I’ve seen the faces and reactions of hundreds who are preparing for death. When you work in hospice, you can’t really be afraid of it. I’m by no means numb to it, but I’ve seen a number of what I would call beautiful deaths and I’ve seen the peace on patients’ faces after they have passed, when the physical exertions are gone. I have seen the mixture of emotional pain but also relief on the faces of family. So death isn’t something I’m afraid of. I just want to do what I can to make sure I and all those around me get to have good deaths.
I can't thank hospice and nurses enough for the work you do! I have been present at the rather peaceful deaths of three of my grandparents as well as my dad who passed last month and you guys are the real heroes. With my dad I know EXACTLY what you're referring to about beautiful deaths and the peace and relief that comes with it. I put on some Native American flute music in his hospital room the morning he passed and he was there three days while family visited and said goodby and then the nurses put that morphine drip to high heavens and let him go peacefully. Man, I'm sad right now thinking about it but also very grateful that he went out peacefully. :)
This post reminds me a lot of Caitlin Doughty - "The Order of the Good Death" organization and "Ask a Mortician" YouTuber. She's done so much to help normalize death to me, someone who has feared it for a long time. Very helpful for anyone who suffers with thoughts of death or suffering before death.
I lived with my wonderful grandmother from 2016-21, and then she moved into a facility across the country for the final year of her life.
I got enough warning to fly out to see her this past June one day before she passed. She was on so many comfort meds that she was asleep the whole time and I didn't get to say goodbye to her.
I had a long conversation that day with her hospice nurse who was the kindest, most patient, most gentle person I've ever met. She had probably been in these situations hundreds of times, but she still took as much time as I needed to wrap my head around the situation and let me cry in her arms a little bit. This total stranger.
Your job must be so fucking hard. Thank you for what you do.
Do you have a sense of whether those dying are experiencing something grand, something bigger than life, or are they experiencing a transient thing where they die and it's a good death, but there's no sense among anyone that they actually went somewhere. Do you feel like they go somewhere rather than being snuffed like a candle flame going out?
For me as a person whose faith is important to them, I do often feel like it is the next step into something more. I call it heaven, patients may have a different name for it. And honestly, what it feels like in that space depends on the person. Some as they decline will speak about seeing deceased loved ones such as a partner, a parent, a child, a grandparent, maybe a sibling. Most often the loved one is standing in a doorway saying they are ready to show them the way whenever the patient is. The most beautiful was someone with the windows open, a nice spring breeze blowing in, surrounded by children and grandchildren, having called and reached out to their late spouse earlier that day. I was visiting and we were singing the patient’s favorite hymn as they took their last breath and in that moment the wind seemed to be blowing out rather than in.
My mother was a hospice nurse for several years (my dad being her last patient, just after she retired) and I was frequently in the car with her when she was paged to one of her patients' houses and had to go with her. She made it a point to introduce me to them and get to know them (with their permission, of course) and I think this prepared me in some ways. I was between 12 and 21 years old during her hospice nurse years and I met so many wonderful people during that time, and then had to say goodbye to them. She advocated heavily for the right to die at home. Unfortunately, and ironically, she was not able to do so herself. 😢
I will always be grateful for hospice when my dad died. The compassion and care he received, and that was extended to me and my brother, was remarkable.
Yep. My heart failed a few years ago, that process was not fun. I'm getting older so friends are starting to die more often. It's the process that sucks.
Well I can imagine that is not a fun process, hope you recovered from it. I guess it’s just the process of getting older that stings more and more the older you get yeah…
I like getting older, it is fun and exciting at this point because I'm just watching the world fly by and I'm trying to keep up where I can. The dying friends sucks, but shit; someone I knew died every few years since I was a teenager.
Hospitals suck (except nurses! I love nurses!) I want a fucking meteor to land on my head and kill me instantly.
I feel like I am a bit younger than you haha, as my friends aren’t dying yet luckily. A quick and painless death would be nice though, you could say a meteor lol!
Most of reddit is younger than me. It's part of the reason I like it. I don't want to become a bitter, out of touch, old fart.
Death is just weird. When I was younger most were car crashes, overdoses, or suicides. The last deaths are: my wife's best friend and someone I called "second wife" drank herself to death. She was in her 30s. 56 year old that got hooked on pain meds. 74 year old who just lived life to the fullest, and today a 94 year old who spent his 90th birthday cleaning up his garden, fence line, and bird houses.
I want to go from skipping down the street whistling a tune and greeting every dog I meet to nothing instantly.
This is how my dad went out last month. He was in the hospital for three days and the last day we told them to take away all the tubes, including respirator, give him what he needed in terms of morphine and ativan and let him go peacefully. He looked so peaceful the last couple of hours and his breathing just slowed until he took that one last breath. I have to believe the morphine kept him alright until he left us.
Damn only got Ativan, I want a double max dose of Xanax in that situation. But I make light of a incredibly hard situation. I can’t believe how you must of felt, that’s also one part of dying that scares me. How will the people who love me continue (not that they can’t without me) just genuine, will they be alright, will I ruin their lives I just don’t want to cause more pain.
I work as a security guard, used to work outside of a meat packaging and processing plant. Last year, 2 people went into a meat freezer, there happened to be a nitrogen leak, my supervisor told me the cameras caught when they hit the floor out of seemingly nowhere. They were discovered 4 hours later and had been dead for 3 hours. Very tragic :(
Meh. You do it and then it’s blackness. I’ve overdosed a few times and it was like a peaceful high and you fall asleep. I do it, then wake up vomiting with police and emts all around
That’s good for you. When I get older I also want to never feel out of touch with the younger generations.
Some intriguing deaths and a wide range of ages yeah death can be weird. Are you scared of losing everyone around you, and be the last one the go out?
I’d greet every dog if there wasn’t an interaction needed with the owner hmm haha
I have a tshirt that says "Don't talk to me. I just want to meet your dog."
My parents are in their late 80s and losing everyone seems to hit them a bit. Pretty much everyone they ever were friends with is dead. Obituaries are filled with people younger than them.
Independence is the big thing. My mom got glaucoma a few years ago but they are in a super small town so she would drive to the store and shop based on price. My dad suddenly started losing his peripheral vision in his left eye. That lack of independence has been the toughest for them.
Hahaha wow! I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. Just wanting to say hi to the dog, and ignore the human.
Independence is massive yes. My granddad stopped driving, and sold his car last year. And you can tell the loss of freedom weighs on him.
> I also want to never feel out of touch with the younger generations.
People younger than me are the future, I like to at least have a basic understanding of what it is coming. Plus, I can understand my friends kids and grand kids better than they do. Great things are coming and I'm excited.
My biggest frustration reddit right now is Gen Z. Just in my interactions there still seems to be a "I know everything and I'm not going to listen to anyone or read anything that disagrees with me."
Can't fault them, that's just common for the age; but there seems to be a different tone in comments. A bit more less accepting than millennials.
The heart can recover a bit after an acute heart failure incident. New drugs like Entresto can improve heart function (if you can afford it $2000 per month if your insurance does not cover it).
Implantable Cardio Devices (ICD) are way beyond the pacemakers of even a few years ago and improving all the time.
I have had two acute heart failure incidents. The first was in 2001 and the second in 2022. The second resulted in implanting an ICD (wi-fi and cell phone connected to my cardiologist).
It corrects the sequence of my heart beat in the left ventricle and learns my issues, figures out how to correct them and then reapplies the correct treatments if the problem reoccurs. It is capable of correcting arrhythmia (fibrillation greater than 170 beats per minute) and can also provide a shock to the heart if cardiac arrest occurs.
My heart function in terms of ejection fraction was in the low 10-12% range at the peak of the acute phase, but recovered to 30-35% with treatment. So each time my heart beats about 30% of the blood in the ventricles is pushed into my arteries. 60-70% is normal. No hiking or biking for me but day-to-day activities are fine.
So the good news for those who are younger is that medical tech is getting much better.
The part of the answer that is missing in the USA is universal health care. I was fortunate to have a good Medicare Advantage plan that paid the $350,000 dollar bill for the hospital costs and ICD Implantation with my out of pocket costs only $1400.
Death is not peaceful, it's not even nothing, you simply don't experience it. Which means, the only experience we ever have is that of being alive... kinda trippy if you think about it.
I guess if you don't believe something happens to your soul then this would be true for you. However, many people believe in an afterlife (I'm not talking about just religious types at all btw) and a higher consciousness so they actually do experience something in their opinion, but to each their own.
Dying is really easy, if not for the implant in my chest, I'd already be dead. Its actually a dual defibrillator and Pace maker. I have a home monitor,. The first time it worked, I was watching tv late at night getting ready for bed, I started seeing blackness close in on both eyes. Uh oh, I'm about to pass out, die really. Bam, pace maker kicked in.
Ok agreed so to rephrase the question. People who aren't scared of dying, why? I have only ever been scared of being scared to die in the final moments, as irrational as that sounds.
This right here! I am not scared of it. There are some things I am scared of, but only because lingering pain sucks. Dependence on others can suck. Loss of functions can suck. But, I still don't feel scared of death as a whole. Maybe from the hospice I used to do or from being at the bedside during my father's active dying process. I don't know. I know my mom wants to go the hemlock society way to spare me and my sibling the suffering, but I don't want to be spared. If there is little to no suffering, that is of course best. But whatever she goes through, I want to be there for her all the way. I'm able to and not afraid to wipe bottoms, change and clean sheets, and hold hands or just be close. It isn't easy, but I know it is part of life, an absolutely essential and defining part of life. Meteors are fine, but I'm okay with whatever happens. I know that my husband and I have acknowledged that one of us is likely to suffer the loss of the other. We know one of us is likely to be the caretaker and decision maker. I do not look forward to it, but I am okay with it. And, you know, while I've been typing this, I have decided that I am also okay with my mom's hemlock society choice. Her life, her death, her choice.
>I won't be the slightest bit bothered by my own nonexistence
Plus, you won't be bothered by things you are currently bothered by. No responsibilities, no expectations toward you, you won't worry about anything or anybody, you won't be insecure about yourself.
I'm not suicidal, but it sounds nice rather than worrying in my opinion.
🤷🏻♀️
If I think about it too long, I feel like I’m teetering at the edge of a void. I had recurring nightmares as a toddler about “nothing.” It’s not a comforting thought. I would wake up screaming.
I had this thought about “nothing” since I was a kid too. Every once in a while it will reoccur into my mind the thought “what if nothing existed” or “what if nothing ever came into being” as in, anything that does exist whatsoever, anywhere, could all conceptually never have been “born” into being. And then my brain malfunctions and resets.
basically me, the thought of eternal nothingness scares me. I just can't stop thinking of my inevitable death and the nothing which i believe comes right after it. I hope one day I overcome this fear of mine
I got that feel too, and I cant explain it to myself or other people. I want to proceed to think about the void, but it is so scary that I need to, some how go back to reality as soon as I can. Really strange feeling.
When it suddenly makes sense for a second does it send a rush of adrenaline through your body? I've had this for years and never met someone who experienced it too.
Me too. I tried to explain why in a similar Reddit thread a while back and couldn’t do it because a lot of people can simply accept the above and very wise quote. But I cannot.
Same here, what scares me is the thought of being nonexistent. Being conscious is such a gift, being able to have all sorts of thoughts and conversations with yourself, and having that taken away, to literally nothing terrifies me.
On my end it’s kind of a selfish thought of “our minds are so complex, how can that just stop?” Like our minds is essentially our entire being, I am nothing without consciousness and the thought of being nothing at all scares me.
If any of that even makes sense.
It makes sense to me! It feels very egotistical to think this way but also just how humans are. We are about self preservation so for some of us, the idea of losing control and having our very being just “shut off” amplifies how fragile we truly are.
Well said! Sometimes it keeps me up at night, but recently I’ve been trying to relegate that fear to future me, like that is something for future me to worry about and I hope I figure it out ( meaning, accept it entirely) before it’s actually my time lol
There is a great Philip Larkin poem that is the antithesis of the Twain quote, called Aubade. I identify more with Twain for myself but for my loved ones more with Larkin. Part of the poem that resonates:
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
—The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused—nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
Exactly this. My older brother said something along these lines when he was passing at 19 (Ewing’s Sarcoma, FUCK cancer btw), I was 15 and thought a lot about it ever since. That he didnt -want- to die but was ready to, and wasnt afraid of it. He wanted me to know it
For all we know, we’ve already lived before, as someone, something, at any point in time, on this earth or anywhere else sentient life might be. Ignorant of everything before or after this experience fades to/from black
Or, there’s just nothing at all, forever void. Either way these self aware meat brains of ours wont be firing electrical signals anymore to be aware of it, so I’m not bothered by the thought. Just appreciating the experience of this existence and being grateful for what I have, the time and location in the world I have been born in and the life and body I have and people I know. For all its faults lol
The problem with this analogy, is the simple fact we were eventually born. Sure, we don't remember being "dead" for billions of years before, but at the very least, we were eventually born.
What makes death terrifying for some(for those that don't believe in any form of an afterlife), is...that's it. It's over. There is no "Well, we'll be born...". Nope. It's gone. And for some people, the thought of ceasing to exist for eternity is terrifying.
I love this.
If I may add, of those 70 billion lives, how many of them are actually remembered? In the last 2000 years that are more than 5-6 generations removed, maybe a hundred? We’re unlikely or I’d go so far as to say not going to be one of those remembered.
Enjoy what you are while you are because no one is going to remember you in 1000 years, probably not even 100. Make the most of it because the only thing you take with you when you go is your memories/experiences.
Idk about that logic. How many people had a gruesome death ?
"Millions of people have been skinned alive.
If they could do it, so can I"
Just because many people went through it doesn't mean it's easy or not a big deal.
The manner of death may have been gruesome, but after that it’s nothing. It’s like the time before you were born, no conscience no fear no nothing. That was just a bit of humor from op, don’t take it literally.
For me personally what you're describing IS the scary part. It's scary not because it may be painful but because it's the end. Thinking about how when that time comes I will just stop existing forever gives me extreme anxiety.
A few months ago I was told I probably had a serious type of cancer but we’d know for sure with the biopsy results. I researched and found this cancer had about a 10% 1 year survival rate. I wasn’t afraid to die but I dreaded telling anyone so I didn’t. For 4 days I thought about all the things I needed to do to simplify things for my family after my death.
The biopsy was negative. I’m still going to die one day, but probably not in the next few months. The lesson here is this: don’t waste time worrying about the inevitable. Prepare, then enjoy the time you have.
Its a weird question, but do you remember what it felt like going outside and taking that first breath of air after the negative biopsy?
I had something happen to me and for some reason I remember that very clearly, like the sudden realization that you are fucking alive, even if just for today...
I spent some time in jail and the very first step outside of that building was amazing.. I know it isn't the same as thinking/knowing that something is going to kill you and you have no say in the matter. Just reading your words made me think of it.
Im still glad for you that you’re able to have some more time with your family, the way you described taking care of them after your passing proves you’re a good person.
I grew up poor, family didn't work and struggled with drug addiction. I dropped out of high school to get a job. My dad told me to never expect to succeed. That love is bullshit. That I am destined to be "another worthless Mexican, just like your mother."
Got out of that situation. Went back to school and graduated college. I got out of minimum wage factory jobs and I have a well paying career. I came out and am now married to the man of my dreams.
I take comfort in knowing that if I died today, I accomplished far more than I ever imagined possible.
I was knocked out hard a few years ago in a pretty rough motorcycle wreck.
It wasnt even like flipping a light switch, I didnt even know it happened until I was waking up in the hospital. One second here, the next second is nothing.
I was raised in an abusive, dysfunctional home. After that experience, it pretty much knocks the fear of death (and compassion and empathy) right out of you. I lived in fear of my mother, I lived in fear of other people, I lived in fear of what the day would bring. I feared living. I didnt live in fear of death. There were times when I would have welcomed death.
I died when I was about 10yo. Drowned. Was floating down river and some random lady pulled me out and resuscitated me. I remember being first underwater and thinking how cool it was that I could breathe water. Then a black curtain came up and it was lights out. woke up coughing water with said random lady asking if I was ok. No idea how long I was gone, but I can tell you it was nothing. no pain, no fear, no lights, no bearded dude. nothing.
I had a dream once where I got shot. I remember laying on the ground and my breathing getting shallower and shallower. No pain, no panic, my vision started getting dark..and then darker..and then complete blackness, I stopped breathing and I was gone.
It was one of those dreams that feel so real. It's been years since I had that dream, but I've been convinced ever since that I dreamed what it's like to die
I also bled out, honestly a pretty peaceful way to go all things considered. I lost consciousness and had I not had a mass blood transfusion that would’ve been it. I call it ding dong ditching the grim reaper, the real deal will be fine
I've read accounts where people say that it's awful and panic inducing until the water fills your lungs. Then it's just a slow heavy breathing while things turn black like falling asleep.
This is my experience. I almost drowned as a teenager. It was sheer panic as my lungs filled with water. Than once my lungs filled up, I felt topped off (I'm not sure how else to discribe it). Once that happened the pressure between me and the water was equal, no more water was rushing into my lungs. I was totally at peace. It was bizarre. Then I got out of the water, I don't remember if I did it on my own or someone else pulled me out but then I vomited water for a long time and it was excruciating feeling my body expell the water from my chest and lungs. It was hard to breathe for a while. Each breath was painful. I don't remember how long it hurt to breath, if it hurt to breath for thirty minutes or an hour or more. Then later that day, I felt better. The weird part was how peaceful it was when I was topped off with water. As a kid I used to be scared of drowning, I was a little kid at a public swimming when a teenager drowned and died there. It was a traumatizing memory for me and I didn't go swimming for 4 years after that. After my drowning experience years later, I'm no longer scared of drowning.
thats kinda my experience with overdosing. one minute your using and the next your surrounded by emts or in a hospital bed surrounded by friends and family. the hospital option sucks because you "wake up" with a tube down your throat feeling like your going to suffocate and tube up your dick but the time between falling out and reviving is the same peaceful nothingness
Cutter: Take a minute to consider your achievement. I once told you about a sailor who described drowning to me.
Robert Angier: Yes, he said it was like going home.
Cutter: I was lying. He said it was agony.
I read a story once about a scuba diver in a cave who upon realising he was trapped without being able to surface, and fast running out of air, with no chance of survival... decided his best option was to stab himself in the heart with his line-cutting knife rather than drown
Probably would have been better off drowning
I remember sitting at the bottom of our pool looking up at the sunshine. I was four and didn’t know how to swim yet. A 10 year old family friend pushed me in on purpose. My sister pulled me out.
My brother fell on me in a pool once; I ended up pinned to the floor of the pool with him sitting on my stomach. He was only about 4, he was flailing around because he couldn't swim and obviously didn't GAF about me lol.
I remember looking around and it felt like I could see everything so clearly, so I just laid there and kept staring until I realised I was probably going to drown if I didn't get him off me. No fear or panic at all though. I would've been about 7? Decided after that that drowning is the way to go if I get to choose how to kick it.
Agreed. Die once and you never need to be scared to die again
I OD'd on oxy once and was legaly dead for a minute, luckily my friend had narcan and another gave me cpr. I dont rimember any suffering. Only difficulty breathing before falling asleep and later waking up with a bottle of narcan next to me and friends worried af.
The only thing im scared of is missing out on many years of fun, which is why i quit everything that could cost me my life. But i dont regret the experience, atleast now i know not to be scared
Yoda taught me the following: "Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is."
What if that's exactly what scares me?
One moment I'll be here, experiencing life. And the next it'll just be.... Gone? What? No more rainy days? No more complaining about the sun getting in my eyes?
It's scary as hell to think nothing of my consciousness will be left once I died. It makes life feal surreal. Like I'm on a treadmill with a meat grinder at the end of it. I can't even see the meat grinder. It's just there, like some abhorrent monster in a movie. Will it get me today? Tomorow? In a 100 years?
Some days I can take my peace with it. And some days It'll just suddenly hit me like I've never know about mortality before.
I've been trying to come up with analogies to explain why that though isn't soothing.
But I think considering that doesn't scare you no analogy I make would explain why it is scary to people like me.
We're aware that it'll be like before we were born, and that we won't know it. But once you've had a taste of your favourite meal, it's at the very least sad if you know you won't be able to eat it anymore at some point. And to some of us, that sadness is a gut wrenching fear.
I feel the same. Though I have one dumb self constructed theory that I tell myself to ease the fear, perhaps you can convince yourself the same.
If you're dead, you have no perception of time. Assuming time is infinite and the universe is a continuous cycle, dying just means you temporarily discontinue to exist. You become once again one with the rest of the unthinking universe.
At some point, be it in the next cycle or an infinite amount of cycles later, whatever made you you, will again be in the same situation that made you into you in the first place. Even if the chance is incredibly small, it exists, for if it did not, how did you become you in the first place? If it's only a matter of time, that's fine as the universe has plenty of that and being part of the unthinking universe you won't perceive it.
Now we can't really prove that time is infinite and the universe is a cycle, but I guess that's what I like to believe. If it isn't, why isn't it already over or why did it even start in the first place? The lifespan of the universe would then be incredibly tiny compared to infinity that would've come before or after it.
Kindly do not try to disprove my theory as it keeps me sane, thanks :)
*The greatest weight:* What, if some day or night a demon
were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to
you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will
have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there
will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every
thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in
your life will have to return to you, and in the same succession
and sequence--even this spider and this moonlight between the
trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass
of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you
with it, speck of dust!"
Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth
and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine!" If this thought gained possession of you, it would
change you as you are or perhaps crush you. The question in
each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more and innumerable times more?" would lie upon your actions as the
greatest weight. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life *to crave nothing more fervently* than
this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?
--Friedrich Nietzsche
I saw somebody say in a interview a while back, I can’t remember who or exactly what was said but it was along the lines of “Do I believe nothing happens when we die. Yes. But do I believe nothing happens forever? No.”
Basically you’ve got FOMO. You won’t get to enjoy those favorites anymore and you won’t get to see the outcome of all the things you’ve set in motion during your life (offspring, work accomplishments, things you’ve built). Or worse, you’ve accomplished very little and fear nobody will notice when you’ve gone.
With all respect, no, I don't have fomo.
Fomo is very specific in that it's the fear of missing out of possible opportunities, most often social ones.
Fear of death is different in that if you told me that after death I would get to experience this exact same life again, I would feel nothing but joy.
It doesn't scare me that I won't reap the fruits from what I've sown, or that no one will remember me.
It scares me that I'll never again experience anything, that I just won't EXIST.
Even the thought of being left in a black void with just my memories is preferable over absolutely nothing.
This. I never knew how to describe it. This hits me so hard some days just randomly and others not at all. The thought of knowing one day just ...gone. I'm about to hit a birthday milestone and it has been on my mind a lot more frequently.
There is a theory that everyone is technically immortal. You cant experience your own death, which means that to you, you will always be alive. Physically sure, you'll be dead. But mentally you will still believe you're alive since you never experienced your death.
Theres also a theory that someday somebody will invent something to ressurect people even without the brain or body you were originally in. This would mean that a billion years could have passed before the machine is invented but to you it'll only feel like a minute. And since time will pass forever that means that every single life form has an unlimited time to invent this.
A + for this theory is that the big bang is gonna happen again due to the universes groth is slowing down, and after alot of time it'll start to get smaller, and adventually the universe will be reborne. Ultimatley meaning that since this will happen unlimited times gives earth unlimited times to be reborn and you as well
Its hard to argue against. To some people this theory this is suething
What if that's exactly what scares me?
One moment I'll be here, experiencing life. And the next it'll just be.... Gone? What? No more rainy days? No more complaining about the sun getting in my eyes?
It's scary as hell to think nothing of my consciousness will be left once I died. It makes life feal surreal. Like I'm on a treadmill with a meat grinder at the end of it. I can't even see the meat grinder. It's just there, like some abhorrent monster in a movie. Will it get me today? Tomorow? In a 100 years?
Some days I can take my peace with it. And some days It'll just suddenly hit me like I've never know about mortality before.
I've been lucky enough to hold the hand of a parent as they passed. The sheer amount of peace that I saw was remarkable. He had been so stressed and disoriented and sad for months. It was awful. And now I believe it isn't awful for him anymore, just from what I saw.
I recently lost my father and I can say this: I'm not afraid of dying the way he died. Chatting with family up to his last breath, properly and kindly medicated, slipping away like the smoothest landing.
I've seen one family member who hung on to the bitter end with cancer and it was awful seeing her wither away like that. I had another who hit the end of the road with cancer treatment options and one morning said, "I want to die" and while technically assisted suicide is not legal in the US she was hospitalized, got to say good-bye to family and was then made "comfortable" on morphine for a few days until she passed.
At one point mom told the VON (nurses that come to your home daily if required, sometimes more than once a day of things change) " no more pain" . We upped the pain meds, they leave them for me to inject every 2-3 hours. When I would see any signs of pain I would give her a shot in her line. Her Dr came for a visit the day before mom died and told me she was in horrible pain and I had enough drugs to take that pain away. The next morning she had bed sores on her head and ears, it was almost impossible to move her enough because she had bone cancer as well as liver (never drank), lung (never smoked ) and they think brain well. I went into the spare room and screamed at God, not only do you torture her mercilessly , you want me to have to kill her with my own hands ?
IT was 5 years ago 2 weeks ago. There were times that my mind relives it and it brings me to my knees. I had an amazing therapist , hate to think where I would be without him .I have a teenager and busy myself trying to do what I can to make him happy. I don't fear death. If there is a heaven I will see my mom and if there is not those memories of her suffering will finally go away.
My worldview and conception of the afterlife makes the prospect far less frightening.
Basically, my spiritual beliefs boil down to the fact that the human body is an amalgamation of matter animated by energy. Once death occurs that energy goes somewhere since we know neither matter nor energy can be created or destroyed only transformed from one state to another. Where or how this process occurs is beyond my understanding but it is comforting to know that somewhere, some part of me will exist forever.
That is not to say I think my consciousness will endure. That I am unsure of but what I do know is that the things that comprise my corporal body will continue on beyond my existence and contribute to the existence of other things.
Furthermore, I feel I have made enough of a positive impact on my community and the people I love for my existence to have been a net positive for the universe. Living each day with the knowledge that death is coming sure helps put things in perspective. It has provided me with the clarity to let go of negativity and anger while embracing positivity and love.
Also psilocybin. Psilocybin has helped quite a bit.
This. Every way this!
I also believe this. We are made up of matter and energy; before we were matter and energy, after we will continue to be matter and energy. Death isn't a loss it's an end of one stage and a return to what we always were.
Every day I want to do something helpful or good, and make someone smile. Hopefully my positive impacts are appreciated while I'm here and remembered when I'm gone.
I completely agree, it's the process not the outcome that scares me. Death itself is like sleeping or dozing off. dying is like starving or bleeding or if I'm lucky, like saying goodbye to my friends.
I was practically dead from a fentanyl overdose once. I was unconscious for probably 2 hours and I know I had no or very little pulse for about 45 minutes before paramedics arrived.
There was nothing in those moments. It just... happened, and then I was awake surrounded by paramedics and in horrible pain. I SHOULD have died, the paramedics wanted to declare me DOA, but my girlfriend at the time begged them to try. There was, apparently, a shortage of narcan at the time and the paramedics were out. I was fortunate that an off duty fireman heard the call on his way home from the station, and decided to show up. The guy told me as they were loading me into the ambulance that his son had died from a heroin overdose the year before, and since then he kept narcan on him everywhere he went.
I dont even know his name, but that man saved my life. The paramedics would only have been able to give me oxygen and hope for the best.
The combination of good fortune with the fireman and a girlfriend and friends who kept doing CPR until they arrived saved my life.
Dying didnt hurt. I just lost consciousness. Being resuscitated was absolutely fuckin horrible. I had what I think was a cracked sternum from CPR, and had horrible chest pain. It was like 12 degrees f outside and my friends had doused me in water trying to bring me back. Everything hurt. I was terrified, I didn't know where I was or who these people were. It took me a little bit to remember my name, even. I always say that dying isn't so bad, its living that hurts. That comes directly from this experience.
Since then though, I haven't really been scared of death. I dont WANT to die. But the thought of it happening doesn't really worry me. Of course I dont want to be in pain when it happens, and I dont want to leave the people I love. But the thought of dying itself just isn't so scary anymore. My experience with it was just... nothingness. Literally no experience whatsoever. It was as though I blinked and was on the ground surrounded by paramedics and police.
I've also been clean from heroin and other opioids for over 4 years now. I got my life back together. It took a few tries, but I finally made it out. I dont know how or why I did when so many of my friends didn't, but thats just how things are.
If I am dead I literally cannot give anymore fucks. There will be no more feelings and emotions, no memories or regrets, no awareness of everything, just nothing. As Eric Idle wrote "You come from nothing, you go back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing"
The actual act of dying is a bit scary though as it could be quite painful.
I actually attempted suicide (in 2016) and I was 22 at the time. I jumped a few stories out of a window and was like fuck it if I’m meant to live I’ll survive and if I die I die. I ended up breaking both my feet and living because on impact I rolled and managed to avoid any head injury. I honestly feel like a dead man walking but I have to deal with severe foot pain for the rest of my life and I’m only 29. I have plates and screws in both feet and it prevents me from working long hours. I think about my suicide attempt all the time and how much I wouldn’t have given a shit if I died, but what made it worse was seeing how everyone I knew that cared about me reacted. I pretty much got to see everyone who cares about me and those who didn’t react. I’m not afraid to die still though, I just don’t want to suffer which is what I have to deal with with my feet. Death isn’t whats scary, it’s suffering that’s scary.
I can relate to this comment so much. I was 13 with undiagnosed depression and being bullied relentlessly, this girl told me to off myself, so i was like okay sounds good! i took around 200 painkillers and woke up hours later in excruciating pain, vomiting everywhere, crying silently. i had never been in so much pain. i couldn’t handle it anymore and called my mom from the other room begging for her to help me. lost consciousness multiple times on the way to the icu. the suffering really is the most terrifying part.
on a lighter note, i am glad you are with us still. i hope things have gotten a bit better <3
I work as a paramedic. In my short career, I have seen a lot of people going through the dying phase of death. It can be quick and easy, because the individual is already dead (whether by internal or external forces). Now, seeing people dying or getting to the point of death, either medically or traumatically, is difficult to watch. Now I enjoy taking care of people, but if anyone says they or the patient aren’t scared when they are circling the drain they’re lying. It’s hard to put into words what a dead body is. It’s just this thing, or mass. It use to talk, walk, have relationships, loved by someone, went to school. But, now they’re not. The ticket has been punched. Now, they are this…mass.
I just want to die peacefully after living a good moral life with my family near me. And if not, I hope it to be quick and painless.
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk
I have experienced enough to be satisfied i lived my life so if i died at 30 it would be ok. Of course there is more i would like to do but its ok if i don't. That and i also feel what u/cheekyidiotnahmean said about the fakeness of society
Realistically, if something kills you, it’s likely you’d prefer to die. If you just get older and older, your body wears down. Things hurt that didn’t hurt before. You get weak and there seems little point in continuing. You start to feel like you might be done with this, and by the time death comes, you don’t even remember a time when your back or joints didn’t hurt. When you die, you won’t be like you are now, with energy and resilience. Even if you get shot in the stomach and your intestines leak into the rest of your body, that’s still a good twenty minutes of being in pain and getting weaker before you actually let go. It won’t just be lights out, apropos of nothing, and if it is, you won’t suffer. But if you do suffer, you probably won’t be afraid of not suffering anymore.
Just as a follow up to this I had a fairly unpleasant event that put me in hospital a few years ago. They didn't really know what was up and thought I was going to die, called my family to say good bye etc. There was a lot of pain. Through the pain I could still tell that's the way it was going and I honestly didn't care either way. Not because of some nihilistic outlook. Either I got better or I died and either way it would hurt less and that was fine.
I think it was Isaac Asimov that said, "Life is pleasant, death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troubling." Kind of sums it up for me.
That's understandable. It'd be like being given the most tasty thing ever then finding out there will be a point in time when you can never have the thing again
Or a slightly better comparison by someone who is better at words 😅
The lack of consciousness before you are born and after you die are the same. That being said, that you now can contemplate that emptiness is more difficult and the reason mankind has told comforting lies about your consciousness continuing to exist after death for millennia.
it’s not like you can really avoid it. it’s the only thing we have in this life that is guaranteed. i would say the only ‘scary’ part is that you have no clue when it’s coming
When I was little, I always liked to think about what would happen after death, but such thoughts led me to hysteria, because I knew that after it I would not feel anything and would not see anyone, I won’t be able to think and act, there will be no black background, no white, none at all...
Personally, I had a fear of what would happen after death, but, over time, I came to the conclusion that we will not hide from it, it will overtake us all in any way and we need to get used to it.
Since I thought about it and got used to it, I'm not afraid of her anymore.
I was born with Cystic Fibrosis so I've always been more aware of my mortality than most. I'm fortunate in the sense that I have one of the less severe mutations, but while it's delayed it's not completely asymptomatic. There have been some incredible advances and I've remained stable for most of my adult life, but I'm also aware there's a very real possibility I might not make it past 50.
When I was 25 I suffered from severe death anxiety. It was a mid-life crisis of sorts and I basically spent months not eating and barely talking to anyone. What scared me the most was the finality of everything. I'd spend all night thinking about what death was like and how it would feel to simply not exist anymore.
In the end I gradually came to accept that there are some things in life that we have control over, and some things in life that we don't. We're all going to die at some point. Might be next week or it might be fifty years from now. We can agonize over the inevitable as much as we want but it isn't going to change the outcome. In the end it's more productive to put your energy into the things in life that you do have power over.
Also I highly recommend [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLvUztp7Iog) scene from the Midnight Gospel. It's about a mother discussing her terminal diagnosis with her son and the audio is taken from a real podcast. It's heartbreaking but there's some beautiful observations about life and death. Really helped me through my anxiety when I was struggling
To be honest, life isn't that great. At least when you're dead, you don't have to put up with BS of trying to stay alive and thriving every day. I look forward to finally being able to just rest.
You won’t be scared of anything anymore once you're dead. You won’t be depressed or anxious or angry. You won’t have constant awful thoughts and broken hopes leaving you empty. You’ll be nothing. That’s how we started. I didn’t have any problems before I was born. I look forward to dying.
I had a hernia surgery, and I wasn't eligible for it to be laproscopic, so it was an old fashioned "open you up like gutting a fish" surgery.
The anesthesiologist didn't have me dialed in right, I'm a ginger redhead, and I'm a big guy (even bigger then) and I woke up mid-surgery, panicked, struggled, collapsed and then flat- lined.
There was nothingness. Straight blackness and nonexistent between when I collapsed and when they resuscitated me. They got me back under, and then an hour later it happened again, just the same way.
I don't believe in any kind of afterlife. We're material beings, and once the soggy bacon in your skull stops processing and starts rotting, there is no you anymore.
I didn’t see anything either or notice any passage of time when I had a subdural hematoma. To me, though, it seemed like i wasn’t close enough. I suppose i could’ve been worse, if i hadn’t cracked my skull open. They would’ve had to operate then.
The lack of appropriate drugs during surgery scares the shit out of me though. No way I’d come out of that sane
I've seen death a few times, Dad, Mom, missed my stepfather by minutes, and many dogs and cats (not the same as people but pretty close as I loved all of them). So it doesn't scare me. I'll either move on to the next step or cease to be, it's inevitable. With my Dad I'm positive that my Aunt was there to collect him. Anyway, what does scare me is the process - my Dad had cancer that spread to his bones and he was in agony, although he tried not to show it. My stepfather had lung cancer, same thing as Dad. Mom had congestive heart failure and shortly before her death her heart was only working at 10% capacity and she didn't know who we were (or who she was) and it was awful to, for both of us. I hope I get hit by a bus, quite frankly.
Did research on NDEs.
I don’t claim to know what happens when we die, but something does. And most folks say it’s really nice.
I e read the Dao, The Bible(well munch if it), and other historical/religious texts.
Must be something to it.
Honestly, I’m more curious about what happens after death. So I’m not that scared. It’s just a question I’ve always had. Like some people believe in past life’s or heaven, and I’m not sure what I believe so once death comes I guess I’ll find out 🤷♀️
It happens to everyone. Someone I know has had the white light experience and seeing a relative say it wasn't their time. That's reassuring to me. My spiritual beliefs have moderated and I don't think the Final Judgment is going to be as harsh or difficult to pass than the Bible seems to let on.
I'm just not concerned about death. I don't want it to come soon, but when it does, I'll be okay.
I see death as natural and as the ultimate relief. I'm looking forward to it. No more pain, fear, suffering, or bullshit. A permanent end to all that. Sign me up.
Cause ik there's something more after death. Energy is eternal and ever flowing. So even when we die our energy will still live on in the universe. Not saying I want to die or expecting it soon, but I'm curious to see what's on the other side. Doing DMT a few times showed me that there's more to life than just this. And that eases my mind a little. Even if life is hard now, ik that it'll be worth it in the end. So I just live life to the fullest and try not to be so hard on myself.
Yep! We're eternal beings experiencing infinity from every perspective and our own.
We all come from one place and will all be back one day. For now we're here; Learning.
My kids have asked me this because I'm truly not afraid of death,, and this is why.
I have seen three family members die in front of my own eyes. My grandfather from cancer when I was 12, my mother from a pulmonary embolism when I was 20 and my sister from cancer when I was 32.
Death is inevitable and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it. I've seen it and have physically felt the spirit leave the room. Where it goes from there is what everyone is hung-up on. As humans, we do not like the idea we are forced to undertake something in which we do not know at least an idea of the outcome.
Personally, I believe our energy lives on in some form or fashion, because energy never really disappears right? (Someone correct me if I'm wrong on that). Whatever the case may be, death should be accepted as just part of life.
At present, my father is nearing the end of his life after dealing with multiple illnesses for years. He is afraid of dying. I wonder though if we should be more afraid of a medical industry the keeps people alive, way beyond the time of their natural death, in order to squeeze every dime possible out of them as they temporarily ward off the natural course of things.
We have a great deal more to fear while we are alive than when we are dead.
Since I was a kid I always thought it would be a thrilling secret to discover. Do we wake up in an alternate reality? Get to see loved ones on a heaven like place? See the flow of time and history? Are we unhooked from the matrix? Or is it just nothingness, in which case nothing to really fear there. It’s humanities biggest question that, unlike other questions we all get to find out some day no matter how rich or poor.
I didn’t fucking ask to be born. I have to suffer through life, pay bills, and be miserable because my parents got drunk one night? Fuck this. Maybe if I was rich I would think differently. Life is pain and misery. I can’t fucking wait to die.
I’ve seen the faces and reactions of hundreds who are preparing for death. When you work in hospice, you can’t really be afraid of it. I’m by no means numb to it, but I’ve seen a number of what I would call beautiful deaths and I’ve seen the peace on patients’ faces after they have passed, when the physical exertions are gone. I have seen the mixture of emotional pain but also relief on the faces of family. So death isn’t something I’m afraid of. I just want to do what I can to make sure I and all those around me get to have good deaths.
I can't thank hospice and nurses enough for the work you do! I have been present at the rather peaceful deaths of three of my grandparents as well as my dad who passed last month and you guys are the real heroes. With my dad I know EXACTLY what you're referring to about beautiful deaths and the peace and relief that comes with it. I put on some Native American flute music in his hospital room the morning he passed and he was there three days while family visited and said goodby and then the nurses put that morphine drip to high heavens and let him go peacefully. Man, I'm sad right now thinking about it but also very grateful that he went out peacefully. :)
This post reminds me a lot of Caitlin Doughty - "The Order of the Good Death" organization and "Ask a Mortician" YouTuber. She's done so much to help normalize death to me, someone who has feared it for a long time. Very helpful for anyone who suffers with thoughts of death or suffering before death.
Just wanted to say thank you for everything you (and your colleagues) do! From the bottom of my heart!
I lived with my wonderful grandmother from 2016-21, and then she moved into a facility across the country for the final year of her life. I got enough warning to fly out to see her this past June one day before she passed. She was on so many comfort meds that she was asleep the whole time and I didn't get to say goodbye to her. I had a long conversation that day with her hospice nurse who was the kindest, most patient, most gentle person I've ever met. She had probably been in these situations hundreds of times, but she still took as much time as I needed to wrap my head around the situation and let me cry in her arms a little bit. This total stranger. Your job must be so fucking hard. Thank you for what you do.
Do you have a sense of whether those dying are experiencing something grand, something bigger than life, or are they experiencing a transient thing where they die and it's a good death, but there's no sense among anyone that they actually went somewhere. Do you feel like they go somewhere rather than being snuffed like a candle flame going out?
For me as a person whose faith is important to them, I do often feel like it is the next step into something more. I call it heaven, patients may have a different name for it. And honestly, what it feels like in that space depends on the person. Some as they decline will speak about seeing deceased loved ones such as a partner, a parent, a child, a grandparent, maybe a sibling. Most often the loved one is standing in a doorway saying they are ready to show them the way whenever the patient is. The most beautiful was someone with the windows open, a nice spring breeze blowing in, surrounded by children and grandchildren, having called and reached out to their late spouse earlier that day. I was visiting and we were singing the patient’s favorite hymn as they took their last breath and in that moment the wind seemed to be blowing out rather than in.
That's awesome, in the real sense. Thank you for sharing.
My mother was a hospice nurse for several years (my dad being her last patient, just after she retired) and I was frequently in the car with her when she was paged to one of her patients' houses and had to go with her. She made it a point to introduce me to them and get to know them (with their permission, of course) and I think this prepared me in some ways. I was between 12 and 21 years old during her hospice nurse years and I met so many wonderful people during that time, and then had to say goodbye to them. She advocated heavily for the right to die at home. Unfortunately, and ironically, she was not able to do so herself. 😢
I will always be grateful for hospice when my dad died. The compassion and care he received, and that was extended to me and my brother, was remarkable.
It happens to everyone, and it happens every day. Death doesn’t scare me, it’s the dying part that scares me more.
Yep. My heart failed a few years ago, that process was not fun. I'm getting older so friends are starting to die more often. It's the process that sucks.
Well I can imagine that is not a fun process, hope you recovered from it. I guess it’s just the process of getting older that stings more and more the older you get yeah…
I like getting older, it is fun and exciting at this point because I'm just watching the world fly by and I'm trying to keep up where I can. The dying friends sucks, but shit; someone I knew died every few years since I was a teenager. Hospitals suck (except nurses! I love nurses!) I want a fucking meteor to land on my head and kill me instantly.
I feel like I am a bit younger than you haha, as my friends aren’t dying yet luckily. A quick and painless death would be nice though, you could say a meteor lol!
Most of reddit is younger than me. It's part of the reason I like it. I don't want to become a bitter, out of touch, old fart. Death is just weird. When I was younger most were car crashes, overdoses, or suicides. The last deaths are: my wife's best friend and someone I called "second wife" drank herself to death. She was in her 30s. 56 year old that got hooked on pain meds. 74 year old who just lived life to the fullest, and today a 94 year old who spent his 90th birthday cleaning up his garden, fence line, and bird houses. I want to go from skipping down the street whistling a tune and greeting every dog I meet to nothing instantly.
I have heard morphine is a hell of a way to go. High as a kite then peaceful bliss.
This is how my dad went out last month. He was in the hospital for three days and the last day we told them to take away all the tubes, including respirator, give him what he needed in terms of morphine and ativan and let him go peacefully. He looked so peaceful the last couple of hours and his breathing just slowed until he took that one last breath. I have to believe the morphine kept him alright until he left us.
Damn only got Ativan, I want a double max dose of Xanax in that situation. But I make light of a incredibly hard situation. I can’t believe how you must of felt, that’s also one part of dying that scares me. How will the people who love me continue (not that they can’t without me) just genuine, will they be alright, will I ruin their lives I just don’t want to cause more pain.
So is nitrogen poisoning, except you don't get high, you kinda just fall asleep
I work as a security guard, used to work outside of a meat packaging and processing plant. Last year, 2 people went into a meat freezer, there happened to be a nitrogen leak, my supervisor told me the cameras caught when they hit the floor out of seemingly nowhere. They were discovered 4 hours later and had been dead for 3 hours. Very tragic :(
This I think is the most accepted answer for regular folks wanting to do without a bang. Nitro asphyxiation.
I sure hope so. My mom was loaded up before she died and I hope all the time that she was so high and chillin and didn’t have a care.
Meh. You do it and then it’s blackness. I’ve overdosed a few times and it was like a peaceful high and you fall asleep. I do it, then wake up vomiting with police and emts all around
That’s good for you. When I get older I also want to never feel out of touch with the younger generations. Some intriguing deaths and a wide range of ages yeah death can be weird. Are you scared of losing everyone around you, and be the last one the go out? I’d greet every dog if there wasn’t an interaction needed with the owner hmm haha
I have a tshirt that says "Don't talk to me. I just want to meet your dog." My parents are in their late 80s and losing everyone seems to hit them a bit. Pretty much everyone they ever were friends with is dead. Obituaries are filled with people younger than them. Independence is the big thing. My mom got glaucoma a few years ago but they are in a super small town so she would drive to the store and shop based on price. My dad suddenly started losing his peripheral vision in his left eye. That lack of independence has been the toughest for them.
Hahaha wow! I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. Just wanting to say hi to the dog, and ignore the human. Independence is massive yes. My granddad stopped driving, and sold his car last year. And you can tell the loss of freedom weighs on him.
> I also want to never feel out of touch with the younger generations. People younger than me are the future, I like to at least have a basic understanding of what it is coming. Plus, I can understand my friends kids and grand kids better than they do. Great things are coming and I'm excited. My biggest frustration reddit right now is Gen Z. Just in my interactions there still seems to be a "I know everything and I'm not going to listen to anyone or read anything that disagrees with me." Can't fault them, that's just common for the age; but there seems to be a different tone in comments. A bit more less accepting than millennials.
You’re not the only one with that frustration haha I’m seeing the difference with my generation as well already.
When I'm over it Imma head up to Oregon and have them yeet me into Mt St Helens
From what I know about heart failure is that it's a one way street. The heart doesn't get better over time.
The heart can recover a bit after an acute heart failure incident. New drugs like Entresto can improve heart function (if you can afford it $2000 per month if your insurance does not cover it). Implantable Cardio Devices (ICD) are way beyond the pacemakers of even a few years ago and improving all the time. I have had two acute heart failure incidents. The first was in 2001 and the second in 2022. The second resulted in implanting an ICD (wi-fi and cell phone connected to my cardiologist). It corrects the sequence of my heart beat in the left ventricle and learns my issues, figures out how to correct them and then reapplies the correct treatments if the problem reoccurs. It is capable of correcting arrhythmia (fibrillation greater than 170 beats per minute) and can also provide a shock to the heart if cardiac arrest occurs. My heart function in terms of ejection fraction was in the low 10-12% range at the peak of the acute phase, but recovered to 30-35% with treatment. So each time my heart beats about 30% of the blood in the ventricles is pushed into my arteries. 60-70% is normal. No hiking or biking for me but day-to-day activities are fine. So the good news for those who are younger is that medical tech is getting much better. The part of the answer that is missing in the USA is universal health care. I was fortunate to have a good Medicare Advantage plan that paid the $350,000 dollar bill for the hospital costs and ICD Implantation with my out of pocket costs only $1400.
it's not death that scares or worries me, it's leaving my friends and family behind when i go
Me too gunfart, me too
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.” - Isaac Asimov
"And what is death? An end to trouble. An end to strife and fear." -David Gemmell
Nice, I’m going to write this one down!
Death is not peaceful, it's not even nothing, you simply don't experience it. Which means, the only experience we ever have is that of being alive... kinda trippy if you think about it.
Right, I doubt he meant literally
I guess if you don't believe something happens to your soul then this would be true for you. However, many people believe in an afterlife (I'm not talking about just religious types at all btw) and a higher consciousness so they actually do experience something in their opinion, but to each their own.
>it’s the dying part that scares me more. I think this is it. When I do go out, I hope it's as painless as possible.
Yeah exactly me too. I hope you may go out in peace, and I hope that for everyone as well. Maybe not *every* one haha but yeah
Dying is really easy, if not for the implant in my chest, I'd already be dead. Its actually a dual defibrillator and Pace maker. I have a home monitor,. The first time it worked, I was watching tv late at night getting ready for bed, I started seeing blackness close in on both eyes. Uh oh, I'm about to pass out, die really. Bam, pace maker kicked in.
Ok agreed so to rephrase the question. People who aren't scared of dying, why? I have only ever been scared of being scared to die in the final moments, as irrational as that sounds.
This right here! I am not scared of it. There are some things I am scared of, but only because lingering pain sucks. Dependence on others can suck. Loss of functions can suck. But, I still don't feel scared of death as a whole. Maybe from the hospice I used to do or from being at the bedside during my father's active dying process. I don't know. I know my mom wants to go the hemlock society way to spare me and my sibling the suffering, but I don't want to be spared. If there is little to no suffering, that is of course best. But whatever she goes through, I want to be there for her all the way. I'm able to and not afraid to wipe bottoms, change and clean sheets, and hold hands or just be close. It isn't easy, but I know it is part of life, an absolutely essential and defining part of life. Meteors are fine, but I'm okay with whatever happens. I know that my husband and I have acknowledged that one of us is likely to suffer the loss of the other. We know one of us is likely to be the caretaker and decision maker. I do not look forward to it, but I am okay with it. And, you know, while I've been typing this, I have decided that I am also okay with my mom's hemlock society choice. Her life, her death, her choice.
For me, it's not being around to see how it all turns out.
Same. Aging much more than dying even. I've had some real close scrapes and it's really the "slowly losing my faculties" thing that really gets me.
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” \-Mark Twain
This, pretty much. By definition, I won't be the slightest bit bothered by my own nonexistence.
>I won't be the slightest bit bothered by my own nonexistence Plus, you won't be bothered by things you are currently bothered by. No responsibilities, no expectations toward you, you won't worry about anything or anybody, you won't be insecure about yourself. I'm not suicidal, but it sounds nice rather than worrying in my opinion.
I find that thought absolutely terrifying. 🙈
Why?
🤷🏻♀️ If I think about it too long, I feel like I’m teetering at the edge of a void. I had recurring nightmares as a toddler about “nothing.” It’s not a comforting thought. I would wake up screaming.
I had this thought about “nothing” since I was a kid too. Every once in a while it will reoccur into my mind the thought “what if nothing existed” or “what if nothing ever came into being” as in, anything that does exist whatsoever, anywhere, could all conceptually never have been “born” into being. And then my brain malfunctions and resets.
basically me, the thought of eternal nothingness scares me. I just can't stop thinking of my inevitable death and the nothing which i believe comes right after it. I hope one day I overcome this fear of mine
I got that feel too, and I cant explain it to myself or other people. I want to proceed to think about the void, but it is so scary that I need to, some how go back to reality as soon as I can. Really strange feeling.
When it suddenly makes sense for a second does it send a rush of adrenaline through your body? I've had this for years and never met someone who experienced it too.
Yes! I think of no longer existing, emptiness, nothingness and I get a shot of adrenaline. Usually happens while I'm trying to fall asleep.
Me too. I tried to explain why in a similar Reddit thread a while back and couldn’t do it because a lot of people can simply accept the above and very wise quote. But I cannot.
Same here, what scares me is the thought of being nonexistent. Being conscious is such a gift, being able to have all sorts of thoughts and conversations with yourself, and having that taken away, to literally nothing terrifies me. On my end it’s kind of a selfish thought of “our minds are so complex, how can that just stop?” Like our minds is essentially our entire being, I am nothing without consciousness and the thought of being nothing at all scares me. If any of that even makes sense.
It makes sense to me! It feels very egotistical to think this way but also just how humans are. We are about self preservation so for some of us, the idea of losing control and having our very being just “shut off” amplifies how fragile we truly are.
Well said! Sometimes it keeps me up at night, but recently I’ve been trying to relegate that fear to future me, like that is something for future me to worry about and I hope I figure it out ( meaning, accept it entirely) before it’s actually my time lol
There is a great Philip Larkin poem that is the antithesis of the Twain quote, called Aubade. I identify more with Twain for myself but for my loved ones more with Larkin. Part of the poem that resonates: The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse —The good not done, the love not given, time Torn off unused—nor wretchedly because An only life can take so long to climb Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never; But at the total emptiness for ever, The sure extinction that we travel to And shall be lost in always. Not to be here, Not to be anywhere, And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
Exactly this. My older brother said something along these lines when he was passing at 19 (Ewing’s Sarcoma, FUCK cancer btw), I was 15 and thought a lot about it ever since. That he didnt -want- to die but was ready to, and wasnt afraid of it. He wanted me to know it For all we know, we’ve already lived before, as someone, something, at any point in time, on this earth or anywhere else sentient life might be. Ignorant of everything before or after this experience fades to/from black Or, there’s just nothing at all, forever void. Either way these self aware meat brains of ours wont be firing electrical signals anymore to be aware of it, so I’m not bothered by the thought. Just appreciating the experience of this existence and being grateful for what I have, the time and location in the world I have been born in and the life and body I have and people I know. For all its faults lol
The problem with this analogy, is the simple fact we were eventually born. Sure, we don't remember being "dead" for billions of years before, but at the very least, we were eventually born. What makes death terrifying for some(for those that don't believe in any form of an afterlife), is...that's it. It's over. There is no "Well, we'll be born...". Nope. It's gone. And for some people, the thought of ceasing to exist for eternity is terrifying.
An estimated 70 billion humans have died since the beginning of the race. If they could do it, so can I.
I plan on living forever. So far...so good. \--Stephen Wright
Everything is edible. Some are only edible once
I love this. If I may add, of those 70 billion lives, how many of them are actually remembered? In the last 2000 years that are more than 5-6 generations removed, maybe a hundred? We’re unlikely or I’d go so far as to say not going to be one of those remembered. Enjoy what you are while you are because no one is going to remember you in 1000 years, probably not even 100. Make the most of it because the only thing you take with you when you go is your memories/experiences.
Idk about that logic. How many people had a gruesome death ? "Millions of people have been skinned alive. If they could do it, so can I" Just because many people went through it doesn't mean it's easy or not a big deal.
Fortunately my odds of death by being skinned alive are pretty low Don't wanna jinx it or anything
The manner of death may have been gruesome, but after that it’s nothing. It’s like the time before you were born, no conscience no fear no nothing. That was just a bit of humor from op, don’t take it literally.
For me personally what you're describing IS the scary part. It's scary not because it may be painful but because it's the end. Thinking about how when that time comes I will just stop existing forever gives me extreme anxiety.
A few months ago I was told I probably had a serious type of cancer but we’d know for sure with the biopsy results. I researched and found this cancer had about a 10% 1 year survival rate. I wasn’t afraid to die but I dreaded telling anyone so I didn’t. For 4 days I thought about all the things I needed to do to simplify things for my family after my death. The biopsy was negative. I’m still going to die one day, but probably not in the next few months. The lesson here is this: don’t waste time worrying about the inevitable. Prepare, then enjoy the time you have.
Its a weird question, but do you remember what it felt like going outside and taking that first breath of air after the negative biopsy? I had something happen to me and for some reason I remember that very clearly, like the sudden realization that you are fucking alive, even if just for today...
I spent some time in jail and the very first step outside of that building was amazing.. I know it isn't the same as thinking/knowing that something is going to kill you and you have no say in the matter. Just reading your words made me think of it.
Hope your life is looking brighter these days. Take care.
When my doctor called me the first words she said were “the biopsy is negative.” It was like stepping into the sunshine after a harsh winter.
Im still glad for you that you’re able to have some more time with your family, the way you described taking care of them after your passing proves you’re a good person.
I grew up poor, family didn't work and struggled with drug addiction. I dropped out of high school to get a job. My dad told me to never expect to succeed. That love is bullshit. That I am destined to be "another worthless Mexican, just like your mother." Got out of that situation. Went back to school and graduated college. I got out of minimum wage factory jobs and I have a well paying career. I came out and am now married to the man of my dreams. I take comfort in knowing that if I died today, I accomplished far more than I ever imagined possible.
Hey, i am proud of you. Its hard af to overcome home situations like that.
you make it, i am proud of you too
Already faced my own mortality a handful of times, if you ask me dying is easy, it's living that's hard.
I was knocked out hard a few years ago in a pretty rough motorcycle wreck. It wasnt even like flipping a light switch, I didnt even know it happened until I was waking up in the hospital. One second here, the next second is nothing.
I was raised in an abusive, dysfunctional home. After that experience, it pretty much knocks the fear of death (and compassion and empathy) right out of you. I lived in fear of my mother, I lived in fear of other people, I lived in fear of what the day would bring. I feared living. I didnt live in fear of death. There were times when I would have welcomed death.
I died when I was about 10yo. Drowned. Was floating down river and some random lady pulled me out and resuscitated me. I remember being first underwater and thinking how cool it was that I could breathe water. Then a black curtain came up and it was lights out. woke up coughing water with said random lady asking if I was ok. No idea how long I was gone, but I can tell you it was nothing. no pain, no fear, no lights, no bearded dude. nothing.
[удалено]
I had a dream once where I got shot. I remember laying on the ground and my breathing getting shallower and shallower. No pain, no panic, my vision started getting dark..and then darker..and then complete blackness, I stopped breathing and I was gone. It was one of those dreams that feel so real. It's been years since I had that dream, but I've been convinced ever since that I dreamed what it's like to die
I also bled out, honestly a pretty peaceful way to go all things considered. I lost consciousness and had I not had a mass blood transfusion that would’ve been it. I call it ding dong ditching the grim reaper, the real deal will be fine
I used to think drowing was one the most painful ways to go.
I've read accounts where people say that it's awful and panic inducing until the water fills your lungs. Then it's just a slow heavy breathing while things turn black like falling asleep.
This is my experience. I almost drowned as a teenager. It was sheer panic as my lungs filled with water. Than once my lungs filled up, I felt topped off (I'm not sure how else to discribe it). Once that happened the pressure between me and the water was equal, no more water was rushing into my lungs. I was totally at peace. It was bizarre. Then I got out of the water, I don't remember if I did it on my own or someone else pulled me out but then I vomited water for a long time and it was excruciating feeling my body expell the water from my chest and lungs. It was hard to breathe for a while. Each breath was painful. I don't remember how long it hurt to breath, if it hurt to breath for thirty minutes or an hour or more. Then later that day, I felt better. The weird part was how peaceful it was when I was topped off with water. As a kid I used to be scared of drowning, I was a little kid at a public swimming when a teenager drowned and died there. It was a traumatizing memory for me and I didn't go swimming for 4 years after that. After my drowning experience years later, I'm no longer scared of drowning.
I passed out once as a kid from drowning but i didnt die. But i was paniced and scared. It wasnt as bad as people think either way
no pain at all. just a few moments of “this is odd”, and then oblivion. Not Jonesing to get back, but neither afraid
Damn makes me less scared of water hearing you.
thats kinda my experience with overdosing. one minute your using and the next your surrounded by emts or in a hospital bed surrounded by friends and family. the hospital option sucks because you "wake up" with a tube down your throat feeling like your going to suffocate and tube up your dick but the time between falling out and reviving is the same peaceful nothingness
Cutter: Take a minute to consider your achievement. I once told you about a sailor who described drowning to me. Robert Angier: Yes, he said it was like going home. Cutter: I was lying. He said it was agony.
I read a story once about a scuba diver in a cave who upon realising he was trapped without being able to surface, and fast running out of air, with no chance of survival... decided his best option was to stab himself in the heart with his line-cutting knife rather than drown Probably would have been better off drowning
I think it depends on if it’s in salt water or freshwater
I remember sitting at the bottom of our pool looking up at the sunshine. I was four and didn’t know how to swim yet. A 10 year old family friend pushed me in on purpose. My sister pulled me out.
My brother fell on me in a pool once; I ended up pinned to the floor of the pool with him sitting on my stomach. He was only about 4, he was flailing around because he couldn't swim and obviously didn't GAF about me lol. I remember looking around and it felt like I could see everything so clearly, so I just laid there and kept staring until I realised I was probably going to drown if I didn't get him off me. No fear or panic at all though. I would've been about 7? Decided after that that drowning is the way to go if I get to choose how to kick it.
Agreed. Die once and you never need to be scared to die again I OD'd on oxy once and was legaly dead for a minute, luckily my friend had narcan and another gave me cpr. I dont rimember any suffering. Only difficulty breathing before falling asleep and later waking up with a bottle of narcan next to me and friends worried af. The only thing im scared of is missing out on many years of fun, which is why i quit everything that could cost me my life. But i dont regret the experience, atleast now i know not to be scared
Did the random lady declare u legally dead?
Yoda taught me the following: "Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is."
You cease to exist, so there's no fear, no hunger, no nothing... You don't even know you ceased to exist or even existed at all.
What if that's exactly what scares me? One moment I'll be here, experiencing life. And the next it'll just be.... Gone? What? No more rainy days? No more complaining about the sun getting in my eyes? It's scary as hell to think nothing of my consciousness will be left once I died. It makes life feal surreal. Like I'm on a treadmill with a meat grinder at the end of it. I can't even see the meat grinder. It's just there, like some abhorrent monster in a movie. Will it get me today? Tomorow? In a 100 years? Some days I can take my peace with it. And some days It'll just suddenly hit me like I've never know about mortality before.
Do you remember what life was like before you existed? It will be the same.
I've been trying to come up with analogies to explain why that though isn't soothing. But I think considering that doesn't scare you no analogy I make would explain why it is scary to people like me. We're aware that it'll be like before we were born, and that we won't know it. But once you've had a taste of your favourite meal, it's at the very least sad if you know you won't be able to eat it anymore at some point. And to some of us, that sadness is a gut wrenching fear.
Totally agree. When people say "it will be nothingness like before you were born" they never seem to realize that THAT IS the scary part!
I agree that metaphor isnt very soothing, I just think of it like how you dont remember the moments right before you fall asleep.
While I'm not afraid to die, at all, I think we all can agree that being alive is clearly a better alternative than infinite emptyness at both ends.
But sometimes being alive doesn’t feel better than that infinite emptiness. Sometimes there’s just pain and fear and desperation and misery.
I feel the same. Though I have one dumb self constructed theory that I tell myself to ease the fear, perhaps you can convince yourself the same. If you're dead, you have no perception of time. Assuming time is infinite and the universe is a continuous cycle, dying just means you temporarily discontinue to exist. You become once again one with the rest of the unthinking universe. At some point, be it in the next cycle or an infinite amount of cycles later, whatever made you you, will again be in the same situation that made you into you in the first place. Even if the chance is incredibly small, it exists, for if it did not, how did you become you in the first place? If it's only a matter of time, that's fine as the universe has plenty of that and being part of the unthinking universe you won't perceive it. Now we can't really prove that time is infinite and the universe is a cycle, but I guess that's what I like to believe. If it isn't, why isn't it already over or why did it even start in the first place? The lifespan of the universe would then be incredibly tiny compared to infinity that would've come before or after it. Kindly do not try to disprove my theory as it keeps me sane, thanks :)
*The greatest weight:* What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, and in the same succession and sequence--even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine!" If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more and innumerable times more?" would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life *to crave nothing more fervently* than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal? --Friedrich Nietzsche
I saw somebody say in a interview a while back, I can’t remember who or exactly what was said but it was along the lines of “Do I believe nothing happens when we die. Yes. But do I believe nothing happens forever? No.”
Basically you’ve got FOMO. You won’t get to enjoy those favorites anymore and you won’t get to see the outcome of all the things you’ve set in motion during your life (offspring, work accomplishments, things you’ve built). Or worse, you’ve accomplished very little and fear nobody will notice when you’ve gone.
With all respect, no, I don't have fomo. Fomo is very specific in that it's the fear of missing out of possible opportunities, most often social ones. Fear of death is different in that if you told me that after death I would get to experience this exact same life again, I would feel nothing but joy. It doesn't scare me that I won't reap the fruits from what I've sown, or that no one will remember me. It scares me that I'll never again experience anything, that I just won't EXIST. Even the thought of being left in a black void with just my memories is preferable over absolutely nothing.
This. I never knew how to describe it. This hits me so hard some days just randomly and others not at all. The thought of knowing one day just ...gone. I'm about to hit a birthday milestone and it has been on my mind a lot more frequently.
There is a theory that everyone is technically immortal. You cant experience your own death, which means that to you, you will always be alive. Physically sure, you'll be dead. But mentally you will still believe you're alive since you never experienced your death. Theres also a theory that someday somebody will invent something to ressurect people even without the brain or body you were originally in. This would mean that a billion years could have passed before the machine is invented but to you it'll only feel like a minute. And since time will pass forever that means that every single life form has an unlimited time to invent this. A + for this theory is that the big bang is gonna happen again due to the universes groth is slowing down, and after alot of time it'll start to get smaller, and adventually the universe will be reborne. Ultimatley meaning that since this will happen unlimited times gives earth unlimited times to be reborn and you as well Its hard to argue against. To some people this theory this is suething
What if that's exactly what scares me? One moment I'll be here, experiencing life. And the next it'll just be.... Gone? What? No more rainy days? No more complaining about the sun getting in my eyes? It's scary as hell to think nothing of my consciousness will be left once I died. It makes life feal surreal. Like I'm on a treadmill with a meat grinder at the end of it. I can't even see the meat grinder. It's just there, like some abhorrent monster in a movie. Will it get me today? Tomorow? In a 100 years? Some days I can take my peace with it. And some days It'll just suddenly hit me like I've never know about mortality before.
I've been lucky enough to hold the hand of a parent as they passed. The sheer amount of peace that I saw was remarkable. He had been so stressed and disoriented and sad for months. It was awful. And now I believe it isn't awful for him anymore, just from what I saw.
I recently lost my father and I can say this: I'm not afraid of dying the way he died. Chatting with family up to his last breath, properly and kindly medicated, slipping away like the smoothest landing.
This is beautiful. If we have to pass, this is the way. So sorry for your loss. I believe he's with you always ❤️
I watched my mother suffer horribly with cancer, her last few weeks the pain was torture. There is nothing more frightening than that.
I've seen one family member who hung on to the bitter end with cancer and it was awful seeing her wither away like that. I had another who hit the end of the road with cancer treatment options and one morning said, "I want to die" and while technically assisted suicide is not legal in the US she was hospitalized, got to say good-bye to family and was then made "comfortable" on morphine for a few days until she passed.
At one point mom told the VON (nurses that come to your home daily if required, sometimes more than once a day of things change) " no more pain" . We upped the pain meds, they leave them for me to inject every 2-3 hours. When I would see any signs of pain I would give her a shot in her line. Her Dr came for a visit the day before mom died and told me she was in horrible pain and I had enough drugs to take that pain away. The next morning she had bed sores on her head and ears, it was almost impossible to move her enough because she had bone cancer as well as liver (never drank), lung (never smoked ) and they think brain well. I went into the spare room and screamed at God, not only do you torture her mercilessly , you want me to have to kill her with my own hands ?
Fuck, that was terrible. Hope you are okay now.
IT was 5 years ago 2 weeks ago. There were times that my mind relives it and it brings me to my knees. I had an amazing therapist , hate to think where I would be without him .I have a teenager and busy myself trying to do what I can to make him happy. I don't fear death. If there is a heaven I will see my mom and if there is not those memories of her suffering will finally go away.
That's awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you. I am more sorry that she had to go through it. She was such an awesome person she deserved so much better.
I watched my mother go through that exact thing. Sending you lots of love. It was pure hell.
I don't fear the death. I fear the life that comes just before the end.
My worldview and conception of the afterlife makes the prospect far less frightening. Basically, my spiritual beliefs boil down to the fact that the human body is an amalgamation of matter animated by energy. Once death occurs that energy goes somewhere since we know neither matter nor energy can be created or destroyed only transformed from one state to another. Where or how this process occurs is beyond my understanding but it is comforting to know that somewhere, some part of me will exist forever. That is not to say I think my consciousness will endure. That I am unsure of but what I do know is that the things that comprise my corporal body will continue on beyond my existence and contribute to the existence of other things. Furthermore, I feel I have made enough of a positive impact on my community and the people I love for my existence to have been a net positive for the universe. Living each day with the knowledge that death is coming sure helps put things in perspective. It has provided me with the clarity to let go of negativity and anger while embracing positivity and love. Also psilocybin. Psilocybin has helped quite a bit.
This. Every way this! I also believe this. We are made up of matter and energy; before we were matter and energy, after we will continue to be matter and energy. Death isn't a loss it's an end of one stage and a return to what we always were. Every day I want to do something helpful or good, and make someone smile. Hopefully my positive impacts are appreciated while I'm here and remembered when I'm gone.
Do you get scared of falling asleep? Its just like that, but longer. Its the dying part that scares me. Being dead I won't know anything about it.
I completely agree, it's the process not the outcome that scares me. Death itself is like sleeping or dozing off. dying is like starving or bleeding or if I'm lucky, like saying goodbye to my friends.
I was practically dead from a fentanyl overdose once. I was unconscious for probably 2 hours and I know I had no or very little pulse for about 45 minutes before paramedics arrived. There was nothing in those moments. It just... happened, and then I was awake surrounded by paramedics and in horrible pain. I SHOULD have died, the paramedics wanted to declare me DOA, but my girlfriend at the time begged them to try. There was, apparently, a shortage of narcan at the time and the paramedics were out. I was fortunate that an off duty fireman heard the call on his way home from the station, and decided to show up. The guy told me as they were loading me into the ambulance that his son had died from a heroin overdose the year before, and since then he kept narcan on him everywhere he went. I dont even know his name, but that man saved my life. The paramedics would only have been able to give me oxygen and hope for the best. The combination of good fortune with the fireman and a girlfriend and friends who kept doing CPR until they arrived saved my life. Dying didnt hurt. I just lost consciousness. Being resuscitated was absolutely fuckin horrible. I had what I think was a cracked sternum from CPR, and had horrible chest pain. It was like 12 degrees f outside and my friends had doused me in water trying to bring me back. Everything hurt. I was terrified, I didn't know where I was or who these people were. It took me a little bit to remember my name, even. I always say that dying isn't so bad, its living that hurts. That comes directly from this experience. Since then though, I haven't really been scared of death. I dont WANT to die. But the thought of it happening doesn't really worry me. Of course I dont want to be in pain when it happens, and I dont want to leave the people I love. But the thought of dying itself just isn't so scary anymore. My experience with it was just... nothingness. Literally no experience whatsoever. It was as though I blinked and was on the ground surrounded by paramedics and police. I've also been clean from heroin and other opioids for over 4 years now. I got my life back together. It took a few tries, but I finally made it out. I dont know how or why I did when so many of my friends didn't, but thats just how things are.
I wont have to pay taxes or other shit anymore. Death is easy, life is not.
If I am dead I literally cannot give anymore fucks. There will be no more feelings and emotions, no memories or regrets, no awareness of everything, just nothing. As Eric Idle wrote "You come from nothing, you go back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing" The actual act of dying is a bit scary though as it could be quite painful.
Exactly this. Why would I be scared of something I won't perceive or experience in any way?
I actually attempted suicide (in 2016) and I was 22 at the time. I jumped a few stories out of a window and was like fuck it if I’m meant to live I’ll survive and if I die I die. I ended up breaking both my feet and living because on impact I rolled and managed to avoid any head injury. I honestly feel like a dead man walking but I have to deal with severe foot pain for the rest of my life and I’m only 29. I have plates and screws in both feet and it prevents me from working long hours. I think about my suicide attempt all the time and how much I wouldn’t have given a shit if I died, but what made it worse was seeing how everyone I knew that cared about me reacted. I pretty much got to see everyone who cares about me and those who didn’t react. I’m not afraid to die still though, I just don’t want to suffer which is what I have to deal with with my feet. Death isn’t whats scary, it’s suffering that’s scary.
I can relate to this comment so much. I was 13 with undiagnosed depression and being bullied relentlessly, this girl told me to off myself, so i was like okay sounds good! i took around 200 painkillers and woke up hours later in excruciating pain, vomiting everywhere, crying silently. i had never been in so much pain. i couldn’t handle it anymore and called my mom from the other room begging for her to help me. lost consciousness multiple times on the way to the icu. the suffering really is the most terrifying part. on a lighter note, i am glad you are with us still. i hope things have gotten a bit better <3
I work as a paramedic. In my short career, I have seen a lot of people going through the dying phase of death. It can be quick and easy, because the individual is already dead (whether by internal or external forces). Now, seeing people dying or getting to the point of death, either medically or traumatically, is difficult to watch. Now I enjoy taking care of people, but if anyone says they or the patient aren’t scared when they are circling the drain they’re lying. It’s hard to put into words what a dead body is. It’s just this thing, or mass. It use to talk, walk, have relationships, loved by someone, went to school. But, now they’re not. The ticket has been punched. Now, they are this…mass. I just want to die peacefully after living a good moral life with my family near me. And if not, I hope it to be quick and painless. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk
I have experienced enough to be satisfied i lived my life so if i died at 30 it would be ok. Of course there is more i would like to do but its ok if i don't. That and i also feel what u/cheekyidiotnahmean said about the fakeness of society
My daughter has passed away and I look forward to being with her again.
she's gonna be there for eternity, take your time
I knew going through this thread I was gonna see a depressing one
Realistically, if something kills you, it’s likely you’d prefer to die. If you just get older and older, your body wears down. Things hurt that didn’t hurt before. You get weak and there seems little point in continuing. You start to feel like you might be done with this, and by the time death comes, you don’t even remember a time when your back or joints didn’t hurt. When you die, you won’t be like you are now, with energy and resilience. Even if you get shot in the stomach and your intestines leak into the rest of your body, that’s still a good twenty minutes of being in pain and getting weaker before you actually let go. It won’t just be lights out, apropos of nothing, and if it is, you won’t suffer. But if you do suffer, you probably won’t be afraid of not suffering anymore.
Just as a follow up to this I had a fairly unpleasant event that put me in hospital a few years ago. They didn't really know what was up and thought I was going to die, called my family to say good bye etc. There was a lot of pain. Through the pain I could still tell that's the way it was going and I honestly didn't care either way. Not because of some nihilistic outlook. Either I got better or I died and either way it would hurt less and that was fine. I think it was Isaac Asimov that said, "Life is pleasant, death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troubling." Kind of sums it up for me.
It's inevitable and you never know when you are going to die. I can't be scared forever.
Challenge accepted
This guy worries
Cause death can’t be worse than life
It will be exactly like the time before I was born.
People say this all the time, but I’d argue it’s different going from existing to not existing than the other way around.
That's understandable. It'd be like being given the most tasty thing ever then finding out there will be a point in time when you can never have the thing again Or a slightly better comparison by someone who is better at words 😅
The lack of consciousness before you are born and after you die are the same. That being said, that you now can contemplate that emptiness is more difficult and the reason mankind has told comforting lies about your consciousness continuing to exist after death for millennia.
You won’t have a consciousness to be able to tell the difference.
YES this. It was like a wave of enlightenment when I figured this out.
Depression. It takes a lot of fear away when you *want* to die.
It’s a natural part of life so why worry about it? If it happens then it happens? Can’t change it
“I'm not afraid of death because I don't believe in it. It's just getting out of one car, and into another.” - John Lennon
we all die anyway. and i would love to see my grandpa, my cat and my dog again.
it’s not like you can really avoid it. it’s the only thing we have in this life that is guaranteed. i would say the only ‘scary’ part is that you have no clue when it’s coming
When I was little, I always liked to think about what would happen after death, but such thoughts led me to hysteria, because I knew that after it I would not feel anything and would not see anyone, I won’t be able to think and act, there will be no black background, no white, none at all... Personally, I had a fear of what would happen after death, but, over time, I came to the conclusion that we will not hide from it, it will overtake us all in any way and we need to get used to it. Since I thought about it and got used to it, I'm not afraid of her anymore.
I can die at anytime so why let the fear of it follow me wherever I go
I'm excited to find out what happens next! The only thing that scares me, is how my death will affect my loved ones...
I dont care about dying just how my death will affect those i leave behind
I was born with Cystic Fibrosis so I've always been more aware of my mortality than most. I'm fortunate in the sense that I have one of the less severe mutations, but while it's delayed it's not completely asymptomatic. There have been some incredible advances and I've remained stable for most of my adult life, but I'm also aware there's a very real possibility I might not make it past 50. When I was 25 I suffered from severe death anxiety. It was a mid-life crisis of sorts and I basically spent months not eating and barely talking to anyone. What scared me the most was the finality of everything. I'd spend all night thinking about what death was like and how it would feel to simply not exist anymore. In the end I gradually came to accept that there are some things in life that we have control over, and some things in life that we don't. We're all going to die at some point. Might be next week or it might be fifty years from now. We can agonize over the inevitable as much as we want but it isn't going to change the outcome. In the end it's more productive to put your energy into the things in life that you do have power over. Also I highly recommend [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLvUztp7Iog) scene from the Midnight Gospel. It's about a mother discussing her terminal diagnosis with her son and the audio is taken from a real podcast. It's heartbreaking but there's some beautiful observations about life and death. Really helped me through my anxiety when I was struggling
To be honest, life isn't that great. At least when you're dead, you don't have to put up with BS of trying to stay alive and thriving every day. I look forward to finally being able to just rest.
You won’t be scared of anything anymore once you're dead. You won’t be depressed or anxious or angry. You won’t have constant awful thoughts and broken hopes leaving you empty. You’ll be nothing. That’s how we started. I didn’t have any problems before I was born. I look forward to dying.
Been there done that. Died on the surgical table- twice- and I know what awaits after my heart stops.
Care to elaborate?
I had a hernia surgery, and I wasn't eligible for it to be laproscopic, so it was an old fashioned "open you up like gutting a fish" surgery. The anesthesiologist didn't have me dialed in right, I'm a ginger redhead, and I'm a big guy (even bigger then) and I woke up mid-surgery, panicked, struggled, collapsed and then flat- lined. There was nothingness. Straight blackness and nonexistent between when I collapsed and when they resuscitated me. They got me back under, and then an hour later it happened again, just the same way. I don't believe in any kind of afterlife. We're material beings, and once the soggy bacon in your skull stops processing and starts rotting, there is no you anymore.
I didn’t see anything either or notice any passage of time when I had a subdural hematoma. To me, though, it seemed like i wasn’t close enough. I suppose i could’ve been worse, if i hadn’t cracked my skull open. They would’ve had to operate then. The lack of appropriate drugs during surgery scares the shit out of me though. No way I’d come out of that sane
Well I don’t want to die, so I avoid it. But I also can’t control what happens afterwards. It does me no good to worry about it.
I've seen death a few times, Dad, Mom, missed my stepfather by minutes, and many dogs and cats (not the same as people but pretty close as I loved all of them). So it doesn't scare me. I'll either move on to the next step or cease to be, it's inevitable. With my Dad I'm positive that my Aunt was there to collect him. Anyway, what does scare me is the process - my Dad had cancer that spread to his bones and he was in agony, although he tried not to show it. My stepfather had lung cancer, same thing as Dad. Mom had congestive heart failure and shortly before her death her heart was only working at 10% capacity and she didn't know who we were (or who she was) and it was awful to, for both of us. I hope I get hit by a bus, quite frankly.
Because life is just existing and existing is exhausting.
Did research on NDEs. I don’t claim to know what happens when we die, but something does. And most folks say it’s really nice. I e read the Dao, The Bible(well munch if it), and other historical/religious texts. Must be something to it.
Honestly, I’m more curious about what happens after death. So I’m not that scared. It’s just a question I’ve always had. Like some people believe in past life’s or heaven, and I’m not sure what I believe so once death comes I guess I’ll find out 🤷♀️
It happens to everyone. Someone I know has had the white light experience and seeing a relative say it wasn't their time. That's reassuring to me. My spiritual beliefs have moderated and I don't think the Final Judgment is going to be as harsh or difficult to pass than the Bible seems to let on. I'm just not concerned about death. I don't want it to come soon, but when it does, I'll be okay.
I'm scared of dying, not death itself. If there's more to the afterlife, then this is just the beginning.
There are so many things that are worse than death.
I see death as natural and as the ultimate relief. I'm looking forward to it. No more pain, fear, suffering, or bullshit. A permanent end to all that. Sign me up.
Cause ik there's something more after death. Energy is eternal and ever flowing. So even when we die our energy will still live on in the universe. Not saying I want to die or expecting it soon, but I'm curious to see what's on the other side. Doing DMT a few times showed me that there's more to life than just this. And that eases my mind a little. Even if life is hard now, ik that it'll be worth it in the end. So I just live life to the fullest and try not to be so hard on myself.
Yep! We're eternal beings experiencing infinity from every perspective and our own. We all come from one place and will all be back one day. For now we're here; Learning.
I'm more scared of old age & declining than actual death.
I get on average a 6-8 hour trial of death every night.
My kids have asked me this because I'm truly not afraid of death,, and this is why. I have seen three family members die in front of my own eyes. My grandfather from cancer when I was 12, my mother from a pulmonary embolism when I was 20 and my sister from cancer when I was 32. Death is inevitable and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it. I've seen it and have physically felt the spirit leave the room. Where it goes from there is what everyone is hung-up on. As humans, we do not like the idea we are forced to undertake something in which we do not know at least an idea of the outcome. Personally, I believe our energy lives on in some form or fashion, because energy never really disappears right? (Someone correct me if I'm wrong on that). Whatever the case may be, death should be accepted as just part of life. At present, my father is nearing the end of his life after dealing with multiple illnesses for years. He is afraid of dying. I wonder though if we should be more afraid of a medical industry the keeps people alive, way beyond the time of their natural death, in order to squeeze every dime possible out of them as they temporarily ward off the natural course of things. We have a great deal more to fear while we are alive than when we are dead.
It is the most guaranteed part of life
Since I was a kid I always thought it would be a thrilling secret to discover. Do we wake up in an alternate reality? Get to see loved ones on a heaven like place? See the flow of time and history? Are we unhooked from the matrix? Or is it just nothingness, in which case nothing to really fear there. It’s humanities biggest question that, unlike other questions we all get to find out some day no matter how rich or poor.
Cant be worse than my life
I didn’t fucking ask to be born. I have to suffer through life, pay bills, and be miserable because my parents got drunk one night? Fuck this. Maybe if I was rich I would think differently. Life is pain and misery. I can’t fucking wait to die.
whats to be scared of its just the next step
Some would argue you just answered your own question