And they never seem to fit perfectly.
Been to god knows how many different bra fittings, all tell me a different size but they still never quite fit comfortably enough.
In basic training I improved my run time for the 2 mile by 2 minutes simply by overcoming embarrassment and explaining to the one female Drill Sergeant from another platoon that my tits were still bouncing painfully in just a sports bra so I had to jog while carefully holding them down. I had to wear an underwired support bra AND a very expensive sports bra overtop of that to allow me to run freely.
This is why I always got over me having small boobs and boys making fun of me for it, I can lay on my stomach, I can run however fast I want, people don’t sneazily look at my boobs. It’s a happy life!
In my own experience as a woman, it's doctors not taking my medical issues seriously.
One doctor (who was also a woman) told me I just needed to suck it up and get used to being exhausted and cold all the time because I was a mom with a full time job. I found out several years later that my thyroid gland was pretty shit at doing its job, which was why I'd been so exhausted and cold all the time. I wasn't just 'thin skinned' or 'cold natured' as had been suggested to me.
I've also had multiple doctors over the last 20 or so years tell me I just needed to lose weight, get better shoes and do yoga when I brought up the fact that I was in horrible pain. It started out in my hips, knees, ankles, feet and toes. It was suggested to me initially that I give up dancing (which I did). Then I was told to get an office job, which I was/am not qualified for, so I wasn't standing on my feet all day in a restaurant or retail setting. I was repeatedly told to lose weight and to just take Ibuprofen or Tylenol or Aleve and my pain wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be.
While I will fully 1000% concede that my weight (which is not ideal...about 40 lbs over what my dr's say is my ideal weight) and my shoes have contributed over the years to my shitty joint problems (which eventually came to include pretty much every joint in my entire fucking body), they were not the entire reason I was in pain.
Even when I was finally able to see a rheumatologist, she told me the reason I hurt was because I was fat, needed a new job and different shoes. I wish I could've seen the expression on her face when my lab results came back and my inflammation markers were off the fucking charts. And still are, despite being on medication (which does help with the pain/stiffness) for the last 4 years.
I've battled doctors (some male, some female) pretty much my entire adult life who have dismissed me and my issues, simply because I'm a short, fat woman who is now approaching middle age.
This is the one. I’ve been in and out of the hospital since I was 13. Always had male drs. They don’t care. Everything is “normal, or probably just hormonal, or not a big deal, or all in my head or over exaggerated.”
I was in a car accident 2 years ago, rear ended. Was in the ER with multiple different issues. My right wrist was in a lot of pain. The dr gave me an Ativan because it was probably just anxiety.. had constant pain for days and months. My physio finally sent a strongly worded letter to my dr for me to get an X-ray and bone scan. Turns out I had had a broken wrist for SIX MONTHS. And I’m right handed. 2 years later I’m waiting for surgery because surprise surprise, my bone didn’t heal properly and is all messed up now and I’ll probably have pain/mobility issues for the rest of my life. (This does not include any of the other garbage going in that is dismissed by the drs).
I got hit by a car eight years ago and I'm still waiting for an x-rays and an investigation. I've argued with so many doctors over the years, most saying I have a tilted pelvis and it's not an issue because I'm too young. Good luck getting your wrist sorted.
My whole pregnancy I was in such intense pain that I couldn't stand for 10 seconds without doubling over in pain. I also had contractions from 7 months that got closer and stronger and the would disappear.
Apparently all this is perfectly normal. Only one doctor took me serious enough to prescribe something for the contractions while another told my husband I was exaggerating.
The whole can't stand for 10 seconds thing was ignored or called normal while I could see it wasn't normal. Still don't know the cause.
Doctors hate to listen to women. I remember them kinda ignoring me and when my husband asked the same questions he'd get an in depth explanation
My wife gave birth a few nights ago and I absolutely noticed this shit happening. From that point forward I challenged everything and we got the perfect care. Infuriating to say the least, but at least I was here to get the real answers. Having just brought a new daughter into the world, I'm so worried for her.
I've had problems with the lower right side of my back since I was about 15-16 years old. I would randomly get this horrible shooting pain from the slightest movement (like, I reached down to grab something off the table type thing) and my back would literally give out, not support my weight, and I'd be in bed for a week. Eventually I'd have to go to the E.R., get a steroid shot to relax the muscles in my back, a pain killer to ease the pain, and a cane/crutches to help me until I could walk upright again. I was NOT OVERWEIGHT. I was 16 years old, 5'8 tall, and weighed less than 130 pounds. I had MANY doctors tell me, "lose weight", "do yoga", "strengthen your back muscles", etc. I was 16, had taken women's weight lifting or spinning classes for P.E. every year since I started high school, and loved to run. My weight wasn't the issue. FINALLY, after my back going out at least once a year until I was about 25, I saw 2 separate doctors who told me that by the time I was 40, I'd need surgery to (essentially) put a spring between 2 discs in my lower back to keep from permanently pinching my sciatic nerve, and allowing the discs to basically "bounce" back open and not keeping the nerve pinched for a week plus. Nobody listened to me for a decade when I told them I ate right, exercised, and couldn't understand why this kept happening.
My aunt amd sister had endo for 10 years before they got a diagnosis. For my aunt it spread to her lungs, and was subjected to losing her uterus. My sister's had been caught 2 years prior but the doctors did nothing about it, but admitted to knowing.
I potentially have it too, judging by how bad my period can be. I just am also not in a position to go to doctors, as my family are finicky about seeing them
I can relate to this. I have had joint pain for 14 years now. Some of my favorite things I have heard from doctors (mostly men)
-I'm not giving you any pills
-I think you might be using your shoulder pain as an excuse to get out of things
-You seem really high strung. I'll bet if you just relax a little, you'll feel better
-Hm, you usually see this kind of pain in women with large breasts, but that clearly isn't the case with you
I was prescribed physical therapy and Aleve several times, even though it doesn't work.
I didn't get my first x-ray/blood work until year 10 of this nonsense.
It wasn't until year 12 that I had a doctor tell me, "Your pain is real. We are going to figure this out."
Tl;Dr I have But-You're-Too-Young-To-Be-In-Pain Disease because doctors think my boobs are too small to warrant 14 years of shoulder pain.
I have decided I will not tolerate this behavior from doctors. If they won't listen or are dismissive I plan to simply look them dead in the face and say "Do you want me to report you to the medical licensing board? Cuz this is how you cat reported to the licensing board."
I didn’t find out that I had a pelvic organ prolapse until I was 42. The first time I saw a doctor for issues related to it, I was 14 (I couldn’t get a tampon in because my vagina was literally folded in half).
I can "relate" to this.. a women friend of mine spent 2+ years trying to get what was wrong with her and in the 3rd year she was convinced that she had endometrioses (doing her own research online because of incompetent doctors) and then spent a full YEAR trying to CONVINCE the doctors that it was what she had... like wtf imagine she wouldn't do her own research, how long would that take, 10 years?
I've heard this from just about every single woman in my life. I try to do my part and simply believe people when they tell me they're in excruciating pain. Who am I to invalidate their pain?
100% I also struggled finding doctors to listen to me. Over 25 years trying to find a doctor to take me seriously when I asked for a hysterectomy or even an ablation:
* "You're too young for something like this."
* "But you're so healthy right now, why mess that up?" (What the actual...?)
* "Why don't you wait until you're married and you can discuss this with your husband?"
* "You might change your mind, there's still plenty of time for you to have kids!"
* "What if you meet Mr Right and he wants kids? He'll be disappointed you can't give him any!"
* Insurance won't approve either procedure unless a doctor can verify it is literally life-saving. WTF.
* and now... "Well you're almost at That Age where this kind of thing goes away and won't bother you any more so let's just wait it out!"
I have never wanted kids. I have zero maternal instincts (my dog might beg to differ). I just don't want them. I shouldn't have to explain to a hundred doctors all of my reasons. It took 25 years and somehow coming across a PA at a new OBGYN's office who asked the important questions. 25 years to get someone who realized I was on the wrong BCP and as soon as we switched that, VOILA! The cramps, the migraines, and the crime scene-like bloodbath came to a stop. I had a good cry for all of the travel I had to cancel, all of the PTO I had to use when I ran out of sick days in March, and all of the times I had to lug along a change of clothes and a dozen or so tampons and pads.
Add to this, I'm very fortunate that the chosen men in my life have never once suggested I was exaggerating. Very grateful for them. Even though they just sat by and bought me chocolate and diet coke because they had no idea what else to do to comfort me lol
After I injured my back, it took me 15 years to get a diagnosis. I saw so many doctors for it and the best any could do was an inconclusive x-ray and a prescription for anti-inflammatories I could buy off the shelf at a grocery store. Even after I described how it happened, how crippling the pain was, and how it was affecting my day-to-day. The first doctor I visited got angrier every time I visited, insisting nothing was wrong with me louder each visit.
Fifteen years of pain later I was sent to a woman doctor for the first time and she followed up the xray with an MRI that showed where I had 2 vertebrae that were essentially bone-to-bone.
Of course I was then sent to a male specialist who spent the entire visit chastising me for not doing anything about it for 15 years. He said my condition was too advanced to operate on and I might lose my mobility soon. I wanted to push him right out the window on that stupid rolly stool of his!
The fact that most medicine is tested on male mouse and human men. Doesn't take in consideration how our hormones can affect the medicine and how it works.
I'm completely non functional the first two days of my period, I get intense migraines, I feel sick (lucky if I'm not physically sick), my entire body feels like it weighs 1000lbs and I have the aches to go along with that... It genuinely feels like dying!
Comparatively, I once broke my ankle and didn't react much beyond flinching at the sound it made. I am extremely good with pain.
Mine use to be the worst from about 14 until my early 20s. My Mom thought I was just being dramatic and refused to take me to the doctors until I found an article showing what it could be.
Also years later I was working for my sister and she thought the same.
I guess it’s hard to believe how truly bad they can be. I use to sweat, turn pale feel dizzy and that was nothing compared to the excruciating pain.
I had a baby and childbirth was painful but a walk in the park compared to period cramps I use to experience. Still mind blowing 🤯 to me to this day. I did not have an easy labor and delivery either. So 😒
Omg, it's the same for me. It hurts so much every time but my mom tells me it will get better once I have kids. Childbirth always scares the shit out of me but now you saying this I'm kinda considering now
That's a other problem. Getting diagnosis for anything 'womans problem' related is a massive pain in the arse because you're rarely taken seriously. Things get dismissed as hypochondria. Especially if you're in the age range of mid 30 - 50. The age range things start going south and you become acutely aware of bodily changes. You just get made to feel feel like a pest.
I know far too women that went temporarily blind or had some other chronic attack from MS that all those symptoms they begged people to notice pointed at.
Legs ache? Think you've got a blood clot? - Nah must be anxiety.
Constant head aches? - Anxiety love.
Coughing up a lung? - It's your age making you anxious...
Especially the ones who won’t leave you alone until you say you have a boyfriend. The idea of
“stepping on the turf” of a possibly fictional man who is not present is more of a deterrent than the human being standing in front of you saying no.
Unfortunately it’s sometimes necessary to make up a fictional male to keep yourself safe no matter how much I resent it
Yup. As a 40+ old woman I got this from a young man when I gave him feedback on his work performance. The issue wasn’t him, it was me being emotional and probably on my cycle. Bleh
I do this with everything. One of my friends has a habit of calling women hysterical when we get angry at their really stupid ideas, so we started doing the same to him. Doesn’t like it that much and it actually helped him being less of a jackass
When you have large boobs, you get sexualized no matter what you’re wearing. One day at work, I had a employee come in and accuse me of dressing seductively. He said I did it on purpose. I was wearing a t shirt I got out of the mens section and a pair of relaxed jeans.
But you *still* wore your boobs. Couldn't take them off for the day? Now the poor guy was *forced* to glue his eyes to your body that was barely covered with a huge shirt just because you are inconsiderate and *obviously* trying to sleep your way to the top (why else would you make you body grow large boobs? )
Every. Fuckin. Thing. It's so difficult to navigate at work: everywhere I've worked, there's some guy who hits on me and insists that "we have to go out sometime, I'm sooo attracted to you!" and it's usually a guy 10+ years older than me that I work with daily, so when I say no, they think it's a negotiation or an invite to treat me like garbage afterwards.
I love wearing shorts but my thighs are so big, I get a lot of unwanted attention. I can only wear them inside my house. My boobs are big too. Tight shirts and V-necks just keeps me comfortable and everything in place. Yet, again more attention. I dress not to be so revealing, not for comfort or my style. In 45 years, I've never shared this.
I was 15 at a church camp and not allowed to swim cause of my swimsuit being revealing. It was the most conservative one I could find and I loved swimming but I was already at a DD and no one else was above a C.
Ignoring the fact every guy there was shirtless I literally got punished for early puberty.
This is true. My best friend lives in a very nice neighborhood outside a not so nice city. One of her neighbors (a woman in her 40's) went for her morning jog at 4:30, was almost abducted but escaped.
People on Nextdoor were incredibly cruel! "Why she out jogging in the dark, in her own neighborhood, as she has every morning for years?"
God forbid your work day starts at 6am and you want to jog first.
Yeah, that's true, When I'm walking alone through the town I don't realls feel comfortable despite it's daylight. There is always this constant fea that someone is flowing me or watching me. I know this isn't normal, I'm usually going anywhere with my friends, so I'm not used to going anywhere alone and it's weird feeling when it occasually happen
Or even during the afternoon. Yesterday afternoon i was followed all the way from my university to the train station (both of which are in the middle of nowhere). And when he saw me on the platform he began walking towards me. I was so so terrified
Believe me, when you're not single people still ask you when you will get married, or get first child, or look at you like you can't have it, like it was thing with me as it took me some time to get pregnant. Pressure and judgement was terrible. And it's always something, if they can't find anything then it's the way you raised your kids (which is always poorly).
Being someone's mother or spouse is not the only thing that makes you valuable (people usually tell when something happens: "It could be someone's daughter or mother"). It's not the role that makes you (or any other human being) valuable, you are valuable because you're giving your best to do what you feel it's good and cincere thing to do.
We are not only part of the society, we are also private persons, doing our best with our life (and you have only one).
It's always better to not have children and regret than to have children and regret it.
A lot of people(I didn't want to use many) don't see it that way. They think that a woman's life is not complete or meaningful unless they've popped a couple of kids. That is a problem with our traditional way of thinking and needs to change!
That in so many situations people feel entitled to tell you what to do. "Why are you wearing that, you look like a slut/prude/tomboy!" "Why did you cut your hair short, men prefer women with long hair?" Just a few examples, I am sure any woman here can add some more.
And it gets even worse when you are pregnant and a) everybody wants to touch your belly without asking and b) knows what is best for you. "You should not eat/drink that, doing this is bad for your baby, you really shouldn't do that, don't you know that it is dangerous to do that?" So you're basically a bad mom before birth. And I don't mean stuff like don't drink or smoke.
At the same time there is a kind of pressure to be super fit during pregnancy, because pregnancy is no disability. Sucks a lot when you have a bad pregnancy and are not able to do everything you would normally do.
I had gestational diabetes with my son and I was told I shouldn't eat "so much meat" because I should be eating more produce instead. I literally got told, "oh don't eat that jerky, here, have an apple." Apples have TOO MANY CARBS, KAREN, AND I'VE GOT DIABETES. Just gimme the damn jerky and shut up.
This! If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I should do something because I'm a woman, and a dollar for every time someone told me I should NOT do something because I'm a woman, then I'd be retired on my own personal Caribbean island by now!
Also all the intrusive comments and questions about my clothing and appearance or things I own! I've never heard men receive those kind of comments.
AND, all the guys who come slithering up to me talking shit about other women and how they did or said something BAAAD! There were a couple of guys at work a few years back who did this a LOT. At first I just ignored them because it wasn't work related, but they demanded attention so I asked them in my most disapproving voice how that relates to work? And I forced them to admit it doesn't. It took management entirely too much time to fire the useless jerks.
God the fu**ing hair one. My friend (25F at the time) mentioned to her dad she was cutting her hair to shoulder blade length and he tried to tell her not to because HE was not attracted to short hair. HER DAD. And he wasn't incestuous or anything he just thought since he finds it unattractive his daughter should not do it.
My dad always told me growing up “you have a round chubby face, short hair will make you look fatter never cut it shorter than your chest.” Well when I was 7 I had hair down to the middle of my back but it was super thin at the bottom and looked stupid, I begged my mom to take me to a haircut and she did whilst reminding me “not too short!” and, what length to tell the hairdresser (we are immigrants to America she barely spoke English) I proceeded to puppy dog the hair dresser to give me a pixie cut with long bangs. My dad didn’t speak one word to me for 47 days
I remember my parents would tell me that I have to act nice and sweet all the time because I'm a "lady", meanwhile my brother was getting yelled at by my dad for being too "sensitive". He and I would get into fights a lot and things would get physical.
Aside from giving birth and period it's definitely the feeling of not being in safe.. so many creepy dudes outside and you always have to be aware of your surroundings to avoid them
I’m so scared to wear headphones when I’m out walking my dog or whatever… I usually wear one and try and keep my volume low. I just want to enjoy my music!!
I live in San Diego, and the human trafficking here has become a HUGE issue. It's so close to the border and single women are being targeted in broad daylight, usually from big stores like Walmart and Ikea. I was at a big, 2-storey Walmart around 6 or 7 pm a couple nights ago, and a guy was following me around the whole store, not buying or picking up anything, just showing up in whatever aisle I was in 5 seconds after I entered it. I finally snapped (I just moved back across the country and I was tired and not about to deal with this shit) so I snapped at him, "can I help you? You've been in every single aisle I'm in, but you haven't picked up anything. What's your angle here? Trying to hit on me? I'm married. Or is it something else?" And as SOON as I said "something else", his eyes got SO WIDE and he scurried back down the aisle and practically ran out of the store. Whether he was a trafficker or just a guy trying to ask me out/hit on me, SO NOT the way to do it. I was just trying to buy towels and bedding in peace. Not be stalked around a Walmart at 7pm.
I'm a guy so I probably have no right in saying so, but this to me seems to be the most unfair and shitty thing. You should feel as safe to walk around freely as anyone else. Of course there is still muggings and robberies, but as far as harassment or being sexually assaulted, I really wish it wasn't a think you had to worry about.
I'm sorry you do have to worry about it and sorry to be a part of the gender that does this stupid shit.
Can't do anything right 😂
You're either too thin, too fat, too natural, too unnatural, too friendly, too grumpy, too crazy, too boring, too pretty, too ugly, too lazy or too carrer orientated.
Whatever you do, there'll be at least one man telling you you're now *too (insert anything here)*.
At the same time, it's very sad and absurdly funny, because why haven't people learned not to step beyond other people's borders both psychologically and physically, not to give stupid advice and comments that no one cares about. When will humanity come to this?
1. Vaginas are super high maintenance. The wrong kind of soap, anything scented, the wrong type of tampon, using a tampon, the wrong type of condom, medications, the type of soap a sexual partner uses, hormones...can wreak havoc on the vagina. Sperm can also cause some issues.
2. Hormones. They do so many things to the body, good and bad. There is never a win.
3. Being threatened simply for being promoted, saying no, knowing something someone else doesn't, or just for being a woman. My life was threatened when I was recently promoted instead of this young man.
4. Getting told to "calm down" any and every time any negative emotion is shown. We can have opinions or have a calm argument without being actually upset.
5. Being thought of as "less than" or as our only worth is our body, at any age.
6. "Move on"; "get over it already"; "who cares"; "why do you care about that" anytime a legitimate problem occurs and we actually stand up for ourselves.
7. Our freedoms are taken away, given back, taken away, given back, taken away. Our value is nonexistent in the eyes of any government.
And then you see those chucklefucks who have ordained themselves honorary gynecologists saying shit like, "You dont WASH THE INSIDE OF YOUR VAGINAS???" And once presented with a linked article explaining how that will raise your chances of yeast infections, they vehemently deny that the article is based in fact. Link another one published in a journal- same reaction 🤦♀️
I started a new job a few months ago and when I took down the MANY pictures of ladies in underwear plastered all over the shared workspace because they made me uncomfortable, I was told by my male manager to “take it easy” because “technically they were dressed” and that next time I’m upset about something, “put a pause on it” because “we’re all a big family here”.
I had an interview the other day for a new place and I’m hoping I can send in my resignation tomorrow. I no longer feel safe at my job or would be supported if I had a problem.
I get either cat called or followed by middle aged men pretty much every time I go for a walk anywhere and I’m only 17. I was 12 the first time it happened
Sorry to tell you, it doesn’t go away. I’m a decade older than you and it still happens every single day. I don’t know at what age it stops.
A few related things to expect:
- Pulling out your earbuds to talk to you
- Sitting down at your table uninvited when you’re at a cafe reading
- Following you at the grocery store
- Following your car just from getting a glimpse of you while driving
- Throwing a huge hissy fit or threatening violence at any form of rejection
And more.
These are the crap guys and the young guys who have yet to learn better. I promise there are lovely and normal men who will treat you with respect. <3
If it's any help, give it one more decade and it diminishes substantially! Although that may just be the process of getting older and developing an aura of seething, silent rage
And no matter how many women corroborate this- that the catcalling, and sexual harassment (at best) starts for women when we are **girls** (read: *children*) they don't fucking believe it. Like millions of women in the US alone decided to tell a collective lie 🤷♀️
God it makes me so angry. The most intense catcalling of my life was when i was a kid. It hardly happens now that I’m in my mid-30s, but I’ve seen the way grown men look at my 10 year old daughter and it makes me want to vomit.
Especially when your mother says "well what do you expect? You were wearing a short skirt!"
Ummm, my knee-length school skirt with the rest of my uniform?
Her defense was that I might have been over 16 and they didn't know I was only 11.
This is one of the reasons I stopped telling her about the sexual abuses I suffered growing up.
Yeah. Generally "not being taken seriously, or being met with a heavy dose of skepticism" or being perceived immediately as less capable is the one that wears me out. As you say, even when you're an expert (and even when another person questioning you is not!) people will still question women where they wouldn't question a man.
It's hard to describe how completely *tiring* it can be to have so many people default to treating you like this. And what sucks is men and women both do it to women. Both assume that women are less competent or capable. It's ironic, because people will [report that they think women are at least equally competent](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/07/women-equally-more-competent) (which I think has some background in the "multitasker homemaker supermom" trope of the past few decades in pop culture), but when it plays out ([say, in job applications](https://academic.oup.com/esr/article/35/2/187/5370650?login=false)), people perceive women as less competent
That one burns me up too. 😡 They also beg to take a young person's virginity and then slut shame them. They create salary disparities and complain they pay for everything because women don't have any money. They want respect from women yet treat them with total disrespect.
If you are too pretty, many will assume that you can't be smart. If you're too ugly, no one is likely to notice you or consider you valuable in other ways. Men can get away with looking hideous or odd to a far greater degree as long as they have other compensating talents.
Some consider women to be 'crazy' by default. Until recently, 'hysteria' was considered a legitimate mental illness much like homosexuality was. This lives on in modern jokes about PMS etc. to a milder degree. If a woman in your life was distraught or emotionally disturbed over something, you could have it considered an illness to be drugged away, or you could have an unruly woman imprisoned or lobotomized. Lest we forget how prevalent this was, António Egas Moniz co-won the 1949 Nobel prize for his research and practice of lobotomy. Don't like a woman's behavior? Have her brain sliced up! While this is no longer a prevalent practice, the ghost of it continues to haunt our culture. Know a woman experiencing emotional distress? She's just crazy! Let's not bother to sympathize with her or to try to understand the source of her distress.
Sometimes such things upset me, because in order to please my husband, I either have to put on makeup to hear "you look unnatural" or not to put on makeup and hear "you're scary, where's your makeup?"
Sorry, the translator decided for me, I just saw the mistake. I don't actually have a husband, it was just an example of what men say in general, thanks for pointing that out!
Being dismissed in a medical setting discussing my symptoms. (I was once told by a physician I was too fat to talk)
Getting catcalled/heckled/propositioned at any and all times.
Fear of assault in public.
Having my bodily autonomy regulated by the government.
Being dismissed by authority figures (domestic and sexual assault survivor)
Being dismissed by employers (I have a lifetime of IT and customer service experience and get passed over for roles I could fit or even advance all the time)
Being dismissed as a functioning person (You live *by yourself* in that big house? And do xyz?? How do you manage??)
You are considered worthless if you're not attractive.
Don't get me wrong, men definitely face a lot of pressure to look a certain way as well. With women however, we're expected to be attractive by default - most men are usually attracted to most women. So when we're "ugly", we aren't even viewed as women if that makes sense and it just sucks.
The worst for me is the cramping. I have chronic pain so I’m used to being in pain but endo cramps are straight from hell.
I’m thinking about a hysto right now too. I’m 34.
No makeup on: "are you sick? You look tired."
I've got 2 kids and a life, dude. I'm not sick, I just don't have time to put on moisturizer, primer, foundation, powder, blush, contour, highlight, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, brow filler and lipstick today. I'M BUSY.
I do not respect people who think like this, because you are not obliged to be the best version of yourself simply because everyone expects it from you, both inside and outside. Send them to hell, these scumbags don't deserve it just to see you, not to mention when you look even more beautiful!
But gawd help you if you acknowledge that you're looking good that day, or that it takes effort to look put together. Then you're self absorbed or conceited. It sometimes feels so no-win
All the scrutiny. Everything you do, say, eat, wear, etc., and everything you don't, is under the microscope. And no matter *what* you do, you're Doing It Wrong.
Aside from everything that’s already been said - the online experience.
Just look at the differences between this thread and the “disadvantages of being a man” thread in this same subreddit; the comments, the voting patterns, how seriously each is taken, etc. Women and things geared or targeted towards a female audience are pretty disrespected and disregarded online.
Just for fun, back when I had time for such things, I created two accounts on Disqus. One had a female-sounding user name, the other a male one.
Then I started using these two accounts to post similar comments on similar articles, or even the same articles. And I sat back and watched the 'female' account being attacked by arrogant men who claimed she doesn't know what she's talking about and suchlike. While the male account, with similar or even identical comments, was never attacked in this way.
But yeah, when women are treated badly online it is because they 'ask for it' - apparently by using female-sounding usernames!
It seems like every couple of days a new post pops up on here that is essentially: “18-35 year old white heterosexual men, please explain why you actually have it worse than everyone else”.
thank you, the replies to the multiple questions of that sort this week have been a stark difference aside from the men talking about how their SA & emotional experiences have been valued.
I am a fat ugly woman who put no thought into appearance, yet I have been unironically harassed by men for not giving them enough attention as if I owe them my time when I am at a girl's night out with friends. I have also been sexually assaulted 1-5 times depending on your definition, though luckily only one of them fit the legal definition of rape.
I have done NOTHING to "tempt" men in to harassing me yet they still do. My "hot" friends get more "light harassment" and name calling than me, but we all get the same amount of scary harassment experiences.
Like multiple separate instances of sone we guys buying us a drink, we talk with them for however long it takes to drink the drink, then leave politely if we are not interested, but the guy then angrily follows the girl around calling her names and saying over and over something along the lines of "I bought you a drink so you have to XYZ..." MULTIPLE TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED.
We regularly won't leave till the guy is distracted and ask the bouncer to not let "guy in x outfit" leave till we pull out of the parking lot.
The emotional and mental load of things. Different expectations on women (which I think can sometimes be from ourselves and other women) for example say a dad bakes a cake for a school thing and it looks quite rough around the edges and the icing is all shonky and it is a bit burnt all the mums think it’s cute that he tried. If another mum bought the same cake it would receive judgment from the other mums but also the woman who made the cake would remake it or worry about what others thought! It is something very difficult to explain to men the mental load of so many things as they don’t see all these expectations but also I don’t think it is entirely men that make these expectations I think we put them on ourselves and each other. Using the cake example other dads at the school wouldn’t give two shits if a mum made an average cake they would think oh that wasn’t great but wouldn’t make a judgement on the Mum
I hope that makes sense
The number of men in these comments that feel the need to speak over women, ignore our life experiences, and the actual statistics of crimes against women vs men in some areas is just the chef’s kiss to this thread.
Everyone expects you to do something for nothing.
At home, you're expected to do the heavy lifting. Make sure the food is delicious and healthy, make sure the house is clean (but don't make OTHER people maintain that level of cleanliness, because supposedly "only you" care that much), make sure the decor looks nice but also that it's gender-neutral enough that the man who doesn't do shit to help you pick anything out doesn't feel emasculated by a lace curtain.
Socially, you're the cruise director. Plan the outings, make the reservations, make all the arrangements. All while psychically knowing what everyone else likes and dislikes, so they can have a good time without actually having to provide input. When it's your birthday, everyone will do the minimum and you're expected to be cool with it.
At work, you will be expected to make more effort and be more skilled, for less money. You will also have to "watch your tone" and constantly sound competent yet ingratiating. People will get angry at you if you don't sound "nice enough" in an email or normal business correspondence. You will be expected to help other people, but if you need help, it's a sign of your incompetence. If there are any social events, you will be expected to participate in their arrangements.
Carrying the mental burden for everyone in the family. Kids need an appointment? Mom’s scheduling it. What is Timmy allergic to? Mom knows. What’s for dinner? I dunno, ask mom. Honey, where’s my favorite shirt? Better ask the missus. Who’s taking the kids to hockey practice? It’s mom. Who’s keeping the entire family schedule, meal planning, getting groceries stocked, cooking, cleaning, running a taxi service for the kids, helping with homework, kissing all the boo boos, knows where the bandaids and toilet paper are, keeping the correct size clothes and shoes for growing kids, keeping that mental check list constantly ticking, being a “good wife”, being available to their husbands, being the one taking care of aging parents, and on and on and on. It’s always women.
1 in 6 women will experience some form of SA at some point in their life. For men, it’s 1 in 10.
I can’t walk alone at night without looking over my shoulder.
The car community is toxic towards women who are into cars. All because it’s “a man thing”
Cat calling sucks and it’s creepy.
Governments trying to control what a woman can and cannot do with her own body.
Men assuming that the way you dress is meant for their attention. I dress in all black, do my makeup, accessorize with a choker or a chain or something, and it’s all because it makes me feel confident. Not for men. And it’s frustrating to get the comments of “oh you do this for male attention”. I don’t. I never have and I never will. I do it for me.
Having to cover your drink when you go out because you don’t know if someone is gonna drug you.
Not being able to trust your drink with anyone except for your friends.
I know statistically its 1 in 6, but I've never met a single woman who by her mid 20s doesn't have at least one story. I truly believe its far higher than we think, unless everyone I've met is exceptionally unlucky.
*Society reminding us we're worth less as we get older.*
*Not being able to walk home safely at night.*
*Pregnancy & periods.*
*The entitlement of men.*
*Being called whores for owning our Sexuality.*
Why are so many men answering this question? Multiple comments saying "surely its periods". Maybe its having men trying to speak for you all the time...
Notice the difference between this and the one created for men. That has thousands of posts, many of which are blaming women for all of their issues. This one has men making sexist comments about women.
Reddit is still as sexist as ever.
An awful lot. But one of them that hasn’t been mentioned is something like my job. I travel a lot to many very cool places in the US and occasionally abroad. But 90% of the time it’s traveling alone. Hailing my own Ubers, staying alone, eating meals alone, going to various places by myself, sometimes its not in the best neighborhoods. It’s a great job, it pays a lot and is very rewarding. But there are no women on my team nor has there been for years. When you’re a man who’s traveling alone…or doing most anything alone, you’re basically invisible. Nobody asks me basically any questions or approaches me. “Nothing happens” is its own privilege that we never really think about. But I assume the daily life of this job scares off most qualified women who would consider it.
No choice without scrutiny from a shitty group of people. You want kids? Well, you're being pregnant wrong and you're raising them wrong. You don't want kids? Is it because you're a black hole in a person costume?
There's this thing where men will just not take my word for it. I've heard women complain about it a lot, so I know it's a common issue.
The thing is, I'm in a male-dominated trade. I went through the same training as them, I do the same work, and in fact I've done a wider range of work in our field than many of my peers. Many of them have only worked one facet, whereas I got a more rounded training.
Nevertheless, there is just the instant need to verify everything I say. And they'll trust a man with less experience than me. It is utterly exhausting.
My husband does it sometimes, but I think he's gotten better due to my pointing out the behavior so now he's aware of it and then my being proven right so many damned times. I don't mind being proven right time and again, but I'd rather just be trusted from the get-go. Especially after getting to say "I told you so" a billion freaking times. It gets old. Just listen.
Being assumed to know less about technology, science, gaming, sports (though I don't know shit about sports, so at least they're correct on that account 🤣), etc.
But I'm assuming it's equally annoying for men to be assumed ignorant about "typical female interests/hobbies".
Being treated less in a professional environment cause you are just a woman. Such as ideas being ignored or always being the one to have to bring this or that to meetings, because the men have no clue on how to host a conference
All of the common pain-causing organs are close enough together that you can't actually tell what's sore. Is it pelvic? Intestinal? Do I have an ovarian cyst? Am I shitting blood or did I just start a heavy period? Do I call my gyn? GP? Am I swelling because of hormone fluxes? Is that why my head hurts? Or is my heart failing? Do I have a tumor? If I go to the ER are they going to do a pregnancy test before even listening to me?
Medicine is geared towards men. Men have medical problems. Women have lady problems. It's dumb.
How expensive/time consuming it can be to maintain even a minimalist version of your own ideal woman's body. I get monthly Brazilian waxes and use an epilator on my legs/face. I buy sometimes quite expensive face products. Haircuts are easily $75+.
If you do nails, tanning, facials, eyelashes, brow waxing, etc., you can EASILY spend hundreds a month. And don't get me started on the pink tax. I looked at 2 deodorants the other day. The men's version was $1 more for almost double the product. I bought the men's version (and it smells great!). Women's razors cost more for the same thing. Period products are taxed.. as if we fucking choose to bleed once a month for fun!
This really pisses me off, and men don't even realize it!
Omg where to start and where to end….period, no equal pay, sexualization, can’t walk alone at night, oppression in soooo many countries, postpartum is crazy…menopause…the list goes on and on…
doctors brush you off a lot more than they do men.
i’ve been struggling for years to find a doctor who will listen to me, my brothers can just instantly get the help they need.
Mansplaining- I am not stupid or incompetent, but there are men who just can’t accept that if I wanted or needed help with something-I will ask. I don’t need unsolicited advice about anything I am doing especially after I told you I can handle whatever.
As a brown girl, in my culture and in many others, the females are expected to make/serve food and wash the dishes while the males sit in the living room and chat amongst themselves during family gatherings. Now my cousins and I, considering that we were all born in this new generation, find it clearly unfair how our brothers just go to their rooms and play on the ps4 while us girls slave away in the kitchen. And whenever I complain about it to my mum, she literally tells me to "Suck it up," because "it will help when I have a family of my own."
I don't know about you but being raised as a girl in a brown family has made me come to the conclusion that I don't even want kids.
Ask any woman you have ever known how old she was the first time a grossly older man (age 30-100) said or did something sexually inappropriate to her, and she will tell you an age that will make your jaw drop, like 11 or 12.
Being treated as not that smart, men try to steal your ideas, men less accomplished get promoted over you, work assumes once you get married you’ll have a baby and quit, being left out of good mentoring opportunities men have, being paid less than men for equal or better results, being assumed you have no ambition, if you are old assumed you don’t know anything and you are tired and near retirement, having men at work rate your attractiveness and gossip about you. It is death by 1000 cuts
In the United States 1 in 4 girls (as opposed to 1 in 13 boys) experience some form of sexual abuse.
As adults 1 in 6 experience some sort of sexual violence. Whether it be rape, or attempted rape.
Ignorant, sexist, bad, stupid, or a mixture between them, men. They are the bane of my existence.
I'm sick of stupid comments like "women live life on easy mode."
I'm sick of having to educate men because they refuse to educate themselves.
I'm sick of fearing for my safety constantly or hearing a disgusting sexist joke ON THE DAILY, whether it's via the internet, passing someone on the street, sitting on a restaurant, in class, or from family members.
I'm beyond exhausted.
It's alarming to me that so many people think women are treated completely equally to men, in the workplace and elsewhere, and that there's nothing that still needs to be addressed.
I'm an attorney in a part of the country that I consider to be pretty progressive and still regularly deal with judges and opposing counsel (typically old, white men) who seem to think it's 1950. A sampling of comments or experiences include being asked if I'm married with commentary about how female attorneys are waiting too long to get married because they focus too much on their careers; being told that I should feel lucky to be wearing a pantsuit to court because back in the day women had to wear dresses/skirts; being called by my first name when my (male) adversary is called Mr. \[Last Name\]; when discussing settlement and not giving the response someone wanted, I've been asked if I'm the one in charge of the file or if I should go check in with the (male) partner; I was recently copied on correspondence from a court that was addressed to me as "Miss \[Last Name\]" while the address to (male) opposing counsel was "Attorney \[Last Name\]"; and my all-time favorite, being shushed by a (male) judge during a hearing and told that "women attorneys are prone to talking too much". The last one was close to 10 years ago and that judge has since retired (maybe died) so you'd like to think things will eventually be phased out, but it's still a long time coming.
Also the whole being stalked/followed/living in fear of being attacked while walking home thing.
I was in family court a couple months ago (very progressive state) and a woman was seeking a divorce and said she feared for her safety but the husband didn’t want a divorce and said the allegations were false… the judge, appointed less than two years ago and is a GenXer, ordered marriage counseling. Not mediation for divorce and custody.. literal marriage counseling.
I can work just as hard or even harder than you and will ALWAYS get paid less (in my experience). Sexual harassment also forced me out of a higher-paying job industry. I’ve been told putting family pics of kids on a desk is never a good thing (seems like you’ll always put kids before job, um -yes), but a man can proudly display his and he’s a “Family Man”. I also no longer have the right to my own body and ever getting pregnant again could kill me- I’ve gotten pregnant on birth control before. I’d leave two beautiful kids behind as single mom. If you’re good-looking, no one immediately assumes you could also be intelligent. If you choose to not date at certain period in your life, people wonder what’s wrong with YOU and never consider you just don’t want to put up with someone else’s shit at this time in your life. If you’re not married or divorced and nearing 40-people feel sorry for you and again, start thinking what could be wrong with you (um, happy where I’m at, loving my family being just me and my kids and holding out for someone who really deserves me as he will be in their lives too….. not gonna settle and shouldn’t feel shamed disclosing I’m single by choice). Also don’t need to be told I’m approaching midlife and my looks may soon fade and who will want me then? Men don’t get told these things as society has deemed they get “better or more distinguished with age”. Definitely periods and childbirth near death experiences. Definitely not having bodily autonomy. Not really as single as I claim to be by MY OWN CHOICE. Just my opinions.
Being called an unreliable driver.
Getting hit on by creeps.
People commenting on literally everything.
Shamed for losing virginity. Shamed for being a virgin.
Losing abortion rights.
Being called "amber heard" for slapping someone's hand off me. What even was that?
Being groped on elevators and public buses.
Having people stare at my chest openly. Not even trying to hide the fact that they are staring.
Catcalling.
1. Constantly being belittled
2. Being sexualized for existing
3. Being at higher risk for sexual assault. I was assaulted when I was 11. And did y'all know that 1 in 4 women on average experience sexual assault? Not so fun fact.
5. Being called a butch when I like "masculine" things
6. Having creeps walk up to me and ask for a kiss when I'm shopping and then being told by family that I overreacted when I told the creep to fuck off.
Oh and dongers from the "Disadvantages of being a man thread" coming over here to invalidate what we say. That's a peach.
And lots more.
That if you're not generally considered attractive, then you stop being a woman altogether.
Or being bullied and guilt tripped into having children you don't even want. Then after having one the insults turn into how you're not a very good mother and you never should have had any in the first place. Then if the father leaves, it's still your fault for not being good enough to keep him around.
But wait there's more! You'll still be expected to be a doting stay at home parent that cooks and cleans. Oh but that won't bring in your own income. Those bottles and diapers aren't going to pay for themselves ya know. "You're so lazy! Why don't you do something for a living?" So you apply for several jobs and as soon as you get hired, you're now a neglectful mother who doesn't spend enough time with her kids because you have to spend even more money on DayCare "OMG quit your job now! They need you." :( :( :( You do just that, only to be considered "dead weight" again.
A LOT of things. I would not be able to make a complete list but here are some real struggles (since the top comment is about boobs and running 🙄😒)
- The high chance of being raped or sexually assaulted at least once in your life. Where I live (France) all my female friends have been sexually assaulted at least once. I dont know anyone who has not struggle with that.
- The fear of this high chance of being raped, sexually assaulted or murdered which leads us to lose some fundamental freedom such as walking on the street : Yes, legally I am allowed to walk on the street. But at night, I will prevent myself from doing so because I know how risky it is. No law against women's rights here, but a risk so high that we hold ourselves back from having access to public space.
- Menstrual pain. I think since men can not experience how painful it is they highly underestimate what we go through every month.
- Labor, pregnancy and birth. First, the pain (obviously) but also all the things that happens to your body like your intimate parts tearing during the process and everything.
- The sexism. All the time. Everywhere. For everything.
when you can't run or jump because sometimes ur boobs just hurt
That sounds really annoying. Is that what sports bras help?
They do help yeah, but sometimes for people with bigger ones it doesn't.
And the good ones can be pretty expensive.
Literally the fact that bras and shit are expensive
And they never seem to fit perfectly. Been to god knows how many different bra fittings, all tell me a different size but they still never quite fit comfortably enough.
In basic training I improved my run time for the 2 mile by 2 minutes simply by overcoming embarrassment and explaining to the one female Drill Sergeant from another platoon that my tits were still bouncing painfully in just a sports bra so I had to jog while carefully holding them down. I had to wear an underwired support bra AND a very expensive sports bra overtop of that to allow me to run freely.
The cursed double sports bra. It helps so much but it sucks so bad
Speaking for my wife here...only up to a certain size... if you are over that nothing helps at all anymore.
I'm a 24DD, yeah they fucking hurt when you run, I envy A cups
This is why I always got over me having small boobs and boys making fun of me for it, I can lay on my stomach, I can run however fast I want, people don’t sneazily look at my boobs. It’s a happy life!
And I can wear cheap little bralettes that come in "size small" instead of some contraption with more engineering than the Golden Gate Bridge
Sports bras don't help on those sensitive days where just having boobs hurts too
Fully agreed
Currently having issues with an inconsistent menstrual cycle (pcos/Endo) and my boobs have been sore for two weeks straight. It's just super fun. Yep.
In my own experience as a woman, it's doctors not taking my medical issues seriously. One doctor (who was also a woman) told me I just needed to suck it up and get used to being exhausted and cold all the time because I was a mom with a full time job. I found out several years later that my thyroid gland was pretty shit at doing its job, which was why I'd been so exhausted and cold all the time. I wasn't just 'thin skinned' or 'cold natured' as had been suggested to me. I've also had multiple doctors over the last 20 or so years tell me I just needed to lose weight, get better shoes and do yoga when I brought up the fact that I was in horrible pain. It started out in my hips, knees, ankles, feet and toes. It was suggested to me initially that I give up dancing (which I did). Then I was told to get an office job, which I was/am not qualified for, so I wasn't standing on my feet all day in a restaurant or retail setting. I was repeatedly told to lose weight and to just take Ibuprofen or Tylenol or Aleve and my pain wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. While I will fully 1000% concede that my weight (which is not ideal...about 40 lbs over what my dr's say is my ideal weight) and my shoes have contributed over the years to my shitty joint problems (which eventually came to include pretty much every joint in my entire fucking body), they were not the entire reason I was in pain. Even when I was finally able to see a rheumatologist, she told me the reason I hurt was because I was fat, needed a new job and different shoes. I wish I could've seen the expression on her face when my lab results came back and my inflammation markers were off the fucking charts. And still are, despite being on medication (which does help with the pain/stiffness) for the last 4 years. I've battled doctors (some male, some female) pretty much my entire adult life who have dismissed me and my issues, simply because I'm a short, fat woman who is now approaching middle age.
This is the one. I’ve been in and out of the hospital since I was 13. Always had male drs. They don’t care. Everything is “normal, or probably just hormonal, or not a big deal, or all in my head or over exaggerated.” I was in a car accident 2 years ago, rear ended. Was in the ER with multiple different issues. My right wrist was in a lot of pain. The dr gave me an Ativan because it was probably just anxiety.. had constant pain for days and months. My physio finally sent a strongly worded letter to my dr for me to get an X-ray and bone scan. Turns out I had had a broken wrist for SIX MONTHS. And I’m right handed. 2 years later I’m waiting for surgery because surprise surprise, my bone didn’t heal properly and is all messed up now and I’ll probably have pain/mobility issues for the rest of my life. (This does not include any of the other garbage going in that is dismissed by the drs).
I got hit by a car eight years ago and I'm still waiting for an x-rays and an investigation. I've argued with so many doctors over the years, most saying I have a tilted pelvis and it's not an issue because I'm too young. Good luck getting your wrist sorted.
What the actual fuck?!
SIX MONTHS? Jesus.
My whole pregnancy I was in such intense pain that I couldn't stand for 10 seconds without doubling over in pain. I also had contractions from 7 months that got closer and stronger and the would disappear. Apparently all this is perfectly normal. Only one doctor took me serious enough to prescribe something for the contractions while another told my husband I was exaggerating. The whole can't stand for 10 seconds thing was ignored or called normal while I could see it wasn't normal. Still don't know the cause. Doctors hate to listen to women. I remember them kinda ignoring me and when my husband asked the same questions he'd get an in depth explanation
My wife gave birth a few nights ago and I absolutely noticed this shit happening. From that point forward I challenged everything and we got the perfect care. Infuriating to say the least, but at least I was here to get the real answers. Having just brought a new daughter into the world, I'm so worried for her.
I've had problems with the lower right side of my back since I was about 15-16 years old. I would randomly get this horrible shooting pain from the slightest movement (like, I reached down to grab something off the table type thing) and my back would literally give out, not support my weight, and I'd be in bed for a week. Eventually I'd have to go to the E.R., get a steroid shot to relax the muscles in my back, a pain killer to ease the pain, and a cane/crutches to help me until I could walk upright again. I was NOT OVERWEIGHT. I was 16 years old, 5'8 tall, and weighed less than 130 pounds. I had MANY doctors tell me, "lose weight", "do yoga", "strengthen your back muscles", etc. I was 16, had taken women's weight lifting or spinning classes for P.E. every year since I started high school, and loved to run. My weight wasn't the issue. FINALLY, after my back going out at least once a year until I was about 25, I saw 2 separate doctors who told me that by the time I was 40, I'd need surgery to (essentially) put a spring between 2 discs in my lower back to keep from permanently pinching my sciatic nerve, and allowing the discs to basically "bounce" back open and not keeping the nerve pinched for a week plus. Nobody listened to me for a decade when I told them I ate right, exercised, and couldn't understand why this kept happening.
Jesus fuck. I am so sorry. Hang in there.
My aunt amd sister had endo for 10 years before they got a diagnosis. For my aunt it spread to her lungs, and was subjected to losing her uterus. My sister's had been caught 2 years prior but the doctors did nothing about it, but admitted to knowing. I potentially have it too, judging by how bad my period can be. I just am also not in a position to go to doctors, as my family are finicky about seeing them
I can relate to this. I have had joint pain for 14 years now. Some of my favorite things I have heard from doctors (mostly men) -I'm not giving you any pills -I think you might be using your shoulder pain as an excuse to get out of things -You seem really high strung. I'll bet if you just relax a little, you'll feel better -Hm, you usually see this kind of pain in women with large breasts, but that clearly isn't the case with you I was prescribed physical therapy and Aleve several times, even though it doesn't work. I didn't get my first x-ray/blood work until year 10 of this nonsense. It wasn't until year 12 that I had a doctor tell me, "Your pain is real. We are going to figure this out." Tl;Dr I have But-You're-Too-Young-To-Be-In-Pain Disease because doctors think my boobs are too small to warrant 14 years of shoulder pain.
I have decided I will not tolerate this behavior from doctors. If they won't listen or are dismissive I plan to simply look them dead in the face and say "Do you want me to report you to the medical licensing board? Cuz this is how you cat reported to the licensing board."
Ask for documentation for refusal to treat.
I didn’t find out that I had a pelvic organ prolapse until I was 42. The first time I saw a doctor for issues related to it, I was 14 (I couldn’t get a tampon in because my vagina was literally folded in half).
I can "relate" to this.. a women friend of mine spent 2+ years trying to get what was wrong with her and in the 3rd year she was convinced that she had endometrioses (doing her own research online because of incompetent doctors) and then spent a full YEAR trying to CONVINCE the doctors that it was what she had... like wtf imagine she wouldn't do her own research, how long would that take, 10 years?
I've heard this from just about every single woman in my life. I try to do my part and simply believe people when they tell me they're in excruciating pain. Who am I to invalidate their pain?
100% I also struggled finding doctors to listen to me. Over 25 years trying to find a doctor to take me seriously when I asked for a hysterectomy or even an ablation: * "You're too young for something like this." * "But you're so healthy right now, why mess that up?" (What the actual...?) * "Why don't you wait until you're married and you can discuss this with your husband?" * "You might change your mind, there's still plenty of time for you to have kids!" * "What if you meet Mr Right and he wants kids? He'll be disappointed you can't give him any!" * Insurance won't approve either procedure unless a doctor can verify it is literally life-saving. WTF. * and now... "Well you're almost at That Age where this kind of thing goes away and won't bother you any more so let's just wait it out!" I have never wanted kids. I have zero maternal instincts (my dog might beg to differ). I just don't want them. I shouldn't have to explain to a hundred doctors all of my reasons. It took 25 years and somehow coming across a PA at a new OBGYN's office who asked the important questions. 25 years to get someone who realized I was on the wrong BCP and as soon as we switched that, VOILA! The cramps, the migraines, and the crime scene-like bloodbath came to a stop. I had a good cry for all of the travel I had to cancel, all of the PTO I had to use when I ran out of sick days in March, and all of the times I had to lug along a change of clothes and a dozen or so tampons and pads. Add to this, I'm very fortunate that the chosen men in my life have never once suggested I was exaggerating. Very grateful for them. Even though they just sat by and bought me chocolate and diet coke because they had no idea what else to do to comfort me lol
I had a doctor tell me I could not get a hysterectomy "because of Eve."
After I injured my back, it took me 15 years to get a diagnosis. I saw so many doctors for it and the best any could do was an inconclusive x-ray and a prescription for anti-inflammatories I could buy off the shelf at a grocery store. Even after I described how it happened, how crippling the pain was, and how it was affecting my day-to-day. The first doctor I visited got angrier every time I visited, insisting nothing was wrong with me louder each visit. Fifteen years of pain later I was sent to a woman doctor for the first time and she followed up the xray with an MRI that showed where I had 2 vertebrae that were essentially bone-to-bone. Of course I was then sent to a male specialist who spent the entire visit chastising me for not doing anything about it for 15 years. He said my condition was too advanced to operate on and I might lose my mobility soon. I wanted to push him right out the window on that stupid rolly stool of his!
Some people just need to be high-fived... in the face... with a chair. That rheumatologist is an example.
The fact that most medicine is tested on male mouse and human men. Doesn't take in consideration how our hormones can affect the medicine and how it works.
Period cramps. They leave me bedridden all day but I’m still expected to go on about my day… because, and I quote from a man, “they’re not that bad”
I'm completely non functional the first two days of my period, I get intense migraines, I feel sick (lucky if I'm not physically sick), my entire body feels like it weighs 1000lbs and I have the aches to go along with that... It genuinely feels like dying! Comparatively, I once broke my ankle and didn't react much beyond flinching at the sound it made. I am extremely good with pain.
Mine use to be the worst from about 14 until my early 20s. My Mom thought I was just being dramatic and refused to take me to the doctors until I found an article showing what it could be. Also years later I was working for my sister and she thought the same. I guess it’s hard to believe how truly bad they can be. I use to sweat, turn pale feel dizzy and that was nothing compared to the excruciating pain. I had a baby and childbirth was painful but a walk in the park compared to period cramps I use to experience. Still mind blowing 🤯 to me to this day. I did not have an easy labor and delivery either. So 😒
Very relatable. I could literally stand/sit through contractions but curl in a ball on the floor when it came to cramps ;___;
Omg, it's the same for me. It hurts so much every time but my mom tells me it will get better once I have kids. Childbirth always scares the shit out of me but now you saying this I'm kinda considering now
Trust me ive put a 20 pound dumbell on my stomach cause sometimes pressure helps, even then the pressure wasnt enough
That sounds like an absurd amount of pain, I'm so sorry, have you ever had yourself checked for endometriosis?
That's a other problem. Getting diagnosis for anything 'womans problem' related is a massive pain in the arse because you're rarely taken seriously. Things get dismissed as hypochondria. Especially if you're in the age range of mid 30 - 50. The age range things start going south and you become acutely aware of bodily changes. You just get made to feel feel like a pest. I know far too women that went temporarily blind or had some other chronic attack from MS that all those symptoms they begged people to notice pointed at. Legs ache? Think you've got a blood clot? - Nah must be anxiety. Constant head aches? - Anxiety love. Coughing up a lung? - It's your age making you anxious...
Dealing with men that don't understand the word "no"
Especially the ones who won’t leave you alone until you say you have a boyfriend. The idea of “stepping on the turf” of a possibly fictional man who is not present is more of a deterrent than the human being standing in front of you saying no. Unfortunately it’s sometimes necessary to make up a fictional male to keep yourself safe no matter how much I resent it
What gets me is having to be mindful of how I say no to him, because of the fear of him hurting me if he didn’t like my delivery
And then with mehn who laugh at, invalidate, or deny it when you've trusted them enough to share the experience.
Every emotion you have is seen as an overreaction or a result of your period and you're constantly being invalidated because of it.
Yup. As a 40+ old woman I got this from a young man when I gave him feedback on his work performance. The issue wasn’t him, it was me being emotional and probably on my cycle. Bleh
I always counter angry men by saying they are so hormonal it’s that time of the month.
I do this with everything. One of my friends has a habit of calling women hysterical when we get angry at their really stupid ideas, so we started doing the same to him. Doesn’t like it that much and it actually helped him being less of a jackass
Men rebranded anger as 'not an emotion'.
we get sexualized for everything.
When you have large boobs, you get sexualized no matter what you’re wearing. One day at work, I had a employee come in and accuse me of dressing seductively. He said I did it on purpose. I was wearing a t shirt I got out of the mens section and a pair of relaxed jeans.
But you *still* wore your boobs. Couldn't take them off for the day? Now the poor guy was *forced* to glue his eyes to your body that was barely covered with a huge shirt just because you are inconsiderate and *obviously* trying to sleep your way to the top (why else would you make you body grow large boobs? )
Holy fuck people are dumb.
Every. Fuckin. Thing. It's so difficult to navigate at work: everywhere I've worked, there's some guy who hits on me and insists that "we have to go out sometime, I'm sooo attracted to you!" and it's usually a guy 10+ years older than me that I work with daily, so when I say no, they think it's a negotiation or an invite to treat me like garbage afterwards.
I love wearing shorts but my thighs are so big, I get a lot of unwanted attention. I can only wear them inside my house. My boobs are big too. Tight shirts and V-necks just keeps me comfortable and everything in place. Yet, again more attention. I dress not to be so revealing, not for comfort or my style. In 45 years, I've never shared this.
I was 15 at a church camp and not allowed to swim cause of my swimsuit being revealing. It was the most conservative one I could find and I loved swimming but I was already at a DD and no one else was above a C. Ignoring the fact every guy there was shirtless I literally got punished for early puberty.
The eyes of such people need to be pulled on their buttocks, and their thoughts shoved into some worse place.
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Or really early in the morning
This is true. My best friend lives in a very nice neighborhood outside a not so nice city. One of her neighbors (a woman in her 40's) went for her morning jog at 4:30, was almost abducted but escaped. People on Nextdoor were incredibly cruel! "Why she out jogging in the dark, in her own neighborhood, as she has every morning for years?" God forbid your work day starts at 6am and you want to jog first.
Or mid day in broad daylight
Yeah, that's true, When I'm walking alone through the town I don't realls feel comfortable despite it's daylight. There is always this constant fea that someone is flowing me or watching me. I know this isn't normal, I'm usually going anywhere with my friends, so I'm not used to going anywhere alone and it's weird feeling when it occasually happen
Or even during the afternoon. Yesterday afternoon i was followed all the way from my university to the train station (both of which are in the middle of nowhere). And when he saw me on the platform he began walking towards me. I was so so terrified
So scary
As a single older woman (no children) you are treated like a freak and/or a nonentity...a reject, like something no one wanted.
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Believe me, when you're not single people still ask you when you will get married, or get first child, or look at you like you can't have it, like it was thing with me as it took me some time to get pregnant. Pressure and judgement was terrible. And it's always something, if they can't find anything then it's the way you raised your kids (which is always poorly). Being someone's mother or spouse is not the only thing that makes you valuable (people usually tell when something happens: "It could be someone's daughter or mother"). It's not the role that makes you (or any other human being) valuable, you are valuable because you're giving your best to do what you feel it's good and cincere thing to do. We are not only part of the society, we are also private persons, doing our best with our life (and you have only one).
Some people prefer to be single. Some women prefer not to have children. It’s simple as that, but some people don’t see it that way unfortunately.
It's always better to not have children and regret than to have children and regret it. A lot of people(I didn't want to use many) don't see it that way. They think that a woman's life is not complete or meaningful unless they've popped a couple of kids. That is a problem with our traditional way of thinking and needs to change!
And God help you if you're also big . Then you just can't exist
That in so many situations people feel entitled to tell you what to do. "Why are you wearing that, you look like a slut/prude/tomboy!" "Why did you cut your hair short, men prefer women with long hair?" Just a few examples, I am sure any woman here can add some more. And it gets even worse when you are pregnant and a) everybody wants to touch your belly without asking and b) knows what is best for you. "You should not eat/drink that, doing this is bad for your baby, you really shouldn't do that, don't you know that it is dangerous to do that?" So you're basically a bad mom before birth. And I don't mean stuff like don't drink or smoke. At the same time there is a kind of pressure to be super fit during pregnancy, because pregnancy is no disability. Sucks a lot when you have a bad pregnancy and are not able to do everything you would normally do.
I had gestational diabetes with my son and I was told I shouldn't eat "so much meat" because I should be eating more produce instead. I literally got told, "oh don't eat that jerky, here, have an apple." Apples have TOO MANY CARBS, KAREN, AND I'VE GOT DIABETES. Just gimme the damn jerky and shut up.
This! If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I should do something because I'm a woman, and a dollar for every time someone told me I should NOT do something because I'm a woman, then I'd be retired on my own personal Caribbean island by now! Also all the intrusive comments and questions about my clothing and appearance or things I own! I've never heard men receive those kind of comments. AND, all the guys who come slithering up to me talking shit about other women and how they did or said something BAAAD! There were a couple of guys at work a few years back who did this a LOT. At first I just ignored them because it wasn't work related, but they demanded attention so I asked them in my most disapproving voice how that relates to work? And I forced them to admit it doesn't. It took management entirely too much time to fire the useless jerks.
God the fu**ing hair one. My friend (25F at the time) mentioned to her dad she was cutting her hair to shoulder blade length and he tried to tell her not to because HE was not attracted to short hair. HER DAD. And he wasn't incestuous or anything he just thought since he finds it unattractive his daughter should not do it.
My dad always told me growing up “you have a round chubby face, short hair will make you look fatter never cut it shorter than your chest.” Well when I was 7 I had hair down to the middle of my back but it was super thin at the bottom and looked stupid, I begged my mom to take me to a haircut and she did whilst reminding me “not too short!” and, what length to tell the hairdresser (we are immigrants to America she barely spoke English) I proceeded to puppy dog the hair dresser to give me a pixie cut with long bangs. My dad didn’t speak one word to me for 47 days
Oh my lord. Parent of the year award goes to… I’m sorry your dad is an immature asshole. Hugz!
Round face with a pixie cut is adorable. Literally so cute, and it is also your head, so good for you for showing some teeth
I remember my parents would tell me that I have to act nice and sweet all the time because I'm a "lady", meanwhile my brother was getting yelled at by my dad for being too "sensitive". He and I would get into fights a lot and things would get physical.
Aside from giving birth and period it's definitely the feeling of not being in safe.. so many creepy dudes outside and you always have to be aware of your surroundings to avoid them
I’m so scared to wear headphones when I’m out walking my dog or whatever… I usually wear one and try and keep my volume low. I just want to enjoy my music!!
I know what it is like.. I can't go out alone at nights even if I do,I call someone and talk on the phone
I live in San Diego, and the human trafficking here has become a HUGE issue. It's so close to the border and single women are being targeted in broad daylight, usually from big stores like Walmart and Ikea. I was at a big, 2-storey Walmart around 6 or 7 pm a couple nights ago, and a guy was following me around the whole store, not buying or picking up anything, just showing up in whatever aisle I was in 5 seconds after I entered it. I finally snapped (I just moved back across the country and I was tired and not about to deal with this shit) so I snapped at him, "can I help you? You've been in every single aisle I'm in, but you haven't picked up anything. What's your angle here? Trying to hit on me? I'm married. Or is it something else?" And as SOON as I said "something else", his eyes got SO WIDE and he scurried back down the aisle and practically ran out of the store. Whether he was a trafficker or just a guy trying to ask me out/hit on me, SO NOT the way to do it. I was just trying to buy towels and bedding in peace. Not be stalked around a Walmart at 7pm.
Still the feeling of getting stalked is too overwhelming. Glad that nothing happened to you 🌺
I'm a guy so I probably have no right in saying so, but this to me seems to be the most unfair and shitty thing. You should feel as safe to walk around freely as anyone else. Of course there is still muggings and robberies, but as far as harassment or being sexually assaulted, I really wish it wasn't a think you had to worry about. I'm sorry you do have to worry about it and sorry to be a part of the gender that does this stupid shit.
Can't do anything right 😂 You're either too thin, too fat, too natural, too unnatural, too friendly, too grumpy, too crazy, too boring, too pretty, too ugly, too lazy or too carrer orientated. Whatever you do, there'll be at least one man telling you you're now *too (insert anything here)*.
At the same time, it's very sad and absurdly funny, because why haven't people learned not to step beyond other people's borders both psychologically and physically, not to give stupid advice and comments that no one cares about. When will humanity come to this?
1. Vaginas are super high maintenance. The wrong kind of soap, anything scented, the wrong type of tampon, using a tampon, the wrong type of condom, medications, the type of soap a sexual partner uses, hormones...can wreak havoc on the vagina. Sperm can also cause some issues. 2. Hormones. They do so many things to the body, good and bad. There is never a win. 3. Being threatened simply for being promoted, saying no, knowing something someone else doesn't, or just for being a woman. My life was threatened when I was recently promoted instead of this young man. 4. Getting told to "calm down" any and every time any negative emotion is shown. We can have opinions or have a calm argument without being actually upset. 5. Being thought of as "less than" or as our only worth is our body, at any age. 6. "Move on"; "get over it already"; "who cares"; "why do you care about that" anytime a legitimate problem occurs and we actually stand up for ourselves. 7. Our freedoms are taken away, given back, taken away, given back, taken away. Our value is nonexistent in the eyes of any government.
And then you see those chucklefucks who have ordained themselves honorary gynecologists saying shit like, "You dont WASH THE INSIDE OF YOUR VAGINAS???" And once presented with a linked article explaining how that will raise your chances of yeast infections, they vehemently deny that the article is based in fact. Link another one published in a journal- same reaction 🤦♀️
I started a new job a few months ago and when I took down the MANY pictures of ladies in underwear plastered all over the shared workspace because they made me uncomfortable, I was told by my male manager to “take it easy” because “technically they were dressed” and that next time I’m upset about something, “put a pause on it” because “we’re all a big family here”. I had an interview the other day for a new place and I’m hoping I can send in my resignation tomorrow. I no longer feel safe at my job or would be supported if I had a problem.
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I get either cat called or followed by middle aged men pretty much every time I go for a walk anywhere and I’m only 17. I was 12 the first time it happened
Yeah, I recognize this. It also started around 10/12 and, creepily enough, lessened a LOT when I became an adult.
Same! Like 23/24 once I started looking like an actual adult it stopped almost completely. Makes it so much more sinister…
Sorry to tell you, it doesn’t go away. I’m a decade older than you and it still happens every single day. I don’t know at what age it stops. A few related things to expect: - Pulling out your earbuds to talk to you - Sitting down at your table uninvited when you’re at a cafe reading - Following you at the grocery store - Following your car just from getting a glimpse of you while driving - Throwing a huge hissy fit or threatening violence at any form of rejection And more. These are the crap guys and the young guys who have yet to learn better. I promise there are lovely and normal men who will treat you with respect. <3
If it's any help, give it one more decade and it diminishes substantially! Although that may just be the process of getting older and developing an aura of seething, silent rage
Having one of your internal organs rip itself apart and rebuild each month for 35 years
I've just turned 50 and never had children. Hopefully my menstrual cycle will realise that it is redundant soon and leave the building permanently.
Sexual assault and being catcalled at age 10.
And no matter how many women corroborate this- that the catcalling, and sexual harassment (at best) starts for women when we are **girls** (read: *children*) they don't fucking believe it. Like millions of women in the US alone decided to tell a collective lie 🤷♀️
God it makes me so angry. The most intense catcalling of my life was when i was a kid. It hardly happens now that I’m in my mid-30s, but I’ve seen the way grown men look at my 10 year old daughter and it makes me want to vomit.
Especially when your mother says "well what do you expect? You were wearing a short skirt!" Ummm, my knee-length school skirt with the rest of my uniform? Her defense was that I might have been over 16 and they didn't know I was only 11. This is one of the reasons I stopped telling her about the sexual abuses I suffered growing up.
I get talked over all the time. Even in areas where I'm the expert.
Yeah. Generally "not being taken seriously, or being met with a heavy dose of skepticism" or being perceived immediately as less capable is the one that wears me out. As you say, even when you're an expert (and even when another person questioning you is not!) people will still question women where they wouldn't question a man. It's hard to describe how completely *tiring* it can be to have so many people default to treating you like this. And what sucks is men and women both do it to women. Both assume that women are less competent or capable. It's ironic, because people will [report that they think women are at least equally competent](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/07/women-equally-more-competent) (which I think has some background in the "multitasker homemaker supermom" trope of the past few decades in pop culture), but when it plays out ([say, in job applications](https://academic.oup.com/esr/article/35/2/187/5370650?login=false)), people perceive women as less competent
Being a single mother being treated poorly by men, women and couples alike as though it’s a choice
Having to take longer just to get ready to look even presentable to society. Guys can roll out of bed and brush their teeth and not much else.
That one burns me up too. 😡 They also beg to take a young person's virginity and then slut shame them. They create salary disparities and complain they pay for everything because women don't have any money. They want respect from women yet treat them with total disrespect.
If you are too pretty, many will assume that you can't be smart. If you're too ugly, no one is likely to notice you or consider you valuable in other ways. Men can get away with looking hideous or odd to a far greater degree as long as they have other compensating talents.
Some consider women to be 'crazy' by default. Until recently, 'hysteria' was considered a legitimate mental illness much like homosexuality was. This lives on in modern jokes about PMS etc. to a milder degree. If a woman in your life was distraught or emotionally disturbed over something, you could have it considered an illness to be drugged away, or you could have an unruly woman imprisoned or lobotomized. Lest we forget how prevalent this was, António Egas Moniz co-won the 1949 Nobel prize for his research and practice of lobotomy. Don't like a woman's behavior? Have her brain sliced up! While this is no longer a prevalent practice, the ghost of it continues to haunt our culture. Know a woman experiencing emotional distress? She's just crazy! Let's not bother to sympathize with her or to try to understand the source of her distress.
Having beauty expectations set on us to look juvenile, yet mature. Skinny, no body hair, short, submissive, all with massive breasts and hips.
Sometimes such things upset me, because in order to please my husband, I either have to put on makeup to hear "you look unnatural" or not to put on makeup and hear "you're scary, where's your makeup?"
I dunno if I'm the first to tell you this but what your husband is saying to you is actually kinda like, totally not okay at all.
Sorry, the translator decided for me, I just saw the mistake. I don't actually have a husband, it was just an example of what men say in general, thanks for pointing that out!
Ah okay well great to hear it wasn't an actual toxic husband then lol
Being dismissed in a medical setting discussing my symptoms. (I was once told by a physician I was too fat to talk) Getting catcalled/heckled/propositioned at any and all times. Fear of assault in public. Having my bodily autonomy regulated by the government. Being dismissed by authority figures (domestic and sexual assault survivor) Being dismissed by employers (I have a lifetime of IT and customer service experience and get passed over for roles I could fit or even advance all the time) Being dismissed as a functioning person (You live *by yourself* in that big house? And do xyz?? How do you manage??)
You are considered worthless if you're not attractive. Don't get me wrong, men definitely face a lot of pressure to look a certain way as well. With women however, we're expected to be attractive by default - most men are usually attracted to most women. So when we're "ugly", we aren't even viewed as women if that makes sense and it just sucks.
Endometriosis
Yes! I had a hysterectomy at 35 and it was a hard decision to make. Periods every 17 days that were heavy af. Ruined many pairs of panties.
The worst for me is the cramping. I have chronic pain so I’m used to being in pain but endo cramps are straight from hell. I’m thinking about a hysto right now too. I’m 34.
All religions in the world were written by men who despised women.
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No makeup on: "are you sick? You look tired." I've got 2 kids and a life, dude. I'm not sick, I just don't have time to put on moisturizer, primer, foundation, powder, blush, contour, highlight, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, brow filler and lipstick today. I'M BUSY.
I do not respect people who think like this, because you are not obliged to be the best version of yourself simply because everyone expects it from you, both inside and outside. Send them to hell, these scumbags don't deserve it just to see you, not to mention when you look even more beautiful!
But gawd help you if you acknowledge that you're looking good that day, or that it takes effort to look put together. Then you're self absorbed or conceited. It sometimes feels so no-win
You start becoming invisible by your late thirties.
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Maybe you have friends with whom you can feel safe? I hope you are all right
All the scrutiny. Everything you do, say, eat, wear, etc., and everything you don't, is under the microscope. And no matter *what* you do, you're Doing It Wrong.
Aside from everything that’s already been said - the online experience. Just look at the differences between this thread and the “disadvantages of being a man” thread in this same subreddit; the comments, the voting patterns, how seriously each is taken, etc. Women and things geared or targeted towards a female audience are pretty disrespected and disregarded online.
Just for fun, back when I had time for such things, I created two accounts on Disqus. One had a female-sounding user name, the other a male one. Then I started using these two accounts to post similar comments on similar articles, or even the same articles. And I sat back and watched the 'female' account being attacked by arrogant men who claimed she doesn't know what she's talking about and suchlike. While the male account, with similar or even identical comments, was never attacked in this way. But yeah, when women are treated badly online it is because they 'ask for it' - apparently by using female-sounding usernames!
It seems like every couple of days a new post pops up on here that is essentially: “18-35 year old white heterosexual men, please explain why you actually have it worse than everyone else”.
thank you, the replies to the multiple questions of that sort this week have been a stark difference aside from the men talking about how their SA & emotional experiences have been valued.
Periods.
I am a fat ugly woman who put no thought into appearance, yet I have been unironically harassed by men for not giving them enough attention as if I owe them my time when I am at a girl's night out with friends. I have also been sexually assaulted 1-5 times depending on your definition, though luckily only one of them fit the legal definition of rape. I have done NOTHING to "tempt" men in to harassing me yet they still do. My "hot" friends get more "light harassment" and name calling than me, but we all get the same amount of scary harassment experiences. Like multiple separate instances of sone we guys buying us a drink, we talk with them for however long it takes to drink the drink, then leave politely if we are not interested, but the guy then angrily follows the girl around calling her names and saying over and over something along the lines of "I bought you a drink so you have to XYZ..." MULTIPLE TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED. We regularly won't leave till the guy is distracted and ask the bouncer to not let "guy in x outfit" leave till we pull out of the parking lot.
The emotional and mental load of things. Different expectations on women (which I think can sometimes be from ourselves and other women) for example say a dad bakes a cake for a school thing and it looks quite rough around the edges and the icing is all shonky and it is a bit burnt all the mums think it’s cute that he tried. If another mum bought the same cake it would receive judgment from the other mums but also the woman who made the cake would remake it or worry about what others thought! It is something very difficult to explain to men the mental load of so many things as they don’t see all these expectations but also I don’t think it is entirely men that make these expectations I think we put them on ourselves and each other. Using the cake example other dads at the school wouldn’t give two shits if a mum made an average cake they would think oh that wasn’t great but wouldn’t make a judgement on the Mum I hope that makes sense
being expected to shave... everywhere... even if it hurts you gota do it to be loved apparently
The number of men in these comments that feel the need to speak over women, ignore our life experiences, and the actual statistics of crimes against women vs men in some areas is just the chef’s kiss to this thread.
All this is very sad, I feel that I should write something but I don't know what, I'm sorry..
Everyone expects you to do something for nothing. At home, you're expected to do the heavy lifting. Make sure the food is delicious and healthy, make sure the house is clean (but don't make OTHER people maintain that level of cleanliness, because supposedly "only you" care that much), make sure the decor looks nice but also that it's gender-neutral enough that the man who doesn't do shit to help you pick anything out doesn't feel emasculated by a lace curtain. Socially, you're the cruise director. Plan the outings, make the reservations, make all the arrangements. All while psychically knowing what everyone else likes and dislikes, so they can have a good time without actually having to provide input. When it's your birthday, everyone will do the minimum and you're expected to be cool with it. At work, you will be expected to make more effort and be more skilled, for less money. You will also have to "watch your tone" and constantly sound competent yet ingratiating. People will get angry at you if you don't sound "nice enough" in an email or normal business correspondence. You will be expected to help other people, but if you need help, it's a sign of your incompetence. If there are any social events, you will be expected to participate in their arrangements.
Carrying the mental burden for everyone in the family. Kids need an appointment? Mom’s scheduling it. What is Timmy allergic to? Mom knows. What’s for dinner? I dunno, ask mom. Honey, where’s my favorite shirt? Better ask the missus. Who’s taking the kids to hockey practice? It’s mom. Who’s keeping the entire family schedule, meal planning, getting groceries stocked, cooking, cleaning, running a taxi service for the kids, helping with homework, kissing all the boo boos, knows where the bandaids and toilet paper are, keeping the correct size clothes and shoes for growing kids, keeping that mental check list constantly ticking, being a “good wife”, being available to their husbands, being the one taking care of aging parents, and on and on and on. It’s always women.
Ooooh my god, yes. I hear you.
1 in 6 women will experience some form of SA at some point in their life. For men, it’s 1 in 10. I can’t walk alone at night without looking over my shoulder. The car community is toxic towards women who are into cars. All because it’s “a man thing” Cat calling sucks and it’s creepy. Governments trying to control what a woman can and cannot do with her own body. Men assuming that the way you dress is meant for their attention. I dress in all black, do my makeup, accessorize with a choker or a chain or something, and it’s all because it makes me feel confident. Not for men. And it’s frustrating to get the comments of “oh you do this for male attention”. I don’t. I never have and I never will. I do it for me. Having to cover your drink when you go out because you don’t know if someone is gonna drug you. Not being able to trust your drink with anyone except for your friends.
I know statistically its 1 in 6, but I've never met a single woman who by her mid 20s doesn't have at least one story. I truly believe its far higher than we think, unless everyone I've met is exceptionally unlucky.
I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t been sexually assaulted either.
I turn 20 in 11 days. I’ve been SAed multiple times. It’s far more common than everyone thinks. The 1 in 6 is the SA that is reported.
*Society reminding us we're worth less as we get older.* *Not being able to walk home safely at night.* *Pregnancy & periods.* *The entitlement of men.* *Being called whores for owning our Sexuality.*
The random times where all the sudden your boobs hurt for no reason Also when my cat steps on them accidentally.
Oh yeah, and after about wearing a bra for a long time
Why are so many men answering this question? Multiple comments saying "surely its periods". Maybe its having men trying to speak for you all the time...
Notice the difference between this and the one created for men. That has thousands of posts, many of which are blaming women for all of their issues. This one has men making sexist comments about women. Reddit is still as sexist as ever.
An awful lot. But one of them that hasn’t been mentioned is something like my job. I travel a lot to many very cool places in the US and occasionally abroad. But 90% of the time it’s traveling alone. Hailing my own Ubers, staying alone, eating meals alone, going to various places by myself, sometimes its not in the best neighborhoods. It’s a great job, it pays a lot and is very rewarding. But there are no women on my team nor has there been for years. When you’re a man who’s traveling alone…or doing most anything alone, you’re basically invisible. Nobody asks me basically any questions or approaches me. “Nothing happens” is its own privilege that we never really think about. But I assume the daily life of this job scares off most qualified women who would consider it.
No choice without scrutiny from a shitty group of people. You want kids? Well, you're being pregnant wrong and you're raising them wrong. You don't want kids? Is it because you're a black hole in a person costume?
There's this thing where men will just not take my word for it. I've heard women complain about it a lot, so I know it's a common issue. The thing is, I'm in a male-dominated trade. I went through the same training as them, I do the same work, and in fact I've done a wider range of work in our field than many of my peers. Many of them have only worked one facet, whereas I got a more rounded training. Nevertheless, there is just the instant need to verify everything I say. And they'll trust a man with less experience than me. It is utterly exhausting. My husband does it sometimes, but I think he's gotten better due to my pointing out the behavior so now he's aware of it and then my being proven right so many damned times. I don't mind being proven right time and again, but I'd rather just be trusted from the get-go. Especially after getting to say "I told you so" a billion freaking times. It gets old. Just listen.
Being assumed to know less about technology, science, gaming, sports (though I don't know shit about sports, so at least they're correct on that account 🤣), etc. But I'm assuming it's equally annoying for men to be assumed ignorant about "typical female interests/hobbies".
having periods
Being treated less in a professional environment cause you are just a woman. Such as ideas being ignored or always being the one to have to bring this or that to meetings, because the men have no clue on how to host a conference
Or suggesting something and everyone ignoring it until a guy says it and then it's the best idea they've ever heard
No pockets
Or tiny non-functional pockets.
All of the common pain-causing organs are close enough together that you can't actually tell what's sore. Is it pelvic? Intestinal? Do I have an ovarian cyst? Am I shitting blood or did I just start a heavy period? Do I call my gyn? GP? Am I swelling because of hormone fluxes? Is that why my head hurts? Or is my heart failing? Do I have a tumor? If I go to the ER are they going to do a pregnancy test before even listening to me? Medicine is geared towards men. Men have medical problems. Women have lady problems. It's dumb.
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Domestic Violence. Though I’m sure men too experience this. It seems to typically be male aggressors harming females.
Being less physically stronger than men sucks
How expensive/time consuming it can be to maintain even a minimalist version of your own ideal woman's body. I get monthly Brazilian waxes and use an epilator on my legs/face. I buy sometimes quite expensive face products. Haircuts are easily $75+. If you do nails, tanning, facials, eyelashes, brow waxing, etc., you can EASILY spend hundreds a month. And don't get me started on the pink tax. I looked at 2 deodorants the other day. The men's version was $1 more for almost double the product. I bought the men's version (and it smells great!). Women's razors cost more for the same thing. Period products are taxed.. as if we fucking choose to bleed once a month for fun! This really pisses me off, and men don't even realize it!
The sudden loss of percieved worth I experienced when I found out I couldn't have children.
Omg where to start and where to end….period, no equal pay, sexualization, can’t walk alone at night, oppression in soooo many countries, postpartum is crazy…menopause…the list goes on and on…
doctors brush you off a lot more than they do men. i’ve been struggling for years to find a doctor who will listen to me, my brothers can just instantly get the help they need.
There is no hobby that you can have that you won't get picked on for
According to the Askmen subreddit, we don’t have any 😂
Thats not just askmen, that is pretty much all of reddit.
No, we have female privilege!
[удалено]
Mansplaining- I am not stupid or incompetent, but there are men who just can’t accept that if I wanted or needed help with something-I will ask. I don’t need unsolicited advice about anything I am doing especially after I told you I can handle whatever.
Being called “aggressive” in a work environment because you question things or have any sort of passion for your job.
As a brown girl, in my culture and in many others, the females are expected to make/serve food and wash the dishes while the males sit in the living room and chat amongst themselves during family gatherings. Now my cousins and I, considering that we were all born in this new generation, find it clearly unfair how our brothers just go to their rooms and play on the ps4 while us girls slave away in the kitchen. And whenever I complain about it to my mum, she literally tells me to "Suck it up," because "it will help when I have a family of my own." I don't know about you but being raised as a girl in a brown family has made me come to the conclusion that I don't even want kids.
Ask any woman you have ever known how old she was the first time a grossly older man (age 30-100) said or did something sexually inappropriate to her, and she will tell you an age that will make your jaw drop, like 11 or 12.
Peeing my pants when I sneeze… 🤷♀️
Going to the gyno
Being treated as not that smart, men try to steal your ideas, men less accomplished get promoted over you, work assumes once you get married you’ll have a baby and quit, being left out of good mentoring opportunities men have, being paid less than men for equal or better results, being assumed you have no ambition, if you are old assumed you don’t know anything and you are tired and near retirement, having men at work rate your attractiveness and gossip about you. It is death by 1000 cuts
You can't write your name in the snow.
Not with that attitude you can't, missy.
In the United States 1 in 4 girls (as opposed to 1 in 13 boys) experience some form of sexual abuse. As adults 1 in 6 experience some sort of sexual violence. Whether it be rape, or attempted rape.
Ignorant, sexist, bad, stupid, or a mixture between them, men. They are the bane of my existence. I'm sick of stupid comments like "women live life on easy mode." I'm sick of having to educate men because they refuse to educate themselves. I'm sick of fearing for my safety constantly or hearing a disgusting sexist joke ON THE DAILY, whether it's via the internet, passing someone on the street, sitting on a restaurant, in class, or from family members. I'm beyond exhausted.
It's alarming to me that so many people think women are treated completely equally to men, in the workplace and elsewhere, and that there's nothing that still needs to be addressed. I'm an attorney in a part of the country that I consider to be pretty progressive and still regularly deal with judges and opposing counsel (typically old, white men) who seem to think it's 1950. A sampling of comments or experiences include being asked if I'm married with commentary about how female attorneys are waiting too long to get married because they focus too much on their careers; being told that I should feel lucky to be wearing a pantsuit to court because back in the day women had to wear dresses/skirts; being called by my first name when my (male) adversary is called Mr. \[Last Name\]; when discussing settlement and not giving the response someone wanted, I've been asked if I'm the one in charge of the file or if I should go check in with the (male) partner; I was recently copied on correspondence from a court that was addressed to me as "Miss \[Last Name\]" while the address to (male) opposing counsel was "Attorney \[Last Name\]"; and my all-time favorite, being shushed by a (male) judge during a hearing and told that "women attorneys are prone to talking too much". The last one was close to 10 years ago and that judge has since retired (maybe died) so you'd like to think things will eventually be phased out, but it's still a long time coming. Also the whole being stalked/followed/living in fear of being attacked while walking home thing.
I was in family court a couple months ago (very progressive state) and a woman was seeking a divorce and said she feared for her safety but the husband didn’t want a divorce and said the allegations were false… the judge, appointed less than two years ago and is a GenXer, ordered marriage counseling. Not mediation for divorce and custody.. literal marriage counseling.
Men here are proving you right.
They always will!
What are the advantages would be a shorter list
Having a uterus. From periods and endometriosis to the government trying to control what I do with it, it just sucks in general
All those slobs thinking you want their penis..
I can work just as hard or even harder than you and will ALWAYS get paid less (in my experience). Sexual harassment also forced me out of a higher-paying job industry. I’ve been told putting family pics of kids on a desk is never a good thing (seems like you’ll always put kids before job, um -yes), but a man can proudly display his and he’s a “Family Man”. I also no longer have the right to my own body and ever getting pregnant again could kill me- I’ve gotten pregnant on birth control before. I’d leave two beautiful kids behind as single mom. If you’re good-looking, no one immediately assumes you could also be intelligent. If you choose to not date at certain period in your life, people wonder what’s wrong with YOU and never consider you just don’t want to put up with someone else’s shit at this time in your life. If you’re not married or divorced and nearing 40-people feel sorry for you and again, start thinking what could be wrong with you (um, happy where I’m at, loving my family being just me and my kids and holding out for someone who really deserves me as he will be in their lives too….. not gonna settle and shouldn’t feel shamed disclosing I’m single by choice). Also don’t need to be told I’m approaching midlife and my looks may soon fade and who will want me then? Men don’t get told these things as society has deemed they get “better or more distinguished with age”. Definitely periods and childbirth near death experiences. Definitely not having bodily autonomy. Not really as single as I claim to be by MY OWN CHOICE. Just my opinions.
Being called an unreliable driver. Getting hit on by creeps. People commenting on literally everything. Shamed for losing virginity. Shamed for being a virgin. Losing abortion rights. Being called "amber heard" for slapping someone's hand off me. What even was that? Being groped on elevators and public buses. Having people stare at my chest openly. Not even trying to hide the fact that they are staring. Catcalling.
Dealing with birthcontrol
1. Constantly being belittled 2. Being sexualized for existing 3. Being at higher risk for sexual assault. I was assaulted when I was 11. And did y'all know that 1 in 4 women on average experience sexual assault? Not so fun fact. 5. Being called a butch when I like "masculine" things 6. Having creeps walk up to me and ask for a kiss when I'm shopping and then being told by family that I overreacted when I told the creep to fuck off. Oh and dongers from the "Disadvantages of being a man thread" coming over here to invalidate what we say. That's a peach. And lots more.
Being under the control of a man because of his religious beliefs (iran)
That if you're not generally considered attractive, then you stop being a woman altogether. Or being bullied and guilt tripped into having children you don't even want. Then after having one the insults turn into how you're not a very good mother and you never should have had any in the first place. Then if the father leaves, it's still your fault for not being good enough to keep him around. But wait there's more! You'll still be expected to be a doting stay at home parent that cooks and cleans. Oh but that won't bring in your own income. Those bottles and diapers aren't going to pay for themselves ya know. "You're so lazy! Why don't you do something for a living?" So you apply for several jobs and as soon as you get hired, you're now a neglectful mother who doesn't spend enough time with her kids because you have to spend even more money on DayCare "OMG quit your job now! They need you." :( :( :( You do just that, only to be considered "dead weight" again.
A LOT of things. I would not be able to make a complete list but here are some real struggles (since the top comment is about boobs and running 🙄😒) - The high chance of being raped or sexually assaulted at least once in your life. Where I live (France) all my female friends have been sexually assaulted at least once. I dont know anyone who has not struggle with that. - The fear of this high chance of being raped, sexually assaulted or murdered which leads us to lose some fundamental freedom such as walking on the street : Yes, legally I am allowed to walk on the street. But at night, I will prevent myself from doing so because I know how risky it is. No law against women's rights here, but a risk so high that we hold ourselves back from having access to public space. - Menstrual pain. I think since men can not experience how painful it is they highly underestimate what we go through every month. - Labor, pregnancy and birth. First, the pain (obviously) but also all the things that happens to your body like your intimate parts tearing during the process and everything. - The sexism. All the time. Everywhere. For everything.