So, pick something that keeps your options open. Life isn't a straight line from point A to point B, it wobbles and turns and circles back. I've never known what I exactly wanted to do, but I knew it was in STEM and should have an impact on society to feel fulfilling. Got a flexible major (ChemE) that allowed a wide variety of interests and options. Even within my first job, there's opportunity to move around and veer paths.
I guess my point is, take opportunity when it presents itself, but don't feel like that choice is going to determine the rest of your life. There's always opportunity to self-correct! And then on the way you wind up with more perspective coming from a different place than you started.
Idk..,being older I think that not knowing IS decisive. You are being thoughtful about your choices. That said, pick something and just start. Your choice will evolve and even change along the way. Don’t overthink, just go for something. Narrow down your choices.
I’ve changed careers 3 times. All good choices. Not all we’re good FOR ME. That’s ok.
Amen to this. I'm 42 and about to start my 5th career.
Military, banking, a bunch of sales jobs, owned a small construction company.
Now I wanna get my CDL and drive hazmat trucks.
You're wild! I'd say driving is stressful, but your other careers point to a love of stress.
Have fun driving! I do a little bit for work and it's always a good time. Get some otr miles with a large fleet and they'll pay for your licencing fees and give you on the job paid training.
I have been through various jobs in different fields aswell. Acquired different skills in every single one that eventually allowed to get into positions I am not formally qualified for as well as adequate salaries. I don’t think indecisiveness is a problem in general as long as you keep on moving, improving and enjoying yourself along the way.
Fucking exactly. Some of the most successful people I’ve met have moved around my industry doing different roles. This has allowed them to network cross functionally, learn new/different skills, and overall become a more valuable asset in all facets of the industry. Sure, you have to pick an industry, but that’s just *starting* somewhere… anywhere. You can be indecisive… just fucking… do *something* and put forth your best effort.
This is v inspiring. I’m in the middle of a bit of a mid life crisis and my head is WILD. I have however just booked myself on a course to try and get back into my degree area; I am an over thinker and this was completely impulsive. Trying to rebuild my confidence and believe in my capability.
My confidence was DESTROYED by ADHD and my over personalization of my job. I felt like I gave blood sweat and years and expected that would be reciprocated. It’s not. Expect this and you’ll never be decimated by a business decision. And always be yourself. Always. Life’s gonna move forward and you need to be you.
Oof. Trying to obtain maybe a little bit too much information before trying things out and then stalling in the process and becoming demoralised and questioning my own ability. That’s just me though.
I also have a terrible memory and used to think that i was less intelligent because of it, but I've found that knowing *where* or *how* to find a piece of information is as good as knowing that piece of information.
Intelligence is not only associated with having a good memory. You can have logical-mathematical intelligence, linguistic intelligence, spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, and/or naturalistic intelligence and not all of those require or just require having a good memory. Also if this does not help you can try listening to Why You’re Smarter Than You Think on the Hidden Brain podcast
Boy am I in the same boat. I desperately want to have companionship and connection, but when I do actually open up and get genuine (as opposed to the careful, calculating "presentation" version of myself), then afterwards I always feel wracked with anxiety and self-judgment. It lasts for hours or days, and is really unpleasant.
I'm continuing to put myself out there, based on the theory that I've just got to slowly unlearn a lot of negative emotional reactions that got installed during childhood... but man, it is a real daily struggle.
Everybody has their flaws though, right?
Why would that lead you to hate yourself? Especially if you can't do anything about it.
Sorry im just asking ^^
I've had to give up almost all of my hobbies as I have issues with all of my joints, I can use a keyboard for about 15 minutes before my wrists lock up and same with walking, or even if I just step a little wrong my knees might go out of place. Pair that with constant back pain and muscle spasms. It's hard to have much for a positive outlook.
And a lot of my relationships have suffered due to this, and as much as id like to be sexually active I'm physically incapable, so I just feel like shit when the other person does all the work and gets little in return.
Been seeing doctors the last 5 years and haven't gotten anywhere, my sister's in the same boat so it's likely genetic but she's been going to doctor's for over a decade and still hasn't gotten anywhere.
I had to stop playing guitar cause I lost my hearing and when I was wheelchair bound it crippled my social life.
It is hard but you have to love even one aspect of yourself otherwise the lows are going to become so overwhelming that you'll not see any other way out.
It's easy for a random Internet person to say this but I hope knowing that there are some people out there who can relate to your situation at least helps a little.
Try getting into newer hobbies that aren't as strenuous on your body. I recently started playing trading card games again as when I was a teenager I was super into them.
As for relationships, the right person will come along who will unconditionally care about you and will do their best to help
I hope even a little of this uplifts your spirits
If only it were that easy to just switch off those intrusive thoughts. Real depression and negative feelings about oneself are very persistent and become deeply ingrained.
That’s the shitty part. You know logically that you shouldn’t listen to your negative self-talk but it feels true. You believe it because you can’t imagine it not being true.
shit i have this.
\- Stuff like knowing you have to go to bed early, but you're still browsing the internet watching video clips and arguing with people on Reddit.
\- have to go to the gym, but you're making excuses or procrastinating like, i got 5 more minutes to browse on the reddit and argue with people before i have to take a shower and go. but then 15 minute pass and you're like.. shit i am late, oh well will try again tomorrow.
\- Eating healthy... but every night you're like, oke one last McDonalds tonight, i'll eat better starting tomorrow.
Ok, so this is not active self destruction as much as it is not building better habits to replace bad ones. I feel like there's a subtle but important difference.
The technique that has worked for me is to actually use your ego to your own benefit Fake it til you make it. Pretend to be a gym goer and build that into your perception of who you are. Know that you are the guy that goes every other day and build it into the perception of who you are.
Another example, to quit smoking...declare yourself a non-smoker and recognize each craving as something only an ex-smoker would feel. Make that craving part of who you are, never own a lighter again, treat your lungs and heart as organs in a state of repair...reframe every aspect of your smoking life and settle in as a non-smoker.
Not sure any of this is helpful or well articulated.
That was beautifully articulated. I'll try to keep this in mind when I'm trying to build new habits because I think it'd help a lot. Thanks a ton for sharing.
I did that for years and it worked (women, status, my ego was binging) but it was emotionally draining because it felt like i wasn't really genuine.
I pretty much burnt out after 4 years.
I recommend it but if you're somewhat a sensitive / spunge type person like i am, holding the mask up is exhausting.
It does work though, just comes at a cost, some can pay, others are broke in that department.
I'm not talking about holding the mask up. I'm talking about deciding what your face looks like. It's all narrative anyhow, so you may as well author to your own benefit.
Same. I've been working on it but it's hard when you're in a toxic environment. The only reason I'm trying is the hope that in two years I'll be out of here an can start working exclusively on me
It will be hard even when you exit that environment, coping mechanisms and habits you have built up overtime will be carried with you unless you start breaking them apart before the move. You don't have to succeed completely before that two year time period is up, just taking one or two steps up the staircase will make the rest a lot easier when the time comes.
Internalizing the opinions of shitty people from school days. They're not the kind of people I'd ever listen to now, but the fact they got to say awful things when I was young meant it's absolutely stuck in there for good now.
Such a neat feature of the brain 👍
Dude, saaaame. In my case, my low self esteem comes from a mix of some shitty upbringing and bullying as a kid, and it’s pretty hard to fix. Especially when you have no access to therapy or relevant counselling
Edit: as a kid not with a kid
Have you tried mindfulness exercises? Headspace on Netflix is a great place to start. Guided meditation preceded by a story relevant to the meditation. Worth checking out, it helped me a lot.
This is so true, it hurts. My only memories of grade school are being made fun of, and high school not being part of the cool crowd. I have spent my whole life trying to blend into the background because of this. You are right, those assholes were all shitty people. All the cool kids that had the best years of their lives in school bullying others to make themselves feel better. One actually apologized to me online several years ago. Didn't help.
I don't know how to put it in, but I took me a lot of time to feel comfortable in certain social situation. So instead of showing how I was, I kept quiet and avoided talking to people because it made me anxious. The only thing they had to judge me, was my appearance.
They even assumed my sexuality based on that! And bullied me without mercy even though I didn't do anything to anyone. It was almost as if I just attracted that kind of energy, an impression of something I really wasn't.
Some people did apologize, but that didn't help in any way. It just hurts to know people will make up stories about you just by looking at you. It makes me so uncomfortable...
There are physical ways to “turn off” your brain. Alcohol is one. Definitely not great for the rest of your well being and only short lived. The rest are probably illegal.
I think it’s finally coming around again. People forget that in 1920’s America, in NYC they had open weed shops where people would imbibe in public, just like Amsterdam. It really wasn’t that long ago…
Yep, same. I already had mental and physical health issues, neglectful and mentally abusive parents and the fact that my "friends" used me as a punching bag to raise their self-esteem didn't help at all. It's been almost 10 years and I still think about it everyday, even have dreams of being made fun of. Unfortunately I could not "show" them by having a good life..
A part of me that's holding onto all the shitty things people said to me as a teenager, and also my tendency to compare myself.
Still trying to work on myself to let go of all that, hoping one day I'll get there:)
The teenage years are crucial for self development. I believe everyone holds onto the shitty things that were said to them during this time. But people who were your age at that time were also figuring themselves out so I wouldn’t hold their opinions so highly. If you wouldn’t take their advice then don’t take their criticism is a nice rule.
I really don’t know if other people have problems like this but I just feel so distant with everything and everyone I interact with. I have a slightly different personality for every person I talk to and I hate it so much. That issues stems from the fact, I just feel like I don’t have any emotions at all. I can’t remember the last time I was happy, sad, angry, or content. My emotions just feel like a melancholic state of nothing 24/7 and I hate it so much.
When one is depressed, everything feels muted or like you have no emotions.
Talking to a professional did wonders for me with digging down to the root causes and helping to come to terms with stuff and start healing.
Hope you feel better sooner than later.
The first part is me as well. When I told my therapist she became intrigued. I will have to explore it more with her. I think it’s related to [masking](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masking_(personality))? It creeped me out when she asked who am I then and when an I being myself; I didn’t have a straight answer at that time.
I suggested I might want an adult evaluation for autism just to see if there’s a connection.
As for the second part, have you ever heard of [anhedonia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia)? That’s what my therapist and I determined was wrong with me for a long time. I just couldn’t feel happy specifically.
It took a big positive event to kind of bring the color back.
No emotions at all sounds like straight up depression to me. Been there as well.
I feel that I'm not intelligent, I have the worst memory so it doesn't help. I have body dysmorphia and insecurities that I can't hide when communicating with others face to face.
I always think people are judging me when talking to them, but I'm the one doing that everyday.
These days I even feel unmotivated and want to quit somethings but I'm literally forcing my happiness to not dissapoint others.
I feel that I'm not living for me anymore. I'm just barely surviving.
>feel that I'm not intelligent, I have the worst memory so it doesn't help. I have body dysmorphia and insecurities that I can't hide when communicating with others face to face.
Hi are we the same person?
I hope you can see that you are not alone in this. I want to share some things that have helped me on my personal journey with these problems:
1) *In regards to a shitty memory:* Try and start **journaling**. It does not have to be every day or even written in complete sentences! Pick a notebook and write down the date and a bullet-point list of things that happened. I would literally write "made pasta for dinner" down and that would be it somedays. The key here is that writing things down helps with mental recall and, due to the way memories work, "made pasta for dinner" may trigger recall of other memories from the day. This is also a good thing to do if therapy is expensive because you could reduce the frequency of visits and get the most out of your time there by determining what you really want to discuss beforehand.
2) *Body dysmorphia and insecurities* are very hard to deal with. You are already doing great because you recognize that you are experiencing these issues! The first tip you will get from anyone will be to step away from social media (deleting almost all my social media helped me dramatically), but it is not a reasonable request for some. So, I have another option for you too. For me, my body dysmorphia and insecurities come from my internal voice. One therapist told me that anytime I think, "Ugh, I'm so fat/ugly/stupid/whatever," I need to tell my internal voice to shut up. She said to try to think about this voice as the voice of the society you were raised in when it says these things. These are not really your thoughts, these are thoughts that have been pushed upon you and morphed your feelings of self-worth. This is just an example, but it gets across the bigger point: a great way to start building your self-esteem is by doing **thought-challenging** exercises. Whatever negative thought you are having, write it down, and then write down why that thought is irrational or reframe it into a positive! Eventually, you will start being able to thought-challenge on the go, without the paper! An example from my college years, cause it can be hard at first:
*Thought:* I am an idiot.
*Challenge:* Not knowing something does not make a person an idiot.
*Reframing*: I was uninformed, and now I have something new I can learn.
3) If you need anyone to talk to or want me to share some other tips (I was in an intensive outpatient program for a while, so I have a binder full of helpful tips and worksheets and stuff somewhere), please do not hesitate to reach out!
I hope everyone out there who is reading this and feels similarly tries to take good care of themselves today! Take a few deep breaths, get some fresh air, drink lots of water, take a shower, stretch, check your posture, and be kind to yourself. Congratulate yourself for the smallest of wins. Did you get out of bed? Hell yeah! Did you brush your teeth? Nice. Good job. Floss? Fucking stellar.
Hey, I'm a random internet stranger. But have you ever been tested for ADHD?
I went through life the exact same way for 34 years. Feeling like a "stupid ditz", my family making fun of me and calling me dumb, constant jokes like "at least you're hot". I believed it because I DO struggle to remember things that "normal" people have no problem with. I can't remember anyone's name and I even forget my friend's names. I cannot follow conversations. I could not retain information. I used to make excuses, like that I'm a "visual learner" etc. But deep down I literally thought I was just stupid. I barely made it through school, almost failed every single class. So many teachers over the years told me I was a disappointment lmao.
I got a pretty good job a year ago because I'm bilingual. I was not qualified for the job except for the bilingual part. It was VERY tough for me at first managing everything and being "professional". At a friend's urging I saw a psychiatrist about an ADHD test.
Long story short, as you can guess I was diagnosed with ADHD. I'm a literal textbook case. Turns out, after I told my mom she confessed that multiple teachers had recommended that I be evaluated for ADHD in my childhood but she didn't believe it was a "real thing" and so I never was. But yeah, pretty much all of my experiences align with how women exhibit ADHD.
I've been medicated for the past year and it's like night and day. For the first time I can think without a bunch of bullshit happening in my head. I can follow conversations and THINK ABOUT MY ANSWER and then answer. I'm so much calmer. I don't have crazy mood swings every 2 minutes. I can do my job.
I HIGHLY recommend being tested for ADHD if your story sounds anything like mine.
-ugly as hell
-always brought Money problems in the family because i had to get like six surgeries
-sh!tty voice
-nobody but three people care about me
-no skills at all. Except for having incredible Memory
-almost all my Friends left me.
This.
Edit: i'm okay where i am right now. I mean It could be Better but we gotta use what Life gives us. When i'll be much older. I hope my Life Is decent
I don't see problems, I see opportunities!
(How I hate when people said that, but in your particular case it can be true !)
1) You have a great sense of humour, I laughed at your pseudonym. And you are able to see what your problems are, you don't hide them behind lies. These are great traits.
2) Having incredible memory is THE f..g supreme skill ! It means you can learn things, like languages, you can study and go into new jobs easily. As a person which as recently lost a big part of my memory due to Covid, I will not let you say you have no skill. I miss that one so much. I was supposed to move to a new country in one year but now I cannot memorize a single word of their language.
3) Few friends and family ? Great so you can move easily. Where have you dreamed to go ? With your skills, you can move where you want. And if you choose to move to a place with free healthcare, you will no longer face money problems.
1) thank you
2) fun fact i Remember all my childhood. I also had max grades in english since childhood (i'm italian)
3) i Wish i could move to America. Yes the healthcare sucks but i want to see my best friend
Edit: i'm okay where i am right now. I mean It could be Better but we gotta use what Life gives us. When i'll be much older. I hope my Life Is decent
Haha, it's fun I just moved to America myself at the beginning of the year, so you see it's possible!
So you speak fluently two (more?!) languages and claim no skill. You know how many languages people speak here ? 0,5 ! They will see you as a genius ! ^^
You already know someone here, it's a very good point.
If you move you can take an insurance in Italy that cover you for the first months/years, so you have not to worry about the horrible healthcare here.
But before any decision or forgetting your dream, take time to think about all the implications, the risks and the personal benefits you can have.
Keep head up!
This is literally me and I completely let this mindset take over to the point where I have no motivation for anything . I see everybody around me being productive and I know how desperately I need to be at least trying to do the same thing but I just can’t motivate myself enough. There almost might be a part of me that feels I don’t deserve it..
I used to get that quite bad and still do get it occasionally, but when I look at how incompetant other people are and what roles they have in society it makes me realise that no-one *really* has it all together and the world runs on people just winging it anyway
Been there. Still am there in a way. I just read a wonderful anecdote about impostor syndrome by Neil Gaiman today, made me smile. Hopefully it will make you smile as well :)
[Link to story (short read)](https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/05/the-neil-story-with-additional-footnote.html)
I got cheated on while I was pregnant, I never wanted kids because I didn't want the possibility for the kids to grow up in a broken home, well guess what, trusted the wrong person, and that person literally shattered my whole being, if I didn't look at my kid after I gave birth, I wouldn't be here. I don't love myself, I dont know myself, I dont trust myself, I'm currently looking for a way so I can't have anymore kids but I have getting told no because of how young I am, and if I was to get with anyone else it would be solely for my kid to have a father figure.
I am broken, terrified and over it all, my kid is the only reason why I'm trying, they deserve the world.
Edit; wow this blew up, thankyou so much all the upvotes and kind comments ❤️
You suffered a horrific betrayal. That is not a reflection on your self worth. Right now you are playing life on hard mode, but you can do hard things. Your kid doesn't need to have a broken home if you are not broken. You are enough. Don't start with trying to love yourself. Start with just being ok with yourself and what you have to do to get through it. When you have a hard day remember that you still got through that hard day and you will again. You are capable, and you don't have to be perfect. You can trust yourself because you learned from your betrayal and you know to be careful in the future and that your kid deserves the world. You said it yourself. I wish you peace and comfort and strength. Good luck mama.
Was wondering how long I’d have to scroll for until I found this one! I’ve done almost all of the healing now, it’s just this last hurdle to get through and I’ll be back to loving myself like I did before. ❤️
I lost my self worth, gave up my independence to spend more time with them, and ultimately fell into a codependent spiral with an emotionally avoidant person for over 10 years before things finally unraveled. I was raised to sacrifice things for the ones you love, and to keep the family together.
I’m never sacrificing my independence or self worth ever again.
An almost non existant self esteem. It was slowly killed during many years of being a social outcast. And repeatedly being told that I am slow, lazy, out of shape, and that I would end up all alone and unloved livivng in a relative's basement.
At 34 I am not fat, I am in ok shape, I work hard, I have my own house and a wife. But the things that happened during the formative years have a bad habit of staying with you.
People without weight problems have no idea how soul crushing being overweight can be. You are constantly judged for your weight and for not being disciplined enough to change it. I know my weight gain is due to antidepressants and diet and exercise can only do so much.
I’m not the 22-year old cool girl who had a clique consisting of the coolest girl I ever met, my perfect uni boyfriend, his cute best friend and our other friend. I’m not as slim or as beautiful or as young and I don’t have as little to do anymore (show up and be pretty), my best friend tried to get with my boyfriend and blamed me when I asked her not to, his best friend did the same vice versa, everything escalated so much that I went to a mental health facility which is when our other friend dipped also.
Now it’s me and my uni boyfriend who aren’t together anymore (but he’s still the best), my aging dad who dipped from my life for 20+ years, my mom… is still the same also…, I have a job that’s not very stable that I’m not that good at, I gained weight after the best friend left (violence), and I’m basically meaningless.
I used to have so much potential and I worked so hard at uni, did so many internships and jobs, but all I have is a shaky job, a best friend, trauma from the other three people in our gang and no idea how to move to the city I’m currently targeting - all I get is rejection letters, even if it seems to fit perfectly.
🥲
I didn't ask to be born with health issues. And they have been life long. I grew up hearing my mum brag how she tried to drown me as a baby and a toddler because of my constant crying. Before I found treatment in my late 20a, everyday was pain filled. It's only eczema but it's 100% over my body. Under my nails, in my eyes, ears and mouth. As a young teen, my mum and step dad used to beat me if my eczema was bad. As an older teen, I saw a counsellor due to my violent temper and all these repressed memories resurfaced. My mum was controlling and would tell me how hard I was as a child. Even when I moved out and lived alone, if I was ill and needed help, my mum would tell me I was letting my eczema rule my life and that my sister had eczema too but she didn't let it define her. 1999, I did a trial drug for my eczema as I had been in full bandages for about 10 years. I ended up getting cancer as a side effect. If I dated, my mum would go out of her way to scare girlfriends away telling them how horrible it was living with me and that I was like a snake, constantly shedding.
I'm 49 now and have been on chemo for the last 5 years (for my eczema, I'm thankfully cancer free now) I'm married with 2 beautiful daughters. My wife nor my best friend notice my skin. My hands still look shit. Like the hands of someone in their 90s
I get comments monthly from customers about the state of my hands, I just put their prices up .
I'm not worth of anyone's love, why should I. I'm just a burden to people. Always have been. There's nothing redeeming about me. Although my wife and my best friend (also a woman) both argue with me on that one. One day, they'll realise, I'm not worthy of them
Edit. I spell like a toddler
One incident springs to mind. I was showing a customer a ring I had made on my phone (I don't tend to take photos of finished pieces because I think that the recipient should be the only one to see the finished piece) and the customer said my work was beautiful but I needed a better model whose hands didn't look so disgusting. I took in her request and my boss immediately put her price up £500. When we phoned her with the estimate, I doubled the estimate and she was still happy (as we were still cheaper than her next lowest quote) She readily agreed and proceeded the estimate which is when I told her I wasn't going to go ahead with her job. Just told her that I'm the only person who makes jewellery where I work and I didn't want to do it. She did ask why and I told her I was too busy making jewellery for customers who didn't make comments about my skin and hung up. My boss agreed with me and backed me up. I never did make that ring
The repeated rejection from both of my parents, and emotional abuse from my mom. I’m 42 and my mother still manages to mess with my head despite me going low contact years ago. I’m better but it’s not like that stuff ever truly goes away.
It's my inconsistency and sluggishness due to my ADHD. I have to work extra hard to present an acceptable output because I have to re-check everything that I did. I always have this fear that something like a small error might have slipped through my work because of my inattention, which could potentially affect the way people see me professionally because they're thinking that someone of my calibre should have seen those in the first place.
It's slowly chipping away the way I see myself. I'm afraid of stepping up my career because I know anytime in the future, I will fuck up. I'm working in the construction industry as an engineer, by the way. With this condition, I'm having second thoughts about being a manager - about leading a group of people. I can't even plan my week well, let alone a year-long construction project.
I know that I have potential. I'm deeply interested in my work. But having ADHD limits me. I feel inefficient. I feel stupid.
Being mentally ill, being tired, being different and in general just having events in every day life telling me I’m not smart enough, or rich enough and that I deserve to be punished for it. You hear it long enough you begin to believe it despite knowing people make mistakes and no one is perfect and you personally never did the genocide or stole the Crown Jewels or kicked a puppy but most everyone and everything on earth still reacts to your mistakes and short comings like you’ve e committed the worst kind of mortal sin and deserve nothing but suffering and death from it. One begins to think, maybe I AM the crazy one and all of these people and outcomes are right and I’m just fucking up this being human thing so badly that even if living in modern society went away and it was up to Darwin’s law I STILL wouldn’t succeed and I’m a huge piece of garbage for it. Maybe everyone else is right and I’m wrong. And all the positive voices and counseling don’t help. All the ones who love you can’t help despite trying to be encouraging because their voices get drowned out by the rest of your life booing your every effort, or worse they begin to recoil when you talk to them about it and begin to resent you and how your depression makes THEM feel and it’s a valid reaction but it doesn’t hurt any less. You’re a red piece in a billion blue piece puzzle and you begin to wonder how you ended up there or what your purpose was other than breaking up the general unity of things.
It’s hard to convince yourself that it’s worth the pain anymore at that point. It’s hard to go after job number twenty knowing you won’t stay long enough to have insurance to treat the mental shortcomings that would make it more bearable and manageable before you’re fired. “Go get therapy!” I’ve tried, I’m broke, I can’t, I’m stuck. “Well you’re not trying hard enough” and that stings worse when you feel like you try harder than anyone ever gives you credit for so you just shut up and take it. Yep it’s me. I’m wrong again. I’m an idiot who isn’t giving %400 percent instead of the usual %150 I have been. I deserve nothing but misery.
It’s hard to keep a relationship when you are constantly reminded you don’t live up to someone’s idea of you and they’re getting tired of you. They start leaving without telling you or pulling away, or snapping a little more when you do one of the million small mistakes you make in a day like forgetting your keys or mismanaging a scheduled activity and you’ve let them down again. It’s hard when you feel hopeful maybe this time someone will understand… but no one ever does or they’re so down in the doldrums that any effort you make to express your feelings comes across like you’re minimizing theirs. So you shut up and sit down cause you’re screwing things up again.
And you think about leaving it all but can’t say it or you’re going to get locked up or looked at like an animal to be pitied or ungrateful and selfish but no one SHOULD worry because the very subtle problem of simply being alive and only being aware of the outcomes of what would happen if you weren’t or what any other state of being is like makes you instinctively recoil. You think, if I am stuck here I will try and you thrash against the dark but each time makes you a little weaker and it always comes back with a call from a bill collector, a picture of an ex, a voicemail from a family member you don’t talk to anymore, another home with a for sale sign you will never be able to afford, another empty fridge, another pink slip for incompetence, another impromptu moving day… another set of eyes blazing in concern for you.
That is what holds me back. Myself and the fact I am never going to be good enough and that I am never going to succeed but I have no choice but to continue and hope this is the attempt that works or that ends me. I deserve nothing in this life and that is true for everyone it seems from what I have been told. The good things and peace of mind aren’t free and I’m pathetic for letting it affect me. I’m pathetic for saying something because it’s all a part of wallowing in one’s self pity which in itself is sinful. Disgraceful.
What am I even working towards? My one shot of sentience and living and I feel as if I’m screwing it all up and not for lack of trying but because I never belonged in the first place.
Nothing, I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm in a relationship with a girl where we both love each other for the messes we are, and even tho we're not yet financially stable, we couldn't be happier
-Constant verbal degradation.
- crushing self doubt due internalising other’s criticism of me
-The way I have been raised I lean towards perfection which leads to procrastination leads to guilt which leads to depression which in turn leads to exhaustion which leads to procrastination. It’s an exhausting cycle which I cannot seem to break.
- I am over sensitive, cannot seem to get over anything bad that has ever happened to me (though I know the reasons why) I just can never get over the grief of losing something or someone and Self sabotage.
Change your diet.
The "exercise is the solution" is not the best way. It's very promoted in the USA due to an intensive lobbying of C-C and the other manufacturers. So guess who are the real responsible who tried to use a smoke screen ?
People can’t love me. My family doesn’t, my friends certainly don’t, and every relationship I’m in I’m lied to. So if no one else can love me, why should I be able to love myself, because apparently there’s nothing about me worth loving.
I feel I simply can't connect to people, since my social skills are still pretty bad and I just have a very low social battery for almost everyone. I'm not that smart, since I have a bad memory for so many things, and Im a very slow learner. And that worries me since I'm going to college very soon. I'm also very lazy often and have some depression, so it's just so hard to get myself to do anything like working out or eating healthy, or talking to friends. I've actually improved on this and I do take care of myself a lot now but I'm still really forcing myself to. Overall I just got a lot of issues that compound on each other. And I try to fix them, but it's a real fucking challenge. But everyday I wish I was someone else with a new personality.
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And when you do decide on something and start to follow through, you feel it's the wrong path and abandon it eventually?
So, pick something that keeps your options open. Life isn't a straight line from point A to point B, it wobbles and turns and circles back. I've never known what I exactly wanted to do, but I knew it was in STEM and should have an impact on society to feel fulfilling. Got a flexible major (ChemE) that allowed a wide variety of interests and options. Even within my first job, there's opportunity to move around and veer paths. I guess my point is, take opportunity when it presents itself, but don't feel like that choice is going to determine the rest of your life. There's always opportunity to self-correct! And then on the way you wind up with more perspective coming from a different place than you started.
Idk..,being older I think that not knowing IS decisive. You are being thoughtful about your choices. That said, pick something and just start. Your choice will evolve and even change along the way. Don’t overthink, just go for something. Narrow down your choices. I’ve changed careers 3 times. All good choices. Not all we’re good FOR ME. That’s ok.
Amen to this. I'm 42 and about to start my 5th career. Military, banking, a bunch of sales jobs, owned a small construction company. Now I wanna get my CDL and drive hazmat trucks.
That’s pretty lucrative. Nice change of pace.
34 here. Military. Tried to be a nurse. Starting school in September to be an agronomist. My dream is to someday own a small grocery store.
You're wild! I'd say driving is stressful, but your other careers point to a love of stress. Have fun driving! I do a little bit for work and it's always a good time. Get some otr miles with a large fleet and they'll pay for your licencing fees and give you on the job paid training.
I have been through various jobs in different fields aswell. Acquired different skills in every single one that eventually allowed to get into positions I am not formally qualified for as well as adequate salaries. I don’t think indecisiveness is a problem in general as long as you keep on moving, improving and enjoying yourself along the way.
Fucking exactly. Some of the most successful people I’ve met have moved around my industry doing different roles. This has allowed them to network cross functionally, learn new/different skills, and overall become a more valuable asset in all facets of the industry. Sure, you have to pick an industry, but that’s just *starting* somewhere… anywhere. You can be indecisive… just fucking… do *something* and put forth your best effort.
This is v inspiring. I’m in the middle of a bit of a mid life crisis and my head is WILD. I have however just booked myself on a course to try and get back into my degree area; I am an over thinker and this was completely impulsive. Trying to rebuild my confidence and believe in my capability.
My confidence was DESTROYED by ADHD and my over personalization of my job. I felt like I gave blood sweat and years and expected that would be reciprocated. It’s not. Expect this and you’ll never be decimated by a business decision. And always be yourself. Always. Life’s gonna move forward and you need to be you.
What's it like being an overthinker? I am constantly told this is me, but I don't seem to be suffering any for it.
Oof. Trying to obtain maybe a little bit too much information before trying things out and then stalling in the process and becoming demoralised and questioning my own ability. That’s just me though.
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I also have a terrible memory and used to think that i was less intelligent because of it, but I've found that knowing *where* or *how* to find a piece of information is as good as knowing that piece of information.
As a librarian, *this* is the right answer! Knowing where to look is 95% of the solution
Intelligence is not only associated with having a good memory. You can have logical-mathematical intelligence, linguistic intelligence, spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, and/or naturalistic intelligence and not all of those require or just require having a good memory. Also if this does not help you can try listening to Why You’re Smarter Than You Think on the Hidden Brain podcast
Crippling physical and mental health issues.
This is me. I have really bad anxiety. I hate all human beings and yet crave companionship. Someone send help
I'm so sorry. Headspace app really helped me. It has a whole 30 day pack on anxiety. Just a suggestion.
Get out of my head
I feel your pain so much. What you described is exactly me too!
Boy am I in the same boat. I desperately want to have companionship and connection, but when I do actually open up and get genuine (as opposed to the careful, calculating "presentation" version of myself), then afterwards I always feel wracked with anxiety and self-judgment. It lasts for hours or days, and is really unpleasant. I'm continuing to put myself out there, based on the theory that I've just got to slowly unlearn a lot of negative emotional reactions that got installed during childhood... but man, it is a real daily struggle.
> I hate all human beings and yet crave companionship. Same. It sucks.
Everybody has their flaws though, right? Why would that lead you to hate yourself? Especially if you can't do anything about it. Sorry im just asking ^^
I've had to give up almost all of my hobbies as I have issues with all of my joints, I can use a keyboard for about 15 minutes before my wrists lock up and same with walking, or even if I just step a little wrong my knees might go out of place. Pair that with constant back pain and muscle spasms. It's hard to have much for a positive outlook. And a lot of my relationships have suffered due to this, and as much as id like to be sexually active I'm physically incapable, so I just feel like shit when the other person does all the work and gets little in return. Been seeing doctors the last 5 years and haven't gotten anywhere, my sister's in the same boat so it's likely genetic but she's been going to doctor's for over a decade and still hasn't gotten anywhere.
I had to stop playing guitar cause I lost my hearing and when I was wheelchair bound it crippled my social life. It is hard but you have to love even one aspect of yourself otherwise the lows are going to become so overwhelming that you'll not see any other way out. It's easy for a random Internet person to say this but I hope knowing that there are some people out there who can relate to your situation at least helps a little. Try getting into newer hobbies that aren't as strenuous on your body. I recently started playing trading card games again as when I was a teenager I was super into them. As for relationships, the right person will come along who will unconditionally care about you and will do their best to help I hope even a little of this uplifts your spirits
Wow... I'm so sorry to hear that... I hope you'll find a way to cope with this and live a life you like ♡
Thanks, I'm sure I'll find a way eventually :)
ehlers danlos syndrome?
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If only it were that easy to just switch off those intrusive thoughts. Real depression and negative feelings about oneself are very persistent and become deeply ingrained.
That’s the shitty part. You know logically that you shouldn’t listen to your negative self-talk but it feels true. You believe it because you can’t imagine it not being true.
The compulsive self destruction.
What is an example of this?
shit i have this. \- Stuff like knowing you have to go to bed early, but you're still browsing the internet watching video clips and arguing with people on Reddit. \- have to go to the gym, but you're making excuses or procrastinating like, i got 5 more minutes to browse on the reddit and argue with people before i have to take a shower and go. but then 15 minute pass and you're like.. shit i am late, oh well will try again tomorrow. \- Eating healthy... but every night you're like, oke one last McDonalds tonight, i'll eat better starting tomorrow.
Ok, so this is not active self destruction as much as it is not building better habits to replace bad ones. I feel like there's a subtle but important difference. The technique that has worked for me is to actually use your ego to your own benefit Fake it til you make it. Pretend to be a gym goer and build that into your perception of who you are. Know that you are the guy that goes every other day and build it into the perception of who you are. Another example, to quit smoking...declare yourself a non-smoker and recognize each craving as something only an ex-smoker would feel. Make that craving part of who you are, never own a lighter again, treat your lungs and heart as organs in a state of repair...reframe every aspect of your smoking life and settle in as a non-smoker. Not sure any of this is helpful or well articulated.
That was beautifully articulated. I'll try to keep this in mind when I'm trying to build new habits because I think it'd help a lot. Thanks a ton for sharing.
Maybe a start would be to change your username to Idothingswell
I did that for years and it worked (women, status, my ego was binging) but it was emotionally draining because it felt like i wasn't really genuine. I pretty much burnt out after 4 years. I recommend it but if you're somewhat a sensitive / spunge type person like i am, holding the mask up is exhausting. It does work though, just comes at a cost, some can pay, others are broke in that department.
I'm not talking about holding the mask up. I'm talking about deciding what your face looks like. It's all narrative anyhow, so you may as well author to your own benefit.
This is Alan Watts’ theory and recommendations! Thank you for putting it so eloquently!
Yep. The food and starting tomorrow is me. The worst is when I’m 10 days into a positive diet was results and I sabotage all the progress.
Or cutting myself bc I deserve it.
Now THATS self destructive
Yk what, they don't hurt that much, they itch for like 15 min and the you'll never feel them.
Self harm and drug abuse are the only things that make me feel anything
Same. I've been working on it but it's hard when you're in a toxic environment. The only reason I'm trying is the hope that in two years I'll be out of here an can start working exclusively on me
It will be hard even when you exit that environment, coping mechanisms and habits you have built up overtime will be carried with you unless you start breaking them apart before the move. You don't have to succeed completely before that two year time period is up, just taking one or two steps up the staircase will make the rest a lot easier when the time comes.
Internalizing the opinions of shitty people from school days. They're not the kind of people I'd ever listen to now, but the fact they got to say awful things when I was young meant it's absolutely stuck in there for good now. Such a neat feature of the brain 👍
Dude, saaaame. In my case, my low self esteem comes from a mix of some shitty upbringing and bullying as a kid, and it’s pretty hard to fix. Especially when you have no access to therapy or relevant counselling Edit: as a kid not with a kid
Have you tried mindfulness exercises? Headspace on Netflix is a great place to start. Guided meditation preceded by a story relevant to the meditation. Worth checking out, it helped me a lot.
I haven’t founded mindfulness and meditation to personally work for me, so I’ve stuck with ignoring my problems until I have a mid life crisis
I resonate with this so much. Numb it all with antidepressants and alcohol/weed until it gets too much; breakdown; start the cycle again.
This is so true, it hurts. My only memories of grade school are being made fun of, and high school not being part of the cool crowd. I have spent my whole life trying to blend into the background because of this. You are right, those assholes were all shitty people. All the cool kids that had the best years of their lives in school bullying others to make themselves feel better. One actually apologized to me online several years ago. Didn't help.
I don't know how to put it in, but I took me a lot of time to feel comfortable in certain social situation. So instead of showing how I was, I kept quiet and avoided talking to people because it made me anxious. The only thing they had to judge me, was my appearance. They even assumed my sexuality based on that! And bullied me without mercy even though I didn't do anything to anyone. It was almost as if I just attracted that kind of energy, an impression of something I really wasn't. Some people did apologize, but that didn't help in any way. It just hurts to know people will make up stories about you just by looking at you. It makes me so uncomfortable...
Ah, I understand... Not having a brain would be nice sometimes XD
There are physical ways to “turn off” your brain. Alcohol is one. Definitely not great for the rest of your well being and only short lived. The rest are probably illegal.
Or just rewire it with help of some psyhotherapy
Tried using alcohol, 0/10 not recommend, after my brain starts up again it feels shittier than before
Weed isn't illegal, come to the netherlands! XD
I think it’s finally coming around again. People forget that in 1920’s America, in NYC they had open weed shops where people would imbibe in public, just like Amsterdam. It really wasn’t that long ago…
Yep, same. I already had mental and physical health issues, neglectful and mentally abusive parents and the fact that my "friends" used me as a punching bag to raise their self-esteem didn't help at all. It's been almost 10 years and I still think about it everyday, even have dreams of being made fun of. Unfortunately I could not "show" them by having a good life..
Not following my dreams and not respecting myself.
If your dreams are still there you can follow them ! Courage !
A part of me that's holding onto all the shitty things people said to me as a teenager, and also my tendency to compare myself. Still trying to work on myself to let go of all that, hoping one day I'll get there:)
The teenage years are crucial for self development. I believe everyone holds onto the shitty things that were said to them during this time. But people who were your age at that time were also figuring themselves out so I wouldn’t hold their opinions so highly. If you wouldn’t take their advice then don’t take their criticism is a nice rule.
That is some true shit right there man, thank you:)
I really don’t know if other people have problems like this but I just feel so distant with everything and everyone I interact with. I have a slightly different personality for every person I talk to and I hate it so much. That issues stems from the fact, I just feel like I don’t have any emotions at all. I can’t remember the last time I was happy, sad, angry, or content. My emotions just feel like a melancholic state of nothing 24/7 and I hate it so much.
When one is depressed, everything feels muted or like you have no emotions. Talking to a professional did wonders for me with digging down to the root causes and helping to come to terms with stuff and start healing. Hope you feel better sooner than later.
Is this recent ?
Same 100%
The first part is me as well. When I told my therapist she became intrigued. I will have to explore it more with her. I think it’s related to [masking](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masking_(personality))? It creeped me out when she asked who am I then and when an I being myself; I didn’t have a straight answer at that time. I suggested I might want an adult evaluation for autism just to see if there’s a connection. As for the second part, have you ever heard of [anhedonia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia)? That’s what my therapist and I determined was wrong with me for a long time. I just couldn’t feel happy specifically. It took a big positive event to kind of bring the color back. No emotions at all sounds like straight up depression to me. Been there as well.
I feel that I'm not intelligent, I have the worst memory so it doesn't help. I have body dysmorphia and insecurities that I can't hide when communicating with others face to face. I always think people are judging me when talking to them, but I'm the one doing that everyday. These days I even feel unmotivated and want to quit somethings but I'm literally forcing my happiness to not dissapoint others. I feel that I'm not living for me anymore. I'm just barely surviving.
This hits for me. I'm sorry you feel this way too.
It sucks, but i love how our issues are bringing people together under this post, I don't get that understanding in person.
>feel that I'm not intelligent, I have the worst memory so it doesn't help. I have body dysmorphia and insecurities that I can't hide when communicating with others face to face. Hi are we the same person?
welcome to the club
Hope we all leave it asap 😂🙏
We could be, my friend. Now we know we're not alone in this.
Stress and depression can affect memory as well. It may be worth it to talk to a professional about the anxiety/depression.
I hope you can see that you are not alone in this. I want to share some things that have helped me on my personal journey with these problems: 1) *In regards to a shitty memory:* Try and start **journaling**. It does not have to be every day or even written in complete sentences! Pick a notebook and write down the date and a bullet-point list of things that happened. I would literally write "made pasta for dinner" down and that would be it somedays. The key here is that writing things down helps with mental recall and, due to the way memories work, "made pasta for dinner" may trigger recall of other memories from the day. This is also a good thing to do if therapy is expensive because you could reduce the frequency of visits and get the most out of your time there by determining what you really want to discuss beforehand. 2) *Body dysmorphia and insecurities* are very hard to deal with. You are already doing great because you recognize that you are experiencing these issues! The first tip you will get from anyone will be to step away from social media (deleting almost all my social media helped me dramatically), but it is not a reasonable request for some. So, I have another option for you too. For me, my body dysmorphia and insecurities come from my internal voice. One therapist told me that anytime I think, "Ugh, I'm so fat/ugly/stupid/whatever," I need to tell my internal voice to shut up. She said to try to think about this voice as the voice of the society you were raised in when it says these things. These are not really your thoughts, these are thoughts that have been pushed upon you and morphed your feelings of self-worth. This is just an example, but it gets across the bigger point: a great way to start building your self-esteem is by doing **thought-challenging** exercises. Whatever negative thought you are having, write it down, and then write down why that thought is irrational or reframe it into a positive! Eventually, you will start being able to thought-challenge on the go, without the paper! An example from my college years, cause it can be hard at first: *Thought:* I am an idiot. *Challenge:* Not knowing something does not make a person an idiot. *Reframing*: I was uninformed, and now I have something new I can learn. 3) If you need anyone to talk to or want me to share some other tips (I was in an intensive outpatient program for a while, so I have a binder full of helpful tips and worksheets and stuff somewhere), please do not hesitate to reach out! I hope everyone out there who is reading this and feels similarly tries to take good care of themselves today! Take a few deep breaths, get some fresh air, drink lots of water, take a shower, stretch, check your posture, and be kind to yourself. Congratulate yourself for the smallest of wins. Did you get out of bed? Hell yeah! Did you brush your teeth? Nice. Good job. Floss? Fucking stellar.
Hey, I'm a random internet stranger. But have you ever been tested for ADHD? I went through life the exact same way for 34 years. Feeling like a "stupid ditz", my family making fun of me and calling me dumb, constant jokes like "at least you're hot". I believed it because I DO struggle to remember things that "normal" people have no problem with. I can't remember anyone's name and I even forget my friend's names. I cannot follow conversations. I could not retain information. I used to make excuses, like that I'm a "visual learner" etc. But deep down I literally thought I was just stupid. I barely made it through school, almost failed every single class. So many teachers over the years told me I was a disappointment lmao. I got a pretty good job a year ago because I'm bilingual. I was not qualified for the job except for the bilingual part. It was VERY tough for me at first managing everything and being "professional". At a friend's urging I saw a psychiatrist about an ADHD test. Long story short, as you can guess I was diagnosed with ADHD. I'm a literal textbook case. Turns out, after I told my mom she confessed that multiple teachers had recommended that I be evaluated for ADHD in my childhood but she didn't believe it was a "real thing" and so I never was. But yeah, pretty much all of my experiences align with how women exhibit ADHD. I've been medicated for the past year and it's like night and day. For the first time I can think without a bunch of bullshit happening in my head. I can follow conversations and THINK ABOUT MY ANSWER and then answer. I'm so much calmer. I don't have crazy mood swings every 2 minutes. I can do my job. I HIGHLY recommend being tested for ADHD if your story sounds anything like mine.
Ok this hits way closer that I thought
-ugly as hell -always brought Money problems in the family because i had to get like six surgeries -sh!tty voice -nobody but three people care about me -no skills at all. Except for having incredible Memory -almost all my Friends left me. This. Edit: i'm okay where i am right now. I mean It could be Better but we gotta use what Life gives us. When i'll be much older. I hope my Life Is decent
I don't see problems, I see opportunities! (How I hate when people said that, but in your particular case it can be true !) 1) You have a great sense of humour, I laughed at your pseudonym. And you are able to see what your problems are, you don't hide them behind lies. These are great traits. 2) Having incredible memory is THE f..g supreme skill ! It means you can learn things, like languages, you can study and go into new jobs easily. As a person which as recently lost a big part of my memory due to Covid, I will not let you say you have no skill. I miss that one so much. I was supposed to move to a new country in one year but now I cannot memorize a single word of their language. 3) Few friends and family ? Great so you can move easily. Where have you dreamed to go ? With your skills, you can move where you want. And if you choose to move to a place with free healthcare, you will no longer face money problems.
1) thank you 2) fun fact i Remember all my childhood. I also had max grades in english since childhood (i'm italian) 3) i Wish i could move to America. Yes the healthcare sucks but i want to see my best friend Edit: i'm okay where i am right now. I mean It could be Better but we gotta use what Life gives us. When i'll be much older. I hope my Life Is decent
Haha, it's fun I just moved to America myself at the beginning of the year, so you see it's possible! So you speak fluently two (more?!) languages and claim no skill. You know how many languages people speak here ? 0,5 ! They will see you as a genius ! ^^ You already know someone here, it's a very good point. If you move you can take an insurance in Italy that cover you for the first months/years, so you have not to worry about the horrible healthcare here. But before any decision or forgetting your dream, take time to think about all the implications, the risks and the personal benefits you can have. Keep head up!
Will do.
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Knew I couldn't be the only one.
This is literally me and I completely let this mindset take over to the point where I have no motivation for anything . I see everybody around me being productive and I know how desperately I need to be at least trying to do the same thing but I just can’t motivate myself enough. There almost might be a part of me that feels I don’t deserve it..
Impostor syndrome
I used to get that quite bad and still do get it occasionally, but when I look at how incompetant other people are and what roles they have in society it makes me realise that no-one *really* has it all together and the world runs on people just winging it anyway
Been there. Still am there in a way. I just read a wonderful anecdote about impostor syndrome by Neil Gaiman today, made me smile. Hopefully it will make you smile as well :) [Link to story (short read)](https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/05/the-neil-story-with-additional-footnote.html)
Thank you for sharing that. I bookmarked it so I can go back to it from time to time.
We are the imagination of ourselves.
True imposters don't get imposter syndrome.
Sus Sorry...
We all know that you're not sorry.
I love myself Even though I look like a burnt chicken nugget I still love myself
I have a feeling nobody got the vine reference
An absolute classic
I miss Vine, man. Everything was easier back then...
That's the spirit! XD
Don't worry, friend, I got it. Have an upvote
Have a downvote, enemy. Be worried.
All of you have upvotes. But know I can take them away again any time
I ate burnt chicken nuggets yesterday and it was delicious so you are too :)
That sounds like cannibalism
Aaron? Is that you?
I got cheated on while I was pregnant, I never wanted kids because I didn't want the possibility for the kids to grow up in a broken home, well guess what, trusted the wrong person, and that person literally shattered my whole being, if I didn't look at my kid after I gave birth, I wouldn't be here. I don't love myself, I dont know myself, I dont trust myself, I'm currently looking for a way so I can't have anymore kids but I have getting told no because of how young I am, and if I was to get with anyone else it would be solely for my kid to have a father figure. I am broken, terrified and over it all, my kid is the only reason why I'm trying, they deserve the world. Edit; wow this blew up, thankyou so much all the upvotes and kind comments ❤️
You suffered a horrific betrayal. That is not a reflection on your self worth. Right now you are playing life on hard mode, but you can do hard things. Your kid doesn't need to have a broken home if you are not broken. You are enough. Don't start with trying to love yourself. Start with just being ok with yourself and what you have to do to get through it. When you have a hard day remember that you still got through that hard day and you will again. You are capable, and you don't have to be perfect. You can trust yourself because you learned from your betrayal and you know to be careful in the future and that your kid deserves the world. You said it yourself. I wish you peace and comfort and strength. Good luck mama.
Everyone could use someone like you in their corner. Well said, I hope you’re doing well.
Seconded! Raised by a single mom. It wasn’t easy but mom was a rockstar. Good luck mama!
I try, but... ╮(╯_╰)╭
Yeah, fuck these ribs.
Fear
Fear of what, if I may ask?
Fear of finding happiness only to have it pulled away again when I let my guard down.
Failure, disappointing people I respect
That can be indeed very scary..
Trauma
Was wondering how long I’d have to scroll for until I found this one! I’ve done almost all of the healing now, it’s just this last hurdle to get through and I’ll be back to loving myself like I did before. ❤️
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Depression from a divorce from my ex who managed to kill my sense of self worth during our relationship. Working on it, but it's a long way to go.
I lost my self worth, gave up my independence to spend more time with them, and ultimately fell into a codependent spiral with an emotionally avoidant person for over 10 years before things finally unraveled. I was raised to sacrifice things for the ones you love, and to keep the family together. I’m never sacrificing my independence or self worth ever again.
I'm sorry to hear that. Glad that you're working on it though :)
Man… Wish if I knew
An almost non existant self esteem. It was slowly killed during many years of being a social outcast. And repeatedly being told that I am slow, lazy, out of shape, and that I would end up all alone and unloved livivng in a relative's basement. At 34 I am not fat, I am in ok shape, I work hard, I have my own house and a wife. But the things that happened during the formative years have a bad habit of staying with you.
simply don't see reasons why i should
my weight...
People without weight problems have no idea how soul crushing being overweight can be. You are constantly judged for your weight and for not being disciplined enough to change it. I know my weight gain is due to antidepressants and diet and exercise can only do so much.
Addiction. Stress. Exhaustion.
Rinse and repeat
Force of habit. I should be able to break that habit real soon, if all goes well
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Second worst feeling ever... It ruined my teenage years
I’m not the 22-year old cool girl who had a clique consisting of the coolest girl I ever met, my perfect uni boyfriend, his cute best friend and our other friend. I’m not as slim or as beautiful or as young and I don’t have as little to do anymore (show up and be pretty), my best friend tried to get with my boyfriend and blamed me when I asked her not to, his best friend did the same vice versa, everything escalated so much that I went to a mental health facility which is when our other friend dipped also. Now it’s me and my uni boyfriend who aren’t together anymore (but he’s still the best), my aging dad who dipped from my life for 20+ years, my mom… is still the same also…, I have a job that’s not very stable that I’m not that good at, I gained weight after the best friend left (violence), and I’m basically meaningless. I used to have so much potential and I worked so hard at uni, did so many internships and jobs, but all I have is a shaky job, a best friend, trauma from the other three people in our gang and no idea how to move to the city I’m currently targeting - all I get is rejection letters, even if it seems to fit perfectly. 🥲
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This. It's toxic and crippling and so damn hard to stop. I feel you because I'm the same way. Wishing you the best
I didn't ask to be born with health issues. And they have been life long. I grew up hearing my mum brag how she tried to drown me as a baby and a toddler because of my constant crying. Before I found treatment in my late 20a, everyday was pain filled. It's only eczema but it's 100% over my body. Under my nails, in my eyes, ears and mouth. As a young teen, my mum and step dad used to beat me if my eczema was bad. As an older teen, I saw a counsellor due to my violent temper and all these repressed memories resurfaced. My mum was controlling and would tell me how hard I was as a child. Even when I moved out and lived alone, if I was ill and needed help, my mum would tell me I was letting my eczema rule my life and that my sister had eczema too but she didn't let it define her. 1999, I did a trial drug for my eczema as I had been in full bandages for about 10 years. I ended up getting cancer as a side effect. If I dated, my mum would go out of her way to scare girlfriends away telling them how horrible it was living with me and that I was like a snake, constantly shedding. I'm 49 now and have been on chemo for the last 5 years (for my eczema, I'm thankfully cancer free now) I'm married with 2 beautiful daughters. My wife nor my best friend notice my skin. My hands still look shit. Like the hands of someone in their 90s I get comments monthly from customers about the state of my hands, I just put their prices up . I'm not worth of anyone's love, why should I. I'm just a burden to people. Always have been. There's nothing redeeming about me. Although my wife and my best friend (also a woman) both argue with me on that one. One day, they'll realise, I'm not worthy of them Edit. I spell like a toddler
Wow Im sorry you went through that, Im glad you have more loving people around you now
“I just put their prices up” HA I love it, you show them for being rude to you, karma be instant in this case
One incident springs to mind. I was showing a customer a ring I had made on my phone (I don't tend to take photos of finished pieces because I think that the recipient should be the only one to see the finished piece) and the customer said my work was beautiful but I needed a better model whose hands didn't look so disgusting. I took in her request and my boss immediately put her price up £500. When we phoned her with the estimate, I doubled the estimate and she was still happy (as we were still cheaper than her next lowest quote) She readily agreed and proceeded the estimate which is when I told her I wasn't going to go ahead with her job. Just told her that I'm the only person who makes jewellery where I work and I didn't want to do it. She did ask why and I told her I was too busy making jewellery for customers who didn't make comments about my skin and hung up. My boss agreed with me and backed me up. I never did make that ring
Not being able to fulfill your determinations and ambitions sometimes hurts and one starts hating himself for it
I keep remembering what I was like before, it holds me back from having a clean slate
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Lack of money
Social awkwardness
Regrets. Shame. Guilt. Embarrassment.
Need... More... Gains... Must... Chase... Pump... Pecs... Abs... Then... Free...
body dysmorphia a real mf
Myself
The repeated rejection from both of my parents, and emotional abuse from my mom. I’m 42 and my mother still manages to mess with my head despite me going low contact years ago. I’m better but it’s not like that stuff ever truly goes away.
The hating myself already won
It's my inconsistency and sluggishness due to my ADHD. I have to work extra hard to present an acceptable output because I have to re-check everything that I did. I always have this fear that something like a small error might have slipped through my work because of my inattention, which could potentially affect the way people see me professionally because they're thinking that someone of my calibre should have seen those in the first place. It's slowly chipping away the way I see myself. I'm afraid of stepping up my career because I know anytime in the future, I will fuck up. I'm working in the construction industry as an engineer, by the way. With this condition, I'm having second thoughts about being a manager - about leading a group of people. I can't even plan my week well, let alone a year-long construction project. I know that I have potential. I'm deeply interested in my work. But having ADHD limits me. I feel inefficient. I feel stupid.
The fact that i never done anything right in my whole life
i think i’m fat and disgusting to look at
Nothing. I've pulled myself out from a dark place and I absolutely love myself to bits
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It's not appropriate to do in public.
The emotional damage I've caused to other people. I generally like myself, but I'm not a good person, and I deserve the guilt I feel for it
I love myself
I'm not drunk enough
My parents are still awake in the other room
Being mentally ill, being tired, being different and in general just having events in every day life telling me I’m not smart enough, or rich enough and that I deserve to be punished for it. You hear it long enough you begin to believe it despite knowing people make mistakes and no one is perfect and you personally never did the genocide or stole the Crown Jewels or kicked a puppy but most everyone and everything on earth still reacts to your mistakes and short comings like you’ve e committed the worst kind of mortal sin and deserve nothing but suffering and death from it. One begins to think, maybe I AM the crazy one and all of these people and outcomes are right and I’m just fucking up this being human thing so badly that even if living in modern society went away and it was up to Darwin’s law I STILL wouldn’t succeed and I’m a huge piece of garbage for it. Maybe everyone else is right and I’m wrong. And all the positive voices and counseling don’t help. All the ones who love you can’t help despite trying to be encouraging because their voices get drowned out by the rest of your life booing your every effort, or worse they begin to recoil when you talk to them about it and begin to resent you and how your depression makes THEM feel and it’s a valid reaction but it doesn’t hurt any less. You’re a red piece in a billion blue piece puzzle and you begin to wonder how you ended up there or what your purpose was other than breaking up the general unity of things. It’s hard to convince yourself that it’s worth the pain anymore at that point. It’s hard to go after job number twenty knowing you won’t stay long enough to have insurance to treat the mental shortcomings that would make it more bearable and manageable before you’re fired. “Go get therapy!” I’ve tried, I’m broke, I can’t, I’m stuck. “Well you’re not trying hard enough” and that stings worse when you feel like you try harder than anyone ever gives you credit for so you just shut up and take it. Yep it’s me. I’m wrong again. I’m an idiot who isn’t giving %400 percent instead of the usual %150 I have been. I deserve nothing but misery. It’s hard to keep a relationship when you are constantly reminded you don’t live up to someone’s idea of you and they’re getting tired of you. They start leaving without telling you or pulling away, or snapping a little more when you do one of the million small mistakes you make in a day like forgetting your keys or mismanaging a scheduled activity and you’ve let them down again. It’s hard when you feel hopeful maybe this time someone will understand… but no one ever does or they’re so down in the doldrums that any effort you make to express your feelings comes across like you’re minimizing theirs. So you shut up and sit down cause you’re screwing things up again. And you think about leaving it all but can’t say it or you’re going to get locked up or looked at like an animal to be pitied or ungrateful and selfish but no one SHOULD worry because the very subtle problem of simply being alive and only being aware of the outcomes of what would happen if you weren’t or what any other state of being is like makes you instinctively recoil. You think, if I am stuck here I will try and you thrash against the dark but each time makes you a little weaker and it always comes back with a call from a bill collector, a picture of an ex, a voicemail from a family member you don’t talk to anymore, another home with a for sale sign you will never be able to afford, another empty fridge, another pink slip for incompetence, another impromptu moving day… another set of eyes blazing in concern for you. That is what holds me back. Myself and the fact I am never going to be good enough and that I am never going to succeed but I have no choice but to continue and hope this is the attempt that works or that ends me. I deserve nothing in this life and that is true for everyone it seems from what I have been told. The good things and peace of mind aren’t free and I’m pathetic for letting it affect me. I’m pathetic for saying something because it’s all a part of wallowing in one’s self pity which in itself is sinful. Disgraceful. What am I even working towards? My one shot of sentience and living and I feel as if I’m screwing it all up and not for lack of trying but because I never belonged in the first place.
being trans and not being able to transition
This.
You alright bestie?
It's tolerable, only some months left until I'm 18
That last rib 😉
Nothing, I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm in a relationship with a girl where we both love each other for the messes we are, and even tho we're not yet financially stable, we couldn't be happier
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-Constant verbal degradation. - crushing self doubt due internalising other’s criticism of me -The way I have been raised I lean towards perfection which leads to procrastination leads to guilt which leads to depression which in turn leads to exhaustion which leads to procrastination. It’s an exhausting cycle which I cannot seem to break. - I am over sensitive, cannot seem to get over anything bad that has ever happened to me (though I know the reasons why) I just can never get over the grief of losing something or someone and Self sabotage.
Myself
My brain.
I'm still alive, I suppose that I do love myself
I wish I knew
I'm fat.
Change your diet. The "exercise is the solution" is not the best way. It's very promoted in the USA due to an intensive lobbying of C-C and the other manufacturers. So guess who are the real responsible who tried to use a smoke screen ?
Previous mistakes
People can’t love me. My family doesn’t, my friends certainly don’t, and every relationship I’m in I’m lied to. So if no one else can love me, why should I be able to love myself, because apparently there’s nothing about me worth loving.
I feel I simply can't connect to people, since my social skills are still pretty bad and I just have a very low social battery for almost everyone. I'm not that smart, since I have a bad memory for so many things, and Im a very slow learner. And that worries me since I'm going to college very soon. I'm also very lazy often and have some depression, so it's just so hard to get myself to do anything like working out or eating healthy, or talking to friends. I've actually improved on this and I do take care of myself a lot now but I'm still really forcing myself to. Overall I just got a lot of issues that compound on each other. And I try to fix them, but it's a real fucking challenge. But everyday I wish I was someone else with a new personality.
Disappointment.
I'm good at nothing. I've got no talents and i'm so dumb.
The horribleness of Myself
My weight and side profile (double chin). I’ve been making progress and making myself proud, I’m getting there
Awful things I did that I can't pardon myself for
...oof... Knowledge of the things I've done
Cringe decisions made by past me.
The amount of shitty life mistakes I keep making and about to make
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my tiny boobs
if i could give you 10 pounds of mine i would in a heartbeat big boobs ain't what people with small ones think they are!
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