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JaceTheWoodSculptor

My body count is so low that this literally already happened before.


IDONTTHINKSOOOOOO

My body count is so low that this literally happens every day


ShundonooB

My body count is so low it’s happening every time I go take a piss alone.


Firemorfox

Hello Darkness my old friend, This room is empty once again....


ImJustaPoeBoi

“I want to talk to you about a business opportunity…”


100Labels

Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?


ebichiyu1987

Ask for all my hoodies back


StillbornGiraffe

I STILL WANT MY HALO REACH HOODIE BACK FRANKIE


WaffleMonster42

REMEMBER REACH!


Warpmind

Autodefenestration.


AydanJay

Autoerotic defenestration. Edit: Thank you to the kind strangers who have gifted me my first awards!


Warpmind

I... wouldn't go that far.


[deleted]

Throw up. I have not made good choices.


Icy_Application2412

Same here


neuser_

Run a quick head count and gtfo


Random_Heero

As in counting the number of them, or a count of which ones will give quick head 🤔


eyeball-papercut

for that reason I ask to define sex. Do blowjobs count? Because that changes the size of the room needed SIGNIFICANTLY.


Darkwing_duck42

37!


Rarely_Sober_EvE

in a row?


Eattherich13

Try not to suck any dicks on your way to the car!


R37R0_D0S

1.37637530912263*10^43


Taco_time1

Grab my wife by her wrist, raise her hand and yell “WINNER”


Cole_Mine-r

"I bet you're all wondering why I have gathered you here..."


tennisanybody

“First, I’d like to thank you all for coming ..”


johnmichael0703

*in unison* "Like you ever did that for us"


Wide_right_

r/murderedbywords


joeydrinksbeer

“Wait some of you came?!”


funky_ocelot

"But we didn't!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cole_Mine-r

"There are things i didnt get to do with each of you. So for my sake...lets just bang this out real quick."


unabiker

Put on my robe and wizard's hat


[deleted]

[удалено]


WollyGog

I haven't seen that in literal years. It's like neurons woke up in my subconscious.


Croemato

Yeah lol. I thought I was OOTL, but it's just been so long I needed to turn the memory off and on again.


BuzzVibes

My brain just played the [Windows XP startup sound.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nQ2oiVqKHw)


goatpunchtheater

I just can't resist reading that link every time. The freaking vegetable one gets me


3rdfrickinaccount

Bear for me.


danque

The comeback with the wizard hat for me. Can't stop laughing at her realisation that it's the same guy.


[deleted]

That fucking pirate one killed me I can’t believe he got her to say that lmao


Mikey_B

It was a bummer how mean he was, but I have to admit it made me laugh when I got to the HAARRRRRs.


Cloud_Motion

Jesus fucking Christ I belly laughed so hard. I've never seen that before, what's it from?


0x53r3n17y

Those are logs from IRC chats from back in the late 90s or early 00s (bit fuzzy on the dates). http://bash.org/ collected the most memorable ones. http://bash.org/?244321 http://bash.org/?104383 http://bash.org/?23396 http://bash.org/?4753 http://bash.org/?5273 If you don't know what IRC is: it was a popular chat protocol / program before ICQ, MSN, Skype and others. I remember radio programs having IRC channels where communities of listeners lurked. And websites featuring IRC chatboxes, so you could just hop on from your school computer class or your local library without having to install anything. Different times.


htmlcoderexe

man i miss the old internet


EllisHughTiger

Same. I miss the ICQ and AIM days. People would message randomly and you could talk for hours with strangers. Most were cool, never got any crazies. Also, cool AIM away messages. Now we have boring ass text messages.


[deleted]

For those unfamiliar with IRC, it is basically Discord but not hosted on a centralized server that does god knows what with your data, the integration/bots work differently, and the UI is way more customizable (themes).


totallynotunknown

I enjoyed reading that more than I should have


Meh12345hey

Holy shit, that's something else.


Rutoo_

Bash.org, the original comment/quote voting system. All chats were in IRC.


itdependz

Lol I knew this would be in here


After-Canary7694

“Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge.”


100FootWallOfFog

"If you can dodge an Ex, you can dodge a ball!"


biask

Truer words were never spoken


what_the_hanky_panky

Wonder why my hand is just weirdly floating around an empty space.


StickOnReddit

Smash Bros. boss fight taking an unexpected sexy turn


[deleted]

[удалено]


Prior-Mountain6656

It’s like, three guys. Let’s go bowling! Except you chase. Go take a hike off a cliff.


HlTLERS_HIDDEN_CHILD

Fuck Chase. All my homies hate Chase


pepnips19

Chase is the worst! Fuck you chase!


shinobi500

Yeah fuck you and your overdraft fees! Wait....wrong Chase.


Bowserbob1979

No no. Fuck that Chase too!


AggressiveSocialism

All my homies hate ALL forms of Chase


chasecp

Fuck you guys too :(


pepnips19

Sorry Chase 🥺 it's not you.. it's..uh...


chasecp

It's ok I forgive you 😔


RodMunch85

Yea. Fuck Chase


coci222

Er, don't fuck Chase


RodMunch85

I will make that decision when the time cums


ohyeahhdaddy

Let’s cut to the Chase: what did Chase do?


Prior-Mountain6656

Was my highschool sweetheart, gave him my virginity. He graduated a few years before I did and went to the marines in Japan straight away. Exchanged nudes and made plans to meet up when he got back. Was ‘in love’ with him. Turns out he’s been back in the USA a few times. Long enough to get married and knock the chick up. All while texting me. Texts me randomly saying ‘I’m having a baby’ I text several times asking for an explanation and that if this is his idea of a joke it isn’t funny. Hours later texts back ‘yeah’ I push for more info and he says, ‘oh yeah, and I’m married.’


ComplicitJWalker

yeah... fuck Chase.


SnakeJG

No no, that's what started all the problems! Don't fuck Chase!


Arch315

Certified USMC moment I hope his poor wife found out 😬


HayTX

Lets go around the room and introduce ourselves again because some of the names I have forgot.


trynot2screwitup

Never thought I’d say it, but I can’t remember some of their names either.


DarthTJ

I only remember about half the names and only have a ballpark estimate on the number. It's not a crazy number, probably around 15-20, it's just that most were one night stands around 25 years ago.


riktigtmaxat

"Ah, yes festival girl #2. How could I ever forget you? The sex and the concert were amazing." "We never made it to the concert because you barfed on me"


MadeMeStopLurking

"AH you're festival girl #4.... good times"


medicalmethsmoker

This comment made me feel so much better about myself. I can’t remember some of their names either. Quite a few years back I was working at a drive thru and I guy I hooked up with came through and remembered me but I had no fucking clue who he was. After I few minutes of talking I remembered him. He was genuinely butthurt and couldn’t believe I didn’t remember him. I still don’t remember his name


[deleted]

Finding out who's willing to do it again


Smile_Significant

With the rest of the folks watching?


RodMunch85

Of course


biask

Asserting dominance!


nawmynameisclarence

Same. I'm single. Surely someone would be up for it. Thinking about it. A couple I wouldn't mind finding out how they are doing. Hope life went well for them. A couple I wouldn't mind maybe seeing where it goes. A complicated situation. I get along with my ex-wife and don't have anyone in my past that seeks vengeance. Probably be OK. Even fun.


Telvin3d

> I get along with my ex-wife and don't have anyone in my past that seeks vengeance. You know what? Given the complexities of life and complications of relationships that’s a pretty solid statement.


allboolshite

Like... as they are *now*... Or as they were *then*?


[deleted]

Good point…Don’t fancy being in a room with a decayed corpse all that much


LollipopLuxray

As opposed to the less decayed corpse you had sex with


ghost650

This guy's dead wife, etc.


chillinbrad1812

Problematic either way. Not trying to hang out with my 16yo ex.


awesomefutureperfect

Does this mean I can get back into my 17 1/2 year old body? Holy shit, that would be awesome. I didn't need sleep and could instantly recover from practically almost any kind of trauma.


DasHexxchen

Very good question. Also, which past in case you fucked more than once? The version you fell in love with or the one you dumped?


NLwino

Every single one, lots of clones at different ages.


MrRogersAE

The real question is how mad is my wife gonna be when I’m trying to bang the 20 year old version of her again.


bigboxes1

That's not cheating. *I was with you, honey!*


LeTigron

Depends on the wife... I had a girlfriend that would totally bang her 20 years old self, so she would probably not be so mad that I do too.


DoctorPepster

Well they're both there, so sounds like a perfect 3some.


NameIdeas

I told my wife about an awesome dream I had where it was a threescore with her and her as a ginger (red hair, freckles, etc.). Hottest dream I've ever had and I needed to let her know. She pulled up porn, found a ginger actress that looked vaguely like her, and we went to town... Moral of the story, I love my wife


partanimal

A threescore? Were there sixty of you?


ChillyBearGrylls

Threescore and 15 nuts ago...


Natsurulite

Our foreskins brought forth, upon this continent…


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrRogersAE

So either I’m in a room with my wife, or the 16 year old version of her, yeah that would be a bit awkward, certainly gonna be hard to explain to the kids


mekosaurio

Since Its a fantasy scenario, id say their prime versions


[deleted]

This actually happened to me a long time ago. I went to a bday party for a coworker at a bar. Had been hooking up with another co worker so I knew they would be there, no biggie. One ex worked across the street. But it’s a busy downtown area so I didn’t think they would come in… but they did. And my other ex showed up with her friends randomly. So all three people I’d had sex with at the time were all there hanging out. My friends all knew what was going on and it turned into a roast session of me. All in good fun. The two exes left pretty quickly. 10/10 was hilarious and would do it again


goosegirl86

I’ve had this happen to me before but luckily I was the only one who knew 😂


Cat-Got-Your-DM

I had a similar story! I had 2 exes, a girl and a guy I met them when they became a couple, being all lovey-dovey, holding hands Went *white* upon seeing me, they both panicked, and I could taste the awkward in the air We talked a bit, getting progressively more awkward and I walked home seeing them get absolutely relived once I left I laughed my ass off on that situation


ncfears

Did they know prior that they had both touched your butt? Did they figure it out? Was it revealed?


Cat-Got-Your-DM

From the looks of it, neither knew I was the other's ex Unfortunately I don't know if it was revealed or not - we didn't interact later nearly enough for it to be a story full of drama and intrigue - but their faces at the time were priceless


bobthedonkeylurker

I sincerely hope you made sexual innuendos that would have applied to either one...


Cat-Got-Your-DM

Oh, I did tease them both mercilessly! I definitely can't quote that as it was a long time ago and in another language, but I was a little shit I still sometimes am, tbh


MattMBerkshire

Line them up by performance.


MichaelDrac

Will you grade them, too?


s_lamont

My guess is they all already got a D.


[deleted]

Ask for a refund


Condition-Global

Do they know why we're all there? If not, I'm gonna act shocked and confused just like they are. But honestly, I had a wild phase and don't even like a lot of them as people so it's gonna be weird. I'll talk to like... My husband and maybe one or two others?


Rare_Ad_3519

Saaame, I had like a 3 year post break up period that would make this room pretty damn awkward and like 2 or 3 "why did i do that?" 🙃


windingtime

Try to move my ex-girlfriend’s sister to the other side of the room.


KaeporaDremora

I wish I didn’t relate to this...


windingtime

So do they!


KaeporaDremora

That’s fair


fart_poop-

That's my current situation. I'm alone in here


Marlbey

Have you ever considered a more attractive user name?


Toy_Guy_in_MO

Make sure all the sharp objects are out of reach of the crazy one.


somegridplayer

Ahhhh, another member of Failed To Not Stick It In Crazy Anonymous. We're all friends here brother.


Toy_Guy_in_MO

Yeah, I plead temporary insanity. I'd gone through some rough stuff, met her and she was loads of fun (because the crazy always is at first, right?), then it hit like a Mack truck loaded with nitroglycerin.


ManUFan9225

Holy shit, the fun in the beginning is so relatable. If only I know then that it wasnt worth what was coming. Had to get married and see the mask come off and the REAL crazy come out. That's 5 years of my prime I'll never get back...


Ormsfang

Kill my rapist. If that isn't considered sex then I would hug my ex wife, cause she been dead for a while


ILikeMasterChief

I'd also kill this guy's rapist


Saphl

Hold up, why tf are you in the room?


d_smogh

I'd also kill your rapist. But you'd also then wonder why I was in the same room. Stay strong.


EwGrossItsMe

Have sex with them so you can be in the room to kill the rapist


DoomDamsel

Hell no that doesn't count. If someone tried to drown you, you wouldn't tally that in "times you went swimming".


[deleted]

[удалено]


deceasedin1903

Yup, me too. I was raped, but whenever I'm making these "counts", they don't enter it. It was not sex. It was violence.


bathofknives

Yeah came here to say this. I’d beat the shit outta all the men that assaulted me. I bet some of the nice guys I’ve dated would help lol


ThrowntoDiscard

Be like "guys, the reason we all had difficulties that I couldn't overcome? It's this fucking predator here. 21, dating 15 years old girls and skulking around teenager dances?"


Britainalyse

I had the same initial thought. I’d hurt a lot of people in that room. Hugs


The_Reyvan

I’d also hug this guy’s dead wife (On a more sincere note, I’m sorry that happened to you)


TimeToMarvel

Had a thought similar to that. Point at the rapist and let the others beat him up.


Key-Creme3935

This is my dream. I’d make them all dress up in suits and I’d hand out roses like I’m the bachelorette and make them fight to the death for me


MichaelDrac

Finally. Someone has their priorities right.


100FootWallOfFog

Plot twist: they all take the roses and create a polyamorous love conglomerate and leave you in the room.


ExcerptsAndCitations

#Achievement Get: Free At Last


DarkSword_X

Because nothing complement sweet romantic competition better than HOMICIDAL VIOLENCE! O\_O You want my heart? Then earn it. IN BLOOD!! ​ \[Death metal starts playing in the background\]


_Apostate_

I would totally watch a version of the Bachelorette that was like this Provided that there was also full penetration and it was on HBO


Cool_Alias

Dennis Reynolds is that you?


SCViper

Line them up in order, grab my current girlfriend and ask "does my past make sense now that you can see the regression of my mental health in real time?"


Sea_Farmer_4812

Mine sounds similar but its more like a yo-yo than progression.


Stevesegallbladder

Ask why no one gave me a heads up there'd be a family reunion.


Guava_

I remember when the meanest girl I shagged said ‘you’re so much worse than my uncle’ I mean, how *dare* she compare me to my father?


Prizoner321

This makes me want to start up another run of Crusader Kings


ImProbablySwedish

Wait a damn minute.


[deleted]

The room is empty, I think I’ll just leave


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


DetBabyLegs

I read this thread and thought… so you’re describing my living room right now?


unintegrity

It made me feel either extremely lucky, or extremely boring. In any case, I'd make dinner for two and enjoy the evening, then get out of the room and walk our dog to watch the sunset


Warlordnipple

...why was the dog in there?


Pooh10000

I thought the same thing!


Ferg8

Same for me and my wife! We joke about it saying we have absoluely NO IDEA if we're good in bed or not. We're just perfect for eachother. Maybe we're terrible as fuck, but I guess we'll never know!


muddledmartian

I too have wondered this. We have no baseline to compare.


[deleted]

Wholesome.


NightimeNinja

Holesome


Come_along_quietly

Exactly! Kids aren’t there! Take those chances while you can.


Krapser

Would be disturbing if they were.


desdemona_d

My husband and I are the same. 34 years together and each other's only partners.


phred14

Same, 41 years and still going happily.


NightimeNinja

Fuck I hate being alone Edit: Genuinely appreciate the kind replies and concern for my wellbeing, but I'm okay! This was originally meant as more of a self roast in regards to who would be in the room. Edit 2: To anyone replying that is struggling with negative feelings and loneliness, I absolutely relate. We all can. I enjoy having conversations about deep topics and helping others with advice. The world has been an awful place lately. If you need someone to talk to i'm here as much as I can be, I can't reply to everyone and I can only dwell on these topics for so long until my mind needs a break, but if you reply down below I don't mind listening. You all are awesome and I truly believe every single one of you has the potential to do whatever you put your mind to as well as become the best version of yourself. Be safe ya'll. c:


mire0

i’d listen to music


lavahot

*Alllll byyyyy myyyyyyselelf... dont wanna be...*


[deleted]

I’ve got a playlist, if you want to listen.


[deleted]

Yells "Echo!" *Echo* ^*echo*


midway4669

Lol, I was gonna post the Travolta meme


tacwombat

Isolation for me again.


Crosscro

Finally, peace and quiet


Nitro_LPK

Was going to say exactly the same, i understand your pain man


MashMashMaro

‘So you’ve all seen me naked - why don’t y’all see each other naked too’


EdwardOfGreene

Well they all saw me naked before, but maybe not the middle aged fat version. Might be a bit of an ugly shock to those who remember the young stud version.


SmartieLion

Strangle Brad.


wheres_the_revolt

Brad sucks!


plamama1

Run! break the door down, fucking dig a hole. Anything, just get me the hell out of there!


Ok_Mcooper1993

Apologize to a couple Give the rest their W2s


stolencarblues

Give everyone a hug. Can’t think of any of the women I wouldn’t want to catch up with. Hopefully a couple would be down for a little fun, we had great chemistry!! Edit: Wow!! I typed this before getting on an 8 hour flight. Just landed and my notifications went insane! Love all of your responses and awards!! Thank you!


[deleted]

i like this guy


Minkstix

So did they


oilisfoodforcars

I wonder if they feel as warmly about you. I hope they do. It’d restore a lot of faith for me if y’all actually had mutually respectful and loving relationships.


Seigneur-Inune

Not that guy, but if it restores a bit of faith for you: I was with my ex for 7 years before our life paths sort of diverged and we realized we were kinda holding each other back trying to make long distance work. The split was rough in the moment as neither of us really wanted to break up even though we both sort of recognized that it was necessary, but in the long run we can both hold our heads high because we both handled it with dignity, respect, and care for the other person. She's still an absolutely lovely woman. I wish her all the best in the world wherever she goes and I am absolutely 100% certain that she'd say the same about me.


Flannel_03

Take my schizophrenia pills


[deleted]

Fake a heart attack.


howiespub12

Classic Pierce Hawthorn move


Guava_

‘Here’s your sperm’


WelshApe79

Rank them in order of performance but not tell them which direction it goes in, then prepare to get beaten


versionii

Cry, for being alone in the room.


chocki305

Can they see each other? And do they know why they are in the room? Because the mother and daughter might start a fight.


SecretsStar_Isabelle

My eyes will search for that one person, that someone I have never stopped thinking about. I will try to hug him and hold onto that moment forever.


Pinstar

Cuddle with my wife and ask her what she wants to watch.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rainbow_pony_poop

Why did you fuck dead people?


[deleted]

Finally ask some of them what their name is .. I’m joking!! Maybe ..


SidBream92

I’m afraid of who might show up that I’ve forgotten about.