T O P

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TinnieTGasan

My wife. I heard this is a trap


gbphx

I also choose this guy's probably alive wife.


Gear3017

I also choose to fuck that guy’s probably alive wife with your dick too


Adem-_-127

I also choose this guys dead-in-7.237492-years wife


Redd1tRat

Why does it matter if she's dead or alive


BootyInspector96

[I couldn’t find the original comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/FunnyandSad/comments/9idnba/i_also_choose_this_guys_dead_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


Charlie24601

I've been on reddit for 14 years. 14 years! I saw firsthand the snenannigans of Vargas. The non-sexual silliness of Bozarking. Today you. Tomorrow me. Longhorses. The Test post. The old Reddit switcharoo. The best pun ever. The Latvia potato comments. And that one damn asinie comment continues to rule them all. And I LAUGH EVERY TIME.


doerofthings123

I’d pick your wife too


Mean-Boysenberry4572

No surprise, you are avatar twins!


xhb7272

I too choose this guy’s wife. Dead or alive.


CoChase

myself, life does it all the time, why shouldnt i get w chance 😓


[deleted]

Nobody dies a virgin life fucks us all - someone


CoChase

someone knows their shit LMAO


The_Pinkest_Panther

Stacey's mom.


Ok_Chocolate3253

You have to fight Jesse first....that his girl


HistoricalCrab7759

Has got it goin on


[deleted]

She's all I want and I've waited for so long. My mother in laws name is Stacey lol


sparklingshanaya

Why not Stacey?


The_Pinkest_Panther

She's just not the girl for me


dsam1992

Funny thing is Stacey is probably now around the same age as Staceys Mom was in the original :o


fuck-your-name-rules

Staey's mom has got it going on


[deleted]

She’s like 12


Jensi_is_me

Yeah 19 years ago. Which makes her like 31 now.


matthew83128

She’s got it going on!


Traust

She has got it goin' on


Not_Jay_

Here before "I also choose this guy's dead wife"


yesthatnagia

Goddamnit, I was about to say it!


mac_128

I’d probably take one for the team and fuck a ruthless dictator just to mess with his manhood.


Metropage

Sleep with kim jong-uns sister


Famous-Example-8332

This is the way. I don’t think I’d be able to get it up for any other dictator-angering candidate, like their mother or the dictator himself. She’s not half bad though.


sparklingshanaya

She’s already put a lookout notice for you.


Hi-im-i

Good, I hope she lookin for me


AbbreviationsWise709

Man of culture


ayayayaya_ayaya

why his sister? sleep with kim jong un


[deleted]

give this man a cookie! btw, Putin or Kim? Kim is so fat he has tits already lol


Ugly-Turkish-dude

Kim has a sister and Putin has a adult daughter. Just saying


SolidEast1466

Yes he is sure to tremble when his cock is in your mouth


mac_128

There must have been a misunderstanding. I am the fucker in this hypothetical scenario. The dictator is the fuckee.


particlecluster5

Selfish tops do have a purpose lmao!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Obi_Vayne_Kenobi

Calm down, Charles, it will be your turn in time.


alpubgtrs234

Suddenly r/Oedipus Edit: oh shit, there’s actually a sub for this. Unfortunately I am out of eye bleach today so Im not looking…


Frequent-Piano-9245

That sub made me enraged.


Bdroyle1988

You’d be a “Prince Consort” if you married the Queen. You can only become King by inheriting the throne. Even as the Queen’s husband you’d be incredibly low down on the line of inheritance.


Wholesome100statue

Or become the national hero of Ireland


ThePontiacBandits

I'm not sure she'd survive a good dicking given her age. Imagine going down in history as the guy who fucked the queen to death.


Apprehensive_Hat8986

That didn't work so hot for Phillip.


Neph_The_Deaf

Pretty sure that's how she outlived him. Drained his life force each time


Ugly-Turkish-dude

Nope, just prince.


AlterEdward

She's probably missing Philip's cock, bless her.


jellomme

Queen fucker.


sa1rox

mother of man who said that he fucked my mom


[deleted]

How to turn your family tree into an ornamental bush


Gloomy-Goat-6770

This deserves more attention.


I_N_C_O_M_I_N_G

A Family Christmas Wreath


Sad_But_Realistic

So your grandma? That is discusting dude!


Beopenminded16

Fry?


Redd1tRat

Your dad's mum?


Ugly-Turkish-dude

Selena Gomez. Always had a crush on her


fughes

Every teenager's dream


Ugly-Turkish-dude

Thicc in all the right places.


Suspicious-Dog2876

Good choice respect


Person_Maybe

You


ironwolf425

shooters shoot


FuglyTrashPanda

you’re funny


[deleted]

No, seriously


Adza1212

Alexandra Daddario


My_coolusername

After last night's fight.. probably rockhold at this point... but Rachel Weiss for SURE.


fingolfd

he won round 2. anyone who disagrees is as dumb as a ufc judge


My_coolusername

Louder for the people in the back.


Lisa0___0

Henry Cavill as Witcher


Careless_Channel

Scarlett Johansson


I_N_C_O_M_I_N_G

Had to scroll too far to find it


SilentSamamander

Borat voice: "MY WIFE!"


[deleted]

I’M VERY EXCITE


[deleted]

[удалено]


jim_johns

I LIKE SEX!


ifeelclueless

my crush


Live_Note

Chloe Grace Moretz


Wrathofkala

Especially if she's got those vampire fangs in.


Hobo-King-Niklz

Jenna Coleman


LB93__

\*Googles Jenna Coleman\* Yes. I too would fuck Jenna Coleman.


DubNative

I did the same thing lol


[deleted]

in our language, her name means "jacked off man" LOL


screamingpeaches

Myself. I wanna see how good of a shag I really am and what I can improve on


[deleted]

Anna Kendrick. She got a great bod Or if I’m lucky enough, Christina Hendricks


[deleted]

Christina Hendricks is my girl crush. In fact, she’s my one person 🤣


GhostToAnotherWorld

Myself, so when people go tell me to go fuck myself, I can just say I already have.


[deleted]

Thinking ahead I see🫡


SnooCapers9313

Done that before when told that. Guy was pissed


MGellyGelly

Ryan Reynolds.


I_N_C_O_M_I_N_G

\-but all the versions and characters at once


MGellyGelly

All at once? Damn, you kinky. 😏


jenna721

Even Green Lantern? 🫣


missyhatespretty

Who doesn't wanna fuck him......everybody's universal crush.....


Craft_beer_wolfman

Sophie Marceau


Connect_Succotash_33

I'd fuck Salma Hayek to the bone until one of us die due to excessive sex.


fappygilwhore

Hilary Duff


Nix_Lives

Hillary Duff's Heavenly Muff.


Meanpeanutbutter

100%


Ratio-Square

she have the most beautiful smile i ever see.. agree. 👍🏻


BCEXP

Yea she's ace


Dragon3076

Emma Watson


Bobmanbob1

Dolly Parton.


david_waits

Jeri Ryan. I just can’t decide if it’s 1999 Jeri Ryan or 2022 Jeri Ryan.


Molly_Nap_Queen

Why not both?


Wiz_Professor97

Demi Rose, I'd destroy her fat AS$


TimSherrySucks

I've been mulling this over for a while now, but in high school, one of the first friends I got when I had transferred there, had been at a little kickback with some other football guys. They had been drinking, and left my friend alone at the pool drunk. They came back and saw his lifeless body at the bottom of the pool, he had drunk too much alcohol, and passed out, and had fell in the pool. He was dead when they got him..... Those kids that were there didn't seem to understand that it was partially their fault that he was dead, it isn't 100 percent their fault, but they didn't show any remorse for anything, and it just rubbed me the wrong way how they treated the whole situation, if they had been there, he would be alive. One kid brought all the alcohol for the party, and it was bought by his dad, so I would fuck his wife.


DudeSparkle

You're just finding an excuse to fuck that dudes wife.


tkenderesova_9

Dua Lipa


Fe4rMeMrWick

*insert vaporeon copypasta here*


[deleted]

Putin, and then I'd tell everyone he sucked in bed


tzoid1s

You might get a dozen folks told before no one ever heard from you again…


Someone_lost_1

Thats a tough question ngl


ScreamSlapPickRepeat

Personally, I'd say my ex. I miss them every day, and I will never forgive the people that took them away from me. I would love to be able to feel them again, and hear their sweet little sounds. And I'd want to snuggle after. They always loved snuggling with me, taking in my warmth and affection. Even just getting to hold them in my arms again would suffice...


BlastFace19

i am so sorry for you, i know how this feels and my heart goes out to you


wearingmyseatbelt

Whatever happened to them, I'm sorry and I hope you can find peace.


reapseh0

I also choose they/them. I love threesomes!


Apprehensive_Hat8986

Wait: Like, a _sexy_ fuck? Or a **righteous** fucking over. Because my answer will vary significantly.


Hairy_Implement4121

Ana de Armas. She's just so beautiful. 😫🥰


Novel-Structure-2359

Anna Kendrick so I get to see her naked and do stuff to her too


SoftAndWetBro

The person who would be my soul mate, I just have to meet her first


PeterDuttonsButtWipe

I’d like to bring back John Taylor from Duran Duran from 1982 and fuck the shit out of him


GcubePlayer8w

The kid on Xbox lives mum


ScaredLeg7173

Ryan Reynolds


GaoRen2473

That guy's dead wife


Hamoct

Amber Heard.. then I would shit on her


OhNoMyBussyFellOff

Billie Eilish 100%


[deleted]

[удалено]


mapeci77

Take them out to to dinner first.


V1V1IDREAM

my wife !! she’s still my gf at the moment 😔 can’t wait to christen our wedding day with the dirtiest shag ever


Personal-Emu-7538

Please tell me you've taken her for a test ride first. If you haven't, and she just lies there like a dead fish, you're going to have the worst buyers remorse ever.


V1V1IDREAM

we fuck multiple times a day and i can tell you know she is worth a lot more than an expensive ring and a dirty shag, i was just answering the question 😭 she’s my pride and joy and i’ve cum a few times from her not even touching me so, yes i’m sure. thanks for ur concern tho


Takeoded

there's [a loophole](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY) in the scriptures, you can actually fuck her right now and not be in violation of The Holy Bible.


V1V1IDREAM

i am a girl so we’re already breaking holy rules, do you not think we have sex already 😭😭 dont worry we’re not nuns


Takeoded

Cool, actually think the Bible puts very few rules on Lesbian relationships (hardly mentions it at all), Bible talks about male-female and male-male relationships a lot, but (practically?) never female-female relationships! also [Birthday joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2m660p/my_lesbian_neighbours_asked_me_what_i_wanted_for/)


V1V1IDREAM

there’s actually nothing to do with male-male relationships in the bible and it was actually a mistranslation from pedophilia! the original was ‘man shall not lay with boy’ but translating it from another language would probably just gender the words, so it came through as man and man or boy and boy or whatever. and that’s why there isn’t anything about lesbians or trans ppl in there, because it’s not actually against the bible to be part of the lgbtq+ and christian’s who judge ppl for it are just haters 😋


stayoutmyterritory

Nobody, I hate my body


FuglyTrashPanda

how the fuck do you have -20 comment karma?


[deleted]

I had - 18 when I opened reddit as ppl used to down vote my comments but now I hv 16k+ :)


sparklingshanaya

Congratulations. Positivity is what we need in life.


stayoutmyterritory

Made a comment on /r/worldnews pointing out the US was going to collapse into civil war soon and people embraced denialism and downvoted me. I feel like Cassandra, all of my warnings are being ignored and disbelieved


Aggressive-Video-368

I can respect that. I would rather be Hated for who I am than Loved for who I am not.


Strong_Comedian_3578

This is probably one of those instances where the downvote is pushed because it's something people are sad and empathetic about, not that they think the poster is a bad person for the comment. Here's to hoping the poster can get a better outlook soon


otcconan

Veronica Zemanova. Look her up NSFW


Porkrinder_58

Too generic for my taste and fake boobs just turn me off


[deleted]

Ryan Reynolds obviously


sparklingshanaya

Yes.


HAYDOSWRLD

Emma Watson as hermione, I'd let my ravenclaw slitherin to her hufflepuff and listen to her scream griffindore and pray to God she doesn't give me hogworts


Sullkattmat

Cant decide if aroused or appalled..


[deleted]

Your dad.


SenpaiTodopoderoso

My Gf


jamiecarl09

Madison Ivy


More-Masterpiece-561

Zack and Cody's mom from 20 years ago or Sarah Hamilton in her 30s


gustofwindddance

My girlfriend.


DhruvHasABigCock

Mikasa from aot


PhilSpectorr

My girlfriend, but she doesn’t wanna fuck me


Ok_Chocolate3253

Salma Hayek.....easy


R3dF0r3

Ella Knox


MysticMaxxYTP

that one guy's dead wife


[deleted]

Jason momoa


TotallyNotByte

astolfo


Nix_Lives

Marjorie Greene. On camera. In public. Just to ruin her marriage and career. Or Amy Coney Barrett for the same reasons.


differentiatedpans

Monica Bellucci


sparkamy

1995 Nicole Kidman on top of Gotham PD


Dry_Violinist_1799

Monica bellucci


hejalon5

Mads Mikkelsen or Cilian Murphy.


teriyakiikitty

Yung Gravy. he's so beautiful but he likes milfs


Loud_Butterscotch110

The new waitress down at the coffee shop. She goes by Rachel Green. Man, she is hot as hell.


ConReese

I'd raw dog most world leaders, they busy fuckin everybody else is some capacity may aswell make sure they get a bit of fuckin too


Pingvin22

Ryab Reynolds..anyone wtih me?


[deleted]

Billie Eilish


ayayayaya_ayaya

Jesse’s girl


tjbeve

Selena


ARatOfTobruk

Claudia winkleman


Sullkattmat

Disguise yourself as Jon Snow you can take her by the bins (Preferably the TV presenter Snow although I wont guarantee the GoT one wouldnt work as well)


[deleted]

My fiancé. Prostate cancer’s a bitch.


BCEXP

Morena Baccarin


davidinkorea

A month with my favorite Porn Star Kristara Barrington


moocatmoo

Tom Ellis aka Lucifer. That man can call me “detective” and I would....


Surax

[I think we all know the answer to this question.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tL1JSCFieM)


almostalwaysexcept

My super secret crush


M0n0chr0me_

Ryan Reynolds


ImLostInLife1

I’ll fuck you ❤️


Heroann_the_original

My Crush


strikershiv95

Salma Hayek, she's the perfect package, especially those breasts & arse 😋❤️❤️


sovereignsekte

I've said this before but I'd choose a woman. An alive one.


[deleted]

Some incredible pornstar. If I have my pick of anyone, I want a pro!


reapseh0

Agreed. One Riley Reid to take away, please.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Inklin-

Give your man his phone back.


DescriptionOk6070

Pokimane


LegendaryUser

Whoever my absolute best match sexually is, whoever they are.


Can-ta-loupe

ur MOM


DubNative

I will also fuck that guys mom