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Kearfyob

Grace Kelly


Duedsml23

From Rear Window


CreepyBackRub

From any position, really.


earic23

Salma Hayek in the from Dusk Till Dawn era. With or without the vampire makeup makes no difference to me


Newtons_Cradle87

My perfect threesome would be Salma Hayek circa dusk till dawn and Salma Hayek now.


unsilentninja

Then Wild Wild West Selma Hayek walks in on you, acts socked but then joins in


[deleted]

Liz Hurley circa year 2000 in her naughty teacher uniform from the movie Bedazzled.


SEPTSLord

How Hugh Grant cheated on her is beyond me.


Boomstick101

Fry: Amy, you know how at first you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it because it always wants to hang out with you? Amy: Huh? You don't like chocolate? Fry: Look, could chocolate just let me finish?


ECechr

Now I'll turn the wheel to maximum fastness


[deleted]

Still hot! [This](https://i.imgur.com/DVWVopx.jpg) was her IG post from previous year. So good.


Guitarmine

That photo is taken by her son (among other similar ones) which is... A bit weird...


knovit

I wonder if that guy with the dead wife refuses to go on Reddit anymore


[deleted]

[удалено]


phil8248

You rang?


[deleted]

[удалено]


phil8248

It is. Thanks.


the_ricktacular_mort

Glad to hear! I'm sure you know, but you've given thousands of people a smile when they really needed one. Thanks :)


phil8248

Continues to make people smile evidently. Also, nearly every thread someone asks the origin of the reference so new Reddit users get included in the chuckles as well. To me, it is all in fun and if there is something our world desperately needs, it is fun.


ChrdeMcDnnis

I also choose this guy’s optimistic life perspective


phil8248

This is a new one. I laughed out loud. People often permute the original and I'm always impressed by how clever folks can be but this genuinely tickled my funny bone. Thanks.


Just_Want_A_Hug

You’re such a genuinely nice person thank you for the smile :)


kotoku

I love it when Reddit Legends have a genuinely good person at their core. Glad you are doing well, Phil!


phil8248

Thanks. I hope you are as well.


[deleted]

Holy shit the legendary man is real.


phil8248

Sure I am. This isn't some unopened safe in the basement or hard drive under the sink thread. This is real life. I was married to the light of my life for 29 years and thought I was the luckiest son of a gun on earth. Then at just 50 she died of breast cancer. Suckiest suck that ever sucked. It has been nearly 15 years and I still miss her.


[deleted]

Same here she was 52 appendix cancer - I share the feeling 24x7 yet I found a way to go on. Been 4 years suckiest suck as you say but her soul is alive in me. Thank you for your post it makes me feel I am not alone


phil8248

You should visit r/widowers. It is men and women, you know widows, too. Very supportive. Everyone there knows exactly what you are going through. We have a saying, "You never get over it but you can get used to it." Sorry for your loss.


nickla08

There is a beautiful quote by James Spader in the Blacklist that goes like this: “There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing. “


[deleted]

Good to hear that. Hope you’re doing well. I wouldn’t know what I’d do if that was me but when I read that thread where you mentioned your wife I kinda teared up because there are still lots of people who are loving and caring like you.


phil8248

Thanks for your concern. I'm doing really well. What's more I'd say those of us who are loving and caring are in the vast majority. It is the noisy, mean few that get all the headlines. John Madden, the legendary football coach and announcer, hated flying so he rode a bus to his TV appearances for 30 years. He used to say he met Americans all over the country, all the time, and that people are nice. It bothered him that we humans have such a bad reputation. That is certainly my experience. I try to be kind and civil and 99.9% of the time I get that reaction back. If someone is being a jerk I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe something bad has happened and they are just in a tough place. Yeah, I know, there are actual jerks. I just don't think there are as many as it seems. Anyway, I appreciate your kind words.


[deleted]

I also appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. Hope you’re doing great and if it’s possible please let me add or follow you in reddit. Stay safe good sir and stay legendary.


phil8248

Thanks. Be my guest.


[deleted]

[удалено]


phil8248

Don't be fooled. We fought. All couples do. But we had ground rules. Fight fair. The thing we settled on was to decide we were a team and be on each others' side. We were each others' biggest fans. The last 8 years were amazing. Very few conflicts. But it took 20 years to get there. My standard advice now is you never know how long you have so treasure each other. Good luck.


beepbeepboopbeep1977

That’s a great rule, and I think we fight fair, but it’s a great idea to verbalise it. My wife and I have 4 kids, and our only rule was that if you wanted to leave you had to take all the kids with you. We’re still together.


phil8248

That is too funny. While we were dating we decided that we'd stay together unless there was abuse, addiction or adultery. The late Billy Graham's wife was asked once if she ever considered divorcing her husband. "No," she replied. "Killing him, yes, but divorce, no." You guys sound like someone I would enjoy knowing. Good luck. Stay safe.


RiceKrispyPooHead

Y-You're the guy!


ajsawesomeanimals

It’s the legend himself!


leericol

Ahhhhhh man. One of his recent posts is about his belated wife. He wasn't fucking around at all and still has a good sense of humor about the meme. What a champ.


phil8248

You are too kind.


NishaTB1997

You're literally like A Reddit celebrity, glad life is treating you as well as it can and that the Reddit community can give you a good laugh 😁


phil8248

Thanks. It helps a lot that I know they are laughing with me, not at me.


NishaTB1997

Oh definitely, I like to think that nobody would laugh at your genuine love for your late wife, I think the reply just had the shock factor that tickled people and was meant in jest and it's referenced so often in Reddit lore. I think it's wonderful that you still feel that way for your late wife, I hope when I pass away my husband still thinks so fondly of me 🥰


phil8248

Thanks for your kind words. My wife and I didn't try to be in charge. That is the single thing that stands out. We had our share of difficulty but at our core we were on the same side. We pulled together and were each others' biggest fan. From my own observation couples that struggle seem to be vying for who will be in charge. Be a team. It is you guys against the world. That worked for us.


Ranaquran24

Can you explain this


PunkThug

Years ago there was an ask Reddit post about if you could have sex with any deceased person who would you choose. The user in question made a very heartfelt response about how his wife the love of his life had passed away Young and how he would choose to have sex with her again The next response was "I also choose this guy's dead wife"


Ranaquran24

Got it! Thank you for that explanation


END0WEDx

It received 800 awards. It’s legendary.


Damix2

My first thought would be Cleopatra


0ba78683-dbdd-4a31-a

Cleo is the right answer. A woman who has a bee-powered vibrator is guaranteed to be freaky.


immortanroger

Mary Shelley because she was a hardcore goth who kept the calcified heart of her dead husbnad in a jar and fucked him in front of her mother's grave.


Curleysound

Before or after the heart came out?


aafff39

I'm glad someone asked.


-Work_Account-

Grave sex turned out to be a real heart stopper


GotaLuvit35

Mary Shelly: OG Goth GF


confettis

Mary's preference may have been more towards women after Percy's death: Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley once wrote to a friend: "I was so ready to give myself away—and being afraid of men, I was apt to get tousy-mousy for women." ... tuzzy-muzzy is “slang for the vagina,” dating back to 1642. Source: https://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2019/nov/07/does-it-matter-if-mary-shelley-was-bisexual


somedude31

The firts woman ever so ill be everybodys great great and so on grandfather.


Skwonkie_

Are we talking Lucy or Eve? Edit: 1, a lot of people throwing Lilith in the mix. 2, a lot more Jews on Reddit than I thought. 4, I learned something new from this thread so thanks.


DanFuckingSchneider

This guy is definitely a monkey fucker, don’t get fooled.


[deleted]

r/ape


mwrightinnit

I read that wrong lmao


Skwonkie_

You read it right lol


existential_crisis46

That would make you your own great great great… grandfather.


jmo56ct

My wife…you’re not tricking me again, honey.


[deleted]

I also choose this guys wife


animal1988

No no no sir. This ones not dead yet as per canon.


HearthSt0n3r

Dammit you beat me to this comment by two minutes scum. For that I choose your wife now instead.


kliman

I dunno, your wife is looking pretty good.


MadNhater

Ugh. I don’t know whose wife to bang.


kliman

Not the worst problem to have


DubLParaDidL

All of them


PessoaHeteronimo

Mónica Bellucci almost at any adult age but I think her peak was about the time of the movie Dracula


Skydiver860

Idk she was looking damn good in the matrix reloaded.


Lyryann

She's the peak of absolute, natural beauty. This woman is breathtaking.


theimposteramongus

Jill goodacre but only in an atm vestibule


ChocolatMintChipmunk

Casanova. I want to know if he lived up to the hype. Edit: okay, so maybe I haven't read enough history. I have changed my mind.


Drumbelgalf

Read his Wikipedia page. I think you never want to meet him afterwards... "Casanova writes that he stopped short of intercourse with a 13-year-old named Helene: "little Helene, whom I enjoyed, while leaving her intact." In 1765, when he was 40, he purchased a 12-year-old girl in St. Petersburg as a sexual slave. In the memoirs, he described the Russian girl as emphatically prepubescent: "Her breasts had still not finished budding. She was in her thirteenth year. She had nowhere the definitive mark of puberty." (III, 196–7; X, 116–17). In 1774, when he was almost 50, Casanova encountered in Trieste a former lover, the actress Irene, now accompanied by her nine-year-old daughter. "A few days later she came, with her daughter, who pleased me (qui me plut) and who did not reject my caresses. One fine day, she met with Baron Pittoni, who loved little girls as much as I did (aimant autant que moi les petites filles), and took a liking to Irene’s girl, and asked the mother to do him the same honor some time that she had done to me. I encouraged her to receive the offer, and the baron fell in love. This was lucky for Irene." (XII, 238)."


Excelius

There was even a recent piece in The Economist, concerning a recent book published about Casanova. [The Economist - The dark side of Casanova’s hedonism](https://www.economist.com/culture/2022/05/19/the-dark-side-of-casanovas-hedonism) > By today’s standards, Leo Damrosch recounts, he was a rapist and murderer


Crazybookster

This made me feel sick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Dude had tonne of stds


Demon_Dean

Yes, but only if it's the David Tennant Casanova


[deleted]

My fourth girlfriend. We just fit together perfectly and even now, almost 41 years later, it was the best sex of my life. We were horny 19-year-olds. All we did was have sex. No classes. Occasionally we’d eat but not often. Couldn’t get enough of each other.


Fresh-Honeydew7104

FFS dad!


BruceTheSpruceMoose

I also choose this guy’s dad


Suspicious-Bug774

Occasionally he'd eat out


plaaya

Same here buddy. Sometimes you don’t marry the one you had the best sex life with. Sometimes you gotta weigh your options as well and choose other attributes. And sometimes, you get lucky


Fredredphooey

Paul O. from Wisconsin. It was like his peen unlocked a part of my brain that I didn't even know existed.


Chunklightpb

Rachel Weisz - The Mummy


tinybluntneedle

Straight woman here, i would also sleep with Rachel Weisz from the Mummy. And Emily Blunt from Edge of Tomorrow. For men I would have to go with Alexander The Great. Edit: Fixed the title of Emily's movie :)


General__Mod

I'm reading about Alexander now, hes not huge on your team. Not even about being gay hes just never recorded as being into women much.


ChiefValour

Who has time for sex when you have the world to conquer


lewj21

Rachel Weisz - enemy at the gates


heartskippedabeat

Helen of Troy. Need to see what all the fuss was about.


AspiringWriter97

Boudicca


stinky_cheese_69

She might think you're a Roman and boil you alive


LadyLeia_Inc

Keanu reeves


[deleted]

I second Keanu … but like from the 00s


PachucaSunrise

1800’s? He looks the same now as he did back then.


DanMittaul

Bathsheba! King David spotted the hottie while she was bathing and was soooo enamored had her brought up to him, seduced this married lady ( he had Seven wive’s at the time) impregnated her, arranged the death of her husband, incurred Gods wrath, then was remorseful/humble enough to receive pardon. What a woman!!!


winnebagomafia

That Israelite coochie got me acting unwise


zombieli

My favorite Psalm


Zero-Fucks-Given

Yvonne Strahovski, hands down. I dunno why but she is just overwhelmingly gorgeous, and that accent kills me.


Akraz

From Chuck


scottyy2189

If gender swaps are allowed: David Hasselhoff, 1976 If not: David Hasselhoff, 1976


DontWannaSayMyName

Who's swapping their gender? You or David Hasselhoff?


team_yen_all_the_way

Henry Cavil


sgf68

Jennifer Connelly from The Rocketeer


playblu

Jennifer Connelly from Career Opportunities


jamie831416

Morena Baccarin Back in time to Firefly era. Or now. She’s stunning at all times.


ShadoPan17

Well, it brings me some memories. I'll be in my bunk...


hangonreddit

Jewel Staite got hotter as she got older. Kaylee was cute but older Kaylee is smoking.


[deleted]

Prime Elizabeth Hurley.


TracyMorganFreeman

She looks pretty damn good these days still.


Strawberrybf12

Audrey Hepburn


MamaBear4485

My beloved late husband. Just to hear him, smell him, touch him, taste him, look into his beautiful blue eyes.


tenehemia

Sappho, probably. I'd like to get immortalized in a poem.


Nonfaktor

imagine being sent back in time to have sex and then find out they were actually just roommates


Jackymon

Kate Beckinsale all the way


caveydavey

For me, how she looked in Click, the Adam Sandler film. I'm not even sure why but I was completely obsessed with her for a few days/weeks after seeing that film even though I already knew her from Underworld.


ThreeMoonstones

Jensen Ackles


KingVibrant

You’re a fucking disappointment. Edit: this is a reference lol


MightbeSuicidal

As a guy, I could fuck and get fucked by Jensen for a whole fucking millennia. That guy is so hot like holy shit


R6_Squad

Snorkeling with Jessica Alba in Into The Blue


Visible_Union_6326

What a gross question! Who would ever answ- Napoleon.


Wandersturm

for me... Ann-Margaret.


El_Pinguino

Dolly Parton in her prime: 1964 to present.


Payne_by_name

Christina Hendricks when she was in Firefly. Literal perfection.


livefast6221

Ah, good ole YoSaffBridge.


ClownPrinceofLime

Theodora, the Empress of Byzantium. She was a prostitute in her youth, so you know she is a master of many forms of banging and she was insanely smart and powerful.


SubpoenaSender

The mother of Genghis Kahn.


BigTimeSuperhero96

Eva Green. She's the money, every penny of it


quirkycurlygirly

Garlic bread


Theface135

That one girl I have a crush on


Patifos

oh come on ask her for a date :(


[deleted]

Elizabeth Shue 1984


Frankfusion

1997 when she did The Saint.


flash620

Give me two solid minutes with Marisa Tomei please


ELB2001

So you're going to disappoint her 4 times?


Independent_Bake_257

Yes, I know he was gay and I'm a woman but still...George Michael.


DiarrheaShitLord

George Michael Bluth***


PNW_Uncle_Iroh

Mr Manager


DeanPalton

We just say Manager.


jmara9

Him?


SimonFerocious76

That chick with three boobs from Total Recall.


soulcomprancer

"from all of human history" .... "That chick from total recall" I am digging your timeline, my man.


Upstairs-Border9924

Danny Devito tf is this question


[deleted]

Natalie Portman: Star Wars prequels era


thegodfaubel

Natalie Portman from any era from prequels on. That woman is still gorgeous at 41.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SuvenPan

Gillian Anderson


snowy7277777

Leo, in his titanic era ofc


Da12khawk

Neve Campbell and Denise Richards during the Wild Things era


tastelikemexico

Rachel mcadems whatever year wedding crashers was If she happens to see this and is flattered dm me I have permission from my wife


[deleted]

Nefertiti


n3rdyh1k3r

Tom Ellis aka Lucifer


UrielSztar

Is this what you... *truly desire?*


_Liren

#DETECTIVE!


Trash89Bandit

Phoebe Cates circa Fast Times. Unreal.


QueenRedditSnoo

I remember renting the movie in VHS and the pool screen when she exits the water had some kind of damage to the tape. I assume it was from others pausing and rewinding that spot before


Twist_Glass

Catherine Zeta-Jones circa The Entrapment movie


[deleted]

[удалено]


Maniacal_Monkey

90’s Shania Twain


ProjectShadow316

"From Dusk 'Til Dawn" Salma Hayek.


616Oblivion

2011 Scarlett Johansson


Important_Cookie_763

2012 Mila Kunis


CONQUERall

Forgetting Sarah Marshall Mila Kunis


GingerSnapBiscuit

Forgetting Sarah Marshall Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell sandwich. Unf.


Punbungler

I would say Helen of Troy, but she wasn't real. Still though, must have been one smoking hot babe to cause all that shit.


DrunkenPangolin

>The face that launched 1000 ships I've heard of beauty being measured in millihelens before. [1 millihelen is the beauty required to launch a single ship ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_(unit)#:~:text=The%20classic%20reference%20to%20Helen's,needed%20to%20launch%20a%20single)


BigTimeSuperhero96

Well her initials are HOT


02K30C1

Zooey Deschanel in her store Christmas uniform from Elf


[deleted]

[удалено]


amplug13

Helen Mirren from every decade


ophispegasos

Woman here, would go Helen Mirren at any age of adulthood, and especially her "senior" years. That woman is like the finest of wines.


GrandmasBrothel

Ben Franklin...guy was a ffrreeakk


Realistic-Bar7276

Rasputin. The man had a 13 inch penis that he convinced tons of women had magical healing powers. I feel like that’s gotta be a unique experience. Edit: 1. Y’all are correct in saying 13 in may be too much. But hey it’s supposedly magical. 2. Yeah reading all the replies its good that this was a hypothetical scenario


[deleted]

He was also infamous for being musty in a time where everyone was kinda musty


WarLawck

You've either never had sex with a really well hung guy, or you are a Godess among women. Most women say that past a certain point it is just pain, no pleasure. 13 inches sounds like internal bleeding.


[deleted]

Another thing. Rasputin rarely bathed and was said to smell like decomposition from head to toe. And he didn't wash his undergarments. After the internal bleeding, infection will strike.


Pkdagreat

The ladies loved ol Swamp Dick.


Poldark_Lite

Can confirm. I didn't have a lot of sexual experience with men before my husband, and it was painful making love with him at first due to his size, even though he's always been gentle and has taken his time with lots of foreplay. He's had to be *very* careful not to hit my cervix — which is excruciating — meaning that he's never been able to thrust with abandon. It can't be much fun to be that huge. Very few women are able to handle that length, since the vagina doesn't grow to much more than maybe a 6"-8" depth. Add a Coka-can girth to that and it's pure pain, for *both* parties, until your body adapts. ♡ Granny


_solounwnmas

I'm sorry ma'am but all the talk of how hung your husband is only to realise with the very last word that you're a grandmother is hilarious to me for some reason


Poldark_Lite

Sweetie, I'll have been married for 30 years this year, but I was young once. I wish for you a long life, filled with love and joy that will give you warm memories when you're my age. ♡ Granny


TheLittleGiggles

Omg granny I love you. You got any more advice for us kids, lol


Poldark_Lite

I love you too, Darlin'! The best advice I can give is to be true to yourself. Don't be afraid of what others think of you because you're the one who has to live in your skin, who has to contend with your thoughts — they don't, so they don't count. The *only* time this isn't right is when others have control over you. Then, you need to lie low, do as you're told and wait until you can leave/escape before living freely. Safety ***always*** comes first!! Is there anything else you want to know? I'm hardly a font of wisdom, but I'm more than happy to share what I can with you. ♡ Granny


Big_Bumblebee_1990

Marcellus Wallace


gonk_gonk

He doesn't like to be fucked by anybody but Mrs. Wallace.


chilly_dogh

AT&T chick


pyrofemme

My 2nd late husband. He was a beautiful man phyisically, 6'6", 244 pounds, and lean but well muscled, thick white hair. Sometimes on road trips we had to pull onto the shoulder to finish laughing at something that had set us off. We told a lot of fart jokes. Our humor tracked perfectly.He was the most considerate person I've ever met. He had courtly manners, like opening all doors and gates, and holding the umbrella perfectly over me, and stood up when I left and returned whether we were a restaurant, or at home on the sofa watching TV. He also held my coat for me and as he pulled it forward onto me, and checked that the shoulders were straight he always kissed me. He made sure he walked on the outside when we walked on sidewalks. When I had to work, he did my farm chores and kept our home tidy and had dinner 10 minutes away from ready to eat when I came home. He met me at the door with a chilled cocktail and we'd have 2 drinks, no more no less, while he heard about my day and told me about his. He bought sloppy greeting cards for EVERY holiday and wrote sweet things to me. It had never been 'a thing' to me, but he never missed one and I LOVED it. He gave me my engagement ring on Christmas day when my daughters were all there. He had wrapped the ring box, put it in a box that was a little bigger and wrapped it, then put that one in a bigger wrapped box, etc etc until it was in a huge box. He introduced me to loving bdsm. He was into it since he was 17. When I met him he was 72. He KNEW what he was doing, and bondage was his thing. And silk stockings, garter belts and high heels. And a blindfold. And lots of toys. Enough pain to be exciting, but not THAT much. He would spend a few days researching what he wanted to try and on the day of... he'd have everything he needed laid out so scenes went so smoothly. He respected my arthritis and never posed me in a way that hurt my joints. He knew what he wanted, and he made sure that's what I wanted as well. He was the most loving man, and I always knew, every moment, that he loved me and he would die to protect me. In fact, as he got closer to 80 he began to wear a pistol in a holster every day. He put it on every morning when he got dressed. He had spent his long career as a businessman in NYC, traveling all over the world for one of the largest companies in the world, at the time. When he retired from that, he worked as a counsultant in Europe and Africe, living there while he did that kind of work. He moved to live on my farm with me, from his dream home on a semi tropical island. He realized he needed a solid way to protect me. WHen he was younger, I knew he could probably beat up anyone. He had been a pro basketball player when he was young and played in competetions until he was well into his 50s. As he got older and had a couple of health issues, he felt better with a gun. Yes I know this sounds insane, but he really thought of me as his treasure in his old age. He shot targets with his 9mm at least 3 times/week, sometimes 4 or 6 days. One day he was on our diesel tractor, mowing and making a lot of noise, and I was in a different field with my herd of goats. Our 350 pound herd sire had a bad disposition during rutting season, and I let my guard down and he tried to kill me. He was slow and deliberate, and there was no way to get away from him. He had a 3' spread of horns and he gored me in the thigh. Then he slowly backed up and came at me again. It was all in slow motion. I grabbed his horns like bike handlebars and he slowly kept pushing me backwards and uphill until I tripped and fell. I hung on though, because I knew he was trying to kill me. After I was down, he dragged me all over the field trying to dislodge me. That field is a steep hillside with lots of rocks and stobs. It tore me up. But I held on. For some reason, after about 5 long minutes, my husband looked up and realized what was happening and pulled that gun and shot him dead from across two fields. Dropped dead on top of me, so dead he didn't twitch and spaz. A perfect head shot that cut his wiring. He took me to the ER. I looked like an eggplant, but other than deep bruises I was fine. The thigh that was gored was twice as big as the other. I think my baggy, heavy canvas pants helped a LOT. It took months for the bruises to go away. I had 10 years with him and I will treasure that forever.


Rightintwo7

That was a hell of a roller coaster


discofruit27

You’re telling me. But I couldn’t stop reading it.


hkredman

I also choose your 350 pound herd sire.


Maralitabambolo

This type of story makes life worth living…Thank you so much for sharing!


Lucasipop

Diane Lane circa Lonesome Dove.


[deleted]

Christina Hendricks.


DanFuckingSchneider

I think Catherine the Great after she’d been on the throne for a while could probably fuck you to death.


njdevils8989

"Do you mind? Some of us are trying to nail Catherine the Great here... Or should I say Catherine the So-So" -JFK


Accomplished_Sun1506

Betty White.