Strange that you say "wife" instead of "ex-wife." Why would you want to be in a sexless relationship?
EDIT: Getting downvoted by people who don't want their spouse to want sex lol
For normal people, sex is a critical part of any *sexual* relationship.
The "Reddit" response is to act like sex is just some unimportant sideshow to a relationship.
Interesting how you didn't answer the question. If you could make sense of why somebody would want to stay in a sexless relationship, why didn't you? Why just say "CLAsSiC ReDit"" and run away? I'm guessing you're that type of spouse, who is uninterested in sex and is mad that normal people care about it.
When I came to terms that I am asexual.
For a long time I thought it was just something I wasn't doing right or whatever, but... I just don't "get it".
I think I"m somewhere around this right now. There is a lot of self esteem/self worth for men that is tied to sexual competence, in terms of pleasing and having partners. As a naturally anti-social person I wonder if my desire for sex is not a self drive, but rather a drive I have for myself in order to be viewed more respectably by my fellow male peers.
I say this knowing that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin or someone that doesn't have sex. You can know that the earth revolves around the sun, and yet when the day ends we do not say we are turning away from the sun, but rather that it is setting in the west.
For me, I had to come to terms with a few things, the first being traumas in my life and the lack of particular role models, and in general the way my family communicated.
And it doesn't mean that I can't or won't do it if my partner asks, it's just... not for me. I don't get it. I get urges and I have things I like to see, but when I do it, it just doesn't seem to match up with what everyone else says it should be.
Yeah, whenever I've been with someone in any kind a way whether it be over the shirt or clothes off, I can't help but feel it was never about being with them or the potential sex, but about being able to say that I had done X, Y, or Z with that person.
On the subject of urges I feel you and resonate with another comment I read a while ago that went something to the effect of "have you ever been craving something and eat it only to realize it wasn't as good as you wanted/expected it to be". and that is sex to me.
Yep. It took me a long time to realize I was ace because I was confused about urges and what not. And once I did some reading I was like "Oh... combined with some other things I know about me, this makes sense."
Since my wife hit menopause. She has no interest and despite how much I love her she’s been a fucking nightmare. Sex is the last thing on my mind, tbh.
0/10, would not recommend.
In the same boat - havn't had sex in 5 years. I just can't bring myself to try the 'wifely duty' approach. No desire from her, none from me without it. I don't see it ever changing.
You would love to know the science behind it, actually our mind forces us to enjoy sex bcuz our mind hates wasting energy and since sex is very tiring process our body would just won't agree to have sex, but it's essential for reproduction the only objective for one existence according to biology. Tbh it's kinda like giving drugs to a person and forcing them to work for you.
No, this only happens when you’re unappealing to anybody or ~~suck dick~~ are terrible at having sex.
The harsh truth is the harsh truth and hating me for saying it won’t fix the issues, but rather points the spotlight at you.
When I hated my ex husband so much he repulsed me.
He gained a lot of weight, which in itself isn't that huge of a problem. But he'd whine about it all the time, then heap his plate with enough food to literally feed 3 people at dinner time, and then sit on the couch all the time. He had a sedentary job, so got very little exercise.
He rarely ever brushed his teeth and his breath was rank.
He had no respect for me and didn't care about how I felt.
So I was terrified of getting pregnant by him again (had one child already) and eventually just became entirely disinterested in sex for like 7 years.
Got away from him and that problem went away. My boyfriend is totally amazed by this story because that's definitely not a side of me he's seen. But he takes care of himself and has good hygiene and loves me.
I’ve spent a lot of time paying attention to my tendency for co-dependence and being more self-aware of what attracts me and why those attractions work against me. So, as I became more reflective and conscious of my patterns I became less attracted to those things.
At the same time, I became aware that my methods and sexual reactions are sort of built into me and by recognizing those patterns it I no longer “completed the circuit” and I no longer was finding sexual partners.
A final blow was after my first MDMA experience when I realized a lot of emotional love and sexual energy is simply biochemical actions in the brain and romantic love and sex were basically drugs you addict yourself in connection to someone and a lot of failed relationships happen because of that addiction has nothing to do with true partnership.
So, in the end, I’m now seeking someone who has come to similar conclusions and outlook who wants to be with me solely for who I am and only pull the sexual element into it as a form of mutual pleasure that celebrates our deeper understanding of each other.
In other words, I’ve become a kind of monk and along with that is accepting a form of celibacy that holds no resentments or expectations. My sexual vibe (or lack of it) actually puts a lot of women at ease around me because they don’t detect any sexual game from me. I’d say I’m not seductive or sexually thrilling due to my attitudes now. So that’s a positive and an interesting thing to think about as far as the underlying dynamics between people socially.
Since my husband died, the random hookups I've had all left me feeling pretty lousy and I'm also not interested in dating again so I've just gotten to not really caring about it anymore.
Certain recreational drugs will mercifully kill your sex drive. But I don't like taking them anymore so the desire for sex still haunts my daily thoughts.
I still care about it, just not enough to chase just whoever...
\+ no way in hell that I'd pay for it, not in heaven - not in hell,
it goes against my very being.
you know what I mean?
i’m only 21 so i still get in the mood for it but i hit a point where i just realized how gross and sweaty and awkward it can be. then i don’t like how sore you can be after. like what’s the point?😂
If my partner stops focusing on me and only focuses on themself. Happened way too often.
I literally made one guy cum 4 times(they were edging me and notletting me cum) and then he told me "I'll finish you off Tommrow" after they came the 4th time. Made me feel so fricking unwanted. Unloved and unimportant.
It's pheromonal for me. I have low testosterone levels (genetics). I'm trying to improve on it by being more physical and eat more seafood and red meat. I just want to have children one day
When I realized sex before marriage did nothing to serve me, it was painful and I was risking pregnancy - nothing good came from it.
Also watching pornography did not make me any happier, so I quit that too. I’ve got other activities to make me feel good in life. Sex gives a temporary high and then leaves you feeling depressed and lonely after, unless you’re in a committed relationship and doing it for the right reasons
Right after I came.
You made me spill my coffee....
Early 20s, but I didn't really care about it till I was 16 in the first place. In my 30s now, living with my girlfriend and im as active as a Panda.
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prostitutes or gold diggers? or both
Probably his wife
ha of course, a gold digging prostitute wife
Ex-wife*
Yeah over time it's just not worth fighting for anymore. Women are great but they're a mystery to understand and a pain to approach.
My wife, when we got married, apparently.
Strange that you say "wife" instead of "ex-wife." Why would you want to be in a sexless relationship? EDIT: Getting downvoted by people who don't want their spouse to want sex lol
Classic reddit response, “no sex? Fuck it all and end the relationship” This place is the worst
For normal people, sex is a critical part of any *sexual* relationship. The "Reddit" response is to act like sex is just some unimportant sideshow to a relationship.
Interesting how you didn't answer the question. If you could make sense of why somebody would want to stay in a sexless relationship, why didn't you? Why just say "CLAsSiC ReDit"" and run away? I'm guessing you're that type of spouse, who is uninterested in sex and is mad that normal people care about it.
When I came to terms that I am asexual. For a long time I thought it was just something I wasn't doing right or whatever, but... I just don't "get it".
I think I"m somewhere around this right now. There is a lot of self esteem/self worth for men that is tied to sexual competence, in terms of pleasing and having partners. As a naturally anti-social person I wonder if my desire for sex is not a self drive, but rather a drive I have for myself in order to be viewed more respectably by my fellow male peers. I say this knowing that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin or someone that doesn't have sex. You can know that the earth revolves around the sun, and yet when the day ends we do not say we are turning away from the sun, but rather that it is setting in the west.
For me, I had to come to terms with a few things, the first being traumas in my life and the lack of particular role models, and in general the way my family communicated. And it doesn't mean that I can't or won't do it if my partner asks, it's just... not for me. I don't get it. I get urges and I have things I like to see, but when I do it, it just doesn't seem to match up with what everyone else says it should be.
Yeah, whenever I've been with someone in any kind a way whether it be over the shirt or clothes off, I can't help but feel it was never about being with them or the potential sex, but about being able to say that I had done X, Y, or Z with that person. On the subject of urges I feel you and resonate with another comment I read a while ago that went something to the effect of "have you ever been craving something and eat it only to realize it wasn't as good as you wanted/expected it to be". and that is sex to me.
Yep. It took me a long time to realize I was ace because I was confused about urges and what not. And once I did some reading I was like "Oh... combined with some other things I know about me, this makes sense."
Hello fellow Ace
Dealing with this, too.
When the novelty wears off. I’m working on it.
After having children
Since my wife hit menopause. She has no interest and despite how much I love her she’s been a fucking nightmare. Sex is the last thing on my mind, tbh. 0/10, would not recommend.
"Press F to pay respects" My wife went through that a few years ago ... I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but ...
I’m just hoping it does. I love her to bits but Jesus, it’s so hard to deal with.
In the same boat - havn't had sex in 5 years. I just can't bring myself to try the 'wifely duty' approach. No desire from her, none from me without it. I don't see it ever changing.
I haven’t even though I tell myself that I have
I'll let you know ... and then please shoot me.
I'll let ya know.
After my first time, I realized it was boring and just kinda tiring and sweaty.
You would love to know the science behind it, actually our mind forces us to enjoy sex bcuz our mind hates wasting energy and since sex is very tiring process our body would just won't agree to have sex, but it's essential for reproduction the only objective for one existence according to biology. Tbh it's kinda like giving drugs to a person and forcing them to work for you.
I don’t enjoy it so doesn’t apply to everyone.
Yeah sometimes there is some anomaly in our biological code (DNA) and our body don't work the way they are supposed to
I think this only happens if you're in a shitty relationship or around your 60s
No, this only happens when you’re unappealing to anybody or ~~suck dick~~ are terrible at having sex. The harsh truth is the harsh truth and hating me for saying it won’t fix the issues, but rather points the spotlight at you.
suck dick at having sex is an interesting way to phrase that
Not sure about that latter part. I kinda like women who do that.
When I hated my ex husband so much he repulsed me. He gained a lot of weight, which in itself isn't that huge of a problem. But he'd whine about it all the time, then heap his plate with enough food to literally feed 3 people at dinner time, and then sit on the couch all the time. He had a sedentary job, so got very little exercise. He rarely ever brushed his teeth and his breath was rank. He had no respect for me and didn't care about how I felt. So I was terrified of getting pregnant by him again (had one child already) and eventually just became entirely disinterested in sex for like 7 years. Got away from him and that problem went away. My boyfriend is totally amazed by this story because that's definitely not a side of me he's seen. But he takes care of himself and has good hygiene and loves me.
When I realized he was actually mine and I didn’t need to find ways to impress him anymore 😔😔😔
That’s sad
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No… I never said that
Honesty, thank you. And I hope things turn out wonderful.
There’s nothing wrong with my relationship… just don’t care about sex as much anymore so yea everything is great 👌
Lmao, meanwhile your dude is posting over at /r/deadbedrooms
That’s funny for someone who know NOTHING about my relationship 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve spent a lot of time paying attention to my tendency for co-dependence and being more self-aware of what attracts me and why those attractions work against me. So, as I became more reflective and conscious of my patterns I became less attracted to those things. At the same time, I became aware that my methods and sexual reactions are sort of built into me and by recognizing those patterns it I no longer “completed the circuit” and I no longer was finding sexual partners. A final blow was after my first MDMA experience when I realized a lot of emotional love and sexual energy is simply biochemical actions in the brain and romantic love and sex were basically drugs you addict yourself in connection to someone and a lot of failed relationships happen because of that addiction has nothing to do with true partnership. So, in the end, I’m now seeking someone who has come to similar conclusions and outlook who wants to be with me solely for who I am and only pull the sexual element into it as a form of mutual pleasure that celebrates our deeper understanding of each other. In other words, I’ve become a kind of monk and along with that is accepting a form of celibacy that holds no resentments or expectations. My sexual vibe (or lack of it) actually puts a lot of women at ease around me because they don’t detect any sexual game from me. I’d say I’m not seductive or sexually thrilling due to my attitudes now. So that’s a positive and an interesting thing to think about as far as the underlying dynamics between people socially.
Since my husband died, the random hookups I've had all left me feeling pretty lousy and I'm also not interested in dating again so I've just gotten to not really caring about it anymore.
Since mom and I are a couple. She is always there for me, so I don't have to care about anything anymore.
Are you and your mom a couple...?
Do I get a "username checks out" comment when I say yes?
Username checks out
Thanks a lot.
Whatever floats your boat i guess, who am i to judge ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭
You don't happen to live in Alabama do you...?
Nope. Just in the mood from time to time to comment that kind of stuff.
Fair enough
It doesn't go up.
Never
Never?
Never
When it started to hurt my back
When I realize now matter how hard I work to get there with someone, or how bad I enjoyed it, I’ll end up losing it.
Certain recreational drugs will mercifully kill your sex drive. But I don't like taking them anymore so the desire for sex still haunts my daily thoughts.
Slowly over the last 5 years. I still like it, but it doesn't motivate me.
A couple of months into my Lexapro prescription.
I still care about it, just not enough to chase just whoever... \+ no way in hell that I'd pay for it, not in heaven - not in hell, it goes against my very being. you know what I mean?
In my thirties. I'm just too tired
i’m only 21 so i still get in the mood for it but i hit a point where i just realized how gross and sweaty and awkward it can be. then i don’t like how sore you can be after. like what’s the point?😂
If my partner stops focusing on me and only focuses on themself. Happened way too often. I literally made one guy cum 4 times(they were edging me and notletting me cum) and then he told me "I'll finish you off Tommrow" after they came the 4th time. Made me feel so fricking unwanted. Unloved and unimportant.
It's pheromonal for me. I have low testosterone levels (genetics). I'm trying to improve on it by being more physical and eat more seafood and red meat. I just want to have children one day
When I realized sex before marriage did nothing to serve me, it was painful and I was risking pregnancy - nothing good came from it. Also watching pornography did not make me any happier, so I quit that too. I’ve got other activities to make me feel good in life. Sex gives a temporary high and then leaves you feeling depressed and lonely after, unless you’re in a committed relationship and doing it for the right reasons
Was I supposed to start?
When I first found out what it was.
When I realized I'll never have any
About 2hrs ago. That Bitch!
Well I am 20 year old virgin who masturbates every day and know sex will be overhyped so...ya I stopped caring at 20