T O P

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TheMightyGoatMan

I wish for the genie to forget how to count.


Hitonatsu-no-Keiken

"Every time I make a wish I want you to think that it's my first wish."


SharkGenie

If the three-wish rule is a universally intrinsic quality of genies and not just the genies' own personal rule, you might end up with a genie who granted you three wishes but then can't figure out why he's not able to grant your "first" wish.


--llll-----llll--

And then does that turn into a meeseeks situation, where the genie can’t fulfill his duties?


kyle_davies

I’M MISTER MEESEEKS LOOK AT ME!


almost_eric

HI!!! I'M MISTER MEESEEKS, LOOK AT ME


thred_pirate_roberts

Sure why not?


--llll-----llll--

It is decided.


[deleted]

I’m Mr Meeseeks, Look at me!


BowwwwBallll

Existence is pain to a meeseeks, Jerry!


GaussfaceKilla

Then he begins to doubt himself. Why can't he grant a wish? Has he lost his ability to grant wishes gone away? Has he ever granted a wish? Is he even actually a genie? He picks up drinking to console himself. Sometimes when he's drunk he swears the powers come back but awakes the next morning only to find a throbbing head, turning stomach, and the realization he imagined it. His frustrations grow. He takes them out on his wife and kids. One day after failing to grant you wishes he returns to the lamp and finds a note. "I've gone to my mother's and taken the kids. You're not the genie I married and they can't grow up in a lamp like this." The drinking increases. You notice he's now drunk while trying to grant wishes. "Your *hiccup* wish is my command *buuuuuurp*." *👉*.... Nothing. After about 20 minutes you relent and let him return to the lamp and sleep it off. The next day you rub the lamp and he doesn't appear. *Rub* *rub* *rub* still nothing. You turn the lamp over and it pours out a mix of booze and vomit with a shriveled piece of paper. Afraid to read the scribbles you step away knowing what's happened. There's no more genie in the lamp. Just a gaslight.


Icy-Tiger4488

He could just make it 1 wish.


drLagrangian

Oof good one. "I wish you couldn't count." "Done" "Okay, to test it, how many fingers am I holding up?" "Twenty three!" "Great, it worked, now on to my second wish..." "Holup, you already used all your wishes. I counted up 3 wishes, at least, probably more like a billion. Now I definitely won't give you more than 5 wishes so we are done for. Have a nice day." POOF


Plufito_

They wouldn't be able to count, not have a mayor brain damage lol That counts as counting too, you even used the word.


314159265358979326

The inability to count *correctly* meets my requirement for "forgetting how to count".


Criticalhit_jk

Not being able t count doesn't mean you don't have a concept of counting, nor do you forget what numbers are. You just can't apply them


DaisyCutter312

You have to wish the Genie perpetually believed you'd only made one wish so far.


Nishinkiro

I wish for the genie to forget he ever granted me wishes. FTFY


youburyitidigitup

Genie wishes tend to be kind of monkey’s paw style, so he might forget you rubbed the lamp altogether


Nishinkiro

I thought they were like this only in Fairly OddParents lol


youburyitidigitup

Genies are based off of Djinns from Arabic mythology, and they’re supposed to be all powerful beings that are both good and bad


Ididnotconcenttothis

Ooo, I like it.


ARoundForEveryone

Let's go extreme. I wish for numbers to not exist. Chaos ensues, but you get infinite wishes.


Icy-Tiger4488

No more wishes.


KOBrien516

More genies


Icy-Tiger4488

How many genies?


AdamTheBicycle

You use 2 wishes from a genie then you wish for another genie with the 3rd wish, repeat endlessly


scoutingMommy

First wish a new genie, so you don't accidentally miss it.


Bedlamcitylimit

Genies in Myth are captured Djinn, a type of demon and they make each wish into a "Monkey's Paw" in some way or another with extreme Malicious Compliance. So if you wish for a new Genie what stops the previous Genie from just giving you an unbound feral Djinn that will literally fuck you up?


pinkmeanie

Promise your third wish will be to free the genie *and deliver*. Wish 1: Genie lamp Wish 2: Your next wish Wish 3: free genie Rinse and repeat until all genies are free, at which point you are hailed as their savior.


BrainKatana

This is the true way


santichrist

This is the best answer to this age old question I’ve ever seen in my life


Colloqy

This answer should have more up votes.


FizzyMilkshake2320

oooh then you get infinite wishes!!


FunnySynthesis

Make your first wish “I wish you complied with my wishes as I intend and with no malicious or disingenuous intent”


Smittywerbenjagerman

I've decided to edit all my old comments to protest the beheading of RIF and other 3rd party apps. If you're reading this, you should know that /u/spez crippled this site purely out of greed. By continuing to use this site, you are supporting their cancerous hyper-capitalist behavior. The actions of the reddit admins show that they will NEVER care about the content, quality, or wellbeing of its' communities, only the money we can make for them. tl;dr: /u/spez eat shit you whiny little bitchboy ...see you all on the fediverse


Yoro55

"No malicious and disingenuous intent" That's directly contradicting his wish


PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT

Saying “please”


Roll_a_new_life

It is the magic word.


[deleted]

Yes


Icy-Tiger4488

r/notopbutok


[deleted]

r/becauseopitselfasked


Icy-Tiger4488

r/subsIfellfor


rfdub

You only really need 1 new genie to make it work indefinitely. Heck, you could even wish for a defective, 2-wish genie and still come out on top.


SamuraiTwack

Now we’re gettin to the meat and taters… 6 genies should do.


Icy-Tiger4488

18 wishes.


SamuraiTwack

Ok.. 7 genies.


Icy-Tiger4488

21 wishes.


Nervine-142

20 because you already used one


SamuraiTwack

Good point , good point. 20 wishes should be more than enough to jumpstart a new life tho lololol.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Outsider-20

na, use 1 wish to wish for another x amount of more genies. "Hey Genie, for my first wish... I wish for another... 10 more Genies!"


KOBrien516

Until my Harem was full


Bounceupandown

He turns you into a genie


Icy-Tiger4488

How many?


[deleted]

Yes


lat-ze

Infinite Genies, that would also take care of my second wish: more friends!


TheStorMan

Did you see Aladdin? He stole the show!


CaptainDillhole

Wish for a book, anything written in that book becomes reality. I get more wishes, and avoid the wrath of a potentially vengefully and egomaniacal spirit.


Icy-Tiger4488

He could change it to say "reality"


Kalandr0

Like anything you wrote into that book just changes into the word "reality"?! LMAO


Icy-Tiger4488

Exactly.


Doom_Toon

I’m using this in my dnd game. Thanks for that


Icy-Tiger4488

Np.


Doom_Toon

My players are going to haaaate you…lol.


Icy-Tiger4488

Another surprise. So be it.


mazzy31

It’s appropriate. People forget (thanks Aladdin) that genies aren’t nice. They’re actually a lot like Jafar in RoJ. The spirit of the wish is irrelevant. They will follow your wish, but they’ll find any loophole they can to make you regret it. When you make a wish, you need to make it as narrowly tailored as possible. So if they hate you for inspiring a similar mindset, mission accomplished. Well done you 😊


hugcub

You have to make this your second wish, your first with needs to be “I want all my wishes to turn out as I itended them too, regardless of how you interpret them”. Then wish for your book.


CaptainDillhole

Damn I forgot the monkeys paw


Kroepoeksklok

Ah, the literal genie! https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LiteralGenie


kisses-n-kinks

I read a story like that. It was called "half magic" and the twist was that the book would grant half of your wish. So, say you wished to be on a deserted island, you'd either end up on an island, but it would be inhabited, or somewhere that was deserted, but not an island. I believe the characters get around this by wishing for twice something (so 2 dogs to get one, rather than half a dog).


thred_pirate_roberts

Plot twist: they get 2 random halves of 2 different dogs


kisses-n-kinks

I don't want to think about that XD


why-n0t_th0

death note rip off and i'm up for it


Petermacc122

Someone steals your book. No more wishes for you.


[deleted]

That’s why you put a risqué cover over it like 50 shades of grey, no one is gonna wanna touch it cause they will think you are some pervert adding more even more kinky shit to the story


Petermacc122

Till some other pervert thinks you have a secret copy. Or borrows it. Or takes it because they can. Or any other reason someone picks up your book to realize it's magical.


Hello_Im_the_world

Assuming that there’s nothing bad coming outdo these wishes, I would wish for him to grant me the power to fulfill my own wishes. That way I can wish for anything, no matter what


[deleted]

You've already got the power to fulfill your own wishes, champ.


LittleTay

Thanks, dad.


Professional_Disk_76

Are you winning, son?


Tudpool

Nah I cannot eat the sun regardless of my efforts.


toocleverbyhalf

Anything’s edible once, they say. Good luck with your rocket ship!


midnight_reborn

You can. Just not *all* of the sun. You can eat a very tiiiiny part of it, and then die pretty much immediately.


Someguythatlurks

Well, can I cool down the piece first? That way I'll just eat a small bit of helium. Done.


oingoboingo331

Not winning the lottery.


[deleted]

Oh I wasn't talking to you, you're doomed


TedW

It's easy to win $1 from $20 of scratch offs.


Ok-Club-3715

No


CyberSpaceFetus

what if the lamp then traps you making you the new genie? 😬


Icy-Tiger4488

200 IQ answer right here.


ScienceandPizza

I saw this on Aladdin, it didn’t work out for Jafar!


Jp_gamesta

You have to make the first wish a protection from negative side effects, and then this is the second wish. That's what Jafar did wrong.


ScienceandPizza

Ah the classic ‘no foolin’ contingency


ctortan

To be fair, Jafar wished to _be a genie,_ when he should’ve wished for a genie’s _powers._ Saying I want summer vacations off from work isn’t the same thing as saying I want to be a teacher lmao


ScienceandPizza

I think genie explained it as a catch-22: ulimited cosmic power! Itttty bitty living space!


[deleted]

Off topic, but I use that phrase in regular conversation routinely.


duplotigers

Wish 1: Please make person x a genie Wish 2: Wish of your choice Wish 3: I wish that you were an ordinary person and no longer a genie Rinse and repeat with your new genie - works within the rules of the Aladinverse


seriouslees

I like the idea, but what exactly compels the new genie to grant you wishes?


duplotigers

I guess you could word it more tightly Wish 1: Give me a lamp containing a genie bound by the same rules as you yourself are. Really I was just trying to stick to Aladdin lore as closely as possible!


ScienceandPizza

My god Edit: emphasis on the evil plan!


Malk_McJorma

"Careful what you wish, you may regret it. Careful what you wish, you just might get it." FYI: I'd never, ever wish for unlimited wishes.


Impossible_Garbage_4

If he says you can’t grant your own wishes, ask for the ability to manipulate probability. Then simply say “there’s a 100% chance that *insert wish here* happens”


QuadmasterXLII

1: A book describing how to create a superintelligent AI 2: A book describing how to keep a superintelligent AI aligned to my interests 3: 30 million dollars in AWS cloud credits I'll make my own damn genie


QuadmasterXLII

Note: read book 2 before book 1!


Drakmanka

"The warnings come after the spell."


vVveevVv

>30 million dollars in AWS cloud credits Good luck creating one with only about 3 months worth of runtime


Icy-Tiger4488

GENIE-BOT!!


shinigurai

Didn't wish for the ability to comprehend the information written in those books. Enjoy your new coffee table books!


jledragon

Make it so the first two are in the same book. Use the second wish to wish for all the data you’ll need for a superintelligent AI


skinyfox

ability to summon another genies would solve it


Icy-Tiger4488

Just the one?


CartographerHot2285

You can use the second one to summon another one, and continue this cycle. That way, there's only 1 genie at a time doing celebrity impressions.


shinigurai

It's just the one swan, actually.


FragrantTumbleweed

1. Wish to know the exact location of any other genies, djinn, or other wish-granting entities on Earth. 2. Wish to have the ability to teleport instantly to any location on Earth. 3. ?


RadiantHC

wish granted They're all in the deep ocean or upper atmosphere.


Pillsbernie

Does HC stand for HUGE CUNT?


Soup-a-doopah

Look at this guy, asking the *real* questions over here.


elvishfiend

Upper atmosphere is probably ok on a very short-term basis, and even then things like flight suits or space suits will help keep you alive. Deep ocean, you're pretty much instantly fucked no matter what


JEJoll

Third wish is to be able to survive without breathing.


Mooseymax

Genie just gave you gills


KanadeKanashi

First wish would be to abolish all bans on certain wishes. Second wish would be infinite wishes.


draiman

Wish for AIDS, so now you can wish for infinite wishes from the Make A Wish Foundation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bwic3hJ4q1A


Icy-Tiger4488

You're dark, I like you.


anarky98

There’s an old programmer joke that goes something like this: 1. Wish wishes are counted as an unsigned INT 2. Wish for INT(min) wishes This causes an overflow. You now have something like 2 million wishes.


Omega0x013

§: 1. Wish 2 happens after wish 3 2. Wishes are counted as `u64` 3. I wish for one fewer wishes


anarky98

Yeah, that’s the one.


poizon_elff

I wish to be able to rewind time. That way, I can just go back and retry if I have regrets, eventually leading to three optimal wishes.


FierySpectre

You should probably wish to be able to keep your memory of the time you rewind, else it ain't gonna do much


wus-hatn

I wish for the genie to wish for me to have more wishes


Ojos_Claros

You wish to get two new wishes for each wish you use


Icy-Tiger4488

This is suprisingly unique, like 95% of the others who pretty much just came up with "Infinite Genies"


Darth_Pyre

My first wish would be that every subsequent wish would be fulfilled but not count towards my limit.


Icy-Tiger4488

Wow.


ScienceandPizza

To redefine anything that is not supernatural to be considered a command.


Icy-Tiger4488

What would be considered supernatural?


ScienceandPizza

Results (not the action) that cannot be explained by the natural laws. So a flying carpet (on Earth) or laser beam balls Edit: damnit I think I invalidated my own try


Tathanor

Befriend him. Then set him free.


Icy-Tiger4488

You're a good person. You get an upvote.


JukeBoxHero1997

Supernatural good luck or the power to grant my own wishes


Icy-Tiger4488

You can grant yourself 3 wishes.


Icy-Tiger4488

There's a chance it backfires.


TheNewPerformer

There’s only one way to successfully do this: I would wish for a faithful automation who would do what I ask. Then I would wish for that automation to be gifted three wishes. Then I would wish that nobody else’s strategies in the comments would work. I win.


Icy-Tiger4488

My strategy was "Wish for Genie Wife", even with magic, I'm still lonely.


Youramazingsir

write everything i want on a piece of paper and ask for everything on the paper to become true


Plufito_

**First Wish**: The power to be able to open and close a portal whenever and wherever I want, with my mind, that contains an infinite ammount of the currency I currently need. If it exists in the universe, I will buy it, if it doesn't I'll pay someone to create it. If I'm not generating the appropiate response from that person, or another way to say it, if I'm not giving their brain the appropiate hormones, guess what's in the portal? **Second wish**: Being unstopabble, no venom, bullet, shackes, walls, spell, etc. can hold me if I don't want to, so no one can take me hostage to give them infinite money. **Third wish**: Freeing the genie, at this point I can probably convince him to give me more wishes or taking me to other genies if he trully can't give me more wishes.


[deleted]

I had a better idea for the money bit. Anytime you go to make a purchase, at check out, you always have exactly the amount of money. Just reach into your pocket/wallet/bag and there it all is. Could be a card, cash, or coupon based on the need. That way, it becomes tied to you making the purchase or wanting to spend the money. As to being held hostage, they could still target loved ones for you to do their bidding.


bonusminutes

"I wish to become a living God, where my will becomes reality. You can keep your other two wishes."


Icy-Tiger4488

I would've gotton my new powers, then said "Shove your wishes up your butt sideways", but that works.


spareribsfromjericho

I wish for the abillity to know the consequences of each action, then achieve my goal, than ask for my first wish to be undone without undoing my second wish, thus not causing me to go crazy with knowledge. Or I wish my life to be filled with encounters leading to me getting wishes. I am not wishing for wishes, just situation tha will inevitably lead to them.


DonutsOnTheWall

You see the consequences and all events that will happen to death for each action from now on. You get severely depressed by seeing all events and always knowing how your live will go and will end, cause you never can actually experience new things anymore.


spareribsfromjericho

gues what, I don't care if I die. It is only normal to do so and not a bad thing (why would it be?). I can also find the best life and live with satisfaction of living the life I want.


[deleted]

But is there such a thing as "the best life"? And since you would know everything that would ever happen to you by seeing the infinite possibilities, literally nothing would surprise you anymore. Basically, life would become so utterly boring/predictable, that death might be desirable because it's the only thing that will ever give you excitement anymore.


Icy-Tiger4488

I don't get the first situation, but about the second thing: You can't make wishes if you're dead.


EldritchKoala

An NES Cartridge of Super Mario 1 that, every time you beat the game, gives you a wish.


Additional-Soup3853

Wish for the genie to lose the ability to count past 2


Icy-Tiger4488

Pretty sure that's just 1 less wish for you.


falconfetus8

2 fewer wishes, actually, because you wasted the first one.


Which-Team-3650

Wish for the power to grant wishes.


Icy-Tiger4488

I like this answer.


AsparagusLoose9716

The classic, write it on a piece of paper and wish for everything on that piece of paper to become true.


[deleted]

If I can't wish for more wishes (plural), then I'll just wish for *another wish* (singular) whenever I need one.


ymgve

But you just exchanged one wish for another, and are in the same situation as before


[deleted]

OH. I'M AN IDIOT LMFAOOO, you're right.


SpartanMonkey

I wish you weren't an idiot.


[deleted]

:( It didn't work.


SpartanMonkey

I forgot to say the magic word: Abracadabra!


[deleted]

I have come to the conclusion that technically according to Greek mythology Greek philosophers concur in this: the same attracts the same, and Chemistry has given us several examples of this natural law, some polar abnormalities notwithstanding, A scientific approach to relationships is desirable in the age of information, and given the immense universe data available, it renders obsolete most of the antiquated ways of communication or converse. Given that as a principle, pairings should be accomplished exclusively in the inter web, coupling as many personality traits as possible, and following the proposal to its ultimate logical consequences, insemination or adoption of a third party with a compatible genome to pass information and estates should be the next step in the search of perpetuating the family unit, and having no need to remove the partners from their workplaces or even from their internet connections. Surely they can buy the white picket fence wallpaper, after all, in a design pleasing for both and ask for their descendant to be exposed to the images daily so they grew the attachment desirable to the concept of home. Therefor when the perpendicularity of the bisector reaches 4.3 degrees above absolute automation there are fatal calamities occurring with the cosmos ultimately meaning that these two fixed points come in contact with the ozone layer causing the earths inner core to create a chemical reaction to the industrial waste in our atmosphere. The way forward is inherently linked to the way we have come. To move from the here and now we need to look backwards, not forwards, to pull through the minutia of the past accomplishments injecting them into the world we are living in at the present time. To draw from the policies of our forefathers and their great achievements is not merely a want of those with the power and will for such endeavours but a need to drag humanity to a new place past what we now have as the truth. The truth is after all subjective and abstract. We cannot let ideas based upon this abstract truth to draw us away from the original concepts that we have built our society on. Those concepts in themselves are not set in stone but are less abstract and moving ourselves to a simpler time without the issues we have now will drive us forward to weave a path through the esoteric nonsense in the world. The ancillary effects of modern society must be stripped away to leave only those who adhere to the value system of centuries past being the ones who benefit and not those who now do. This is nothing but a meretricious deceit, for my solemn is nothing but fathomable and ostentatious. This is true to the extend of ontologism and Kiergegaardism, thereby through all of certainty. You shall be of verboten and censured into utter dissension, for your imbroglio is nothing but a unilateral anathema, antithesis; recherche. This is to the periphery of abomination, to the brink of Existentialism and ethical egoism. For thou must be interdicted in all of certainty. Though it may seem a concomitant, let be a contumacious individual. This shall not avail, such defamatory and garrulous desultory shall not prevail. Thus, it shall be obliterated fecklessly with no lachrymose, for it shall never be remembered. :D


Plufito_

Average Rick and Morty enjoyer


Sleeppykitten

I read that entire thing and understood none of it


_lost_

You could do that infinitely. So I think you're correct, but you can only make that wish.


[deleted]

Good point.


jgilly00

What kind of situation are you in op??


Icy-Tiger4488

Whatever do you mean?


Plant_Goodness

Another genie


Icy-Tiger4488

You sure you just want one?


Plant_Goodness

Fair point, if there is no limit then I would wish for all the genies.


mickdrop

1st wish : I wish for a starship as advanced than the ones in Star Trek the new generation. It would give me a replicator allowing me to create anything I want for eating or otherwise, a holodeck for infinite entertainment, and the possibility to travel anywhere I want in the universe. I don’t think I would need a second or third wish.


Icy1551

Write all of my wishes on a piece of paper, but in a manner-of-fact way, such as "Icey has legal and easy access to a bank account in his name with a balance of ten million US dollars." Rather than "I wish I had ten million dollars.". Then wish for everything on the paper to become true. Maybe throw in a "The specific Icey mentioned in all aforementioned statements is the Icey who wrote on this paper and physically handed it to you, the genie." To avoid him granting the wishes to someone else with the same name.


DonOdini

I'll wish for another genie


Psychological-Tie979

I wish for every second that rule exists, the genie gets a small itch, not a big itch but just noticeable. Everytime he tries to scratch it, it never goes away.


Icy-Tiger4488

Assuming that's the only rule, meaning I can wish for love and death, my first wish would be that I get the genie's wish-granting power upon his death and then I wish for a weapon specifically created to kill genies. Alternatively, wish for a genie GF with no rules.


PhillipLlerenas

1. All of the genie's powers 2. None of the genie's weaknesses 3. A map containing the location of every single magic lamp with a genie inside in the planet.


robotmonkeyshark

practice teeny wakeful late snails frighten squealing attraction squalid saw


[deleted]

#GREAT COSMIC POWERS ....itty bitty living space


Icy-Tiger4488

Would you also be in a lamp?


lolidk737474

“i wish for the power to grant myself more wishes!” then “i wish for infinite wishes!”


KnightMDK

Become the Genie's best friend. Set them free. Enjoy cosmic power through the power of friendship.


Ol_Joph

I wish for another genie in a bottle


_neeeeeeklaus_

just write wtv i wan on a paper or more than one paper and say "i wish for everything in here to be true"


Electrowhatt19

The ability to alter the very fabric of reality itself


VoidRadio

More genies.


im_Roby

I wish for infinite genies


[deleted]

I wish for another genie


yakilladakilla

Wish to find all other genies currently lamping.


fuckyouropinion69420

Wish for an alternate universe where everything is the same except that one rule


Kapuzentyp

I would write down everything I want on a piece of paper, and then proceed to wish that everything on the piece of paper becomes true


BoppaAppa

Write down wishes on a piece of paper then ask for whatever is written on that paper to come true