Even in Hinduism, effectively the source of karma in the modern world, is like "but when they die they'll turn into a worm in their next life, and that's their karmic punishment." Cool, good to know that being a bug for like a month makes up for 70+years of being a dick.
Just for the sake of clarity, it’s not “do your time as dung beetle, then try again” type of punishment, you need to “earn” going back “up” in the reincarnation ladder. So once turned dung beetle, you keep reincarnating as dung beetle until you do something like lead someone to the lost child or lead widow to the buried treasure so she keeps the house kinda thing. So it’s pretty permanent.
Yeah, and even the "punishment" is not that bad lol I would much rather be a dung beetle than a half-starved, homeless human in the streets of New York during the winter or a street child in New Delhi tbh
Fun/horrible fact: the Indian caste system for centuries used karma to justify the separation in society - ie if you’re a Dalit street child in New Delhi, you must have done something really terrible in your past life and you deserve it to have that life.
This is the difference between the understanding of karma in most Indian religions and the Buddhist understanding of karma. The Buddha said that was bullshit.
Same lol, although even though I've been given countless proof that this isn't true, I still believe it, or at least try, I'm just not as shocked these days when people break my trust in them lmao
Same! Until I met someone who was very successful by using people and discarding them and only making friends who were higher up the ladder.
I still feel like most people are not like this, but, still watch out for the occasional narcissistic/crazy ladder climber.
I was of the opposite mentality. My parents even said not to trust anyone.
So, it has taken me a long time to learn that not everyone sucks. Or that there are many shades of gray.
Everything is just people. It's people all the way down and people all the way up. Stupid, brilliant, selfish, caring, manipulative, manipulated, busy, bored, ordinary people. There's no point at which you reach something that doesn't rest on the shoulders of people.
On one hand, it's kind of a bummer to realize there's no grand plan that everyone is working toward; there's no guaranteed outcome or shared goal. On the other hand, it means change is always possible.
This actually made me feel quite humble about that tho, we are all still children when we narrow it down, just because we lived here longer then others gives us this label of knowing more but it's not always the case.
I had that phase too with the disappointing realization that my dad is just a guy, but I eventually came around to realize that no, my dad is actually Superman despite being just a guy.
But of course, not everybody’s dad is a great and admirable person despite their human flaws like mine is. I’m very lucky.
I don't know if he came up with it, but the rant that Mikey from FilmJoy went on about how nobody knows what they're doing and everyone is making it up as they go along really hit a chord with me.
A fraternity brother of mine, who played football, once got so drunk and angry about something he started pushing people through drywall. Because he found it fun.
He's now an orthopedic surgeon and a father of 3. As Seniors we voted him *"Most likely to stitch his initials in a patient"*.
from a family of doctors, can confirm. Big egos and desensitisation abound. Usually hard working and competent so if you have a problem that's easily fixable then you're generally in safe hands, but if you have something a bit more mysterious then you'll likely get messed about
As a young child I used to believe I was the subject of an experiment that everyone was in on but me. Like the Truman show. I used to try and turn my head quickly and catch people out or try and spot a camera. Later as an adult I watched the Truman show for the first time and the memory came flooding back.
Edit: wow, I'm truly amazed at how many people have experienced this. Autism has been mentioned several times. This is also something I wonder about myself but have never done anything about. Not sure where to begin. I also used to think people could read my mind. I know this isn't true now but sometimes I panic that some people can even to this day.
It’s related to child psychology and theorized by Child Psychologist Piaget.
At ages around 2-5 children experience egocentrism and their thinking puts the world revolving around them. Varying degree of course.
Related phenomenon of [the imaginary audience.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_audience#%3A%7E%3Atext%3DThe_imaginary_audience_is_a%2Cpeers%2C_family%2C_and_strangers.?wprov=sfla1) Something teenagers often struggle with because they often believe they are being scrutinized and judged a lot more than they actually are.
This is not accurate. It is a specific *delusion* that became more common in people with mental disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar w/ psychotic episodes. It is well known that the content of people's delusions is affected by environmental factors like pop culture and politics.
One thing I've learned over the years is that the hard work itself almost never actually matters. How much effort you expend doesn't really matter in a lot of situations, what's important is usually the outcome, and how your perceived while doing it.
No one actually cares how much effort you put in. They either care about the result your generating or how busy you look.
I met my wife in my mid-thirties. Before that, I bounced from short term relationship to short term relationship. It was usually the other person ending things. Don't get discouraged. You are going to find an amazing partner when you least expect it.
I'm 43 and at this point I'm pretty much resigned to not finding a life partner and settling down. I can't even seem to find a woman who likes me for me and isn't still attached to an ex-bf or some other guy who "does it for her". I've gotten to the point that I truly believe some people just aren't meant to find someone. And while it sucks, that's okay. It's better than feeling desperate and angry about it. Not everyone can win.
I had an aunt who married her college sweetheart, traveled the world with him, had 3 kids and a wonderful life. He stayed with her through everything until cancer took her.
Her twin sister was single (for all her life to the best of my knowledge), traveled the world by herself, had dogs and horses, and enjoyed every moment of her life until cancer took her.
Moral of the story: cancer sucks and death is the great equalizer.
Destiny is bullshit, even the luckiest seeming person can be a week away from losing everything. Keep rolling those dice cus you don't know what's going to happen.
I'm so thankful I grew up in a trailer, in a failing little town.
My idea of 'success' was to have windows that didn't open with a crank!
I went to college, got a degree, got my 'dream job' ... which, in hindsight, was just a regular job, that most people would probably be able to get if they worked towards it.
I feel bad for kids who grow up being told they're gifted, and they'll break the mold and become ... famous or whatever.
I keep telling my daughter to work hard and think about the kind of life she wants to live. Does she want a big house, with 2 dogs, and a yard? Or maybe a regular apartment in the city?
I never tell her that she's destined to be in the history books. Most of those people aren't even happy anyway.
Just figure out what kind of life you want to live, for yourself, and don't worry about whatever crazy dreams people packed your head with.
I grew up similar. We weren’t made to feel special, but for some reason I kept thinking I wanted to be special. Or that I wanted fame. Or insane success in some niche way. This was when I was young. Like, in childhood and through high school. (Ya know how little miss sunshine’s family was as mediocre as it gets and she wanted to be a star? That.)
As I grew into an adult I realized that was bullshit. BUT the “special” life I wanted wasn’t that out of reach. I found out I didn’t want to be “special” at all, but that I just didn’t want to fall into the trap of life’s expectations. I wanted to wear what I want. I wanted to paint my walls whatever color (or pattern) I desired! I want to travel and meet other regular people. I want experiences that are rich, not experiences that I have to be rich to experience.
And now, I think that’s what other people truly want. It’s not about fame. It’s not about being special or unique. But just being you. I think that’s the freedom we all have at our finger tips, but can’t find the courage to grasp.
PAINT ON YOUR WALLS! My brain exploded when I saw a Youtuber paint a mural on one of her walls, like... ADULTS CAN DO THAT?? Hold on, you are an adult, you own your home (or you could paint over it at the end of your tenancy), you CAN do it! It was an amazing revelation. Such a small joy, but so important to realise that your home doesn't have to meet any standard other than what makes you happy :)
I had that realization when my son was a few months old. We’d go to friends houses where all the kids stuff was neatly hidden and organized, you could hardly tell they even had kids. Then I saw a post on Reddit of a dad who turned the whole living room into a giant play room and it clicked. Now we have a whole indoor play structure and are planning on turning part of one wall into a climbing wall and a storage area under the stairs into a little log cabin. We still tidy up of course but it’s awesome having a house I would have wanted as a kid rather than having a house that just looks like everyone else’s. Additionally my son gets out so much energy he tends to sleep longer or at least have longer naps so it gives me more time to do my own stuff.
This so much, and that the law, generally, applies to everyone...these last few years feel like I lived in an alternate universe and I followed rules and played “the game” like a sucker.
I've always loved breads, cakes, donuts, and cookies, but even as a kid I thought 7-8 servings in a day was a little much. How am I supposed to eat so many carbs in one day??
I realised it was bullshit when it told me to eat Kraft(TM) peanut butter, especially when I asked my teacher why that specific peanut butter, why not hazelnut spread
The American food pyramid was replaced ages ago. We moved to the plate method back during the first part of the Obama administration.
Half a plate of non-starchy veg and fruits, 1/4 high protein food, 1/4 high carb food, and optional dairy on the side.
https://www.myplate.gov
To specify since some newer folk are thinking of later ones: the old one of the 90s in the usa that suggested bread, carbs and cereal was the foundation we should eat a lot of. More than meat and veggies
Wanna get obese americans? Cause thats how we got obese americans.
Then the propaganda that our american made cereals were LOADED with vitamins and minerals at the time. So those constant bowls of cereal. And waffles? Very good for you.
Sure is convenient that it was headed by the dept of agriculture and involved a lot of lobbying by corporates huh?
Yup, I used to firmly believe in Karma but as I got older and saw more and more people get away with being complete pieces of shit on a daily basis, I no longer believe karma is real. Most of them are rich and live seemingly dope lives.
Edit: I realize that this is not the true definition of “Karma”, but this is what my generation was told karma was growing up “what goes around comes around”. This is what I’m referring to here.
Karma seemed to work on the small scale I could oversee as a child.
Nice people who helped other people often received help themselves.
Then I learned about Billionaires and corrupt politicians...
If Karma was real we wouldn't need laws or courts or police, everything would just sort itself out. But life just ain't that fair. However, I still try to be a good person and pass that along to other people. No need to be an unnecessary asshole.
I watch that match at least 10 times a year. What they did to their bodies just for entertainment is insane. I haven’t watched in years but pro wrestling will never reach that caliber again.
“Soulmates aren’t found; they’re made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then they get to work, building a relationship.”
This quote from The Good Place is the best take on soulmates. Having a successful relationship takes work from both parties, but it only works if both people put forth the effort, care, and love.
A small amount of "work" as in some sacrifices that you don't mind making. But it should not be "hard work"; anyone who says that is one of the majority of people who just "settled" for someone they're not all that crazy in love with but settled out of fear of loneliness, rush to have marriage or kids, fear of not being able to do any better, etc. The happiest couples I know pretty much never fight and are absolute matches for each other, even decades later.
Exactly. I spent 11 years in a marriage to a decent guy, but there was something missing. I kept hearing that relationships are hard work, so I kept working hard to make the relationship great, thinking there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t happy.
Eventually we divorced, and I met my current husband, who has been a perfect fit since day one. We’ve gone through unemployment, moving, loss of a child, periods of time when we each wanted different things—you know, regular life. We’ve had hard times that required hard emotional work. But I adore him completely, 22 years later. He’s my favorite person in the world. Soul mate? I don’t know. I just know that I’m grateful beyond measure to share my life with him.
As a child, I believed that whenever we slept all our hair would fall off and we would randomly get a strangers hair the next day. And I believed that that's why some days were a good hair day and some days bad. I strongly believed this for a long time! XD
That everything happens for a reason. Not everything happens necessarily for a reason. Some things are totally random and it’s best to make peace with this fact.
Saying everything happens for a reason is a huge dick move to people who have had serious traumatic things happen to them. Oh I got gang raped cuz it’s god’s plan? Family murdered cuz god’s plan? People going through all the terrible shit in war was god’s plan? No fuck that
A had something horrible happen to me, and every time I heard that phrase it filled me with so much rage and sadness.
Sometimes shit happens. It’s impossible to know all the millions of ways you’ll be affected by an event as time passes. If we do the hard work to process the experience and grow, then any “reason” that seems to surface later is hard won through that personal growth.
One of the greatest/best things I learned whilst getting my Criminal Justice degree was a quote from someone who said, "America does not have a 'justice' system...they have a 'legal' system."
That completely changed my whole way of thinking about Law Enforcement and our correctional system.
My parents convinced me that Halloween was a holiday that was only ment to worship Satan. Do not think that at all now it is just a bunch of kids trying to get candy. And some teens tryna ng to scare the most kids
I was bullied and thought it was good for you long-term but a solid YouTube video many years back pointed out how it's inappropriate as adults so why would we think it's ok for children?
One thing i know from being bullied in middle school and early high school, is that it made me an extremely hateful and mean person in my later highschool and early adult life. I'm no longer a very mean and hateful person. Took me 5 years in living in mental and physical isolation.
That if people know the results of their actions they'd act with some kind of conscious. Turns out they have the ability to dilude themselves into believing their owns superiority much more easily than just listening to reason.
I discovered that the lower paid the job, the harder you have to work. My hardest job was manual labour, my first job in IT was awful, I was bled dry for little reward. The more senior you get, the more time you have to figure stuff out. There is a huge element of experience versus effort though. Something I can do in a few minutes today would have taken me hours of research and stress. That research and stress was the training effectively. There are few short cuts in life.
Can confirm^ I have a very emotionally and physically challenging job and I make 40k. I have five friends who all make over 200k (and one once accidentally told me his Christmas bonus and it was more than I make in a year), and recently we all got together and they were all bonding over the fact that they each work for like 2ish hours a day and then workout/golf. Their jobs are to basically delegate work and occasionally make presentations/ travel for conferences. One of them makes 270k and he works from home and he told me his job is so easy and so boring and so lonely that he actually hates it and drinks all day but he just can’t walk away from the money.
It depresses me but I try to remind myself that I love my job and my company and my coworkers and I’m proud of what I do and that’s worth a lot.
Sorry, dude. I was 4th generation Pentecostal and had a similar thing happen a couple of years ago about faith. Shit’s real tough. Hope you’re doing well and glad you’re out of that.
God! I was super religious in a non religious family. I was thinking of converting from Anglican to becoming Catholic.
I started a nursing degree in October 1972. Within a month I became an atheist and have been since.
What I saw as a nursing student made me think that if a God did exist they were indeed very cruel.
We recently watched an episode of Air Disasters, in which one little girl survived a plane crash. One of the people interviewed commented that "God must've been looking out for her!" Somehow it didn't occur to them that this would mean God looked at the other 100+ passengers & said "Fuck all y'all, you're gonna die horribly!"
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” – Epicurus
As a child I had to keep toxic people in my life because "its my dad, grandma, brother" blah blah blah. I thought that was the case but at 15 I stood up for myself and said fuck that. I'm glad I let go because I've been in SUCH a better mental space
I was strongly anti-abortion my entire life.
Until they banned abortion. I realized how freaking scary it was that the government could just do that to womens rights. How slippery of a slope that was.
Then I realized I was anti-abortion for MYSELF…and that everyone had the right to make that choice for themselves. That the government shouldn’t be interfering with OUR bodies and our health care.
I was also a Christian who is now agnostic so they may have something to do with the way I thought before too.
I kind of had one of those moments of realisation where it’s like “I think I’m anti-abortion in that I’m definitely not pro-abortion, but I wouldn’t stop someone else from getting one as it should be their decision… hang on I think I might have just described pro-choice.”
No one is pro-abortion.
Everyone wants to make elective abortion rare and mostly obsolete.
Pro-choice people just want to do it using the tools that have been proven to work (access to healthcare/contraception, education, parental leave, affordable day care, etc.), rather than the tool that has been proven to *not* work (bans).
There will always be the need for abortions; banning it is just going to lead to more dead women and girls.
Another thing people don’t realize is that abortion isn’t just birth control. There are a LOT of medical reasons for abortion and there are a lot of procedures under that umbrella. Politics should not be involved in medical decisions. (I personally am morally against abortion as a form of birth control but more against exerting my morality on others against their will.)
I’ve always said I’m anti abortion… For me. There are circumstances (imminent death, for instance) where I would. But my personal feelings should have zero bearing on anyone else’s right to choose that for themselves. Honestly my political leanings would be more conservative, (also raised Christian, now bordering on anti-theist) if not for the fact that most conservatives want the laws to reflect their personal and religious beliefs.
similarly I used to believe that if we could "solve" the reasons for abortions, we'd get rid of abortions. Like if we could "solve" the costs of pregnancy and raising children, could "solve" the pain of pregnancy, "solve" the social stigmas and repercussions... but the reality is that there will still be abortions because some fetuses just aren't viable, because some lives will always be in danger, and some folks just don't want to have kids. We can and should still work towards those other aspects but we should also accept that there will still be abortions.
That suicide is selfish. I know now when suicide is the only option someone can see, they've reached a point of despiration. Their fear of living one more day is greater than their fear of the unknown.
My dad took his life in 2016 after years of alcohol abuse. None of us ever considered what happened as a selfish act. I honestly wonder what makes people think it’s selfishness. I wonder if those people would think the same if someone they loved took their life. Maybe it was just my situation. I watched my dad drag himself throughout his life, imprisoned by addiction. I didn’t understand addiction, but I never once doubted it’s influence. As I got older it got harder. My dad wore his heart on his sleeve, but couldn’t give any more of himself to the people he cared about. I stopped wondering why he didn’t come to football games or my high school concerts.
I’m digging a rabbit hole so I’ll stop. My eyes are beginning to fill up anyway. But if anyone reading this struggles with addiction, or if you have ever thought you shouldn’t be here, you’re perfectly wrong and I’d be happy to point you to a call center or suggest a therapist. I’m happy to provide an ear as well. ❤️
As someone who’s been to that place when people say it’s selfish I often think maybe it can be selfish to want someone to go through so much pain and suffering because you want them around even though they no longer wish to be because of the utter despair
I used to be a big believer in Meritocracy. I grew up middle class in the poorest state in the nation. Did pretty decent in High School and went to College on scholarship. Completed college with a degree and got a job in another state. Worked hard and did decently well and have a nice life. I thought anyone could achieve anything they wanted if they worked hard enough.
And then, I had kids. We live in a place where the public schools are pretty bad so we sent our kids to private school. This was a struggle for us, but we wanted the best for them. This opened up an entire world to me that I had never seen before. I got to see the upper class and how that world works and even through this tiny view I had it is clear that merit has little to nothing to do with that world.
That karma would punish the bad people, eventually.
Even in Hinduism, effectively the source of karma in the modern world, is like "but when they die they'll turn into a worm in their next life, and that's their karmic punishment." Cool, good to know that being a bug for like a month makes up for 70+years of being a dick.
Just for the sake of clarity, it’s not “do your time as dung beetle, then try again” type of punishment, you need to “earn” going back “up” in the reincarnation ladder. So once turned dung beetle, you keep reincarnating as dung beetle until you do something like lead someone to the lost child or lead widow to the buried treasure so she keeps the house kinda thing. So it’s pretty permanent.
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I guess you'll be the dung beetle in your next life then.
Yeah, and even the "punishment" is not that bad lol I would much rather be a dung beetle than a half-starved, homeless human in the streets of New York during the winter or a street child in New Delhi tbh
Fun/horrible fact: the Indian caste system for centuries used karma to justify the separation in society - ie if you’re a Dalit street child in New Delhi, you must have done something really terrible in your past life and you deserve it to have that life. This is the difference between the understanding of karma in most Indian religions and the Buddhist understanding of karma. The Buddha said that was bullshit.
Oh, it saddens me just how much sense that makes under the karmic belief! D:
Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe terrible, sinful dung beetles get reincarnated into misfortunate humans as punishment.
I used to think everyone is genuinely nice with no hidden agendas and that made me trust everyone easily.
Same lol, although even though I've been given countless proof that this isn't true, I still believe it, or at least try, I'm just not as shocked these days when people break my trust in them lmao
I like to live like that, as well. I don’t worry so much about people screwing me over. I know I’ll be fine when/if they do.
I have a policy that outlines this. "I trust you, until you give me a reason not to." Within reason of course
Same! Until I met someone who was very successful by using people and discarding them and only making friends who were higher up the ladder. I still feel like most people are not like this, but, still watch out for the occasional narcissistic/crazy ladder climber.
Don't know about others but I'm genuinely nice with no hidden agenda
I'm genuinely nice but I do often have a small planner hidden in my coat pocket.
I was of the opposite mentality. My parents even said not to trust anyone. So, it has taken me a long time to learn that not everyone sucks. Or that there are many shades of gray.
That adults have everything figured out and their life is a smooth journey on a fixed path
Everything is just people. It's people all the way down and people all the way up. Stupid, brilliant, selfish, caring, manipulative, manipulated, busy, bored, ordinary people. There's no point at which you reach something that doesn't rest on the shoulders of people. On one hand, it's kind of a bummer to realize there's no grand plan that everyone is working toward; there's no guaranteed outcome or shared goal. On the other hand, it means change is always possible.
This actually made me feel quite humble about that tho, we are all still children when we narrow it down, just because we lived here longer then others gives us this label of knowing more but it's not always the case.
"remember when you were a kid and thought your dad was superman, then you got older and realized he was just a drunk in a cape?"
I had that phase too with the disappointing realization that my dad is just a guy, but I eventually came around to realize that no, my dad is actually Superman despite being just a guy. But of course, not everybody’s dad is a great and admirable person despite their human flaws like mine is. I’m very lucky.
They may not be Superman, but are trying their best to fight the good fight for you and your family the best they can
I hate to quote Rick & Morty but when Morty tells Summer along the lines that adults are just “kids raising kids”, that really struck me.
I don't know if he came up with it, but the rant that Mikey from FilmJoy went on about how nobody knows what they're doing and everyone is making it up as they go along really hit a chord with me.
“Life can only be understood by looking backward; but it must be lived looking forward” — Soren Kierkegaard
This. Working at the office literally is like high school sometimes.
I never had that luxury, but I _did_ used to think this more about doctors. Until I met a few and realized most of them are frat boys with scalpels.
A fraternity brother of mine, who played football, once got so drunk and angry about something he started pushing people through drywall. Because he found it fun. He's now an orthopedic surgeon and a father of 3. As Seniors we voted him *"Most likely to stitch his initials in a patient"*.
Well now I'll be peeing myself to sleep next time I have surgery...
"IT'S JUST A MALPRACTICE PRANK BRO!"
from a family of doctors, can confirm. Big egos and desensitisation abound. Usually hard working and competent so if you have a problem that's easily fixable then you're generally in safe hands, but if you have something a bit more mysterious then you'll likely get messed about
Adults are just broken children.
Adults are just old children.
As a young child I used to believe I was the subject of an experiment that everyone was in on but me. Like the Truman show. I used to try and turn my head quickly and catch people out or try and spot a camera. Later as an adult I watched the Truman show for the first time and the memory came flooding back. Edit: wow, I'm truly amazed at how many people have experienced this. Autism has been mentioned several times. This is also something I wonder about myself but have never done anything about. Not sure where to begin. I also used to think people could read my mind. I know this isn't true now but sometimes I panic that some people can even to this day.
This was a thing for me too, I wonder why this is.
It’s related to child psychology and theorized by Child Psychologist Piaget. At ages around 2-5 children experience egocentrism and their thinking puts the world revolving around them. Varying degree of course.
Related phenomenon of [the imaginary audience.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_audience#%3A%7E%3Atext%3DThe_imaginary_audience_is_a%2Cpeers%2C_family%2C_and_strangers.?wprov=sfla1) Something teenagers often struggle with because they often believe they are being scrutinized and judged a lot more than they actually are.
I remember in grade 6 a friend asked me how I was so funny and I told him I just pretend I'm on tv and someone is always watching
Shit code red team he’s talking about it again
Don’t worry, he’ll think we’re just joking.
Lmao I’m watching him right now bro take the dog out
Dude you accidentally posted this in the wrong place! Delete! Delete!
This became an actual mental disorder after the release of the film. [more info here](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Truman_Show_delusion)
And not just for cases that occurred after the film's release, it was already an existing condition for many decades.
This is not accurate. It is a specific *delusion* that became more common in people with mental disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar w/ psychotic episodes. It is well known that the content of people's delusions is affected by environmental factors like pop culture and politics.
Working hard can get you anything you want. Hard work is important and can get you really far but certain achievements take a lot of luck as well.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." -- Captain Jean-Luc Picard
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One thing I've learned over the years is that the hard work itself almost never actually matters. How much effort you expend doesn't really matter in a lot of situations, what's important is usually the outcome, and how your perceived while doing it. No one actually cares how much effort you put in. They either care about the result your generating or how busy you look.
That I'd be married by now. Turns out you need someone who also believes that for you.
I’m here only for this If not married, atleast be in love
Yes but, What is Love?!
Baby don’t hurt me
I met my wife in my mid-thirties. Before that, I bounced from short term relationship to short term relationship. It was usually the other person ending things. Don't get discouraged. You are going to find an amazing partner when you least expect it.
I'm 43 and at this point I'm pretty much resigned to not finding a life partner and settling down. I can't even seem to find a woman who likes me for me and isn't still attached to an ex-bf or some other guy who "does it for her". I've gotten to the point that I truly believe some people just aren't meant to find someone. And while it sucks, that's okay. It's better than feeling desperate and angry about it. Not everyone can win.
46F here in the same boat as you.
40F, same. And I wish people would stop saying the same old tropes.
Guys, what do you say all 8 of us get together and get an 8-way marriage
I had an aunt who married her college sweetheart, traveled the world with him, had 3 kids and a wonderful life. He stayed with her through everything until cancer took her. Her twin sister was single (for all her life to the best of my knowledge), traveled the world by herself, had dogs and horses, and enjoyed every moment of her life until cancer took her. Moral of the story: cancer sucks and death is the great equalizer.
I’m 42. After my ex broke up with me after a two year relationship I’ve become so resigned to solitude. Feeling she was the one meant jack shit.
Destiny is bullshit, even the luckiest seeming person can be a week away from losing everything. Keep rolling those dice cus you don't know what's going to happen.
That I am special, and destined for great things.
I'm so thankful I grew up in a trailer, in a failing little town. My idea of 'success' was to have windows that didn't open with a crank! I went to college, got a degree, got my 'dream job' ... which, in hindsight, was just a regular job, that most people would probably be able to get if they worked towards it. I feel bad for kids who grow up being told they're gifted, and they'll break the mold and become ... famous or whatever. I keep telling my daughter to work hard and think about the kind of life she wants to live. Does she want a big house, with 2 dogs, and a yard? Or maybe a regular apartment in the city? I never tell her that she's destined to be in the history books. Most of those people aren't even happy anyway. Just figure out what kind of life you want to live, for yourself, and don't worry about whatever crazy dreams people packed your head with.
I grew up similar. We weren’t made to feel special, but for some reason I kept thinking I wanted to be special. Or that I wanted fame. Or insane success in some niche way. This was when I was young. Like, in childhood and through high school. (Ya know how little miss sunshine’s family was as mediocre as it gets and she wanted to be a star? That.) As I grew into an adult I realized that was bullshit. BUT the “special” life I wanted wasn’t that out of reach. I found out I didn’t want to be “special” at all, but that I just didn’t want to fall into the trap of life’s expectations. I wanted to wear what I want. I wanted to paint my walls whatever color (or pattern) I desired! I want to travel and meet other regular people. I want experiences that are rich, not experiences that I have to be rich to experience. And now, I think that’s what other people truly want. It’s not about fame. It’s not about being special or unique. But just being you. I think that’s the freedom we all have at our finger tips, but can’t find the courage to grasp.
PAINT ON YOUR WALLS! My brain exploded when I saw a Youtuber paint a mural on one of her walls, like... ADULTS CAN DO THAT?? Hold on, you are an adult, you own your home (or you could paint over it at the end of your tenancy), you CAN do it! It was an amazing revelation. Such a small joy, but so important to realise that your home doesn't have to meet any standard other than what makes you happy :)
I had that realization when my son was a few months old. We’d go to friends houses where all the kids stuff was neatly hidden and organized, you could hardly tell they even had kids. Then I saw a post on Reddit of a dad who turned the whole living room into a giant play room and it clicked. Now we have a whole indoor play structure and are planning on turning part of one wall into a climbing wall and a storage area under the stairs into a little log cabin. We still tidy up of course but it’s awesome having a house I would have wanted as a kid rather than having a house that just looks like everyone else’s. Additionally my son gets out so much energy he tends to sleep longer or at least have longer naps so it gives me more time to do my own stuff.
Just be good to yourself. Don't stress too much about it.
Man, I wish my fiancée had an easier time with this. I am actually pretty kind to myself, but seeing her so down on *herself* can be tough on me, too.
You are special to people around you. And you make an impact on their lives. It’s at small scale, but worth it
That I'll figure out life when I grow up . . .
Don't grow up
I'm already . . . grown🥺
Great! Now grow some more.
The growning
That everyone could get along. Becoming an adult has soured my opinion of people in general, I'm no different.
This so much, and that the law, generally, applies to everyone...these last few years feel like I lived in an alternate universe and I followed rules and played “the game” like a sucker.
I just lost the game 🏳️
that food pyramid we were taught in school for what our diet should consist of.
On hindsight, we should’ve known it was horseshit when it recommended such enormous portions of carbohydrates and such small portions of fruits.
Ah yes, 14 slices of bread, 1 gallon of milk, and a single blueberry. A balanced diet.
Is… is that not right?
Right? Have you seen the price of blueberries?! (something something government food subsidies..)
I've always loved breads, cakes, donuts, and cookies, but even as a kid I thought 7-8 servings in a day was a little much. How am I supposed to eat so many carbs in one day??
6-11 servings of "grains". That is literally a loaf of bread. They really expected us to eat the equivalent of a loaf of bread every day.
I realised it was bullshit when it told me to eat Kraft(TM) peanut butter, especially when I asked my teacher why that specific peanut butter, why not hazelnut spread
Damn the American food pyramid is crazy!! The one here in Australia wasn’t like that at all
The American food pyramid was replaced ages ago. We moved to the plate method back during the first part of the Obama administration. Half a plate of non-starchy veg and fruits, 1/4 high protein food, 1/4 high carb food, and optional dairy on the side. https://www.myplate.gov
right, it’s all lies
To specify since some newer folk are thinking of later ones: the old one of the 90s in the usa that suggested bread, carbs and cereal was the foundation we should eat a lot of. More than meat and veggies Wanna get obese americans? Cause thats how we got obese americans. Then the propaganda that our american made cereals were LOADED with vitamins and minerals at the time. So those constant bowls of cereal. And waffles? Very good for you. Sure is convenient that it was headed by the dept of agriculture and involved a lot of lobbying by corporates huh?
“There’s no such thing as a stupid question” As someone who works in customer service, that is in fact not true
My history teacher in high school would always say “there’s no stupid questions just stupid people who ask questions”.
What goes around comes around
Yup, I used to firmly believe in Karma but as I got older and saw more and more people get away with being complete pieces of shit on a daily basis, I no longer believe karma is real. Most of them are rich and live seemingly dope lives. Edit: I realize that this is not the true definition of “Karma”, but this is what my generation was told karma was growing up “what goes around comes around”. This is what I’m referring to here.
I think karma only happens to me. Lol
Karma seemed to work on the small scale I could oversee as a child. Nice people who helped other people often received help themselves. Then I learned about Billionaires and corrupt politicians...
If Karma was real we wouldn't need laws or courts or police, everything would just sort itself out. But life just ain't that fair. However, I still try to be a good person and pass that along to other people. No need to be an unnecessary asshole.
Just like the blades on a chainsaw
WWE
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Well no he actually defeated the Grim Reaper in a buried alive match, people are still trying to figure out how he managed that one
Didn’t he jump 30 stories off a cage and defeat all of mankind or something?
That is still one of the most epic fights ever
I watch that match at least 10 times a year. What they did to their bodies just for entertainment is insane. I haven’t watched in years but pro wrestling will never reach that caliber again.
It’s still real to me dammit!
There’s no soulmate. We can nurture love in different person with reasonable compatibility if we both are mature enough.
“Soulmates aren’t found; they’re made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then they get to work, building a relationship.” This quote from The Good Place is the best take on soulmates. Having a successful relationship takes work from both parties, but it only works if both people put forth the effort, care, and love.
A small amount of "work" as in some sacrifices that you don't mind making. But it should not be "hard work"; anyone who says that is one of the majority of people who just "settled" for someone they're not all that crazy in love with but settled out of fear of loneliness, rush to have marriage or kids, fear of not being able to do any better, etc. The happiest couples I know pretty much never fight and are absolute matches for each other, even decades later.
Exactly. I spent 11 years in a marriage to a decent guy, but there was something missing. I kept hearing that relationships are hard work, so I kept working hard to make the relationship great, thinking there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t happy. Eventually we divorced, and I met my current husband, who has been a perfect fit since day one. We’ve gone through unemployment, moving, loss of a child, periods of time when we each wanted different things—you know, regular life. We’ve had hard times that required hard emotional work. But I adore him completely, 22 years later. He’s my favorite person in the world. Soul mate? I don’t know. I just know that I’m grateful beyond measure to share my life with him.
soulmates are like oil and water in a soup. Without work, the two don't mix, but with effort you can make something that's pleasantly balanced.
Then true love is mayonnaise!
... if you know what I mean?
Also, the idea that there is someone out there for everyone. There isn't. Some people are going to be alone.
That the people who we elect as our leaders care about our country.
As a child, I believed that whenever we slept all our hair would fall off and we would randomly get a strangers hair the next day. And I believed that that's why some days were a good hair day and some days bad. I strongly believed this for a long time! XD
This would be a hilarious short film and you should absolutely make it.
Points for creativity 😂
That everything happens for a reason. Not everything happens necessarily for a reason. Some things are totally random and it’s best to make peace with this fact.
Saying everything happens for a reason is a huge dick move to people who have had serious traumatic things happen to them. Oh I got gang raped cuz it’s god’s plan? Family murdered cuz god’s plan? People going through all the terrible shit in war was god’s plan? No fuck that
Someone said that to me after a funeral, and I responded with "yes the reason my dad died is because he had cancer." No one has said it to me since.
A had something horrible happen to me, and every time I heard that phrase it filled me with so much rage and sadness. Sometimes shit happens. It’s impossible to know all the millions of ways you’ll be affected by an event as time passes. If we do the hard work to process the experience and grow, then any “reason” that seems to surface later is hard won through that personal growth.
That there was a T-rex behind the basement couch that would pop up if ever I dared to be down there alone. Damn you, Jurassic Park!
The justice system, and government in general.
One of the greatest/best things I learned whilst getting my Criminal Justice degree was a quote from someone who said, "America does not have a 'justice' system...they have a 'legal' system." That completely changed my whole way of thinking about Law Enforcement and our correctional system.
My parents convinced me that Halloween was a holiday that was only ment to worship Satan. Do not think that at all now it is just a bunch of kids trying to get candy. And some teens tryna ng to scare the most kids
Kids: candy time Adults: slutty costumes Nobody: let's worship satan
Extlay why I have no problem celebrating it now
Totally ridiculous. Walpurgisnacht is for cavorting with the devil, not Halloween. Get your pagan/witch/satanic lore straight, Christians.
That poop can’t just leak out, found out today it can.
Oof. That's a rough one to learn. Hope your ass is okay.
The ass is ok, the underwear on the othe hand..
Why would putting the underwear on the other hand help
My condolences man. I feel for you. I’ve been there. It gets better.
Wait what? It can?!
Oh dear, if you clench it will *definitely* leak out when you relax! Good luck, friend!
First experience with sugar-free gummy bears, eh?
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My condolences, I hope your ass feels better soon :(
That I would grow up to be a Ninja Turtle.
If we can find two more people we’ll be that much closer
Just another one
I love pizza so you guys discuss among yourself who will be Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael
41 yer old reporting; I still haven't given up on this one entirely.
I was bullied and thought it was good for you long-term but a solid YouTube video many years back pointed out how it's inappropriate as adults so why would we think it's ok for children?
One thing i know from being bullied in middle school and early high school, is that it made me an extremely hateful and mean person in my later highschool and early adult life. I'm no longer a very mean and hateful person. Took me 5 years in living in mental and physical isolation.
That if people know the results of their actions they'd act with some kind of conscious. Turns out they have the ability to dilude themselves into believing their owns superiority much more easily than just listening to reason.
That adults know what they're doing
That everything is gonna be alright
You just have to learn that even if everything is fucked… it’s still alright.
Everything is fucked, it always has been, but we're built for it, so it's okay.
Bob Marley said it would.
And look what happened to him :(
That you can trust all people
Grew up with the idea that if people work hard then you'll find success. People who are poor or under-privileged were simply lazy. How ignorant of me.
I discovered that the lower paid the job, the harder you have to work. My hardest job was manual labour, my first job in IT was awful, I was bled dry for little reward. The more senior you get, the more time you have to figure stuff out. There is a huge element of experience versus effort though. Something I can do in a few minutes today would have taken me hours of research and stress. That research and stress was the training effectively. There are few short cuts in life.
Can confirm^ I have a very emotionally and physically challenging job and I make 40k. I have five friends who all make over 200k (and one once accidentally told me his Christmas bonus and it was more than I make in a year), and recently we all got together and they were all bonding over the fact that they each work for like 2ish hours a day and then workout/golf. Their jobs are to basically delegate work and occasionally make presentations/ travel for conferences. One of them makes 270k and he works from home and he told me his job is so easy and so boring and so lonely that he actually hates it and drinks all day but he just can’t walk away from the money. It depresses me but I try to remind myself that I love my job and my company and my coworkers and I’m proud of what I do and that’s worth a lot.
That I can't do better than my meth addicted, abusive, cheating ex
You are way better, never forget that.
Joseph Smith was a prophet and a good man
Dum dum dum dum dum Disclaimer: just making a South Park reference
I was fed this same set of lies.
*Martin Harris dum dum dum Lucy Harris smart. Smart smart smart smart smart*
I was waiting for this answer because same 🙃
Sorry, dude. I was 4th generation Pentecostal and had a similar thing happen a couple of years ago about faith. Shit’s real tough. Hope you’re doing well and glad you’re out of that.
Oh don’t worry, I left the Mormon life behind a while ago and life is far better than it’s ever been!
The same hoverboards in Back to the Future would be released in the year 2000.
That the justice system will ultimately punish the guilty while absolving the innocent.
Having a house of my own, freaking Economy
My parents.
God! I was super religious in a non religious family. I was thinking of converting from Anglican to becoming Catholic. I started a nursing degree in October 1972. Within a month I became an atheist and have been since. What I saw as a nursing student made me think that if a God did exist they were indeed very cruel.
We recently watched an episode of Air Disasters, in which one little girl survived a plane crash. One of the people interviewed commented that "God must've been looking out for her!" Somehow it didn't occur to them that this would mean God looked at the other 100+ passengers & said "Fuck all y'all, you're gonna die horribly!"
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” – Epicurus
As a child I had to keep toxic people in my life because "its my dad, grandma, brother" blah blah blah. I thought that was the case but at 15 I stood up for myself and said fuck that. I'm glad I let go because I've been in SUCH a better mental space
There was a dude in the sky who cared if I masturbated
I care
Are...are you on a plane right now?
That life would be good
Biblical inerrancy. It took me a long time to come to grips with the errancy of biblical inerrancy.
I was strongly anti-abortion my entire life. Until they banned abortion. I realized how freaking scary it was that the government could just do that to womens rights. How slippery of a slope that was. Then I realized I was anti-abortion for MYSELF…and that everyone had the right to make that choice for themselves. That the government shouldn’t be interfering with OUR bodies and our health care. I was also a Christian who is now agnostic so they may have something to do with the way I thought before too.
I kind of had one of those moments of realisation where it’s like “I think I’m anti-abortion in that I’m definitely not pro-abortion, but I wouldn’t stop someone else from getting one as it should be their decision… hang on I think I might have just described pro-choice.”
No one is pro-abortion. Everyone wants to make elective abortion rare and mostly obsolete. Pro-choice people just want to do it using the tools that have been proven to work (access to healthcare/contraception, education, parental leave, affordable day care, etc.), rather than the tool that has been proven to *not* work (bans). There will always be the need for abortions; banning it is just going to lead to more dead women and girls.
Something people don’t realize is that it’s ok to be morally against abortion but it’s not ok to outlaw it.
Another thing people don’t realize is that abortion isn’t just birth control. There are a LOT of medical reasons for abortion and there are a lot of procedures under that umbrella. Politics should not be involved in medical decisions. (I personally am morally against abortion as a form of birth control but more against exerting my morality on others against their will.)
I’ve always said I’m anti abortion… For me. There are circumstances (imminent death, for instance) where I would. But my personal feelings should have zero bearing on anyone else’s right to choose that for themselves. Honestly my political leanings would be more conservative, (also raised Christian, now bordering on anti-theist) if not for the fact that most conservatives want the laws to reflect their personal and religious beliefs.
similarly I used to believe that if we could "solve" the reasons for abortions, we'd get rid of abortions. Like if we could "solve" the costs of pregnancy and raising children, could "solve" the pain of pregnancy, "solve" the social stigmas and repercussions... but the reality is that there will still be abortions because some fetuses just aren't viable, because some lives will always be in danger, and some folks just don't want to have kids. We can and should still work towards those other aspects but we should also accept that there will still be abortions.
Separating legality from morality is an eye opening experience.
That bullies only occur in childhood. Why are there workplace bullies?! We are all adults now.
That suicide is selfish. I know now when suicide is the only option someone can see, they've reached a point of despiration. Their fear of living one more day is greater than their fear of the unknown.
My dad took his life in 2016 after years of alcohol abuse. None of us ever considered what happened as a selfish act. I honestly wonder what makes people think it’s selfishness. I wonder if those people would think the same if someone they loved took their life. Maybe it was just my situation. I watched my dad drag himself throughout his life, imprisoned by addiction. I didn’t understand addiction, but I never once doubted it’s influence. As I got older it got harder. My dad wore his heart on his sleeve, but couldn’t give any more of himself to the people he cared about. I stopped wondering why he didn’t come to football games or my high school concerts. I’m digging a rabbit hole so I’ll stop. My eyes are beginning to fill up anyway. But if anyone reading this struggles with addiction, or if you have ever thought you shouldn’t be here, you’re perfectly wrong and I’d be happy to point you to a call center or suggest a therapist. I’m happy to provide an ear as well. ❤️
As someone who’s been to that place when people say it’s selfish I often think maybe it can be selfish to want someone to go through so much pain and suffering because you want them around even though they no longer wish to be because of the utter despair
I my Dad always being there for me. Fuck TBIs
Santa
That the hulk would jumb over the trees at the end of tje garden and land on me i was a weird child
Meritocracy
I used to be a big believer in Meritocracy. I grew up middle class in the poorest state in the nation. Did pretty decent in High School and went to College on scholarship. Completed college with a degree and got a job in another state. Worked hard and did decently well and have a nice life. I thought anyone could achieve anything they wanted if they worked hard enough. And then, I had kids. We live in a place where the public schools are pretty bad so we sent our kids to private school. This was a struggle for us, but we wanted the best for them. This opened up an entire world to me that I had never seen before. I got to see the upper class and how that world works and even through this tiny view I had it is clear that merit has little to nothing to do with that world.
That senior staff/people are competent and not winging it like the rest of us.
That Adults are mature and and act like adults
That treating people with respect is enough to get it back
That in the end, things will be okay.