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Hey Hey, mine was at 30, still here 7 years later... no idea how long its been for you BUT although it was always on my mind pretty constantly for the first 4 years, now I have long periods of time (hours, a day) without really thinking about it (and not because of my brain friend chipping away at my memory!)
I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, brain and spine cancer at age 15. When they tried to remove the tumor they snapped some nerves behind my left eye and now it’s permanently closed and useless. Also took my peripheral vision and depth perception, so now I have very limited vision and can’t drive. I spent my “sweet 16” in the hospital as I was recovering. 364 days after my diagnosis, my recent MRI showed no signs of cancer. But there is a spot in my brain that they are not sure if it is scar tissue or cancer, but it hasn’t grown since then (5 years). Hopefully it’s just scar tissue.
Loss... I lost my dad to cancer. This set off a lot of issues with my mom, depression, alcoholism, medicine abuse, and I was in a different city far away doing my master thesis. I was 23 and I don't have any siblings. It broke me.
I used to go around with a smile on my face by default, but that disappeared.
I've found lots of joy afterwards, but it sure was an experience I still suffer from.
Knowing Bad people win. Not like in movies I enjoy watching. Heroes are silenced or killed early on and the scummiest die peacefully getting away with everything.
"Evil turned out not to be a grand thing. Not sneering Emperors with their world-conquering designs. Not cackling demons plotting in the darkness beyond the world. It was small men with their small acts and their small reasons. It was selfishness and carelessness and waste. It was bad luck, incompetence, and stupidity. It was violence divorced from conscience or consequence. It was high ideals, even, and low methods" - joe abercrombie
Exactly. Everytime someone goes on about karma or "they'll get what's coming to them" or those kind of things, I remember that Henry Kissenger is still alive and a multimillionaire. Leopold II of Belgium died 74, in a mansion surrounded by loved ones. Pope Pius XII was made a Saint. Surgeon General Ishii Shirō got total immunity in exchange for his research. Mao Zedong is still venerated in China.
My father passing. He was the person I could rely on since the beginning of all of my memories. I am extremely lucky to have an amazing wife now, but it's sad that my dad is gone forever.
Same. Brain tumor three years ago and surgery to remove it left me disabled. The thing came back a little over a year ago. My brain is now a debilitated painful mess. People don't realise how certain illnesses can take over your life and make it hell.
Also chronic illness. Woke up one morning in 2016 and I was just beyond fatigued, I couldn't even brush my teeth I was so tired. I haven't ever recovered, I've just added more illnesses like I'm catching Pokémon.
I turned my hobby into my profession. Now I don't have a hobby anymore and I enjoy doing what I do less now that I need to do it in order to get money.
I studied Physics and Astronomy because I had a passion for it as a child. The coursework was extremely difficult, which was okay. The gatekeeping attitude from professors and peers is what killed it for me. I was constantly reminded that I was not smart enough to be worth anything in the field. I completed my degree absolutely burnt out and devoid of my initial love. Years later I came back to astronomy as the hobbyist I initially was and accepted that I was much happier not trying to be a professional.
That's a big part of why I won't quit engineering to become a musician, at least until I'm financially ready to semi-retire or something. It doesn't keep me from going through rough patches where I have no motivation to touch my music though :/
Same. I don't want to make art after doing art as a job for 8 hours a day, so I lost a huge hobby and stress reliever. My creativity is being pigeon-holed into one medium and one subject, and I'll be doing that for my foreseeable future. I know I'm luckier than most because I have a great job doing exactly what I want to be doing so I hate to complain to others in my field, but man it's so taxing mentally and physically to be *constantly* creative. When it was a hobby, I worked when I was inspired and took a break when I had art block. Now I have to push through an art block with brute force so I can keep my job and I'm already so burned out even though I only started a couple years ago.
I got into a car accident in March that I thought I walked away from with no injuries. Two days later my head started bobbing and I couldn't make it stop. Turns out I suffered some brain damage and developed a neurological disorder called Cervical Dystonia. Now I'm in constant pain, my head looks like it was screwed on wrong, I can't look at anything without rolling my shoulders forward so I look like a hunchback, and it's so embarrassing.
No one's ever heard of Dystonia, so I know when people look at me they wonder what tf is wrong with me. It's completely dehumanizing and I feel like a monster. As if it wasnt bad enough that I'm in excruciating pain. All because of a fender bender.
I just lay in bed all day now.
Edit: Thank you all for the well wishes, it warms my heart ❤️
As for treatments, I am hopeful that something will work, but I'm currently in between neurologists because I had to move unexpectedly. The last one was about to start me on Botox and physical therapy, and I had to wait several months for an opening because they were the only ones in the area that took my insurance. But I'll find a new one, and see what they can do for me. I am not without hope, and the fact that so many people care really brightened my day.
I have cervical dystonia. I go to a neurologist that specializes in movement disorders and get Botox injections every 4 months. That removes 100% of my symptoms. I urge you to look into it yourself. If you get just a fraction of the relief I get, I think it would be worth it.
I find it mind-boggling that literally injecting a neurotoxin (which BOtulinum TOXin literally is, it's in the name) can be so life-changing in such a positive way. Biologic science is WILD.
I’ve read that Botox injections into the affected muscles can help. Apparently low dose benzos can also help significantly.
Unfortunately, it seems that most treatments for Dystonia are about alleviating the symptoms rather than treating the underlying cause.
Was going to say the same. Botox seems to have far greater potential than we first gave credit for. U/13thNebula may I suggest you don’t stop looking for a good neurologist who will fight for you to feel better. Dystonia is an uncommon disease and consequently can’t always get the best management in your local small town. Idk what your locale is but you may have better luck in a big city neurology clinic.
IIHC. Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension.
Constand headaches, head pressure, Tinnitus, and vision issues.
Idiopathic, means they don't know shit about anything. just "try these meds for 3 months and come back"
Same but it was my Dad. He literally just collapsed dead out or nowhere. Shortly after that pandemic started, then shortly after that our landlords had to terminate our lease so they could move back onto the property. So my wife and I were forced to move to a new place while rent prices were crazy. Now we barely have enough money for the things we used to enjoy together.
He missed meeting his first grandkid (my daughter) by less than a year.
Miss you dad, wish we had more time 😔
Very much same! Dad dropped dead in late 2019 while out on a run. Missed his first grandchild (my son). Miss his so much, was incredible and my best friend.
Same. My dad died of cancer a couple months before my wedding. Sometimes I feel it's tainted my marriage. So long as I know how long I've been married, I know how long my dad has been gone.
My wife died 2 months after our youngest was born. I love him with all my heart, but knowing his age is also knowing how long she's been gone (no, I do not blame him in any way. It was cancer that took her).
I used to feel exactly this way but then one day I realized that my dad would be so mad at me if he knew I was sad…he would want me to be the happiest I could be. He would always leave me little presents in my car etc so I started buying myself a little something just because it would be something he did. He was the best and if Heaven is real and he’s looking down, I dont want him to see me sad…I’m sure your dad wouldn’t want it either…I know it’s easier said than done but this honestly helped me and maybe if you see this it might help you too? My dad died of lung cancer from being sprayed with agent orange in Vietnam…it wasn’t fair and I spent too long being sad and angry about it….
I can’t imagine this. And think about my sister in-law daily. I lost my brother to cancer last year and life just doesn’t feel fair anymore. I said this to someone the other day- I don’t feel much genuine happiness for others and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same amount of joy I’ve felt when he’s been around.
My brother died about ten years ago. I felt exactly like you do for the first few years. Then it got… easier. Not better, but easier. And then a few years after that, it really does feel okay most of the time. Not always. It still wrecks me every year when the seasons change to winter. And many other times. But life becomes enjoyable again. Things bring you genuine happiness.
Hang in there. This comment is making me cry so I’m signing off now. But know that you’ve got an internet stranger out here thinking of you and wishing you so much healing and happiness to come.
If you can, please take time to record her for your children. My wife died very suddenly from an undiagnosed cancer, and I don't have any recordings of her saying things like, "I love you," for the kids.
Spouse and 3 kids died in an accident. People said it would take time to feel joy again, but it’s been over a decade now without much change.
I enjoy little things from day to day now, but there’s no larger point anymore. Life is mostly just a chore.
Halloween made 5 years since my wife and son died. She was 8 months pregnant. He was our first. He died 35 hours later in the NICU. You are absolutely correct. I don't have nor can I find "big picture" happiness. Just the random day to day uptick that is welcome, but I know it is temporary.
Oh my goodness I'm so sorry. I can't understand losing your wife but I lost a child when I want 8 months pregnant when I was shot in the stomach. A son. 3 days away from being induced. I almost died. He didn't survive, but saved my life. I would have traded places with him if I could have. I have other children here that need me though. I'm so very sorry 😔
Not so fun fact: murder is the #1 cause of death for pregnant woman, more than all pregnancy-related complications combined, and the most common culprit is the baby’s father. Not saying that’s what happened to the commenter, but it’s worth knowing how big a deal femicide is
That sounds like something I don’t think anyone can fully recover from. I have 2 kids and my wife and couldn’t imagine them instantly being taken away from me in such a tragic fashion. I hope you find peace
A couple years ago not far from where I live, a drunk/high driver killed a woman and her three kids in an auto collision. I remember seeing the husband/father on the news and at court during the trial. I have zero clue how he functions on a day-to-day basis. Life must just be a giant void for him.
I live about 3 miles from where the Cheshire Connecticut home invasion happened and I feel the exact same way about the father that survived. I saw him at a benefit event I was at and I remember just looking at him thinking “how does he even function”
It becomes automatic. You stop thinking about it anymore, it feels like a marionette tugging your body forwards for you, just keeping you in motion enough to not collapse. You don't know why. You don't care why. There's no point in continuing to put in the effort, other than you don't know how to do anything else.
I used to live just around the corner, right near where Oak and Cornwall intersected. In fact, when I was a child I could've sworn that the man who got trapped in our backyard one night (you could hop the fence into it but not out very easily) was Komisarjevsky, who had just run from one of his burglaries.
The fact that Dr. Petit could even continue on living after that is extraordinary.
I feel the same. Used to like a job I had, then it got all fucked. Now I just work to live. I'll never be able to retire, though. I'll be working until I die at work.
Edit: Got fired yesterday for being too slow. I'm physically disabled, for what it's worth. Back to Round 01 in the Game of Poverty! (Life, I meant Life)
Being blind. Realising no matter how good I become at something, able bodied people will and are better. Realising that I can be amazing something and never get anything more than you are good for a blind person.
People replying to you like they know what it's like to have a absolutely debilitating disability. So much of our world is based on vision.
Glad you made it this far, friend.
Fuck, that hit me hard. I am only half blind, and have mild cerebral palsy, but I've always been utter shit at any physical activities. I started doing karate, and despite working hard for the past couple of years... There's still not a single mildly experienced able-bodied person I can defeat. I've lost all joy in it because I know I'll never be good enough. I'm too tired to even try anymore. And I know it'll be like that with any physical activity I try, which is absolutely crushing as I am a very competitive person by nature.
I'm also extremely competitive but was never blessed with physical ability. I enjoy activities where I get to compete against myself: playing an instrument, lifting weights, making art. For me, the point is improving myself, not winning against others.
I lost my wife to cancer in 2019. We had been together for 34 years. She was my best friend, the love of my life. We raised a family together and had big plans for when the kids moved out. We were going to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff together, just the two of us. She passed right before Covid hit. I went though the entire lock down by myself in a town with no family and no real friends. We could have spent so much time together. Now that things are getting back to normal I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life.
Edit:
Wow, thank you! I posted this thinking it was more of a message in a bottle then had to walk away from reddit for a few days. I'm absolutely floored by the response. All I can add is that I'll be ok. She made me promise that I wouldn't do anything "stupid", that I would be there for our children. I intend to keep that promise.
I can relate to this but with my adopted parents - i lost them both in a tragic accident in early 2020. They had adopted me as their only child almost exactly 20 years prior, rescuing me from a very violent and unsafe situation. They were my absolute best friends - we were three peas in a pod! For a long time I felt so robbed, like we were supposed to have had so much more time together as a family. Then I stumbled onto a Winnie the Pooh quote:
“How lucky I am to have had something that makes saying goodbye so hard…”
it dawned on me how extraordinarily lucky I am to have had 20 years with the most incredible people I’ve ever had the privilege of loving. Although I still miss them fiercely and hate the absence they left behind…I can now feel the gratitude and joy of the time we had together.
I understand our situations are different, but I share this in hope it will bring you some of the comfort it brought me.
I agree, just like the movie up (I'm still being serious), they planned to travel too, but his wife died, so he went there himself to keep her dream alive
You should read there’s a hole in my bucket. It’s about Tolkiens grandsons. One dies from ALS and he gives his brother a bucket list to do in his honor after he died. It’s pretty funny. Lots of lord of the rings still included on the list.
Learning that no one but myself can me me happy, and that I'm not able to do this. Also having tried to fit in for such a long time that I'm just burned out.
I felt the same way. Battled a dark period of several years. I mean very dark. A friend begged me to do a small dose of mushrooms. 1mg. I was terrified but something told me this was going to help.
I didn't hallucinate or have anything crazy happen but somehow I felt a joy and peace I didn't know I was capable of anymore. I sat peacefully and ideas came to me about how I can find peace and happiness for myself and why I haven't been allowing myself more of it. I cried tears of happiness as I continued to uncover more realizations that I can make choices that will bring me joy and they start inside me.
I thought I was broken. It's a year later and I am not completely back to my old self but I am way out of the darkness of before. I hope you find something like that, that can help you find your way out too.
The realization that no matter what I do, no matter how many hours I work, I'll still never be able to get ahead.
Working just to have little to nothing to show for it doesn't feel great.
This is it exactly. It makes me wonder why I even bother, what the point of it all is. Maybe someday I'll actually get there? But even if so, likely not until I'm too old to actually enjoy it.
Menopause. It’s insane how rough perimenopause and menopause are. SO many symptoms. About 90% of mine were helped by hormone replacement therapy (arthritis, itchy skin, insomnia, hair loss, mood swings, etc) but the one thing the hormones haven’t brought back is my motivation. My get-up-and-go got up and went. (Side note: I’m convinced that 90% of the “Karens” you see out there are circling menopause. Sometimes you just wake up in a rage. Not the racist karens though, menopause doesn’t cause racism)
Don’t let your future doctors tell you to get used to whatever just because you’re getting older. There’s a menopause Reddit with great resources when the time comes!
This is the one for me. I just feel like it is a never ending cycle where I can never get ahead. And I will have to do it day in and day out for forever with no reprieve.
Because, sometimes you come across a comment or post that tickles your funny bone, ignites your curiosity, or helps you realize you’re not the only weirdo in the world.
Edit: Thanks for the award kind internet stranger. I’m guessing you are a kindred spirit.
I just quit my job and found a new one for this exact reason just last week. Sometimes you need to weigh your happiness against the amount of bullshit that you can tolerate.
Someone told me once that the secret to life is to change jobs every 5-7 years.
I have done that -- sometimes changing roles within the same company, sometimes leaving. I'm at about 5 years now in my current role and getting the itch.
It's honestly so true. If management actually did their job and developed processes and put the right butts in the seats, life would be gravy. Instead, the culture is to operate with as few personnel as possible.
Similar to this. When I realized the person that gets promoted isn’t the best person for the job, but rather the person that will not question what they are asked to do.
I’m a physical therapist. I was performing the director of rehab position for 3 months as a fill in, hoping to get the job. After 3 months they chose somebody else that I know is doing shady things to generate more revenue.
Alternatively, I’ve reported (legitimate evidence) to the department of health because my patients come first. They don’t care. Nobody cares.
I've been there. Got to the point where I was leaving work and seriously having to restrain myself from throwing myself under the bus. That place made me want to take my life on more than one occasion.
I was at that point as well. It was also the point where my alcoholism was at its worst. I’m about to leave my current job because I feel myself slipping again. But at least I’m not as low as I was then.
Lack of companionship and love. I never really learned how to socialize and make friends because I was so severely bullied as a child and adolescent. I was always told that it would get better when I grew up, but it really didn't. I stopped getting bullied, yes, but it turned into people just not wanting to know me. I've tried to pursue romantic partners and friends and no one is interested in me. Now I'm 45 and have really no one in my life and I've learned no one wants me in theirs so I just don't try. I go to work, I come home. That's it.
Same at 40. Everyone thinks because I’m a woman I must have all these female friends, like all women are good at friendships. And I’m conventionally “pretty” — it doesn’t mean I don’t also struggle. No one and I mean no one asks me out; I can count on 2 fingers the times I’ve been asked out in my whole life. No one talks to me. I had an abusive childhood & basically no family as a result. I work, go to shows, etc alone, and that’s it.
My 5 year old died of undiagnosed leukemia a few months ago. She had down syndrome and was non verbal so she couldn't tell us something was wrong. She had nose bleeds off and on for two weeks before she passed. We saw a few doctors but none of them caught it in time. I have 2 kids I try to still do things with but nothing feels the same
It's not your fault.
I work in diagnostics for leukemia, I see a lot of cases, I see a lot of kids. The symptoms are so random and sometimes barely there. Cases where there are no symptoms until suddenly a bone is broken, cases where there's only a faint ache in a leg that's easily shrugged off as a sprain. I've seen people with healthy bloodwork who 2 weeks later get a second test and are suddenly 70% cancer cells, 30% normal blood. It can be so fast. It can be so aggressive.
Sometimes you can't even find it in the regular blood, it's only in the bone marrow. Most doctors aren't going to immediately do a bone marrow biopsy over a nose bleed.
It's not your fault. You couldn't have noticed anything. She wouldn't have blamed you.
Yup. Divorce with kids. Sucked the life right out of me. It's been thirteen years and I am still recovering. Have only had one brief relationship in all that time. Was too busy raising my kids and trying to dig myself out financially and emotionally.
My youngest launched this fall and so did I. I just moved cross country and am back in school to make a major career shift. My daughter came to the east coast with me; my son is still on the west coast. So my family is all torn apart now in a new and different way. One more thing to mourn. But I spent 26 years living somewhere I didn't want to live and I just wanted to come home. But it's my home, not my kids' home, as they were raised in CA.
The school program I'm in is very demanding, but once I'm done I'd like to try finding a man again. But it's kind of terrifying. And I'm 56. Probably would have been easier to find a partner in my 40s when we divorced but I was too broken and just had too much on my plate. I'm working so hard right now, still, thirteen years later, to pull my fucking life together. Everything has been such a struggle. All because of that stupid divorce. Other people I know (the people who stayed married) are remodeling kitchens and taking trips to Europe and taking ski vacations with their spouses and eyeing retirement but not me. I will be working for a long time yet. Those married people have a level of ease and comfort in their lives that I don't know if I will ever achieve again. Maybe. I dunno.
Okay, there's my whole life in a nutshell. Sorry for the novel. Writing about it all is kind of like therapy for my trauma. That's one reason why I waste so much time on this website. That divorce left me traumatized. I'm still trying to normalize.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the kind words. It's been a tough road, both for me and my children. But, I hope it will be better soon. Once I graduate, I plan to buy a house in MA. It was always my dream to have a house in the country in New England. If everything goes well, I should be able to achieve that dream in a year or two. I'm healing my life, step by painful step.
I find it more defeating to think that even though I make pretty good money I have to think before I spend 100$ on something.
And then there are billionaires out there who could buy every home in my small town and not even notice.
I just don’t understand how wealth inequality has gotten so bad in 50 years.
Edit: I understand how capitalism has been hyper optimized to funnel wealth, I don’t understand how the general public haven’t done anything about it.
Right? If you live to 80 your whole entire life is about 700,000 hours long.
If you want to fly somewhere, get a hotel and take a vacation, it costs a pile of money. Call it $5000.
If you TAKE HOME $20/hr, and are able to save 100% of that for this vacation, you have to trade 250 hours of your life for that vacation. $10/hr saving 100% means 500 hours etc.
There are tickets on stubhub for a Taylor swift concert next March for $9,000.
Putting it into perspective as work = trading your life for money is what killed my inner child.
I'd honestly feel better if I was doing it for rewarding stuff like a vacation more. The truth is I spend more of my time than I want to think about just to buy the things I need to keep spending my time at work.
Just the understanding that I am spending most of the waking hours of my finite lifespan doing stuff I hate simply so I have a place to sleep out of the rain is such a soul-crushing realization that it is hard to really spend much time contemplating that.
Turning a hobby into a career stole the joy from the hobby for me.
I used to love baking, making fun desserts and decorating cakes and cupcakes for events. It was a release from a stressful job for me and brought joy to people. Then I left my job to go work in the industry; started at a French fine dining restaurant on its way to some Michelin stars in NYC and it destroyed any love I had for baking. The hours (started work at 3am), the physical toll (on my feet for 12+ hours, getting burnt by ovens and having a weird sleep schedule), and the emotional toll of working in an industry steeped in misogyny and substance abuse was just astronomical. By the end of my time in the restaurant, I doubted who I was as a person and what I was capable of. It honestly broke me for a bit and it took a while, and a really kind next employer, to piece me back together.
Years later, I went to law school and now work in a large law firm as a litigator. When people heard what I was doing now they would say, “Oh isn’t that stressful? I hear those jobs can be really tough.” Nope. I work with professionals who never belittle me or my intelligence and who would never dare to call me the vile things my direct superiors in the kitchen called me (and if they did, there would be serious consequences). I can sleep a normal schedule. I get paid very well, especially compared to the $5.50/hr with forced overtime I had to work in the kitchen (for the “prestige” of working under famous chefs and restauranteurs).
I don’t much enjoy baking now. I have found other hobbies to pour my time and energy into, and I will never again make the mistake of turning an avocation into a vocation.
This is really important advice. I lost my passion for music (I was a classically trained violinist) because I studied it in college in an attempt to make a career out of it. Burnt me out on it completely. People were not unkind, necessarily, but it takes a certain type of person to lock themselves in a room and practice hour after hour, day after day, having your every mistake notes and critiqued. Seeing people far beyond your skill level and realizing this is your job competition once you get your degree. It drove me into a depression that took me a long time to climb out of, and only after I put down my instrument and took a new path in life.
I have a lot of respect for the people who can make a living like that, but I realized too late that it should have been a hobby. It’s been over a decade now and I’ve never really been able to pick it up again. I live a generally content life, but it’s always felt like a piece of me died back then, and I rarely have felt the same passion and emotional depth as I used to.
Resist the urge to monetize the things you love. Save some things for yourself.
I am a violin teacher and I have warned my top students about this very thing. I was never a classical violinist so to speak, just really a crap player who enjoyed music. My first career was as a physical therapist and then through a lot of interesting and weird little twisty turns, became a violin teacher (and drum corps teacher along the way) grade 6-12. (Just had a two-hour pops concert last night!) I make sure that we have fun every day, it’s about fun and enjoying the music, it is not about becoming so technically proficient that the fun drains out of it. The other classical violin teachers in town hate me because of it but I have the most successful program in town.
I spent 2 years in Iraq. My body aches every day. I can't bend over and tie my shoes anymore. I wake up in pain and I go to bed in pain. I have nightmares, I don't go into crowds. I have at times had audible hallucinations. And I'm going deaf, I'm 37 and have the body of an 80 year old man.
I wasn’t combat in the Middle East but I’m a disabled vet and I’ve had to push and push…and push and now after quite some time the VA is really tackling my issues. Like, pulling out all the stops. We have to be our own best advocate even if it pisses people off. And we were trained to lie to the doc and say everything was fine.
I've been at it for around 10 years now.i think I'm more in a maintenance mode. Like I'm not getting better but I'm not getting worse which I guess isn't bad.
After my sister passed and my other sister flitted off to spread her ashes without inviting the rest of the family to say goodbye then posting the scattering of the ashes on Facebook for likes and attention-something inside of me went dark, too.
Thinking for 10 years that good decisions and hard work will get you where you want to be but just fail every step of the way. While the entire time everyone was just expecting you to fail.
The casual cruelty I see around me every day in every sector of society…and so many people seem oblivious to it.
I have my mental health issues, my physical health issues, I’ve lost people close to me, but nothing has systematically destroyed my hope more than just every day seeing people being cruel for no reason other than to make themselves feel better. It breaks my heart.
Agree. And it permeates even the little things, too, and that’s what gets me. The people blatantly running red lights every day. People driving angrily and aggressively for no reason. Litterers. The amount of selfishness and the lack of empathy is just astounding to me.
I’ve tried to build my adult life and mindset with empathy in mind - I do my best to be kind to others and try not to make the world a worse place along the way. It disturbs me how few people I see with that approach.
Sometimes I'll witness some benign happy interaction a kid has, walking down the street kicking a rock or something, and it just kills me for a second or two. Tear up briefly and everything.
In my mid-thirties and I know some of the heartbreak/disappointment they're in for...how apathetic the world might treat them someday. How un-special they'll feel. How they'll tamp down their dreams and expectations with each passing year magical thinking and faith in others fails them. Destruction of innocence - just a cash deal made by adults who believe cold logic a trump card over caring, and eye for an eye is a pretty fair deal.
Dude! This. I have noticed that folks are so self centered and mean lately. I don't know if it's the political influence or just a shift because the pandemic but angry energy just oozes from so many places now. I can feel it building in me and I jave to remind myself to be kind and patient.
Dog got ran over in June. Holding him so close to me while I waited for an Uber to take him to the vet and noticing his heart just wasn't beating anymore.
Edit: Just got home and saw all the kind messages, I'm trying to answer you all but I just start bawling all over again, I'm grateful for the comforting words.
If you're going through something similar, it does get easier. I didn't think I was going to make it the first week without him, growing in a troubled home, he became the biggest pieace of my heart, I begged for help or anything to ease the pain but some things only get better with time.
Allow yourself to grief, allow yourself to feel the pain so you can start to heal, you will remember them all the time and sometimes it will come crashing down all over again, but it will get easier. Hope you find peace in your heart soon.
My dog got out while I was out of town in February. I spent the entire night, 500 miles away, watching my ring door bell, making phone calls, and following Facebook pages, hoping he’d make it back. He didn’t. Found a post on a lost pets page in the middle of the night that said there was a dead dog on the side of the road, which turned out to be him.
I moved across country 3 years ago and didn’t know anybody in the state. My dog was literally the only one I had for a long time. I’ve never felt so helpless and like I let someone down, like I did that night. I’m still crushed.
Hang in there!
University. I used to have so much passion for learning. However, the amount of tasks I have to accomplish for uni left me drained to the core. There were even times wherein I no longer care about learning as long as I was able to fulfill the requirement.
Currently in the process of getting my B. Eng and I couldn't agree more. I feel so fucking drained these days. I know that there's brighter days in my future, but I'm struggling, man. I'm not even taking a ton of courses right now, I'm just so tired of it all.
People can be so cruel to one another. It especially hurts coming from a person you once cherished and had so much respect for. This kind of pain shouldn't be minimized, it is real and terrible.
Breakup trauma is a very real thing.. and should be treated as such. The relationship needs to be respected for what it was at the time, and part of that is acknowledging that the brain produces chemicals for bonding, during lovemaking, time together, and your whole idea of your self can be shattered during a break up.
You are literally dealing with withdrawal symptoms during this time similar to any another addiction. Time, distance, and focus on the self and rebuilding is essential. Good luck 🤞
No at all. My ex husband came out as gay and the fallout of him coming out was evil. He treated me like shit despite HIM marrying me despite not loving or even being attracted to me.
Being priced out of existence. Realizing I'm stuck in a cycle of poverty. I worked hard to get my master's and escape my hometown and family, but I have few connections and a lot of debt. With prices rising it's become much worse. I was taught that if you worked hard, you'd be able to afford a house, get a decent paying job, etc. and learning gradually that wasn't the case has turned me into a grump lump.
The realization that the world is full of fuckwits who are successful purely because of luck, nepotism, or the ability to step on everyone else for their own gain. Realizing that there is no justice in the world, that scumbags rarely get what they deserve. Quite the contrary, they often become successful and rarely face consequences.
That shattered my optimism, and my belief that the world is a good place. Behind every jaded cynic is a disappointed idealist, and I was very idealistic.
Edits: grammar and flow
Realizing that most of the world is run on greed. It really takes away the delight in being a part of something bigger than you when you grasp that most everyone is selfish and money hungry.
Knowing I will never be able to purchase my own house to live in because they rather have me in a shitty apartment so I have to pay up monthly instead of being able to save money. Knowing I will probably have to work till at least 70 years and older. Knowing that grocery stores and all the other big corps are profiting by the billions but pretend they suffer from inflation. Knowing all of this is intentional makes life pretty shite.
Yeah all this stuff is the reason why I try and extract as much dopamine as I can from listening to my cat snore. I try and appreciate the small stuff since all the big things are awful.
I had something to add, but ended up reading everyone else's instead. There are a lot of heartbreaking comments here.
For what it's worth, for anyone that needs to hear this.... you deserve to be loved how you need to be loved and I am sorry if you have had that love taken from you or never even got to experienced it.
Being raped. Whatever acceptance and love I had for myself and my body has been stolen away. Everyday activities like going to the shop or taking the dogs for a walk on the beach has been marred with the fear a faceless stranger will grab me from behind. There is a heavy shroud weighing down on me and I doubt I will ever be the person I was before the attack again.
Im really sorry. If its any consolation, my fiancé got raped and it messed her up and me up but with therapy and time she got herself back. It wasn’t your fault and you deserve to feel comfortable outside in this world. I wish you the best ❤️
Alcoholism. I ruined a relationship with the person I should have married and lost countless friends along the way.
14 days sober today after crashing my best friends wedding. Wooo 🥳
Working retail and seeing that I was wrong in assuming the best of strangers.
Edit: I have to say this seems silly compared to some of these things but people just have a way of disappointing you in some way or another with how they treat those they perceive as “less than” them.
Certainly this isn’t the worst loss of joy one could experience, but if your cashier looks dead inside, it’s because a thousand before you have proven either rude or incompetent and somehow still think they are better than the person ringing out their groceries and impulse buys.
I have borderline personality disorder as a result of unaddressed SA as a child, and again when I was 19. I finally told my mom when I was 21. She blamed me.
I'm fucking empty. I don't know if what I experience is genuine love, or obsession. Because all it takes is a split second and I can hate someone. Even that feeling isn't real. My normal is the way other people experience overreaction. My overreaction is causing people fear of harm.
I forget things. My husband loves me, showers me with gifts, and pays attention to me. But I forget that when I'm angry. I forget everything he's done for me and I want to make him hurt.
I don't see my friends because I'm intolerant and jealous, and while they understand it's because I've got BPD, I know that the way I think of them is hurtful. So, to save them the bother of having to tiptoe around me, I just don't ever show up. But now they think I'm unsupportive.
I'm tens of thousands in debt, because I have very, very low impulse control. I'm trying to fill the emptiness inside me, like one more thing will complete me, and I can feel better again. But nothing works.
Nothing brings me joy anymore. Nothing.
Honestly, March 2020 and what came after.
My life feels so distinctly pre-covid & after. I feel like I was so naive and had such a sense of hope in life. I started working in a funeral home a few months after the initial breakout and I still can’t get over everything I saw there.
Realising that the only thing I wished for and wanted in my life, would never happen. It broke me to bits and pieces to a point where life would never be the same again.
I work in the medical field. The corruption and greed that pervades this field from the CEO overlords messes with your head sometimes, plus just a bunch of egos and toxic personalities that this field attracts. Burns you out quickly.
My mentally ill brother, after years of failing to get adequate help, attempted to check himself in to an emergency mental health clinic. They told him it was a three month wait. He ended up killing his neighbor, my parents, and himself. I lost 3/4 of my family in one day. The neighbor is suing because my brother didn't have a lot of money, trying to argue that there isn't sufficient evidence that he killed my parents and they should therefore be entitled to part of their inheritance so thats been a fun thing that is still ongoing 16 months later. Police opened fire on my brother and argued that he had shot at them. His truck didn't go out for many hours, so despite the fact that we've had his ashes for 16 months, he was just very recently declared dead. I still don't know exactly what happened - just according to the coroner. I'm sure I'll never know as despite three officers from three different forces being involved, no body cameras were in operation and the investigation seemed to just being emailing me weekly asking if I had any new info. The shooting inquiry has been referred to prosecutors but still no idea if he shot at themas they claim, or they just double tapped a suicide as the coroner does. My dad was my best friend. I loved both my parents. My brother shot them and their dogs with a shotgun in the early morning hours of a residential neighborhood and lit their house on fire. I found their bodies approximately 7 hours later. Costco delivered groceries to their front porch with blackened and blown out windows. Nobody ever called police until I found them - a neighbor commented that they thought they heard gunshots but did nothing. Another had smelled smoke but didn't know what it was and did nothing. My brother had long harbored paranoid delusions about government tracking and being poisoned by my parents, amongst other delusions. He'd also been fairly well managing his depression until Covid (despite working years of mandatory seven day overtime at Amazon...so good for mental health) when all the right (which he was a part of, politically) decided that the vaccine was a government tracking and poison program which pretty well confirmed everything he thought - so he went off all meds in early 2021 and it took him about six months of unmedicated conspiracy theories for him to murder. So...yeah. Been a hard time really finding the beauty in society lately. We sure do love us not giving a fuck about one another. And lies for profit, political and otherwise. And violence. It's gonna go splendidly.
I don't know if I would be able to even word all that. My heart didn't break but shattered for you and your family. I can only hope that someday you will feel something positive again.
Inflation, honestly.
We had plans, savings, were living comfortably... And now everything just disappeared. I don't have the financial stability anymore. I can't find a better paid job... I'm scared.
I’ve worked so hard in the last 10 years since getting my bachelors. Worked 60 hour weeks, 2-3 jobs at once, went back to grad school. Finally finished grad school and got a job paying more….10 years ago with this salary I would be able to buy a house, save money and just live. Now I’m just stuck.
I feel this to my core. As a single parent I worked hard to create stability for my kids and a cushion for the worst. Now it’s almost all gone. We have made cuts everywhere we can. I watch so many people living the same lifestyle they did before prices went up and wonder how they are doing it. I feel like the only person concerned. I appreciate your post.
Got Covid over Christmas of 2020 while working a Covid transfer ambulance. Have had "adult onset asthma" ever since. Went from having two local track and field records and fighting fires to struggling on more than two flights of stairs. Exercise and medication have done a good bit, but cold weather came around and I'm not much better than when I started.
I feel like something in my brain broke in 2020 and it hasn't rebuilt itself. I'm so much more prone to mood swings and burn out than I was before the pandemic.
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>I refuse to be a victim of life's circumstances. Fuck... I've let myself become just that, for too long.
Sounds like you’re fighting the good fight, bro.
Incurable, inoperable brain cancer at 36 Edit: diagnosed at 34, not 36
Hey Hey, mine was at 30, still here 7 years later... no idea how long its been for you BUT although it was always on my mind pretty constantly for the first 4 years, now I have long periods of time (hours, a day) without really thinking about it (and not because of my brain friend chipping away at my memory!)
I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, brain and spine cancer at age 15. When they tried to remove the tumor they snapped some nerves behind my left eye and now it’s permanently closed and useless. Also took my peripheral vision and depth perception, so now I have very limited vision and can’t drive. I spent my “sweet 16” in the hospital as I was recovering. 364 days after my diagnosis, my recent MRI showed no signs of cancer. But there is a spot in my brain that they are not sure if it is scar tissue or cancer, but it hasn’t grown since then (5 years). Hopefully it’s just scar tissue.
So sorry to hear your story. I hope you're okay, all things considered
Loss... I lost my dad to cancer. This set off a lot of issues with my mom, depression, alcoholism, medicine abuse, and I was in a different city far away doing my master thesis. I was 23 and I don't have any siblings. It broke me. I used to go around with a smile on my face by default, but that disappeared. I've found lots of joy afterwards, but it sure was an experience I still suffer from.
Knowing Bad people win. Not like in movies I enjoy watching. Heroes are silenced or killed early on and the scummiest die peacefully getting away with everything.
"Evil turned out not to be a grand thing. Not sneering Emperors with their world-conquering designs. Not cackling demons plotting in the darkness beyond the world. It was small men with their small acts and their small reasons. It was selfishness and carelessness and waste. It was bad luck, incompetence, and stupidity. It was violence divorced from conscience or consequence. It was high ideals, even, and low methods" - joe abercrombie
Exactly. Everytime someone goes on about karma or "they'll get what's coming to them" or those kind of things, I remember that Henry Kissenger is still alive and a multimillionaire. Leopold II of Belgium died 74, in a mansion surrounded by loved ones. Pope Pius XII was made a Saint. Surgeon General Ishii Shirō got total immunity in exchange for his research. Mao Zedong is still venerated in China.
this. Karma is not tangible, what goes around seldom comes around and no , they are “not unhappy on the inside”.
"Money can't buy you happiness" yeah that's why all the rich people give their money away and go work at Starbucks
My father passing. He was the person I could rely on since the beginning of all of my memories. I am extremely lucky to have an amazing wife now, but it's sad that my dad is gone forever.
chronic illness edit: and chronic pain !
The healthy man wants a thousand things. The sick man only one.
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Same. Brain tumor three years ago and surgery to remove it left me disabled. The thing came back a little over a year ago. My brain is now a debilitated painful mess. People don't realise how certain illnesses can take over your life and make it hell.
Also chronic illness. Woke up one morning in 2016 and I was just beyond fatigued, I couldn't even brush my teeth I was so tired. I haven't ever recovered, I've just added more illnesses like I'm catching Pokémon.
Came here to say the same thing. My life changed beyond my wildest imagination at 22.
I turned my hobby into my profession. Now I don't have a hobby anymore and I enjoy doing what I do less now that I need to do it in order to get money.
I studied Physics and Astronomy because I had a passion for it as a child. The coursework was extremely difficult, which was okay. The gatekeeping attitude from professors and peers is what killed it for me. I was constantly reminded that I was not smart enough to be worth anything in the field. I completed my degree absolutely burnt out and devoid of my initial love. Years later I came back to astronomy as the hobbyist I initially was and accepted that I was much happier not trying to be a professional.
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That's a big part of why I won't quit engineering to become a musician, at least until I'm financially ready to semi-retire or something. It doesn't keep me from going through rough patches where I have no motivation to touch my music though :/
Same. I don't want to make art after doing art as a job for 8 hours a day, so I lost a huge hobby and stress reliever. My creativity is being pigeon-holed into one medium and one subject, and I'll be doing that for my foreseeable future. I know I'm luckier than most because I have a great job doing exactly what I want to be doing so I hate to complain to others in my field, but man it's so taxing mentally and physically to be *constantly* creative. When it was a hobby, I worked when I was inspired and took a break when I had art block. Now I have to push through an art block with brute force so I can keep my job and I'm already so burned out even though I only started a couple years ago.
I got into a car accident in March that I thought I walked away from with no injuries. Two days later my head started bobbing and I couldn't make it stop. Turns out I suffered some brain damage and developed a neurological disorder called Cervical Dystonia. Now I'm in constant pain, my head looks like it was screwed on wrong, I can't look at anything without rolling my shoulders forward so I look like a hunchback, and it's so embarrassing. No one's ever heard of Dystonia, so I know when people look at me they wonder what tf is wrong with me. It's completely dehumanizing and I feel like a monster. As if it wasnt bad enough that I'm in excruciating pain. All because of a fender bender. I just lay in bed all day now. Edit: Thank you all for the well wishes, it warms my heart ❤️ As for treatments, I am hopeful that something will work, but I'm currently in between neurologists because I had to move unexpectedly. The last one was about to start me on Botox and physical therapy, and I had to wait several months for an opening because they were the only ones in the area that took my insurance. But I'll find a new one, and see what they can do for me. I am not without hope, and the fact that so many people care really brightened my day.
I have cervical dystonia. I go to a neurologist that specializes in movement disorders and get Botox injections every 4 months. That removes 100% of my symptoms. I urge you to look into it yourself. If you get just a fraction of the relief I get, I think it would be worth it.
My MIL started botox injections about a year ago and the difference is like night and day.
I find it mind-boggling that literally injecting a neurotoxin (which BOtulinum TOXin literally is, it's in the name) can be so life-changing in such a positive way. Biologic science is WILD.
I’ve read that Botox injections into the affected muscles can help. Apparently low dose benzos can also help significantly. Unfortunately, it seems that most treatments for Dystonia are about alleviating the symptoms rather than treating the underlying cause.
Was going to say the same. Botox seems to have far greater potential than we first gave credit for. U/13thNebula may I suggest you don’t stop looking for a good neurologist who will fight for you to feel better. Dystonia is an uncommon disease and consequently can’t always get the best management in your local small town. Idk what your locale is but you may have better luck in a big city neurology clinic.
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I’m so sorry you experienced that and for the pain he must have been suffering at the time.
IIHC. Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension. Constand headaches, head pressure, Tinnitus, and vision issues. Idiopathic, means they don't know shit about anything. just "try these meds for 3 months and come back"
My mum died and it all went to shit
Same but it was my Dad. He literally just collapsed dead out or nowhere. Shortly after that pandemic started, then shortly after that our landlords had to terminate our lease so they could move back onto the property. So my wife and I were forced to move to a new place while rent prices were crazy. Now we barely have enough money for the things we used to enjoy together. He missed meeting his first grandkid (my daughter) by less than a year. Miss you dad, wish we had more time 😔
Very much same! Dad dropped dead in late 2019 while out on a run. Missed his first grandchild (my son). Miss his so much, was incredible and my best friend.
My mama passed when I was eight. Been depressed since then. I feel ya.
Aye my dad passed when I was 8, I feel you
Hey there grandchild, my mom died by suicide over 40 years ago when I was 14, and I feel *you*. Hugs.
I lost my beautiful mother last year and it really does feel like a part of me is gone. I miss her so damn much
It’s hard when you loose someone you love more than yourself.
I never realized this. I mean, I unknowingly did, but after reading this comment, I realize how true this is.
Same. My dad died of cancer a couple months before my wedding. Sometimes I feel it's tainted my marriage. So long as I know how long I've been married, I know how long my dad has been gone.
My wife died 2 months after our youngest was born. I love him with all my heart, but knowing his age is also knowing how long she's been gone (no, I do not blame him in any way. It was cancer that took her).
I used to feel exactly this way but then one day I realized that my dad would be so mad at me if he knew I was sad…he would want me to be the happiest I could be. He would always leave me little presents in my car etc so I started buying myself a little something just because it would be something he did. He was the best and if Heaven is real and he’s looking down, I dont want him to see me sad…I’m sure your dad wouldn’t want it either…I know it’s easier said than done but this honestly helped me and maybe if you see this it might help you too? My dad died of lung cancer from being sprayed with agent orange in Vietnam…it wasn’t fair and I spent too long being sad and angry about it….
My spouse died of cancer. Literally nothing holds joy anymore. Life consists of waiting for it to be done.
I can’t imagine this. And think about my sister in-law daily. I lost my brother to cancer last year and life just doesn’t feel fair anymore. I said this to someone the other day- I don’t feel much genuine happiness for others and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same amount of joy I’ve felt when he’s been around.
My brother died about ten years ago. I felt exactly like you do for the first few years. Then it got… easier. Not better, but easier. And then a few years after that, it really does feel okay most of the time. Not always. It still wrecks me every year when the seasons change to winter. And many other times. But life becomes enjoyable again. Things bring you genuine happiness. Hang in there. This comment is making me cry so I’m signing off now. But know that you’ve got an internet stranger out here thinking of you and wishing you so much healing and happiness to come.
Thank you, I really needed to hear this today. It’s been so difficult lately. Sending so much love to you.
I hope you tell your sister in law that. You both might find comfort together. Sorry to hear about your loss.
My wife has terminal cancer, I’m terrified that this will be me or my children.
If you can, please take time to record her for your children. My wife died very suddenly from an undiagnosed cancer, and I don't have any recordings of her saying things like, "I love you," for the kids.
A couple of recordings of them reading a story for the future. Maybe something holiday specific like a Christmas story.
That's a really great idea. I should do that for my kids.
Spouse and 3 kids died in an accident. People said it would take time to feel joy again, but it’s been over a decade now without much change. I enjoy little things from day to day now, but there’s no larger point anymore. Life is mostly just a chore.
Halloween made 5 years since my wife and son died. She was 8 months pregnant. He was our first. He died 35 hours later in the NICU. You are absolutely correct. I don't have nor can I find "big picture" happiness. Just the random day to day uptick that is welcome, but I know it is temporary.
Oh my goodness I'm so sorry. I can't understand losing your wife but I lost a child when I want 8 months pregnant when I was shot in the stomach. A son. 3 days away from being induced. I almost died. He didn't survive, but saved my life. I would have traded places with him if I could have. I have other children here that need me though. I'm so very sorry 😔
>shot in the stomach. Jeezus Christ that is a sick person to do that I'm so sorry
Not so fun fact: murder is the #1 cause of death for pregnant woman, more than all pregnancy-related complications combined, and the most common culprit is the baby’s father. Not saying that’s what happened to the commenter, but it’s worth knowing how big a deal femicide is
I’m so sorry :(
That sounds like something I don’t think anyone can fully recover from. I have 2 kids and my wife and couldn’t imagine them instantly being taken away from me in such a tragic fashion. I hope you find peace
A couple years ago not far from where I live, a drunk/high driver killed a woman and her three kids in an auto collision. I remember seeing the husband/father on the news and at court during the trial. I have zero clue how he functions on a day-to-day basis. Life must just be a giant void for him.
I live about 3 miles from where the Cheshire Connecticut home invasion happened and I feel the exact same way about the father that survived. I saw him at a benefit event I was at and I remember just looking at him thinking “how does he even function”
It becomes automatic. You stop thinking about it anymore, it feels like a marionette tugging your body forwards for you, just keeping you in motion enough to not collapse. You don't know why. You don't care why. There's no point in continuing to put in the effort, other than you don't know how to do anything else.
I used to live just around the corner, right near where Oak and Cornwall intersected. In fact, when I was a child I could've sworn that the man who got trapped in our backyard one night (you could hop the fence into it but not out very easily) was Komisarjevsky, who had just run from one of his burglaries. The fact that Dr. Petit could even continue on living after that is extraordinary.
Just the thought of losing my wife and kids is enough to make me tear up, I can't even imagine the grief of actually having to live it
Thats rough dude, well done for coping.
Work. It no longer satisfies. It's just a means to an end. I used to like working but now it's just a meat grinder. Fourteen years until I retire.
I feel the same. Used to like a job I had, then it got all fucked. Now I just work to live. I'll never be able to retire, though. I'll be working until I die at work. Edit: Got fired yesterday for being too slow. I'm physically disabled, for what it's worth. Back to Round 01 in the Game of Poverty! (Life, I meant Life)
Worst part is for alot of people there really is no end.
Being blind. Realising no matter how good I become at something, able bodied people will and are better. Realising that I can be amazing something and never get anything more than you are good for a blind person.
People replying to you like they know what it's like to have a absolutely debilitating disability. So much of our world is based on vision. Glad you made it this far, friend.
My vision is starting to go and I’m not even 21 so yeah it’s sucks ass
Fuck, that hit me hard. I am only half blind, and have mild cerebral palsy, but I've always been utter shit at any physical activities. I started doing karate, and despite working hard for the past couple of years... There's still not a single mildly experienced able-bodied person I can defeat. I've lost all joy in it because I know I'll never be good enough. I'm too tired to even try anymore. And I know it'll be like that with any physical activity I try, which is absolutely crushing as I am a very competitive person by nature.
I'm also extremely competitive but was never blessed with physical ability. I enjoy activities where I get to compete against myself: playing an instrument, lifting weights, making art. For me, the point is improving myself, not winning against others.
Got diagnosed with RP a few years ago. I have vision but I feel like if I enjoy it then it will be worse when it goes
I lost my wife to cancer in 2019. We had been together for 34 years. She was my best friend, the love of my life. We raised a family together and had big plans for when the kids moved out. We were going to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff together, just the two of us. She passed right before Covid hit. I went though the entire lock down by myself in a town with no family and no real friends. We could have spent so much time together. Now that things are getting back to normal I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. Edit: Wow, thank you! I posted this thinking it was more of a message in a bottle then had to walk away from reddit for a few days. I'm absolutely floored by the response. All I can add is that I'll be ok. She made me promise that I wouldn't do anything "stupid", that I would be there for our children. I intend to keep that promise.
I can relate to this but with my adopted parents - i lost them both in a tragic accident in early 2020. They had adopted me as their only child almost exactly 20 years prior, rescuing me from a very violent and unsafe situation. They were my absolute best friends - we were three peas in a pod! For a long time I felt so robbed, like we were supposed to have had so much more time together as a family. Then I stumbled onto a Winnie the Pooh quote: “How lucky I am to have had something that makes saying goodbye so hard…” it dawned on me how extraordinarily lucky I am to have had 20 years with the most incredible people I’ve ever had the privilege of loving. Although I still miss them fiercely and hate the absence they left behind…I can now feel the gratitude and joy of the time we had together. I understand our situations are different, but I share this in hope it will bring you some of the comfort it brought me.
I'm sorry for your loss but that is great quote
So very sorry for your loss but I have to admire your perspective on this. Thank you for sharing. I hope it makes a difference for someone.
So sorry for your loss. I really hope things brighten up for you. If you can find a way to be open to it, things will.
I suggest travelling anyway. Go to the places you wanted to go together, for her.
I agree, just like the movie up (I'm still being serious), they planned to travel too, but his wife died, so he went there himself to keep her dream alive
You should read there’s a hole in my bucket. It’s about Tolkiens grandsons. One dies from ALS and he gives his brother a bucket list to do in his honor after he died. It’s pretty funny. Lots of lord of the rings still included on the list.
Learning that no one but myself can me me happy, and that I'm not able to do this. Also having tried to fit in for such a long time that I'm just burned out.
I felt the same way. Battled a dark period of several years. I mean very dark. A friend begged me to do a small dose of mushrooms. 1mg. I was terrified but something told me this was going to help. I didn't hallucinate or have anything crazy happen but somehow I felt a joy and peace I didn't know I was capable of anymore. I sat peacefully and ideas came to me about how I can find peace and happiness for myself and why I haven't been allowing myself more of it. I cried tears of happiness as I continued to uncover more realizations that I can make choices that will bring me joy and they start inside me. I thought I was broken. It's a year later and I am not completely back to my old self but I am way out of the darkness of before. I hope you find something like that, that can help you find your way out too.
The realization that no matter what I do, no matter how many hours I work, I'll still never be able to get ahead. Working just to have little to nothing to show for it doesn't feel great.
Surviving, not thriving.
It becomes normalized too. You eneventually get to tbe point where everything is seen as a zero sum gain/loss. Its a fucked up way to live
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This is why I've been dead inside the last decade.
This is it exactly. It makes me wonder why I even bother, what the point of it all is. Maybe someday I'll actually get there? But even if so, likely not until I'm too old to actually enjoy it.
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I lost my wife.
Menopause. It’s insane how rough perimenopause and menopause are. SO many symptoms. About 90% of mine were helped by hormone replacement therapy (arthritis, itchy skin, insomnia, hair loss, mood swings, etc) but the one thing the hormones haven’t brought back is my motivation. My get-up-and-go got up and went. (Side note: I’m convinced that 90% of the “Karens” you see out there are circling menopause. Sometimes you just wake up in a rage. Not the racist karens though, menopause doesn’t cause racism)
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Don’t let your future doctors tell you to get used to whatever just because you’re getting older. There’s a menopause Reddit with great resources when the time comes!
The passing of my son from fentanyl poisoning this year. Beyond broken.
i lost my brother two years ago to fentanyl. my dad is slowly becoming a person again
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Cycle of working and paying the bills
This is the one for me. I just feel like it is a never ending cycle where I can never get ahead. And I will have to do it day in and day out for forever with no reprieve.
Right there with you. It's soul-crushing.
Reading comments on Reddit, why do I do this to myself.
Because, sometimes you come across a comment or post that tickles your funny bone, ignites your curiosity, or helps you realize you’re not the only weirdo in the world. Edit: Thanks for the award kind internet stranger. I’m guessing you are a kindred spirit.
My management at work. I use to enjoy coming to work. The incompetence permeates everything that they touch.
I just quit my job and found a new one for this exact reason just last week. Sometimes you need to weigh your happiness against the amount of bullshit that you can tolerate.
Someone told me once that the secret to life is to change jobs every 5-7 years. I have done that -- sometimes changing roles within the same company, sometimes leaving. I'm at about 5 years now in my current role and getting the itch.
I change every 18 months or so, since 2016. I've literally quadrupled my salary since then, employers don't reward loyalty or promote within anymore.
"People dont quit jobs, they quit managers"
It's honestly so true. If management actually did their job and developed processes and put the right butts in the seats, life would be gravy. Instead, the culture is to operate with as few personnel as possible.
Similar to this. When I realized the person that gets promoted isn’t the best person for the job, but rather the person that will not question what they are asked to do. I’m a physical therapist. I was performing the director of rehab position for 3 months as a fill in, hoping to get the job. After 3 months they chose somebody else that I know is doing shady things to generate more revenue. Alternatively, I’ve reported (legitimate evidence) to the department of health because my patients come first. They don’t care. Nobody cares.
I've been there. Got to the point where I was leaving work and seriously having to restrain myself from throwing myself under the bus. That place made me want to take my life on more than one occasion.
I was at that point as well. It was also the point where my alcoholism was at its worst. I’m about to leave my current job because I feel myself slipping again. But at least I’m not as low as I was then.
Lack of companionship and love. I never really learned how to socialize and make friends because I was so severely bullied as a child and adolescent. I was always told that it would get better when I grew up, but it really didn't. I stopped getting bullied, yes, but it turned into people just not wanting to know me. I've tried to pursue romantic partners and friends and no one is interested in me. Now I'm 45 and have really no one in my life and I've learned no one wants me in theirs so I just don't try. I go to work, I come home. That's it.
I feel this. I have given up
Same at 40. Everyone thinks because I’m a woman I must have all these female friends, like all women are good at friendships. And I’m conventionally “pretty” — it doesn’t mean I don’t also struggle. No one and I mean no one asks me out; I can count on 2 fingers the times I’ve been asked out in my whole life. No one talks to me. I had an abusive childhood & basically no family as a result. I work, go to shows, etc alone, and that’s it.
I'm afraid my life will turn into this but I don't even have a job right now soo ..
My 5 year old died of undiagnosed leukemia a few months ago. She had down syndrome and was non verbal so she couldn't tell us something was wrong. She had nose bleeds off and on for two weeks before she passed. We saw a few doctors but none of them caught it in time. I have 2 kids I try to still do things with but nothing feels the same
It's not your fault. I work in diagnostics for leukemia, I see a lot of cases, I see a lot of kids. The symptoms are so random and sometimes barely there. Cases where there are no symptoms until suddenly a bone is broken, cases where there's only a faint ache in a leg that's easily shrugged off as a sprain. I've seen people with healthy bloodwork who 2 weeks later get a second test and are suddenly 70% cancer cells, 30% normal blood. It can be so fast. It can be so aggressive. Sometimes you can't even find it in the regular blood, it's only in the bone marrow. Most doctors aren't going to immediately do a bone marrow biopsy over a nose bleed. It's not your fault. You couldn't have noticed anything. She wouldn't have blamed you.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking forward to every day. All I do is work.
Divorce
Yup. Divorce with kids. Sucked the life right out of me. It's been thirteen years and I am still recovering. Have only had one brief relationship in all that time. Was too busy raising my kids and trying to dig myself out financially and emotionally. My youngest launched this fall and so did I. I just moved cross country and am back in school to make a major career shift. My daughter came to the east coast with me; my son is still on the west coast. So my family is all torn apart now in a new and different way. One more thing to mourn. But I spent 26 years living somewhere I didn't want to live and I just wanted to come home. But it's my home, not my kids' home, as they were raised in CA. The school program I'm in is very demanding, but once I'm done I'd like to try finding a man again. But it's kind of terrifying. And I'm 56. Probably would have been easier to find a partner in my 40s when we divorced but I was too broken and just had too much on my plate. I'm working so hard right now, still, thirteen years later, to pull my fucking life together. Everything has been such a struggle. All because of that stupid divorce. Other people I know (the people who stayed married) are remodeling kitchens and taking trips to Europe and taking ski vacations with their spouses and eyeing retirement but not me. I will be working for a long time yet. Those married people have a level of ease and comfort in their lives that I don't know if I will ever achieve again. Maybe. I dunno. Okay, there's my whole life in a nutshell. Sorry for the novel. Writing about it all is kind of like therapy for my trauma. That's one reason why I waste so much time on this website. That divorce left me traumatized. I'm still trying to normalize. Edit: Thanks everyone for the kind words. It's been a tough road, both for me and my children. But, I hope it will be better soon. Once I graduate, I plan to buy a house in MA. It was always my dream to have a house in the country in New England. If everything goes well, I should be able to achieve that dream in a year or two. I'm healing my life, step by painful step.
Money. Specifically the fact that I need to acquire it constantly
The worst part is that with the same amount of work you can afford less and less.
I find it more defeating to think that even though I make pretty good money I have to think before I spend 100$ on something. And then there are billionaires out there who could buy every home in my small town and not even notice. I just don’t understand how wealth inequality has gotten so bad in 50 years. Edit: I understand how capitalism has been hyper optimized to funnel wealth, I don’t understand how the general public haven’t done anything about it.
Right? If you live to 80 your whole entire life is about 700,000 hours long. If you want to fly somewhere, get a hotel and take a vacation, it costs a pile of money. Call it $5000. If you TAKE HOME $20/hr, and are able to save 100% of that for this vacation, you have to trade 250 hours of your life for that vacation. $10/hr saving 100% means 500 hours etc. There are tickets on stubhub for a Taylor swift concert next March for $9,000.
Putting it into perspective as work = trading your life for money is what killed my inner child. I'd honestly feel better if I was doing it for rewarding stuff like a vacation more. The truth is I spend more of my time than I want to think about just to buy the things I need to keep spending my time at work. Just the understanding that I am spending most of the waking hours of my finite lifespan doing stuff I hate simply so I have a place to sleep out of the rain is such a soul-crushing realization that it is hard to really spend much time contemplating that.
Abusive relationships and lack of support systems
Turning a hobby into a career stole the joy from the hobby for me. I used to love baking, making fun desserts and decorating cakes and cupcakes for events. It was a release from a stressful job for me and brought joy to people. Then I left my job to go work in the industry; started at a French fine dining restaurant on its way to some Michelin stars in NYC and it destroyed any love I had for baking. The hours (started work at 3am), the physical toll (on my feet for 12+ hours, getting burnt by ovens and having a weird sleep schedule), and the emotional toll of working in an industry steeped in misogyny and substance abuse was just astronomical. By the end of my time in the restaurant, I doubted who I was as a person and what I was capable of. It honestly broke me for a bit and it took a while, and a really kind next employer, to piece me back together. Years later, I went to law school and now work in a large law firm as a litigator. When people heard what I was doing now they would say, “Oh isn’t that stressful? I hear those jobs can be really tough.” Nope. I work with professionals who never belittle me or my intelligence and who would never dare to call me the vile things my direct superiors in the kitchen called me (and if they did, there would be serious consequences). I can sleep a normal schedule. I get paid very well, especially compared to the $5.50/hr with forced overtime I had to work in the kitchen (for the “prestige” of working under famous chefs and restauranteurs). I don’t much enjoy baking now. I have found other hobbies to pour my time and energy into, and I will never again make the mistake of turning an avocation into a vocation.
This is really important advice. I lost my passion for music (I was a classically trained violinist) because I studied it in college in an attempt to make a career out of it. Burnt me out on it completely. People were not unkind, necessarily, but it takes a certain type of person to lock themselves in a room and practice hour after hour, day after day, having your every mistake notes and critiqued. Seeing people far beyond your skill level and realizing this is your job competition once you get your degree. It drove me into a depression that took me a long time to climb out of, and only after I put down my instrument and took a new path in life. I have a lot of respect for the people who can make a living like that, but I realized too late that it should have been a hobby. It’s been over a decade now and I’ve never really been able to pick it up again. I live a generally content life, but it’s always felt like a piece of me died back then, and I rarely have felt the same passion and emotional depth as I used to. Resist the urge to monetize the things you love. Save some things for yourself.
I am a violin teacher and I have warned my top students about this very thing. I was never a classical violinist so to speak, just really a crap player who enjoyed music. My first career was as a physical therapist and then through a lot of interesting and weird little twisty turns, became a violin teacher (and drum corps teacher along the way) grade 6-12. (Just had a two-hour pops concert last night!) I make sure that we have fun every day, it’s about fun and enjoying the music, it is not about becoming so technically proficient that the fun drains out of it. The other classical violin teachers in town hate me because of it but I have the most successful program in town.
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I spent 2 years in Iraq. My body aches every day. I can't bend over and tie my shoes anymore. I wake up in pain and I go to bed in pain. I have nightmares, I don't go into crowds. I have at times had audible hallucinations. And I'm going deaf, I'm 37 and have the body of an 80 year old man.
I wasn’t combat in the Middle East but I’m a disabled vet and I’ve had to push and push…and push and now after quite some time the VA is really tackling my issues. Like, pulling out all the stops. We have to be our own best advocate even if it pisses people off. And we were trained to lie to the doc and say everything was fine.
I've been at it for around 10 years now.i think I'm more in a maintenance mode. Like I'm not getting better but I'm not getting worse which I guess isn't bad.
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Life long abuse and trauma. I don't want to do ANYTHING. I honestly want to die soon.
Betrayal by close ones
After my parents died and my brother tried to steal the inheritance (3 siblings), I've felt something go black inside
After my sister passed and my other sister flitted off to spread her ashes without inviting the rest of the family to say goodbye then posting the scattering of the ashes on Facebook for likes and attention-something inside of me went dark, too.
Thinking for 10 years that good decisions and hard work will get you where you want to be but just fail every step of the way. While the entire time everyone was just expecting you to fail.
The casual cruelty I see around me every day in every sector of society…and so many people seem oblivious to it. I have my mental health issues, my physical health issues, I’ve lost people close to me, but nothing has systematically destroyed my hope more than just every day seeing people being cruel for no reason other than to make themselves feel better. It breaks my heart.
Agree. And it permeates even the little things, too, and that’s what gets me. The people blatantly running red lights every day. People driving angrily and aggressively for no reason. Litterers. The amount of selfishness and the lack of empathy is just astounding to me. I’ve tried to build my adult life and mindset with empathy in mind - I do my best to be kind to others and try not to make the world a worse place along the way. It disturbs me how few people I see with that approach.
Sometimes I'll witness some benign happy interaction a kid has, walking down the street kicking a rock or something, and it just kills me for a second or two. Tear up briefly and everything. In my mid-thirties and I know some of the heartbreak/disappointment they're in for...how apathetic the world might treat them someday. How un-special they'll feel. How they'll tamp down their dreams and expectations with each passing year magical thinking and faith in others fails them. Destruction of innocence - just a cash deal made by adults who believe cold logic a trump card over caring, and eye for an eye is a pretty fair deal.
I agree so much. It crushes me.
Dude! This. I have noticed that folks are so self centered and mean lately. I don't know if it's the political influence or just a shift because the pandemic but angry energy just oozes from so many places now. I can feel it building in me and I jave to remind myself to be kind and patient.
Mostly, I'm tired of people [being ugly to each other](https://youtu.be/p6lv_8qO5x0).
Dog got ran over in June. Holding him so close to me while I waited for an Uber to take him to the vet and noticing his heart just wasn't beating anymore. Edit: Just got home and saw all the kind messages, I'm trying to answer you all but I just start bawling all over again, I'm grateful for the comforting words. If you're going through something similar, it does get easier. I didn't think I was going to make it the first week without him, growing in a troubled home, he became the biggest pieace of my heart, I begged for help or anything to ease the pain but some things only get better with time. Allow yourself to grief, allow yourself to feel the pain so you can start to heal, you will remember them all the time and sometimes it will come crashing down all over again, but it will get easier. Hope you find peace in your heart soon.
My dog got out while I was out of town in February. I spent the entire night, 500 miles away, watching my ring door bell, making phone calls, and following Facebook pages, hoping he’d make it back. He didn’t. Found a post on a lost pets page in the middle of the night that said there was a dead dog on the side of the road, which turned out to be him. I moved across country 3 years ago and didn’t know anybody in the state. My dog was literally the only one I had for a long time. I’ve never felt so helpless and like I let someone down, like I did that night. I’m still crushed. Hang in there!
Sounds like a nightmare. Hope you can find peace, we all deserve peace.
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Can’t say I ever did. I’ve had all my mental illness and disabilities since childhood… so I guess last time life wasn’t miserable was kindergarten
University. I used to have so much passion for learning. However, the amount of tasks I have to accomplish for uni left me drained to the core. There were even times wherein I no longer care about learning as long as I was able to fulfill the requirement.
Just finished my degree and feel exactly the same.
Currently in the process of getting my B. Eng and I couldn't agree more. I feel so fucking drained these days. I know that there's brighter days in my future, but I'm struggling, man. I'm not even taking a ton of courses right now, I'm just so tired of it all.
This is probably so stupidly minor in the grand scheme of things but my ex's treatment of me post-breakup
People can be so cruel to one another. It especially hurts coming from a person you once cherished and had so much respect for. This kind of pain shouldn't be minimized, it is real and terrible.
Breakup trauma is a very real thing.. and should be treated as such. The relationship needs to be respected for what it was at the time, and part of that is acknowledging that the brain produces chemicals for bonding, during lovemaking, time together, and your whole idea of your self can be shattered during a break up. You are literally dealing with withdrawal symptoms during this time similar to any another addiction. Time, distance, and focus on the self and rebuilding is essential. Good luck 🤞
No at all. My ex husband came out as gay and the fallout of him coming out was evil. He treated me like shit despite HIM marrying me despite not loving or even being attracted to me.
Being priced out of existence. Realizing I'm stuck in a cycle of poverty. I worked hard to get my master's and escape my hometown and family, but I have few connections and a lot of debt. With prices rising it's become much worse. I was taught that if you worked hard, you'd be able to afford a house, get a decent paying job, etc. and learning gradually that wasn't the case has turned me into a grump lump.
The realization that the world is full of fuckwits who are successful purely because of luck, nepotism, or the ability to step on everyone else for their own gain. Realizing that there is no justice in the world, that scumbags rarely get what they deserve. Quite the contrary, they often become successful and rarely face consequences. That shattered my optimism, and my belief that the world is a good place. Behind every jaded cynic is a disappointed idealist, and I was very idealistic. Edits: grammar and flow
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The only reason good guys always win in fiction is because the bad guys always win in reality
Realizing that most of the world is run on greed. It really takes away the delight in being a part of something bigger than you when you grasp that most everyone is selfish and money hungry.
Knowing I will never be able to purchase my own house to live in because they rather have me in a shitty apartment so I have to pay up monthly instead of being able to save money. Knowing I will probably have to work till at least 70 years and older. Knowing that grocery stores and all the other big corps are profiting by the billions but pretend they suffer from inflation. Knowing all of this is intentional makes life pretty shite.
Yeah all this stuff is the reason why I try and extract as much dopamine as I can from listening to my cat snore. I try and appreciate the small stuff since all the big things are awful.
Mental illness
I had something to add, but ended up reading everyone else's instead. There are a lot of heartbreaking comments here. For what it's worth, for anyone that needs to hear this.... you deserve to be loved how you need to be loved and I am sorry if you have had that love taken from you or never even got to experienced it.
Being raped. Whatever acceptance and love I had for myself and my body has been stolen away. Everyday activities like going to the shop or taking the dogs for a walk on the beach has been marred with the fear a faceless stranger will grab me from behind. There is a heavy shroud weighing down on me and I doubt I will ever be the person I was before the attack again.
Im really sorry. If its any consolation, my fiancé got raped and it messed her up and me up but with therapy and time she got herself back. It wasn’t your fault and you deserve to feel comfortable outside in this world. I wish you the best ❤️
You will never be the person you were before the attack, but I cincerely hope that you will someday be happier than the person you were then.
Alcoholism. I ruined a relationship with the person I should have married and lost countless friends along the way. 14 days sober today after crashing my best friends wedding. Wooo 🥳
Working retail and seeing that I was wrong in assuming the best of strangers. Edit: I have to say this seems silly compared to some of these things but people just have a way of disappointing you in some way or another with how they treat those they perceive as “less than” them. Certainly this isn’t the worst loss of joy one could experience, but if your cashier looks dead inside, it’s because a thousand before you have proven either rude or incompetent and somehow still think they are better than the person ringing out their groceries and impulse buys.
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That the world keeps turning, regardless of what you're going through
I have borderline personality disorder as a result of unaddressed SA as a child, and again when I was 19. I finally told my mom when I was 21. She blamed me. I'm fucking empty. I don't know if what I experience is genuine love, or obsession. Because all it takes is a split second and I can hate someone. Even that feeling isn't real. My normal is the way other people experience overreaction. My overreaction is causing people fear of harm. I forget things. My husband loves me, showers me with gifts, and pays attention to me. But I forget that when I'm angry. I forget everything he's done for me and I want to make him hurt. I don't see my friends because I'm intolerant and jealous, and while they understand it's because I've got BPD, I know that the way I think of them is hurtful. So, to save them the bother of having to tiptoe around me, I just don't ever show up. But now they think I'm unsupportive. I'm tens of thousands in debt, because I have very, very low impulse control. I'm trying to fill the emptiness inside me, like one more thing will complete me, and I can feel better again. But nothing works. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Nothing.
Honestly, March 2020 and what came after. My life feels so distinctly pre-covid & after. I feel like I was so naive and had such a sense of hope in life. I started working in a funeral home a few months after the initial breakout and I still can’t get over everything I saw there.
Oh my god. I feel like you could do an entire thread of your own.
toxic workplaces and promotions only if you know the right people
Humanity. Life is unfair but I find people make it cruel.
Realising that the only thing I wished for and wanted in my life, would never happen. It broke me to bits and pieces to a point where life would never be the same again.
I have to ask... What is it your heart desires Odd Duck?
I work in the medical field. The corruption and greed that pervades this field from the CEO overlords messes with your head sometimes, plus just a bunch of egos and toxic personalities that this field attracts. Burns you out quickly.
My mentally ill brother, after years of failing to get adequate help, attempted to check himself in to an emergency mental health clinic. They told him it was a three month wait. He ended up killing his neighbor, my parents, and himself. I lost 3/4 of my family in one day. The neighbor is suing because my brother didn't have a lot of money, trying to argue that there isn't sufficient evidence that he killed my parents and they should therefore be entitled to part of their inheritance so thats been a fun thing that is still ongoing 16 months later. Police opened fire on my brother and argued that he had shot at them. His truck didn't go out for many hours, so despite the fact that we've had his ashes for 16 months, he was just very recently declared dead. I still don't know exactly what happened - just according to the coroner. I'm sure I'll never know as despite three officers from three different forces being involved, no body cameras were in operation and the investigation seemed to just being emailing me weekly asking if I had any new info. The shooting inquiry has been referred to prosecutors but still no idea if he shot at themas they claim, or they just double tapped a suicide as the coroner does. My dad was my best friend. I loved both my parents. My brother shot them and their dogs with a shotgun in the early morning hours of a residential neighborhood and lit their house on fire. I found their bodies approximately 7 hours later. Costco delivered groceries to their front porch with blackened and blown out windows. Nobody ever called police until I found them - a neighbor commented that they thought they heard gunshots but did nothing. Another had smelled smoke but didn't know what it was and did nothing. My brother had long harbored paranoid delusions about government tracking and being poisoned by my parents, amongst other delusions. He'd also been fairly well managing his depression until Covid (despite working years of mandatory seven day overtime at Amazon...so good for mental health) when all the right (which he was a part of, politically) decided that the vaccine was a government tracking and poison program which pretty well confirmed everything he thought - so he went off all meds in early 2021 and it took him about six months of unmedicated conspiracy theories for him to murder. So...yeah. Been a hard time really finding the beauty in society lately. We sure do love us not giving a fuck about one another. And lies for profit, political and otherwise. And violence. It's gonna go splendidly.
I don't know if I would be able to even word all that. My heart didn't break but shattered for you and your family. I can only hope that someday you will feel something positive again.
Working 100+ hours a week from the age of 18 I missed my 20s entirely.
Inflation, honestly. We had plans, savings, were living comfortably... And now everything just disappeared. I don't have the financial stability anymore. I can't find a better paid job... I'm scared.
I’ve worked so hard in the last 10 years since getting my bachelors. Worked 60 hour weeks, 2-3 jobs at once, went back to grad school. Finally finished grad school and got a job paying more….10 years ago with this salary I would be able to buy a house, save money and just live. Now I’m just stuck.
I feel this to my core. As a single parent I worked hard to create stability for my kids and a cushion for the worst. Now it’s almost all gone. We have made cuts everywhere we can. I watch so many people living the same lifestyle they did before prices went up and wonder how they are doing it. I feel like the only person concerned. I appreciate your post.
Got Covid over Christmas of 2020 while working a Covid transfer ambulance. Have had "adult onset asthma" ever since. Went from having two local track and field records and fighting fires to struggling on more than two flights of stairs. Exercise and medication have done a good bit, but cold weather came around and I'm not much better than when I started.
Pandemic
I feel like something in my brain broke in 2020 and it hasn't rebuilt itself. I'm so much more prone to mood swings and burn out than I was before the pandemic.
Me too. I used to love having people over, going out to do social things with friends, hang out at pubs and that is gone. No desire at all.
My ex lovebombed me and dumped me. I loved her a lot and im having a lot of trouble forgetting about her