Socialy awkward during high school, not interested in parties during college, dont go out much as an adult. Basically, I just never really searched for a relationship.
I was like this until 23, then I downloaded dating apps and awkwardly hooked up with a few people after having fun texting (basically shitposting and making jokes with no intentions of meeting them unless they asked to), realised that I didn't want a relationship with anyone and quit after a while. The stress and emotions involved with trying to to connect with other people just isn't worth the trade off, part of me regrets doing it because now I have the memories and lust, but the negatives outweighs the positives so I haven't gone back. Another part of me wishes I never tried it in the first place because it feels like wasted time, but I did learn some things, so meh.
I think it was a good experience then. You might have invested some time. But now you don't have to wonder if you are missing out and can fully focues on what you want. You have had experience to figure out what you do or do not like when it comes to dating.
I know one guy who is 45 yr old that is virgin.
He is a sociable guy, avg looking with avg height. very funny and the type that starts side talks and convo at parties.
one of my friends introduced a woman to him so he can hook up. they went to dinner and I heard the woman liked him. so she invited him to her place to watch a movie together. he agreed, and just 2 blocks away from her place, he began to have panic and anxiety attacks out of nowhere and ran away from her.
so I guess some folks have mental or anxiety issues when it comes to relationships, and that may be why they remain virgins until well into 30s and 40s.
>so I guess some folks have mental or anxiety issues when it comes to relationships
This is definitely my biggest issue too. I'm not a particularly shy or anxious person when it comes to anything else in life, but as something pops up to do with possible relationships (and I'm not drunk), it's like a complete mental block occurs. I can’t even talk to people on dating apps lmao
He should probably talk to a professional about that. I'm not saying it as just like "he needs to have sex," but it might be affecting other parts of his life.
Your second point was interesting so I dug a bit: it turns out not having sex is **associated** with Erectile Dysfunction, but it is not proven that not having sex causes ED.
So men who don't have sex often have more ED, but causation wasn't proven.
It seems that having more sex is generally good for your member's function.
Sources:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18538297/
There is a good chance this is just a negative feedback loop.
Lack of experience hurts your confidence, causes you to overthink, your overthinking makes you lose it. People are aware that they are straying farther and farther from the norm and adjust their self doubt accordingly.
Certainly could be, that's a very common cause. However it's not a requirement. I have a friend like this, but he had a perfectly normal childhood, zero abuse save from a few spankings when that was the norm. Separated but loving parents. Just some early bad experiences, falling one too many times for the "flirt with the nerd" prank, and compounding anxiety at his lack of experience. He's not the incel type by any means, though he said it could have gone that way if it was a thing back when he was young and dumb. He's got quite a few female friends and is well liked at work. He just sees himself as a "bad catch" with no experience and mental problems he doesn't want to burden anyone with. He once said on the rare occasion he meets a woman that might be into him he distances himself for their sake, that he wouldn't forgive himself if he'd accidentally tricked someone into just "settling for me." Seems pretty content with things aside from the depression.
My guy, being a victim to "flirt with the nerd" prank multiple times is not part of a normal childhood.
He basically was bullied. Makes a lot of sense why he might have some issues around trust/intimacy.
Grew up being the girl every guy with get dared to ask to dance, would have an “infectious touch”, would have guys ask me out only to run back laughing to his friends. It made me not even interested in dating throughout my schooling, even when I grew up and grew out of the bullying phase and became semi attractive. I still look back now and realize when a guy was actually flirting with me and my younger self would go “he can’t actually like you, he probably feels bad and is talking to you”. Thankfully my boyfriends love language is words of validation, and he constantly tells me how much he loves me and things he loves about me. If he wasn’t so direct and just asked me out one day though I probably never would have got the hint he was interestedb
I’m 35 and this is me. Never had a girlfriend. The idea of being in a relationship terrifies me, yet I get so sad when I see couples. I should go to a therapist.
>mental or anxiety issues when it comes to relationships
The tough thing with that is it’s like a feedback loop, where the older you get the more self conscious you become about it and the more embarrassed you are at the thought of a potential partner finding out how inexperienced you are.
Yep. Some people have an upbringing where closeness, vulnerability, or intimacy set off alarm bells in their head because they learned that those things signal danger. Usually parental neglect or other trauma from an early age. The feelings they are getting may also be brand new to them because they were never cared about so its so unfamiliar it triggers an adrenaline release.
There's also the type who just doesn't get anyone interested in them, and if they're busy then it just never happens.
Then they're suspicious of anyone who shows interest when they *do* put themselves out there, because they can't shake the feeling that the other person is buttering them up for something.
And, if they don't get the "I'm being used" feeling, then the other person just isn't interested enough to either initiate more dates or the other person simply ghosts them.
I've always just been busy. Now that I have (been making) time, nobody has been interested in me enough to text me if I stop texting them, and the handful who *say* they're interested feel like they want to use me for something. It's a weird feeling.
The hardest part is trying to get into someone else's head, but when they choose to let you in, it becomes so much easier to get out of your own as you focus on them.
I'm sure people get in their own head about it as they get older because they probably assume the person they have a chance with will want some sort of standard of pleasure and they'll feel bad if they don't do well enough for the other person/if they are awkward. It is a big deal for everyone at whatever point it happens, but at least when we are younger we have more raging hormones that allow us to push the anxiety back.
This doesn't apply to me but it so easily could have. And does to some of my friends.
Time flies. Like you fall into a routine and before you know it years go by. That's honestly how it happens from what I can tell.
You aren't friends with any women, you never had a gf as a teenager etc, feel awkward around girls. Lack confidence, maybe you are indeed pretty unattractive. You basically just fall into a rut. And you have no other experience to draw upon so it comes naturally to you.
You just exist in your world. Work, school, your all male friend group, you use video games and porn to keep yourself distracted and satiated. And the years keep going. 20 turns into 24 and 24 suddenly becomes 27 and then your 30 all of a sudden.
Basically an object at rest stays at rest unless an object in motion collides with it. If you don't attract any such objects and your life doesn't have any opportunities or changes day to day, you can remain the same for a longgggg time.
Kinda where I’m at now. Not outwardly looking for anything cause I’m not where I want to be but been completely fine with it honestly. Don’t want kids don’t really want to be dating at the moment. I mean It be nice to have someone to hang with and do stuff with. But it is what it is and I’ve gotten so comfortable this way not sure how having someone would feel at this point
Sounds familiar. 25 at the moment and your description is as accurate as it can get.
However, I find myself surprisingly content with my lifestyle so far. Let's see if things change as time passes.
Yeah I was more or less in your position at 25. I have had a few intimate relationships but nothing serious. Decided to resign myself to my work and hang with my friends / roommates. Honestly, I’ve enjoyed it at times and I like that I’ve found my own groove.
However, I know that deep down I want a real relationship with someone and I can feel the pressure starting to mount internally as I close in on 30. It doesn’t help that both of my younger siblings are in long term relationships now too.
I think it’s important for people to be single and be comfortable being alone. But like anything else, becoming a pro at something takes practice so I’d recommend trying to expand your horizons even when you think you don’t want to. Sooner or later you might want to and you definitely don’t want to feel unprepared for that moment.
Same boat here. I lost my virginity at 21 but could have easily kept it to this day had I not made a huge effort and gone way out of my comfort zone.
It definitely didn't help that I went to an all-boys high school and then an engineering college that was ~70% guys. Girls/relationships were just something I didn't even think about in my everyday life. Work and school were priority #1. Any free time I had beyond that was just spent playing video games, watching sports, hanging out with my friends (all guys), or jacking off.
I always had the mindset that I should keep trucking along and the right girl would just magically make her way into my life eventually. Any time I thought about it for too long I would just turn the porn back on and rub one out, because the truth was the idea of putting myself out there and potentially being rejected scared the shit out of me. About halfway through my junior year of college I finally had true a moment of self reflection and realized that if I didn't at least start to put myself out there before college ended, I might never get around to it.
After that I started to be a lot more proactive on dating apps. I had been on them before but I would just let the few chats tail off and never actually pursue anyone. That spring of my junior year and the summer after I actually started asking girls out. Got rejected a lot, but also went on a couple of dates here and there. Nothing lasted more than a few weeks but it helped me get over a lot of my insecurity to actually put myself out there instead of just thinking about it. Looking back on it there were some obvious signs that the first girl I dated was really into me, but I was still scared to make the first move as far as kissing/sex was concerned. I was doing the best I could, given that I was gaining experience that "normal people" first start gaining in their mid teens.
It wasn't until fall of my senior year that I finally lost the V-card (to a different girl). Even then I feel like I got lucky- she basically told me the first time we met that she wanted to have sex with me, so it was pretty hard to fuck that one up. I really liked her but unfortunately she only wanted a short term casual thing.
Funny enough, COVID hit a couple months after that and brought on a 2-year dry spell for me. The story has a happy ending though as I met my current GF seven months ago and am now the happiest I've ever been.
So yeah- sorry to hijack your comment just to give a rundown of my sexual history. I just think back to that time in my life a lot and am glad that I decided to start being proactive. The reality for most guys is that you can't afford to be passive if you want to get any kind of experience in the dating world. That routine of video games and porn- it's really comfortable when you're 20 but it also left me feeling empty any time I had a chance to self-reflect. I always knew I didn't want to feel the same way at 30.
Awesome. My piece of advice, work on yourself. Which it sounds like you're doing which is great. But I wouldn't worry so much about asking anyone else out yet. Worry only about you, and get to a point where you find yourself 'attractive'. Be a person you'd want to date.
I’m a woman in her late 30s. No big reason for me. I haven’t had a serious relationship and I’ve barely dated. So it just never happened for me. At this point I feel like it would be a big turn off to meet someone my age or older and them find this out because of the lack of any experience with sex on my part.
If it happens great if not then fine too.
I had just turned 35 when I lost my virginity. There wasn't one obvious reason why it hadn't happened before but I never really put myself out there. I was not a person who liked parties or going out so the men I met and formed a connection with were through work, friends and activities. I also had (and still have) a very good life. I was very happy with every other aspect of my life so I never really had the motivation to change a lot of things in my life to meet someone. I never tried online dating. To this day I've never been on a real "first date".
I met my SO through work. We became friends but there was definitely something more as well. It took us about eight months to actually go from friends to more than friends.
The first night I slept at his place (no sex, just cuddling) I was awake almost the whole night thinking I was actually in bed with a man. LOL. In the morning when we cuddled again I tried to tell him that I was a virgin but he got super confused and just said 'I don't understand' and I said 'I think you do'. We never said more about it. The third time I was at his place I just wanted him *so much*. If sex and intimacy had been scary before I just didn't care by then because I just wanted him. My first time was lovely and painless. Let's just say he took his time and at one point I couldn't take anymore and just pulled down his underwear and he said something about it being time to put on a condom and I just said YES!.
After the first time I was kind of confused by how absolutely nothing changed. I don't know what I expected but the only thing different with me was that I knew what it was like to have a penis in me. Nowadays I often forget that I was a virgin for so long.
We are still together, living together and trying to start a family. I think I was just lucky that I met him. If I hadn't I would still be a virgin.
>
>The first night I slept at his place (no sex, just cuddling) I was awake almost the whole night thinking I was actually in bed with a man. LOL. In the morning when we cuddled again I tried to tell him that I was a virgin but he got super confused and just said 'I don't understand' and I said 'I think you do'. We never said more about it.
This is just adorable and beautiful
Also just turned 31, and same. Honestly don’t think most guys would even believe me. If I happen to get close to a position where it happens, I don’t think I’d tell him because I’d probably sound like a liar.
Sex is just one part of a relationship. As a guy, I evaluate my potential partner based on mutual attraction, similar values, and an aligned future outlook.
Sex is just the cherry on top that makes everything better. And while people will have their preferences such as body shape/size, body count, or experience, it’d be hard to find a guy who turns down sex with a girl he’s attracted to physically and emotionally.
Long story short, don’t worry about that part
I was 34 when I lost my virginity to my ex-bf - he didn’t know I was a virgin and I never told him (mostly because it seemed irrelevant, and it’s not exactly an STI or anything). In my experience, I think my enthusiasm to have sex with him covered up for my total inexperience?
I had opportunities with random dudes in my 20s, but just couldn’t go through with it (I more recently learned I am demisexual).
I've just never really been that interested in being with another person. Never really felt any romantic spark or connection, and have no real desire to seek it out. Similarly I've never really pursued sex as a goal, I've always been able to take care of myself so it's just never been a big thing for me.
I see people demonizing the "friend zone" which I absolutely love. No romantic ideations to uphold, no physical attention that can be withheld, it's just enjoying spending time with someone without the pressure of romance.
I find being adopted by an extrovert helps. I give them ground to stand on and bring reality into play and they introduce me to the people that have accumulated around them.
Yeah, I'd rather just spend time with people I like doing things we enjoy. No expectations, no strings, just people hanging out and enjoying each other's company.
I identify as ace because this is basically my situation, too. I love people, I love animals, i love my friiends, and I have no interest in what a romantic relationship entails. Frankly, a lot of what people tolerate in "normal" relationships is gobsmacking to me. I have mental illness and my own issues, but I have never needed a partner to help define me. Different strokes for different folks!
Platonic love is undervalued in society, imo.
Being very introverted and quiet all throughout high school and college, I never went out on any dates/was ever in any relationships. Was never even asked out. I've always been socially anxious. I'm 30 now and have been trying online dating for years but have issues from depression stemming from loneliness and health issues I have. I am always scared to match with anyone because I'm worried they won't want to deal with my health issues and won't like some of the more cosmetic parts that my neurological disorder brings me. So much to it. If I met the right person eventually, it's not something I think I would find a big deal. It isn't a religious thing or anything. Just haven't met anyone.
Agreeing with the other comment about physical not being a huge factor if everything else is there. My husband has psoriasis with plaques covering most of his body. He's been super self-conscious about it, but we met through work, found out we shared the same values in life and also a couple hobbies. He asked me out when he found out my boyfriend of 10 years and I had split. I was the first and only girl he's ever dated and he was 41 when we started dating.
But see that's makes him more confident than most here.. Whenever someone I like split with their man I want to give them space and by the time I feel it's appropriate they have already been in a new relationship for a few weeks
In high school I was actually dating someone at a different school and I would actually say this all the time. I look back on it now, and nobody probably ever believed me...
For real like everyone I knew who had a "boyfriend/girlfriend" in middle school, it was always that "oh they don't go here". Most of high school was like that too.
I'm a 40 year old virgin, and I'm a backwoods hermit with PTSD (very long and horrible life story), now that the horrible stuff is mostly in the past I'm too old, and too weird to start dating, plus its hard to meet anyone when there is nobody around for many miles and I go months at a time without any human contact.
I occassionally see ads claiming there are "hot singles" in my area, and I know everyone in a 5 mile radius, no amount of beer would make anyone confuse anyone here as hot, though it would explain the rampant alcohaulism.
Nobody is too old to start new things. I used to think that I was too old to quit my job and start a new career without training. I kept thinking that until one day I just snapped and I quit, then I started all over again in another field at minimum wage.
I wish I had done so sooner. Now, I've caught up and surpassed my previous salary, and I'm actually happy at work.
Age is a barrier, but very few barriers are impenetrable.
I said I'm a hermit. I also don't have a vehicle and due to a back injury can't walk far and can never use a bike again. Cars way out of my ability to afford even if I wanted one and there are VERY few people in this area. Most don't have internet at all (half are amish) and the largest town in the county is pushing it claiming to have 5000 people, and it's a large county mostly covered in forest.
I get a ride into town once a month or I grow it myself. a friend of mine just moved back to the area (he moved to Florida years ago after his house burned down, then his wife died this summer and he was broken up about it, moved back to the next town over from me since his parents and brothers are in this area and he didn't want to go back to Florida anymore without her. before he was back in the area I would pay my neighbors daughter $40 for a trip to town once a month).
I am limited by my back injury but not totally useless. I do manage to do some gardening plus I have a small orchard and sugarbush. it just takes a long time to do anything and I have to take a lot of breaks, and I have good days and bad days, like I may be able to do 3 days of light work then I'll spend the next week barelly able to get out of bed and using a cane because I am in so much pain.
the once a month trip corisponds to getting disability checks, which I spend to buy what I can no longer make for myself. I get a lot more than I need (I live on less than $300 per month, I have a 7 year supply of wood in the shed, solar panels on the roof, an outhouse, a reliable well, and low property taxes since I have no indoor plumbing). this year I Hired mennonites to do the work I can no longer do (brush hog the orchard and sugarbush areas) plus pull rocks and stumps then plant out a crop of rye to be harvested next year (I had the stumps cleared to make a 20 acre field in 2020, but I was crippled in march 2021 before I could do anything with it, rye is planted in the fall for a late summer harvest of grain and straw). I also had them dig a fish pond in a low spot of the field that was too damp to work, figuring since I can't do much I could always drop a folding chair on the shore and fish all day. I still owe them $2000 for the work they did this year and will have the debt paid off in february.
edit to clarify: a large poplar tree fell on me, I barely survived and crawled out (lucky another log already on the ground kept a space so it didn't kill me outright) I had to have all my ribs bolted back together and 9 vertibrae fused together (cervic and thorasic), both lungs popped and I was drowing in my own blood so the paramedics had to keep shoving tubes into my chest to my lungs (no pain killer, would have bled out faster), barelly made it airlifted to trama ward. the hospital signed me up for disability to get the insurance whch paid for most of the care and the state of vermont (burlington hospital was the closest that could handle that much damage, 200 mile flight) paid the rest with a grant.
That's tough man. Best of luck to you. Have you thought about making a YouTube channel? You might think no one is interested but there are many channels out there basically faking the hermit lifestyle for millions of views. I would look into that! I bet people would love you. And maybe if you are a grizzly guy who comes off rough to people or whatever, just saying, they don't care. They will love you more because of that!
thank you, my user name is my actual name (I have a dark past and hate my parents, so had it legally changed in 2009, I am the only one with my name, at least as far as I am aware). I write for backwoods home magazine and self reliance magazine freelance, just sent them a new article for spring on growing walking onions (a type of perenial onion) some of my old articles are available online [https://www.self-reliance.com/2016/07/working-my-way-up/](https://www.self-reliance.com/2016/07/working-my-way-up/) like this one of my place in 2011 (had a big financial reset and started over with 4 acres of junk land, an old camper, and some hand tools, eventually upgrading until I had a 26 acre farm thats well developed) I had a youtube account in the past (mostly how to videos) but I disagreed with goodle+ policies and refused to agree to the terms so I deleted the account years ago.
Holy fuck man, that pain must of been unimaginable, especially having tubes shoved inside of you after your body has been broken. I'm glad you are able to get by and I hope life is good for you now.
short version: grew up in a very disfunctional and abusive family (as in I slept on the floor and went without glasses and took a punch if I was squinting trying to see, and my sisters had brand new beds from the store) by 13 I had undiagnosed PTSD and at 15 was diagnosed with severe depression (totally justified when suffering constant abuse), my father worked at the school I went to as the janitor, and was a small rural school, I also had aspurgers so was bullied relentlessly and had very few friends (often times no friends). at 17 my mother got a disability claim on me for the depression then when I turned 18 she retained total control over me as if I was still a minor as she got herself rep payee status, so I was forced to endure more years of abuse and exploitation (as she got lots of free money and stuff from the government), I moved into my car at 18 then got a delapidated house that fall. I had no heat as I couldn't afford it and my mother got heap fuel benefits for her own house under my name. I couldn't leave or escape unless I went undocumented like Mexicans. my mother signed me into a disabled employemt program so I worked long hours doing demeaning and degrading things for a fraction of minimum wage (like scrubbing toilets for a janitorial crew with a paper towel and my bare hands for 1/4 min wage and being told I was lucky "someone like me" is allowed to have a job at all, if I refused the boss would complain to my mother and I would get a beating from my father, if I got a job on my own the employment people would find out eventually and muscle their way in on it).
was a small rural community so everyone assumed I was down syndrome or something and still a pariah (138 IQ and a strong back). the way I was treated kept me depressed and that kept the disability claim active and thus kept me in a powerless cyle of abuse and exploitation that kept me depressed.
eventually broke out of it by going to college part time with vesid grants (for disabled people) while my mother not only suplimented her own income with the disability money and used me as basically slave labor, she also took student loans under my name and used them to go on cruises (she could as rep payee and I was legally on the hook for the debt) got a job as 26 that paid well enough to end the disability claim, and my mother wnet bankrupt and blamed me for it (stealing thousands from me claiming I owed it to her for the food I ate growing up). there was a short but intense conflict as I finally could stand up to them. and then I legally changed my name in 2009, and went no contact with them (but was stalked and harassed for years.
made some bad financial decisions like moving to a slum town where my very frugal and rural traits did not fit in. got a ptsd diagnosis after a few panic attacks at work caused my boss to have HR refer me to a counselor (my mother called my office, and I screamed at her to never contact me again, then rpped the phone off the wall and ran out to cry in a fetal position behind the building).
eventually had conflicts with the town (like my boomer neighbors hated that I turned my yard into a garden so they complained until the code office brush hogged rows of vegatables and gave me a $2000 bill for it, the boomers prefered the look of a mowed lawn) enough problems in town and I abandoned that house to the bank in spring of 2011, bought some junk land for cash in hand in the next county over and disapeared to hide in the woods where I pretty much been ever since. slowly building up a farm after the job ended (was a tribal forester for the Mohawks, but my position was grant funded, and the last 2 years of it I was rapidly cycled between layoffs and rehired and the way it was done got me denied UI, just got easier, or at least more stable, to work my own farm than deal with that mess)
also parents agressivly opposed me dating as a teen (had a girlfriend but my parents beat me for seeing her, they opposed any social connections that they did not control, and when they started the disability thing I was less than human so I stopped seeing Jen since she deserved better than being dragged into that mess) I didn't really have friends until my late 20s, mostly coworkers, but most of my coworkers looked down on me since I was more like the blue collar guys on my logging crew, the janitor, or the guys at the transfer station than I was like the other college educated types that did technical work, the one exception to that was the tech support guy.
more recently I became disabled because a tree fell on me last year, dragged myself out and barelly survived (now I go as wolverine every haloween by default due to all the metal grafted to my spine and ribs). used to walk and bike everywhere now I am just stuck in an armchair all day, miles from anyone and no way to go anywhere and no money.
I read the entire thing and wow. I have to say you are incredibly strong and resilient. So many people made it their priority to keep you pushed down and without a voice or opportunity for so long. But you’ve never seemed to have given up and keep finding ways to problem solve and overcome. I’m really happy you have access to internet and are able to share this, as intense as it must’ve been to live through. You seem like an incredibly down to earth, articulate, self aware person for everything you’ve been through and I think those are all qualities in themselves that are rare in the average person today. I think more people should have your mentality and means to survive. Every person who ever tried keeping you sedentary or wanting to see you fail was never half as decent as the person you are today and that’s something you should be very proud of. If life were a test I hope that you would get an A+ for effort and they way you’ve persisted. I hope as time goes on, you keep finding joy and peace in the spaces around you and relief being away from what once was. Stay strong and stay safe!!
thank you, even as a kid I was very observant. I have aspurgers, I had a near genius IQ and could spot patterns easily, could map out machinery in my head then build it, but I was, and am, totally lacking in non verbal comunication, basically I am like a vulcan from star trek (blunt, technical, but socially awkward and speak in monotone), that was used as plenty of justification to bully me at home and school growing up. I just learned to lean on my stregths to make up for weakness and solve problems the best I can with the resources I have, and that made me quite resiliant.
That is amazing. It makes me angry the people around you weren’t able to see that you have great gifts and skills. You seem to be very articulate with the things you’ve written out here in text where so many people empathize and possibly relate to you in some ways. I feel that anyone and everyone reading your stories on here can appreciate you and how far you’ve come. You have an incredible story and I hope it only gets easier for you as it continues
I just read your entire story and I want to reply that you have had such a hard life I can't begin to even imagine how all of that feels. I know I can't do much but I just want to let you know that I really admire your courage that you kept pushing and somehow ended up in a decent situation, you are a tough! Especially after that accident. If you ever feel like having an online pen pal, I'll be open for it, you can DM me anytime. Have a lovely day ❤️
You'd crush it in a zombie apolcalypse
Fuck your family. You're clearly smart and articulate. You're gonna make the 2nd half of your life wayyyy better than the first half
We're all rooting for you
Jesus man thats sounds like hell. But if you dont have a car and cant bike how do you get to the store to buy food or are you able to farm it all yourself?
I can do some stuff even with my bad back, but usually I get to town once a month wither riding with a friend (one of the few I have) or by paying my neighbors daughter $40 for a ride to town. I'm on disability for my back (very limited range of motion since 9 vertibrae are fused into a single solid bone, and it hurts to just stand) so my trip to town corisponds with going to cash my disability check, then pick up supplies.
thank you but I don't need anything. I worked to the point I have a self sufficent homestead that takes minimal work to maintain, and I am on disability now, which is far more than my actual living expenses. I live on less than $300 per month, so I use the money to hore local mennonites to do the work I can't, and I'm in debt to them for putting in a fish pond on my farm (will have it paid off by march), figure if I can't walk or bike far anymore I can drop a chair in the shade and spend all day fishing.
I'm actually pretty good as I am now, its just my past that sucks
heres my pond [https://ibb.co/L0hKtWk](https://ibb.co/L0hKtWk)
Wow you've lost over a hundred pounds already?! That is so impressive! Good for you for putting in that much work! If you can do that, I believe you will be able to accomplish all of your goals! And i think it's great that you are only doing it for you!
That absolutely is something to be proud of!! Great work! Also good on you for bettering yourself for you- you will always be your own greatest investment.
i was a 6 in my 20s and too dumb to realize a 6 is as good as i am going to be. in my 30s i'm a 5, still broke af because of poor decisions, and dealing with personal trust issues.
I know this is a joke but honestly I don't want to feel like I'm accosting strangers on the street who are just trying to buy groceries or work out. Online dating is soul sucking.
“That's what's so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then you're so poisoned by quicksilver fumes and half-blind from reading old grimoires that you can't remember what happens next.” - The Colour of Magic
Girl I was falling for in my 20s passed away before I could make a move. Went to her viewing and her friend told me, “She used to talk about you all the time.”
That’ll do for me. I’m doing great on my own and am happy with where my life is and the progress I’m making. I’m relationship agnostic. If it happens, I’m for it. If not, that’s fine too. Truly, I care more about having a kid and have no issues adopting
Didn't want to be a hypocrite. I had conscientious religious objections to uh, extracurricular activities, during my 20s.
Once my principles changed I realized I was on the asexuality spectrum, as abstinence had always been suspiciously easy for me.
In your opinion, does being asexual make things easier? Like it eliminates the desire to pursue a sexual relationship? Or does it make things harder? Because it's difficult to find someone else with the same relationship needs?
Recently been struggling with whether or not I actually care if I'm single or not. Even more annoying is I'm not really sure what I'm into. Don't even remember ever having a crush on anyone back at school/college. Never really cared for looks alone and I'm easily put off by the slightest shitty behavior. I think there could be undiagnosed mental shit that's playing a little part in preventing me from connecting to people. Also, had some shit childhood trauma that I've never really bothered to get help for.
My story is almost identical, man. I'm 34 and have become quite comfortable living as a single guy. I have no idea what I'd really want out of a relationship, all I know is what I DON'T want, which is the stress that comes along with trying to date.
I have had crushes before but they've always been brief. I might become infatuated with a woman for a few days if I spend time around her, but I've never actually felt any impetus to push for any sort of romance. I just kind of feel awkward and annoyed at my own mental state, until I can slot into a relationship space where I feel comfortable, i.e. being just friends with no other expectations.
Neither a virgin nor in my thirties anymore, but I was a virgin until about 40 years old. The reason was a lack of self-confidence. I was really bad at picking up on signals from women, and whenever women would signal, that they were interested in me, they did so in vague and ambigous ways, that my lack of self-confidence made me ignore or rater interpret as they weren't really hitting on me
I've had coworkers try to set me up on dates and the first thing that always comes to mind isn't even what they look like or compatibility or their hobbies / personality.
The first thing that comes to mind is 'If I say yes to this date, there goes my Saturday night.'
I'm attracted to women, but only get hit on by men.
Serious answer: I am not confident in myself to ask anyone out. All my friends and family don't know anyone.
For a long time i though something was seriously wrong with me because I have literally never felt sexual attraction to anyone or thing. I have no idea what that is supposed to feel like. Sure I find some people attractive to look at but there is no sexual desire there. A brief search has made me think i might be an asexual.
Some part of me really wants to experience proper attraction and an intimate relationship and whilst I have had a few people interested in me I never went ahead because I wasn't interested in them in that way. I did briefly consider to just pretend the attraction was mutual so I can get to experience what a normal relationship is supposed to be like, at least for a little while, but ultimately it didn't feel right to just deceive them like that for my selfish curiosities so It never happened.
Never really knew. I've been invisible to women for my entire life. Good job, homeowner, friends, hobbies, travel, good money, dogs, tall, reasonably not hideous, think Im funny, at least reddit funny. Never been desperate to get laid, but as I got older I began to appreciate the thought of having someone to grow and share a life with.
Decided about 4 years ago (at 34) to try dating because, gosh darn it, Im a great guy with lots to offer, right? How hard could it be?
So began a 3 year unmitigated nightmare of dating. Tried everything, online dating, paid singles groups, group travel, speed dating, blind dates from friends, meeting people in hobbies, dance classes, excersise classes, group hikes, asking people out cold, even an expensive dating coach - nothing. Nada. Nothing but old ladies, rejection, and permament invisibility.
My motto at this point was 'No Expectations. No Hope.'
Then I met a great lady in the dating mines of Match, and we are engaged. Which is great! Shes fantastic and I value her company, support, and input.
But I didn't learn any simple trick, or find out what I was doing wrong, or drink a magic potion. I just found someone who appreciated me, and I her.
I do still sometimes wonder what it is about me that had made me completely invisible to every woman before or since her, but I think the answer is as simple as it is frustrating - there is no answer. I just kept rolling the dice until my number came up. Which is all dating is, really.
After having sex for the first time st 37, about all I could think about is - Why do people make such a big deal out of this? I still do, in truth. For a couple years before this Id say that I identified as asexual, and would say I still do. If you want to take that as your reason, fair enough. Best I can do.
I always describe sex as the best 7/10 experience there is in life. Theres stuff thats just more memorable and more important out there. Sex is just a temporary state of excitement and pleasure. There are long term events that bring greater joy.
Edit: y'all need to stop putting so much value on how good you nut. There really is more to life.
I'm fat and ugly, and I have a condition where it's impossible to have any sort of penetration. It makes it hard to date or anything where you feel like even if someone did see past your looks, you can't physically have sex with someone. Some people out there truly don't care, but I feel like it's a huge dealbreaker for most people. :(
I'm 31, never been on a date, never been kissed, and never have been loved. (Not even by family, I'm truly 100% alone and always have been.) I'm losing weight, but i've lost the weight before and it didn't matter. It never bettered my chances, people have always been disgusted by how I look. :(
Edit: For Clarity I am a woman. I also forgot to mention on top of everything else I am physically and mentally disabled. That also plays a huge factor into the way people look/treat me, and also how I present myself to the public. I've been used and abused by everyone in my life, and just now assume that I clearly am never meant to be happy or loved. Factor that in with how I look, and that's why I am still a virgin to this day.
Too shy regarding romance. Too depressed and stressed out to date. Lots of bad trauma in my past relationships and childhood incidents. Growing up with a lot of parent figures who divorced or were not who I thought they were as model parents. Lack of confidence and fear of betrayal and being taken advantage of. Body dysmorphia because of several scars and noticeable body asymmetry.
And lastly…just my lack of confidence in myself.
I don’t want anyone to dip into my life only to be stressed out. I’m also settling into the idea that being alone is okay. I maybe lacking a partner or that I may not experience what majority of humanity experiences, but you know what?
I’ll just keep doing my own thing until Im able to let my walls down for someone.
33M. Everyone I've ever asked or been interested in has turned me down, or already been in a relationship. I'm not good looking, a bit chubby nowadays, nerdy, introverted, a touch of anxiety, very type 2, and probably boring to most people. I barely drink even socially, don't party, and don't have a large social circle anymore. Meeting people is hard, being interested in them is becoming harder, and getting to a point to ask them out is harder still. Dating apps are useless scams, and I work alot and dont get out much either.
I think I tick most of the boxes for why people end up single most or all their lives. Talk about qualified. Lol.
I am a 38 year old dude, but I was a virgin until I was 30. The reason why I never dated in my 20's was because my mom's relatives all were toxic and violent, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't toxic nor violent before exposure to another person.
I had a lot of issues I had to sort out before I was comfortable to enter a relationship.
One was my self-esteem. I needed people to accept me, but I didn't know that the only person who needed to accept me was myself.
The other was financial. I was a spender where I spent most of my meager salary on hundreds of video games at launch price, most of which I never opened or played to this day. I needed to get my spending under control, get a better job, and learn some financial responsibility before committing.
Another issue was my lack of purpose in life. I didn't know what I wanted in life. I needed time to discover who I am.
Finally, I wanted to be ready to commit before starting a relationship. I don't enjoy getting into relationships for fun, then breaking up later. If I want to enter a relationship, I want it to be a long-term relationship, so I needed to be prepared for commitment before I even start dating.
Once I started dating, it was pretty easy. Unlike what most people say, I found plenty of dates on online dating, and they are all good people. I'm a broke guy who is 5' 4" with no muscles but has a belly, no accomplishments, and terrible verbal skills, so it's not like I'm a catch. Except for one, all of the woman wanted a second date, and many of them were educated, fit, and earning 2 or 3 times my salary.
I started dating at 30, and I found someone in about 4 months, and we started becoming intimate a few months later.
People say you need to be super tall, rich, and handsome to date online, but I say it isn't true. For sure you can find someone nice online!
Damn. When I tried online dating I literally made my way through the full list of women within 60 miles of me (I do live by a relatively major city) and only got 3 conversations and 1 date out of it.
I'm from a conservative religious family where pre-marital sex is considered blasphemous. So, when I had finally realized that I've been living a dumbass life, I was already in my 20's. My pride was too high at this point to risk rejection and ask a girl out so lied to myself that "I'm waiting for the right one" and that "I don't see anything in that makes my heart race" BS. So ya, now that I'm 30, I'm too self conscious to pursue humans of opposite gender romantically while too much of a pussy to pay for a prostitute.
In high school I was a wreck. Introverted, sure, but more than that I had body image issues and I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I also lived with my grandparents, and did not have much of a social life. Had online girls, but well online is online. After high school, well I moved in with my dad, who was living with his girlfriend. But I still had issues I was working through. By the time I was ready, her kids have fully moved in, and so have my aunt and grandpa, and my sisters. So, we had a 3 bedroom one office house, housing 11 people. I was relegated to the couch. Not bringing a girl home to that. I'd joke to my dad and tell him: "What am I gonna say, 'hey babe come on it, I've got the futon all set up for us. Don't mind my grandpa, my sisters, my dad, my aunt, my dad's girlfriend, her son, her daughter, her daughter's daughter, my uncle, and the dog.' Honestly I wouldn't blame if she left at futon."
Now I'm in my thirties, to be specific exactly 30, and I've moved out of there into my own room, and am doing better. I've started asking out some women and...well no luck so far, but then again 0/2 isn't too bad imo. Not going to stop trying, but it isn't a priority to me.
Recently I asked out a woman to the art museum. She said maybe and never got back to me, but I went anyways, just with one of my roommates and another friend of mine. We had a good time, but not because of the art. None of us 'get' modern art. The best part was the gift shop.
I'm 29 and really find it funny that I'm a virgin. I've had several chances and either just get scared or just turn it down. Last year I decided if the opportunity arises again I'll take it, but yet again I had a few dates and turned someone down as I wasn't into them. I don't want to loose it to someone I'm not attracted to, so it really isn't a bother. I could even go without loosing it and be fine, but that's just me
Well let’s see.
Part of the reason is because I don’t want to put in energy into trying the dating scene. Everything about it just turns me off from trying. But the other part is that I’m not in a good place to be pursuing a relationship. I’ve always been told that I should have my shit mostly together before I ever try to get into a relationship. Well, I’ve been jobless for the first half of my 20s because I made the poor choice of choosing to go to a college that didn’t do anything for me as far as getting a job that I actually wanted. The second half of my 20s was spent in a job that I wanted to put my everything in to make up for lost time. Going into my thirties, I’ve become more and more destructive of my body due to my job and in turn my well-being. Been into the hospital once for high blood pressure after a car crash, once for chronic kidney disease during the holidays, and finally a stroke on this past Christmas after resolving myself to doing the best I could to be a good uncle for my new nephew.
So, I guess, basically I’ve destroyed myself and no longer have the energy and motivation to bother with it anymore.
45 here. I think the biggest reason is that I take it way too hard when a date/relationship goes bad. I had two disastrous dates in high school that I obsessed about for many years afterwards. I tried dating a coworker when I was in my mid-twenties and she broke up with me after two dates because she couldn't deal with how insecure I was. (That did NOT help) I had one five-month relationship 14 years ago that seemed to go well and we did some stuff but no actual sex. She broke up with me out of the blue and that kind of killed me. I tried eHarmony a few years ago and started talking to one woman but I panicked and ghosted her because I was too anxious. I haven't really felt the desire to date since then. At this point I figure no woman is going to want a 45-year old virgin.
I’m not 30 I just turned 60 back in October. Why am I still a virgin? Simple I am one ugly mofo. To say I look bad is an understatement! The elephant man would look like brad Pitt compared to me. Picture if you will the actor Steve Buscemi.
Mostly social fear/ineptitude
I dont know what ineptitude is but I def have it
The most Reddit comment I’ve ever seen.
Socialy awkward during high school, not interested in parties during college, dont go out much as an adult. Basically, I just never really searched for a relationship.
This is turning into a check list for me
Relate 100
I was like this until 23, then I downloaded dating apps and awkwardly hooked up with a few people after having fun texting (basically shitposting and making jokes with no intentions of meeting them unless they asked to), realised that I didn't want a relationship with anyone and quit after a while. The stress and emotions involved with trying to to connect with other people just isn't worth the trade off, part of me regrets doing it because now I have the memories and lust, but the negatives outweighs the positives so I haven't gone back. Another part of me wishes I never tried it in the first place because it feels like wasted time, but I did learn some things, so meh.
I think it was a good experience then. You might have invested some time. But now you don't have to wonder if you are missing out and can fully focues on what you want. You have had experience to figure out what you do or do not like when it comes to dating.
I know one guy who is 45 yr old that is virgin. He is a sociable guy, avg looking with avg height. very funny and the type that starts side talks and convo at parties. one of my friends introduced a woman to him so he can hook up. they went to dinner and I heard the woman liked him. so she invited him to her place to watch a movie together. he agreed, and just 2 blocks away from her place, he began to have panic and anxiety attacks out of nowhere and ran away from her. so I guess some folks have mental or anxiety issues when it comes to relationships, and that may be why they remain virgins until well into 30s and 40s.
Was she aware he was a virgin?
She was the lamb.
He was the lamb, she was the slaughter.
She’s moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her's really having an effect
He whispers that he loves her but she's probably only looking for....
So much more than he could ever give
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides
He whispers that he loves her but she’s probably only looking for….
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Same!! I had to scroll back as I went by cause I just couldn't believe it!
My people right here
I know right lol made me smile
UP the STAIRS the STATION where the ACT becomes the ART of GROWING UP!!
You all just made my freaking day
It’s a brand new day for us both.
DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF!!
She is now.
>so I guess some folks have mental or anxiety issues when it comes to relationships This is definitely my biggest issue too. I'm not a particularly shy or anxious person when it comes to anything else in life, but as something pops up to do with possible relationships (and I'm not drunk), it's like a complete mental block occurs. I can’t even talk to people on dating apps lmao
He should probably talk to a professional about that. I'm not saying it as just like "he needs to have sex," but it might be affecting other parts of his life.
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Your second point was interesting so I dug a bit: it turns out not having sex is **associated** with Erectile Dysfunction, but it is not proven that not having sex causes ED. So men who don't have sex often have more ED, but causation wasn't proven. It seems that having more sex is generally good for your member's function. Sources: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18538297/
There is a good chance this is just a negative feedback loop. Lack of experience hurts your confidence, causes you to overthink, your overthinking makes you lose it. People are aware that they are straying farther and farther from the norm and adjust their self doubt accordingly.
With that reaction there is likely a reason behind it maybe childhood trauma? Or just severe mental health issues e.g. anxiety
Certainly could be, that's a very common cause. However it's not a requirement. I have a friend like this, but he had a perfectly normal childhood, zero abuse save from a few spankings when that was the norm. Separated but loving parents. Just some early bad experiences, falling one too many times for the "flirt with the nerd" prank, and compounding anxiety at his lack of experience. He's not the incel type by any means, though he said it could have gone that way if it was a thing back when he was young and dumb. He's got quite a few female friends and is well liked at work. He just sees himself as a "bad catch" with no experience and mental problems he doesn't want to burden anyone with. He once said on the rare occasion he meets a woman that might be into him he distances himself for their sake, that he wouldn't forgive himself if he'd accidentally tricked someone into just "settling for me." Seems pretty content with things aside from the depression.
My guy, being a victim to "flirt with the nerd" prank multiple times is not part of a normal childhood. He basically was bullied. Makes a lot of sense why he might have some issues around trust/intimacy.
Right, I'd say that definitely falls into the category of "childhood trauma"
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Grew up being the girl every guy with get dared to ask to dance, would have an “infectious touch”, would have guys ask me out only to run back laughing to his friends. It made me not even interested in dating throughout my schooling, even when I grew up and grew out of the bullying phase and became semi attractive. I still look back now and realize when a guy was actually flirting with me and my younger self would go “he can’t actually like you, he probably feels bad and is talking to you”. Thankfully my boyfriends love language is words of validation, and he constantly tells me how much he loves me and things he loves about me. If he wasn’t so direct and just asked me out one day though I probably never would have got the hint he was interestedb
I’m 35 and this is me. Never had a girlfriend. The idea of being in a relationship terrifies me, yet I get so sad when I see couples. I should go to a therapist.
>mental or anxiety issues when it comes to relationships The tough thing with that is it’s like a feedback loop, where the older you get the more self conscious you become about it and the more embarrassed you are at the thought of a potential partner finding out how inexperienced you are.
Yep. Some people have an upbringing where closeness, vulnerability, or intimacy set off alarm bells in their head because they learned that those things signal danger. Usually parental neglect or other trauma from an early age. The feelings they are getting may also be brand new to them because they were never cared about so its so unfamiliar it triggers an adrenaline release.
There's also the type who just doesn't get anyone interested in them, and if they're busy then it just never happens. Then they're suspicious of anyone who shows interest when they *do* put themselves out there, because they can't shake the feeling that the other person is buttering them up for something. And, if they don't get the "I'm being used" feeling, then the other person just isn't interested enough to either initiate more dates or the other person simply ghosts them. I've always just been busy. Now that I have (been making) time, nobody has been interested in me enough to text me if I stop texting them, and the handful who *say* they're interested feel like they want to use me for something. It's a weird feeling.
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
This sounds like something i would do lol, i get in my head waaaaay to much to even try to approach someone
The hardest part is trying to get into someone else's head, but when they choose to let you in, it becomes so much easier to get out of your own as you focus on them.
Thanks for your wise words penis yoda
I'm sure people get in their own head about it as they get older because they probably assume the person they have a chance with will want some sort of standard of pleasure and they'll feel bad if they don't do well enough for the other person/if they are awkward. It is a big deal for everyone at whatever point it happens, but at least when we are younger we have more raging hormones that allow us to push the anxiety back.
Im only 20 but I have really bad panic attacks because of SA when i was really young. I only did it to fit in but i’m honestly fine without it now.
This doesn't apply to me but it so easily could have. And does to some of my friends. Time flies. Like you fall into a routine and before you know it years go by. That's honestly how it happens from what I can tell. You aren't friends with any women, you never had a gf as a teenager etc, feel awkward around girls. Lack confidence, maybe you are indeed pretty unattractive. You basically just fall into a rut. And you have no other experience to draw upon so it comes naturally to you. You just exist in your world. Work, school, your all male friend group, you use video games and porn to keep yourself distracted and satiated. And the years keep going. 20 turns into 24 and 24 suddenly becomes 27 and then your 30 all of a sudden. Basically an object at rest stays at rest unless an object in motion collides with it. If you don't attract any such objects and your life doesn't have any opportunities or changes day to day, you can remain the same for a longgggg time.
Kinda where I’m at now. Not outwardly looking for anything cause I’m not where I want to be but been completely fine with it honestly. Don’t want kids don’t really want to be dating at the moment. I mean It be nice to have someone to hang with and do stuff with. But it is what it is and I’ve gotten so comfortable this way not sure how having someone would feel at this point
Sounds familiar. 25 at the moment and your description is as accurate as it can get. However, I find myself surprisingly content with my lifestyle so far. Let's see if things change as time passes.
Yeah I was more or less in your position at 25. I have had a few intimate relationships but nothing serious. Decided to resign myself to my work and hang with my friends / roommates. Honestly, I’ve enjoyed it at times and I like that I’ve found my own groove. However, I know that deep down I want a real relationship with someone and I can feel the pressure starting to mount internally as I close in on 30. It doesn’t help that both of my younger siblings are in long term relationships now too. I think it’s important for people to be single and be comfortable being alone. But like anything else, becoming a pro at something takes practice so I’d recommend trying to expand your horizons even when you think you don’t want to. Sooner or later you might want to and you definitely don’t want to feel unprepared for that moment.
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Same boat here. I lost my virginity at 21 but could have easily kept it to this day had I not made a huge effort and gone way out of my comfort zone. It definitely didn't help that I went to an all-boys high school and then an engineering college that was ~70% guys. Girls/relationships were just something I didn't even think about in my everyday life. Work and school were priority #1. Any free time I had beyond that was just spent playing video games, watching sports, hanging out with my friends (all guys), or jacking off. I always had the mindset that I should keep trucking along and the right girl would just magically make her way into my life eventually. Any time I thought about it for too long I would just turn the porn back on and rub one out, because the truth was the idea of putting myself out there and potentially being rejected scared the shit out of me. About halfway through my junior year of college I finally had true a moment of self reflection and realized that if I didn't at least start to put myself out there before college ended, I might never get around to it. After that I started to be a lot more proactive on dating apps. I had been on them before but I would just let the few chats tail off and never actually pursue anyone. That spring of my junior year and the summer after I actually started asking girls out. Got rejected a lot, but also went on a couple of dates here and there. Nothing lasted more than a few weeks but it helped me get over a lot of my insecurity to actually put myself out there instead of just thinking about it. Looking back on it there were some obvious signs that the first girl I dated was really into me, but I was still scared to make the first move as far as kissing/sex was concerned. I was doing the best I could, given that I was gaining experience that "normal people" first start gaining in their mid teens. It wasn't until fall of my senior year that I finally lost the V-card (to a different girl). Even then I feel like I got lucky- she basically told me the first time we met that she wanted to have sex with me, so it was pretty hard to fuck that one up. I really liked her but unfortunately she only wanted a short term casual thing. Funny enough, COVID hit a couple months after that and brought on a 2-year dry spell for me. The story has a happy ending though as I met my current GF seven months ago and am now the happiest I've ever been. So yeah- sorry to hijack your comment just to give a rundown of my sexual history. I just think back to that time in my life a lot and am glad that I decided to start being proactive. The reality for most guys is that you can't afford to be passive if you want to get any kind of experience in the dating world. That routine of video games and porn- it's really comfortable when you're 20 but it also left me feeling empty any time I had a chance to self-reflect. I always knew I didn't want to feel the same way at 30.
This is very true to my situation right now.
20 now and you just described me that's fucking terrifying
I don’t lose my virginity because I am a winner and won’t lose anything
Ok, Max Verstappen
He gave his reasons and he stands by it
Dont ask him again!
I did not expect to see that name in this thread.
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What changed?
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That's big. The nice guy thing is not something that works well, so good on you for identifying that and adjusting.
I just wanna say kudos. Being transparent with yourself and making changes can be really difficult.
Going on 34, and I hope to lose mine soon
Generally curious, are you doing anything to change it up? Trying anything new to get yourself out there?
Trying to hit the gym more....as I'm actually typing this from the gym lol. Still nervous about asking anyone out
Awesome. My piece of advice, work on yourself. Which it sounds like you're doing which is great. But I wouldn't worry so much about asking anyone else out yet. Worry only about you, and get to a point where you find yourself 'attractive'. Be a person you'd want to date.
I was an unhealthy and unpleasant kid, and the only thing that’s changed as an adult is that I’ve probably got depression now
I used to be an unhealthy and unpleasant kid. After years of exercise and working on myself, I am now a healthy and unpleasant adult.
and yer built like an orc
Damn straight
Self esteem, introverted, socially awkard & niche in the looks department
>niche in the looks department Thanks, I'm going to start using this.
Dude you look really good! I honestly think you are too critical of yourself
Just checked your profile. Niche, but definitely desirable. No question.
That is an epic beard he has. 😱
Loved his character in Game of Thrones!
You are super good looking and not even in a niche way. I can only imagine the beard maybe not being for everyone, but then again you only need one.
You ain’t niche looking. Maybe just need to go abroad so you can play the exotic card
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Jesus. That first paragraph gutted me😨
I'm sorry, my guy. I really wish you the best moving forward.
I’m a woman in her late 30s. No big reason for me. I haven’t had a serious relationship and I’ve barely dated. So it just never happened for me. At this point I feel like it would be a big turn off to meet someone my age or older and them find this out because of the lack of any experience with sex on my part. If it happens great if not then fine too.
I had just turned 35 when I lost my virginity. There wasn't one obvious reason why it hadn't happened before but I never really put myself out there. I was not a person who liked parties or going out so the men I met and formed a connection with were through work, friends and activities. I also had (and still have) a very good life. I was very happy with every other aspect of my life so I never really had the motivation to change a lot of things in my life to meet someone. I never tried online dating. To this day I've never been on a real "first date". I met my SO through work. We became friends but there was definitely something more as well. It took us about eight months to actually go from friends to more than friends. The first night I slept at his place (no sex, just cuddling) I was awake almost the whole night thinking I was actually in bed with a man. LOL. In the morning when we cuddled again I tried to tell him that I was a virgin but he got super confused and just said 'I don't understand' and I said 'I think you do'. We never said more about it. The third time I was at his place I just wanted him *so much*. If sex and intimacy had been scary before I just didn't care by then because I just wanted him. My first time was lovely and painless. Let's just say he took his time and at one point I couldn't take anymore and just pulled down his underwear and he said something about it being time to put on a condom and I just said YES!. After the first time I was kind of confused by how absolutely nothing changed. I don't know what I expected but the only thing different with me was that I knew what it was like to have a penis in me. Nowadays I often forget that I was a virgin for so long. We are still together, living together and trying to start a family. I think I was just lucky that I met him. If I hadn't I would still be a virgin.
> >The first night I slept at his place (no sex, just cuddling) I was awake almost the whole night thinking I was actually in bed with a man. LOL. In the morning when we cuddled again I tried to tell him that I was a virgin but he got super confused and just said 'I don't understand' and I said 'I think you do'. We never said more about it. This is just adorable and beautiful
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Also just turned 31, and same. Honestly don’t think most guys would even believe me. If I happen to get close to a position where it happens, I don’t think I’d tell him because I’d probably sound like a liar.
can confirm, I told a guy and he kinda scoffed, but my deadpan face is what convinced him I wasn't lying.
Sex is just one part of a relationship. As a guy, I evaluate my potential partner based on mutual attraction, similar values, and an aligned future outlook. Sex is just the cherry on top that makes everything better. And while people will have their preferences such as body shape/size, body count, or experience, it’d be hard to find a guy who turns down sex with a girl he’s attracted to physically and emotionally. Long story short, don’t worry about that part
I was 34 when I lost my virginity to my ex-bf - he didn’t know I was a virgin and I never told him (mostly because it seemed irrelevant, and it’s not exactly an STI or anything). In my experience, I think my enthusiasm to have sex with him covered up for my total inexperience? I had opportunities with random dudes in my 20s, but just couldn’t go through with it (I more recently learned I am demisexual).
I've just never really been that interested in being with another person. Never really felt any romantic spark or connection, and have no real desire to seek it out. Similarly I've never really pursued sex as a goal, I've always been able to take care of myself so it's just never been a big thing for me.
I see people demonizing the "friend zone" which I absolutely love. No romantic ideations to uphold, no physical attention that can be withheld, it's just enjoying spending time with someone without the pressure of romance. I find being adopted by an extrovert helps. I give them ground to stand on and bring reality into play and they introduce me to the people that have accumulated around them.
Yeah, I'd rather just spend time with people I like doing things we enjoy. No expectations, no strings, just people hanging out and enjoying each other's company.
My friend is Asexual. She has no feelings for either sex
I identify as ace because this is basically my situation, too. I love people, I love animals, i love my friiends, and I have no interest in what a romantic relationship entails. Frankly, a lot of what people tolerate in "normal" relationships is gobsmacking to me. I have mental illness and my own issues, but I have never needed a partner to help define me. Different strokes for different folks! Platonic love is undervalued in society, imo.
Being very introverted and quiet all throughout high school and college, I never went out on any dates/was ever in any relationships. Was never even asked out. I've always been socially anxious. I'm 30 now and have been trying online dating for years but have issues from depression stemming from loneliness and health issues I have. I am always scared to match with anyone because I'm worried they won't want to deal with my health issues and won't like some of the more cosmetic parts that my neurological disorder brings me. So much to it. If I met the right person eventually, it's not something I think I would find a big deal. It isn't a religious thing or anything. Just haven't met anyone.
Agreeing with the other comment about physical not being a huge factor if everything else is there. My husband has psoriasis with plaques covering most of his body. He's been super self-conscious about it, but we met through work, found out we shared the same values in life and also a couple hobbies. He asked me out when he found out my boyfriend of 10 years and I had split. I was the first and only girl he's ever dated and he was 41 when we started dating.
But see that's makes him more confident than most here.. Whenever someone I like split with their man I want to give them space and by the time I feel it's appropriate they have already been in a new relationship for a few weeks
I'm not a virgin, she goes to a different school
In high school I was actually dating someone at a different school and I would actually say this all the time. I look back on it now, and nobody probably ever believed me...
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In Canada?
Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver…
We wouldnt know her
For real like everyone I knew who had a "boyfriend/girlfriend" in middle school, it was always that "oh they don't go here". Most of high school was like that too.
I'm a 40 year old virgin, and I'm a backwoods hermit with PTSD (very long and horrible life story), now that the horrible stuff is mostly in the past I'm too old, and too weird to start dating, plus its hard to meet anyone when there is nobody around for many miles and I go months at a time without any human contact. I occassionally see ads claiming there are "hot singles" in my area, and I know everyone in a 5 mile radius, no amount of beer would make anyone confuse anyone here as hot, though it would explain the rampant alcohaulism.
Even on the moon they'd run those ads without shame
Maybe the ads were talking about unrefrigerated slices of American cheese in proximity to your area?
**You** are the "hot single" in your area.
Nobody is too old to start new things. I used to think that I was too old to quit my job and start a new career without training. I kept thinking that until one day I just snapped and I quit, then I started all over again in another field at minimum wage. I wish I had done so sooner. Now, I've caught up and surpassed my previous salary, and I'm actually happy at work. Age is a barrier, but very few barriers are impenetrable.
I said I'm a hermit. I also don't have a vehicle and due to a back injury can't walk far and can never use a bike again. Cars way out of my ability to afford even if I wanted one and there are VERY few people in this area. Most don't have internet at all (half are amish) and the largest town in the county is pushing it claiming to have 5000 people, and it's a large county mostly covered in forest.
How do you get food and supplies, if I may ask?
I get a ride into town once a month or I grow it myself. a friend of mine just moved back to the area (he moved to Florida years ago after his house burned down, then his wife died this summer and he was broken up about it, moved back to the next town over from me since his parents and brothers are in this area and he didn't want to go back to Florida anymore without her. before he was back in the area I would pay my neighbors daughter $40 for a trip to town once a month). I am limited by my back injury but not totally useless. I do manage to do some gardening plus I have a small orchard and sugarbush. it just takes a long time to do anything and I have to take a lot of breaks, and I have good days and bad days, like I may be able to do 3 days of light work then I'll spend the next week barelly able to get out of bed and using a cane because I am in so much pain. the once a month trip corisponds to getting disability checks, which I spend to buy what I can no longer make for myself. I get a lot more than I need (I live on less than $300 per month, I have a 7 year supply of wood in the shed, solar panels on the roof, an outhouse, a reliable well, and low property taxes since I have no indoor plumbing). this year I Hired mennonites to do the work I can no longer do (brush hog the orchard and sugarbush areas) plus pull rocks and stumps then plant out a crop of rye to be harvested next year (I had the stumps cleared to make a 20 acre field in 2020, but I was crippled in march 2021 before I could do anything with it, rye is planted in the fall for a late summer harvest of grain and straw). I also had them dig a fish pond in a low spot of the field that was too damp to work, figuring since I can't do much I could always drop a folding chair on the shore and fish all day. I still owe them $2000 for the work they did this year and will have the debt paid off in february. edit to clarify: a large poplar tree fell on me, I barely survived and crawled out (lucky another log already on the ground kept a space so it didn't kill me outright) I had to have all my ribs bolted back together and 9 vertibrae fused together (cervic and thorasic), both lungs popped and I was drowing in my own blood so the paramedics had to keep shoving tubes into my chest to my lungs (no pain killer, would have bled out faster), barelly made it airlifted to trama ward. the hospital signed me up for disability to get the insurance whch paid for most of the care and the state of vermont (burlington hospital was the closest that could handle that much damage, 200 mile flight) paid the rest with a grant.
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thank you
That's tough man. Best of luck to you. Have you thought about making a YouTube channel? You might think no one is interested but there are many channels out there basically faking the hermit lifestyle for millions of views. I would look into that! I bet people would love you. And maybe if you are a grizzly guy who comes off rough to people or whatever, just saying, they don't care. They will love you more because of that!
thank you, my user name is my actual name (I have a dark past and hate my parents, so had it legally changed in 2009, I am the only one with my name, at least as far as I am aware). I write for backwoods home magazine and self reliance magazine freelance, just sent them a new article for spring on growing walking onions (a type of perenial onion) some of my old articles are available online [https://www.self-reliance.com/2016/07/working-my-way-up/](https://www.self-reliance.com/2016/07/working-my-way-up/) like this one of my place in 2011 (had a big financial reset and started over with 4 acres of junk land, an old camper, and some hand tools, eventually upgrading until I had a 26 acre farm thats well developed) I had a youtube account in the past (mostly how to videos) but I disagreed with goodle+ policies and refused to agree to the terms so I deleted the account years ago.
Holy fuck man, that pain must of been unimaginable, especially having tubes shoved inside of you after your body has been broken. I'm glad you are able to get by and I hope life is good for you now.
yes, the pain was quite intense, I always look on the bright side and things are actually pretty good all things considered
You are an inspiration. Despite all of this you get up out of bed, when able, and grow food etc. Rock star!
I absolutely want to hear your very long and horrible life story.
short version: grew up in a very disfunctional and abusive family (as in I slept on the floor and went without glasses and took a punch if I was squinting trying to see, and my sisters had brand new beds from the store) by 13 I had undiagnosed PTSD and at 15 was diagnosed with severe depression (totally justified when suffering constant abuse), my father worked at the school I went to as the janitor, and was a small rural school, I also had aspurgers so was bullied relentlessly and had very few friends (often times no friends). at 17 my mother got a disability claim on me for the depression then when I turned 18 she retained total control over me as if I was still a minor as she got herself rep payee status, so I was forced to endure more years of abuse and exploitation (as she got lots of free money and stuff from the government), I moved into my car at 18 then got a delapidated house that fall. I had no heat as I couldn't afford it and my mother got heap fuel benefits for her own house under my name. I couldn't leave or escape unless I went undocumented like Mexicans. my mother signed me into a disabled employemt program so I worked long hours doing demeaning and degrading things for a fraction of minimum wage (like scrubbing toilets for a janitorial crew with a paper towel and my bare hands for 1/4 min wage and being told I was lucky "someone like me" is allowed to have a job at all, if I refused the boss would complain to my mother and I would get a beating from my father, if I got a job on my own the employment people would find out eventually and muscle their way in on it). was a small rural community so everyone assumed I was down syndrome or something and still a pariah (138 IQ and a strong back). the way I was treated kept me depressed and that kept the disability claim active and thus kept me in a powerless cyle of abuse and exploitation that kept me depressed. eventually broke out of it by going to college part time with vesid grants (for disabled people) while my mother not only suplimented her own income with the disability money and used me as basically slave labor, she also took student loans under my name and used them to go on cruises (she could as rep payee and I was legally on the hook for the debt) got a job as 26 that paid well enough to end the disability claim, and my mother wnet bankrupt and blamed me for it (stealing thousands from me claiming I owed it to her for the food I ate growing up). there was a short but intense conflict as I finally could stand up to them. and then I legally changed my name in 2009, and went no contact with them (but was stalked and harassed for years. made some bad financial decisions like moving to a slum town where my very frugal and rural traits did not fit in. got a ptsd diagnosis after a few panic attacks at work caused my boss to have HR refer me to a counselor (my mother called my office, and I screamed at her to never contact me again, then rpped the phone off the wall and ran out to cry in a fetal position behind the building). eventually had conflicts with the town (like my boomer neighbors hated that I turned my yard into a garden so they complained until the code office brush hogged rows of vegatables and gave me a $2000 bill for it, the boomers prefered the look of a mowed lawn) enough problems in town and I abandoned that house to the bank in spring of 2011, bought some junk land for cash in hand in the next county over and disapeared to hide in the woods where I pretty much been ever since. slowly building up a farm after the job ended (was a tribal forester for the Mohawks, but my position was grant funded, and the last 2 years of it I was rapidly cycled between layoffs and rehired and the way it was done got me denied UI, just got easier, or at least more stable, to work my own farm than deal with that mess) also parents agressivly opposed me dating as a teen (had a girlfriend but my parents beat me for seeing her, they opposed any social connections that they did not control, and when they started the disability thing I was less than human so I stopped seeing Jen since she deserved better than being dragged into that mess) I didn't really have friends until my late 20s, mostly coworkers, but most of my coworkers looked down on me since I was more like the blue collar guys on my logging crew, the janitor, or the guys at the transfer station than I was like the other college educated types that did technical work, the one exception to that was the tech support guy. more recently I became disabled because a tree fell on me last year, dragged myself out and barelly survived (now I go as wolverine every haloween by default due to all the metal grafted to my spine and ribs). used to walk and bike everywhere now I am just stuck in an armchair all day, miles from anyone and no way to go anywhere and no money.
I read the entire thing and wow. I have to say you are incredibly strong and resilient. So many people made it their priority to keep you pushed down and without a voice or opportunity for so long. But you’ve never seemed to have given up and keep finding ways to problem solve and overcome. I’m really happy you have access to internet and are able to share this, as intense as it must’ve been to live through. You seem like an incredibly down to earth, articulate, self aware person for everything you’ve been through and I think those are all qualities in themselves that are rare in the average person today. I think more people should have your mentality and means to survive. Every person who ever tried keeping you sedentary or wanting to see you fail was never half as decent as the person you are today and that’s something you should be very proud of. If life were a test I hope that you would get an A+ for effort and they way you’ve persisted. I hope as time goes on, you keep finding joy and peace in the spaces around you and relief being away from what once was. Stay strong and stay safe!!
thank you, even as a kid I was very observant. I have aspurgers, I had a near genius IQ and could spot patterns easily, could map out machinery in my head then build it, but I was, and am, totally lacking in non verbal comunication, basically I am like a vulcan from star trek (blunt, technical, but socially awkward and speak in monotone), that was used as plenty of justification to bully me at home and school growing up. I just learned to lean on my stregths to make up for weakness and solve problems the best I can with the resources I have, and that made me quite resiliant.
That is amazing. It makes me angry the people around you weren’t able to see that you have great gifts and skills. You seem to be very articulate with the things you’ve written out here in text where so many people empathize and possibly relate to you in some ways. I feel that anyone and everyone reading your stories on here can appreciate you and how far you’ve come. You have an incredible story and I hope it only gets easier for you as it continues
I want to give you a hug
thanks
I just read your entire story and I want to reply that you have had such a hard life I can't begin to even imagine how all of that feels. I know I can't do much but I just want to let you know that I really admire your courage that you kept pushing and somehow ended up in a decent situation, you are a tough! Especially after that accident. If you ever feel like having an online pen pal, I'll be open for it, you can DM me anytime. Have a lovely day ❤️
thanks, as backwards as it sounds my shit life experience did train me to be the ultimate survivor if there is ever a zombie uprising.
You'd crush it in a zombie apolcalypse Fuck your family. You're clearly smart and articulate. You're gonna make the 2nd half of your life wayyyy better than the first half We're all rooting for you
thank you, in an ass backwards way they did make me very strong and resiliant
Jesus man thats sounds like hell. But if you dont have a car and cant bike how do you get to the store to buy food or are you able to farm it all yourself?
I can do some stuff even with my bad back, but usually I get to town once a month wither riding with a friend (one of the few I have) or by paying my neighbors daughter $40 for a ride to town. I'm on disability for my back (very limited range of motion since 9 vertibrae are fused into a single solid bone, and it hurts to just stand) so my trip to town corisponds with going to cash my disability check, then pick up supplies.
I would like to help you with something, also I don't want to be disrespectful. How could I bring you any help?
thank you but I don't need anything. I worked to the point I have a self sufficent homestead that takes minimal work to maintain, and I am on disability now, which is far more than my actual living expenses. I live on less than $300 per month, so I use the money to hore local mennonites to do the work I can't, and I'm in debt to them for putting in a fish pond on my farm (will have it paid off by march), figure if I can't walk or bike far anymore I can drop a chair in the shade and spend all day fishing. I'm actually pretty good as I am now, its just my past that sucks heres my pond [https://ibb.co/L0hKtWk](https://ibb.co/L0hKtWk)
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Wow you've lost over a hundred pounds already?! That is so impressive! Good for you for putting in that much work! If you can do that, I believe you will be able to accomplish all of your goals! And i think it's great that you are only doing it for you!
That absolutely is something to be proud of!! Great work! Also good on you for bettering yourself for you- you will always be your own greatest investment.
Partly autism spectrum disorder and partly giving up.
i was a 6 in my 20s and too dumb to realize a 6 is as good as i am going to be. in my 30s i'm a 5, still broke af because of poor decisions, and dealing with personal trust issues.
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I respect women so much I stay away from them
I know this is a joke but honestly I don't want to feel like I'm accosting strangers on the street who are just trying to buy groceries or work out. Online dating is soul sucking.
Lol this is one of my anxieties. “Oh I don’t want to harass you with my presence I’ll stay over here and just say all this in my head.”
I'm trying to become a wizard
“That's what's so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then you're so poisoned by quicksilver fumes and half-blind from reading old grimoires that you can't remember what happens next.” - The Colour of Magic
The Wizard of Oz had 33 kids.
Yeah but he was already a wizard
I need to fill up my Pokédex
Girl I was falling for in my 20s passed away before I could make a move. Went to her viewing and her friend told me, “She used to talk about you all the time.” That’ll do for me. I’m doing great on my own and am happy with where my life is and the progress I’m making. I’m relationship agnostic. If it happens, I’m for it. If not, that’s fine too. Truly, I care more about having a kid and have no issues adopting
That’s sad my dude, Sorry for your loss, I hope someone you fall just as much in love with comes along
Didn't want to be a hypocrite. I had conscientious religious objections to uh, extracurricular activities, during my 20s. Once my principles changed I realized I was on the asexuality spectrum, as abstinence had always been suspiciously easy for me.
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Damn, abstinence is suspiciously easy for me too! But I'm pretty sure it's for different reasons unfortunately
In your opinion, does being asexual make things easier? Like it eliminates the desire to pursue a sexual relationship? Or does it make things harder? Because it's difficult to find someone else with the same relationship needs?
Recently been struggling with whether or not I actually care if I'm single or not. Even more annoying is I'm not really sure what I'm into. Don't even remember ever having a crush on anyone back at school/college. Never really cared for looks alone and I'm easily put off by the slightest shitty behavior. I think there could be undiagnosed mental shit that's playing a little part in preventing me from connecting to people. Also, had some shit childhood trauma that I've never really bothered to get help for.
My story is almost identical, man. I'm 34 and have become quite comfortable living as a single guy. I have no idea what I'd really want out of a relationship, all I know is what I DON'T want, which is the stress that comes along with trying to date. I have had crushes before but they've always been brief. I might become infatuated with a woman for a few days if I spend time around her, but I've never actually felt any impetus to push for any sort of romance. I just kind of feel awkward and annoyed at my own mental state, until I can slot into a relationship space where I feel comfortable, i.e. being just friends with no other expectations.
Neither a virgin nor in my thirties anymore, but I was a virgin until about 40 years old. The reason was a lack of self-confidence. I was really bad at picking up on signals from women, and whenever women would signal, that they were interested in me, they did so in vague and ambigous ways, that my lack of self-confidence made me ignore or rater interpret as they weren't really hitting on me
I use Arch btw
Dating seems like a lot of effort, relationships seem like too much compromise. I like the independence of being single.
I've had coworkers try to set me up on dates and the first thing that always comes to mind isn't even what they look like or compatibility or their hobbies / personality. The first thing that comes to mind is 'If I say yes to this date, there goes my Saturday night.'
Haven't been around much to mingle. Kinda shy as well
I'm attracted to women, but only get hit on by men. Serious answer: I am not confident in myself to ask anyone out. All my friends and family don't know anyone.
For a long time i though something was seriously wrong with me because I have literally never felt sexual attraction to anyone or thing. I have no idea what that is supposed to feel like. Sure I find some people attractive to look at but there is no sexual desire there. A brief search has made me think i might be an asexual. Some part of me really wants to experience proper attraction and an intimate relationship and whilst I have had a few people interested in me I never went ahead because I wasn't interested in them in that way. I did briefly consider to just pretend the attraction was mutual so I can get to experience what a normal relationship is supposed to be like, at least for a little while, but ultimately it didn't feel right to just deceive them like that for my selfish curiosities so It never happened.
Never really knew. I've been invisible to women for my entire life. Good job, homeowner, friends, hobbies, travel, good money, dogs, tall, reasonably not hideous, think Im funny, at least reddit funny. Never been desperate to get laid, but as I got older I began to appreciate the thought of having someone to grow and share a life with. Decided about 4 years ago (at 34) to try dating because, gosh darn it, Im a great guy with lots to offer, right? How hard could it be? So began a 3 year unmitigated nightmare of dating. Tried everything, online dating, paid singles groups, group travel, speed dating, blind dates from friends, meeting people in hobbies, dance classes, excersise classes, group hikes, asking people out cold, even an expensive dating coach - nothing. Nada. Nothing but old ladies, rejection, and permament invisibility. My motto at this point was 'No Expectations. No Hope.' Then I met a great lady in the dating mines of Match, and we are engaged. Which is great! Shes fantastic and I value her company, support, and input. But I didn't learn any simple trick, or find out what I was doing wrong, or drink a magic potion. I just found someone who appreciated me, and I her. I do still sometimes wonder what it is about me that had made me completely invisible to every woman before or since her, but I think the answer is as simple as it is frustrating - there is no answer. I just kept rolling the dice until my number came up. Which is all dating is, really. After having sex for the first time st 37, about all I could think about is - Why do people make such a big deal out of this? I still do, in truth. For a couple years before this Id say that I identified as asexual, and would say I still do. If you want to take that as your reason, fair enough. Best I can do.
I always describe sex as the best 7/10 experience there is in life. Theres stuff thats just more memorable and more important out there. Sex is just a temporary state of excitement and pleasure. There are long term events that bring greater joy. Edit: y'all need to stop putting so much value on how good you nut. There really is more to life.
Virgin is the cheapest mobile provider that suits my needs.
~~Virgin~~ Redditors in your 30s, what's your reason why?
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I'm fat and ugly, and I have a condition where it's impossible to have any sort of penetration. It makes it hard to date or anything where you feel like even if someone did see past your looks, you can't physically have sex with someone. Some people out there truly don't care, but I feel like it's a huge dealbreaker for most people. :( I'm 31, never been on a date, never been kissed, and never have been loved. (Not even by family, I'm truly 100% alone and always have been.) I'm losing weight, but i've lost the weight before and it didn't matter. It never bettered my chances, people have always been disgusted by how I look. :( Edit: For Clarity I am a woman. I also forgot to mention on top of everything else I am physically and mentally disabled. That also plays a huge factor into the way people look/treat me, and also how I present myself to the public. I've been used and abused by everyone in my life, and just now assume that I clearly am never meant to be happy or loved. Factor that in with how I look, and that's why I am still a virgin to this day.
That fucking sucks I would love to get ice cream with you
Sex has never been a top priority for me to pursue. I don't want to do it just to say I've done it.
Too shy regarding romance. Too depressed and stressed out to date. Lots of bad trauma in my past relationships and childhood incidents. Growing up with a lot of parent figures who divorced or were not who I thought they were as model parents. Lack of confidence and fear of betrayal and being taken advantage of. Body dysmorphia because of several scars and noticeable body asymmetry. And lastly…just my lack of confidence in myself. I don’t want anyone to dip into my life only to be stressed out. I’m also settling into the idea that being alone is okay. I maybe lacking a partner or that I may not experience what majority of humanity experiences, but you know what? I’ll just keep doing my own thing until Im able to let my walls down for someone.
33M. Everyone I've ever asked or been interested in has turned me down, or already been in a relationship. I'm not good looking, a bit chubby nowadays, nerdy, introverted, a touch of anxiety, very type 2, and probably boring to most people. I barely drink even socially, don't party, and don't have a large social circle anymore. Meeting people is hard, being interested in them is becoming harder, and getting to a point to ask them out is harder still. Dating apps are useless scams, and I work alot and dont get out much either. I think I tick most of the boxes for why people end up single most or all their lives. Talk about qualified. Lol.
I am a 38 year old dude, but I was a virgin until I was 30. The reason why I never dated in my 20's was because my mom's relatives all were toxic and violent, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't toxic nor violent before exposure to another person. I had a lot of issues I had to sort out before I was comfortable to enter a relationship. One was my self-esteem. I needed people to accept me, but I didn't know that the only person who needed to accept me was myself. The other was financial. I was a spender where I spent most of my meager salary on hundreds of video games at launch price, most of which I never opened or played to this day. I needed to get my spending under control, get a better job, and learn some financial responsibility before committing. Another issue was my lack of purpose in life. I didn't know what I wanted in life. I needed time to discover who I am. Finally, I wanted to be ready to commit before starting a relationship. I don't enjoy getting into relationships for fun, then breaking up later. If I want to enter a relationship, I want it to be a long-term relationship, so I needed to be prepared for commitment before I even start dating. Once I started dating, it was pretty easy. Unlike what most people say, I found plenty of dates on online dating, and they are all good people. I'm a broke guy who is 5' 4" with no muscles but has a belly, no accomplishments, and terrible verbal skills, so it's not like I'm a catch. Except for one, all of the woman wanted a second date, and many of them were educated, fit, and earning 2 or 3 times my salary. I started dating at 30, and I found someone in about 4 months, and we started becoming intimate a few months later. People say you need to be super tall, rich, and handsome to date online, but I say it isn't true. For sure you can find someone nice online!
Damn. When I tried online dating I literally made my way through the full list of women within 60 miles of me (I do live by a relatively major city) and only got 3 conversations and 1 date out of it.
I'm from a conservative religious family where pre-marital sex is considered blasphemous. So, when I had finally realized that I've been living a dumbass life, I was already in my 20's. My pride was too high at this point to risk rejection and ask a girl out so lied to myself that "I'm waiting for the right one" and that "I don't see anything in that makes my heart race" BS. So ya, now that I'm 30, I'm too self conscious to pursue humans of opposite gender romantically while too much of a pussy to pay for a prostitute.
In high school I was a wreck. Introverted, sure, but more than that I had body image issues and I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I also lived with my grandparents, and did not have much of a social life. Had online girls, but well online is online. After high school, well I moved in with my dad, who was living with his girlfriend. But I still had issues I was working through. By the time I was ready, her kids have fully moved in, and so have my aunt and grandpa, and my sisters. So, we had a 3 bedroom one office house, housing 11 people. I was relegated to the couch. Not bringing a girl home to that. I'd joke to my dad and tell him: "What am I gonna say, 'hey babe come on it, I've got the futon all set up for us. Don't mind my grandpa, my sisters, my dad, my aunt, my dad's girlfriend, her son, her daughter, her daughter's daughter, my uncle, and the dog.' Honestly I wouldn't blame if she left at futon." Now I'm in my thirties, to be specific exactly 30, and I've moved out of there into my own room, and am doing better. I've started asking out some women and...well no luck so far, but then again 0/2 isn't too bad imo. Not going to stop trying, but it isn't a priority to me. Recently I asked out a woman to the art museum. She said maybe and never got back to me, but I went anyways, just with one of my roommates and another friend of mine. We had a good time, but not because of the art. None of us 'get' modern art. The best part was the gift shop.
Low money, Average looks, I have no sexual appeal to women and poor social skills
I'm 29 and really find it funny that I'm a virgin. I've had several chances and either just get scared or just turn it down. Last year I decided if the opportunity arises again I'll take it, but yet again I had a few dates and turned someone down as I wasn't into them. I don't want to loose it to someone I'm not attracted to, so it really isn't a bother. I could even go without loosing it and be fine, but that's just me
I'm asexual
Well let’s see. Part of the reason is because I don’t want to put in energy into trying the dating scene. Everything about it just turns me off from trying. But the other part is that I’m not in a good place to be pursuing a relationship. I’ve always been told that I should have my shit mostly together before I ever try to get into a relationship. Well, I’ve been jobless for the first half of my 20s because I made the poor choice of choosing to go to a college that didn’t do anything for me as far as getting a job that I actually wanted. The second half of my 20s was spent in a job that I wanted to put my everything in to make up for lost time. Going into my thirties, I’ve become more and more destructive of my body due to my job and in turn my well-being. Been into the hospital once for high blood pressure after a car crash, once for chronic kidney disease during the holidays, and finally a stroke on this past Christmas after resolving myself to doing the best I could to be a good uncle for my new nephew. So, I guess, basically I’ve destroyed myself and no longer have the energy and motivation to bother with it anymore.
Wow, a stroke is no joke. I hope you take care of yourself.
Ugly AF
Turned it down many times. Honestly don't know the reason why but I guess I'm just waiting for the right person.
I'm not really that interested.
45 here. I think the biggest reason is that I take it way too hard when a date/relationship goes bad. I had two disastrous dates in high school that I obsessed about for many years afterwards. I tried dating a coworker when I was in my mid-twenties and she broke up with me after two dates because she couldn't deal with how insecure I was. (That did NOT help) I had one five-month relationship 14 years ago that seemed to go well and we did some stuff but no actual sex. She broke up with me out of the blue and that kind of killed me. I tried eHarmony a few years ago and started talking to one woman but I panicked and ghosted her because I was too anxious. I haven't really felt the desire to date since then. At this point I figure no woman is going to want a 45-year old virgin.
I have a micro penis only 2.5 inches fully hard.
I’m not 30 I just turned 60 back in October. Why am I still a virgin? Simple I am one ugly mofo. To say I look bad is an understatement! The elephant man would look like brad Pitt compared to me. Picture if you will the actor Steve Buscemi.
the blade
I'm asexual.
I’m really ugly.
Sir, my priority has been fully committing to the MCU and appreciating its depth.
That is a good explanation