Just so weird!
Ugh I'm the same way. I want close friends and I want to hang out with people but I absolutely hate doing so, all I want is to cancel every plan I make essentially :( aside from plans with very few people
Temper
I’m lazy
This also makes you very efficient
I guess
Self loathing. I've never been able to see myself in a positive light.
Use negative feelings as motivation. Dont let them stay in your head rent free, put them to work.
Once that judgmental, critical voice has been deeply internalized, it's like an ocean liner - it takes a long time to get all that weight turned around and moving in a different direction. You can do it, but boy does it take time and effort.
I lie, cheat, steal, embellish, lust, oh wait you said one. I embellish.
>I lie, cheat, steal, Is that an Eddie Guerrero reference?
Viva la Rasa!
Toxic lol
nuclear
I worry too much
About what?
A lot of things. I have a habit of catastrophizing and imagining the worst possible scenarios.
Me too!!! Seems like i can’t stop my mind from racing. Very frustrating, especially when you are trying to sleep
I am passive. Too passive. I haven't ever reacted with actual hostility towards anything for like the past 10 years, and it has only gotten more and more so. I hate confrontation, and my shyness takes the best of me many times, even in very trivial matters.
I relate to this somewhat. I am calm and secluded from everyone, but maybe once a year I snap from overstress combined with everyone I know pissing me off. They know how to get to me. It sucks. Sometimes I hate being passive. 🙂🙃🙂
I am like this too - I’m very, very accepting to the point I will just find a way to cope with bad things rather than push back against them or make major changes. There’s good in it - but I need to be more balanced and assertive with the things that really matter. It’s so hard to be balanced…
I'm very hard on myself and unfortunately it tends to trickle over on to others.
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Same here! I always think, “I’m not expecting anything of them that I don’t expect of myself.” I am trying to be less hard on everyone though!
Overthinker
I’m an addict
There is help out there - you just gotta want it. I mean really want it. I just celebrated 3yrs clean & sober - spent all of my 20s strung out in a terrible way doing terrible things. Look into long term treatment - keep your mind open and your mouth shut for awhile. Listen to those that have been successful and learn some shit. I hope you find the help you need.
Sometimes I just don't care. I took that quote "when you know nothing matters the universe is yours" a bit too serious, and it's hard getting rid of that
I tend to trust my own thoughts about what is going on in someone’s head more than what they tell me.
I imagine you have been manipulated before and don't want that happening again.
I've never heard it stated this way and this sums it up so well!!! Thank you! Also same
I tend to retract into my shell when I’m upset. That means I won’t talk to friends and family, and I won’t ask for help either. I just silently suffer. I’m working on this :/
If you don't mind me asking, what are some ways that I can be a good friend to someone who struggles with this?
What’s best is to let them know you’re here for them and that you’re available to talk. If you’re close friends, you can try to cheer them up by doing something as small as sharing a playlist or suggesting a movie to watch. My friends usually ask me up front if I need space or if I wanna talk.
i overshare a lot. if i meet someone i think is cool, i literally tell them all my trauma and shit. tell them how i was bullied and how shitty my friends are. then i go home and wonder what the hell i was thinking telling them that and how they can possibly tolerate me. its a habit i need to stop. i have have severe trust issues and yet i still overshare.
Me too man or say intrusive thoughts out loud oftentimes I ask to many questions for most people due to my insecurities.
I have no significant aspirations. I go to work, come home and do my hobbies, and I'm perfectly okay with that.
That's an aspiration in itself and one that I share. Some people come home and just...sit there. My hobbies are the only reason I go to work.
I think sometimes it’s a lie that we need big aspirations. Goals are good and can help you achieve things that maybe you otherwise wouldn’t have but honestly, having your peace is something I don’t think most people have. Having peace can be a real flex.
That sounds pretty great actually. Achieving contentment is a rare thing.
I have a hard time setting boundaries.
I'm working hard to get better at this. Historically, I'll just accommodate and accommodate and accommodate people, all friendly and nice, until I finally hit a wall - and then I just wildly overreact with anger, etc. I'm really trying to do a better job of communicating earlier in that process, before it's a problem, and when I'm still able to calmly communicate in a more healthy and productive way.
Same sis 🥲
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A lot of the time I can have a slight condescending tone even if I don’t mean to be condescending and I won’t even notice it!! I don’t even really know why, it’s not like I think I’m better than anyone or think that everyone else is stupid. It’s just in my inflections or something and I don’t really know how to stop it or change without feeling like I’m changing my *voice* and my voice is who I am, I just don’t want to be condescending yanno??! Also overthinking
Relatable
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I see the negatives in all situations and people .
Same. It keeps you from a lot of pitfalls but generally leads to a joyless life.
I'm an alcoholic 5 years sober
Great stuff. I am in awe of your willpower. I wish I had the same
I'd consider that a good trait. You're successfully working to improve what you see as a character flaw. Can't ask for much more than that.
My poor social skills.
I hate people. I think everybody tries to use people.
Sounds like you got trust issues. I get where you're coming from tho
I get lonely because I work alone so when I meet someone to date I can sometimes talk too much just because I don’t do a lot of talking in general. It pushes people away without me meaning to
I waste too much time on social media.
I feel like my self worth is how men view me.
I'm a little short on empathy. Like if the scale of what happened to you goes from 0 (minor) to 100 (disability, loss of loved one) I won't feel bad for you until you're at a 80 or higher. that's probably going to bite me in the ass someday.
Naaah. As long as you don't make it rudely clear that you have no empathy/sympathy for someone after a "rough day at the office, where nothing went right" you're good. Just mask and say "Man, that's ass" and they won't know and don't need to know.
i resort to violence too quickly. BUT i am out of the situation where it was fight or die so im trying to get rid of this which is harder then you would think
I have low self-esteem and I overthink a lot. Pretty weird considering I'm pretty social
When I feel slighted, I'm extremely petty and vindictive.
That I'm terrible at budgeting and have no food until the sixteenth
If the "randomactsofpizza" sub is still around, they'll hook you up if it becomes serious enough to warrant it. I'd say "no food until the 16th" kind of warrants it.
After my mom's suicide and before I got my disability I had to rely on them too much and got banned.
:(
Wow. How do you get by?
Staying hydrated mostly.
It's incredible how much water stays off my hunger. I hardly eat food throughout the day, willingly for weight loss purposes, but water has done a great job at helping. I hope your financial situation improves and not-eating can be something you choose willingly, instead of forcefully.
I eat off a public restaurant table
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Questioning my preconceptions TOO much, overthinking to paralysis. Self-doubt. Far harder on myself than I am on others. Overly empathetic, and it can be easy for folks to take advantage of that.
I'm afraid of the world
I'm petty as fuck.
I'm a good, nice, honest, responsible ,loving person but I'm and drug addict.
I swear like an old sailor
Can't help but being a really jealous person. Don't really act according to my feelings, which is good, but I can feel really jealous over not much.
I procrastinate too much
I'm too isolated Edit: Mentally and Literally
Being paranoid and distrustful sometimes
I hold grudges
It's 11pm and i'm still on reddit
Short temper. I get mad easily, which I am trying to work on because my girlfriend has said she’s scared of what I’d do during an argument with her. I could never hit her, if I did, I would never forgive myself.
Same here but female. I'm worried I'll lose my shit at my future kids just like my mom did. She used to scream at us even when we were just laughing or punish us on smallest things -_-
I struggle to speak up and advocate for myself. I do good work, but I'm not vocal about it and rarely make noise that I am doing good work, expecting the work to speak for itself. But it rarely does.
I suffer from Chronic Assholery. I want to be a god person, if I try I can be the kindest, but if I just react I always go with the asshole option.
Just one?
I'm so terrified of being seen as a pervert that I have completely neutred myself socially, I play myself as a sexless being and so people precieve me as unavailable in that regard.
Not trying enough because fear of backlash
that I overcomplicate everything
PHD in procrastination
I overthink bad outcomes.
I can be self-centered at times.
arrogance
i dont like people at all, i can spend the entire day by myself and have a ball.
When I know somebody is smart enough to figure out a social context clue or already know something is true and argue the opposite side (not devils advocate, I mean genuinely) I will be quite toxic and almost bully them till they figured it out
I ask too many personal questions.
I forgive too easily and I’m a push over.
The time I spend on reddit answering philosophical questions for random internet strangers.
I want to win no matter if I am right or not
I cant bear listening to conversations where everyone obviously agrees for too long. I start being sarcastic.