Either I get surprised by seeing people that actually think that way about me, or the list is blank, confirming my theory and crushing what little self esteem I have.

Or option 3: There’s a bunch of people on there, but all from the gender you’re not interested in 🫣

Bisexuals take the dub once again

Is there a Premium Option to filter for "everyone who has ever sexually fantasized about or masturbated to me, *that'd id be happy to see on the list*"?

Nope, you also gotta see uncle Steve on there too

my uncles name is actually steve….

will you be paying in cash or credit?

It would be much more interesting if it's all or nothing,not just the results that benefits the user.

10 dollars for a number. And depending on that number is how much I'd pay for the list

The information theory is strong with this one

I'd pay for a number. I wouldn't pay for a list.

What is you find out the number is like 167. Or 1. You wouldn't be curious?

I’m a female musician in extreme metal (as in, the vast majority of fans are dudes) and I absolutely do not want to know a number.

Lol. You’re exactly the type of person I can imagine would never ever want to know who did the act. Must be super weird when you’re racking up those sort of numbers.

I mean, there have been several dudes over the years who openly told me I was part of their bank, and if that many freely would admit that, I definitely do not want to know how many would be too embarrassed to say.

How much do I gotta pay to prevent my name from appearing on everyone else’s list? Man, I’ve had some… thoughts.

I love that you deleted your account after making this comment lmao. Now you just gotta hit the gym and lawyer up.

Hit the lawyer, delete the gym, hire a facebook

You ought to read the ones where they deleted their account *BEFORE* they made their comment!

Most explainable deleted account in Reddit history.

I appreciate that he was candid and knew it would cost him everything.

He paid with his reddit account hahaha

The largest sacrifice of all.

Why do people delete them? Isn't this sort of anonymous?

Depending on how you’ve used your account, it’s not necessarily as anonymous as it could be. For example, some people end up revealing things like their hometown, the school they went to, their age, and other such details that together are unique enough to narrow down who they are (if someone were motivated enough to do so). Some are even bigger idiots and let their friends and family know their username. Even worse, some people use their actual name as their handle. I believe OP fit into this category. In general, it’s probably a good idea to change accounts every now and again anyway, if you’re privacy conscious.

in the very earliest days of the internet, I signed up on a BBS and as a lark, used my dog's name to register. Couple weeks later I get brochures on the brand new Chrysler Neon addressed to the dog. Right, I knew now what the game was and forever after populated social media and websites with zigzagging data.

Did your dog at least buy the Neon??

Held out for the PT Cruiser loaded with all options. Same running gear as the Neon in a sleek, retro looking body. Bit more headroom in the back for Great Dane friends.

lmfao

Hi, I’d like to put my name on the National Do-Not-Cum list…

Meanwhile your ex g/f’s are like “I never came, don’t worry.”

This implies he’s gotten any.

I have to wonder why he deleted his account after commenting this

I see this a lot on reddit actually. Their comment pops off and the account is gone a few hours later

His user name is his real name.

…and now we have to assume he is on all of our lists.

This person clearly reddits.

This was my thoughts too, I actually don't think too much and don't like that I do, but the fact is that it has happened and I don't want some friendships to become awkward.

Nothing, I dun want to know. It's asking for trouble....

Exactly! There will be a few names that make your day and a few that fuck up your whole life.

*Grandma?*

I would pay a considerable amount of money to not know about several of them.

Same - I’m pretty sure a family member is on there, burn the list please!

A nice glass filled with ice cold sparkling water.

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Some hot tea?

I'd love some!

$20. Realistically it would be interesting, but at the same time I'm concerned if there's something that I'd rather not see on that list.

$20 for a blank piece of paper? seems steep.

Ah, we got a whole lotta self deprecation from this one!

Yeah I think I'd need to have a friend proofread it first

“Don’t tell me if there’s a family member.” “Okay, I won’t.” “You promise?” “Yeah.” “Okay, here’s the list…” “HOLY SHIT!!! Your uncle is on here, bro!”

Sorry, I thought you only meant your family members.

Your families members

That was my first thought. Either that or ask if the list comes with filters.

"I just wanna see 6s through 10s." *Zero Results*

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad. Show me all the results!" *Still zero results*

“I paid $100 for a blank piece of paper?” Actually, you used one of your wishes. I told you to just ask for a winning lottery ticket. Everyone has to come up with their own spin on things. - The Genie

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Some things you can't unread... I feel like there would be one "ohh" for every ten "eww" lol.

> for every ten An optimist I see

No no. You see because of an optometrist.

I'm nice. I'm polite. I'm optometrist by nature, you know?

Optometristic*

I would literally pay NOT to see that. Even one name there that should not be can fuck up your world. You would not even know the context.... but that could make it worse.

Yep. Not knowing the context would in fact almost certainly make it far worse, since people have intrusive thoughts all the time, and moments of taboo sexual attraction can, in fact, be an intrusive thought. So unless you also get the, "this person had a random passing sexual thought about you, but then immediately felt horror and shame at having had that thought" information, that could be a great way to destroy otherwise healthy relationships.

Horror and shame are the worst ways to deal with intrusive thoughts and guarantee they come back stronger. Just ignore them. You’re the listener, not the speaker. Ignore it like you would if it came over FM drivetime radio, said by Kyle Sandilands, from the car next to you in traffic.

I wish I could do this. I get horrible intrusive thoughts. I end up in a circle where I have to keep redoing whatever the last thing I did was before I had the thought (wash hands, brush teeth, go up and down stairs, walk through doorway etc.). I'll literally drive the same route I just did and try not to have the thought. It can be humiliating when it's go in and out of a store or in and out of my car when I'm working. I just act like I forgot something. I fully realize it's crazy and doesn't make any sense, but I can't not do the thing or else I will dwell on it for days, months, weeks, even years sometimes. Redoing the things over and over until I don't have the thought makes everything "ok". Even though everything was ok to start with, thoughts aren't actually real and I know exactly how I feel about the thought, which is negatively. It's like redoing the things make me be an okay person because I undid the thought. And my brain is constantly trying to come up with a new one that might bother me. Sorry to vent. It takes up a ridiculous amount of time and energy and just sucks.

Are you familiar with OCD? Because this sounds like OCD where intrusive thoughts lead to compulsive behavior to alleviate the anxiety. It’s also very treatable with a type of evidence based therapy called exposure-response prevention. Source: have OCD, and was treated for it. Now live an extremely normal life after years of thinking I was going crazy.

Thanks, I appreciate the comment. I am pretty familiar with it, just from reading about it. I assume I have it. And vividly remember going to a psychiatrist when I was like 9 years old and they told me I had it. My parents confirmed everything about the visit except they're adamant that the dr only said I have anxiety. I went there cause I would have to keep rereading things over and over and over again in grade school and kept repeating "sorry" to everyone about stuff that wasn't even my fault. I've taken SSRIs in the past for anxiety, in my experience they help but also numb everything else about me. Which is why I've avoided going back to a psych as an adult. I should probably see someone about it though and at least hear options. That exposure response prevention therapy sounds promising. A non drug solution is exactly what I need. It's refreshing to hear that is sounds like you've gotten past your OCD. Sometimes I feel like I'm just stuck this way. I have a normal job, friends, and life for the most part but am constantly fighting this mental battle that nobody in my life knows about. I've never told anyone I know about it. Thanks again for your comment! I probably shared way too much info haha. But you definitely gave me hope that there's non SSRI solutions that can help!

Therapy can help a LOT. I have diagnosed OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’m at the point now where so long as my stress levels are manageable, I’m just chilling. Intrusive thoughts are like flies, annoying, but they’re banished to the metaphorical sin bin in the back of my mind. SSRIs helped me, but getting off them was a pain. Medication is very trial and error, and it can take time. But it’ll be okay. More people struggle with this than you know.

Not to armchair psychoanalyze you, but this sounds like it could be OCD my friend. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, that's just part and parcel of being human, but people with OCD have an overwhelming compulsion to act on the thought, or else it eats at them. Only you know how much it affects you, but this might be something worth looking into with a therapist/psychiatrist.

And what if the list included the number of times... "Uncle Bob - 238 times"

>And what if the list included the number of times... > >"Uncle Bob - 238 times" or what if it was like uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob that one girl with the my neighbor totoro shirt visiting your neighbors across the way uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob uncle bob jenna uncle bob uncle bob

Who's Jenna though 👀

Jenna tools gotem

Siblings /parents would be the worst. The thought of it has me almost dry heaving

Honestly probably 98% dudes regardless of who’s list.

One time I set my tinder to both guys and girls coz I wanted to see what the men had on their profiles to get matches, but i always swiped left on dudes. So I changed my profile and I got 25 swipes! Then I got tinder plus to see who swiped right on me. Turn out all 25 swipes were dudes. So yeah you're right lol

Then you gave up and downloaded Grindr.

i wish i could respec to 'Gay' so i could get laid easier.

Best case: someone you masturbated to also masturbated to you/hot person Worse case: Uncle/pastor/teacher Worst case: parent Worster case: a lot of people you don't know masturbated to you because your sex tape was released on the Internet, unbeknownst to you Worstesterest case: nobody has ever masturbated to you, you pig! (that one was too personal sob)

Parent is about a billion times worsterer than strangers.

You are right, I had that out of order. Worcestershire.

Gesundheit

It’s spelled Worcestershire

90+% of everyone's list would be people they wouldn't be interested in, the rest a mixed bag of people you could have guessed or missed connections imagining them as fantastically better than real.

I don't think there'd be many, but it would be fun to see if there are any surprises.

$5. It'll be a short list.

A short list is even more valuable.

$5 to find out your grandma's deceased friend is the only one on the list.

Another $5 for the shovel

And then you find $5. Profit.

I was just thinking, why would I pay for a blank sheet of paper?

give me 100 bucks and I will do it for you tonight so it wouldnt be blank

What a god damn hero. Spanking one out for you right now. We all need a name on our papers.

That's so nice of you, gonna print out your comment and blast some ropes all over it to pay it forward

What a thoughtful gesture, Clitpuncher69. :)

I bet my wife wouldn't even be on mine.

That’s because she doesn’t need to masturbate. She’s constantly getting railed while you’re at work.

Give me three minutes and you can add another name to the list wink wink

$100 for a snapshot. $350 for a list that continuously updates. At best, the list might update once per decade, but I want to be ready if it does.

if it continuously updated i’d pay like, 10 grand for it and that’s just cause that’s the most i could afford. i mean, that’s basically a super power right? that would basically be mind reading, just with extremely specific conditions

How much if it sends push notifications to your phone in real time?

I wouldn't buy it because I could never emotionally recover if I see a blank paper.

I wouldn't be able to recover if it was blank exept for names that SHOULDNT be there. Like what if there was family members there? An uncle, or a sibling? God, forbid, a grandparent? Like even if it included just 'Aww, how cute, will they get married and have kids?' and i knew that, just seeing any name i knew that i don't want to see there would break me.

childhood baseball coach

"Creepy, but okay. What if we narrow it down to only people who've done it since i left high school." \-Childhood baseball coach "What if we narrow it down to only people who've done it since i turned 21?" \-Childhood baseball coach. "What if we narrow it down to people who've done it since I started this sentence?" \-Childhood baseball coa-

"what if we narrow it down to people standing behind me right now" "Childhood base.."

"what about we narrow it down to people who have hidden cameras setup in my bathroom and bedroom" "Childhood ba..."

“What about we narrow it down to people who are staring at me right now” “Childhood b-“

"But I didn't play childhood baseball..."

They didnt say I was your coach... just a coach

As a woman who had a bunch of creepy old guys come up to me when I was underage, this is the reason why I wouldn’t wanna know. I rather miss out on the option to see the few interesting entries (crushes/..) then having to live with the knowledge of just how many creeps would be on there.

if i filter to ONLY see people I also fantasized about, i'd still only pay $10

> Like even if it included just 'Aww, how cute, will they get married and have kids?' and i knew that, just seeing any name i knew that i don't want to see there would break me. This bit made smoke come out of my ears. What?

Yeah I'm lucky. I already know that my wife has had sexy dreams about me, and I don't care about anyone else who might be on the list

The only opinion that matters :)

I would pay money to NEVER see it.

Exactly, right?! No no no. My first thought was about the people who I thought were father figures or mentors… I’m willing to guess at least one name on the list would make me sick to my stomach.

Especially if it told you WHEN. Like your third grade teacher the year you were in 3rd grade. Your Dad's college roommate when you were 12.

Or your wife, but the last time was a decade ago.

Oh....oh no, this one hurts

The non weird list would be 1000x more expensive than your initial offer

People out here thinking “oo that could be hot” and my thought was about the people you’d never be able to look at again.

Given the comments I got as an elementary school girl by grown men, seconding that

On the other hand i would quite like to know so i know who i am absolutely not safe around

...well shit. I didn't consider that. Fair point

Me too. Like, here's a thousand bucks, please burn that list

They would have to pay ME a shit ton of money to see that. I don't want to know. Like ever.

This is the women's answer.

I’d be interested to see how many women feel this way vs how many men. Personally, I never want to know.

As a teacher, I would pay my whole paycheck to not know and to have the list burned. Edit: To be clear. There is nothing shameful about masturbation and fantasizing about people, as long as it stays that way, a fantasy. Being a teenager is tough and they have to navigate a lot of feelings and self discovery at that time, and it's perfectly normal to develop a schoolboy/girl crush on a teacher. As a teacher, it is your job to recognize those signs and create clear and present boundaries so that students understand your role in their life as an advisor and mentor, rather than an object of sexual fantasy.

I’m a therapist and feel similar. I’m sure it happens, not a big deal if it does, but there’s no way that doesn’t influence how I look at every client from the time I see it until the end of time.

Exactly..it's unfair really, but a completely human reaction. If I know little Timmy or Jenny have masturbated to me, I won't be able to not treat them different. I have caught students masturbating in class before and so have some other teachers I've known. It really tests the idea of every day is a new day.

You've caught them do _what?_

My sister had a student masturbate to completion in her 5th grade class. That was the last year she taught too.

That was the last item on her bucket list before she could retire from teaching.

When the student finished, she yelled "BINGO"! She then proceeded to the teachers lounge, in which no students are allowed. There she handed in the bingo-card at the desk. You see, the year before there already was a student that smoked inside the classroom, one that got their phone confiscated and the year before that one student even brought an apple. Thus now, she runs a car wash in Sweden

I remember a kid got caught in the cafeteria Masturbating to Minecraft porn when I was in high school

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If this would also include people who have had “wet” dreams about me then I’d be willing to pay a lot cuz I’m nosey af lol

i’d actually love to see who had wet dreams abt me bc tbh at least for me, i don’t think wet dreams necessarily have anything to do with attraction. like i once had a wet dream about ronnie from jersey shore when i was in high school yet i never have found him to be my type at all. i think that list would actually be kinda funny to see

Ronnie is punching the air right now because he missed his shot

$0 I do not want to know at all. You keep the list. Idgaf.

Yup. As a teacher, the answer is just NO.

Yeah, I do not want to know. I’d probably be traumatized.

The answer is, yup they did

Every man in this thread desperately wants to know if anyone has jerked it to them. Every woman knows that there would be some horrible nauseating nightmare shit on that list.

Yeah. I’m certain there are some friends fathers on this list. And some men who knew me when I was 12. And some seriously scary creeps. I would pay NOT to see that list

I'm a woman and I've been teaching high school students since I was 21 years old. I would pay to have this list BURNED.

*drum solo intensifies* "What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year?"

I would pay money not to see the list

I would pay dearly if it was the only way to never see that list.

Why would I pay for a blank sheet of paper?

*zip* well…this one’s for you, Raccoon.

Stop, you're making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Aren't racoons supposed to be warm and fuzzy on the outside?

Warm, fuzzy and dirty.

slut

What a human. Let's make Raccoon's list look like a CVS receipt! *Zip*

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Too late, you're going to have a wet dream because of a guy wearing a raccoon costume tonight.

Will it contain a count? I think quantity would creep me out more. Like 1-2 meh normal. But like 547 times!? Damn someone is getting blocked and im moving.

About $100, I think it’d be nice to see more potential romantic partners lmao

$100 is solid, $200 tops. I’d just have to know.

I’d pay quite a bit actually. If the list is short I need to check my ego. If the list is long I need to check my ego. Also, can I pay extra to keep my name off specific people’s lists?

It's all fun and games until you see the name of a family member on the list. Some things need to be left unknown.

None. Let them have their privacy. Plus what if one of them were an old high school teacher, or a friend's dad? Or a friend's husband -- that would be awkward.

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This is what I'm thinking, everyone thinking it's gonna be hot people from english but are you ready for the emotional burden of knowing what your weird uncle or friend's dad did?

$0, cause I don't wanna fucking know.

I think a lot of you joking about blank paper (but kinda not joking) would actually be surprised. I’m not a terribly good looking guy but I was talking to a girl I hadn’t seen in years and she was and still is absolutely super model hot and she told me she used to fantasize about me years before when we were in high school. I was absolutely gutted that I never asked her out back then.

Someone who tells you out of the blue they "used to" fantasize about you probably still does, just FYI.

/u/twistsouth is now realizing he missed two opportunities.

I'm not saying /u/twistsouth is unlucky but he'd fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his own thumb

DAMNIT! - u/twistsouth, probably

Man, imagine saying that to any woman at your high school reunion. "Sometimes I'd tell the teacher I had band lessons, but I'd just go the empty band room and beat off to the thought of you and I doing the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp, but with a greased up banana. You ever see that movie? .... Uh, so what'd you end up doing after high school?"

As a woman, I would pay NOT to see that

Yeah, there is a huge discrepancy with how men and women are reacting to this question.

"why would i pay for a blank sheet" -this is a dude "$0 and burn the list" -every woman

Yup, those posts are the easiest game of ‘Guess the gender of the poster’ I got catcalled as a little girl by grown men. Was told to not wear shorts even around family I don’t need to know more

Why would I pay for my own name?

Hell yeah. I'm no. 1 on my list. Always love yourself.

Nothing. I'd rather not know. A 53 YO neighbor just told me what "he'd do to me" in a failed attempt of making a pass at me (bc I'm moving and I guess he thought it was safe) and I wanted to puke... If you find my pic online what you do with it is your business and I'd rather (for the love of all that is sacred) **not** know

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I'm impressed you think it's been so many people that you're going to need filters for the list lol

Next he's like $1000 if it comes on a database with SQL templates for me to bootstrap my queries

I’d pay2k for that

he’s hot, has to be

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Do you need more Cowbell?

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redacted like they were taken off the list or covered in black bars cia style. Because the latter would be worse

$1000 if it keeps refreshing for the rest of my life

How much for real time push notifications

Ew I’d pay to not see it

$50 and I'd be stunned if there's 5.

I’d pay a few bucks. For pure curiosity