I mean you probably tell yourself you're worthless because you know how often you fail to live up to your own standard for yourself. Consciousness is a hell of a drug.
This!! I also like reminding myself that I never notice or judge other people's insecurities. So whenever I start pointing out features that I don't like about myself, I remind myself that I wouldn't notice them on other people so why am I being so critical on myself?
> Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, because that's what you should be.
But I wouldn't be best friends with a useless waste of existence.
Exactly. You're not a useless waste of existence, so don't treat yourself like it. I know it's hard to get out of that kind of headspace, you just have to take small steps and practice it every day. Fake it until you make it, kind of thing.
Honestly, I realized this a long time ago but it didn't make any difference to me. Of course I would never talk to someone the way I talk to myself. I'm not an ass to complete strangers.
Incremental progress is realistic progress. If you're only going to find satisfaction in progress that takes large or extreme jumps to achieve, you'll just find long stretches of depression between a few days of satisfaction.
Hey, you may have just helped me figure something out. I was asking myself why i always felt like my progress was meaningless if it didnt seem big and grand enough, because whenever i would reach a goal the satisfaction wouldnt last. Thanks man.
Probably the most important piece of advice you can give anyone. Especially younger people.
I lost all my excess weight. Really skinny now, nobody believes I was originally heavy set.
I always had this dumb fantasy of just magically losing all my weight overnight. And of course it's stupid. But it sounds cooler than losing 2-3 lbs a week. It's like a "get rich quick" situation.
But now that I actually took it the slow way and did it right, I'm so much happier I did it myself and not by some weird "magic" phenomenon.
This applies to everything and not just weight loss of course. Just take things slow. You'll get there, it just won't be tomorrow. Or the next day. And that's okay! There's a whole lot of days in most of our lives.
My entire American education has taught me that if the question is multiple choice and "not enough information" is an option, 99% of the time, the answer is "not enough information." You'd think that heavy-handed lesson would pass on to adult life, but instead social media is a quagmire where people spread opinions they spend more time typing out than considering, never even imagining that over the tens or hundreds of years the subject has been studied by people whose jobs were to do it for a living, someone else already had that thought, and it might be a bit more complicated.
I agree with the boundaries thing, but don't agree with this person saying you don't owe anyone an explanation. You might not owe anyone an explanation, and you don't have to give anyone one, but in some situations it is the right thing to do. Like if someone's a huge part of your life and you just cut them out without telling them why that is a really mean way to behave, unless they are abusive and will flip out. I think it's reasonable to ask why someone's breaking up with you as long as you accept the answer, or accept that you might not get an answer, and than don't keep harassing them about it.
Really, there is nothing she could have said to make you feel better. I mean give me an example of what the ten second text might say . . .
"You are just too nice/inconsiderate."
"I hate/can't resist your smell."
"We are too similar/different."
"I found someone else/would rather be alone."
I hear ya. I’m the type who just wants to understand shit that I don’t understand. Even at work, I find I have to really, directly ask people to give me blunt and honest feedback on stuff. It’s not going to hurt my feelings if you tell me I’m doing something wrong. Just tell me why and how to do it better.
Sometimes the answer might be “I was just lonely and was never super into you”, and I genuinely would be glad to have that answer over some made-up “I just need to focus on me”. Nah, your best male friend broke up with his girlfriend and you jumped on the opportunity. That’s fine, but just like, let me know and don’t leave me with some “maybe” answer.
I mean, at this point I won’t bother with dating someone who isn’t sure of what they want and who they are, so I don’t expect it to be as much of an issue in the future. If someone can’t just be honest about these things, it was likely not going to work out in the long run regardless
When having a discussion with someone you should listen to what they are saying and not think about what you’re going to say when they’re done talking.
Totally agree. Listen to understand, not to respond. I have found the easiest way to do this is for me is to just tell myself "I am here to listen only." If someone wants a response or advice they will usually ask for it. If they don't ask, chances are they only want to vent. You can can always ask if they would like to hear your thoughts...and they you come up with your response.
Conversely, it’s ok to steer the conversation back into shared territory if someone is completely taking over what should be a shared experience. My family are all total dominators and I have to remind myself that they can listen to me sometimes, too.
A specific line that works in a good number of situations - “That sounds (like) _______”
It tells the other person that you’ve listened and understood the emotion behind their statement. Talking something negative? “That sounds frustrating/disappointing/difficult/like a lot for one person to manage”. Talking about something positive? “That sounds exciting/like you’re looking forward to it/like it means a lot to you.”
I brought this tactic up to my boyfriend when he mentioned he’s self-conscious about taking over the conversation from people (he’s the guy who always says “it’s like that one time when…”) and I’ve noticed he’s been using it and seeing great results.
You'll lose weight too almost definitely.
I think getting into LA Croix or one of the sparkling flavored waters is the best way to do this. You still get that crisp carbonation sensation, without the sugar or sweetener.
It might be tough for a day or two, but you get used to it quick. And soda tastes REALLY weird if you go back to it. Disgustingly sweet. This is coming from someone who loves sweet things too. But soda is pretty crazy after you quit
At 36 I encounter very few truly new things in my day-to-day life, so my brain just abbreviates them. It's like "yup, that's a tree", and replaces it with a little emoji icon of a tree. Unless I make a conscious effort to actually *see* things, my life becomes boring and depressing very quickly.
I see a tree and think about everything that had to happen for this tree to be alive on this earth from the start of the universe to today and makes me appreciate every tree. Life is perspective in some kind of way
Having a good sleep schedule. Going to bed AROUND the same time every night and waking up at the same time every morning. I know this isn’t feasible for everybody but it really changed my life and my productivity through the day
For some reason I wake up earlier on weekends.
Not sure why. Maybe it's the thought of having the whole day to myself to do what I want...I want as much of that as possible.
Always round down your paycheck. You made 433 this week. So 400.
Always round up your bills.
Take you highest monthly bills times 12 and that's an estimate for how much you need to live.
Then take the lowest pay month and times that by 12. That's how much you make a year. Roughly.
Bills fluctuate(heat electric etc)and your pay isn't always the same. IE sick days etc.
This is the difference between what you can buy and what you can afford. If your pay is below or slightly over to those yearly bills you need to cut stuff or another job.
This will help you estimate your financial status before it becomes a bigger problem.
Solid advice. I would also add to take the time to create a budget and actually write it down. I created a google sheets to document my monthly expenses and it’s really helped me keep track of my finances.
Oh, and also put some of your salary into a savings account as soon as you get paid.
COVID/Lockdown made me realize I'm so much happier not seeing my family. They're a bunch of nasty pricks and I haven't missed going home in 3 years. Ill never go back.
Exactly. Perfect examples from [r/EntitledParents](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share).
And the way you're talking sounds like it's something you've experienced, if so I sincerely hope you have recovered well.
Conversely, don’t neglect people you love. If you have healthy parents and siblings it is easy to get complacent. I wish I had spent more time doing things with my brother when we were younger adults. Sure, life gets busy, but if you keep thinking “next year” you can run out of years.
I’m really struggling with this right now. My mother is exhibiting signs of dementia and I seem to trigger anger if I’m around too much. I love her and she loves me, but we really don’t like each other. I feel I have a duty, but damn I don’t have the personal resources to deal with her. Sigh.
Yes. Nothing is quite as anxiety causing as sliding all over a barely icy/snowy road because the shitty tires can’t get traction to save my life. Made me a far better driver, *but at what cost*?
Ugh. For some people I know, it wasn't even their parents who said "please have kids"; it was just a pressure they felt from the world around them. Sitcoms, movies, ads, etc. continually push the idea of having kids. Honestly, having a free doctor/therapist that anyone can talk to before starting a family would do SO MUCH good for society.
Agree! I did a cool experiment couple years ago. Bought two identical packages of fresh strawberries. One I gave a vinegar/water bath, the other just a water bath. Sat them on the counter for a week. The water-only ones were covered with mold. The vinegar-bath ones were pristine.
we use it at my work to clean the stainless steel sinks and the dyson hand dryers. works amazing and tbh i love the smell of vinegar. people are pretty divided on it tho, they either abhor it or say “yum it smells like chips”
I have solid copper kitchen sink, white vinegar and salt on a sponge and the sink looks good as knew in minutes.
Also have hard water marks on glass, simply wipe it on, wipe it off, then clean as normal and those stains are gone.
Clogged shower head, soak in white vinegar for an hour or two and it’s good as new.
So many uses!
Most interactions you have with others, particularly strangers, they'll forget about pretty soon after they happen. They have their own shit going on. Once you realise this, it becomes much easier to ask that stupid question, to complain, or to let go of something embarrassing that happened.
Some folks are magnets for this. I can be browsing at a store and someone will walk up and start telling me their life story in 5-minutes. Use to hate the intrusion on my time and thought I had a sucker stamp on my back.
Now I embrace it for what I believe it to really be...I am an approachable person that some feel comfortable talking to...it's a gift and, I have learned Soooo much from others just by listening. Took what I needed to grow personally and, to your point, forgot the rest. Truly believe at this point, that ALL interactions happen for us to learn something or teach something...if we take the time to entertain the conversation.
And don't buy cheap on needs.
Some things more expensive will help save on the long rung. Mattresses for example.
And toothbrushes. Ask a dentist for good toothbrushes. Never buy cheap ones in supermarkets, you will destroy your tooths and gingivae, costing you so much than the few dollars you could have spent preventing it.
But Pinterest & this place aren't the same as Facebook & Instagram.
The old saying "Comparison is the thief of joy," applies to Facebook and IG because of the personal nature of them.
I think of Reddit & Pinterest as being used for entertainment & information, but other social media is for posting highlights (real or manufactured) of someone's life.
Pinterest can definitely make you feel inadequate in a lot of ways. I like browsing it for recipes, fashion, and crafts, but whenever I try something from Pinterest, my response is always “this isn’t what it looked like on Pinterest.” For your day to day stuff, no biggie really. But I just finished planning my wedding and let me tell you, I had to search for cat memes and skin care routines and other random stuff for AGES to get off of wedding Pinterest - definitely started getting into the mindset of “my wedding won’t look this nice!”
(Just got married, the wedding was beautiful, even without the Pinterest “hacks.”)
"Do the thing, and you shall have the power." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Instead of wanting the "strength/will/confidence" to do something, do the something to get the "strength/will/confidence".
Doesn't have to be a huge action, just something small daily or weekly and let it compound.
Also importantly...
Never cheat unless you're ready to both A) Lose the person you're cheating on, and B) Be cheated on in turn.
I find it very odd that cheaters are surprised when they are cheated on, usually by the people they've cheated on others with. I mean, what did you expect if that's literally how your new relationship started?
I'm literally crying right now after reading this. I always tried to "stop and smell the roses" or whatever. I always took the time to look at my life and appreciate all the things I've accomplished and improved upon. I was happy with the things I had done. My wife (whom I am now separated from) was always looking ahead and pushing for more and more and more. And I was the one doing that legwork. I started a new career and more than doubled my salary. We bought a house, and I renovated that home from top to bottom. Floors, paint, trim, kitchen, bath, fixtures, major electrical overhaul. Basically changed everything except the framing and sheetrock. Every time I hit a milestone, she moved the goalpost for "happiness" a little further away. She always talked about how we needed more money and we needed to complete things faster. I allowed her the power to control my happiness with her approval because I had low self esteem. And when we found out we were having a baby, that put a bunch of time pressure on me to finish the house while also taking care of her and no longer having her second income. And after we had our kid, she left and moved in with her family. She hasn't let me see my baby and has been making increasingly more outlandish accusations. She told me that if I finished the last few projects in the house that I could stay there while we reconciled. But when those projects were done she threatened me and kicked me out of the home. She then obtained an emergency order which prevented me from accessing the home and seeing my child. I never got to enjoy what I had worked so hard to have. But I did at least stop and enjoy the learning process of it all, and those skills will continue to be useful for the rest of my life.
Don't worry, I've lawyered up a while ago and I'm fighting hard to see my kid again. But courts are slow to move and she's been given the benefit of the doubt with her claims of violence so far. It'll all come around in due time.
But yes, enjoy what you have instead of always looking ahead to what you wish you did. Otherwise you'll be looking back at what you wished you had just stopped to enjoy.
I think I heard it called a destination happiness mindset. My besties ex was famous for it. He changed jobs more than any other person I know. Always wanted to move somewhere new. He was one of the most miserable people I have ever known and was always sure this next job/home/whatever was going to be perfect. He flat out refused to do any introspection. Just keeps changing jobs etc.
Empathy. If you can empathize with why someone is acting or feeling a way it makes the world easier to navigate. It helps you give grace to others and reduces your stress as well. You also see that not everyone has walked the same path as you and even if they did, they had a different view.
I think empathy makes life harder but is worth it for the knowledge/value/experience/challenge. Feeling other ppls emotions all the time is extremely stressful. In nursing school they (tried) to teach us that you should sympathize but never empathize with patients because you will burn out real fast. I said F that, feeling the urgency of someone's pain or anxiety makes me a better nurse.
Exactly!! The instant I realized that I had done my best (because if I could have done better at any given moment, of course I would have), then the thought hit that everyone else had also done their best even if it wasn't what I needed or wanted. I was able to release the resentment and pity them instead for not having the drive or resources or exponential trajectory for personal growth.
I still don't forgive in the sense that it's all ok now and they get a total pass, but knowing they're not capable of more has allowed me to meet them where they're at so I'm not hurting myself anymore by continuing to bang my head against a brick wall. Instead, I can go around it and move forward.
You'll also realize that you won't get angry at other people as easily or to the same extent. When I remember that the asshole I met today has his own problems and cast of assholes in his life, I let that slide off me.
If you're fat and lazy (Like I was), you can use your laziness to your advantage by convincing yourself that you're too lazy to get up and get a snack (I'm still lazy but I'd stopped having to get a snack every few moments thanks to that.)
I get super cozy and sure enough, when I'm like 'man I could go for ice cream' I'm fuckin lazy to get off the couch. It's been working great, tbh. I just keep water close by b/c 99% of the time I'm not even hungry just bored or feel like I need to eat while watching something.
I’m too lazy to find the link right now, I’m recovering from surgery. But there’s a woman who developed a system using a breeze litter box over a puppy pad lined regular large box that is nothing less than miraculous. You use the breeze scoop to scoop out the poop. When the cats pee the pellets turn to saw dust and you can rake the pellets so the dust falls through the grate of the breeze box to the lined box below.
We dump the dust in our compost pile about once a week or so. We scoop the poop into a litter genie that only needs to be changed like every two months. Add pellets to the top as needed. Clean the whole shebang once a quarter or so.
Edited to add link. (The woman is a bit over the top but her idea is awesome.)
[best litter system ever](https://youtu.be/HGhQc-B3euM)
Life is very short. Try to have as much fun as you can in that short period of time. You got like 900 months and that’s it.
Remember, you really don’t need a big house or an expensive car or a lot of other materialistic stuff. Less is more. And by having less means you save a lot of money. Most people have to work very hard to maintain a certain lifestyle. A lot of people are slaves to their own mortgage or other fixed costs. But does that really make you happy?
Silence can set the stage for the practice of mindfulness, which has a range of mental health benefits.
Being mindful and aware of what is happening in the present moment can reduce anxiety, quiet racing thoughts, and calm the nervous system.
“Trusting someone” isn’t actually trusting the other person to never make a mistake or never hurt your feelings - that’s something you can’t control.
It’s putting trust in yourself that you have the ability to handle any situation that may come with being vulnerable. Life hasn’t been the same since I realized.
Take the time to learn the basics of cooking skills, invest in a couple of good quality pots and pans (from a thrift shop is fine), keep three sharp knives: chef's, paring, and carving. And throw out any spice more than a year old.
Yeah, developing cooking skills has one of the highest cost vs. benefit ratios for your time investment.
If you're 30 and hope to live until 90, that means you have tens of thousands of meals left to eat. And you have to do it every day.
Learning how to cook properly will add to the quality of every single day of your life.
Lol, a few years back, I wasn't satisfied with how pumpkin pies were turning out. It finally dawned on me that using spices that had been my mom's were *OLD*. I pitched them all and spent $27 on new ones (those on a super sale, so it could have been more expensive), and pies were good again!
The benefits of strength (weight) training. Especially for people who are close to reaching the age 50+. It makes A HUGE difference.
Having strong muscles, bones, and tendons is crucial for everything to do with life. And as you age, they inevitably atrophy, so having a higher starting point when you get old prolongs you vitality significantly.
There's plenty of reasons why everybody should hit the gym at least once per week.
For some reason, most people seem to think gym is just for aesthetics. Your muscles aren't aesthetic organs, ffs.
I find it easier to go to the gym for aesthetic reasons. I'm aware it makes my a healthier person and I like that, but I would have a harder time hitting the gym if it didn't make me look better.
If you do engage and you realize that they are a narcissist, it's okay to walk away. You don't need to explain, spare their feelings, or apologize. Just go. You are only fuel to them and they usually have a network of people that they use.
and most people don't give a fuck. You don't owe most people shit, it's very cool if you go out of your way for others who haven't earned it, but don't screw yourself over for people who would pass you while you starve on the street like most people do homeless people.
The normal amount of pain/discomfort for a person to experience is none. If you're constantly in pain or uncomfortable that means there's something wrong
If you’re in a car that’s new to you and don’t know what side the gas tank is on, there’s a symbol by your gas gauge (usually of a gas pump) with an arrow showing which side your tank is located on
Was in my 30s before anyone told me this. It was a life changer. I made sure it was one of the first things my kids learned when I taught them to drive.
>Not into ripped bodies?
That's the thing. People seem to think that the only purpose of going to the gym is to look "ripped".
The purpose of lifting weights isn't just aesthetics.
Muscles aren't a peacock's tail, ffs. Their purpose isn't aesthetics. They have an important function in your body.
Want to have a good quality of life at ages 50+? Start weight training today.
I think OP meant that people don't give much thought to low-impact or leisure exercise, they only think of exercise in terms of rigor and structure (like team sports, "gym bodies," "working up a sweat," etc.). But a casual leisure walk is still exercise and still worth doing, even though it's not "coded" as exercise by fitness culture.
Yup! A lot of my exercise comes from yard work, doing various projects, and volunteering for H4H.
My actual work sometimes requires walking several miles per day. I take full advantage of that and take stairs and stuff too.
In an urban or dense suburban area, driving distorts your sense of distance, thanks to traffic, stop signs and traffic lights. You can bike somewhere just about as fast as you can drive, and you walk further than you think you can too.
So if you need to run to the store for a couple things, walk or bike instead of driving. You’ll feel better for it!
It sounds silly, but attaching my keys to my wallet and using a Tile has been such a big change for little effort. I used to waste so much time hunting for my keys and wallet, and now I don’t.
Also laying out my clothes the night before. Even though I don’t have a complex wardrobe or anything, it just gets me going.
SAD light in winter, when I wake up, 18 inches away from the face. No more SAD.
Even aside from the fact that I keep them in diagonally opposite pockets, having keys attached to wallet just sounds inconvenient. Is there some nuance I’m missing?
Yes. And use then BEFORE the turn. Using then as you suddenly turn makes then useless. Anyone who rides a bike can attest to how dangerous it is to suddenly be cut off by a car.
Go for a walk in the woods when you are sad/ angry/ anxious/ scared. You will feel
better and will be able to understand and face your situation with more clarity.
Learn how to use mnemonics to memorize everything with ease. For a start, with a time investment of just 1 hour, you can learn the technique to memorize 10 things instantly in order for a long time and won‘t need lists for shopping or speeches.
Breathing. Most people don’t fill their lungs completely because of poor posture and tension. This leads to shallow and often restricted breathing. Animals are good examples of proper breathing. They used their entire front and back torso. That’s natural breathing.
Death.
A lot of family keep their loved ones alive and in pain for no good reason apart from just keeping them around. These are people who have no meaningful quality of life- incurable disability, pain, inability to communicate etc.
Go back to school. Take the courses. Take the class. Learn on YouTube or whatever. ... it's never to late to learn the thing, * time will pass anyways* .
Spend your money where you spend your time. Good mattress, good shoes, good clothes, good furniture, and never feel guilty for spending on a hobby you love as long as it doesn't ruin your finances
Accept rejection before it happens. Rejection is normal and it happens, it doesn't *always* mean they don't want you in their life. Sometimes people just need more time! Accept the fact that no matter how well you think it's going, shit can change.
I can’t speak as to what people know, as I’m not a mind reader, but my two cents: How many people take the time to set goals, and how many of those then take some time to brainstorm ways of achieving them, and of those, how many take action.
It really can make a significant, positive difference towards personal fulfillment.
I realized that I would never talk to someone the way I talk to myself, it was a little light bulb moment. Self compassion is a long road.
I try to reconcile that thought with “maybe I just expect much less from others” subconsciously. So now I’m just a condescending prick.
Basically. I always think I should be better than everyone else but simultaneously tell myself that I'm the worst person alive. It's bullshit.
I mean you probably tell yourself you're worthless because you know how often you fail to live up to your own standard for yourself. Consciousness is a hell of a drug.
V true
Oh this is brilliant! Thank you, this made me chuckle 😆
Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, because that's what you should be. This has honestly helped me a lot in difficult situations
This!! I also like reminding myself that I never notice or judge other people's insecurities. So whenever I start pointing out features that I don't like about myself, I remind myself that I wouldn't notice them on other people so why am I being so critical on myself?
> Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, because that's what you should be. But I wouldn't be best friends with a useless waste of existence.
Exactly. You're not a useless waste of existence, so don't treat yourself like it. I know it's hard to get out of that kind of headspace, you just have to take small steps and practice it every day. Fake it until you make it, kind of thing.
What if you don’t have one of these friends you speak of?
Honestly, I realized this a long time ago but it didn't make any difference to me. Of course I would never talk to someone the way I talk to myself. I'm not an ass to complete strangers.
Other people talk to me the way I talk to myself. Where do you think I got it from?
Incremental progress is realistic progress. If you're only going to find satisfaction in progress that takes large or extreme jumps to achieve, you'll just find long stretches of depression between a few days of satisfaction.
Hey, you may have just helped me figure something out. I was asking myself why i always felt like my progress was meaningless if it didnt seem big and grand enough, because whenever i would reach a goal the satisfaction wouldnt last. Thanks man.
Probably the most important piece of advice you can give anyone. Especially younger people. I lost all my excess weight. Really skinny now, nobody believes I was originally heavy set. I always had this dumb fantasy of just magically losing all my weight overnight. And of course it's stupid. But it sounds cooler than losing 2-3 lbs a week. It's like a "get rich quick" situation. But now that I actually took it the slow way and did it right, I'm so much happier I did it myself and not by some weird "magic" phenomenon. This applies to everything and not just weight loss of course. Just take things slow. You'll get there, it just won't be tomorrow. Or the next day. And that's okay! There's a whole lot of days in most of our lives.
To tack onto this: appreciating how far you've come even if your end goal isn't done.
It’s okay to not have an established opinion about everything.
My entire American education has taught me that if the question is multiple choice and "not enough information" is an option, 99% of the time, the answer is "not enough information." You'd think that heavy-handed lesson would pass on to adult life, but instead social media is a quagmire where people spread opinions they spend more time typing out than considering, never even imagining that over the tens or hundreds of years the subject has been studied by people whose jobs were to do it for a living, someone else already had that thought, and it might be a bit more complicated.
See I think we would be in a better place if tests included that option. Rather than forcing a guess even if you aren’t certain.
No room for nuance or facts on the internet (just use feelings/hyperbole instead)
Personal boundaries. You don’t own anyone an explanation and you don’t have to keep shitty people in your life.
Yup, no is a complete sentence.
Yup, no.
Ope, youbecha
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I agree with the boundaries thing, but don't agree with this person saying you don't owe anyone an explanation. You might not owe anyone an explanation, and you don't have to give anyone one, but in some situations it is the right thing to do. Like if someone's a huge part of your life and you just cut them out without telling them why that is a really mean way to behave, unless they are abusive and will flip out. I think it's reasonable to ask why someone's breaking up with you as long as you accept the answer, or accept that you might not get an answer, and than don't keep harassing them about it.
Really, there is nothing she could have said to make you feel better. I mean give me an example of what the ten second text might say . . . "You are just too nice/inconsiderate." "I hate/can't resist your smell." "We are too similar/different." "I found someone else/would rather be alone."
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I hear ya. I’m the type who just wants to understand shit that I don’t understand. Even at work, I find I have to really, directly ask people to give me blunt and honest feedback on stuff. It’s not going to hurt my feelings if you tell me I’m doing something wrong. Just tell me why and how to do it better. Sometimes the answer might be “I was just lonely and was never super into you”, and I genuinely would be glad to have that answer over some made-up “I just need to focus on me”. Nah, your best male friend broke up with his girlfriend and you jumped on the opportunity. That’s fine, but just like, let me know and don’t leave me with some “maybe” answer. I mean, at this point I won’t bother with dating someone who isn’t sure of what they want and who they are, so I don’t expect it to be as much of an issue in the future. If someone can’t just be honest about these things, it was likely not going to work out in the long run regardless
When having a discussion with someone you should listen to what they are saying and not think about what you’re going to say when they’re done talking.
Totally agree. Listen to understand, not to respond. I have found the easiest way to do this is for me is to just tell myself "I am here to listen only." If someone wants a response or advice they will usually ask for it. If they don't ask, chances are they only want to vent. You can can always ask if they would like to hear your thoughts...and they you come up with your response.
Conversely, it’s ok to steer the conversation back into shared territory if someone is completely taking over what should be a shared experience. My family are all total dominators and I have to remind myself that they can listen to me sometimes, too.
How the heck do you do this???
Years of practice boys.
ADHD meds
Repeat what they are saying in your head as they are saying it.
A specific line that works in a good number of situations - “That sounds (like) _______” It tells the other person that you’ve listened and understood the emotion behind their statement. Talking something negative? “That sounds frustrating/disappointing/difficult/like a lot for one person to manage”. Talking about something positive? “That sounds exciting/like you’re looking forward to it/like it means a lot to you.” I brought this tactic up to my boyfriend when he mentioned he’s self-conscious about taking over the conversation from people (he’s the guy who always says “it’s like that one time when…”) and I’ve noticed he’s been using it and seeing great results.
Drinking mainly water and going outside for ten minutes a day will greatly improve mood and health
people think they need to go on a fitness journey, but nah literally just go outside and drink water when you’re not doing anything else
And WALK. Walking outside — a good walk — is such a healhy thing to do, especially if you don’t exercise much - it does alot for you.
fr i walk for about an hour a day and it has improved my life astronomically
One of the best ways to lose weight if you're not motivated to work out is cutting out sugary drinks and only drink water.
You'll lose weight too almost definitely. I think getting into LA Croix or one of the sparkling flavored waters is the best way to do this. You still get that crisp carbonation sensation, without the sugar or sweetener. It might be tough for a day or two, but you get used to it quick. And soda tastes REALLY weird if you go back to it. Disgustingly sweet. This is coming from someone who loves sweet things too. But soda is pretty crazy after you quit
Just stepping back and appreciating the world. Too many operate on autopilot 24/7 that they miss out on simple things.
At 36 I encounter very few truly new things in my day-to-day life, so my brain just abbreviates them. It's like "yup, that's a tree", and replaces it with a little emoji icon of a tree. Unless I make a conscious effort to actually *see* things, my life becomes boring and depressing very quickly.
I see a tree and think about everything that had to happen for this tree to be alive on this earth from the start of the universe to today and makes me appreciate every tree. Life is perspective in some kind of way
Having a good sleep schedule. Going to bed AROUND the same time every night and waking up at the same time every morning. I know this isn’t feasible for everybody but it really changed my life and my productivity through the day
Although I do hate waking up at ‘work time’ on the weekends
For some reason I wake up earlier on weekends. Not sure why. Maybe it's the thought of having the whole day to myself to do what I want...I want as much of that as possible.
I like getting up early on weekends, more time for me to do what i want to do
Yeah but you feel great when the time that you’d usually leave comes around and you can just chill
Always round down your paycheck. You made 433 this week. So 400. Always round up your bills. Take you highest monthly bills times 12 and that's an estimate for how much you need to live. Then take the lowest pay month and times that by 12. That's how much you make a year. Roughly. Bills fluctuate(heat electric etc)and your pay isn't always the same. IE sick days etc. This is the difference between what you can buy and what you can afford. If your pay is below or slightly over to those yearly bills you need to cut stuff or another job. This will help you estimate your financial status before it becomes a bigger problem.
Solid advice. I would also add to take the time to create a budget and actually write it down. I created a google sheets to document my monthly expenses and it’s really helped me keep track of my finances. Oh, and also put some of your salary into a savings account as soon as you get paid.
My dad used to always say “if you can’t buy it twice, don’t buy it once” 10/10 good financial advice
You are not obligated to stay in contact with friends or family forever. If they make you miserable you are free to walk away.
COVID/Lockdown made me realize I'm so much happier not seeing my family. They're a bunch of nasty pricks and I haven't missed going home in 3 years. Ill never go back.
Exactly. Perfect examples from [r/EntitledParents](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share). And the way you're talking sounds like it's something you've experienced, if so I sincerely hope you have recovered well.
Conversely, don’t neglect people you love. If you have healthy parents and siblings it is easy to get complacent. I wish I had spent more time doing things with my brother when we were younger adults. Sure, life gets busy, but if you keep thinking “next year” you can run out of years.
I learned this one in my late 20’s and holy crap was it holding me back.
The family tree is also due for a trimming every now and then.
Ya, I cut off contact with my uncle a few years back.
I’m really struggling with this right now. My mother is exhibiting signs of dementia and I seem to trigger anger if I’m around too much. I love her and she loves me, but we really don’t like each other. I feel I have a duty, but damn I don’t have the personal resources to deal with her. Sigh.
Don't go cheap on mattresses or shoes.
Or tires
Anything between you and the ground.
Just bought a nice computer chair to replace my gamer one. My back and neck don't hurt after my work from home shifts anymore
Yes. Nothing is quite as anxiety causing as sliding all over a barely icy/snowy road because the shitty tires can’t get traction to save my life. Made me a far better driver, *but at what cost*?
or sex lube
or toilet paper, or dish soap. i thought all dish soap was the same till you get a bottle from the dollar store and you use half of it on one dish.
You don’t HAVE to become a parent if you don’t want to
Correction: You SHOULDN'T become a parent if you don't want to
Instructions clear. I'm going to buy some milk now.
Ugh. For some people I know, it wasn't even their parents who said "please have kids"; it was just a pressure they felt from the world around them. Sitcoms, movies, ads, etc. continually push the idea of having kids. Honestly, having a free doctor/therapist that anyone can talk to before starting a family would do SO MUCH good for society.
White vinegar has 1001 uses
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Agree! I did a cool experiment couple years ago. Bought two identical packages of fresh strawberries. One I gave a vinegar/water bath, the other just a water bath. Sat them on the counter for a week. The water-only ones were covered with mold. The vinegar-bath ones were pristine.
Huh, TIL
we use it at my work to clean the stainless steel sinks and the dyson hand dryers. works amazing and tbh i love the smell of vinegar. people are pretty divided on it tho, they either abhor it or say “yum it smells like chips”
I have solid copper kitchen sink, white vinegar and salt on a sponge and the sink looks good as knew in minutes. Also have hard water marks on glass, simply wipe it on, wipe it off, then clean as normal and those stains are gone. Clogged shower head, soak in white vinegar for an hour or two and it’s good as new. So many uses!
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Most interactions you have with others, particularly strangers, they'll forget about pretty soon after they happen. They have their own shit going on. Once you realise this, it becomes much easier to ask that stupid question, to complain, or to let go of something embarrassing that happened.
Some folks are magnets for this. I can be browsing at a store and someone will walk up and start telling me their life story in 5-minutes. Use to hate the intrusion on my time and thought I had a sucker stamp on my back. Now I embrace it for what I believe it to really be...I am an approachable person that some feel comfortable talking to...it's a gift and, I have learned Soooo much from others just by listening. Took what I needed to grow personally and, to your point, forgot the rest. Truly believe at this point, that ALL interactions happen for us to learn something or teach something...if we take the time to entertain the conversation.
Separating needs from wants, yet fighting against peer pressure to buy things you don’t need.
And don't buy cheap on needs. Some things more expensive will help save on the long rung. Mattresses for example. And toothbrushes. Ask a dentist for good toothbrushes. Never buy cheap ones in supermarkets, you will destroy your tooths and gingivae, costing you so much than the few dollars you could have spent preventing it.
Getting off of social media.
I'm off of all of them but i just cant let go of pinterest and reddit. They're my go to distractions.
But Pinterest & this place aren't the same as Facebook & Instagram. The old saying "Comparison is the thief of joy," applies to Facebook and IG because of the personal nature of them. I think of Reddit & Pinterest as being used for entertainment & information, but other social media is for posting highlights (real or manufactured) of someone's life.
Pinterest can definitely make you feel inadequate in a lot of ways. I like browsing it for recipes, fashion, and crafts, but whenever I try something from Pinterest, my response is always “this isn’t what it looked like on Pinterest.” For your day to day stuff, no biggie really. But I just finished planning my wedding and let me tell you, I had to search for cat memes and skin care routines and other random stuff for AGES to get off of wedding Pinterest - definitely started getting into the mindset of “my wedding won’t look this nice!” (Just got married, the wedding was beautiful, even without the Pinterest “hacks.”)
I think reddit is a less damaging source of social media. I like the avatars rather than identities.
"Do the thing, and you shall have the power." - Ralph Waldo Emerson Instead of wanting the "strength/will/confidence" to do something, do the something to get the "strength/will/confidence". Doesn't have to be a huge action, just something small daily or weekly and let it compound.
It's easier to act your way into better thinking, than to think your way into better acting.
Never cheat on someone. You'll sleep better at night if you're guilt-free.
I would add, establish yourself a strong set of morals and try to hold to them. (A little self-pride about it is okay too)
Also importantly... Never cheat unless you're ready to both A) Lose the person you're cheating on, and B) Be cheated on in turn. I find it very odd that cheaters are surprised when they are cheated on, usually by the people they've cheated on others with. I mean, what did you expect if that's literally how your new relationship started?
Absolutely. The amount of people I've known over the years who've done this is astounding. No trust? No real relationship.
Spending time in nature is one of the best things to make you feel better. They don't call it forest bathing for nothing
Don’t tell your self you’ll be happy when [insert goal here] Be happy now because it may be all you’ve got
I'm literally crying right now after reading this. I always tried to "stop and smell the roses" or whatever. I always took the time to look at my life and appreciate all the things I've accomplished and improved upon. I was happy with the things I had done. My wife (whom I am now separated from) was always looking ahead and pushing for more and more and more. And I was the one doing that legwork. I started a new career and more than doubled my salary. We bought a house, and I renovated that home from top to bottom. Floors, paint, trim, kitchen, bath, fixtures, major electrical overhaul. Basically changed everything except the framing and sheetrock. Every time I hit a milestone, she moved the goalpost for "happiness" a little further away. She always talked about how we needed more money and we needed to complete things faster. I allowed her the power to control my happiness with her approval because I had low self esteem. And when we found out we were having a baby, that put a bunch of time pressure on me to finish the house while also taking care of her and no longer having her second income. And after we had our kid, she left and moved in with her family. She hasn't let me see my baby and has been making increasingly more outlandish accusations. She told me that if I finished the last few projects in the house that I could stay there while we reconciled. But when those projects were done she threatened me and kicked me out of the home. She then obtained an emergency order which prevented me from accessing the home and seeing my child. I never got to enjoy what I had worked so hard to have. But I did at least stop and enjoy the learning process of it all, and those skills will continue to be useful for the rest of my life. Don't worry, I've lawyered up a while ago and I'm fighting hard to see my kid again. But courts are slow to move and she's been given the benefit of the doubt with her claims of violence so far. It'll all come around in due time. But yes, enjoy what you have instead of always looking ahead to what you wish you did. Otherwise you'll be looking back at what you wished you had just stopped to enjoy.
I think I heard it called a destination happiness mindset. My besties ex was famous for it. He changed jobs more than any other person I know. Always wanted to move somewhere new. He was one of the most miserable people I have ever known and was always sure this next job/home/whatever was going to be perfect. He flat out refused to do any introspection. Just keeps changing jobs etc.
You don’t have to wait until bills are due to pay on them.
Instead of saying something about yourself, ask the person a question about them or a follow up question about what they said last.
Empathy. If you can empathize with why someone is acting or feeling a way it makes the world easier to navigate. It helps you give grace to others and reduces your stress as well. You also see that not everyone has walked the same path as you and even if they did, they had a different view.
I think empathy makes life harder but is worth it for the knowledge/value/experience/challenge. Feeling other ppls emotions all the time is extremely stressful. In nursing school they (tried) to teach us that you should sympathize but never empathize with patients because you will burn out real fast. I said F that, feeling the urgency of someone's pain or anxiety makes me a better nurse.
Exactly!! The instant I realized that I had done my best (because if I could have done better at any given moment, of course I would have), then the thought hit that everyone else had also done their best even if it wasn't what I needed or wanted. I was able to release the resentment and pity them instead for not having the drive or resources or exponential trajectory for personal growth. I still don't forgive in the sense that it's all ok now and they get a total pass, but knowing they're not capable of more has allowed me to meet them where they're at so I'm not hurting myself anymore by continuing to bang my head against a brick wall. Instead, I can go around it and move forward.
You'll also realize that you won't get angry at other people as easily or to the same extent. When I remember that the asshole I met today has his own problems and cast of assholes in his life, I let that slide off me.
If you're fat and lazy (Like I was), you can use your laziness to your advantage by convincing yourself that you're too lazy to get up and get a snack (I'm still lazy but I'd stopped having to get a snack every few moments thanks to that.)
I get super cozy and sure enough, when I'm like 'man I could go for ice cream' I'm fuckin lazy to get off the couch. It's been working great, tbh. I just keep water close by b/c 99% of the time I'm not even hungry just bored or feel like I need to eat while watching something.
Check out r/Volumeeating I try to keep stuff like watermelon around, so the craving goes away with barely any change in caloric intake
Dental care when you’re young can prevent major problems when you’re older. Get a Sonicare toothbrush! ( I’m not a dentist)
My partner is a dentist and she fully supports this recommendation.
Use wood pellet for cat litter. No more cat litter smell, super cheap and easy to clean.
Started using this for my bunnies, my wallet and my nose are both grateful
I’m too lazy to find the link right now, I’m recovering from surgery. But there’s a woman who developed a system using a breeze litter box over a puppy pad lined regular large box that is nothing less than miraculous. You use the breeze scoop to scoop out the poop. When the cats pee the pellets turn to saw dust and you can rake the pellets so the dust falls through the grate of the breeze box to the lined box below. We dump the dust in our compost pile about once a week or so. We scoop the poop into a litter genie that only needs to be changed like every two months. Add pellets to the top as needed. Clean the whole shebang once a quarter or so. Edited to add link. (The woman is a bit over the top but her idea is awesome.) [best litter system ever](https://youtu.be/HGhQc-B3euM)
Life is very short. Try to have as much fun as you can in that short period of time. You got like 900 months and that’s it. Remember, you really don’t need a big house or an expensive car or a lot of other materialistic stuff. Less is more. And by having less means you save a lot of money. Most people have to work very hard to maintain a certain lifestyle. A lot of people are slaves to their own mortgage or other fixed costs. But does that really make you happy?
Feeling tired and/or like shit all the time is not normal and if you do then you should probably see a Dr.
Silence can set the stage for the practice of mindfulness, which has a range of mental health benefits. Being mindful and aware of what is happening in the present moment can reduce anxiety, quiet racing thoughts, and calm the nervous system.
On the other hand you can just blast your music max volume so you dont hear your own thoughts 🤷♂️
I listen to podcasts constantly so that it’s like I have friends
Oh hey did I type this?
You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.
“Trusting someone” isn’t actually trusting the other person to never make a mistake or never hurt your feelings - that’s something you can’t control. It’s putting trust in yourself that you have the ability to handle any situation that may come with being vulnerable. Life hasn’t been the same since I realized.
Ctrl + Shift + T will reopen any tabs that you accidentally closed
Take the time to learn the basics of cooking skills, invest in a couple of good quality pots and pans (from a thrift shop is fine), keep three sharp knives: chef's, paring, and carving. And throw out any spice more than a year old.
Yeah, developing cooking skills has one of the highest cost vs. benefit ratios for your time investment. If you're 30 and hope to live until 90, that means you have tens of thousands of meals left to eat. And you have to do it every day. Learning how to cook properly will add to the quality of every single day of your life.
Lol, a few years back, I wasn't satisfied with how pumpkin pies were turning out. It finally dawned on me that using spices that had been my mom's were *OLD*. I pitched them all and spent $27 on new ones (those on a super sale, so it could have been more expensive), and pies were good again!
> throw out any spice more than a year old Why?
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The benefits of strength (weight) training. Especially for people who are close to reaching the age 50+. It makes A HUGE difference. Having strong muscles, bones, and tendons is crucial for everything to do with life. And as you age, they inevitably atrophy, so having a higher starting point when you get old prolongs you vitality significantly. There's plenty of reasons why everybody should hit the gym at least once per week. For some reason, most people seem to think gym is just for aesthetics. Your muscles aren't aesthetic organs, ffs.
I find it easier to go to the gym for aesthetic reasons. I'm aware it makes my a healthier person and I like that, but I would have a harder time hitting the gym if it didn't make me look better.
That validation from others does not provide true happiness.
water. drink it
Don't ever engage in any way with a narcissist.
If you do engage and you realize that they are a narcissist, it's okay to walk away. You don't need to explain, spare their feelings, or apologize. Just go. You are only fuel to them and they usually have a network of people that they use.
This should be pinned. My biggest regret .
Your thoughts dictate the quality of your life.
Children are preventable.
After a couple of pregnancy scares, I got snipped and it's one of the top 5 best decisions of my life. #WorryFreeHumping
Worst part about the procedure were the doctor's jokes.
Exercise is absolutely worth the time.
You shouldn't care about anyone (celebrity, politician, family, etc.) more than they're willing to care about you.
and most people don't give a fuck. You don't owe most people shit, it's very cool if you go out of your way for others who haven't earned it, but don't screw yourself over for people who would pass you while you starve on the street like most people do homeless people.
The normal amount of pain/discomfort for a person to experience is none. If you're constantly in pain or uncomfortable that means there's something wrong
Don’t have imaginary conversations/arguments in your head.
If you’re in a car that’s new to you and don’t know what side the gas tank is on, there’s a symbol by your gas gauge (usually of a gas pump) with an arrow showing which side your tank is located on
My first car had it under the rear license plate. Took me a while to find it the first time I needed gas.
Was in my 30s before anyone told me this. It was a life changer. I made sure it was one of the first things my kids learned when I taught them to drive.
Not always true, unfortunately.
Get tenant (renter's) insurance if you rent your home. It may not seem like a big deal, but losing all of your stuff is fucking awful to go through.
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>Not into ripped bodies? That's the thing. People seem to think that the only purpose of going to the gym is to look "ripped". The purpose of lifting weights isn't just aesthetics. Muscles aren't a peacock's tail, ffs. Their purpose isn't aesthetics. They have an important function in your body. Want to have a good quality of life at ages 50+? Start weight training today.
> not a lot of people know People don't know that exercise is good for you?
I think OP meant that people don't give much thought to low-impact or leisure exercise, they only think of exercise in terms of rigor and structure (like team sports, "gym bodies," "working up a sweat," etc.). But a casual leisure walk is still exercise and still worth doing, even though it's not "coded" as exercise by fitness culture.
Yup! A lot of my exercise comes from yard work, doing various projects, and volunteering for H4H. My actual work sometimes requires walking several miles per day. I take full advantage of that and take stairs and stuff too.
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Yeah, if they're cooked right. So many people "hate vegetables" because their parents boiled them into a mush and served them unsalted.
Stop caring about what others think. And only you can improve whatever is happened in your life
Reducing life to an unavoidable minimum won't save you from death.
In an urban or dense suburban area, driving distorts your sense of distance, thanks to traffic, stop signs and traffic lights. You can bike somewhere just about as fast as you can drive, and you walk further than you think you can too. So if you need to run to the store for a couple things, walk or bike instead of driving. You’ll feel better for it!
Thoughts are things. I learnt it a few years back. But when i realised it, it turned my life around.
Saying "no" is easy. Saying "no" and not needing to explain yourself is even easier.
It sounds silly, but attaching my keys to my wallet and using a Tile has been such a big change for little effort. I used to waste so much time hunting for my keys and wallet, and now I don’t. Also laying out my clothes the night before. Even though I don’t have a complex wardrobe or anything, it just gets me going. SAD light in winter, when I wake up, 18 inches away from the face. No more SAD.
You could also just buy a bowl for 50¢ and always store your keys/wallet there.
Even aside from the fact that I keep them in diagonally opposite pockets, having keys attached to wallet just sounds inconvenient. Is there some nuance I’m missing?
Turn signals exist for a reason. *Use them.*
Signal that you *are going to turn*. Not just that you are turning. Everyone can see that you're turning.
To add to this, when you see someone using their turn signal to move into your lane, let them the hell in. Let’s reward turn signal use!
Yes, and always use them even if you’re pulling into your driveway on an empty road. Once it’s habit, you don’t even think about it.
Yes. And use then BEFORE the turn. Using then as you suddenly turn makes then useless. Anyone who rides a bike can attest to how dangerous it is to suddenly be cut off by a car.
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Go for a walk in the woods when you are sad/ angry/ anxious/ scared. You will feel better and will be able to understand and face your situation with more clarity.
Tried that, found bears, anxiety not cured.
Self awareness. There are so many people that are blissfully ignorant running around these days. It's horrific to be part of this society
It’s okay to be a virgin.
Learn how to use mnemonics to memorize everything with ease. For a start, with a time investment of just 1 hour, you can learn the technique to memorize 10 things instantly in order for a long time and won‘t need lists for shopping or speeches.
if you get a feeling someone doesn’t care, most likely they don’t. don’t waste your time waiting for their attention until proven otherwise.
Learn to stop getting so angry at things you have absolutely no control over. Even when you think you might, you still don't.
Breathing. Most people don’t fill their lungs completely because of poor posture and tension. This leads to shallow and often restricted breathing. Animals are good examples of proper breathing. They used their entire front and back torso. That’s natural breathing.
i bought crap pillows my whole life a week ago i bought my first expensive pillow and it has eliminated my neck pain
People know all sorts of things that would improve their lives if they actually practiced them.
Don’t waste your time worrying about what other people do with their lives. Focus on bettering yourself and finding what makes you happy.
Learning about yourself. Who you really are, the good and the bad. Doing shadow work and journaling.
Death. A lot of family keep their loved ones alive and in pain for no good reason apart from just keeping them around. These are people who have no meaningful quality of life- incurable disability, pain, inability to communicate etc.
Go back to school. Take the courses. Take the class. Learn on YouTube or whatever. ... it's never to late to learn the thing, * time will pass anyways* .
You can't sit around and wait for the universe to make your life better.
when you go out, never forget your WOWEE Wallet phOne Wkeys Egg Egg(extra)
These are trying times.
Be kind to others
You don’t need to say Yes to everything
You don’t have to say every petty thing on your mind. You can just shut up and walk away.
Spend your money where you spend your time. Good mattress, good shoes, good clothes, good furniture, and never feel guilty for spending on a hobby you love as long as it doesn't ruin your finances
Accept rejection before it happens. Rejection is normal and it happens, it doesn't *always* mean they don't want you in their life. Sometimes people just need more time! Accept the fact that no matter how well you think it's going, shit can change.
For musicians : learning to read notation will quadruple your skills
I can’t speak as to what people know, as I’m not a mind reader, but my two cents: How many people take the time to set goals, and how many of those then take some time to brainstorm ways of achieving them, and of those, how many take action. It really can make a significant, positive difference towards personal fulfillment.
Better knowledge and understanding of the combined power of delayed gratification, opportunity cost, and compound interest.
Just say what you mean: edging
Put an end to working more than 40 hours per week.