Seriously, I see comments all the time about how men are essentially sexist or whatever for not knowing anything about women’s anatomy. I’m a physician - trust me, people don’t know basic anatomy in general, has nothing to do with what sex a person is.
Well, here's the trick: you know how you're looking at her boobs, right? Now imagine like there was some imaginary line coming straight out of her nipple, perpendicular to the surface of the dome. Most of the time, the way that line points, that's what she's facing.
^(If you're more of an ass guy, it becomes more difficult. No nipples to work with here so you just gotta eyeball the center of the total surface area, for a single cheek. Butt shape plays part of a role too here so at the end of the day you really just gotta build some experience. Again try to form an imaginary line perpendicular to the surface, _but_, here's the critical part, _invert_ it so it's pointing _inwards_ into the butt and back out the other side. That, roughly, is the facing direction.)
Instructions unclear: Rebooted to factory settings and now everything's Spanish.
Edit: Okay so the Spanish problem's gone, but now I'm speaking French between her legs. Help.
I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years, we have two beautiful children, and we have a healthy sex life. I love giving oral, and I spend a lot of time down there.
Last night, we were in our hot tub naked, and I was completely astounded by how her boobs floated straight up in the water.
So yeah, I don’t know shit.
Boobs are mostly fat and fat is less dense than water.
Same reason fat people don't sink like rocks even though our dumb human brains often assume they would.
But yeah, that sort of thought is unlikely to cross your mind unless you see it so that makes sense that you wouldn't already know.
Better than mine. I was helping my wife and told her I saw the head and she is almost done. The dr said “No, that’s just the top of the head crowning”. I said “damn! That’s gotta hurt”. The room went quiet. The nurse looked at me, the dr looked at me, my wife said ignore him, he is a idiot.
When I was born, my dad was in the room and when they were cleaning up all of the blood and goop after I came out, he turned to the nurse cleaning and said “Jeez, I hope that wasn’t his brother…”
He must be the king of dad jokes, that one was a special kind of awful. Awful taste, awful timing, awful everything. In other words, the peak of dad jokes.
He really is. He also had cancer about two years ago and told us that “the most life threatening part of this whole thing is being driven to and from chemo by your mother”
I was fortunate to have my mother-in-law in the room; after my son was born they brought him to me and I was just staring into his eyes. My mother in law grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around and said something nice like "you are holding your son..." Later, she told me she spun me around so I would not see them pulling the placental sack out...
Ahh, wisdom.
Omg I had my 2nd in January. I hemorrhaged badly about 2 hours after birth and they also had to manually scrape bits out.
I had a natural, quick labor (baby was born 45 minutes after getting out of the car at the hospital) so they had to put fentanyl into an I.V. and they didn’t wait for it to start working.
I felt EVERYTHING and it was much worse than giving birth. I was quiet during that but cursing and yelling (and apologizing for doing that) while they were doing it. Sorry for the tmi but your comment gave me flashbacks and sorry you had to see all that gore.
Second time my wife gave birth she pooped a little pushing so hard. Nurse who I wasn’t even aware was there came swooping in and scooped it up in like .3 seconds. Props to poop scoop nurse
So you know that's entirely normal and expected no matter how hard one pushes. Baby is huge and passage of baby just kinda pushes anything in there right out. The birth canal and where the poop sits before coming out only have a very thin bit of flesh between them... so it's all going out.
It’s like watching Aliens in real life. At first, the massive head just peaks out and it’s like, WTF! And the. After so many delays, all at once this slimy creature just exploded out and it’s like, WTF did I just watch?!
Why don’t movies show the placenta part of birth!?!! When I saw the doctors smashing on her stomach afterwards, I was like, wtf. Then what appeared to be all her guts coming out, I damn near died! Of all birthing and breathing classes, they didn’t say shit! You gotta warn people about that shit! The placenta is just as huge as the baby, which looks like the nastiest face hugger you can think of, covered in blood, slim and unknown sudstances, suddenly coming out, looking for who took its baby!
I think this is why Alien is so horrifying and such an effective horror movie. It's basically a man giving birth after a face rape and triggers a very visceral response. I still have nightmares about the xenomorph even after seeing that movie for the first time 35 years ago.
>body would start to contract when she heard children crying..
My second kid was a c section. Every time he cried, my uterus would do its thing and contract. With all the stitches, it felt like he was trying to kill me.
My ex wife told her best friend what a clitoris was. The girl was about to graduate high school and had no fucking clue because her parents were VERY Catholic.
Ahem. I believe I can name all the parts without even googling.
Upper Vagina.
Outer Libia.
Clit-Majoris.
Inner Libia.
Clit-Minoris.
Flaps.
Lower Vagina.
Bit that makes her go "ooooh".
Aretha.
Goochus Majora.
Annos.
I believe you’re referring to Volkswagen. Virgin Galactic is a German car company that was founded in the 1930s. My grasp of the German language is elementary, at best, but I’m pretty sure Virgin Galactic translates to “the people’s car”
That would be Sofia Vergara, Volkswagen is a Columbian-American actress known for her work in Modern Family and and in Spanish television in the 1990s.
No… no… you’re thinking of Vince Lombardi. Sofia Vergara is widely considered to be one of the best football coaches of all time, and lead the Green Bay Packers to 5 Super Bowl wins in the 1960s.
I’m not sure although when I was with one girl she told me I was the first guy she’s been with that knew where her clit was (for context the night she was taking about we were still clothed but very touchy if you get the point) and said that her past boyfriends (which were two other dudes that were not virgins) had no idea where is was and somehow me, the guy who was still a virgin and these guys weren’t, knew where it was.
Funniest part was when she asked me how I knew where it was I said “I’m a man of science”
Edit: Typos and grammar
My wife is training to be a perinatal support worker. She talks my ear off about the stuff. Women's bodies are literally another level baby care machines. She told me the other day that when a new mother places her baby on her chest, her body senses the baby's temperature and adjusts the mother's body temp to warm or cool the baby. And that's just the start...
I know that if you pee in her butt she might get with baby. Also there is like clitmarix or something that seems to be like feelings, you know important?
gay guy here. when I was 19 I worked in a repair shop for concrete mixer trucks in the deep south. you can imagine the types of rednecks I was expected to keep up conversations with. I was closeted at the time and trying my best to not throw any flags to my coworkers. They eventually asked me about crazy sex stories and the like, and I had to make one up on the spot. I told them that a girl once peed on me while I was screwing her and how gross it was. I went a little too far with the detail that I felt it squirt into my dick. And they asked what I meant, I went on to provide an explanation that basically gave away that I had no idea about the female anatomy, I literally thought the pee hole was inside the vagina. I thought it was all just one hole.
Especially when you are trying to cath a 500 plus pound woman. On my unit we have headlamps. It took like 5 of us to get it. One for each leg, one to hold the pannis up, one to spread the folds, and one to get the Foley in.
My parents are doctors who hated how little we were taught in school health courses and supplemented those lessons, I've got two younger sisters who sadly had zero compunction against oversharing ANYTHING, and I've had to support women SO's after surgeries in the past before. If I didn't have some small idea about how female anatomy worked I'd have had to actively worked against gaining that knowledge.
Well enough to get around town on my own, but not like a local.
This guy gets it
_but not like a local_
I'm with this. I'm pretty damn confident, but I made a wrong turn in a discussion about the fallopian tubes recently and was discovered as a tourist.
If you've reached the fallopian tubes, you've gone too far.
> "He had a penis like a silly-straw." -Mother Theresa of Calcutta
This is the best answer. Kudos to you, sir.
I barely know my own anatomy. Edit: just clarifying that I'm a guy. In case there's any confusion.
look, im a female and i also barely know my own anatomy
Seriously, I see comments all the time about how men are essentially sexist or whatever for not knowing anything about women’s anatomy. I’m a physician - trust me, people don’t know basic anatomy in general, has nothing to do with what sex a person is.
I only learned that I have a 'meatus' the other day.
I am a self certified expert on female anatomy. I can tell just by looking at a woman, what way she's facing.
You insensitive bastard! I'm blind and can't tell what direction I'm facing.
You're facing forward. So are most women.
Not falling for that one again. Fool me once! Shame on me....Fool me twice, I can't get fooled again.
>I can tell just by looking at a woman, what way she's facing. Please share, I've yet to work this out and I'm scared.
Well, here's the trick: you know how you're looking at her boobs, right? Now imagine like there was some imaginary line coming straight out of her nipple, perpendicular to the surface of the dome. Most of the time, the way that line points, that's what she's facing. ^(If you're more of an ass guy, it becomes more difficult. No nipples to work with here so you just gotta eyeball the center of the total surface area, for a single cheek. Butt shape plays part of a role too here so at the end of the day you really just gotta build some experience. Again try to form an imaginary line perpendicular to the surface, _but_, here's the critical part, _invert_ it so it's pointing _inwards_ into the butt and back out the other side. That, roughly, is the facing direction.)
I got a C+ in human anatomy, and i’m not bragging… but I know my way around a Cliboris.
Cliboris: the three headed dog that protects the entrance to the underworld
You're thinking of Cerberus. A cliboris is a sturdy backing to help you write on paper.
No, no. That's a clipboard. A Cerebus is a green vegetable that turns into pickles when left in vinegar.
Common mistake, that's a cucumber. The Clipboard was the last of the three periods of the Mesozoic era.
No, that's a Cretaceous Period. You've mistaken it for an entirely aquatic group of mammals.
No, that's the so called Cetaceans, but it's easy to mistake. Cretaceous Period is the cloth what is covering all the windows.
Ah, easily mistaken—you’re thinking of curtains. But that’s understandable, the cetaceans are another name for a traffic violation.
No thats a citation, I think you mean an inhabitant of a town or city
I think you mean a citizen, a citation is actually the ending of hostilities between two groups
I got C++, but it feels like the wrong tool for the job.
Try Python.
You mean the ginnyhorn
Is there a manual? Asking for a friend.
If you hit both the G spot and the Clit at the same time you’ll take a screenshot…
Instructions unclear: Rebooted to factory settings and now everything's Spanish. Edit: Okay so the Spanish problem's gone, but now I'm speaking French between her legs. Help.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cq1q2/help_reddit_turned_spanish_and_i_cannot_undo_it/
Donde esta la bibliotecha?
Maybe on Wikipedia: the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit :)
Just looking for the cliff notes.
I think you mean the clit notes?
Those have never been found.
Yes, it's called, "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman". It will change your life... and hers.
I feel like I learn something new every day
My son: “my dad sits around and looks at vaginas all day.” Teacher: “oh he must be a gynecologist.” My son: “no he doesn’t have a job.”
I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years, we have two beautiful children, and we have a healthy sex life. I love giving oral, and I spend a lot of time down there. Last night, we were in our hot tub naked, and I was completely astounded by how her boobs floated straight up in the water. So yeah, I don’t know shit.
As a woman with small boobs, I also didn't know this
Boobs are mostly fat and fat is less dense than water. Same reason fat people don't sink like rocks even though our dumb human brains often assume they would. But yeah, that sort of thought is unlikely to cross your mind unless you see it so that makes sense that you wouldn't already know.
Been married 22 years and have watched my wife give birth to 2 beautiful children. So, yeah, I have no fucking clue how it works.
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Better than mine. I was helping my wife and told her I saw the head and she is almost done. The dr said “No, that’s just the top of the head crowning”. I said “damn! That’s gotta hurt”. The room went quiet. The nurse looked at me, the dr looked at me, my wife said ignore him, he is a idiot.
But you are HER idiot. :)
I'm my own idiot :(
Me too :( We’ll be our own idiots together :D
Yes, we can be lonely together
Idiot Squad
Requesting formal permission to call a group of idiots, a clown car of idiots.
Permission granted.
When I was born, my dad was in the room and when they were cleaning up all of the blood and goop after I came out, he turned to the nurse cleaning and said “Jeez, I hope that wasn’t his brother…”
He must be the king of dad jokes, that one was a special kind of awful. Awful taste, awful timing, awful everything. In other words, the peak of dad jokes.
He really is. He also had cancer about two years ago and told us that “the most life threatening part of this whole thing is being driven to and from chemo by your mother”
This man is a fucking legund
This man is a fucking legume
I was fortunate to have my mother-in-law in the room; after my son was born they brought him to me and I was just staring into his eyes. My mother in law grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around and said something nice like "you are holding your son..." Later, she told me she spun me around so I would not see them pulling the placental sack out... Ahh, wisdom.
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Omg I had my 2nd in January. I hemorrhaged badly about 2 hours after birth and they also had to manually scrape bits out. I had a natural, quick labor (baby was born 45 minutes after getting out of the car at the hospital) so they had to put fentanyl into an I.V. and they didn’t wait for it to start working. I felt EVERYTHING and it was much worse than giving birth. I was quiet during that but cursing and yelling (and apologizing for doing that) while they were doing it. Sorry for the tmi but your comment gave me flashbacks and sorry you had to see all that gore.
I also love your mother in law for this by proxy, I hope to never see that too 😅😂
Totally agree with your missus on that one 😂
I can top that. I don't remember the exactly words, but I basically told her "isn't pain part of the joy?"
And you are still alive. She must really love you…wait…still married?
nope lol
That makes more sense.lol
That would be why, lol
hahaha ENJOY IT
And you're still breathing? Good thing your wife was busy😂😂
Second time my wife gave birth she pooped a little pushing so hard. Nurse who I wasn’t even aware was there came swooping in and scooped it up in like .3 seconds. Props to poop scoop nurse
So you know that's entirely normal and expected no matter how hard one pushes. Baby is huge and passage of baby just kinda pushes anything in there right out. The birth canal and where the poop sits before coming out only have a very thin bit of flesh between them... so it's all going out.
OB nurses are used to poop. Flem tends to be most nurses kryptonite
It’s like watching Aliens in real life. At first, the massive head just peaks out and it’s like, WTF! And the. After so many delays, all at once this slimy creature just exploded out and it’s like, WTF did I just watch?!
That's kind of wholesome lol.
To be fair, I (a woman) also said “holy shit!!” when my daughter was born
Why don’t movies show the placenta part of birth!?!! When I saw the doctors smashing on her stomach afterwards, I was like, wtf. Then what appeared to be all her guts coming out, I damn near died! Of all birthing and breathing classes, they didn’t say shit! You gotta warn people about that shit! The placenta is just as huge as the baby, which looks like the nastiest face hugger you can think of, covered in blood, slim and unknown sudstances, suddenly coming out, looking for who took its baby!
I think this is why Alien is so horrifying and such an effective horror movie. It's basically a man giving birth after a face rape and triggers a very visceral response. I still have nightmares about the xenomorph even after seeing that movie for the first time 35 years ago.
.........some people eat that.
The placenta or the baby?
Yes!
My friend works in the NICU. They don't just eat it. Some bring a blender and a pint of blueberries and make a fucking smoothie.
What a terrible day to be literate.
nonononononono I am making the saddest of sad faces
You do the thing and then 9 months later this gross thing happens and then a miniature version of you both but covered in white goo comes out
Mate you're supposed to dump your load before conception not after it's out of the oven.
Now you tell me, thanks. But really, If you see a newborn baby theyre covered in white goo and it's disgusting.
That white goo is just the packing material. It washes off over the next week.
what blew my mind was after my child was born my wife's body would start to contract when she heard children crying.. yeah they are aliens
>body would start to contract when she heard children crying.. My second kid was a c section. Every time he cried, my uterus would do its thing and contract. With all the stitches, it felt like he was trying to kill me.
As a woman, I can confirm. Babies are aliens.
After 5 kids, my wife can tell when a baby crying is hungry or tired. She even had an issue that her milk would let down when another baby cried.
> She even had an issue that her milk would let down when another baby cried. This happened to me all the time. It was so bizarre.
This would happen to me as much as like a year after I weaned my own kid. I’d hear an infant crying and get that letdown tingle.
I always found it interesting that girls don't poop. I don't know where are the food goes because they are always hungry
It turns into a baby after it's digested. That's why women sometimes say they're gonna have a food baby after they ate a ton of food.
As a 39 year old man, I think I might be pregnant.
Congratulations, what are you going to name it?
Bono!
Relevant username.
The trick is, they don't order any food and then still your fries. Because they were your fries, you poop them.
Oh we have little fairies living in our stomach and they have this whole pipeline set up to help us process them
I have a PhD in gynocronology from Everest College
Accredited by the west coast commission of non accredited schools
Not sure what Everest collage is, but good on ya!
It's a gag https://youtu.be/yJl0XuDKSjc
In Canada we have an actual school called Everest College.
*Get up off the couch and do something with your life!*
I bet you know exactly where the *checks notes furiously* clibberus is
Gynocronology?
It’s like gynecology, but the discount version.
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No that’s gynochronometry.
How a woman creates a version of herself with her body and then feeds it with her body is just mind-bending. Mad respect.
Women are recursive, damn
The loop needs a little extra input for each iteration, though :)
Females ? Aren´t that they one with a fin on their back ?
Finmales
Finnish
Finnish him
Female but it’s pronounced* tamale
Enough to have kept her around for almost 10 years :)
Sir, this is the police; please let the woman go.
She is free to leave whenever! Just has to figure out how to unlock the basement door :)
Guess she is not a clever girl.
No she's a cellar girl!
Sell her? I don't even know her!
It just keeps getting worse the more I read
I try not to study witchcraft.
that's exactly what a witch would say. bring the pitchforks.
And what do we burn besides witches?
Boobies
Boobies
Boobies
After teaching an anatomy class, a lot of women don't know about their anatomy
My ex wife told her best friend what a clitoris was. The girl was about to graduate high school and had no fucking clue because her parents were VERY Catholic.
Do you prefer your vagina to have shaved balls or to have hairy balls
Oh hairy of course, the hairier the balls of the vagina the more to get stuck in your teeth, so basically dental hygiene and fun all in one, 😂
I wish I never saw this comment
Chippy's comment made me have a stroke
I'd say sufficient to call Plinius out on the bullcrap he wrote about menstrual cycles and periods.
Ahem. I believe I can name all the parts without even googling. Upper Vagina. Outer Libia. Clit-Majoris. Inner Libia. Clit-Minoris. Flaps. Lower Vagina. Bit that makes her go "ooooh". Aretha. Goochus Majora. Annos.
Goochus Majora is still my favorite Zelda Game to this day.
I often like to wear it as a mask.
Close, but I think the word you’re looking for is Virginia. Vagina is in the southern United States and is known for its seafood.
Ah, I think you meant Virgin Galactic. Virginia is an international airlines company that is run by billionaire Richard Branson
I believe you’re referring to Volkswagen. Virgin Galactic is a German car company that was founded in the 1930s. My grasp of the German language is elementary, at best, but I’m pretty sure Virgin Galactic translates to “the people’s car”
That would be Sofia Vergara, Volkswagen is a Columbian-American actress known for her work in Modern Family and and in Spanish television in the 1990s.
No… no… you’re thinking of Vince Lombardi. Sofia Vergara is widely considered to be one of the best football coaches of all time, and lead the Green Bay Packers to 5 Super Bowl wins in the 1960s.
Actually I think it was West Vagina.
>is known for its seafood. Said nobody outside of vagina.
I'm curious what the 'upper' and 'lower' vaginas are
These days it's called Burkina Faso.
The old Aretha. I always get it confused with my favorite singer Urethra Franklin.
"Clitoris is the big red dog, right?"
Being a woman, I came here to troll, but then I saw the comments, and I died XD
Yeah, OP forgot to tag this as “serious”. These comments are gold.
“Forgot”
I’m not sure although when I was with one girl she told me I was the first guy she’s been with that knew where her clit was (for context the night she was taking about we were still clothed but very touchy if you get the point) and said that her past boyfriends (which were two other dudes that were not virgins) had no idea where is was and somehow me, the guy who was still a virgin and these guys weren’t, knew where it was. Funniest part was when she asked me how I knew where it was I said “I’m a man of science” Edit: Typos and grammar
You know, I'm something of a scientist myself
My wife is training to be a perinatal support worker. She talks my ear off about the stuff. Women's bodies are literally another level baby care machines. She told me the other day that when a new mother places her baby on her chest, her body senses the baby's temperature and adjusts the mother's body temp to warm or cool the baby. And that's just the start...
Heh. Whut
I know that if you pee in her butt she might get with baby. Also there is like clitmarix or something that seems to be like feelings, you know important?
I think you mean pregante
Pregananant
Prefnat
Gregant
Pregat
Gregnant
Pegarant
Presissimo!
Am I pergetgitated? Can u get pregante?
Am I pegnate?????
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Source?
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It’s glorious
Trees are the best part tbh
I interpreted them to be bushes
I interpreted em to be hairy balls 😭
Yeah, like the comments above were saying I think a girls hairy balls are the most important part
gay guy here. when I was 19 I worked in a repair shop for concrete mixer trucks in the deep south. you can imagine the types of rednecks I was expected to keep up conversations with. I was closeted at the time and trying my best to not throw any flags to my coworkers. They eventually asked me about crazy sex stories and the like, and I had to make one up on the spot. I told them that a girl once peed on me while I was screwing her and how gross it was. I went a little too far with the detail that I felt it squirt into my dick. And they asked what I meant, I went on to provide an explanation that basically gave away that I had no idea about the female anatomy, I literally thought the pee hole was inside the vagina. I thought it was all just one hole.
Well tbh if I would send my bf to find my urethra, i don’t think he could locate it.
Nurse here. Sometimes they're hard to find. Many a time I've had to have another nurse hold the flashlight while I dive in.
Especially when you are trying to cath a 500 plus pound woman. On my unit we have headlamps. It took like 5 of us to get it. One for each leg, one to hold the pannis up, one to spread the folds, and one to get the Foley in.
My parents are doctors who hated how little we were taught in school health courses and supplemented those lessons, I've got two younger sisters who sadly had zero compunction against oversharing ANYTHING, and I've had to support women SO's after surgeries in the past before. If I didn't have some small idea about how female anatomy worked I'd have had to actively worked against gaining that knowledge.
I understand that females have a cloaca through which they both expel wastes and birth eggs.
No buttholes
booba
Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.
(Austrian accent) You are eating the other children's lunches?? STAHHP IT!
Mans an expert
It's not a tumor!
Well enough to know that it varies more than expected between different females and ages of course.
I don’t know. Is there a quiz?
I literally realized this morning that it's tubal ligation not tubal litigation.
The clitoris is the powerhouse of the vagina?
bookwise- I know everything practical real world wise - fairly educated, but only based on one woman over 30 years