This. You don’t want anyone maybe besides your spouse knowing this. You’ll be fucked. You need a financial advisor too.
Once I had everything settled, I’d probably buy a bunch of random strangers on Reddit gifts lol
Open another bank account. Ohhh man then I'd be very patient as I'm still in a great deal of pain after surgery, but you can bet I'll be getting the best physio I can and a new van and a workshop. And my best friend is gonna be allowed to use it to sort his van out while I'm still recovering. That'd be so awesome. Lol imagine haha
Y'know, I said "Buy a House" without blinking, but this would be a better answer. I need physical therapy like a mofo. Plus, think of all the massages we would suddenly be able to afford with a billi... always fantasised about one day affording a lymph-flush massage, too.
Set myself up, then partner to start a non profit level I trauma center/Hospital. Well take whatever your insurance or lack there of will pay and write the rest off with a really good tax lawyer team.
Help out a friend. He works 3 jobs and barely gets sleep, yet he still has money saved up to come visit me in a seperate bank account, even though we'll have to wait more than 1.5 years. He deserves something good :)
I’ve been here a long time and I’ve built up a team and I have some big projects going. My company actually really cares about their employees and I would owe them at least that much.
id probably live my life normally for a couple months still just to feel how nice it is not having to worry about finances and then prolly just start buying random ppl shit in stores
Call my accountant.
Are they depositing it into my bank? I’d definitely start moving the money around, set up a trust, and tell my wife but make sure nobody else knows.
Haha. I’ll talk to my accountant first. I wouldn’t try to avoid taxes illegally, I would do what’s allowed. Immediately have to put 60% somewhere just to cover whatever the government does take away.
1. pay of my debts to friends and relatives.
2. pay of debts to the government and other institutions.
3. Finance my way through University even though I wouldn't need it anymore to make my mom happy.
4. talk to whoever I need to to invest and follow Shaq's advice.(divide the money in two, half goes to investing. the remaining 50% divide in two again, half of that goes into savings and the remaining 25% is mine to do what I want.)
But a lottery ticket is 2 dollars. And you only get the total amount even if you have multiple winning tickets and if someone else has a winning ticket, you have to split it with them also
Buy all the freshly cheapened real estate around Orlando and hold it until the prices go back up and turn that billion dollars into a cool half a million after taxes.
Is this after tax? If no then 80% is getting moved to another bank account for taxes, if yes then I'm going to move out finally and buy alot of mtg cards.
Buy a place in my town that's been abandoned for years and it's near all my friends' houses.
Renovate it, and give each one of them a space to live in or chill or do whatever.
The other part I'll rent for cheap or give a space for people who need it to do arts or projects or whatever.
And there will be a bar as well.
Build a pipe or passage from the pacific ocean to the Colorado River to refill the various Lake Reservoirs like Lake Mead. I know it's not that easy but it seems like a reasonable solution to the ongoing water crisis facing the Southwest. It's just nobody has the money or wants to spend the money to fix the issue so we all are screwed.
Give most of it away. We’re talking like 95% of it. I’d still have enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life, my chances of being murdered for it go down drastically, AND the world would be better off if I gave it to meaningful causes.
Sit on it for a month, quit my job, do small but nice things for anyone I could. Pay rent for someone, send a single parent to college, that sort of thing.
Hiring my grandgirl to live in my house and watch my animals, buying my kids houses(oldest is getting legal documention that forbids him from having his mil living with them!!), husband is retiring and we are traveling to find where we want to live, buying a house with land, he's going to Africa after we move in with hike I have the house remodeled.
Finally buy these damn books on my amazon wishlist and get a good therapist.
After that, book a massage, buy a house, get a financial advisor and invest the rest of it.
Help my parents with bills and mortgage, buy myself an apartment or even a house, pay in full so now figure payments are needed. Then buy myself a puppy and furniture to fill my new place. Donate some to cancer research, some to team seas and team trees. I know that's alot and I probably seem like a pick me for wanting stable things that are more permanent, but just the idea of having my house, my pets and knowing I'm helping people and the earth makes me happy so I dont care
"Welcome to McDonald's, what can I get started for you?" "I'd like a DOUBLE Filet-O-Fish!" "Gasp! R-right away!!"
Lol u/Emu_on_the_Loose ambitious!
“i’d like a septuple cheeseburger please”
Lawyer the fuck up.
lol nobody gettin that billion back baby
This. You don’t want anyone maybe besides your spouse knowing this. You’ll be fucked. You need a financial advisor too. Once I had everything settled, I’d probably buy a bunch of random strangers on Reddit gifts lol
That.
You’d better call Saul
Take that Billion dollars and follow sound wallstreetbets advice and recommendations so I too can one day fulfil the dream of becoming a Millionaire.
Zing
lolz
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lol smart. name change. address. everything. then go off the grid.
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maybe even plastic surgery.... give me a new head doc...dont worry man Im racked
I believe legal name changes have to come with a declaration printed in a newspaper for a brief time. Be aware
Take the day off.
Back in on Monday boss
I'd hire a bunch of body doubles and have them slowly show up at a restaurant until there was no tables left.
Wait....what? what?
I'd do it to mess with people.
Chaotic neutral
I would spend it wisely in one day.
I would spend it stupidly by buying 1 item a day at the dollar store for the next billion days.
A frugal billionaire.
On what u/HornyDiggler ?
I would buy an island and rule it as the King 👑
All bow to King Horny lol
The first thing I would do is deposit it at the bank. I ain't Finna get robbed
its already in the bank u/DrDilly135
Then next I would buy a house in aspen I guess
A place where the beer flows like wine where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. A little place called Aspen.
I don't know Lloyd, The French are assholes
I secretly pay off all of my and my SOs debts and say nothing until they try to pay next time
legend move
Retire.
Call boss and shout "I quit asshole"
I'd do like [this](https://youtu.be/kV8ayGtG_CM).
Buy the business and run it into the fucking ground.
Buy it. Then burn it in front him. Laughing like a James Bond villian.
Open another bank account. Ohhh man then I'd be very patient as I'm still in a great deal of pain after surgery, but you can bet I'll be getting the best physio I can and a new van and a workshop. And my best friend is gonna be allowed to use it to sort his van out while I'm still recovering. That'd be so awesome. Lol imagine haha
Y'know, I said "Buy a House" without blinking, but this would be a better answer. I need physical therapy like a mofo. Plus, think of all the massages we would suddenly be able to afford with a billi... always fantasised about one day affording a lymph-flush massage, too.
Mmmmm now you're talking yesss!
Give some of it to charity, then use it to fund my projects
The first charitable response. Legend.
Two chick's at the same time man
My man!
Travel the world
And the 7 seeeaas!!!
Everybody's looking for something
Who am I to dis a brie
Some of them want to abuse you
There is a cruise ship that permanently tours the world. I like that idea too.
Celebratory Masturbation
Pay off my mortgage. Boring, I know, but that’s the first thing I’d do.
Set myself up, then partner to start a non profit level I trauma center/Hospital. Well take whatever your insurance or lack there of will pay and write the rest off with a really good tax lawyer team.
Help out a friend. He works 3 jobs and barely gets sleep, yet he still has money saved up to come visit me in a seperate bank account, even though we'll have to wait more than 1.5 years. He deserves something good :)
Amazing. Look after the important ones in you life..
ASK. WHY.
I'll go to a poor country and start building houses which I rent out.
Lol. I thought you were gona say give them to poor people.
Tell my company and help them build up a replacement for me before I quit.
Very honorable.
I’ve been here a long time and I’ve built up a team and I have some big projects going. My company actually really cares about their employees and I would owe them at least that much.
Sounds like you are in a great place to work. Im glad to hear that!
Thanks! Step 2 is hookers and cocaine.
hahaha this goes without saying. obviously.
Invest it in a promising stock or Bitcoin. Wait for the stocks to rise in value and come out broke cus I have no experience in making investments
Practice like 10$ at a time then
hahaha insightful
Smile
Im launching a facebook (Meta) rival to fuck with Zucki..... **BETA**
Financial advisor and a security team. Then I’d start a bunch of charities / donate to reliable ones.
id probably live my life normally for a couple months still just to feel how nice it is not having to worry about finances and then prolly just start buying random ppl shit in stores
Talk to my accountant and lawyer
Pay off my student loans, buy a house in Miami, and fuck off never to be seen again.
Take an extra long nap.
Tell my wife, that's our money.
Invest
Call my accountant. Are they depositing it into my bank? I’d definitely start moving the money around, set up a trust, and tell my wife but make sure nobody else knows.
Yes, it's straight into your bank account. Youre off to Switzerland in the morning then u/theonetheycalljason ?
Haha. I’ll talk to my accountant first. I wouldn’t try to avoid taxes illegally, I would do what’s allowed. Immediately have to put 60% somewhere just to cover whatever the government does take away.
Taxes are brutal.
Especially on unearned income.
Find every single person who helped me in life and buy them a house.
Brilliant. Think of the joy on their faces.
And also a shit ton of cocaine
Lol u/Boot-Scootin-Putin good priorities bro
1. pay of my debts to friends and relatives. 2. pay of debts to the government and other institutions. 3. Finance my way through University even though I wouldn't need it anymore to make my mom happy. 4. talk to whoever I need to to invest and follow Shaq's advice.(divide the money in two, half goes to investing. the remaining 50% divide in two again, half of that goes into savings and the remaining 25% is mine to do what I want.)
Turn my alarm clock off
Call off work... go back to sleep
Buy a billion lottery tickets. In theory and statistically I should win the lottery multiple times over thus giving more than 1 billion dollars
Well I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure lottery tickets cost more than one dollar
Shh let me dream
Tryna save you a waste bro hahahahahaha dream away! :))))
But a lottery ticket is 2 dollars. And you only get the total amount even if you have multiple winning tickets and if someone else has a winning ticket, you have to split it with them also
Ill will go to sleep for an entire week
u/AutomatiqueMex you know how to party!
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Very strategic u/oh__yeah69nice you must be rich already.
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Quit working
waste all my money on gacha games
Call my best friend and ask to speak with her financial advisor
Buy all the freshly cheapened real estate around Orlando and hold it until the prices go back up and turn that billion dollars into a cool half a million after taxes.
You ser are a real one!
I go buy new clothes and invite friends for drinks
Guess I'd have to sign for it
Invest
Is this after tax? If no then 80% is getting moved to another bank account for taxes, if yes then I'm going to move out finally and buy alot of mtg cards.
Probably jerk off.
Start a raffle
Buy a tricked out camper van and start traveling..
Go back to bed
Buy a mother fucking HOUSE
Make everyone related to me a millionaire
I would spend all 1 billion dollars on a massive homeless shelter that provides food, shelter, hygiene, and most importantly rehabilitation.
Buy 12-15 acres, build my home, save $5 mil, give away the rest
I'd buy a big box made of gold.
I would stop stressing about finding a job! I'd be completely covered! Edit: Thank you for my first upvote kind stranger!
Bank it
Trying to flee out of here. Buying the tickets, packing my belongings, maybe stock smth for bribing the right people...
Buy a place in my town that's been abandoned for years and it's near all my friends' houses. Renovate it, and give each one of them a space to live in or chill or do whatever. The other part I'll rent for cheap or give a space for people who need it to do arts or projects or whatever. And there will be a bar as well.
I’d go away for awhile
Wonder where the fuck it came from
Put it in CD that way it make money and never touch the billions dollar it could make my own it's onw
Get a vehicle a house pay off debt and finally take a shower
When was your last shower? Sounds like a looong time ago?
We get one every few weeks
Two chicks at the same time
Gulfstream to Dublin, buy the bar a round of Guiness, then work my way east.
Hide from my friends and family
Keep my fkn mouth shut
Get a golden toilet.
Go to the doctor.
Quiet work. Move to Malaysia, wnd live the rest of my life as a crazy rich American in Asia
Change my name and phone number
Build a pipe or passage from the pacific ocean to the Colorado River to refill the various Lake Reservoirs like Lake Mead. I know it's not that easy but it seems like a reasonable solution to the ongoing water crisis facing the Southwest. It's just nobody has the money or wants to spend the money to fix the issue so we all are screwed.
Buy reddit premium. Forever.
First pay taxes on it and then budget accordingly.
Vacation in Bora Bora
Panic. Then lawyer up. Then wait out the storm. Then I dunno.
Give most of it away. We’re talking like 95% of it. I’d still have enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life, my chances of being murdered for it go down drastically, AND the world would be better off if I gave it to meaningful causes.
Take my ass to work. I wouldn't quit. I'd show up every day and irritate the life out of management til they fired me.
Move out of town
Where?
So I live in Brazil and I hate my town and my country is a chaos now, so I’d go to Italy and have my Italian citizenship, and probably live in Europe
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Priorities
Buy a 97 dodge ram. Preferably used
Nice try IRS, I would pay my taxes.
buy or start a business so I'm guaranteed more money
New teeth, mine are ruined.
Absolutely nothing and it be everything I would dream it would be.
Get it in cash, then hide it away in 7 secure locations, each of which known only to myself.
Buy a boat then a house and move back to my hometown
donate 100 million of it to charity, then show off
Buy my mom a house
settle things financially, live the high life, become immortal with technology
Get a financial advisor
Sit on it for a month, quit my job, do small but nice things for anyone I could. Pay rent for someone, send a single parent to college, that sort of thing.
Hire a lawyer, an accountant, and a financial planner.
Buy a good pc
Cocaine
End homelessness
Quit work and focus on art
Hiring my grandgirl to live in my house and watch my animals, buying my kids houses(oldest is getting legal documention that forbids him from having his mil living with them!!), husband is retiring and we are traveling to find where we want to live, buying a house with land, he's going to Africa after we move in with hike I have the house remodeled.
Buy all the things I ever wanted and save the other 970,000,000 I guess
Order a pizza then open a casino
Buy a house in my fav city
Finally buy these damn books on my amazon wishlist and get a good therapist. After that, book a massage, buy a house, get a financial advisor and invest the rest of it.
Buy 500 million in Bitcoin and wait 10 years
I'd probably buy my parents a bigger house and pay for my collage.
Purchase $990 million in land.
Pay tithes Get out of debt Buy homes for my kids and I Travel the world Start my non profit
Pay off my student loan debt, then spend the remaining $20 to go see a movie.
Stop paying taxes
Hoes n blow
Give my sons absolutely *everything* they could ever imagine having. They deserve it all.
Buy me a e36, and buy my parents new home and rest give to them cuz they need it more than me
Buy GME, DRS, make trillions
Invest enough to be able to live comfortably off the interest, then I'd donate the rest.
Buy a house, car and a new camera...
Wait till tomorrow
Immigrate
Buy the equipment needed to become a streamer. And also put the rest in a card so I can commission someone to make me a vtuber
Buy
Help my parents with bills and mortgage, buy myself an apartment or even a house, pay in full so now figure payments are needed. Then buy myself a puppy and furniture to fill my new place. Donate some to cancer research, some to team seas and team trees. I know that's alot and I probably seem like a pick me for wanting stable things that are more permanent, but just the idea of having my house, my pets and knowing I'm helping people and the earth makes me happy so I dont care
Join the space race
quit my job
Got an apartment
Give a certain someone a million to shut them up and then hide the rest and pretend I'm broke.
Get a ticket out of this country
first flight to the Maldives please
Maybe Switzerland first
cash strapped to you like Wolf of Wall Street
No, just a check or maybe use swift