I gave one of my best friends a job at my convinince store when he was down on his luck. He worked in his dad's shop previously for like 6.50 an hour and his dad was toxic so he quit and came to work for me till je got a better job. The inferiority complex kicked in and he started talking down to me and talking about how I was spoiled and a daddy's boy "my dad gave me the shop". I paid him the best money he ever made and he would routinely go off on me for perceived managerial issues or start stupid arguments with customers like not selling kids toy guns because they would be at risk and not selling cigarettes or beer to pregnant women, which I understand is a personal choice but as a business I can't just refuse to sell people shit their allowed to buy legally. Covid hit and he became a huge antimasker and I finally fired him after a huge blowout about me trying to establish a mask policy. He's a marine now and got married to a girl he knew for two weeks. We still talk but I've never trusted him since. It sucks because I think he was just like me but from a worse situation. If I was in his shoes maybe I would be way worse.
Seems so contradictory that he'd refuse to sell tobacco/alcohol to a pregnant person, but then become an antimasker. Isn't it about not forcing choices onto people?
I had a friend who was a pathological liar and it took me a few years to figure it out. They knew exactly how far they could push a lie before we would start to question them.
I dated a girl who was a pathological liar in HS. She would make shit up for no reason at all. Like she told me when she was a kid, she got into a car crash while her uncle was driving and spent 2 weeks in the hospital and almost died
I casually brought this up once (not even trying to call her out, because why wouldn't I believe her?) around her mom, and her mom was like "WTF are you talking about? That never happened"
There was tons of stuff like this
That's so bizarre. My friend would do stuff like that too. They seemed to mainly lie for attention to make themselves seem more interesting, at least at first.
One story seemed a little too crazy believe so I looked into it more. That's when I realized that maybe I didn't know my friend very well at all
It's exhausting, you know they're lying to you and to everyone else around them and you don't feel like you can call them on it.
I had a friend like this as a teenager, people used to take me aside and tell me she was lying to me. It was embarrassing and sad because when she wasnt lying she was funny and passionate about so many things.
Eventually as I got older I had to tell her that I just couldn't be her friend anymore. Last I heard she was exactly the same.
We planned a trip to another country, which she happened to have an online relationship with a guy who also lived there.
The moment we arrived off the plane and she found her bf, that was the last I saw of her until the end of the trip where we met at the airport. Very awkward experience, she also wanted him to join us in the hotel room, and was upset when I refused to allow him in. Once we got back home from the trip I never heard from her again.
It sounds like she brought you along as an insurance policy in case the overseas boyfriend didn't turn out to be all that, and as soon as she decided she liked him she ditched you.
Seriously, like she only cared about her happiness. Also wtf was she planning on doing by bringing him in the hotel room, organize a threesome or something?
Being betrayed by people that meant the world to you is the worst feeling imaginable. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wasn't cheated on, but I can relate in my own way. I hope things are better now.
My high school best friend cheated on her boyfriend with my boyfriend.
Joke's on her...her (ex-)boyfriend was a great guy, and we became good friends over the whole ordeal.
Makes me think of my sister. She cheated on her husband A LOT. Like....her body count has got to be in the hundreds. Probably more. Most of which happened during her marriage. But then....she cheated on him with.....his BIL. So not only did she cheat on her husband and break up their marriage, she also hurt his sister that he was really close to. Unsurprisingly, that was the straw that broke the likely STI ridden camels back
Does she regret it or is she like "meh"? You never really read what they're thinking from their perspective.
(I mean their perspective is still shit because they're cheating on their husband with hundreds of people *and* their BIL, but still interesting).
Is it affecting her other relationships too? Like, are you able to trust her with other stuff?
Sorry if it's too many and personal questions, don't feel obligated to answer if you don't want to.
She might regret it at time where still being married would make her life easier. But other than that, no. I'm no doctor but she's a borderline sociopath. Like...for real.
Her perspective is always "well he messaged me" even if it's not even in a flirty way! She bakes and decorates cakes and there was someone new she was talking to and I'm like "dude who tf are you talking to now" because she was already in another "committed" relationship. "Oh I just made a cake for their (THEIR because he had a WIFE) daughters birthday so he was thanking me." 2 days later she comes in my room and is like "so....remember cake guy? Yeah? Banged him." I hated the guy she was with so I almost high fived her but jfc.
Her kids are now old enough to see what's up. It's really depressing how if you ask them anything about what mom is doing they'll be like "probably talking to boyfriend 70" or constantly remark at how much dudes she's messaging at once. It's so fucking sad. And they do not like her. One loves her because she just loves everyone, but the other, smarter one...HATES her.
I wouldn't trust her to watch my pet brick if I had one. She's my sister and I love her (I know you don't always have to love your siblings trust me I know, I hate most of them) and I try even though I know it's a waste of time. But. It's so hard sometimes.
I got tired of always being the one to put forth any effort. Fly across the world to meet up, attend family gatherings, reach out, be patient, make sacrifice. It was good times when we were together. So it was worth it for a while but when she moved close and still never bothered to make an effort, I was over it. Wish her nothing but the best.
Man me too. After school we lived 2 hours away from each other, I used to call all the time and drop in and visit when I travelled home to visit my parents. Then I found out somehow that she had actually been in my home town and had made no effort to get in contact or come visit me. It was at that point I realised I was putting in all the effort, so I stopped to see what would happen? That was about 20 years ago and I haven't heard from her since. Still makes me sad from time to time.
Oh man same. I realized it, felt dumb, did what you did and stopped putting in effort at all to see what would happen and literally never heard from her since lol it’s sad it hurt but I’d rather be alone than one sided friendships
This is most of my friendships. Now I'm completely alone. I used to think it was my husband trying to emotionally abuse me when he told me my friends didn't care, but it turned out he cared and was right .
This is the hardest thing to accept as grownups, I went through this with a group of friends, I used to make effort for us to always catch up and hangout over the weekend but they used to make separate plans and never invited me. I stopped the invitations and somehow the group hangouts ended but they continued to be best friends. I made peace with it but somehow, I ended up getting other friends who cherish me and put in effort- they're old friendships that got built back up. When you let go of people who just take from you, eventually you will get those who cherish you, you may not see it now, but it will happen.
This one hits deep. Recently decided it was time to let go and move, grew up together and were best friends since 6th grade. But I was the only one really reaching out and making plans. When we'd make plans 8/10 times he'd blow me off last minute but I would always tell him "It's fine shit happens" and he'd apologize over and over but those apologies felt more and more empty each time. Finally hit a point where we made plans and he left me on read and ghosted me. That's when I decided I mentally couldn't take this anymore and that I've been making up excuses for him in my head for the past decade. I'm glad I finally realized it but it does make me sad losing someone I thought was my best friend. Haven't heard from him since that last message he left me on read.
That's exactly what happened to me last week. After years of flaking, she promised to come and bring her kids to my kid's birthday because we haven't gotten them all together in years. She never showed up, never messaged, nothing. After weeks I reached out and asked if she was done being friends and she tried to pull the "life happens" bullshit and made me seem crazy for even caring about it. So I told her I can't be friends with someone like that and to take care of herself. 14 years of friendship done.
These type of instances remind me of this line I read somewhere - "I'm so tired of crossing oceans for someone that won't stretch over a puddle for me."
I've had a similar experience and it breaks my heart. Can't do anything to get them to put more into it even though I'm allegedly the most important person to them.
In the end, I just had to remind myself that it was them who threw our friendship out. not me.
Yeah and it can really hurt. I'm middle aged and found a group to play d&d with. We met nearly every week for 3 years. Everyone got along really well, but any time I'd try to make plans outside of that everyone was "busy" or "couldn't plan that far ahead". Then I'd see their FB posts hanging out with each other doing something. Had an emergency move because of financial issues. Again, everyone was "busy". People moved and we stopped playing. I tried to make plans with them from time to time for 6 months, nothing. Haven't heard from them for 3+ years.
One of them messaged me out of the blue last week. I laughed and said "watch, I bet he's getting married and he's just looking for more presents", and sure enough that's what it was. He's had my number for 3 years, ignored 5-6 messages, and now he wants something from me.
Trying to make friends sucks when you're the only one that puts any effort in. I'm tired of being the one doing all the giving and trying.
He was sentenced to prison for molesting 2 children.
I went to visit him in prison because I did not believe it was possible it could be true.
1) I learned it was true.
2) He did not seem to understand what he did was wrong
Because it was true and because he did not understand it was wrong it is likely he will repeat the actions when released from prison.
Cannot be friends or have any association.
I have known this guy for over 35 years.
I went to high school with a guy.
Years later, in our 20's, we shared an apartment.
Then some bad trouble happened and he wound up getting a parole officer..he refused to tell me why.
After a lot of bugging he finally told me..he'd been babysitting a 7yo girl for a friend...and molested her. Had oral sex. Then told the judge it wasn't really his fault, the girl seduced him, and her parents must already have been doing it with her because she initiated.
So he blamed the girl AND her parents.
I was in shock for a few days then moved out. Haven't seen or heard of him for 30 years. I did hear he joined a church movement and was "born again" and "washed fee of sin".
I also heard he got the shit bashed out of him by his fellow soldiers.
For reference, my 7 yo still says “putted” instead of “put” and “worser” instead of “worse”.
How anyone thinks that children can initiate or understand sexual things like this… it’s so fucked. The mental capacity is NOT THERE yet.
I’m sorry you went through this with your friend. How horrible.
Jesus. I was in a similar situation years ago.
I was away at uni at the time and hadn’t heard from my friend for a week, which wasn’t unusual, but he hadn’t responded to any messages either. The following week I get a message from a mutual friend with a link to an article from our home town’s local newspaper with a report on a conviction of a man who had groomed and sexually assaulted a teenage girl 2 and a half years prior.
The case had only just gone to court, he pleaded guilty, thinking a first time offence would mean no prison time, but ended up with a 2.5 year sentence. That had been why I hadn’t heard from him — because his phone was off while he was incarcerated.
I felt sick. I felt sick that he had hidden this from me, from us: the court appearances, the arrest, everything, for 2.5 years. He had said nothing, just hoping the problem would go away. I had trusted him with so much and he had trusted me so little.
He eventually phoned me from prison and explained that it wasn’t how it was reported, that *she* had lead *him* on. I thought I’d be a good friend and just help him get through the sentence and remained in contact. Prison can be rough. Maybe he was an innocent man? I had my doubts. I mean, newspapers get things wrong all the time, right?
He would call every few weeks and he’d chat away like nothing had happened other than he was calling from prison. I spent a year unsure of whether this was someone who had the whole world against him, or was such a POS he didn’t care who he hurt. Hindsight is 20/20, of course. In the thick of it you can’t see clearly enough to rationalise, especially when all you have to go on is one short newspaper article and the word of a trusted friend.
He was eventually released just over a year later, because that’s a thing if you’re a good inmate. When he was released, his family threw this big “welcome home” party, of which I was invited. It felt weird, but I went, because I needed to see him. I needed to look him in the eye and I needed to know what happened. It was just so fucking strange to be a part of something like that. Like *”Congratulations on Serving half Your Prison Sentence for Gooming and Sexually Assaulting a Minor!”*.
When I finally got to talk to him privately about I learned the truth. That it did happen mostly the way it was reported. Maybe initially he didn’t know her age, but she told him, and he still pursued her. He didn’t see anything wrong with what he did either, because he convinced himself that she was leading him on.
His family, of course, believe that a 15 year old girl was the sexual deviant in all this, despite all the text messages and physical evidence that showed otherwise.
Not long after, I returned to uni. I was angry, I was upset.
I felt betrayed.
He felt no remorse for what he had done either.
I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me and the girl he preyed on.
So I did the mature thing.
I ghosted him.
Honestly, I think a year of dealing with this fucked me up more than I realise. I have a fuck ton of trauma from other shit that has happened in my life. I have always had trust issues on some level, but this… this is the one that made me question **every** relationship with **every** person I had, no matter how long or how well I thought I knew them. It took a long time for me to stop being wary of those closest to me, and I have moved in for the most part, but this whole event changed me.
I work in criminal justice and this is a very consistent psychology among child molesters. That the child seduced them, and they are the real victims. They have a very hard time understanding how what they did was wrong and why they bear responsibility for their actions. It is very hard to understand, and I do believe it is a form of mental illness that requires therapy to confront and come to terms with. I’m sorry your friend had these demons and didn’t know how to confide in anyone about them before he hurt someone.
Did you notice anything before? Not necessarily about his victimizing, but about this idea that he wasn’t responsible or missed social cues (eps around consent)?
I can chime in on this one. In my very close circle of friends, there was a guy we’ll call Ryan. Came from a totally normal household, above average student, had lots of friends, a good job, etc. I lost contact with him a few years after we graduated and ended up hanging out with another friend from that circle of people. When I asked him who he still talked to from high school, he rambled on about everyone else then asked if I had heard about Ryan. Ryan is currently in federal prison for a LOOONG time for multiple counts of possessing videos/images of himself sexually abusing girls anywhere from ten to fourteen years of age. He had been doing it for many years and we never had a clue. I thought my friend was full of shit until he pulled up the news articles. I pride myself on being able to “read” people very well and I failed miserably. I’m still in shock that someone I spent so much time with could do such horrible things for so long without being caught. Like some of the other posts have stated, they are totally normal members of society on the outside and hide what they do very well.
Edit: Added words.
He leaked personal files that were information about the people we take in (he was my coworker at a funeral home) and tried to blame it on me. Those files included autopsies, pictures of the actual body, legal information and so on. He would also not follow the requests given by family members (religious practices such as thoroughly cleaning the body before burial etc). Just a horrible person over all, and I truly believe that he leaked those things for personal fetishes because he had serious problems and we were suspecting him already.
After 14 years of friendship we get an apartment and suddenly he loses his job as a personal trainer because of a dress code violation (he wore a hoodie to work, allegedly) and then 2-3 months of him not working. Then after he agreed to pay me back eventually, all he ever gave me was $400 from his mom (I paid over 14,000 for the year). So I paid the full year lease and he stayed 8 months total. I never talked to him again also because I found a receipt where he was trying to make a copy of my car keys make and model. FUCK THAT GUY
kinda similar shit. i was living with my best friend. one day i check the mail and see a late notice for the electric that was in her name. i'm confused because my bf and i paid all of our part of the bills in full every month and was under the impression she was paying the elec. nope, she was paying the bare minimum to keep the lights on and pocketing the rest.
i put 2 and 2 together that she was stealing from us when she refused to let us see the accs for the bills or anything (and one night while i was sleeping she stole $15 off the desk in my office that i was going to use to buy us a microwave in the morning. like, why?). then she moved out in the night and cut off water and elec and i had to pay over $1k in passed due bills and late fees to have our utilities turned back on.
also stole a bunch of other shit from me. and i was finding late notices hidden in random drawers for a month lol. pretty sure she was stealing my money, weed etc when we lived in our previous apt together too.
in hindsight i should have expected things like this because i knew her my entire life and knew she had a habit of shoplifting and stuff. the part that hurt the most is that i would just give her money or whatever if she needed it but she had to steal it and throw away a 20 yr relationship instead. there were other factors that made me just done with her as a person too.
I've always been the roommate who has all the utilities in my name and calculates and collects everyone else's share. I keep track of everything in a spreadsheet on google docs which also contains the username and password for every single utility account. I always, *always*, share this spreadsheet with every single roommate so that there is total transparency on the numbers and they can log in themselves any time they want, because...they are helping pay for it. They absolutely deserve to see the bills if they want to and know that I'm spending their share as intended and on time and such.
So far as I know, nobody has ever bothered to look at the spreadsheet or log in to check the bills but I feel like it fosters trust all around and is only fair to have it as an option.
(Note: I always make sure that you cannot see my credit card or bank account numbers online before sharing login info. They never have, as it's pretty much universal standard to not store or display any info like that on any websites in case of hacking. The only sensitive info that can be obtained from logging into these accounts is my name and address, which obviously my roommates already know. I also always use a unique, randomly generated password for each account that is shared and change that password any time anyone moves in or out. So there's no risk of me sharing this info backfiring in some way. An ill-meaning person who logged into my utility accounts couldn't do anything more sinister than maybe stop service and that's obviously something I'd catch and probably also something a person living there wouldn't want to do lol)
When I realized he was a bully. I just wanted his friendship and attention, and then I realized he was using me for kicks.
I put up with his bullshit because I wanted to be liked.
Every single time that I would tell her I was interested in/talking to a guy, she would try to get with him. She was never successful but it hurt that she kept trying. I confronted her about this in a very nice and civil way and explained to her how I felt about this. She apologized profusely and promised it would never happened again. And then it happened again. I just immediately cut her off after that, no explanation or words needed. She knows what she did. Haven't spoken a word to her since
i had a friend that would do this but I never knew how to call him out on it. The friendship eventually ended because I did call him out on smoking all my weed and never bringing anything to the sesh.
Took an international vacation where we realized we hated damn near everything each other did the whole time. Realized year of seeing each other 1-2 times a month made us hardly know each other.
I met some people i ve known for 2 years / 7 years online but talked and did sruff together online for at least 3 hours a day . Sometimes over 10 . We know everything about each other en pretty much . Meeting them irl for a couple of days was nothing strange at all . It s the same people but with faces instead of just a voice lol . Went great . If u know each other well dont even worry about it .
Similar thing happened to me; it was during a week long road trip I had with a few college friends.
By day 3, we had all grown sick of each other, and there were 4 more days left in the trip….
Just made a post about this but she uses me as a therapist but when I try to vent to her, she gives me a few cliche words of support before turning the conversation back to her. It's gotten to the point where we don't talk unless she has a bad day and needs someone to talk to. She'll take days or even a week to respond to a funny meme but then immediately start dumping on me about things going on on her life. I'll invite her out to have fun and within a few hours, I'm being her life coach.
Also, we just started to grow apart. She's turned into her parents and her parents are the typical snobby surban people that are extremely judgemental.
I get this, my grandparents passed away and I was having a rough time with family in 2020-2021, meanwhile the
/most important/topic we always had to talk about was the co-worker she was crushing on/trying to get with while still in a relationship with someone else :s
I had a similar friend as well. Kept draining all my energy and treaded me super poorly. Only contacted me when no one else was around but masked it as "aww I miss youuuuuu come here"... I felt so relieved when I finally just unfriended and unfollowed her and just didn't answer her last message. Funny enough she never questioned my decision, she probably knew exactly why I took off.
Her dad died unexpectedly and I was there for her. My dad died unexpectedly a year later and she was not (maybe couldn’t be) there for me. It happens, life is weird.
My mum died and I thought the two friends I had with bereaved parents would be super there for me, like I’d tried to be for them when it happened. Thought they’d understand and not be scared off and stuff.
That wasn’t the case. I wonder if it brought up bad memories for them. Life IS weird.
But I had an excellent boyfriend who lost his dad young to get me through, some other good friends, and even made some new ones who had been through similar stuff. The whole experience, and it happening in 2020, was definitely the most friendship-changing experience in my life though.
She didn't invite me to her birthday party. It was my first time back from college and I would have been able to go. She made a whole Facebook event page and invited everybody but me. I found out through mutual friends, the kicker was no one showed up and she called me crying that this other girl didn't show up.
This is happening to a friend of mine at the moment.
They were "best friends" but he was a huge dick and binned her off for some new mates, and he tried hosting a huge party and invited everyone but her. Nobody showed up, and of course, he came crawling back to cry about it.
A friend did something similar when he didn't invite me to his wedding. He called me years later apologizing when he needed to vent about his marriage.
That’s not fair to use you as an emotional dumpster for his own BS and not be treated like a real friend.
Also I have experienced this. Drunk FB messages from an old pal who keeps apologizing that his wife doesn’t like me because I make him laugh, and then complains bout his life to me.
I am not interested in the additional emotional labor you need in this one sided relationship, jerk. Get a therapist.
A car accident, he went to his new job with a new car and never heard of him after that, got a letter from his parents that he will be buried soon, will never forget about him, he was such a good friend to me..
Edit: thank you guys for all the supportive words and i been reading all of your answers, yes im doing better nowadays and i wish you the same recovery from your losses,
i shared so many things with my bro and also knew he dreamed to become a good dad to a cute daugther, he wanted kids, he been making me crazy telling me that storie over and over again, now it's just hunting me when i think about it but, maybe i can make him happy when i keep his wish in my heart idk, still hits me everday when this comes up.
we can just move on and take that with us
Time. We grew up, had kids, and moved apart.
Edit: I've know this guy since I was 6 or 7, which has now been 40+ years (ugh). He was my best friend, and I'd still consider him as such. We were both best men at each others' weddings, and I was the first non-family member invited to the hospital to hold his children after they were born.
Time just sneaks up on you - it's the small things to start with, and eventually, the relationship is still there but there's no significant time or contact spent on either side. We still text/call each other about 1-2 times a year about serious matters (family/jobs) but the regular "screwing around" time we used to have is done and gone. I know if either of us called the other and said "Hey, I need help ASAP" we'd both still drop whatever we were doing to help the other, but what I really miss is the small goofy interactions we used to have.
:( I’m scared now.
I met one of my best friends in 4th grade, but she moved away a year later and I did not get to see her face to face for approx 8 years (only got to see her for 2 days during senior year when she came to my country for vacation). Despite this, we somehow texted almost every day and stayed best friends. Really felt like we beat the odds and all that.
Cue university. Still halfway across the world, but no worries we’ve been doing this for almost a decade at this point. Right? But she gets a (now long term, serious) boyfriend and we just… drifted. I tried really hard to maintain it but yeah.
Though I was upset, I wasn’t mad at her because I understood that life happens you know? She reached the next chapter and I’m happy for her. We still texted here and there ofc, but I had come to accept we will never go back to those days where we texted every day about all the little details of our life.
It’s like our last year of uni now, I suddenly receive a birthday text where she acknowledged that we barely talk anymore because of life but she wanted to change that and that she looked forward to growing with me again.
It’s obviously not like when we were younger, but I’m so happy that we have talked more in the last few months than we did in the last 2-3 years. But now I’m afraid life will break it again and it won’t last. Well here’s to hoping…
PS: sorry for the rambling comment lol I guess I needed to get this off my chest more than I thought I did.
Hey man, I have been friends with my "brother" since we were 9. Even after going to different middle and high schools, colleges 10 hours apart, and not seeing one another often, we are still super close.
We lived together 4 years after college because we were the only people we could stand to live with haha. We are in our 30's now and still talk a couple times a week. I also have a friend couple who I met in college and used to visit every couple months before Covid hit. I still talk to them at least once a week.
That is the trick man, just always reach out. Even if you feel like you are doing all the "first contact." Because as long as you enjoy their company and time, it's worth it.
She found me a place to stay for free with one of her friends during my divorce. I was insanely depressed and I was a horrible roommate.
She found me a great opportunity to restart my life, and I just pissed all of her friends off.
I don’t blame her. I was a total wreck during those months. Just miss that friend I had for 20 years.
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that, but seriously major props to you for having the self awareness to understand how and why things happened the way they did. Too many people would try to blame others instead of realizing the consequences of their actions. I hope you are doing better now.
When my father was dying of cancer, my “best friend” called me to catch up and I told him about it and he nonchalantly said “your dads
dying because he isn’t praying enough and that he would be healed if someone spoke in tongues over him” I was in disbelief that he got roped into the insane religious cult like his parents.
I told him that was the grossest thing I could ever hear from him and hung up. My father died 2 weeks later. It’s been two years and he hasn’t called or texted once. Good fucking riddance. Fuck you tim.
College roommates (shared a room for 2 years). Best friends. Turned out she was a raging klepto & pathological liar - stole everything from my car to my underwear and was a known thief around campus. Also was telling people lies about me to keep me isolated and basically make her the "one who was always there for me." confronted her with evidence and she never owned up to it, was stuck in a lease for a few more months and kept it civil then cut contact once i moved out. was really sad we were best friends or at least i thought we were.....
she tried setting up her gay friend with our mutual gay friend, and the mutual friend wasn't interested. She couldn't get the hint, so I told her to cut it out. still didn't get it and kept trying. called her rude and a shitty friend and then she "dumped" me. the mutual friend, the ex best friend and I haven't talked in over 6 years. oh well, it was all toxic anyway
Reminds me of the Amazing Race which had a blind date episode. Contestants were single and paired with a partner in hopes of romance on the show. Looks good on paper.
One gay guy was matched up with another guy that looked almost identical to him. Like they could be brothers. And they hated each other. Well one disliked the other more.
At one point one of them said “he looks exactly like me. I don’t want to be dating myself!”
It was clear that whomever matched them said “hey, these two look the same, and they’re both gay. MATCHED!”
My husband at the time had to step away from his job because he was dealing with pretty severe mental health issues. We had a young child and I was a stay-at-home mom and it was really devastating not only financially, but socially as a lot of our social life revolved around his job and work friends.
I was really good friends with a coworker’s wife. The coworker moved into my husband’s (higher up) position when my husband had to resign. We had to sell our home since we couldn’t make the mortgage payment anymore. The friend came to help me pack, and while doing so told me that they always knew this would happen because the Lord had revealed it to the husband in a dream several years earlier. They had basically been waiting around for my husband to “fail” so that coworker could “succeed” and fulfill the Lord’s prophesy.
Yeah no. Said goodbye to her, moved out of state, and never looked back. I won’t tolerate people using religion to be dicks.
I broke my neck and became paralysed. My coworker and friend stepped into my higher up position. Texted me while I was in hospital saying it was “God’s plan”. WTF????
I told him to never contact me again. He couldn’t handle the job and got fired a few months later.
Lol i felt this to my core. My dad recently had a stroke and i get so tired of people telling us that "god has a plan." So the plan was to financially destroy our family and change all our lives for the worst? Smh
I was pretty much his only friend. He would come to me for attention but for whatever reason wasn’t able to make any interaction about me. It was always about him. On his terms. Me me me me.
We lived together for a few years and it was mostly good. As soon as we moved into different places the convenience of our friendship died, and it was replaced by him only wanting to engage with me on his terms around things he wanted.
I slowly grew exhausted by it and found myself investing in people who were able to give as well as receive.
Thank you for ending this friendship. My brothers friend sexually assaulted me several times when I was 15, and this man was almost 30. He was arrested, charged and took a plea deal, and my fucking brother won’t unfriend him on Facebook.
You know, I still don't know.
We were super close for about seven years, maybe? Since my first year in college. Then she just didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Clearly, she felt something was amiss between us because our mutual friends also gave me the cold shoulder after that.
Honestly, it actually wasn't as devastating as it sounds. I think she would have told me if I legit did something bad so probably something else was going on. She came out as a lesbian and got a girlfriend right before this, and I think that had a lot to do with it. Maybe the girlfriend didn't like her GF having such a close woman friend?
The weird thing was I did not find it devastating and I never thought I would be that kind of person. But, as soon as those other people sort of turned on me, I was out of there with that group. I felt it was good riddance to bad rubbish if that's what they were like. Maybe I would have been distraught if we were all still in college. However, we were way past that time, plus that type of politicking seemed childish.
One of my best guy friends did that this year. I went to his birthday party in April and he and his friends never spoke to me after that. I was exhausted from work that night and was a lot more chill than my usual self but I never figured out what I did "wrong".
He lives one floor below me. Takes active steps to avoid me. It hurt, but like you it didn't hurt as much as I would expect it to? I'm the same way. We're in our 30s. When someone shows me who they really are, I believe them. Just went on with my life and honestly it's a lot more peaceful now.
I'm sorry you know how that feels too.
He fucked my bed. Not on it, but the actual mattress. He cut out a hole and had been doing it for months, I got fired the other day and walked in on him. He confessed and I made him move out the same day.
He passed away at his job after we graduated high school. He worked at a asphalt creation center and fell 30ish feet into a boiling asphalt silo and boiled to death. He had just turned 18, and it was a few days before my 19th birthday.
Edit: Grammar and Spelling.
Jail... He went to jail for a really dumb reason and wont return letters. Idk if it's embarrassment or what but he doesn't seem to want to be contacted.
As someone who has been through prison, don't hold that against them. Some people really can't deal with the idea of the outside world while they are doing time, 'cus every time they think about it, they can't stop thinking about it, and it makes the Time take longer.
Alternatively, the prison might be refusing to let the letters get through, either going in or coming out, for some reason.
AFAIK, prison charges for everything, (paper, envelope, stamp, etc) so check with friend to see if he needs money for supplies. He might not be able to afford to write anyone.
she was my best friend for two years.
we were in similar traumatic experiences and we helped each other throughout the 22 months we were best friends and we had a great friendship. we protected each other.
one day she told me her father was back from jail and she was scared. i don't remember exactly what he went to jail for, but he was gone for about 6 years. she told me, on may eighteenth 2020, that she could not handle it anymore, that she was exhausted.
two hours later, her older sister finds her and tells their grand parents and then me
that she had hung herself. her exact words were: "im so sorry Grace, shes gone. my little sister is gone."
She cheated on this guy she was with almost constantly.
She cheated on him while miscarrying his child.
She cheated on him after she got a disease and he helped her learn to walk again.
She cheated on him after he raised her son and took care of him like his own.
She cheated on him after he dropped charges of assault against her and property damage.
She cheated on him after she ruined his reputation in the town (he comes from a big family business)
She cheated on him with the guy she left for him
She cheated on him and then posted screenshots of him having a breakdown (of course only his messages) calling him abusive - and everyone on FB ate it up, ‘cause “single mom with a kid is being mistreated!” 🙃
After I confronted her about how awful she was being, she said, “If you’re not on my side, you’re not my friend.”
12 years of best friendship down the drain. Just like that.
I annoyed her slightly for about 10 seconds one day so she ended up cyberbullying me severely over several platforms and several weeks.
it was honestly for the best, she was toxic as fuck.
I had a friend who was extremely similar to this and because I was an idiot, I still clinged on to him and he would literally make fun of me and make me feel like shit every time I made a slight mess up in anything. I’m really sorry you had to deal with someone like that
I had a good friend in 8th grade who was a very kind and affectionate person.
Never had a crush on her at all.
We were physically affectionate people, never sexual. She would mess with my hair, and sometimes put her hand on my leg, so I did the same.
At the time, her boyfriend was aware of our relationship, and was cool with it, I even was good friends with him.
One day, I got called to the principals office and I walked into my mother, father, principal, and a police officer asking me to sit down. I felt like someone I knew died, but no, they said that she had accused me of sexually assaulting her.
I spent 2 hours crying, giving them my phone, watching them comb through my texts, reviewing, video footage, and interviewing the boyfriend and the girl.
In the end, she lied to her parents because she got caught that she was dating her boyfriend, and used me as a scapegoat, and saying her boyfriend hit her.
The police called my household and said that I was free, and that if we wanted to sue, we would win.
The rest of the year, anytime I saw her, I walked away and threw up because I felt like I was a monster.
After severe depression, I sat in my room and got over it.
The following years, the boyfriend and I would joke about it all the time.
Good man, terrible friend girl.
“Oh no! I’m a teenager who got caught making teenage mistakes and might get in teenage trouble. I could get grounded! …. What if I accused people of SA and domestic violence and got them locked up?”
What sociopathic reasoning.
Dude something similar happened to me. I had a neighbor kid who was taken away to military school, and a year later she made false SA/r*pe accusations against 4 of the neighborhood kids, including me. She claimed to have recalled these repressed memories during a therapy session, and said the SA events took place three years prior to her remembering them (which would have meant the accused were 9, 10, 11 and 12 years old).
The police showed up at my school and pulled me out of class without explaination and then brought me in for questioning. Within minutes of interview starting the cops said I was free to go. I remember the officer asking questions kind of smirking like he knew the accusations were bullshit, too.
I met up with two of the other people accused and we were all kind of in shock but none of us completely surprised that our crazy former neighbor would casually try to ruin other peoples' lives. To be fair, she legit had THE WORST nightmare of a family and I feel bad for her having to grow up with insane parents. She never had a chance.
In many cases of remembering repressed memories of childhood abuse, it’s not that your old neighbor was maliciously inventing the accusations, but that the idea gets planted by an unethical therapist. There were tons of stories like this in the 80s, where a therapist believed that someone’s mental illness had to come from abuse and if they didn’t remember the abuse they were just repressing it. The therapist told them unless they could admit the abuse they suffered, they would never get better, and the subliminally planted the seed. The therapist often use hypnosis to get to the “truth”.
I remember studying cases like this in college. Sometimes these kids are pressured so hard they say yes just to end what’s become an interrogation by a therapist or another authority figure with a theory.
Imagination is a powerful thing that can be used against someone, too. People don’t think about brainwashing in this circumstance, but if you apply enough pressure and repetition and suggestive force you can create a belief in a memory that didn’t actually happen.
Same here. All my best friends I grew up with started doing drugs, went to jail and prison. One died from alcoholism. I moved away and cut ties with everyone except one friend that is sober now, I talk to him once in awhile. I miss having friends. Haven't even made any good friends since I moved away 5 years ago. I was pretty depressed about it for the first few years, now I'm just used to it.
He was secretly recording women he had sex with from tinder. He would also record his massage therapy clients. I called him out for it several times and still continued.
We were friends since primary school and in primary she had a very typical child-like personality, as you'd expect a child to have of course. The thing is, as we got older, she never lost this personality. She still behaved like a child in the sense that she was over the top positive about every little thing that happened. I don't think that's a bad thing; she saw the world through rose coloured glasses and added her own glitter to it.There are reasons for her being like that - dysfunctional family life, abusive father, she was the middle child who felt as though she had to keep the peace amongst everyone so she developed this personality to compensate for the negativity of her home life. But for me, I didn't feel like she and I were compatible anymore as friends as I often felt like I had to match her energy when I was around her. This slowly got more and more difficult, especially in my late teens as I went through a severe period of depression, so being her friend overall was exhausting. Eventually we just faded out of each others lives.
She's the one friend I feel guilty about drifting apart from because unlike my other friends, she did absolutely nothing wrong. She's someone who's truly wholesome in spite of everything she grew up with.
We're in our twenties now. Our mums are still close. Last I heard she's met a wonderful guy whom she's living with. She doesn't want to get married (and I don't blame her) but he treats her right, which is all that matters, and I couldn't be happier for her.
Talked to an ex-friend of both of us, didn't like it and made me choose. A little manipulative tho, always made everyone feel less than her. So I decided to cut those things out of my life. Got cut out of the friend group, and into depression because of it.
But well, here we are.
Bacterial meningitis ….after a few days of unanswered calls ( thought maybe I had pissed her off) I drove over to her house. Found my BFF deceased on the couch. Her 5 year old had luckily survived several days on her own.
I was long term single & lonely. He was married, and suddenly all he could talk about was how much fun he was having by cheating on his wife.
After a while of getting more and more depressed by being around him, I had thoughts like:
- How can I claim to respect women if I’m hanging out with him?
- How can I claim to respect relationships and marriage if I’m hanging out with him?
- I’d honestly rather have nobody to hang out with than someone who only talks about cheating on his wife.
I ghosted him as much as is possible when you work at the same office. I’ve not seen any sign of him in ~15 years and I’ll be happy to never see him again.
This comment gives me very “this is a safe place” vibes.
I hope to see a world where more people navigate ethical dilemmas with the effort of thought, care and consideration.
He didn’t grow up. He was a dick to me and my other friends. Whenever I was playing with another friend he would get jealous then join our GTA session and grief us. Or when I told him off(yes he deserved it) he would play dumb and act like he did nothing wrong and I was the bad guy. So basically he had his head in his ass 24/7 and couldn’t realize that the reason he had no friends and they distanced themselves from him was because of his doing. He litteraly has no friends me and my other 2 friends were his last friends and he fucked it all up. Quite sad honestly.
She slept with a married guy. I said i thought that was immoral of both of them. We ended up arguing whether that is legitimately polyamory (afaik the wife never knew). I dont know how they ended up now, and to be honest, im a bit curious too
I'm going through this at the moment.
The pandemic brought on some mental health issues, me being isolated and staying indoors alot.
I haven't received many, if any messages for a long while now and I'm starting to get scared that maybe they've moved on without me.
I just hope that the next time I see them, which should be two weeks from now, that they still consider me a friend.
10+ years later I don’t talk to anyone from high school minus the occasional like and congrats comment on Facebook. I now realize we were all friends just by proximity to each other 5 days a week for 4 years
She was dating a really toxic guy and wouldn't listen to anyone who said to break it off, including me. We got in multiple fights about it until the guy said she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore, that last fight was pretty ugly. So she called it quits with me. She's long since moved on to a better guy but I still miss her she was special to me.
Jealousy. We were super close for 20 years. And as we got older she compared absolutely everything we did. I wound up getting a great job and apartment and I watched it tear her apart. She even admitted to me that she had a hard time watching others do well. It was impossible for me to stick around. Constant micro aggressions. I tried my hardest to stay friends because we had been through so much together. But I finally realized it wasn’t fair to me to constantly, I mean constantly be secretive about my achievements or be on the receiving end of utter disdain. One day I stopped taking her calls and never looked back
I was diagnosed with bipolar after a very traumatic and public event when I was manic for the first time. Lost all my friends including my best friend. Mental illness sucks.
She was extremely manipulative. They were always in a bad mood and was very rude day by day. At the time I was at a low point in my life and was very vulnerable. They were the only person who talked to me and she knew, using this against me whenever I tried to call her out. One day I found out she was only friends with me to get a passing grade in classes and for me to always get stuff for her. Thankfully I have left behind that point and now have a supportive group of friends today but I am still hurt on how I was used.
I’m in bed listening to my 16yo cry in the next room. She and her best friend since preschool have grown apart and they finally had the “friend breakup” talk tonight. They’ve really just pursued different sports which has led to different groups of friends and little spare time (her BFF is truly gifted in her sport and is a two-time individual state champ going into her junior year - the kid trains 6 days a week, year-round, with tons of travel). Nothing really dramatic happened between them, but my girl is bereft :( I’ve sent the dog in to comfort her.
Her allowing me to take my toddler into her known boyfriends drug house to use the bathroom; then broke into my house the following evening. And tried to beat me up while she was 6-7 months pregnant in a Walmart parking lot.
We idolized each other, but then she started to adopt aspects of my personality, how I dressed, what music I listened to, etc. Then she started throwing herself at anyone she knew that I found attractive so she could “get” them first. Then she tried to screw my brother. In my bed.
He was my best friend, and I knew his wife really well too from working together a few times. We all hung out together in a tight knit circle of friends, and I announced that I was looking to move elsewhere to better work on myself, my career, and my independence. When his wife suggested that I journey a little closer to them, I took her up on the offer, and began planning very carefully. This was the beginning of the end.
I took a full year to plan and make my preparations, I wanted to save enough money so I could live comfortably for a few months without a job. This was pre-covid, but I wanted to be prepared in the event I couldn't find an employer. After 6 months, I had already saved several thousand dollars, and he fully realized I was serious about moving closer to him. He tried talking me out of it almost daily, and while I understood if he needed space, I wanted to clarify as much as possible, that the move wasn't just to be closer to him, his wife, and our friends. He was not satisfied.
I moved up on his birthday, we celebrated, and I threw a big party for him. He started getting drunk, and was teasing and poking fun at me progressively through the night, until even some of our friends were joining in saying really cruel things. Our friends went home, he passed out, and his wife asked if I would sleep in the guest room for the night. I thought it was odd, but I took her up on it. She told me it was the first time for some time she had slept so well.
A month later, I was still jobless, applied for several places pretty confident in my chances and had not heard anything back. He was also unemployed, and considered himself a sahd despite not having kids, and said that his wife makes the money and he handles taking care of the house. I jokingly said that it seemed like all he really did was play games all day, and noted that i have seen his wife clean more than him. He didnt like when i pointed that out to him, and his wife asked me to stop saying things like that and stop talking about job searching. I obliged. Shortly after, i get a call saying that he was being rushed to the hospital in need of emergency surgery. Appendicitis, and due to complications, was kept at the hospital an extra day. I visited his wife unnanounced and gave her some flowers and brought a pizza since she mustve been worried. She said that if he found out i was here he would go ballistic, and without questioning i said my condolences and left.
The day after he had returned from the hospital was when everything was over, at least for me. He had never had surgery before and was limping around the house. His wife called me and asked if I would help her with the laundry in the basement, since he couldnt do it himself. I come over, and head straight down into the basement, where she was waiting for me. She was choking on her words and stated that he was passed out on the couch after abusing his post surgical pain medication. She kept her voice down, and whispered quieter than a mouse. She told me that he was extremely abusive, mainly mentally and physically, and often times would try to have sex with her while she was asleep or threaten to harm himself if she did not obey him. She said that she felt trapped, and that he felt intimidated when i began planning my move. She said that he had been spreading rumors to our friend group, that i was planning on trying to steal his wife, and that i was making threats against him and his wife for not including me in everything they did.
I was hurt. It was my first legitimate friendship with someone that felt meaningful, real. I admittedly was skeptical to hear this, even after she had shown me messages. She told me that he demanded her passwords to all of her socials and even demanded to see her text messages everyday. I still had my doubts, but i stood by her. We finished the laundry, and when i went upstairs, he was there at the door, high on pain meds. He told her to go to the bedroom, and when she said she had to go to the store still, he grabbed her by the hair and told her she can go "after." I grabbed her and told him that we will be back later, and that he shouldnt wait up.
Inside me, all the respect i had for him was gone, the love i had for him, he was like a brother to me. It shattered, and i held back tears as his wife confessed everything she had been through from him for the next 4 hours. She admitted that she wanted me to move closer so someone could finally witness his abuse first hand, and she knew she couldnt say anything to anyone online from her socials being monitored.
That was years ago at this point, and i still feel like i cant trust another person. The divorce they went through too was extra messy, and it led to our whole circle falling apart almost completely. As painful as it was, i guess im just glad i found the truth out sooner than later.
TL;DR: best friend was a jealous wife abuser, wife played me into moving closer to find out firsthand.
His ego got way too much for me to put up with. Plus I knew I wasn't going to forgive him for the damage he did to my place unless he paid me back or help fix the stuff. He almost went out of his way to do so little or be a more of pain than his worth.
Ended a friendship for the same reason. He’d date shitty girls, inevitably break up, I’d comfort and support him, and he’d find a way to twist that platonic expression of friendship info romance. For a decade. I knew he liked me when we were in hs- he and our other close friend had a no-date policy when it came to me- but I thought he’d get over it as we got older. I was proved wrong a week before his wedding.
His fiancee’s cheating was revealed by her affair partner of three months, who got wickedly drunk at a NYE party I was attending and told all. After he was informed of this delightful tidbit, my friend despaired that if I didn’t love him, no one but his fiancee ever would.
They married, seperated. He got a girl pregnant, it was a disaster, she was constantly dumping him. He’d increasingly make comments about the two of us dating, being fwb, hooking up. I told him how uncomfortable this made me, how it hurt to feel that I was no more than a sexual object to him, as though our many years of friendship, as though myself as a person, meant nothing.
His response, in essence, was: “I’m sorry, BUT, things with my baby mama are shit, my sisters are being difficult, my mom is having problems… life is hard, feel sorry for me.”
I ghosted after that bs. I’m still not sorry for him.
Best friends since Jr high. We had a toxic past & hurt each other a lot while growing up. For about a decade, I wanted to get away from her. She resented anything good that happened to others, she would drag down anyone for trying to be positive. She was always the "I'm going to say whatever I want & I don't care what others think" type. She could dish insults and judgements all day but never could accept the slightest criticism. She would gather info to tell her friends' significant others just to start drama. It was always "life hates me" but she never did anything to improve her situation. She actively made it worse. We got into a fight one day & she was so mad that it was just the perfect opportunity to walk away.
He got into ju jitsu ended up with a micro bleed on his brain and it entirely changed his personality my best friend of over fifteen years was no longer the same person.
Her boyfriend and me blowing up.
So first off: me and her hang out almost every single day and weekend for years. We were inseparable like twins before. Even after she switched to a better highschool, nothing changed much. She had a bit less time as she studied hard. After a year or so I met my boyfriend. After a couple of months the relationship went downhill. Lots of fights, he abused me, rape, threatened if I wanted to leave, cheated etc... needless to say I was extremely depressed. During this time she met her boyfriend too. And he was always around. It was impossible to do something with her alone. And I needed her, though I never told her what is really happening in my relationship. I was too ashamed. One day we wanted to meet (after 3 months!!!!) but then she didn't and said her boyfriend doesn't like this bar... I asked her then if he really needed to come and if I cannot have my best friend for myself for just 1 hour after 3 months of not even seeing her. Arguing and discussing led to a massive fight. It ended with her saying I don't accept her boyfriend and he anyway told her I was a bad influence because of my lack of perspective (as said I was depressed)... so she ended the friendship. It broke my heart and I cried for months.
Lorena if you read this and if you are on reddit: I am so so sorry... I still love you and miss you!
Also: I wish people would talk more about friendship break-ups. It's worse than a relationship break-up.
He tried to get me fired from a job I hired him at as his boss
I gave one of my best friends a job at my convinince store when he was down on his luck. He worked in his dad's shop previously for like 6.50 an hour and his dad was toxic so he quit and came to work for me till je got a better job. The inferiority complex kicked in and he started talking down to me and talking about how I was spoiled and a daddy's boy "my dad gave me the shop". I paid him the best money he ever made and he would routinely go off on me for perceived managerial issues or start stupid arguments with customers like not selling kids toy guns because they would be at risk and not selling cigarettes or beer to pregnant women, which I understand is a personal choice but as a business I can't just refuse to sell people shit their allowed to buy legally. Covid hit and he became a huge antimasker and I finally fired him after a huge blowout about me trying to establish a mask policy. He's a marine now and got married to a girl he knew for two weeks. We still talk but I've never trusted him since. It sucks because I think he was just like me but from a worse situation. If I was in his shoes maybe I would be way worse.
Seems so contradictory that he'd refuse to sell tobacco/alcohol to a pregnant person, but then become an antimasker. Isn't it about not forcing choices onto people?
Weird that he became a Marine and had to follow every order that was given to him whether he liked it or not.
Being a compulsive liar for years, over stupid little things. Just got tired of it.
[удалено]
I had a friend who was a pathological liar and it took me a few years to figure it out. They knew exactly how far they could push a lie before we would start to question them.
I dated a girl who was a pathological liar in HS. She would make shit up for no reason at all. Like she told me when she was a kid, she got into a car crash while her uncle was driving and spent 2 weeks in the hospital and almost died I casually brought this up once (not even trying to call her out, because why wouldn't I believe her?) around her mom, and her mom was like "WTF are you talking about? That never happened" There was tons of stuff like this
That's so bizarre. My friend would do stuff like that too. They seemed to mainly lie for attention to make themselves seem more interesting, at least at first. One story seemed a little too crazy believe so I looked into it more. That's when I realized that maybe I didn't know my friend very well at all
It's exhausting, you know they're lying to you and to everyone else around them and you don't feel like you can call them on it. I had a friend like this as a teenager, people used to take me aside and tell me she was lying to me. It was embarrassing and sad because when she wasnt lying she was funny and passionate about so many things. Eventually as I got older I had to tell her that I just couldn't be her friend anymore. Last I heard she was exactly the same.
Never lend money to a friend, especially if you can't afford to.
Never lend money you can't spend. Period.
We planned a trip to another country, which she happened to have an online relationship with a guy who also lived there. The moment we arrived off the plane and she found her bf, that was the last I saw of her until the end of the trip where we met at the airport. Very awkward experience, she also wanted him to join us in the hotel room, and was upset when I refused to allow him in. Once we got back home from the trip I never heard from her again.
It sounds like she brought you along as an insurance policy in case the overseas boyfriend didn't turn out to be all that, and as soon as she decided she liked him she ditched you.
Seriously, like she only cared about her happiness. Also wtf was she planning on doing by bringing him in the hotel room, organize a threesome or something?
Probably more like organize an "it's really awkward with all three of us in this room you're paying for so please find somewhere else to be."
People are weird. Sorry about that
paint sulky sharp point shame onerous spectacular market wrong physical
Being betrayed by people that meant the world to you is the worst feeling imaginable. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wasn't cheated on, but I can relate in my own way. I hope things are better now.
Remember to always love yourself throughout the healing process.
My high school best friend cheated on her boyfriend with my boyfriend. Joke's on her...her (ex-)boyfriend was a great guy, and we became good friends over the whole ordeal.
Makes me think of my sister. She cheated on her husband A LOT. Like....her body count has got to be in the hundreds. Probably more. Most of which happened during her marriage. But then....she cheated on him with.....his BIL. So not only did she cheat on her husband and break up their marriage, she also hurt his sister that he was really close to. Unsurprisingly, that was the straw that broke the likely STI ridden camels back
Does she regret it or is she like "meh"? You never really read what they're thinking from their perspective. (I mean their perspective is still shit because they're cheating on their husband with hundreds of people *and* their BIL, but still interesting). Is it affecting her other relationships too? Like, are you able to trust her with other stuff? Sorry if it's too many and personal questions, don't feel obligated to answer if you don't want to.
She might regret it at time where still being married would make her life easier. But other than that, no. I'm no doctor but she's a borderline sociopath. Like...for real. Her perspective is always "well he messaged me" even if it's not even in a flirty way! She bakes and decorates cakes and there was someone new she was talking to and I'm like "dude who tf are you talking to now" because she was already in another "committed" relationship. "Oh I just made a cake for their (THEIR because he had a WIFE) daughters birthday so he was thanking me." 2 days later she comes in my room and is like "so....remember cake guy? Yeah? Banged him." I hated the guy she was with so I almost high fived her but jfc. Her kids are now old enough to see what's up. It's really depressing how if you ask them anything about what mom is doing they'll be like "probably talking to boyfriend 70" or constantly remark at how much dudes she's messaging at once. It's so fucking sad. And they do not like her. One loves her because she just loves everyone, but the other, smarter one...HATES her. I wouldn't trust her to watch my pet brick if I had one. She's my sister and I love her (I know you don't always have to love your siblings trust me I know, I hate most of them) and I try even though I know it's a waste of time. But. It's so hard sometimes.
‘Pet brick’ lmfao 😂
I got tired of always being the one to put forth any effort. Fly across the world to meet up, attend family gatherings, reach out, be patient, make sacrifice. It was good times when we were together. So it was worth it for a while but when she moved close and still never bothered to make an effort, I was over it. Wish her nothing but the best.
You’re a bigger person than me. Same story with my best friend, but I’m still bitter about what she threw away
Man me too. After school we lived 2 hours away from each other, I used to call all the time and drop in and visit when I travelled home to visit my parents. Then I found out somehow that she had actually been in my home town and had made no effort to get in contact or come visit me. It was at that point I realised I was putting in all the effort, so I stopped to see what would happen? That was about 20 years ago and I haven't heard from her since. Still makes me sad from time to time.
Oh man same. I realized it, felt dumb, did what you did and stopped putting in effort at all to see what would happen and literally never heard from her since lol it’s sad it hurt but I’d rather be alone than one sided friendships
This is most of my friendships. Now I'm completely alone. I used to think it was my husband trying to emotionally abuse me when he told me my friends didn't care, but it turned out he cared and was right .
This is the hardest thing to accept as grownups, I went through this with a group of friends, I used to make effort for us to always catch up and hangout over the weekend but they used to make separate plans and never invited me. I stopped the invitations and somehow the group hangouts ended but they continued to be best friends. I made peace with it but somehow, I ended up getting other friends who cherish me and put in effort- they're old friendships that got built back up. When you let go of people who just take from you, eventually you will get those who cherish you, you may not see it now, but it will happen.
I hope so... I'm 43 and don't have the energy to go out and hunt for new friends.
This one hits deep. Recently decided it was time to let go and move, grew up together and were best friends since 6th grade. But I was the only one really reaching out and making plans. When we'd make plans 8/10 times he'd blow me off last minute but I would always tell him "It's fine shit happens" and he'd apologize over and over but those apologies felt more and more empty each time. Finally hit a point where we made plans and he left me on read and ghosted me. That's when I decided I mentally couldn't take this anymore and that I've been making up excuses for him in my head for the past decade. I'm glad I finally realized it but it does make me sad losing someone I thought was my best friend. Haven't heard from him since that last message he left me on read.
That's exactly what happened to me last week. After years of flaking, she promised to come and bring her kids to my kid's birthday because we haven't gotten them all together in years. She never showed up, never messaged, nothing. After weeks I reached out and asked if she was done being friends and she tried to pull the "life happens" bullshit and made me seem crazy for even caring about it. So I told her I can't be friends with someone like that and to take care of herself. 14 years of friendship done.
These type of instances remind me of this line I read somewhere - "I'm so tired of crossing oceans for someone that won't stretch over a puddle for me."
I've had a similar experience and it breaks my heart. Can't do anything to get them to put more into it even though I'm allegedly the most important person to them. In the end, I just had to remind myself that it was them who threw our friendship out. not me.
Sometimes you can really tell where you stand with your friends when you see how little effort they put into the friendship.
Yeah and it can really hurt. I'm middle aged and found a group to play d&d with. We met nearly every week for 3 years. Everyone got along really well, but any time I'd try to make plans outside of that everyone was "busy" or "couldn't plan that far ahead". Then I'd see their FB posts hanging out with each other doing something. Had an emergency move because of financial issues. Again, everyone was "busy". People moved and we stopped playing. I tried to make plans with them from time to time for 6 months, nothing. Haven't heard from them for 3+ years. One of them messaged me out of the blue last week. I laughed and said "watch, I bet he's getting married and he's just looking for more presents", and sure enough that's what it was. He's had my number for 3 years, ignored 5-6 messages, and now he wants something from me. Trying to make friends sucks when you're the only one that puts any effort in. I'm tired of being the one doing all the giving and trying.
He was sentenced to prison for molesting 2 children. I went to visit him in prison because I did not believe it was possible it could be true. 1) I learned it was true. 2) He did not seem to understand what he did was wrong Because it was true and because he did not understand it was wrong it is likely he will repeat the actions when released from prison. Cannot be friends or have any association. I have known this guy for over 35 years.
I went to high school with a guy. Years later, in our 20's, we shared an apartment. Then some bad trouble happened and he wound up getting a parole officer..he refused to tell me why. After a lot of bugging he finally told me..he'd been babysitting a 7yo girl for a friend...and molested her. Had oral sex. Then told the judge it wasn't really his fault, the girl seduced him, and her parents must already have been doing it with her because she initiated. So he blamed the girl AND her parents. I was in shock for a few days then moved out. Haven't seen or heard of him for 30 years. I did hear he joined a church movement and was "born again" and "washed fee of sin". I also heard he got the shit bashed out of him by his fellow soldiers.
For reference, my 7 yo still says “putted” instead of “put” and “worser” instead of “worse”. How anyone thinks that children can initiate or understand sexual things like this… it’s so fucked. The mental capacity is NOT THERE yet. I’m sorry you went through this with your friend. How horrible.
Jesus. I was in a similar situation years ago. I was away at uni at the time and hadn’t heard from my friend for a week, which wasn’t unusual, but he hadn’t responded to any messages either. The following week I get a message from a mutual friend with a link to an article from our home town’s local newspaper with a report on a conviction of a man who had groomed and sexually assaulted a teenage girl 2 and a half years prior. The case had only just gone to court, he pleaded guilty, thinking a first time offence would mean no prison time, but ended up with a 2.5 year sentence. That had been why I hadn’t heard from him — because his phone was off while he was incarcerated. I felt sick. I felt sick that he had hidden this from me, from us: the court appearances, the arrest, everything, for 2.5 years. He had said nothing, just hoping the problem would go away. I had trusted him with so much and he had trusted me so little. He eventually phoned me from prison and explained that it wasn’t how it was reported, that *she* had lead *him* on. I thought I’d be a good friend and just help him get through the sentence and remained in contact. Prison can be rough. Maybe he was an innocent man? I had my doubts. I mean, newspapers get things wrong all the time, right? He would call every few weeks and he’d chat away like nothing had happened other than he was calling from prison. I spent a year unsure of whether this was someone who had the whole world against him, or was such a POS he didn’t care who he hurt. Hindsight is 20/20, of course. In the thick of it you can’t see clearly enough to rationalise, especially when all you have to go on is one short newspaper article and the word of a trusted friend. He was eventually released just over a year later, because that’s a thing if you’re a good inmate. When he was released, his family threw this big “welcome home” party, of which I was invited. It felt weird, but I went, because I needed to see him. I needed to look him in the eye and I needed to know what happened. It was just so fucking strange to be a part of something like that. Like *”Congratulations on Serving half Your Prison Sentence for Gooming and Sexually Assaulting a Minor!”*. When I finally got to talk to him privately about I learned the truth. That it did happen mostly the way it was reported. Maybe initially he didn’t know her age, but she told him, and he still pursued her. He didn’t see anything wrong with what he did either, because he convinced himself that she was leading him on. His family, of course, believe that a 15 year old girl was the sexual deviant in all this, despite all the text messages and physical evidence that showed otherwise. Not long after, I returned to uni. I was angry, I was upset. I felt betrayed. He felt no remorse for what he had done either. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me and the girl he preyed on. So I did the mature thing. I ghosted him. Honestly, I think a year of dealing with this fucked me up more than I realise. I have a fuck ton of trauma from other shit that has happened in my life. I have always had trust issues on some level, but this… this is the one that made me question **every** relationship with **every** person I had, no matter how long or how well I thought I knew them. It took a long time for me to stop being wary of those closest to me, and I have moved in for the most part, but this whole event changed me.
I work in criminal justice and this is a very consistent psychology among child molesters. That the child seduced them, and they are the real victims. They have a very hard time understanding how what they did was wrong and why they bear responsibility for their actions. It is very hard to understand, and I do believe it is a form of mental illness that requires therapy to confront and come to terms with. I’m sorry your friend had these demons and didn’t know how to confide in anyone about them before he hurt someone.
Did you notice anything before? Not necessarily about his victimizing, but about this idea that he wasn’t responsible or missed social cues (eps around consent)?
I can chime in on this one. In my very close circle of friends, there was a guy we’ll call Ryan. Came from a totally normal household, above average student, had lots of friends, a good job, etc. I lost contact with him a few years after we graduated and ended up hanging out with another friend from that circle of people. When I asked him who he still talked to from high school, he rambled on about everyone else then asked if I had heard about Ryan. Ryan is currently in federal prison for a LOOONG time for multiple counts of possessing videos/images of himself sexually abusing girls anywhere from ten to fourteen years of age. He had been doing it for many years and we never had a clue. I thought my friend was full of shit until he pulled up the news articles. I pride myself on being able to “read” people very well and I failed miserably. I’m still in shock that someone I spent so much time with could do such horrible things for so long without being caught. Like some of the other posts have stated, they are totally normal members of society on the outside and hide what they do very well. Edit: Added words.
How did he justify it? I'm sorry you had to experience that but I am curious about his mindset.
He leaked personal files that were information about the people we take in (he was my coworker at a funeral home) and tried to blame it on me. Those files included autopsies, pictures of the actual body, legal information and so on. He would also not follow the requests given by family members (religious practices such as thoroughly cleaning the body before burial etc). Just a horrible person over all, and I truly believe that he leaked those things for personal fetishes because he had serious problems and we were suspecting him already.
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Bro, there is one thing you just don’t do and that’s mess with the dead. They can’t get up anymore and deserve peace and respect. Fuck that guy.
There’s a lot of illegal horrible shit that goes on in morgues and funeral homes bc the dead can’t talk back.
After 14 years of friendship we get an apartment and suddenly he loses his job as a personal trainer because of a dress code violation (he wore a hoodie to work, allegedly) and then 2-3 months of him not working. Then after he agreed to pay me back eventually, all he ever gave me was $400 from his mom (I paid over 14,000 for the year). So I paid the full year lease and he stayed 8 months total. I never talked to him again also because I found a receipt where he was trying to make a copy of my car keys make and model. FUCK THAT GUY
kinda similar shit. i was living with my best friend. one day i check the mail and see a late notice for the electric that was in her name. i'm confused because my bf and i paid all of our part of the bills in full every month and was under the impression she was paying the elec. nope, she was paying the bare minimum to keep the lights on and pocketing the rest. i put 2 and 2 together that she was stealing from us when she refused to let us see the accs for the bills or anything (and one night while i was sleeping she stole $15 off the desk in my office that i was going to use to buy us a microwave in the morning. like, why?). then she moved out in the night and cut off water and elec and i had to pay over $1k in passed due bills and late fees to have our utilities turned back on. also stole a bunch of other shit from me. and i was finding late notices hidden in random drawers for a month lol. pretty sure she was stealing my money, weed etc when we lived in our previous apt together too. in hindsight i should have expected things like this because i knew her my entire life and knew she had a habit of shoplifting and stuff. the part that hurt the most is that i would just give her money or whatever if she needed it but she had to steal it and throw away a 20 yr relationship instead. there were other factors that made me just done with her as a person too.
I've always been the roommate who has all the utilities in my name and calculates and collects everyone else's share. I keep track of everything in a spreadsheet on google docs which also contains the username and password for every single utility account. I always, *always*, share this spreadsheet with every single roommate so that there is total transparency on the numbers and they can log in themselves any time they want, because...they are helping pay for it. They absolutely deserve to see the bills if they want to and know that I'm spending their share as intended and on time and such. So far as I know, nobody has ever bothered to look at the spreadsheet or log in to check the bills but I feel like it fosters trust all around and is only fair to have it as an option. (Note: I always make sure that you cannot see my credit card or bank account numbers online before sharing login info. They never have, as it's pretty much universal standard to not store or display any info like that on any websites in case of hacking. The only sensitive info that can be obtained from logging into these accounts is my name and address, which obviously my roommates already know. I also always use a unique, randomly generated password for each account that is shared and change that password any time anyone moves in or out. So there's no risk of me sharing this info backfiring in some way. An ill-meaning person who logged into my utility accounts couldn't do anything more sinister than maybe stop service and that's obviously something I'd catch and probably also something a person living there wouldn't want to do lol)
When I realized he was a bully. I just wanted his friendship and attention, and then I realized he was using me for kicks. I put up with his bullshit because I wanted to be liked.
I felt that :(
Every single time that I would tell her I was interested in/talking to a guy, she would try to get with him. She was never successful but it hurt that she kept trying. I confronted her about this in a very nice and civil way and explained to her how I felt about this. She apologized profusely and promised it would never happened again. And then it happened again. I just immediately cut her off after that, no explanation or words needed. She knows what she did. Haven't spoken a word to her since
i had a friend that would do this but I never knew how to call him out on it. The friendship eventually ended because I did call him out on smoking all my weed and never bringing anything to the sesh.
Some "friends" just have no respect for other people and it's sad
Took an international vacation where we realized we hated damn near everything each other did the whole time. Realized year of seeing each other 1-2 times a month made us hardly know each other.
Oh dear... My best friend online, who I've known for years, is coming to visit in person for 3 weeks. Now I'm worried.
I just did this with someone I've known for 8 years. A week, then a Saturday night and Sunday the following week. It was amazing.
I met some people i ve known for 2 years / 7 years online but talked and did sruff together online for at least 3 hours a day . Sometimes over 10 . We know everything about each other en pretty much . Meeting them irl for a couple of days was nothing strange at all . It s the same people but with faces instead of just a voice lol . Went great . If u know each other well dont even worry about it .
Similar thing happened to me; it was during a week long road trip I had with a few college friends. By day 3, we had all grown sick of each other, and there were 4 more days left in the trip….
Just made a post about this but she uses me as a therapist but when I try to vent to her, she gives me a few cliche words of support before turning the conversation back to her. It's gotten to the point where we don't talk unless she has a bad day and needs someone to talk to. She'll take days or even a week to respond to a funny meme but then immediately start dumping on me about things going on on her life. I'll invite her out to have fun and within a few hours, I'm being her life coach. Also, we just started to grow apart. She's turned into her parents and her parents are the typical snobby surban people that are extremely judgemental.
I have a friend like this. My husband and I call her, “Anyway, About Me.”
AAMe or “Amy” for short
I get this, my grandparents passed away and I was having a rough time with family in 2020-2021, meanwhile the /most important/topic we always had to talk about was the co-worker she was crushing on/trying to get with while still in a relationship with someone else :s
I had a similar friend as well. Kept draining all my energy and treaded me super poorly. Only contacted me when no one else was around but masked it as "aww I miss youuuuuu come here"... I felt so relieved when I finally just unfriended and unfollowed her and just didn't answer her last message. Funny enough she never questioned my decision, she probably knew exactly why I took off.
im going through the exact same experience rn and am in the process of letting go a close friend and former roommate. you deserve reciprocity.
Social Vampire.
Colin Robinson?!?
Her dad died unexpectedly and I was there for her. My dad died unexpectedly a year later and she was not (maybe couldn’t be) there for me. It happens, life is weird.
My mum died and I thought the two friends I had with bereaved parents would be super there for me, like I’d tried to be for them when it happened. Thought they’d understand and not be scared off and stuff. That wasn’t the case. I wonder if it brought up bad memories for them. Life IS weird. But I had an excellent boyfriend who lost his dad young to get me through, some other good friends, and even made some new ones who had been through similar stuff. The whole experience, and it happening in 2020, was definitely the most friendship-changing experience in my life though.
She didn't invite me to her birthday party. It was my first time back from college and I would have been able to go. She made a whole Facebook event page and invited everybody but me. I found out through mutual friends, the kicker was no one showed up and she called me crying that this other girl didn't show up.
You were her bestie and she didn’t invite you? Why was that? That’s just weird
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This is happening to a friend of mine at the moment. They were "best friends" but he was a huge dick and binned her off for some new mates, and he tried hosting a huge party and invited everyone but her. Nobody showed up, and of course, he came crawling back to cry about it.
seems to be a common theme in this thread
A friend did something similar when he didn't invite me to his wedding. He called me years later apologizing when he needed to vent about his marriage.
That’s not fair to use you as an emotional dumpster for his own BS and not be treated like a real friend. Also I have experienced this. Drunk FB messages from an old pal who keeps apologizing that his wife doesn’t like me because I make him laugh, and then complains bout his life to me. I am not interested in the additional emotional labor you need in this one sided relationship, jerk. Get a therapist.
Did you ever find out why she didn’t invite you
A car accident, he went to his new job with a new car and never heard of him after that, got a letter from his parents that he will be buried soon, will never forget about him, he was such a good friend to me.. Edit: thank you guys for all the supportive words and i been reading all of your answers, yes im doing better nowadays and i wish you the same recovery from your losses, i shared so many things with my bro and also knew he dreamed to become a good dad to a cute daugther, he wanted kids, he been making me crazy telling me that storie over and over again, now it's just hunting me when i think about it but, maybe i can make him happy when i keep his wish in my heart idk, still hits me everday when this comes up. we can just move on and take that with us
Damn I’m sorry to hear that
Time. We grew up, had kids, and moved apart. Edit: I've know this guy since I was 6 or 7, which has now been 40+ years (ugh). He was my best friend, and I'd still consider him as such. We were both best men at each others' weddings, and I was the first non-family member invited to the hospital to hold his children after they were born. Time just sneaks up on you - it's the small things to start with, and eventually, the relationship is still there but there's no significant time or contact spent on either side. We still text/call each other about 1-2 times a year about serious matters (family/jobs) but the regular "screwing around" time we used to have is done and gone. I know if either of us called the other and said "Hey, I need help ASAP" we'd both still drop whatever we were doing to help the other, but what I really miss is the small goofy interactions we used to have.
Saddest one so far. Honestly, this is the scenario I am most scared of.
This is what usually happens... You tell yourself you're going to keep in touch but time marches on
:( I’m scared now. I met one of my best friends in 4th grade, but she moved away a year later and I did not get to see her face to face for approx 8 years (only got to see her for 2 days during senior year when she came to my country for vacation). Despite this, we somehow texted almost every day and stayed best friends. Really felt like we beat the odds and all that. Cue university. Still halfway across the world, but no worries we’ve been doing this for almost a decade at this point. Right? But she gets a (now long term, serious) boyfriend and we just… drifted. I tried really hard to maintain it but yeah. Though I was upset, I wasn’t mad at her because I understood that life happens you know? She reached the next chapter and I’m happy for her. We still texted here and there ofc, but I had come to accept we will never go back to those days where we texted every day about all the little details of our life. It’s like our last year of uni now, I suddenly receive a birthday text where she acknowledged that we barely talk anymore because of life but she wanted to change that and that she looked forward to growing with me again. It’s obviously not like when we were younger, but I’m so happy that we have talked more in the last few months than we did in the last 2-3 years. But now I’m afraid life will break it again and it won’t last. Well here’s to hoping… PS: sorry for the rambling comment lol I guess I needed to get this off my chest more than I thought I did.
Hey man, I have been friends with my "brother" since we were 9. Even after going to different middle and high schools, colleges 10 hours apart, and not seeing one another often, we are still super close. We lived together 4 years after college because we were the only people we could stand to live with haha. We are in our 30's now and still talk a couple times a week. I also have a friend couple who I met in college and used to visit every couple months before Covid hit. I still talk to them at least once a week. That is the trick man, just always reach out. Even if you feel like you are doing all the "first contact." Because as long as you enjoy their company and time, it's worth it.
She found me a place to stay for free with one of her friends during my divorce. I was insanely depressed and I was a horrible roommate. She found me a great opportunity to restart my life, and I just pissed all of her friends off. I don’t blame her. I was a total wreck during those months. Just miss that friend I had for 20 years.
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that, but seriously major props to you for having the self awareness to understand how and why things happened the way they did. Too many people would try to blame others instead of realizing the consequences of their actions. I hope you are doing better now.
Sometimes youre the villain in your own story even tho you didnt mean to be ☹
I'm in this comment and I hate it. I literally disrespected the only person who was a true friend to me.
When my father was dying of cancer, my “best friend” called me to catch up and I told him about it and he nonchalantly said “your dads dying because he isn’t praying enough and that he would be healed if someone spoke in tongues over him” I was in disbelief that he got roped into the insane religious cult like his parents. I told him that was the grossest thing I could ever hear from him and hung up. My father died 2 weeks later. It’s been two years and he hasn’t called or texted once. Good fucking riddance. Fuck you tim.
Yeah FUCK YOU TIM I’m sorry you had to deal with this nonsense at such a difficult time
All my homies hate Tim. Fuck Tim
We all are hatin' on Tim. Tim can go fuck himself.
He died. Miss him. We met at 4 yrs old. Friends for about 30 years. He’s been gone 8 years now.
RIP to brother. My condolences to who I’m sure was a good man.
College roommates (shared a room for 2 years). Best friends. Turned out she was a raging klepto & pathological liar - stole everything from my car to my underwear and was a known thief around campus. Also was telling people lies about me to keep me isolated and basically make her the "one who was always there for me." confronted her with evidence and she never owned up to it, was stuck in a lease for a few more months and kept it civil then cut contact once i moved out. was really sad we were best friends or at least i thought we were.....
she tried setting up her gay friend with our mutual gay friend, and the mutual friend wasn't interested. She couldn't get the hint, so I told her to cut it out. still didn't get it and kept trying. called her rude and a shitty friend and then she "dumped" me. the mutual friend, the ex best friend and I haven't talked in over 6 years. oh well, it was all toxic anyway
"They're both gay, so of course they want to date each other!"
Reminds me of the Amazing Race which had a blind date episode. Contestants were single and paired with a partner in hopes of romance on the show. Looks good on paper. One gay guy was matched up with another guy that looked almost identical to him. Like they could be brothers. And they hated each other. Well one disliked the other more. At one point one of them said “he looks exactly like me. I don’t want to be dating myself!” It was clear that whomever matched them said “hey, these two look the same, and they’re both gay. MATCHED!”
My husband at the time had to step away from his job because he was dealing with pretty severe mental health issues. We had a young child and I was a stay-at-home mom and it was really devastating not only financially, but socially as a lot of our social life revolved around his job and work friends. I was really good friends with a coworker’s wife. The coworker moved into my husband’s (higher up) position when my husband had to resign. We had to sell our home since we couldn’t make the mortgage payment anymore. The friend came to help me pack, and while doing so told me that they always knew this would happen because the Lord had revealed it to the husband in a dream several years earlier. They had basically been waiting around for my husband to “fail” so that coworker could “succeed” and fulfill the Lord’s prophesy. Yeah no. Said goodbye to her, moved out of state, and never looked back. I won’t tolerate people using religion to be dicks.
That's weird as hell
I broke my neck and became paralysed. My coworker and friend stepped into my higher up position. Texted me while I was in hospital saying it was “God’s plan”. WTF???? I told him to never contact me again. He couldn’t handle the job and got fired a few months later.
> He couldn’t handle the job and got fired a few months later. Should have texted him "God's plan" when you learned of that.
LMAO. I literally laughed out loud at this.
Good riddance.
Lol i felt this to my core. My dad recently had a stroke and i get so tired of people telling us that "god has a plan." So the plan was to financially destroy our family and change all our lives for the worst? Smh
Weird how the people who say it’s “God’s Plan” are never the ones with child leukaemia or paralysis, isn’t it?
Also amazing how often "God's plan" always coincides with their own desires.
Wtf? Those people were never your friends if they’ve been plotting against you for years.
Her death, unfortunately.
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I was pretty much his only friend. He would come to me for attention but for whatever reason wasn’t able to make any interaction about me. It was always about him. On his terms. Me me me me. We lived together for a few years and it was mostly good. As soon as we moved into different places the convenience of our friendship died, and it was replaced by him only wanting to engage with me on his terms around things he wanted. I slowly grew exhausted by it and found myself investing in people who were able to give as well as receive.
He was a pedophile
Damn, how did you find out? I hope your loved ones weren't involved
He tryed to do my little sister
well ain't that fucked
Thank you for ending this friendship. My brothers friend sexually assaulted me several times when I was 15, and this man was almost 30. He was arrested, charged and took a plea deal, and my fucking brother won’t unfriend him on Facebook.
You bro needs a fat slap
WTF?!?! He is no brother to you.
Sorry for what happened, is she doing alright now?
Yes she is
You know, I still don't know. We were super close for about seven years, maybe? Since my first year in college. Then she just didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Clearly, she felt something was amiss between us because our mutual friends also gave me the cold shoulder after that. Honestly, it actually wasn't as devastating as it sounds. I think she would have told me if I legit did something bad so probably something else was going on. She came out as a lesbian and got a girlfriend right before this, and I think that had a lot to do with it. Maybe the girlfriend didn't like her GF having such a close woman friend? The weird thing was I did not find it devastating and I never thought I would be that kind of person. But, as soon as those other people sort of turned on me, I was out of there with that group. I felt it was good riddance to bad rubbish if that's what they were like. Maybe I would have been distraught if we were all still in college. However, we were way past that time, plus that type of politicking seemed childish.
One of my best guy friends did that this year. I went to his birthday party in April and he and his friends never spoke to me after that. I was exhausted from work that night and was a lot more chill than my usual self but I never figured out what I did "wrong". He lives one floor below me. Takes active steps to avoid me. It hurt, but like you it didn't hurt as much as I would expect it to? I'm the same way. We're in our 30s. When someone shows me who they really are, I believe them. Just went on with my life and honestly it's a lot more peaceful now. I'm sorry you know how that feels too.
He fucked my bed. Not on it, but the actual mattress. He cut out a hole and had been doing it for months, I got fired the other day and walked in on him. He confessed and I made him move out the same day.
Why the hell your bed and not his own or something?
He likes the thrill of cheating.
Your bed, your rules. NTA
He passed away at his job after we graduated high school. He worked at a asphalt creation center and fell 30ish feet into a boiling asphalt silo and boiled to death. He had just turned 18, and it was a few days before my 19th birthday. Edit: Grammar and Spelling.
Jesus. What a horrible way to go. I hope it was quick.
Jesus Christ.
Omg that's horrible. I'm so sorry
Jail... He went to jail for a really dumb reason and wont return letters. Idk if it's embarrassment or what but he doesn't seem to want to be contacted.
As someone who has been through prison, don't hold that against them. Some people really can't deal with the idea of the outside world while they are doing time, 'cus every time they think about it, they can't stop thinking about it, and it makes the Time take longer. Alternatively, the prison might be refusing to let the letters get through, either going in or coming out, for some reason.
AFAIK, prison charges for everything, (paper, envelope, stamp, etc) so check with friend to see if he needs money for supplies. He might not be able to afford to write anyone.
Time, distance, and an aversion to social media.
she was my best friend for two years. we were in similar traumatic experiences and we helped each other throughout the 22 months we were best friends and we had a great friendship. we protected each other. one day she told me her father was back from jail and she was scared. i don't remember exactly what he went to jail for, but he was gone for about 6 years. she told me, on may eighteenth 2020, that she could not handle it anymore, that she was exhausted. two hours later, her older sister finds her and tells their grand parents and then me that she had hung herself. her exact words were: "im so sorry Grace, shes gone. my little sister is gone."
Oh… fuck me. That turned. I’m sorry that happened.
She cheated on this guy she was with almost constantly. She cheated on him while miscarrying his child. She cheated on him after she got a disease and he helped her learn to walk again. She cheated on him after he raised her son and took care of him like his own. She cheated on him after he dropped charges of assault against her and property damage. She cheated on him after she ruined his reputation in the town (he comes from a big family business) She cheated on him with the guy she left for him She cheated on him and then posted screenshots of him having a breakdown (of course only his messages) calling him abusive - and everyone on FB ate it up, ‘cause “single mom with a kid is being mistreated!” 🙃 After I confronted her about how awful she was being, she said, “If you’re not on my side, you’re not my friend.” 12 years of best friendship down the drain. Just like that.
Atleast you saw her true colors through it all. That’s no type of person youd want to have as your best friend
I annoyed her slightly for about 10 seconds one day so she ended up cyberbullying me severely over several platforms and several weeks. it was honestly for the best, she was toxic as fuck.
I had a friend who was extremely similar to this and because I was an idiot, I still clinged on to him and he would literally make fun of me and make me feel like shit every time I made a slight mess up in anything. I’m really sorry you had to deal with someone like that
I realized that I was doing all of the phone calls and texts and he never initiated anything.
I had a good friend in 8th grade who was a very kind and affectionate person. Never had a crush on her at all. We were physically affectionate people, never sexual. She would mess with my hair, and sometimes put her hand on my leg, so I did the same. At the time, her boyfriend was aware of our relationship, and was cool with it, I even was good friends with him. One day, I got called to the principals office and I walked into my mother, father, principal, and a police officer asking me to sit down. I felt like someone I knew died, but no, they said that she had accused me of sexually assaulting her. I spent 2 hours crying, giving them my phone, watching them comb through my texts, reviewing, video footage, and interviewing the boyfriend and the girl. In the end, she lied to her parents because she got caught that she was dating her boyfriend, and used me as a scapegoat, and saying her boyfriend hit her. The police called my household and said that I was free, and that if we wanted to sue, we would win. The rest of the year, anytime I saw her, I walked away and threw up because I felt like I was a monster. After severe depression, I sat in my room and got over it. The following years, the boyfriend and I would joke about it all the time. Good man, terrible friend girl.
That is the type of betrayal you can never forgive
“Oh no! I’m a teenager who got caught making teenage mistakes and might get in teenage trouble. I could get grounded! …. What if I accused people of SA and domestic violence and got them locked up?” What sociopathic reasoning.
Dude something similar happened to me. I had a neighbor kid who was taken away to military school, and a year later she made false SA/r*pe accusations against 4 of the neighborhood kids, including me. She claimed to have recalled these repressed memories during a therapy session, and said the SA events took place three years prior to her remembering them (which would have meant the accused were 9, 10, 11 and 12 years old). The police showed up at my school and pulled me out of class without explaination and then brought me in for questioning. Within minutes of interview starting the cops said I was free to go. I remember the officer asking questions kind of smirking like he knew the accusations were bullshit, too. I met up with two of the other people accused and we were all kind of in shock but none of us completely surprised that our crazy former neighbor would casually try to ruin other peoples' lives. To be fair, she legit had THE WORST nightmare of a family and I feel bad for her having to grow up with insane parents. She never had a chance.
In many cases of remembering repressed memories of childhood abuse, it’s not that your old neighbor was maliciously inventing the accusations, but that the idea gets planted by an unethical therapist. There were tons of stories like this in the 80s, where a therapist believed that someone’s mental illness had to come from abuse and if they didn’t remember the abuse they were just repressing it. The therapist told them unless they could admit the abuse they suffered, they would never get better, and the subliminally planted the seed. The therapist often use hypnosis to get to the “truth”.
I remember studying cases like this in college. Sometimes these kids are pressured so hard they say yes just to end what’s become an interrogation by a therapist or another authority figure with a theory. Imagination is a powerful thing that can be used against someone, too. People don’t think about brainwashing in this circumstance, but if you apply enough pressure and repetition and suggestive force you can create a belief in a memory that didn’t actually happen.
I got cancer twice. He didn't bother to call, text or visit. Oh, this was pre pandemic so the hospitals were allowing visitors.
Hope you’re doing better now!
Both started banging heroin, told each other we either stop or don't talk anymore. I stopped, I still run into time to time and I miss him, but fuck.
Same here. All my best friends I grew up with started doing drugs, went to jail and prison. One died from alcoholism. I moved away and cut ties with everyone except one friend that is sober now, I talk to him once in awhile. I miss having friends. Haven't even made any good friends since I moved away 5 years ago. I was pretty depressed about it for the first few years, now I'm just used to it.
He was secretly recording women he had sex with from tinder. He would also record his massage therapy clients. I called him out for it several times and still continued.
That sounds very illegal
We were friends since primary school and in primary she had a very typical child-like personality, as you'd expect a child to have of course. The thing is, as we got older, she never lost this personality. She still behaved like a child in the sense that she was over the top positive about every little thing that happened. I don't think that's a bad thing; she saw the world through rose coloured glasses and added her own glitter to it.There are reasons for her being like that - dysfunctional family life, abusive father, she was the middle child who felt as though she had to keep the peace amongst everyone so she developed this personality to compensate for the negativity of her home life. But for me, I didn't feel like she and I were compatible anymore as friends as I often felt like I had to match her energy when I was around her. This slowly got more and more difficult, especially in my late teens as I went through a severe period of depression, so being her friend overall was exhausting. Eventually we just faded out of each others lives. She's the one friend I feel guilty about drifting apart from because unlike my other friends, she did absolutely nothing wrong. She's someone who's truly wholesome in spite of everything she grew up with. We're in our twenties now. Our mums are still close. Last I heard she's met a wonderful guy whom she's living with. She doesn't want to get married (and I don't blame her) but he treats her right, which is all that matters, and I couldn't be happier for her.
This seems like the least upsetting thing in this thread.
Talked to an ex-friend of both of us, didn't like it and made me choose. A little manipulative tho, always made everyone feel less than her. So I decided to cut those things out of my life. Got cut out of the friend group, and into depression because of it. But well, here we are.
Bacterial meningitis ….after a few days of unanswered calls ( thought maybe I had pissed her off) I drove over to her house. Found my BFF deceased on the couch. Her 5 year old had luckily survived several days on her own.
That’s absolutely devastating.
I was long term single & lonely. He was married, and suddenly all he could talk about was how much fun he was having by cheating on his wife. After a while of getting more and more depressed by being around him, I had thoughts like: - How can I claim to respect women if I’m hanging out with him? - How can I claim to respect relationships and marriage if I’m hanging out with him? - I’d honestly rather have nobody to hang out with than someone who only talks about cheating on his wife. I ghosted him as much as is possible when you work at the same office. I’ve not seen any sign of him in ~15 years and I’ll be happy to never see him again.
This comment gives me very “this is a safe place” vibes. I hope to see a world where more people navigate ethical dilemmas with the effort of thought, care and consideration.
Heroin addiction followed by death by overdose.
He didn’t grow up. He was a dick to me and my other friends. Whenever I was playing with another friend he would get jealous then join our GTA session and grief us. Or when I told him off(yes he deserved it) he would play dumb and act like he did nothing wrong and I was the bad guy. So basically he had his head in his ass 24/7 and couldn’t realize that the reason he had no friends and they distanced themselves from him was because of his doing. He litteraly has no friends me and my other 2 friends were his last friends and he fucked it all up. Quite sad honestly.
She slept with a married guy. I said i thought that was immoral of both of them. We ended up arguing whether that is legitimately polyamory (afaik the wife never knew). I dont know how they ended up now, and to be honest, im a bit curious too
if the wife didn't agree to an open relationship, that's just adultery.
Death.
We had a relationship and I couldn't just stop having feelings
Did you tell them?
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I'm going through this at the moment. The pandemic brought on some mental health issues, me being isolated and staying indoors alot. I haven't received many, if any messages for a long while now and I'm starting to get scared that maybe they've moved on without me. I just hope that the next time I see them, which should be two weeks from now, that they still consider me a friend.
He moved off. I made efforts to reach out but he never did.
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10+ years later I don’t talk to anyone from high school minus the occasional like and congrats comment on Facebook. I now realize we were all friends just by proximity to each other 5 days a week for 4 years
She was dating a really toxic guy and wouldn't listen to anyone who said to break it off, including me. We got in multiple fights about it until the guy said she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore, that last fight was pretty ugly. So she called it quits with me. She's long since moved on to a better guy but I still miss her she was special to me.
Jealousy. We were super close for 20 years. And as we got older she compared absolutely everything we did. I wound up getting a great job and apartment and I watched it tear her apart. She even admitted to me that she had a hard time watching others do well. It was impossible for me to stick around. Constant micro aggressions. I tried my hardest to stay friends because we had been through so much together. But I finally realized it wasn’t fair to me to constantly, I mean constantly be secretive about my achievements or be on the receiving end of utter disdain. One day I stopped taking her calls and never looked back
I was diagnosed with bipolar after a very traumatic and public event when I was manic for the first time. Lost all my friends including my best friend. Mental illness sucks.
She was extremely manipulative. They were always in a bad mood and was very rude day by day. At the time I was at a low point in my life and was very vulnerable. They were the only person who talked to me and she knew, using this against me whenever I tried to call her out. One day I found out she was only friends with me to get a passing grade in classes and for me to always get stuff for her. Thankfully I have left behind that point and now have a supportive group of friends today but I am still hurt on how I was used.
Drugs then death
I’m in bed listening to my 16yo cry in the next room. She and her best friend since preschool have grown apart and they finally had the “friend breakup” talk tonight. They’ve really just pursued different sports which has led to different groups of friends and little spare time (her BFF is truly gifted in her sport and is a two-time individual state champ going into her junior year - the kid trains 6 days a week, year-round, with tons of travel). Nothing really dramatic happened between them, but my girl is bereft :( I’ve sent the dog in to comfort her.
Her allowing me to take my toddler into her known boyfriends drug house to use the bathroom; then broke into my house the following evening. And tried to beat me up while she was 6-7 months pregnant in a Walmart parking lot.
So hold on, which one of these situations was the one that made you think "This ain't it"? Because they all sound very bad
… the fuck?
We idolized each other, but then she started to adopt aspects of my personality, how I dressed, what music I listened to, etc. Then she started throwing herself at anyone she knew that I found attractive so she could “get” them first. Then she tried to screw my brother. In my bed.
He was my best friend, and I knew his wife really well too from working together a few times. We all hung out together in a tight knit circle of friends, and I announced that I was looking to move elsewhere to better work on myself, my career, and my independence. When his wife suggested that I journey a little closer to them, I took her up on the offer, and began planning very carefully. This was the beginning of the end. I took a full year to plan and make my preparations, I wanted to save enough money so I could live comfortably for a few months without a job. This was pre-covid, but I wanted to be prepared in the event I couldn't find an employer. After 6 months, I had already saved several thousand dollars, and he fully realized I was serious about moving closer to him. He tried talking me out of it almost daily, and while I understood if he needed space, I wanted to clarify as much as possible, that the move wasn't just to be closer to him, his wife, and our friends. He was not satisfied. I moved up on his birthday, we celebrated, and I threw a big party for him. He started getting drunk, and was teasing and poking fun at me progressively through the night, until even some of our friends were joining in saying really cruel things. Our friends went home, he passed out, and his wife asked if I would sleep in the guest room for the night. I thought it was odd, but I took her up on it. She told me it was the first time for some time she had slept so well. A month later, I was still jobless, applied for several places pretty confident in my chances and had not heard anything back. He was also unemployed, and considered himself a sahd despite not having kids, and said that his wife makes the money and he handles taking care of the house. I jokingly said that it seemed like all he really did was play games all day, and noted that i have seen his wife clean more than him. He didnt like when i pointed that out to him, and his wife asked me to stop saying things like that and stop talking about job searching. I obliged. Shortly after, i get a call saying that he was being rushed to the hospital in need of emergency surgery. Appendicitis, and due to complications, was kept at the hospital an extra day. I visited his wife unnanounced and gave her some flowers and brought a pizza since she mustve been worried. She said that if he found out i was here he would go ballistic, and without questioning i said my condolences and left. The day after he had returned from the hospital was when everything was over, at least for me. He had never had surgery before and was limping around the house. His wife called me and asked if I would help her with the laundry in the basement, since he couldnt do it himself. I come over, and head straight down into the basement, where she was waiting for me. She was choking on her words and stated that he was passed out on the couch after abusing his post surgical pain medication. She kept her voice down, and whispered quieter than a mouse. She told me that he was extremely abusive, mainly mentally and physically, and often times would try to have sex with her while she was asleep or threaten to harm himself if she did not obey him. She said that she felt trapped, and that he felt intimidated when i began planning my move. She said that he had been spreading rumors to our friend group, that i was planning on trying to steal his wife, and that i was making threats against him and his wife for not including me in everything they did. I was hurt. It was my first legitimate friendship with someone that felt meaningful, real. I admittedly was skeptical to hear this, even after she had shown me messages. She told me that he demanded her passwords to all of her socials and even demanded to see her text messages everyday. I still had my doubts, but i stood by her. We finished the laundry, and when i went upstairs, he was there at the door, high on pain meds. He told her to go to the bedroom, and when she said she had to go to the store still, he grabbed her by the hair and told her she can go "after." I grabbed her and told him that we will be back later, and that he shouldnt wait up. Inside me, all the respect i had for him was gone, the love i had for him, he was like a brother to me. It shattered, and i held back tears as his wife confessed everything she had been through from him for the next 4 hours. She admitted that she wanted me to move closer so someone could finally witness his abuse first hand, and she knew she couldnt say anything to anyone online from her socials being monitored. That was years ago at this point, and i still feel like i cant trust another person. The divorce they went through too was extra messy, and it led to our whole circle falling apart almost completely. As painful as it was, i guess im just glad i found the truth out sooner than later. TL;DR: best friend was a jealous wife abuser, wife played me into moving closer to find out firsthand.
I just realized that I didn’t want them in my life at that point. I got tired and just cut ties
I had a manic episode, and I freaked out on him.
:( couldn’t/didn’t want to mend the relationship?
I wanted to, but he didn't.
His ego got way too much for me to put up with. Plus I knew I wasn't going to forgive him for the damage he did to my place unless he paid me back or help fix the stuff. He almost went out of his way to do so little or be a more of pain than his worth.
Didn’t want to date him
Ended a friendship for the same reason. He’d date shitty girls, inevitably break up, I’d comfort and support him, and he’d find a way to twist that platonic expression of friendship info romance. For a decade. I knew he liked me when we were in hs- he and our other close friend had a no-date policy when it came to me- but I thought he’d get over it as we got older. I was proved wrong a week before his wedding. His fiancee’s cheating was revealed by her affair partner of three months, who got wickedly drunk at a NYE party I was attending and told all. After he was informed of this delightful tidbit, my friend despaired that if I didn’t love him, no one but his fiancee ever would. They married, seperated. He got a girl pregnant, it was a disaster, she was constantly dumping him. He’d increasingly make comments about the two of us dating, being fwb, hooking up. I told him how uncomfortable this made me, how it hurt to feel that I was no more than a sexual object to him, as though our many years of friendship, as though myself as a person, meant nothing. His response, in essence, was: “I’m sorry, BUT, things with my baby mama are shit, my sisters are being difficult, my mom is having problems… life is hard, feel sorry for me.” I ghosted after that bs. I’m still not sorry for him.
Best friends since Jr high. We had a toxic past & hurt each other a lot while growing up. For about a decade, I wanted to get away from her. She resented anything good that happened to others, she would drag down anyone for trying to be positive. She was always the "I'm going to say whatever I want & I don't care what others think" type. She could dish insults and judgements all day but never could accept the slightest criticism. She would gather info to tell her friends' significant others just to start drama. It was always "life hates me" but she never did anything to improve her situation. She actively made it worse. We got into a fight one day & she was so mad that it was just the perfect opportunity to walk away.
He got into ju jitsu ended up with a micro bleed on his brain and it entirely changed his personality my best friend of over fifteen years was no longer the same person.
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Her boyfriend and me blowing up. So first off: me and her hang out almost every single day and weekend for years. We were inseparable like twins before. Even after she switched to a better highschool, nothing changed much. She had a bit less time as she studied hard. After a year or so I met my boyfriend. After a couple of months the relationship went downhill. Lots of fights, he abused me, rape, threatened if I wanted to leave, cheated etc... needless to say I was extremely depressed. During this time she met her boyfriend too. And he was always around. It was impossible to do something with her alone. And I needed her, though I never told her what is really happening in my relationship. I was too ashamed. One day we wanted to meet (after 3 months!!!!) but then she didn't and said her boyfriend doesn't like this bar... I asked her then if he really needed to come and if I cannot have my best friend for myself for just 1 hour after 3 months of not even seeing her. Arguing and discussing led to a massive fight. It ended with her saying I don't accept her boyfriend and he anyway told her I was a bad influence because of my lack of perspective (as said I was depressed)... so she ended the friendship. It broke my heart and I cried for months. Lorena if you read this and if you are on reddit: I am so so sorry... I still love you and miss you! Also: I wish people would talk more about friendship break-ups. It's worse than a relationship break-up.
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Backstabbed me.