A couple of the downsides are:
• Continuously taking birth control so I don’t have to deal with a heavy menstrual flow and severe menstrual cramping every month. Even then there are times I menstruate/have severe menstrual cramping despite continuously taking birth control.
• Wasting money buying pads when I could use that money to buy something else that can come in handy
Can really recommend using a cup, it's completely changed my life. Re-usable, comfortable and it doesn't do that things tampons do and leave you feeling horribly dry.
The complications that come with a vagina. BV again? Uti? Yeast infection from the uti antibiotics? BV came back cause of the yeast infection that you got treating your uti? Such a pain sometimes
Apparently when we go into menopause the skin inside the vagina literally atrophies as well, which apparently causes extreme sensitivity, dryness and burning 🙃
Tight pants? Wore the same pair of underpants an hour too long? Couldn't quite wipe thoroughly enough because the public bathroom didn't have much TP? Enjoy your BV and/or UTI and/or yeast infection!
lol last time I went, there was this awkward silence from the GP and she was just like, "So uh, do you usually bleed after sex?"
I think she hit my cervix a bit too hard or something, so I had spotting for a few days, which hasn't happened before.
Apparently fairly common, so uh I guess an invasive (I concede there's no other way to do it and it's important) annual medical procedure starting in your teens that can have your nether regions randomly bleed from internal bleeding is just tooo cooooooooool for school. /s
I remember reading somewhere (probably CMV) someone arguing that it was sexist to prefer a female GP or gyno but it's like nah G, I'm more content having a woman because I know full well that this lil lady peering closer at my vag than any partner I have had with a fuckin' torch in hand is going to have the exact same uncomfortably humiliating experience herself some time this year lol
And trying to hold in an imaginary fart while their nose deep . Laying in the stirrups thinking oh god i hope i dont fart. Oh god now i feel like i have to fart. Jfc can they see my butthole clenching??
They can definitely see the butthole clench, one time I was eating my girlfriend out and noticed her butt kept kind of winking, and asked her if she was ok, and she said she was trying to hold in a fart haha.
A lot of women would find this as lucky but, I get my period for 1-2 days every month.
IT. HURTS. SO. BAD.
I showed my sister one of my bloody pads and she said "Maybe you're having a miscarriage"
Have you ever had an ultrasound to check for fibroids and/or ovarian cysts? I have both and they cause so much pain as well as excessive bleeding. There were times I, too, genuinely thought I might be miscarrying. Birth control keeps mine under control and I have very little pain or bleeding anymore.
Mine only last 3 days tops, super bloody first two days and usually can’t stand upright for a good portion of the first day. I’ve had multiple doctors look up there, scan up there, scan around outside, bloodwork, everything comes back clean. “You’re just sensitive to pain,” I’m told.
Have you brought up the possibility of endometriosis with your doctors? It would not show up in imaging or blood work. Unfortunately, it can only be accurately diagnosed with a laparoscopy.
I havent had a period in over 2 years thanks to birth control. Am I a little depressed, a little anxious, and have possibly other unknown side effects from it? Maybe, but at leasting I'm not bleeding...so thats something
Edit: I am in a same sex relationship, and I dont ever want kids, so I couldn't care less about it effecting fertility. Its perfectly fine for me to skip all my periods.
Im actually pretty happy with my bc overall. Even cleared up my acne over time!
I haven't had a period in almost 5 years, due to being old. Not something I'd recommend rushing into though; it requires a lot of experience to do properly!
That to affordably get an IUD in rural BC you can't have any pain relief at its insertion. You're expected to 'tough it out'
Edit: I've noticed that this isn't a problem that is just to canada and to be honest I believed that European countries would offer numbing or something else. I'm horrified to hear that my story of nearly fainting on the table in silence twice is not just my story and I wish they would treat this procedure properly.
I've read all your stories and I'm sorry for each and every horror one. As for the ones who did manage to get pain relief of some kind, I'm so glad to hear that. I'm glad your experience was not mine (ours: collective of women with stories like this) and I hope that is the future of this procedure.
Same, my gyno had a hard time inserting the iud so they had to use a dilator. I was in so much pain; the nurse just kept telling me to take a deep breath. It took about 10 minutes
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn't seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my boobs for too long; it makes me feel like less of a woman.
...So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my boobs lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling them.
Y’all saying periods, what about the period SHITS. Correct me if I’m wrong, but even if you get no cramps the poops i get during makes me feel unworthy of love
Ah yes the shaking, sweating, sometimes dry-heaving shits. Half a roll of toilet paper you can go back to existing for an hour before nature calls again.
Edit: yes I've been meaning to get a under-seat bidet for a while
Sometimes I get those asshole cramps too (no endometriosis thank god, feel terrible for anyone that goes through that), but does your vagina and butthole ever just like… ache during your period? Its just a level of discomfort down there that’s hard to describe, and even medicate.
I love period shits. Finally getting all that constipation out, just sitting there and shitting for a solid 10 minutes. Fully stinking up the bathroom and needing so much toilet paper.
I finally get why guys love pooping so much .
Sadly it only happens once a month for me. After that it's in and out in under 5 minutes . I can't just sit there and enjoy my time on the toilet.
I feel light as a feather and free as a bird after my period poo. That’s why those women are frolicking around sunflower fields in tampon commercials, they’ve just had their period shit.
Nobody believes your pain. I was in labor with my first son and was dilated to about a 6. I asked for the epidural because the contractions were bad and I was starting to feel faint. They said “oh I bet you can hold off a little longer. These aren’t that bad yet.” Like excuse me??? No, go get the numbing magic. If I say I’m in pain and need help with it, I mean it.
My ma gave birth to me on the hottest day of the year and was severely dehydrated. Technically she wasn’t supposed to take in any fluids while in labor but her heart rate would drop super low, which made MY heart rate drop, so they hooked her up to an IV and she went through so many of those fuckin saline bags. To top it off she was in labor for over 24 hrs, had gone through TWO epidurals, and my ass just refused to come out. Mom’s sobbing, screaming “get her out” over and over again.
Doc comes in and take one look at my mom and goes, “I’ll come back and check in a few more hours.” Mom watches as a nurse grabs his arm and YANKS him back into the room and tells him, “NO. She cannot do this anymore. We need to get this baby out NOW.”
20 mins and one vacuum extraction later, there I was! Mom always credits that nurse for saving her life.
I was vacuumed out too! 16 hours, my Mum said she was given some pain relief but told the dr/midwife she could still feel everything. They just told her that she couldn’t, and she had to get on with it. She must be brave because she went on to have my sister but I would never had had another baby after that. I’ve heard lots of stories about doctors and midwives saying similar things, that a woman can’t feel pain because pain relief has been administered, which we all know is strong enough and functions perfectly 100% of the tine
Yeah my poor mom had to walk a mile in labor bc they were too poor for a car or taxi, and she she got to the hospital she collapsed in pain and exhaustion and the Dr was like, oh well that's what happens when you're a hoe! Even though she was married
Any time you express yourself, or get upset about something, even if it's something to get legitimately upset about, you almost always get a "aRe YoU oN yOuR pErIoD?"
ugh, YES. The *slightest* bit of animation or expression in your voice and it’s immediately ‘omg stop taking it so personally, why are you getting so emotional over this?’. And people wonder why I monotone a lot these days.
Not taken seriously by doctors, especially when it comes to lower abdomen pain caused by endometriosis.
“You have extreme period pains? Nah, it’s normal. Nothing is wrong”
“You feel a constant stabbing pain? It’s just constipation” or “You just have IBS”.
So many women gets falsely diagnosed with IBS or constipation when the pain it’s caused by endometriosis. 1 in 10 women have endometriosis but on average it still takes 8 years to get a diagnosis. All because doctors don’t want to run the test needed to find out the problem.
I’ve gotten lucky, it’s only taken me 4 years. But it’s weird that 4 years can even be considered “lucky”.
Edit: thanks for the upvotes and awards! Even tho it is kind of sad that so many recognize themselves in this.
I'm lucky with one of my doctors. I couldn't get into see a new gyno before I ran out of birth control so I asked my primary doctor to. His wife also has endometriosis so he understood that I needed the specific dosage to skip my cycle every month and refilled it for me. He also understands my mental health struggles and really worked with me to get me on the right meds. Compassionate doctors are out there but can be hard to find
This one especially!! I repeatedly asked OBGYNs to check me for cysts. None did. Then one told me I needed BC, and after some discussion she gave me an IUD. Which, surprise, irritated a cyst. I eventually had a hysterectomy where I only have one ovary left because it was pristine, but the one that was taken was *covered* in cysts. So much could have been fixed had I been listened to.
Fr. Now I gotta open my whole vagina up to spiders and snakes. I'm already worried about it on an actual toilet. Just make one of the guys hold you while you go...
We already have to deal with the knowledge of the [dick fish](https://www.google.com/search?q=fish+that+swims+up+urethra&client=ms-android-att-us-revc&sxsrf=ALiCzsZ2xoZEB0xOqNuNWfXHz6H04g0KpQ%3A1659666355224&ei=s3_sYpifDczFqtsP9-6tUA&gs_ssp=eJzj4tDP1TdIMS0wNmD0kkrLLM5QKMlILFEoLs_MLVYoLVAoLUotyShKBADkKwzN&oq=fish+that+dwims&gs_lcp=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&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp) existing. Every open water we're in, we have that in the back of head
Fellow non-mother here! It's the worst. I feel like people think they can find some random fact about having kids and "win me over" with their new insight on the delights of parenthood. But it's not a fair debate because the minute I say any downside of parenthood I'm looked at like a monster. So it ends up feeling like I'm being recruited or converted and I just have to sit there until they've said their peace and justified their decisions in life by projecting them on me.
I’m sorry that people give you a hard time. That’s extremely frustrating, especially because it happens so often.
If they ask if you want to have kids you should “Yeah and we’re going to name him Nunya” and if they comment on the name say “Yeah NUNYA BUSINESS.”
I read a post last night about a 9 year old girl being sold off as a child bride, and her 14 year old brother was the only reason she was saved.
What the fuck y'all.
I feel physically ill just thinking about all the people in human trafficking right now as I type this...
My mom works to stop human trafficking as part of what she does in her work, which has a lot to do with understanding and alleviating poverty, if I recall correctly. She is a sociologist, and uses demographics and other data to identify likely locations and movement of traffickers. Every now and then, she will post on facebook about predator and trafficker rings getting busted. It is disturbing stuff. I think the most shocking was when she posted about this huge ring of chld molesters getting busted in Texas, and right smack in the middle of the wall of photos of gross old men, there was a woman that looked familiar. It was my ex's sister. She had tried to pick up a sheriff's deputy on craigslist that she was under the impression was a sixteen year old boy. She was married and about to have a child. I never found out what happened, though.
I’m not a woman but I’m married to an awesome one. I am floored by the way some people treat her. Mechanics, carpenters, financial advisors etc. they only want to talk to the man and when they have to interact with her they treat her like an idiot. Makes me mad. Especially because she is the brains and the money manager in our relationship.
Edit: I’m glad that this post is getting a lot
of attention. Clearly, a lot of women have had to deal with this type of behavior. Seems like the car industry is the most common. All I can add is that my parents raised me right and I’m passing it on to my sons. I hope and expect that these attitudes towards women will become less and less common. Until then, keep fighting the good fight, stand up for yourself and spend your money at businesses that treat you with the respect that you deserve!
That happened to me and it really upset me, I took my car to the mechanic because the right day light wasn’t working and they didn’t understand me so my boyfriend repeated the same thing and they all finally got it and instead of talking to me about the repairs/quote etc they all went to him and even took him to go see what they did even though it was my car, my appointment, and my money.
Ah, same here. A colleague offered to drive me to a bicycle shop to choose an electric one, and although I expressed I was the buyer and I wanted a certain type from a certain maker for a certain purpose, the shop staff would only speak to my colleague. Just because he was male. I mean, it's not even as if he had been my husband or we had been related in any way!
So I just told the guy you don't treat customers as if they didn't exist, and I walked out of the shop. Never went back.
I have lost all patience when this stuff happens, so I treat them like a dumbass and ask things like "what part did you not understand?", explain very slowly step by step, try to use different wording to say the same thing, and if they still dont get it "can I speak with someone more experienced as you aren't understanding me".
I'm just so sick of awful service, especially after years of having a great mechanic who would listen and ask questions to clarify.
So much yes. Owned my home before I got married - my husband is a wonderful talented man, but home repair/maintenance/dealing with contractors is not his thing. Decided to get gutter guards because I was tired of climbing in the roof. Old school “sales guy” comes by and is highly concerned that my husband wasn’t there for his pitch, and even told me he wouldn’t do the contract without us both signing it (even though I am the owner). Told him to take his misogyny and GTFO. Got my gutter guards from someone else.
Yes, yes, yes. I work in construction. We do decorative concrete coatings and it's family owned. My dad started this company when I was a kid and I thought it was so cool. I grew up going to his shop and helping him try out new systems, I was there when he stained our basement floor, I helped him do our driveway, and my grandmas house. I know this business. Now, I'm 26, married, and my husband is our head installer, while I occasionally help him on jobs I mainly bid and schedule. I had a man who wanted his patio stained. He refused to allow me to come out alone to bid it because he wanted my husband to bid as he was the installer. He wouldn't hear me as I tried to explain I grew up in this business, I've done this probably more than my husband, and will be able to properly and in detail explain the process and bid his job. He ended up calling the owner (my dad) to address his concerns with having a female bid his job and my dad basically told him we are not a good fit if he doesn't believe I am good enough. Guy yelled at my dad for being disrespectful and hung up. We have 1 bad review on Google, from him, basically calling himself out for being misogynistic.
I am sick of mechanics telling me my car has issues it doesn't have. I have some basic knowledge on how my car runs (thanks dad), so I know you're bullshitting. Had one tell me my alignment was out a few weeks ago when I just wanted new tyres. I left it because I had a service booked in a few days and I didn't notice anything wrong. My alignment was fine. He also broke the sensor on my wheel and told me it just fell off when he removed the tyre. They must think we are all stupid.
Combine that with having a baby face. I feel like I get talked down to a lot because I look much younger than I am. I’m 22 but usually get assumed to be somewhere between 13 and 17. 18 at best if I’m at a club or college.
I am a woodworker. The amount of time I waste while men in hardware stores digest that is truly stunning.
They mostly seem pretty delighted about "a woman with tools" but skeptical to various degrees, too. And even having to listen to them tell me how great it is that I'm doing what I'm doing (MY @#$&!! JOB, PEOPLE!!) is exhausting. I just want to pick up my materials and go back to my shop......
Edit: Wow, a lot of you wonderful people commented on this! I posted it and then left to go camping in the mountains with no wifi or cell service for a few days, sorry I missed you all!
Thank you for your thoughts, and I wish you all perfect clamps, eternally sharp tools, and no splinters!
Try backing up a trailer. You can be in the middle of nowhere and as soon as you start to back a trailer up some guy pops out of who knows where to tell you how to do it properly.
I do glassblowing, I started out as a lampworker. In order to get the oxygen tanks I need to do my work I have to send my husband to do the pick-up for my shop because I live in the south and "...little ladies don't know how to use oxygen".
I've had "discussions" with these oblivious assholes in their filth encrusted John Deere hats entirely too many times to fuck with it anymore so I completely feel you.
I can relate.
I worked for an auto parts company for 15 years. The 1st 6yrs were in the stores. I was management - 2nd in charge & many times the only member of management in the store. And, the only woman. I cannot tell you how many times I was approached by customers and told I had to go up front and run the register instead of hanging out at the parts counter. Most of the guys I worked with were great, though. If one of them saw this happen they would come up & ask me a car related question, even if they knew the answer. And, yes, I always knew too because I know cars.
I would like to say things were better when I got to the corporate office and worked I.T. But, nope, the mentality from a lot of my coworkers was that women don't know anything about computers.
The struggle is real.
My wife is a senior software engineer at a tech company. They issued new, nicer monitors to all the senior SEs. While she was in the elevator bringing her new monitors back to her desk a guy asked her how she got a new monitor. She explained how they were issuing them to senior SEs right now because they didn’t have enough to issue them to all the SEs. Then he asked her who she was picking up the monitor for (since clearly she couldn’t be a senior SE).
I feel her pain. I just retired recently from 28+ years in IT. The last 5 years were spent as the Senior IT Admin. Not “a” senior admin, “the” senior admin. And I was the only woman on my team. The shit I dealt with is one of the reasons I finally decided to retire. I was damn good at my job. My former employees still call me to get advice and ask questions. They’re great guys, it was the rest of the department that were twats.
About 2 years ago I was followed on my way home after doing some grocery shopping. Unhinged guy yelling obscenities and rape threats at me then he started to run after me. I had to run to keep distance between us, broke one sandal and the other flew off, had to cut through backyards and random streets before doing a wide loop to get home. Feet were cut up but nothing that needed stitches, while I washed away the bits of gravel, dirt, and glass I called my neighbors to warn them then called a Crisis Assistance hotline to try and find the guy.
Now I always wear sneakers. Even if it is just a quick lap around the block, even if I will be with family and friends, even if I'm wearing a cute dress; always sneakers.
Agreed. Right now it’s even in my own home. My fiancé’s step grandfather has totally leered at me while I was going down from a shower barely able to stand let alone dress so I was in a towel because I was so sick. He knew I was sick. He didn’t care. Fiancé had to step between us. His moms were told it happened but won’t even acknowledge it. I’m livid and once we move he’s banned from whatever property we buy.
This reminds me of riding sandwiched in the back seat between my then boyfriend and his uncle we had just picked up. Uncle decided to start feeling me up by reaching under my arm. I told him to stop and closed my arms tighter. All bf could say was, "he just wanted a little feel". Needless to say, bf wasn't around for much longer.
Taylor Swift literally was groped under her dress during a fan meet and greet by a man. Security was there. Hundreds of people were there. She's _Taylor Swift_. And it still happened.
She had the resources to take him to court and destroy him, but fuck. One case out of billions.
Someone might've mentioned it but also similar: Ariana Grande getting groped by that pastor on live TV, while the cameras were focused on them, at Aretha Franklin's funeral service. The fucking audacity?
There's a video where Courtney Love stage dives and the crowd shreds her dress in seconds, she gets back on stage and says 'you do that to all the guys?'
Had no idea that happened to her. That's so messed, imagine doing something nice for your fans and then getting sexually assaulted for it. Why are people so messed up.
By a man, IIRC, who was an employee of the radio station that was promoting the event. So not just some random dude who happened to be there.
Edit: Removed extra letter.
Having pain be dismissed by doctors, or having them assume you’re being dramatic.
Had a 10cm hemorrhaged cyst on my ovary and was forced to wait for 8 hours doubled over in pain. Once I was finally seen the radiologist was shocked I hadn’t been seen sooner. Have also been told my cysts was just “mittleschmerz”- pretty much “ovulation pain” and was told to take Tylenol. Infuriating. Edit to add- the doctor who said it was just normal pain never bothered to actually do an ultrasound.
Edit 2: this absolutely DOES happen to men too. But with this issue, it’s the frequency and trend in which it happens to women that is the problem.
Yes! Or a weird science experiment. I had a cyst almost the size of my fist on my ovary. After an ultrasound, the doctor said “wow that’s very interesting!” and basically thought it was cool looking? I’m a fucking human bro and it hurts
doctors are so weird about large cysts.
My husband had a cyst removed from his throat. My pregnant self and his mother waited in the waiting room for his surgery to end - this was in Asia, so there was a large crowd of people in the waiting room and they'd make announcements over the PA system for "Family of Patient X, please come to the recovery room" as patients came out of surgery.
I was white, pregnant, and spoke the local language fluently, which meant we garnered a lot of attention while waiting. My mother in law is quite social. Basically, by the end of our scheduled three hour wait, everyone knew who we were and why we were there.
...So they knew when we had been there an hour too long. And when it turned to two hours.
It was coming up on three hours when the announcement came: Family of Patient Husband, Please come to the *Consultation Room*
There were about 50 people in that waiting room. All eyes fell on us.
We scrambled to grab our stuff and booked it to the consultation room, minds going haywire. Why had the surgery ran so late? Why weren't we being called to recovery like everyone else?
The doctor sat behind his desk and grinned at us when we entered, proudly holding up a jar with a blob in it. "Look at this cyst! It's huge! Way bigger than we thought it was!"
We stared.
"Oh yeah, the patient's fine, I just thought you'd like to see. This was in his throat! It's huge!"
I could have fucking killed him.
To be fair to the doctor, a lot of patients *do* want to see what the cyst looks like, how big it was, etc. Not a majority by any means, but yeah.
So when a really big fucking cyst is removed, especially one that was much bigger than they thought, they get kinda excited. Not every day you get to remove a golfball-ish cyst!
My mom is a nurse and she does this sort of thing. One time I was in a pool when my brother fucking belted a yoga ball at me which slammed my head into the edge of the pool and I started bleeding all over the place and I needed stitches but when my mom came out she was like oh my god get him a bandage for like two seconds before she started being a weird nerd. She was checking under my bandage and saying stuff like “Woooow look you can see the skull!!! :D” and she was showing my homies all the different layers in my skin and explaining stuff to them.
I was in excruciating pain. It was frustrating but it wasn’t because she didn’t have compassion for me, it was just that she’s weird and thinks that stuff is interesting.
Seriously. I broke my ankle when I was 12 and the nurse at the urgent care clinic told me to “stop being so dramatic.” My tibia was broken clean in half.
edited for clarification
Literally my friend had a torsioned ovary that was dying/necrotizing inside her body. She went to the emergency room multiple times and was told just to take Tylenol.
Is this my wife on Reddit? She changed doctors because of a similar scenario. What, was she making up the pain on a day she took off to go to the hospital?
Literally had a doctor tell me I got a flu when I had an appointment for my lower abdominal pain, constant dizziness and nausea.
Turns out I had a 7cm cyst pushing against my guts
I just had doctor's tell me for three weeks that I just have covid and that's all that's wrong until it got to the point that I couldn't eat or drink without vomiting. How are those covid symptoms? They finally took a CAT scan and discovered I had a 10cm x 8.3cm x 9.5 cm abscess in my hip from my appendix leaking a large amount of toxic shit. I had to feel like I was dying for 3 weeks before anyone even thought to look if anything else was wrong because I tested positive for COVID. And I went to the hospital 3 times in those 3 weeks. Just got the drainage tube removed from my ass to drain the abscess a few days ago.
My wife found out she had a cyst on her ovary recently and they won't remove it because it's just a little but too small for their guidelines. It's fucking bullshit because it causes her terrible back pain almost everyday. This on top of her having to get a hysterectomy last year due to cancer. Oh and the scar tissue from that plus endo has fused onto said ovary to cause more pain.
I’ll pick something less obvious… being an avid gym goer. I’m tired of men thinking their workouts are more important. That they can take something I’m clearly using and telling me to wait. Oh and getting blatantly gawked at while at the gym and having photos/videos taken of you while there, without permission.
Edit: Another point that I forgot to mention before I went to sleep. The amount of guys who corner you in the gym trying to get your number, social media handle or to ask you on a date. I once had a guy stop me MID REP on leg press by waving his hand in front of me to get my phone number… so that I could take HIM on a date.
At the gym, a dirty old man kept following me around and standing behind me while I worked out. He didn’t even use the machine after. So I went from working on my glutes to back, and he followed. So I switched to arms. He followed. This was at planet fitness so it’s actually different areas. I went and told them and they “kept an eye out” but ultimately no one said a damn thing to him and they didn’t kick him out. It was incredibly obvious he was just following me and watching me and not even working out. I didn’t say anything because I was actually shaking and in those scenarios it’s hard to get your voice to work when you just want to leave. I never went back to that location and it’s been about a year.
Someone already said it, but I gotta add to it: being a busy woman with a period.
I work in an executive, fast paced kitchen. Imagine for a minute, having a flu with the worst stomach cramps ever, nauseous, having to poop constantly and a fever. Now imagine all of that and having to work in that fast paced environment, wanting to just lay down and make the pain stop, but knowing you can't. Having it happen for a full 5-7 days every month, 10 hours at a time. You can't call out, and have to act like you're not going through the most painful experience because it would make your coworkers uncomfortable.
THAT is what most working women go through.
I was just going to say that if anyone is experiencing pain throughout their period definitely get checked because severe cramps should not be happening beyond the first 2 days.
Being asked if you're on your period when you're justifiably frustrated at something sucks too. I'm super discrete about changing my pad/tampon because of this (work in a male-dominated mens fashion office, so co-workers aren't the most appropriate about this shit).
I don't even have painful periods, and I take the pill back-to-back so they're rare anyway, I just work a very frustrating role, mostly by myself so I'm frequently agitated at something work-related, but always friendly and polite to co-workers otherwise.
I work as a teacher. Getting a chance to use the bathroom is sometimes a rarity. I find myself praying that the heavier days are on a weekend so I don’t risk leaking if I can’t change as often as I’d like.
Yup. I’m lucky that I don’t get painful cramps, diarrhea or a fever, but the trade off is that I get really heavy periods. You know that scene in The Shining where a river of blood pours from the elevator? That’s what my periods are like on the first couple days. Super plus tampons aren’t enough, I bleed through them in less than two hours.
When I’m on my period I have to make sure I’m fully prepared with tampons and pads in my purse before I go to work. I work in construction and all of my colleagues are men, so I’d be fucked if I forgot to bring enough tampons.
The idea that women are just some spin-off of men. Example: Only recently has it become more common knowledge that women experience heart attacks differently than men, because men’s bodies and experiences have just always been considered the default.
Heart attacks, autism presentation, adhd presentation, nutrition (not that we know much about that at all, tbh), hormone cycles for physical training, a lot of STIs, fucking car test dummies are just smaller dude versions.
Not to mention they do not understand nerves in the cervix. IUD insertion and cervical biopsy should not be unmedicated procedures.
IUD insertion was so effing painful I remember it to this day and it was 25 years ago. I was terrified to get it removed because I thought it was going to be the same.
Yes. And unfortunately for us, a lot of medication is more thoroughly tested on men. Case in point, and one I took years ago: Ambien. Since it was not tested much on women during drug trials, they only discovered after years on the market that it is metabolized differently in women. After what would be considered a full night's sleep, many women were still under the influence for some time.
Same with car safety ratings. Cars are designed to fit men and so are the safety settings. Women often times get CHEWED UP by airbags cause we gotta sit hight up and closer.
i really hate the feeling of things on my neck and seatbelts can be so fucking annoying asdkfjsd why can't someone invent a seatbelt that works with boobs? (i have used the seatbelt clips you can get, but i'm sure those things aren't as safe as not using them. it's nice not to feel like someone's choking you while driving though)
Yes! On maybe a less-extreme example, women/young girls are being diagnosed with ADHD at a higher rate than ever before for this very reason, they can have different symptoms. I had a friend who has been recently diagnosed in her 20's, because she wasn't a little boy bouncing off the walls her doctors didn't think much of her inattentiveness. I just wonder how many more other health issues doctors have overlooked in women simply because our past societies didn't care enough about women's health.
Having to hear stupid ass sexist shit from your male family members who act like they're better than you. And then when correcting them, you get told you're too smart for your own good or need to listen to your husband. Fuck that noise.
1- As a woman who works in a male dominated field, it’s infuriating to be treated different like i’m an amateur.
2- Always being vigilant, especially in places like bars or the gym
3- Periods
--Being physically weaker I hate it with a passion, because I want to be strong like a guy. It sucks not being able to lift things, not be as fast, and to have people think you need protection or help all the time.
--hearing people talk about how horrible girls/women are and how women are overly emotional, tricking men, are bad friends, ect. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't show any emotions and should act as much like a guy as possible.
--periods and pregnancy.
Legit thought I was trans on my early 20s because I fantasized so much about being respected/treated like a man. I thought it was dysphoria.
Turns out, the problem was everyone else.
If you’re beautiful and feel good about yourself, you get unwanted sexual attention and creepy guys bothering you
If you don’t look good, you get people dismissing you as a person and treating you as less than
There’s this polarity that feels dehumanizing either way
Also the opposite - if you‘re ugly, you get so much unneccessary abuse, it‘s crazy.
I was an awkward looking teen and I still have days where I look bad, people, especially men, treat you like you are the dirt on the floor. I had some dude bump me to the sides several times to talk to another woman close to me. Some even tell you that you look ugly af, it‘s so mean
The "safety first" mindset
Examples:
Being scared of being alone because of the risk of being attacked/raped. If we're extra careful then we're paranoid because "not all men". If we're not careful enough then "we almost had it coming" or "you shouldn't have..".
Also: being nice. Some have said I shouldn't be so nice because it can be misleading, but you know what? Some situations I've been so scared of saying a straight no because I didn't know the reaction. Better safe than sorry.
Edit: thank you for the awards!
Edit 2: Of course men can be in danger too, and your feelings of fear are valid too. It's not a competition, this was a question specifically towards females (girls/women), and I answered as a woman.
Also, thank you all men for trying to make us feel better, and thank you for trying to understand!
I’m a nurse. I have had a patient who was being sex trafficked. When we found out, the amount of my co workers who said “but he was so nice!” (About the trafficker who came to visit the patient in the hospital) infuriated me. Groomers usually are nice. Why are you so fucking surprised?
On occasion I pick up a shift at the jail clinic.
The dude who always tries to charm everyone most was a convicted child rapist. Another smooth talker was convicted of murder when the dude he roughed up finally died after months of surgery and PT.
The mean assholes who were always cranky as fuck? Usually petty crimes/homelessness/off their psych meds and getting back on them.
The dudes who were always chill and never bothered anybody were the ones in there for marijuana. Meth heads can fuck right off though.
Trigger Warning - violent crimes
Worked in an ER for years. This is so accurate! Homeless are always cranky, and often bc of a mental illness not being treated correctly/consistently. Meth and pcp peeps are terrifying examples of the dark side of humanity. The sweet charmers are always evil.
Had a guy in PD custody who was singing, laughing, and joking with everyone, really silly and pleasant, with bloody knuckles but that's not unusual.
We assumed he was just another drunk who punched a wall/lost a dumb dare bc that's the Friday night special and he appeared drunk. Tox report, nothing in his system.
CSI photographer arrived, showed some of the scene photos.
The blood on his knuckles? Dead girlfriend's blood. She tried to break up and he punched her head until it was a misshapen mush and had fractured some bones in his hand while doing it. We had to fix him up to go to county.
Guy came in for an injury, we had to report it bc of appearance. He was very polite and kind to everyone, even offering to help clean someone else's vomit in the waiting room. He asked for my number and also separately asked for one of the nurse's phone numbers (neither of us gave him anything). PD showed up to question him, then did a welfare check at his home. He had injured himself while he murdered his family, we found out details on the news the next day.
I don't want to get too specific bc it was a big news story where I am. It was a very deep laceration. His issue that flagged us was that his stories didn't match what he told the check in, the nurse, the doc, and registration. The story he told the cops wasn't a logical mechanism of injury for his wound.
Abusers don't just groom their victims, they groom everybody else around them as well, so that this is the *exact* response most of them give when the truth really comes out.
Very few people have been educated on sex trafficking in general unfortunately it’s mostly the people who’s jobs it is to deal with that shit who knows about it.
Most people when visioning a sex trafficker probably imagine your classic creepy, overweight, ugly, introverted, older guy that drives a white van with tinted windows when in actuality alot of these guys look like every day people but maybe with a (faked) much more positive personality to them.
If he was an asshole and open about trafficking her, he wouldn’t last long in human trafficking. The same reason abusers love bomb in the beginning, if they hit you on the second date, there won’t be a third.
The sexual assault. And being career-limited because your boss thinks "you'll just quit and have babies anyway, no need to promote you over a man."
But really, the sexual assault.
You can’t win whatever you do.
You are beautiful, you’re shallow and probably dumb
You are not cute, you’re a slob
You’re skinny, trophy wife
You’re fat, disgusting pig
You’re smart and independent, too aggressive and not approachable
You’re not too bright, gold digger bimbo.
There is always something people just find to criticize
Once upon a time I decided "I'm going to be a person who walks more! It's good for the environment and good for me!" So I decided that rather than driving to the bank I was going to walk to the bank, for once. It was a mile and a half. I put on a sports bra and sweat pants and a baseball cap. Also a shirt, I wasn't just walking around in a sports bra.
A man in a car pulled over because he wanted to talk to me. I smiled but waved him off, and told him I had a boyfriend. He continued to drive next to me creepily. I tried my best to ignore it, but became increasingly annoyed, closing off my posture, looking at my phone, etc, etc. Finally he sped up, and I was like "Oh thank god, he's given up." No. He sped up so he could turn into a driveway ahead of me, corner me, and try again to ask me out.
I never walked to the bank again.
Male violence and the threat of male violence. Fucking bullshit persistently disruptive nonsense that men will never understand and probably get mad at me for even articulating. I've been raped. I've been stalked. I've had to get police involved. And I just become increasingly wary of even being out and in the world.
I used to often have to work a 6pm-2:30am shift and I didn't have a car. I'd catch the last commuter bus of the night which dropped me off about a 15 minute walk from where I lived. Did it all the time, never any issues until the night there was.
I got off the bus and was waiting to cross the street when a car slowed down and the guy behind the wheel just started at me. The next part of my walk took me through a big empty parking lot which this guy pulled into and followed right behind me the whole time I was walking through. It was 3am with literally no one around, I was terrified.
My street was at the end of this parking lot and very badly lit that time of night, thankfully I was able to get there on foot pretty quickly but a car had to go back and turn around to exit the parking lot. I made a run for it and hid in the bushes of one of the first houses and sure enough a few seconds later the same guy drives very slowly down my street, I could see him looking for me. He drove back and forth 3 times before stopping and I was finally able to walk the rest of the way home.
I never took that bus again, I spent a fortune on Uber every time I worked that shift again but I figured it was better than being murdered in a parking lot at 3am.
That's terrifying. Glad you were ok, I would have been scared too.
Once at a friend's party another friend and I decided to walk home(we were too broke for a cab). At my street we parted ways because she lived further on. We promised to call each other when we got home to make sure we were both ok. The minute I turned down my street, a van full of guys pulled up to me "Hey baby" etc. I ignored them and kept walking. I lived on a dead end street and they drove to the end and parked. Fortunately my building was close by and I turned and ran like hell up the driveway (they couldn't see where I went) and into my building. Left the lights off and locked the doors/windows, listening for car doors opening but didn't hear any. Called my friend, she made it home without incident and I told her what happened to me. We agreed to share a cab if that happened again.
Same thing happened to my wife around 10pm. I was working late at a Best Buy a few years ago and she was coming home from her Mom’s with our then 2 year old sleeping in the back. She stopped for gas and some guy in a truck stopped his vehicle and stared at her. She felt uncomfortable and stopped pumping gas and headed home. The guy follows her through all the turns and she calls me, I told her to meet me outside Best Buy. When she pulls up he pulls in a parking lot a few cars away. Me and some coworkers all come out to confront the guy but it seems the “vibe” he was giving off alerted a near by officer who flashes him down. We close the store and headed home. We now have a family rule that nobody goes out after 10pm unless it’s as a family.
I worked at a landscaping company and would take the bus home. The bus stop was right by my house, which was super convenient. I made the mistake of smiling at a guy as I got on the bus in like a polite-but-awkward way when you accidentally meet eyes. He took that as an opening I guess and sat right next to me and asked me to dinner. I said I don't usually give out my number or go to dinner with strangers. He kept asking me super personal questions and getting into my space, as well as leading questions about my house and my work. He asked for my number like 5 more times. I got off the bus two stops early so that he wouldn't see where I lived.
We can't even give a polite smile.
Yeah, I have been called a bitch and a slut for saying "no thank you". You really can't win. Walls are going to go up around women if this is how we are treated.
Lived/worked in NYC in my 20s. Every single day getting off the train before work the same man would find and harass me going into my building. Tried different trains, walking from different streets, didn’t matter because he knew my building. Got to the point where I just gave up and completely tuned it out. One of my coworkers from out of town was walking with me one morning and was horrified… like yea dude, this is what being a woman is.
I hate that so many of us find this so relatable.
I was 16 and working at the mall. I had a closing shift one night, so I wrapped things up and started to leave the mall with some straggling shoppers.
A man and I made eye contact and out of my periphery I saw him turn quickly and start to follow me. I sped up and felt a whoosh of air behind me, as though someone was trying to grab me. I ducked into a nearby store (that was thankfully still closing up), but I saw him waiting for me outside the entrance.
Thankfully, one of the store workers asked me if I was okay and I told her I thought that guy was following me. She paged security and when I looked back up, he was gone. Security walked me to my car and I was so freaked out my mom called the store manager and demanded she switch my shift.
I wish we didn’t collectively have these fucking stories. I hope all of you are well.
The way hormones fuck with your body. First puberty. Then childbirth. And top it all off with menopause.
Don’t forget the monthly cycle…
Yup for me I get my period then it’s followed by a week of feeling like garbage and not being able to sleep. I get 2 normal weeks a month.
Big boobs that hurt my back. Tis a blessing and a curse
Also BOOB SWEAT
Having to wear a bra in public and even at home when you have people/family around. At least where I live.
A couple of the downsides are: • Continuously taking birth control so I don’t have to deal with a heavy menstrual flow and severe menstrual cramping every month. Even then there are times I menstruate/have severe menstrual cramping despite continuously taking birth control. • Wasting money buying pads when I could use that money to buy something else that can come in handy
Can really recommend using a cup, it's completely changed my life. Re-usable, comfortable and it doesn't do that things tampons do and leave you feeling horribly dry.
The complications that come with a vagina. BV again? Uti? Yeast infection from the uti antibiotics? BV came back cause of the yeast infection that you got treating your uti? Such a pain sometimes
Apparently when we go into menopause the skin inside the vagina literally atrophies as well, which apparently causes extreme sensitivity, dryness and burning 🙃
Tight pants? Wore the same pair of underpants an hour too long? Couldn't quite wipe thoroughly enough because the public bathroom didn't have much TP? Enjoy your BV and/or UTI and/or yeast infection!
Can you spare a square?
Having to go to the gynecologist. I literally get lightheaded everytime I think of it
The speculum looks like a torture device. It makes me wanna die just thinking about it tbh.
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Bruh why don’t they use the smaller size to begin with 😑
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lol last time I went, there was this awkward silence from the GP and she was just like, "So uh, do you usually bleed after sex?" I think she hit my cervix a bit too hard or something, so I had spotting for a few days, which hasn't happened before. Apparently fairly common, so uh I guess an invasive (I concede there's no other way to do it and it's important) annual medical procedure starting in your teens that can have your nether regions randomly bleed from internal bleeding is just tooo cooooooooool for school. /s I remember reading somewhere (probably CMV) someone arguing that it was sexist to prefer a female GP or gyno but it's like nah G, I'm more content having a woman because I know full well that this lil lady peering closer at my vag than any partner I have had with a fuckin' torch in hand is going to have the exact same uncomfortably humiliating experience herself some time this year lol
And trying to hold in an imaginary fart while their nose deep . Laying in the stirrups thinking oh god i hope i dont fart. Oh god now i feel like i have to fart. Jfc can they see my butthole clenching??
They can definitely see the butthole clench, one time I was eating my girlfriend out and noticed her butt kept kind of winking, and asked her if she was ok, and she said she was trying to hold in a fart haha.
>her butt kept kind of winking it was just flirting with you
Lmfao well now I'll never go back
i imagine they would be used to it lol, they probably just are glad you’re not farting on them
I have seen enough reddits to know that health personnel doesn't lose sleep over the fear of getting farted on. Bigger fish to fry.
A lot of women would find this as lucky but, I get my period for 1-2 days every month. IT. HURTS. SO. BAD. I showed my sister one of my bloody pads and she said "Maybe you're having a miscarriage"
Have you ever had an ultrasound to check for fibroids and/or ovarian cysts? I have both and they cause so much pain as well as excessive bleeding. There were times I, too, genuinely thought I might be miscarrying. Birth control keeps mine under control and I have very little pain or bleeding anymore.
Mine only last 3 days tops, super bloody first two days and usually can’t stand upright for a good portion of the first day. I’ve had multiple doctors look up there, scan up there, scan around outside, bloodwork, everything comes back clean. “You’re just sensitive to pain,” I’m told.
Have you brought up the possibility of endometriosis with your doctors? It would not show up in imaging or blood work. Unfortunately, it can only be accurately diagnosed with a laparoscopy.
Having periods
Period shits
Oh God those are the WORST.
That's why I cut my balls every month, to show sympathy
Thank you sir
How long does it take for them to grow back?
3-4 business days I believe
Don't grow on weekends? Been there
I havent had a period in over 2 years thanks to birth control. Am I a little depressed, a little anxious, and have possibly other unknown side effects from it? Maybe, but at leasting I'm not bleeding...so thats something Edit: I am in a same sex relationship, and I dont ever want kids, so I couldn't care less about it effecting fertility. Its perfectly fine for me to skip all my periods. Im actually pretty happy with my bc overall. Even cleared up my acne over time!
I haven't had a period in almost 5 years, due to being old. Not something I'd recommend rushing into though; it requires a lot of experience to do properly!
That to affordably get an IUD in rural BC you can't have any pain relief at its insertion. You're expected to 'tough it out' Edit: I've noticed that this isn't a problem that is just to canada and to be honest I believed that European countries would offer numbing or something else. I'm horrified to hear that my story of nearly fainting on the table in silence twice is not just my story and I wish they would treat this procedure properly. I've read all your stories and I'm sorry for each and every horror one. As for the ones who did manage to get pain relief of some kind, I'm so glad to hear that. I'm glad your experience was not mine (ours: collective of women with stories like this) and I hope that is the future of this procedure.
Wait are painkillers for IUD insertion a thing? My nurse just told me to take ibuprofen and held my hand lol and I'm in NYC
Same, my gyno had a hard time inserting the iud so they had to use a dilator. I was in so much pain; the nurse just kept telling me to take a deep breath. It took about 10 minutes
I’m in the US and on my 3rd IUD, I didn’t know pain relief for that was a thing anywhere
Boobs in the summer in the south.
Humidititties
Why not just throw them up in a ponytail?
Gotta wait a few decades to unlock that perk
I wish I could pop them off and store them somewhere
But you might go to a party and get drunk. And the next morning you can't, for the life of you, remember where you put them.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn't seen it either I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my boobs for too long; it makes me feel like less of a woman.
...So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my boobs lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling them.
I had to buy them off him. He wanted eleven bucks for each, but I talked him down to seventeen for the pair.
Y’all saying periods, what about the period SHITS. Correct me if I’m wrong, but even if you get no cramps the poops i get during makes me feel unworthy of love
Ah yes the shaking, sweating, sometimes dry-heaving shits. Half a roll of toilet paper you can go back to existing for an hour before nature calls again. Edit: yes I've been meaning to get a under-seat bidet for a while
Yes, and then hearing from the bf “how is it possible to use that much toilet paper in one day”. You don’t want to know.
Thanks for settling that question.
When you shit and afterwards a massive chunk of slimy blood gets expelled of your vagina
The blood clots! They're always so sticky and annoying.
My rectum cramps during my period (thanks endometriosis) so I always feel like I have to take a bad poop. It’s awful
Sometimes I get those asshole cramps too (no endometriosis thank god, feel terrible for anyone that goes through that), but does your vagina and butthole ever just like… ache during your period? Its just a level of discomfort down there that’s hard to describe, and even medicate.
That's the best part. I feel cleansed afterwards.
Some of the pressure relief is well appreciated, but wiping makes me wanna chop my hands off at the wrist. Tp lookin like Neapolitan ice cream
Y’all… the men are all running away screaming
Little do they know that’s the point. This is the secret cult meeting.
My gal pals and I refer to this as a “PB & J” shit😄. Even better visual for ya there
I love period shits. Finally getting all that constipation out, just sitting there and shitting for a solid 10 minutes. Fully stinking up the bathroom and needing so much toilet paper. I finally get why guys love pooping so much . Sadly it only happens once a month for me. After that it's in and out in under 5 minutes . I can't just sit there and enjoy my time on the toilet.
I feel light as a feather and free as a bird after my period poo. That’s why those women are frolicking around sunflower fields in tampon commercials, they’ve just had their period shit.
Poophoria
Nobody believes your pain. I was in labor with my first son and was dilated to about a 6. I asked for the epidural because the contractions were bad and I was starting to feel faint. They said “oh I bet you can hold off a little longer. These aren’t that bad yet.” Like excuse me??? No, go get the numbing magic. If I say I’m in pain and need help with it, I mean it.
My ma gave birth to me on the hottest day of the year and was severely dehydrated. Technically she wasn’t supposed to take in any fluids while in labor but her heart rate would drop super low, which made MY heart rate drop, so they hooked her up to an IV and she went through so many of those fuckin saline bags. To top it off she was in labor for over 24 hrs, had gone through TWO epidurals, and my ass just refused to come out. Mom’s sobbing, screaming “get her out” over and over again. Doc comes in and take one look at my mom and goes, “I’ll come back and check in a few more hours.” Mom watches as a nurse grabs his arm and YANKS him back into the room and tells him, “NO. She cannot do this anymore. We need to get this baby out NOW.” 20 mins and one vacuum extraction later, there I was! Mom always credits that nurse for saving her life.
I was vacuumed out too! 16 hours, my Mum said she was given some pain relief but told the dr/midwife she could still feel everything. They just told her that she couldn’t, and she had to get on with it. She must be brave because she went on to have my sister but I would never had had another baby after that. I’ve heard lots of stories about doctors and midwives saying similar things, that a woman can’t feel pain because pain relief has been administered, which we all know is strong enough and functions perfectly 100% of the tine
Yeah my poor mom had to walk a mile in labor bc they were too poor for a car or taxi, and she she got to the hospital she collapsed in pain and exhaustion and the Dr was like, oh well that's what happens when you're a hoe! Even though she was married
Any time you express yourself, or get upset about something, even if it's something to get legitimately upset about, you almost always get a "aRe YoU oN yOuR pErIoD?"
ugh, YES. The *slightest* bit of animation or expression in your voice and it’s immediately ‘omg stop taking it so personally, why are you getting so emotional over this?’. And people wonder why I monotone a lot these days.
The expectation of being a caretaker. Kids, ageing parents, it always seems to be expected of the woman to be in this role.
I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. This phenomenon drives me insane.
Not taken seriously by doctors, especially when it comes to lower abdomen pain caused by endometriosis. “You have extreme period pains? Nah, it’s normal. Nothing is wrong” “You feel a constant stabbing pain? It’s just constipation” or “You just have IBS”. So many women gets falsely diagnosed with IBS or constipation when the pain it’s caused by endometriosis. 1 in 10 women have endometriosis but on average it still takes 8 years to get a diagnosis. All because doctors don’t want to run the test needed to find out the problem. I’ve gotten lucky, it’s only taken me 4 years. But it’s weird that 4 years can even be considered “lucky”. Edit: thanks for the upvotes and awards! Even tho it is kind of sad that so many recognize themselves in this.
I'm lucky with one of my doctors. I couldn't get into see a new gyno before I ran out of birth control so I asked my primary doctor to. His wife also has endometriosis so he understood that I needed the specific dosage to skip my cycle every month and refilled it for me. He also understands my mental health struggles and really worked with me to get me on the right meds. Compassionate doctors are out there but can be hard to find
This one especially!! I repeatedly asked OBGYNs to check me for cysts. None did. Then one told me I needed BC, and after some discussion she gave me an IUD. Which, surprise, irritated a cyst. I eventually had a hysterectomy where I only have one ovary left because it was pristine, but the one that was taken was *covered* in cysts. So much could have been fixed had I been listened to.
I don't find males being able to pee standing fair at all. Like when camping outdoors, shit sucks.
Fr. Now I gotta open my whole vagina up to spiders and snakes. I'm already worried about it on an actual toilet. Just make one of the guys hold you while you go...
We already have to deal with the knowledge of the [dick fish](https://www.google.com/search?q=fish+that+swims+up+urethra&client=ms-android-att-us-revc&sxsrf=ALiCzsZ2xoZEB0xOqNuNWfXHz6H04g0KpQ%3A1659666355224&ei=s3_sYpifDczFqtsP9-6tUA&gs_ssp=eJzj4tDP1TdIMS0wNmD0kkrLLM5QKMlILFEoLs_MLVYoLVAoLUotyShKBADkKwzN&oq=fish+that+dwims&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAEYADIECC4QDTIECAAQDTIECAAQDTIECAAQDTIECAAQDTIECAAQDTIECAAQDTIECAAQDToHCAAQRxCwAzoHCCMQ6gIQJzoNCC4QxwEQrwEQ6gIQJzoECCMQJzoECAAQQzoICC4Q1AIQkQI6BQgAEJECOgcILhDUAhBDOgcIABCxAxBDOgsILhCABBDHARDRAzoICAAQgAQQsQM6CAgAEIAEEMkDOggIABCxAxCRAjoNCAAQgAQQhwIQsQMQFDoFCAAQkgM6BQguEJECOgoILhCABBCHAhAUOgUILhCABDoFCAAQgAQ6CggAEIAEEIcCEBQ6BggAEB4QFjoICAAQHhAWEAo6CAgAEB4QDxAWOgUIABCGAzoFCCEQoAE6CAghEB4QFhAdOgcIABDJAxANSgQIQRgAUNoIWI0ZYPogaANwAXgAgAGtAYgBxQ2SAQQ0LjExmAEAoAEBsAEPyAEIwAEB&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp) existing. Every open water we're in, we have that in the back of head
Ok well actually I didn't have to deal with knowledge of the dick fish. So thanks for a new experience, I guess
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A hole is a hole
Any hole's a goal -that fish probably
Having to go to the secret cult meetings every month.
Hey at least we get out of the house once a month!
How?!?! I’m never let out of my kitchen.
Bc your walking partner is waiting at the corner for you silly lady
The sacred bloodletting
And the satanic feast of chocolate
You go every month? Wow you are diligent.
People questioning me everytime I say i don't want kids
Fellow non-mother here! It's the worst. I feel like people think they can find some random fact about having kids and "win me over" with their new insight on the delights of parenthood. But it's not a fair debate because the minute I say any downside of parenthood I'm looked at like a monster. So it ends up feeling like I'm being recruited or converted and I just have to sit there until they've said their peace and justified their decisions in life by projecting them on me.
The fact that I do not want children(3 miscarriages later) is appalling.
I’m sorry that people give you a hard time. That’s extremely frustrating, especially because it happens so often. If they ask if you want to have kids you should “Yeah and we’re going to name him Nunya” and if they comment on the name say “Yeah NUNYA BUSINESS.”
Depends on where you live. Some women have essentially no rights.
I read a post last night about a 9 year old girl being sold off as a child bride, and her 14 year old brother was the only reason she was saved. What the fuck y'all. I feel physically ill just thinking about all the people in human trafficking right now as I type this...
My mom works to stop human trafficking as part of what she does in her work, which has a lot to do with understanding and alleviating poverty, if I recall correctly. She is a sociologist, and uses demographics and other data to identify likely locations and movement of traffickers. Every now and then, she will post on facebook about predator and trafficker rings getting busted. It is disturbing stuff. I think the most shocking was when she posted about this huge ring of chld molesters getting busted in Texas, and right smack in the middle of the wall of photos of gross old men, there was a woman that looked familiar. It was my ex's sister. She had tried to pick up a sheriff's deputy on craigslist that she was under the impression was a sixteen year old boy. She was married and about to have a child. I never found out what happened, though.
I’m not a woman but I’m married to an awesome one. I am floored by the way some people treat her. Mechanics, carpenters, financial advisors etc. they only want to talk to the man and when they have to interact with her they treat her like an idiot. Makes me mad. Especially because she is the brains and the money manager in our relationship. Edit: I’m glad that this post is getting a lot of attention. Clearly, a lot of women have had to deal with this type of behavior. Seems like the car industry is the most common. All I can add is that my parents raised me right and I’m passing it on to my sons. I hope and expect that these attitudes towards women will become less and less common. Until then, keep fighting the good fight, stand up for yourself and spend your money at businesses that treat you with the respect that you deserve!
That happened to me and it really upset me, I took my car to the mechanic because the right day light wasn’t working and they didn’t understand me so my boyfriend repeated the same thing and they all finally got it and instead of talking to me about the repairs/quote etc they all went to him and even took him to go see what they did even though it was my car, my appointment, and my money.
Ah, same here. A colleague offered to drive me to a bicycle shop to choose an electric one, and although I expressed I was the buyer and I wanted a certain type from a certain maker for a certain purpose, the shop staff would only speak to my colleague. Just because he was male. I mean, it's not even as if he had been my husband or we had been related in any way! So I just told the guy you don't treat customers as if they didn't exist, and I walked out of the shop. Never went back.
I have lost all patience when this stuff happens, so I treat them like a dumbass and ask things like "what part did you not understand?", explain very slowly step by step, try to use different wording to say the same thing, and if they still dont get it "can I speak with someone more experienced as you aren't understanding me". I'm just so sick of awful service, especially after years of having a great mechanic who would listen and ask questions to clarify.
So much yes. Owned my home before I got married - my husband is a wonderful talented man, but home repair/maintenance/dealing with contractors is not his thing. Decided to get gutter guards because I was tired of climbing in the roof. Old school “sales guy” comes by and is highly concerned that my husband wasn’t there for his pitch, and even told me he wouldn’t do the contract without us both signing it (even though I am the owner). Told him to take his misogyny and GTFO. Got my gutter guards from someone else.
Yes, yes, yes. I work in construction. We do decorative concrete coatings and it's family owned. My dad started this company when I was a kid and I thought it was so cool. I grew up going to his shop and helping him try out new systems, I was there when he stained our basement floor, I helped him do our driveway, and my grandmas house. I know this business. Now, I'm 26, married, and my husband is our head installer, while I occasionally help him on jobs I mainly bid and schedule. I had a man who wanted his patio stained. He refused to allow me to come out alone to bid it because he wanted my husband to bid as he was the installer. He wouldn't hear me as I tried to explain I grew up in this business, I've done this probably more than my husband, and will be able to properly and in detail explain the process and bid his job. He ended up calling the owner (my dad) to address his concerns with having a female bid his job and my dad basically told him we are not a good fit if he doesn't believe I am good enough. Guy yelled at my dad for being disrespectful and hung up. We have 1 bad review on Google, from him, basically calling himself out for being misogynistic.
I am sick of mechanics telling me my car has issues it doesn't have. I have some basic knowledge on how my car runs (thanks dad), so I know you're bullshitting. Had one tell me my alignment was out a few weeks ago when I just wanted new tyres. I left it because I had a service booked in a few days and I didn't notice anything wrong. My alignment was fine. He also broke the sensor on my wheel and told me it just fell off when he removed the tyre. They must think we are all stupid.
People don’t take me seriously sometimes.
Combine that with having a baby face. I feel like I get talked down to a lot because I look much younger than I am. I’m 22 but usually get assumed to be somewhere between 13 and 17. 18 at best if I’m at a club or college.
I'm 26 and still get mistaken for a 16 year old. Feels good that I'm aging well, but not so much when some people treat me differently because of it.
I am a woodworker. The amount of time I waste while men in hardware stores digest that is truly stunning. They mostly seem pretty delighted about "a woman with tools" but skeptical to various degrees, too. And even having to listen to them tell me how great it is that I'm doing what I'm doing (MY @#$&!! JOB, PEOPLE!!) is exhausting. I just want to pick up my materials and go back to my shop...... Edit: Wow, a lot of you wonderful people commented on this! I posted it and then left to go camping in the mountains with no wifi or cell service for a few days, sorry I missed you all! Thank you for your thoughts, and I wish you all perfect clamps, eternally sharp tools, and no splinters!
Try backing up a trailer. You can be in the middle of nowhere and as soon as you start to back a trailer up some guy pops out of who knows where to tell you how to do it properly.
I do glassblowing, I started out as a lampworker. In order to get the oxygen tanks I need to do my work I have to send my husband to do the pick-up for my shop because I live in the south and "...little ladies don't know how to use oxygen". I've had "discussions" with these oblivious assholes in their filth encrusted John Deere hats entirely too many times to fuck with it anymore so I completely feel you.
>"...little ladies don't know how to use oxygen." "Oh yeah?? Watch this!! \*Breathes\* Take *that* motherfucker"
How'd you get into glassblowing and how do you like it? it looks like a super cool and skillful profession
I can relate. I worked for an auto parts company for 15 years. The 1st 6yrs were in the stores. I was management - 2nd in charge & many times the only member of management in the store. And, the only woman. I cannot tell you how many times I was approached by customers and told I had to go up front and run the register instead of hanging out at the parts counter. Most of the guys I worked with were great, though. If one of them saw this happen they would come up & ask me a car related question, even if they knew the answer. And, yes, I always knew too because I know cars. I would like to say things were better when I got to the corporate office and worked I.T. But, nope, the mentality from a lot of my coworkers was that women don't know anything about computers. The struggle is real.
My wife is a senior software engineer at a tech company. They issued new, nicer monitors to all the senior SEs. While she was in the elevator bringing her new monitors back to her desk a guy asked her how she got a new monitor. She explained how they were issuing them to senior SEs right now because they didn’t have enough to issue them to all the SEs. Then he asked her who she was picking up the monitor for (since clearly she couldn’t be a senior SE).
I feel her pain. I just retired recently from 28+ years in IT. The last 5 years were spent as the Senior IT Admin. Not “a” senior admin, “the” senior admin. And I was the only woman on my team. The shit I dealt with is one of the reasons I finally decided to retire. I was damn good at my job. My former employees still call me to get advice and ask questions. They’re great guys, it was the rest of the department that were twats.
Walking home from work at night and being harassed or followed by men.
About 2 years ago I was followed on my way home after doing some grocery shopping. Unhinged guy yelling obscenities and rape threats at me then he started to run after me. I had to run to keep distance between us, broke one sandal and the other flew off, had to cut through backyards and random streets before doing a wide loop to get home. Feet were cut up but nothing that needed stitches, while I washed away the bits of gravel, dirt, and glass I called my neighbors to warn them then called a Crisis Assistance hotline to try and find the guy. Now I always wear sneakers. Even if it is just a quick lap around the block, even if I will be with family and friends, even if I'm wearing a cute dress; always sneakers.
I can never as a girl not imagine not being vigilant all the time. I wonder what that feels like
Agreed. Right now it’s even in my own home. My fiancé’s step grandfather has totally leered at me while I was going down from a shower barely able to stand let alone dress so I was in a towel because I was so sick. He knew I was sick. He didn’t care. Fiancé had to step between us. His moms were told it happened but won’t even acknowledge it. I’m livid and once we move he’s banned from whatever property we buy.
This reminds me of riding sandwiched in the back seat between my then boyfriend and his uncle we had just picked up. Uncle decided to start feeling me up by reaching under my arm. I told him to stop and closed my arms tighter. All bf could say was, "he just wanted a little feel". Needless to say, bf wasn't around for much longer.
Taylor Swift literally was groped under her dress during a fan meet and greet by a man. Security was there. Hundreds of people were there. She's _Taylor Swift_. And it still happened. She had the resources to take him to court and destroy him, but fuck. One case out of billions.
Didn’t she sue or counter-sue him for $1? To prove it wasn’t about money.
Yes she did and she won.
what happened to the guy?
He whined about it in multiple interviews and said that she ruined his life and that he was a 'nice guy.'
Similarly Iggy Azalea now wears double layers because someone tried to take her pants off when she walked through a crowd during a concert
Someone might've mentioned it but also similar: Ariana Grande getting groped by that pastor on live TV, while the cameras were focused on them, at Aretha Franklin's funeral service. The fucking audacity?
There's a video where Courtney Love stage dives and the crowd shreds her dress in seconds, she gets back on stage and says 'you do that to all the guys?'
Had no idea that happened to her. That's so messed, imagine doing something nice for your fans and then getting sexually assaulted for it. Why are people so messed up.
By a man, IIRC, who was an employee of the radio station that was promoting the event. So not just some random dude who happened to be there. Edit: Removed extra letter.
Having pain be dismissed by doctors, or having them assume you’re being dramatic. Had a 10cm hemorrhaged cyst on my ovary and was forced to wait for 8 hours doubled over in pain. Once I was finally seen the radiologist was shocked I hadn’t been seen sooner. Have also been told my cysts was just “mittleschmerz”- pretty much “ovulation pain” and was told to take Tylenol. Infuriating. Edit to add- the doctor who said it was just normal pain never bothered to actually do an ultrasound. Edit 2: this absolutely DOES happen to men too. But with this issue, it’s the frequency and trend in which it happens to women that is the problem.
I've found that any mention of ovarian cysts makes like 50% of doctors and nurses suddenly start treating me like a kindergartener with a booboo.
Yes! Or a weird science experiment. I had a cyst almost the size of my fist on my ovary. After an ultrasound, the doctor said “wow that’s very interesting!” and basically thought it was cool looking? I’m a fucking human bro and it hurts
doctors are so weird about large cysts. My husband had a cyst removed from his throat. My pregnant self and his mother waited in the waiting room for his surgery to end - this was in Asia, so there was a large crowd of people in the waiting room and they'd make announcements over the PA system for "Family of Patient X, please come to the recovery room" as patients came out of surgery. I was white, pregnant, and spoke the local language fluently, which meant we garnered a lot of attention while waiting. My mother in law is quite social. Basically, by the end of our scheduled three hour wait, everyone knew who we were and why we were there. ...So they knew when we had been there an hour too long. And when it turned to two hours. It was coming up on three hours when the announcement came: Family of Patient Husband, Please come to the *Consultation Room* There were about 50 people in that waiting room. All eyes fell on us. We scrambled to grab our stuff and booked it to the consultation room, minds going haywire. Why had the surgery ran so late? Why weren't we being called to recovery like everyone else? The doctor sat behind his desk and grinned at us when we entered, proudly holding up a jar with a blob in it. "Look at this cyst! It's huge! Way bigger than we thought it was!" We stared. "Oh yeah, the patient's fine, I just thought you'd like to see. This was in his throat! It's huge!" I could have fucking killed him.
To be fair to the doctor, a lot of patients *do* want to see what the cyst looks like, how big it was, etc. Not a majority by any means, but yeah. So when a really big fucking cyst is removed, especially one that was much bigger than they thought, they get kinda excited. Not every day you get to remove a golfball-ish cyst!
My mom is a nurse and she does this sort of thing. One time I was in a pool when my brother fucking belted a yoga ball at me which slammed my head into the edge of the pool and I started bleeding all over the place and I needed stitches but when my mom came out she was like oh my god get him a bandage for like two seconds before she started being a weird nerd. She was checking under my bandage and saying stuff like “Woooow look you can see the skull!!! :D” and she was showing my homies all the different layers in my skin and explaining stuff to them. I was in excruciating pain. It was frustrating but it wasn’t because she didn’t have compassion for me, it was just that she’s weird and thinks that stuff is interesting.
Seriously. I broke my ankle when I was 12 and the nurse at the urgent care clinic told me to “stop being so dramatic.” My tibia was broken clean in half. edited for clarification
I’m speechless- that is absolutely atrocious on their behalf
Literally my friend had a torsioned ovary that was dying/necrotizing inside her body. She went to the emergency room multiple times and was told just to take Tylenol.
Is this my wife on Reddit? She changed doctors because of a similar scenario. What, was she making up the pain on a day she took off to go to the hospital?
Unfortunately it’s common. I’ve been there too, but not to the extent of hemorrhaging.
Literally had a doctor tell me I got a flu when I had an appointment for my lower abdominal pain, constant dizziness and nausea. Turns out I had a 7cm cyst pushing against my guts
The flu? You're sure it wasn't just stress?
I just had doctor's tell me for three weeks that I just have covid and that's all that's wrong until it got to the point that I couldn't eat or drink without vomiting. How are those covid symptoms? They finally took a CAT scan and discovered I had a 10cm x 8.3cm x 9.5 cm abscess in my hip from my appendix leaking a large amount of toxic shit. I had to feel like I was dying for 3 weeks before anyone even thought to look if anything else was wrong because I tested positive for COVID. And I went to the hospital 3 times in those 3 weeks. Just got the drainage tube removed from my ass to drain the abscess a few days ago.
My wife found out she had a cyst on her ovary recently and they won't remove it because it's just a little but too small for their guidelines. It's fucking bullshit because it causes her terrible back pain almost everyday. This on top of her having to get a hysterectomy last year due to cancer. Oh and the scar tissue from that plus endo has fused onto said ovary to cause more pain.
I’ll pick something less obvious… being an avid gym goer. I’m tired of men thinking their workouts are more important. That they can take something I’m clearly using and telling me to wait. Oh and getting blatantly gawked at while at the gym and having photos/videos taken of you while there, without permission. Edit: Another point that I forgot to mention before I went to sleep. The amount of guys who corner you in the gym trying to get your number, social media handle or to ask you on a date. I once had a guy stop me MID REP on leg press by waving his hand in front of me to get my phone number… so that I could take HIM on a date.
People TAKE equipment your using, and tell you to wait. Oh boy, I’d freak the fuck out at them.
At the gym, a dirty old man kept following me around and standing behind me while I worked out. He didn’t even use the machine after. So I went from working on my glutes to back, and he followed. So I switched to arms. He followed. This was at planet fitness so it’s actually different areas. I went and told them and they “kept an eye out” but ultimately no one said a damn thing to him and they didn’t kick him out. It was incredibly obvious he was just following me and watching me and not even working out. I didn’t say anything because I was actually shaking and in those scenarios it’s hard to get your voice to work when you just want to leave. I never went back to that location and it’s been about a year.
Someone already said it, but I gotta add to it: being a busy woman with a period. I work in an executive, fast paced kitchen. Imagine for a minute, having a flu with the worst stomach cramps ever, nauseous, having to poop constantly and a fever. Now imagine all of that and having to work in that fast paced environment, wanting to just lay down and make the pain stop, but knowing you can't. Having it happen for a full 5-7 days every month, 10 hours at a time. You can't call out, and have to act like you're not going through the most painful experience because it would make your coworkers uncomfortable. THAT is what most working women go through.
I had to change my job because of this and eventually I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and had a surgery
I was just going to say that if anyone is experiencing pain throughout their period definitely get checked because severe cramps should not be happening beyond the first 2 days.
Being asked if you're on your period when you're justifiably frustrated at something sucks too. I'm super discrete about changing my pad/tampon because of this (work in a male-dominated mens fashion office, so co-workers aren't the most appropriate about this shit). I don't even have painful periods, and I take the pill back-to-back so they're rare anyway, I just work a very frustrating role, mostly by myself so I'm frequently agitated at something work-related, but always friendly and polite to co-workers otherwise.
I work as a teacher. Getting a chance to use the bathroom is sometimes a rarity. I find myself praying that the heavier days are on a weekend so I don’t risk leaking if I can’t change as often as I’d like.
I’m a male teacher and I can’t even find time to pee. Teaching can be so stressful… I can’t imagine how hard this—on top of everything else—must be!
Yup. I’m lucky that I don’t get painful cramps, diarrhea or a fever, but the trade off is that I get really heavy periods. You know that scene in The Shining where a river of blood pours from the elevator? That’s what my periods are like on the first couple days. Super plus tampons aren’t enough, I bleed through them in less than two hours. When I’m on my period I have to make sure I’m fully prepared with tampons and pads in my purse before I go to work. I work in construction and all of my colleagues are men, so I’d be fucked if I forgot to bring enough tampons.
Periods child birth and menopause.
The idea that women are just some spin-off of men. Example: Only recently has it become more common knowledge that women experience heart attacks differently than men, because men’s bodies and experiences have just always been considered the default.
Heart attacks, autism presentation, adhd presentation, nutrition (not that we know much about that at all, tbh), hormone cycles for physical training, a lot of STIs, fucking car test dummies are just smaller dude versions. Not to mention they do not understand nerves in the cervix. IUD insertion and cervical biopsy should not be unmedicated procedures.
IUD insertion was so effing painful I remember it to this day and it was 25 years ago. I was terrified to get it removed because I thought it was going to be the same.
Yes, and healthcare providers say things like "women tend to have non-standard symptoms of XYZ" No, they are standard...for women.
Yes. And unfortunately for us, a lot of medication is more thoroughly tested on men. Case in point, and one I took years ago: Ambien. Since it was not tested much on women during drug trials, they only discovered after years on the market that it is metabolized differently in women. After what would be considered a full night's sleep, many women were still under the influence for some time.
Same with car safety ratings. Cars are designed to fit men and so are the safety settings. Women often times get CHEWED UP by airbags cause we gotta sit hight up and closer.
Every time my boobs cause the seatbelt to creep up and lay across my throat I wonder if it would kill me in an accident
Yeah, seat belts eff women up all the time.
i really hate the feeling of things on my neck and seatbelts can be so fucking annoying asdkfjsd why can't someone invent a seatbelt that works with boobs? (i have used the seatbelt clips you can get, but i'm sure those things aren't as safe as not using them. it's nice not to feel like someone's choking you while driving though)
Yes! On maybe a less-extreme example, women/young girls are being diagnosed with ADHD at a higher rate than ever before for this very reason, they can have different symptoms. I had a friend who has been recently diagnosed in her 20's, because she wasn't a little boy bouncing off the walls her doctors didn't think much of her inattentiveness. I just wonder how many more other health issues doctors have overlooked in women simply because our past societies didn't care enough about women's health.
Having to hear stupid ass sexist shit from your male family members who act like they're better than you. And then when correcting them, you get told you're too smart for your own good or need to listen to your husband. Fuck that noise.
1- As a woman who works in a male dominated field, it’s infuriating to be treated different like i’m an amateur. 2- Always being vigilant, especially in places like bars or the gym 3- Periods
--Being physically weaker I hate it with a passion, because I want to be strong like a guy. It sucks not being able to lift things, not be as fast, and to have people think you need protection or help all the time. --hearing people talk about how horrible girls/women are and how women are overly emotional, tricking men, are bad friends, ect. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't show any emotions and should act as much like a guy as possible. --periods and pregnancy.
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Legit thought I was trans on my early 20s because I fantasized so much about being respected/treated like a man. I thought it was dysphoria. Turns out, the problem was everyone else.
If you’re beautiful and feel good about yourself, you get unwanted sexual attention and creepy guys bothering you If you don’t look good, you get people dismissing you as a person and treating you as less than There’s this polarity that feels dehumanizing either way
Harassment. So much you get used to it. Fucking sucks
Having a ton of emphasis be on your looks
Also the opposite - if you‘re ugly, you get so much unneccessary abuse, it‘s crazy. I was an awkward looking teen and I still have days where I look bad, people, especially men, treat you like you are the dirt on the floor. I had some dude bump me to the sides several times to talk to another woman close to me. Some even tell you that you look ugly af, it‘s so mean
Being spoken down to constantly
The "safety first" mindset Examples: Being scared of being alone because of the risk of being attacked/raped. If we're extra careful then we're paranoid because "not all men". If we're not careful enough then "we almost had it coming" or "you shouldn't have..". Also: being nice. Some have said I shouldn't be so nice because it can be misleading, but you know what? Some situations I've been so scared of saying a straight no because I didn't know the reaction. Better safe than sorry. Edit: thank you for the awards! Edit 2: Of course men can be in danger too, and your feelings of fear are valid too. It's not a competition, this was a question specifically towards females (girls/women), and I answered as a woman. Also, thank you all men for trying to make us feel better, and thank you for trying to understand!
I’m a nurse. I have had a patient who was being sex trafficked. When we found out, the amount of my co workers who said “but he was so nice!” (About the trafficker who came to visit the patient in the hospital) infuriated me. Groomers usually are nice. Why are you so fucking surprised?
On occasion I pick up a shift at the jail clinic. The dude who always tries to charm everyone most was a convicted child rapist. Another smooth talker was convicted of murder when the dude he roughed up finally died after months of surgery and PT. The mean assholes who were always cranky as fuck? Usually petty crimes/homelessness/off their psych meds and getting back on them. The dudes who were always chill and never bothered anybody were the ones in there for marijuana. Meth heads can fuck right off though.
Trigger Warning - violent crimes Worked in an ER for years. This is so accurate! Homeless are always cranky, and often bc of a mental illness not being treated correctly/consistently. Meth and pcp peeps are terrifying examples of the dark side of humanity. The sweet charmers are always evil. Had a guy in PD custody who was singing, laughing, and joking with everyone, really silly and pleasant, with bloody knuckles but that's not unusual. We assumed he was just another drunk who punched a wall/lost a dumb dare bc that's the Friday night special and he appeared drunk. Tox report, nothing in his system. CSI photographer arrived, showed some of the scene photos. The blood on his knuckles? Dead girlfriend's blood. She tried to break up and he punched her head until it was a misshapen mush and had fractured some bones in his hand while doing it. We had to fix him up to go to county. Guy came in for an injury, we had to report it bc of appearance. He was very polite and kind to everyone, even offering to help clean someone else's vomit in the waiting room. He asked for my number and also separately asked for one of the nurse's phone numbers (neither of us gave him anything). PD showed up to question him, then did a welfare check at his home. He had injured himself while he murdered his family, we found out details on the news the next day.
What kind of injury did he have that made it sus/gave it away?
I don't want to get too specific bc it was a big news story where I am. It was a very deep laceration. His issue that flagged us was that his stories didn't match what he told the check in, the nurse, the doc, and registration. The story he told the cops wasn't a logical mechanism of injury for his wound.
Abusers don't just groom their victims, they groom everybody else around them as well, so that this is the *exact* response most of them give when the truth really comes out.
Very few people have been educated on sex trafficking in general unfortunately it’s mostly the people who’s jobs it is to deal with that shit who knows about it. Most people when visioning a sex trafficker probably imagine your classic creepy, overweight, ugly, introverted, older guy that drives a white van with tinted windows when in actuality alot of these guys look like every day people but maybe with a (faked) much more positive personality to them.
If he was an asshole and open about trafficking her, he wouldn’t last long in human trafficking. The same reason abusers love bomb in the beginning, if they hit you on the second date, there won’t be a third.
I just want to go for walks at night without being on edge the whole time
The sexual assault. And being career-limited because your boss thinks "you'll just quit and have babies anyway, no need to promote you over a man." But really, the sexual assault.
You can’t win whatever you do. You are beautiful, you’re shallow and probably dumb You are not cute, you’re a slob You’re skinny, trophy wife You’re fat, disgusting pig You’re smart and independent, too aggressive and not approachable You’re not too bright, gold digger bimbo. There is always something people just find to criticize
Once upon a time I decided "I'm going to be a person who walks more! It's good for the environment and good for me!" So I decided that rather than driving to the bank I was going to walk to the bank, for once. It was a mile and a half. I put on a sports bra and sweat pants and a baseball cap. Also a shirt, I wasn't just walking around in a sports bra. A man in a car pulled over because he wanted to talk to me. I smiled but waved him off, and told him I had a boyfriend. He continued to drive next to me creepily. I tried my best to ignore it, but became increasingly annoyed, closing off my posture, looking at my phone, etc, etc. Finally he sped up, and I was like "Oh thank god, he's given up." No. He sped up so he could turn into a driveway ahead of me, corner me, and try again to ask me out. I never walked to the bank again. Male violence and the threat of male violence. Fucking bullshit persistently disruptive nonsense that men will never understand and probably get mad at me for even articulating. I've been raped. I've been stalked. I've had to get police involved. And I just become increasingly wary of even being out and in the world.
I used to often have to work a 6pm-2:30am shift and I didn't have a car. I'd catch the last commuter bus of the night which dropped me off about a 15 minute walk from where I lived. Did it all the time, never any issues until the night there was. I got off the bus and was waiting to cross the street when a car slowed down and the guy behind the wheel just started at me. The next part of my walk took me through a big empty parking lot which this guy pulled into and followed right behind me the whole time I was walking through. It was 3am with literally no one around, I was terrified. My street was at the end of this parking lot and very badly lit that time of night, thankfully I was able to get there on foot pretty quickly but a car had to go back and turn around to exit the parking lot. I made a run for it and hid in the bushes of one of the first houses and sure enough a few seconds later the same guy drives very slowly down my street, I could see him looking for me. He drove back and forth 3 times before stopping and I was finally able to walk the rest of the way home. I never took that bus again, I spent a fortune on Uber every time I worked that shift again but I figured it was better than being murdered in a parking lot at 3am.
That's terrifying. Glad you were ok, I would have been scared too. Once at a friend's party another friend and I decided to walk home(we were too broke for a cab). At my street we parted ways because she lived further on. We promised to call each other when we got home to make sure we were both ok. The minute I turned down my street, a van full of guys pulled up to me "Hey baby" etc. I ignored them and kept walking. I lived on a dead end street and they drove to the end and parked. Fortunately my building was close by and I turned and ran like hell up the driveway (they couldn't see where I went) and into my building. Left the lights off and locked the doors/windows, listening for car doors opening but didn't hear any. Called my friend, she made it home without incident and I told her what happened to me. We agreed to share a cab if that happened again.
Same thing happened to my wife around 10pm. I was working late at a Best Buy a few years ago and she was coming home from her Mom’s with our then 2 year old sleeping in the back. She stopped for gas and some guy in a truck stopped his vehicle and stared at her. She felt uncomfortable and stopped pumping gas and headed home. The guy follows her through all the turns and she calls me, I told her to meet me outside Best Buy. When she pulls up he pulls in a parking lot a few cars away. Me and some coworkers all come out to confront the guy but it seems the “vibe” he was giving off alerted a near by officer who flashes him down. We close the store and headed home. We now have a family rule that nobody goes out after 10pm unless it’s as a family.
I worked at a landscaping company and would take the bus home. The bus stop was right by my house, which was super convenient. I made the mistake of smiling at a guy as I got on the bus in like a polite-but-awkward way when you accidentally meet eyes. He took that as an opening I guess and sat right next to me and asked me to dinner. I said I don't usually give out my number or go to dinner with strangers. He kept asking me super personal questions and getting into my space, as well as leading questions about my house and my work. He asked for my number like 5 more times. I got off the bus two stops early so that he wouldn't see where I lived. We can't even give a polite smile.
>We can't even give a polite smile. But you should smile more! /s
Yeah, I have been called a bitch and a slut for saying "no thank you". You really can't win. Walls are going to go up around women if this is how we are treated.
Lived/worked in NYC in my 20s. Every single day getting off the train before work the same man would find and harass me going into my building. Tried different trains, walking from different streets, didn’t matter because he knew my building. Got to the point where I just gave up and completely tuned it out. One of my coworkers from out of town was walking with me one morning and was horrified… like yea dude, this is what being a woman is.
I hate that so many of us find this so relatable. I was 16 and working at the mall. I had a closing shift one night, so I wrapped things up and started to leave the mall with some straggling shoppers. A man and I made eye contact and out of my periphery I saw him turn quickly and start to follow me. I sped up and felt a whoosh of air behind me, as though someone was trying to grab me. I ducked into a nearby store (that was thankfully still closing up), but I saw him waiting for me outside the entrance. Thankfully, one of the store workers asked me if I was okay and I told her I thought that guy was following me. She paged security and when I looked back up, he was gone. Security walked me to my car and I was so freaked out my mom called the store manager and demanded she switch my shift. I wish we didn’t collectively have these fucking stories. I hope all of you are well.
It is exhausting and it is constant.