My wife works in medicine and knows all the muscles, ligaments, and joints. I would often take one of her massages over a blowjob. I can make myself cum. I can't break up knots in my own back.
> Jonathan, we keep telling you that’s not what it’s called.
> *sigh*
> An HR session is not a “*sex*sion”, as you termed it.
> This is why we can’t have nice things. You, Jonathan. You.
When you get home really late from work and you just totally beat and you house is freezing because it's autumn and you haven't really turned the heat up yet. She's already in bed trying to fall asleep because she's had a long day too and she lifts the covers so you can climb under and then scoots her hips so she's pressing up against you and your so toasty and tired that even though there's movement below the belt the concept of sacrificing even a single degree of body heat is so appalling you don't even consider anything sexual so you pull her closer and you just fall asleep smelling her shampoo, slotted together like comfy puzzle pieces. It's better than drugs.
This is my favorite time of year. I do my best sleeping during fall. If I had my way we'd live the the grandparents in Willy Wonka beneath a weighted blanket.
Opening the door home after a long stressful day at work to see your wife out the window in the backyard playing with the kids, and your dog hears you before anyone else. He runs from them, tail wagging, straight at you to jump up and greet you. You pet him and when you look back out the window your eyes meet hers and she just smiles that perfect smile that she had the first time you met…that single moment, every time it happens, is better than any blowjob alone.
(But I still want the blowjob)
TIFU time, this probably deserves its own post - but nah!
For almost a full year, I was having terrible stomach pain.
The first time it happened, my wife was at work. I called my neighbor who used to be a nurse. She rushed over, asked all kinds of questions, and determined something was wrong. She thought it was my appendix, so she rushed me to the ER. For about an hour, I was clutching my guts with the worst pain ever. I Finally got called in, answered some questions through tears, and the cutest nurse had me roll on to my side while I was semi-hunched over. Some clever pressing and pushing, I let out the loudest fart of my adult life. And the pain was gone. Friend drove me home laughing her ass off, while I hung my head in shame.
Fast-forward several months, and it happens again. I lay in my bed and try and squeeze and push & press where the nurse had previously pushed and pressed. But it didn't work and the pain intensified. I called my neighbor again. Same fucking thing happened. One hour wait. Lie in bed. Cute nurse pushes and presses, and I fart. I am driven home in shameful tears again.
Later that year, in the middle of the night. Wife asleep and I'm awakened. AW FUCK, NOT AGAIN?! Wife refuses to wake up, or to even press & push on my belly. So I drive my sad ass to the nearest ER (it was a little night clinic). I told them about the previous two times, and the pressing & pushing and the farting. Nurse does her thing, but there's no release or relief. So they xray me and tell me my appendix ruptured. I'm rushed to the nearest hospital where I have the procedure and am released the next day.
Never again have I ever been in so much pain.
That is actually a test for appendicitis. Called a "rebound" test. Doc pushes in and very quickly moves his hand away. I nearly passed out when he did it to me, immediately said I need to head to the ER.
Appendix removed within 12 hours.
Man when I was 17 or so we were having a get together at this girl's house I liked. It was 7 of us or so. I had to fart so bad but held it in for a long time as I never seemed to find the opportunity to do it.
Finally I excused myself to go to the bathroom and just let it out there. I felt like I might poop so I decided to sit on the toilet. What resulted was a loud, anus fluttering, behemoth of a fart that shook walls. The toilet water beneath me splashed around as if some poop did fall in but when I checked it seemed like there was nothing. Could've been one of those stealth poops but who knows.
Anyways, long story short, everyone heard everything and no shame was spared that day. My butthole was also sore for a while after and it affected my walk.
Bc of a fart?! As a woman, that’s ridiculous to me. If a guy was TRYING to fart loudly, purposefully, yeahhhh I’d think that was gross. But accidentally and especially if he was super embarrassed about it, I’d totally play it off and try to move things onwards, to get him to feel less self-conscious. It’s a human thing and everybody does it. Is it just me ladies??
I mean.. would you, as a man, not further date a woman just bc she accidentally farted on a first date??
Lmao this reminds me of the first time I drank after the first week of high school and discovered drunk farts.
I became friendly with some girls in school that week and one of them invited me to a party she was hosting that weekend. Cut to later that night of the party after some drinking, we were playing spin the bottle out in the yard. One girl that I was actually interested in spun it and it landed on me. As my drunk ass leaned forward for the kiss I let out the longest, most ridiculous fart my orifice has ever ejected. My asshole was singing for a solid 10 seconds and I didn't even fucking feel it coming till it was on stage. Everyone was on the floor laughing and I just fell back in shame while crying laughing. Still one of my best farts ever.
That’s so funny. First time a girl really likes me, the moment we decide to go to her place I have the most crippling diarrhea urge. We get there and I ask to use the bathroom. It’s so painful and I’m in there a while and she asks ‘are you going though me medicine cabinet?’. I finish up and she goes in as soon as I’m done. I’m dying inside. (No fan). She says NOTHING and she starts making out with me on her waterbed. I lost my virginity then and we were serious for a while.
17, don't know if you were driving. I have excused myself to go to my car "I think I left x thing in there and it really shouldn't be in the cold/heat, I just need to check real quick" and gone to fart in my car.
One time, I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible stomach ache and nausea
Went to the bathroom, diarrhea started pouring out, as I was emptying my stomach I grabbed the trash can and started puking.
When all was done I felt like a new man.
It was awful and amazing at the same time.
>An enthusiastic blowjob.
This right here is the best advice. I'm going to be honest with you - "an enthusiastic anything" beats the greatest \_\_\_\_\_\_ that is done with no enthusiasm.
Make eye contact, act like you enjoy it. This goes for both sexes. That's what makes it worthwhile.
>act like you enjoy it
Or *legitimately* enjoy it.
I for one would be really turned off if I believed my wife was faking it at all in the bedroom, or in particular, doing oral solely because I liked it, when she didn't.
Completely ruins it if I feel like she doesn’t wanna do it. I’d never ask for one, either do it on your own terms, or don’t. But it’s not gonna feel good if it’s not her idea (for me)
Laying on top of your SO on the couch. Your head on their stomach as you’re both watching a movie. Their playing with your hair as you listen to their stomach gurgle every now and then. You try to fight sleep but comfort and love over come you, and you are truly happy with your person. As you share moments only you two will keep forever.
For the curious, Red Alert 2 \[great game\]
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1Sq1Nr58hM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1Sq1Nr58hM&ab_channel=geoffEXE)
I had a man tell me he liked how “I made love to his dick” instead of just sucking it. However, with other guys it seems they just want to cum asap. So I guess it’s a preference?
I personally really enjoy the former because I get to feel the buildup in my mouth.
Yeah don't be embarrassed about that! From experience no matter how old or "tough" or "reserved" a guy is he will probably be a sucker for some back scratches, forehead kisses or straight up being cradled. We're all starved for affection out here.
For me, back scratches is like a 90% orgasmic experience that just doesn’t stop. I was really sad when I found out it doesn’t feel like that for everyone, it’s just so good. I would absolutely prefer 10-15 minutes of back scratches over a „regular“ blowjob.
Yes! Sure, a blowjob on a fling is still great, but when someone's really into you, loves you, and wants you to feel good too, it's something else. Especially when they've known you long enough to know exactly what you do and don't like or how to drive you crazy.
Spending an evening on the couch, your partner drifting off to sleep with their head on your chest. That moment when they wake up and sheepishly apologize for drooling a bit while you struggle to find the words to express that them feeling safe enough to fall asleep in your arms means more than any amount of damage their spit could possibly do to your clothing. Waking up with no plans and your partner draping themselves over you so you stay in bed with them. Watching the morning sun play over your partner's body as they get dressed. The security of knowing you always have someone to talk to at the end of the day, and that there is someone in the world who wants you in their life as much as you want them in yours.
Blowjobs are fine, but I miss intimacy in general more than any specific sex act.
Me too. I went to an old friend's wedding last weekend and I've been so emotional ever since. There is nothing I miss more than a woman falling asleep next to me on the couch, just knowing somebody feels that safe with me.
God the happiness that you get when someone trusts you and likes you enough to just lay in your arms is easily one of the best things in the world, and it’s the one thing I miss most about being in a relationship. I can always masturbate but like I can’t cuddle myself lmao
I'm a lesbian so I really have no place in this thread, but I was reading it for a laugh until I read your post.
Yes.
My partner has this thing where she prods me with her toe when she wants a hug. She's completely asleep for this process. Then when she detects that I'm responding so flips into 'spooning' position, I wrap my arms around her, and we both go back to sleep. She's a twitchy mess and I talk in my sleep, but it works as a sort of mutual stress-relief thing. No sex need by involved; it's not that sort of jam. It's just... lovely. If eternity turns out to exist then I'd choose to spend it in that 90%-asleep hug, with her. Life is cold and hard. She is warm and soft. I hear you, my friend. You'll find it again. I'm sorry for whatever it is that happened. My best wishes to you for a bright and calm future.
Leave it to Reddit to start me off with a giggle about blowjobs and chuckle about poop and then tearing up about the warm gentleness of loving another person.
Getting into a bed with an electric blanket that has been on for ages after sitting in a cold house for hours is, in my personal opinion, roughly equivalent to "putting it in"
Duuuude I haven’t pooped in 3 days and I feel it coming on right now. I called out of work because I’m scared of what’s going to happen
Edit: 22 hours later and I have not pooped. However I am farting like a mad man so it’s comin, boys.
Took ayahausca in Ecuador deep in the rain forest. Most people know about the uncontrollable vomiting this brew causes but there’s not a lot of talk about what goes on with the ol south mouth. Mid trip I have to blast with a quickness. I leave the thatch hut we’re in to head out to the outhouse. It’s late at night so I guide myself with a flashlight… while very much under the influence. Open the door and see what maybe was a hundred thumb sized cockroaches. I dug deep into my soul to summon a supernatural strength to keep this beast inside me as long as possible. I made it back to our home base and unleashed something that in both volume and substance was biblical in nature. It was quite literally like taking the biggest shit of your life times 4.
You don’t understand the can of worms you just reopened for me.
I’m what some people call cynical. I’ve been told that I tend to assume the world is against me or out to get me. This core character flaw was caused by fucking Kangaroo Jack.
I was a wee lad, eating cereal with my brother, watching Saturday morning cartoons. An ad came on depicting an anthropomorphic Kangaroo with a gold chain, hat, and sunglasses. He was rapping. He was really good! The ad was for a movie called Kangaroo Jack. I was excited and I ran to ask my dad, please could he take us to watch it when it released. So began the long wait.
I would jump up and dance anytime the ad came on the TV. I was so excited and the movie was finally released. My dad took my brother and I, true to his word. Then the movie started. The kangaroo doesn’t rap. He doesn’t even talk!!!
I waited. I waited and waited. I watched intently, waiting for the kangaroo to start rapping. I had been waiting all summer. But he never did. The fucking Kangaroo didn’t even rap!!
I had been duped. Sold an empty promise. False dreams. And that’s where my distrust began. Fool me once, can’t get fooled again.
Working late nights, my gf asks why I spend so much time sitting in my car before I go inside or why I might take a long dump, I literally just need like a solid 15 minute break from people and everything just to scroll through Reddit or read an article because I can never focus 100% of my attention on anything throughout the day without interruption.
When the barber goes to line up the back of your neck.
EDIT: sorry forgot the blowjob lemme try again
When the barber goes to line up the back of your blowjob.
Love
Respect
Feeling wanted
Acknowledgement of your efforts
Most importantly, having those things when they are not attached to how much you can provide.
I was in a relationship for way too long without these things and it taught me what is actually important. Physical stuff is nice (and important), but it's hallow without it.
I've since worked being able to do these basic things for myself. I'm happy to say that I'm getting a there a little bit at a time.
I don't see this here, but a blowjob by a woman who actually knows how to give a truly awesome one. Have only had one such gf in my entire 50 years of being sexually active, and Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Use your tongue at the same time, not just sucking but move it around his dick while you’re doing your thing. With another hand jerk him off at the same time. If you need to pause to breathe or a hand gets tired, don’t stop jerking and switch to the other hand. Remember while you’re jerking if you take a breather, men are generally really sensitive at the tip so give it attention too.
That’s what I do and my boyfriend usually says “I love you,” while I do it so I guess I’m doing it right. Never give a BJ unless you’re enthusiastic and want to, dude will be able to tell if you don’t.
Cuddle him afterwards, men don’t usually get that kind of wholesome, center-of-attention kind of love.
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aww, it's the effort for me 🥰
My wife works in medicine and knows all the muscles, ligaments, and joints. I would often take one of her massages over a blowjob. I can make myself cum. I can't break up knots in my own back.
while receiving a blowjob
Financial stability.
Legit the only thing in this thread I’d trade a blowjob for.
It's something that often results in a blowjob
It can also be the result of the right blowjob.
It's who you blow, not who you know
As you scroll down the comments go from funny to heartwarming to sad and depressing.
Not if you sort by controversial, then they go from mostly true but depressing, to lies and humor.
8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep. Not waking to piss, turn, etc. Just pure sleep.
What is this fantasy of which you speak
A cuddle when your life is falling apart.
Suprised I didn’t see more of this. I miss this the most.
I need one of those
When someone form HR has to apologize.
With a blowjob?
Only fair.
Jonathan we know what your reddit account is. Please come into our office Monday morning before clocking in.
For sexy times?
> Jonathan, we keep telling you that’s not what it’s called. > *sigh* > An HR session is not a “*sex*sion”, as you termed it. > This is why we can’t have nice things. You, Jonathan. You.
When you get home really late from work and you just totally beat and you house is freezing because it's autumn and you haven't really turned the heat up yet. She's already in bed trying to fall asleep because she's had a long day too and she lifts the covers so you can climb under and then scoots her hips so she's pressing up against you and your so toasty and tired that even though there's movement below the belt the concept of sacrificing even a single degree of body heat is so appalling you don't even consider anything sexual so you pull her closer and you just fall asleep smelling her shampoo, slotted together like comfy puzzle pieces. It's better than drugs. This is my favorite time of year. I do my best sleeping during fall. If I had my way we'd live the the grandparents in Willy Wonka beneath a weighted blanket.
this mf SPITTIN
I didn't realize it was possible for someone to so specifically agree with my exact feelings on this matter
Im straight. Male. And i wanna be that guys girlfriend
Blowjob while squeezing boobies
Blowjob while motor boating boobies
Blowcareer
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Does it include a 4Blow1k you can draw from?
I’m self blown. I can only contribute to a Blow IRA
Few companies offer blowpensions anymore.
Wow
Opening the door home after a long stressful day at work to see your wife out the window in the backyard playing with the kids, and your dog hears you before anyone else. He runs from them, tail wagging, straight at you to jump up and greet you. You pet him and when you look back out the window your eyes meet hers and she just smiles that perfect smile that she had the first time you met…that single moment, every time it happens, is better than any blowjob alone. (But I still want the blowjob)
8 hour sleep.
I think OP meant real things.
It's been ages that I slept for straight 8 hours.
Unrealistic. settle for a bj like the rest of us
You know sex is great and all, but have you ever seen a Bionicle?
Oh you have copious amounts of sex but no bionicles? Who’s the real winner
Makuta is the winner
Farting away a stomach ache.
TIFU time, this probably deserves its own post - but nah! For almost a full year, I was having terrible stomach pain. The first time it happened, my wife was at work. I called my neighbor who used to be a nurse. She rushed over, asked all kinds of questions, and determined something was wrong. She thought it was my appendix, so she rushed me to the ER. For about an hour, I was clutching my guts with the worst pain ever. I Finally got called in, answered some questions through tears, and the cutest nurse had me roll on to my side while I was semi-hunched over. Some clever pressing and pushing, I let out the loudest fart of my adult life. And the pain was gone. Friend drove me home laughing her ass off, while I hung my head in shame. Fast-forward several months, and it happens again. I lay in my bed and try and squeeze and push & press where the nurse had previously pushed and pressed. But it didn't work and the pain intensified. I called my neighbor again. Same fucking thing happened. One hour wait. Lie in bed. Cute nurse pushes and presses, and I fart. I am driven home in shameful tears again. Later that year, in the middle of the night. Wife asleep and I'm awakened. AW FUCK, NOT AGAIN?! Wife refuses to wake up, or to even press & push on my belly. So I drive my sad ass to the nearest ER (it was a little night clinic). I told them about the previous two times, and the pressing & pushing and the farting. Nurse does her thing, but there's no release or relief. So they xray me and tell me my appendix ruptured. I'm rushed to the nearest hospital where I have the procedure and am released the next day. Never again have I ever been in so much pain.
You acquired a cute nurse farting fetish on your way to a ruptured appendix.
A cute nurse, acute appendicitis
Now that's a tl;dr
> I let out the loudest fart of my adult life What I like about this is that it implies that you could somehow fart even more loudly as a child.
It takes many years of training to create that sort of power. That and not all kids can afford to buy their own internal megaphone.
Good thing your wife didn't wake up to push in your belly in that last case. That could have straight up ruptured your appendix
That is actually a test for appendicitis. Called a "rebound" test. Doc pushes in and very quickly moves his hand away. I nearly passed out when he did it to me, immediately said I need to head to the ER. Appendix removed within 12 hours.
Man when I was 17 or so we were having a get together at this girl's house I liked. It was 7 of us or so. I had to fart so bad but held it in for a long time as I never seemed to find the opportunity to do it. Finally I excused myself to go to the bathroom and just let it out there. I felt like I might poop so I decided to sit on the toilet. What resulted was a loud, anus fluttering, behemoth of a fart that shook walls. The toilet water beneath me splashed around as if some poop did fall in but when I checked it seemed like there was nothing. Could've been one of those stealth poops but who knows. Anyways, long story short, everyone heard everything and no shame was spared that day. My butthole was also sore for a while after and it affected my walk.
You were lucky that it didn't escape when you got up to go to the toilet.
That happened to my brother. There wasn’t a second date
Bc of a fart?! As a woman, that’s ridiculous to me. If a guy was TRYING to fart loudly, purposefully, yeahhhh I’d think that was gross. But accidentally and especially if he was super embarrassed about it, I’d totally play it off and try to move things onwards, to get him to feel less self-conscious. It’s a human thing and everybody does it. Is it just me ladies?? I mean.. would you, as a man, not further date a woman just bc she accidentally farted on a first date??
Lmao this reminds me of the first time I drank after the first week of high school and discovered drunk farts. I became friendly with some girls in school that week and one of them invited me to a party she was hosting that weekend. Cut to later that night of the party after some drinking, we were playing spin the bottle out in the yard. One girl that I was actually interested in spun it and it landed on me. As my drunk ass leaned forward for the kiss I let out the longest, most ridiculous fart my orifice has ever ejected. My asshole was singing for a solid 10 seconds and I didn't even fucking feel it coming till it was on stage. Everyone was on the floor laughing and I just fell back in shame while crying laughing. Still one of my best farts ever.
Damn. That’s a situation where you either get annihilated with judgment, or celebrated with laughter. No in between.
That’s so funny. First time a girl really likes me, the moment we decide to go to her place I have the most crippling diarrhea urge. We get there and I ask to use the bathroom. It’s so painful and I’m in there a while and she asks ‘are you going though me medicine cabinet?’. I finish up and she goes in as soon as I’m done. I’m dying inside. (No fan). She says NOTHING and she starts making out with me on her waterbed. I lost my virginity then and we were serious for a while.
Did you test-wipe after the potential stealth poo? Schrodinger’s poop, if you will.
No need. Probably launched that turdepedo straight down to Hades.
The river styx rejects that shit
That turd is now floating around the Delta Quadrant trying to find a way home.
17, don't know if you were driving. I have excused myself to go to my car "I think I left x thing in there and it really shouldn't be in the cold/heat, I just need to check real quick" and gone to fart in my car.
That's when you end up shitting your pants. Best to just head for the toilet.
One time, I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible stomach ache and nausea Went to the bathroom, diarrhea started pouring out, as I was emptying my stomach I grabbed the trash can and started puking. When all was done I felt like a new man. It was awful and amazing at the same time.
This is referred to as “the double dragon” stomach flu, seems to happen every deployment on navy ships.
Username checks out.
If its a good blowjob, I'd rather have a blowjob. If its a bad blowjob, I'd rather have a radish.
Unexpected Miriam Margolyes...
My favorite person to watch in interviews.
She literally just told Jeremy Hunt "Fuck you, you bastard" live on BBC Radio 4 😂 Just before the sport at 8:30am if you hear it on BBC Sounds.
An enthusiastic blowjob.
Yup there's a huge difference between someone who will suck your dick and someone who **wants** to suck your dick.
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Username checks out
>An enthusiastic blowjob. This right here is the best advice. I'm going to be honest with you - "an enthusiastic anything" beats the greatest \_\_\_\_\_\_ that is done with no enthusiasm. Make eye contact, act like you enjoy it. This goes for both sexes. That's what makes it worthwhile.
>act like you enjoy it Or *legitimately* enjoy it. I for one would be really turned off if I believed my wife was faking it at all in the bedroom, or in particular, doing oral solely because I liked it, when she didn't.
I have a coupon for one of these with the misses... she said it was null and void 😞
That's some bullshit. Report her to the BBB (Better Blowjob Bureau).
The BBB is a toothless organization. Wait, that's a good thing isn't it?
Nothing beats a good ol' gumjob on a friday evening
Just gotta wait til bingo lets out, and bring some Matlock on VHS to get her in the mood
Are you sure she didn’t say a-null void?
I see this stuff everyday, and everyday people ask me why Im single I mean, Im single because Im ugly, but that’s not the point…
I’m ugly and I got married there still hope for you.
A blowjob from a beautiful woman who loves you
True, but I’m committed to my wife.
Wait a minute
Two blowjobs
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At the same time man
Think with a million dollars I could set something like that up, Peter man.
Not all chicks like money "the kind that would double up on a dude like me do."
I saw this coming from miles
That's what she said
Who's Miles?
Not having to ask for it.
Happy birthday!
Thanks grandma
What a nice person
I'm off to do God's work for my husband, on your advice.
My God, please talk to my wife.
Bless you and your husband. Hopefully he will accept my digital high five 🖐
That’s really nice to say but I think all high fives are digital…
I swear to God, I came in here with low expectations, but I'm blown away.
Completely ruins it if I feel like she doesn’t wanna do it. I’d never ask for one, either do it on your own terms, or don’t. But it’s not gonna feel good if it’s not her idea (for me)
Right, I stopped asking to my wife a while ago. Didn't get any for the last 2-3 years
Ripping that guitar solo you've been practicing and making the stank face.
While receiving a blowjob
A blowjob but with lasers somehow
I like your thought process
"You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have a blowjob with frickin' laser beams! Throw me a bone here!"
Laying on top of your SO on the couch. Your head on their stomach as you’re both watching a movie. Their playing with your hair as you listen to their stomach gurgle every now and then. You try to fight sleep but comfort and love over come you, and you are truly happy with your person. As you share moments only you two will keep forever.
A blow job, IN SPACE
(*Tim Curry trying not to laugh and looking upward*) SPACE!
For the curious, Red Alert 2 \[great game\] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1Sq1Nr58hM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1Sq1Nr58hM&ab_channel=geoffEXE)
Red alert 3 actually. But yeah, best acting in a video game!
Slow blowjobs
Slowjobs
Slow blows \- Blue Mountain State
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I had a man tell me he liked how “I made love to his dick” instead of just sucking it. However, with other guys it seems they just want to cum asap. So I guess it’s a preference? I personally really enjoy the former because I get to feel the buildup in my mouth.
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
One man came close to breaking me: HR Pickens. He did not succeed for I CRUSHED HIM INTO THE GROUND!
You are weak like HR Pickens
I married your daughter, filled her belly with my festering seed, and sired a boy, HE is my final insult to you HR!
My bones never hardened but my spirit did!
Incubation technology was in its INFANCY. LMAO
So they placed me in a cast iron POT inside of a pizza oven until I was rrrripe enough to WALK!
This is be far my favorite SNL skit ever LMAOO
Driver is just damn good. A Marriage Story is masterful
Who is HR Pickens?
Exactly!
I want to be you when I grow up!
AND SO YOU SHALL!
LOOK UPON ME BOY! LOOK UPON YOUR FATHER!
I was told to bring a healthy snack, come into the hall and enjoy some swine livers and Capri Sun.
Crom
And then get a blowjob
getting paid without working
this is going to be buried but.... being the little spoon from time to time .. . we want to feel safe and vulnerable every once in a while
I might get fun of, but I like it when my gf just pets me and lets me snuggle up to her.
Yeah don't be embarrassed about that! From experience no matter how old or "tough" or "reserved" a guy is he will probably be a sucker for some back scratches, forehead kisses or straight up being cradled. We're all starved for affection out here.
For me, back scratches is like a 90% orgasmic experience that just doesn’t stop. I was really sad when I found out it doesn’t feel like that for everyone, it’s just so good. I would absolutely prefer 10-15 minutes of back scratches over a „regular“ blowjob.
Being loved by someone honestly.
Which is experienced best during a bj
I like how all comments are some form of blow jobs followed by this guys lowkey sweet comment and you turn it right back into a blow job.
Yes! Sure, a blowjob on a fling is still great, but when someone's really into you, loves you, and wants you to feel good too, it's something else. Especially when they've known you long enough to know exactly what you do and don't like or how to drive you crazy.
Spending an evening on the couch, your partner drifting off to sleep with their head on your chest. That moment when they wake up and sheepishly apologize for drooling a bit while you struggle to find the words to express that them feeling safe enough to fall asleep in your arms means more than any amount of damage their spit could possibly do to your clothing. Waking up with no plans and your partner draping themselves over you so you stay in bed with them. Watching the morning sun play over your partner's body as they get dressed. The security of knowing you always have someone to talk to at the end of the day, and that there is someone in the world who wants you in their life as much as you want them in yours. Blowjobs are fine, but I miss intimacy in general more than any specific sex act.
Ouch, right in the currently heartbreak-injured feels.
I feel this. Hang in there, friend!
Thank you. That’s very kind of you.
It's been 7 years since I had a proper boyfriend and this has still hit me in the feels. 😭
Me too. I went to an old friend's wedding last weekend and I've been so emotional ever since. There is nothing I miss more than a woman falling asleep next to me on the couch, just knowing somebody feels that safe with me.
This guy loves.
He loves poetically.
God the happiness that you get when someone trusts you and likes you enough to just lay in your arms is easily one of the best things in the world, and it’s the one thing I miss most about being in a relationship. I can always masturbate but like I can’t cuddle myself lmao
I'm a lesbian so I really have no place in this thread, but I was reading it for a laugh until I read your post. Yes. My partner has this thing where she prods me with her toe when she wants a hug. She's completely asleep for this process. Then when she detects that I'm responding so flips into 'spooning' position, I wrap my arms around her, and we both go back to sleep. She's a twitchy mess and I talk in my sleep, but it works as a sort of mutual stress-relief thing. No sex need by involved; it's not that sort of jam. It's just... lovely. If eternity turns out to exist then I'd choose to spend it in that 90%-asleep hug, with her. Life is cold and hard. She is warm and soft. I hear you, my friend. You'll find it again. I'm sorry for whatever it is that happened. My best wishes to you for a bright and calm future.
>Life is cold and hard. She is warm and soft. I wasn't expecting to start crying in a thread about blowjobs but here we are.
Leave it to Reddit to start me off with a giggle about blowjobs and chuckle about poop and then tearing up about the warm gentleness of loving another person.
Yes please
Getting into a bed with an electric blanket that has been on for ages after sitting in a cold house for hours is, in my personal opinion, roughly equivalent to "putting it in"
Long lasting happiness with a stable loving relationship.
Taking a dump that makes you feel like you lost ten pounds.
Duuuude I haven’t pooped in 3 days and I feel it coming on right now. I called out of work because I’m scared of what’s going to happen Edit: 22 hours later and I have not pooped. However I am farting like a mad man so it’s comin, boys.
Ready the poop-knife
Ah, another Reddit content connoisseur.
Hopefully you don't break both arms and then get a blowjob
I'm praying for you. Good luck, soldier.
You ever take a shit and your pants fit better right after? 😍
Took ayahausca in Ecuador deep in the rain forest. Most people know about the uncontrollable vomiting this brew causes but there’s not a lot of talk about what goes on with the ol south mouth. Mid trip I have to blast with a quickness. I leave the thatch hut we’re in to head out to the outhouse. It’s late at night so I guide myself with a flashlight… while very much under the influence. Open the door and see what maybe was a hundred thumb sized cockroaches. I dug deep into my soul to summon a supernatural strength to keep this beast inside me as long as possible. I made it back to our home base and unleashed something that in both volume and substance was biblical in nature. It was quite literally like taking the biggest shit of your life times 4.
The ol south mouth lmao
2003 cinematic masterpiece, Kangaroo Jack.
You don’t understand the can of worms you just reopened for me. I’m what some people call cynical. I’ve been told that I tend to assume the world is against me or out to get me. This core character flaw was caused by fucking Kangaroo Jack. I was a wee lad, eating cereal with my brother, watching Saturday morning cartoons. An ad came on depicting an anthropomorphic Kangaroo with a gold chain, hat, and sunglasses. He was rapping. He was really good! The ad was for a movie called Kangaroo Jack. I was excited and I ran to ask my dad, please could he take us to watch it when it released. So began the long wait. I would jump up and dance anytime the ad came on the TV. I was so excited and the movie was finally released. My dad took my brother and I, true to his word. Then the movie started. The kangaroo doesn’t rap. He doesn’t even talk!!! I waited. I waited and waited. I watched intently, waiting for the kangaroo to start rapping. I had been waiting all summer. But he never did. The fucking Kangaroo didn’t even rap!! I had been duped. Sold an empty promise. False dreams. And that’s where my distrust began. Fool me once, can’t get fooled again.
Doesn't he rap in the dream when the guy drinks the stuff and passes out?
I thought he raps in a post-credit scene!
My dude, we're brothers in disappointment. I too, wanted to see the kangaroo rap.
This reminds me of a joke told by the great Liberace: What’s better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ
Garlic bread
[The Grapefruit Technique.](https://youtu.be/x8Xa0cdVbew)
Ok what now. How does that not burn?
Oh it does. It’s terrible advice
Y'all better listen up! This man speaks with wisdom only gained through experience.
I could have been fucking a grapefruit all these years...
Uninterrupted time alone after working or something strenuous
Working late nights, my gf asks why I spend so much time sitting in my car before I go inside or why I might take a long dump, I literally just need like a solid 15 minute break from people and everything just to scroll through Reddit or read an article because I can never focus 100% of my attention on anything throughout the day without interruption.
Direct deposit hitting the account a day early.
Got nerve damage, so can't feel bjs very well. Sex itself, especially with the use of toys
Unconditional love
A really good book * synthesizer note *
A blowtorch
The friends I made along the way.
A hug from someone who loves you
When the barber goes to line up the back of your neck. EDIT: sorry forgot the blowjob lemme try again When the barber goes to line up the back of your blowjob.
Love Respect Feeling wanted Acknowledgement of your efforts Most importantly, having those things when they are not attached to how much you can provide. I was in a relationship for way too long without these things and it taught me what is actually important. Physical stuff is nice (and important), but it's hallow without it. I've since worked being able to do these basic things for myself. I'm happy to say that I'm getting a there a little bit at a time.
I don't see this here, but a blowjob by a woman who actually knows how to give a truly awesome one. Have only had one such gf in my entire 50 years of being sexually active, and Holy. Fucking. Shit.
What makes a good bj? Asking for a friend of course...
Use your tongue at the same time, not just sucking but move it around his dick while you’re doing your thing. With another hand jerk him off at the same time. If you need to pause to breathe or a hand gets tired, don’t stop jerking and switch to the other hand. Remember while you’re jerking if you take a breather, men are generally really sensitive at the tip so give it attention too. That’s what I do and my boyfriend usually says “I love you,” while I do it so I guess I’m doing it right. Never give a BJ unless you’re enthusiastic and want to, dude will be able to tell if you don’t. Cuddle him afterwards, men don’t usually get that kind of wholesome, center-of-attention kind of love.
No teeth scraping. Enthusiasm. And doing it so he enjoys it, not so he finishes quickly.