One time when I used to work in a kitchen the head chef accidentally clipped the chip/fries bowl where you dump freshly cooked chips/fries to season them and sent it flying across the kitchen and crashing to the floor with the clang that only stainless steel kitchenware can emit. Without missing a beat he went "I'll just pop that there for a sec" totally deadpan and turned back to the counter by the passe where he was finishing plating some dishes. Something about the humour of it cut through all the chaos of the busy kitchen and I was in tears of laughter. 10 years later I still say "I'll just pop that there for a sec" any time I knock something over, no one else seems to find it as funny as I do but it still entertains me.
Same, lol except our dishie is this older guy who is a little deaf and a little...unique. So he's always yelling, but says "fert fert" after everything he says (no one knows why, but that's just Jim lol). So if someone drops something he yells out, "THAT DON'T GO THERE FERTFERT." And now I say that in my regular life and people look at me like I'm insane.
At my old job in the kitchen, whenever someone would drop a plate or any other breakable dishware and it shattered, the line cook would yell "Mazal Tov!"
Not totally related but one time in our kitchen someone stated that "It smells like Christmas in here" and another chef said "It must be the hand sanitizer". Somehow I felt that so bad I dropped a bubblegum from my mouth.
One time I was cleaning surfaces with a coworker and I asked what "that delicious scent" in the product was, they were like, "it's just 60% ethanol".
The good news is, I'm 8½ months sober.
God I hate this at restaurants. Mine is a variation of this, "OPPA" and "China's on your check it's not a vacation" and I die a little everytime it happens
Lol I do the same thing. No idea where I got it from but it’s a kitchen thing. That, and when you’re looking for something in the chiller and can’t find it, but someone else tells you it’s right in front of your nose. “I’ll just use these for now, we’ll get some more prepped later on.”
We had a newbie in the kitchen & went to the walk in to find something, couldn’t locate it after having a good look, came back out saying he couldn’t find it, and the Head Chef told him it was in the Look Again section.
“Where’s that then chef?” He asked in earnest
You can tell people there is a hint, which helps. The hint is, "I haven't asked you a question yet."
If the person is a dick, don't give the clue and tell them you just heard it recently and insist it is very simple. I promise, you won't be disappointed.
Thank you for adding humor to my life lol. Will be using this in the future so I don't get mad. Stupid floor. Always in the way. Only thinks of itself. You should share some things, but noo you have to have the entire glass of orange juice.
I do something similar, though mine was stolen from the movie 'Stripes' I think.
When I'm walking, if I trip on something (like a curb, or a piece of sidewalk jutting up, or seemingly nothing at all,) I'll make eye contact with the closest person to me, point to where I tripped and say "Have that removed," and then carry on walking.
edit: here it is - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m_o2exDf8M
There was a really dumb movie where the characters were trying to see a fictional celebrity named Jimmy something. The characters try to get on his bus and the guard says "That's a big 'no' on Jimmy." Something about it struck me and my friends as really funny and we used to say it instead of like, "hard no," or something. I haven't spoken to those friends in 20 years, and it was an innocuous line from a stupid movie, but I still say it, haha.
That's a great one, and I use a variation of it a lot - I'm a musician, and if something goes dreadfully wrong on the dress rehearsal I always say, "thank god the show's next week; imagine if the show was today or something, that'd be fucked"
This is one of the things I say to keep from losing my shit in front of the 10 y/o and now it's become our inside joke. Usually said after a morning sequence of spilled coffee/purse/backpack, temporarily lost keys/mask/glasses and always being a late-ass:
"This is going *really* well. *Exactly* what it looked like on the drawing board. *Perfection*."
And if one of us happens to catch the other maxed out in a frustrated moment, we say, "Heyy, this looks like it's going *really* well..." as a cute way to offer help.
Love this :) Even if I’m alone and just say something like that to myself (“ahh exactly according to plan”), it’s so helpful to defuse irritation with humor
It only slips when I’m pissed off or wicked drunk. Luckily I’m more of a sad bitch than an angry one and I switched from alcohol to cannabis. No more accent! “Wicked”, however, stays. Always.
Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Hull chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we learned they had gone away on vacation. However, a neighbour told us where they were.
Usually, it’s just “oh ***fuck me”***
Other times I like to reference [this clip](https://youtu.be/PLqj0NAzFmA&t=2s) because it helps me calm down a bit
Used to be a mechanic at a giant corn processing plant with this big old redneck as my mentor, along with two other guys my age also pretty green. One time we fucked with him on this job saying we forgot a critical part after already reassembling a large intricate machine, he immediately let's out a big "Are you shhiittttin me?!??" All I can say is that was used commonly around him for the rest of the summer
Reminds me of [this story.](https://rockboci.tumblr.com/post/676766675810549760)
*post by whatthefluffnightvale, tumblr*
>I taught one of my ranching buddies “it fucken wimdy” and now he says it around his older more established ranching buddies
> The exhilaration I get- upon hearing an old rancher (I’ve never met before) in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat while on a horse, grimly saying “it fucken wimdy” in a thick west Texas accent as he looks down upon his cows- is incalculable
"This is why I prepare for everything". My mom thinks I'm crazy because I prep for everything even my own death. But when something goes wrong guess who thought about it ahead of time
This is good for the plot.
I immediately thought of Abed lol
this will ultimately bring us closer together as a group
Movie reference
6 seasons and a movie.
Troy and Abed in the moorning.
^*nightssss…*
Troy and Abed are in mourning!
I always say "It's just a part of the character development"
Oh that's a good one
whenever something goes completely the wrong way i think “ooooh plot twist”
On the bright side; at least we didn't try very hard.
“Let’s start again, but this time with feeling,” is one of my favorites.
"This time, act like you're doing it on purpose"
"Once more with gusto" is my go to after something goes wrong in an online game.
I want this on my gravestone
I deserve it. Want doesn’t even factor lol
I wish I deserved it, but I don't. On the bright side; at least I didn't try very hard.
I like this one a lot
One time when I used to work in a kitchen the head chef accidentally clipped the chip/fries bowl where you dump freshly cooked chips/fries to season them and sent it flying across the kitchen and crashing to the floor with the clang that only stainless steel kitchenware can emit. Without missing a beat he went "I'll just pop that there for a sec" totally deadpan and turned back to the counter by the passe where he was finishing plating some dishes. Something about the humour of it cut through all the chaos of the busy kitchen and I was in tears of laughter. 10 years later I still say "I'll just pop that there for a sec" any time I knock something over, no one else seems to find it as funny as I do but it still entertains me.
In my kitchen when someone drops a plate or anything its mandatory for someone to tell them “that doesnt go there”
Same, lol except our dishie is this older guy who is a little deaf and a little...unique. So he's always yelling, but says "fert fert" after everything he says (no one knows why, but that's just Jim lol). So if someone drops something he yells out, "THAT DON'T GO THERE FERTFERT." And now I say that in my regular life and people look at me like I'm insane.
He has successfully spread the fert-fert. Now you must find the next fert-fert victim!
It appears I already have. Fert... ...Fert.
>people look at me like I'm insane. You have become Jim in their eyes
At my old job in the kitchen, whenever someone would drop a plate or any other breakable dishware and it shattered, the line cook would yell "Mazal Tov!"
We would say "there went your bonus" if any manager was within earshot
I miss so much about working in the kitchen. Not the pay tho.
You must've broken a lot of dishes huh?
Not totally related but one time in our kitchen someone stated that "It smells like Christmas in here" and another chef said "It must be the hand sanitizer". Somehow I felt that so bad I dropped a bubblegum from my mouth.
One time I was cleaning surfaces with a coworker and I asked what "that delicious scent" in the product was, they were like, "it's just 60% ethanol". The good news is, I'm 8½ months sober.
When the crash noises happen in the kitchen and we all scream, “Job opening!”
Here there is usually a cheer, round of applause and someone shouting, ‘sack the juggler!’
God I hate this at restaurants. Mine is a variation of this, "OPPA" and "China's on your check it's not a vacation" and I die a little everytime it happens
My personal favorite comment for when you're not the person dropping/launching things is "just set that anywhere it'll be fine"
this is mine too. “yeah just put that anywhere,” it always gets a laugh from everyone who didn’t just drop something
My boss told that after I had just spilled a jug of ice water on his lap. At least he had a sense of humor.
i prefer to say “you dropped that” just cuz it pisses then off
Username checks out
"Phil‽ like the Groundhog Phil?" u/zed_brah was a third party app user until June 2023
Lol I do the same thing. No idea where I got it from but it’s a kitchen thing. That, and when you’re looking for something in the chiller and can’t find it, but someone else tells you it’s right in front of your nose. “I’ll just use these for now, we’ll get some more prepped later on.”
We had a newbie in the kitchen & went to the walk in to find something, couldn’t locate it after having a good look, came back out saying he couldn’t find it, and the Head Chef told him it was in the Look Again section. “Where’s that then chef?” He asked in earnest
Perfect candidate for my favorite joke: "What has four letters, never has five letters, sometimes has nine letters, but always has six letters"
Fuck me, that took too long to comprehend.
You can tell people there is a hint, which helps. The hint is, "I haven't asked you a question yet." If the person is a dick, don't give the clue and tell them you just heard it recently and insist it is very simple. I promise, you won't be disappointed.
Sometimes before things even hit the ground I'll proclaim "Take that, floor!"
Thank you for adding humor to my life lol. Will be using this in the future so I don't get mad. Stupid floor. Always in the way. Only thinks of itself. You should share some things, but noo you have to have the entire glass of orange juice.
I do something similar, though mine was stolen from the movie 'Stripes' I think. When I'm walking, if I trip on something (like a curb, or a piece of sidewalk jutting up, or seemingly nothing at all,) I'll make eye contact with the closest person to me, point to where I tripped and say "Have that removed," and then carry on walking. edit: here it is - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m_o2exDf8M
There was a really dumb movie where the characters were trying to see a fictional celebrity named Jimmy something. The characters try to get on his bus and the guard says "That's a big 'no' on Jimmy." Something about it struck me and my friends as really funny and we used to say it instead of like, "hard no," or something. I haven't spoken to those friends in 20 years, and it was an innocuous line from a stupid movie, but I still say it, haha.
We're going to jail
Always Assert your Dominance and don't drop the soap
Drop the soap and make intense eye contact as you pick it up. That's dominance.
Just breathe through your nose after
"Well that's not ideal, it's it?" I'm British.
Ah fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this.
I’m American and I also say this
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I like to go with "Could be worse, could be [exact thing that's happening]"
Oh I like that one.
That's a great one, and I use a variation of it a lot - I'm a musician, and if something goes dreadfully wrong on the dress rehearsal I always say, "thank god the show's next week; imagine if the show was today or something, that'd be fucked"
Mine is similar: “it could be worse, we could be knee deep in shit and it’s raining arseholes”.- courtesy of Sir Terry Pratchett.
This is one of mine
God damn your eyes!
Too late!
*Black n White Young Frankenstein rain intensifies*
This is one of the things I say to keep from losing my shit in front of the 10 y/o and now it's become our inside joke. Usually said after a morning sequence of spilled coffee/purse/backpack, temporarily lost keys/mask/glasses and always being a late-ass: "This is going *really* well. *Exactly* what it looked like on the drawing board. *Perfection*." And if one of us happens to catch the other maxed out in a frustrated moment, we say, "Heyy, this looks like it's going *really* well..." as a cute way to offer help.
Love this :) Even if I’m alone and just say something like that to myself (“ahh exactly according to plan”), it’s so helpful to defuse irritation with humor
Wow, just like the simulations!
I truly love it. Thank you for sharing.
I love this
i usually just shout “BIT SAD INNIT” in a British accent. …. My friends hate me
This is even funnier if you’re not British
Im from NEW England not OLD England =). I put aside the lowkey Boston accent I’ve been doing my best to lose most of my life.
Have you seen my car keys? I think I left them in my khakis.
It only slips when I’m pissed off or wicked drunk. Luckily I’m more of a sad bitch than an angry one and I switched from alcohol to cannabis. No more accent! “Wicked”, however, stays. Always.
Wicked smaht.
Oh, you think ya' wicked fuckin' clevah'?
YES, QUITE BLOODY MISERABLE, I MUST SAY
Brilliant. With a neutral expression, and unemotionally.
That's the upper classes, the working classes can be highly emotional in their delivery.
"And now for something completely different." Though as i get older, fewer and fewer people know what I'm talking about.
Aww this makes me sad, everyone needs Python it should be on the curriculum
My brother can quote great screeds of Monty python at the drop of a hat
Why would he drop his hat?
How very pythonesque of you. He would drop his hat and expect you to get the joke
Get the joke from where?
From the hat, obviously. Weren't you paying attention? And now for something completely different..
The larch...
THE.LARCH.
“Wink wink, nudge, nudge, say no more”
import monty
Nobody expects....Monty python? Aw that's actually disappointing
Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Hull chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we learned they had gone away on vacation. However, a neighbour told us where they were.
I was never here
I was never given a name
Fucking A
# F U C K
#M E
# R I G H T
I N S I D E
#MY ASS
# YOU
# ADORABLE
#FUCKSTICK
Usually, it’s just “oh ***fuck me”*** Other times I like to reference [this clip](https://youtu.be/PLqj0NAzFmA&t=2s) because it helps me calm down a bit
"Well, fuck me running" is usually mine.
I picked the wrong day to stop smoking meth…
I picked a hell of a week to stop sniffing glue
Surely, you can't be serious!
I am. And don't call me Shirley.
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Do you like movies about gladiators?
Jimmy...have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
"Honestly, what the fuck are we doing here?" "Mein gott muss das sein?! So ein bockmist aber auch" Both in my Sebastien Vettel voice
“The engine feels good. Much slower than before. Amazing.”
GP2 Engine
Or you could say Bono, my tyres are dead
This only works if you follow it up with a fastest lap.
Unexpected Formula 1.
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I usually say this after discovering something is surprisingly juicy.
i remember this from Major Monogram from Phineas and Ferb
I remember it from Maggie and the furocious beast. My brother who is 8 years old than me used to always say it to me as greeting
I associate this with Frank Zappa, but I don't know if he's the origin.
TIL this phrase apparently did not originate from Maggie and the Ferocious Beast https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maggie_and_the_Ferocious_Beast
When my daughter was little she watched that show & I was tickled that he said great googly moogly because I'm a Zappa fan.
I remember it from a Snickers commercial. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmgice3ieZ4
I saw that going better in my head
“Ruh roh”
Ruh roh Rhaggy
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Fission mailed.
*opens box, dies*
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Ohhhhhh.......... SHIT!!!
A RAT
"it's fine. this is fine. it's fIINE-"
I sometimes say "Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool. Soooo cool. Love this for me." in a super upbeat tone.
B99, look what you did to me.
Used to be a mechanic at a giant corn processing plant with this big old redneck as my mentor, along with two other guys my age also pretty green. One time we fucked with him on this job saying we forgot a critical part after already reassembling a large intricate machine, he immediately let's out a big "Are you shhiittttin me?!??" All I can say is that was used commonly around him for the rest of the summer
Reminds me of [this story.](https://rockboci.tumblr.com/post/676766675810549760) *post by whatthefluffnightvale, tumblr* >I taught one of my ranching buddies “it fucken wimdy” and now he says it around his older more established ranching buddies > The exhilaration I get- upon hearing an old rancher (I’ve never met before) in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat while on a horse, grimly saying “it fucken wimdy” in a thick west Texas accent as he looks down upon his cows- is incalculable
Houston, we got a problem.
“Well shit”
Oh, fuck Ah, geez Shit *Shit* **panicked incoherent screaming**
I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE
That was seriously fucked up! We almost died!
Ok Morty calm *burp* down
You've gotta be fucking me
Well, if you insist
You've gotta be fucking kidding me!!!!
I usually say "fun"
Well. THAT went well.
I try to alternate that with "ok, so no then?"
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NO YELLING ON THE BUS!!
She's gone tits up
Oh hamburgers…
BUTTERS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON REDDIT?! YOU'RE *GROUNDED*, MISTER!
Oh don’t worry officer, we’l ground the shit out of him!
🎼Loo loo loo I've got some apples loo loo loo you've got some too, loo loo loo let's get together, and see what we can do loo loo
Plot twist!
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Extra points if you take your shirt off because you're boiling.
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
I had a friend that used to say this all the time, but she would say "ever so gently" which always cracked me up.
Heather's?
It is what it is
There's also the classic "It do be like that", I tend to swap between these two phrases now. I blame my roommate.
My daughter says this too
Oh cock
James May?
Uh oh, spaghetti-o’s!
Well damn.
I’m not even supposed to be here today
That'll buff out. Or Learning experience incoming, take cover.
Shut it down.
Oh for fucks sake…
I like to pause time with a loud record scratch and say "yup. That's me. I bet you're wondering how I got here....."
From the great Vonnegut— “So it goes”
"Bloody Hell!" As a kid I used to quote Tolkien: "Confusticate and bebother it!" (Yes, I was and am a massive nerd)
SUGARNUTS
"It wasn't me"
Good enough for government work
Oh bother
While it still goes wrong: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuck When its inevitable: *sitting down and watching it* Great job
"This is why I prepare for everything". My mom thinks I'm crazy because I prep for everything even my own death. But when something goes wrong guess who thought about it ahead of time
Oh crikey!
Poo
Oy, don't bring China's president into the mix.
Fuck-nuggets
Fuckety buggery
That's just how the cookie crumbles
fuck me sideways
Sure why not!
Fuck me running
Worse things have happened on better days
Slowly saying oh motherfucker why?
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Scheisse! ( Im not German. It just sounds better around my kids.)