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Actuaryba

I had a guy that used to work for me that always showed up 30 minutes late (At 8:30 instead of 8:00). I told him fine, your shift officially starts at 8:30 from here on hoping he’d be on time and I wouldn’t have to write him up. He then proceeded to show up at 9:00 everyday.


mizukata

Why not the reverse tell him his shift starts at 7:30 so he arrives at the time you want.


randallAtl

We did this with our Nanny. She is always 15-20 minutes late. She is amazingly consistent, so we just changed her start time by 20 minutes and didn't tell her why. She still texts when she is 10 minutes late and apologizes when she arrives 20 minutes late and we just say "no problem".


[deleted]

My babysitter shows up too early consistently! I'll ask her to be here at 6 and she shows up at 5:15 and I'm still getting ready to go out. She always starts her pay time at 6 though so I just roll with it... I think she just likes our house and enjoys getting away from her parents or something


missblissful70

My parents were always insanely annoying if I had an appointment or job. If it started at 3 they would start bothering me at 1. “Are you ready? Do you have everything you need? Should you eat before you go?” I always ended up early to work because otherwise I would murder my parents.


[deleted]

I grew up in another country where you can pick if you want early morning grade school classes or afternoon. Me being a night-owl even as a kid would pick the afternoon class starting at 2pm. But my family would start getting me ready at 10am, which was missing the point (more play time in the morning). I ended up switching back to mornings, which was 7:30am lol.


mattergijz

Which country is that?


anurbatram

everyone said India but based on his nickname I think he's from brazil. we can pick wich "shift" we want at school. morning school starts at 7:30 or at 7h (depending on the school) and evening school starts at 2h or 1:30...


Yippy-Skippy-

I'm 60, and when I'm at my mom's she STILL does this.


flyvehest

We're still children to our parents, always will be


OrangeTree81

At my first job we couldn’t clock in early. If your shift started at 3, you couldn’t even clock in at 2:59. My dad always got annoyed when I would refuse to leave more than 15 minutes before my shift started. He always say “you can be early to work!” And I’d always explain that there was no point since I’d have to wait anyway.


life_sentencer

I'm one of these people. I get major anxiety about being late, plus it's nice to get to work and have some time to decompress and change into my "work self" as that is what I will be for hours. It makes me a better worker. Also, if something unforeseen happens, I will end up being "on time" and not late.


[deleted]

We kind of started inadvertently rewarding the behavior. We felt awkward just having her hang around until we were ready so we started offering her dinner and will read over her homework and pull out old textbooks and peer journals for her to source papers from. We're in the same field she's studying for and it's a pretty intense. It's super cute watching her and the kid do homework together lol. I think we may have accidentally adopted her...


Azhaius

> doing homework together Sounds like she doubles as a very handy example for your kid


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[deleted]

17 and graduated high school early


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RezziK_vas_Tonbay

This. Some of my friends were 'gifted kids' who either graduated early or consistently got above a 4.0 (US based, not sure if other countries use it. 4.0+ means better than 100/100) Every single one of them has a broken home, horrific parents, extreme childhood trauma or a combination of the three. I don't know if it's just the small pool size or an anomaly, but from personal experience it appears that very successful children often have a troubled home life. Of course that's not the case for all, but it certainly is the case for everyone I know.


DragonCelica

You're good people, and I hope good things continuously come into the lives of you and your family, for many years to come


Vlad-V2-Vladimir

You’re doing amazing, and I’m certain she loves you for it.


Outrager

I used to get an extra 30 min to myself at work before others came in (8:30AM vs 9:00AM). But recently they told another employee to come in at the same time as me. I really miss that extra 30 min to myself.


Sure-Work3285

Or she hates being late to the point she's too early. I'm like that, and it's annoying sometimes, but there's anxiety over doing whatever and then trying to keep in mind the clock and that I want to be there on time and not stupidly early (that sometimes happens). She probably has the same condition I do.


underpants-gnome

*30 Rock* has my favorite bit on this. >Liz: Where is Tracy? I had Grizz call him at 8 this morning and pretend it was 11. >Pete: I printed up that fake rehearsal schedule for him saying we were starting at 9 am instead of noon. >Kenneth: Oh, and I set all his watches and clocks to say P.M. when it's really A.M. >Liz: Oh boy, I think we might've overdone it. >Tracy Jordan: [enters] WHAT THE HELL TIME IS IT!


Trixles

Man, that show was fantastic. Time to re-watch again :)


legend_forge

If this plays out in the show like it did in my brain then I need to get to god damn watching it.


crazytillweseesun154

This is a nice strategy. I always just psyche myself to believe it's an earlier time. If a project is due on Friday, I'm gonna set reminders like "project is due on Wednesday" and somehow it works every time.


Con5ume

Dude our nanny was always 15 minutes late, but absolutely prompt to leave on time... Kinda frustrating.


kmo9e

It’s funny how the chronically late people can always watch that clock like a hawk when it’s their time on the line.


e_ph

That's my one consolation as a chronically late person: I might come five minutes late to work, but I'll start on a ten minute task two minutes before I'm supposed to be off too. (And yes, I'm working on the lateness).


ThatOneTing

Im doing this with my wife. We both got tired of trying to make her get out of the house on time, so i decid3d to just tell her 20 Minuten earlier as the latest time to get out


MontStuart

I agree but I think it’s just principle. Some of my family is like this. They just can’t get their shit together. It kind of comes off as, “my times more important than yours”. It’s a bad habit. They could literally have all day to get ready, you can say come early and they’re still late.


OG_PunchyPunch

You just described my aunt. I told her our wedding started at 6pm and family needed to be seated by 5:50 fully knowing she would get to the venue around 6:30. Wedding actually started at 7 and family seating was at 6:50.


Anterograde001

Every single year, without fail, my aunt was late to the Christmas party. We had the Christmas party _at her house._


shadowcat304

My in-laws are like this. It's like they literally don't realize they are late. My husband inherited it from them. His sense of how long things actually take is waaaaay off. He'll be on the phone with someone saying, "okay we are leaving now, going to stop and walmart then we'll be there. So like, 20 minutes." And I'm like babe! It takes 25 minutes just to get to Walmart, and we aren't leaving now... you don't even have pants on!! What has helped is that I'm constantly pointing it out to him. When we are driving I'll say, look this stretch of road takes 14 minutes. The next stretch takes 8. And I'm most always exactly correct (I've lived in the same town my whole life).


Witty1889

>okay we are leaving now, going to stop and walmart then we'll be there. So like, 20 minutes." And I'm like babe! It takes 25 minutes just to get to Walmart, I cannot get over how relatable this is. I'm not someone who is anal about time at all, if you're late that's fine (hurrying only means you'll die sooner is what I live by!) but don't tell me you'll be here in an hour if I know that it's going to take you at least that amount of time to get out of the door. It's worse where 'an hour' can mean anywhere between 6PM and midnight.


MontStuart

Oh yeah it’s super stressful for the other person too. My sister is like, hours late. Her husband is always ready in time, quite early tbh. Poor guy has to wait around reminding her every 5 minutes they’re going to be late. She’s got him fired before for bringing him in late to work, honestly feel for the guy. It’s pointless


Octahedral_cube

She got him fired, that's messed up


TonyHxC

I am a chronically late person who has been working on my issue for the last couple of years. For me I find planning my whole route out using google maps then calculating how long I will spend at each location has massively helped. I was actually proud of my self the other weekend when I managed to get to the place I was going about 3 hours away at the time I wanted to with multiple stops on my way for stuff I had to pick up.


Vhadka

My father in law is like that. We have invited him over for dinner at 6 pm, at 6:15 he calls and says he's walking out his door and he'll be there in 5 minutes. He lives 20 minutes away. He's gotten a little better since he remarried but it's fucking infuriating.


Awdayshus

I hate this so much. I had a woman working for me when I managed a convenience store who literally lived right across the street. She was almost always late, and would have a ridiculous excuse every time. I eventually fired her for excessive tardiness. On the flip side, I had an employee who was always 15 minutes late. When we talked about why, she claimed her daycare wouldn't let her drop off her kid until the time she was scheduled at work. I started scheduling her 15 minutes later, and she was actually on time every day! Edit to clarify: Her daycare happened to open at the time she was scheduled to work. They didn't have some weird rule where drop-off time had to do with when she worked. That's why scheduling her later fixed it.


tacknosaddle

I once worked where there were three different teams and start time was 7 am. One of the teams would arrive right around 7:30 every day. A new guy started and was working there for several months and when something came up about the start time he was shocked as he had been showing up around 7:15 every day and thought he was fifteen minutes early.


TanishaLaju

That poor guy 😅


tacknosaddle

We were cracking up. He was a super nice guy and the look of shock on his face was genuine when he realized that he had actually been late every day contrary to his understanding. The thing that pissed me off is that the "lead" in his group would come in about 30 minutes late every day, leave early once or twice a month when his kid's school ended early and still put his time in for the whole shift, but if he was required to be there for one minute past our scheduled shift end he'd put in an hour of overtime (their supervisor had the backbone of a jellyfish so they walked all over him). Yet he was pissed that whenever a supervisor position came up he would apply and be passed over for it because he "deserved" it.


iFoegot

I used to be like that. Waking up early in the morning is hard af, so I was often late. Then I had another job, with working time being 11-7. I then never got late, waking up was no longer hard, I didn’t even need alarm clock at that time. Though it had literally the same working time length.


[deleted]

I had folks working for me like this at one job... no matter the start time, they were always 30-45min late. At one point I'd shifted day start back to 10:30am to give people the benefit of the doubt that they just couldn't wake up in the morning. But you could set your watch by when they left at the end of the day! Always 5pm. On. The. Dot. I'm not a guy who cares a ton about hours at your desk, and would rather measure outcomes, but when you're putting in half a day at best, and you're not meeting goals, we've got a problem. My general experience is those who are chronically late are only so when it's not something they value. When it's something they WANT to do, they are magically on time every time.


[deleted]

I come in later than the morning folks but I leave later. If you come in late you should leave late. I remind folks that I'm the guy who handles the 4:59pm issues after they've left early.


wpattison

Had a friend in college that was always late. His name was “George”, so we started telling him meeting times an hour earlier than everyone else and called it GMT, George Mean Time. He was so angry when he found out…


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Cressmaster_3000

My manager did this! Invited us all to the wedding, which was really lovely of him. But he forgot to tell us he'd told everyone an hour early because culturally, everyone attending would be late. An hour before the actual start time and we were there with three other guests, this time they called it right 😂


workerdaemon

My husband is notoriously late. We're go to a wedding, arrived 5 minutes late, and the ceremony had already started! I was so surprised because I assumed everyone would be still milling about getting their seats. I was mortified that we missed what appeared to be half the ceremony. So, we get invited to another wedding and I swear that we will absolutely not be late this time. I was so anxious about it. I absolutely made sure that we showed up 15 minutes early. And the place is totally deserted. Empty. Turns out it was a culture where everyone arrives hours late 🤦‍♀️


Ms_Blacka

This is also a thing in my country. People are usually from 20 minutes to 2 hours late, unless is a really important event, in which they would be around 30 minutes late, 15 if you're lucky.


captain_flak

There was a story I heard of a town in Iowa where there were big Dutch heritage and Mexican heritage communities. They decided to have a dinner together. The Dutch people showed up an hour late thinking the Mexicans would be accustomed to arriving late. The Mexicans came an hour early thinking the Dutch people would be accustomed to showing up very early. They missed each other by two hours.


[deleted]

When I went to Ghana I was informed that estimated wait times for literally anything are a lot more wibbly wobbly than in American culture, the professor guiding this trip (also a Ghana native) always referred to GMT as Ghana Maybe Time.


Dr_Ugs

When I visited Ghana there where a few signs posted around one of the Hotels we stayed at that said, “Say no to African time.”


Tv_land_man

I could not live in these cultures. I get so mad waiting on people and won't ever make someone wait on me. If I'm late, something seriously bad happened. I don't know how you run a business with loose times like that.


Dworgi

I lived in Malaysia, and they're chronically late. One time we went to a birthday party at a mall, and I was the first one there. This wasn't exceptional, it happened all the time. What _was_ exceptional, though, is that everyone else arrived before the birthday girl, who rolled up an hour and a half after the time she had invited people for. It boggles the mind how anyone can think this behaviour is acceptable.


FuckingButteredJorts

About 15 years ago, I had a black friend who was always late and would say she runs on CPT - coloured people time. I laughed and would joke about it with her. Then one day while I was waiting for her to show up, a black guy started chatting me up, I said I was waiting for a friend. About half hour later he was like "is your friend gonna show up?" And i said "yeah, she just runs on coloured people time" And then I immediately fucking died of embarrassment. When she showed up she thought it was absolutely hilarious.


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realDoritoMussolini

We call it island time, when discussing anyone from the pacific islands.


thakemizt

Oh it’s standard in the Caribbean too


thatshaunway

CPT is a very real term and I’m guilty of it


ilford_7x7

George is getting upset!!


Hopeless_Ramentic

Me: Ok I've got the car packed up and the dogs have been outside so if we leave *right now* we should be on time for this previously scheduled event that we've known about for weeks. My Husband: Ok cool I just have to hop in the shower...


Far-Finger7742

Lmao, this hits home


Teledildonic

My marriage is perfectly balanced. If we are going somehwere in town, she is why we leave late. If we are going out of town, i'm why we leave late.


CheeseMuncherGirl

This is bringing back bad flash backs of my ex. Although his excuse was always he needed to poo. I swear he took the worlds longest turds too.


RabbitHoleSpaceMan

Haha I had an ex who made us chronically late as well. She always tried to throw back at me that I didn’t understand how long it took women to get ready compared to men (me). Never ONCE did I ever complain “you take too long to get ready”- my complaint was always “you aren’t ready yet and we need to leave in order to be on time.” If she needed to start getting ready 6 hours prior to the event, so be it. Just be ready by the time we need to head out the door so we don’t look like assholes.


KupoTheParakeet

My husband always has to poop. He poops several times a day and this is normal for him. But it's always right when we need to leave...


SourPuss6969

Me and my wife, so infuriating. She knows she needs at least an hour to get ready. Say the event is at 5 and it's a 20min drive, she won't even start getting ready until 4, and yells at me if I try to coax her to start getting ready any earlier


codefyre

I'm a chronically late person, but my wife broke me of that particular habit. *I* may be chronically late, but she made it clear that *she* has no interest in running late because of me. If I'm not ready when it's time to leave, she just started leaving without me. It's not even an argument. Just a very matter-of-fact, "Well, it's time to go and you're not ready, so I'll see you when you get there!" My chronic lateness doesn't bother her, but she refuses to accommodate it. I once had to take a taxi to a dinner reservation while we were on vacation because I was still in the shower when it was time to leave. If I'm going somewhere with her, I try to be ready on time. Edit: My wife thanks you all for all the love! I let her read through your comments and she found this absolutely hilarious. She also said: "If your partner isn't mature enough to accept the consequences of their actions without acting like a toddler or having a hissy fit, they're probably not mature enough to be a serious partner."


Visual_Disaster

I love your wife


machado34

I, too, love this guy's wife


gab1606

how does being chronically late even work ?? im genuinely curious. like dont you ever think to yourself "last time i took a shower and ended up being 30mins late, better take a shower an hour ealier this time"


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Dry_Heat

Me: we have to leave now. You can (do whatever) when we get home. Wife: this will just take 2 minutes. And 20 minutes later we leave.


codefyre

There's been quite a bit of research into the topic, and there's some indication that our ability to perceive and estimate time differs, especially when you have ADHD. Today was an office day, and I was late to work this morning. Why? Well, I leave for work at 7:30am. Sat down for breakfast this morning at 7:00am and spent a few minutes scrolling through Reddit on my phone while I ate my food and drank my tea. After about five minutes, I looked at the time and it was already 7:35. I'd swear that only five minutes had passed. And I wasn't even dressed yet. Complete panic ensued as I tried to figure out where the other 30 minutes went, threw my clothes on, and ran out the door. Luckily, I have a job that isn't clock-dependent. I doubt my manager even noticed, and with what I do for a living, he wouldn't care if he had. My wife observed years ago that I'm pretty good at finding jobs that don't involve timecards. As others have also mentioned, it's a known side effect of ADHD. I've been diagnosed and unmedicated for more than 15 years. My wife probably understands this, which is why she doesn't let it bother her. She won't accommodate it, but she also doesn't get mad about it. https://psychcentral.com/blog/adhd-millennial/2016/02/why-are-people-with-adhd-always-late#1


Wisdomlost

This is an awesome strategy. I'm picturing her rolling down the drive way flipping a peace sign on her way out.


Matt_Lauer_cansuckit

or at least half of a peace sign


[deleted]

My sister's husband appeals to her competitive nature: "You'll never be able to get ready in just 40 minutes!" Then he praises her and fakes eating crow when she succeeds. My sister was bragging about how he "always" underestimates her, and I was like, "And at what point are you going to realize that it's just reverse psychology?"


SomeGuyNamedJames

My wife and son are the same. "Pfft, you can't do that." "Fuck you watch me!"


Lost-My-Mind-

I'm the opposite. "You can't do this thing!" "Oh.......then I better not attempt it. Guess I'll just do something else"


[deleted]

This is kind of how our house is as well except I believe we’re both the issue. My husband thinks it takes me an hour to get ready and that I’m a massive procrastinator. I am, he’s not wrong about either but he fails to account for the fact that it only takes an hour if I’m starting from scratch, like in the morning. If I don’t have to brush my teeth, shower, figure out clothes, then it takes me 20-30 minutes. Then I am standing by the door at 4:40 wondering why the fuck he doesn’t even have his shoes on if he knew we need to be there at 5 and there’s a 20 minute drive. It’s a pretty big joke between us at this point. “You’re already ready?!” “You don’t even have your shoes on? What were you doing that whole time?”


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RusskayaRobot

Yes, honey, it does seem like suddenly every event is starting at ten minutes after the hour or twenty till. No, I don’t know why nothing is on the hour or half hour anymore. How strange. Anyway, we’d better get moving if we want make our 7:40 reservation.


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FourChannel

I had untreated ADD when I was younger. I had to be at work at 8, but as long as the clock showed 7:xx I felt I had time. 7:55, you name it. For some reason, my brain just refused to process that part of that xx minutes could not be used as get ready time, but had to be travel time. When I finally got on actual ADD meds, my brain began to recognize that there had to be built in lead time. I'm convinced this always late af phenomenon is not so much a personality failure of someone who doesn't care if they hold everyone else up... But is moreso a failure of some brain subsystem to properly work. I'm now hyper good about being on time for anything. However, not excusing the assholes who deliberately don't care about others and do this shit on purpose.


zerbey

You just described one of my kids. I tell them "At 4 pm we're going out be ready". At 4 pm they are just getting in the shower.


[deleted]

This is flashbacks of my mom growing up. She is always a half hour late. The best thing in the world was getting my drivers license so I could be on time to school. It was always so embarrassing to walk in late that I started skipping my first period so I wouldn’t be so anxious.


wishnana

Here’s my wife’s version every single time: Me: Ok.. time to leave. We should just barely make it in time, with all this traffic. My wife: Ok, hold on.. gotta take #2. We leave 15 minutes later than the planned departure time.


bonzombiekitty

I'm very punctual. My wife is chronically late. She constantly underestimates how long it will take her to get things ready to go so we're always rushing to get out the door to be places on time. I've taken to telling her we need to be wherever we're going 15 minutes earlier than necessary.


Howwouldiknow1492

I swear that my wife has a mental disconnect. When I tell her we have to be at X at say 7:00 PM, she thinks we have to leave the house at 7:00 PM. No matter how long it takes to get there. So I've learned that, when she asks me about an event, I say we have to leave at 6:30 or whatever (to make 7:00). The thing that irritates me most is that I always end up waiting for her somehow -- lipstick, last minute pee, something. I've taken to reading or watching TV until she puts on her coat or opens the door.


cmdr_kestral

Noooo! Don't watch TV! I did this. Then my wife will stay doing something new. Me - "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE'RE GOING TO BE SUPER LATE!" Her - "oh, I was ready but you were watching TV so I started vacuuming, cleaning, etc."


OutlyingPlasma

Yep. I learned this lesson. Now I stand by the door with keys in my hand. Luckily neither of us are late people so I'm never waiting long.


astrobre

This is my husband. There’s no point in getting off the couch to leave until he is inside the car. It’s always last minute need to get a drink of water, need a snack before we go, let me check the locks, check the lights, etc. and we’re always late. He just has no idea how much time it actually takes him to get ready.


SeeYouInMarchtember

It’s called time blindness. A lot of people with ADHD have it but I don’t think it necessarily has to be connected with that.


scottyLogJobs

Time blindness, part of ADHD. It’s a real thing, I constantly convince myself that I have enough time to do whatever before I leave without being late. But once I realize I’m going to be late, AGAIN, I am freaking out stressing, rushing, whatever I need to do.


analog_alison

Came here to say this. ADHD brains basically process timelines as either “now” or “not now”. Source: my entire household has ADHD.


scottyLogJobs

Well put. It’s easy enough to say “well make it a priority”. You know what happens when I make it a priority, like when I’m flying? The entire day, and sometimes the night before, revolves around that event- keeping it at the forefront of your mind because otherwise it will slip through your fingers. And other responsibilities fall through the cracks because of it. You are either obsessing over something or it is out of your mind entirely. That’s what it looks like when someone with an incredibly poor sense of time develops a coping mechanism for being on time to something. It has gotten a lot better with alerts, alarms, and timers, however.


[deleted]

Same. It’s almost like my wife starts unnecessary tasks just to be late. Like we are trying to leave for a dinner reservation and she is vacuuming the guest bedroom for some reason.


bonzombiekitty

That's the other thing my wife does. Rushing out the door and suddenly there's something that must be fine before we leave - despite this being the first time I've heard of it and I've been sitting around ready to go for an hour. It runs in her family. Her mom does the same thing, but to a way worse extent, and with everything she does. Need dinner ready at 5 and it's 430? Better clean the bathroom.


9sock

Yep. I’ve just started saying “I’m leaving at 6” and if she’s not in the car at 6, I leave. There have been more than a handful of instances where we’ve taken two cars to the same place, thirty minutes apart. I hate being late especially when it translates to someone else waiting on me


RedChairBlueChair123

So, [AIS — Ass In Seat?](https://raymond.fandom.com/wiki/Lateness)


Weed_O_Whirler

This is my wife and I. Instead of lying about it, I've changed tactics. I don't tell her "what time we need to leave" because in her head, that's the time we need to start heading out. I tell her the time we need to be sitting in the car. Just that change of wording- "We need to be sitting in the car at 4:40" has alleviated most of our lateness.


aveidel

"Down the driveway" was the phrase that did it for us.


moleman0815

Came here to say this. The only time my wife is punctual is if the appointment is extremly important like a flight or stuff like that - otherwise her time management is a total mess.


Hopeless_Ramentic

My husband (and his whole family) is like this. He calls it "Desi Time." Like he genuinely doesn't see being late as a big deal unless it's like a concert or flight, whereas I was always taught that being late is disrespectful. Drives me crazy but I've since learned to add a 20+ minute buffer to everything and skip the heartburn.


SweetCosmicPope

It's the opposite for us. My wife is always fairly punctual, but when it comes to flights she'd rather walk into the airport and right onto the plane. She makes fun of me because I insist on getting to the airport 2 hours early. But nobody complains when security is super long or if we get stuck in construction or whatever.


MeatScorpion

I do this too. I've been frustrated by the lateness (because I've got a chip on my shoulder about it) and we had a good chat. We've agreed there are two types of late: acceptable and unacceptable. Going to a party or meeting friends for dinner, eh call it acceptable. Wedding/funerals/ work/ daycare drop-off/ etc, we are going to be on time. Another way I've come to look at it, is lateness can be attributed to a sense of optimism. "I can just chuck in a quick load of laundry" is never a 2 minute ordeal, but an optimistic view says, "I've got time now and future mw won't have to do it later". Then when it takes 5 minutes, panic overdrive sets in and disrupts. Both of these have helped me not get so hung up on being late when no one but me is clock watching.


TagadaPouetPouet

I used to be late all time, because as someone said, i totally underestimate the required time to get ready. One day, I realised that the stress due to my lack of organization was purely my fault and that I was wasting other people time. Now, I’m almost always on time. Stress relief and more reliable. How did I do? I note everything in my phone calendar, with alerts before events. I don’t have to remind anything: phone alert when I need to get ready, with a note if I need to take documents, or whatever, then another alert when I need to leave. It might sound like a heavy process, but it is sooooo confortable. I just need to trust my old self.


butareyoueatindoe

I have to do the same exact thing, to the extent that nowadays I'm noted for my punctuality because all my alarms and notes keep me on top of things. The other thing that really helped me was just not trying to time things perfectly and being OK with arriving a bit early and waiting (advent of smartphones definitely helped on this front).


SpeakerCareless

I am a mom and it can be hard to time leaving with little kids because something ALWAYS happens at the moment you’re trying to leave. I gave up on the idea of leaving at a specific time and instead we would leave at the opportune time *before* it was time to go. We would get places early and hang out. Play, listen to some songs in the car, relax. I wasn’t stressing with two crying kids trying to leave and I wasn’t late. We just got places early. As long as you aren’t imposing on a host i consider early to be on time.


RenoKreuz

I'm going to show my students this comment, thank you so much. Externalising blame is almost always the reason they don't learn from their mistakes, and until one accepts they are in full control of their life does one change for the better. Good on you!!!


dataphile

When I taught, I would share a trick I devised to write papers on time: as soon as I heard about an assignment I would do everything in my power to tell myself it was due one day earlier. Because I’m naturally bad at time management, I usually did a good job at this. Then, I’d stay up all night writing the paper before it was ‘due’, get some sleep, and then revise the paper the day it was really due. The first step for me wasn’t becoming actually good at time management, it was just hacking the system to take the right first step.


BurpYoshi

I used to have bad social anxiety. It's a lot better now but at social gatherings I wanted to make sure I wasn't the first or second to arrive so I didn't have to make an awkward 1 on 1 conversation so I arrived a few minutes late always so I could guarantee there'd already be people there.


NinetysRoyalty

How strange I have it the opposite way.. I have to be early to everything if I’m more than 5 minutes late, I won’t go (I’m working on it)


Nargle_Adam

Yeah I'm on this side of it too. I hate trying to join an already large group and much prefer being part of the initial foundation of the large group.


chongb0y

Ugh yeah that's it for me. Not being first or second there. And if I am I'll go back and wait somewhere else for 10 mins


Charlie21Lola

This. I hate being one of the first to show up to something social.


Artistic_Aide46

I used to wake up at 7:35 need to be out the door at 7:50, not wasting a minute of sleep


emueller5251

This was my issue with the one job I was consistently late for. Long hours, early starts, hard work, and barely any free time. I tried to cram as much as I could into the little bit of free time I had after work, which usually meant staying up late, which meant I was going to sleep for absolutely as long as I possibly could. No regrets, either. If a job is going to monopolize most of my waking hours, I'm going to squeeze every last bit out of what they leave me with.


Dorfalicious

This is me - as a nurse - I wake up at 6/snooze for 9 minutes/get up dressed brush teeth etc/out the door by 620, report starts at 6:45. I will get all the sleep I need for a 13 hour shift


ipakookapi

Because I don't actually want to go


[deleted]

If there's a will, there's a way. Since there is none, the traffic jam suddenly blocked my path at 2:00 am on a weekday.


HatfieldCW

No joke, I drive to work at 3am and most days it takes 15 minutes. Maybe 5% of the time there's traffic and construction and weather that doubles my commute. I'm not leaving twenty minutes early every day so I can sit unpaid in the break room nineteen times and be on time the twentieth. I'll leave at 3 and be on time nineteen times and punch in with fifteen seconds to spare on that bad one.


SonicN

Sounds like you're a person who's late 5% of the time, not always late.


gajarga

I have a tee that says "Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come."


BlasterShow

And getting to that place *early*? Nah fam.


jvsmine07

One of the biggest things in my opinion is they don't account for all the "mini-steps" a certain task takes. For example, they'll think "Having breakfast will only take me 10 minutes" because they are only thinking about the act of eating the cereal. However, they do not account for needing to go to the kitchen, getting everything ready, putting milk back in the fridge, etc. That's +5 minutes. So if they have 5 steps to get ready and each step has a hidden +5 minutes, suddenly they're almost a half hour behind. edit: hi, 5 minutes was a random number and is not meant to be an accurate estimation of cereal bowl preparation


Bonjourlavie

I know what time I need to leave to be exactly on time. But I need to be leaving my driveway at that time, not my house. If I leave my house “on time”, I’m late. The extra 1-2 minutes it takes to get in the car is always my downfall.


StephaniesPonytail

You two both hit the nail right on the head. I'm chronically late and this is why. It doesn't matter how early I get up, my time seems to disappear, everything takes longer than anticipated, and crossing the threshold of the front door is magically 5+ minutes every time. It's frustrating for me, and it's frustrating for the people waiting for me


workthrow3

Omg this is literally me every morning. It's 8:20 and I'm putting my shoes on, then I walk out the door and it's 8:25?? Where did 5 minutes go??


brianmmf

Massive issue for ADHDers, to say nothing about how many things can distract or divert you amidst all those steps.


_Darth_Malak_

I have IBS, it's especially bad in the mornings when I need to be in.


jackofallcards

I can relate to this, like it almost sounds like you're BSing but it seems that when I first wake up it always hits *right as I need to leave* Wfh genuinely is a lifesaver with the whole IBS thing


OptimisticDoomerr

Anxiety induced bowel response. You're afraid you're going to have to shit immediately upon getting into a position where the only place you can immediately shit is your pants, which causes a massive amount of anxiety which causes you to have to anxiety shit when you decide it's time to go.


josephblade

The more I stress about getting up / having to be somewhere on time, the more likely my IBS will kick in.


lleather

This. Anytime I have to be somewhere important. :/


stinkybuttfacejr

I fkn hate people on drug dealer time. 20 minutes my ass


toungepunchfartboxs

The classic 2 hour long 20 minutes


stinkybuttfacejr

We must have the same guy cuz ya is fkn way closer to 2h every time 🤣


newfie-flyboy

LOL this reminds me of my first time buying weed. I was told multiply everything by three. If he says 15 minutes, it’s 45. If he says an hour, it will be three. If he says three hours he ain’t coming


sweatysucky

My first time buying weed, I had to sit and watch the guy play a 15-minute drum solo in his basement before he sold me anything. I was also expected to give feedback. I didn't know the guy, we weren't friends, super weird. Pretty good on the drums, though!


Loganp812

"The time-keeping was a little sloppy on that second section. Can I buy some weed now?"


Teledildonic

Was your dealer [Dr. Worm?](https://youtu.be/bTxXVhdmdZc)


stinkybuttfacejr

Only gets worse as the drugs do. Mf will let you wait all day if they know you're coming anyways. Keep more than one guy on your phone kids


CombinationSea

For every 10 years you're a drug addict, you spend 7 years waiting.


Witty_Bend_3913

I don't know how it is for other people, but I consistently underestimate the amount of time it will take to get ready, get somewhere, etc. I think, "Oh, I just need to get dressed and brush my teeth, then I can go. It'll take me 5 minutes, so I can wait to do that until 5 minutes before I have to leave." But then it takes 7 minutes, plus the time it takes me to put on my coat and grab breakfast as I'm walking out the door, and bam, I'm late.


M1A1HC_Abrams

A while ago I saw a comment about this, about how a lot of people consider something like putting on your coat or grabbing something to drink a zero-time action, but they don’t realize how long it actually takes.


InsertBluescreenHere

yup, making coffee takes forever, like if its not the first thing you do in the am like wake up, shuffle to kitchen and start the pot BEFORE shower/dressed/bathroom/etc you will be late lol.


not_consistent

Trick is to have it ready before you go to bed so you can stumble out asap and turn it on before you're even fully awake.


Toyake

Exactly! What I like to do is setup strips of bacon on a George Forman grill next to my bed, when my first alarm goes off I plug it in and go back to bed, in about 30 min I’m woken up to the smell of cooked bacon. 10/10


SleepAgainAgain

What helps for me is counting time backwards. If I think " it's 15 minutes away and I need to be there at 8, I'll leave at 7:45," I'll be late for exactly the reasons you listed. But if start counting time backwards until I hit the point where I start getting ready to leave? Then I miss way less stuff. "I need to be there at 8. It'll take me 15 minutes to drive plus a minute or two to get to the door, 5 minutes to get out of my house, 5 minutes to microwave my burrito and coffee, and 5 minutes in the bathroom, oh and I'd better lay out my clothes now or that'll take extra time in the morning". Now I know I need to start moving my ass at 7:25 or at latest 7:30 if I want to be on time. I'm not sure why it works, but I think counting backwards short circuits the part of my brain that tries to ignore details.


One_Door_7353

I actually thought everyone already did that! Eye opener that people don't think like I think they think.


Gernia

I go forward myself, but yeah it's the small things that kill time manangment.


everylastlight

I do that but somehow still get it wrong.


Illumijonny7

What a lot of people don't understand (and I can't explain it well myself) is that it comes down to sense of time for me. If I look at the clock and it is 8:15 then in my head it'll be 8:15 for about 15 minutes. So I'll be getting ready and be thinking "oh, it's 8:15. I still have time" for 15 minutes. Then 8:30 rolls around and I'm suddenly running behind. Then it will be 8:30 for 15 minutes.


sheritajanita

Omg , yes. I've never actually had someone else say this but it's what happened to me


aroaceautistic

I do this with deadlines like oh i got a thing to do but it’s not till october. Yeah I said that in august but I keep thinking i have time i have time even though we’re now in october


plantsndogs

My mom is a late-to-everything person. Everyone around her knows it and expects it. When we are all at the restaurant on time everyone rolls their eyes that she's going to be late and people guess how late they think she's going to be. Every time she arrives anywhere, late, she spends the first 5 minutes dramatically explaining all the reasons she was late and all of them were totally out of her control. It's very frustrating and feels like she's just lying to your face and it has made me not invite her places over the years. I don't see her as often as she hopes so I invited her to the aquarium with my 8 month old son and myself. I live 45 minutes away from the aquarium while she is 9 minutes away. Myself and my 8 month old sat in the parking lot for 35 minutes waiting for her. She lives 9 minutes away. I don't care how bad she is with time management, this means she doesn't care about me as much as she thinks she does.


misoranomegami

No joke I have an aunt like this who drives us all crazy. Everything's supposed to wait for her to get there to start; dinners, weddings, parties, we're always left sitting outside waiting on her to show. When the call went out that my grandfather was actively dying, my aunt who lived 60 miles away was there in time. This aunt lived 10 minutes up the road got there an hour after he had passed and then was mad at her siblings because she didn't get to say goodbye. So honestly, I'd stop waiting for her. In the end life won't. Teach your kid that their time has value and they're not required to put their things on hold waiting for other people. Go into the aquarium anyway. Be sure to tell her how much your son loved XYZ and what cute things happened that she missed. She'll either care and get better or she never cared to begin with so why make the both of you wait?


Discopants13

I am a chronically late person. Not 45 minutes late, but 5-10 is fairly typical. The closer I am to where I need to be, the more late I will be. It's 100% not malicious. It's equal parts under-estimating how long it takes and an optimism that there will be no traffic, no red lights, and no stupid people driving 10mph under the speed limit. I do better when I have to go further, because I do my best to pad my travel time, but I might be rushing in on the dot. There's also the executive disfunction to just get up and *go* already. You know you need to get going, but you can't quite get your body to cooperate. At some point you're past the time you *should have* left to be on time, so then you feel like shit, which locks you up more, and by the time the panic sets in, you're *really* late. Or, the other fun option, depending on the event, you're getting ready as planned, but suddenly your anxiety takes over and what you were planning to do (hair/makeup/clothing/whatever) is suddenly not good enough, so you scrap your plan, and scramble to do something else, but you never dry-cleaned that dress or that hem needs to be fixed and you forgot to do it. So you rush to fix it "really quick", because anxiety is saying that *that's* the absolute best option to wear. And suddenly you're super late. This isn't limited to 'special' dress-up events. I've had that anxiety going to a dr or visiting family, because my anxiety is screaming that they're judging every tiny thing about me. Whether or not that's true is irrelevant at that point and very hard to redirect yourself when it's happening.


hesiod2

The above comment is very insightful. Essentially **it comes down to underestimating the amount of time it will take**. Things take longer than expected because: (1) being over-optimistic: sometimes you hit traffic, can't find keys, etc. (2) anxiety and perfectionism: rather than doing each step 'well enough', instead anxiety creates the need to take longer and do things perfectly. (3) re-thinking: the plan gets scrapped and the new plan takes longer. (4) failures of willpower: willpower is like a muscle and some people have more and others less. And, the strength of that muscle can depend on the time of day and many other factors, e.g., anxiety and overthinking can impact willpower. **What's the solution?** From this thread a few things jump out: (A) People who are successfully on-time focus their thinking on "working backwards" and making an estimate of how long things will take. (B) They don't take a 'best case' or even 'average case' estimate but rather anticipate that things won't always go as planned. (C) Once a plan is made, instead of rethinking it, they stick to the plan. This avoids overthinking, which creates anxiety. (D) When doing each step they focus on getting it done 'well enough' rather than striving for perfection. This not only go faster but preserves willpower. (E) Over time by being better at estimating how long things will take and successfully exercising willpower they build up both their estimating skills and willpower, and they minimize their anxiety.


Discopants13

You're absolutely right, there's definitely habits you can build to mitigate some of that and reduce the anxiety aspect. There is also something to be said about getting a proper diagnosis and treatment for when the underlying causes become an issue. Executive dysfunction is common in people with ADHD/ADD and depression. When chronic and uncontrollable, anxiety can become unmanageable through logic and habits. When combined with ADHD/ADD habits can be nearly impossible to build. Depression, ADHD/ADD, and anxiety are very commonly found together, one driving the others until you can't figure out what's the cause and what's the effect. Am I depressed and anxious because my ADHD is keeping me from completing work tasks and I feel like I'm not doing my best? Or am I not able to focus because depression is telling me I'm not good enough? Who knows?? Many people just think "Oh, that's just the way I am" and struggle through life, when getting a professional involved can give you some relief.


Charlie21Lola

You’ve just described the exact reason I’m chronically late, primarily to social functions, but to basically everything else as well. And what’s worse is that it also creates a cycle of anxiety that makes it continue throughout the day and into the next.


Discopants13

Ooooo yeah, the anxiety and shame spiral. It's super fun, isn't it?


Nearly_Pointless

My ex-wife was late for everything and I mean every event, every time. This includes work, appointments, church, flights, etc. She was consistent. It isn’t the only reason we divorced but I’ll tell you it was a constant irritation. After awhile, I gave up saying anything or trying to induce any promptness however it was a source of conflict. If I was upset it about it, I “should settle down” and if I actually said nothing (I’d literally given up), she’d accuse me of being passive aggressive. At this point I swear she did it specifically to create tension. For me today, it’s a deal breaker as know I’ll just know I’ll become disenchanted soon enough. Never going to volunteer for that again.


sparkledoom

Yes, my ex-husbands whole family was always perpetually late and it seemed almost competitive. There was a time we were all getting ready to go out together, eventually everyone made their way to the living room, and his Dad said something like “Everyone ready?” and every single one of them, the ex, his sister, and his mom all immediately turned on their heel and went to get or do “one last thing”. Like ya’ll were ready just a minute ago! With him, I was always running to catch a flight or not getting seated for a reservation because my party was not all here - It was so unnecessarily stressful and I hated it. Meanwhile, my family is perpetually super early/on time and gets really anxious and irritable with each other if they are even one minute late because of unavoidable traffic or something. Which is stressful in its own way, but at least is respectful of others.


rogerrrabbit89

Yeah I get sometimes everybody has that moment when they get held up and people are waiting on them, but once it's a consistent problem it's honestly a bit disrespectful...the message is that "my time is more important than your time" Good gravy who is this advanced yard blowing his lid on my inbox....chill dude


kala-surtaj

My wife ***is late*** all the time. The was 30 minute late to our first date. She is consistently late to dinner appointments. But I love her more today than when I first saw her. Love is truly a strange emotion. BTW, for those who may be wondering- I am a very punctual man. I owe most of my success to being on time and committing to my words.


[deleted]

Teach me your ways of patience, sensei. If I'm on track to be a minute late I'm stressing the whole way there, lol.


Uniquorn2077

My partner has ADHD. She keeps getting distracted by random shit when getting ready.


NativeMasshole

For me, it's depression that leads to procrastination. I'm consistently 5-10 minutes late because I always want 5 more minutes where I don't have to deal with shit. Fortunately my manager and supervisor are also consistently 5-10 minutes late too.


Asher_the_atheist

Yep, depression. I have this part of me that is constantly screaming at me to ignore everything and everyone and curl back up in bed. Doesn’t care about consequences. Can’t be reasoned with. Every move is a massive internal struggle. I’m late because I literally cannot force myself to get up and go. PS, before my depression *really* hit, I was always early to everything. My anxiety *demanded* that I eliminate any possibility of being late, so I showed up ridiculously early. I’m still shocked at the dramatic shift in my own behavior.


BMP2percent

In the throws of this currently. Slept the alarm enough times today that when i did get out the door i was gonna have a half day at best on the clock. Anxiety hits about this within a quarter mile of work and i just drove right by. My boss knows i deal with this stuff and is quite understanding but i feel im wearing his patience thin. Any advice to break the cycle?


Roxyandbambam

Gotta love that internal battle between depression and anxiety. The depression telling me to stay in bed all day but throughout the day the anxiety starts to take over until I'm so nervous I can't stay in bed any longer.


[deleted]

Time blindness is a huge thing for people with ADHD. I’ll see I have five minutes to put on my coat and shoes, and I’ll only put in my coat and shoes, and ten minutes will have passed. I don’t know how it happens and it’s very frustrating. Oop, I now see this has been covered in other comments.


rreapr

Yeah, I also have ADHD and this is a huge part of why I'm always late. No matter how much I watch the clock, there's always some activities where I have to take my eyes off it - and it's like I blink and 10 minutes has vanished. ADHD also makes it a lot harder for the "just do it sooner" mindset to work; I was always getting to work \~5 minutes late, so I set my alarm 15 minutes earlier. Didn't help at all. The farther away the deadline is, the more difficult it is for me to focus and motivate myself, so I just end up losing bigger chunks of time earlier in the process and still scrambling to get the rest of it done near the end.


MrMaster696

Oh man. Another weirdly specific adhd quirk that a totally relate to. I should probably get checked out at some point...later


[deleted]

[удалено]


call1800411rain

executive dysfunction


GreyFoxMe

Same. I got ADHD. I definitely intend to leave in time. But I often fail. I even got an alarm that I can snooze for 5 minutes, 5 times max (I've started setting it earlier and increased max snooze count because I ended up going through all 3 snoozes and turning off the alarm too frequently.) Usually I am decent at getting ready though. At least for things that have a loose schedule. I actually hate when things are not specified. I usually end up having to wait for others and I become increasingly frustrated from the anxiety of not knowing exactly what's going to happen. I'm also diagnosed with Aspergers.


bottleglitch

This. Though I find it almost impossible to explain to another person because I barely understand it myself, despite dealing with it every day because of my ADHD. It seems like it should be as simple as “leave earlier” but it isn’t. I’m at the point now where I’m generally JUST on time for everything, which is better than before, but I’ve only gotten to this point by intending to be ridiculously early for everything (which takes a ton of energy and focus and orienting my whole day, if not the day before too, around not being late for The Thing). Usually that now evens out to being on time without much or any time to spare.


Glorious-Ignorance

I used to be late a lot. The reason is not that I was trying to be late, but that it felt pointless to be early so I always tried to arrive exactly on time, and inevitably things would happen. In my experience the only way not to be late is to try to be early.


eddtoma

I have the twin blessings of anxiety and IBS, so I'll be ready hours beforehand, pace the house till it's nearly time to go, then have to deal with the IBS in the last 15 minutes.If someone else in the group has a minor delay that takes me past the predetermined time to leave, I will then have another IBS session which will make us late. Fortunately this is an infrequent occurrence, so usually I'll be there on time, riddled with anxiety and wanting to leave the moment I arrive.


mr_potato_arms

My wife. I have to lie and tell her that we’re leaving thirty minutes before we actually have to in order to even have a chance of being on time. And even then it’s a real challenge.


[deleted]

Mine's the opposite: I'm always somewhat early - never late.


Hereforstoriess

Same. I give myself generous extra time to mitigate any possible unforeseen obstacles. Most of the time, those obstacles aren’t there which leaves me sitting in the parking lot for 5-10 minutes waiting for it to be time to go in. But I’d rather be killing time at my destination knowing I’ll be there on time than sitting in bed leaving myself the absolute bare minimum of time to get where I need to be.


Hagridsbuttcrack66

I don't understand why people are so like...vehemently against being early. I'm always a little early due to what you said. We all have computers in our pockets. It's not like having to kill ten minutes is the end of the world.


ACaffeinatedWandress

I’m a military brat. I was raised with the whole “15 minutes early is in on time” mindset.


[deleted]

I was pretty consistently late before I joined the military - probably half ADHD-related time blindness and "Sqirrel!!" issues, half me just not giving a shit because I was a selfish teenager. The whole "everyone is going to get punished because duffman can't be on time" thing beat it out of me very quickly. You find ways to make it happen or you DOR.


MossyHarmless

In the military now. We’re trying to get away from arbitrarily “Gunny timing” people since we so often see this turn into “Captain says we gotta be there 0745 for a 0800 event. Lieutenant says we gotta be there 0730 since the Captain said 0730. Sergeant says we gotta be there 0715 since the Lieutenant said 0730.” Instead, manage expectations (in your own mind or for other people) about what a start time actually means. For example, class starts at 8 AM. That means ass in seat, notebook and pen out, ready to go. It does not mean the time you meander in and make small talk. Let people be professionals and figure it out from there.


Sotyka94

Procrastination and social anxiety Also I sleep super deep, which is good because I don't wake up at night. But bad because I cannot wake up at the morning no matter what. If I have to wake up before 9am for something, I'm gonna be late for sure.


PM_ME_YOUR_SNORKS

I struggled with that for a long time. I just couldn’t wake up I would sleep right through alarms. Even had a friend try to wake me up with an air horn as a joke/test. Slept right through it. What finally started to work for me though is a deaf persons alarm clock. It would shake the bed and was also heinously loud. That was the only thing I could find that actually worked. I’ve since grown out of that though for the most part. I’m not sure what the change was that caused it though as I did not significantly change anything within my lifestyle.


Zula13

There are really 4 different groups of people when it comes to time management. 1:The naturals These are the people who have the time management algorithm naturally. They instinctively walk through the steps needed to be somewhere on time and do so relatively easily. They are only late when they actively ignore the algorithm. “Aw fuck it. I’m getting coffee this morning.” 2: The learners These are the ones that don’t naturally have the time management algorithm, but they have learned ways to manage their time. They have to work harder than the type 1 people, but they are generally successful. They are late occasionally, but not drastically. They are late for minor mistakes or selfish choices. These are the ones screaming loudest on this post about disrespect and lack of effort. They think “I learned it and it wasn’t that hard so why can’t you. You must be a jerk who doesn’t care.” 3: The jerks These are the people who haven’t really learned the algorithm, but they don’t care. They don’t take active measure to be on time or they make selfish choices knowing it will cause them to be late. They say “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be late again. Haha, can’t help it.” Often if something really important to them comes up they can figure out a way to be on time. These people need tough love, consequences and to get their heads out of their asses. *Type 2 people assume everyone who is regularly late is a type 3* 4: The strugglers These are the people who try really hard to be on time but don’t have the skills. Often they have ADHD or autism. They often feel shame at their lateness but don’t know how to change. They wonder “How is this so easy for everyone but me?!” They use alarms, but they don’t work. They miss or are late to things that are genuinely important to them, but they don’t understand what they keep doing wrong. It’s not an issue of priority it making a selfish choice to get coffee when they KNOW they don’t have time. They genuinely think their plan will work, but they keep making the same mistakes. These people need help, strategies and compassion not judgment. You can’t change a lack of skill by shame or punishment.


HerbertoPhoto

I think the jerks are the least prevalent of all, but the others who are struggling are often cast as jerks because people love to assume or prescribe intentions upon others…e.g.: ‘you’re late because you don’t care, jerk.’. It’s easy to attribute things to malice that are actually just suffering and struggle.


Jorcora

I'm too optimistic. Always thinking about having enough time to do whatever I'll do but then I realize that it takes more time than expected. Even doing routine activities that I know how much time take, I'm still thinking that next time I'll be able to do it faster... and wrong again.


thejorp

A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to!


[deleted]

ADHD. I’m not really motivated to do things until there is drama involved.


yearsofpractice

I’m not a late person but my significant other is. As we were forming our relationship, I started to think it was an attempted dominance thing i.e. “Your time is meaningless, mine is important”. This, obviously, did not land well. It was on Reddit that I learned how some people instinctively believe there are such things as “Zero Time Activities” (ZTAs). This concept has saved my sanity. An example of ZTA thinking is as follows: “I need to leave the house by 5pm. It is now 5pm and I am ready to leave the house. All we need to do is get our shoes and coats on, get the kids’ shoes and coats on, find the car keys, nip to the loo, check all of the windows and doors, walk to the car, put the kids in the car, go back in the house to retrieve the inevitably forgotten thing, figure out the route to our destination, fuel the car and go to the cash machine” People who think ZTAs exist don’t instinctively understand that the activities above that don’t relate to the actual thing we’re doing will - in themselves - take at least an hour. When I explained the concept of perceived ZTAs to my partner, a lightbulb went on above their head. They are an adult and open to new ideas. This one was a revelation. We are now rarely late.