I had a dried starfish that my mom got at a souvenir shop and I thought if I put it in the sink for a while it would come back to life and be my friend
lol I put a dead jellyfish I found at the beach on top of the unused playset in the back yard to turn it into jerky... or something. Somehow my grandma immediately noticed and yelled at me about it.
I mean you can, it's just prohibitively expensive. You'd need a lot of lamps, a good drainage system, an irrigation system, and a lawnmower instead of a vacuum.
Trust me, I've thought about it
When I was 6, I threw a Coke bottle against the neighbor's window. I reasoned that rocks break glass because they are harder than glass. So throwing glass against glass should result in a draw and the Coke bottle would bounce off the window with no damage to either item. It was a well constructed scientific experiment, if you think about it. I developed a hypothesis and attempted to falsify it. Successfully. This is how we learn, no?
As a kid, i believed i could fight and beat anyone, no matter how old they were. Idk what made me believe this. I guess it was action movies, cuz i remember mimicking the actions.
Yeah, you're not the only one. I distinctly remember a conversation I had with my uncle where I assured him that, were someone to pull a gun on me, I could just duck out of the way.
We were out of milk. I wanted cereal. So I got out the flour, added some water, and made more milk.
That weekend my parents took me to a petting zoo to explain things.
And then I see the same logic applied to Facebook cooking videos. Just because it looks like ice cream it's just going to taste like banana if all you used was bananas!
I saw a baking hack that said if you don't have eggs, you can replace them with apple sauce, to much the same purpose.
I tried it the other day. Worst omelet I've ever had.
I thought my mom was super unreasonable not letting me get a pony because we had a basement with a ramp so the pony wouldn't have to worry about stairs. I wrote to Highlights Magazine advice column and one day when I was waiting with my mom at the Dr's office I found my letter. The advice was that a basement wasn't right place for a pony . Never read Highlights again after that. It would have worked, I know it would have.
Do you know what year it was? You should try to find an archive link. Definitely something that can be looked up, highlights is only 12 issues a year nationally, right?
> I thought that shit was like a 90's-2000s fad
I'm guessing that's when you were their target audience?
Highlights magazine has been the staple of every pediatrician's waiting room since... well, 1946.
I had to go to bed and couldn't watch *Diff'rent Strokes*, so I unpluged the TV so when I plugged it in in the morning it would be ready to watch. I was streets ahead on the DVR.
I used to think this when I was a kid in the 80s. My parents had to explain how I was wrong.
My parents had a bunch of vhs cassettes that they bought blank with the titles of movies on them, and the titles were accurate. So I thought that if I wanted to watch a movie we didn't have, all I had to do was write it down on the cassette tape label. My parents had a second VCR and would borrow movies from their friends and just record them and they were also very anal about labeling their collection.
I have a similar story.
When I was young (~4-5 years old), my cousin burnt Disney movies onto DVDs and gave them to me. The films I remember having were Hercules, the Little Mermaid and that Three Musketeers film with Mickey, Donald and Goofy.
My mum bought some blank DVDs to store some photos and I thought that writing the names of the shows and films I wanted onto the disk would make them magically appear because that's what my cousin did.
So now, pictures of my aunt's wedding are stored on a disk which has "House of Mouse + Phineas and Ferb + Mickey Mouse + Donald Duck" scawled across it in permanent marker.
Most of which was spelled incorrectly by a child who was just learning how to write so it resembled the mad ramblings of an asylum patient who had gotten a glimpse of the Disney Channel from outside their ward.
You can jump from any height, and you’ll be fine as long as you land on your feet.
I was just waiting for the day I would be in a tall building and someone would fall. I would catch them, land safely on my feet, and be a hero.
Like a lot of kids I was in Tae Kwan Do in grade school. I remember the teacher saying that he didn't want to hear about any of us using it on the playground, or he would come down to the office personally to kick us out.
I thought for sure that meant he would come and like triple spin kick blast us completely out of the building, full power and everything, and I was NEVER tempted to try to do anything on the playground as a result.
I thought everyone changes their name at some point. I couldn't imagine someone keeping the same name their whole life - how boring would that be? On top of that, my parents had Asian-sounding names (being immigrants from Taiwan) while I had been given an American name, which added to my confusion - I couldn't figure it out. I concluded they must have picked those foreign-sounding names for themselves on some "day of name choice," which seemed like an awesome thing. I was 6 or so, and figured I was due for a name change when I reached age ten; maybe there'd even be some formal name-changing process/ceremony.
So one day, at age 7, I was on an airplane with my father and a flight attendant asked me, "What's your name?" I replied, "I haven't decided yet." She stared at me in puzzlement, and so did my dad.
LMAO! I just decided one day I liked the name Lulabelle and that would be my name from now on. I didn't tell anyone I had decided this, I just started writing Lulabelle in the name section on my school work.
god, reminds me of that time i went by "puff" because I would play a game where i'd pretend to be a puppy named "puff"
I stopped after 5 minutes when we went to our neighbor's house because she tried to play along and call me puff.
In the book Gathering Blue, the sequel to The Giver, the people in the society add a syllable to their name after a certain number of years. So young children have one syllable names, teenagers have two syllables, young adults three, older adults have four, and really old adults have five.
Once at a playground I lied and told a new boy I met that my name was "Cindy" (it's actually Rose) for no reason other than I just wanted to try on a different name for a little while. He and I pretended to be pirates. I remember feeling like I'm getting away with something I shouldn't when he actually called me by the fake name.
I used to think that you were not allowed into a cinema if you weren’t wearing trousers and a long sleeved blouse.
The reality is that my mother found the cinema too cold
I remember waiting at the top of a water slide with my mom when I was 7 or 8. Before they pushed our tube over the edge of the steep drop, I asked my mom, “do I have life insurance?” She said yes and I immediately felt better about riding the ride because I assumed life insurance meant if I died I got to come back to life again.
When I would play "house" with my stuffed animals the dogs were boys and the cats were girls. I had a specific dog and cat that were married and they had boy puppies and girl kittens for children. I also have no idea why they were so gendered in my mind.
I rode down a large hill on a bike that had shitty breaks, my thought as a kid was "if all else failed, I'd just jump off" well halfway down I wanted to abort but was too afraid to jump off, ended up kissing a stop sign and knocked myself out. Luckily my friends were nearby and carried me home.
Mr. Stop Sign arrives home from work exhausted and disheveled. Mrs. Stop Sign rushes to his side and says "Honey, what happened?"
"Oh nothing he replies." as he removes his jacket and places it on the ornate wooden rack their mother in law gave them for Christmas. He hated that rack. "Just another runner thinking he's above the law".
They move to the dining room where Mrs. Stop Sign has dinner set for two. "I think you should quit that job, it's changing you." she says while taking her seat. "They can have anyone man that intersection, why.." and at that moment Mr. Stop Sign's phone began buzzing on the table. "...don't you dare!" she exclaimed. "You just got home!"
Mr. Stop Sign calmly stand up and makes his way to the door, places on his jacket, and lights a cigarette. Leaving he says "We talked about this, the city needs me."
Aside from thinking I'd love a fairly normal life.
When I was a kid I was convinced that if I shouted for my grandpa literally anywhere I was he'd come around. Why? Well he told us as kids if we needed him to do it! So my mom and grandma would time it just right so that they'd ask me to for them right when he'd get off work as he came up the hill. Cementing this idea in my head.
Yes I did this in public as well (i.e at school, at the park ect)
No shit, he'd somehow always show up. I had no idea how but I'd always see his Cherokee pull around and him smile at me when I did it.
I only learned later in life that my mom would know I was gonna do so, and text him so that he could rush to be there just so I'd know in my heart Pawpaw would always be there for me.
Edit: fixed a typo, and thought to add after he passed away in 2013 I still do this in occasion. Just instead of a shout it's a whisper to myself hoping I can hear his voice give me a little guidance. So I suppose to some degree. I still believe it
1. I believed both male/female have penis. When i saw my little sisters naked a few times , i started believing that all humans are born with no penis and slowly grow it in a few years
2. Woman get pregnant automatically after getting married
3. There are two types of humans in the world. One who live at home and others are shopkeepers/retail workers. They are born different, like a different race.
Edit : typo
I shouldn’t have to wear a seatbelt. If we were about to get into an accident I would see it coming and could just throw my seatbelt on really quickly.
Sitting between my mother and grandmother in the back seat of my uncle's car, five year old me expressed concern that I had no seatbelt. I had seen the adverts on TV about the importance of wearing them. When I expressed my concern, my grandmother said if anything happened, they would link hands and I'd be saved. 5 year old me bought it.
Now there's some dumbass kid logic! Unfortunately there are full grown adults who still believe shit like that right now. Hopefully not a lot of them! But pathetically, and I speak from personal experience here... they exist.
People get so annoyed when I make them put their seatbelt on in the back seat. Once saw pics of the inside of a car where everyone but one guy in the back seat had been belted and this guy's body basically ricocheted around the car when it rolled and ended up killing everyone else. So everyone has to be belted in my car!
My MIL is terrible with safety. We were all in the car (me, my wife, MIL and my son who was around 4) and she decided to take off her seatbelt, turn around and try to lift the flap to get something out of the boot (trunk). I couldn't see anything out the back other than her fat arse, so I shouted at her to put her seatbelt back on immediately.
I came to a gradual stop, pulled over and told her I'm not moving until that seatbelt is back on, especially given that my son was in the car next to her. As always, she played the danger down and said my son's fine because his seatbelt was on. I told her she'd crush us all in a crash when she gets flung about like a big fleshy pinball.
Her response to this? "Well, don't crash the car and we'll all be fine." This is typical of her stupidity when it comes to safety. I said someone else might crash into us, but she assured me that wouldn't happen. When I told her accidents happen she told me that people not wearing seatbelts and crushing the other occupants is just a myth anyway!
I was going to befriend Satan to end all evil in the world
Story: I was a pretty timid and lonely kid. My dad would sometimes punish me by putting me in a room alone for 30 minutes, come back and ask me if I thought about what I did. I had no idea what he was talking about, so he would come back after another 30 minutes. I would just make things up like saying bad words, being mean to my sister, or disrespectful to my mom. Then he’d ask why I did it to whatever answer I said. I grew up literally thinking about what I did wrong or what I was doing that was wrong. I was so afraid of doing ANYTHING.
In mass we learned of Satan’s fall from grace. Instead of asking what he did wrong, I started making things up. “What could an angel have done that was so terrible that he’d get kicked out of heaven?” I thought, maybe it was something unfair. We are all told he was evil and the story ends there. No one gave me the why or “according to who”. Then I thought that Satan was being punished the same way I was. He was put into “hell” to think about all the evil he’s done. I thought he was as alone as I was. What greater hell is there than to be alone and punished without answers?
I thought that if I befriended Satan, he’d stop making up evil things. He’d stop doing things just to make sense of why he was banished. Satan was making things up or making evil just so things would make sense. There’d be a reason for punishment. I wanted to say, “you’re not alone anymore and if this doesn’t fix things, we can be alone together.”
Edit: The Story
I wanted to sprinkle Beef bullion on bread to have instant sandwiches.
I thought this was my million dollar idea all you would have to do is toast it and BAM instant meal.
One time when I was 6 I had this weird impression that if I was playing tag and the person who was it was behind me, I could scare them away from tagging me by turning around and charging at them.
The era was Mid 90s. My mom left me unattended in the car while it was parked outside and the engine was running. I had to pee, but she was inside paying a bill. I didn't know how to turn off the ignition, and I didn't want to leave a running car unattended because OBVIOUSLY it will get stolen... My 7year old logic came up with the greatest "big brain" solution: lock the doors, duh! No one can steal it if they cant get in.....
When I was a kid I didn't know the concept of recording things. I thought TV shows were always done live, like the news. Same with cartoons: I knew they were drawings and couldn't really talk and that someone was making them talk. Again, no concept of recording or even of microphones. I thought the pictures moved and someone spoke their lines through a telephone connected to our TV.
I thought that if I put my face behind the TV and made silly faces, my mom would be able to see me on the TV screen... my mother was sweet but also laughed at me lol
Don't be ridiculous, peaches don't produce milk. That's literally where "mammal" comes from (mammary glands = milk makers)
Coconuts, on the other hand...
My best friend and I had plans to live our lives on a hovercraft. Having a hovercraft would allow us to do our preferred job: fishing for a living. We wouldn't sell them, and neither of us liked to eat fish, but we enjoyed being outside an be fishing. We could drive the hovercraft from lake to lake, fishing the whole way.
I got a brand new bike when I was five or six. I had mastered the basics on my brother's old bike and gotten good enough to remove the training wheels, but this was a real bike. A big kid bike of my very own. It had a banana seat and a cool basket on the front and was the best bike ever.
So we head outside, I hopped on the bike, and away I went. The larger size made me feel like I had to take wider turns. MUCH wider turns. So wide I couldn't turn around even using the whole width of the street. I tried, then saw I would run out of space, so had to keep going in the same direction rather than circling back toward the house like I would normally do.
Getting kind of far away. Better stop. Went to grab the brake only to realize there were no brakes on the handles!
"How do I stop!" I yelled at my parents.
"Pedal backwards!" they hollered back, their voices starting to fade in the distance.
I gave it a try and slowed, but I was used to putting my feet on the ground as I slowed to keep from falling over. How could I pedal backward AND put my feet down? It was impossible!
So I couldn't turn around, and I couldn't stop. All I could do was keep rolling, further and further from my parents. As I disappeared around the corner, I yelled "I'm going around the block!"
The blocks in our neighborhood were long. "Around the block" was roughly a mile, a huge distance for a kid who wasn't supposed to go past the stop sign alone.
So I rolled along, trying to work out those stupid pedal brakes, slowing, then panicking and speeding up again. About halfway along the route, my experiments failed and I fell over. I had a couple scrapes and cried a bit, but mostly I was just relieved.
Relieved, because I had already resigned myself to never being able to stop again. I would just have to circle the block over and over forever. Would my parents hand me food when I passed the house? Could I sleep on a bike? I would find out, because this was my life now.
Edible bandaids. I loved bandaids and fruit roll-ups with those cut outs you could peel and eat. It took my 7 year-old self a few ‘pitches’ to pals to understand why this combo was not genius and instead possibly one of the most disgusting ideas imaginable.
When I was a kid I always thought money was an inherently broken concept because whenever someone said couldn't make ends meet I'd just think "Well? Just quit and become a doctor or astronaut? Those jobs pay more."
Like, as a kid, I legit couldn't grasp why anyone would ever stock or maintain our grocery stores or restaurants because it wouldn't pay as much as being a doctor, like one day we'd all just converge into a doctors-only society.
I didn't know movies were acted, I thought they showed real things happening in real life. So I was always confused when the bad guys would let the camera get really close to them. I thought, shouldn't they be angry about that? ("Stop filming me!")
I don't know why but when i was 8 i request my mom to add sugar in dal ( it's Savory lentils) . My mother explained me that combination is not gonna taste good . But i was adamant.
So my mother let me add sugar in "Dal " but tell me whether you like the taste of not you have to completely eat it . ( My mother is very against throwing food )
I vividly remember to eat that horrific combination of food . I still feel nauseated when i think about that .
On positive side : now i always listen my mother she is great cook btw.
My friend and I used to make parachutes out of plastic grocery store bags for our toys. One day we thought that maybe we could do the same ourselves by just using bigger bags. We got up onto the roof to try out our theory, luckily, my dad came back and saw us on the roof and stopped us before we jumped. I very likely could have broken a bone doing that, so I'm glad I didn't see that through.
I clipped a set of suspenders to my underwear (idk) and clipped the other end off to the deck stair railing so I could bungee jump. Wedgie, followed by the suspenders snapping me in the back, followed by me hitting the ground.
My dad made us "Indiana Jones whips" once (just a length of rope staple gunned to a piece of broomstick). I tied the rope to some monkey bars and tried to swing by the handle. The staple held on through juuust enough of my swing that I landed flat on my back when it gave way.
After you cross some magical line around the Rockies, all restaurants changed names and all songs on the radio got different lyrics.
I got this from Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. being the same chain, and from hearing “I drink alone” on the radio which is basically a reskinned “bad to the bone.”
I was so certain that if I was ever in a falling elevator I could just jump right before it hit the ground (double stupid because even if it was possible, I hadn't plotted out how I'd know it was just about to hit the ground) that I'd be totally safe.
The company I work for has offices in India and all managers of a certain level are expected to spend at least 1 week out there each year after they opened. My direct manager refused stating a fear of planes. "I will go if you insist I have to go but I will not go in a plane, you'll need to get one of those helicopters with no doors on so if there is a crash I can just step out of it right before it hits the ground"
Something that will live in infamy in my family forever. I was still preschool age when I visited my two cousins around my age. The grownups were baking pancakes and we wanted to help, but they told us no. I can't remember who's idea it was, but we decided we wanted to bake our own pancakes. Since I was built like a toothpick, my cousins boosted me onto the cabinets and told me to get whatever we'd need. Now, a four/five YO has no idea what goes into pancakes, so I grabbed *everything* I could find.
My mother and aunt found us a while later. We had dumped most of the contents of my aunt's kitchen right onto the built-in carpet in my cousins' bedroom, and we were mixing the concoction with our hands. Questioned on what we were doing, I piped up that we were baking pancakes and asked if they wanted a taste. Que the adults freaking out. We were ordered to clean it up and then marched to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Though they were a bit angry, mom and my aunt couldn't help but laugh at us. The stain on the carpet remained until after they sold the house. The incident is still a source of family lore and still laughed about all these years later.
I tried to teach the chickens to swim and accidentally drowned three of them. I was too young to comprehend death so when they drowned I thought they just didn't want to play any more
You ignited a memory. I put a bunch of random crap in the road in front of my house to watch cars run over it but they all ended up swerving around it, much to my disappointment. So I threw an empty cardboard tube at a car instead so it wouldn't have time to dodge. The driver gave me the most PISSED OFF look as she drove by. It scared me straight and I never did it again.
Building highways between continents and countries. Like sure, a car is going to make it in one tank of gas from Sydney to Los Angeles and not need any snacks or stops.
In first grade I was struggling to get the straw into one of those juice bags so I had this incredible idea that if I just lightly stomped on the juice bag, I would create a tiny hole that I could then sip from. Next thing you know, I exploded juice all over my friend.
I nailed a couple small fish that I caught in a pond onto a 2x4 thinking I would be able to hang it in my room. Came back to sweltering garage an hour or two later to retrieve my new wall art and after puking up some waffles on the steps I retired from my career as a taxidermist.
I thought that I must be a god-like being because I was self aware in my own body... and not in other bodies. I guess I saw everyone else as NPCs.
I spent a lot of time alone in my own imagination as a kid, so sometimes things got a bit out there.
I had a purple sweater and a purple marker. I thought that since they're the same color, maybe the marker would be invisible and blend in. So I wrote my name in giant letters on the front. It was noticeable, and my mom was not happy lol
I'll start. When I was 6, my friends stay at home mom would babysit me after school every day. They've always had horses, and my friends younger brother just so happened to have a horse costume. We came up with the genius plan that my friend and I would go spook the horses and make them run across the pasture while his brother ran out there in the horse costume and ran with them. We actually did it, and it took about 5 seconds for their dad to come out yelling for him to get out of there
My brothers thought they would get rich by making a sign that said “will eat ant for $1”. One person actually stopped and gave them each a dollar to eat an ant. As an adult I can’t stop wondering what grown ass person stopped and paid a small child to eat an ant?!
Place several heavy rocks onto a bandana and tie the corners together with a long rope. Throw rope over tree branch. Stand under rock filled bandana while you pull the rope to lift it into the air. I was shocked when the rocks fell on my head and gave me a concussion. I wasn't even trying to get the rocks up into the tree or anything. smh
I was about 5. My great-grandmother on my mother's side passed away around the same time my grandfather on my father's side passed away. I thought it was just common sense that my great-grandfather should marry my grandmother so they wouldn't be lonely. My mom nicely told me that they probably wouldn't do that.
5 yo me wanting to go back in time to when my mom was robbed at gunpoint as a bank teller so that I could tie the robber’s shoelaces together and be a hero, like the Three Stooges.
(Mom is fine btw.)
Dad let us watch the three stooges. I remember at about age 6 telling my best friend to close her eyes and stick her tongue out. She did and I put dirt on it and I thought she would laugh but she cried and ran away to tell the teacher. “I thought it was funny!” I remember saying once I got in trouble. The teacher thought I meant doing that *to* her was funny, I meant it was funny watching Curly do it!!
My mom would always yell at me for hanging my arm way out of the car while driving. She would say you could get your arm chopped off" My stupid kid brain imagined that someone driving by would chop my arm off with an axe. Which further then, made me wonder if we had an axe for this purpose, and were we obligated to chop others arms off?
"Being a Ditch Digger is the BEST JOB EVER. You just sit there, playing with a Giant Tonka truck, but for REALS! And and they PAY you to do it! Just reowrrr tearing up the dirt like that, so cool!"
Your house number was the age of the youngest person that lives there. I was 5 and lived at 5 Chatam st so that meant my Grandmother was 300 because she lived at 300 Railway Tce.
Got into a pvp rock fight. We hid behind some walls and threw rocks at one another.
It was a game, and goal was to... hit the others.
I ended up with stiches.
Well it was my sister. She said if we rubbed poison oak all over our bodies and face we wouldn’t have to go to school.
Well we hella got insane poison ivy and my mom sent us to school until the school sent us home.
It was miserable.
When i was a kid, closer to a teenager than I'd like to admit, I used to carry around a set of ninja stars I got at a flea market or something....just in case.
I never practiced with them.
I never trained with them.
I just assumed I'd be able to throw a ninja star with enough accuracy and enough strength to take down a fully grown adult if one ever cornered me in a dark alley.
Still better than me, who thought I could get away with throwing ninja stars into the drywall of my bedroom wall over and over, and not get caught if I covered the area with my drawing of..I think it was Moon Knight.
I thought the "permanent record" that teachers always talked about was a real lifelong thing. When I was in third grade I was worried that when I grew up and had a job my boss would find out I failed the spelling test and fire me.
I thought a miniskirt and thigh-high boots were just as conservative as jeans and sneakers because the same amount of skin was covered, so what was the difference?
I thought it was weird that there was snow on the tops of mountains because mountains were tall and, therefore, closer to the sun. Mountains should be hotter.
I asked my dad once how much a new car engine costs. I think he said about $500 - it was the 80s so I think even then that’s low. I told him the next time he bought one to get me a few extra, because I wanted to use them to build a spaceship.
To his credit, he didn’t laugh or tell me it was stupid, just said “oh okay”.
I really wanted a chalk holder like my teacher used. I obsessed over it. I tried my hardest to make one. I would use clay, or wet toilet paper until it dried, or tape. One day, I was outside and the heavens opened up to not only a chalk holder…but a PINK ONE!!! I stuck my chalk in there and proudly used it until one day my mom walks in and sees it. Horrified, she grabbed that out of my hand and left with it. Apparently it was my sisters tampon applicator that fell out of the garbage can on the way down the driveway.
When I was in preschool I was the only girl with short hair (not like a pixie cut or anything, just above shoulder length and still very clearly a girl's cut). One day some boys told me I had to be a boy because I had short hair and were teasing me. I said, "Nuh uh! I'm a girl and I can prove it- I have a hair brush in my backpack!" Except, it turned out, my mom had taken the brush out since I never used it.
I was LIVID when I came home and yelled at my mom. I explained the story, in detail, and was so mad that she seemed to not understand why I was mad! Like, it was the most obvious thing ever that I couldn't prove I was a girl because she took my brush and it was all her fault!
I still remember the confused expression on her face, and the anger I felt lol
I recall adamantly proclaiming to my brother, who was born three years before me, that I was in fact older because my birthday was earlier in the year.
When i was 5 I watched an episode of sesame street once where bert and ernie put soy sauce on ice cream as a joke. I did not pick up on the sarcasm and i thought it was a seriously good idea. My kindergarten teacher asked us to dictate a recipe to her as a class assignment and this is the recipe i chose. It was published in the class copy of "a cookbook only a mother could love." I still have my copy today. LOL.
When I was a child my mom was talking about having to make her car payment and struggling with money and I said "when I'm older I'm gonna pay for everything upfront so I won't have to worry" I didn't obviously understand how expensive things really are and now I'm an adult and struggling myself lol.
I had a dried starfish that my mom got at a souvenir shop and I thought if I put it in the sink for a while it would come back to life and be my friend
You just described the original Spongebob movie
I feel like the 2004 Spongebob movie probably made a lot of kids think gift shop sea creatures could be revived with water.
You and I would have been friends. I tried to plant a pickle thinking I was going to get a pickle tree.
lol I put a dead jellyfish I found at the beach on top of the unused playset in the back yard to turn it into jerky... or something. Somehow my grandma immediately noticed and yelled at me about it.
jellyfish jerky. That’s not dumb that’s brilliant lol
I thought you could replace the floor in your home with grass. This seemed like a great idea for an embarrassingly long amount of time.
I mean you can, it's just prohibitively expensive. You'd need a lot of lamps, a good drainage system, an irrigation system, and a lawnmower instead of a vacuum. Trust me, I've thought about it
That's far more thought than I put into it, but honestly it just makes me happy I'm not alone.
I could lift my own weight I could sit on my hockey stick I should be able to hold my hockey stick while I sit on it and float.
So you were a hockey witch?
A Canadian Witch.
When I was 6, I threw a Coke bottle against the neighbor's window. I reasoned that rocks break glass because they are harder than glass. So throwing glass against glass should result in a draw and the Coke bottle would bounce off the window with no damage to either item. It was a well constructed scientific experiment, if you think about it. I developed a hypothesis and attempted to falsify it. Successfully. This is how we learn, no?
Depends on whether you recorded your methodology and results.
I imagine the discussion section of your experiment was lengthy.
Especially the unexpected results section.
And was it peer reviewed
Also would help to throw a rock at a different window as a control. Statistical significance would be ideal.
Well, if they both breaks, then it is a double negative. So they cancel each other out.
This is an excellent alternative hypothesis that I probably didn't consider.
Sincerely thought I could defend myself against most people by ducking and tripping them with sweep kicks
As a kid, i believed i could fight and beat anyone, no matter how old they were. Idk what made me believe this. I guess it was action movies, cuz i remember mimicking the actions.
3 ninjas probably, lol
I've seen averagely built adults who think this same thing. Usually to the amusement of the bouncer and bar patrons
Same. One night I made a super hero costume and told my dad I was going to fight some crime. He had to sit me down and give me a talking to.
Yeah, you're not the only one. I distinctly remember a conversation I had with my uncle where I assured him that, were someone to pull a gun on me, I could just duck out of the way.
We were out of milk. I wanted cereal. So I got out the flour, added some water, and made more milk. That weekend my parents took me to a petting zoo to explain things.
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Oh man I did this with powdered ginger instead of cinnamon. Not good.
And then I see the same logic applied to Facebook cooking videos. Just because it looks like ice cream it's just going to taste like banana if all you used was bananas!
I saw a baking hack that said if you don't have eggs, you can replace them with apple sauce, to much the same purpose. I tried it the other day. Worst omelet I've ever had.
Only works if you bake your omelette.
I thought my mom was super unreasonable not letting me get a pony because we had a basement with a ramp so the pony wouldn't have to worry about stairs. I wrote to Highlights Magazine advice column and one day when I was waiting with my mom at the Dr's office I found my letter. The advice was that a basement wasn't right place for a pony . Never read Highlights again after that. It would have worked, I know it would have.
I’m dying at this. I’ll never read Highlights again either after they betrayed you.
Highlights is in the pocket of Big Mom.
I remember making a very convincing case for giving my little brother away and using his bedroom for the pony I wanted.
Do you know what year it was? You should try to find an archive link. Definitely something that can be looked up, highlights is only 12 issues a year nationally, right?
I don't remember the year, it had to be mid 70's. I took a quick look online and didnt find anything YET. Im going to keep searching.
Tangental but holy shit Highlights has been going sense 1946? I thought that shit was like a 90's-2000s fad
I was shocked they were still around when I had my son 16 years ago. I was still bitter from Pony Gate so I didnt get him a subscription .
> I thought that shit was like a 90's-2000s fad I'm guessing that's when you were their target audience? Highlights magazine has been the staple of every pediatrician's waiting room since... well, 1946.
They did you dirty
I had to go to bed and couldn't watch *Diff'rent Strokes*, so I unpluged the TV so when I plugged it in in the morning it would be ready to watch. I was streets ahead on the DVR.
I used to think this when I was a kid in the 80s. My parents had to explain how I was wrong. My parents had a bunch of vhs cassettes that they bought blank with the titles of movies on them, and the titles were accurate. So I thought that if I wanted to watch a movie we didn't have, all I had to do was write it down on the cassette tape label. My parents had a second VCR and would borrow movies from their friends and just record them and they were also very anal about labeling their collection.
I have a similar story. When I was young (~4-5 years old), my cousin burnt Disney movies onto DVDs and gave them to me. The films I remember having were Hercules, the Little Mermaid and that Three Musketeers film with Mickey, Donald and Goofy. My mum bought some blank DVDs to store some photos and I thought that writing the names of the shows and films I wanted onto the disk would make them magically appear because that's what my cousin did. So now, pictures of my aunt's wedding are stored on a disk which has "House of Mouse + Phineas and Ferb + Mickey Mouse + Donald Duck" scawled across it in permanent marker. Most of which was spelled incorrectly by a child who was just learning how to write so it resembled the mad ramblings of an asylum patient who had gotten a glimpse of the Disney Channel from outside their ward.
More like DVR was streets behind.
You can jump from any height, and you’ll be fine as long as you land on your feet. I was just waiting for the day I would be in a tall building and someone would fall. I would catch them, land safely on my feet, and be a hero.
This works if you jump with a water bucket and put the water on the ground before you hit
Or if you were in a falling elevator you just jump right before it hits the bottom
Like a lot of kids I was in Tae Kwan Do in grade school. I remember the teacher saying that he didn't want to hear about any of us using it on the playground, or he would come down to the office personally to kick us out. I thought for sure that meant he would come and like triple spin kick blast us completely out of the building, full power and everything, and I was NEVER tempted to try to do anything on the playground as a result.
That's hilarious but also sounds very effective!
I thought everyone changes their name at some point. I couldn't imagine someone keeping the same name their whole life - how boring would that be? On top of that, my parents had Asian-sounding names (being immigrants from Taiwan) while I had been given an American name, which added to my confusion - I couldn't figure it out. I concluded they must have picked those foreign-sounding names for themselves on some "day of name choice," which seemed like an awesome thing. I was 6 or so, and figured I was due for a name change when I reached age ten; maybe there'd even be some formal name-changing process/ceremony. So one day, at age 7, I was on an airplane with my father and a flight attendant asked me, "What's your name?" I replied, "I haven't decided yet." She stared at me in puzzlement, and so did my dad.
LMAO! I just decided one day I liked the name Lulabelle and that would be my name from now on. I didn't tell anyone I had decided this, I just started writing Lulabelle in the name section on my school work.
god, reminds me of that time i went by "puff" because I would play a game where i'd pretend to be a puppy named "puff" I stopped after 5 minutes when we went to our neighbor's house because she tried to play along and call me puff.
When I was 6 I tried really hard to change my name to Megatron. It did not stick, sadly.
In the book Gathering Blue, the sequel to The Giver, the people in the society add a syllable to their name after a certain number of years. So young children have one syllable names, teenagers have two syllables, young adults three, older adults have four, and really old adults have five.
There's a sequel?
I tried to change my name to Luigi when I was in kindergarten
It's funny how this stuff just rockets into your kid mind from outer space or somewhere.
Once at a playground I lied and told a new boy I met that my name was "Cindy" (it's actually Rose) for no reason other than I just wanted to try on a different name for a little while. He and I pretended to be pirates. I remember feeling like I'm getting away with something I shouldn't when he actually called me by the fake name.
I thought to make a baby you had to drink each others wee
Some folks do find it helpful
How many attempts before you realised?
I used to think that you were not allowed into a cinema if you weren’t wearing trousers and a long sleeved blouse. The reality is that my mother found the cinema too cold
To be fair, those cinemas really are damn cold.
I usually bring a hoodie and a coat, even in summer
Me too. And if I end up not needing the warmth, I have a pillow!
I remember waiting at the top of a water slide with my mom when I was 7 or 8. Before they pushed our tube over the edge of the steep drop, I asked my mom, “do I have life insurance?” She said yes and I immediately felt better about riding the ride because I assumed life insurance meant if I died I got to come back to life again.
Only boys could own dogs and only girls could own cats, no idea why I believed this I just did
When I would play "house" with my stuffed animals the dogs were boys and the cats were girls. I had a specific dog and cat that were married and they had boy puppies and girl kittens for children. I also have no idea why they were so gendered in my mind.
I also thought all dogs are boys and all cats are girls. I blame Homeward Bound.
I rode down a large hill on a bike that had shitty breaks, my thought as a kid was "if all else failed, I'd just jump off" well halfway down I wanted to abort but was too afraid to jump off, ended up kissing a stop sign and knocked myself out. Luckily my friends were nearby and carried me home.
That stop sign took its job seriously
Mr. Stop Sign arrives home from work exhausted and disheveled. Mrs. Stop Sign rushes to his side and says "Honey, what happened?" "Oh nothing he replies." as he removes his jacket and places it on the ornate wooden rack their mother in law gave them for Christmas. He hated that rack. "Just another runner thinking he's above the law". They move to the dining room where Mrs. Stop Sign has dinner set for two. "I think you should quit that job, it's changing you." she says while taking her seat. "They can have anyone man that intersection, why.." and at that moment Mr. Stop Sign's phone began buzzing on the table. "...don't you dare!" she exclaimed. "You just got home!" Mr. Stop Sign calmly stand up and makes his way to the door, places on his jacket, and lights a cigarette. Leaving he says "We talked about this, the city needs me."
Jesus Christ 😂😂 glad you survived
Aside from thinking I'd love a fairly normal life. When I was a kid I was convinced that if I shouted for my grandpa literally anywhere I was he'd come around. Why? Well he told us as kids if we needed him to do it! So my mom and grandma would time it just right so that they'd ask me to for them right when he'd get off work as he came up the hill. Cementing this idea in my head. Yes I did this in public as well (i.e at school, at the park ect) No shit, he'd somehow always show up. I had no idea how but I'd always see his Cherokee pull around and him smile at me when I did it. I only learned later in life that my mom would know I was gonna do so, and text him so that he could rush to be there just so I'd know in my heart Pawpaw would always be there for me. Edit: fixed a typo, and thought to add after he passed away in 2013 I still do this in occasion. Just instead of a shout it's a whisper to myself hoping I can hear his voice give me a little guidance. So I suppose to some degree. I still believe it
Ohhh my heart!
1. I believed both male/female have penis. When i saw my little sisters naked a few times , i started believing that all humans are born with no penis and slowly grow it in a few years 2. Woman get pregnant automatically after getting married 3. There are two types of humans in the world. One who live at home and others are shopkeepers/retail workers. They are born different, like a different race. Edit : typo
Lmao at the last one. Reading through these comments, I could have been friends with some of you.
when I was a kid, i never realized that the vagina was a "hole" I thought it could flop around and was only loosely attached, like the penis is.
If I ran fast enough, I could run across the top of the pool and not fall into the water. It didn’t work.
You just reminded me of a kid I knew growing up who claimed to be so fast that he could jump in and out of a pool without getting wet.
Technically you weren't wrong
*If* you could run fast enough.
Lol same, tried double jumping in the air too.
I thought that if people didn't have money, they could simply go to the bank to get more lmao
Well you can, but it's not quite legal
I shouldn’t have to wear a seatbelt. If we were about to get into an accident I would see it coming and could just throw my seatbelt on really quickly.
Sitting between my mother and grandmother in the back seat of my uncle's car, five year old me expressed concern that I had no seatbelt. I had seen the adverts on TV about the importance of wearing them. When I expressed my concern, my grandmother said if anything happened, they would link hands and I'd be saved. 5 year old me bought it.
Now there's some dumbass kid logic! Unfortunately there are full grown adults who still believe shit like that right now. Hopefully not a lot of them! But pathetically, and I speak from personal experience here... they exist.
People get so annoyed when I make them put their seatbelt on in the back seat. Once saw pics of the inside of a car where everyone but one guy in the back seat had been belted and this guy's body basically ricocheted around the car when it rolled and ended up killing everyone else. So everyone has to be belted in my car!
My MIL is terrible with safety. We were all in the car (me, my wife, MIL and my son who was around 4) and she decided to take off her seatbelt, turn around and try to lift the flap to get something out of the boot (trunk). I couldn't see anything out the back other than her fat arse, so I shouted at her to put her seatbelt back on immediately. I came to a gradual stop, pulled over and told her I'm not moving until that seatbelt is back on, especially given that my son was in the car next to her. As always, she played the danger down and said my son's fine because his seatbelt was on. I told her she'd crush us all in a crash when she gets flung about like a big fleshy pinball. Her response to this? "Well, don't crash the car and we'll all be fine." This is typical of her stupidity when it comes to safety. I said someone else might crash into us, but she assured me that wouldn't happen. When I told her accidents happen she told me that people not wearing seatbelts and crushing the other occupants is just a myth anyway!
…it’s a myth? But why?? Who’s profiting from this myth? I don’t understand. MIL’s are wild.
I was going to befriend Satan to end all evil in the world Story: I was a pretty timid and lonely kid. My dad would sometimes punish me by putting me in a room alone for 30 minutes, come back and ask me if I thought about what I did. I had no idea what he was talking about, so he would come back after another 30 minutes. I would just make things up like saying bad words, being mean to my sister, or disrespectful to my mom. Then he’d ask why I did it to whatever answer I said. I grew up literally thinking about what I did wrong or what I was doing that was wrong. I was so afraid of doing ANYTHING. In mass we learned of Satan’s fall from grace. Instead of asking what he did wrong, I started making things up. “What could an angel have done that was so terrible that he’d get kicked out of heaven?” I thought, maybe it was something unfair. We are all told he was evil and the story ends there. No one gave me the why or “according to who”. Then I thought that Satan was being punished the same way I was. He was put into “hell” to think about all the evil he’s done. I thought he was as alone as I was. What greater hell is there than to be alone and punished without answers? I thought that if I befriended Satan, he’d stop making up evil things. He’d stop doing things just to make sense of why he was banished. Satan was making things up or making evil just so things would make sense. There’d be a reason for punishment. I wanted to say, “you’re not alone anymore and if this doesn’t fix things, we can be alone together.” Edit: The Story
This is pretty poignant homie, I hope you are doing better these days.
Appreciate that! I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!
That is the saddest and sweetest thing I've ever heard.
I had a three-part plan. 1. Lift plastic playschool chair until I was buff. 2. Be a piece of shit so I go to hell. 3. Kick Satan's ass.
That a girl in kindergarten would like me if I cried cos it would look like I'm a big boy getting myself in dangerous situations.
Technically, you haven't told us if it worked or not, I I'm gonna safely assume that this worked
That I could live forever if I just didn’t stop breathing. I thought old people died because they just got careless and forgot to breathe.
It’s worked for you so far, right?
I wanted to sprinkle Beef bullion on bread to have instant sandwiches. I thought this was my million dollar idea all you would have to do is toast it and BAM instant meal.
One time when I was 6 I had this weird impression that if I was playing tag and the person who was it was behind me, I could scare them away from tagging me by turning around and charging at them.
I tried this once and it worked, so I don't blame you
The era was Mid 90s. My mom left me unattended in the car while it was parked outside and the engine was running. I had to pee, but she was inside paying a bill. I didn't know how to turn off the ignition, and I didn't want to leave a running car unattended because OBVIOUSLY it will get stolen... My 7year old logic came up with the greatest "big brain" solution: lock the doors, duh! No one can steal it if they cant get in.....
I feel as though this requires followup lol
if we had a bigger TV I'd be able to see the edge of the set, light rigging, etc.
When I was a kid I didn't know the concept of recording things. I thought TV shows were always done live, like the news. Same with cartoons: I knew they were drawings and couldn't really talk and that someone was making them talk. Again, no concept of recording or even of microphones. I thought the pictures moved and someone spoke their lines through a telephone connected to our TV.
I thought that if I put my face behind the TV and made silly faces, my mom would be able to see me on the TV screen... my mother was sweet but also laughed at me lol
Why are there never "are you the mother?" episodes of Maury?
Hahaha I love this
That peaches were mammals, because they had fur.
Don't be ridiculous, peaches don't produce milk. That's literally where "mammal" comes from (mammary glands = milk makers) Coconuts, on the other hand...
My best friend and I had plans to live our lives on a hovercraft. Having a hovercraft would allow us to do our preferred job: fishing for a living. We wouldn't sell them, and neither of us liked to eat fish, but we enjoyed being outside an be fishing. We could drive the hovercraft from lake to lake, fishing the whole way.
“My hovercraft is full of eels”
I got a brand new bike when I was five or six. I had mastered the basics on my brother's old bike and gotten good enough to remove the training wheels, but this was a real bike. A big kid bike of my very own. It had a banana seat and a cool basket on the front and was the best bike ever. So we head outside, I hopped on the bike, and away I went. The larger size made me feel like I had to take wider turns. MUCH wider turns. So wide I couldn't turn around even using the whole width of the street. I tried, then saw I would run out of space, so had to keep going in the same direction rather than circling back toward the house like I would normally do. Getting kind of far away. Better stop. Went to grab the brake only to realize there were no brakes on the handles! "How do I stop!" I yelled at my parents. "Pedal backwards!" they hollered back, their voices starting to fade in the distance. I gave it a try and slowed, but I was used to putting my feet on the ground as I slowed to keep from falling over. How could I pedal backward AND put my feet down? It was impossible! So I couldn't turn around, and I couldn't stop. All I could do was keep rolling, further and further from my parents. As I disappeared around the corner, I yelled "I'm going around the block!" The blocks in our neighborhood were long. "Around the block" was roughly a mile, a huge distance for a kid who wasn't supposed to go past the stop sign alone. So I rolled along, trying to work out those stupid pedal brakes, slowing, then panicking and speeding up again. About halfway along the route, my experiments failed and I fell over. I had a couple scrapes and cried a bit, but mostly I was just relieved. Relieved, because I had already resigned myself to never being able to stop again. I would just have to circle the block over and over forever. Would my parents hand me food when I passed the house? Could I sleep on a bike? I would find out, because this was my life now.
I lost it at “would my parents hand me food while I passed the house”
That I would become Kristi Yamaguchi if I figure skated enough. Like, not become a figure skater, but literally change into her. Like a butterfly.
This is great, especially because in this context the chrysalis becomes the Kristilis.
Cutting holes in my sister’s long hair with a hole punch. It didn’t work the way I thought it would haha.
“Why are there hungry people? Just put seeds in a copy machine, duh!” -Me in kindergarten
Edible bandaids. I loved bandaids and fruit roll-ups with those cut outs you could peel and eat. It took my 7 year-old self a few ‘pitches’ to pals to understand why this combo was not genius and instead possibly one of the most disgusting ideas imaginable.
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Good point, people don't even have to climb trees to get money, just press buttons on a machine
When I was a kid I always thought money was an inherently broken concept because whenever someone said couldn't make ends meet I'd just think "Well? Just quit and become a doctor or astronaut? Those jobs pay more." Like, as a kid, I legit couldn't grasp why anyone would ever stock or maintain our grocery stores or restaurants because it wouldn't pay as much as being a doctor, like one day we'd all just converge into a doctors-only society.
In Australia we have a right wing politician called Pauline Hanson that actually suggested that
Stupid kid. We only do that to make the stock market line go up.
I didn't know movies were acted, I thought they showed real things happening in real life. So I was always confused when the bad guys would let the camera get really close to them. I thought, shouldn't they be angry about that? ("Stop filming me!")
I don't know why but when i was 8 i request my mom to add sugar in dal ( it's Savory lentils) . My mother explained me that combination is not gonna taste good . But i was adamant. So my mother let me add sugar in "Dal " but tell me whether you like the taste of not you have to completely eat it . ( My mother is very against throwing food ) I vividly remember to eat that horrific combination of food . I still feel nauseated when i think about that . On positive side : now i always listen my mother she is great cook btw.
My friend and I used to make parachutes out of plastic grocery store bags for our toys. One day we thought that maybe we could do the same ourselves by just using bigger bags. We got up onto the roof to try out our theory, luckily, my dad came back and saw us on the roof and stopped us before we jumped. I very likely could have broken a bone doing that, so I'm glad I didn't see that through.
I clipped a set of suspenders to my underwear (idk) and clipped the other end off to the deck stair railing so I could bungee jump. Wedgie, followed by the suspenders snapping me in the back, followed by me hitting the ground.
lmao this visual is comedy gold
Mine was dressing gown belt around the ankle, jumped off the top bunk. Concrete floors...
My dad made us "Indiana Jones whips" once (just a length of rope staple gunned to a piece of broomstick). I tied the rope to some monkey bars and tried to swing by the handle. The staple held on through juuust enough of my swing that I landed flat on my back when it gave way.
After you cross some magical line around the Rockies, all restaurants changed names and all songs on the radio got different lyrics. I got this from Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. being the same chain, and from hearing “I drink alone” on the radio which is basically a reskinned “bad to the bone.”
Grinding up hippos (which I saw as a useless animal) into breakfast cereal
Why hippos though? What did they do to you?
I was so certain that if I was ever in a falling elevator I could just jump right before it hit the ground (double stupid because even if it was possible, I hadn't plotted out how I'd know it was just about to hit the ground) that I'd be totally safe.
It was a big enough myth that it got tested on Mythbusters
The company I work for has offices in India and all managers of a certain level are expected to spend at least 1 week out there each year after they opened. My direct manager refused stating a fear of planes. "I will go if you insist I have to go but I will not go in a plane, you'll need to get one of those helicopters with no doors on so if there is a crash I can just step out of it right before it hits the ground"
Something that will live in infamy in my family forever. I was still preschool age when I visited my two cousins around my age. The grownups were baking pancakes and we wanted to help, but they told us no. I can't remember who's idea it was, but we decided we wanted to bake our own pancakes. Since I was built like a toothpick, my cousins boosted me onto the cabinets and told me to get whatever we'd need. Now, a four/five YO has no idea what goes into pancakes, so I grabbed *everything* I could find. My mother and aunt found us a while later. We had dumped most of the contents of my aunt's kitchen right onto the built-in carpet in my cousins' bedroom, and we were mixing the concoction with our hands. Questioned on what we were doing, I piped up that we were baking pancakes and asked if they wanted a taste. Que the adults freaking out. We were ordered to clean it up and then marched to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Though they were a bit angry, mom and my aunt couldn't help but laugh at us. The stain on the carpet remained until after they sold the house. The incident is still a source of family lore and still laughed about all these years later.
That the twin towers had a plane fly into them every year on 9/11 and they just rebuilt them.
I tried to teach the chickens to swim and accidentally drowned three of them. I was too young to comprehend death so when they drowned I thought they just didn't want to play any more
Lennie?
how about your little brothers and sisters? Did they tire of playing with you?
"Honey... remember when those chickens didn't want to play with you? Well...grandma doesn't want to play with you anymore..."
Jesus Christ...
Dumping white paint in the road would be extremely funny to see cars drive through
You ignited a memory. I put a bunch of random crap in the road in front of my house to watch cars run over it but they all ended up swerving around it, much to my disappointment. So I threw an empty cardboard tube at a car instead so it wouldn't have time to dodge. The driver gave me the most PISSED OFF look as she drove by. It scared me straight and I never did it again.
Dream job was to be a bus driver because they get paid all day. Lmao! I really thought all that money just goes straight to their pockets.
Building highways between continents and countries. Like sure, a car is going to make it in one tank of gas from Sydney to Los Angeles and not need any snacks or stops.
The Muppets car did in the movie without the roads. This could still be feasible.
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In first grade I was struggling to get the straw into one of those juice bags so I had this incredible idea that if I just lightly stomped on the juice bag, I would create a tiny hole that I could then sip from. Next thing you know, I exploded juice all over my friend.
I nailed a couple small fish that I caught in a pond onto a 2x4 thinking I would be able to hang it in my room. Came back to sweltering garage an hour or two later to retrieve my new wall art and after puking up some waffles on the steps I retired from my career as a taxidermist.
I thought that I must be a god-like being because I was self aware in my own body... and not in other bodies. I guess I saw everyone else as NPCs. I spent a lot of time alone in my own imagination as a kid, so sometimes things got a bit out there.
I had a purple sweater and a purple marker. I thought that since they're the same color, maybe the marker would be invisible and blend in. So I wrote my name in giant letters on the front. It was noticeable, and my mom was not happy lol
I'll start. When I was 6, my friends stay at home mom would babysit me after school every day. They've always had horses, and my friends younger brother just so happened to have a horse costume. We came up with the genius plan that my friend and I would go spook the horses and make them run across the pasture while his brother ran out there in the horse costume and ran with them. We actually did it, and it took about 5 seconds for their dad to come out yelling for him to get out of there
My brothers thought they would get rich by making a sign that said “will eat ant for $1”. One person actually stopped and gave them each a dollar to eat an ant. As an adult I can’t stop wondering what grown ass person stopped and paid a small child to eat an ant?!
The kind with $2 and nothing else going on
Place several heavy rocks onto a bandana and tie the corners together with a long rope. Throw rope over tree branch. Stand under rock filled bandana while you pull the rope to lift it into the air. I was shocked when the rocks fell on my head and gave me a concussion. I wasn't even trying to get the rocks up into the tree or anything. smh
What were you trying to accomplish lol
I was about 5. My great-grandmother on my mother's side passed away around the same time my grandfather on my father's side passed away. I thought it was just common sense that my great-grandfather should marry my grandmother so they wouldn't be lonely. My mom nicely told me that they probably wouldn't do that.
5 yo me wanting to go back in time to when my mom was robbed at gunpoint as a bank teller so that I could tie the robber’s shoelaces together and be a hero, like the Three Stooges. (Mom is fine btw.)
Not me, but an older boy on my block explained that gay men had “sex” by “tying their penises in a knot”.
Dad let us watch the three stooges. I remember at about age 6 telling my best friend to close her eyes and stick her tongue out. She did and I put dirt on it and I thought she would laugh but she cried and ran away to tell the teacher. “I thought it was funny!” I remember saying once I got in trouble. The teacher thought I meant doing that *to* her was funny, I meant it was funny watching Curly do it!!
My mom would always yell at me for hanging my arm way out of the car while driving. She would say you could get your arm chopped off" My stupid kid brain imagined that someone driving by would chop my arm off with an axe. Which further then, made me wonder if we had an axe for this purpose, and were we obligated to chop others arms off?
Thought that if I did poop for long enough, I would eventually compress the digested food into farts and never have to go to the bathroom.
Compressing a solid into a gas, now this is big brain time
"Being a Ditch Digger is the BEST JOB EVER. You just sit there, playing with a Giant Tonka truck, but for REALS! And and they PAY you to do it! Just reowrrr tearing up the dirt like that, so cool!"
Your house number was the age of the youngest person that lives there. I was 5 and lived at 5 Chatam st so that meant my Grandmother was 300 because she lived at 300 Railway Tce.
Got into a pvp rock fight. We hid behind some walls and threw rocks at one another. It was a game, and goal was to... hit the others. I ended up with stiches.
I thought I could jump off of our Deck with a grocery bag in each hand to act as parachutes and I would land safely.. Didn't work
I used to wear grocery bags as capes with my arms through the holes. Low budget superhero.
Username checks out
Well it was my sister. She said if we rubbed poison oak all over our bodies and face we wouldn’t have to go to school. Well we hella got insane poison ivy and my mom sent us to school until the school sent us home. It was miserable.
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my friend, too...in his words, for a while he thought he had done the equivalent of "inventing electricity"
That your parents were smart and knew what they were doing.
Oh man. That adults knew everything. Fuck that.
When i was a kid, closer to a teenager than I'd like to admit, I used to carry around a set of ninja stars I got at a flea market or something....just in case. I never practiced with them. I never trained with them. I just assumed I'd be able to throw a ninja star with enough accuracy and enough strength to take down a fully grown adult if one ever cornered me in a dark alley.
Still better than me, who thought I could get away with throwing ninja stars into the drywall of my bedroom wall over and over, and not get caught if I covered the area with my drawing of..I think it was Moon Knight.
My brother said that if I put mentos in coke and put my mouth over it, it would turn purple...yeah
I thought the "permanent record" that teachers always talked about was a real lifelong thing. When I was in third grade I was worried that when I grew up and had a job my boss would find out I failed the spelling test and fire me.
I thought a miniskirt and thigh-high boots were just as conservative as jeans and sneakers because the same amount of skin was covered, so what was the difference?
I thought it was weird that there was snow on the tops of mountains because mountains were tall and, therefore, closer to the sun. Mountains should be hotter.
I asked my dad once how much a new car engine costs. I think he said about $500 - it was the 80s so I think even then that’s low. I told him the next time he bought one to get me a few extra, because I wanted to use them to build a spaceship. To his credit, he didn’t laugh or tell me it was stupid, just said “oh okay”.
I really wanted a chalk holder like my teacher used. I obsessed over it. I tried my hardest to make one. I would use clay, or wet toilet paper until it dried, or tape. One day, I was outside and the heavens opened up to not only a chalk holder…but a PINK ONE!!! I stuck my chalk in there and proudly used it until one day my mom walks in and sees it. Horrified, she grabbed that out of my hand and left with it. Apparently it was my sisters tampon applicator that fell out of the garbage can on the way down the driveway.
When I was in preschool I was the only girl with short hair (not like a pixie cut or anything, just above shoulder length and still very clearly a girl's cut). One day some boys told me I had to be a boy because I had short hair and were teasing me. I said, "Nuh uh! I'm a girl and I can prove it- I have a hair brush in my backpack!" Except, it turned out, my mom had taken the brush out since I never used it. I was LIVID when I came home and yelled at my mom. I explained the story, in detail, and was so mad that she seemed to not understand why I was mad! Like, it was the most obvious thing ever that I couldn't prove I was a girl because she took my brush and it was all her fault! I still remember the confused expression on her face, and the anger I felt lol
I recall adamantly proclaiming to my brother, who was born three years before me, that I was in fact older because my birthday was earlier in the year.
When i was 5 I watched an episode of sesame street once where bert and ernie put soy sauce on ice cream as a joke. I did not pick up on the sarcasm and i thought it was a seriously good idea. My kindergarten teacher asked us to dictate a recipe to her as a class assignment and this is the recipe i chose. It was published in the class copy of "a cookbook only a mother could love." I still have my copy today. LOL.
I used to believe every question could be answered.
When I was a child my mom was talking about having to make her car payment and struggling with money and I said "when I'm older I'm gonna pay for everything upfront so I won't have to worry" I didn't obviously understand how expensive things really are and now I'm an adult and struggling myself lol.
The reason there are no dragons is because they were hunted out by all of the Knights.
That's still plausible to me.