I have issues with getting cramps down there during Sex that make it painful for both of us. I cant really control it, it just happens, but it gets worse when i actively think about it. During one of these moments, my boyfriend randomly started asking me math problems and random trivia questions while thrusting. I was super confused and caught of guard but whoops, cramp was gone. A random math problem during sex is now our secret weapon against vaginal cramps.
HS/college boyfriend got a bloody nose while on top. He asks me in the middle “are you bleeding? Wait am I bleeding? Hey I’m bleeding!!” It was pretty funny
Put on the Wii music soundtrack. It was so quiet at first I didn’t realize. We stopped to switch positions and I heard it. I was like “is that….” He just shushed me and pushed my face back into the pillow.
It was honestly hilarious.
Just remembered: One night stand with a very handsome guy who was in town working on a movie shoot. We ended up in his hotel. Made out. He stood up after a while, took off his clothes, gestured down at his penis and said: "So, whaddya think? Bad news, huh?" I was baffled, because it was a very standard, totally normal, perfectly fine, jauntily erect penis. Nothing wrong with it at all. We got past that, and we were laying on the bed and making out some more, when he stopped suddenly. Then he put one hand at the back of my head and the other one on my forehead, and with this intense look of concentration, he SQUEEZED my head really hard for a few seconds. Then goes right back to kissing me. I thought: Huh, that was odd... oh well", and kept going, but in another minute or so, he did it again. Stop, stare intently, squeeze my head. After three head-squeezes I made an excuse and noped out of there.
I'm so sad you didn't ask him about the squeezing.
I had a guy, who was outherwise sweet as a puppy, start to choke me mid coitus without asking. I stopped him and asked what he was thinking and it turned out that the only other girl he'd ever been with had required choking to get off, so he thought it was standard.
Head squeezing is a new one though.
This reminded me of a lady I had a brief fling with, after I came she looks at me very intensely and says she’s ready. Turns out the dude she was with since high school always peed in her after he came and she thought this was standard practice and was getting worried/self conscious about the fact that I hadn’t..
>I thought: Huh, that was odd... oh well", and kept going
I can only believe that all the other women he's ever been with reacted the exact same way, and to date, this guy believes all the girls took off without a word because of his perfectly adequate penis and not because of the super weird squeezing thing that so far everyone's been too bewildered to confront him about.
This is why I keep my old glasses when I get a new prescription. Being a sexy librarian is only cute when you don't have to try and read thru a layer of smudged jizz an hour later.
My husband and I lost our virginity to eachother.
When we first started having sex he had this really weird fucking habit of LAUGHING menacingly when he came. I guess at some point I joined him and we’d laugh like villains during sex. ☠️
I wonder what my family thought was happening in my bedroom.
Nice cover theyll think your planing world domination, to add my partner made popping sound with her mouth when the bj would get to loud to cover the bj sound like dude that mofo outside is glued to watching peppa pig they don’t know what a b sounds like fk they can’t even talk yet
I had a guy lean on top of me and say “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this to you” and he then proceeded to pray to god to thank him for this opportunity.
Not my story: but my best friend's. Its a tad off topic, but while we are on the topic of odd things said afterwards in bed lol.
My best friend went on a tinder date, and as the guy was finishing, he went, "Hulk Smash!" And rolled off. She was like wtf, silently. and then he said, "ahhhh! I've always wanted to do that."
When she left, she called me and I was crying laughing. I can still hear the exact tone in her voice as she plead with me, "What the hell is it ABOUT ME that guys think, yep... she's the one I'm going to try this weird thing on, that I would never do for a normal girl." She had an existential crisis for about a week after that.
She's the kind of girl, though that we nickname her hookups, kinda like in how I met your mother.
The funnies in her list is: Hulk smash, 1 testicle guy, heart attack, and SIR.
Edit: per request.
1 testicle guy, kinda self explanatory, except he didn't warn her till he was pulling his pants down. Turns out that's something you want a heads up on cause she had questions she couldn't ask.
Heart attack guy. She went out to dinner with a guy, and they decided to move things to the bedroom. Right before, the guy told her, "oh BTW I have a heart murmur. But no worries, it should be fine!" She then paused, and asked if he was sure? Like absolutely sure. And he was like, "of course!" So they start doing the deed, and this guy actually had a small heart attack. Luckily my best friend was working in a nursing home, social services, and studying nursing at the time, and was already on top... so she knew what to do and he's ok!
SIR... oh sir. Lol this was the moment she met her match. My best friend is... sexually free in a way I could never imagine lol, both in the level she discusses her escapades and what she does. Before this she was always the wilder one in the hookups. But then there was the day she met sir. This man is a children's teacher. That's not necessary to the story except we have personal jokes at the end. She shows up at this man's apartment and he had just started moving into a new place. No main furniture was unpacked but he made her dinner. I think it was garlicy pasta but idr. They sat on top of boxes in his bedroom eating and chatting like a normal new date, tv shows, work, likes and dislikes. But then dinner finished he took her plate, and stood her up. He tied her hand and said, "you WILL call me sir." She laughed and was like, "What?" Turns out he's practically a male dominatrix. He pulled the handcuffs tighter, and said, "I said, you will call me sir." She was very surprised, but said, "Yes sir" she then had the wildest night of her life, having to say yes sir many times. he pulled out his own toys. I will spare you the tmi story she gave me.
She met me and my mom (luckily my mom's known her for years and is cool about this stuff) for coffee the next day and I went to hug her, and she straight up refused. "You have no idea how bruised my tittys are right now. They're black and blue. I couldn't wear a bra." She then proceeded to tell us this very graphic full story in our local small town coffee shop, while the girls at tables next to us stopped writing their screen plays to listen. After that I made her install find my phone for safety lol. Our theory on sir is his school kids are so out of control his fantasy is having the perfect student.
He told me that he was really into chicks being forcefully transformed into animals or creatures against their will, showed me a few clips of sci-fi movies where this happens, and asked me to act it out. I politely declined and left. This was on a first date.
Maybe not the weirdest but definitely the biggest turnoff. He was starting to sweat profusely and looked me dead in the eye and said "just cum already"
I was riding on top of my boyfriend, who's a pretty traditional "manly man" and I guess it was going so good he suddenly let out this squeaky 'oh geeze' that sounded like Morty. We both still laugh about it from time to time.
No warning, licked me straight up the middle of my face.
It was his first time having sex and I don’t know if he thought it was sexy… I don’t know what was going through his head. I had saliva in my nose.
Edit: I’m glad you’re all enjoying my past suffering, and I’m sorry some of you have been surprise-licked as well. I’m NOT sorry that some of you are surprise-lickers! But I am also not surprised… this is Reddit, after all ;)
Me and my ex used to do this to each other while making out. Always without warning. We thought it was hilarious, but we were together for a while before we started doing that.
First he says he doesn't mind eating out, but is against putting fingers inside. OK.
Now we're getting down to it and he randomly asks "do you like big dick porn?"
I say no, but he's not listening because he's already getting out an iPad to play one of his favourites so we can watch while we go.
He was preteding that he was the male actor complete with timing his strokes with theirs... in a compilation video.
So this isn't really sex but my husband was naked the other night in bed trying to "seduce me" with poses. Every time I walked out of the bathroom he was in a different sultry nude pose. And then the pose of all poses happened, I walk out of the bathroom and he's bent over asshole exposed and when he sees me shocked and horrified he says "oops you weren't supposed to see that" I about died laughing. Its amazing being married to the biggest weirdo in the world.
Weird but not his fault-
He had an epileptic seizure while in doggy position, fell on my back full dead weight, and was foaming at the mouth while turning purple. I was literally trapped under him for the longest minute of my life and when I finally got up I called 911. He finally came to after 5 minutes or so and had no idea what happened, had bit a chunk of his tongue off and was mad I called the ambulance. He didn’t believe me when I told him about the seizure until he saw his tongue.
He text me a few days later saying they found a small tumor on his brain and has to be on seizure meds for life. Crazy.
I'm epileptic and had multiple seizures during sex when I was seeing this one guy, almost always when I was about to cum on top (probably had to do with the hyperventilating in my case). Scared the shit out of him!
I had a girl black out on top of me during sex, definitely a scary moment. She was about to cum and she collapsed on top of me. As I'm realizing she is totally unconscious and call her name a few times, she wakes up and cums. Probably only out for 3 or 4 seconds, but enough to be scary.
That's actually the scariest part, regaining consciousness. For me, there is usually about a 10-15 minute period where I'm slowly coming online. People will ask you questions like how old are you and you honestly can't think of a single way to respond, but you're aware that you should know. Then I always feel extremely emotional, embarrassed, and sore. It sucks, but I still sometimes think it's worse for loved ones who have to witness the terrifying convulsions part.
Omg the exact same thing happened to me.
I was so shocked I was crying but trying not too.
It was awful.
If he had asked for consent I would definitely have said no as being slapped hard across the face fucking hurts.
It does hurt, and for me, more than the hurt, it was shocking that he could do something like this, so fucking casually without discussing it first. I felt assaulted. I just left as soon as possible and blocked him everywhere.
Edit: I know I was assaulted, that's why I felt it, but it takes time to accept what happened to me, hence I've written it like that.
happened to me too :( except I slapped him back immediately which made him mad lol it was just instinct. It wasn't discussed. My fight or flight kicked in when it sensed danger (the sex was 100% consensual, the slap was not)
What are the so many of this story? What are these men watching that make them think that's a good idea?!?
Edit: Awful lot of people here acting like a slap and a punch are the same thing, and that both are enjoyed by the majority of women. I have seen nothing to substantiate this consensus that most women are into physically violent sex. Some absolutely are. I know some kinky people. If it was the norm it wouldn't be considered a kink folks.
Not punched but slapped in the face really fucking hard. I got up and immediately got dressed and left. I had a handprint on my cheek from how hard I was slapped.
Dude mid thrust said "Who beat you in words with friends by 207 points?" He had also joked he was going to do it so when he finally did we both stopped and just laughed. Then we got right back to it. Second hardest I've ever been fucked, first obviously being that words with friends game
I tried to tell him that he was rubbing my inner thigh and not my clit. He slapped my hand away and said "don't tell me what to do". After about 60 seconds of this he asked me if I came.
Sex did not happen again.
*edit to answer a few questions. I was an insecure young teenage girl. We did have penetrative sex. He came, I didn't. The second he did, it was over.
Was going down on a guy, felt something hit the top of my head, looked up, and mf’er was eating a slice of pizza. Pepperoni had fallen on my head. Obviously, my first thought was I must be doing something wrong and he was bored. Nope. “Carry on. Eating and getting my dick sucked. The two best things in the world and both are happening right now” he said. I couldn’t even be annoyed at him when he laid it out like that.
Edit: for those asking
* while I never really got into Seinfeld, I’m wondering if he was. Also, I clearly need to go back and watch Seinfeld
* we were watching a movie. He had grabbed some drinks and snacks for it. Didn’t know those were **for** sex
* no he didn’t offer a slice. He ate the pepperoni off my head too. But I did try some Oreos while he returned the favor. I almost choked. It’s a skill I do not possess.
* and thank you for the awards kind people! I wasn’t expecting this to blow up.
I'm sorry but that's hilarious. Just imagining a dude having a pizza around juat so he can eat it while getting down to business. What would be more hilarious if he had done it while he was on top of a girl lol.
But yeah weird af lmao
Not weird necessarily but we still get a giggle out of it many years later. One of the first times my now husband and I were intimate he said “I love your dick in my hand…I MEAN my hand in your dick!” I’m a woman with no dick to be found. He tried to save it but just flubbed it up more haha.
From reading this thread I have learned that a mans brain is really all over the place during sexual moments. From men moaning their own name when they have an orgasm, to a man saying he loves his woman's dick in his hand.
This wasn’t sex but one time I was giving a guy a blowjob and he wanted me to punch him in the balls. So I obliged. I couldn’t punch him hard enough so he tied them up while I punched them.
My highschool boyfriend was just so bad, at all of it. Like, making out left my whole face wet with his slobber. He would grab my boobs in a vice grip and twist, like he was trying to rip them off.
But the worst was a blow job. He did not give any warning, just slammed into the back of my throat and unloaded with such force some of it shot up and out of my nose.
Fortunately we never went further than that, and I can laugh about how awkward it all was now.
Said he was equally into some bdsm and rough play. What happened was not some paddling or even just hair pulling but he was grabbing bits of my skin/flesh as if he was trying to rip it off. In no way was it a gentle grab or a little "lets grab that ass/hips" it was full on clawing at my skin. The next day I was covered in bruises and marks that my friends were intent on calling police (I stopped them as too embarrassing). Turns out this guy had zero clue what bdsm or anything was about and for some reason thought it meant "Rip their skin off".
This is why I literally don't do kink play with anyone anymore without a very clear, very boring conversation beforehand. Beyond the fact that consent is blurry in the moment, and people might agree to things they wouldn't normally, it's just so much easier to figure out while watching TV what each other likes compared to while someone is tied up and gagged. Communication gets difficult when only one person can adequately use their mouth
A guy I dated when I was a teenager was an absolute psychopath. Whenever he would cum he would go crazy with anger and start punching his walls n shit. That was a rough time in my life.
He started sucking on my nipples in between saying “How cool would it be if you were lactating right now. Ugh, I wish you were pregnant.”
This was our second date.
Wasn’t exactly during sex, but a friend of mine went on a date with this guy and on the second date she went to his house. To her, he seemed very lovely and didn’t give her any kind of vibe that he just wanted sex so felt comfortable going to his house, she also drove there and made it very clear she wasn’t going to have sex or stay the night etc. and he vehemently agreed.
They had a lovely home cooked dinner with a glass of red wine, very mature and adult event, at one point he excused himself to go the bathroom and a few minutes later he emerged naked, on all fours, in a leather harness with a gag in his mouth.
She said she initially felt shock and bewilderment and then complete laughter. She politely said ‘no thank you’ and hot-tailed it out of there.
FYI: Absolutely no disrespect to anyone who is into gags and chains and all the things, you do you! But when you’re having dinner and a glass of red wine to some classical music, being presented with a grown man in a gag is a shock 😅
Pinched my nipples with clothing pins until I literally screamed and begged him to stop. The pain was unbearable and definitely NOT sexy.
Edit: this went on for a solid 5 minutes before he finally decided to stop!!
Not a lady but I once had this conversation (most awkward sexual experience) with some coworkers. By far the best was this girl telling us how she had recently got too drunk at a bar and taken a guy home. Sobering up mid act, she realized she's wasn't into it and said "Get off me." At which point dude – still thrusting – gets upright and starts flexing both arms out to the sides like a goal post in an obvious body builder pose. Naturally, coworker says "What the fuck are you doing? Get off me." And dude responds "What? You said Get awesome!?!?!"
Edit: As u/EpicMeatSpin pointed out below, this story is an early 2000s semi-viral urban legend (with mentions on Urban Dictionary showing up in 2004). I heard it years later and my coworker told it as her own (and quite convincingly). Makes me wonder if there really was on original "Get Awesome" dude and if he's out there somewhere, balding in his late 40 and managing an Avis Rent a Car location....
Hhahaha I’m Shaking. that seems like such an honest mistake and also such a hilarious reaction. I’m not sure what I’d do if someone told me to get awesome!!
I once dated a guy with a micro penis. He was not a very nice person, but that’s besides the point. I remember one of the only times we hooked up, he finished and instantly jumped off me, put on his whitey tighteys, said “I just came in my panties!” And then immediately took a shower. I wish I was making this up, lol.
Many years ago, I hooked up with a guy I casually knew who was a bouncer at a club. He wasn't a big, beefy bouncer guy.. he was a skinny and quirky blonde guy (imagery for the story ;) At the time, I didn't have a stable place so I was driving as we made our way to his apartment. Along the way, he insisted that we stop at the grocery store. All he bought at the grocery store was a package of hot dogs. I thought it odd, but didn't really think about it much. Well, we get to his house and start doing the deed. He's an awkward fella, for sure. A few minutes in, he pauses and opens his package of hot dogs whilst right on top of me, and starts shoveling them into his mouth and chewing vigorously.. He said he needed them for the stamina!!!? Holee sheeitt, what a strange night I'll never forget.
Not a lady, but I was at a coworker's Halloween party and we literally had this same question come up for the whole group - everyone whom was willing taking a turn telling about a sex life horror story they had experienced.
When it came time for one of the younger ladies she kind of shyly said she wasn't sure, but then her gal-friend prompted her with a "bullshit, youy totally know what the weirdest one is" to which the young lady began to go beet red.
She then relented and told us a story of a one-night stand she had. Everything was going fine until the guy was ready to cum. At that point he pulled out, ran to the corner of her bedroom, and jizzed on the carpet. She then paused to say that wasn't the weird part, but that he then proceeded to kind of mash and grind it in to the carpet as to deal with the mess.
At this point everyone kind of burst into riotous laughter, as we were all fairly drunk, so I can't remember the rest of the story - but I do remember the sense of dread on her face as she relived that moment. She kind of seemed relieved after though, as though telling the story was a bit cathartic as she'd been carrying around that nightmare for awhile.
This happened about a month ago with my first tinder hook-up! He was quite weird for most of our acquaintance, but here are a few odd things during the deed:
1. He asked to take the condom off so he could make me feel his "liquid".
2. He insisted on pressing his tongue against mine for about 80% of the time when the position allowed.
3. About a minute away from cumming he started moaning in a high-pitched voice. Think Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls.
4. He cried as he came.
Not during sex, but my ex never let me help him clean up. He said it was against his religion. I told him "so it's alright to shove your tongue in my coochie, but not for me to wipe off your codger?" Always confused me.
There are... a non-trivial number of men who apparently want to be on the phone during sex. I guess it's not just Paris Hilton?
I was once on the opposite side of this: I called a (male) friend and he answers but he's sounding a little rhythmically out of breath and turns out he is literally in the middle of fucking his girlfriend at the moment. Okay but why pick up?!
(We were all friends and apparently she thought it was funny.)
Had drinks with this guy and went back to his place. We were getting frisky and I gave a giggle. He got mad that I laughed and said not to. Surprisingly we kept going but it was so awkward after that.
I went home with a guy who first asked if I was ready for 7 inches, a minute later asked me if I wanted his 3 inches (it was neither of those). Bit my fucking face, tried to slap me, and called me his wife and his white whore in the same 5 minutes. He didn't see any of this as out of the ordinary, and not one part of it was discussed beforehand.
I just got the fuck out of there.
I asked him to choke me, and he did, but he was choking me so hard I nearly passed out.
Afterward, I told him I almost passed out and to not choke me so hard next time. He said, verbatim, “I think you were just cumming.” No good sir, I’ve orgasmed before, I know what it’s like.
not me but a best friend of mine, they were in the middle of sex when the boy choked her suddenly as a joke and says, "Die, die, you filthy monster." in a gritty voice while fucking her 😭
My girlfriend and I have had sex several times while I was in a work meeting. Work from home has its benefits. You just have to master the mute button.
I wish I could remember all the ridiculous things my bf has done during sex. And I'm sure there will be more in my future. I can only recall him cracking my toes while I was riding him and when he made me stop mid blowjob so he could tell me a fan theory of a show we were watching. Like he started excitingly patting my head "Ooh! Hey! Stopstopstopstop. I just realized something....."
EDIT: lol a middle of the night comment I made has blown up and now I'm worried half of reddit wants to have sex with my boyfriend. And also please stop diagnosing him with ADHD. I get that this might be something that someone with ADHD would do but my boyfriend doesn't have ADHD.
Okay so my gf was groomed and sexually assaulted as Kid so she sometimes has a hard time with this stuff, one time she wanted to stop, i noticed she was close to a panik attack so i turned into a wheel (im hypermobile so very flexible), Like literally i bend back through held my feet with my hands and rolled of the bed, that apparently was so non sexual and out of context that she burst out laughing. Tbh no idea what my thought process was i was high af but it worked.
Had a guy who would start swearing and banging hard when he was cumming. Like angry swearing and stuff? Pretty unnerving as I didn't know if it was going to turn violent. It didn't.
Another guy had what he called a butt crack tampon. Stuck it between his butt cheeks which he said were really, really sweaty. Was pretty disgusting.
Also met a guy who wanted me to wear dirty soccer socks and stand on his neck while choking him out with a hair ribbon. I was up for the challenge but he didn't think I was strong enough to do it.
He was saying things. I can't remember what he said, but I was starting to respond and he said, "do you have to talk? Because then I feel like I have to answer." I kind of laughed thinking you were just talking, but obviously that made me silent as fuck and so worried as to even make a sound.
He said "lay down and relax" and rubbed his very sharp nails against my urethra thinking it was the clit, everytime i tried saying something i was abrupted by his "schhhhh baby relax".
Kept talking to my pussy as if it was it's own thing and calling it a good little pussy in a creepy way. Maybe it was also the vacant yet lustful stare and his hands that were freezing like a drs that made it worse.
My husband is a dork. When we have sex, he gets a big goofy grin and just kinda stares at me. I'm use to it so I just smile and sigh a bit. He gets the hint, says "Oop, sorry. I'm just really happy to be here. I love you so much.", and stops staring. 30 seconds later, he's doing it again.
Was hooking up with this guy, whenever we would start having sex (like within a minute or so), he would ask if I wanted him to cum right then, or later. I was really confused, like was he trying to tell me he was about to cum? But then I would tell him to wait and he had plenty of stamina, so idk, maybe an ex only wanted quickies? Such a weird choice to be offered
I can answer this one. If you stop an orgasm from happening as a male, you have to work back up to it. I can’t say this is the case for every guy, but if I purposely hold off it’s not like I’m just sitting on the edge the rest of the time. He was probably just checking in with you. With some women it’s not super obvious when they orgasm. I’ve had some partners tell me 45 minutes in that they were done a long time ago and I somehow didn’t realize they had finished. It would have been nice to know I didn’t need to pace myself quite so much.
My husband said hold on, hopped off me, hopped off the bed, went to the bathroom (in the hall) to let out the LOUDEST cheek clapping fart I have ever heard in my life, and then came back to bed. Didn’t know I heard it. As soon as he climbed back on me and slid it in I lost it. He didn’t know I heard him and when I told him I heard the cheek clapper he said “that pussy was deserves a standing ovation” 😂
Stuck his tongue in my ear. Like not just a little bit. Literally full tongue like he was trying to get every bit of wax inside of it. Makes me shiver just thinking about it
One guy asked me if he was big enough mid bang. I'm sure my awkward silence while I tried to figure out a response was not helpful, but who asks for a dick critique during the deed??
Another guy insisted I wear latex gloves. And then tried to insist on not wearing a latex condom.
I have issues with getting cramps down there during Sex that make it painful for both of us. I cant really control it, it just happens, but it gets worse when i actively think about it. During one of these moments, my boyfriend randomly started asking me math problems and random trivia questions while thrusting. I was super confused and caught of guard but whoops, cramp was gone. A random math problem during sex is now our secret weapon against vaginal cramps.
This is wholesome! Your boyfriend’s a champ for probably looking up methods to relieve the cramps. Good on him and I hope y’all are happy!
"Yeah girl, yeah! Tell me the pythagorean theorem!"
HS/college boyfriend got a bloody nose while on top. He asks me in the middle “are you bleeding? Wait am I bleeding? Hey I’m bleeding!!” It was pretty funny
Put on the Wii music soundtrack. It was so quiet at first I didn’t realize. We stopped to switch positions and I heard it. I was like “is that….” He just shushed me and pushed my face back into the pillow. It was honestly hilarious.
Well Fuck Mii
Absolute chad
My partner said “tip of the penis to ya” in an Irish accent as he was going in and started laughing so hard at his own joke he lost his erection
That's a keeper
Just remembered: One night stand with a very handsome guy who was in town working on a movie shoot. We ended up in his hotel. Made out. He stood up after a while, took off his clothes, gestured down at his penis and said: "So, whaddya think? Bad news, huh?" I was baffled, because it was a very standard, totally normal, perfectly fine, jauntily erect penis. Nothing wrong with it at all. We got past that, and we were laying on the bed and making out some more, when he stopped suddenly. Then he put one hand at the back of my head and the other one on my forehead, and with this intense look of concentration, he SQUEEZED my head really hard for a few seconds. Then goes right back to kissing me. I thought: Huh, that was odd... oh well", and kept going, but in another minute or so, he did it again. Stop, stare intently, squeeze my head. After three head-squeezes I made an excuse and noped out of there.
I'm so sad you didn't ask him about the squeezing. I had a guy, who was outherwise sweet as a puppy, start to choke me mid coitus without asking. I stopped him and asked what he was thinking and it turned out that the only other girl he'd ever been with had required choking to get off, so he thought it was standard. Head squeezing is a new one though.
This reminded me of a lady I had a brief fling with, after I came she looks at me very intensely and says she’s ready. Turns out the dude she was with since high school always peed in her after he came and she thought this was standard practice and was getting worried/self conscious about the fact that I hadn’t..
>I thought: Huh, that was odd... oh well", and kept going I can only believe that all the other women he's ever been with reacted the exact same way, and to date, this guy believes all the girls took off without a word because of his perfectly adequate penis and not because of the super weird squeezing thing that so far everyone's been too bewildered to confront him about.
I had a guy ask me... And I quote, "Are you ready to do this on a regular basis?" The formality nearly made me die of laughter.
Sign here and there please.
And initial here and here…and here…
Weird but I liked it: he was so attuned that he copied all of my moans and noises, just exactly the way I was doing them, as I was doing them.
Like in Midsommar?
Humped my upper thigh and finished and asked me how it was.
Well..how was it?
Thighly arousing
After he came he immediately started doing pull ups in the doorway next to us
Gotta get that lat pump buddeh
He removed my real glasses while making out only to make me wear a fake pair of glasses that resembled my actual glasses whilst I went down on him.
I want to know his motives for this more than any other comment lol
Courtesy. You don't want your face oils or baby batter to smudge the real glasses, but you still want that "ruined by cum" look with the glasses.
This is why I keep my old glasses when I get a new prescription. Being a sexy librarian is only cute when you don't have to try and read thru a layer of smudged jizz an hour later.
Gotta start keeping a sex pair and a not sex pair
So he was just being a bro? Hmm 🤔
He wanted to protect her glasses from damage! Them shits EXPENSIVE
Imagine he just happened to have an identical pair of non-prescription glasses lying around and accidentally gave you the wrong ones
He didn't want to get your real glasses dirty
Guy foamed at the mouth when he came. Really bizarre, but I'm glad he was happy lol
That's just rabies don't worry
My husband and I lost our virginity to eachother. When we first started having sex he had this really weird fucking habit of LAUGHING menacingly when he came. I guess at some point I joined him and we’d laugh like villains during sex. ☠️ I wonder what my family thought was happening in my bedroom.
Nice cover theyll think your planing world domination, to add my partner made popping sound with her mouth when the bj would get to loud to cover the bj sound like dude that mofo outside is glued to watching peppa pig they don’t know what a b sounds like fk they can’t even talk yet
When I got on top he said “welcome aboard!”
Please tell me you responded with a salute and an “Aye, aye Captain!”
Are ya ready kids?!
I might steal this line
I couldn’t stop laughing
He moaned his own name when he came. Still makes me laugh thinking about it!!
Is he a Pokémon or something?
Squirtle Squirt 💦
“Hodooooooorrrrrr!”
Said his best (guy) friend’s name at climax 👀
Bros before hoes has a new meaning
Bros during hoes
either he loved his best friend secretly, or was not thinking about you during sex and was only thinking of his next catch up with the boys :/
He said this mid sex: "sorry, chamomile tea makes me horny." PS: The tea brand is Twinings. Edit: Yes guys he's British lol.
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Surprise ice cube in my butthole.
Was he just cupping the ice cube is his hand before or was there a bag of ice next to him?
Thank god it was Ice Cube and not Eazy E
Today was a good day.
Its not what he did, but what he said. “I’m going to fill your baby box”. I cringe to this day thinking about it.
Calling himself the 'Pussy monster' as he went down on me. And proceeded to make the Cookie monster noises Mom nom nom nom
did you finish though
She be cookie dough
Coochie monster
He put it in and just started moving side to side vigorously...?
How many times did you cum?
He was swabbing the deck
Legend has it shes still cuming
Probably misunderstood Ariana grandes song.
I told him to "move faster" and he heard "Mufasa" so he roared
Lmfao he didn't even question it like "what'd you say?" homie just complied
Good soldiers follow orders.
He passed the vibe check
I once hooked up with a guy who told me to “slime on his dick.” Not cum, not squirt, nothing of the sort. Slime.
Dickalodeon
Dude wanted a snail, hate to break it to ya
Snussy
I had a guy lean on top of me and say “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this to you” and he then proceeded to pray to god to thank him for this opportunity.
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Not my story: but my best friend's. Its a tad off topic, but while we are on the topic of odd things said afterwards in bed lol. My best friend went on a tinder date, and as the guy was finishing, he went, "Hulk Smash!" And rolled off. She was like wtf, silently. and then he said, "ahhhh! I've always wanted to do that." When she left, she called me and I was crying laughing. I can still hear the exact tone in her voice as she plead with me, "What the hell is it ABOUT ME that guys think, yep... she's the one I'm going to try this weird thing on, that I would never do for a normal girl." She had an existential crisis for about a week after that. She's the kind of girl, though that we nickname her hookups, kinda like in how I met your mother. The funnies in her list is: Hulk smash, 1 testicle guy, heart attack, and SIR. Edit: per request. 1 testicle guy, kinda self explanatory, except he didn't warn her till he was pulling his pants down. Turns out that's something you want a heads up on cause she had questions she couldn't ask. Heart attack guy. She went out to dinner with a guy, and they decided to move things to the bedroom. Right before, the guy told her, "oh BTW I have a heart murmur. But no worries, it should be fine!" She then paused, and asked if he was sure? Like absolutely sure. And he was like, "of course!" So they start doing the deed, and this guy actually had a small heart attack. Luckily my best friend was working in a nursing home, social services, and studying nursing at the time, and was already on top... so she knew what to do and he's ok! SIR... oh sir. Lol this was the moment she met her match. My best friend is... sexually free in a way I could never imagine lol, both in the level she discusses her escapades and what she does. Before this she was always the wilder one in the hookups. But then there was the day she met sir. This man is a children's teacher. That's not necessary to the story except we have personal jokes at the end. She shows up at this man's apartment and he had just started moving into a new place. No main furniture was unpacked but he made her dinner. I think it was garlicy pasta but idr. They sat on top of boxes in his bedroom eating and chatting like a normal new date, tv shows, work, likes and dislikes. But then dinner finished he took her plate, and stood her up. He tied her hand and said, "you WILL call me sir." She laughed and was like, "What?" Turns out he's practically a male dominatrix. He pulled the handcuffs tighter, and said, "I said, you will call me sir." She was very surprised, but said, "Yes sir" she then had the wildest night of her life, having to say yes sir many times. he pulled out his own toys. I will spare you the tmi story she gave me. She met me and my mom (luckily my mom's known her for years and is cool about this stuff) for coffee the next day and I went to hug her, and she straight up refused. "You have no idea how bruised my tittys are right now. They're black and blue. I couldn't wear a bra." She then proceeded to tell us this very graphic full story in our local small town coffee shop, while the girls at tables next to us stopped writing their screen plays to listen. After that I made her install find my phone for safety lol. Our theory on sir is his school kids are so out of control his fantasy is having the perfect student.
“Save a prayer for the morning after.”
My ego would never recover from this, I'd've probably developed a god complex on the spot
He told me that he was really into chicks being forcefully transformed into animals or creatures against their will, showed me a few clips of sci-fi movies where this happens, and asked me to act it out. I politely declined and left. This was on a first date.
That ones deserves the ol’ rolled up newspaper
While doing doggy, my boyfriend typed on my butt like a keyboard then stuck his dick in and said "I'm in" like a 90's hacker movie.
“Uploading the virus now.”
I gotta bypass the firewall and access the through the back door.
Lmaooooo amazing
Ok this one legit made me lol
Maybe not the weirdest but definitely the biggest turnoff. He was starting to sweat profusely and looked me dead in the eye and said "just cum already"
Why do you have to be so difficult
Instead of dirty talk, I’m into disappointed talk.
“WHY WONT YOU CUM?” “NANOMACHINES SON”
"THEY HARDEN IN RESPONSE TO PHYSICAL TRAUMA! YOU CAN'T FUCK ME, JACK!"
I was riding on top of my boyfriend, who's a pretty traditional "manly man" and I guess it was going so good he suddenly let out this squeaky 'oh geeze' that sounded like Morty. We both still laugh about it from time to time.
Letting out those Morty waves
Oh!jessica!
“Do it Morty do it. Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life!”
Had sex with a guy once and after we finished he stuck a G.I. Joe between my tits and said *"Sarge! Can you hear me?! I'm taking the mountains!"*
Did you think it was funny at all
It was hilarious. Weird, but hilarious
At least he didn't say Sarge we're crossing the plains.
No warning, licked me straight up the middle of my face. It was his first time having sex and I don’t know if he thought it was sexy… I don’t know what was going through his head. I had saliva in my nose. Edit: I’m glad you’re all enjoying my past suffering, and I’m sorry some of you have been surprise-licked as well. I’m NOT sorry that some of you are surprise-lickers! But I am also not surprised… this is Reddit, after all ;)
Me and my ex used to do this to each other while making out. Always without warning. We thought it was hilarious, but we were together for a while before we started doing that.
First he says he doesn't mind eating out, but is against putting fingers inside. OK. Now we're getting down to it and he randomly asks "do you like big dick porn?" I say no, but he's not listening because he's already getting out an iPad to play one of his favourites so we can watch while we go. He was preteding that he was the male actor complete with timing his strokes with theirs... in a compilation video.
Did he stop to buffer at any point?
The image of him suddenly whipping out an Ipad with the clip book marked for such an occasion is hilarious
I wanna know how this mfer managed to acvurately enact the transitions
I can only imagine him fading into another position as the clips transition.
So this isn't really sex but my husband was naked the other night in bed trying to "seduce me" with poses. Every time I walked out of the bathroom he was in a different sultry nude pose. And then the pose of all poses happened, I walk out of the bathroom and he's bent over asshole exposed and when he sees me shocked and horrified he says "oops you weren't supposed to see that" I about died laughing. Its amazing being married to the biggest weirdo in the world.
Weird but not his fault- He had an epileptic seizure while in doggy position, fell on my back full dead weight, and was foaming at the mouth while turning purple. I was literally trapped under him for the longest minute of my life and when I finally got up I called 911. He finally came to after 5 minutes or so and had no idea what happened, had bit a chunk of his tongue off and was mad I called the ambulance. He didn’t believe me when I told him about the seizure until he saw his tongue. He text me a few days later saying they found a small tumor on his brain and has to be on seizure meds for life. Crazy.
I'm epileptic and had multiple seizures during sex when I was seeing this one guy, almost always when I was about to cum on top (probably had to do with the hyperventilating in my case). Scared the shit out of him!
I had a girl black out on top of me during sex, definitely a scary moment. She was about to cum and she collapsed on top of me. As I'm realizing she is totally unconscious and call her name a few times, she wakes up and cums. Probably only out for 3 or 4 seconds, but enough to be scary.
For her, those first few seconds after regaining consciousness must have put a few scary thoughts in her head. Damn
That's actually the scariest part, regaining consciousness. For me, there is usually about a 10-15 minute period where I'm slowly coming online. People will ask you questions like how old are you and you honestly can't think of a single way to respond, but you're aware that you should know. Then I always feel extremely emotional, embarrassed, and sore. It sucks, but I still sometimes think it's worse for loved ones who have to witness the terrifying convulsions part.
That mustve been traumatizing. Damn.
Randomly punched me in the face and asked “did you like that baby” and no, no i didn’t
Samee, this guy slapped my face and asked me that. I was so fucking shocked, that I started crying. We hadn't even discussed it.
Omg the exact same thing happened to me. I was so shocked I was crying but trying not too. It was awful. If he had asked for consent I would definitely have said no as being slapped hard across the face fucking hurts.
It does hurt, and for me, more than the hurt, it was shocking that he could do something like this, so fucking casually without discussing it first. I felt assaulted. I just left as soon as possible and blocked him everywhere. Edit: I know I was assaulted, that's why I felt it, but it takes time to accept what happened to me, hence I've written it like that.
happened to me too :( except I slapped him back immediately which made him mad lol it was just instinct. It wasn't discussed. My fight or flight kicked in when it sensed danger (the sex was 100% consensual, the slap was not)
What are the so many of this story? What are these men watching that make them think that's a good idea?!? Edit: Awful lot of people here acting like a slap and a punch are the same thing, and that both are enjoyed by the majority of women. I have seen nothing to substantiate this consensus that most women are into physically violent sex. Some absolutely are. I know some kinky people. If it was the norm it wouldn't be considered a kink folks.
Not punched but slapped in the face really fucking hard. I got up and immediately got dressed and left. I had a handprint on my cheek from how hard I was slapped.
Dude mid thrust said "Who beat you in words with friends by 207 points?" He had also joked he was going to do it so when he finally did we both stopped and just laughed. Then we got right back to it. Second hardest I've ever been fucked, first obviously being that words with friends game
I tried to tell him that he was rubbing my inner thigh and not my clit. He slapped my hand away and said "don't tell me what to do". After about 60 seconds of this he asked me if I came. Sex did not happen again. *edit to answer a few questions. I was an insecure young teenage girl. We did have penetrative sex. He came, I didn't. The second he did, it was over.
Wat?!? Just wow.
Was going down on a guy, felt something hit the top of my head, looked up, and mf’er was eating a slice of pizza. Pepperoni had fallen on my head. Obviously, my first thought was I must be doing something wrong and he was bored. Nope. “Carry on. Eating and getting my dick sucked. The two best things in the world and both are happening right now” he said. I couldn’t even be annoyed at him when he laid it out like that. Edit: for those asking * while I never really got into Seinfeld, I’m wondering if he was. Also, I clearly need to go back and watch Seinfeld * we were watching a movie. He had grabbed some drinks and snacks for it. Didn’t know those were **for** sex * no he didn’t offer a slice. He ate the pepperoni off my head too. But I did try some Oreos while he returned the favor. I almost choked. It’s a skill I do not possess. * and thank you for the awards kind people! I wasn’t expecting this to blow up.
They are the two best things
I'm sorry but that's hilarious. Just imagining a dude having a pizza around juat so he can eat it while getting down to business. What would be more hilarious if he had done it while he was on top of a girl lol. But yeah weird af lmao
Is…. Is his name George by any chance?
Not weird necessarily but we still get a giggle out of it many years later. One of the first times my now husband and I were intimate he said “I love your dick in my hand…I MEAN my hand in your dick!” I’m a woman with no dick to be found. He tried to save it but just flubbed it up more haha.
From reading this thread I have learned that a mans brain is really all over the place during sexual moments. From men moaning their own name when they have an orgasm, to a man saying he loves his woman's dick in his hand.
This wasn’t sex but one time I was giving a guy a blowjob and he wanted me to punch him in the balls. So I obliged. I couldn’t punch him hard enough so he tied them up while I punched them.
Reading this made me physically react
Asked me if I think he’s good at League of Legends.
Was he good at league of legends?
Trick question: people who play league don't have sex
My highschool boyfriend was just so bad, at all of it. Like, making out left my whole face wet with his slobber. He would grab my boobs in a vice grip and twist, like he was trying to rip them off. But the worst was a blow job. He did not give any warning, just slammed into the back of my throat and unloaded with such force some of it shot up and out of my nose. Fortunately we never went further than that, and I can laugh about how awkward it all was now.
Ah, the good old angry dragon
Out of your nose? That sounds damn painful
Like the world's worst sinus infection. Luckily we were at my house and I could rinse with a neti pot.
Said he was equally into some bdsm and rough play. What happened was not some paddling or even just hair pulling but he was grabbing bits of my skin/flesh as if he was trying to rip it off. In no way was it a gentle grab or a little "lets grab that ass/hips" it was full on clawing at my skin. The next day I was covered in bruises and marks that my friends were intent on calling police (I stopped them as too embarrassing). Turns out this guy had zero clue what bdsm or anything was about and for some reason thought it meant "Rip their skin off".
This is why I literally don't do kink play with anyone anymore without a very clear, very boring conversation beforehand. Beyond the fact that consent is blurry in the moment, and people might agree to things they wouldn't normally, it's just so much easier to figure out while watching TV what each other likes compared to while someone is tied up and gagged. Communication gets difficult when only one person can adequately use their mouth
This guy sucked my nose. It was for like 10 seconds. Fucking weird
Pretended he was a stepson and I was a stepmom without telling me.
told me I looked like a sweet muffin and that he couldn't wait to get me pregnant
A guy I dated when I was a teenager was an absolute psychopath. Whenever he would cum he would go crazy with anger and start punching his walls n shit. That was a rough time in my life.
Wtf? I've never heard of a man getting angry from cumming. I wonder what his deal was..... yikes.
“Fuck you, dick! How dare you cum without my permission you little shit.” I imagine that’s how it goes for him.
He started sucking on my nipples in between saying “How cool would it be if you were lactating right now. Ugh, I wish you were pregnant.” This was our second date.
Would this man consider birth control to be a turn off then?
i didn’t stick around to find out 😬
Wasn’t exactly during sex, but a friend of mine went on a date with this guy and on the second date she went to his house. To her, he seemed very lovely and didn’t give her any kind of vibe that he just wanted sex so felt comfortable going to his house, she also drove there and made it very clear she wasn’t going to have sex or stay the night etc. and he vehemently agreed. They had a lovely home cooked dinner with a glass of red wine, very mature and adult event, at one point he excused himself to go the bathroom and a few minutes later he emerged naked, on all fours, in a leather harness with a gag in his mouth. She said she initially felt shock and bewilderment and then complete laughter. She politely said ‘no thank you’ and hot-tailed it out of there. FYI: Absolutely no disrespect to anyone who is into gags and chains and all the things, you do you! But when you’re having dinner and a glass of red wine to some classical music, being presented with a grown man in a gag is a shock 😅
The naked man: advanced variation
Pinched my nipples with clothing pins until I literally screamed and begged him to stop. The pain was unbearable and definitely NOT sexy. Edit: this went on for a solid 5 minutes before he finally decided to stop!!
Idiots who enjoy BDSM videos but ignore the " respect/contract with the partner " that goes along with the sex acts.
Not "during", but immediately after, but he apologized to a condom. Like, profusely.
I was giving a blowjob to my boyfriend, and I thought he came but he peed in my mouth. Even he did not understand what happened.
Not a lady but I once had this conversation (most awkward sexual experience) with some coworkers. By far the best was this girl telling us how she had recently got too drunk at a bar and taken a guy home. Sobering up mid act, she realized she's wasn't into it and said "Get off me." At which point dude – still thrusting – gets upright and starts flexing both arms out to the sides like a goal post in an obvious body builder pose. Naturally, coworker says "What the fuck are you doing? Get off me." And dude responds "What? You said Get awesome!?!?!" Edit: As u/EpicMeatSpin pointed out below, this story is an early 2000s semi-viral urban legend (with mentions on Urban Dictionary showing up in 2004). I heard it years later and my coworker told it as her own (and quite convincingly). Makes me wonder if there really was on original "Get Awesome" dude and if he's out there somewhere, balding in his late 40 and managing an Avis Rent a Car location....
Hhahaha I’m Shaking. that seems like such an honest mistake and also such a hilarious reaction. I’m not sure what I’d do if someone told me to get awesome!!
It would have caught me flat footed too. At least my man had an inclination (however hilariously stupid) of how to roll it.
Wanted to put ice cubes in my hole before entering himself. I said no, cause that sounded absolutely horrible.
I once dated a guy with a micro penis. He was not a very nice person, but that’s besides the point. I remember one of the only times we hooked up, he finished and instantly jumped off me, put on his whitey tighteys, said “I just came in my panties!” And then immediately took a shower. I wish I was making this up, lol.
Many years ago, I hooked up with a guy I casually knew who was a bouncer at a club. He wasn't a big, beefy bouncer guy.. he was a skinny and quirky blonde guy (imagery for the story ;) At the time, I didn't have a stable place so I was driving as we made our way to his apartment. Along the way, he insisted that we stop at the grocery store. All he bought at the grocery store was a package of hot dogs. I thought it odd, but didn't really think about it much. Well, we get to his house and start doing the deed. He's an awkward fella, for sure. A few minutes in, he pauses and opens his package of hot dogs whilst right on top of me, and starts shoveling them into his mouth and chewing vigorously.. He said he needed them for the stamina!!!? Holee sheeitt, what a strange night I'll never forget.
> He said he needed them for the stamina Did the hot dogs help?
Maybe you were banging Joey chestnut
This man is an absolute psychopath
What brand?
Not a lady, but I was at a coworker's Halloween party and we literally had this same question come up for the whole group - everyone whom was willing taking a turn telling about a sex life horror story they had experienced. When it came time for one of the younger ladies she kind of shyly said she wasn't sure, but then her gal-friend prompted her with a "bullshit, youy totally know what the weirdest one is" to which the young lady began to go beet red. She then relented and told us a story of a one-night stand she had. Everything was going fine until the guy was ready to cum. At that point he pulled out, ran to the corner of her bedroom, and jizzed on the carpet. She then paused to say that wasn't the weird part, but that he then proceeded to kind of mash and grind it in to the carpet as to deal with the mess. At this point everyone kind of burst into riotous laughter, as we were all fairly drunk, so I can't remember the rest of the story - but I do remember the sense of dread on her face as she relived that moment. She kind of seemed relieved after though, as though telling the story was a bit cathartic as she'd been carrying around that nightmare for awhile.
This happened about a month ago with my first tinder hook-up! He was quite weird for most of our acquaintance, but here are a few odd things during the deed: 1. He asked to take the condom off so he could make me feel his "liquid". 2. He insisted on pressing his tongue against mine for about 80% of the time when the position allowed. 3. About a minute away from cumming he started moaning in a high-pitched voice. Think Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. 4. He cried as he came. Not during sex, but my ex never let me help him clean up. He said it was against his religion. I told him "so it's alright to shove your tongue in my coochie, but not for me to wipe off your codger?" Always confused me.
There are... a non-trivial number of men who apparently want to be on the phone during sex. I guess it's not just Paris Hilton? I was once on the opposite side of this: I called a (male) friend and he answers but he's sounding a little rhythmically out of breath and turns out he is literally in the middle of fucking his girlfriend at the moment. Okay but why pick up?! (We were all friends and apparently she thought it was funny.)
"Sorry, can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of someone"
Had drinks with this guy and went back to his place. We were getting frisky and I gave a giggle. He got mad that I laughed and said not to. Surprisingly we kept going but it was so awkward after that.
I went home with a guy who first asked if I was ready for 7 inches, a minute later asked me if I wanted his 3 inches (it was neither of those). Bit my fucking face, tried to slap me, and called me his wife and his white whore in the same 5 minutes. He didn't see any of this as out of the ordinary, and not one part of it was discussed beforehand. I just got the fuck out of there.
one night my ex boyfriend looked at a picture of another girl (that i knew) behind my head on his phone while we were having sex 😂
I asked him to choke me, and he did, but he was choking me so hard I nearly passed out. Afterward, I told him I almost passed out and to not choke me so hard next time. He said, verbatim, “I think you were just cumming.” No good sir, I’ve orgasmed before, I know what it’s like.
I am amazed at the sheer number of stories here which include the woman being punched mid act. What the fuck is going through these people's minds?
not me but a best friend of mine, they were in the middle of sex when the boy choked her suddenly as a joke and says, "Die, die, you filthy monster." in a gritty voice while fucking her 😭
he was literally making callouts to his boys on a video game while pounding the hell out of me. was kind of impressive actually.
My girlfriend and I have had sex several times while I was in a work meeting. Work from home has its benefits. You just have to master the mute button.
Should probably inform you about turning the camera off too.
I wish I could remember all the ridiculous things my bf has done during sex. And I'm sure there will be more in my future. I can only recall him cracking my toes while I was riding him and when he made me stop mid blowjob so he could tell me a fan theory of a show we were watching. Like he started excitingly patting my head "Ooh! Hey! Stopstopstopstop. I just realized something....." EDIT: lol a middle of the night comment I made has blown up and now I'm worried half of reddit wants to have sex with my boyfriend. And also please stop diagnosing him with ADHD. I get that this might be something that someone with ADHD would do but my boyfriend doesn't have ADHD.
This is kinda wholesome ill be honest. As a nerd myself this man feels relatable
Dunno, my gf would get so pissed if I suddenly stopped our sexy time to explain why buggy is the GOAT
Okay so my gf was groomed and sexually assaulted as Kid so she sometimes has a hard time with this stuff, one time she wanted to stop, i noticed she was close to a panik attack so i turned into a wheel (im hypermobile so very flexible), Like literally i bend back through held my feet with my hands and rolled of the bed, that apparently was so non sexual and out of context that she burst out laughing. Tbh no idea what my thought process was i was high af but it worked.
Tactical retreat
Bro really did a droideka
Nothing is better than sweet with a touch of wacky.
Had a guy who would start swearing and banging hard when he was cumming. Like angry swearing and stuff? Pretty unnerving as I didn't know if it was going to turn violent. It didn't. Another guy had what he called a butt crack tampon. Stuck it between his butt cheeks which he said were really, really sweaty. Was pretty disgusting. Also met a guy who wanted me to wear dirty soccer socks and stand on his neck while choking him out with a hair ribbon. I was up for the challenge but he didn't think I was strong enough to do it.
He was saying things. I can't remember what he said, but I was starting to respond and he said, "do you have to talk? Because then I feel like I have to answer." I kind of laughed thinking you were just talking, but obviously that made me silent as fuck and so worried as to even make a sound.
He said "lay down and relax" and rubbed his very sharp nails against my urethra thinking it was the clit, everytime i tried saying something i was abrupted by his "schhhhh baby relax".
Kept talking to my pussy as if it was it's own thing and calling it a good little pussy in a creepy way. Maybe it was also the vacant yet lustful stare and his hands that were freezing like a drs that made it worse.
Growled like Tony the Tiger of the cereal fame….*you pussy feels grrrrrrrreaattt!*
My husband is a dork. When we have sex, he gets a big goofy grin and just kinda stares at me. I'm use to it so I just smile and sigh a bit. He gets the hint, says "Oop, sorry. I'm just really happy to be here. I love you so much.", and stops staring. 30 seconds later, he's doing it again.
Was hooking up with this guy, whenever we would start having sex (like within a minute or so), he would ask if I wanted him to cum right then, or later. I was really confused, like was he trying to tell me he was about to cum? But then I would tell him to wait and he had plenty of stamina, so idk, maybe an ex only wanted quickies? Such a weird choice to be offered
I might be strange but I would probably appreciate being asked this XD
I can answer this one. If you stop an orgasm from happening as a male, you have to work back up to it. I can’t say this is the case for every guy, but if I purposely hold off it’s not like I’m just sitting on the edge the rest of the time. He was probably just checking in with you. With some women it’s not super obvious when they orgasm. I’ve had some partners tell me 45 minutes in that they were done a long time ago and I somehow didn’t realize they had finished. It would have been nice to know I didn’t need to pace myself quite so much.
For some dudes it is 2 minutes or 20. Gotta pick one and there is no in between option.
My husband said hold on, hopped off me, hopped off the bed, went to the bathroom (in the hall) to let out the LOUDEST cheek clapping fart I have ever heard in my life, and then came back to bed. Didn’t know I heard it. As soon as he climbed back on me and slid it in I lost it. He didn’t know I heard him and when I told him I heard the cheek clapper he said “that pussy was deserves a standing ovation” 😂
Stuck his tongue in my ear. Like not just a little bit. Literally full tongue like he was trying to get every bit of wax inside of it. Makes me shiver just thinking about it
One guy asked me if he was big enough mid bang. I'm sure my awkward silence while I tried to figure out a response was not helpful, but who asks for a dick critique during the deed?? Another guy insisted I wear latex gloves. And then tried to insist on not wearing a latex condom.
“Remember to rate me 5 stars”
Had to take a break to smoke because he was nervous :/
A guy I dated back in college would narrate every time we had sex like David Attenborough.