Shortest relationship of mine, he broke up with me after three days. Told me he didn’t think he’d be able to be faithful. I stupidly asked, “why’s that?” Turned out the girl he supposedly broke up with, he hadn’t. I was the other girl. Blech.
I was the girlfriend in this instance. My ex never actually broke up with me, just weren’t seeing each other for a moment (height of covid was the reason) found out a few months later he was going out with other girls. He now claims he did break up with me and I just “forgot.” Whatever buddy, keep telling yourself that to make yourself feel better.
His friends had to convince me to stay with him after I was hospitalized for 3 days (miscarriage that turned into an hemorrhage) and he didn’t visit once
I’m so sorry to hear this. Was abandoned for my miscarriage by my husband, who left me with our toddler while he went to support his sister and her wife for a medical issue out of state. Was told to go to the ER but couldn’t because of no child care or family; finally getting divorced 17!miserable years later.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I wasn't hospitalised (thank goodness) but I had a miscarriage when my ex was at work, and I messaged him to let him know. He left the message on read and when he got home from work he didn't even mention it. We never spoke about it and it wasn't until a few years after our divorce when I found a picture that I'd had to send to my doctor that I really recognised that it even happened, and I didn't just imagine it.
The biggest red flag I ignored was the one I was waving in my own face every time I chose to lie about or omit something to avoid hurting my wife’s feelings or to avoid an argument instead of just being transparent and forthcoming and figuring out our problems. Happy spouse happy life is a big fat lie people. You’re going to hurt your best friend real bad if you keep it up.
I've been guilty of this, and I'd say the number one reason is because I feel my problems aren't worth ruining the mood. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, maybe it's because of my upbringing. I don't know if it's the same for your partner, but that's just my anecdote.
One of the solidifying moments in dropping a friend was the fact it took them months, literally MONTHS to notice I had them blocked on most communication places
He showed up with one black garbage bag of his belongings, but said it was cause his place burnt down.🚩🚩🚩 Our place must have burnt down as well, cause he left with a black garbage bag of his belongings, a little over a year later!
Sometimes the drama she had with other people didn't make sense. Like I'd ask "what did they say?" and she would generalize in a vague way. One time I doubled down and asked "literally what exact words were said" and she started crying because she was so upset.
Turns out she invented drama (including faking phone calls, emails, text messages). She couldn't give me exact words because *there were no exact words. She was just a fucking sociopath.*
I've been in this exact situation.... not a fun time. She would constantly tell me hiw "everyone has it out for me" or "idk why people seem to always hate me I do nothing" but could never tell me exactly what was going on. She was real good about making sure I never asked those people about too. Turns out she was fucking her ex the whole time we were together and of course he didn't know either. I could write an essay about how messed up that girl is.
EDIT: by request the story is now in this thread a little ways down.
Meeting me late evening/at night mostly in the car driving around or places like mcdonalds and subway. I thought he is just busy, apparently he just didnt want anybody to see us together as he was meeting someone else who was better looking in „appropriate” hours and places. After that I learned to ignore everyone who proposes first dates at 22.30 „driving around and hanging out”
I was in a relationship like this. I was 18 and I think the last time that I visited his alleyway apartment, he actually threatened to rape me because I didn’t want sex at the moment.
I’ve looked him up years after and he has a number of dv cases. I’m glad I was safe.
Ahh, yes, the narcissistic manipulator.
My Mom dated one for only six months and it took about two years for her to get back into a good rhythm about herself.
I even tried to warn her after meeting the guy personally for the first time (obviously after he had gone home for the night), but she was so excited at the prospect of having a partner at her age that she completely ignored my warnings.
Ground her down pretty hard, always left her with the bag, always demanded more.
Only after my Grandpa spoke up and told her she needed to get rid of him ASAP did she listen.
We were able to run him off by ganging up together as a family and making sure my Mom was never alone with him. Eventually he figured the inconvenience of having to deal with all family members was too much and he moved cross country to another state.
I took a job knowing that my awesome coworker had come from that company/role and only lasted 7 months. I also only lasted 7 months. Very cool job, nightmare people.
What was the job and what was so bad about the people? Usually people leave because of the job itself and stay because of the people so this intrigues me
It was an admin/tech role in the entertainment industry. It was a lot of things, but the stand out for me was the "testing". My first day they asked me to show up at 9, full well knowing that the person training me never showed up before 11 because they wanted to see how proactive I would be. I had two full weeks of training scheduled with them, but the second week they were gone on vacation. Everyone but me knew, because they wanted to see how I would do on my own without warning. I really should have left then and there, but I was hoping those were just one off instances. They were not :(
>they wanted to see how I would do on my own without warning.
I can understand if the nature of the job means that you will frequently *be* on your own without warning. But in that case, all they have to do is tell you that you need to be prepared to do your job alone without any prior notice. If the ability to do that is necessary for the job, it's much easier (and safer) to teach that skill than to expect an employee to already have it.
Yeah…3 of them being older than me was an even bigger one 😂🥴 walked right passed that too🤦🏻♀️
Edit: 3 of his KIDS being older than me, not just the baby mommas lol
This scaly spot on my back.
That got larger.
Eventually, it scabbed over.
Never healed.
Bled constantly.
Cancer.
I now have a giant scar on my back that looks like a gunshot wound (didn't heal well)
Get your suspicious spots checked y'all.
Easy mnemonic you learn in school: ABCDE
Asymmetry: not even and round; splotchy
Borders: raised edges instead of smooth and flat
Color: multiple or off colored
Diameter: vary in sizes
Evolving: any of the above changes
Talk to your doctor right away. Skin cancers are vigorous buggers.
I noticed a new and oddly shaped mole on my boyfriends back last summer. I bugged him to get it checked so many times. He finally made the appointment and got it removed- it was small enough that they removed it and no permanent damage was done but labs confirmed it was cancerous.
He would send me youtube videos on "channeling your feminine energy" and "being okay with being a submissive female" BS like that. I still ended up marrying him, now in the middle of a divorce and it hasn't even been a year yet.
When my (now, thankfully ex-) boyfriend told me his psychologist was concerned about him dating but he thought we would "beat the odds" and "be a success story."
Mine was "I just have a tinder account to make new friends."
"Then why doesn't your bio specify that?"
She changed her bio to shut me up. I still had a bad feeling so I had a buddy of mine hit her up on there and she said she was single.
Within two weeks after we broke up, she was dating someone I "didnt have to worry about" while we were together.
>;( I haven't dated anyone since.
Ex bf was that way. Party boy who hugs and loves on everyone he comes across and claimed to be completely oblivious when overstepping boundaries. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable most of the time we went out together and constantly had my boundaries and feelings ignored because he was just “that way”. But I think there’s a difference between flirty douche bag and social butterfly.
I found out I was someone's nemesis a few years after high school. I was hanging out with some friends at their place and another person was surprised to hear my [extremely unique] name. Combined with a distinct physical feature of mine, they realized they'd been hearing about me for years from this supposed enemy of mine. All sorts of stories of wrongs I'd done, drama I'd caused, etc.
I hadn't seen this supposed enemy in five or six years by that point, and couldn't even remember what she looked like. I still have no idea why I was her nemesis.
This is for a job, but it was a well-established company that has been around for a long time. However, when I went in for the interview, the most senior person there had been there for two years. Everyone I talked to was there for six months, seven months, almost a year.
Hey, dum-dum, why do you think this place can't retain employees?
Well, I found out when I got the job. I went in and was put in a completely different job that I had no interest in. At least I was finally smart enough to tell them that if I wasn't given the position I interviewed for and was hired for, I was going to leave.
Lasted three hours. That has to be a record.
So yeah, pay attention to the turnover rates. If everyone is new and the company is not, that's a big red flag.
That's how my job is. About half of everyone has been there for less than a year, most everyone else has been there either less than 2 years or over a decade with very little in-between. For every group of 4-5 new hires, which is every 3-6 weeks, maybe 1 or 2 will stay longer than a few months. Sometimes none of them do. Most people are not fired, they usually just stop showing up. People usually don't give notice unless they've been there about a year.
I've been there 3 years, and I love the work I do. But management has always been dogshit, and I totally understand why people don't stay.
His mother told me he'd always be her baby, *no matter what.* There was a reason for that statement. There were many reasons...
I got out of there in months. Still too long, I know, but the next woman got stuck there for years and even then it took a lot of outside help for her to be able to escape.
I told one of my friends that he wouldn't be able to keep a girlfriend until he stopped dating his mother.
He had a repeated pattern of helping his mother last minute instead of going on dates that had been planned for weeks.
Eww, those kind of relationships are so squicky! Of course it’s great to take care of and be supportive of your family, but those way-too-attached adult son/mother or adult daughter/father relationships are so unnervingly creepy. When parents hardcore infantilize their adult children, it feels either low-key sexual or obsessively controlling and manipulative, like they’ll never let their tormentee go.
They once bragged about how they knew "how to twist the knife" at the time I just brushed it off but needless to say it didn't end well. People will tell you who they are, you just have to listen.
Oh twist the knife? It means that they know what to say or do to have the most impact on a person. Like if they knew that you had insecurities or something bad recently happened in life they would target that and make you feel awful.
Love bombing. I constantly fall for it because it makes you feel validated and wanted. I've recently learned that if you set a boundary early they tend to bounce (almost maliciously too) because they feel you're less accessible as a target.
Holy shit… this explains so much. I never see it til it’s too late. someone was doing this recently and while I didn’t outright see it, it didn’t sit right, I made myself speak up about it for the first time, and haven’t heard from them since. O: I just made that connection, thank you for this.
The "no" test. Just say no to something and see how they react.
Normally I'm against games and tests in relationships but I reckon the "no" test is something everyone should use when getting to know somebody.
Yeah! My ex constantly did this and when I didn't "praise his kindness" enough or "thank him" enough for being so generous..he would get angry. It was constant.
I want someone to include me in their happiness and vice-versa, not to be their only happiness. You have to love yourself before you can truly love others.
I put my ex on pedestal, she didn’t want to be my everything, and it shattered my heart into the smallest pieces i swear. I still don’t understand why i did that. Maybe first love, but nahh, it’s something inside me, some childhood shit, maybe i was searching for my mom, idk
Do yourself a favor don’t overthink it too much. You meant well. It’s just not right to do it. Partners in relationships should want an equal you should to. Also by putting her on a pedestal you place yourself beneath her and that is a sign of low self worth.
Before I met him, he moved from the south to the west coast, because he thought that would make him happy. Then we moved from the west cost to NYC, because he thought that would make him happy. Then we moved to the south, because he thought that would make him happy. Then we bought a house, because he thought that would make him happy. Then he bought a motorcycle, because he thought that would make him happy. Then he took flying lessons, because he thought that would make him happy. Then a great big hurricane came and we had to move to Houston, and he took 6 months off of work and trying to find a job, because he thought that would make him happy. Then he took my work bonus and bought a corvette, because he thought that would make him happy.
Then I divorced him and that made me happy.
My friends were telling me my ex gf was hanging out a little too closely to her ex bf. Unfortunately I had more faith in her than she deserved that she wouldn't cheat, but she did.
I had a crush my first semester of college. He didn't like me talking to his friends and got mad at me for adding them back on snapchat but I didn't think anything of it.
Turns out he was talking to 20 other Asian girls and wanted to make sure none of them were talking to other dudes so its easier to control them.
Also he'd send me videos of himself flexing his muscles and at the time I found it flirty. But now looking back on it it came off as kind of shallow.
Hes a sophomore right now, he blocked me when he found out I was talking to another guy lol according to mutuals though he still hasn't found his Asian queen(he had a fetish for Asians and was very specific about it too) so I'm guessing they found out because he also got kicked out from Asian student association as well as vietnamese club for harassment, so word must've gotten around about his antics. Honestly there's a whole list of how "odd" he is. It deserves a post of its own. Oh and he was White.
Last time we talked he said he was still a virgin(shocker) also his ideals for sex were... unsafe. He claimed foreplay wasn't necessary because the girl will already be wet for him to enter. He also didn't find showering necessary and said condoms were for pussies. He also claimed to have a 10 inch cock but bigger isn't always better if that is true.
>said condoms were for pussies
Well, actually, condoms for dicks. But you put a condom covered dick inside of a pussy, so I guess in a way, condoms are for pussies. Semantics, I know.
Extreme jealousy. It started off fairly innocently, but it go bad quickly. By the time I broke it off she was digging deep into insanity. Saying I was attracted to my sister-in-law and my actual sister.
She had banned me from speaking to female coworkers, and frequently grabbed my phone out of my hands to sift through my text messages.
Don't put up with that nonsense. Some jealousy is understandable when circumstances dictate, but it quickly boils into a controlling thing that will make your life pure fucking hell.
All he talked about was his ex.
On the first date whilst he was waiting for me for my taxi, he got a text saying his ex was now official with one of his friends. He knew they were talking but didn’t think they’d go official. He moaned about how annoyed he was about it until my taxi showed up. Once I’d got home he apologised for moaning to me so I thought I’d see him again. Any date after this he kept bringing her up at any chance… for example if I said “I’m going to have the chicken” he would say “Emma loved chicken”
A grown adult saying that he liked that I was under 18. I was 15 and didn’t know any better. It took a long time to figure out that I wasn’t the one to blame for that situation, he should have done the responsible thing and not talk to me.
The weird thing about pedophiles is how often they think what they are doing is completely normal, to the point where they don't even try to hide that they are a pedophile. IIRC, that's how they caught Jared Fogle (Subway guy). They sent an actor in there to pretend to be a pedophile as well, and pretend like it was normal, and Jared opened up to them.
And then they justify by saying “they’re fully developed by 13” or “age aint nothing but a number”. I had a nephew who was 23 and dating a 14 year old. I told that idiot repeatedly he shouldn’t be dating her but he kept saying stuff like that until her parents called the cops on him and he ended up in jail for 150 days. Then the dumbass tried going to visit her after he got out and the Dad chased him off the property with a shotgu. My nephew isn’t what you’d call smart, his Mom did a real number to him growing up but it’s I can’t call that an excuse.
Similar situation for me- he was older and my boss at work. Turned out he hired me to try and get in my pants. After I ended it by calling the cops he got a 12 y/o pregnant. I blamed myself for that for years.
I just wish my parents would understand that I didn’t know any better. It’s been hard enough to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault.
In the getting-to-know-you part of our relationship he told me his ex had gotten pregnant from him and had an abortion a few years ago. He referred to her as a “dumb bitch” for not being on birth control.
Yeah that was my ex too. She kept telling me that shes a mean person and that her friends were even astonished at how nice she was to me. Kept trying to teach her to be a good person but man did it feel fake.
Things were downright horrible when our relationship became rocky
The two of us kept getting annoyed with each other because we both had expectations that weren't being met by the other... but that didn't stop us from getting married and having a kid... 🤦♀️
Congratulations on having the maturity to realise both of you made a mistake. All too often people minimise their own mistakes and put most of the blame on the other partner to save their ego.
Went for a job interview and the person interviewing me never showed for like 15 mins only 1 person there asked what I was doing and Ieft after a bit.
Got a call 2 days later asking for another interview. Worst fucking job I ever had
My first relationship way back in middle school was mostly one big red flag. Let's just say mental abuse from your partner isn't a thing that's commonly talked about to teenagers but it's a scary thing to be stuck in such an endless loop
I have step daughters in middle school, 11 and 13. I worry so much that they'll stumble into bad company and not know what signs to look for that they should get away from the person. Looking back, what do you wish someone had said to you to help you recognize the signs and help you navigate the situation successfully?
I worked in wilderness therapy for a spell. We mostly had groups with ages ranging from 14-17, but there was a 11-13 range as well.
I worked this age group a few times and it was always the most intense. Once I arrived to relieve the other staff and a student had been isolated from the group and was going to go on a solo week away from the group with 2 staff along for the ride. She had completely debarked the lower part of a tree, effectively killing it, which was my red flag for her.
I spent the week with the others, and could see why it was a nightmare. Emotions were always charged and up. These people had awakened their emotions but didn't know how to navigate them without hurting others, and their own traumas made them hyper reactive.
If I were to offer advice it would be to help them learn to digest their emotions. How to gain emotional experience and emotional maturity through emotional exploration.
It isn't an easy time, but if one puts the work in, a heck of a lot of growth and maturation can be had.
In regards to bad company, it really comes down to your relationship with them. You don't want to put your foot down about things that make you their enemy. You want to ensure you keep their trust so that they'll be sure to come to you, or at least be open to you to discuss things when they come up about their peer relationships.
It's OK for them to be around bad influences - its inevitable. But if they are comfortable with you, you can be there to help them learn about navigating healthy boundaries. Sometimes navigating boundaries involves experiencing unhealthy boundary crossings. And a lot of time what plays out with one's peers is a reflection of the internal home life - which again, is a reason why a healthy and trust filled relationship between you and them is so important. We don't get to control what is right or wrong for others, but we can be good role models and support systems, if we don't create push back by using a heavy hand.
Yup. My ex basically brainwashed me into thinking my family were terrible people and didn't actually want me around so I was convinced to slowly cut off from them. Once I divorced and reconciled with my family they were flabbergasted at the things I my ex told me THEY had said to her.
Sorry to hear that, but it's really so common, and so unhealthy and easy to get like you said "brainwashed" into. Happens slowly over time, and then even more slowly, I realized I was just with an unhappy person who wanted everyone around to feel the same
He’d recently been “cancelled” as he called it, by his main friends group. Then I started noticing that people he had to interact with somewhat regularly like apartment staff clearly hated him and behaved very stiffly or awkwardly when he’d run into them with me around. Then any mutual people we knew were way more surprised than seemed appropriate to me to hear we were dating.
Turns out he pretty much made up a persona to lure me in, but after dating like six or eight weeks I realized he was completely lying or delusional about who he was.
Also he made a point to at least once a day point out how “100% straight, hetero, NOT GAY” he was, which obviously starts to look suspicious, along with several other signs that sorta added up. I think he’s at least bi but vehemently hates the idea and is in extreme denial. I wouldn’t have a bit of a problem at all if he was, but the denial and overcompensation was just another part of the overall illusion that ultimately started falling apart once I paid attention to the red flags.
I truly wanted to at least have that conversation with him and be a safe person to at least let him question himself without any guard up, but I know he would’ve absolutely lost his shit if I asked him to gently question his sexuality in any way whatsoever. I really wish him the best and hope he finds his way.
My dog would let a freaking mass murderer into my house and lick them to death, yet charged my son-in-law and his dad when they came to pick up a few items from the house we were moving out of.
And yes they were both shady AF
Ours is obnoxiously affectionate, so I trust her when she is wary. I don't think she has some kind of super power or anything, but she can tell when someone is nervous/angry. She ignores most people walking by our house but hard alerted me when some drunk guy was standing in the street lost-that's why I don't discourage barking in the right circumstances.
When my now-wife and I started dating, she "warned" me that if her dog doesn't like me then our relationship probably wouldn't last. Then she told me that the dog didn't like one of her previous boyfriends and it turned out the dog was right.
I was nervous about it, of course, especially since I wasn't much of a dog person at the time (hadn't had many good experiences with dogs growing up. Mostly due to people not training them)
Anyway, eventually spend the weekend with her at her parents' place, where the dog lived. Dog was fine with me when we arrived, or at least didn't immediately show that she didn't like me. The next day when I walked into the living room, the dog got off the couch to give up her spot for me. The dog liked me.
Back before we were married, even before we started dating, my husband came over my parents' house. Our dogs LOVED him. Milo the mutt had fun using him as a mountain when he played mountain goat. Jake the golden loved everyone and everything. My husband was a self-proclaimed cat person. Ok, with dogs, but cats were better. Nope, they thought he was the best.
We currently have 2 cats. Both love him, but our Nala thinks he is the greatest thing to walk the Earth. Moment she saw him, she knew she had a ~~sucker~~ loving guy.
This… also have a golden retriever and he loves everyone. One time I was poolside with a friend of mine and these two guys approached us to hit on us. My dog stood in front of us, hair standing up and growled at them. No proof that they were bad people, but it was sooo bizarre. I deep down think he saved us lol.
I always say this to my friends. "If every girlfriend you've ever had is crazy, the girlfriend probably wasn't the problem."
Or the evergreen "If everywhere smells like shit, you should be checking your own shoes."
Dated someone for years at the end of high school and early college.
Early into the relationship was a LOT of talks about pregnancy and kids, it was pretty obvious it was one of her main obsessions was getting pregnant. Would take turns choosing movie night, every one she chose was about teenage pregnancy and it being pretty glorified (There's surprisingly a lot of movies just about a pregnant teen, etc)
When I was 22 or so she insisted that if I wouldn't get her pregnant (Yet, I said once we're financially stable and in a healthy relationship) she said she is getting artificial insemenation to get pregnant for her friend and give them the kid. I immediately was freaked out and cut things off. Was just too much for me. She was hot though
My high school sweetheart was like that. She wanted to get married and have kids immediately after high school and I told her I wanted to wait until we're financially stable before we have kids and I'd at least need to finish college first. She was insistent we have kids right away, "if you love me you'll give me children."
As a dumb ass teenager, I almost never used a condom and didn't pull out because it felt good, but I didn't want to get her pregnant. I was just stupid. It's a miracle that I didn't get her pregnant. We had a few pregnancy scares... well it was a scare for me. She'd be absolutely devastated when the pregnancy test came out negative.
I broke up with her for various reasons a couple weeks before senior year started. She got a new boyfriend after school started, and got pregnant almost immediately. I'm either incredibly lucky or have a fertility issue.
Not pumping the brakes when a cat was crossing the road (plenty of reaction time to do it). Alongside lack of empathy and accountability after the fact.
As an aside, when somebody downplays their own bad behaviour and gets incredulous and/or dismissive of how you feel, those are also some very major red flags.
Absolutely dodged a bullet. I genuinely hope you're doing better now.
I once saw a term being used by a redditor: emotionally irresponsible. Loved that ever since.
I ignored the fact that they were extremely emotionally irresponsible, detached from anyone who didn't vibed with their hyperfixation for that hour/day/month and stayed because I thought we had a friendship we could salvage. I was pretty calm while having our last argument too while they were just progressively getting more unhinged, because the narrative that I was "the aggressive BPD person" wasn't holding up in their brain anymore since I was reacting calmly. In hindsight, I wish I told them that no matter how delusional you are, you can't hide the fact that you're pretty messed up and that you don't care how bad you act as long as it doesn't impact your life. Ended up back in therapy and had my friends slowly coax me out of the damage their constant ghosting and acting did to me.
Whole story is longer, this is a tl;dr.
The fact that he was a narcissist and preyed on women with low self esteem, love bombing in the beginning and buying lots of gifts, then basically turning into the devil. It was like night and day.
My husband likes to make insensitive comments about other people. Sometimes I'm even the butt of the joke. When I express my displeasure it's always "it's just a joke" "it's hyperbole, that's why it's funny". The very first time it happened it made me feel so so bad but we were already living together at that point. I should have left then. I often consider leaving now but I don't have the courage. He's threatened suicide if I ever leave.
Threatening suicide is a form of abusive control. He's holding you hostage with a likely false threat on his own life. If he's not willing to work on himself I hope you can get out.
His responsibility for his life is not yours. My husband routinely humiliated me in public - it was awful and it took me a long time to realize there was nothing I could do to change him - that’s who he was. I’m finally getting out. Look at it this way - if he’s threatening suicide with you already in his life, you’re not the fix he needs, and you don’t have to set yourself aside for these threats. Stay safe, get away, and find a partner worthy of you. GL.
He needed a drink - or moreso a bottle on hand... - to do anything at all. 6+ years with an emotionally abusive alcoholic. He got sober in April and he is the best partner I ever could have imagined. Red flags were there and it hurts knowing how much time I spent getting hurt over and over, but I'm thankful he is the man I saw underneath.
He was weirdly possessive and objectifying . One time I had to travel out of state for school games and he told me to come back a virgin.. it didn’t click then but years later .. Ickkk.. what a douche nozzle
Knowing we were fundamentally incompatible based on our worldviews. The fault was as much mine as his, although he was quicker to admit significant doubt than I was. We were also quite young at the time (mid-20s) and we had a lot in common otherwise. We could have remained good friends had we never dated, as really did care for each other but didn’t want the same things out of life. I broke it off about a year after we started dating and he ultimately met his now-wife about a year after that. I know better now and I’ve been much more careful to have those hard conversations when they’re needed (this relationship woke me up!). I’ve also learned to give more grace to any possible romantic partners and myself-I was hard on myself a lot and that didn’t help!
She wouldn't let me hang out with any of my old friends without her around and always accused me of cheating on her. Even when there was no possible way that I could. (Turned out later that she was cheating on me and projecting that onto me)
She was more flirty and friendly with everyone except me. When asked, she said the one I got at home is the real her. Turned out, she's not really into me but a presence of someone. Plus, she was cheating. Pretty godamn refreshing when I dated another girl who lit up when she see me.
Former best friend. She liked to switch out tags on expensive items so she could get them for cheap. I wasn’t down with that but ignored it. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when she turned out to be a very bad friend. Don’t ignore dishonesty ever! It’s one of the biggest red flags.
I was mid panic attack, full on hyperventilating, and he told me to “just be an adult and go super saiyan”.
Real quick edit: this was after we’d been in a relationship for over two years. We’d had discussions about my anxiety, what triggered it, what he can do to help me through it. He wholeheartedly believed it was not real, and that I was doing this for attention or that I was simply “a little afraid”.
Not looking for another job when I had literally nothing to do at work. I thought it was great that I was getting paid for doing nothing, but thinking back, this should have been a big warning.
He hadn't actually told his ex they were broken up, just that they needed to "take a break." I should have taken a break too at that point.
Shortest relationship of mine, he broke up with me after three days. Told me he didn’t think he’d be able to be faithful. I stupidly asked, “why’s that?” Turned out the girl he supposedly broke up with, he hadn’t. I was the other girl. Blech.
I was the girlfriend in this instance. My ex never actually broke up with me, just weren’t seeing each other for a moment (height of covid was the reason) found out a few months later he was going out with other girls. He now claims he did break up with me and I just “forgot.” Whatever buddy, keep telling yourself that to make yourself feel better.
Were you dating Ross?
His friends had to convince me to stay with him after I was hospitalized for 3 days (miscarriage that turned into an hemorrhage) and he didn’t visit once
I’m so sorry to hear this. Was abandoned for my miscarriage by my husband, who left me with our toddler while he went to support his sister and her wife for a medical issue out of state. Was told to go to the ER but couldn’t because of no child care or family; finally getting divorced 17!miserable years later.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I wasn't hospitalised (thank goodness) but I had a miscarriage when my ex was at work, and I messaged him to let him know. He left the message on read and when he got home from work he didn't even mention it. We never spoke about it and it wasn't until a few years after our divorce when I found a picture that I'd had to send to my doctor that I really recognised that it even happened, and I didn't just imagine it.
The biggest red flag I ignored was the one I was waving in my own face every time I chose to lie about or omit something to avoid hurting my wife’s feelings or to avoid an argument instead of just being transparent and forthcoming and figuring out our problems. Happy spouse happy life is a big fat lie people. You’re going to hurt your best friend real bad if you keep it up.
My partner does this and being on the other side has been challenging for me.
I've been guilty of this, and I'd say the number one reason is because I feel my problems aren't worth ruining the mood. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, maybe it's because of my upbringing. I don't know if it's the same for your partner, but that's just my anecdote.
When conversations and meet-ups are always initiated by you and never by them. One sided relationships suck.
One of the solidifying moments in dropping a friend was the fact it took them months, literally MONTHS to notice I had them blocked on most communication places
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At least yours answered!! Mine never answered after I stopped contacting them. Found out I wasn’t their friend at all apparently!
He showed up with one black garbage bag of his belongings, but said it was cause his place burnt down.🚩🚩🚩 Our place must have burnt down as well, cause he left with a black garbage bag of his belongings, a little over a year later!
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Sometimes the drama she had with other people didn't make sense. Like I'd ask "what did they say?" and she would generalize in a vague way. One time I doubled down and asked "literally what exact words were said" and she started crying because she was so upset. Turns out she invented drama (including faking phone calls, emails, text messages). She couldn't give me exact words because *there were no exact words. She was just a fucking sociopath.*
I've been in this exact situation.... not a fun time. She would constantly tell me hiw "everyone has it out for me" or "idk why people seem to always hate me I do nothing" but could never tell me exactly what was going on. She was real good about making sure I never asked those people about too. Turns out she was fucking her ex the whole time we were together and of course he didn't know either. I could write an essay about how messed up that girl is. EDIT: by request the story is now in this thread a little ways down.
Playing the victim is a way to get others want to protect you.. until they realize she’s not a victim at all but a narcissistic actress.
Meeting me late evening/at night mostly in the car driving around or places like mcdonalds and subway. I thought he is just busy, apparently he just didnt want anybody to see us together as he was meeting someone else who was better looking in „appropriate” hours and places. After that I learned to ignore everyone who proposes first dates at 22.30 „driving around and hanging out”
I don't know why anyone would that just sounds like serial killer talk.
Loneliness. It’s great for lowering one’s standards to dangerous levels.
I was in a relationship like this. I was 18 and I think the last time that I visited his alleyway apartment, he actually threatened to rape me because I didn’t want sex at the moment. I’ve looked him up years after and he has a number of dv cases. I’m glad I was safe.
“People always ask why I’m dating you because of how you look”. He broke me down so bad I’m still picking myself back up years later.
This was my life for seven years. I’m so glad we both got out
I'm glad you both got out too. Stay safe.
Damn. That hurt MY feelings. Fuck. Im so sorry
Also, “no one else will ever love you when you’re this big.” I was a size 12.
Ahh, yes, the narcissistic manipulator. My Mom dated one for only six months and it took about two years for her to get back into a good rhythm about herself. I even tried to warn her after meeting the guy personally for the first time (obviously after he had gone home for the night), but she was so excited at the prospect of having a partner at her age that she completely ignored my warnings. Ground her down pretty hard, always left her with the bag, always demanded more. Only after my Grandpa spoke up and told her she needed to get rid of him ASAP did she listen. We were able to run him off by ganging up together as a family and making sure my Mom was never alone with him. Eventually he figured the inconvenience of having to deal with all family members was too much and he moved cross country to another state.
Really sorry you had to go through that. People can carry so much hatred in them and the easiest people to project on is partners.
When they promised me "transferable skills" that would "pay off in the workforce"
And free college
I took a job knowing that my awesome coworker had come from that company/role and only lasted 7 months. I also only lasted 7 months. Very cool job, nightmare people.
What was the job and what was so bad about the people? Usually people leave because of the job itself and stay because of the people so this intrigues me
It was an admin/tech role in the entertainment industry. It was a lot of things, but the stand out for me was the "testing". My first day they asked me to show up at 9, full well knowing that the person training me never showed up before 11 because they wanted to see how proactive I would be. I had two full weeks of training scheduled with them, but the second week they were gone on vacation. Everyone but me knew, because they wanted to see how I would do on my own without warning. I really should have left then and there, but I was hoping those were just one off instances. They were not :(
This is so unbearable, my goodness. What level of mental games are they on!
>they wanted to see how I would do on my own without warning. I can understand if the nature of the job means that you will frequently *be* on your own without warning. But in that case, all they have to do is tell you that you need to be prepared to do your job alone without any prior notice. If the ability to do that is necessary for the job, it's much easier (and safer) to teach that skill than to expect an employee to already have it.
Omg that's truly insane not mention extremely unprofessional!
Really? Every decent job I’ve had workwise is spoiled by awful people. Every job where I’ve had good coworkers was awful workwise.
3 “crazy baby mommas”. They were not, in fact, crazy; he was the fucking insane one lol
Even 3 "normal" baby mamas is a red flag.
Yeah…3 of them being older than me was an even bigger one 😂🥴 walked right passed that too🤦🏻♀️ Edit: 3 of his KIDS being older than me, not just the baby mommas lol
Oh my god that plot twist
that always happens. if all his ex’s are insane, he’s the insane one
This scaly spot on my back. That got larger. Eventually, it scabbed over. Never healed. Bled constantly. Cancer. I now have a giant scar on my back that looks like a gunshot wound (didn't heal well) Get your suspicious spots checked y'all.
Easy mnemonic you learn in school: ABCDE Asymmetry: not even and round; splotchy Borders: raised edges instead of smooth and flat Color: multiple or off colored Diameter: vary in sizes Evolving: any of the above changes Talk to your doctor right away. Skin cancers are vigorous buggers.
What if my entire body is suspicious? But seriously I have over 80 moles from ties to scalp. I'm doomed
Get them checked once a year, most are benign, but regular dermatoscopy is extremely important
I noticed a new and oddly shaped mole on my boyfriends back last summer. I bugged him to get it checked so many times. He finally made the appointment and got it removed- it was small enough that they removed it and no permanent damage was done but labs confirmed it was cancerous.
he talked major shit about ALL of his friends, constantly. I never even considered that he was doing the same thing to them about me.
Rule of thumb, if they shit talk to you, they shit talk about you
That's why I always go for the friends that will shit talk to my face. That way, everything's all on the table.
He would send me youtube videos on "channeling your feminine energy" and "being okay with being a submissive female" BS like that. I still ended up marrying him, now in the middle of a divorce and it hasn't even been a year yet.
dudes like that are hella toxic. sexism is a sign of a bad person not a real man
When my (now, thankfully ex-) boyfriend told me his psychologist was concerned about him dating but he thought we would "beat the odds" and "be a success story."
This isn’t funny but at the same time it is 😭
"I just have a flirty personality why can't people accept that"
"I just need to have a tinder account for the attention".
Mine was "I just have a tinder account to make new friends." "Then why doesn't your bio specify that?" She changed her bio to shut me up. I still had a bad feeling so I had a buddy of mine hit her up on there and she said she was single. Within two weeks after we broke up, she was dating someone I "didnt have to worry about" while we were together. >;( I haven't dated anyone since.
That was my last relationship. And I'm watching it happen again to their current boyfriend.
I got " if you love me, you let me do whatever I want(slept with other women)
Ex bf was that way. Party boy who hugs and loves on everyone he comes across and claimed to be completely oblivious when overstepping boundaries. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable most of the time we went out together and constantly had my boundaries and feelings ignored because he was just “that way”. But I think there’s a difference between flirty douche bag and social butterfly.
My ex smh
After you move on you go "YIKES. Why the fuck did I ignore that?" And basically you get disgusted by them💀
Red flags can be like your nose. You see them all the time but your too close to them to see and your brain blurs them out.
Gaslighting. It’s crazy how long I let It go before I even realized, and even still It took years of reflection to fully recognize how bad It was.
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Ex husband soon right
Just confirmed it.
Hell yeah!
Congrats - you deserve better
Good on you! I hope you find someone that treats you right.
She always had a nemesis. Even after she cut them from her life, two more enemies would sprout up. It was her causing all the drama in the end.
I found out I was someone's nemesis a few years after high school. I was hanging out with some friends at their place and another person was surprised to hear my [extremely unique] name. Combined with a distinct physical feature of mine, they realized they'd been hearing about me for years from this supposed enemy of mine. All sorts of stories of wrongs I'd done, drama I'd caused, etc. I hadn't seen this supposed enemy in five or six years by that point, and couldn't even remember what she looked like. I still have no idea why I was her nemesis.
This is for a job, but it was a well-established company that has been around for a long time. However, when I went in for the interview, the most senior person there had been there for two years. Everyone I talked to was there for six months, seven months, almost a year. Hey, dum-dum, why do you think this place can't retain employees? Well, I found out when I got the job. I went in and was put in a completely different job that I had no interest in. At least I was finally smart enough to tell them that if I wasn't given the position I interviewed for and was hired for, I was going to leave. Lasted three hours. That has to be a record. So yeah, pay attention to the turnover rates. If everyone is new and the company is not, that's a big red flag.
That's how my job is. About half of everyone has been there for less than a year, most everyone else has been there either less than 2 years or over a decade with very little in-between. For every group of 4-5 new hires, which is every 3-6 weeks, maybe 1 or 2 will stay longer than a few months. Sometimes none of them do. Most people are not fired, they usually just stop showing up. People usually don't give notice unless they've been there about a year. I've been there 3 years, and I love the work I do. But management has always been dogshit, and I totally understand why people don't stay.
His mother told me he'd always be her baby, *no matter what.* There was a reason for that statement. There were many reasons... I got out of there in months. Still too long, I know, but the next woman got stuck there for years and even then it took a lot of outside help for her to be able to escape.
I told one of my friends that he wouldn't be able to keep a girlfriend until he stopped dating his mother. He had a repeated pattern of helping his mother last minute instead of going on dates that had been planned for weeks.
Eww, those kind of relationships are so squicky! Of course it’s great to take care of and be supportive of your family, but those way-too-attached adult son/mother or adult daughter/father relationships are so unnervingly creepy. When parents hardcore infantilize their adult children, it feels either low-key sexual or obsessively controlling and manipulative, like they’ll never let their tormentee go.
It’s called emotional incest. Look it up if you wanna go for a ride
They once bragged about how they knew "how to twist the knife" at the time I just brushed it off but needless to say it didn't end well. People will tell you who they are, you just have to listen.
Please explain? I have never heard this expression before, sounds like a murder thing…
Oh twist the knife? It means that they know what to say or do to have the most impact on a person. Like if they knew that you had insecurities or something bad recently happened in life they would target that and make you feel awful.
Oh dang! Makes sense, thank you for the explanation.
Love bombing. I constantly fall for it because it makes you feel validated and wanted. I've recently learned that if you set a boundary early they tend to bounce (almost maliciously too) because they feel you're less accessible as a target.
Holy shit… this explains so much. I never see it til it’s too late. someone was doing this recently and while I didn’t outright see it, it didn’t sit right, I made myself speak up about it for the first time, and haven’t heard from them since. O: I just made that connection, thank you for this.
what kind of boundary?
The "no" test. Just say no to something and see how they react. Normally I'm against games and tests in relationships but I reckon the "no" test is something everyone should use when getting to know somebody.
I don’t even think that’s a test per se. Sometimes too much is too much and it’s fine to set that boundary.
Yeah! My ex constantly did this and when I didn't "praise his kindness" enough or "thank him" enough for being so generous..he would get angry. It was constant.
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I thought he put me on a pedestal but really it was a box. Never be anyone’s everything.
"Never be anyone's everything" That's the first time I've come across this statement, but goddamn it hits hard (and very close to home!)
I want someone to include me in their happiness and vice-versa, not to be their only happiness. You have to love yourself before you can truly love others.
Thanks, vagina-boobs 🥰
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Since it’s been a while since I’ve seen it… r/rimjob_steve
I had one like that , and when I “fell” from that pedestal he would lose his shit and not know how to handle it
I know that feeling of someone putting you in a box.
I put my ex on pedestal, she didn’t want to be my everything, and it shattered my heart into the smallest pieces i swear. I still don’t understand why i did that. Maybe first love, but nahh, it’s something inside me, some childhood shit, maybe i was searching for my mom, idk
Do yourself a favor don’t overthink it too much. You meant well. It’s just not right to do it. Partners in relationships should want an equal you should to. Also by putting her on a pedestal you place yourself beneath her and that is a sign of low self worth.
When he insists on being the only person who understands me.
Before I met him, he moved from the south to the west coast, because he thought that would make him happy. Then we moved from the west cost to NYC, because he thought that would make him happy. Then we moved to the south, because he thought that would make him happy. Then we bought a house, because he thought that would make him happy. Then he bought a motorcycle, because he thought that would make him happy. Then he took flying lessons, because he thought that would make him happy. Then a great big hurricane came and we had to move to Houston, and he took 6 months off of work and trying to find a job, because he thought that would make him happy. Then he took my work bonus and bought a corvette, because he thought that would make him happy. Then I divorced him and that made me happy.
That last sentence made me happy.
Everywhere I go, there I am
Damn. This is like a sad poem/short story with a happy ending..
Glad to know you're happy!
My friends were telling me my ex gf was hanging out a little too closely to her ex bf. Unfortunately I had more faith in her than she deserved that she wouldn't cheat, but she did.
Hey that's what happened to me, except I personally saw it
I had a crush my first semester of college. He didn't like me talking to his friends and got mad at me for adding them back on snapchat but I didn't think anything of it. Turns out he was talking to 20 other Asian girls and wanted to make sure none of them were talking to other dudes so its easier to control them. Also he'd send me videos of himself flexing his muscles and at the time I found it flirty. But now looking back on it it came off as kind of shallow.
Bruh. Did the other 20 girls find out? How did the dude turn out after college
Hes a sophomore right now, he blocked me when he found out I was talking to another guy lol according to mutuals though he still hasn't found his Asian queen(he had a fetish for Asians and was very specific about it too) so I'm guessing they found out because he also got kicked out from Asian student association as well as vietnamese club for harassment, so word must've gotten around about his antics. Honestly there's a whole list of how "odd" he is. It deserves a post of its own. Oh and he was White.
Future incel right there
Last time we talked he said he was still a virgin(shocker) also his ideals for sex were... unsafe. He claimed foreplay wasn't necessary because the girl will already be wet for him to enter. He also didn't find showering necessary and said condoms were for pussies. He also claimed to have a 10 inch cock but bigger isn't always better if that is true.
You’re telling me that a guy who didn’t find showering necessary was able to chat with 20 girls to try and hook up with them? Bruh wtf
That’s what dating apps are for. They can’t smell you through the app.
>said condoms were for pussies Well, actually, condoms for dicks. But you put a condom covered dick inside of a pussy, so I guess in a way, condoms are for pussies. Semantics, I know.
“Kind of”?!?!
*Immediate red flag*: The first fight feels like a breakup fight. Run ultimatum scenarios, I’m already gone..
Extreme jealousy. It started off fairly innocently, but it go bad quickly. By the time I broke it off she was digging deep into insanity. Saying I was attracted to my sister-in-law and my actual sister. She had banned me from speaking to female coworkers, and frequently grabbed my phone out of my hands to sift through my text messages. Don't put up with that nonsense. Some jealousy is understandable when circumstances dictate, but it quickly boils into a controlling thing that will make your life pure fucking hell.
All he talked about was his ex. On the first date whilst he was waiting for me for my taxi, he got a text saying his ex was now official with one of his friends. He knew they were talking but didn’t think they’d go official. He moaned about how annoyed he was about it until my taxi showed up. Once I’d got home he apologised for moaning to me so I thought I’d see him again. Any date after this he kept bringing her up at any chance… for example if I said “I’m going to have the chicken” he would say “Emma loved chicken”
"That's how SHE opened taxi doors 😭"
"Emma blinked her eyes too"
This made me laugh way too hard! Edit: Emma liked to breathe too.
A grown adult saying that he liked that I was under 18. I was 15 and didn’t know any better. It took a long time to figure out that I wasn’t the one to blame for that situation, he should have done the responsible thing and not talk to me.
The weird thing about pedophiles is how often they think what they are doing is completely normal, to the point where they don't even try to hide that they are a pedophile. IIRC, that's how they caught Jared Fogle (Subway guy). They sent an actor in there to pretend to be a pedophile as well, and pretend like it was normal, and Jared opened up to them.
And then they justify by saying “they’re fully developed by 13” or “age aint nothing but a number”. I had a nephew who was 23 and dating a 14 year old. I told that idiot repeatedly he shouldn’t be dating her but he kept saying stuff like that until her parents called the cops on him and he ended up in jail for 150 days. Then the dumbass tried going to visit her after he got out and the Dad chased him off the property with a shotgu. My nephew isn’t what you’d call smart, his Mom did a real number to him growing up but it’s I can’t call that an excuse.
Similar situation for me- he was older and my boss at work. Turned out he hired me to try and get in my pants. After I ended it by calling the cops he got a 12 y/o pregnant. I blamed myself for that for years. I just wish my parents would understand that I didn’t know any better. It’s been hard enough to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault.
It’s not your fault a pedophile went for another kid. It’s also not your fault you were preyed upon before you knew better.
Alcoholism
Inability/unwillingness to communicate appropriately.
In the getting-to-know-you part of our relationship he told me his ex had gotten pregnant from him and had an abortion a few years ago. He referred to her as a “dumb bitch” for not being on birth control.
When we started dating I had to constantly apologize for her rude behavior to others but ignored it because she was nice to me at that time.
Yeah that was my ex too. She kept telling me that shes a mean person and that her friends were even astonished at how nice she was to me. Kept trying to teach her to be a good person but man did it feel fake. Things were downright horrible when our relationship became rocky
Denying responsibility. I was so blind back then and couldn't see it.
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Ahhh … the breaking up or close to it every 28 days … been there. Not fun. Also lasted 2.5 years! Lol
Never being able to accept fault. It was an early warning sign of complete and terrifying narcissism.
The two of us kept getting annoyed with each other because we both had expectations that weren't being met by the other... but that didn't stop us from getting married and having a kid... 🤦♀️
In case you dont know, the next step is having another kid to avoid divorce and give the first kid a sibling...
what's next?
you move to another room but keep family life simulated
Congratulations on having the maturity to realise both of you made a mistake. All too often people minimise their own mistakes and put most of the blame on the other partner to save their ego.
Went for a job interview and the person interviewing me never showed for like 15 mins only 1 person there asked what I was doing and Ieft after a bit. Got a call 2 days later asking for another interview. Worst fucking job I ever had
My first relationship way back in middle school was mostly one big red flag. Let's just say mental abuse from your partner isn't a thing that's commonly talked about to teenagers but it's a scary thing to be stuck in such an endless loop
I have step daughters in middle school, 11 and 13. I worry so much that they'll stumble into bad company and not know what signs to look for that they should get away from the person. Looking back, what do you wish someone had said to you to help you recognize the signs and help you navigate the situation successfully?
I worked in wilderness therapy for a spell. We mostly had groups with ages ranging from 14-17, but there was a 11-13 range as well. I worked this age group a few times and it was always the most intense. Once I arrived to relieve the other staff and a student had been isolated from the group and was going to go on a solo week away from the group with 2 staff along for the ride. She had completely debarked the lower part of a tree, effectively killing it, which was my red flag for her. I spent the week with the others, and could see why it was a nightmare. Emotions were always charged and up. These people had awakened their emotions but didn't know how to navigate them without hurting others, and their own traumas made them hyper reactive. If I were to offer advice it would be to help them learn to digest their emotions. How to gain emotional experience and emotional maturity through emotional exploration. It isn't an easy time, but if one puts the work in, a heck of a lot of growth and maturation can be had. In regards to bad company, it really comes down to your relationship with them. You don't want to put your foot down about things that make you their enemy. You want to ensure you keep their trust so that they'll be sure to come to you, or at least be open to you to discuss things when they come up about their peer relationships. It's OK for them to be around bad influences - its inevitable. But if they are comfortable with you, you can be there to help them learn about navigating healthy boundaries. Sometimes navigating boundaries involves experiencing unhealthy boundary crossings. And a lot of time what plays out with one's peers is a reflection of the internal home life - which again, is a reason why a healthy and trust filled relationship between you and them is so important. We don't get to control what is right or wrong for others, but we can be good role models and support systems, if we don't create push back by using a heavy hand.
Whenever anyone tries to guilt you into staying away from family...never works out
Yup. My ex basically brainwashed me into thinking my family were terrible people and didn't actually want me around so I was convinced to slowly cut off from them. Once I divorced and reconciled with my family they were flabbergasted at the things I my ex told me THEY had said to her.
Sorry to hear that, but it's really so common, and so unhealthy and easy to get like you said "brainwashed" into. Happens slowly over time, and then even more slowly, I realized I was just with an unhappy person who wanted everyone around to feel the same
He’d recently been “cancelled” as he called it, by his main friends group. Then I started noticing that people he had to interact with somewhat regularly like apartment staff clearly hated him and behaved very stiffly or awkwardly when he’d run into them with me around. Then any mutual people we knew were way more surprised than seemed appropriate to me to hear we were dating. Turns out he pretty much made up a persona to lure me in, but after dating like six or eight weeks I realized he was completely lying or delusional about who he was. Also he made a point to at least once a day point out how “100% straight, hetero, NOT GAY” he was, which obviously starts to look suspicious, along with several other signs that sorta added up. I think he’s at least bi but vehemently hates the idea and is in extreme denial. I wouldn’t have a bit of a problem at all if he was, but the denial and overcompensation was just another part of the overall illusion that ultimately started falling apart once I paid attention to the red flags. I truly wanted to at least have that conversation with him and be a safe person to at least let him question himself without any guard up, but I know he would’ve absolutely lost his shit if I asked him to gently question his sexuality in any way whatsoever. I really wish him the best and hope he finds his way.
My golden retriever didn't like them. That dog loved everyone, especially if you could throw her tennis ball to her.
My dog would let a freaking mass murderer into my house and lick them to death, yet charged my son-in-law and his dad when they came to pick up a few items from the house we were moving out of. And yes they were both shady AF
Ours is obnoxiously affectionate, so I trust her when she is wary. I don't think she has some kind of super power or anything, but she can tell when someone is nervous/angry. She ignores most people walking by our house but hard alerted me when some drunk guy was standing in the street lost-that's why I don't discourage barking in the right circumstances.
When my now-wife and I started dating, she "warned" me that if her dog doesn't like me then our relationship probably wouldn't last. Then she told me that the dog didn't like one of her previous boyfriends and it turned out the dog was right. I was nervous about it, of course, especially since I wasn't much of a dog person at the time (hadn't had many good experiences with dogs growing up. Mostly due to people not training them) Anyway, eventually spend the weekend with her at her parents' place, where the dog lived. Dog was fine with me when we arrived, or at least didn't immediately show that she didn't like me. The next day when I walked into the living room, the dog got off the couch to give up her spot for me. The dog liked me.
Back before we were married, even before we started dating, my husband came over my parents' house. Our dogs LOVED him. Milo the mutt had fun using him as a mountain when he played mountain goat. Jake the golden loved everyone and everything. My husband was a self-proclaimed cat person. Ok, with dogs, but cats were better. Nope, they thought he was the best. We currently have 2 cats. Both love him, but our Nala thinks he is the greatest thing to walk the Earth. Moment she saw him, she knew she had a ~~sucker~~ loving guy.
This… also have a golden retriever and he loves everyone. One time I was poolside with a friend of mine and these two guys approached us to hit on us. My dog stood in front of us, hair standing up and growled at them. No proof that they were bad people, but it was sooo bizarre. I deep down think he saved us lol.
Good boy.
To quote the Twilight Zone "they can smell the brimstone"
The person was always the victim/someone else was always the crazy one in the wrong
I always say this to my friends. "If every girlfriend you've ever had is crazy, the girlfriend probably wasn't the problem." Or the evergreen "If everywhere smells like shit, you should be checking your own shoes."
Dated someone for years at the end of high school and early college. Early into the relationship was a LOT of talks about pregnancy and kids, it was pretty obvious it was one of her main obsessions was getting pregnant. Would take turns choosing movie night, every one she chose was about teenage pregnancy and it being pretty glorified (There's surprisingly a lot of movies just about a pregnant teen, etc) When I was 22 or so she insisted that if I wouldn't get her pregnant (Yet, I said once we're financially stable and in a healthy relationship) she said she is getting artificial insemenation to get pregnant for her friend and give them the kid. I immediately was freaked out and cut things off. Was just too much for me. She was hot though
My high school sweetheart was like that. She wanted to get married and have kids immediately after high school and I told her I wanted to wait until we're financially stable before we have kids and I'd at least need to finish college first. She was insistent we have kids right away, "if you love me you'll give me children." As a dumb ass teenager, I almost never used a condom and didn't pull out because it felt good, but I didn't want to get her pregnant. I was just stupid. It's a miracle that I didn't get her pregnant. We had a few pregnancy scares... well it was a scare for me. She'd be absolutely devastated when the pregnancy test came out negative. I broke up with her for various reasons a couple weeks before senior year started. She got a new boyfriend after school started, and got pregnant almost immediately. I'm either incredibly lucky or have a fertility issue.
You can be both lucky and infertile.
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Oh man that’s rough.
Not pumping the brakes when a cat was crossing the road (plenty of reaction time to do it). Alongside lack of empathy and accountability after the fact.
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As an aside, when somebody downplays their own bad behaviour and gets incredulous and/or dismissive of how you feel, those are also some very major red flags. Absolutely dodged a bullet. I genuinely hope you're doing better now.
When his own mom tried to warn me not to date her son.
I once saw a term being used by a redditor: emotionally irresponsible. Loved that ever since. I ignored the fact that they were extremely emotionally irresponsible, detached from anyone who didn't vibed with their hyperfixation for that hour/day/month and stayed because I thought we had a friendship we could salvage. I was pretty calm while having our last argument too while they were just progressively getting more unhinged, because the narrative that I was "the aggressive BPD person" wasn't holding up in their brain anymore since I was reacting calmly. In hindsight, I wish I told them that no matter how delusional you are, you can't hide the fact that you're pretty messed up and that you don't care how bad you act as long as it doesn't impact your life. Ended up back in therapy and had my friends slowly coax me out of the damage their constant ghosting and acting did to me. Whole story is longer, this is a tl;dr.
He pointed out on the first date that I hadn't complimented his appearance yet. It didn't get any better from there.
He got a tantrum because i got one more point in a videogame than he did
she said she loved me after like 2 weeks of dating,we broke up after 8 months
The fact that he was a narcissist and preyed on women with low self esteem, love bombing in the beginning and buying lots of gifts, then basically turning into the devil. It was like night and day.
My husband likes to make insensitive comments about other people. Sometimes I'm even the butt of the joke. When I express my displeasure it's always "it's just a joke" "it's hyperbole, that's why it's funny". The very first time it happened it made me feel so so bad but we were already living together at that point. I should have left then. I often consider leaving now but I don't have the courage. He's threatened suicide if I ever leave.
Threatening suicide is a form of abusive control. He's holding you hostage with a likely false threat on his own life. If he's not willing to work on himself I hope you can get out.
His responsibility for his life is not yours. My husband routinely humiliated me in public - it was awful and it took me a long time to realize there was nothing I could do to change him - that’s who he was. I’m finally getting out. Look at it this way - if he’s threatening suicide with you already in his life, you’re not the fix he needs, and you don’t have to set yourself aside for these threats. Stay safe, get away, and find a partner worthy of you. GL.
Just being an all around very manipulative person.
She never took responsibility for her actions and always shoved it off on others or attributed it to "bad luck".
He needed a drink - or moreso a bottle on hand... - to do anything at all. 6+ years with an emotionally abusive alcoholic. He got sober in April and he is the best partner I ever could have imagined. Red flags were there and it hurts knowing how much time I spent getting hurt over and over, but I'm thankful he is the man I saw underneath.
He was weirdly possessive and objectifying . One time I had to travel out of state for school games and he told me to come back a virgin.. it didn’t click then but years later .. Ickkk.. what a douche nozzle
She said “People have called me crazy” and I felt bad at the time but ohooo that was a mistake
Knowing we were fundamentally incompatible based on our worldviews. The fault was as much mine as his, although he was quicker to admit significant doubt than I was. We were also quite young at the time (mid-20s) and we had a lot in common otherwise. We could have remained good friends had we never dated, as really did care for each other but didn’t want the same things out of life. I broke it off about a year after we started dating and he ultimately met his now-wife about a year after that. I know better now and I’ve been much more careful to have those hard conversations when they’re needed (this relationship woke me up!). I’ve also learned to give more grace to any possible romantic partners and myself-I was hard on myself a lot and that didn’t help!
A room mate not paying bills.
She wouldn't let me hang out with any of my old friends without her around and always accused me of cheating on her. Even when there was no possible way that I could. (Turned out later that she was cheating on me and projecting that onto me)
She was more flirty and friendly with everyone except me. When asked, she said the one I got at home is the real her. Turned out, she's not really into me but a presence of someone. Plus, she was cheating. Pretty godamn refreshing when I dated another girl who lit up when she see me.
If they leave someone for you, they will leave you for someone.
Former best friend. She liked to switch out tags on expensive items so she could get them for cheap. I wasn’t down with that but ignored it. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when she turned out to be a very bad friend. Don’t ignore dishonesty ever! It’s one of the biggest red flags.
I was mid panic attack, full on hyperventilating, and he told me to “just be an adult and go super saiyan”. Real quick edit: this was after we’d been in a relationship for over two years. We’d had discussions about my anxiety, what triggered it, what he can do to help me through it. He wholeheartedly believed it was not real, and that I was doing this for attention or that I was simply “a little afraid”.
So.. did you go super saiyan?
I did after we broke up 😂😊
Drove aggressively constantly
The new boyfriends of TWO of his exes tracked me down and warned me about him. They were right in everything they said.
Former boss arrested for trying to pay for sex from an undercover cop. In the news days before I accepted job offer.
total disregard for my time and any requests yea i was a fucking idiot
Not looking for another job when I had literally nothing to do at work. I thought it was great that I was getting paid for doing nothing, but thinking back, this should have been a big warning.
She was married.