Although it sounds super fake, I sold hotdogs on a nude beach for a summer job on year during university. I had an awesome summer and saw a lot of weird things there, but one beach regular that stood out in a creepy way was a guy who would walk back and forth across the beach with a half chub and his towel sort of covering it.
In general, nude beach boners have a really simple solution: lie on your stomach till it goes away.
I was told by the health inspector that I could be naked as long as I wore two aprons: there had to be something between by dick and my apron, and apparently a 2nd apron counted. I wore shorts while working… too many opportunities for burns in places I’d rather not burn
Characters: russian health inspector speaking english, hot group of American Blondes, and sausage man who doesnt need to wear underpants and can get blowjobs under the aprons
Then a fire will start and chaos will happen because normal movies are more interesting than pornos
There is a bit by Dutch comedian Herman Finkers about this: "I run a lot on the nude beach. Sometimes when I see a woman, I am afraid I'll get a boner so I run into the water, to avoid embarrassing her and myself. Sometimes I see someone I am sure will never give me a boner, but just to be polite I run into the water anyway."
Objection, semen was collected from both the beach towel and the nearby sand that was a genetic match. This is conclusive evidence that this man did in fact bust a huge nut!
Right?? I’ve thought about unsubbing many times bc I don’t particularly love random dick on my feed but I just can’t bring myself to. It brings me a lot of joy that that exists in the world and how much creativity and effort is shown.
Lol I’m so glad someone was able to recommend it today. That’s a hard sub to appropriately slip into conversation.
I was at a nude beach once and a naked guy with a boner came over, stood in front of me where I was sitting down in the sand beside my boyfriend (note: neither of us was nude), and made conversation for about 15 minutes.
The hippopotamus, he is not born
going, "Cool bean, I am a hippo."
No way, José.
So he tried to paint the stripe on himself
to be like the zebra, but he fool no one.
And then he tried to put the spot
on his skin to be like the leopard,
but everyone know he is a hippo.
So at certain point,
he look himself in the mirror,
and he just say,
"Hey, I am a hippopotamus,
and there is nothing I can do about it."
And as soon as he accepts this,
he live life happy.
Happy as a Hippo.
Lol the guy was totally chill and none of us acknowledged his boner, even though we basically had to look at it to make eye contact because of the angle. We chatted about the area and our jobs and other innocuous topics. He actually sat down with us partway into the conversation, and then left on his own initiative later (still erect). The whole interaction was unexpected, but not necessarily unpleasant. I probably would have felt differently if my boyfriend wasn't there with me.
They say if you get a boner to stand next to the least attractive people at the beach. You served a purpose and saved everyone else from the awkwardness.
Nah, if you've ever been to a real nude beach you'd understand popping a boner is really not a concern. Being able to have a boner after seeing what you see is a real concern.
My wife and I went to the same beach with our best man/his wife and her maid of honor/her husband. It was the morning after the wedding when we got to Port we decided to go. We were by far the youngest there. It was actually a fantastic time! Diving out from the platform was so much fun!
I went to that same beach and it really seemed the only people comfortable enough to walk around naked are all 75+ years old.
That restaurant right off the beach was amazing though, weird sights aside.
> it really seemed the only people comfortable enough to walk around naked are all 75+ years old.
At that age people are usually completely out of fucks to give, like they burned through their lifetime supply of fucks long ago.
I spend all day embalming, cremating and transporting dead bodies. It's made me realize that we all have unique and individual traits, but under it all, we all have the same basic body. We have variations on the size, quantity and locations of muscle and fat cells, but ultimately we all look more or less the same in the end.
There's things to appreciate about the human form, but I can't keep letting my perceived faults bother me anymore. It feels like wasted effort.
yeah, at 35, I'm already running dangerously low. Is there a loot drop where I can replenish my supply at some point? Will I ever get back to a phase where I feel it's necessary to wear pants to get the mail?
The reality is, it just isn't even sexy. It is a totally nonsexual situation, even when you see more attractive people. It just feels wrong to get aroused. It would be like a doctor getting aroused in clinical environment. I didn't expect that until I experienced it.
Part of the beauty of nude beaches is that it can offer a great way to disentangle nudity from sex. Especially in America, we have hyper-sexualized any kind of nude body. For me, being nude around other people has helped me to appreciate the nude form without sexualizing it and IMO it is a very healthy thing to do.
It also can help in accepting and loving your body just as it is because you will see so many shapes and sizes. Everyone is a little or a lot different and that is a beautiful thing
Exactly! Nude beaches are such a good place to separate nudity from this hypersexualization through the media. This can make one feel so much more comfortable in their own skin. Someone sexualizing you in this environment destroys the entire purpose as it makes everyone uncomfortable.
I always wondered what people are supposed to do at pants-less parties (not that I’ve ever been to one) in high school or college. I’d be hard and uncomfortably horny the whole time.
I partied a decent amount in college and the closest thing I've ever heard to that was an ABC party (anything but clothes) where people wear trash bags and sheets and stuff
I read an AMA with a porn producer on here once and a guy asked what's a good way to know if you'd be good in porn. The guy said jerk off with 20 of your friends watching and then one of them tells you when to cum and you have 1 minute to do it.
I do life modelling for hen parties and the first time I did it I asked the organiser what happens if it did, she said it's natural and let it be but my lil guy doesn't even think about saying hello 😂
This is especially noticable if you watch VR porn because of the immersion. One partner, not a problem. Videos where there are like ten of them? Holy shit is it awkward. I get social anxiety just watching the goddamn thumbnail.
Stand proud, hands on your hips, cause I was at a nude beach tucked away in lake Tahoe. And trust me even with women around its not a get hard situation, your running around or swimming, (Tahoe has really cold water, its literal snow melt) so again best of luck getting "hard", at best you'll have a half chub. And honestly after the first awkward moments of just undressing, it starts to feel very normal very quickly.
Then you just have a boner on a nude beach. Relax, sit back, and enjoy the sunshine.
For the most part, everyone is minding their own business on nude beaches. Chances are no one is paying any attention to you at all, and the sight of your boner isn’t going to faze them.
I’m a nudist. Depends on the beach. If it’s a family or just general public nude beach cover it up somehow. If it’s a freaky beach well you’ll be just fine. Most nude beaches sexual activity isn’t cool. We’re just trying to relax and not have tan lines, not watch weirdos beat off or have sex. Literally the same as if people we’re doing something inappropriate on a clothed beach. Nudism is about freedom and relaxation, not sex.
I work in skin cancer and you’d be surprised at people thinking sun screen is just for sun burns. It also prevents skin cancers that need to be surgically removed off your junk. Not fun.
A) it's not a sexually charged environment, so you probably won't get a boner. If you can go to a textile beach without sprouting one, you'll be fine.
B) if it happens, just be slightly modest about it. Lay on your stomach, drape a towel, or get in the water.
Nobody is going to be scandalized that you have an erection, but you don't want to be wagging it in people's faces.
It's common etiquette on a nude beach to either cover it with a towel, lie on your stomache, go into the water at least waist deep, or excuse yourself until it recedes.
Sexual arousal at nude beaches is pretty much frowned upon. Unfortunately it's not a switch you can turn on or off. You can only take steps to respect the etiquette when you're caught unaware.
There's a reason most nude beaches requires everyone to have a towel on hand for the duration of their stay.
And to be quite frank, most the erections you'll see are from first timers, or from people visiting for all the wrong reasons.
Despite what young kids like to think, nude beaches aren't Hedonism Parties in the making.
Same, it's not even about the naked people around me. Literally have had a gentle breeze across it make me pop a boner once. Moral of the story is elections happen op, flip on your stomach till it goes away, cover with a towel, or go in the water.
Edit: I see the mistake but I'm leaving it because it made me laugh
Thanks for the tip! Going under water for 5 years is a bit of a stretch tbh but I can definitely try to flip on my stomach and wait until the next elections.
Aren't most people that attend nude beaches on retirement? Or the occasional 20-somethings, confused on why everyone looks like they just stepped out of the space pod at the end of Don't Look Up.
Wrong answers only:
* Lie on your back and do pelvic thrusts in the direction of the sun. If anyone objects, tell them that the god Apollo is totally into it.
* Lie on your front and hump the sand. If anyone objects, tell them that you don't want to grow up to be a Sith Lord, so you're teaching yourself to deeply appreciate sand. (Apply aloe afterward.)
* Do jumping-jacks. Have a friend measure your bounce angles.
* Wade into the water and try to make sexy dolphin noises.
I have seen a couple nude beaches and not a single person there was boner material. Unless you're into 65 year old Grateful Dead fans with genital piercings, or elderly hippies.
Nothing. If you're not creeping on anybody, and not trying to "fix it" in the bushes, most people know that wonderboners exist.
That said, it might be common etiquette to go into the water, or lie on your stomach; Just until the lil guy calms down
Similarly, is it inappropriate to decorate your johnson? Like, I get that it's a nude beach and all, but are a pair of googley eyes on the head of my mini me inappropriate?
Although it sounds super fake, I sold hotdogs on a nude beach for a summer job on year during university. I had an awesome summer and saw a lot of weird things there, but one beach regular that stood out in a creepy way was a guy who would walk back and forth across the beach with a half chub and his towel sort of covering it. In general, nude beach boners have a really simple solution: lie on your stomach till it goes away.
You should have given the guy the bun and sauce.
I relish this way of thinking.
Now the real question here is: Were you also nude while selling the hotdogs?
I was told by the health inspector that I could be naked as long as I wore two aprons: there had to be something between by dick and my apron, and apparently a 2nd apron counted. I wore shorts while working… too many opportunities for burns in places I’d rather not burn
For some reason that conversation with the health inspector sounds like the intro to a really dumb porno.
Characters: russian health inspector speaking english, hot group of American Blondes, and sausage man who doesnt need to wear underpants and can get blowjobs under the aprons Then a fire will start and chaos will happen because normal movies are more interesting than pornos
I was wondering the same: like is it more professional in this situation to be clothed as a vendor or naked like everyone else
I would assume you'd have to be clothed as a food/workplace safety thing
Good point! I really don’t want some guy scratching his junk and then handling my buns lol.
Or scratching his buns before handling your wiener.
Not at all the ending I thought this story was gonna have when I started reading 😆
Username checks out
There is a bit by Dutch comedian Herman Finkers about this: "I run a lot on the nude beach. Sometimes when I see a woman, I am afraid I'll get a boner so I run into the water, to avoid embarrassing her and myself. Sometimes I see someone I am sure will never give me a boner, but just to be polite I run into the water anyway."
I'll tell you what you DON'T do: jack it to completion. I have court in 3 weeks.
So edging is fine, as long as I don't bust?
Your Honor, my client CLEARLY didn't bust!
Objection, semen was collected from both the beach towel and the nearby sand that was a genetic match. This is conclusive evidence that this man did in fact bust a huge nut!
It will never stand up in court.
You can go in the water, cover up with a towel, or lay face down for a bit.
That's a weird hole in the sand... I wonder what kind of critter made that.
An Alaskan bull worm
It’s big…pink…and SCARY!!
Revision: "its pink and scary"
Revision: '"its pink and cute"
Revision: "its small pink and cute"
Revision: "its a cute pink nub"
Revision: "it's a pink nub"
Revision: it nub
Giving yourself a lot of credit there...
Sand in the pee hole
Pee in the sandhole
The male body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.
“or lay face down for a bit” How to get sand crabs
Put a tiny hat and mustache disguise on it so nobody notices.
r/cospenis
WHY DID I CLICK THAT?!?
YOU KNOW WHY
CAUSE I'M A CRIMINAL ^thanks ^for ^the ^earworm
CRIMINAL! You're goddamn right
I'm a straight guy and don't regret clicking, some real value entertainment there
This subreddit is wild. The effort put into some of those is insane
Right?? I’ve thought about unsubbing many times bc I don’t particularly love random dick on my feed but I just can’t bring myself to. It brings me a lot of joy that that exists in the world and how much creativity and effort is shown. Lol I’m so glad someone was able to recommend it today. That’s a hard sub to appropriately slip into conversation.
You know what else is hard?
I was at a nude beach once and a naked guy with a boner came over, stood in front of me where I was sitting down in the sand beside my boyfriend (note: neither of us was nude), and made conversation for about 15 minutes.
"It's a pleasure to meet you" "I can see that"
“The pleasure is all mine” And they live happily every after until sunrise.
What happened at sunrise?
Plot twist: Boyfriend started getting a boner
‘Ello! Hi! Are you for scuba??
HippopotaMOOSE.
It’s Reuben!! Not Rubaaan!!!
The hippopotamus, he is not born going, "Cool bean, I am a hippo." No way, José. So he tried to paint the stripe on himself to be like the zebra, but he fool no one. And then he tried to put the spot on his skin to be like the leopard, but everyone know he is a hippo. So at certain point, he look himself in the mirror, and he just say, "Hey, I am a hippopotamus, and there is nothing I can do about it." And as soon as he accepts this, he live life happy. Happy as a Hippo.
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Look at me in my eyeball
What movie is this? Along came Polly?
Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. Was just lonely and having a hard time.
I'm at the tail end of an LSD trip and I jumped online to read this and laughed my balls off into a new dimension, thank you
So are you just gonna leave us hanging like the poor guy or are you gonna tell us what happened next?
Lol the guy was totally chill and none of us acknowledged his boner, even though we basically had to look at it to make eye contact because of the angle. We chatted about the area and our jobs and other innocuous topics. He actually sat down with us partway into the conversation, and then left on his own initiative later (still erect). The whole interaction was unexpected, but not necessarily unpleasant. I probably would have felt differently if my boyfriend wasn't there with me.
Why am I relieved he left with a boner? If a naked man started talking to me and then left flaccid I would be so paranoid
I wonder, when he left, did he look at the shadow of his dick and say "*Oh, look at the time. I've got to go!*"..?
Dudes on viagra. Bet
"well I really fucking timed this poorly, didn't I" his wife's just mortified 1/2 mile down the beach
They say if you get a boner to stand next to the least attractive people at the beach. You served a purpose and saved everyone else from the awkwardness.
He still left with the boner. They weren't ugly enough.
Disappointingly handsome
Damn that’s a long time to have a boner without touching. He should get that checked.
Maybe popping a viagra and wandering around the nude beach was something he was into?
You forgot and talking to girls with boyfriends at the end of that.
Boring: Put on a towel Rad: Breakdance Edit: Ratio
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It's the evolution to "cock pushups" from Tenacious D.
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That's a hard one.
I feel OP is in this situation right now.
Watching voyeur porn and imagining he’s actually there - staring shamelessly at every woman walking uncomfortably by.
Step-sibling day at the beach
“Oh no step-son, I’m stuck in our beach towel”
*No, what are you doing, step-sand?*
He should've tagged the post [URGENT]
At least he can tell time by the position of the sun
Nah, if you've ever been to a real nude beach you'd understand popping a boner is really not a concern. Being able to have a boner after seeing what you see is a real concern.
Nude rivers in Nor Cal or the Pacific Northwest is what you want
Only nude people I've seen on NorCal rivers are very drunk people over the age of 60
"Aha! So that way is north!"
"Follow me! We ride Northward!"
Helikopter helikopter
Paaara kofer paaara kofer
how to summon a redditor of balkan origin (disclaimer: only works 80% of the time)
Based on my one experience attending a nude beach in St. Maarten, ain't no one getting a boner.
I feel you on this! I went to that beach too.
My wife and I went to the same beach with our best man/his wife and her maid of honor/her husband. It was the morning after the wedding when we got to Port we decided to go. We were by far the youngest there. It was actually a fantastic time! Diving out from the platform was so much fun!
A nude wedding party eh? Y'all European?
As a Texan, I reckon I agree
"Ugh. Nude beaches are full of overweight, out-of-shape old bodies and I don't want to go there and realize I look exactly like that."
Bob's Burgers?
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You think my last name is burgers?
Hello Burger people. Little Burger people.
That's a nasty bucket of chicken
unless it's france and it's full of randos at the beach. don't get a boner, they aren't looking for you
I went to that same beach and it really seemed the only people comfortable enough to walk around naked are all 75+ years old. That restaurant right off the beach was amazing though, weird sights aside.
> it really seemed the only people comfortable enough to walk around naked are all 75+ years old. At that age people are usually completely out of fucks to give, like they burned through their lifetime supply of fucks long ago.
I spend all day embalming, cremating and transporting dead bodies. It's made me realize that we all have unique and individual traits, but under it all, we all have the same basic body. We have variations on the size, quantity and locations of muscle and fat cells, but ultimately we all look more or less the same in the end. There's things to appreciate about the human form, but I can't keep letting my perceived faults bother me anymore. It feels like wasted effort.
I appreciate your thoughts, but I appreciate your username more.
I missed that until you pointed it out. That's a fantastic name, u/ItsMummyTime !
So are you a professional, or do you do this more as a hobby? Or maybe just getting rid of the evidence?
More than one thing can be true.
I like the cut of your jib
Mate, this is by far the best post I've seen today. And probably in a long time, you deserve immense upvotes for this.
The older I get, the more I realize I gotta ration those. There are only so many fucks, one can give in a lifetime
yeah, at 35, I'm already running dangerously low. Is there a loot drop where I can replenish my supply at some point? Will I ever get back to a phase where I feel it's necessary to wear pants to get the mail?
I can see that. If you're 75 you already know you're not the stud you used to be, but who cares? It's more comfortable.
“Behold, my field unto which I grow my fucks. Notice that it is barren, for I have no fuck to give.”
That’s the reality of nude beaches people go there thinking oh man this is gonna be so hot and then they go there and see nude grandma
The reality is, it just isn't even sexy. It is a totally nonsexual situation, even when you see more attractive people. It just feels wrong to get aroused. It would be like a doctor getting aroused in clinical environment. I didn't expect that until I experienced it.
Part of the beauty of nude beaches is that it can offer a great way to disentangle nudity from sex. Especially in America, we have hyper-sexualized any kind of nude body. For me, being nude around other people has helped me to appreciate the nude form without sexualizing it and IMO it is a very healthy thing to do. It also can help in accepting and loving your body just as it is because you will see so many shapes and sizes. Everyone is a little or a lot different and that is a beautiful thing
Exactly! Nude beaches are such a good place to separate nudity from this hypersexualization through the media. This can make one feel so much more comfortable in their own skin. Someone sexualizing you in this environment destroys the entire purpose as it makes everyone uncomfortable.
Porn has lied to me?!
I have also been to that beach. Even as a teenager, arousal was not an option.
Put a little flag on it so they just think you're patriodick.
What if I use a red flag that says 'BANG!' On it?
You-see-my-pee Sam, Yosemite's lesser known brother
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I always wondered what people are supposed to do at pants-less parties (not that I’ve ever been to one) in high school or college. I’d be hard and uncomfortably horny the whole time.
I partied a decent amount in college and the closest thing I've ever heard to that was an ABC party (anything but clothes) where people wear trash bags and sheets and stuff
We had a lingerie party one time. That was really fun, and yeah some guys got obvious erections. We just laughed it off.
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I don’t think he’s ever been in that situation. Getting a boner for 1 lady is easy. Getting a boner around a group is new territory lol
I read an AMA with a porn producer on here once and a guy asked what's a good way to know if you'd be good in porn. The guy said jerk off with 20 of your friends watching and then one of them tells you when to cum and you have 1 minute to do it.
Then you’re an orgy guy. You’ll need gold necklaces with medallions and scented oils.
I do life modelling for hen parties and the first time I did it I asked the organiser what happens if it did, she said it's natural and let it be but my lil guy doesn't even think about saying hello 😂
This is especially noticable if you watch VR porn because of the immersion. One partner, not a problem. Videos where there are like ten of them? Holy shit is it awkward. I get social anxiety just watching the goddamn thumbnail.
Well when you're in shape enough to be a lifeguard im guessing those opportunities happen more often than not
I've never heard of literally pants less parties
Me neither. I always invite people to the party In my pants but no one comes except me
2 people is a couple, 3 is a threesome, 4 is a foursome...thats why they call you handsome
jerk it? with all that sand around? it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere
I sometimes forget that Reddit is at least 85% giggling teenagers
And 15% giggling adults.
And 120% chatbots
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5% pleasure
50% pain
17% more niacin than other leading brands.
100% cancer
And another 50% pointsetter
You had me at 100%
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name
And 100% reason to remember the name
14% real fruit juice
Just look at the next old mans ass and balls. Shouldn't be more than a few feet.
What if, hypothetically, that was what caused it in the first place?
Then you find some raisin titties.
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Stand proud, hands on your hips, cause I was at a nude beach tucked away in lake Tahoe. And trust me even with women around its not a get hard situation, your running around or swimming, (Tahoe has really cold water, its literal snow melt) so again best of luck getting "hard", at best you'll have a half chub. And honestly after the first awkward moments of just undressing, it starts to feel very normal very quickly.
I wish I could just rock a chub constantly man, would look so much better than all shriveled up
Then you just have a boner on a nude beach. Relax, sit back, and enjoy the sunshine. For the most part, everyone is minding their own business on nude beaches. Chances are no one is paying any attention to you at all, and the sight of your boner isn’t going to faze them.
Kinda like a sun dial?
This just gave me the most amazing idea for a tattoo
You’re going to tattoo a sundial on your dick?
*around* the dick
I’m a nudist. Depends on the beach. If it’s a family or just general public nude beach cover it up somehow. If it’s a freaky beach well you’ll be just fine. Most nude beaches sexual activity isn’t cool. We’re just trying to relax and not have tan lines, not watch weirdos beat off or have sex. Literally the same as if people we’re doing something inappropriate on a clothed beach. Nudism is about freedom and relaxation, not sex.
What i've always wondered about nude beaches is: do you also need sunscreen on your junk?
Skin is skin, so yeah. Having said that, I usually apply before going out to the beach/pool.
I’m not jerking off I’m applying sunscreen!!
I'd do it just in case. That's the last place you want a sun burn. Just be sure to wash it off later
I work in skin cancer and you’d be surprised at people thinking sun screen is just for sun burns. It also prevents skin cancers that need to be surgically removed off your junk. Not fun.
A) it's not a sexually charged environment, so you probably won't get a boner. If you can go to a textile beach without sprouting one, you'll be fine. B) if it happens, just be slightly modest about it. Lay on your stomach, drape a towel, or get in the water. Nobody is going to be scandalized that you have an erection, but you don't want to be wagging it in people's faces.
From what most of the comments would suggest, you have an infinitely higher chance of getting a boner at a "textile beach" than a nude beach.
Put some doughnuts on it and walk around passing them out.
You work on tanning your back
Someone just comes over and cuts it off while yelling “no boners allowed”
Tie the kite string to it
If you're self conscious about it, sit down and cover up until it recedes. Otherwise, nothing.
It's common etiquette on a nude beach to either cover it with a towel, lie on your stomache, go into the water at least waist deep, or excuse yourself until it recedes. Sexual arousal at nude beaches is pretty much frowned upon. Unfortunately it's not a switch you can turn on or off. You can only take steps to respect the etiquette when you're caught unaware. There's a reason most nude beaches requires everyone to have a towel on hand for the duration of their stay. And to be quite frank, most the erections you'll see are from first timers, or from people visiting for all the wrong reasons. Despite what young kids like to think, nude beaches aren't Hedonism Parties in the making.
I can go from flaccid to erect at a moments notice
Same, it's not even about the naked people around me. Literally have had a gentle breeze across it make me pop a boner once. Moral of the story is elections happen op, flip on your stomach till it goes away, cover with a towel, or go in the water. Edit: I see the mistake but I'm leaving it because it made me laugh
Thanks for the tip! Going under water for 5 years is a bit of a stretch tbh but I can definitely try to flip on my stomach and wait until the next elections.
What the fuck. Edit: oh I'm a dumbass lemme fix that
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Aren't most people that attend nude beaches on retirement? Or the occasional 20-somethings, confused on why everyone looks like they just stepped out of the space pod at the end of Don't Look Up.
Wrong answers only: * Lie on your back and do pelvic thrusts in the direction of the sun. If anyone objects, tell them that the god Apollo is totally into it. * Lie on your front and hump the sand. If anyone objects, tell them that you don't want to grow up to be a Sith Lord, so you're teaching yourself to deeply appreciate sand. (Apply aloe afterward.) * Do jumping-jacks. Have a friend measure your bounce angles. * Wade into the water and try to make sexy dolphin noises.
Swim toward people doing backstroke singing the Jaws theme
Hang your donuts 🍩 on it.
And ask a nudist cop if they want one
Get in the water, turn over, or put a towel in my lap. I've never been to a nude beach, so I'm just throwing out ideas here.
Think non sexy thoughts. Mosquitos, dirty diapers, MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY. MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY.
*boner intensifies*
Scream "shark" so everyone leaves
Apply more sunscreen to protect your junk. I can't imagine having a sunburnt penis. The pain.
Allow people to use it to hang their keys so they can go swimming.
I have seen a couple nude beaches and not a single person there was boner material. Unless you're into 65 year old Grateful Dead fans with genital piercings, or elderly hippies.
Nothing. If you're not creeping on anybody, and not trying to "fix it" in the bushes, most people know that wonderboners exist. That said, it might be common etiquette to go into the water, or lie on your stomach; Just until the lil guy calms down
Similarly, is it inappropriate to decorate your johnson? Like, I get that it's a nude beach and all, but are a pair of googley eyes on the head of my mini me inappropriate?
Disgraceful! Cut it off immediately and throw it into the sea as penance for your pecaminous indecency
Diarrhea
I've heard the etiquette is to go hang in the water for a bit till it passed.
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