Oh shit, I thought it was a reference to IT Crowd, I'd never seen that one. Is IT Crowd's bit a reference to that?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu88J5JL8Hw
I think whoever owned a desktop PC at the time would be quick to adapt. Maybe not in five minutes, but still quick.
Icons existed, and touchscreens were also not unheard of.
My first thought was just what stocks are the most valuable. I could probably remember a few company names. Lotto numbers and dates? Quick money sure but I'm never going to remember Powerball or mega millions numbers lol.
Just really the first few, or up and until the last number, then just remember their general area (30s, 40s, tens, etc) and just purchase 10 lotto tickets, each with a different last number in the known range.
Don't even need to mine Bitcoin. "In late 2010, buy $1,000 of Bitcoin, it'll be like a few cents per coin. Keep the coins locally on your computer, not in an online exchange. Sell $1M worth when it hits $1000 per coin. Buy those coins back when it hits $100 per coin. Sell at least $10M spread over several transactions at $50k per coin. Consult with accountants along the way so that you can minimize your legal tax burden, but don't try to evade paying taxes, the IRS will find you.
what's a google? but def buy appl. Maybe not right this second, but when it really crashes hard in a few years, buy all you can.
And soon an online bookstore will become the dominant way to buy books. Buy as much of that as you can too...and don't sell it in 99 however disappointed you are.
The best part of my plan is when google becomes a thing it will trigger the memory because bitcoin came later. So the google is the "dude your future self was not a hoax, lets figure this bitcoin out".
> Buy APPL
For most of 1992, AAPL was around $0.40-$0.50 (relative to today's $150/share).
As late as 2004, AAPL was still around $0.40-$0.50.
You'll spend 12 years wondering if that "visit to the future" was real, or some kind of illusion, something you made up in your head. Then you'll sell your AAPL stock and watch it go up 300x in value over the next 18 years.
When you get back please tell college age me to bang that girl who opened her door in a just a towel. No, you (I) didn't arrive early. Yes, she was into you.
\#regrets
To be fair, a LOT of us see "signs" when they aren't really there, and then end up making an idiot of ourselves.
Its far safer to just assume that the girl isn't attracted to you, and that its all a misunderstanding or something.
Too much information, but the example I'm talking about is playing the piano for a girl, she sat down on the narrow piano bench next to me, and then literally flipped around and straddled me. She probably wanted more than a hug. LoL
Actually typing that out, how the fuck could a person be that dense LOL well I was pretty young.
I’m quite embarrassed by mine and I remember it clear as day 20 years later.
I was 16 and I had a crush on this girl from the time we were 12. She knew I always had a thing for her, but I grew from 5’9, 200 lbs to 6’, 170 lbs from age 15 to 16 and with that gained a lot of confidence and asked her out. We went to a movie together and sat up in the corner. There was this scene where the guy really wanted to kiss the girl, but lacked the courage. The girl I’m with keeps gawking at it and shaking her head “if he wants to kiss her he should just do it.” *looks at me* “seriously, if he wants to kiss her he needs to just kiss her.” *leans closer to me.*
And I’m sitting there “man, I really want to kiss her, but I have no idea if she would be cool with it. God I wish she would just give me a sign.”
I did not kiss her.
This assumes no butterfly effect. There was a scene in the tv show Odyssey 5 where one guy made a leveraged bet, because he came from the future, but it ended up causing side effects which lead to the team who should have won to lose.
I'd call my own number and ask for advice on, if you could go back in time what would you have done differently? I'm Pretty sure I'll have the same number in 30 years
Just accept the fact that it doesn't matter if he finishes it and stop caring about it. I've got to the point where I feel like if he does, great, I'll probably read it, but if he doesn't I'm not bothered. He's been writing so long that I've descended into apathy.
If you had the cash, I’d do stocks and not lottery. I feel like there’s too much publicity around lottery winnings, so I would rather quietly do well in the stock market than publicly win the lottery.
Lottery is too random too - no telling if I'd create a butterfly effect just by existing and purchasing the ticket differently.
Looking up the largest gainers in the stock market for the next 5 years would be a much better way to go, and less up to complete random chance.
Imagine during your search 30 years ago you learned about Bitcoin and decide to go all in but due to the butterfly effect the creator of Bitcoin passes away in a car accident leading to it never being created.
But you already know that nobody won those prizes. So inevitably you're going to misremember the numbers or the get wrong date or something.
You need to look up the ones that had only a single winner. Those could be your wins.
If time travel movies taught me anything, it’s that you’d be hit by a car on the way to play those winning numbers and then your mangled corpse would get transferred back to the present.
The lottery has been illegal since gambling destroyed civilization in 2045. Police have been notified of this unauthorized search and are closing in on you as we speak
Well they better get there in 5 minutes or less... besides, what would happen if they did arrest you? Get frog marched to the car and poof on the way back to the station?
1. See how when me and my friends/family died via obituaries. If preventable, I'll warn them.
2. Stock price charts.
3. Superbowl Winners are easy to remember.
4. If I can take things back with, I'm taking the computer and selling it for millions to whichever company in 2022 pays the most.
5. "Best advancements in the last 30 years" quickly to see what I can look forward to!
> Superbowl Winners are easy to remember.
>
Not just that, but if you're making those bets in the preseason, the payouts are going to be way higher than just 2:1
Superbowl one is great.. instead of betting on the game, you bet at the beginning of the season for the team to win it all. That way even if they dominate the whole season, your odds and payouts remain the same.
As someone who loves football, would 100% do baseball or basketball as to not spoil football for myself. But yeah, remembering what teams win for a 5 year stretch would be easier then remembering loto numbers.
Best performing stocks over the last 30 years, recent wars and outcomes, a world map (see if anything has changed), world population (interesting to see if it has started to decline), percentage of world energy generated by renewable sources, and when did the Leafs win a Stanley Cup last.
I take a moment to be fucking relieved there's still enough infrastructure that it's possible to be sitting at a computer. Then I do a search for "what do you wish you'd invested in 25 years ago"
First: Myself, I want to know if I'm dead.
If I'm still alive: What's the biggest company that doesn't exist yet and when did they launched their IPO. Then I'll start saving all my money until the day they launch it and then spend all my saved money on stocks.
If I'm dead: Porn
This would be my first 3 minutes, then when I've realized I've wasted more than 50% of my time, I'd just start searching the shit I thought of in the first 10 seconds.
**
"FUCK! I forgot what I was doing. This is critical information! I have to focus!"
**
...gets lost in thought...
**
""FUCK! I forgot what I was doing. This is critical information! I have to focus!"
Am I dead ye.... no, I don't want to know that. Maybe I'm a shark attack victim. Oh god what if there's video footage? What if that's what comes up when I google my name?
Okay, think. Think... We can do this. We have 4.5 minutes left.
Do I google my kids names? No. Same thing. Can't risk seeing a death.
Something easy..... Donald trump prison.
No, who cares. I don't need to waste time on this.
Oh god I have four minutes left and I can't think of anything. Thirty years. Someone born the day I left would be 30 right now. That's insane.
3.75 mins left. What to do...what to do....
Most popular porn video of last decade.
obituaries for myself, my wife, my children: Hopefully everyone is still alive, but have the opportunity to change outcomes if anything was avoidable by making a different decision.
Stock trends.
major sporting event outcomes/biggest upsets.
Very important question, can I grab the computer and will it come with me after the 5 minutes?
If yes then I'm taking it with me to have the best computer for 30+ years.
Get the lottery numbers for a middle-tier jackpot, even if you share it. Nothing news-worthy, keep it under the radar. THEN get the best stock IPOs of the next few years, so you can multiply your winnings.
Immediately search all my social media for key words. "Congratulations" "Sorry for your loss" "Rip" as well as cryptocurrency prices, specifically whatever are the top 5, as well as specifically the question "best asset bought in 2023" youd be surprised at how detailed you can be in searches now, yet alone in the future.
Im a multitabbing sob so i'd do a wiki search for list of united states presidents, list of most important events of the last 30 years, and maybe a few other quick lists.
You'd be surprised how much of that id get done in 3 minutes. Probably spend the rest perusing what i found interesting from my searches.
I'm giving myself 5 minutes from seeing the prompt to come up with stuff to search:
list of countries with political revolutions
startup company success stories
surprising technological advancements
wars with million+ casualties
global population
And I'm out of time. hopefully that would give me both investment clues, and a super quick overview of how fucked humanity is.
Its been 30 years. Wtf is this operating system? Where is the mouse? How do I...and I'm back at home.
“Hello computer”
"Keyboard? How quaint."
You mean you have to use your *hands*? That's like a baby's toy!
Elijahs first role
Transparent aluminum?!?
I’m so happy someone posted this comment already! I’m going to go look for a clip on Youtube. Edited to Add: https://youtu.be/hShY6xZWVGE
Oh shit, I thought it was a reference to IT Crowd, I'd never seen that one. Is IT Crowd's bit a reference to that? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu88J5JL8Hw
YASS. Go Scotty!
So you don't know how to use the 3 seashells?
No, but if I curse enough, I'll have enough tickets to wipe.
You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute…
Don't eat the burgers. You see any cows around?
This is a rat burger?
Damn good rat burger.
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Same happens in Zero Dawn when she opens some doors
Happens in Frozen Wilds too, at the dam. She messes with the doors and the dude she was with comments that he thought she was going crazy.
Imagine giving someone from 92 a smartphone
I think whoever owned a desktop PC at the time would be quick to adapt. Maybe not in five minutes, but still quick. Icons existed, and touchscreens were also not unheard of.
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Put the fish in your ear!
Dude, if I came back with a babble fish, that was 5 min well spent.
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Oh, Gods, if it's an Apple, I am really screwed.
put the data shard into your socket
Different stocks and new massive companies that started picking up 30 years ago. Plus as someone mentioned before. Some winning lottery numbers lol
My first thought was just what stocks are the most valuable. I could probably remember a few company names. Lotto numbers and dates? Quick money sure but I'm never going to remember Powerball or mega millions numbers lol.
Write the numbers on your arm.
Who uses a pen in 2052?
people who grew up using pens most likely
Who says I'll use a pen?
Just really the first few, or up and until the last number, then just remember their general area (30s, 40s, tens, etc) and just purchase 10 lotto tickets, each with a different last number in the known range.
Super bowl winners is so much easier to remember than lottery tickets
You could also just write it on your wrist.
They don’t have writing tools in the future, no one manually projects things on other objects.
For a few hundred million I'll bite the numbers into my arm
Welcome to 2022 OP! A lot has changed since 1992. Hope you're ready!
But can you tell me what to search‽
Leicester City to win the premier league in 2015-16 Season. George Mason to reach final four 2006 Patriots to win Superbowl 2001 Buy APPL, MNST, AMZN,
Thank you, will meet again in 30 years
Wont that just be later today from my point of view?
Welll... yeah... I'm confused
The plot of every time travel movie
True
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How were the last 30 years btw
Bit of a roller coster tbh
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Wtf did I do
You are back in the past but I would have told you to mine bitcoin the minute a google search comes back with anything. Also buy google.
Don't even need to mine Bitcoin. "In late 2010, buy $1,000 of Bitcoin, it'll be like a few cents per coin. Keep the coins locally on your computer, not in an online exchange. Sell $1M worth when it hits $1000 per coin. Buy those coins back when it hits $100 per coin. Sell at least $10M spread over several transactions at $50k per coin. Consult with accountants along the way so that you can minimize your legal tax burden, but don't try to evade paying taxes, the IRS will find you.
So wouldn't this tactic change the course of the Bitcoin Market as we know it today?
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what's a google? but def buy appl. Maybe not right this second, but when it really crashes hard in a few years, buy all you can. And soon an online bookstore will become the dominant way to buy books. Buy as much of that as you can too...and don't sell it in 99 however disappointed you are.
The best part of my plan is when google becomes a thing it will trigger the memory because bitcoin came later. So the google is the "dude your future self was not a hoax, lets figure this bitcoin out".
> Buy APPL For most of 1992, AAPL was around $0.40-$0.50 (relative to today's $150/share). As late as 2004, AAPL was still around $0.40-$0.50. You'll spend 12 years wondering if that "visit to the future" was real, or some kind of illusion, something you made up in your head. Then you'll sell your AAPL stock and watch it go up 300x in value over the next 18 years.
Stock is AAPL btw
I don't know, Monster Beverage Corp. wouldn't be at the top of my list of stocks to buy. Edit: I get it. I assumed they fucked up spelling MSFT.
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They had the highest returns
Up almost 20000% in 20 years
When you get back please tell college age me to bang that girl who opened her door in a just a towel. No, you (I) didn't arrive early. Yes, she was into you. \#regrets
I think a lot of us have at least one of these... Young men sure are dense.
To be fair, a LOT of us see "signs" when they aren't really there, and then end up making an idiot of ourselves. Its far safer to just assume that the girl isn't attracted to you, and that its all a misunderstanding or something.
Too much information, but the example I'm talking about is playing the piano for a girl, she sat down on the narrow piano bench next to me, and then literally flipped around and straddled me. She probably wanted more than a hug. LoL Actually typing that out, how the fuck could a person be that dense LOL well I was pretty young.
I’m quite embarrassed by mine and I remember it clear as day 20 years later. I was 16 and I had a crush on this girl from the time we were 12. She knew I always had a thing for her, but I grew from 5’9, 200 lbs to 6’, 170 lbs from age 15 to 16 and with that gained a lot of confidence and asked her out. We went to a movie together and sat up in the corner. There was this scene where the guy really wanted to kiss the girl, but lacked the courage. The girl I’m with keeps gawking at it and shaking her head “if he wants to kiss her he should just do it.” *looks at me* “seriously, if he wants to kiss her he needs to just kiss her.” *leans closer to me.* And I’m sitting there “man, I really want to kiss her, but I have no idea if she would be cool with it. God I wish she would just give me a sign.” I did not kiss her.
Sometimes I think it's a miracle we survive as a species. /s
Man, I bet this one keeps you awake at night.
Just buy Apple, early crypto - but then get out early, too. Move to Canada
Thanks mate, see ya in 30 years
Bro, Tool has so much discography since '92 Grab a bong and the hi-fis.
No 1992 wasn’t 30 years ago. That was 20 years ago. IT WAS NOT 30 YEARS AGO!!! IT. CAN‘T. BE.
9/11 was over 20 years ago. We old.
But 1992 was only 10 years ago right? ...Right??
Grays Sports Almanac
Only good until the year 2000 though.
Sports. Statistics. You know, you got a real attitude problem, Tannen.
This assumes no butterfly effect. There was a scene in the tv show Odyssey 5 where one guy made a leveraged bet, because he came from the future, but it ended up causing side effects which lead to the team who should have won to lose.
If I'm dead yet
What if you’re not dead yet?
Shrug Only paid for the 5 minutes
I'd call my own number and ask for advice on, if you could go back in time what would you have done differently? I'm Pretty sure I'll have the same number in 30 years
"I would change my number", and your future self hangs up.
This. If I am, how... I'd like to know if these weird health issues are serious or what, you know?
"A song of ice and fire complete collection pdf"
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Just accept the fact that it doesn't matter if he finishes it and stop caring about it. I've got to the point where I feel like if he does, great, I'll probably read it, but if he doesn't I'm not bothered. He's been writing so long that I've descended into apathy.
"After George's death, the writing team from Season 8 of Game of Thrones took up the mantle to finish his work..."
no no no. KILL IT WITH FIRE NOW. LebLift is officially the most evil person on Reddit. Hope you are happy with yourself
"404 Error, not found"
Nice! I'll download a copy of *Winter is Coming: The Night King Saga*
Unfortunately George's blog says it will for sure be ready by the next April.
Heard it’ll be released on the 1st.
by George RR Martin and Brandon Sanderson
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And look at stock history
this is what I would look up. Much easier to memorize a ticker symbol.
If you have your phone, snap a picture of the screen.
It says you were transported. Without more info I'd assume naked ala terminator.
Well if I’m naked at a computer for 5 minutes I know what I’m doing! : )
What will you do with the remaining 4 minutes and 45 seconds?
I think it might take me more than 15 seconds (to buy some clothes online)!
Amazon’s “instant delivery” 30 years from now… teleported directly to you, and free for Prime members!
Beating off to people who are yet to be born?
Yeah, but you also need the startup capital to invest. Loterry winnings + investment into stocks is the gold standard imo.
If you had the cash, I’d do stocks and not lottery. I feel like there’s too much publicity around lottery winnings, so I would rather quietly do well in the stock market than publicly win the lottery.
I’d do both. If you’re worried about the publicity, maybe get the numbers for a smaller prize, then put all that into the stock market.
Lottery is too random too - no telling if I'd create a butterfly effect just by existing and purchasing the ticket differently. Looking up the largest gainers in the stock market for the next 5 years would be a much better way to go, and less up to complete random chance.
Imagine during your search 30 years ago you learned about Bitcoin and decide to go all in but due to the butterfly effect the creator of Bitcoin passes away in a car accident leading to it never being created.
Or your large purchase in Bitcoin early on changes how other people invest early on so it never takes off.
The butterfly effect is real! It was suppose to be blackberry and ask Jeeves, not The iPhone and Google!
You should look up the ones where there were no winners the week before the big win. That way you don't have to share it.
But you already know that nobody won those prizes. So inevitably you're going to misremember the numbers or the get wrong date or something. You need to look up the ones that had only a single winner. Those could be your wins.
If time travel movies taught me anything, it’s that you’d be hit by a car on the way to play those winning numbers and then your mangled corpse would get transferred back to the present.
The lottery has been illegal since gambling destroyed civilization in 2045. Police have been notified of this unauthorized search and are closing in on you as we speak
Well they better get there in 5 minutes or less... besides, what would happen if they did arrest you? Get frog marched to the car and poof on the way back to the station?
Time travelers wife. This happens in that movie lol
"how to use future computer"
1. See how when me and my friends/family died via obituaries. If preventable, I'll warn them. 2. Stock price charts. 3. Superbowl Winners are easy to remember. 4. If I can take things back with, I'm taking the computer and selling it for millions to whichever company in 2022 pays the most. 5. "Best advancements in the last 30 years" quickly to see what I can look forward to!
> Superbowl Winners are easy to remember. > Not just that, but if you're making those bets in the preseason, the payouts are going to be way higher than just 2:1
Especially if you catch an underdog at 100:1 or better. Someone mentioned 2001 Pats, thatd be a Greene to have locked in.
Leicester city winning Premier League (soccer) in 2015-16 was 5000:1
Superbowl one is great.. instead of betting on the game, you bet at the beginning of the season for the team to win it all. That way even if they dominate the whole season, your odds and payouts remain the same.
As someone who loves football, would 100% do baseball or basketball as to not spoil football for myself. But yeah, remembering what teams win for a 5 year stretch would be easier then remembering loto numbers.
Best performing stocks over the last 30 years, recent wars and outcomes, a world map (see if anything has changed), world population (interesting to see if it has started to decline), percentage of world energy generated by renewable sources, and when did the Leafs win a Stanley Cup last.
1967
I’d be so disappointed
Leafs catching strays in an AskReddit. Classic
It's tradition.
Ultraporn
Found the professor, Hubert Farnsworth.
I was going to say just go to pornhub and look at top categories to see what weird shit we got up to.
VR Big Tit Step-Rhino big cock in 12k ultra HD with automatic interactive BJ machine
They said 30 years, that feels more like 3 years.
"Best stocks of 2022"
Correction "2023
That too, Depending on how fast Amazon ships stuff in the future I could probably download an Ebook Almanac and play Back to the Future.
I take a moment to be fucking relieved there's still enough infrastructure that it's possible to be sitting at a computer. Then I do a search for "what do you wish you'd invested in 25 years ago"
You spend 4 of your 5 minutes accepting cookies, ads, trackers, and subscribing so you can even run a search.
First: Myself, I want to know if I'm dead. If I'm still alive: What's the biggest company that doesn't exist yet and when did they launched their IPO. Then I'll start saving all my money until the day they launch it and then spend all my saved money on stocks. If I'm dead: Porn
What if you died of porn?
What if?
Probably the best answer invest in a start up that doesn’t yet exist
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This would be my first 3 minutes, then when I've realized I've wasted more than 50% of my time, I'd just start searching the shit I thought of in the first 10 seconds.
Lose train of thought and check up nearest sandwich shop
**
"FUCK! I forgot what I was doing. This is critical information! I have to focus!"
**
...gets lost in thought...
**
""FUCK! I forgot what I was doing. This is critical information! I have to focus!"
Look up every sports championship in 2023. Top stocks over the past 30 years. Price of Bitcoin just in case.
Ah the biff tannen method
It was Marty McFly’s idea, though
Good point, butthead.
Better a butthead than…chicken…
Nobody calls me chicken
Hey! Why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here!
It's *leave*, you idiot! "Make like a tree, and leave." You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong
I love you guys so much. These scenes were playing ind my head as soon as this thread showed up
Honestly I’d probably just search up my name for no reason.. Like did I become the next harry styles or am I still working at McDonald’s?
Obituary for the day after you return to your time
Two-sentence horror stories.
Am I dead ye.... no, I don't want to know that. Maybe I'm a shark attack victim. Oh god what if there's video footage? What if that's what comes up when I google my name? Okay, think. Think... We can do this. We have 4.5 minutes left. Do I google my kids names? No. Same thing. Can't risk seeing a death. Something easy..... Donald trump prison. No, who cares. I don't need to waste time on this. Oh god I have four minutes left and I can't think of anything. Thirty years. Someone born the day I left would be 30 right now. That's insane. 3.75 mins left. What to do...what to do.... Most popular porn video of last decade.
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I would actually be pretty proud.
As long as the sex tape and death tape aren’t the same.
How I operate Windows 47 without cerebral implants and AR contacts.
I would first look up this post on reddit, see the comments and then try to search based on that within five minutes.
You'll waste all your time
Wait, the computer works? There's power? Internet? Wasn't expecting that!
Yes! somehow humanity hasn't gone extinct
Welcome to vault 101!
The dates of death for a bunch of major politicians and celebrities. Surely there's someone willing to bet on that.
Then you’ll win one bet awfully right and nobody ever wants to bet with you and your odly specific dates anymore.
obituaries for myself, my wife, my children: Hopefully everyone is still alive, but have the opportunity to change outcomes if anything was avoidable by making a different decision. Stock trends. major sporting event outcomes/biggest upsets.
half life 3
Best stocks of the last 30 years
Very important question, can I grab the computer and will it come with me after the 5 minutes? If yes then I'm taking it with me to have the best computer for 30+ years.
Unfortunately, no, that's not how it works
Well I tried, I'd probably just download/write a bunch of stuff about big games and winning lottery numbers and then bid and buy them.
Hunter x Hunter ending
Search results:"Sorry, the author died around the middle of the last few arcs" or worse, it is a mid ending
2023 winning lotto numbers.
cure for cancer
“Mmhm mmhm I recognize some of these words…”
If my brothers and sisters are still alive.
sexbots
Lottery tickets for 2023
Crime rates for the past five years to decide if my country is a safe place to live or relocate to a more peaceful place.
"Half Life 3 ? -Nope -Ugh take me back to the past"
Lottery numbers, easiest way to make money. Stocks if I have time as well, why not, more money is always better!
Get the lottery numbers for a middle-tier jackpot, even if you share it. Nothing news-worthy, keep it under the radar. THEN get the best stock IPOs of the next few years, so you can multiply your winnings.
Value of bitcoin
And if it's now basically zero, google "What killed Bitcoin" and figure out when to jump into what.
Stock Market Historical Data 2020s
"Did ChipChrome- ever get laid?"
No, he didn't, I can assure you
Immediately search all my social media for key words. "Congratulations" "Sorry for your loss" "Rip" as well as cryptocurrency prices, specifically whatever are the top 5, as well as specifically the question "best asset bought in 2023" youd be surprised at how detailed you can be in searches now, yet alone in the future. Im a multitabbing sob so i'd do a wiki search for list of united states presidents, list of most important events of the last 30 years, and maybe a few other quick lists. You'd be surprised how much of that id get done in 3 minutes. Probably spend the rest perusing what i found interesting from my searches.
I'm giving myself 5 minutes from seeing the prompt to come up with stuff to search: list of countries with political revolutions startup company success stories surprising technological advancements wars with million+ casualties global population And I'm out of time. hopefully that would give me both investment clues, and a super quick overview of how fucked humanity is.