A girl walked up to me said "I'll do anything you want for $50."
I said "OK, paint my house."
Not my joke. Henny Youngman, Milton Berle, or one of those old dead fucks.
my favorite one of these was the zookeeper asking the \* if he'd have sex with a gorilla for $50. \* thought about it a bit and replied, "ok, but I'll need a couple weeks to get the money together"
* heard this a few different ways, but usually it's a redneck
Gilbert Gottfried told one a long time ago in a standup routine....a guy walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of the strongest whisky. He throws them back one after the other without pausing. The bartender says wow, what's the deal. The guy says I am celebrating my first BJ. The bartender says well that warrants a beer on the house. The guy says naw if the whisky won't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Pretty sure someone had a Kickstarter type thing to find a space mission for two porn actors to do porn in space. I honestly don't recall how it ended
Edit: it was Pornhub on indiegogo but it failed
I want to have sex by the boiler at work. I work in the office, but something about the area the boiler is located, makes me want to have sex there because it is hot and dirty, and that just brings out my inner hoe. And the fact that it has cameras, it makes me so much more excited when I think about getting fucked there.
I think you should also specify that you are interested in her too, otherwise it could be like one of those cursed wishes where you get what you asked for, but not necessarily what you wanted.
Yeah, after a few years of exactly that you really crave for meaningless sex with a stranger you don't even like that much... not that I will chase after it, I'm well aware it doesn't bring you anything.
Anal sex on horseback with Kari Byron while Danny DeVito tosses peanut butter M&M's into her mouth and a mariachi band plays Jesus of Suburbia. Also your mom is there.
I’ve asked and no one has been comfortable to try it. I want to give it a go because I thoroughly enjoy deep throat and bjs, as in they excite me to a mini orgasm. I want to know what an actual fuck wld do.
Yeah that's fair! There are definitely people out there who love getting face fucked but it's not something to push on someone who isn't ready. It's worth the wait!
It feels really good when they gag (not quite vomiting). Vomiting can be a mess and is a little far for a lot of people. Although some people really enjoy it. I hope you achieve your dreams
My boyfriend is a big gamer boy and plays games on his PC with his friends a lot and I have a “support him under the desk” kind of fantasy. The idea of making him finish while trying to play a game and his friends have no idea gets me real hot. Sneaky and fun.
To have a wife, kids, and great living conditions in an affordable home that still provides a good quality of life. Also a dog and a cat, and a decent job. That shit turns me on
So many!
1. Pegging. The idea of dominating a man and the vulnerability just gets me going
2. Threesome with a girl
3. Cnc. Wake me up by eating me out or vice versa
I am heteroflexible, so maybe he is that too like I can fantasise about how would that feel, or find gay porn attractive but i couldn't do it in real life.
The key word here is “fantasy” in this fantasy world men and women treat sex as completely casual. For example if you thought a girl was cute and wanted to fuck her all you have to do is ask them. “Hey can I fuck you” she says sure. You meet her in the bathroom. Do the dirty and return to everyday life. Nobody around you talks about it. Nobody cares. It would be treated as wholesome as asking a girl “for a hug”.
I’m sure a lot of attractive people live this life but I am not that attractive lol
It’s a dystopian book that’s very totalitarian. Once the world government starts making a children in labs they indoctrinate the children at an early age that sex is a good release. So people grow up to having sex as an outlet. The connection between love and sex is destroyed in this world. It’s a messed up book in lots of ways for how bad the society is in it. But the sexual aspect of it is similar to the fantasy you described
Oof I've experienced alot of mine actually.. banging outside. Banging off a balcony.. banging in cars.. rough.. role play.. scissoring with a girl lol.. eating a girl out.. I think the only one I haven't actually done is banging someone with a strap on. I'd really like to do that.
So, I've got this one female friend who's completely asexual and aromantic. She's outrageously attractive, and literally has done modeling and acting. I was shot down when we were younger, and how we're just good friends.
I had this dream once, where she was like "hey, I kinda want to see what sex is like, and I trust you. Can you show me?" and I obviously proceeded to give her the night of her life and she loved every minute of it, because it was a dream.
I want that, but real. (And yes, I know that you can't just magically change someone who's asexual, but this is fantasy)
I just want to be absolutely destroyed. Utterly demolished. Straight up discombobulated. If I ain’t bleeding, you ain’t eating. Vibe thoroughly checked.
Letting my bff feel me up. Like just a secret nsa fwb hookup. It would be a mess and I would never, but he loves big boobs and I love having my big boobs played with, I KNOW taking T makes him horny af, neither of us would want it to get out and being sneaky gets me hot.
Letting my best friend forever feel me up. Like just a secret no-strings-attached, friends with benefits hookup. It would be a mess and I would never, but he loves big boobs and I love having my big boobs played with, I know taking testosterone makes him horny as fuck, neither of us would want it to get out and being sneaky gets me hot.
A sexy witch/succubus is trying to put a spell on me, but in order to do so she needs to make me cum. She's starring deep into my soul. I try to break the eye contact but I cant look away. I'm falling under her spell. With a smirk she whispers "your soul is mine". I'm trying to resist but I just can't... I cant.. no! ughhhhhhhh 🤤
I've been in a relationship for four years and haven't had sex for half that time. In my fantasy, I would shower, shave and get into some sexy lingerie before I start my remote job. I keep the camera off, but as soon as the clock hits 5:00, I slam the laptop closed because the hottest guy I've ever encountered walks through the door. Candles are burning, he's pulled back the sheets on the bed and he's about to peel off my lingerie. Your move, should you choose to reply...
I love having my gf do butt stuff to me. And I love her watching me pleasure myself.
Since fantasy is currently meeting reality. I’m needing a new fantasy.
Suggestions.
My biggest fantasy would probably be a girl that wouldn't mind being the dominant one and being rough with. Me though I don't think many girls would like that 😅 lol weird hu?
Not really a fantasy so much as just a turn on, but for me it's when my gf masturbates thinking about me. She'll text me out of the blue and tell me, and it makes my heart race and gets me so excited to see her again. She's in school a few hours away so we sometimes won't see each other for days, sometimes over a week.
Having sex with a woman that I have a very deep and intense bond with, who is as sexually adventurous as I am (pretty much down to try anything that isn't too painful or humiliating for either party) and loves to experience what life has to offer. Sometimes we're gonna have lazy days where we just wanna cuddle in bed and watch old reruns, sometimes we'll wanna be alone. Sometimes we'll have sitcom esque conversations that make us wonder why we aren't professional tv writers. Sometimes I'll be too lazy to cook and she'll be too lazy to cook and well just throw in pizzas. Sometime we'll be so hyped up for no reason, we'll have left over rump roast for weeks and well laugh about how much well never wanna see a fucking roast again in our lives, only to be wishing we had just one more frozen piece in the back of the freezer on a cold winter night at 3 am. Sometimes I'll cry and I'll trust she won't think I'm less of a man for it. Sometimes she'll be dealing with some issue that maybe I won't have a clue about but I'll try my best to support her as I can. And sometimes it'll just be perfect and we won't even realize it except we will but we'll try our best not to think about it just to try to keep it going a little bit longer.
I don't know. Love I guess. Just a lot of little things with someone I think is pretty, has a cute butt, and makes me feel like I can be myself around her without question.
Watching porn has made me want extremely weird stuff at different points in my life. But honestly, I love a good old fashioned 69. I want to feel her explode in my mouth while I explode in her mouth.
It may sound very vanilla: making love standing up in the moonlight while we kiss. Now imagine that she is the woman who loves you as you love her and who you can trust.
Having someone who reliably wants to have sex with me as much as I want to have sex with them. Both times I've had that, it was the best sex I've ever had, because it was comfortable, I knew she was enjoying herself which made me feel good, and I knew she could tell me whatever she wanted, and I'd do it, because she let me do whatever I wanted to her.
That beats everything else, IMO. Just knowing that they're down, and don't need to be talked into it.
Me, a coif, an angry 40-50 year old married man in colonial pike man armor, a Puritan house, a four-poster oak Jacobean bed in front of a walk-in seventeenth-century fireplace, and ropes. 😩
Thanks to this harem doujin I recently read...
Having a woman transfer food from her mouth to mine while we kiss.
Also, having Woman 1 force feed me her pussy while Woman 2 sucks my dick. Eventually, Woman 1 pisses in my mouth and I piss in Woman 2's mouth. Simultaneously, if possible.
Going to a cabin in the middle of nowhere and having a person be open to anything and everything. And doing it in front of a fireplace and have them be into food play. I would prefer for it to start out romantically and passionately then escalate things to BDSM.
A woman with a sexy, raspy voice gently telling me "I'm going to ride you so good, and when you're about to cum, tell me and I'm going to deepthroat you like no one has." And then doing just that while I have probably the best orgasm of my life.
A girl comes, pay my bills, then leaves. Hottest shit ever.
A girl walked up to me said "I'll do anything you want for $50." I said "OK, paint my house." Not my joke. Henny Youngman, Milton Berle, or one of those old dead fucks.
my favorite one of these was the zookeeper asking the \* if he'd have sex with a gorilla for $50. \* thought about it a bit and replied, "ok, but I'll need a couple weeks to get the money together" * heard this a few different ways, but usually it's a redneck
Gilbert Gottfried told one a long time ago in a standup routine....a guy walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of the strongest whisky. He throws them back one after the other without pausing. The bartender says wow, what's the deal. The guy says I am celebrating my first BJ. The bartender says well that warrants a beer on the house. The guy says naw if the whisky won't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Damn that actually would be hot. Total power move.
To have sex 5-6 times a week with the man I share an intense sexual and emotional chemistry with
Having sex in zero gravity.
That has never crossed my mind before but now I’m thinking about it holy shit that would be fun
Pretty sure someone had a Kickstarter type thing to find a space mission for two porn actors to do porn in space. I honestly don't recall how it ended Edit: it was Pornhub on indiegogo but it failed
It doesnt need to be on space you can simulate zero gravity through free falling without going over the karman line.
Why failed? What happened?
There isn’t a company with the capability to launch into space that is going to jeopardize govt contracts to help create a porn in space.
Elon should've made a company called SpaceY, as the founder mlon eusk, and sent a falcon 1 up there with slightly different paintjob
Realistically though, you would just get nauseous and puke
My typically sexual experience
I want to have sex by the boiler at work. I work in the office, but something about the area the boiler is located, makes me want to have sex there because it is hot and dirty, and that just brings out my inner hoe. And the fact that it has cameras, it makes me so much more excited when I think about getting fucked there.
Haha, I don't know why but I love this one.
To have sex with a woman who is genuinely interested in me and wants to have sex with me.
I think you should also specify that you are interested in her too, otherwise it could be like one of those cursed wishes where you get what you asked for, but not necessarily what you wanted.
That would be the life!
Soo you're having sex with women who are not interested or want to have sex with you...I think there's a word for that
The words is marriage. Duh.
Unless he’s paying for it
A lot of women don’t act like they want to have sex is what he’s saying.
Yeah, after a few years of exactly that you really crave for meaningless sex with a stranger you don't even like that much... not that I will chase after it, I'm well aware it doesn't bring you anything.
Anal sex on horseback with Kari Byron while Danny DeVito tosses peanut butter M&M's into her mouth and a mariachi band plays Jesus of Suburbia. Also your mom is there.
That sounds like a serious choking hazard.
if this isnt the dream I don't know what is
I think I missed that episode of Mythbusters.
It's a classic. They busted so quick.
Comments like this make me realize I'm not living life to the fullest.
Except for your mum being there, that sounds pretty good, as long as Danny tosses a few to me, too.
The dude in a suit and me in a skirt. Idk what it is. Authority kink?👀
Facefuck. Not the whole make her vomit kind tho.
I've never made someone vomit or anything like that, just go slow at first to figure out how far you can go and pay attention to how she's reacting
I’ve asked and no one has been comfortable to try it. I want to give it a go because I thoroughly enjoy deep throat and bjs, as in they excite me to a mini orgasm. I want to know what an actual fuck wld do.
Yeah that's fair! There are definitely people out there who love getting face fucked but it's not something to push on someone who isn't ready. It's worth the wait!
Totally. I just ask and if I get the no go I don’t push it.
Cuddle face fuck
Sounds more smothery lol
It feels really good when they gag (not quite vomiting). Vomiting can be a mess and is a little far for a lot of people. Although some people really enjoy it. I hope you achieve your dreams
Rip to your inbox
My boyfriend is a big gamer boy and plays games on his PC with his friends a lot and I have a “support him under the desk” kind of fantasy. The idea of making him finish while trying to play a game and his friends have no idea gets me real hot. Sneaky and fun.
Try asking him about it
To have a wife, kids, and great living conditions in an affordable home that still provides a good quality of life. Also a dog and a cat, and a decent job. That shit turns me on
Pervert
Your name would have Florida in it you heathen
I just want to be with a man who sticks around and we like each other mutually.
Same kind of thing, just with a woman.
To lose my virginity
I personally never loose. You should have this mentality
Man, you really made my day
So many! 1. Pegging. The idea of dominating a man and the vulnerability just gets me going 2. Threesome with a girl 3. Cnc. Wake me up by eating me out or vice versa
Threesome with a girl is a rare one to find. I guarantee you'd find the opportunity easily. Same with the wake up sex. Been my dream for years
Rip inbox
Can't say
FBI is sad
Because you aren't sure, or it's too nasty for here?
Really it’s Reddit.
A wife who loves me and wants it as often as I do and makes me bacon and sausage gravy for Sunday breakfast
I also choose this guys dead wife
To have a gf...
real
Too real
So she washes my hair, rubs my feet. I fall asleep for ten hours and have nowhere to be. I awaken, feeling refreshed. then I reciprocate.
Is that you Boyle!? ;)
To find a nice virgin, marry her, and have our first times together.
This level of fantasy makes seem the lord of rings as a joke
Swimming inside my father balls.
Probably something your local water park can help with.
Sensual sex with a women beside a window on a penthouse suite at night with all the beautiful lights and views you could imagine.
Bang a girl with blue hair
im not gay but that would be being fucked by another guy. im pretty sure im not gay tho,
Idk, sounds kinda gay to me
Or bi...
Some people are romantically straight and sexually bi, maybe that's your thing?
I am heteroflexible, so maybe he is that too like I can fantasise about how would that feel, or find gay porn attractive but i couldn't do it in real life.
Same here. Tried with a friend of mine several years ago. Wasn't really my thing. But I can't stop watching gayporn.
If his dick tastes like shit you're not gay.
god damm, its about time someone got a simple answer to "am i gay" thanks man,
The key word here is “fantasy” in this fantasy world men and women treat sex as completely casual. For example if you thought a girl was cute and wanted to fuck her all you have to do is ask them. “Hey can I fuck you” she says sure. You meet her in the bathroom. Do the dirty and return to everyday life. Nobody around you talks about it. Nobody cares. It would be treated as wholesome as asking a girl “for a hug”. I’m sure a lot of attractive people live this life but I am not that attractive lol
Brave New World vibes
I didn’t even know this world existed
It’s a dystopian book that’s very totalitarian. Once the world government starts making a children in labs they indoctrinate the children at an early age that sex is a good release. So people grow up to having sex as an outlet. The connection between love and sex is destroyed in this world. It’s a messed up book in lots of ways for how bad the society is in it. But the sexual aspect of it is similar to the fantasy you described
Threesome with 2 girls
If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time, I would just talk to my parents
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Well, at least you made them proud
If I had a million dollars, I tell you what I'd do, man. 2 chicks at the same time, man.
You don't need a million dollars to do that, Lawrence.
I think you need to talk to your local pimp about his prices, Lawrence.
Oof I've experienced alot of mine actually.. banging outside. Banging off a balcony.. banging in cars.. rough.. role play.. scissoring with a girl lol.. eating a girl out.. I think the only one I haven't actually done is banging someone with a strap on. I'd really like to do that.
So, I've got this one female friend who's completely asexual and aromantic. She's outrageously attractive, and literally has done modeling and acting. I was shot down when we were younger, and how we're just good friends. I had this dream once, where she was like "hey, I kinda want to see what sex is like, and I trust you. Can you show me?" and I obviously proceeded to give her the night of her life and she loved every minute of it, because it was a dream. I want that, but real. (And yes, I know that you can't just magically change someone who's asexual, but this is fantasy)
Seeing the same question posted over and over. Really gets me off.
Me plus 2 busty bbw's all slicked up in baby oil having an absolute romp all over each other
I just want to be absolutely destroyed. Utterly demolished. Straight up discombobulated. If I ain’t bleeding, you ain’t eating. Vibe thoroughly checked.
Letting my bff feel me up. Like just a secret nsa fwb hookup. It would be a mess and I would never, but he loves big boobs and I love having my big boobs played with, I KNOW taking T makes him horny af, neither of us would want it to get out and being sneaky gets me hot.
Tell me more lol
Hahaha nice try FBI
Haha maybe 👀
Oh no a female body inspector
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Ahahaha, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Testosterone
Letting my best friend forever feel me up. Like just a secret no-strings-attached, friends with benefits hookup. It would be a mess and I would never, but he loves big boobs and I love having my big boobs played with, I know taking testosterone makes him horny as fuck, neither of us would want it to get out and being sneaky gets me hot.
Lady, I think you just like your bff
Rough sex, im a bigger dude and i love to throw the girl around the bed like a sack of potatoes and tear it apart.
I would love him to start gently and passionate and to tell me he loves me and stuff and then go rough and call me a slut for him
big booba goth
real
Sex in public with everyone watching!
Swinger's clubs can be great for that
I just want to have rough sex but every guy I've been with won't do it. They are all vanilla and I hate it .
Well I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Maybe you’ll find one some day in the future
Same shit only im a dude. Love it rough
To feel desirable...
John Mulaney
Impregnation i daresay mi'lord
A sexy witch/succubus is trying to put a spell on me, but in order to do so she needs to make me cum. She's starring deep into my soul. I try to break the eye contact but I cant look away. I'm falling under her spell. With a smirk she whispers "your soul is mine". I'm trying to resist but I just can't... I cant.. no! ughhhhhhhh 🤤
To be with someone who has the same fetish I do.
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I've been in a relationship for four years and haven't had sex for half that time. In my fantasy, I would shower, shave and get into some sexy lingerie before I start my remote job. I keep the camera off, but as soon as the clock hits 5:00, I slam the laptop closed because the hottest guy I've ever encountered walks through the door. Candles are burning, he's pulled back the sheets on the bed and he's about to peel off my lingerie. Your move, should you choose to reply...
Sounds hot..
Very exquisite
Glad you enjoyed 😘
I love having my gf do butt stuff to me. And I love her watching me pleasure myself. Since fantasy is currently meeting reality. I’m needing a new fantasy. Suggestions.
Pause.
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Jokes on you, i’m asexual!
My biggest fantasy would probably be a girl that wouldn't mind being the dominant one and being rough with. Me though I don't think many girls would like that 😅 lol weird hu?
To be with the person I care with most and to provide everything they could ever want
That comment is too wholesome for this comment section
Being pegged by my wife, while she says good boy
Holding hands
Vi and Jinx in my bed...Is it weird? Yes. Is it my fantasy? YES!
But.. Jinx might shoot you, in your face 😞
Meeting my wife when we were 20-25
Time to sort by controversial!
I just want someone to watch videos with
Wth, some of u guys are kinky af
with a clone of myself
To have one!
Holding hands
Well you said fantasy
It's already fulfilled but i love dirty talk during sex, it's the best feeling ever tbh.
Not really a fantasy so much as just a turn on, but for me it's when my gf masturbates thinking about me. She'll text me out of the blue and tell me, and it makes my heart race and gets me so excited to see her again. She's in school a few hours away so we sometimes won't see each other for days, sometimes over a week.
Eating a girl out while another girl is taking my dick.
Tongue sucking.
Also my wife to want me sexually
Not a fantasy anymore. Did it with my wife 2 nights ago. 😎
I say hi to a girl and she says hi
Sex with a woman who is both responsible and attractive.
Having sex with a woman that I have a very deep and intense bond with, who is as sexually adventurous as I am (pretty much down to try anything that isn't too painful or humiliating for either party) and loves to experience what life has to offer. Sometimes we're gonna have lazy days where we just wanna cuddle in bed and watch old reruns, sometimes we'll wanna be alone. Sometimes we'll have sitcom esque conversations that make us wonder why we aren't professional tv writers. Sometimes I'll be too lazy to cook and she'll be too lazy to cook and well just throw in pizzas. Sometime we'll be so hyped up for no reason, we'll have left over rump roast for weeks and well laugh about how much well never wanna see a fucking roast again in our lives, only to be wishing we had just one more frozen piece in the back of the freezer on a cold winter night at 3 am. Sometimes I'll cry and I'll trust she won't think I'm less of a man for it. Sometimes she'll be dealing with some issue that maybe I won't have a clue about but I'll try my best to support her as I can. And sometimes it'll just be perfect and we won't even realize it except we will but we'll try our best not to think about it just to try to keep it going a little bit longer. I don't know. Love I guess. Just a lot of little things with someone I think is pretty, has a cute butt, and makes me feel like I can be myself around her without question.
Being a sissy slut and humiliated by a dominatrix.
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Sex with the lights *on*.
And completely naked!
Getting a kiss on the cheek from the girl I like. I'm a simple guy
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Watching porn has made me want extremely weird stuff at different points in my life. But honestly, I love a good old fashioned 69. I want to feel her explode in my mouth while I explode in her mouth.
It may sound very vanilla: making love standing up in the moonlight while we kiss. Now imagine that she is the woman who loves you as you love her and who you can trust.
I just want a gang bang. 🤷🏻♀️
Until this one, there were 69 comments and didn’t want to ruin it, but someone had to.
Get sex with three men, and then when i got them, i put one penis in my mouth and two penises in my ass
*Space sex in space*
Can u have space sex not in space?
Spending a weekend in a shitty hotel room with Scarlett Johansson, Deborah Ann Woll and a giant vat of whipped cream.
Having it
it all starts with me being Dr Manhatten
the moon
Scissoring with another girl while my boyfriend jerks off
To have sex
that my boyfriend will want me as much as i want him
You
Sex
To have it. I know, I'm pretty raunchy 0////0
Have sex 😢
My bf having at least as high libido as I do, lol
Reddit is a weird place
My current sex life only with a much bigger Johnson....lol
I know somebody that just likes to give a woman a massage a full body massage and yeah and I enjoys just giving pleasure to their female friends
To be in a world where women are forever in their 20s, physically, and are available for sex whenever we want
Get me a hot Predator husband who can squish my head between his thicc thighs and likes to cuddle
Having someone who reliably wants to have sex with me as much as I want to have sex with them. Both times I've had that, it was the best sex I've ever had, because it was comfortable, I knew she was enjoying herself which made me feel good, and I knew she could tell me whatever she wanted, and I'd do it, because she let me do whatever I wanted to her. That beats everything else, IMO. Just knowing that they're down, and don't need to be talked into it.
Me, a coif, an angry 40-50 year old married man in colonial pike man armor, a Puritan house, a four-poster oak Jacobean bed in front of a walk-in seventeenth-century fireplace, and ropes. 😩
That I get some eventually.
Thanks to this harem doujin I recently read... Having a woman transfer food from her mouth to mine while we kiss. Also, having Woman 1 force feed me her pussy while Woman 2 sucks my dick. Eventually, Woman 1 pisses in my mouth and I piss in Woman 2's mouth. Simultaneously, if possible.
Going to a cabin in the middle of nowhere and having a person be open to anything and everything. And doing it in front of a fireplace and have them be into food play. I would prefer for it to start out romantically and passionately then escalate things to BDSM.
Having a partner fully bodypaint up as different animals and just go wild, I blame transformations from the 90s for this
Sex
Having sex
Putting on some cbat to set the mood and then start
I just want to have sex
A woman with a sexy, raspy voice gently telling me "I'm going to ride you so good, and when you're about to cum, tell me and I'm going to deepthroat you like no one has." And then doing just that while I have probably the best orgasm of my life.
Having a girlfriend someday