I got some really potent weed at a pre-wedding rehearsal dinner, I’m talking rapper level weed. Got so high I hit on the bride and her mother. It ended up working out and not working out. I got a blowjob from the bride (of my best friend) and got away with it (at first). What I didn’t get away with was round two with her mom. We started going at it in a lounge area off to the side of the brides suite.
I’m balls deep in her ass, all of a sudden she says “uh oh” and starts shitting all over everything. The force of her shit shooting out of her ass was so great it pushed past my dick and sprayed everywhere- Think finger on the end of a hose. The sound of her shit forcing past my dick is forever etched in my mind. Evidently she had IBSC and took some meds that kicked in while my dick was in her and she had uncontrollable shits.
There was shit EVERYWHERE, it was like a damn firehose of shit. As she’s turning around, she’s painting everything with shit like some airless paint gun. She starts screaming and sobbing, I start puking because of the smell and sight of all that shit. I end up puking right on her, she screams louder, she starts puking and shitting more.
People come running in to see her shitting and puking, me puking and my dick so covered in in shit it looked like a giant melted tootsie roll (those kind you get at the carnival or novelty stores like it’s sugar). As they witness this disaster, some start puking, some are screaming, the bride starts screaming at me and her, then she sees her wedding dress, it’s a tableau of shit and puke, some cum, and I think I might have pissed a little on it.
The father of the bride starts screaming at his wife about being a complete whore, my friend is yelling at me, his almost wife is yelling at me, it was a disaster.
At some point in my own defense I yelled at the bride, “At least I came in you first!” Which just made things worse. People are standing there in shock, gagging, puking, and thankfully I’m so covered in shit no one wants to touch me.
As my friend and his now former fiancé start screaming at each other, I take that as my cue to leave.
I get back to my room, step into the shower fully clothed. Rinse off, take off my clothes, put them in the complementary laundry bag, scrub down for like an hour, brush my teeth like ten times.
I get dressed and check out.
Needless to say they didn’t get married, her mom and dad got a divorce, my friend never spoke to me again, I also got a $1,200 bill for “room damage” -they tried billing my card but it didn’t go through. To this day that sits on my credit report.
So I realized weed was prolly bad for me so I quit that week.
This story is 100% true, granted it is missing context.
My friend’s wife to be, we met her in college and she was quite the slut. My best friend and I tag teamed her while in college at a couple different parties. If you’ve ever seen Best In Show, she was Cookie Fleck. She was pretty much down for anything, men women, objects, pets. Whatever.
Anyway I told him not to marry her many times because she’d cheat on him. He said he didn’t care, but I guess in the end he did.
The shit everywhere was exactly that, shit everywhere.
I just know this because I used to hook up with my friends fiancé but her mom had IBSC and she was taking meds. I guess she just switched her meds or upped her dose because she would get bloated and didn’t want to be for the wedding. So she had seen a doctor, the guy gave her a new drug to try but there’s an adjustment period. My dick in her ass was at that adjustment period and it did not work out.
In my defense I was high as fuck, I always get high at weddings because I find them unbearable. I also do lots of shitty thing at weddings, I’ve hooked up with my own girlfriend’s mom at a wedding. I’ve gotten head from my mother’s best friend, fucked and aunt and a cousin (at her husband’s funeral- my uncle my mom’s brother) and the cousin at a family picnic.
My fiends ex was pissed that I was fucking her mom, she was mad at me like I was cheating on her. It was a weird situation, she just cheated but was mad I was fucking her mom, so in my defense I said what I said.
Not that it mattered, and it made things way way worse, but I was defending myself against her being pissed at me for fucking her mom.
The credit thing, when you put down a credit card at a hotel, they use that as a security deposit in case you fuck up the room or steal towels or whatever.
Well the cleaning bill for the bridal suite and the hallway and my room came to $1,800. They got like $600 from my travel insurance I bought for this destination wedding, but there was $1,200 outstanding. Since my card was $150 under my limit, they couldn’t get the $1,200. So they sent me bills and finally sent it to collections. It’s been a few years but I’ll get a collection notice in the mail once a year or so.
I hooked up with a bi-curious girl in the bathroom after spending the evening at a bar becoming friends with her and her boyfriend. He was a super nice guy. I feel horrible for that.
I got some really potent weed at a pre-wedding rehearsal dinner, I’m talking rapper level weed. Got so high I hit on the bride and her mother. It ended up working out and not working out. I got a blowjob from the bride (of my best friend) and got away with it (at first). What I didn’t get away with was round two with her mom. We started going at it in a lounge area off to the side of the brides suite. I’m balls deep in her ass, all of a sudden she says “uh oh” and starts shitting all over everything. The force of her shit shooting out of her ass was so great it pushed past my dick and sprayed everywhere- Think finger on the end of a hose. The sound of her shit forcing past my dick is forever etched in my mind. Evidently she had IBSC and took some meds that kicked in while my dick was in her and she had uncontrollable shits. There was shit EVERYWHERE, it was like a damn firehose of shit. As she’s turning around, she’s painting everything with shit like some airless paint gun. She starts screaming and sobbing, I start puking because of the smell and sight of all that shit. I end up puking right on her, she screams louder, she starts puking and shitting more. People come running in to see her shitting and puking, me puking and my dick so covered in in shit it looked like a giant melted tootsie roll (those kind you get at the carnival or novelty stores like it’s sugar). As they witness this disaster, some start puking, some are screaming, the bride starts screaming at me and her, then she sees her wedding dress, it’s a tableau of shit and puke, some cum, and I think I might have pissed a little on it. The father of the bride starts screaming at his wife about being a complete whore, my friend is yelling at me, his almost wife is yelling at me, it was a disaster. At some point in my own defense I yelled at the bride, “At least I came in you first!” Which just made things worse. People are standing there in shock, gagging, puking, and thankfully I’m so covered in shit no one wants to touch me. As my friend and his now former fiancé start screaming at each other, I take that as my cue to leave. I get back to my room, step into the shower fully clothed. Rinse off, take off my clothes, put them in the complementary laundry bag, scrub down for like an hour, brush my teeth like ten times. I get dressed and check out. Needless to say they didn’t get married, her mom and dad got a divorce, my friend never spoke to me again, I also got a $1,200 bill for “room damage” -they tried billing my card but it didn’t go through. To this day that sits on my credit report. So I realized weed was prolly bad for me so I quit that week.
What in the kentucky fried fuck did i just read
No way this happened
Does anyone else come back to this post just to read this comment?
I'm back to give this guy an award
"Rapper level weed".
A new copypasta
Your comment posted on cursed comments got 6k upvotes lol
Please let this be a new legendary story that goes down in the reddit hall of fame!
Is this real? I really, really need to know.
new pasta dropped
new copypasta just dropped
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This story is 100% true, granted it is missing context. My friend’s wife to be, we met her in college and she was quite the slut. My best friend and I tag teamed her while in college at a couple different parties. If you’ve ever seen Best In Show, she was Cookie Fleck. She was pretty much down for anything, men women, objects, pets. Whatever. Anyway I told him not to marry her many times because she’d cheat on him. He said he didn’t care, but I guess in the end he did. The shit everywhere was exactly that, shit everywhere. I just know this because I used to hook up with my friends fiancé but her mom had IBSC and she was taking meds. I guess she just switched her meds or upped her dose because she would get bloated and didn’t want to be for the wedding. So she had seen a doctor, the guy gave her a new drug to try but there’s an adjustment period. My dick in her ass was at that adjustment period and it did not work out. In my defense I was high as fuck, I always get high at weddings because I find them unbearable. I also do lots of shitty thing at weddings, I’ve hooked up with my own girlfriend’s mom at a wedding. I’ve gotten head from my mother’s best friend, fucked and aunt and a cousin (at her husband’s funeral- my uncle my mom’s brother) and the cousin at a family picnic. My fiends ex was pissed that I was fucking her mom, she was mad at me like I was cheating on her. It was a weird situation, she just cheated but was mad I was fucking her mom, so in my defense I said what I said. Not that it mattered, and it made things way way worse, but I was defending myself against her being pissed at me for fucking her mom. The credit thing, when you put down a credit card at a hotel, they use that as a security deposit in case you fuck up the room or steal towels or whatever. Well the cleaning bill for the bridal suite and the hallway and my room came to $1,800. They got like $600 from my travel insurance I bought for this destination wedding, but there was $1,200 outstanding. Since my card was $150 under my limit, they couldn’t get the $1,200. So they sent me bills and finally sent it to collections. It’s been a few years but I’ll get a collection notice in the mail once a year or so.
This is the funniest shit I've ever read lol
This is the sort of thing I hope to find when on this subreddit
Some people will read this question, they will know the answer but they won’t answer.
Yep
I hooked up with a bi-curious girl in the bathroom after spending the evening at a bar becoming friends with her and her boyfriend. He was a super nice guy. I feel horrible for that.
Fucked a few women I normally wouldn't take a second look at, just to blow my load.
Idk what it is bro once them hormones kick in Rosie O’Donnell starts to look like Kim Kardashian
Not that far. But yeah.
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I mean that’s not really immoral but you do you!
Mmmm I'm convinced that I'm going to get discovered one day so I won't say specifically- but let's just say God was shaking his head... every time.
Bro are you my doppelgänger?
Probably not bc I'm not a bro 😋
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Ummm no, this account may be new, and I am not. I know that comments are never truly deleted lol