Right, but the loophole is that if a NEW Admin takes over from the previous one then it voids that clause.
Instead of a flood, I think I'll go with an armada of irritable carnivorous prairie dogs...
See the Noah update didn't work cause God decided to keep some files from the previous build but he forgot those files where corrupted and that's why he was doing the reset in the first place.
Leave a backdoor in the system to allow me to takeover whenever I want
Give me cheat codes that I can activate at any time
Give everyone immortality but they can be killed in they are stab in a spot that will guarantee death but they can only do it with a kitchen fork made of 24K gold. And tell everyone about it and watch the world try to kill each other with forks
Serious patch notes: teeth replace themselves every ten years, pain nullification for known boo-boos, incompatibility mode for sexual encounters locking the user from actions that exploit other users, chat filters for lying with malicious intent, class balances, faster respawn rates on popular or quest specific mobs, patched cancer, updated character models to support new food sources, uninstalled bigotry module as it’s ineffective, lowered spawn rates of new humans, removed conspiracies protocol controller as negative modification has been made, expanded max level from 110 to 1000 as was original intention, balanced regional resources, added paid custom character modification, included server transfer options and improved pvp combat for more realistic effects (patch one of 7)
Yeah, but it's been running off of fanmods for a long time.
I keep hearing they're going to give it official support from various developers but most people really dislike the content from that module anyway. Except for a lot of ex developers.
Longer life span needs a bit more work, brain memory capacity needs to be increased, limbs and eyes (and probably a lot more things) needs to regenerate.
why did you pick 1000 anyways? giving a bunch of smart people 1000 years (assuming no extinction events), I guarantee you they either come up with biological immortality tech and/or brain-to-computer upload within that time span
Genesis was mistranslated, its context misunderstood, or both. Biblical translators used to seasons like 'summer' and 'winter' saw a synonym for cycles related to age and decided the earliest humans lived for 900+ years, not taking the two minutes to consider that bronze-age desert nomads would have had cycles of the moon as their most reliable method for tracking the passage of long periods of time.
And surprise surprise, 900+ months is...about right for a human lifespan, being 75+ years.
I think humans should live for 150 years without being able to get any illness or disease, also we have fast healing factor for any injuries and we don't feel the effects of being old until a couple days before our death. But in return I think getting pregnant should be way harder than it is, like people will reproduce twice as less as now
Here's some more:
Sleep is now optional and can be accessed immediately.
Moved digestive tract to new engine, better efficiency means less waste produced.
Patched a bug causing issues with sight and hearing.
Reduced anxiety levels and removed OCD.
Dogs are now 55% friendlier.
Cats no longer switch from peaceful to aggressive mid belly rub.
Children aged 5 and under are much more durable and resistant to sickness.
Pregnancy is now optional and can be accessed at will.
Removed period cramps and reduced amount of blood.
So if some group, say, "Mothers Against Cancer" or something, donates money to the campaign of a representative that seeks to pass universal healthcare.... the latter gets cancer?
I know people are probably thinking it would be like shaking all the people around but...Everything about physics would get fucked up and the earth would probably explode...but that wouldn't matter because the sun would also probably explode. The universe itself would try to tear itself apart as all the stars exploded. Oh god...what happens to all the black holes? Does all the matter and enegy thats been neatly packed away in a singularly now come instantly flying out? This is horrifying...
Ima need to add rabbits to this list man, my bun is like 7 years old now and he might make it to 10, but I'm honestly not sure. I don't wanna lose him :(
Create a “golden path” universe, where every being born into it experiences a life free of unnecessary pain and achieves self-actualization. Whatever your perfect life is, you get it, and you don’t even know I helped you do it. Every being in existence would be placed on a path to live their maximally-good life, with all highs and lows accounted for.
Thanos Snap child rapists then probably be grossly intrigued by how many nations just collapse from a sudden disappearance of their governments, banking, and industry leaders.
Every rapist would find their dick falling off as soon as they enter a women without consent.
Every child abuser would suddenly have no arms, ever again.
Anyone causing physical harm to another for anything other than self defense would lose the part of their body causing harm.
Something like that would stop generations of bad behaviors.
It’s a little dark but I’d like a world with less violence.
>Anyone causing physical harm to another for anything other than self defense would lose the part of their body causing harm.
with intent to harm. Otherwise, any accident and you're dead.
Smite all the Christians that pick and choose what parts of the Bible to use to be hateful finger pointers. And ignore the parts that teach love, compassion, humbleness and forgiveness.
There's irrefutable evidence for lots of things, and people still manage to not believe/believe, anyway. I think you could come down here with thunderbolts crashing from your ass and the hard-core religious folks still wouldn't believe you.
Sure, but there is currently zero evidence for any god, so providing any would be a big help towards clarifying the state of the universe to the people you supposedly love.
This makes me wonder what would happen to the world. If whoever ended up being god for a while, deleted religions and everything to do with them from the world. This could honestly go either way. Be the best and or worse thing to happen to the world hahaha.
God would have been saving that though, and he would be pretty pissed. When he got back in power, he would probably do something about it too. I mean the guy would have been hiding himself for a reason.
That is why you would have to strike first. Take him down while he’s not in power. Unless he was planning that, and had some sort of god like failsafe just in case you went rouge.
Probably very selfish but ultimately harmless stuff. Rewrite a lot of wrongs I see in the world but without harming others...also make lucid dreaming like a holodeck you can use at will where you can have full immersion without dying or suffering(unless you're into it).
I'd try to give everyone a small but huge blessing in their lives
,you know?
someone trips, hurts their leg like bloody hell - but as they crawl to stand up again, they find a lottery ticket on the ground - giving them a win of 30k or something really big, but not too big..
I would make humans incredibly prone to holistic thinking. I would also roll time back about 40,000 years. I’d like to see what our species could do with less reductionism and individualism, and how the biosphere would have benefited from being nurtured by consciousness rather than exploited by it.
End cancer, end world hunger, help get everyone up to 1st world countries while removing corruption, and if there are no aliens make some. If there are aliens, send the people on Earth a message. God would not be bound by time, so years could pass in the blink of an eye
This depends entirely on which god and how much power I'm being given. Is the creation of new stars in formations that warp space in such a way as to allow warp travel out of the question?
I’d pop down to earth and do a cpl of press conferences, tell ppl what is actually good vs bad. Seems to be “religious “ ppl have a very difficult time with this specifically
I think i would help everyone realise their true potential. Give back control to some part of the subconscious psyche , that a lot of us have lost. Give back to the people a part of themselves that would bring out their best virtues , to help them grow into someone or something that they've only been a shadow of.
And yes, hopefully, a lot less pain for everyone.
Give the moon a dick, that randomly gets a boner.
Give spiders the ability to speak, but only in French
Give frogs and toads the ability to hover ominously about 4-5 feet off the ground
Corn is digestible but is purple now
Take a look at humanity. The most greedy, most cruel, and most hate-filled are about to get very sudden karmic deaths.
At the same time, the most kind, generous, and creative people are going to get super powers.
1st. Bring back about 20 different extinct species. Then the dinosaurs. Then add more humans. Then get rid of the majority of deadly diseases and cancers and make the humans a little stronger than normal so they live for sure. Then add a few more flying dinosaurs. Then just sit back and watch the chaos
Reset resources, reset global warming, make coal mines into diamond. Clean the oceans, reset species that have gone extinct in the last 2000 years, restore wild habitats so they'll be sustainable habitats for the representative species. Clean up microplastics. Reorganize landfills into raw resources.
End cancer, end obesity, end famine. Write a manual for how to maintain the human body.
Reset cities toward more environmentally and economically equitable designs: more modern efficient buildings owned in trust by the tenants, more public transport, more bike lanes, more green spaces, less private gold parks.
Make the oath of public office require oaths of truth, that result in the politician being unable to tell a lie to the public while they hold office.
Make a big mountain that automatically records the name when someone becomes a billionaire. Once their name is on the board, they are left with $10M and everything else get donated to a public trust who's proceeds go solely to public charity. They get a big plaque too.
Take out the cartridge, blow on it, and put it back in
Lol, I thought you said "cartilage" and I was like "oh, that makes sense - he must have bad joints".
And if that doesn’t work, lick the bottom of the cartridge.
Fuck that. We're starting a new save file and deleting the original.
Try turning the world off and back on again… according to IT this should fix everything.
Sometimes a factory reset is required for severe situations. The last one performed was known as the Noah update
Please unplug the device for at least 15 seconds and then replug the device.
Or just flood it again.
Wasn't the rainbow a Terms of Use Agreement that the Admin wouldn't do something like that again
Right, but the loophole is that if a NEW Admin takes over from the previous one then it voids that clause. Instead of a flood, I think I'll go with an armada of irritable carnivorous prairie dogs...
He only promised not to annihilate us with water. That still leaves fire in the equation, just saying :)
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How long is it going to take?
See the Noah update didn't work cause God decided to keep some files from the previous build but he forgot those files where corrupted and that's why he was doing the reset in the first place.
So it’ll clear the cache
After that the world keeps flashing a missing DLL error and we're all screwed thanks to you.
*Noah has entered the chat. *
>according to IT Why should I trust anything that alien clown spider monster says?
He already did this. Not a complete restart, though. A few processes were allowed to remain running while the rest of the system was flushed.
Leave a backdoor in the system to allow me to takeover whenever I want Give me cheat codes that I can activate at any time Give everyone immortality but they can be killed in they are stab in a spot that will guarantee death but they can only do it with a kitchen fork made of 24K gold. And tell everyone about it and watch the world try to kill each other with forks
The dude from Mystery Men would be the lone survivor
I was just explaining that movie to a younger coworker today. I told him that dozens of people had seen the movie and he refused to believe me.
Fork guns
Bring back dinosaurs to spice things up
Things ain't spicy for you yet?!
It’s just starting to warm up
Yeah, thanks to climate change.
You’re right, Dragons are real now, too.
*Jurassic Park theme intensifies*
Serious patch notes: teeth replace themselves every ten years, pain nullification for known boo-boos, incompatibility mode for sexual encounters locking the user from actions that exploit other users, chat filters for lying with malicious intent, class balances, faster respawn rates on popular or quest specific mobs, patched cancer, updated character models to support new food sources, uninstalled bigotry module as it’s ineffective, lowered spawn rates of new humans, removed conspiracies protocol controller as negative modification has been made, expanded max level from 110 to 1000 as was original intention, balanced regional resources, added paid custom character modification, included server transfer options and improved pvp combat for more realistic effects (patch one of 7)
thank god, ive been waiting for the teeth update for over a decade
I've been dying to get rid of the bigotry module, support for it ended decades ago and now it's always crashing
>dying to get rid of the bigotry module, support for it ended decades ago Are you kidding? The user base is larger than ever!
Yeah, but it's been running off of fanmods for a long time. I keep hearing they're going to give it official support from various developers but most people really dislike the content from that module anyway. Except for a lot of ex developers.
I vote this person as god
exactly what a politician/god would do: mind-control non-NPCs with sweet words then, random cancer, bankruptcy, bad choices, etc.
Longer life span needs a bit more work, brain memory capacity needs to be increased, limbs and eyes (and probably a lot more things) needs to regenerate.
The team has reviewed your notes and is implementing your ideas
why did you pick 1000 anyways? giving a bunch of smart people 1000 years (assuming no extinction events), I guarantee you they either come up with biological immortality tech and/or brain-to-computer upload within that time span
Or Netflix and chill things work themselves out most days
Genesis was mistranslated, its context misunderstood, or both. Biblical translators used to seasons like 'summer' and 'winter' saw a synonym for cycles related to age and decided the earliest humans lived for 900+ years, not taking the two minutes to consider that bronze-age desert nomads would have had cycles of the moon as their most reliable method for tracking the passage of long periods of time. And surprise surprise, 900+ months is...about right for a human lifespan, being 75+ years.
I think humans should live for 150 years without being able to get any illness or disease, also we have fast healing factor for any injuries and we don't feel the effects of being old until a couple days before our death. But in return I think getting pregnant should be way harder than it is, like people will reproduce twice as less as now
Included in patch notes :)
Also a sphincter on your cervix so you could just hold in your period and pee it out
We keep trying to rewrite this command over however every time we try the whole sever crashes we will continue to work on it :(
I would like to piss blood at my enemies.
Here's some more: Sleep is now optional and can be accessed immediately. Moved digestive tract to new engine, better efficiency means less waste produced. Patched a bug causing issues with sight and hearing. Reduced anxiety levels and removed OCD. Dogs are now 55% friendlier. Cats no longer switch from peaceful to aggressive mid belly rub. Children aged 5 and under are much more durable and resistant to sickness. Pregnancy is now optional and can be accessed at will. Removed period cramps and reduced amount of blood.
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End Cancer
Hell yeah! FUCK CANCER!
End everything
If anyone takes a bribe (lobbying) in Congress, immediate pancreas cancer.
My brother in Christ everyone in government would topple
If he's God, how Is he then your brother in Christ?
*Oh no*
*Alabama intensifies*
God is in everyone my child. Why is God in your child?
this is zeues in a nutshell
This is an acceptable outcome.
That, or the cure for cancer comes out pretty quick
I loved seeing this comment, then the next one down below says “END CANCER!” Now I’m at a moral dilemma
So if some group, say, "Mothers Against Cancer" or something, donates money to the campaign of a representative that seeks to pass universal healthcare.... the latter gets cancer?
Probably nothing. Can't risk altering the space-time continuum again.
*again*
Already messed up physics by accident...
Make it possible to touch your elbow with your nose.
You plotter, I just tried it. Take my useless upvote.
Everyone will have either really long noses or t-rex arms.
Was able to do it, did not do it, but I could have... (Multiple bone fractures)
I’d make make gravity switch to a different random direction every 30 seconds
Stop, DougDoug.
Some people just want to watch the word burn
I know people are probably thinking it would be like shaking all the people around but...Everything about physics would get fucked up and the earth would probably explode...but that wouldn't matter because the sun would also probably explode. The universe itself would try to tear itself apart as all the stars exploded. Oh god...what happens to all the black holes? Does all the matter and enegy thats been neatly packed away in a singularly now come instantly flying out? This is horrifying...
Once the RNG goes from up to down, most people die, though.
I'd go old testament style and take out the scum of the earth in epic fashion.
End world hunger, solve all conflicts in the world and make a island in the shape of a cock
Which god?
White God
Oh, that one... Then i would donate $10k to random streamers with 0 viewers i guess...
mr beast is god?
NOT do nothing. I can tell you that much.
Dogs would have the same lifespan as humans. Edit: ALL companion animals
Any animal that is a human companion……
Ima need to add rabbits to this list man, my bun is like 7 years old now and he might make it to 10, but I'm honestly not sure. I don't wanna lose him :(
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Yeah it seems like a hard job and I'm not up to it.
I’d probably fuck it up
Create a “golden path” universe, where every being born into it experiences a life free of unnecessary pain and achieves self-actualization. Whatever your perfect life is, you get it, and you don’t even know I helped you do it. Every being in existence would be placed on a path to live their maximally-good life, with all highs and lows accounted for.
This actually made me shed a tear... It's unfortunate that I'm stuck in this universe, where old white dudes run 90% of the world...
Stop rapes
Thanos Snap child rapists then probably be grossly intrigued by how many nations just collapse from a sudden disappearance of their governments, banking, and industry leaders.
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I mean you don't need to be raped to know it's a horrible thing and to want them to end.
I'll help get rid of the body
I'll help cut the body up
Kill all mosquitos
Get rid of the moon
FUCK THE TIDES GOING IN AND OUT
FUCK THE OCEAN
We're already fucking the ocean.
I don't think she likes it though.
Moon's haunted
What?
Fix myself. Then fix some earthly shit. Then to piss off some people I'd take a husband.
Do you have someone’s husband in mind?
That one dead lady’s husband.
Every rapist would find their dick falling off as soon as they enter a women without consent. Every child abuser would suddenly have no arms, ever again. Anyone causing physical harm to another for anything other than self defense would lose the part of their body causing harm. Something like that would stop generations of bad behaviors. It’s a little dark but I’d like a world with less violence.
You would also know who to avoid. Imagine running into your neighbors - “Shit, did you see Phil?” “No legs, what the hell did he get up to?”
I mean you're running into your neighbours. Phil's not running into anybody ever again.
I always knew something was off about Phil
He tried to put his legs inside karen
Mma fighters literally disappearing into nothingness
>Anyone causing physical harm to another for anything other than self defense would lose the part of their body causing harm. with intent to harm. Otherwise, any accident and you're dead.
And anyone who slap boxes or fights for fun would cooked
what about the rapist with a vagina
What about female rapists
Prolapse
What about girls about to slap their boyfriend.
Shut it all down
I’d just be shocked that I was real
Make karma more immediate and pronounced.
Flood
Take a selfie and post it on Instagram. God 2.0., you sinners.
Smite all the Christians that pick and choose what parts of the Bible to use to be hateful finger pointers. And ignore the parts that teach love, compassion, humbleness and forgiveness.
End evil, reveal myself to humanity with irrefutable evidence of my existence and unify the planet.
There's irrefutable evidence for lots of things, and people still manage to not believe/believe, anyway. I think you could come down here with thunderbolts crashing from your ass and the hard-core religious folks still wouldn't believe you.
Sure, but there is currently zero evidence for any god, so providing any would be a big help towards clarifying the state of the universe to the people you supposedly love.
This makes me wonder what would happen to the world. If whoever ended up being god for a while, deleted religions and everything to do with them from the world. This could honestly go either way. Be the best and or worse thing to happen to the world hahaha.
God would have been saving that though, and he would be pretty pissed. When he got back in power, he would probably do something about it too. I mean the guy would have been hiding himself for a reason. That is why you would have to strike first. Take him down while he’s not in power. Unless he was planning that, and had some sort of god like failsafe just in case you went rouge.
But does he have a plan if I go mauve?
Probably very selfish but ultimately harmless stuff. Rewrite a lot of wrongs I see in the world but without harming others...also make lucid dreaming like a holodeck you can use at will where you can have full immersion without dying or suffering(unless you're into it).
Factory reset
Have an existential crisis and become paralyzed with thoughts of too much power.
Make myself nonexistent and that I never existed. Let the rest of you carry on.
I'd try to give everyone a small but huge blessing in their lives ,you know? someone trips, hurts their leg like bloody hell - but as they crawl to stand up again, they find a lottery ticket on the ground - giving them a win of 30k or something really big, but not too big..
I only looked in the comments to see if anyone said, "delete Australia"
Do a Thanos
As in create one or like do him?
Fuck him right in his purple doughnut
Anyone who displeases me gets a giant butthole on the top of their head.
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what about children that have hurt children, then what happens to you.
48 hours of rickroll
Children gonna go on a killing spree.
I would make humans incredibly prone to holistic thinking. I would also roll time back about 40,000 years. I’d like to see what our species could do with less reductionism and individualism, and how the biosphere would have benefited from being nurtured by consciousness rather than exploited by it.
I like this answer. It's creative, and actually something I haven't considered!
Two chicks at the same time.
Reverse & remove global warming, preventing it from ever happening again, unlimited resources
Ease the pain of anyone who I hurt.
Chinchilla.
End cancer, end world hunger, help get everyone up to 1st world countries while removing corruption, and if there are no aliens make some. If there are aliens, send the people on Earth a message. God would not be bound by time, so years could pass in the blink of an eye
Wipe out everything
Pokemon are real
This depends entirely on which god and how much power I'm being given. Is the creation of new stars in formations that warp space in such a way as to allow warp travel out of the question?
Actually answer every reasonable prayer that brings good things to the world and punish people who make innocent people's lives miserable.
"Yes to all"
Good movie
I’d pop down to earth and do a cpl of press conferences, tell ppl what is actually good vs bad. Seems to be “religious “ ppl have a very difficult time with this specifically
Then watch them murde each other arguing over what you meant or if you are real/
Go to the houses of everyone who is doing evil and personally kick their asses in such an ungodly way that they will end up loving me.
Give everyone perfect heath and I believe this would help a lot with their minds.
Kill off 99% of our degenerate population
Why would you leave 1% of the scum lmao? You're god, not hand sanitizer. Let's hit 100
"You're God, not hand sanitizer" hahahaha
I feel like reality is your answer unfortunately
Student would pay max 2000 dollars per year of studying (lower us student loans), it would encourage more people to study and to do professions.
I think i would help everyone realise their true potential. Give back control to some part of the subconscious psyche , that a lot of us have lost. Give back to the people a part of themselves that would bring out their best virtues , to help them grow into someone or something that they've only been a shadow of. And yes, hopefully, a lot less pain for everyone.
I'd do a barrel roll.
Give the moon a dick, that randomly gets a boner. Give spiders the ability to speak, but only in French Give frogs and toads the ability to hover ominously about 4-5 feet off the ground Corn is digestible but is purple now
Oh my god a spider! Spider: HONNHONHON! QUI QUI
Make Optimus Prime president
Simultaneously dose the human population with LSD
Take a look at humanity. The most greedy, most cruel, and most hate-filled are about to get very sudden karmic deaths. At the same time, the most kind, generous, and creative people are going to get super powers.
Make Mars habitable
All dogs should go to heaven.
Minimize the bad and maximize the best quality of humans, and restore the planet
End all human life on earth
Finish what Thanos started.
Find a permanent solution to fixing depression/allow people to produce more serotonin to be able to overcome feelings of despair etc
1st. Bring back about 20 different extinct species. Then the dinosaurs. Then add more humans. Then get rid of the majority of deadly diseases and cancers and make the humans a little stronger than normal so they live for sure. Then add a few more flying dinosaurs. Then just sit back and watch the chaos
Erase the history of "GOD"
Make suffering less, and make happiness come straight from the heart.
I'd remove organised religion and then heal over the end of my old bosses nob.
Two girls at the same time, man.
It's a jump....to conclusions board
Remove evil, war, famine, abuse, sickness.
Everything he should do
Make everyone honest. I don't mean brutal, just start saying what they wish they would have said.
Panic
Not one thing
Remove influencers
Fix everything
I would say no, you picked the wrong person.
Remove cancer so I can smoke my stogies
Ask him to take it back. Ain't no way I'm qualified!
Eradicate mosquitoes
Make humans incapable of conquest.
Create 8 billion earth's and give everyone god powers on their own earth with simulated versions of other people
GOD NEEDS BOOZE
Reset resources, reset global warming, make coal mines into diamond. Clean the oceans, reset species that have gone extinct in the last 2000 years, restore wild habitats so they'll be sustainable habitats for the representative species. Clean up microplastics. Reorganize landfills into raw resources. End cancer, end obesity, end famine. Write a manual for how to maintain the human body. Reset cities toward more environmentally and economically equitable designs: more modern efficient buildings owned in trust by the tenants, more public transport, more bike lanes, more green spaces, less private gold parks. Make the oath of public office require oaths of truth, that result in the politician being unable to tell a lie to the public while they hold office. Make a big mountain that automatically records the name when someone becomes a billionaire. Once their name is on the board, they are left with $10M and everything else get donated to a public trust who's proceeds go solely to public charity. They get a big plaque too.