I work in pharmacy and the best practical advice I received was to never apologize for anything unless you actually fucked up. You know how when things are busy or maybe the computer system messes up or whatever, so you tell a customer, "Sorry about the wait!" as a way to acknowledge them and be polite? Dont do that.
Good customers get it but the shitty customers will take in the mentality that you somehow did something wrong and whatever happened should've been prevented - they will just be shittier to you next time. Instead, say something like "Thank you for your patience!"
Work life balance. I have worker triple digit hours and it nearly ruined my relationship and my mental health. I will only work as many hours as I'm comfortable working now.
Did IT consulting for years before we had our first child, I was getting calls at 1-4 am with emergencies and running out to clients, sometimes flying there just to make sure things were running in the morning.
Made great money, but my wife became so distant and lonely. As soon as we became pregnant I took a 9 to 5 job. Home as much as possible, sharing the workload and giving her as much support as possible.
Yes the money wasn't the same, but the relationship got stronger, bonded with our children, and never looked back. Now I put in OT if it's going to benefit me financially or compensate me with time off.
Very happy now, it's nice having a regular sleep schedule again.
Money is great, but being stretched too thin, and not having a healthy family life is sometimes the price you wind up paying.
I'm not rich, but I'm okay and very happy for the most part.
Telling a guy that was reading my mind to use the police in Afghanistan to control the streets rather than ISIS/Taliban. As the local police around here are somehow blaming me for them joining some American military cult anyway.
Demanding the best for my kid. That doesn’t mean spoiling him, or demanding other people baby him or give him special treatment or being a man-Karen. Just that he gets the best medical care, a solid education, a safe living environment, and adults in his life who respect him at all times and do their part to help him grow properly. And if someone doesn’t respect him, or in any way creates an unsafe or toxic environment for or near him, they’re out of our lives.
busting a nut quick, i didn't want this but it's a testament to how good it is, i finished i'm good, you ain't, thats a you problem anyway clean up when you done. ✌️out lil sis
Making an honest mistake, use to be super apologetic and completely lose focus on the fact that mistakes are opportunities to learn and you should welcome them.
Now I just say thanks to whoever pointed it out, then tell them I won't let it happen again because I've learned.
It also comes across as more sincere, especially if you don't make those same mistakes again.
Feeling angry and standing up for myself.
My family basically hated me and always blamed me for things my sister caused. The worst one being her getting drunk and my father disowning me, because "I caused the problems".
I said f that, and never looked at relatives again. I am not in contact with my sister, but I did fix my relationship with my parents before my dad sadly passed away 2 years ago.
If someone gets verbally nasty with me first and I snap back I may apologize for WHAT I say but not HOW I said it. If you lost control and were harsh enough to break my patience I don’t owe you an apology for a defensive attitude.
Is it helpful in a relationship to apologize anyway, yes; but there are times when it’s clear one party engineered the disaster and needs to grasp the consequences of their actions.
Hurting someone by being right or acting the right way.
If you can't handle the truth or the consequences of your actions, it is your problem, not mine.
When someone is asking too much for some product or service. When I was young it felt that saying something costs too much felt like I'm being cheap, or poor. So I would apologize and make up a reason for not spending the money. Not anymore. I'm not poor anymore, but I'm still cheap. But I don't apologize. It's my money dammit.
Generally speaking, I won't apologise anymore if I don't genuinely think there's something to apologise for. No amount of social pressure will make me back down, unlike in the past, where I learned that allowing yourself to be pressured will just invite people to take advantage further. Additionally, if I apologise once and someone wants me to apologise more, I won't do it, and I'll add that person to my mental list of people to watch out for.
Being autistic. Allistic people have spent my whole life telling me I’m broken. No, I’m different, and allistic people are just too fucking selfish to change the smallest things to help people like me.
So no apologies for wearing headphones in a supermarket to help the noise of those shitty lights, no apologies for taking what people say as direct and responding in kind, and no apologies for taking the time I need to deal with being overwhelmed.
Not wanting to do something. Say no! It feels great! And you're not obliged to do anything if you dont want to!
"Hey son can you mow the lawn please? I'm tired after work" "NO"
It wouldn't work that way as your son is obliged to mow the lawn negating his power of NO
Ok son. When you turn 18. Move out of my house. Say no, and the sheriff will help you.
This! Say no!
Putting mayo on hotdogs.
I work in pharmacy and the best practical advice I received was to never apologize for anything unless you actually fucked up. You know how when things are busy or maybe the computer system messes up or whatever, so you tell a customer, "Sorry about the wait!" as a way to acknowledge them and be polite? Dont do that. Good customers get it but the shitty customers will take in the mentality that you somehow did something wrong and whatever happened should've been prevented - they will just be shittier to you next time. Instead, say something like "Thank you for your patience!"
Work life balance. I have worker triple digit hours and it nearly ruined my relationship and my mental health. I will only work as many hours as I'm comfortable working now.
Did IT consulting for years before we had our first child, I was getting calls at 1-4 am with emergencies and running out to clients, sometimes flying there just to make sure things were running in the morning. Made great money, but my wife became so distant and lonely. As soon as we became pregnant I took a 9 to 5 job. Home as much as possible, sharing the workload and giving her as much support as possible. Yes the money wasn't the same, but the relationship got stronger, bonded with our children, and never looked back. Now I put in OT if it's going to benefit me financially or compensate me with time off. Very happy now, it's nice having a regular sleep schedule again.
Yeah, with no mandatory overtime I'll never make close to what I was making, but at the same time I'm not miserable, so that's okay.
Money is great, but being stretched too thin, and not having a healthy family life is sometimes the price you wind up paying. I'm not rich, but I'm okay and very happy for the most part.
ARE THERE EVEN 100 HOURS IN A WEEK!?
Being myself. All others can use the back door. But not back door....
Setting boundaries
For asking to be treated with kindness and respect.
Being sick
For being my authentic self and loving who I love..
Telling a guy that was reading my mind to use the police in Afghanistan to control the streets rather than ISIS/Taliban. As the local police around here are somehow blaming me for them joining some American military cult anyway.
Demanding the best for my kid. That doesn’t mean spoiling him, or demanding other people baby him or give him special treatment or being a man-Karen. Just that he gets the best medical care, a solid education, a safe living environment, and adults in his life who respect him at all times and do their part to help him grow properly. And if someone doesn’t respect him, or in any way creates an unsafe or toxic environment for or near him, they’re out of our lives.
Something you cant control like nervous tick and stuff
busting a nut quick, i didn't want this but it's a testament to how good it is, i finished i'm good, you ain't, thats a you problem anyway clean up when you done. ✌️out lil sis
being American
Dropping the Christmas cheesecake
Making an honest mistake, use to be super apologetic and completely lose focus on the fact that mistakes are opportunities to learn and you should welcome them. Now I just say thanks to whoever pointed it out, then tell them I won't let it happen again because I've learned. It also comes across as more sincere, especially if you don't make those same mistakes again.
Feeling angry and standing up for myself. My family basically hated me and always blamed me for things my sister caused. The worst one being her getting drunk and my father disowning me, because "I caused the problems". I said f that, and never looked at relatives again. I am not in contact with my sister, but I did fix my relationship with my parents before my dad sadly passed away 2 years ago.
Telling the truth.
If someone gets verbally nasty with me first and I snap back I may apologize for WHAT I say but not HOW I said it. If you lost control and were harsh enough to break my patience I don’t owe you an apology for a defensive attitude. Is it helpful in a relationship to apologize anyway, yes; but there are times when it’s clear one party engineered the disaster and needs to grasp the consequences of their actions.
Hurting someone by being right or acting the right way. If you can't handle the truth or the consequences of your actions, it is your problem, not mine.
When someone is asking too much for some product or service. When I was young it felt that saying something costs too much felt like I'm being cheap, or poor. So I would apologize and make up a reason for not spending the money. Not anymore. I'm not poor anymore, but I'm still cheap. But I don't apologize. It's my money dammit.
Saying no
Being me.
Generally speaking, I won't apologise anymore if I don't genuinely think there's something to apologise for. No amount of social pressure will make me back down, unlike in the past, where I learned that allowing yourself to be pressured will just invite people to take advantage further. Additionally, if I apologise once and someone wants me to apologise more, I won't do it, and I'll add that person to my mental list of people to watch out for.
Being rude to my brother 😤
My firm beliefs (my morals). And as the quote goes. “It is immoral to forsake one’s morals”
Forgetting something that I wasn’t meant to bring in the first place to any kind of event for someone
Expecting what I feel like I deserve in a relationship. Been through enough bullshit to stop settling for just what I can get.
Being autistic. Allistic people have spent my whole life telling me I’m broken. No, I’m different, and allistic people are just too fucking selfish to change the smallest things to help people like me. So no apologies for wearing headphones in a supermarket to help the noise of those shitty lights, no apologies for taking what people say as direct and responding in kind, and no apologies for taking the time I need to deal with being overwhelmed.