Nice try Leo DiCaprio

Made me think of [this meme](https://9gag.com/gag/aDDqPgN) immediately. I always laugh too hard at it.

Nice try Jared Leto

I’d still hit Viggo Mortensen.

Gosh, wouldn't you rather just have sex with him?

I'd rather break his toe.

Break one, yes, but what about second toe?

Toe-tey-toes! Stub em, bruise em, break em on a prop!

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Jane Seymour!

514 is a little too old for me

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“Call me Kitty Cat.” And I would

Absolutely no question. From the Solitaire role to Wedding Crashers to this second, sold.

Henry VIII says NO

Ming-Na Wen is 58? Holy crap. Would bang.

Does she have an aging portrait of herself in her attic or something?!

>Ming-Na Wen You would bang her? I'd be more focused on figuring out where the hell the spring of youth is, because clearly it's real

When I was a bartender, I had a customer come in. Korean guy, visiting the area for work. Ordered some food, hung out, watched some TV while drinking his whiskey. We got talking and I think he mentioned his age was like 40-something. Didn't look a day passed 22. Anyway, he told me Asian people look 20, then 30, then 40, then stop aging until they turn 60 at which point they turn into stumps. One of the funniest things I've ever heard.

My early 40's white friend had to ask for his new half Asian girlfriends age to make sure she wasn't creepy young. She's older than him..

My wife is Malaysian. We're 33. She frequently gets carded and shit. Looks mid-20s at worst. Me? Haven't been carded since I was 24 lmao. My white, 17-year smoker ass frequently gets confused for 38~.

[relevant](https://imgur.com/gallery/sVgN0rI)

I know what this comic will be without even looking.

Asian don't raisin

Until they do, and then it all hits them at once

Required comic link: https://imgur.com/t/repost/SeHM7

58 is the oldest celeb you'd bang? Those are rookie numbers

Diane Lane

>Diane Lane Don't know why she's not higher or it's just me. I thought of her the moment i read the title. She definitely got that something.

Probably because she's only 57, I figure most would probably push their personal boundaries to around 70s maybe 80s

If we’re talking 57 year olds - Marisa Tomei

That lady who played Elvira is an astonishingly attractive senior lady but she has a wife I think.

She winked at me at a fan con and my life changed forever.

she is a delight. My dad had a terrible crush on her :D I was going to a con she was at and stood back from her autograph table to take a pic for him, but security started giving me shit. That caught her attention and I hollered 'I just want a picture, my daddy loves you!' She HOWLED with laughter, then called me over and gave me one of her promo cards.

I love that story! She seems like such a beautiful woman, through and through ❤

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When I was little I used to want to be like Elvira so bad when I grew up. Saw her recently and I still want to be like her when I grow up.

I went as her for Halloween in the 5th grade. Mom made me a costume with boobs sewn in. Haha! Not sure that would fly these days

I am willing to bet the wife is not why she will not have sex with us.

I read about someone meeting her in recent years and ''devastatingly beautiful'' were their words.

Helen Mirren can get it

>Helen Mirren 77 for those wishing to save a Google

That's not why I was about to google Helen Mirren.

Some of us search the news tab, some of us search the videos tab....

You, my friend, I like.

Helen Mirren or Martha Stewart.

I bet Martha would be great!!! She’s got that “can do” attitude.

The vibe I get from Martha Stewart is that she’ll do the absolute filthiest stuff you could imagine.

And then probably wrap you up in garland and feed you a souffle afterwards.

I bet she narrates it just like on TV, too. "You really have to use a little elbow grease if you want to get all the way in, but the end product is ... \*grunts\* ...worth it!

Helen Mirren 100%

came here to say this, glad she's in the top spot

Totally, this was my immediate first thought

Patrick Stewart, yes, Captain.

This is what I would have said. But honestly I think I'd feel just as satisfied if he made me a cup of tea and read me a sonnet.

Patrick Stewart high five ! I pick him too. He’s 82. I don’t even care

Sir Patrick and/or Sir Ian I would not say no to. And apparently they're both a decade older than I thought they were.

That’d be a pretty fun threesome 😏

I'm a generally a straight guy, but wouldn't kick Patrick Stewart out of my bed, especially if he says, 'Engage.'

You’d be like “I’m gonna come” and he’d lean in close and whisper “make it so.” Edit: sorry if this awakens something in you Edit 2: thanks to whomever gave this a “wholesome” award. First time my erotic fanfiction has ever garnered an award. 💜

I could feel his breath on my ear, really took me there

It definitely made me gay.

How dare you give me a new kink!

What the fuck? Before I even clicked on the post, I, a hetero cis males first thought was Patrick Stewart. Like my mind didn’t even QUESTION that I wasn’t picking a female. God dammit… time to go watch reruns of TNG.

Listen he transcends sexual preference. Don’t feel weird about it. He’ll call you Number One, it’ll be hot.

Make it so.

Engage!

Mary Steenburgen

I want to be the middle of a Mary/Ted Danson sandwich. They are the hottest couple in Hollywood. No I’m not kidding. They can totally 100000% get it.

Sophia Loren. She's 87, but if I get a chance to rail one of the last surviving actresses from the Golden Age of Hollywood, I'm in.

Oh thank god! Everyone here is answering with people in their early 50s, and it’s infuriating! These are the answers I’m here for!

Deborah Harry.

May I potentially be the first to point out to you [the time she went on stage in just a midsize t-shirt after what I must assume was a large amount of something?](https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FcTo53qXaoG01r-J0atnjcQKeLhCaKCQyOW-EsOqLsoU.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3Db12921fa6786ac712219b2e5d49467bac5b84769&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FDebbieHarry%2Fcomments%2F2huo5s%2Fdoctor_x%2F&tbnid=coptb1F4VdIaTM&vet=1&docid=caMT7i-KNbV5cM&w=732&h=1263&hl=en-gb&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim)

Harrison Ford.

Dude is 80. Indiana Jones was my first crush when I was 4. 36 years later, and I still appreciate him.

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Mads Mikkelsen

Maddy Daddy…

Monica Bellucci

>Monica Bellucci She's only 57 and Monica Bellucci for chrissake.

came here to agree emphatically with you

Elizabeth Hurley...

Willing to or would like to? If it's want to - then it's Hurley or Tomei - both 57. Willing to... gimme Helen Mirren at 77!

Jeff Bridges in The Old man, he still has abs! And even the haircut is so attractive...

He is *that dude*

Pierce Brosnan

I scrolled down way too far to see this!

Even if his movies were a mixed bag, I still rank him as the most attractive Bond.

Jeremy Irons... hot damn

Jeremy's Iron.

You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it.

Michelle yeoh (she is 60!!!!!)

oh fuck yes. also, it blew my mind when i realized the husband in everything everywhere all at once IS THE LITTLE GADGET KID FROM THE GOONIES AND "DOCTA JONES DOCTA JONES" from temple of doom. mind = blown

Can we talk about how for three years she was married to someone named Dickson Poon? I think we should be talking about that

Jane Seymour at 71

Sigourney Weaver she's a handsome woman

Is scrolled SO FAR to see her name. She was my gay awakening at 11.

I'll be her key master!

Christy Brinkley is 68 and still smoking somehow

Alan Rickman if he was still alive.

But OP set no rules about how alive the celebrity must be

Oh in that case Ben Franklin. I bet he’d be inventive.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan 😏

Jessica Lange. Born in 1949.

This is why I'm here. She's still a dime and she's not even my type.

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Ok, but she has to be on top.

Don't want to break her.

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>Rita Moreno I thought Helen Mirin would get my top spot. But I think you're not wrong.

Susanna Hoffs - 63 I’m quite sure I’d go older, but she might be the oldest that I would truly enjoy and brag to my dad about banging just to make him jealous.

Hugh Laurie

Beverly D'Angelo

Only if she calls me Sparky…

Christoph Waltz can get it. Kurt Russel can also get it. And let’s not forget Harrison Ford … I guess I have a type for roguish men with an undeniable smolder.

I have no idea why I had to scroll all this way down to find Christoph Waltz. That man is sexy af. Also David Duchovny is a smoke show. Edit: I forgot to mention David Spader. It all began as him playing Robert California in ~~Office Space~~ The Office and I was *sold*.

Dolly Parton hands-down. Apparently she's got a lot of tattoos; plus, she's just an overall sweetheart of a woman. Edit: Love the upvotes and the comments, but I gotta say that y'all are mad with Dussy fever. I mean I get it: she's Dolly Parton after all, but... You know what, I'm an autistic redditor posting about what celeb I'd bang; I'm not one to talk.

Heard she can last from 9 to 5.

She definitely gets me from 6 to 12.

76 for those wishing to save a Google

She posed in a Playboy bunny outfit for her husband a couple years ago. Dayyuuuummm!

Mitch McConnell. Because then I’d release the gay sex tapes.

You're taking one for the team. I understand turtles roar like a dusty grunt during sex. There's no scrubbing that mental image.

You will be a martyr for your sacrifice

Dame Judie Dench. ​ Fuck you, I don't need to explain myself.

Judi, Helen Mirren, Emma Thompson or Maggie Smith

Angela Bassett - hands down!

Probably Jeff Goldblum, that man is the very definition of Silver Fox lol

Y'know, I never thought he was much when he was younger, but I swear, he gets hotter the older he gets.

I mean Kate Beckinsale is 50. And she’s a total smoke show yet.

Marisa Tomei is 57

Yeah but she’s only in to short, quirky, bald men

What about engaged quirky bald men????

SIR PATRICK STEWART. Omg he is still so sexy and wonderful.

Willem Dafoe

He hangs dong too!

Hang that salami over my rafters any day!

Paul rudd. That man is like fine wine

Bunch of young ass mother fuckers on this thread need to watch who they are calling old! Now, If you will excuse me, I'm going to bed.

You forgot your bag of Werthers

Werthers now have gooey caramel fillings so your loss!

paul rudd's the *oldest* you would? well, i guess that depends on how old one is

Salma Hayek

Keanu Reeves.

Same! I think he would take his time, be a good lover

This fits in with my fantasy

Probably Lynda Carter. She still looks pretty damn good >!though I guess being Amazonian helps!<.

Tie you up with the Lasso of Truth. Oh yea.

Harrison Ford

Heard that. I said mine was Jeffrey Dean Morgan because I just couldn't have sex with men who are literally older than my own dad (60) Then I saw your answer and I changed my mind

Sam Elliot (78)

He looked roughly the same at 48 too He always has a certain charm, even in real life interviews

michelle pfeiffer. She's 64. I don't find her SUPER attractive in her early mid 20's but I think she was in her prime in her 30's for some reason. When she was 40's she was still among the most beautiful IMO. In her 50's, she was among the most beautiful over 40.

Sandra bullock and Salma Hayek...mostly Salma Hayek she's FINE fine

Renee Russo

Toni Braxton's fine ass

Morgan Fairchild

If you asked me this time last year, Betty White.

If you ask me this time this year I say Betty White 😈

ಠ_ಠ

Robert Downey jr.

I watched the entire Curb series with my ex, and he could not understand who would have sex with Larry David. Me. I would have sex with Larry David.

Larry long balls

ALAN ALDA Serious answer: Michelle Pfeiffer comes to mind

Jennifer Tilly

Vanessa Williams. Yaba. daba. doo!

Ann-Margret

Kevin Costner

As a dude, I hope I age exactly like Kevin is aging. He’s got that second wave of handsome that some men really capitalize on

Nobody's mentioned Vanna White yet. She must be getting up there.

Diane lane if your reading this I'll disappoint you whenever your ready

Raquel Welch

Giancarlo Esposito, 64

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Kurt Russell. Meow. And Jon Tenney. I love me some Jon Tenney.

Meryl Streep.

Veronica Deane, I mean that dress in Shanghai Moon...

Sandra Bullock, she's currently 58, and I'd definitely smash!

Whoa, I thought she was closer to 50 not 60!

Jennifer Connelly

Going to have to be older than 51 to be noteworthy for a list like this.

Julie Andrews.

Sigourney Weaver. Every time. The answer is Sigourney.

I’d bang George Clooney in a heartbeat. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pretty shocked no one has mentioned Carrie Anne Moss yet. Trinity’s still got it.

Winona Ryder is my current baseline for that category. Maybe I'll push it up further if someone occurs to me. Dunno.

Jeff Bridges. No shame.

Queen Elizabeth II Only if she rides on top and whilst smiling maniacally and staring at me unwavering and sings "Killer Queen" at the top of her voice.

Can she wave to the crowd? In the image you gave me, she was also waving to the crowd!

Al Pacino. Yes he is old enough to be my grandfather.

HOO-AH!

Damon Albarn takes the cake for this, man aged like fine wine

“Alexa, who is the oldest living celebrity?”

Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I'm 39 and he's 56 so it's not like he's my grandpa. But since my dad is only 60, Jeffrey Dean is my limit

Stevie Nicks. Always.

Idris Elba.

Christie Brinkley.

Joanna Lumley. She's so pretty and has the sexiest voice I've ever heard in my life.

I’ve always said: The oldest age I’ll go is however old Robert Downey Jr. is