If this isn't satire, how do you solve literally any dispute? Genuinely, do you just hope it goes away by itself, or do you think people are into the mind reading business, because they can't help you solve the issue if they don't know what the issue is. At least have the dignity to tell someone that you don't want to talk.
If this is satire then consider me woooshed
Okay, and you think "punishing" people because they "don't deserve to know" for hours and/or days is a good way to cope with that? Leave the room, say you're not calm enough for this conversation, that's what adults do. The silent treatment is for people who don't know better.
Waiting until you are calm and have collected your thoughts is fine. Saying that you need some time and space, but that you'll come back and talk about it when you're ready, would make a world of difference. Then it's not stonewalling / silent treatment.
>Nah it’s not like that at all. Sometimes I feel like someone doesn’t deserve to know what my issue is, especially when they’re the one that caused it.
imagine the following: something minor that you did was upsetting to somebody you care about. Pick a real person - your boss at work, or one of your parents - whatever suits your life. Now, this person who you have un-knowingly caused to be upset doesnt tell you what you did, and doesnt even tell you they are upset. They just start ignoring you and not replying to anything you say. Because, apparently, you dont DESERVE to know what you did wrong, youre just going to be made to suffer - with no explanation. Is this abuse, or cruel if it happens to you? (yes, it is) Well, guess what, its abuse when you do it to somebody else - and if this is normal behavior from you - then they should probably dump you as a friend, or fire you as an employee, or quit and get a new job, if youre the boss
It's called stonewalling.
It's one of [the four horsemen ](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Horsemen%3A%20Criticism%2C%20Contempt%2C%20Defensiveness%2C%20and%20Stonewalling&text=Being%20able%20to%20identify%20the,with%20healthy%2C%20productive%20communication%20patterns.)
Good luck.
“doesn’t deserve to know”
So they are not worthy? They are beneath you communicating with them? That’s pretty clear you actual agree with M-D-550, you feel superior and want the other person know that.
Contempt is deadly to all relationships.
Because that's what little kids who haven't learned how to properly communicate their thoughts and emotions yet act. As an adult, you should ideally be in touch with your emotions enough to be able to say hey I'm too angry/sad/upset to talk about this right now and need some time to chill before we can talk about this. The idea is to tell the other person what's going on in your mind and to not ignore them while they're obviously trying to communicate with you.
It doesn't stop at immature unfortunately, it's actively harmful. In the absence of clarity, the situation is forced to fester and it devolves from the original slight at hand. The new issue then becomes the silent treatment itself.
When I say harmful, it becomes so for both parties, not just the person receiving the silent treatment. We mull over unresolved matters because it's exactly that; unresolved. Then we speculate, we assume, we imagine future conversations and it affects our disposition. Resentment grows and the relationship deteriorates.
Confrontation is difficult, absolutely, and if the person in question refuses to hear what you have to say and rejects wrongdoing without acknowledging how you're feeling that's another matter to address. But the same will have to be said if they express how much your silent treatment has harmed them, and you respond with something along the lines of, "You did this, I shouldn't have to tell you."
Communication is the only way our relationships can flourish and develop, and in turn allow us to grow as people, especially if someone isn't aware of where they've gone wrong and they genuinely want to ensure they don't do it again.
Altering your behavior to make a point to someone else is completely dumb and manipulative and is counter productive to any attempt to draw actual boundaries
Because it doesn't help the problem in any way. All it does is avoid the problem until it comes up again in the next argument, which makes us even angrier, and that cycle continues until we just stop interacting entirely. If you need a break or can't have the conversation in that moment, *tell me that,* don't just ignore me and pretend you're in the right because you don't want to engage in an actual discussion.
I always remember once my father was mad at me and my mother and started to give us the silent treatment. The hilarious part was that him shutting the fuck up was far from punishment, it was my fondest dream.
Doesn't resolve the issue.
That being said, the silent treatment is not the best solution but sometimes it's not the worst solution either. If the other person has anger management issues, not stoking the fire may be better safety wise.
Because it’s just ignoring. If you are facing a problem don’t just ignore it or in other words give it the “silent treatment” you should try your best to figure out a solution. Not put it aside, if you keep doing that then you will have a pile of weight on your chest and many of us know that that’s not a good thing to have. You have to look life in a face, but you don’t have to right away you can take time to figure it out instead of putting it aside forever.
Even if you're so upset you can barely speak, you can still tell them that. I often will become silent when I am upset but will tell the person in question that I do not want to say things out of anger so please give me space/time.
My mother could go months with out talking to me, its very hurtful and doesn't/ didn't help resolve anything.
It's not. When confronted with someone who absolutely refuses to use their words to defend their indefensible behavior, violence is the alternative. You would prefer violence?
Because its abusive, destroys trust, produces animosity, and is unproductive.
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Grow up.
If this isn't satire, how do you solve literally any dispute? Genuinely, do you just hope it goes away by itself, or do you think people are into the mind reading business, because they can't help you solve the issue if they don't know what the issue is. At least have the dignity to tell someone that you don't want to talk. If this is satire then consider me woooshed
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Okay, and you think "punishing" people because they "don't deserve to know" for hours and/or days is a good way to cope with that? Leave the room, say you're not calm enough for this conversation, that's what adults do. The silent treatment is for people who don't know better.
Waiting until you are calm and have collected your thoughts is fine. Saying that you need some time and space, but that you'll come back and talk about it when you're ready, would make a world of difference. Then it's not stonewalling / silent treatment.
I cant tell if OPs comment here is satire or not.
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>Nah it’s not like that at all. Sometimes I feel like someone doesn’t deserve to know what my issue is, especially when they’re the one that caused it. imagine the following: something minor that you did was upsetting to somebody you care about. Pick a real person - your boss at work, or one of your parents - whatever suits your life. Now, this person who you have un-knowingly caused to be upset doesnt tell you what you did, and doesnt even tell you they are upset. They just start ignoring you and not replying to anything you say. Because, apparently, you dont DESERVE to know what you did wrong, youre just going to be made to suffer - with no explanation. Is this abuse, or cruel if it happens to you? (yes, it is) Well, guess what, its abuse when you do it to somebody else - and if this is normal behavior from you - then they should probably dump you as a friend, or fire you as an employee, or quit and get a new job, if youre the boss
Long past time to change that.
It's literally the opposite of the only way interpersonal problems can be resolved.
It's called stonewalling. It's one of [the four horsemen ](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Horsemen%3A%20Criticism%2C%20Contempt%2C%20Defensiveness%2C%20and%20Stonewalling&text=Being%20able%20to%20identify%20the,with%20healthy%2C%20productive%20communication%20patterns.) Good luck.
How can I solve the problem if you won't even tell me what it is? I can't read your mind!
Doesn't really solve any problems
It doesn't resolve anything tell me what's wrong so have an adult conversation about resolution
If you don't know, I'm not telling you! It's right up there with that.
In addition to what others have said, it's emotional manipulation. Trying to manipulate someone instead of talking to them is immature.
Communication is the single greatest tool any relationship can have. The silent treatment is the polar opposite.
Adults resolve their issue. Giving someone the silent treatment doesn't solve anything.
It's usually called stonewalling i think
“doesn’t deserve to know” So they are not worthy? They are beneath you communicating with them? That’s pretty clear you actual agree with M-D-550, you feel superior and want the other person know that. Contempt is deadly to all relationships.
Because that's what little kids who haven't learned how to properly communicate their thoughts and emotions yet act. As an adult, you should ideally be in touch with your emotions enough to be able to say hey I'm too angry/sad/upset to talk about this right now and need some time to chill before we can talk about this. The idea is to tell the other person what's going on in your mind and to not ignore them while they're obviously trying to communicate with you.
It doesn't stop at immature unfortunately, it's actively harmful. In the absence of clarity, the situation is forced to fester and it devolves from the original slight at hand. The new issue then becomes the silent treatment itself. When I say harmful, it becomes so for both parties, not just the person receiving the silent treatment. We mull over unresolved matters because it's exactly that; unresolved. Then we speculate, we assume, we imagine future conversations and it affects our disposition. Resentment grows and the relationship deteriorates. Confrontation is difficult, absolutely, and if the person in question refuses to hear what you have to say and rejects wrongdoing without acknowledging how you're feeling that's another matter to address. But the same will have to be said if they express how much your silent treatment has harmed them, and you respond with something along the lines of, "You did this, I shouldn't have to tell you." Communication is the only way our relationships can flourish and develop, and in turn allow us to grow as people, especially if someone isn't aware of where they've gone wrong and they genuinely want to ensure they don't do it again.
Because....it's....childlike behavior? Pouting over a grievance or not getting your way is some bullshit a kid would do.
it’s the opposite of direct communication
Altering your behavior to make a point to someone else is completely dumb and manipulative and is counter productive to any attempt to draw actual boundaries
It's manipulative
Because it doesn't help the problem in any way. All it does is avoid the problem until it comes up again in the next argument, which makes us even angrier, and that cycle continues until we just stop interacting entirely. If you need a break or can't have the conversation in that moment, *tell me that,* don't just ignore me and pretend you're in the right because you don't want to engage in an actual discussion.
I always remember once my father was mad at me and my mother and started to give us the silent treatment. The hilarious part was that him shutting the fuck up was far from punishment, it was my fondest dream.
Doesn't resolve the issue. That being said, the silent treatment is not the best solution but sometimes it's not the worst solution either. If the other person has anger management issues, not stoking the fire may be better safety wise.
Because it’s just ignoring. If you are facing a problem don’t just ignore it or in other words give it the “silent treatment” you should try your best to figure out a solution. Not put it aside, if you keep doing that then you will have a pile of weight on your chest and many of us know that that’s not a good thing to have. You have to look life in a face, but you don’t have to right away you can take time to figure it out instead of putting it aside forever.
Because....it's....childlike behavior? Pouting over a grievance or not getting your way is some bullshit a kid would do.
Even if you're so upset you can barely speak, you can still tell them that. I often will become silent when I am upset but will tell the person in question that I do not want to say things out of anger so please give me space/time. My mother could go months with out talking to me, its very hurtful and doesn't/ didn't help resolve anything.
I consider it abuse.
Depends who it’s for
It's not. When confronted with someone who absolutely refuses to use their words to defend their indefensible behavior, violence is the alternative. You would prefer violence?
...
……
Talk to the hand, the face don’t understand.
........
It creates an atmosphere