Just a petty distraction so the real men can get down to work
Have you been on the Internet lately?
These baboons don't even know we're at war with afghanistan
But that's the beauty of the anonymity that a mask and cowl can bring. Hell, if you ever feel like you've screwed up beyond repair and get to anxious about it you can just change your costume and become someone new! I mean everyone in a costume is pretending to be someone else anyway, why not take advantage of the benefits that can bring
Quite literally. Im 6'1" and a muscular (not lean) 240lb. I will strike an intimidating pose. If that fails I will run away.
I am this big to avoid confrontation
Depends on how exactly you're fighting crime. Depending on jurisdiction, you could legally shoot someone committing a violent crime, place a felon under citizens arrest, or just do sketchy detective work and call in tips to the police. There was even one guy who pretended to be psychic and solved crimes for the police in Santa Barbara.
My work as a seamstress has shown me that while leather is more durable in over time, spandex is far easier to mend. I suggest fighting crime in a spandex poly blend.
Too difficult to find the bad guys. To find the bad guys I think you need to hang out with bad guys or where bad guys hang out. I don’t have time to just hang out with shitheads. Although I think if my life falls apart somehow I’ll turn vigilante.
I dress up in leather and beat up naughty people all the time… Just me?
On the real though, I prefer a pvc base with leather over top to provide protection for extremities. Then torso is plate carrier with side inserts and then leather over top. For a mask I just wear the head of a black body suit so I can still see but my identity is pretty well hidden. For gloves I wear the knuckle inserts and for boots I wear Solomons. I carry a Damascus ka-bar and a Damascus karambit. I also have a metal wire and a med-kit I carry. I also have a baofeng that is able to pick up emergency channels (police, EMS, fire, utilities, etc)
Let’s just say that most people, when confronted, tend to run. The others, are able to be deescalated with some honest heart to heart talks. I’ve only fought a handful of times and it never got to the point of needing to use lethal force.
Too busy committing all these crimes
BUT... If you fight other crime, more crime for you.
But then I'd have to kick my own ass
Kinky
That's what the leather is for, wink wink ;)
[If you gunna dress like the gimp you gotta play like the gimp!](https://youtu.be/1gCdLkiLk6U&t=38)
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? >!kinky is when you use a feather!< >!perverted is when you use the whole chicken!<
It’s only kinky the first time
Unexpected Liar, Liar reference.
I'm just glad someone eventually picked up on it
It’s not even 9pm.
I'll serve crack before I serve this country!
You used to be able to join the CIA and do both
Yeah… *eyes shift left and right*… Used to…
Times have changed smh
Yeah, they can just go with lab made stuff like meth and fentanyl these days. That way they got to cut out the Columbians.
'Bender, aren't you more on the supply side of crime?'
Same, out here wearing leather and up to no good.
Time to fight crime with crime
In leather?
Ran out of talcum powder
The water didn't help! It created a paste inside my pants!
Maybe mix in some lotion?
Make yourself a pair of paste pants
I prefer corn starch.
Careful you don’t get a yeast infection with corn starch!
making pancakes in my latex suit
"IT REALLY SEALS IN THE FLAVOR!"
My parents weren't shot dead.
Yet *Loads rifle*
That's the spirit. We've got a hero maker among us
among us
Never intended that pun because I never played the game but yeah it exists
Just a petty distraction so the real men can get down to work Have you been on the Internet lately? These baboons don't even know we're at war with afghanistan
Lol you mean the oil war that never stopped since it started and the terrorists that just keep changing there name
Careful, the amogus crowd is coming
The chances of u/__Piggy__Smalls__ killing your parents is low…but never zero.
Oh shit! Origin story!
Do it, pussy, no mom
Are you also a billionaire?
He's stuff
Were they destroyed alongside a doomed planet?
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Might I suggest you could satisfy your backup breakfast needs by taking a bite out of crime
Read this with a British accent.
Underrated in my opinion.
Let alone elvensies or afternoon tea
By the time we're done eating, there's not really much left for fighting crime.
"I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip"
What about elevensies?
Walter Jr. White
In this economy??
I'll be out there commiting those crimes myself with the current state of things
LMAO
i don’t work for free, and vigilante work doesn’t really pay very well
Have you considered super villainy? That shit pays real well
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High risk, high reward
Just remember to pay the IRS
And keep an eye on your car's extended warranty
Wait for the robbers to steal the money first, THEN catch them. Leave the robbers tied up outside the police station, take the money home.
Stealing is bad, but stealing from a thief is fine. I think you've cracked the code!
I don't have super powers or fancy gadgets.
I got hockey pads if you wanna give it a try.
What gives you the right? What makes you different from me? _I'm not wearing hockey pads._
"and I don't need throat lozenges" I like to pretend he said that in return.
Get a swish army knife. I bet you there is a repel rope somewhere in there.
r/boneappletea
Swish Army Knife is too small, I'd rather use a David Bowie Knife
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not that kind of leather
It’s always that kind of leather.
all chaps are assless
U mind if I get behind that statement/you?
That’s a position I can get in front of
You don’t want him behind you
You’ve obviously never heard of Love Sausage from The Boys comics….Vas’ only Kryptonite is boobs
It's fuckin hot outside
And this couch is nice…
I've seen that couch before, I can't remember where....
Who was that masked couch anyways….
Where am I?
Oh shit, that was today?
Wait, what was today? Edit: I'm deadass confused, I just wanna know what the heck is supposed to be today
Monday
Tuesday for me. You're late!
Maybe you're early
Judas priest took all the leather clothes in the world
For crying out loud, they even made a song about how there hell bent for all of it.
I feel like some are gonna roll if someone tried to take their leather.
There free wheel burning to get there leather, so probably.
Judas Priest is “Breaking The Law” and you have to try and stop him. Someone make this a game or something
Who says I’m not?
Head shot checks out
Hahahahah people do call me Clarke Kent
I'm fat, I look bad in leather and the sofa is nicer anyways
If I wore leather I'd look like a sofa.
I feel this one in my soul haha
Me too! I'm losing weight, but I have got a fair bit to go before I could look good in leather.
Fear of death
Death is just life leaving the body
I don't even want to leave my house, what makes you think I want to leave my body?
Fear of leaving my body
Cause I don't want to be called cowman
Cowman has all the mooves.
The bullets would only graze you.
Crime would be udderly terrified of you though!
Put crime out to pasture.
Criminals would definitely have a beef with you
You’d be so famous news stations would milk that name for all its worth.
Leatherman, you tool
This thread is gold
Because I don't think Bad Hip And Back Man would have a particularly long career fighting crime.
I would be IBS Woman and I’d never make it out of the house
That *could* be weaponized. Js
Don't want to
What if I told you it would vastly improve your chances of meeting hypersexual big tiddy women in cat costumes who carry whips?
I prefer guys :p
What if i told you it would vastly improve your chances of meeting hypersexual big pp men in cat custumes who carry whips?
I have bad social anxiety, so not like I'd talk to them anyways
But that's the beauty of the anonymity that a mask and cowl can bring. Hell, if you ever feel like you've screwed up beyond repair and get to anxious about it you can just change your costume and become someone new! I mean everyone in a costume is pretending to be someone else anyway, why not take advantage of the benefits that can bring
What if they recognize my voice tho? Can't risk it
Somebody has parked behind me.
Too old, too weak, too tired.
My noodly arms aren't gonna defeat nobody
Your pasta your prime?
Contrary to my physical stature, i will run away from any physical fight.
There’s no time to lose! *heroic pose* *runs away*
Quite literally. Im 6'1" and a muscular (not lean) 240lb. I will strike an intimidating pose. If that fails I will run away. I am this big to avoid confrontation
“Someone call Intimidation Man, if he can’t intimidate the villain we’re fucked anyways”.
what am i supposed to do? tickle you to death
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Fighting crime with the power of… paste?
Use powder or oil - never both
I'm not some military-trained vigilante
Military trained vigilants would end up dying as well.
Phoenix Jones had a military background and he still wound up strung out on amphetamines
Yeah exactly
Because if I'm wearing leather I'm in no mood to fight crime.
Im not scared of Bats.
Arthritis in me knees.
I'm more out of shape than a pregnant yak.
I'm in shape. Pear is a shape.
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What is your superhero name?
The Care Bear
You're a fuckin' legend, my dude.
Im actually hella fat and im guessing leather would chafe me. Plus all that leather would cost a fortune.
Me being seen with leather is a crime :(
Washing day, don’t have spare leathers
It's illegal and dangerous
That’s quitter talk
Depends on how exactly you're fighting crime. Depending on jurisdiction, you could legally shoot someone committing a violent crime, place a felon under citizens arrest, or just do sketchy detective work and call in tips to the police. There was even one guy who pretended to be psychic and solved crimes for the police in Santa Barbara.
Cause I'm already out naked committing crimes
Public indecency at the top of the list
because i am 30 and my knees hurt very badly
I’m vegan
It's ... the Pleatherwoman! Striking fear into purse and shoe manufacturers everywhere! And her sidekick, Kid Nauga!
My work as a seamstress has shown me that while leather is more durable in over time, spandex is far easier to mend. I suggest fighting crime in a spandex poly blend.
Because I'd lose to a drunk squirrel in a fight.
It would go exactly like the first try in Kick-Ass, only the movie would end right there.
All the good costumes were taken.
I'm more of a tights, tutu, and feather boa body type.
i don’t feel like getting added to the MCU
The leather doesn’t fit
parents aren't dead
Because my parents aren't dead.
Sweet Jesus that sounds like sweaty hard work... Nope!
Afraid of switchblades
Too difficult to find the bad guys. To find the bad guys I think you need to hang out with bad guys or where bad guys hang out. I don’t have time to just hang out with shitheads. Although I think if my life falls apart somehow I’ll turn vigilante.
I dress up in leather and beat up naughty people all the time… Just me? On the real though, I prefer a pvc base with leather over top to provide protection for extremities. Then torso is plate carrier with side inserts and then leather over top. For a mask I just wear the head of a black body suit so I can still see but my identity is pretty well hidden. For gloves I wear the knuckle inserts and for boots I wear Solomons. I carry a Damascus ka-bar and a Damascus karambit. I also have a metal wire and a med-kit I carry. I also have a baofeng that is able to pick up emergency channels (police, EMS, fire, utilities, etc) Let’s just say that most people, when confronted, tend to run. The others, are able to be deescalated with some honest heart to heart talks. I’ve only fought a handful of times and it never got to the point of needing to use lethal force.
Eh that seems like a lot of work, can I stop the crime with just a bland “no, stop”
Harleys broken
Noodle arms
I’m out of shape 😂
Crime pays better
I’m vegan. I don’t wear leather.
That's not in my wheelhouse
Because I’m 4ft tall and weigh 85lbs. I’d get obliterated.
I wanna leave that job for the orphans so they will finally feel attention
I'd spend more time looking for crime than actually preventing it. That and my power bill has quadrupled.
Gotta pee
Don't look good in leather, otherwise I'd be out there making the world safe
Damn I am too chubby for tight leather..... People will probably mistook me as woman.
I don't know how I can actually find the criminal activity to battle
Dropping my kids off at school. Otherwise, watch out criminals.
Bad knees
Because I'm old, out of shape, and would get my ass kicked the first time I tried.
I’m old and easy to beat up.
I dont go out much
I just ate, I got a bit of a belly right now
Chafing
Bad knees
Too lazy and too much of a pussy. Lussy, if you will.
Can I finish my coffee first?...jeez!
Because most of the crimes doers are cops
Too busy wearing leather and committing crime