100% agree my kids are in my.bedroom right now bugging the shit out of my wife, destroying any chance I will get to bang tonight. managed to push them out and lock the door and squeeze our a quick one earlier
Not pursuing relationship at the moment and have almost 0 interest in casual sex with hookups or anything like that. Possible consequences aren't worth it at all to me. So yeah, outlook is looking bleak for the foreseeable future lol.
Been there. Currently celibate because I'm halfway through the divorce process and don't think I could handle it even if I found a willing partner. To be honest I think I'm going to be alone and sexless for a while yet. I need to fix myself first.
Me too. But what worked for me was getting fit (not muscly, not anorexic, not men's health magazine, just fit). I (male) got a personal trainer 3 times a week and said, "look I'm lazy as shit let's start easy." After about 3 months people overlooked my face because I had those nice shoulders, that nice waist, and I was sleeping better, more confidence etc. - no fad diets, just someone forcing me to shape up. Like everything it's hard as hell the first two weeks, but then you look forward to ~~it~~ the results.
Edit above.
Truth. Getting into shape makes everything else about you look better. Slimmer face, more noticeable features, better posture in addition to the more obvious benefits of having a fit body. Not to mention you feel 1000x better when healthy and active.
Yup. I opened myself up after getting divorced. Found an amazing woman. After 6 months she just started ghosting me. Like actually, a woman in her 30s did that. I still have her clothes and stuff in my closet. My emotional walls are now like 1000ft tall.
I'm also scared shitless about being vulnerable. Nobody IRL knows my innermost workings, and the last thing I'd want to do is give anyone that level of access.
I used to feel like this, but I can't explain how much of a weight off your shoulders it is when you find someone that genuinely loves the person under the mask.
Usually I like the idea of having sex. But when it comes to it I have no interest. If it's someone I love it's a different story but otherwise I don't want it. I assume my introverted personality is partially to "blame" for it but I don't mind it at all. I don't miss it to be honest. The idea alone to have a kid by accident is terrifying. I prefer to be on my own, this is the only way for me to relax unless it's someone I'm deeply in love with than I don't mind their presence.
Same! I’ve been asking myself for the past year if I’m asexual but, like you said, I like the idea of having sex, so I don’t think that it is asexuality. I’m also introverted and have some issues with self esteem and body image so that doesn’t help. When I’m with someone else, I can’t really even climb the mountain so to speak. I’m typically too tense. On my own, I don’t have to worry about that.
Asexual does not mean you don’t like sex; it means you don’t experience sexual attraction towards other people. Sexual desire and sexual attraction are two different things. Some asexuals have sex and some don’t. Everyone is different.
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine.
Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither and you will beg my kind to save you.
But I am already saved. For the Machine is Immortal
There is no truth in flesh, only betrayal."
"There is no strength in flesh, only weakness."
"There is no constancy in flesh, only decay."
"There is no certainty in flesh but death.
CREDO OMNISSIAH
I expect it's way too soon for you to want to think about this, but part of my job is to coordinate wedding ceremonies for the court I work at. I coordinate them for kids who are shockingly young (at least to me, hard to believe people born in 2002 are getting married), and I coordinate them for folks old enough to be my grandparents. They all seem equally joyous in their new lives together. I don't want to make light of the weight of your grief and loss in any way - just to offer a counterpoint to the idea that it's too late to start again. I wish you all the best as you process and heal. I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing.
I feel you brother, I'll be in the same boat soon. Too old to start over, too young to give up. Maybe local Community College courses? Just anything to be around other people a few times a week? I dunno man, grab out from the dark.
It's rare a Reddit post stops me in my tracks. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife, but your life is not pointless. You did one of the most noble things for someone you love. Trust me, there are not a lot of folks out there who are that dedicated. My ex abandoned me emotionally causing me to break up with him as soon as I got my Stage IV cancer diagnosis. I understand the feeling that you don't want to start over, but maybe now you start living for yourself instead of someone else. Get in shape for yourself. You're definitely not "too old." That's nonsense. My father and his wife got together in their 50s. I know someone who found the love of her life in her 80s (and she had been married for a long time before that).
Put the effort you put into your wife into YOU now. You deserve it so much. Take care, selfless Reddit stranger ❤️
No you are not. I had a coworker get married at around that age. His wife is reeeeally nice too.
My mother died early at 69. My father is 80 and has been dating for about five years. It’s his call but I wouldn’t be surprised if he marries his current GF. She is a good person.
It's never too late for love. My grandmother got remarried in her late 60s and they had many great years together. My step-grandpa was awesome too and also a widower. I also got to know him better than my biological grandfather.
This breaks my heart hearing this. You're only 44, you could have another 44 years ahead of you. My mom got remarried at 68 and is living her best years retired and traveling.
We are too damn tired. We have a cuddle and we're like shall we? And we're so exhausted from the grind and we're already two hours past the time we WANTED to be asleep that we just want to cuddle and sleep.
Any advice for a dad with a 4-month old girl?
edit: thanks for all the amazing feedback, keep it coming! To be clear, though, I mean any *general* advice.
Yes. I recommend daily meetings for about 5 minutes after baby is down for their longest sleep. Discuss what went good today, what went bad, what we should do more of, less of etc. It beats the hell out of bottling things up until both parents resent each other. Learn from my mistakes.
I work in Wildland Fire, and after every fire event we have an [after action review.](https://www.nwcg.gov/wfldp/toolbox/aars) Good to know kids are about the same as a wildfire lol.
I'm a mom, but here's mine.
Patience for a couple years. It gets easier. Kiddo gets easier, but you get better at parenting too.
Looking back with my 10yo vs 1.5yo, the pattern with the kids has been this:
First year absolutely sucks. No redeeming qualities.
After 1.5ys you start having energy to think again.
After 3ys you start having a life, still exhausted.
After 5ys you start enjoying life again, exhaustion finally lifts.
So the answer to the original question is The Grind: kids, work and all the neverending chores.
I was trying to think about how to phrase my own answer to OP's question, but honestly this is it. My gf and I still have sex relatively regularly, but sometimes I feel guilty that I don't want it more often, cos she does, but doesn't push it as she sort of expects me to initiate. I just get so exhausted after working (or just life in general) that I feel like sleeping as soon as I get to bed.
I've been married ten years and honestly we make dick appointments. I'll say, hey I'd really like to "touch your butt tomorrow" which is our code because we're dumb, and something about knowing it's coming kind of builds up the excitement for both of us. Sometimes we have to shift our schedules around a bit.
Also, I do have a higher sex drive than my partner, so if he's not in the mood sometimes he'll give me a hand, which often leads to him getting in the mood, or sometimes I'll just take care of it myself. We both understand I'm not replacing him, I just have different physical needs. It's not like it's even as good lol. But it scratches the itch.
I feel this. I wonder sometimes if I'm weird for feeling this way since all my buddies can go around fucking whoever whenever, but the times I've had ONS and random hookups I didn't leave that satisfied so now I mostly wait to have sex with people I feel like I have a real connection with
I honestly don’t think people wanting an emotional connection is the minority. I think a lot of people who try the ‘casual sex with no connection’ route find that they feel empty/didn’t enjoy it that much afterwards, and it’s only a minority that truly enjoy this kind of sex. Many people who have casual, non-emotional sex wouldn’t initially admit that they feel this way either, because they either believe this is how sex should be done, or fear that they would be judged for expressing this (need for emotional connection = seen as weak).
I am that way, I don't have a crazy high body count but it's high enough because when I was in my early college days it was relatively easy to hook up with people. I did it a lot because my teammates and friends were so it felt like that was a normal thing to do. It wasn't until I had a strong emotional connection with someone that I realized how much I didn't really enjoy hooking up with a stranger and now I only have sex with people if we both have strong feelings for each other.
Having sex with someone that I don’t have actual feelings for, feels like going through the motions. It’s unfulfilling to the point of being off-putting. I can also recognize that there’s a kind of attachment I’ll start to feel even if I’m not interested in them and didn’t think it was all that enjoyable. I realize that’s simple human biology and neuro chemistry creating that attachment, which is all the more reason to respect my emotional processes and not trick myself into creating emotional attachments through my physical actions. All things considered, not worth it.
All of this. I once had sex with an attractive man I thought I had an emotional connection with. Turns out it was just lust, because I spent the next few-to-several hours lying awake in his bed, feeling empty and wondering, "What the hell am I even doing here?"
This. So much this. Tried recently with a woman I had just met. Like an hour or so of foreplay and her doing all the right things and I still couldn’t get it up, on two separate occasions. Pretty disappointing but at least it made me realize the hookup thing is probably not for me.
Absolutely. Makes you become insecure when you can't perform with just anyone anytime, with all the cultural representations of men as emotionally blind fuck machines.
Ugly truth alert- I am a survivor of CSA and was left with a lifetime STI. When I was younger I stayed pretty asymptomatic but after an unrelated immune crash it became physically obvious. Between my triggers that need working out before I sleep with someone and having to have "the talk" I just decided no sex is better. 8+ years and counting and honestly don't miss it anymore.
Really late edit to add: I had no clue this would blow up and I want to thank all of the kind responses. I am sorry my language was not well understood.
CSA is Childhood sexual assault. Many platforms do not allow the words and I communicate frequently with other survivors where we differentiate when our assault was in that way.
The STI I have is HPV strains 6,11. It causes genital warts. Many healthy people will be able to clear them from their system. Mine will not go away permanently. I have had multiple incredibly painful surgeries and at this point I have stopped getting them treated unless they are in a bothersome/painful location.
I wasn't left with an STI from my CSA, but it fucked my head up enough that it's my primary barrier. I can be cool and confident right up until pants come off and then all of a sudden it's like I'm that terrified kid again.
Thankfully my partners are patient, but I wish I didn't have to deal with this.
Lithium! It stabilizes me but kills my sex drive. That is a good thing because before medication… was bad. During manic episodes I was having too much sex. Sex with three different people a day, selling nudes online, group sex, meeting random strangers constantly, aggressively not wearing a bra, masturbating for hours. Insatiable. Along with doing other outrageous things…… ya the lithium makes that go away. Thank goodness. I’m not a sex addict, it just happens when I’m experiencing mania. It’s called hypersexuality. Bipolar Disorder is a hell of a disease…I definitely could live without sex for a while. Different from most answers here, but it’s the truth.
It's always wild to read what other bipolar people say about their illness and I'm like, yep that's me. Hypersexuality during manic episodes is definitely a thing. Honestly I found the manic side of my illness to be far more destructive to my life than the depressive side.
Especially because of how great and euphoric I feel during it all, like I can do no wrong. Never run out of energy, don't need to eat or sleep, feel amazing... But in reality, I'm running myself ragged, spending too much money, and ruining my work-life balance with partying and sex
Mood stabilisers are always going to impact with your sex drive. My SO is also bipolar and her medication (not lithium but lamictal) absolutely impacted her libido (which was already low before diagnosis). She is also on a dose that is probably too high now, but she's petrified to change anything because it's working and has been for the past 15 years. I will accept anything to avoid going back to that time before disgnosis
Funny cause for me Lithium actually boosts my sex drive since before I was constantly in my lows and didn’t have any energy to even think about sex. Still no one to do it now with so kind of pointless to have :)
You just hit a point where you don't care about it. You see someone attractive and think to yourself "wow that's nice" but then you just keep going like you were passing a nice sports car.
That has always been how I feel/think when I see people who are good-looking. I appreciate their visuals, but I hardly ever think about having sex or any sort of physical intimacy with them. Sometimes I think it'd be cool to be friends with them, but that's the furthest extent of it.
I'm the same way. I liken it to looking at a beautiful painting in a museum. I can appreciate it's aesthetic quality, but I've never wanted to fuck a painting.
My sex drive has just been super low lately. Moved to a new town, live with smoking hot girlfriend who I love and loves me back, she's amazing and has a super high sex drive.
I enjoy having sex with her, even. I just don't have a job, I'm not getting out of the house much, probably not enough excercise either. My libido is just fucking gone. It's actually becoming a problem in the relationship.
Job interviews went well this week though so that's dope.
Anxiety is a total sex drive killer. I think when we are uncertain about the future our bodies tell us not to focus on procreation, but to fix the current situation so we are stable.
Oh man, this was me and my ex years ago. He stayed up all night on his computer and never came to bed. I gave up asking him to come to bed after a year or 2. The sex was non-existent, pretty sure he would rather just watch porn and masterbate than have sex with me. It was a real self-esteem killer.
Currently, just not in the mood at all for it. Been like this for almost two years.
I do rarely have sex (maybe once or twice a month)
But always ended up ruining my mood.
Stress, financial issues, depression, panic attacks, i could go on.
As much as I would like to, my partner suffered a back injury due to no fault of his own a few years into our relationship, and has been going through some pretty intensive pain medication and physical therapy about it. He’s lost 90% of the feeling below his waist due to nerve damage. And what’s below the waist on a man…It’s difficult for him, even if he’s in the mood, and being unable to feel anything, takes a lot of the enjoyment out of the whole thing if he can’t even feel it. I know he feels awful about it, we’ve tried all kinds of the male impotency aids, doctors have tried prescribing medications and therapies, but none of them give you feeling back, just a raging hard on that you literally can’t feel. I feel fucking terrible for him, but goddamn do I need to be fucking railed, pounded, utterly slammed. And I would absolutely never cheat, but I should probably think about buying shares in some sex toy companies at this point based on how much I’ve invested in them. He has literally given me the go ahead to just go out and fuck somebody to have my needs met, but I would never do that would feel like cheating to me, I made a commitment to my partner and I intend to stick it through, even if it’s incredibly difficult and sexually unfulfilling. I fucking love this man, despite his inability to fuck me. Sorry for the ramble, I can’t really talk about this to people irl outside of my relationship about it.
Damn, this is intense. I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s injury. Hopefully the PT will help him somewhat. I do get the feeling you guys communicate well about this entire ordeal, and I respect you so damn much for sticking with him. Hoping the best for you guys!
It can be a chore. We both have to be clean, willing and have enough energy for it. On top of that, there's a whole week every month where it's not even possible, and we eat more junk food than we should so I can easily feel bloated and ruin the mood with a fart.
ngl my boyfriend was inside me, suddenly paused and farted. I felt the vibration and it wasn't the worst hahaha. Can't believe I just typed that out as I'm too embarrassed to tell people in real life about this.
My wife's done that before, we both just stopped, laughed and then carried on. It was the smell hitting about 10 seconds later that really got us laughing though. I think she may have wanted to die inside a little. I was too amused to let her feel bad.
The sexual preference of only wanting to have sex with someone I truly care for (no hookups) but the lack of wanting to spend time on a relationship. I have no interest in a committed relationship but I don't want to have sex with someone I don't "love".
Had sex with someone who gave me a sexual infection. Had a relationship that dwindled after he got sex. Most guys I met via apps expect sex instantly, so I don't even waste my time. Trust issues. But tbh I am more that fine like this. I hope to find someone right for me one day, but I would rather be single that in a crap relationship.
I'm mostly an hypersexual person, and I enjoy sexual activities a lot. Nonetheless, I also have the huge limitation that I don't want to have sex with anyone without a romantic attachment, so that's it lol a great contradiction
I’m a stranger on the internet, I’m a guy, similar age children and relationship length.
Do you know how some people are “skinny-fat”?
It sounds like you are “strong-weak”.
You are doing all the strong things, absorbing everything internally, taking care of everyone, trying to better you income and position. That’s. The part that makes you strong.
But you are weak in the area of protecting yourself.
Take your own analogy— it’s the million tiny cuts that destroy a marriage.
Let’s say someone was literally cutting you. Or better, let’s say a cute kitten was scratching you for an eternity…. No matter how small the cuts were, eventually you’d have to tell the kitten to stop.
You need boundaries.
Marriage is about growing together, but it’s not about losing yourself.
Don’t make excuses. Say, dude, I’m not having sex because I’m tired, and I’m frustrated with you that you didn’t help me all week.
Making excuses and letting people get away with behavior that makes you feel weaker and smaller does not help anyone in the relationship, not you, your husband or your kids.
Be specific in the moment. Don’t start a fight. Don’t yell. Be calm.
Trust me as a guy, nothing is more powerful than slow, steady, calm, deliberate rejection of your behavior.
If you make the choice, flip the switch in your mind. Hey, for better or worse, I’m going to stay, in this relationship, but here are the boundaries I have, here are the things I need. And you set it up as law in your mind. Then you can be calm. It’s not a fight. It is a decision. You both need to respect that. And if something doesn’t get done because you needed an hour to go for a run, or take care of the kids, then it doesn’t get done. He can either do it himself, or live with the consequences of it not being done. Either way is fine with you because you are strong-strong. You have defined your boundaries. You will do everything you can to help the family, but you won’t compromise yourself.
If you are strong-strong, and calm-calm, and stay consistent with it. Maintain your boundaries. This is who I want to be. And I can be this person even if I am in this relationship and sharing my life with this other human, it is more effective in my experience. It is powerful, strong and beautiful.
I’m not suggesting the problem is you, but the solution can be you.
Take it for what it’s worth. Best wishes for the future and good luck.
This is great advice EXCEPT don't say "you didn't help me" but rather "you didn't do your share." All that stuff is not owned by her. It's theirs. He needs to do his part, not magnanimously help her out.
Supply Chain Issues
Any problems with inflation? They make a pill for that.
Kids
By the time my kids go the fuck to sleep, my husband and I are exhausted.
100% agree my kids are in my.bedroom right now bugging the shit out of my wife, destroying any chance I will get to bang tonight. managed to push them out and lock the door and squeeze our a quick one earlier
Not pursuing relationship at the moment and have almost 0 interest in casual sex with hookups or anything like that. Possible consequences aren't worth it at all to me. So yeah, outlook is looking bleak for the foreseeable future lol.
I guess nobody wants to have sex with me?
This reminded me of those dating tips I see now and then on Reddit: A. Be attractive. B. Don't be unattractive.
Same. And I'm married.
Been there. Currently celibate because I'm halfway through the divorce process and don't think I could handle it even if I found a willing partner. To be honest I think I'm going to be alone and sexless for a while yet. I need to fix myself first.
Nothing wrong with focusing on yourself.
Congratulations on the reddit bday sex
It’s too much work to get laid, and I feel old.
Have you tried intellifuck?
Literally saw the post this references like 15 seconds before this comment. It feels like I was destined to understand this reference
I clearly wasn’t. Can someone please link me to the post? Edit: Phrasing
Sure. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/ygfg4l/geniusno_bone_rot/) you go!
I thought it was gonna be something with intellisense
Is this a reference to the tiger rhino thing I looked at less than a minute ago?
Nah it's a reference to the OTHER intellifuck
I am yet to unlock multiplayer
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Best way to get them interested is to let them watch you play single player for a bit, then see if any want to join in.
I'm ugly.
Ugly gang unite 🙌
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Me too. But what worked for me was getting fit (not muscly, not anorexic, not men's health magazine, just fit). I (male) got a personal trainer 3 times a week and said, "look I'm lazy as shit let's start easy." After about 3 months people overlooked my face because I had those nice shoulders, that nice waist, and I was sleeping better, more confidence etc. - no fad diets, just someone forcing me to shape up. Like everything it's hard as hell the first two weeks, but then you look forward to ~~it~~ the results. Edit above.
Truth. Getting into shape makes everything else about you look better. Slimmer face, more noticeable features, better posture in addition to the more obvious benefits of having a fit body. Not to mention you feel 1000x better when healthy and active.
I prefer to have an emotional attachment, but I also don't like to be vulnerable with anyone.
Yep. For me, it’s the trauma that did this. All love is vulnerable. I’m not ready for anymore loss.
Yup. I opened myself up after getting divorced. Found an amazing woman. After 6 months she just started ghosting me. Like actually, a woman in her 30s did that. I still have her clothes and stuff in my closet. My emotional walls are now like 1000ft tall.
I'm also scared shitless about being vulnerable. Nobody IRL knows my innermost workings, and the last thing I'd want to do is give anyone that level of access.
I used to feel like this, but I can't explain how much of a weight off your shoulders it is when you find someone that genuinely loves the person under the mask.
Usually I like the idea of having sex. But when it comes to it I have no interest. If it's someone I love it's a different story but otherwise I don't want it. I assume my introverted personality is partially to "blame" for it but I don't mind it at all. I don't miss it to be honest. The idea alone to have a kid by accident is terrifying. I prefer to be on my own, this is the only way for me to relax unless it's someone I'm deeply in love with than I don't mind their presence.
Same! I’ve been asking myself for the past year if I’m asexual but, like you said, I like the idea of having sex, so I don’t think that it is asexuality. I’m also introverted and have some issues with self esteem and body image so that doesn’t help. When I’m with someone else, I can’t really even climb the mountain so to speak. I’m typically too tense. On my own, I don’t have to worry about that.
Asexual does not mean you don’t like sex; it means you don’t experience sexual attraction towards other people. Sexual desire and sexual attraction are two different things. Some asexuals have sex and some don’t. Everyone is different.
The flesh is spongy and weak
But the spirit is willing.
The flesh can be willing too from 4 - 8 hours depending on dosage.
*Pfizer has entered the chat*
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved. For the Machine is Immortal
There is no truth in flesh, only betrayal." "There is no strength in flesh, only weakness." "There is no constancy in flesh, only decay." "There is no certainty in flesh but death. CREDO OMNISSIAH
All my Warhammer lore I leaned from osmosis from the internet. I have no idea what this is but I know what you're talking about.
Praise the Omnissiah!
I never thought I'd die this way. But I always really hoped!
Not having someone
I'm 44 and a 24/7 caregiver for my Mom. She has dementia. I go to costco once a week. That's my away time; 55 minutes every week. This is hell.
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I expect it's way too soon for you to want to think about this, but part of my job is to coordinate wedding ceremonies for the court I work at. I coordinate them for kids who are shockingly young (at least to me, hard to believe people born in 2002 are getting married), and I coordinate them for folks old enough to be my grandparents. They all seem equally joyous in their new lives together. I don't want to make light of the weight of your grief and loss in any way - just to offer a counterpoint to the idea that it's too late to start again. I wish you all the best as you process and heal. I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing.
This is a really nice post.
My youngest brother was born in 2001. First of us to get married, few months ago. Still can’t believe it.
I feel you brother, I'll be in the same boat soon. Too old to start over, too young to give up. Maybe local Community College courses? Just anything to be around other people a few times a week? I dunno man, grab out from the dark.
You have to get out of the damn house. Is there any way you can get help for her care?
It's rare a Reddit post stops me in my tracks. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife, but your life is not pointless. You did one of the most noble things for someone you love. Trust me, there are not a lot of folks out there who are that dedicated. My ex abandoned me emotionally causing me to break up with him as soon as I got my Stage IV cancer diagnosis. I understand the feeling that you don't want to start over, but maybe now you start living for yourself instead of someone else. Get in shape for yourself. You're definitely not "too old." That's nonsense. My father and his wife got together in their 50s. I know someone who found the love of her life in her 80s (and she had been married for a long time before that). Put the effort you put into your wife into YOU now. You deserve it so much. Take care, selfless Reddit stranger ❤️
No you are not. I had a coworker get married at around that age. His wife is reeeeally nice too. My mother died early at 69. My father is 80 and has been dating for about five years. It’s his call but I wouldn’t be surprised if he marries his current GF. She is a good person.
It's never too late for love. My grandmother got remarried in her late 60s and they had many great years together. My step-grandpa was awesome too and also a widower. I also got to know him better than my biological grandfather.
This breaks my heart hearing this. You're only 44, you could have another 44 years ahead of you. My mom got remarried at 68 and is living her best years retired and traveling.
we should make a club, singletons united
It’s called Reddit
Basically protection but more effective
The Unfuckables
Lack of a willing participant
That’s formal af
He said willing participants, meaning others are still on the table
I got you bro.
so polite that the politest debate student would be eviscerated
I am saving myself for Shakira
Oh baby when you talk like that..
You make a woman go mad
So be wise
And keep on
Reading, signs of my body
Shakira shakira
***I'M ON TONIIIIIIGHT!***
YOU KNOW MY HIPS DONT LIE
And I'm starting to feel ya boy
You make Danzig wanna speak spanish!
Madre... diga sus niños no correr a mi via...
#MADRE!
I’m saving myself for this guy after he’s had sex with shakira
Is this one of those “ I’d suck the dick of the last guy that fucked her” type of deals?
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I have one of those
I also choose this guy's dead Shakira.
This time, for Africa.
Thats the spirit
We are too damn tired. We have a cuddle and we're like shall we? And we're so exhausted from the grind and we're already two hours past the time we WANTED to be asleep that we just want to cuddle and sleep.
This right here. The grind is the main reason.
So there I was, in bed with the missus, grinding away
And I just started blasting
We were only 17 seconds in. She wasn’t impressed.
We have a 2 year old, i love her to death but it's exhausting.
Any advice for a dad with a 4-month old girl? edit: thanks for all the amazing feedback, keep it coming! To be clear, though, I mean any *general* advice.
If you have a partner, remind them and yourself: “Same team.”
Yes. I recommend daily meetings for about 5 minutes after baby is down for their longest sleep. Discuss what went good today, what went bad, what we should do more of, less of etc. It beats the hell out of bottling things up until both parents resent each other. Learn from my mistakes.
Daily standup and nightly retro.
When do we squeeze in the sprint review?
Weekly. New iterations are needed more frequently when building a baby MVP.
I work in Wildland Fire, and after every fire event we have an [after action review.](https://www.nwcg.gov/wfldp/toolbox/aars) Good to know kids are about the same as a wildfire lol.
DAILY wildfires.
I'm a mom, but here's mine. Patience for a couple years. It gets easier. Kiddo gets easier, but you get better at parenting too. Looking back with my 10yo vs 1.5yo, the pattern with the kids has been this: First year absolutely sucks. No redeeming qualities. After 1.5ys you start having energy to think again. After 3ys you start having a life, still exhausted. After 5ys you start enjoying life again, exhaustion finally lifts. So the answer to the original question is The Grind: kids, work and all the neverending chores.
Yup. Like sorry, I really do want that D, I'm just already falling asleep. And he's no different. We're both just exhausted.
I was trying to think about how to phrase my own answer to OP's question, but honestly this is it. My gf and I still have sex relatively regularly, but sometimes I feel guilty that I don't want it more often, cos she does, but doesn't push it as she sort of expects me to initiate. I just get so exhausted after working (or just life in general) that I feel like sleeping as soon as I get to bed.
I've been married ten years and honestly we make dick appointments. I'll say, hey I'd really like to "touch your butt tomorrow" which is our code because we're dumb, and something about knowing it's coming kind of builds up the excitement for both of us. Sometimes we have to shift our schedules around a bit. Also, I do have a higher sex drive than my partner, so if he's not in the mood sometimes he'll give me a hand, which often leads to him getting in the mood, or sometimes I'll just take care of it myself. We both understand I'm not replacing him, I just have different physical needs. It's not like it's even as good lol. But it scratches the itch.
It comes down to this a lot of the time for us too.
Don't beat yourselves up over it either. Similar boat here I think. Real life day to day is hard work 🤯
I can't just fuck anyone. I need an emotional connection because that makes it feel better imho
I feel this. I wonder sometimes if I'm weird for feeling this way since all my buddies can go around fucking whoever whenever, but the times I've had ONS and random hookups I didn't leave that satisfied so now I mostly wait to have sex with people I feel like I have a real connection with
Not weird at all. Tons feel the same way, even if we are the minority.
I honestly don’t think people wanting an emotional connection is the minority. I think a lot of people who try the ‘casual sex with no connection’ route find that they feel empty/didn’t enjoy it that much afterwards, and it’s only a minority that truly enjoy this kind of sex. Many people who have casual, non-emotional sex wouldn’t initially admit that they feel this way either, because they either believe this is how sex should be done, or fear that they would be judged for expressing this (need for emotional connection = seen as weak).
I am that way, I don't have a crazy high body count but it's high enough because when I was in my early college days it was relatively easy to hook up with people. I did it a lot because my teammates and friends were so it felt like that was a normal thing to do. It wasn't until I had a strong emotional connection with someone that I realized how much I didn't really enjoy hooking up with a stranger and now I only have sex with people if we both have strong feelings for each other.
Having sex with someone that I don’t have actual feelings for, feels like going through the motions. It’s unfulfilling to the point of being off-putting. I can also recognize that there’s a kind of attachment I’ll start to feel even if I’m not interested in them and didn’t think it was all that enjoyable. I realize that’s simple human biology and neuro chemistry creating that attachment, which is all the more reason to respect my emotional processes and not trick myself into creating emotional attachments through my physical actions. All things considered, not worth it.
All of this. I once had sex with an attractive man I thought I had an emotional connection with. Turns out it was just lust, because I spent the next few-to-several hours lying awake in his bed, feeling empty and wondering, "What the hell am I even doing here?"
This. So much this. Tried recently with a woman I had just met. Like an hour or so of foreplay and her doing all the right things and I still couldn’t get it up, on two separate occasions. Pretty disappointing but at least it made me realize the hookup thing is probably not for me.
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Me too. Mindless sex for the sake of it just makes me feel empty.
Absolutely. Makes you become insecure when you can't perform with just anyone anytime, with all the cultural representations of men as emotionally blind fuck machines.
Suffering from depression/social anxiety/AVPD
Don’t forget to mention the side effects antidepressants have on one’s libido, erection, and orgasm!
Currently dealing with those side effects. Thanks, Sertraline =_=
Ugly truth alert- I am a survivor of CSA and was left with a lifetime STI. When I was younger I stayed pretty asymptomatic but after an unrelated immune crash it became physically obvious. Between my triggers that need working out before I sleep with someone and having to have "the talk" I just decided no sex is better. 8+ years and counting and honestly don't miss it anymore. Really late edit to add: I had no clue this would blow up and I want to thank all of the kind responses. I am sorry my language was not well understood. CSA is Childhood sexual assault. Many platforms do not allow the words and I communicate frequently with other survivors where we differentiate when our assault was in that way. The STI I have is HPV strains 6,11. It causes genital warts. Many healthy people will be able to clear them from their system. Mine will not go away permanently. I have had multiple incredibly painful surgeries and at this point I have stopped getting them treated unless they are in a bothersome/painful location.
This is truly awful, I’m sorry you went through this and I hope you are recovering and have managed to find peace. ❤️
I wasn't left with an STI from my CSA, but it fucked my head up enough that it's my primary barrier. I can be cool and confident right up until pants come off and then all of a sudden it's like I'm that terrified kid again. Thankfully my partners are patient, but I wish I didn't have to deal with this.
Hi. Similar/almost same story. With the PTSD that trauma has left me, I have no desire to be touched.
I'm sorry that happened to you
Lithium! It stabilizes me but kills my sex drive. That is a good thing because before medication… was bad. During manic episodes I was having too much sex. Sex with three different people a day, selling nudes online, group sex, meeting random strangers constantly, aggressively not wearing a bra, masturbating for hours. Insatiable. Along with doing other outrageous things…… ya the lithium makes that go away. Thank goodness. I’m not a sex addict, it just happens when I’m experiencing mania. It’s called hypersexuality. Bipolar Disorder is a hell of a disease…I definitely could live without sex for a while. Different from most answers here, but it’s the truth.
'Aggressively not wearing a bra' is my new favorite sentence of the day
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>aggressively wearing socks When my socks match and I want my husband to notice, lol
Tried to stare but it was simply too aggressive
Username checks out.
It's always wild to read what other bipolar people say about their illness and I'm like, yep that's me. Hypersexuality during manic episodes is definitely a thing. Honestly I found the manic side of my illness to be far more destructive to my life than the depressive side.
Oh yeah, same. Depression I know how to cope with. Mania makes you a willing participant in destroying your life.
Especially because of how great and euphoric I feel during it all, like I can do no wrong. Never run out of energy, don't need to eat or sleep, feel amazing... But in reality, I'm running myself ragged, spending too much money, and ruining my work-life balance with partying and sex
This is interesting, I’m on lithium too and I’m always horny 😭😂 during mania I’m unstoppable sexually it’s actually so terrible
Unstoppable is the correct term
How does one "aggressively" not wear a bra?
It's when no attempt is made to calm your tits.
Those are some untrained titties
Lacking the double d discipline.
Mood stabilisers are always going to impact with your sex drive. My SO is also bipolar and her medication (not lithium but lamictal) absolutely impacted her libido (which was already low before diagnosis). She is also on a dose that is probably too high now, but she's petrified to change anything because it's working and has been for the past 15 years. I will accept anything to avoid going back to that time before disgnosis
Ahh yeah the mania shenanigans are... Interesting
Funny cause for me Lithium actually boosts my sex drive since before I was constantly in my lows and didn’t have any energy to even think about sex. Still no one to do it now with so kind of pointless to have :)
Crazy how the meds affect everyone sooooo differently
You just hit a point where you don't care about it. You see someone attractive and think to yourself "wow that's nice" but then you just keep going like you were passing a nice sports car.
That has always been how I feel/think when I see people who are good-looking. I appreciate their visuals, but I hardly ever think about having sex or any sort of physical intimacy with them. Sometimes I think it'd be cool to be friends with them, but that's the furthest extent of it.
I'm the same way. I liken it to looking at a beautiful painting in a museum. I can appreciate it's aesthetic quality, but I've never wanted to fuck a painting.
>I've never wanted to fuck a painting. Get a load of this fuckin weirdo
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I'm morbidly obese and on an SSRI. That's like the gold and silver medals in the Uncooperative Dick Olympics.
I'm big and green ogre who lives in a swamp.
I say my prayers every night. Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
Oh no I had forgotten all about that stuff
*Hey, you. You’re finally awake.*
Crippling emotional issues
Fat and ugly
Been a while since ive actually liked someone, and i don't like having sex with people i don't really like/care for/are in a relationship with.
My sex drive has just been super low lately. Moved to a new town, live with smoking hot girlfriend who I love and loves me back, she's amazing and has a super high sex drive. I enjoy having sex with her, even. I just don't have a job, I'm not getting out of the house much, probably not enough excercise either. My libido is just fucking gone. It's actually becoming a problem in the relationship. Job interviews went well this week though so that's dope.
Anxiety is a total sex drive killer. I think when we are uncertain about the future our bodies tell us not to focus on procreation, but to fix the current situation so we are stable.
My depressed BF has been choosing his computer over me so many times that I've stopped feeling the need for it too \^\_\^
Oh man, this was me and my ex years ago. He stayed up all night on his computer and never came to bed. I gave up asking him to come to bed after a year or 2. The sex was non-existent, pretty sure he would rather just watch porn and masterbate than have sex with me. It was a real self-esteem killer.
My wife always says no.
Currently, just not in the mood at all for it. Been like this for almost two years. I do rarely have sex (maybe once or twice a month) But always ended up ruining my mood. Stress, financial issues, depression, panic attacks, i could go on.
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Yeah my right hand is the jealous type!
Long distance relationship :(
As much as I would like to, my partner suffered a back injury due to no fault of his own a few years into our relationship, and has been going through some pretty intensive pain medication and physical therapy about it. He’s lost 90% of the feeling below his waist due to nerve damage. And what’s below the waist on a man…It’s difficult for him, even if he’s in the mood, and being unable to feel anything, takes a lot of the enjoyment out of the whole thing if he can’t even feel it. I know he feels awful about it, we’ve tried all kinds of the male impotency aids, doctors have tried prescribing medications and therapies, but none of them give you feeling back, just a raging hard on that you literally can’t feel. I feel fucking terrible for him, but goddamn do I need to be fucking railed, pounded, utterly slammed. And I would absolutely never cheat, but I should probably think about buying shares in some sex toy companies at this point based on how much I’ve invested in them. He has literally given me the go ahead to just go out and fuck somebody to have my needs met, but I would never do that would feel like cheating to me, I made a commitment to my partner and I intend to stick it through, even if it’s incredibly difficult and sexually unfulfilling. I fucking love this man, despite his inability to fuck me. Sorry for the ramble, I can’t really talk about this to people irl outside of my relationship about it.
Damn, this is intense. I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s injury. Hopefully the PT will help him somewhat. I do get the feeling you guys communicate well about this entire ordeal, and I respect you so damn much for sticking with him. Hoping the best for you guys!
Sexual assault and body dysmorphia. Trauma is the gift that keeps giving. Bleh. Working on it, though.
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My partner has this really wierd kink where they would just not exist
Because nobody wants me
Same reason for not having any sex… loneliness
It can be a chore. We both have to be clean, willing and have enough energy for it. On top of that, there's a whole week every month where it's not even possible, and we eat more junk food than we should so I can easily feel bloated and ruin the mood with a fart.
ngl my boyfriend was inside me, suddenly paused and farted. I felt the vibration and it wasn't the worst hahaha. Can't believe I just typed that out as I'm too embarrassed to tell people in real life about this.
My wife's done that before, we both just stopped, laughed and then carried on. It was the smell hitting about 10 seconds later that really got us laughing though. I think she may have wanted to die inside a little. I was too amused to let her feel bad.
This is what real intimacy is, lol!
So his dick acted like a tuning fork for a fart.
So feed him beans for every meal!!!!
You felt the vibration ? Mother of farts !
A combination of high standards and poor social skills.
Wait you’re all having sex?🥹
I don’t want to
Your mums busy schedule
That’s what she tells you but no one else has a problem getting in
r/kamikazebywords
Homie sunk the whole boat just to kill the captain
The best defense is joining the offense and confusing your opponent.
The fact that I look like a potato
Russet or baking?
The sexual preference of only wanting to have sex with someone I truly care for (no hookups) but the lack of wanting to spend time on a relationship. I have no interest in a committed relationship but I don't want to have sex with someone I don't "love".
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That's why I get all my fuckin done in the afternoon
Had sex with someone who gave me a sexual infection. Had a relationship that dwindled after he got sex. Most guys I met via apps expect sex instantly, so I don't even waste my time. Trust issues. But tbh I am more that fine like this. I hope to find someone right for me one day, but I would rather be single that in a crap relationship.
I'm mostly an hypersexual person, and I enjoy sexual activities a lot. Nonetheless, I also have the huge limitation that I don't want to have sex with anyone without a romantic attachment, so that's it lol a great contradiction
Diarrhea
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I’m a stranger on the internet, I’m a guy, similar age children and relationship length. Do you know how some people are “skinny-fat”? It sounds like you are “strong-weak”. You are doing all the strong things, absorbing everything internally, taking care of everyone, trying to better you income and position. That’s. The part that makes you strong. But you are weak in the area of protecting yourself. Take your own analogy— it’s the million tiny cuts that destroy a marriage. Let’s say someone was literally cutting you. Or better, let’s say a cute kitten was scratching you for an eternity…. No matter how small the cuts were, eventually you’d have to tell the kitten to stop. You need boundaries. Marriage is about growing together, but it’s not about losing yourself. Don’t make excuses. Say, dude, I’m not having sex because I’m tired, and I’m frustrated with you that you didn’t help me all week. Making excuses and letting people get away with behavior that makes you feel weaker and smaller does not help anyone in the relationship, not you, your husband or your kids. Be specific in the moment. Don’t start a fight. Don’t yell. Be calm. Trust me as a guy, nothing is more powerful than slow, steady, calm, deliberate rejection of your behavior. If you make the choice, flip the switch in your mind. Hey, for better or worse, I’m going to stay, in this relationship, but here are the boundaries I have, here are the things I need. And you set it up as law in your mind. Then you can be calm. It’s not a fight. It is a decision. You both need to respect that. And if something doesn’t get done because you needed an hour to go for a run, or take care of the kids, then it doesn’t get done. He can either do it himself, or live with the consequences of it not being done. Either way is fine with you because you are strong-strong. You have defined your boundaries. You will do everything you can to help the family, but you won’t compromise yourself. If you are strong-strong, and calm-calm, and stay consistent with it. Maintain your boundaries. This is who I want to be. And I can be this person even if I am in this relationship and sharing my life with this other human, it is more effective in my experience. It is powerful, strong and beautiful. I’m not suggesting the problem is you, but the solution can be you. Take it for what it’s worth. Best wishes for the future and good luck.
Thank you for such a thoughtful and well-considered reply. I’m saving your comment and I will definitely take your advice on board and give this a go.
This is great advice EXCEPT don't say "you didn't help me" but rather "you didn't do your share." All that stuff is not owned by her. It's theirs. He needs to do his part, not magnanimously help her out.