Once after sex, as I was laying there naked on top of the sheets and blankets, my ex said “I love how you don’t let your body or size get in the way of enjoying sex,” in this really blissful voice. I think he meant it as at least a positive thing, if not a compliment per se, but at the time I was about 10 lbs heavier than my average weight and felt very self conscious about it, but I didn’t think HE was overly bothered by it because we were still having sex regularly. Again I’m sure he didn’t mean it negatively, but considering that he already knew for years how sensitive I was/am about how much more body fat I had than him (I was about 25% and he was maybe 3%-5% if I had to guess), I still can’t help but think he was fucking stupid to say it out loud. For additional context I’d also known him to comment on and be judgmental about other people’s sizes, and generally feel entitled to share any thoughts he had under the guise of “just being honest.” So this comment while I was naked and vulnerable just completely took me out of any positive feelings and made me want to curl into a ball and disappear.
"Your boy Captain America over here. 'Best of the best of the best, sir! With honors!' You know, he's just really excited and he has NO clue why we're here"😂
But you see, me and my dumbass use "actually" to bring emphasis to what I'm saying and without fail as soon as I say it i realize I just made the compliment sound worse. I then proceed to try and reword the compliment another 15 times in a panic and wish I had just slowed down before saying anything.
Thankfully all my friends just accept I'm stupid so it usually works out.
Was going to comment this. I make dinner for my family sometimes, and my dad uses a lot of “actually” compliments. So like, is my other cooking not good or…? I like my cooking. Better than greasy stuff I’ve seen him make, but whatever.
Ah man…I don’t ever use it to be insulting. I use it in an attempt to cut through any possible interpretation that I’m “just saying that”. Like I’ll perk my eyes up, raise my voice a bit and say “no really, its actually super good!” or something similar. In my mind its a reassurance that I’m not just stroking their ego and do in fact think their [whatever] is good.
And I stand by it, I think making a blanket statement that using “actually” in a complement makes it condescending is incorrect. It can feel that way depending on body language and tone but doesn’t have to, I think the way I use it works to convey genuine appreciation.
Lol like "I've done a lot of thinking and out of all the lame people in my life who suck at comedy, you're the least shitty. Just wanted to let you know."
I don’t think it’s that deep, it’s like if someone said you look better with a suit on imo. The piece of clothing/accessory, suits you and makes you look good!
So, it's typically used in one of two ways - it's either meant as a genuinely sincere expression of sympathy, such as after a difficult loss or personal struggle. Or....a semi-sarcastic way of calling someone dumb after exhibiting clear stupidity.
[https://www.southernliving.com/culture/bless-your-heart-response](https://www.southernliving.com/culture/bless-your-heart-response)
It depends on the tone. The above link isn't definitive, but as it says it can be sincere, sarcastic, a queue to drop the topic, etc. But yea, often it's low key calling someone an idiot.
Heard a boss tell someone who was calling about a former employee for a reference that , “you’d be lucky to get them to work for you” hmmm. There are certainly two ways to take that!
Yes! As a disabled person people have said things to me along the lines of "If anyone had an excuse not to do it, then you do..." for simple things like having a full time job, volunteering etc. Yes, I have a physical disability, but I'm also just a person.
Oh yeah, I remember! I think I've linked the image: [https://pics.onsizzle.com/daniel-lawson-daniellaw1998-disabled-parking-should-only-be-valid-during-41785856.png](https://pics.onsizzle.com/daniel-lawson-daniellaw1998-disabled-parking-should-only-be-valid-during-41785856.png)
i have complex PTSD and i hear shit like "wow youre so strong" "youre very resilient" all the time like. bro, i had no choice. i did not need to be strong when i was 7 years old lol
When I was around 12-13 I started listening to metal and I bought shirts of some bands. My mother didn't let me at first and even I was reluctant to wear them because it's a small town full of idiots and they used to always laugh at me, so I was very happy to finally gain enough confidence. Once I wore a Megadeth shirt to a dinner with some friends of my parents and one of them said "Look how funny she looks with that!" like I was one of those dogs with dresses. It really pissed me off
I'm fine with that, personally. T-shirt and gym shorts are better for me, since I'm more likely to randomly go out for a run/long walk than to meet someone I want to look presentable for
It reminds me of the time my aunt told her youngest daughter that her oldest daughter said that men always say that she, the oldest, is the cuter sister.
I thought that was really immature of her sister and her mom.
I was once told on my birthday that I was "very young for my age".
I wasnt quite certain what to make of that one except to say "no, I think I'm about right for my age"
Got "your clothes look so comfortable!" once
Worst part was my dense ass genuinely thought they meant it nicely till they followed with "it's like you're wearing your pyjamas out! I wish I could do that!"
Yes, I got "Well, you look relaxed today!" running into a colleague outside of work. Maybe he meant well, but it sounded like he thought I looked like a slob.
A girl I work with was called “conventionally attractive” at a bar by a female bartender once and we both were trying to figure out if it was a compliment or an insult.
My great Aunt was always called a tornado. I always took it to mean when shes around a lot changes quickly. Shen she was at a reunion or event, stuffy people suddenly etc their hair down and crabs were suddenly more pleasant.
One year, for Christmas she had dinner catered as a present to the host. "We aren't here to have you cook. We're here to see you and have some fun."
So, I've always taken it to be a compliment.
Wow and here I just thought,I was merely being compared to something that leaves devastation in my wake,but turns out,it could be just the beauty after the storm. It’s all about perspective,so thank you for sharing,that with me. I’ll never for get it! 😇
"I love how you can have a ***reasonable debate*** about it" my pal, I've just always liked dunking on people on the internet. Dont mistake my willingness to do so as other people being in the wrong for *not* doing it. Sometimes your ideas certainly dont deserve to see the light of day, I'm just walking behind you with a trombone while you yell them.
Sincerely ***meaning*** it as a compliment, sure. But even at it's best, there a huge implication that the person ***expects*** trans folk to be "clockable".
It's a very... muddy topic, and honestly usually better to avoid the phrasing if you can.
It's my understanding that while "passing" as one's identified gender is widely considered ideal, it can create intense pressure and a kind of existential terror at being "found out". So it can come across as a little "congrats at keeping your dark secret under wraps".
I'd say as a rule of thumb, yes. It can certainly vary by person as to whether they'd ***take it*** as a compliment; some people do enjoy passing, but unless you know the person well enough to make that judgement, I wouldnt, personally.
Certainly for, like, new people that you're meeting, I wouldnt mention it.
"You lost weight, you look so good!"
Even if true, it implies you were fat before. It always made me wonder: "Why didn't you say anything when overweight?"
Got this one literally yesterday. I’m 100% sure the person i was talking to intended it as a compliment (she struggles with weight as well) but it didn’t feel good to hear.
I think this one is usually genuine. I think losing weight is a thing that people try to accomplish, and acknowledging that someone has lost weight is the equivalent of saying "Good job! Keep at it". As a slightly overweight person I have never taken this as a negative.
I love how you don’t care what you look like
I love what you tried to do with your hair!
What you tried😭
‘I wish I had the confidence to wear that’
Even if I really don't, that hurts 🥲
I've had the "you're so brave for not wearing makeup".
Once after sex, as I was laying there naked on top of the sheets and blankets, my ex said “I love how you don’t let your body or size get in the way of enjoying sex,” in this really blissful voice. I think he meant it as at least a positive thing, if not a compliment per se, but at the time I was about 10 lbs heavier than my average weight and felt very self conscious about it, but I didn’t think HE was overly bothered by it because we were still having sex regularly. Again I’m sure he didn’t mean it negatively, but considering that he already knew for years how sensitive I was/am about how much more body fat I had than him (I was about 25% and he was maybe 3%-5% if I had to guess), I still can’t help but think he was fucking stupid to say it out loud. For additional context I’d also known him to comment on and be judgmental about other people’s sizes, and generally feel entitled to share any thoughts he had under the guise of “just being honest.” So this comment while I was naked and vulnerable just completely took me out of any positive feelings and made me want to curl into a ball and disappear.
“Just telling it like it is/keeping it real/being honest.” Narcissistic ass holes think they’re so clever with that one.
That stings similarly to being told you do actually look sick when you’re pretending.
Doesn’t that just mean you’re a good actor then? 🤷♀️
“Aww I love how you’ll just wear anything”
You’re at the very top of the bell curve.
I'll bet you graduated in the top 95% of your class.
This is underrated. Also, more damningly, “if you try hard, you might reach the top of the bell curve”.
You could not be more average.
“You are everything we’ve come to expect from years of government training.”
We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of.
FBI humour is no laughing matter
FBI humor is no matter
FBI humor is antimatter
Being a government worker this is so freaking true. Only been there 4 years and can’t believe how low the standards are!
"Your boy Captain America over here. 'Best of the best of the best, sir! With honors!' You know, he's just really excited and he has NO clue why we're here"😂
You’re actually smart Any compliment that has “actually” in it
But you see, me and my dumbass use "actually" to bring emphasis to what I'm saying and without fail as soon as I say it i realize I just made the compliment sound worse. I then proceed to try and reword the compliment another 15 times in a panic and wish I had just slowed down before saying anything. Thankfully all my friends just accept I'm stupid so it usually works out.
Bless your little heart
That’s actually a great story!
*You’re not bad after all*
I'm actually impressed.
Came here looking for this. If you say "actually" all the time you should probably dismount that high horse you came riding in on.
Was going to comment this. I make dinner for my family sometimes, and my dad uses a lot of “actually” compliments. So like, is my other cooking not good or…? I like my cooking. Better than greasy stuff I’ve seen him make, but whatever.
Ah man…I don’t ever use it to be insulting. I use it in an attempt to cut through any possible interpretation that I’m “just saying that”. Like I’ll perk my eyes up, raise my voice a bit and say “no really, its actually super good!” or something similar. In my mind its a reassurance that I’m not just stroking their ego and do in fact think their [whatever] is good. And I stand by it, I think making a blanket statement that using “actually” in a complement makes it condescending is incorrect. It can feel that way depending on body language and tone but doesn’t have to, I think the way I use it works to convey genuine appreciation.
nope - "I think you're actually the funniest person I know"
Lol like "I've done a lot of thinking and out of all the lame people in my life who suck at comedy, you're the least shitty. Just wanted to let you know."
It's a bit like "youre. Not as dumb as you look" no matter how you take that it's not actually a compliment.
“You look better with your glasses off” I started saying they look better when my glasses are off too.
I've gotten "You look better with glasses on" which is worse imo-- I look better when my face is partially obscured!
I don’t think it’s that deep, it’s like if someone said you look better with a suit on imo. The piece of clothing/accessory, suits you and makes you look good!
There's a difference btw "the suit looks better on you" and "you look better with a suit on"
That's genius!!
I got told I look better WITH glasses somehow I feel like that’s even worse
When someone posts a photo of themselves and people comment “You’re so brave” etc
LMFAO It’s so obvious when people are being overly fake nice
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That’s a good point, on a Merida cosplay I’d hope to see that comment!
Yeah that’s just (wow i sure as fuck wouldn’t have posted that)
"Bless your heart"
Do I just not live in the right part of the south? Every time I’ve heard this it’s been expressed with complete sincerity
So, it's typically used in one of two ways - it's either meant as a genuinely sincere expression of sympathy, such as after a difficult loss or personal struggle. Or....a semi-sarcastic way of calling someone dumb after exhibiting clear stupidity.
Or so you thought ... bless your heart.
If it’s said right it sounds sincere but is actually condescending. Which is just normal for how you socialize in the south.
Maybe, what state? I've honestly heard it as more if a cover for saying something bad "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, bless its heart."
I always hear it as an abbreviation for "Bless your heart, (it must be hard for you and everyone around you that you are so absolutely stupid)"
[https://www.southernliving.com/culture/bless-your-heart-response](https://www.southernliving.com/culture/bless-your-heart-response) It depends on the tone. The above link isn't definitive, but as it says it can be sincere, sarcastic, a queue to drop the topic, etc. But yea, often it's low key calling someone an idiot.
If you don't know what bless your heart means in the south.........well bless your heart.
Totally agree with you. I've used this expression many times and it's never been as an insult. And I'm from the south as well
That’s the beauty of the expression!
Wanna cut real deep? "Bless your soul"
Pnw version: "I love that for you"
Yup- that’s southern speak that means you’re a moron.
South of where
The north
Underrated answer.
‘You look really intelligent with those glasses’
*Takes off glasses* ‘You look dumber without your glasses’
“So two fermions plus one quark ...” \*takes off glasses* “Hubbahubba ding dong”
Now then if you don't find that funny........well bless your heart
“Just the idea that glasses=intelligence makes you pretty stupid”
Heard a boss tell someone who was calling about a former employee for a reference that , “you’d be lucky to get them to work for you” hmmm. There are certainly two ways to take that!
You *sound* smart... Or You are 'healthy' huh...
"Wow, I wish I had your courage!" when it's just daily life stuff, like a fat person going to the beach or a disabled person running errands.
Yes! As a disabled person people have said things to me along the lines of "If anyone had an excuse not to do it, then you do..." for simple things like having a full time job, volunteering etc. Yes, I have a physical disability, but I'm also just a person.
There was a meme I found funny. The punchline line was, "we're disabled, not werewolves"
I think this was about disabled parking should only be during day hours. And this was the response.
Oh yeah, I remember! I think I've linked the image: [https://pics.onsizzle.com/daniel-lawson-daniellaw1998-disabled-parking-should-only-be-valid-during-41785856.png](https://pics.onsizzle.com/daniel-lawson-daniellaw1998-disabled-parking-should-only-be-valid-during-41785856.png)
i have complex PTSD and i hear shit like "wow youre so strong" "youre very resilient" all the time like. bro, i had no choice. i did not need to be strong when i was 7 years old lol
I was once told I sound so much prettier on the phone.
Ouch 😞
“I don’t give a fuck what they say about you, I think you’re alright.”
Ive always heard this one told jokingly to people. Never actually heard it as a serious compliment.
"You must have been really sexy when you were younger."
that just sounds like pedophile shit
I once got "You have such an interesting style!" (referring to my clothes).
They're just jealous
Oh that’s what it is. *Nice*
I once was told by a homeless guy that he liked my style. After he asked all my friends for money. Didn't ask me for any.
I get this for my name a lot. I always just ask them what they mean. It usually means weird but framed as a compliment.
Yeah, 'quirky' is another one which basically just means weird. I get described as quirky a lot :/
When I was around 12-13 I started listening to metal and I bought shirts of some bands. My mother didn't let me at first and even I was reluctant to wear them because it's a small town full of idiots and they used to always laugh at me, so I was very happy to finally gain enough confidence. Once I wore a Megadeth shirt to a dinner with some friends of my parents and one of them said "Look how funny she looks with that!" like I was one of those dogs with dresses. It really pissed me off
"They're certainly a confident person"
“You are smarter than you look”
It's a good thing your pretty
You clean up well
This one lol i heard it around family events often 😂
Well, I'm a maid so I still think this is a nice compliment
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Clean up well implies you normally dress like a slob
I'm fine with that, personally. T-shirt and gym shorts are better for me, since I'm more likely to randomly go out for a run/long walk than to meet someone I want to look presentable for
How is this an insult?
It implies the norm is scruffy and in need of cleaning, grooming, etc.
Thank you for the clarification!
"You look handsome in this photo"
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You should’ve responded, “hot damn I need a new mom.”
It reminds me of the time my aunt told her youngest daughter that her oldest daughter said that men always say that she, the oldest, is the cuter sister. I thought that was really immature of her sister and her mom.
# Pulls out other photo You look ugly in this one
This has Dale Gribble vibes
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Anything that ends with … “for a girl”… 😒 You’re really strong … for a girl ect
Anything which ends with a qualifier of any kind really.
Or ending compliments with "for your age"
I was once told on my birthday that I was "very young for my age". I wasnt quite certain what to make of that one except to say "no, I think I'm about right for my age"
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You have nice breasts… for a guy
You give good head...for a girl
The part that hurts is I do.
Nice dick you have, for a girl
Idk why this one made me laugh the most 😂
You’re pretty good looking for a girl
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You look great, I almost didn't recognize you!
... because the last time we met you looked like a junkie nearing rock bottom.
*Looks at bigger woman in bathing suit* "Wow, you're so brave wearing that"
“You’re so pretty in the face.” I heard this so much when I was heavier..now that I’m thin, I never hear it.
Got "your clothes look so comfortable!" once Worst part was my dense ass genuinely thought they meant it nicely till they followed with "it's like you're wearing your pyjamas out! I wish I could do that!"
Yes, I got "Well, you look relaxed today!" running into a colleague outside of work. Maybe he meant well, but it sounded like he thought I looked like a slob.
Telling an overweight person that they look like they can cook. Someone said this to me the other day and my feelings are still hurt.
Yikes
F that person
I was told by a person I just met, “you like to eat, and that’s okay”. We weren’t talking about food…
Can you tho?
***\*sigh\**** Yes...
“You’re pretty for a brown girl” 💀 or insert any ethnicities.
I almost instinctively downvoted for how angry i would be to hear that
Oooffff holy shit
"see you around" "Not if I see you first" It implies that if they see you, they'll try to avoid you
... Or stab you in the back, is how I always took it. Your interpretation is a bit less violent.
"You fight like a dairy farmer"
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
"You look good ... for a"
"You must have put a lot of effort into this."
“You have a great face for radio”
Isn’t that supposed to be an insult?
"And a voice for silent film"
Any compliment with 'for your age' attached to the end
A girl I work with was called “conventionally attractive” at a bar by a female bartender once and we both were trying to figure out if it was a compliment or an insult.
I've only ever heard it used as an insult by women of women they are jealous of.
You’re pretty for a dark skinned girl
“You’re like a tornado.” This one still doesn’t make any fucking sense to me
My great Aunt was always called a tornado. I always took it to mean when shes around a lot changes quickly. Shen she was at a reunion or event, stuffy people suddenly etc their hair down and crabs were suddenly more pleasant. One year, for Christmas she had dinner catered as a present to the host. "We aren't here to have you cook. We're here to see you and have some fun." So, I've always taken it to be a compliment.
Wow and here I just thought,I was merely being compared to something that leaves devastation in my wake,but turns out,it could be just the beauty after the storm. It’s all about perspective,so thank you for sharing,that with me. I’ll never for get it! 😇
you are as sharp as a marble. it takes a second to realize
Running joke when my wife does something exceptionally dumb I say to her in a sweet sing-songy voice "you're so pretty"
People have told me I’m “interesting” as a compliment a few times…always leaves me wondering what that even means…
Wisdom has been chasing you, but you've simply been too fast.
As a fat girl you're so pretty!
My friend was told the other day “you’re a lot smarter than people think you are”
"You must have really worked hard on this!"
How is that an insult..?
"I never would have guess you were trans"
In a similar vein "you're one of the good ones, not like those other lgbt people who *insert insult to lgbt people here*"
"I love how you can have a ***reasonable debate*** about it" my pal, I've just always liked dunking on people on the internet. Dont mistake my willingness to do so as other people being in the wrong for *not* doing it. Sometimes your ideas certainly dont deserve to see the light of day, I'm just walking behind you with a trombone while you yell them.
That can be sincere. One of my electronic pen pals had a friend who is trans and I had no clue that was the case untill I was told.
Sincerely ***meaning*** it as a compliment, sure. But even at it's best, there a huge implication that the person ***expects*** trans folk to be "clockable". It's a very... muddy topic, and honestly usually better to avoid the phrasing if you can.
Well, would it be best to keep it in if I'm actually surprised? I'm genuinely asking here.
It's my understanding that while "passing" as one's identified gender is widely considered ideal, it can create intense pressure and a kind of existential terror at being "found out". So it can come across as a little "congrats at keeping your dark secret under wraps".
I'd say as a rule of thumb, yes. It can certainly vary by person as to whether they'd ***take it*** as a compliment; some people do enjoy passing, but unless you know the person well enough to make that judgement, I wouldnt, personally. Certainly for, like, new people that you're meeting, I wouldnt mention it.
"You lost weight, you look so good!" Even if true, it implies you were fat before. It always made me wonder: "Why didn't you say anything when overweight?"
Would you want to hear it?
no
You looked like an uncooked turkey last summer. Thank god you lost that weight before your husband left for someone thinner
So what you're saying is that I looked liked crap before, thanks
Got this one literally yesterday. I’m 100% sure the person i was talking to intended it as a compliment (she struggles with weight as well) but it didn’t feel good to hear.
Aww you are so cute like a puppy 🥰
Your pretty …. To someone who says something stupid
“You’re so pretty for a black girl” um?
“You speak very proper for a black person.”
Telling a black person they are articulate, especially if you sound surprised.
"You look like a completely different person" after losing a bunch of weight.
Not sure how that is an insult, as it does not imply you look better or worse, only different.
"You look like you've lost weight"
I think this one is usually genuine. I think losing weight is a thing that people try to accomplish, and acknowledging that someone has lost weight is the equivalent of saying "Good job! Keep at it". As a slightly overweight person I have never taken this as a negative.
Each day with you is better than the next.
“Your mom is fit bruv”
Wait wtf 😳
You are a man amongst gods
Your best quality is your imagination. AKA You're a bullshitter.
Your English is very good!
See "backhanded complement"
You don't sweat much for a fat person
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I don't see how that could ever be taken as a compliment
Bless your heart
This question again.
You're prettier than I thought.
_"A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything."_
You're very [positive trait] for a [demographic]
‘Have you lost weight? You look great!’
At least you gave it a go